November 9, 2024 • 36 mins
OUTWEIGH: Deedee has spent decades as a leader and source of strength in her community, supporting and guiding others while struggling silently behind closed doors. Her battle wasn’t with her role or her responsibilities—it was with food.
For years, food felt like her secret demon—something she couldn’t seem to conquer, no matter how much discipline she tried to muster. Despite her outward success and commitment to helping others, food had a grip on her life that left her feeling ashamed, defeated, and isolated.
Even though she was always giving so much of herself to others, she felt empty and disconnected when it came to her own health and relationship with food. It was a struggle she felt she had to face alone, with no one to confide in. But everything changed when Deedee finally made the choice to confront her relationship with food at its root. She realized that it wasn’t just about dieting or controlling her willpower—it was about healing the emotional wounds and unraveling the stories that were keeping her stuck.
In this episode, Deedee shares her powerful transformation journey of breaking free from the grip of food and reclaiming control of her life. If you’ve ever felt like no one would understand your struggles, or like food has a power over you that you can’t break free from, Deedee’s story is a reminder that true freedom is possible—and you don’t have to do it alone.
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am again. Stung, I feel free,
I know everybody of me. It's beautiful and that will
always out way if you feel it. But she'll some
(00:26):
love to the food. Why get there? The tag go
day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outweigh It's leanne here and what you're about
to hear are real stories from real women who have
faced some of their deepest struggles with food and their
bodies and face their demons and come out on the
other side.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
And so these are the raw.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Unfiltered journeys of women just like you, who once felt
trapped in their own mental prisons, caught in that endless
cycle of food obsession, you know, feeling like a failure
in all of that shame. And I'm sharing these with
you because I want you to know that no matter
how stuck or out of control you feel right now,
there is a way out. So if you're feeling broken
(01:13):
or crazy, or like you're the only one who struggles
with this, you are not. You are not alone, and
you are definitely not beyond hope or healing. These stories
are proof that true transformation is possible, and I hope
they inspire you to see what's possible for yourself. So
let's dive on in.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Well, Hello, we are back for another case study, and
I'm so looking forward to this one. First of all, Hello, DD, welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Hello, good to see you.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So glad to have you here. We were just talking
before we hit record. I love these case stories because
it gives anyone who's on the other side of this,
who is in their own food and body prison, it
feels very lonely, it feels very daunting. We think things like,
oh my gosh, I'm the only person that struggles like this,
or my brain is so broken, nobody would ever understand me.
And then we end up also having shame about our
(02:02):
shame because we think we're not supposed to have it,
or we think we're supposed to be smart enough to
get past it. And so these case studies are a
really powerful way to just, you know, help people understand
what is possible and also speak into what you're currently
experiencing and know that you're so not alone. And this
is a special circumstance because Dede also happens to be
a pastor. We've talked before about how the faith part
(02:24):
of our journey crosses, because you can't talk about self
image and identity if faith is part of your life
without crossing. The faith has them right. And so you know,
I was just so impressed by Dedi from the second
we connected over the phone, where she was just like, Hey,
I'm not too proud to admit, like this is the
thing for me. This is that area of my life
that has a stronghold over me and it's been like
(02:45):
this for decades and I'm ready to take ownership of it.
So we're going to just unpack and share Dede's journey,
and she's just so beautifully volunteered to be an open
book and share her experiences. So thank you so much
in advance for what is about to transpire. Absolutely, start off,
you kind of just share a little bit of an
overview of where you were when we met. You know,
(03:05):
what was your life, like, what was your relationship with
food and your body? Like, what was your relationship with yourself?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Like? So when I kind of stumbled upon you, I
had spent a number of years really focusing a lot
on my body and my health I had, probably four
years before that, almost five, had had a health scare
that pushed me to really take something seriously. And so
(03:35):
I had done a lot of great things as far
as changing the way I took care of myself, changing
the way I purchased food for my household, changed the
way I cooked, did a lot of those kind of changes,
and all of that had been good, and I had
lost weight, had come a long way with that. But
(03:58):
where I was trying app is I was always asking myself,
am I always going to have to live with this
sense of being on a plan or being on a program,
which is what I had been for a while, And
not that that had been bad. It had given me
(04:18):
some structure and some guidance for a while that I needed,
But to think about that in a sustainable fashion. I
was starting to question that and was trying to wrap
my head around how can I live like I need
to live without it feeling overwhelming and burdensome and always
(04:42):
feeling like I have to make negative choices, And I
mean that by choices of I can't have that, yeah,
or if that's not permitted, or if I do have that,
then I'm going to carry guilt about it, and so
I was pretty clear about those kind of feelings, and
that was starting to really kind of grade on me.
(05:03):
And I had began isolating very clearly in my behaviors
that food was my demon and that I had allowed
for food to become my best friend yep, and primarily sugar.
And so we were having this little tension going on
of how we were going to have this lasting relationship
(05:26):
because it wasn't going to go away, but how was
I going to live my life for the rest of
my life in some kind of peace and harmony, Because yeah,
I'm a pastor, and that's something I preach about, you know,
is that we want to live our life with peace
and harmony and we want to and God, God speaks
about that, and that's what Jesus came to teach us.
(05:47):
And so yet I was always internally feeling this disruption
in my life, and that was this sense of the
way I fed myself, the way I looked at food,
and the way I interacted with it. So that's where
I was.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
What you say is just so poignant because anyone who's
been in this cycle, they know how there is there's
one side of the coin, which is that restriction, can't
have that, not allowed to have that. That's bad Carrie
Gilt all those things. Or it's the opposite where it's like, okay,
screw it, right, hair free, abandonment, eat whenever I can incite.
And that's when food and sugar specifically almost becomes this like, yeah,
(06:24):
this dirty little secret that nobody knows about. But it
also feels like this drug. It's that demon. It's the
one thing that we feel like has this yeah, addictive
like pull on us. And it's interesting because you mentioned like, hey,
I preach about this stuff, but I wasn't living it.
What was that shame doing to you in terms of
your ability to feel, you know, worthy of being a
pastor and talking about freedom and peace. How did that
(06:46):
impact your internal self image?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Well, I mean it was feeling like I lived a
double life. You know, even even my own family. My
husband will tell to you he never saw me eat
like that. He didn't see me eat the whole back
of Eminem's or go to my favorite bakery and buy
my favorite cookies and eat them all. But it was
the things that were happening within the context of my
(07:11):
job often and always in the context of relationship where
I either felt like I let someone down or I
had been hurt or misunderstood whatever countless things in a
public role, that I allowed those behaviors to soothe me
in some way, or at least I thought they were
(07:33):
going to, and all they did is harm me further,
And then I would just live in this vicious cycle of,
you know, beating myself up or calling myself horrible things,
You stupid idiot? What are you? What do you do?
I mean, you know better than this, just that kind
of demeaning language that I let my brain speak to
me in.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
With decades of this, it becomes this is just who
we think we are, you know. And you brought up
a really powerful point too. The majority. Like one of
the questions I asked my clients, I asked this too.
It's like, hey, does your husband know what a big,
deep emotional struggle this is? Or do they think that
it's a matter of eating less and moving more? And
nine times out of ten they don't know, because first
of all, there is that secrecy, there's that shame. But
then also it's like, well, how do I explain a
(08:14):
problem to somebody who's never had this problem? How will
they get it right? And they don't need to get it.
But opening up and sharing that it's part of your
life is just like a big breath of fresh air.
Even though even when you haven't solved it yet and
you went to talk to your husband, you know, it's
just like, Okay, now I'm calling it out. It's there.
There's not this stigma and I can actually get the
support that I need and feel free to just own that. Yeah,
(08:37):
this is just something I learned. So how has your
life changed as a result of going through this program
and going through this process. What's different?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Well, it's been quite transforming as far as just enlightening
to recognize that I don't have to be like this,
I don't have to let my brain treat me this way.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yes, it's such a good Yeah, you're break the street
and you like crap.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
And that sense that I always figured was there could
be there. So that sense that I really can move
past this in a way that is helpful and healthy
really can happen. And it seems that it's been gradual.
It's nothing that's happened just immediate.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
It wasn't any one thing, right, it was a bunch
of collective things.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Yeah, it's kind of as I look back and I go, oh, wow,
I'm not I'm not doing that anymore, or I'm not
thinking like that anymore or whatever. And so that's been
kind of impressive, and I find myself realizing just how
powerful our brain is, which we know that. But I
remind myself all the time that just as I can
(09:48):
re wire my mind on a way I might think
about any other subject, any other thought that I might
have had, a religious thought of, theological thought, psychological thought,
what any other thing, anyway that I can take in
information and learn something that then kind of changes my
(10:12):
point of view or my understanding of something. I can
do the same with the way my brain understands my
body and the way I feed myself. Yeah, and the
way I look at this food. That's kind of been
the mind blowing thing that's not prohibited absolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I think when we're so stuck in the midst of
it and we're in the trenches, we think like, there's
no way that this will possibly be any different, right,
And then that's why we look to the outside things,
the food, the dight, gyms, the memberships, whatever it is, right,
And you're right, just like we can change our mind
and our thoughts and our perception on anything. We can
do it with food in our bodies too, And that's
exactly what we did. And that's why I always tell
(10:52):
my clients from and you've heard me say this too,
I'm like, this stuff is not like sexy, right, It's
not this immediate ratification overnight. It is about teeny little
things with consistency, not intensity. It's really about the intent,
not the content, right, And it's about teaching your brain
to think a new way, make different. It's a new
decision making process. It's about learning a new language. And
(11:14):
it's like if somebody told me, Okay, you're going to
learn a new language in a week, I wouldn't believe them.
Like that's how learning language is. It's little by little,
layer by layer. First you learn the basis, then you
learn how to conjugate the verbs, you know, and so
that's why it is. And you know, you hear me
say it all the time. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast, right,
And then all of a sudden it's like, wow, I'm
not doing that. I was doing that for decades and
(11:36):
I just witnessed myself not doing something that I've done
for decades. And then the first, you know, new thing happens,
and then you see the next thing and the next thing,
and then you see it happening again. You're not even
thinking about it because it's just become who you are.
It's so so powerful. So I get so excited.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Yeah. Yeah, And it's interesting because you know, we've made
a move, and so when you move, you of course
you get rid of everything. You get rid of all
the food that you had in your other house because
you don't move with it, or at least we know
we try to. Either we try to eat it down
or we just stop buying stuff and whatever, we give
stuff away. And so then we moved to a new place,
(12:12):
and so you know, you like have to start over.
And any other time that I've moved, I'm like, oh,
you have a good store and stock up. We're not
doing that. We've slowly like, well, things that we need
for that day or that week or a couple of days.
But to think about like stockpiling my house with food
(12:35):
has not been a value.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Wow, And that interesting. It's like a straight up shift
from scarcity mindset of like I have to get it
all in now and I have to have it now
in the backup and what if I'm hungry and things
to this apponan's mindset, everything will like I'll get what
I need because now I know how to take care
of myself. It's an interesting like those teeny little things
that you notice that you wouldn't have noticed if you
moved to a different home. So so powerful. How has
(13:04):
this changed how you show up in your work and
as a pastor and now that you feel totally aligned
and authentic and you're free to like you're no longer
living this double life? How has that shown up for
you as you serve others?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
I think it gives me greater clarity in who I am.
I'm not using up energy for that and using energy
for something greater. Yeah, pouring energy into something that means
far more than something that was tearing me down, that
would that took up a lot of time, right, So
it took up not only physical time, but it took
(13:38):
up emotional time, psychological time, all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Energy, motivation things.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yeah, So when you're not giving into that, and so
now you have just a whole well the way that
your mind can open up and and so the clarity
is different, and you know, so my my new job, Yeah,
it's it's crazy, ridiculous busy, But I'm not overwhelmed by that,
(14:07):
and so I'm able to just kind of live into
it and be present with it and value it and
pace myself and know when it's time to say, Okay,
you got to take a break, and I get to
manage that. And I'm not just dragging because I'm participating
in a behavior that was destructive.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah. And also, like the people pleasing, if you're not
so worried about like always constantly having to people please
and like grunting yourself ragged, that's no longer part of
your way of being, you know. So how has your
relationship with the Lord transformed? Obviously you you and God
have always been tight, Yeah, but like you know, obviously
there's that gap when you're carrying around shame, you feel
(14:50):
like you're not living up to your true potential. You're
walking around with this imposter syndrome because you feel like
you have a double life. Like there's going to be
a gap. So talk to us a little bit about
how your identity has been and you know, just kind
of filled those gaps in this capacity as well.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
I think really for me, my relationship with God has
become more of a partnering that the God is in
the chair next to me. That it's very conversational. It's
a relationship that I've always yearned for. It's a relationship
that I often speak about that I think that's the
(15:25):
type of relationship God desires for it to have with us.
It's not you know, God's not up here and we're
down here, but it's it's a leveling. I really feel that.
It's not that I'm better than God or greater than God.
It's just that, you know, we we're co creators with
God in that God empowers us to live in this
(15:46):
world and empowers us to love people were called to
love and lead, and so that we're sent out to
do that. So that's that co creating part. And so
I feel that empowerment and I feel that ability then
that my relationship with God is really more conversational than
(16:07):
it has ever been, and just God being able to
point things out more clear. And I'm not coming to
God pleading. I was oftentimes pleading with God to take
this burden from me. I think I might have even
shared one time that how many times in a service
(16:30):
of some kind of I don't know, like in my tradition,
we often do times when we release something that we
want to give up, right, And so how many times
did I write on a piece of paper or even
nail it to the cross or put it in some fire,
whatever some action of God take from me this burden
(16:52):
of overeating or my desire for sugar, or how many
times in whatever fashion of that? How many times are
I write that on his paper? All right? Was that
my action? And I think what God has finally said
to me is you know I took that from you
a long, long time ago. Yeah, and you just keep
picking You just kept picking it back up. And you
(17:14):
know what, we're really good at that, and we just
what is so funny is I can't tell you how
many times I'm in a sermon or in a worship
service talked about laying our burdens down at the foot
of the cross. And then I'll say, and don't pick
it back up? But what was I doing?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Oh my goodness? Yeah? And it's that old thing like
sometimes God's waiting on us and sometimes we're waiting on God.
It's like, okay, God's like I've been here. You know,
what do you think it was? What was different about
this that allowed you to actually lay those burdens down.
What was different than anything that you've done in the
past about this time?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Maybe it was just my own spiritual maturity, which may
seem odd and strange, but you know, we're ever growing
in that and it has nothing to do with where
we are in our life. It's just a part of
who we are. And maybe it was just my own
timing with that. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Yeah, I feel like a lot of times too, we
look back at our failures and we're like, oh, we're
so ashamed of them, and we call them failures, right,
but really they were just something that didn't work and
we needed to go through, you know, and it needed
to seat us and season us to become who we were.
So when you got your eye, your ears and your
eyes and your hands on these tools, what was different
about this program than anything that you've done in the past.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Well, certainly that it wasn't about food. That it wasn't
about now get your journal out and keep even though
there is some of that, But it wasn't about track
your food count, how many held water are you? You know,
it wasn't about it wasn't those those kind of.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Practice, those metrics.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Yeah, and then it wasn't that I was going to
be graded on that, you know, it was so interesting
to me. The daily ritual thing was like, well, heck,
I do that every day.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I didn't call it that, but I've been doing that
every day for a countless number of years. And to
reclaim that in a way around this made all the difference.
I started using the journal on my phone. I don't know,
whenever they made some kind of update on the iPhone. Yeah,
I started using the journal there and part of it
(19:25):
so that it's always with me and I could do
it anywhere I was too. I've excuse, but you know,
just to acknowledge that and then really to see times
when I was down, that's been a spiritual practice of
mine forever, but to claim it for this was really powerful.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yeah. And that's why it's not the content, it's the intent,
you know. And when we're talking about rewiring your brain,
and that was just like one piece of that daily ritual.
But it's like, yeah, I've been doing like so many
times people are like, oh, I've been doing something for years.
It's like, oh, but I've never done it this way
or I've never thought about it. This way or I've
never put it with it with this focus or this direction,
you know. And it's these teen that's what keep saying.
It's these teeny little tweaks that add up to make
(20:10):
a massive trajectory shift. You know, if you're going on
an airplane, like one degree one direction will take you.
Is the difference between ending up in New York or
LA or whatever it is, you know what I mean.
So it's just these teeny little things. So going through
stressless eating, why do you think this has been more
successful for you than anything you've done before? Going through
(20:35):
stressless eating? Why do you think this has been more
successful for you than anything you've done before?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Probably just because it gave me time and space to
be introspective, but not necessarily about dealing with baggage. Yeah,
even though you do kind of process some of that,
it's really about moving forward. How am I going to
do this differently? Ye, there's this, there are there has
(21:03):
been this, But how how am I gonna rewire this?
Or how am I going to rework this so that
whatever has been doesn't continue to be my reality today?
And even the things that popped up through these last
few months that hold me back you know, obviously I
(21:24):
was became uper aware of Oh, that's the thing, and
we've talked about that too. Doesn't mean it goes away,
doesn't mean it won't be there. It's just that now
I have the power and the authority in myself to
say now we think differently about that, absolutely, and not
(21:45):
to apologize for it.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yes, oh my gosh, Yeah that is so true, because yeah,
we can look at it and then but we look
at it apologetically like we're doing something wrong, you know.
And I think you touched on one of the big
misconceptions because oftentimes, especially people who have had experiences with
food in their body for decades, it starts at a
certain time, and then they think they have to go
back and psychoanalyze that or unpack it or talk it
(22:09):
out to death. And the truth is is that most
people that come to me have like done the therapy,
they've talked it out, they've psychoanalyzed their problems before, but
they've not gotten the tools to work past them. And
so what you said was so powerful, because it's not
about looking back, it's about Okay, now that these patterns
are here, who do I want to be in the
face of them? And how do I shift the narrative,
how do I reframe? How do I get the tools
(22:30):
to actually deal with this so I stop bringing my
past with me into my future, you know, and the
pattern stops. It's like we draw that line in the
stand and it's like, no, I'm done reliving this groundhog's
day day and day out. And I love that you
brought that up, because it really is about looking forward
and moving forward. And you know, and that's where a
lot of people's doubts come in because they're like, leanne,
I've been doing this for decades. I've been living this
(22:51):
way for decades. It's just who I am. And that's
why I always ask them, like are you open to Like, no,
this isn't just who you are, it's what you've learned.
And like you said, not go back and apologize for it.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Like it.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
We don't have to like it. There's things about our
past that we're like, Okay, we can look at it
and be like, I wouldn't choose that again, right, but
in regret because it forced us to become who we
needed to become. And that's where sometimes we have to
go reconcile that shame and create a new story. About it,
but not a fake story, not one that you're like,
not even believing, one that actually resonates with you so
that you can actually reconcile it.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Yeah. And you know, the thing that this makes me
think about in light of what I do, is and
maybe why people are resistant even to invest in this
kind of work for themselves, is sometimes it's far easier
just to settle. It's not even a giving up, it's
(23:43):
just to resign. Ye, resign, that's the word. Yeah, resign
and say, well, this is just the way I'm always
going to be this way. And you know, God didn't
create us to be like that. And one of the
things I have learned over the last five years of
really spinning intentional time thinking about and loving my learning
(24:03):
to love my body is our size, our shape is
all different, and all of that's beautiful and we all
have a different one. Yeah. And of course whatever the
world tells us we should be is bogus. And yeah,
and that's the thing, if you're going to do anything,
find what that is, Find whatever it is God designed
(24:27):
you to be. I really do believe that our body
will find that. Yes, And I don't think I'm there yet.
I think I'm one way, but our think, physiologically, our
bodies can find that. And that's the beauty of you know,
we don't have to settle, and we don't have to
resign in anything, whatever it is in our life. And
(24:52):
yet I think that our human nature has given up
in some level of just saying that this is just
too I am so Yeah, so we continue to reach
for the next thing that might sue us for a bit,
but it's not it's not going to last. And yeah,
you know, and I think for me that's always going
(25:12):
to be a wake up call. If I'm looking at
something that I think is going to fix me, then
that's the wake up call. I don't need that, you
know what this is?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, And when we're chasing that idol, like we're chasing
what we think we need, that'll fill in that gap
oftentimes if we've learned it, which is what I learn
hiding behind like diets and trying to make over my
body and obsessing over my weight, it is the most
it's the biggest hiding place of them, all right, And
it keeps you from finding the purpose, Like it's the
purpose of who you want to be in that body,
Like who do you want to be? How do you
(25:44):
want to feel? What do you want to give? What
do you want to contribute? What life do you want
to create? But when you are just to focus on
the vessel itself, you miss out in the beauty of
what is available to you to live in that body,
and ironically you don't even get the body that will
make you feel good to do it. You know, you
end up unhelped, unhappy, ailed, in pain, all those things.
You know. So I love how you mentioned like finding
(26:06):
that purpose within your body, and your body will find
that purpose too. It's like what I've gleaned from that,
you know, and you'll find whatever you're looking for. But again,
if you're if you think that your purpose is this
hyper fixation on weight, you'll never find what the true
purpose is.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
No, it's just not even though this morning, I know
that's the other thing. I don't step on the scales
very often, but I did today and I'm lower than
I've been in months.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Oh my gosh. I mean, it's not even trying, it's
just the it's the offshoot. Yeah, all the time, you'll
be like, Okay, I finally did weigh myself, because now
it's no longer a weapon. It's a tool. I can
just look at it as data and it's like, oh
my gosh, it went down, like that's amazing. Well it's not.
It's just it's also just science, right. But it's so
so powerful because it's not what you've been fixated on,
(26:50):
you know. And that's why I get it's not sexy
to a lot of women to go invest in getting
the help that they actually need rather than going down
the road of weight loss and short term band aids.
But I'm telling you, it's like the only way to
get what you want in the end. And it's like
that short term pain for that long term gain, even
though it's not as painful as people think. Like we said,
we're not going and it psychoanalyzing your past and digging up,
(27:11):
you know, skeletons from the graveyard emotionally, but it really is. Again,
we think we want that seductive weight loss, you know,
body focus, fixate on this type of thing, and it's
honestly the opposite of what we want. What we really
want is healing in the end. So what would you
say to any woman who is on the fence about
making the decision to really end her struggle rather than
going to start a new diet, or you know, even
(27:33):
go to therapy or read just try to read books
and try to information their way through it or do
it on their own. Like what would you say to
anyone who is on the fence about getting the help
that she needs and even admitting that she needs that help.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Well, I would say, in light of this pro you know,
doing this process, and I'd call it a process, I
wouldn't call it a program, or or even I would
call it an experience. I would say, what do you
have to lose? You know, well, you do have something
to work. You have the opportunity to just to continue
to lose yourself in all the misery that you've lived
(28:05):
in forever. And so if you're willing to let go
of the hard, which you may not know what the
real hard is yet, then jump in. And I think
you have to allow your mindset to not live in
its preconceived expectations of what previous methodologies might have meant
(28:29):
to you. This is going to be different, but it's
going to be life changing and transforming in a way
that you don't have to carry all that other stuff anymore.
And the investment you make, the return on the investment
is lifetime because you'll have the tools forever. I can't
(28:50):
imagine how you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
You can't unsee it. You see it?
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Yeah, right? And even if we hit hit a hard
place in a life, I mean, I mean to be honest,
those times come in our lives. But I just can't.
Talked to my mom this morning. Who's in a hard
place in our life. My dad, my stepdad is Alzheimer's.
And we got talking about weight because she's you know,
(29:14):
she's finding that she's eating out of stress and the
anxiety of that, you know. So those things happened and
I said, Mom, you know what to do. You know
what to do. And so that's the thing. We know.
We have the skill set and we can make those
shifts an adjustment. And I told her, I said, don't
be yourself up, be their mom about it. If Sam's
(29:36):
eating ice cream, eat ice cream with Sam, because Sam's
not going to be here forever. Those kind of experiences
are tenuous and we don't need to treat ourselves negatively
about it. We can live through that and know that
we have the tools we need.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
I love that. Oh so good, so good, so looking forward,
like what's now possible for you with your own health,
with your own role as a p and forming into
others with your own life, Like, what's now possible for
you now that you have this freedom.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Well, certainly just continuing to do the work. I mean,
I'm not done continuing to live into that. And you know,
I like to know that I can master or something.
You know, I've done very little sharing about this to
my friends, to my family, talk just a little bits
here and there, and so paying more attention to the
(30:28):
opportunities to where I can speak into it, I guess
is probably the best tool for me now because that
then begins to hold me accountable to what I say.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I believe, yeah, absolutely, And now there's no shade keeping
you from talking about it. It's just part of your
story now, it's no little secret or your deep secret
even yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, And I think I shared with you recently. You know,
I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago.
It was feeling bad about her weight and and but
again she'd gone some hard stuff, and I just found
myself being able to look at her, go don't talk
to yourself like that anymore, and said, here, go listen
to this, Listen to this podcast, and you know, and
(31:12):
I think it's just being able to shed shine a
light that's not a negative light, and that just passes
on some more information on top of other information that
we already have absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Or say, oh me too, I need to lose weight too,
which you know, yeah, those conversations we started, you know,
you get to have this new level of compassion and
empathy and share, you know, your your journey well.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
And it's interesting too when you're sharing meals with other people. Yeah,
that's something I've been observing because I'm in those settings
a lot too. And so when you're sharing meals with
other people and there's dessert, there's something that's really wonderful
and delicious and instead of going, oh I can't have that,
I don't eat that whatever. And if you're person that
(32:00):
people are talking about and being really good, then go
try the damn pie.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Life is too short to not You don't have to.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Eat have a big piece of pie. Just go I mean,
like that happened to me this week. And it was
peanut butter pie.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Oh my god, the Lord of the food peanut butter.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
And really all you needed was about that much.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
But it was.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Beautiful and we all celebrated how wonderful it was.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
That's amazing. These are the things that you get back.
You get back your life, you know, and you get
to the small things like enjoying and celebrating a piece
of peanut butter pie, which is before It's like, I
would have never known that because I don't want people
to think I eat pie, because I want them to
think I eat kalesw you know.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like you're like this health guru and
you know, everybody thinks you eat healthy and you know
that you whatever, and yeah, a lot of people know
that about They know that I've made a lot of
changes in my life and that's great. Yeah, but you know,
they also need to know that I can live sustainably
(33:08):
and so that I can do that in a balanced way.
I want to say too, I think one of the
things this has done for me is I've found that
you need about a third of the food that we
think we need.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, especially when we're not eating from a place of
emotion or guilt or comfort or loneliness or whatever. It's
just yeah, yeah, stak to our bodies.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
You know, when you've had enough, And so it's that
sense of satisfaction or whatever, or even if it's even
if you're eating something that's not worth eating. I think
your brain then can tell you this is really bad.
Why am I wasting my time?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Absolutely? And that's the decision. You have to like learn
how to use these tools, because before it's like, well,
I know I'm not supposed to eat this, or I no,
it doesn't even taste that good, but I can't stop.
And that's where it's like little things. We have to
get to know our body all over again and really
start over from square and learn these distinctions within our
brain because it's not always logical when we're in our
old brain.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Right, So I think that's an interesting payoff and in
a way when we finally allow our brain to move
past this destructive behavior.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yes, oh my gosh, Well, thank you so much for
sharing your transparent truth and really you know, inviting us
into your world and as as a woman first and
foremost as a pastor. And I just really want to
reiterate for anybody who's listening, you are so not alone,
You are so not broken. However far gone you think
you are or resigned you are to this idea that
you'll never get better. I promise you there's hope. Didi
(34:36):
was there too, you know, and she's living walking proof
what happens when you take your brain through this process
and invite God in from day one, you know, that
was one of our conversations, the very first thing. It's like, Okay,
this isn't even question. God's going to be in this,
like from day zero. And look now you said, you
have this co creation kind of relationship with God where
he's next to you, you know, when you're next to him,
(34:57):
rather than feeling like there's this distance or feeling like
you're not living what you're saying, not living your truth
and having this double life and the shame that it
lives in that gap. So yeah, it's just so beautiful.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you
that you get to live from this place and then
share share the gospel and your story with others.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Thank you, thank you for being here, Thank you for
your good work.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
You did it. I was just the guide was awesome. Well,
thanks for tuning in, ladies, We'll see you next time. Bye.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Thank you so much for listening today, and I hope
this story gave you a little more hope and maybe
even some inspiration. To see what's possible for you to
remember you're not broken, you're not crazy, and you're definitely
not alone in this. And if you want to learn
more about how I teach my clients to turn off
the part of their brain that's obsessed with food or
obsessed with their weight and rewire their own brain for
(35:50):
peace and freedom, then head on over to Stressless Eating
dot com and sign up to watch the Stressless Eating
sneak preview, where I've literally peeled back the car and
walked you through the exact strategy I teach my clients
to heal themselves from the all or nothing diet mentality
for good, but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and
(36:11):
definitely without ever having to use words like macros, low
carb or calorie burn. It's there for you to access
over at Stressless Eating dot com and if you like
out Weigh, I actually have another podcast here on iHeart
where I talk about all of this self image and
body image stuff, but from the perspective of where brain
science intersects faith.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
It's called What's God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And you can access it here on iHeart or wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
So that's it for today.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
I'm Leanne Ellington and we'll be back for more Outweigh,
so talk to you then Bye.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am again. Stung, I feel free,
I know everybody of me. It's beautiful and that will
always out way if you feel it. But she'll some
(00:26):
love to the food. Why get there? The tag go
day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outweigh It's leanne here and what you're about
to hear are real stories from real women who have
faced some of their deepest struggles with food and their
bodies and face their demons and come out on the
other side.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
And so these are the raw.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Unfiltered journeys of women just like you, who once felt
trapped in their own mental prisons, caught in that endless
cycle of food obsession, you know, feeling like a failure
in all of that shame. And I'm sharing these with
you because I want you to know that no matter
how stuck or out of control you feel right now,
there is a way out. So if you're feeling broken
(01:13):
or crazy, or like you're the only one who struggles
with this, you are not. You are not alone, and
you are definitely not beyond hope or healing. These stories
are proof that true transformation is possible, and I hope
they inspire you to see what's possible for yourself. So
let's dive on in.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Well, Hello, we are back for another case study, and
I'm so looking forward to this one. First of all, Hello, DD, welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Hello, good to see you.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So glad to have you here. We were just talking
before we hit record. I love these case stories because
it gives anyone who's on the other side of this,
who is in their own food and body prison, it
feels very lonely, it feels very daunting. We think things like,
oh my gosh, I'm the only person that struggles like this,
or my brain is so broken, nobody would ever understand me.
And then we end up also having shame about our
(02:02):
shame because we think we're not supposed to have it,
or we think we're supposed to be smart enough to
get past it. And so these case studies are a
really powerful way to just, you know, help people understand
what is possible and also speak into what you're currently
experiencing and know that you're so not alone. And this
is a special circumstance because Dede also happens to be
a pastor. We've talked before about how the faith part
(02:24):
of our journey crosses, because you can't talk about self
image and identity if faith is part of your life
without crossing. The faith has them right. And so you know,
I was just so impressed by Dedi from the second
we connected over the phone, where she was just like, Hey,
I'm not too proud to admit, like this is the
thing for me. This is that area of my life
that has a stronghold over me and it's been like
(02:45):
this for decades and I'm ready to take ownership of it.
So we're going to just unpack and share Dede's journey,
and she's just so beautifully volunteered to be an open
book and share her experiences. So thank you so much
in advance for what is about to transpire. Absolutely, start off,
you kind of just share a little bit of an
overview of where you were when we met. You know,
(03:05):
what was your life, like, what was your relationship with
food and your body? Like, what was your relationship with yourself?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Like? So when I kind of stumbled upon you, I
had spent a number of years really focusing a lot
on my body and my health I had, probably four
years before that, almost five, had had a health scare
that pushed me to really take something seriously. And so
(03:35):
I had done a lot of great things as far
as changing the way I took care of myself, changing
the way I purchased food for my household, changed the
way I cooked, did a lot of those kind of changes,
and all of that had been good, and I had
lost weight, had come a long way with that. But
(03:58):
where I was trying app is I was always asking myself,
am I always going to have to live with this
sense of being on a plan or being on a program,
which is what I had been for a while, And
not that that had been bad. It had given me
(04:18):
some structure and some guidance for a while that I needed,
But to think about that in a sustainable fashion. I
was starting to question that and was trying to wrap
my head around how can I live like I need
to live without it feeling overwhelming and burdensome and always
(04:42):
feeling like I have to make negative choices, And I
mean that by choices of I can't have that, yeah,
or if that's not permitted, or if I do have that,
then I'm going to carry guilt about it, and so
I was pretty clear about those kind of feelings, and
that was starting to really kind of grade on me.
(05:03):
And I had began isolating very clearly in my behaviors
that food was my demon and that I had allowed
for food to become my best friend yep, and primarily sugar.
And so we were having this little tension going on
of how we were going to have this lasting relationship
(05:26):
because it wasn't going to go away, but how was
I going to live my life for the rest of
my life in some kind of peace and harmony, Because yeah,
I'm a pastor, and that's something I preach about, you know,
is that we want to live our life with peace
and harmony and we want to and God, God speaks
about that, and that's what Jesus came to teach us.
(05:47):
And so yet I was always internally feeling this disruption
in my life, and that was this sense of the
way I fed myself, the way I looked at food,
and the way I interacted with it. So that's where
I was.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
What you say is just so poignant because anyone who's
been in this cycle, they know how there is there's
one side of the coin, which is that restriction, can't
have that, not allowed to have that. That's bad Carrie
Gilt all those things. Or it's the opposite where it's like, okay,
screw it, right, hair free, abandonment, eat whenever I can incite.
And that's when food and sugar specifically almost becomes this like, yeah,
(06:24):
this dirty little secret that nobody knows about. But it
also feels like this drug. It's that demon. It's the
one thing that we feel like has this yeah, addictive
like pull on us. And it's interesting because you mentioned like, hey,
I preach about this stuff, but I wasn't living it.
What was that shame doing to you in terms of
your ability to feel, you know, worthy of being a
pastor and talking about freedom and peace. How did that
(06:46):
impact your internal self image?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Well, I mean it was feeling like I lived a
double life. You know, even even my own family. My
husband will tell to you he never saw me eat
like that. He didn't see me eat the whole back
of Eminem's or go to my favorite bakery and buy
my favorite cookies and eat them all. But it was
the things that were happening within the context of my
(07:11):
job often and always in the context of relationship where
I either felt like I let someone down or I
had been hurt or misunderstood whatever countless things in a
public role, that I allowed those behaviors to soothe me
in some way, or at least I thought they were
(07:33):
going to, and all they did is harm me further,
And then I would just live in this vicious cycle of,
you know, beating myself up or calling myself horrible things,
You stupid idiot? What are you? What do you do?
I mean, you know better than this, just that kind
of demeaning language that I let my brain speak to
me in.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
With decades of this, it becomes this is just who
we think we are, you know. And you brought up
a really powerful point too. The majority. Like one of
the questions I asked my clients, I asked this too.
It's like, hey, does your husband know what a big,
deep emotional struggle this is? Or do they think that
it's a matter of eating less and moving more? And
nine times out of ten they don't know, because first
of all, there is that secrecy, there's that shame. But
then also it's like, well, how do I explain a
(08:14):
problem to somebody who's never had this problem? How will
they get it right? And they don't need to get it.
But opening up and sharing that it's part of your
life is just like a big breath of fresh air.
Even though even when you haven't solved it yet and
you went to talk to your husband, you know, it's
just like, Okay, now I'm calling it out. It's there.
There's not this stigma and I can actually get the
support that I need and feel free to just own that. Yeah,
(08:37):
this is just something I learned. So how has your
life changed as a result of going through this program
and going through this process. What's different?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Well, it's been quite transforming as far as just enlightening
to recognize that I don't have to be like this,
I don't have to let my brain treat me this way.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yes, it's such a good Yeah, you're break the street
and you like crap.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
And that sense that I always figured was there could
be there. So that sense that I really can move
past this in a way that is helpful and healthy
really can happen. And it seems that it's been gradual.
It's nothing that's happened just immediate.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
It wasn't any one thing, right, it was a bunch
of collective things.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Yeah, it's kind of as I look back and I go, oh, wow,
I'm not I'm not doing that anymore, or I'm not
thinking like that anymore or whatever. And so that's been
kind of impressive, and I find myself realizing just how
powerful our brain is, which we know that. But I
remind myself all the time that just as I can
(09:48):
re wire my mind on a way I might think
about any other subject, any other thought that I might
have had, a religious thought of, theological thought, psychological thought,
what any other thing, anyway that I can take in
information and learn something that then kind of changes my
(10:12):
point of view or my understanding of something. I can
do the same with the way my brain understands my
body and the way I feed myself. Yeah, and the
way I look at this food. That's kind of been
the mind blowing thing that's not prohibited absolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I think when we're so stuck in the midst of
it and we're in the trenches, we think like, there's
no way that this will possibly be any different, right,
And then that's why we look to the outside things,
the food, the dight, gyms, the memberships, whatever it is, right,
And you're right, just like we can change our mind
and our thoughts and our perception on anything. We can
do it with food in our bodies too, And that's
exactly what we did. And that's why I always tell
(10:52):
my clients from and you've heard me say this too,
I'm like, this stuff is not like sexy, right, It's
not this immediate ratification overnight. It is about teeny little
things with consistency, not intensity. It's really about the intent,
not the content, right, And it's about teaching your brain
to think a new way, make different. It's a new
decision making process. It's about learning a new language. And
(11:14):
it's like if somebody told me, Okay, you're going to
learn a new language in a week, I wouldn't believe them.
Like that's how learning language is. It's little by little,
layer by layer. First you learn the basis, then you
learn how to conjugate the verbs, you know, and so
that's why it is. And you know, you hear me
say it all the time. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast, right,
And then all of a sudden it's like, wow, I'm
not doing that. I was doing that for decades and
(11:36):
I just witnessed myself not doing something that I've done
for decades. And then the first, you know, new thing happens,
and then you see the next thing and the next thing,
and then you see it happening again. You're not even
thinking about it because it's just become who you are.
It's so so powerful. So I get so excited.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Yeah. Yeah, And it's interesting because you know, we've made
a move, and so when you move, you of course
you get rid of everything. You get rid of all
the food that you had in your other house because
you don't move with it, or at least we know
we try to. Either we try to eat it down
or we just stop buying stuff and whatever, we give
stuff away. And so then we moved to a new place,
(12:12):
and so you know, you like have to start over.
And any other time that I've moved, I'm like, oh,
you have a good store and stock up. We're not
doing that. We've slowly like, well, things that we need
for that day or that week or a couple of days.
But to think about like stockpiling my house with food
(12:35):
has not been a value.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Wow, And that interesting. It's like a straight up shift
from scarcity mindset of like I have to get it
all in now and I have to have it now
in the backup and what if I'm hungry and things
to this apponan's mindset, everything will like I'll get what
I need because now I know how to take care
of myself. It's an interesting like those teeny little things
that you notice that you wouldn't have noticed if you
moved to a different home. So so powerful. How has
(13:04):
this changed how you show up in your work and
as a pastor and now that you feel totally aligned
and authentic and you're free to like you're no longer
living this double life? How has that shown up for
you as you serve others?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
I think it gives me greater clarity in who I am.
I'm not using up energy for that and using energy
for something greater. Yeah, pouring energy into something that means
far more than something that was tearing me down, that
would that took up a lot of time, right, So
it took up not only physical time, but it took
(13:38):
up emotional time, psychological time, all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Energy, motivation things.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yeah, So when you're not giving into that, and so
now you have just a whole well the way that
your mind can open up and and so the clarity
is different, and you know, so my my new job, Yeah,
it's it's crazy, ridiculous busy, But I'm not overwhelmed by that,
(14:07):
and so I'm able to just kind of live into
it and be present with it and value it and
pace myself and know when it's time to say, Okay,
you got to take a break, and I get to
manage that. And I'm not just dragging because I'm participating
in a behavior that was destructive.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah. And also, like the people pleasing, if you're not
so worried about like always constantly having to people please
and like grunting yourself ragged, that's no longer part of
your way of being, you know. So how has your
relationship with the Lord transformed? Obviously you you and God
have always been tight, Yeah, but like you know, obviously
there's that gap when you're carrying around shame, you feel
(14:50):
like you're not living up to your true potential. You're
walking around with this imposter syndrome because you feel like
you have a double life. Like there's going to be
a gap. So talk to us a little bit about
how your identity has been and you know, just kind
of filled those gaps in this capacity as well.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
I think really for me, my relationship with God has
become more of a partnering that the God is in
the chair next to me. That it's very conversational. It's
a relationship that I've always yearned for. It's a relationship
that I often speak about that I think that's the
(15:25):
type of relationship God desires for it to have with us.
It's not you know, God's not up here and we're
down here, but it's it's a leveling. I really feel that.
It's not that I'm better than God or greater than God.
It's just that, you know, we we're co creators with
God in that God empowers us to live in this
(15:46):
world and empowers us to love people were called to
love and lead, and so that we're sent out to
do that. So that's that co creating part. And so
I feel that empowerment and I feel that ability then
that my relationship with God is really more conversational than
(16:07):
it has ever been, and just God being able to
point things out more clear. And I'm not coming to
God pleading. I was oftentimes pleading with God to take
this burden from me. I think I might have even
shared one time that how many times in a service
(16:30):
of some kind of I don't know, like in my tradition,
we often do times when we release something that we
want to give up, right, And so how many times
did I write on a piece of paper or even
nail it to the cross or put it in some fire,
whatever some action of God take from me this burden
(16:52):
of overeating or my desire for sugar, or how many
times in whatever fashion of that? How many times are
I write that on his paper? All right? Was that
my action? And I think what God has finally said
to me is you know I took that from you
a long, long time ago. Yeah, and you just keep
picking You just kept picking it back up. And you
(17:14):
know what, we're really good at that, and we just
what is so funny is I can't tell you how
many times I'm in a sermon or in a worship
service talked about laying our burdens down at the foot
of the cross. And then I'll say, and don't pick
it back up? But what was I doing?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Oh my goodness? Yeah? And it's that old thing like
sometimes God's waiting on us and sometimes we're waiting on God.
It's like, okay, God's like I've been here. You know,
what do you think it was? What was different about
this that allowed you to actually lay those burdens down.
What was different than anything that you've done in the
past about this time?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Maybe it was just my own spiritual maturity, which may
seem odd and strange, but you know, we're ever growing
in that and it has nothing to do with where
we are in our life. It's just a part of
who we are. And maybe it was just my own
timing with that. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Yeah, I feel like a lot of times too, we
look back at our failures and we're like, oh, we're
so ashamed of them, and we call them failures, right,
but really they were just something that didn't work and
we needed to go through, you know, and it needed
to seat us and season us to become who we were.
So when you got your eye, your ears and your
eyes and your hands on these tools, what was different
about this program than anything that you've done in the past.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Well, certainly that it wasn't about food. That it wasn't
about now get your journal out and keep even though
there is some of that, But it wasn't about track
your food count, how many held water are you? You know,
it wasn't about it wasn't those those kind of.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Practice, those metrics.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Yeah, and then it wasn't that I was going to
be graded on that, you know, it was so interesting
to me. The daily ritual thing was like, well, heck,
I do that every day.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I didn't call it that, but I've been doing that
every day for a countless number of years. And to
reclaim that in a way around this made all the difference.
I started using the journal on my phone. I don't know,
whenever they made some kind of update on the iPhone. Yeah,
I started using the journal there and part of it
(19:25):
so that it's always with me and I could do
it anywhere I was too. I've excuse, but you know,
just to acknowledge that and then really to see times
when I was down, that's been a spiritual practice of
mine forever, but to claim it for this was really powerful.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yeah. And that's why it's not the content, it's the intent,
you know. And when we're talking about rewiring your brain,
and that was just like one piece of that daily ritual.
But it's like, yeah, I've been doing like so many
times people are like, oh, I've been doing something for years.
It's like, oh, but I've never done it this way
or I've never thought about it. This way or I've
never put it with it with this focus or this direction,
you know. And it's these teen that's what keep saying.
It's these teeny little tweaks that add up to make
(20:10):
a massive trajectory shift. You know, if you're going on
an airplane, like one degree one direction will take you.
Is the difference between ending up in New York or
LA or whatever it is, you know what I mean.
So it's just these teeny little things. So going through
stressless eating, why do you think this has been more
successful for you than anything you've done before? Going through
(20:35):
stressless eating? Why do you think this has been more
successful for you than anything you've done before?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Probably just because it gave me time and space to
be introspective, but not necessarily about dealing with baggage. Yeah,
even though you do kind of process some of that,
it's really about moving forward. How am I going to
do this differently? Ye, there's this, there are there has
(21:03):
been this, But how how am I gonna rewire this?
Or how am I going to rework this so that
whatever has been doesn't continue to be my reality today?
And even the things that popped up through these last
few months that hold me back you know, obviously I
(21:24):
was became uper aware of Oh, that's the thing, and
we've talked about that too. Doesn't mean it goes away,
doesn't mean it won't be there. It's just that now
I have the power and the authority in myself to
say now we think differently about that, absolutely, and not
(21:45):
to apologize for it.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yes, oh my gosh, Yeah that is so true, because yeah,
we can look at it and then but we look
at it apologetically like we're doing something wrong, you know.
And I think you touched on one of the big
misconceptions because oftentimes, especially people who have had experiences with
food in their body for decades, it starts at a
certain time, and then they think they have to go
back and psychoanalyze that or unpack it or talk it
(22:09):
out to death. And the truth is is that most
people that come to me have like done the therapy,
they've talked it out, they've psychoanalyzed their problems before, but
they've not gotten the tools to work past them. And
so what you said was so powerful, because it's not
about looking back, it's about Okay, now that these patterns
are here, who do I want to be in the
face of them? And how do I shift the narrative,
how do I reframe? How do I get the tools
(22:30):
to actually deal with this so I stop bringing my
past with me into my future, you know, and the
pattern stops. It's like we draw that line in the
stand and it's like, no, I'm done reliving this groundhog's
day day and day out. And I love that you
brought that up, because it really is about looking forward
and moving forward. And you know, and that's where a
lot of people's doubts come in because they're like, leanne,
I've been doing this for decades. I've been living this
(22:51):
way for decades. It's just who I am. And that's
why I always ask them, like are you open to Like, no,
this isn't just who you are, it's what you've learned.
And like you said, not go back and apologize for it.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Like it.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
We don't have to like it. There's things about our
past that we're like, Okay, we can look at it
and be like, I wouldn't choose that again, right, but
in regret because it forced us to become who we
needed to become. And that's where sometimes we have to
go reconcile that shame and create a new story. About it,
but not a fake story, not one that you're like,
not even believing, one that actually resonates with you so
that you can actually reconcile it.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Yeah. And you know, the thing that this makes me
think about in light of what I do, is and
maybe why people are resistant even to invest in this
kind of work for themselves, is sometimes it's far easier
just to settle. It's not even a giving up, it's
(23:43):
just to resign. Ye, resign, that's the word. Yeah, resign
and say, well, this is just the way I'm always
going to be this way. And you know, God didn't
create us to be like that. And one of the
things I have learned over the last five years of
really spinning intentional time thinking about and loving my learning
(24:03):
to love my body is our size, our shape is
all different, and all of that's beautiful and we all
have a different one. Yeah. And of course whatever the
world tells us we should be is bogus. And yeah,
and that's the thing, if you're going to do anything,
find what that is, Find whatever it is God designed
(24:27):
you to be. I really do believe that our body
will find that. Yes, And I don't think I'm there yet.
I think I'm one way, but our think, physiologically, our
bodies can find that. And that's the beauty of you know,
we don't have to settle, and we don't have to
resign in anything, whatever it is in our life. And
(24:52):
yet I think that our human nature has given up
in some level of just saying that this is just
too I am so Yeah, so we continue to reach
for the next thing that might sue us for a bit,
but it's not it's not going to last. And yeah,
you know, and I think for me that's always going
(25:12):
to be a wake up call. If I'm looking at
something that I think is going to fix me, then
that's the wake up call. I don't need that, you
know what this is?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, And when we're chasing that idol, like we're chasing
what we think we need, that'll fill in that gap
oftentimes if we've learned it, which is what I learn
hiding behind like diets and trying to make over my
body and obsessing over my weight, it is the most
it's the biggest hiding place of them, all right, And
it keeps you from finding the purpose, Like it's the
purpose of who you want to be in that body,
Like who do you want to be? How do you
(25:44):
want to feel? What do you want to give? What
do you want to contribute? What life do you want
to create? But when you are just to focus on
the vessel itself, you miss out in the beauty of
what is available to you to live in that body,
and ironically you don't even get the body that will
make you feel good to do it. You know, you
end up unhelped, unhappy, ailed, in pain, all those things.
You know. So I love how you mentioned like finding
(26:06):
that purpose within your body, and your body will find
that purpose too. It's like what I've gleaned from that,
you know, and you'll find whatever you're looking for. But again,
if you're if you think that your purpose is this
hyper fixation on weight, you'll never find what the true
purpose is.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
No, it's just not even though this morning, I know
that's the other thing. I don't step on the scales
very often, but I did today and I'm lower than
I've been in months.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Oh my gosh. I mean, it's not even trying, it's
just the it's the offshoot. Yeah, all the time, you'll
be like, Okay, I finally did weigh myself, because now
it's no longer a weapon. It's a tool. I can
just look at it as data and it's like, oh
my gosh, it went down, like that's amazing. Well it's not.
It's just it's also just science, right. But it's so
so powerful because it's not what you've been fixated on,
(26:50):
you know. And that's why I get it's not sexy
to a lot of women to go invest in getting
the help that they actually need rather than going down
the road of weight loss and short term band aids.
But I'm telling you, it's like the only way to
get what you want in the end. And it's like
that short term pain for that long term gain, even
though it's not as painful as people think. Like we said,
we're not going and it psychoanalyzing your past and digging up,
(27:11):
you know, skeletons from the graveyard emotionally, but it really is. Again,
we think we want that seductive weight loss, you know,
body focus, fixate on this type of thing, and it's
honestly the opposite of what we want. What we really
want is healing in the end. So what would you
say to any woman who is on the fence about
making the decision to really end her struggle rather than
going to start a new diet, or you know, even
(27:33):
go to therapy or read just try to read books
and try to information their way through it or do
it on their own. Like what would you say to
anyone who is on the fence about getting the help
that she needs and even admitting that she needs that help.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Well, I would say, in light of this pro you know,
doing this process, and I'd call it a process, I
wouldn't call it a program, or or even I would
call it an experience. I would say, what do you
have to lose? You know, well, you do have something
to work. You have the opportunity to just to continue
to lose yourself in all the misery that you've lived
(28:05):
in forever. And so if you're willing to let go
of the hard, which you may not know what the
real hard is yet, then jump in. And I think
you have to allow your mindset to not live in
its preconceived expectations of what previous methodologies might have meant
(28:29):
to you. This is going to be different, but it's
going to be life changing and transforming in a way
that you don't have to carry all that other stuff anymore.
And the investment you make, the return on the investment
is lifetime because you'll have the tools forever. I can't
(28:50):
imagine how you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
You can't unsee it. You see it?
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Yeah, right? And even if we hit hit a hard
place in a life, I mean, I mean to be honest,
those times come in our lives. But I just can't.
Talked to my mom this morning. Who's in a hard
place in our life. My dad, my stepdad is Alzheimer's.
And we got talking about weight because she's you know,
(29:14):
she's finding that she's eating out of stress and the
anxiety of that, you know. So those things happened and
I said, Mom, you know what to do. You know
what to do. And so that's the thing. We know.
We have the skill set and we can make those
shifts an adjustment. And I told her, I said, don't
be yourself up, be their mom about it. If Sam's
(29:36):
eating ice cream, eat ice cream with Sam, because Sam's
not going to be here forever. Those kind of experiences
are tenuous and we don't need to treat ourselves negatively
about it. We can live through that and know that
we have the tools we need.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
I love that. Oh so good, so good, so looking forward,
like what's now possible for you with your own health,
with your own role as a p and forming into
others with your own life, Like, what's now possible for
you now that you have this freedom.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Well, certainly just continuing to do the work. I mean,
I'm not done continuing to live into that. And you know,
I like to know that I can master or something.
You know, I've done very little sharing about this to
my friends, to my family, talk just a little bits
here and there, and so paying more attention to the
(30:28):
opportunities to where I can speak into it, I guess
is probably the best tool for me now because that
then begins to hold me accountable to what I say.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I believe, yeah, absolutely, And now there's no shade keeping
you from talking about it. It's just part of your
story now, it's no little secret or your deep secret
even yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, And I think I shared with you recently. You know,
I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago.
It was feeling bad about her weight and and but
again she'd gone some hard stuff, and I just found
myself being able to look at her, go don't talk
to yourself like that anymore, and said, here, go listen
to this, Listen to this podcast, and you know, and
(31:12):
I think it's just being able to shed shine a
light that's not a negative light, and that just passes
on some more information on top of other information that
we already have absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Or say, oh me too, I need to lose weight too,
which you know, yeah, those conversations we started, you know,
you get to have this new level of compassion and
empathy and share, you know, your your journey well.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
And it's interesting too when you're sharing meals with other people. Yeah,
that's something I've been observing because I'm in those settings
a lot too. And so when you're sharing meals with
other people and there's dessert, there's something that's really wonderful
and delicious and instead of going, oh I can't have that,
I don't eat that whatever. And if you're person that
(32:00):
people are talking about and being really good, then go
try the damn pie.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Life is too short to not You don't have to.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Eat have a big piece of pie. Just go I mean,
like that happened to me this week. And it was
peanut butter pie.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Oh my god, the Lord of the food peanut butter.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
And really all you needed was about that much.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
But it was.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Beautiful and we all celebrated how wonderful it was.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
That's amazing. These are the things that you get back.
You get back your life, you know, and you get
to the small things like enjoying and celebrating a piece
of peanut butter pie, which is before It's like, I
would have never known that because I don't want people
to think I eat pie, because I want them to
think I eat kalesw you know.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like you're like this health guru and
you know, everybody thinks you eat healthy and you know
that you whatever, and yeah, a lot of people know
that about They know that I've made a lot of
changes in my life and that's great. Yeah, but you know,
they also need to know that I can live sustainably
(33:08):
and so that I can do that in a balanced way.
I want to say too, I think one of the
things this has done for me is I've found that
you need about a third of the food that we
think we need.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, especially when we're not eating from a place of
emotion or guilt or comfort or loneliness or whatever. It's
just yeah, yeah, stak to our bodies.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
You know, when you've had enough, And so it's that
sense of satisfaction or whatever, or even if it's even
if you're eating something that's not worth eating. I think
your brain then can tell you this is really bad.
Why am I wasting my time?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Absolutely? And that's the decision. You have to like learn
how to use these tools, because before it's like, well,
I know I'm not supposed to eat this, or I no,
it doesn't even taste that good, but I can't stop.
And that's where it's like little things. We have to
get to know our body all over again and really
start over from square and learn these distinctions within our
brain because it's not always logical when we're in our
old brain.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Right, So I think that's an interesting payoff and in
a way when we finally allow our brain to move
past this destructive behavior.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yes, oh my gosh, Well, thank you so much for
sharing your transparent truth and really you know, inviting us
into your world and as as a woman first and
foremost as a pastor. And I just really want to
reiterate for anybody who's listening, you are so not alone,
You are so not broken. However far gone you think
you are or resigned you are to this idea that
you'll never get better. I promise you there's hope. Didi
(34:36):
was there too, you know, and she's living walking proof
what happens when you take your brain through this process
and invite God in from day one, you know, that
was one of our conversations, the very first thing. It's like, Okay,
this isn't even question. God's going to be in this,
like from day zero. And look now you said, you
have this co creation kind of relationship with God where
he's next to you, you know, when you're next to him,
(34:57):
rather than feeling like there's this distance or feeling like
you're not living what you're saying, not living your truth
and having this double life and the shame that it
lives in that gap. So yeah, it's just so beautiful.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you
that you get to live from this place and then
share share the gospel and your story with others.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Thank you, thank you for being here, Thank you for
your good work.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
You did it. I was just the guide was awesome. Well,
thanks for tuning in, ladies, We'll see you next time. Bye.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Thank you so much for listening today, and I hope
this story gave you a little more hope and maybe
even some inspiration. To see what's possible for you to
remember you're not broken, you're not crazy, and you're definitely
not alone in this. And if you want to learn
more about how I teach my clients to turn off
the part of their brain that's obsessed with food or
obsessed with their weight and rewire their own brain for
(35:50):
peace and freedom, then head on over to Stressless Eating
dot com and sign up to watch the Stressless Eating
sneak preview, where I've literally peeled back the car and
walked you through the exact strategy I teach my clients
to heal themselves from the all or nothing diet mentality
for good, but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and
(36:11):
definitely without ever having to use words like macros, low
carb or calorie burn. It's there for you to access
over at Stressless Eating dot com and if you like
out Weigh, I actually have another podcast here on iHeart
where I talk about all of this self image and
body image stuff, but from the perspective of where brain
science intersects faith.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
It's called What's God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And you can access it here on iHeart or wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
So that's it for today.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
I'm Leanne Ellington and we'll be back for more Outweigh,
so talk to you then Bye.
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Host
Amy Brown
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