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February 16, 2023 44 mins

Have you experienced a divorce, heartache, loss, or any stressful event? Amy’s guest, Laura Lea Bryant, is passionate about helping people (especially women) heal from heartache & stress, holistically. After experiencing a divorce and several difficult breakups, Laura Lea combined her food knowledge and experience with scientific theories on grief, to create offerings that help women relieve the physiological and psychological symptoms of heartache.

Laura Lea Bryant is a Certified Holistic Chef with over 10 years of experience in the wellness industry. She has hosted hundreds of people in her cooking classes over the years, teaching her community how to eat well for both health and pleasure. Laura Lea has written two best-selling cookbooks, The Laura Lea Balanced Cookbook and Simply Laura Lea, and her third cookbook will launch in the late Spring of 2023. Her third book, Recipes for an Aching Heart, reflect Laura Lea’s most recent business venture. You can learn more about Laura Lea and her work at!!

Laura Lea Bryant
Holistic Health and Heartache Consulting
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Okay, cassup broth, little food for you so life. Oh
that's pretty, it's pretty beautiful. Thank you. Laugh A little
moth said, you're kicking with four. Happy Thursday, Amy here

and my guest today is my friend Laura Lee Bryant,
a certified chef and published cookbook author who has been
on before. So happy to have you back. Thank you.
And you're also now a health and well being consultants
that is very passionate about helping people, especially women, navigate
grief and you know, deal with symptoms of heartache holistically.

So I want to start with that. Why is something
like this now a part of your expertise? You know?
I feel like the biggest initial aha that I had
was after my divorce about five years ago. I had
been a holistic chef for five years and I was
working on my second book. But it was the first
time where I realized that I couldn't separate my personal

and my professional life anymore. Because all of these things
that I had been telling people to do, ways to
eat what I thought of as healthy, I realistically didn't
have the energy for it, the appetite for it, just
the emotional and physical bandwidth to do all of these things,
and so I felt like a bit of an impostor,
and I kept that really private for a few years.

But I really didn't take care of myself after my divorce,
like I ate, really I say badly in sort of
quotes that there's not a moral assignment to it. I
ate in a way that was not serving my healing.
It was exacerbating my stress, exacerbating my cravings, um, just
making my whole physiological healing process more difficult. What was

happening in my body, which makes your emotional healing process
more difficult. So I kind of kept that to myself,
and then I got into another relationship and that one
was really really difficult, and getting out of it was,
I would say, even more emotionally taxing on me than
the divorce. Yeah, it's so crazy too, because this is

just such a reminder of Instagram versus reality. Because I
thought you were living your best life with this new guy,
and obviously we don't share all the details of a
relationship when it's involving another person in their privacy. So
with your divorce and this other breakup, I was pretty shocked.
I'm sure others were shocked, but that just goes to
show we can't know how people are really doing based

on Instagram. Yeah. No, I definitely still try to be
very protective of everyone that I've been in a relationship with,
and that feels appropriate. But there's no question that there
was so much going on behind the scenes that I
didn't share about. And ultimately, you know, both relationships that
didn't work. But I think with my marriage, I don't

want to speak for him. I think ultimately it was
very mutual and we both saw the reasons for us
to move on with our lives. Whereas I think with
this subsequent relationship, I think the emotion was still really high,
and I think sometimes it's's harder to get out of
a relationship when you just know it's it's not right,
it's not working for whatever reason, but your emotions are

still deeply entrenched in the other person. Those can be
some of the hardest splits. And so I was not
in a good place emotionally, but I decided not to
do what I had done before, which is this very
sort of extreme approach of throwing everything out the door
that was remotely nourishing and instead go back to what

you know, what I did post of worse wine ice cream,
fast food, all these things, and I was doing this quietly,
and so I knew I needed a better way to
take care of myself, and so I I kind of
set everything I knew about wellness aside and instead have
spent the last couple of years researching the science of
what is happening physiologically with stress in our body. Grief

of heartache is very similar to grief of losing somebody,
and that I think is so important for people to
understand because we are living in a culture where there's
this term called disenfranchise grief, which is grief that our
culture doesn't recognize the way that it recognizes traditional losses
like an immediate family member. That can be relationship loss,
that can be job loss. Pet loss is a form

of disenfranchised grief. And so you're kind of left trying
to put the pieces of your life back together, but
you're ashamed. There's a shame element of it because you're
you're sort of like, it's not supposed to be that bad.
But the truth is, what's happening actually in your brain
and your heart and your nervous system and your body
is really similar in those instances, and it's a major
deal and it affects everything, and so I did all

this research. I also did have an amazing relationship coach
who introduce as me to some of the mindset tools
that I now use. But the piece of it that
I kind of created for myself was this wellness protocol
that is an inside out approach that's specifically for someone
whose brain and nervous system and digestive system is you know,

in a state of fight or flight essentially, and then
how that trajectory changes as we move through the different
stages of grief. And so I I redid my business
to help people with this, because you know, we can't
just hold people to some lofty health standard while ignoring
what's actually going on with them, and it just makes

people feel terrible about themselves, you know, when they can't
be healthy, but it's because they're going through something really
really major that's changing them. Healing can get overwhelming and
we don't know the next right step to make it
to the other side. So I love that you're a
resource for people to get clarity and direction during grief

and heartache. And in about when my mom died, I
had zero tools, zero direction, zero control, and my eating
disorder is something that returned immediately to help me them out,
and I spiraled. I did not take care of myself
at all, and it showed, like I can look back
at pictures and I had so much inflammation in my

face and my body. And then seven years later, when
my dad died, it was during a season when I
was already doing a lot of therapy and a lot
of work on myself. So I had tools and guidance,
and that stuff allowed me to process in a way
that was less taxing on my body. Like I was
still hurting the same, but I didn't put myself through

additional anguish causing my my body to freak out and
get super inflamed like it did when my mom died.
So interesting that you say that, because so the protocol
that I use with my one on one clients is
called the anti inflammatory Heartache Protocol, And I say that
because it is sort of chronic inflammation as we know
it that we can use turmeric to combat, but it's

also this state of mental and emotional inflammation. So that's
a really good analogy that you described. A lot of
people feel on fire in grief, especially before or after
they go through a period of numbness, or sometimes that
initially or that comes later on, but it is this
feeling of this of being on fire and needing to
quell that. And I think it's amazing that you were

able to cultivate this toolbox because it's true that we
can't eliminate the pain that comes from the natural progression
and trajectory of grief, and we shouldn't try to. We
have to go through that pain, but we can eliminate
a lot of the suffering. And that's that's my job.
And that's what you did for yourself. In a lot
of ways, was saying that I didn't do it alone,
but yes, I mean, and we do need help. We

need all sorts of help. You know, there's there's a
lot of different ways that you can get that support.
But whoever it is that's helping you, if they're doing
a good job, then they are helping eliminate this suffering,
all of this extraneous stuff that you're dealing with, whether
that's the negative self critical thoughts, or food choices that

may not be serving you and that could be eating
almost sort of quote too healthily. Actually, there are things
that we can do that can really exacerbate the grief process.
By trying to go about having the raw chal salad
every day, that really isn't sitting with us anymore. So
the goal is to eliminate the suffering so that we
can clear a path for the natural pain. And the

pain is what's manageable. It's not fun. It hurts, but
we are we are designed to handle pain, not as
much suffering. What about times that we just don't have
an appetite, because obviously not eating is also not good
for us. It's tricky, and I created a range of
products on my website and one specifically that's just fifty

It's called my non Recipe Recipes e book because it's
literally for when you're in grief and just nothing sounds good.
Because we do need to nourish our selves. It's a
fine line of nourishing yourself but also listening to the
fact that your body right now is using a lot
of its energy and blood flow for things other than digestion.
So it's telling you that it doesn't really have a

lot of capacity to do some major digesting right now,
So you want to listen to that and honor that
as well. So what I like to recommend to people
is to focus on liquids that are nutrient rich, So
coconut water is a great way to to get electrolytes.
And also when you're crying, you're losing electrolytes, So keeping
coconut water to hydrate and replenish some of that can

be really great. Keeping bone broth around, like a really
good quality bone broth, and you can stir some some
eggs into it. I do like an egg drop soup
basically with a little bit of miso paste, and that's
a really nourishing way to basically get some some protein.
And you're making a miso soup and getting that good
gelatin that's in the bone broth. Lots of healing benefits
to that. And then smoothies are going to be your

best friend because they are going to go down easily.
You can pack some healthy fats, some healthy protein, and
some fiber into them and just keep that really simple.
With a protein powder, I would not do away protein
powder because that can tend to be hard on digestion
unless it's super super great quality, like a grass fed way.
But a scoop of almond butter, peanut butter, a scoop

of protein powder, maybe a handful of baby spinach and
some milk and a banana and just keep that and
then this is a good time to invest in really
high quality local bread and butter and salt. I mean,
I know that sounds so so simple, but we we
rail against ourselves. We fight are instinct to eat really simply,
almost in a childlike way, when we're grieving. But it's

a phase. It's a it's a stage of grief, and
we will slowly begin to be able to digest the
beans and the you know, the vegetables and all of
those things again, but initially keeping really nourishing, nutrient dense
liquids around and then some like really good quality sour
dough with some grass fed butter and salt, and that
kind of thing can get you through for a while.

I say this with the caveat. Everyone's needs are different.
I would definitely if you're not sure, I would work
with a dietitian or someone who specializes in making sure
that you're getting everything that you need. But I'm just
speaking to food ideas that can tend to go down
easily and provide some nutrients when you're going through a
tough time. I had never thought about how your body

is so busy doing other things in the grief process
that breaking down food is like, Okay, I don't have
time for that right now, and to be gentle with
it because I just would think, Okay, I just need
to eat right now, So fine, I'll get a burger
and fries, which, okay, I I don't have restriction. But
then at the same time, I'm not serving my body

well because it's gonna to do a lot of work
to break that down. You'll probably know pretty quickly from
your digestive distress that that was not the right fit.
And it may not even be because it was fast food,
but could be that. Yeah, that's just a lot of
energy to go into digestion. I mean when we when
we split from a person who was our our primary

worse of relating and our attachment, that is a trauma.
It's a trauma on your your body. Your body responds
in that way. Not for everybody. I mean, it depends
on the degree how long you were together, how touch
you were that person, but it can be. And so
when we go into that state of fight or flight,
we go from this relax rest and digest parasympathetic to

fight or flight sympathetic nervous system. The last thing that
your body is doing is concerned about doing is you know,
digesting a big, heavy meal when it thinks that you
need to go like fight for your life. You know,
if you feel like you're fighting for your life, that's
kind of what's happening. Your world is upside down. I
heard a really interesting analogy from a therapist who specializes

in attachment saying that when you go through a divorce
or heartbreak, it's almost like you're having having to reverse
your blood flow. That's how unnatural it feels. When you've
been with someone for so long and they are your
person for everything, and then they're ripped out of your
life or you choose for them to leave your life.
It is a massive overhaul in the entire way that

you see the world, the entire way you relate to
yourself and to others, And it can feel like reversing
your blood flow. Like that's how hard it can be
on people. So we we need to honor that and
all that comes with that. So even if it's you know,
it's the right thing for you, it's your your choice,
or it's a type of grief, some grief we can't
control or choose, but others it might be like, Okay,

I know this is the right move to me, but
your body might still be reacting in a certain way,
so just be gentle with yourself. Yeah, there's a lot
of pay attention totally. I mean, there's a lot of science.
There's a woman named Helen Fisher who has her PhD
in this and she talks about romantic rejection and what
happens in the stages of romantic rejection, and I kind

of combine that with the stages of traditional grief to
come up with the protocol that I use for my clients.
So it's all science backed. But you can experience this
physiological rejection even if you were the one leaving the person,
because you may have been using your logical brain to
and the relationship, but it doesn't actually mean you wanted it.
It's definitely super complex and ways that our bodies, our

brain takes care of us, that all the things it's
doing that we don't even realize that it's doing to
make sure that we're safe. Yeah, exactly, and we're okay.
This is seems to be mind body spirit like a
focus on that or I'm seeing that we're nourishing those
different things. Are there any other components besides food that

you would recommend to people that are helpful in this process?
Are there any other components besides food that you would

recommend to people that are helpful in this process? Yeah? Absolutely.
I Mean, one thing I do want to say is
anyone that I work with, I always recommend they work
with they have to have a therapist as well. So
I won't work with somebody unless they are working with
a licensed counselor or at least have access to a
licensed counselor, because that's not that's a that's a totally
different skill set and wheelhouse. And I absolutely think if

you're really struggling, you should have a license counselor and
you can you know, they're better help talk space. Mean,
there's ways, insurance, ways to make that affordable. But aside
from food and making sure that if you think you
need that support, getting that kind of support. Changing the
way we move our body is something we really have
to think about. You know, it's so natural, especially when
we are in pain, to want to like run it off,

run off all that energy that that heart on fire, feeling,
brain on fire, feeling that you're talking about inflamed. It's
like we just want to go and sweat it out,
or sometimes we want to push our bodies further than
they want to be pushed. We have to remember our
bodies are really delicate and fragile and sensitive during this time,
so really remembering that we want to evaluate what our

healthy living lifestyle was, or our routines and practices and
ask ourselves, is that really the best thing for me?
I find that actually in the initial stages of grief,
for most people, I would recommend switching to something calm
like walking, yoga, maybe some hiking plates rather than you know,
the a forty five berries boot camps that type of thing,

or even just running on the treadmill. There's a time
and place for those, but I personally wouldn't recommend them,
just because we are under a lot of stress, and
those are forms of stress. We want to do. Nourishing
movement that isn't additional stress on our body. Makes me
think of force bathing and being intentional about being out
in nature. And you and I are actually going to

be taking a hike together after we record, and I'm
really looking forward to us being outside with the trees,
by the lake, with the birds and all the things
that are going to be really calming for us. And
you know, another thing that I did when my mom
died was ninety minutes of hot yoga, sometimes twice a day.
I was pushing my body so hard, and during a

lot of grief that I've been going through the last
two years, I'm so thankful that I've learned to listen
to what my body needs mentally and physically. The time
that I actually carve out for movement looks so different
each day, and on some days that might mean sitting
and doing breathwork, because that's what's going to serve me better.
I'm so glad you said that, because yes, first of all,

we should all be our own health guru. I mean,
I think we should have a therapeutic team of some
in some capacity when we're going through something difficult. But
for you to be able to check in and recognize
on a day to day basis what you need is
really important. And I think understandably, there's probably a lot
of very smart, very type A listeners who like a

routine want it to be the same every day, but
for better and worse, that is not realistic when we're
going through something where you can go through all five
stages of grief in one hour. You know, you can
be numb, you can be in shock, you can be angry,
you can feel moments of acceptance. All of that. I
mean that can happen and throughout the course of the
day or even in a shorter period of time. So
we do need to be constantly checking in. And the

nature component is so powerful. You know client I'm working with,
she is surrounded by snow right now and it is
really hard, but I definitely encourage her to get outside
a little bit as much as possible because that fresh
air and nature is really healing. Part of the reason
that I think it's so healing is because one it
can help with our suit circadian rhythm. Getting that light
exposure when sleep can be difficult, especially first thing in

the morning. Yeah, like if you can get outside or
at least that's the studies I've seen, is when you
wake up, you get outside, get some natural light, and
that will help with your melotonin production throughout the day. Yes, totally.
I think flinging, you know, if you can step outside
or just get the curtains open and get your eyeball
staring at the sun early in the morning. First thing

that is so fantastic, And you know, the other thing
is there is a lot of science about self compassion
versus self criticism, and one of the tenants for creating
a self compassionate mindset is recognizing your place in the
greater scheme of nature and people. It can really help
heal to recognize that we are one of something bigger

than ourselves, even if for you that's just nature, and
seeing yourself in that and feeling that connectedness and realizing
that there's so many people going through what you're going through.
That self compassion can actually really help take away some
of the acute suffering with it as well. And it's
just a nice distraction. So yeah, I mean, the forest
bathing is great. If it's winter time and you're in

heartache right now, I would say as much as you
can early in the morning, even just for thirty minutes,
go outside and listen to this some of the nature sounds,
or get the fresh air. If you're in the city. Well,
animals in nature are one thing, but we are both
cat ladies and I have a dog, so how can
they play a role? I mean, relying on your pets
is a great thing to do in general. I mean

that sounds like a no brainer. But we when we
can experience a lot of depression, whether it's clinical clinical
depression and word is depression as part of the grief process,
we can have a tendency not even to rely on
the affection from our pets. You know. We we take
care of them and feed them and keep them alive,
but really let them heal you and cuddle with them
and cry into them because they're they're amazing healers. My

cat has definitely healed me so many times. She knows.
She's very intuitive. So whatever that is for you, and
if it's bird sounds or if you get a sound
machine and maybe ocean sounds speak to you, I mean,
keep that on in the background. I think curating a
space in your home is a really low cost, low
hanging fruit. I don't really like that phrase, but for

lack of a better word, but I think that is
a really important way that you can create a sort
of safe and nourishing space for yourself as lighting some
candles and putting on an essential oil diffuser and a
sound machine with nature sounds, you know, whether it's birds
or whatever, and just starting your day like that. Could
be a really, really great way because we also have
to remember that we're re doing our routines. Like even

a lack of that first good morning text that where
we've been used to for years can be gutting for people.
So instead of keeping everything in your room and your
routine the same and knowing that you're gonna have to
wake up without that one thing that you've had, which
is that wake up text, instead say you know, I'm
going to move my bed to the other wall and
I'm going to set up this really like lovely sort
of spa like experience in my room and so you

have something to look forward to even though something is
feels like it's missing. Oh I love that idea. Just
switching up the environment. Yeah. Are you a big bath person?
I I personally am. I know a lot of people
are not, But for me when I am grieving, being
taking baths and having like a treat in the bath
is like my nightly routine with some epsom salts and

a candle. Just little ways that you can not only
create new routines that have nothing to do with your
ex or the person that you lost, but it's also
just a way of being in love with yourself and
being obsessed with yourself, and that's we we need to
have this almost hyperbolic love for ourselves when we're going
through something, because it is so easy to slip into

self blame and shame and criticism. Whether that's because you
permanently lost someone and there's something you wish you could
have said to them, or it's because of it was
a heartbreak and maybe you know what's the right thing,
but you didn't want it, so all of a sudden
you're backtracking in your head and being like, maybe I
ruined this, Maybe it's my fault. That's such a natural,
normal thing to do. And one way that we can

sort of an antidote to that can be remembering how
wonderful and amazing and worthy we are. As women in particular,
we have such a tendency to assume other people no better,
other people are right. We are the ones who made
the mistakes, were the apologizers. We we fawn, which is
a trauma response. You know, there's fight, flight, freeze, and
fawn is a trauma response. And that it looks like

putting other people's needs before our own always and this
is a time for you to realize that you're just
as worthy of all that time and attention that you're
putting on your ex and what you what they're doing,
and um, what they're thinking. Try to put that on
yourself and feel like I'm just as human as they are.
Why did they get all that attention from my own brain?
I should be getting that attention from my own brain.

What about journaling? Do you do journaling? I think gratitude
journaling is really important to do, and I like to
do two different kinds of gratitude journaling. So one is
just the quick you know, three to five things, um,
and then a gratitude in advanced journaling, which actually my
friendly and Ellington, who you've had on the podcast, that
was her. I think she was the one who taught
me about sort of the gratitude in advanced journaling. So
I think that's a really powerful thing for people to do.

And then a lot of this thought work. There is
a woman named P. M. Melody who wrote a book
called Facing Codependence, and she came up with this chart
of basically how the things that we think ultimately create
the results in our life. And so one of the
things I teach my clients is how to use her
model to work backwards from our thoughts, and I do
like for them to write that down. I think that's

really powerful. Do you use mantras at all? I feel
like something that's been helpful for me, or when it
comes to certain foods or situations, just knowing like if
I look around, I know the facts, like I truly
am okay right now, I am safe, I am okay,
like in this moment, it is okay for me to
eat this or this is nourishment for me. And just

repeating that to myself so that I know that I
take care of myself in a way. Or I don't
know if there's anything you use that you say over
and over to yourself, or if that's something you recommend
people do. Yeah, I mean I think that that can
be a great introduction to meditation as well. So I
do think, you know, a short meditation in the morning
is a fan and in the evening is a fantastic

element to a healing experience. But then we also have
to beat ourselves realistically where we are and if our
thoughts are swirling too much to meditate, that can be
a great place to pick a mantra to or two
and just repeat the mantra UM, I have a mantra
that is only good can come from this that I
say to myself over and over and over again during
those meditations when I just can't like clear my head,

and I have mantras that I write down and put
on a mirror. I think all of that stuff, even
though you know it sounds a lit little bit cheesy.
If you leave space in your brain, it's probably going
to fill it with negative things, because it's that's what
our brains are wired wired for survival. So if we
can actually take that space and fill it with positive
beliefs and thoughts and become really savvy about what our

brain is doing and fill it with those kinds of mantras,
it's so so powerful. When did you start doing meditation? Really?
I started doing meditation after the most recent really gnarly
break up, and so my morning routine was to hydrate
and then to UM. I mean, I've been living with

my parents recently, so like my life has been upside
down because I had to move out whatever logistically, UM,
I've had to change my routine in the last couple
of weeks. But normally what I do is I get
up and I hydrate and I meditate with the windows
open if it's warm enough, and if I can do
a mantra, or if I can get away with not
doing a mantra, then I'll try to just be zen

and be quiet, but sometimes do the mantra. And then
I do journaling exercises where I basically take this model
and use that for my thought work, and then do
the gratitude exercises, and I do that every day. And yeah,
I mean, it's it's been a game changer. What would

you say to someone that is overwhelmed by adding all
of these new little things and practices into their life
during an already difficult time. Firstly, I think so much
of this is figuring out what what's realistic for you
and meeting yourself where you are and asking what's an
improvement for you as you go through this process. But

I do actually I have something called the Heartache First
Aid Kit, which literally walks through kind of the main
lifestyle changes that I make when I'm going through heartache.
And then that other e book that's food focused, but
my cookbook in the spring is going to have a
out of this information as well, And this is what
I work with people on. But just to simplify for
anyone who is listening right now and feeling very overwhelmed.

The first thing I would actually do when you are
going when when something really traumatic has happened, UM, whether
you've broken up with someone, they've broken up with you,
a divorce is happening, grief of someone, whatever has happened.
The first thing I would do is get your support
system in place, So figure out are you going to
be working with a license counselor get family members, someone

who really really trust, um you can have a conversation
with and say hey, can you be available for me
to call you at all hours of the night or
some hours or can I spend the night? So first,
get your your emotional support system in place so that
you're not alone. And then the next thing I would
do is actually logistic. I have people make lists of
the things that I want you to have a list
of the things that absolutely have to be done every

day in order for your family to function properly, things
that have to be done every week for your family
to function properly. And every month you have your must lists.
And then I want you to go through your calendar
and clear out everything else, say no to everything cancel
it if it doesn't have to be done to take
care of you and your family. It doesn't need to
be on your calendar. And so you know, you have
these pieces of paper or this document in front of

you on your computer. That's all the stuff I have
to do. These are my responsibilities once you have that
ironed out, because I find even in the worst worst moments,
there's usually five minutes here there in the day where
you have just enough energy to like check some things
off the list, you know, and there are some things
we just do without energy or motivation, taking care of people,
taking care of pets. But once you have your must lists,

then I would say, yes, pick one to three daily
practices that you can do for yourself. Maybe it's starting
with a big cold glass of coconut water with some
berries in it. You know, that's something I recommend people.
Mash some berries and some coconut water and drink that.
And then maybe you sit for two minutes and you
write one thing you're grateful for, and then you you know,

take a twenty minute walk and that's what you do
every day, things like that, and and maybe you take
a thirty minute bath at night. See this sounds duable,
but I love that you are proactive about looking at
your calendar and making space, which when you're grieving, probably
the last thing you want to do is look at
your calendar. But if you're still okay, this is go time.
You're in survival mode. If you've got kids, if you've

got a family, if you have a job and you
need to take care of things, then this is sort
of one of those things that you have the must's
on there. And because you're in survival mode, okay, yeah,
if you've got all this dinner with that person or
this or that done, cancel it not necessary unless it's
something that's going to fill you up. If it's a
dinner with a friend and it's life giving and it's

going to bring you that joy, then you know, keep that.
But other things, if they're not imperative, then then they
go totally. There are certainly circumstances where we have to
delegate everything in our life to other people, but I
would say most of the time we still have to
maintain our responsibilities no matter what. And that's really difficult,
and it's not fun and it's not glamorous. But if

you just you know, put your head down and just
knock that out right away, clear out space, figure out
exactly what you're responsible for. Then you can turn your
attention onto nourishing yourself and going through this healing process.
What about people that have a hard time asking for help?
You know, I'm so glad you said this, Amy Soo
is thinking about this earlier. You know, one thing is

understanding getting to know a little bit about how much
you are a internal regulator, a self regulator versus a
co regulator. I know I tend to be a coregulator,
and I could My work is to be a better
internal self regulator. There's a little bit of an overlap
with attachment styles. You know, someone who maybe has more
anxious attachment style and avoidant at touchment style. I think
all of that needs to be taken with a grain

of salt, but it can be a tool to guide
you in how to ask for support. So some people
don't necessarily need the same level of external support because
they are naturally self soothing a little bit better, and
so knowing yourself and knowing what that looks like for you,
you maybe someone who really knows that you feel best

when you've been able to really hash it out with
a friend or get a hug from a loved one.
You you are probably more of an external regulator coregulator.
Now you can work on that in time. This is
not the time to do that. This is just the
time to get what you need. Now. If you're somebody
who wants support where you're uncomfortable asking for it, then
I think that's the time to um, just go to
the even if it's just one person that you absolutely trust.

You know, most people have one person that they're more
comfortable with than others, and you can preface it. I
mean I had to do this a couple of times
actually with and and you really do have to go
out of your comfort zone a little bit. But I
had to reach out to friends and family. There were
certain people I was totally fine asking for help from,
but I really wanted help from other people who I
was embarrassed or a shame to ask them. And what

I did was I reached out and I said, can
I just ask you really specifically to tell me one
thing that you know to be true about me that's
a positive trait that I have. And so I started
this text chain with my loved ones and they were
just telling me one nice thing that they know about
me because I couldn't see it for myself, and I
just got goose bumps. Really yeah, well I'm picturing text

coming in and you feeling that affirmation. Yeah, I lost it.
I remember very specifically crying my eyes out. But it
was so cathartic, you know, because we do lose ourselves
in relationships and in grief, and especially when we start
to go down the rabbit hole of all the things
we think we did wrong and could have done better,
and remembering that going to the people who have known

you the longest and who see you not for the
things you've accomplished. Are the things you've done or the
things you've quote messed up. But the people who you
know know you like who knows you and childhood friends
are great people to ask for that family members or
there are just those friends that I what's the best
way to describe them, The friends that you know truly
genuinely only want the best for you and want to

see you succeed. And unfortunately that is actually smaller percentage
of people than um. You know, sometimes like I think
that's actually not not most people. I think that's a
hard thing to do in our culture is to really
truly be able to lift people up even when we're
going through something difficult. But hopefully you have one person
in your life you know genuinely wants to see you succeed,

wants the best for you, and just ask for that
one sentence, you know, in it was a difficult year
for everybody, there may have been one either way those
two years. Who's coming? But for my birthday, um, my
friend Kat gave me a blessings jar where she contacted

different people even that she didn't know well that in
my life and said, hey, can you just write a
quick you know how is amy a blessing? And I
haven't in my closet. I haven't dug into it in
a while, but it's there so if I ever need to,
I can go open it up and pull out one
of the pieces of paper and open it up and
it's going to be from someone that shared something positive

that I can use to remind myself. And that's just
a cool gift idea too for anybody listening that you know,
if you have a friend or a loved one and
their birthdays coming up, or you know they're going through something,
you can maybe put together a little blessings jar for them.
That's a great idea, and it can feel so uncomfortable
to refer back to it, but like you said, even

just knowing it's there is really healing in in its
own right, And just the practice of going out of
your comfort zone when you are struggling is healing in
and of itself. It's a win win. So I'm so
glad you have that. Yeah, with the resistance, Yeah, this
is this is the time you get to grow and
that's the So what does this make possible moment from

from grief is that allows you to dig deeper and
come out the other side if you put in the
work a different, hopefully stronger person. And I love too
when you mention crying and losing electro lights, I'm just
I keep thinking about that when you mentioned that when
you got the text, like you started crying with your

family mentors, and it reminded me from something that you
said at the very beginning of the podcast with coconut water,
and you mentioned a minute ago putting berries in there.
But I never thought about replenishing my electro lights from crying. Ever,
I don't think i've ever ever ever heard that, And
so I wanted to say it again for the people

in the back because I know you mentioned it, and
I thought, Okay, that's that's genius. Is we need water anyway,
obviously for survival, but just making sure that we go
that extra mile, especially if we've been crying a lot. Yeah,
stress can be really dehydrating. And you know, I wouldn't
only drink coconut water as a replacement for water. I
would just supplement. But I think even also like a

sprinkle of salt in your water can help with that
balance as well. And I mean our salt levels and
our body change when we are under stress, and it
can be very very dehydrating, and sometimes we crave salt.
There's actually science that shows that there's benefits to craving
salt when your body of stress. So that's another thing,
is really checking in with your appetite and what it's

doing and honoring that as much as possible. I normally
have a raging, sweet tooth, but when I'm grieving, I
don't want sweet anything except for maybe some fruit. I
want salt and um. So finding a way to kind
of to honor that allow that without going too far
into dehydrating your yourself You're gonna be on outweigh this Saturday,

which is a Life without disordered eating, Outweighs Everything. That's
what that podcast is dedicated to, helping people with food
and body image issues. And we're going to talk about
cravings when heartbroken and what some of those mean and
just to don't add more stress to yourself if you're
having certain cravings and trying to restrict in that way,

because like, oh so, I think that's an appropriate conversation
for Outweighs. So if that's something that's resonating with you,
can us in this Saturday for that one. And before
we go, I would love to do four things gratitude
with you, and here four things that you're currently thankful for.
And I don't know if your cat is going to
be a thing, but one of the best decisions that

my family made in the last year and a half
is getting our cat. Cats are amazing that the moments
that I have been in the most emotional pain my
cat has. She doesn't do it that often, but she
will once She'll start like gagging, which is really weird.
I think it's like she feels my my stress. But
she will basically like starfish on my body like a

sort of like flying squirrel and try to like spread
out as much as possible and like touch as much
of my body as she can. And I think she's
trying to regulate my heartbeat because it's usually when my
anxiety is absolutely through the roof. So yeah, I think
that's really really interesting now. I mean, there's so many
things that I'm grateful for. I would say the first
thing that comes to mind is has been my family's support.

I mean, I'll just mention really quickly. I was living
in an apartment that got super noisy. It caused me
to have some major sleep and anxiety issues being in
a very out of control noise environment. So I moved
in with my parents while I am figuring out where
I'm going to live next. And I'm so so thankful
for their support and allowing me to do that at
thirty seven, and just being able to connect with them

and have that time is really really precious. So I've
been super thankful for that, and that they let me
bring my cat, who is definitely the next on my list.
I mean, I am such a crazy cat lady and
I have I'm very proud of that. I know I
sent you something I saw an ad for this cat
carrier thing that you attached to yourself, and when, of
course when I saw it, I thought of you, and
I sent it to you, and you were like, oh,

I've had that in my Amazon cart for a week.
It's it's literally been on it's been in my cart,
and I go back and forth almost every day. I
feel like me sending that to you as a sign
you should get I think I should because the thing
is I think she would actually I think she would
sit in it, Like I don't think every cat would,
but I actually think she would probably sit in it.
So I may do that. But I'm all is like,
of course I'm on like cat talk, you know, I

always end up on the the cat side of TikTok.
And there's all sorts of things that I'm interested, like
the baby carriers and all of that, but I've thought
about doing so that's definitely one of them. I'm very
grateful for my new This is a small pleasure for
my new Stanley water bottle, which I've wanted for a
really long time and I finally got one, and it
really does bring me so much joy because this is

about the amount of water. It's like forty ounces that
I like to drink first thing in the morning to
feel best throughout the day. I have trouble sleeping when
I hydrate within like three hours of bedtime, so I
try to drink at least forty ounces in the first
half of the day, and it makes it easier for
me to sleep just f y. I um. Interesting. The
last thing I was going to say that is a
little luxury that I am really grateful that I can

do is the infrared sauna. That's something that I have
started going to pure sweat over intol seuth. I've been
doing that now for about six months. I think it
helps with my mental health. I think it's really helpful
during the winter. I think that is really healing, just
for sweating things out. You know, it's one hour of
the day, especially if you're a parent, that's you time.

You know, the service there is lovely, Like the people
are so kind and friendly, so you feel very nourished
inside and out. So for me, there's a lot that
I would give up before I would give up my
sauna membership. So I'm so grateful every time I'm there.
I'm like, this is just such a great little luxury,
and I love it. That's how I feel with cryotherapy.

And it's three minutes and you look forward to it.
I do. I look forward to three minutes in a
box with nothing else around me. Which one of the
Pure Sweat and Float is a franchise and the Brentwood
and Cool Springs location. My friend Meredith owns them, and
she came on the podcast and was talking about the
benefits of the red light, Infra red saunas and floating

so float therapy as well. So some of the stuff
it might not depending on where you live in the country.
This stuff might not be available in your town. It it
it could be something if you do some research and
these sort of things are available in your town, that
you know if you're give if anybody says, hey, what
do you want for your birthday? Or Hey, is there
anything I can do for you, or hey, I'd love

to get you a gift card to wherever be like, Oh,
I'd like to try this type of therapy or this
type of therapy, the red light or the the floating
or the cry o and just give yourself a little
treat in that way. Yeah, I mean, I'm doing the
same thing with my budget as I'm hopefully going into
buying a house, doing the budgeting, because even even on
a really tight budget, often there is something that we're

doing regularly that we actually could give up for something
that would be more nourishing for us. So that's just
something to consider if you're going through a difficult time
because it's twofold one, you get to do something that
feels really healing and cozy and inviting and you look
forward to it. But again, it's a pattern interrupt So
when we are in pain, creating new patterns for our

brain through creating new patterns in our life can be
awesome for being forward with your life. So just switching
things up, just rearranging furniture. If you happen to have
two sets of betting, you could swap your betting. Yeah,
making things look different in your home, or even doing
a spring cleaning or a winter cleaning or whatever, anything
that you can do that's like this is holy mine

and it looks different and it feels different than before.
I love that, And thank you for sharing four things
that you're thankful for and for coming on and sharing
with us this new direction that you're going. I love it,
and I'm so happy for you, and I can tell
that you're extremely passionate about it. So any of your
clients are lucky to have you as someone that's coming

alongside them during a very very very difficult time. And
for anybody that's going through something hard alone, Lordly reminded
us in this episode, as you're not alone, just know
that there's other people out there, and there is higher power,
there is other things you can tap into. There are
so many available resources online, Like I even think of
your Instagram is such an encourage ment and I know

you've got the books and you have courses and if
people can invest in that stuff, great amazing. But there
are tools out there too that if you're financially in
a place where you just can't even imagine adding another
expense that would actually lead to more stress. There's so
many tools and resources online, and your instagram is one
of them, so I love following you. Um, where can

people find you? So my website is l l balanced
dot com and that's where you can get all the
information and all the different offerings that I have. And
then my instagram is loterally balanced and hang out with
me over there and message me and yes, that's that's
exactly right. You're not alone. And I promise that what
you're experiencing right now feels like eternal, but it will

get better. There's there's always a light at the end
of the tunnel, So so true. And I'm at Radio
Amy on Instagram and you can click the link tree
and my bio or go to Radio Amy dot com
for links to our four Things Gratitude journal for details
about the live Fourth Thing podcast shows in Nashville the
end of March, along with everything that you need to

know about the super fun happy hour pop up shop
for Haiti that we have planned for that same weekend.
It's going to be in a squab Enjoy for Things
flash sale, with all proceeds going to the Orphanage where
I adopted Steven Sinons to hear from. So I hope
you all can come if you are in Nashville or
you're gonna be visiting that weekend, and I hope you'll

are having the day that you need to have. Laura
Lee and I will see you here again on Saturday
for Outweigh

4 Things with Amy Brown News

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