Welcome to the '5th Thing' with Amy & Kat!! Amy loves Kat’s saying: “Have the day you need to have,” but Amy took it a step further by sharing that she’s having the week or maybe even the month she needs to have!! Amy then read an email from a listener (Ashley) that included a good quote for this episode: "Instead of spending your weekend escaping the life you have, consider spending your weekend building the life you want.” They spent some time talking about that quote before getting into another listener email (from Sierra) about Amy’s obsession with sour cream…she has a recommendation for Amy: Crema Mexicana. This led to talking about toast, walnuts, carrot cake, Kat’s fav biscuit bars, and being a Costco member! This chat ended with a nice email (from Karri) about Kat’s laugh…yay for kind notes!
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Please send emails for the 5th thing to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
MOTHER’S DAY SHOPPING:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday, Welcome to the fifth Thing. Cat's gonna kill
me because long story, just some behind the scenes stuff
is we were started recording something and then you know,
we're like, oh, shoot, we need to say this, so
let's delete, and cats like no, don't delete the whole thing.
And I am someone that I just like to start
all the way over. You have like um automatic reaction
(00:25):
of like when something happens, you just like delete, and
I'm like, wait a second, yeah, I know it was.
I looked at we just deleted seven minutes of talking,
which is totally fine because I just like starting and flowing.
I want to flow, That's me. I do this even
at work too. I'll be doing commercials which are pre taped.
Some we used to do live commercials all the time,
(00:46):
but now with different markets, like so many things are
just recorded ahead of time, and I'll get a stack
of commercials and I'll start doing them. And then if
I get stuck on one where I'm just like not
getting it and not messing up, even though I have
three on that track that are like solid and good
to go, I can't even look at the track that
has all the mess ups. So I just highlight the
whole thing and delete and start over. So that way
(01:07):
my producer gets like Ray or Kevin or Scuba Steve.
They get like a clean track. Well, that's very nice
of you to do that. Well it's also probably completely
pointless and they don't care, and it's part of their job,
and I'm wasting my time. But I like a nice flow.
I like a flow and a clean track. So here
we go. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy, that's Cat,
(01:30):
and we always start the Tuesday episodes off with a quote.
But today I'm going to actually read a listener email,
which in the Fifth Thing, we share a lot of
listener emails and it's from Ashley and she shared two
quotes inside the email, so boom, a listener is providing
our quotes for today. Here we go. Hey, Amy, thanks
again for the opportunity to be on the Walk Thing
(01:51):
Sunday Stroll. Listener Q and A several friends and family
are now Four Things podcast listeners after hearing that episode.
Smiley face. But now this is me interjecting here into
the Ashley's email. Yes, Ashley was one of the hosts
on the Sunday Bonus episodes. Listener Q and A I
have put up four of those so far, and full transparency.
I had every plan of of having the month of
(02:12):
April every Sunday with a bonus episode, but I had
to change course and reschedule some of those sit downs
with listeners, which I felt horrible about. But what do
you always say, cat, have the day you need to have. Yeah,
so kind of seems like for the month of April,
I'm gonna have the month I need to have, and
(02:32):
I might be pausing the listener Q and A's not indefinitely,
because I literally already had the listeners lined up. I
just need to move them. And it's okay that there's
going to be a few weeks where there's not a
listener Q and A. And who knows, maybe I'll get
one done soon and I'll just throw it up again.
It's a bonus thing. I don't feel obligated to do it,
(02:53):
but I have enjoyed them so much, and of course
I didn't want to let those listeners down. But this
is just an example of examining your schedule, looking at
the priorities, what needs to get done. Are you being
stretched too thin? Are there other things that are now
on the table that are causing you to have to
pivot and is it okay to move some stuff around?
(03:16):
What can move have the day you need to have? Now?
I wish I had that luxury when it came to
other responsibilities that I have, but we don't. So that's
not lost on me. I'm not implying that if you
feel like you just need to lay in bed all day, okay,
this isn't the permission slip to do that. But maybe
there is a day where you could schedule that in. Yeah.
And I also think that me saying how the day
(03:37):
you need to have a lot of times isn't just
about like what you're doing, It's about like how you're
feeling too. Because did I ever tell you where I
even came up with that? I don't know. I don't
think I've talked about it. So there, I don't know
what was happening at this point in my life. But
I was just like in like a funk. And I
remember I went to this jim that I used to
work out at and the owner was really just amazing
(04:00):
and she was like wanted to get to know you,
and she would talk to you and it was just
like a nice It was less about working out anyway,
So I go and then afterwards she's talking to me
and she's like, how are you? And I was like,
I really, I don't know how to answer that question.
It was a tuesday because I remember her saying, well,
just have a Tuesday. I think I looked at her
weird or laughed. I don't know what I did. But
she was like, do you know what I mean by that?
And I was like no. She was like, you don't
(04:20):
need to have a good day. I'm not going to
say have a good day, have a good day. You
don't need to like have a bad day. You just
like have a tuesday. Just let it be that. And
like that's what it's turned into to me, Like have
the day you need to have. It doesn't have to
be good, it doesn't have to be bad. So maybe
you woke up and you're in a funk and you
don't really want to go to work. You don't have
to be all peppy and turn it on and like
(04:42):
be nice to everybody that you see. Like, sometimes you're
just going to be in a weird mood. I don't
know if you can always do that, because your job,
you're literally you have to have a personality. But maybe
off the air. You just like have to like do
it in spurts or something like that. So it's like,
what do I do that day? Yes, and also what
are the expectations I'm placing on myself to feel that day?
(05:03):
That gets to be whatever you need that day. Okay,
I don't need to feel guilty about having to move
things around, because that's a feeling, right of guilt. Yeah,
that's a feeling. But when you say like I don't
need to feel guilty, well you can't help it if
you do or not. But just so it's clear for everybody,
I did feel guilty. But I'm not gonna we'll talk
(05:24):
at the same time. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna
sit in it or let it like that's the choice
you're making, like how to use it. I used to
probably would loop it over and over like, uh, I'm
so stupid. Why can't I get it together? And why
can't I do all the things? But you know, our
girl Shaun, a niquist who we both recently interviewed, we
don't know. We don't have to have that narrative. We're
(05:45):
not going to have the negative self talk and we
don't have to fit in all the things every single
day to keep up with every single thing that everybody
else is doing or appears to be doing. Yeah, yeah,
think should I get back to Ashe's actually okay, She's that.
I heard two quotes that I wanted to share that
you and Cat might be able to use on the
fifth thing. They both really speak to me and seem
(06:06):
like something that you and Cat might be able to
tie into an episode. The first quote is, instead of
spending your weekend escaping the life you have, consider spending
your weekend building the life you want. And she attached
Holman Underscore Home as the Instagram handle where she got that,
and then the second quote came from Charlemagne the God's Instagram.
(06:27):
Some big fans are our boy Charlot made Uh. He
hosts a hip hop show through I Heart Radio and
I guess it's a syndicated show out of New York.
And I met him years ago through our I Heart
Festival in Vegas, and he really is one of the
smartest people I've ever met. And here's a quote that
Ashley shared. We don't get over or move on from
(06:49):
our trauma. We are forced to make space for it.
We carry it. We learned to live with it, and
sometimes we thrive in spite of it. Takes a lot
of work, though your trauma is not your fault, but
healing is your responsibility. And then she said, so good, right,
And then she said, finally, I hope you got the
collage that I sent to you. After our conversation, I
(07:12):
decided to create something for you as a thank you.
Some things in the piece represents some of the things
you brought up in our conversation, your family, your kids,
et cetera. My art is a way to practice a
little self care and I have a creative outlet and
I mostly give them to people in my life. Hope
you enjoy it all the best, Ashley. Which yes, Ashley,
I got your piece of art and that was very thoughtful.
(07:33):
And I love that you have a self care outlet
that is creative and therapeutic for you, and then you
also get to gift it to people and it's a
blessing in their life. And I thought your card that
was attached to it was the sweetest note ever. And
that's what I mean about these listener Q and A ses.
I'm connecting with listeners now on another level, Like I
got to know Ashley. Oh. Which fun fact Cat that
(07:54):
I don't know if I shared with you yet that
three of those interviews were b teamers, like hardcore Bobby
Bun show fans. They've been listening to four Things on
the regular. But one of the interviewers learned about my
podcast from your podcast You Need Therapy? What up? I know,
isn't that cool? But it is so cool. Yeah, you're welcome. Yes,
(08:16):
thank you. So I want to go back to the
Instead of spending your weekend escaping the life you have,
consider spending your weekend building a life you want. And
all I want to do right now is build a
weekend full of watching Real Housewives. That's the life. I
was not gonna say, what is the life you want that?
(08:39):
I don't want a Real Housewives live, but I wanna.
I wanna watch it, do nothing. I can't wait. I
don't know when that weekend is coming, but I'm I'm
going to try to create it. Do you feel like
you're like you live for the weekends? No, I feel
like it depends on how the week has been. If
I approach it that way, it depends how busy I am,
(09:00):
which Cat and I it's kind of gotten to be
an inside joke because one of Cat's biggest pet thieves
is for people to talk about how busy they are.
And I don't think I ever do that intentionally by
any means. It's just sometimes I start rattling off. Okay,
can I need to clarify this, But I am annoyed
by people who brag about how busy they are. When
(09:22):
you tell me now, it's just like, I feel like,
you just do it. You tell me what you're doing.
It's not like you're like, I'm so now you do.
But it's not like you're I'm so cool with all
this stuff. You're like, this is my day and that
doesn't bother me. It bothers me. And people are like,
I'm so busy. I just don't have time for anything else.
I worked for like fifteen hours and I'm just like that.
(09:43):
Can we not glorify that? But now my pet Peeve
has worked in the opposite way, because it's all you do. Now. Yeah,
I love sending Cat voice memos and I'll be like, okay,
call me back, but I don't know if I'm real
so because I'm very, very busy, Like you don't even
want to know. With the kind of day that I have.
It's just beyond falkers, like wall to wall stuff. My
(10:06):
calendars jam packed, like I'm just so busy. So anyway,
go on and on and on. But back to the quote,
instead of spending your weekend escaping the life you have,
consider spending your weekend building the life you want. How
does that sit with you? Kept Well, I don't feel
(10:32):
like i've in the last probably I don't know how
many years, but recently ever felt like I'm like living
for the weekends. I love the weekends, but I like
like my weeks too, because I enjoy what I'm doing
and I've created a routine for myself that I enjoy.
But I know there's been times where that wasn't true,
and it was like, oh, I can't wait until I
get to the weekend so I can enjoy my life
and live it. And that isn't a way to live.
(10:55):
I don't think, what about I can't wait because of
the weekend where I have to see no one. I
love that that's where you are. So the life you
want is a life of solitude sometimes well and that's okay,
that's okay, But yeah, I think it's the weekends versus
the week days. It's always like a weird debate of
like do we use that that time to rest from
(11:16):
what we're doing during the week. Do we use that
time to go out and explore and do things we
can't do during the week. How do we integrate them
so we're like living the same kind of life Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
and Sunday. So I think that's what that quota is
speaking to. Yeah, I mean I like it. I'm gonna
probably sit with that one a little bit more just
to see where it takes me. How do you think
(11:37):
your life would be better if you were able to
have a weekend where literally you didn't get off the
couch and you just watch Real Housewives forty I mean,
I think that that seems appealing to me, But I
think if I was actually in it, it wouldn't be
that satisfying. I don't think so Like if I actually
did it, like I would be like because let's see,
(11:58):
I went away for my birthday weekend and I kind
of had really high expectations for that alone time, like
really high, and honestly there were times where I was like, okay,
kind of over this, which is weird because I was
looking forward to it, and all in all, I wouldn't
redo it like it was needed and I'm glad I
did it, but it wasn't all I had it cracked
(12:19):
up to be. Because you're looking forward to rest, You're
looking forward to being able to breathe. That you're looking
forward to like not having a million things on your
calendar maybe or not having all these responsibilities. So how
do you create more of that in your everyday life? Yeah,
and I'm not really looking to be alone all the time,
(12:39):
because I think you did text me You're like, Okay,
now what do I do? Yeah? Because I mean I did.
I had certain exercises for my therapists, like stuff, I
was going to do, conversations I was going to have
with certain people that are you know, help me think
through things, and so and I did all that and
then and then I was like, Okay, not what I do.
(13:00):
Have another listener email though, from Sierra and California. She said, Hey,
I heard your fifth Thing episode a few weeks ago
that you're now enjoying sour cream again after eating disorder recovery.
So happy for you. I have a random recommendation though,
this sour cream is so delicious. Not sure if you've
tried it, but it's Mexican a creama. It's thinner and runnier,
(13:23):
but it's delicious on anything. Tacos Ca city as chips
and sausa mixed into a taco bowl Chipotle style. Anyways,
just wanted to share my faith in case you haven't
tried it. I hope this photo works. Take care. And
then she attached a picture, So thank you Sierra for
sending that. And yeah, I was googling like different types
of Mexican crema, so I wanted to share this email
(13:43):
because I'm gonna be buying this, like I'm adding this
to my refrigerator because I love anything like this. I
love sour cream, I love I love white condiments. I
love ranch, I love mayonnaise. I love I like that
white content. Yeah colde me on that, Like, what's the
what's your favorite condiment? Ketch uh? Oh? Yeah me too.
(14:06):
But I don't like and I don't think I don't
like white condiments. Have you ever mixed ketchup in mayo?
I don't like mayonnaise, and you're missing out. I know
it is really upsetting. I don't like mayonnaise because I
really want to like chicken salad. Well, I mean, can
you eat chicken salad and just not think about how
there's mayonnaise in there? Or don't taste it's it's all
that's like what it is. No, it's chicken and maybe
(14:29):
celery and maybe grapes and nuts or depending finded together
with mayonnaise. But I mean, I just didn't know if
you told your mind that, oh this is just chicken up,
change the narrative, reframe it. I've tried to. I actually
have made it instead of mayonnaise. I've made it with
avocado instead, because you just need something. But it's not
(14:50):
the same, So you know, I think I just I'm
going to give that up. Let me tell you what
I'm obsessed with lately, to put on my toast. So
you know I love toast. I have toast every single day.
I go through Ezekiel bread around here, like I had
toast this morning. Yeah it's so good. But okay, well
let me tell you because somehow I came across this
carrot cake, almond and walnut butter. I think as I
(15:12):
was googling walnut butters because I read walnuts are good
for your brain. Walnut butter. Yeah, also is walnut butter
and peanut butter and almond butter. Is that a condiment? Well,
now we're talking about toast. This is our toast segment.
Go on. Yes, And I was trying to find ways
to put walnuts in my body for my brain. And
(15:33):
I don't want to eat a walnut. You don't know,
I don't walnut. No, I don't want to eat a walnut.
I don't want to eat a pecan. Maybe it's because
in my recovery, I'm like, I know, in my eating disorder,
I made myself do things like that, and now I'm like,
I'm over for it. I'm just so I want to
eat it in a nut butter. So when I'm googling,
I come across this carrot cake one from Big Spoon.
(15:56):
I guess is the brand? And I order it thinking
that I'm being all, you know, trendy and weird. And
now I see it at stores everywhere, so I guess
it's not that, but I'm sure it is. It could
be a smaller company, Like literally, I just googled it
just now in Public's popped up and cold Food, so
and I got it on Amazon. But shout out to
(16:18):
these big spoon roasters because this carrot cake concoction, it
is so good. Let me tell you. You toast your toast.
You toast your toast, You get your bread and you toasted,
and then you spread the carrot cake almond walnut butter
on there, and then you sprinkle some sea salt. If
you're feeling a little crazy, you kind of maybe mix
(16:38):
in a little bit of butter when it's hot, so
it's like melted. It is chef's kiss, and that what
they would say, Yeah it is. But carrot cake is
my favorite cake. Well, this doesn't taste exactly like carrot cake.
I'm not gonna lie, but it just has the flavors.
But I wouldn't want you to eat this thinking, oh
(16:59):
carrot cake, okay, because you need to and eat the
real thing for carrot cake. But you came in and
you were you had one of those almond whatever biscuit things.
And it's so weird that you walked in with one
today because I literally had one for the first time
in my life. Yesterday Scuba Steve the EP for the
Bobby Bones Show. I was starving and he's like, here,
I have an extra snack, and he gave me that
(17:19):
and it was so good, so good. I get them
from Costco and I eat one every day. What was it?
Nature Valley like almond buttered biscuits, something so freaking good. Yeah,
I just googled it so that we can get it right,
and it is Nature Valley biscuits and it's they have
different flavors, but the almond butter one so good. And
I've been debating if I should become a Costco member.
(17:43):
Oh you yeah, you should, so could we go to Costco? Actually,
you don't need to become a member because I'm a
member and I just my parents got me a Costco
membership for Christmas as part of my Christmas and I
went to go sign up and the guy said, you know,
you get a second men bership with this. Is there
somebody you want to add to your card? And it
(18:04):
was just a little bit of a sad moment because
I was like, I don't have anybody to add, but
you could be my second person, So you don't even
need a membership. We just have to go with me
and I'll put you on my account. Okay, well I'm in.
You do have a boyfriend now, so I'm sure you
don't want to add him. I think that might be
a little bit moving too fast to already put him
on my Costco membership. I don't know. I feel as
(18:24):
though things are moving really fast. He had a puzzle
made for you, he did, And I will say he
got me a gift because as a thank you for
me getting him a gift, which I thought was very funny.
So now do I get him a gift for saying
thank you? For saying thank you? Well, yeah, because then
you'll get another gift just going. But he got me
(18:45):
a custom Britney Spears puzzle that's legit. And this sounds dramatic,
but I think it's like my favorite gift from a boyfriend.
Because I'm about to say, well, I gave you a puzzle. No, no,
from a boyfriend. Okay, trust me. My puzzle is better
than you've got me some good gifts. Yes, but I
will say that took some thoughts and he knows how
much you love Brittany, or maybe he doesn't. I mean
that means he's paying attention, because it's not like he's
(19:07):
You'll haven't been together that long, I know, and I
don't remember really talking about Britney Spears that much to Yeah,
so that means he's like figuring you out. He does
listen very well. He doesn't talk as much as me.
He listens very well. You know what I got. I
did get a nice email about your laugh. Really yeah,
we that's what did they say? It's from Carrie K
(19:27):
A R R I And she said I love the
Fifth Thing podcast. The dynamic between you and Cat is refreshing.
Cat's laugh is so infectious. Keep up the amazing work, ladies.
Do you remember when I texted you and I was like, oh,
I'm listening to the episode of my laugh is so annoying, remember,
and you were like, I don't think so. I don't
think you laugh is annoying at all. I was talking
(19:49):
to my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, and I
don't I think we're talking about like our first date
or something. He was like, one of the first things
I noticed about you that I really liked is the
way you laugh. And he was like, you just like
open your mouth and you basic scream and you kick
your head back, and he was like, I just noticed that.
And I was like, oh my god, you pay attention
to all these things. I don't remember anything that you did.
Our first day, I remember said stay with him. In fact,
(20:14):
I didn't know if you were going to go out
with him again. But here we are. We are okay. Well,
wherever you are today, whatever day of the week it is,
have the day you need to have and keep that
saying in your back pocket because you never know when
you might need to bust it out. And also remember
(20:35):
you're allowed to change your mind and you're allowed to
do what is best for you and as long as
it's done in a kind way with the right intentions,
all will go well. And Cat, I know we both
learned so much from that Shawna interview that we did.
And if y'all haven't listened to my interview with Shawna
Nyquist last Thursday, I surprised my sister with Shawna on
(20:59):
the review. I came up with this whole lie where
I said I was going to be on the Shawna's
PR team. And so go back and listen to that
episode because it really was special and my sister had
the sweetest story ever to share with Shawna about, you know,
the time when my mom was battling cancer and then
when she died and how this gift basket just showed up.
It was all very weird and it's still a mystery
not solved because Shawna was like, Christie, that was not me,
(21:23):
which I mean, obviously we knew it wasn't her, but
she's like, that's definitely my handwriting. That was okay. So
I listened to it. I texted Amy when I was
listening to it. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm
crying listening to this. So I highly recommend. It was
very good. But that is the one of the weirdest things,
isn't it very bizarre? And then speaking of my sister,
she's going to be my guest this coming Thursday for
all four things. Actually, my sister will be the first
(21:43):
three things and then her husband, Been will be the
fourth thing. Because they are the new co stars of
h G t VS new show on Sunday nights called
Building Roots. It's officially out, so this last Sunday was
the first episode, So my sister and Ben are going
to come on just talk about the whole process, what
it was like. But I mean, my sister and I
were talking about other things too. It's not just the show.
(22:06):
I like to say when I talk to my sister,
I get nuggets of wisdom and that is what she
brings the table for the first three things. And then
her husband too, he has nuggets as well. That sounds weird,
so especially since he's a guy. Okay, well we're gonna go,
but Cat, why don't you share your Instagram and where
(22:28):
people can find you at cat dot defata on Instagram
and Defata as D E F A T T A
and then if you want, you can follow You Need
Therapy podcast on Instagram at you Need Therapy Podcast. Alright,
so that's where you can find Cat. I'm at Radio
Amy and we appreciate you listening. And okay, al right, okay, alright,
(22:56):
so that okay, keep talking on Okay, So that's where
you can find Cat and on Instagram. I am at
Radio Amy and also there's more info at radio amy
dot com. And yeah, it looks like that's our that's
our show. Than thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
(23:19):
We need to work on that. Okay, bye. Thanks you
changed the way that you said it. I don't know
the inflection thank you. What is the inflection? Thank you?
Thank you? Thank you? I thought it was thank you?
Is that what I just did? I don't know, okay,
alright bye, thank you,
Happy Tuesday, Welcome to the fifth Thing. Cat's gonna kill
me because long story, just some behind the scenes stuff
is we were started recording something and then you know,
we're like, oh, shoot, we need to say this, so
let's delete, and cats like no, don't delete the whole thing.
And I am someone that I just like to start
all the way over. You have like um automatic reaction
(00:25):
of like when something happens, you just like delete, and
I'm like, wait a second, yeah, I know it was.
I looked at we just deleted seven minutes of talking,
which is totally fine because I just like starting and flowing.
I want to flow, That's me. I do this even
at work too. I'll be doing commercials which are pre taped.
Some we used to do live commercials all the time,
(00:46):
but now with different markets, like so many things are
just recorded ahead of time, and I'll get a stack
of commercials and I'll start doing them. And then if
I get stuck on one where I'm just like not
getting it and not messing up, even though I have
three on that track that are like solid and good
to go, I can't even look at the track that
has all the mess ups. So I just highlight the
whole thing and delete and start over. So that way
(01:07):
my producer gets like Ray or Kevin or Scuba Steve.
They get like a clean track. Well, that's very nice
of you to do that. Well it's also probably completely
pointless and they don't care, and it's part of their job,
and I'm wasting my time. But I like a nice flow.
I like a flow and a clean track. So here
we go. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy, that's Cat,
(01:30):
and we always start the Tuesday episodes off with a quote.
But today I'm going to actually read a listener email,
which in the Fifth Thing, we share a lot of
listener emails and it's from Ashley and she shared two
quotes inside the email, so boom, a listener is providing
our quotes for today. Here we go. Hey, Amy, thanks
again for the opportunity to be on the Walk Thing
(01:51):
Sunday Stroll. Listener Q and A several friends and family
are now Four Things podcast listeners after hearing that episode.
Smiley face. But now this is me interjecting here into
the Ashley's email. Yes, Ashley was one of the hosts
on the Sunday Bonus episodes. Listener Q and A I
have put up four of those so far, and full transparency.
I had every plan of of having the month of
(02:12):
April every Sunday with a bonus episode, but I had
to change course and reschedule some of those sit downs
with listeners, which I felt horrible about. But what do
you always say, cat, have the day you need to have. Yeah,
so kind of seems like for the month of April,
I'm gonna have the month I need to have, and
(02:32):
I might be pausing the listener Q and A's not indefinitely,
because I literally already had the listeners lined up. I
just need to move them. And it's okay that there's
going to be a few weeks where there's not a
listener Q and A. And who knows, maybe I'll get
one done soon and I'll just throw it up again.
It's a bonus thing. I don't feel obligated to do it,
(02:53):
but I have enjoyed them so much, and of course
I didn't want to let those listeners down. But this
is just an example of examining your schedule, looking at
the priorities, what needs to get done. Are you being
stretched too thin? Are there other things that are now
on the table that are causing you to have to
pivot and is it okay to move some stuff around?
(03:16):
What can move have the day you need to have? Now?
I wish I had that luxury when it came to
other responsibilities that I have, but we don't. So that's
not lost on me. I'm not implying that if you
feel like you just need to lay in bed all day, okay,
this isn't the permission slip to do that. But maybe
there is a day where you could schedule that in. Yeah.
And I also think that me saying how the day
(03:37):
you need to have a lot of times isn't just
about like what you're doing, It's about like how you're
feeling too. Because did I ever tell you where I
even came up with that? I don't know. I don't
think I've talked about it. So there, I don't know
what was happening at this point in my life. But
I was just like in like a funk. And I
remember I went to this jim that I used to
work out at and the owner was really just amazing
(04:00):
and she was like wanted to get to know you,
and she would talk to you and it was just
like a nice It was less about working out anyway,
So I go and then afterwards she's talking to me
and she's like, how are you? And I was like,
I really, I don't know how to answer that question.
It was a tuesday because I remember her saying, well,
just have a Tuesday. I think I looked at her
weird or laughed. I don't know what I did. But
she was like, do you know what I mean by that?
And I was like no. She was like, you don't
(04:20):
need to have a good day. I'm not going to
say have a good day, have a good day. You
don't need to like have a bad day. You just
like have a tuesday. Just let it be that. And
like that's what it's turned into to me, Like have
the day you need to have. It doesn't have to
be good, it doesn't have to be bad. So maybe
you woke up and you're in a funk and you
don't really want to go to work. You don't have
to be all peppy and turn it on and like
(04:42):
be nice to everybody that you see. Like, sometimes you're
just going to be in a weird mood. I don't
know if you can always do that, because your job,
you're literally you have to have a personality. But maybe
off the air. You just like have to like do
it in spurts or something like that. So it's like,
what do I do that day? Yes, and also what
are the expectations I'm placing on myself to feel that day?
(05:03):
That gets to be whatever you need that day. Okay,
I don't need to feel guilty about having to move
things around, because that's a feeling, right of guilt. Yeah,
that's a feeling. But when you say like I don't
need to feel guilty, well you can't help it if
you do or not. But just so it's clear for everybody,
I did feel guilty. But I'm not gonna we'll talk
(05:24):
at the same time. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna
sit in it or let it like that's the choice
you're making, like how to use it. I used to
probably would loop it over and over like, uh, I'm
so stupid. Why can't I get it together? And why
can't I do all the things? But you know, our
girl Shaun, a niquist who we both recently interviewed, we
don't know. We don't have to have that narrative. We're
(05:45):
not going to have the negative self talk and we
don't have to fit in all the things every single
day to keep up with every single thing that everybody
else is doing or appears to be doing. Yeah, yeah,
think should I get back to Ashe's actually okay, She's that.
I heard two quotes that I wanted to share that
you and Cat might be able to use on the
fifth thing. They both really speak to me and seem
(06:06):
like something that you and Cat might be able to
tie into an episode. The first quote is, instead of
spending your weekend escaping the life you have, consider spending
your weekend building the life you want. And she attached
Holman Underscore Home as the Instagram handle where she got that,
and then the second quote came from Charlemagne the God's Instagram.
(06:27):
Some big fans are our boy Charlot made Uh. He
hosts a hip hop show through I Heart Radio and
I guess it's a syndicated show out of New York.
And I met him years ago through our I Heart
Festival in Vegas, and he really is one of the
smartest people I've ever met. And here's a quote that
Ashley shared. We don't get over or move on from
(06:49):
our trauma. We are forced to make space for it.
We carry it. We learned to live with it, and
sometimes we thrive in spite of it. Takes a lot
of work, though your trauma is not your fault, but
healing is your responsibility. And then she said, so good, right,
And then she said, finally, I hope you got the
collage that I sent to you. After our conversation, I
(07:12):
decided to create something for you as a thank you.
Some things in the piece represents some of the things
you brought up in our conversation, your family, your kids,
et cetera. My art is a way to practice a
little self care and I have a creative outlet and
I mostly give them to people in my life. Hope
you enjoy it all the best, Ashley. Which yes, Ashley,
I got your piece of art and that was very thoughtful.
(07:33):
And I love that you have a self care outlet
that is creative and therapeutic for you, and then you
also get to gift it to people and it's a
blessing in their life. And I thought your card that
was attached to it was the sweetest note ever. And
that's what I mean about these listener Q and A ses.
I'm connecting with listeners now on another level, Like I
got to know Ashley. Oh. Which fun fact Cat that
(07:54):
I don't know if I shared with you yet that
three of those interviews were b teamers, like hardcore Bobby
Bun show fans. They've been listening to four Things on
the regular. But one of the interviewers learned about my
podcast from your podcast You Need Therapy? What up? I know,
isn't that cool? But it is so cool. Yeah, you're welcome. Yes,
(08:16):
thank you. So I want to go back to the
Instead of spending your weekend escaping the life you have,
consider spending your weekend building a life you want. And
all I want to do right now is build a
weekend full of watching Real Housewives. That's the life. I
was not gonna say, what is the life you want that?
(08:39):
I don't want a Real Housewives live, but I wanna.
I wanna watch it, do nothing. I can't wait. I
don't know when that weekend is coming, but I'm I'm
going to try to create it. Do you feel like
you're like you live for the weekends? No, I feel
like it depends on how the week has been. If
I approach it that way, it depends how busy I am,
(09:00):
which Cat and I it's kind of gotten to be
an inside joke because one of Cat's biggest pet thieves
is for people to talk about how busy they are.
And I don't think I ever do that intentionally by
any means. It's just sometimes I start rattling off. Okay,
can I need to clarify this, But I am annoyed
by people who brag about how busy they are. When
(09:22):
you tell me now, it's just like, I feel like,
you just do it. You tell me what you're doing.
It's not like you're like, I'm so now you do.
But it's not like you're I'm so cool with all
this stuff. You're like, this is my day and that
doesn't bother me. It bothers me. And people are like,
I'm so busy. I just don't have time for anything else.
I worked for like fifteen hours and I'm just like that.
(09:43):
Can we not glorify that? But now my pet Peeve
has worked in the opposite way, because it's all you do. Now. Yeah,
I love sending Cat voice memos and I'll be like, okay,
call me back, but I don't know if I'm real
so because I'm very, very busy, Like you don't even
want to know. With the kind of day that I have.
It's just beyond falkers, like wall to wall stuff. My
(10:06):
calendars jam packed, like I'm just so busy. So anyway,
go on and on and on. But back to the quote,
instead of spending your weekend escaping the life you have,
consider spending your weekend building the life you want. How
does that sit with you? Kept Well, I don't feel
(10:32):
like i've in the last probably I don't know how
many years, but recently ever felt like I'm like living
for the weekends. I love the weekends, but I like
like my weeks too, because I enjoy what I'm doing
and I've created a routine for myself that I enjoy.
But I know there's been times where that wasn't true,
and it was like, oh, I can't wait until I
get to the weekend so I can enjoy my life
and live it. And that isn't a way to live.
(10:55):
I don't think, what about I can't wait because of
the weekend where I have to see no one. I
love that that's where you are. So the life you
want is a life of solitude sometimes well and that's okay,
that's okay, But yeah, I think it's the weekends versus
the week days. It's always like a weird debate of
like do we use that that time to rest from
(11:16):
what we're doing during the week. Do we use that
time to go out and explore and do things we
can't do during the week. How do we integrate them
so we're like living the same kind of life Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
and Sunday. So I think that's what that quota is
speaking to. Yeah, I mean I like it. I'm gonna
probably sit with that one a little bit more just
to see where it takes me. How do you think
(11:37):
your life would be better if you were able to
have a weekend where literally you didn't get off the
couch and you just watch Real Housewives forty I mean,
I think that that seems appealing to me, But I
think if I was actually in it, it wouldn't be
that satisfying. I don't think so Like if I actually
did it, like I would be like because let's see,
(11:58):
I went away for my birthday weekend and I kind
of had really high expectations for that alone time, like
really high, and honestly there were times where I was like, okay,
kind of over this, which is weird because I was
looking forward to it, and all in all, I wouldn't
redo it like it was needed and I'm glad I
did it, but it wasn't all I had it cracked
(12:19):
up to be. Because you're looking forward to rest, You're
looking forward to being able to breathe. That you're looking
forward to like not having a million things on your
calendar maybe or not having all these responsibilities. So how
do you create more of that in your everyday life? Yeah,
and I'm not really looking to be alone all the time,
(12:39):
because I think you did text me You're like, Okay,
now what do I do? Yeah? Because I mean I did.
I had certain exercises for my therapists, like stuff, I
was going to do, conversations I was going to have
with certain people that are you know, help me think
through things, and so and I did all that and
then and then I was like, Okay, not what I do.
(13:00):
Have another listener email though, from Sierra and California. She said, Hey,
I heard your fifth Thing episode a few weeks ago
that you're now enjoying sour cream again after eating disorder recovery.
So happy for you. I have a random recommendation though,
this sour cream is so delicious. Not sure if you've
tried it, but it's Mexican a creama. It's thinner and runnier,
(13:23):
but it's delicious on anything. Tacos Ca city as chips
and sausa mixed into a taco bowl Chipotle style. Anyways,
just wanted to share my faith in case you haven't
tried it. I hope this photo works. Take care. And
then she attached a picture, So thank you Sierra for
sending that. And yeah, I was googling like different types
of Mexican crema, so I wanted to share this email
(13:43):
because I'm gonna be buying this, like I'm adding this
to my refrigerator because I love anything like this. I
love sour cream, I love I love white condiments. I
love ranch, I love mayonnaise. I love I like that
white content. Yeah colde me on that, Like, what's the
what's your favorite condiment? Ketch uh? Oh? Yeah me too.
(14:06):
But I don't like and I don't think I don't
like white condiments. Have you ever mixed ketchup in mayo?
I don't like mayonnaise, and you're missing out. I know
it is really upsetting. I don't like mayonnaise because I
really want to like chicken salad. Well, I mean, can
you eat chicken salad and just not think about how
there's mayonnaise in there? Or don't taste it's it's all
that's like what it is. No, it's chicken and maybe
(14:29):
celery and maybe grapes and nuts or depending finded together
with mayonnaise. But I mean, I just didn't know if
you told your mind that, oh this is just chicken up,
change the narrative, reframe it. I've tried to. I actually
have made it instead of mayonnaise. I've made it with
avocado instead, because you just need something. But it's not
(14:50):
the same, So you know, I think I just I'm
going to give that up. Let me tell you what
I'm obsessed with lately, to put on my toast. So
you know I love toast. I have toast every single day.
I go through Ezekiel bread around here, like I had
toast this morning. Yeah it's so good. But okay, well
let me tell you because somehow I came across this
carrot cake, almond and walnut butter. I think as I
(15:12):
was googling walnut butters because I read walnuts are good
for your brain. Walnut butter. Yeah, also is walnut butter
and peanut butter and almond butter. Is that a condiment? Well,
now we're talking about toast. This is our toast segment.
Go on. Yes, And I was trying to find ways
to put walnuts in my body for my brain. And
(15:33):
I don't want to eat a walnut. You don't know,
I don't walnut. No, I don't want to eat a walnut.
I don't want to eat a pecan. Maybe it's because
in my recovery, I'm like, I know, in my eating disorder,
I made myself do things like that, and now I'm like,
I'm over for it. I'm just so I want to
eat it in a nut butter. So when I'm googling,
I come across this carrot cake one from Big Spoon.
(15:56):
I guess is the brand? And I order it thinking
that I'm being all, you know, trendy and weird. And
now I see it at stores everywhere, so I guess
it's not that, but I'm sure it is. It could
be a smaller company, Like literally, I just googled it
just now in Public's popped up and cold Food, so
and I got it on Amazon. But shout out to
(16:18):
these big spoon roasters because this carrot cake concoction, it
is so good. Let me tell you. You toast your toast.
You toast your toast, You get your bread and you toasted,
and then you spread the carrot cake almond walnut butter
on there, and then you sprinkle some sea salt. If
you're feeling a little crazy, you kind of maybe mix
(16:38):
in a little bit of butter when it's hot, so
it's like melted. It is chef's kiss, and that what
they would say, Yeah it is. But carrot cake is
my favorite cake. Well, this doesn't taste exactly like carrot cake.
I'm not gonna lie, but it just has the flavors.
But I wouldn't want you to eat this thinking, oh
(16:59):
carrot cake, okay, because you need to and eat the
real thing for carrot cake. But you came in and
you were you had one of those almond whatever biscuit things.
And it's so weird that you walked in with one
today because I literally had one for the first time
in my life. Yesterday Scuba Steve the EP for the
Bobby Bones Show. I was starving and he's like, here,
I have an extra snack, and he gave me that
(17:19):
and it was so good, so good. I get them
from Costco and I eat one every day. What was it?
Nature Valley like almond buttered biscuits, something so freaking good. Yeah,
I just googled it so that we can get it right,
and it is Nature Valley biscuits and it's they have
different flavors, but the almond butter one so good. And
I've been debating if I should become a Costco member.
(17:43):
Oh you yeah, you should, so could we go to Costco? Actually,
you don't need to become a member because I'm a
member and I just my parents got me a Costco
membership for Christmas as part of my Christmas and I
went to go sign up and the guy said, you know,
you get a second men bership with this. Is there
somebody you want to add to your card? And it
(18:04):
was just a little bit of a sad moment because
I was like, I don't have anybody to add, but
you could be my second person, So you don't even
need a membership. We just have to go with me
and I'll put you on my account. Okay, well I'm in.
You do have a boyfriend now, so I'm sure you
don't want to add him. I think that might be
a little bit moving too fast to already put him
on my Costco membership. I don't know. I feel as
(18:24):
though things are moving really fast. He had a puzzle
made for you, he did, And I will say he
got me a gift because as a thank you for
me getting him a gift, which I thought was very funny.
So now do I get him a gift for saying
thank you? For saying thank you? Well, yeah, because then
you'll get another gift just going. But he got me
(18:45):
a custom Britney Spears puzzle that's legit. And this sounds dramatic,
but I think it's like my favorite gift from a boyfriend.
Because I'm about to say, well, I gave you a puzzle. No, no,
from a boyfriend. Okay, trust me. My puzzle is better
than you've got me some good gifts. Yes, but I
will say that took some thoughts and he knows how
much you love Brittany, or maybe he doesn't. I mean
that means he's paying attention, because it's not like he's
(19:07):
You'll haven't been together that long, I know, and I
don't remember really talking about Britney Spears that much to Yeah,
so that means he's like figuring you out. He does
listen very well. He doesn't talk as much as me.
He listens very well. You know what I got. I
did get a nice email about your laugh. Really yeah,
we that's what did they say? It's from Carrie K
(19:27):
A R R I And she said I love the
Fifth Thing podcast. The dynamic between you and Cat is refreshing.
Cat's laugh is so infectious. Keep up the amazing work, ladies.
Do you remember when I texted you and I was like, oh,
I'm listening to the episode of my laugh is so annoying, remember,
and you were like, I don't think so. I don't
think you laugh is annoying at all. I was talking
(19:49):
to my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, and I
don't I think we're talking about like our first date
or something. He was like, one of the first things
I noticed about you that I really liked is the
way you laugh. And he was like, you just like
open your mouth and you basic scream and you kick
your head back, and he was like, I just noticed that.
And I was like, oh my god, you pay attention
to all these things. I don't remember anything that you did.
Our first day, I remember said stay with him. In fact,
(20:14):
I didn't know if you were going to go out
with him again. But here we are. We are okay. Well,
wherever you are today, whatever day of the week it is,
have the day you need to have and keep that
saying in your back pocket because you never know when
you might need to bust it out. And also remember
(20:35):
you're allowed to change your mind and you're allowed to
do what is best for you and as long as
it's done in a kind way with the right intentions,
all will go well. And Cat, I know we both
learned so much from that Shawna interview that we did.
And if y'all haven't listened to my interview with Shawna
Nyquist last Thursday, I surprised my sister with Shawna on
(20:59):
the review. I came up with this whole lie where
I said I was going to be on the Shawna's
PR team. And so go back and listen to that
episode because it really was special and my sister had
the sweetest story ever to share with Shawna about, you know,
the time when my mom was battling cancer and then
when she died and how this gift basket just showed up.
It was all very weird and it's still a mystery
not solved because Shawna was like, Christie, that was not me,
(21:23):
which I mean, obviously we knew it wasn't her, but
she's like, that's definitely my handwriting. That was okay. So
I listened to it. I texted Amy when I was
listening to it. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm
crying listening to this. So I highly recommend. It was
very good. But that is the one of the weirdest things,
isn't it very bizarre? And then speaking of my sister,
she's going to be my guest this coming Thursday for
all four things. Actually, my sister will be the first
(21:43):
three things and then her husband, Been will be the
fourth thing. Because they are the new co stars of
h G t VS new show on Sunday nights called
Building Roots. It's officially out, so this last Sunday was
the first episode, So my sister and Ben are going
to come on just talk about the whole process, what
it was like. But I mean, my sister and I
were talking about other things too. It's not just the show.
(22:06):
I like to say when I talk to my sister,
I get nuggets of wisdom and that is what she
brings the table for the first three things. And then
her husband too, he has nuggets as well. That sounds weird,
so especially since he's a guy. Okay, well we're gonna go,
but Cat, why don't you share your Instagram and where
(22:28):
people can find you at cat dot defata on Instagram
and Defata as D E F A T T A
and then if you want, you can follow You Need
Therapy podcast on Instagram at you Need Therapy Podcast. Alright,
so that's where you can find Cat. I'm at Radio
Amy and we appreciate you listening. And okay, al right, okay, alright,
(22:56):
so that okay, keep talking on Okay, So that's where
you can find Cat and on Instagram. I am at
Radio Amy and also there's more info at radio amy
dot com. And yeah, it looks like that's our that's
our show. Than thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
(23:19):
We need to work on that. Okay, bye. Thanks you
changed the way that you said it. I don't know
the inflection thank you. What is the inflection? Thank you?
Thank you? Thank you? I thought it was thank you?
Is that what I just did? I don't know, okay,
alright bye, thank you,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
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Amy Brown
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