January 14, 2023 • 9 mins
OUTWEIGH: How do you handle a man calling you husky? Cryo Kat (Katherine Cox) joins Amy to talk about the time her grandma’s boyfriend called attention to her pregnant body by saying: “Well, aren’t you looking husky!!!” He then proceeded to tell her that his wife didn’t really gain any weight when she was pregnant with all 5 of their kids!! Well, Kat gained 100 pounds while pregnant, so she clearly found his words hurtful and beyond annoying. Kat has also dealt with an ex husband that killed her confidence…it’s almost like her body was never good enough for him…even when she felt her best.
This chat is a friendly reminder to not comment on people’s bodies!! People can even have good intentions with their comment (i.e. complimenting weight loss, but weight loss doesn’t always = good and weight gain doesn’t always = bad!)
If someone does make a comment about your body (or food you’re eating) that you’re not comfortable with…you’re allowed to share your feelings and say that you’d like to change the subject!!
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
To contact Amy about Outweigh: hello@outweighpodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out outway everything that I'm made,
DOT won't spend my life trying to change. I'm learning
to love who I am. I get, I'm strong, I
feel free and know who every part of me it's
beautiful and then will always out way if you feel
(00:24):
it with yours in here, she'll love to the boom there.
Let's say good day editor, did you and die out?
Happy Saturday, Outweigh fam Amy here and I am with
my friend cry O Cat today. Hey Cat, Hey, Happy Saturday.
And Cat is joining me because we're just gonna talk
(00:44):
about commenting on other people's bodies and why we don't
need to be doing it. And we've talked about that
a lot here on Outweigh, And normally I like to
have an expert on as my guest, but today I
just gotta be fun to have a friend on. And
we just talked like we're a group of girlfriends, and
if you're a guy listening, you're welcome here too, about
(01:05):
how we would talk for sitting around the kitchen table,
like oh my gosh, oh yeah. And when I was practiced,
one time my grandma's boyfriend said this, which is what
started this whole conversation, and the inviting cat on is
because ever since well you were in high school, I
know you've dealt with body image issues and disordered eating,
and particularly when you got pregnant with your son, I
(01:28):
know that will you put on a hundred pounds, Which
we're not saying there's any number that you need to
gain or not gain when you are pregnant. So Cat
and I are making sure again since we're not experts,
were just people that you know are coming alongside you like, hey,
we've been there, and we don't want you to feel alone.
But I also don't want to say anything triggering. So
if you're pregnant and you've gained whatever, we don't really
(01:51):
care the number. But for Cat, that was her number.
And your grandma's boyfriend said something really tacky to you.
But I saw a psychology say that if we comment
on other people's bodies in that type of way, that
often it's a reflection of ourselves and our own feelings
about our bodies, which some people are listening, maybe they
(02:11):
were built more like their dad, and then they had
other family members or someone say, oh, well, really built
like your dad, aren't you, And then that was very
damaging to them, and it's more like, Okay, why do
you even have to say that? Why is there's this
feminine look and then this masculine look and that why
is there even a comment about what my body looks
like and my build because it's not like you would
(02:33):
go up to the one that was maybe potentially, I
don't know. I'm just saying like, built like the mom,
because that would sound kind of creepy if you're like, oh, hey,
looks like you really got your mom's figure. You know.
It's like, so tell us what grandma's boyfriend said. Well,
first of all, when you say that, you know, my
favorite thing is what you say about me says more
about you. It says about me. That's right, Thanks for
(02:54):
the projection. But no. So, I was at a basketball game,
Duke basketball game, with my grandmother and her boyfriend, about
probably seven months pregnant or so, and he thought it
would be okay to say, well, look at mighty husky,
aren't you? And you know I wasn't feeling amazing about
myself at the time. Um, And then he proceeded to
(03:17):
tell me how thin his wife got during her five
pregnancies and how she lost seventeen pounds but had these
healthy babies just just bizarre, like, So I'm sitting there
just this is my nightmare. You know, you've ruined the
duke game, and so how did you respond? Just? I
probably was yeah, just took it like and unfortunately, um,
(03:39):
my husband was with me, and so I could vent
to him like what in the f is happening here?
And I just tune I mean, he's the type person though,
like your irrelevant, will tune you out a bit, I know.
But it's something about sometimes older generations post war, if
you fall into that category, it's like, oh, I'm just
(03:59):
going to say whatever. I'm thinking whatever. Yeah, they were
kind of a ruthless bunch, but I will say I think, um,
we've talked about the millennials and that younger generation, like
they are we're shifting it. Yes, yes, yes, it is.
It is changing. And that's why I think it's just
good to have this conversation because if you get triggered
in any way by stuff that comes up, it's like, oh,
(04:21):
you can remember I'm not the only person that this
has happened too, and it is really the other person's problem,
not mine, and then hopefully you can take the steps
to work through it yourself. And but I know you
were also in a romantic relationship. When you were pregnant
and had put on weight, you weren't feeling probably your
most confident, But then there was a time where you
(04:42):
were loving yourself like you were like, I am feeling
good right now, and it still wasn't good enough for
someone in your life. Right right at that point, I'm
fueling well, I'm feeling the best I ever had, feeling
like um with all the good foods you wanted, and
that we're nourishing to your body well and to me.
I still and I still sometimes have this thought of
(05:04):
I'm eating. Do you ever have that, Oh my gosh,
I'm eating. I ate a full day's worth of food
and it's amazing. Eating adequately is what I like to
call it. Okay, you are much more educated than this
department than I am on terminology. No, but just so
much in my recovery and truly getting into it. Step
(05:25):
one was eat adequately because I spent so much time restricting,
and so it was almost a daily mantra for me
when I first started my recovery. Eat adequately, eat adequately,
Eat adequately, because if you're not, then my body is
not getting the calories and the fuel and the like
you said, fueling your body like you were fueling your body.
(05:46):
And so I knew that if I wanted to make
it past the binge restrict cycle that I was on,
I needed to eat adequately. So you're fueling your body
properly and feeling good. Right. So at this point when
after I had yet and I'm feeling really good about myself, like,
oh my gosh, I'm eating, and this person had the
nerve to say things like you need to do more
(06:08):
squats and lunges and really pack on the muscle and weight.
And it was a toxic relationship though, you know, like
our red flags where it sent me into a frenzy
because all I wanted was approval, you know, But then
why does it matter? I I had that approval from myself.
I loved where I was, And it's a shame that
my mind still wasn't strong enough at that point where
(06:32):
I let him control get in there and get in
their control and and shut myself a steam down. So
do you think if that was said to you at
this point in your life, how would you respond to
it differently? I just don't care. I just I have
lost all desire to care, no energy. But you do
care about life? You mean you just don't. You're not
(06:52):
going to care what someone else about. Like, I know
where I've been, I know how far I've come, I
know why I look the way that I do. Right now,
I'm good on comments, And so if you have anybody
in your life that's commenting on your body and you
don't like it, well you can do your best to
(07:14):
change the conversation, like, hey, I don't really want to
talk about this right now, and you can totally change
the topic. Can I say that? I would say be
honest because I went through a period of where I
would just stay quiet then have conflict, but then I
feel like the only person that harmed was me. So
maybe you can gently be honest and say, hey, I'm
(07:34):
I'm struggling in this department. And when you say that,
you're just amplifying what I'm going through. Yeah, you can
assess if that's a relationship where you feel like you
can say that, because yeah, that's gonna be what starts
to make. It's like one conversation at a time, one
step at a time leads towards change, and one conversation
at a time, So I like that you said that.
(07:54):
It's instead of changing the topic quickly, just say, look,
I don't like you commenting about my body, or I
really would rather not talk about food today or what
I'm eating or what I should be eating, because it
could be comments about food, not necessarily comments about body.
People like to make comments about all kinds of things.
So we hope that this is just helpful in you
(08:15):
knowing again that you're not alone and there are ways
out of the conversation. You don't have to sit there
and just take it, especially if Grandma's boyfriend's really given
it to you talking about how his wife, Yeah, how good,
and then she looks her pregnancies. Yeah. And it's just
interesting how as a society losing weight equals good and
(08:36):
gaining weight equals bad, sort of like how we put
a label on foods. This food equals good and this
food equals bad, and there really is no moral value
in those things. So just remember that there's no moral value.
There's two takeaways from this, actually three. You can walk
(08:57):
away from conversations, but also at the same time, you
can be honest about why you're done with that conversation.
You need to eat adequately, and then also remind yourself
there's no moral value around food and body. There's just not.
Just because people are different sizes doesn't mean some people
are better than others. Before we go, I just want
people to know one thing. Just remember, no one person
(09:19):
has it all. I like that quote, thank you, no
one person has it all. Say it again, no one
person has it all. I hope y'all are having the
day that you need to have and I will see
y'all on Tuesday for the fifth thing with therapy Cat
instead of Cryo Cat. And everyone like and subscribe post
(09:42):
your Instagram. Oh thanks Cat, You're welcome. So supportive by
I won't let my body out outway everything that I'm made,
DOT won't spend my life trying to change. I'm learning
to love who I am. I get, I'm strong, I
feel free and know who every part of me it's
beautiful and then will always out way if you feel
(00:24):
it with yours in here, she'll love to the boom there.
Let's say good day editor, did you and die out?
Happy Saturday, Outweigh fam Amy here and I am with
my friend cry O Cat today. Hey Cat, Hey, Happy Saturday.
And Cat is joining me because we're just gonna talk
(00:44):
about commenting on other people's bodies and why we don't
need to be doing it. And we've talked about that
a lot here on Outweigh, And normally I like to
have an expert on as my guest, but today I
just gotta be fun to have a friend on. And
we just talked like we're a group of girlfriends, and
if you're a guy listening, you're welcome here too, about
(01:05):
how we would talk for sitting around the kitchen table,
like oh my gosh, oh yeah. And when I was practiced,
one time my grandma's boyfriend said this, which is what
started this whole conversation, and the inviting cat on is
because ever since well you were in high school, I
know you've dealt with body image issues and disordered eating,
and particularly when you got pregnant with your son, I
(01:28):
know that will you put on a hundred pounds, Which
we're not saying there's any number that you need to
gain or not gain when you are pregnant. So Cat
and I are making sure again since we're not experts,
were just people that you know are coming alongside you like, hey,
we've been there, and we don't want you to feel alone.
But I also don't want to say anything triggering. So
if you're pregnant and you've gained whatever, we don't really
(01:51):
care the number. But for Cat, that was her number.
And your grandma's boyfriend said something really tacky to you.
But I saw a psychology say that if we comment
on other people's bodies in that type of way, that
often it's a reflection of ourselves and our own feelings
about our bodies, which some people are listening, maybe they
(02:11):
were built more like their dad, and then they had
other family members or someone say, oh, well, really built
like your dad, aren't you, And then that was very
damaging to them, and it's more like, Okay, why do
you even have to say that? Why is there's this
feminine look and then this masculine look and that why
is there even a comment about what my body looks
like and my build because it's not like you would
(02:33):
go up to the one that was maybe potentially, I
don't know. I'm just saying like, built like the mom,
because that would sound kind of creepy if you're like, oh, hey,
looks like you really got your mom's figure. You know.
It's like, so tell us what grandma's boyfriend said. Well,
first of all, when you say that, you know, my
favorite thing is what you say about me says more
about you. It says about me. That's right, Thanks for
(02:54):
the projection. But no. So, I was at a basketball game,
Duke basketball game, with my grandmother and her boyfriend, about
probably seven months pregnant or so, and he thought it
would be okay to say, well, look at mighty husky,
aren't you? And you know I wasn't feeling amazing about
myself at the time. Um, And then he proceeded to
(03:17):
tell me how thin his wife got during her five
pregnancies and how she lost seventeen pounds but had these
healthy babies just just bizarre, like, So I'm sitting there
just this is my nightmare. You know, you've ruined the
duke game, and so how did you respond? Just? I
probably was yeah, just took it like and unfortunately, um,
(03:39):
my husband was with me, and so I could vent
to him like what in the f is happening here?
And I just tune I mean, he's the type person though,
like your irrelevant, will tune you out a bit, I know.
But it's something about sometimes older generations post war, if
you fall into that category, it's like, oh, I'm just
(03:59):
going to say whatever. I'm thinking whatever. Yeah, they were
kind of a ruthless bunch, but I will say I think, um,
we've talked about the millennials and that younger generation, like
they are we're shifting it. Yes, yes, yes, it is.
It is changing. And that's why I think it's just
good to have this conversation because if you get triggered
in any way by stuff that comes up, it's like, oh,
(04:21):
you can remember I'm not the only person that this
has happened too, and it is really the other person's problem,
not mine, and then hopefully you can take the steps
to work through it yourself. And but I know you
were also in a romantic relationship. When you were pregnant
and had put on weight, you weren't feeling probably your
most confident, But then there was a time where you
(04:42):
were loving yourself like you were like, I am feeling
good right now, and it still wasn't good enough for
someone in your life. Right right at that point, I'm
fueling well, I'm feeling the best I ever had, feeling
like um with all the good foods you wanted, and
that we're nourishing to your body well and to me.
I still and I still sometimes have this thought of
(05:04):
I'm eating. Do you ever have that, Oh my gosh,
I'm eating. I ate a full day's worth of food
and it's amazing. Eating adequately is what I like to
call it. Okay, you are much more educated than this
department than I am on terminology. No, but just so
much in my recovery and truly getting into it. Step
(05:25):
one was eat adequately because I spent so much time restricting,
and so it was almost a daily mantra for me
when I first started my recovery. Eat adequately, eat adequately,
Eat adequately, because if you're not, then my body is
not getting the calories and the fuel and the like
you said, fueling your body like you were fueling your body.
(05:46):
And so I knew that if I wanted to make
it past the binge restrict cycle that I was on,
I needed to eat adequately. So you're fueling your body
properly and feeling good. Right. So at this point when
after I had yet and I'm feeling really good about myself, like,
oh my gosh, I'm eating, and this person had the
nerve to say things like you need to do more
(06:08):
squats and lunges and really pack on the muscle and weight.
And it was a toxic relationship though, you know, like
our red flags where it sent me into a frenzy
because all I wanted was approval, you know, But then
why does it matter? I I had that approval from myself.
I loved where I was, And it's a shame that
my mind still wasn't strong enough at that point where
(06:32):
I let him control get in there and get in
their control and and shut myself a steam down. So
do you think if that was said to you at
this point in your life, how would you respond to
it differently? I just don't care. I just I have
lost all desire to care, no energy. But you do
care about life? You mean you just don't. You're not
(06:52):
going to care what someone else about. Like, I know
where I've been, I know how far I've come, I
know why I look the way that I do. Right now,
I'm good on comments, And so if you have anybody
in your life that's commenting on your body and you
don't like it, well you can do your best to
(07:14):
change the conversation, like, hey, I don't really want to
talk about this right now, and you can totally change
the topic. Can I say that? I would say be
honest because I went through a period of where I
would just stay quiet then have conflict, but then I
feel like the only person that harmed was me. So
maybe you can gently be honest and say, hey, I'm
(07:34):
I'm struggling in this department. And when you say that,
you're just amplifying what I'm going through. Yeah, you can
assess if that's a relationship where you feel like you
can say that, because yeah, that's gonna be what starts
to make. It's like one conversation at a time, one
step at a time leads towards change, and one conversation
at a time, So I like that you said that.
(07:54):
It's instead of changing the topic quickly, just say, look,
I don't like you commenting about my body, or I
really would rather not talk about food today or what
I'm eating or what I should be eating, because it
could be comments about food, not necessarily comments about body.
People like to make comments about all kinds of things.
So we hope that this is just helpful in you
(08:15):
knowing again that you're not alone and there are ways
out of the conversation. You don't have to sit there
and just take it, especially if Grandma's boyfriend's really given
it to you talking about how his wife, Yeah, how good,
and then she looks her pregnancies. Yeah. And it's just
interesting how as a society losing weight equals good and
(08:36):
gaining weight equals bad, sort of like how we put
a label on foods. This food equals good and this
food equals bad, and there really is no moral value
in those things. So just remember that there's no moral value.
There's two takeaways from this, actually three. You can walk
(08:57):
away from conversations, but also at the same time, you
can be honest about why you're done with that conversation.
You need to eat adequately, and then also remind yourself
there's no moral value around food and body. There's just not.
Just because people are different sizes doesn't mean some people
are better than others. Before we go, I just want
people to know one thing. Just remember, no one person
(09:19):
has it all. I like that quote, thank you, no
one person has it all. Say it again, no one
person has it all. I hope y'all are having the
day that you need to have and I will see
y'all on Tuesday for the fifth thing with therapy Cat
instead of Cryo Cat. And everyone like and subscribe post
(09:42):
your Instagram. Oh thanks Cat, You're welcome. So supportive by
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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