July 29, 2024 • 30 mins
Morgan interviews Amanda E. White, LPC, the founder of Therapy For Women Center and known as the "retired party girl." Morgan and Amanda discuss how to get out of a negative head space, and the importance of not objectifying your body. Morgan learns relationship scars are real, and how one can easily identify red flags in the dating world. Amanda also helps us understand why personalities are not fixed and what addictive behaviors can look like in every day life.
If you liked this episode, please rate, review & subscribe!
Follow Amanda: @therapyforwomen
Follow Morgan: @webgirlmorgan
Follow Take This Personally: @takethispersonally
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Take Personally.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
List Morgan Felsman, What is up, everybody. Welcome to the
first ever episode of Take This Personally. I am so
excited right now because this podcast has been months, almost
years in the making, and it's just been a whirlwind,
and I'm so excited to finally share this incredible project
with all of you.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
You may know me from the Bobby Bone Show. My
name is Morgan, and I've been through a lot of
things and I felt it was time for me to
share and talk and just expose the vulnerable parts of
myself to help some other people, wherever they may be
in their lives.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
The idea for this podcast was.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Born out of the moments that I felt the most
alone in my life, and in the conversations that I
would have with my family and friends following those moments,
I knew that if what I was going through was
happening to me, it was most likely happening to other
people in some form or fashion, and they were likely
going through really dark moments as well. And for me,
(01:14):
I've really hated navigating a lot of those moments feeling
so alone. No matter that I had great support systems,
I still felt very alone in what I was going through,
and that's where this podcast kind of was born, because
I no longer wanted to feel alone, and I didn't
want anybody else to feel alone, whatever.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Situation they may be going through.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I want people to be able to listen to this
podcast and feel heard, whether it's through laughter or tears
or they're like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
That's me.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Even if this just helps one person, I will know
that all of the dark moments and everything that I'm
going through and me getting vulnerable on this microphone and
sharing my stories is totally worth it. I'm going to
bring on Amanda White to share her expertise in therapy
on dating, how to see red flags, what it's like
to be vulnerable after hard relationships, and how we can
(02:07):
be in charge of changing our own lives. But first,
I want to share a little background here or inside
Baseball if you will, about my story and why I
am the way that I am. So for me, I've
been through a lot of kind of pivotal moments, you
could say, in my life where I could have taken
the bad path or taken what happened to me and
(02:28):
used it for good.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
When I was in high.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
School, I was bullied by girls who I believed were
some of.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
My best friends.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
In that moment, I went through depression and anxiety and
suicidal thoughts, and that was my first kind of kick in.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
The butt of what the real world was really like.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old. I didn't
really know that people could be mean. I had been
very lucky in my life to believe that everybody was awesome,
and I had a lot of empathy for people. So
this was my first experience at the fact that not
everyone is always going to be kind to you, and
I obviously didn't handle that very well. Hints where the depression, anxiety,
(03:11):
and the suicidal thoughts that I experienced and my first
ever experience with therapy happened in Pivotal moment number two.
I found myself in an abusive relationship and of course,
you know toxic heartaches that came before and after said relationship.
This moment of my life was probably the darkest and
(03:31):
the hardest. I really found out who I was. I
learned a lot about myself in the moments that followed.
I experienced PTSD in trauma, bonding, more anxiety and depression,
and a lot of loneliness and a lot of things
that I had never believed actually happened in real life.
(03:52):
I felt like I was going through something that I
see in the movies. That's not a kind of movie
I ever want to see or experience Againivot moment number
three is when I went through an identity crisis and
I was trying to navigate who I was and who
I wasn't. And this followed that abusive relationship but really
made me question everything about myself, everything I thought I knew,
(04:13):
and I experienced so much loneliness because I didn't know
who I was, I didn't know who to trust, and
I didn't know what to believe in.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
So these pivotal moments have shaped me to be who
I am today.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
And they are dark, and they are hard, and they
were emotional.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But I want to be vulnerable in.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Each of those as these episodes come out and I
share my story because if these stories that I've been
through can connect to you and maybe you find yourself
in one before currently or later on, maybe these stories
can help you navigate it so it doesn't feel so heavy.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
And these are just naming a few.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
These are just very big moments that I can recall
at this point in my life and look back on
and say that changed who I was. You know, for
good or or worse, it changed to who I was
for me, the person that I am. I have always
been able to find the silver lining in situations. I've
been blessed with that gift of being the person who
is very empathetic and compassionate and understanding. I love that
(05:14):
about myself, but it's also the reason I found myself
in a lot of hard situations.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
People take advantage of that. But I have to believe
that those.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Moments and these very pivotal things that I just kind
of bowl appointed here, I went through them for a reason.
I have to believe that the darkness and the heartache
in the hurt that I experienced was for a reason.
I like to believe that that possible reason is so
that I could use this platform that I've been given
from Bobby, from the Bobby Bone Show, from all of
(05:42):
the wonderful people who follow me on social media, to
actually do something with this platform and share my story
in these moments of my life and other people's moments
of their lives. When I bring on guests and experts
so that we can all connect. We can all feel
less alone, we can feel seen and heard, and all
of these moments don't have to be in vain. Everything
(06:05):
that I experienced, everything that you experienced, or everything my
friends and the people that I know experienced. None of
those things have to be as dark as they were
when they happened. They can now provide a lesson a reason.
And that's my hope with doing this. I want to
explore what it looks like to be the best version
of ourselves when we face everything we've been.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Through head on. I absolutely love who I am now.
It has been the most.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Crazy and rewarding experience of my entire life to be
able to look back and say I did that, or
I went through that and I'm here now because of it,
or I had to suffer through this, and now look
at me, look at the strength that I have. I
want other people to feel what that joy is like
to be the best version of themselves and feel proud
and constantly want to work to just keep being the
(06:55):
best version of themselves, because the reality is just because
we get to a point of being the best version
of ourselves doesn't mean we're done, doesn't mean it's over.
That just means that season is over and now we
got to move on to the next one. And I
just want this podcast and me talking to you all
to be that for you, guys. Maybe it's tools, maybe
it's resources, maybe it's just a friend that you feel
(07:18):
like you're listening to.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Them at a dining room table.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
There is no better place for me to share these stories,
these life lessons and everything that I've been through in
between then right here on this microphone where I can
be very vulnerable and hopefully, as the title of this
podcast says, you guys can take this.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Personally and run with it.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I've been so lucky in my life to have people
who have inspired me, empowered me, given me strength from
my incredible parents, all of my sisters, to the great
girlfriends who I have made over the course of my life,
and the wonderful mentors that I got a chance to
be around throughout these different phases. Take this personal, maybe
(08:01):
me sharing my stories and talking with experts to help
you on yours. But the goal of this podcast is
so that we, as.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
A community of men and women, and in.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
This era of life that we're in right now, feel
connected and feel loved and supported.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
One of the biggest questions I often get.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Asked is how are you so happy? It feels like
you figured everything out. And I'm gonna tell you right now,
I have not figured everything out. There are many things
that you do not see on social media, and I've
tried to create a place not only on social media,
but now with this podcast, to show you that not
everything is perfect. So one, I am not always happy,
(08:42):
and life is not always glamorous, but I am in
a wonderful place where I can now share the strength
that I have with all of you. And so to
answer that question, this story, these pivotal moments of my life.
That's why I am the way that I am. And
you will hear moments where I talk to these experts
and talk to my friends where you will see these
(09:02):
bleeding parts that show the finer details of those pivotal moments.
But just know that in all the chaos that I
went through, I found happiness because I chose it.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Anybody can choose happiness.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
It's straight up a decision you make in your brain
when you wake up in the morning. And so this
podcast is me choosing happiness, is me choosing you all
in us doing this together because life just sucks when
you're alone.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Let's kick this off, y'all.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I'm so ready to be here with you guys, and
that you guys are listening. I've got so many awesome
guests stopping by, and we're starting it with a really
cool one. And now that you've heard a little scope
into the story that made me me, especially the most
(09:49):
vulnerable parts. I mean, gosh, this is only the first episode,
and I just got very vulnerable. So I'm gonna try
and keep it together. I want to bring on Amanda White.
She's a therapist and the founder of the Therapy for Women.
You know, she was super frustrated and the options out
there for modern approaches to therapy, so she created Therapy
for Women to help provide people with authentic and compassionate
(10:11):
therapists who provide people with real life tools, and that's
so important, especially right now in the society and space
that we're in. She's also been an incredible follow for
me on Instagram when I need a daily dose of honesty.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
I mean, yeah, we can all use that a little
bit more.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
And I know she's definitely gonna give us some more
tools today to use in our own lives. Hey, Amanda,
I want to jump right in with you about why
you've dubbed yourself a retired party girl.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Absolutely, I dubbed myself that because I used to be.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
I mean, I don't drink anymore.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I've been sober for almost eight years now. But to me,
it's more than that. It's not I don't identify as
much as someone who's sober because so much happened during
my partying phase. Ruggled with my mental health, I struggled
with an eating disorder, I struggled with people pleasing and boundaries.
So I think a lot of that all kind of
(11:09):
inner sex when I just wasn't taking care of myself.
And I think a lot of us relate to kind
of having something that we did in the past that
we've moved through and it's shaped how we see the
world and how we show up now when I love that.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I don't think there's enough retired party.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
People in general out there, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I think it's really easy to socially drink and stuff.
So I think that part of your story is so cool.
So so thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Yeah, thank you. You know, you talked about some behaviors
that you had.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I know something that you're familiar with is addictive behaviors.
How are we supposed to distinguish between the two?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, I think the best way to understand an addictive
pattern is it does serve a purpose in our life.
And addiction can get this bad reputation as something that's
you know, immoral, or something that someone is you know,
doing to harm themselves or others. But it's important to
remember that someone wouldn't have started doing it if it
(12:04):
wasn't helping control pain in some way, if it wasn't
giving them a sense of control over their emotions or
their life, or giving them an escape. So it's a
myth that there's an addictive personality. The truth is addiction
is complicated. It is a variety of different factors, and
(12:24):
some of us are more genetically predisposed to it. And
also if you've been through trauma, depending on how you're raised,
if you grew up around certain substances, that can definitely
make it more likely that you'll turn to that substance
or develop an addictive behavior.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
But it's complicated, so it's hard to know.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
A lot of us know about the ones like alcohol
and drugs, but I think there's more to it than that.
What are the other types of addictions we can have
that maybe we just don't realize we could have.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Absolutely, I mean there's a whole kind of classification of
process addictions, which is kind of like we get addicted
to the process of doing something, so often kind of
common process addictions. You hear about our gambling, you know,
the process of kind of gambling. Eating disorders can end
up kind of as a process addiction. The idea of
(13:16):
starving ourselves, changing our bodies.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
How we look can be very addictive. But even stuff kind.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Of like overworking, I mean, you know, working really hard,
people pleasing those can all be patterns that we get
stuck in because again, it is serving a purpose for us.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
One of my coping strategies that I've always seen that
I tend to do, whether I'm angry, sad, happy, anything,
My natural thing is to eat my comfort foods, like
that is.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
My number one thing.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Is that something that's healthy or is that normal?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
You know where does that fall on this kind of
category of coping behaviors.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
It's a very normal thing.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
I Mean, the truth is we're biologically wired to seek
comfort when we're having big emotions. You think about being
a child, we often seek, whether that's physical comfort from
our parents, whether it's just like getting into bed when
you're young, you know, you seek comfort, So it completely
makes sense. I think the hard part is when we
(14:12):
become so in the habit of it that we don't
have other coping skills as well. So I'm really against
like the demonizing of like comfort food. I think that
can happen sometimes on social media and things like that,
and I want to I want people to really know
it's a normal, natural thing that your brain is wired
to do. But yeah, it's important to also look at
(14:34):
the bigger picture and recognize is this actually helping me?
Because yeah, everything that we do is going to have
pros and cons to it, so it's important to also
look at, yeah, what other things might you be able
to do, and maybe certain emotions it may be.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
More helpful to do other coping skills.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I also picked up boxing like four years ago. That's
a huge strategy for me.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Do you feel like working out is one of those
I know that's also a hard balance for people as well.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
It can be a hard balance, but I mean the
research is really clear that exercise can be extremely beneficial
just moving your body in general. Obviously, like you kind
of alluded to, if it's becoming you know, you are
become obsessed with changing your body, losing weight, doing things
like that. But even it can be you know, your
form of exercise could be walking, it could be stretching,
(15:23):
it could be doing yoga, doing something that's not super
high impact. Also, but we do know that endorphins really
help us and being able to release that energy really
can help your brain process difficult emotions.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
So basically, Legally Blonde was correct in telling us, like,
endorphins are what makes us happy, right, we need to really,
I was thinking about happy.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
People may still shoot their husbands, but endorphins do make
you do help with your mental health for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
As soon as anybody says endorphins, I have to immediately
legally Blonde every time I do.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Want to kind of change.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah's here too.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't think there's a woman I've met in my
life that doesn't deal with some kind of body image issues.
Whatever that looks like, however that came to be, everybody
deals with it in a different way. What are some
steps that you suggest for any of us who feel
that body image is a struggle to just kind of
start to get out of that constant negativity space.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, and I completely agree with you.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I think it's something that women especially struggle with because
we are objectified.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
Much more in the media.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
So what happens often is we start to objectify ourselves.
So self objectification is when you kind of pick apart
your body and you imagine right, like maybe you're getting
dressed right and you imagine what someone is thinking about
how you look, or you know, you're sumped over in
a chair, and you like correct yourself because you don't
(16:55):
want anyone to see a certain angle of you that
is objectifying yourself. So one thing that we can do
kind of to snap out of that is to stop
looking at ourselves as just body parts and try to
look at ourselves as.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
A whole, holistic being.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And when you notice yourself, maybe like in the mirror,
body checking or checking out different angles, trying to come
back to wearing things that make you feel comfortable, wearing
things that make you feel like you, that make you
feel beautiful.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
I mean, a big thing I say.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
To people often is if you had the body you loved,
if you were totally confident in how you felt, how
would your life be different.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
What would you wear, what would you do, what would
you say?
Speaker 1 (17:41):
And then try to practice that even if you're in
a body that you don't feel that way.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
And yet there's a connection as women too that we've
been taught not only have we been objectified so much,
but also.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
We've been told not to love ourselves.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
We've been told, you know, if we take too many
pictures of ourselves, or if we do things that make
us feel good, we are narcissistic, or we are too
much into ourselves. And I do feel like as we
keep having these conversations and women keep talking about, oh,
we're all feeling this way, there's this huge empowerment happening
of like, no, we deserve to feel that way about ourselves.
(18:16):
Are you seeing that kind of happen right now?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
I am? I am.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I think it's a good change, and I think it's
I'm excited to see more women kind of taking back
the idea too, that like, your hobbies matter, Like what
you like matters, even if other people think it's dumb
or they're not interested in it.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
It's okay to like what you like.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
It's okay to be basic, it's okay to enjoy things.
That maybe other people don't, and it makes me so
sad when I mean, people are struggling with their mental health,
people struggle to find things they care about these days
and love, and what we don't need is a bunch
of people telling women what is okay for them to
care about or be interested in.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Speaking of taking things less personally, I know you kind
of touch on this a lot. I want to know
the world of social media and just in person too,
But how can we try to not take things so personally?
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I mean, I will say it's very difficult, and I
don't think anyone can do it one hundred percent perfectly.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
My best tip for it, what I.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Do and what I teach clients to do is when
someone gives you a piece of feedback or says something
that's particularly difficult for you, I would write down on
a piece of paper what the person said, and then
on the other side of the piece of paper, write
down what is your interpretation of what they said? Because
words are painful, for sure, and a lot of times
(19:41):
what keeps us up at night, what really stings, is
the interpretation of what that means.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Oh that's such a good tip and really hard to
do too. It's really hard to take it out of
your head and your emotions and just leave it as
what was said. I think it's imp important to also
talk about that you can work so hard get in
a new relationship and still deal with what happened in
the past a lot.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Yeah, even if.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
You've perfectly went through all your growth period. And so
I'm kind of seeing what advice you may have for
those who have struggled with maybe cheating in past relationships
or just bad past relationships and it caused them to
have insecurities about themselves and like how to feel good
in a really new, healthy relationship, because I think it's
not talked about enough.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I mean, I think my first piece of advice is
for everyone to give themselves a break. I think that
we may have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Have been through
like you were talking about relationships where you've been cheated
on multiple times.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
It's going to impact.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
You because people probably told you, or you told yourself
it's not like, don't worry about it, it's not happening,
and you react differently when something that you are thinking
about actually gets proven to be true multiple times. Makes
it even more difficult. So this may always be something,
you know. I think there's this idea like healing is amazing,
(21:06):
trauma work is amazing. We change our lives and you know,
be different people. And at the same time, this is
kind of like a scar for you. And it may
always be something that's a little bit in the background,
and it may be something where it's a little more
difficult for you to open up and trust people. And
I think as much as you can trying to rely
(21:26):
on if the person's actions and words are in alignment,
and trying to stay in the present moment of the
relationship as much as you can, and you may need
more support from that person too, you know. I think
it's important to share if you're at that point in
a relationship about our past, so that that person can
you know, be a little more understanding and reassure us.
(21:48):
But it may always be a scar, you know, like
a real scar on your body that.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Never totally goes away.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
It can be clean and not have an infection and
not be leading anymore, but there may always.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Be a sar are there, And I think it's cool
to connect with people to know that that exists. At
least I know that I felt like when leaving a relationship,
I'm like, Okay, I've got through that one.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
I'm moving on to the new one.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
This is clean slate. But that's not the case.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
We all come with baggage, and we all come with
flaws and things that have happened in the past. And yes,
to your point, we can all work through them as
much as we want, but it's still going to be there.
So what do you think for women who maybe, like
right now, in this relationship turmoil, especially with the dating
world the kind of way it is, can they move through?
What are some I guess steps I keep asking you
(22:33):
for steps and tips, but I think it's so important
to have tools. So what are some things that you
do that kind of help women through these phases.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
One thing is to start to understand what some of
your triggers are.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
Explore what are.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
You know, things that have bothered you in past relationships,
What are some signs, what are things that you're especially
sensitive to, so that you can kind of be mindful
of those that come up in a relationship for you.
And I think really starting to learn how to manage
how you feel. I mean, I think emotional regulation is
(23:07):
one of the most important skills all of us can learn.
Most of us were never taught how to process our emotions,
how to sit through our emotions, or anything like that.
So if you can start to understand what some of
those pain points are, what things tend to get you,
you know, your nervous system activated. When our nervous system
gets really activated, we're not able to kind of tap
(23:29):
into our rational brain. We're not able to think super
clearly or make super well thought out decisions. So it's
important to start to be able to notice when that
happens to us, so we can pause.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
We can maybe go.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
For a walk, take a shower, lay down on the floor, stretch,
do something to kind of regulate your nervous system and
bring yourself back down before you maybe have a conversation
with someone.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
As I've gotten older, my regulating of my nervous system
has changed so much.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It used to be going for.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
A long drives, listening to music, and now it's fetal position.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
While my shower goes down on me.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Lies the difference in time, But I think so many
of those things are really helpful. And those past relationships
for me also came abuse, so there's deep trauma there. Surprisingly,
there's so many more women that go through that that
don't feel comfortable talking about it. So I like creating
a space for people to feel like they can listen
(24:27):
to this and have the resources to at least put
one foot in front of the other forward. From your perspective,
you working with so many women too, I know you've
seen so much. What are some red flags maybe we
should also be looking for in the dating world.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I mean, I think the biggest one is whether someone's
actions match up with their words. I think it's really
easy and a lot of people can say lots of
things on first dates or initial conversations and make women
especially feel really really special, you know, because they're still
getting to know you and stuff, and if their words
(25:02):
are not being backed up by actions, I literally, in
the beginning of a relationship, think go by actions less
than what someone says. And I think another important thing
to remember is often people are the best version of
themselves very early in the relationship. They're typically the most polite,
the most understanding, the most kind, you know, the most
(25:24):
considerate in that beginning stage because they want you to
like them. So if they are not able to be
what you want in terms of understanding or kind or
any of those things in those first few dates.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
It's not going to get better from there.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I think two people aren't all good or bad, so
I think also sometimes people can be a fine person,
but they're not the right match for you. Really, I
think focusing on I tell people like maybe picking five
important qualities for you and everything else is kind of bonus.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I think we can get so caught up in.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
All the different characteristics we want, but at the end
of the day, it really matters what works for you.
What you know might be a trigger for you might
not be a trigger for me. What bothers one person
in a relationship doesn't bother someone else, And trying to
use your past history as you know, a lesson for
what you need in a future relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
On social media, with some celebrity couples, and I'm not
gonna sit here and name them, but toxic relationships are
also a part of this that are very We're seeing
more of it. I feel like on social media, what
is a way to make sure that you don't put
yourself in that If you feel a toxic situation coming on,
how can you kind of remove yourself and not get
(26:40):
into it, because those are hard to get out of
just as much as a really close trauma bond type relationships.
An abusive relationship toxic is all the same in that.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
It's on the spectrum for sure, and a lot of
toxic relationships become abusive given enough time. I think some
of the biggest qualities there are important to look for
is someone who's willing to say that they're wrong, someone
who is willing to say they made a mistake, own up.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
To it, take feedback.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I mean, at the end of the day, I think
there's this unhealthy belief that there's only one person right
out there for us and love is.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
All you need, and really we need a lot more
than love.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
And one of the most important qualities for relationship working
long term is being able to give and receive feedback,
is being able to have healthy communication skills. So those
I think are some of the and almost every toxic
or abusive relationship one person is not able to apologize,
not able to take feedback, not able to change their
(27:42):
behavior if they do something that someone doesn't like, they
don't have good communication skills. I don't want to end
on that note, so I also want to add because
I think this is all so important for people to hear,
because again, we don't talk about it enough, and if
we start putting it out there, maybe some people can
recognize that they're in these situations and get out of
it early.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
That's always the hope.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
But you know, I do want to throw some like
positivity out in the world too. You've created such an
awesome brand for yourself in the sense of being that
retired party girl, but it's also just you've created.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
This life that you really love.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Yeah, so a few.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Words, how did that kind of happen for you? And
how can others start to kind of create a life
that they would really love?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I think so many of us can get caught in
this is who I am. I was caught for a
long time, and I'm a party girl. I have an
eating disorder, you know, I'm a drunk whatever, and I
think people really underestimate that. Yeah, some of your personality
is fixed, but a lot of it is also what
you want, what you want to choose to do with
(28:45):
your life, and how you want to show up. And
if people can think about what values are important to
them in their life, how do they want their life
to look, and then start thinking about what action they
can take part of why I stopped drinking was because
I really wanted healthy friendships, deep important friendships in my life,
and I was not a good friend when I was drinking.
(29:06):
I would desert people at bars, would not I was
super flaky, And I realized that if I wanted to
have those friendships and I wanted to have good self esteem,
I had to start doing things that didn't make me
feel terrible about myself. So I think, yeah, some of
it is just Also, you're not stuck the way that
you are. It may feel that way. It doesn't mean
(29:28):
it's easy. But if you want something, if you want
to be a better friend, if you want to have
more self esteem, if you want to be in a relationship,
you can start taking action towards those things.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I think that's such a good thing to end on too,
because it's incredibly important to take action for yourself, not
only for this you, but past you future.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
You all deserves it.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yes, well, thank you so much Amanda for joining me.
Hanging out with me answering all of my crazy questions
about everything from serious to happy, so I really appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Thank you so much for having me more.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
All right, y'all, that's it for the first ever episode
of Take This Personally, y'all learned a little bit about
me and my story, and plus I know that I
got some incredible tools and advice from therapist Amanda, and
I hope you did too. On the next episode, I
have on doctor Solomon, who is a psychologist and one
of the most trusted voices in the world of relationships,
(30:20):
and country artist Kylie Morgan, who shared some difficult moments
in her life and in her career. If you have
some questions or advice you want answered by the experts
that I bring on or myself, you can email Take
This Personally Podcast at gmail dot com. Thank you all
for listening so much. I hope you have a fabulous day.
(30:41):
Take Personally as Listen Morgan, Juelsman
Take Personally.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
List Morgan Felsman, What is up, everybody. Welcome to the
first ever episode of Take This Personally. I am so
excited right now because this podcast has been months, almost
years in the making, and it's just been a whirlwind,
and I'm so excited to finally share this incredible project
with all of you.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
You may know me from the Bobby Bone Show. My
name is Morgan, and I've been through a lot of
things and I felt it was time for me to
share and talk and just expose the vulnerable parts of
myself to help some other people, wherever they may be
in their lives.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
The idea for this podcast was.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Born out of the moments that I felt the most
alone in my life, and in the conversations that I
would have with my family and friends following those moments,
I knew that if what I was going through was
happening to me, it was most likely happening to other
people in some form or fashion, and they were likely
going through really dark moments as well. And for me,
(01:14):
I've really hated navigating a lot of those moments feeling
so alone. No matter that I had great support systems,
I still felt very alone in what I was going through,
and that's where this podcast kind of was born, because
I no longer wanted to feel alone, and I didn't
want anybody else to feel alone, whatever.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Situation they may be going through.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I want people to be able to listen to this
podcast and feel heard, whether it's through laughter or tears
or they're like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
That's me.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Even if this just helps one person, I will know
that all of the dark moments and everything that I'm
going through and me getting vulnerable on this microphone and
sharing my stories is totally worth it. I'm going to
bring on Amanda White to share her expertise in therapy
on dating, how to see red flags, what it's like
to be vulnerable after hard relationships, and how we can
(02:07):
be in charge of changing our own lives. But first,
I want to share a little background here or inside
Baseball if you will, about my story and why I
am the way that I am. So for me, I've
been through a lot of kind of pivotal moments, you
could say, in my life where I could have taken
the bad path or taken what happened to me and
(02:28):
used it for good.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
When I was in high.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
School, I was bullied by girls who I believed were
some of.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
My best friends.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
In that moment, I went through depression and anxiety and
suicidal thoughts, and that was my first kind of kick in.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
The butt of what the real world was really like.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old. I didn't
really know that people could be mean. I had been
very lucky in my life to believe that everybody was awesome,
and I had a lot of empathy for people. So
this was my first experience at the fact that not
everyone is always going to be kind to you, and
I obviously didn't handle that very well. Hints where the depression, anxiety,
(03:11):
and the suicidal thoughts that I experienced and my first
ever experience with therapy happened in Pivotal moment number two.
I found myself in an abusive relationship and of course,
you know toxic heartaches that came before and after said relationship.
This moment of my life was probably the darkest and
(03:31):
the hardest. I really found out who I was. I
learned a lot about myself in the moments that followed.
I experienced PTSD in trauma, bonding, more anxiety and depression,
and a lot of loneliness and a lot of things
that I had never believed actually happened in real life.
(03:52):
I felt like I was going through something that I
see in the movies. That's not a kind of movie
I ever want to see or experience Againivot moment number
three is when I went through an identity crisis and
I was trying to navigate who I was and who
I wasn't. And this followed that abusive relationship but really
made me question everything about myself, everything I thought I knew,
(04:13):
and I experienced so much loneliness because I didn't know
who I was, I didn't know who to trust, and
I didn't know what to believe in.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
So these pivotal moments have shaped me to be who
I am today.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
And they are dark, and they are hard, and they
were emotional.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But I want to be vulnerable in.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Each of those as these episodes come out and I
share my story because if these stories that I've been
through can connect to you and maybe you find yourself
in one before currently or later on, maybe these stories
can help you navigate it so it doesn't feel so heavy.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
And these are just naming a few.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
These are just very big moments that I can recall
at this point in my life and look back on
and say that changed who I was. You know, for
good or or worse, it changed to who I was
for me, the person that I am. I have always
been able to find the silver lining in situations. I've
been blessed with that gift of being the person who
is very empathetic and compassionate and understanding. I love that
(05:14):
about myself, but it's also the reason I found myself
in a lot of hard situations.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
People take advantage of that. But I have to believe
that those.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Moments and these very pivotal things that I just kind
of bowl appointed here, I went through them for a reason.
I have to believe that the darkness and the heartache
in the hurt that I experienced was for a reason.
I like to believe that that possible reason is so
that I could use this platform that I've been given
from Bobby, from the Bobby Bone Show, from all of
(05:42):
the wonderful people who follow me on social media, to
actually do something with this platform and share my story
in these moments of my life and other people's moments
of their lives. When I bring on guests and experts
so that we can all connect. We can all feel
less alone, we can feel seen and heard, and all
of these moments don't have to be in vain. Everything
(06:05):
that I experienced, everything that you experienced, or everything my
friends and the people that I know experienced. None of
those things have to be as dark as they were
when they happened. They can now provide a lesson a reason.
And that's my hope with doing this. I want to
explore what it looks like to be the best version
of ourselves when we face everything we've been.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Through head on. I absolutely love who I am now.
It has been the most.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Crazy and rewarding experience of my entire life to be
able to look back and say I did that, or
I went through that and I'm here now because of it,
or I had to suffer through this, and now look
at me, look at the strength that I have. I
want other people to feel what that joy is like
to be the best version of themselves and feel proud
and constantly want to work to just keep being the
(06:55):
best version of themselves, because the reality is just because
we get to a point of being the best version
of ourselves doesn't mean we're done, doesn't mean it's over.
That just means that season is over and now we
got to move on to the next one. And I
just want this podcast and me talking to you all
to be that for you, guys. Maybe it's tools, maybe
it's resources, maybe it's just a friend that you feel
(07:18):
like you're listening to.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Them at a dining room table.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
There is no better place for me to share these stories,
these life lessons and everything that I've been through in
between then right here on this microphone where I can
be very vulnerable and hopefully, as the title of this
podcast says, you guys can take this.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Personally and run with it.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I've been so lucky in my life to have people
who have inspired me, empowered me, given me strength from
my incredible parents, all of my sisters, to the great
girlfriends who I have made over the course of my life,
and the wonderful mentors that I got a chance to
be around throughout these different phases. Take this personal, maybe
(08:01):
me sharing my stories and talking with experts to help
you on yours. But the goal of this podcast is
so that we, as.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
A community of men and women, and in.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
This era of life that we're in right now, feel
connected and feel loved and supported.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
One of the biggest questions I often get.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Asked is how are you so happy? It feels like
you figured everything out. And I'm gonna tell you right now,
I have not figured everything out. There are many things
that you do not see on social media, and I've
tried to create a place not only on social media,
but now with this podcast, to show you that not
everything is perfect. So one, I am not always happy,
(08:42):
and life is not always glamorous, but I am in
a wonderful place where I can now share the strength
that I have with all of you. And so to
answer that question, this story, these pivotal moments of my life.
That's why I am the way that I am. And
you will hear moments where I talk to these experts
and talk to my friends where you will see these
(09:02):
bleeding parts that show the finer details of those pivotal moments.
But just know that in all the chaos that I
went through, I found happiness because I chose it.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Anybody can choose happiness.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
It's straight up a decision you make in your brain
when you wake up in the morning. And so this
podcast is me choosing happiness, is me choosing you all
in us doing this together because life just sucks when
you're alone.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Let's kick this off, y'all.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I'm so ready to be here with you guys, and
that you guys are listening. I've got so many awesome
guests stopping by, and we're starting it with a really
cool one. And now that you've heard a little scope
into the story that made me me, especially the most
(09:49):
vulnerable parts. I mean, gosh, this is only the first episode,
and I just got very vulnerable. So I'm gonna try
and keep it together. I want to bring on Amanda White.
She's a therapist and the founder of the Therapy for Women.
You know, she was super frustrated and the options out
there for modern approaches to therapy, so she created Therapy
for Women to help provide people with authentic and compassionate
(10:11):
therapists who provide people with real life tools, and that's
so important, especially right now in the society and space
that we're in. She's also been an incredible follow for
me on Instagram when I need a daily dose of honesty.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
I mean, yeah, we can all use that a little
bit more.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
And I know she's definitely gonna give us some more
tools today to use in our own lives. Hey, Amanda,
I want to jump right in with you about why
you've dubbed yourself a retired party girl.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Absolutely, I dubbed myself that because I used to be.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
I mean, I don't drink anymore.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I've been sober for almost eight years now. But to me,
it's more than that. It's not I don't identify as
much as someone who's sober because so much happened during
my partying phase. Ruggled with my mental health, I struggled
with an eating disorder, I struggled with people pleasing and boundaries.
So I think a lot of that all kind of
(11:09):
inner sex when I just wasn't taking care of myself.
And I think a lot of us relate to kind
of having something that we did in the past that
we've moved through and it's shaped how we see the
world and how we show up now when I love that.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I don't think there's enough retired party.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
People in general out there, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I think it's really easy to socially drink and stuff.
So I think that part of your story is so cool.
So so thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Yeah, thank you. You know, you talked about some behaviors
that you had.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I know something that you're familiar with is addictive behaviors.
How are we supposed to distinguish between the two?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, I think the best way to understand an addictive
pattern is it does serve a purpose in our life.
And addiction can get this bad reputation as something that's
you know, immoral, or something that someone is you know,
doing to harm themselves or others. But it's important to
remember that someone wouldn't have started doing it if it
(12:04):
wasn't helping control pain in some way, if it wasn't
giving them a sense of control over their emotions or
their life, or giving them an escape. So it's a
myth that there's an addictive personality. The truth is addiction
is complicated. It is a variety of different factors, and
(12:24):
some of us are more genetically predisposed to it. And
also if you've been through trauma, depending on how you're raised,
if you grew up around certain substances, that can definitely
make it more likely that you'll turn to that substance
or develop an addictive behavior.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
But it's complicated, so it's hard to know.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
A lot of us know about the ones like alcohol
and drugs, but I think there's more to it than that.
What are the other types of addictions we can have
that maybe we just don't realize we could have.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Absolutely, I mean there's a whole kind of classification of
process addictions, which is kind of like we get addicted
to the process of doing something, so often kind of
common process addictions. You hear about our gambling, you know,
the process of kind of gambling. Eating disorders can end
up kind of as a process addiction. The idea of
(13:16):
starving ourselves, changing our bodies.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
How we look can be very addictive. But even stuff kind.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Of like overworking, I mean, you know, working really hard,
people pleasing those can all be patterns that we get
stuck in because again, it is serving a purpose for us.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
One of my coping strategies that I've always seen that
I tend to do, whether I'm angry, sad, happy, anything,
My natural thing is to eat my comfort foods, like
that is.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
My number one thing.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Is that something that's healthy or is that normal?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
You know where does that fall on this kind of
category of coping behaviors.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
It's a very normal thing.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
I Mean, the truth is we're biologically wired to seek
comfort when we're having big emotions. You think about being
a child, we often seek, whether that's physical comfort from
our parents, whether it's just like getting into bed when
you're young, you know, you seek comfort, So it completely
makes sense. I think the hard part is when we
(14:12):
become so in the habit of it that we don't
have other coping skills as well. So I'm really against
like the demonizing of like comfort food. I think that
can happen sometimes on social media and things like that,
and I want to I want people to really know
it's a normal, natural thing that your brain is wired
to do. But yeah, it's important to also look at
(14:34):
the bigger picture and recognize is this actually helping me?
Because yeah, everything that we do is going to have
pros and cons to it, so it's important to also
look at, yeah, what other things might you be able
to do, and maybe certain emotions it may be.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
More helpful to do other coping skills.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I also picked up boxing like four years ago. That's
a huge strategy for me.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Do you feel like working out is one of those
I know that's also a hard balance for people as well.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
It can be a hard balance, but I mean the
research is really clear that exercise can be extremely beneficial
just moving your body in general. Obviously, like you kind
of alluded to, if it's becoming you know, you are
become obsessed with changing your body, losing weight, doing things
like that. But even it can be you know, your
form of exercise could be walking, it could be stretching,
(15:23):
it could be doing yoga, doing something that's not super
high impact. Also, but we do know that endorphins really
help us and being able to release that energy really
can help your brain process difficult emotions.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
So basically, Legally Blonde was correct in telling us, like,
endorphins are what makes us happy, right, we need to really,
I was thinking about happy.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
People may still shoot their husbands, but endorphins do make
you do help with your mental health for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
As soon as anybody says endorphins, I have to immediately
legally Blonde every time I do.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Want to kind of change.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah's here too.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't think there's a woman I've met in my
life that doesn't deal with some kind of body image issues.
Whatever that looks like, however that came to be, everybody
deals with it in a different way. What are some
steps that you suggest for any of us who feel
that body image is a struggle to just kind of
start to get out of that constant negativity space.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, and I completely agree with you.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I think it's something that women especially struggle with because
we are objectified.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
Much more in the media.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
So what happens often is we start to objectify ourselves.
So self objectification is when you kind of pick apart
your body and you imagine right, like maybe you're getting
dressed right and you imagine what someone is thinking about
how you look, or you know, you're sumped over in
a chair, and you like correct yourself because you don't
(16:55):
want anyone to see a certain angle of you that
is objectifying yourself. So one thing that we can do
kind of to snap out of that is to stop
looking at ourselves as just body parts and try to
look at ourselves as.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
A whole, holistic being.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And when you notice yourself, maybe like in the mirror,
body checking or checking out different angles, trying to come
back to wearing things that make you feel comfortable, wearing
things that make you feel like you, that make you
feel beautiful.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
I mean, a big thing I say.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
To people often is if you had the body you loved,
if you were totally confident in how you felt, how
would your life be different.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
What would you wear, what would you do, what would
you say?
Speaker 1 (17:41):
And then try to practice that even if you're in
a body that you don't feel that way.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
And yet there's a connection as women too that we've
been taught not only have we been objectified so much,
but also.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
We've been told not to love ourselves.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
We've been told, you know, if we take too many
pictures of ourselves, or if we do things that make
us feel good, we are narcissistic, or we are too
much into ourselves. And I do feel like as we
keep having these conversations and women keep talking about, oh,
we're all feeling this way, there's this huge empowerment happening
of like, no, we deserve to feel that way about ourselves.
(18:16):
Are you seeing that kind of happen right now?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
I am? I am.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I think it's a good change, and I think it's
I'm excited to see more women kind of taking back
the idea too, that like, your hobbies matter, Like what
you like matters, even if other people think it's dumb
or they're not interested in it.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
It's okay to like what you like.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
It's okay to be basic, it's okay to enjoy things.
That maybe other people don't, and it makes me so
sad when I mean, people are struggling with their mental health,
people struggle to find things they care about these days
and love, and what we don't need is a bunch
of people telling women what is okay for them to
care about or be interested in.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Speaking of taking things less personally, I know you kind
of touch on this a lot. I want to know
the world of social media and just in person too,
But how can we try to not take things so personally?
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I mean, I will say it's very difficult, and I
don't think anyone can do it one hundred percent perfectly.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
My best tip for it, what I.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Do and what I teach clients to do is when
someone gives you a piece of feedback or says something
that's particularly difficult for you, I would write down on
a piece of paper what the person said, and then
on the other side of the piece of paper, write
down what is your interpretation of what they said? Because
words are painful, for sure, and a lot of times
(19:41):
what keeps us up at night, what really stings, is
the interpretation of what that means.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Oh that's such a good tip and really hard to
do too. It's really hard to take it out of
your head and your emotions and just leave it as
what was said. I think it's imp important to also
talk about that you can work so hard get in
a new relationship and still deal with what happened in
the past a lot.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Yeah, even if.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
You've perfectly went through all your growth period. And so
I'm kind of seeing what advice you may have for
those who have struggled with maybe cheating in past relationships
or just bad past relationships and it caused them to
have insecurities about themselves and like how to feel good
in a really new, healthy relationship, because I think it's
not talked about enough.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I mean, I think my first piece of advice is
for everyone to give themselves a break. I think that
we may have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Have been through
like you were talking about relationships where you've been cheated
on multiple times.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
It's going to impact.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
You because people probably told you, or you told yourself
it's not like, don't worry about it, it's not happening,
and you react differently when something that you are thinking
about actually gets proven to be true multiple times. Makes
it even more difficult. So this may always be something,
you know. I think there's this idea like healing is amazing,
(21:06):
trauma work is amazing. We change our lives and you know,
be different people. And at the same time, this is
kind of like a scar for you. And it may
always be something that's a little bit in the background,
and it may be something where it's a little more
difficult for you to open up and trust people. And
I think as much as you can trying to rely
(21:26):
on if the person's actions and words are in alignment,
and trying to stay in the present moment of the
relationship as much as you can, and you may need
more support from that person too, you know. I think
it's important to share if you're at that point in
a relationship about our past, so that that person can
you know, be a little more understanding and reassure us.
(21:48):
But it may always be a scar, you know, like
a real scar on your body that.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Never totally goes away.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
It can be clean and not have an infection and
not be leading anymore, but there may always.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Be a sar are there, And I think it's cool
to connect with people to know that that exists. At
least I know that I felt like when leaving a relationship,
I'm like, Okay, I've got through that one.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
I'm moving on to the new one.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
This is clean slate. But that's not the case.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
We all come with baggage, and we all come with
flaws and things that have happened in the past. And yes,
to your point, we can all work through them as
much as we want, but it's still going to be there.
So what do you think for women who maybe, like
right now, in this relationship turmoil, especially with the dating
world the kind of way it is, can they move through?
What are some I guess steps I keep asking you
(22:33):
for steps and tips, but I think it's so important
to have tools. So what are some things that you
do that kind of help women through these phases.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
One thing is to start to understand what some of
your triggers are.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
Explore what are.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
You know, things that have bothered you in past relationships,
What are some signs, what are things that you're especially
sensitive to, so that you can kind of be mindful
of those that come up in a relationship for you.
And I think really starting to learn how to manage
how you feel. I mean, I think emotional regulation is
(23:07):
one of the most important skills all of us can learn.
Most of us were never taught how to process our emotions,
how to sit through our emotions, or anything like that.
So if you can start to understand what some of
those pain points are, what things tend to get you,
you know, your nervous system activated. When our nervous system
gets really activated, we're not able to kind of tap
(23:29):
into our rational brain. We're not able to think super
clearly or make super well thought out decisions. So it's
important to start to be able to notice when that
happens to us, so we can pause.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
We can maybe go.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
For a walk, take a shower, lay down on the floor, stretch,
do something to kind of regulate your nervous system and
bring yourself back down before you maybe have a conversation
with someone.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
As I've gotten older, my regulating of my nervous system
has changed so much.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It used to be going for.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
A long drives, listening to music, and now it's fetal position.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
While my shower goes down on me.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Lies the difference in time, But I think so many
of those things are really helpful. And those past relationships
for me also came abuse, so there's deep trauma there. Surprisingly,
there's so many more women that go through that that
don't feel comfortable talking about it. So I like creating
a space for people to feel like they can listen
(24:27):
to this and have the resources to at least put
one foot in front of the other forward. From your perspective,
you working with so many women too, I know you've
seen so much. What are some red flags maybe we
should also be looking for in the dating world.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I mean, I think the biggest one is whether someone's
actions match up with their words. I think it's really
easy and a lot of people can say lots of
things on first dates or initial conversations and make women
especially feel really really special, you know, because they're still
getting to know you and stuff, and if their words
(25:02):
are not being backed up by actions, I literally, in
the beginning of a relationship, think go by actions less
than what someone says. And I think another important thing
to remember is often people are the best version of
themselves very early in the relationship. They're typically the most polite,
the most understanding, the most kind, you know, the most
(25:24):
considerate in that beginning stage because they want you to
like them. So if they are not able to be
what you want in terms of understanding or kind or
any of those things in those first few dates.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
It's not going to get better from there.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I think two people aren't all good or bad, so
I think also sometimes people can be a fine person,
but they're not the right match for you. Really, I
think focusing on I tell people like maybe picking five
important qualities for you and everything else is kind of bonus.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I think we can get so caught up in.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
All the different characteristics we want, but at the end
of the day, it really matters what works for you.
What you know might be a trigger for you might
not be a trigger for me. What bothers one person
in a relationship doesn't bother someone else, And trying to
use your past history as you know, a lesson for
what you need in a future relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
On social media, with some celebrity couples, and I'm not
gonna sit here and name them, but toxic relationships are
also a part of this that are very We're seeing
more of it. I feel like on social media, what
is a way to make sure that you don't put
yourself in that If you feel a toxic situation coming on,
how can you kind of remove yourself and not get
(26:40):
into it, because those are hard to get out of
just as much as a really close trauma bond type relationships.
An abusive relationship toxic is all the same in that.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
It's on the spectrum for sure, and a lot of
toxic relationships become abusive given enough time. I think some
of the biggest qualities there are important to look for
is someone who's willing to say that they're wrong, someone
who is willing to say they made a mistake, own up.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
To it, take feedback.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I mean, at the end of the day, I think
there's this unhealthy belief that there's only one person right
out there for us and love is.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
All you need, and really we need a lot more
than love.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
And one of the most important qualities for relationship working
long term is being able to give and receive feedback,
is being able to have healthy communication skills. So those
I think are some of the and almost every toxic
or abusive relationship one person is not able to apologize,
not able to take feedback, not able to change their
(27:42):
behavior if they do something that someone doesn't like, they
don't have good communication skills. I don't want to end
on that note, so I also want to add because
I think this is all so important for people to hear,
because again, we don't talk about it enough, and if
we start putting it out there, maybe some people can
recognize that they're in these situations and get out of
it early.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
That's always the hope.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
But you know, I do want to throw some like
positivity out in the world too. You've created such an
awesome brand for yourself in the sense of being that
retired party girl, but it's also just you've created.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
This life that you really love.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Yeah, so a few.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Words, how did that kind of happen for you? And
how can others start to kind of create a life
that they would really love?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I think so many of us can get caught in
this is who I am. I was caught for a
long time, and I'm a party girl. I have an
eating disorder, you know, I'm a drunk whatever, and I
think people really underestimate that. Yeah, some of your personality
is fixed, but a lot of it is also what
you want, what you want to choose to do with
(28:45):
your life, and how you want to show up. And
if people can think about what values are important to
them in their life, how do they want their life
to look, and then start thinking about what action they
can take part of why I stopped drinking was because
I really wanted healthy friendships, deep important friendships in my life,
and I was not a good friend when I was drinking.
(29:06):
I would desert people at bars, would not I was
super flaky, And I realized that if I wanted to
have those friendships and I wanted to have good self esteem,
I had to start doing things that didn't make me
feel terrible about myself. So I think, yeah, some of
it is just Also, you're not stuck the way that
you are. It may feel that way. It doesn't mean
(29:28):
it's easy. But if you want something, if you want
to be a better friend, if you want to have
more self esteem, if you want to be in a relationship,
you can start taking action towards those things.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I think that's such a good thing to end on too,
because it's incredibly important to take action for yourself, not
only for this you, but past you future.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
You all deserves it.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yes, well, thank you so much Amanda for joining me.
Hanging out with me answering all of my crazy questions
about everything from serious to happy, so I really appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Thank you so much for having me more.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
All right, y'all, that's it for the first ever episode
of Take This Personally, y'all learned a little bit about
me and my story, and plus I know that I
got some incredible tools and advice from therapist Amanda, and
I hope you did too. On the next episode, I
have on doctor Solomon, who is a psychologist and one
of the most trusted voices in the world of relationships,
(30:20):
and country artist Kylie Morgan, who shared some difficult moments
in her life and in her career. If you have
some questions or advice you want answered by the experts
that I bring on or myself, you can email Take
This Personally Podcast at gmail dot com. Thank you all
for listening so much. I hope you have a fabulous day.
(30:41):
Take Personally as Listen Morgan, Juelsman
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Popular Podcasts
1. Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
2. Start Here
A straightforward look at the day's top news in 20 minutes. Powered by ABC News. Hosted by Brad Mielke.
3. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.