July 9, 2024 • 25 mins
Amy shares the ‘power of yet’ and a list of affirmations (see below) you can say to yourself when something isn’t making sense at the moment because maybe it just doesn’t make sense YET!
Has someone ever said something rude and you didn’t know how to respond?? Amy & Kat go over responses/phrases you can keep in your back pocket for those moments when someone says or does something rude!
QUOTE: “I don’t usually think about what I’m going to say before I say it. No. I much prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.”
AFFIRMATIONS:
- I can’t do it YET.
- I don’t understand this YET
- I’m not good at this YET
- It doesn’t work YET
- This doesn't make sense YET
- I don't get it YET
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Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to The Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat. And before we get to the quote, I
thought I would share with y'all what Americans now consider
a luxury in modern dating, because I saw this whole
article that was written about it, and I thought, Kat,
you as a newly married woman who was dating not
that long ago, and I know happen to be dating,
and some listeners they might be dating soon or something.
(00:26):
But it's talking about emotional connections and how that is
the new gold standard of dating. And it found that
forty seven percent of people consider it luxurious if their
date reveals details about their background and they have in depth,
intelligent conversations, not just surface level stuff. Sixty five percent
(00:47):
of people want to be swept off their feet on
a date, and then thirty five percent feel the relationship
is doomed if they don't feel that way on the
first date. We all know Kat's first date with Big P. Well,
if you've been a list of the Fifth Thing, she
is now married. She met her husband Patrick on Hinge
and the first date, I wouldn't call it swept off
(01:08):
your feet.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I would not say that.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
In fact, she has been encouraging me if you don't
hit it off on the first date, you need to
give it another tribe. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Now, I don't know if he felt like he was
swept off his feet on our first date, but I
did not feel that way. But I'm interested in what
was the last thing you read? What was the percentage
how many people think that they're doomed?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Thirty five percent of people feel the relationship is doomed
if they don't feel swept off their feet on the
first date. And then a majority of people are very
into emotional connections on the first date, like going really deep,
which I think, oh, it's a little dangerous to kind
of give what did they call it? In depth intelligent
(01:50):
conversations and talking a lot about your background on the
first date.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well, that depends on how you define that. You can
have a good intelligent conversation, but I'm not going to
give you my whole life's story, in my deepest, darkest,
most private parts of my life on a first date
because I don't know this person to build some trust.
But the part where people think that they're doomed makes
me kind of sad, because I think it's a good
sign when you're not swept off your feet on the
(02:16):
first date.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I will say that Kat has tried to encourage me.
How do I say this? Like, you know, I think
when you're dating somebody that has a more secure attachment,
they may come off as a little dull, boring, and
that might be a turn off, but see it through
(02:37):
because I do think the more charismatic or there might
be more things, or even the drama can be a
little more interesting and enticing than someone's just sort of
like healthy in their communication. They're not dismissive of you,
but they're not having to text you all the time
like they're healthy in it.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So you don't become preoccupied with them because you don't
have to, because you just know they'll text you when
they text you it was a good date, it wasn't.
I'm not obsessed with this person. I'm not thinking about
them twenty four to seven. Now, you can have feelings
of excitement that is different than being swept off your feet.
I just feel like we exaggerate that too much. This
(03:17):
is also so nuanced. I'm not saying that this can
never happen and it's always bad if somebody feels that way.
I just think the expectation that you're going to leave
a date being like that's the one is setting people
up for failure, because then we're judging people. If everything
is not perfect and everything wasn't wonderful and every part
of the date there was no lulls in conversation, then
I just feel like we're judging people really harshly and
(03:39):
we're missing out if it's good enough to see them again,
and then when you find something that you really don't
like about them, you learn something that makes you not compatible,
or if you eventually get to know them and you're
like this really maybe would be a friend but not
my thing, then you don't have to keep dating them.
But I think just because I don't feel obsessed isn't
a bad thing. It might be more of a good thing.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I mean, I'm single and dating, but you're now married.
So I think for even people listening that are in relationship,
is good to pay attention to even lulls within a relationship.
It doesn't mean what is happening, we have to resoomed,
we need to break up, or this is not working.
It might mean that there needs to be a conversation
and some redirection of sorts or just reconnecting. But also
(04:23):
I have learned boring is good.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I don't feel like you've really bought into that yet.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, I know. Earlier in the kitchen, do you remember
when I was saying, like, I feel like I'm about
to say this because there's been some dramatic things happening
in my life a little bit, and I felt the
need to say like, I'm not asking for this, like
or I'm not chasing No, this isn't what I want.
But I feel like when someone says that, so I'm
(04:50):
very open to feedback that if you think I'm asking
for this, it's okay. You can tell me. As my friend,
you can tell me, but I I'm like, am I
asking for this? Like I inviting the drama? Do you
know how some people I think they invite the drama?
And I think that I have been there too. You
get comfortable with chaos, right, and you want it, so
(05:12):
you invite it in a way, and some of this
I feel like I am not inviting at all whatsoever,
And I just would like a little clarity and peace
around it. And so I felt like I needed to
say out loud like I don't want this, I'm not
inviting this. But then I thought, after you heard me
say that that you might be like, well, Amy, you
kind of do ask for the drama.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I do not think that you have asked for what
you are receiving right now. Okay, at this point, I
think that you've been very clear and that you don't
want this.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think that I appreciate your honesty and that and
I think you would tell me.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
You saw me before I was married, Like, I was
not always attracted to the healthiest human beings. So we
all at times get caught up in that stuff because
it is kind of addicting and makes for a fun story.
I have a whole date jar of like really crazy
stories from dating, and no, I don't want to relive
all of that, but some of it was kind of fun.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Elaborate on the date jar for people.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
It's called the what's another word for that that I
can say crappy date jar. Okay, I didn't know if
that was like too much.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Word, Oh yeah, I could do that. Crappy works, So
the crappy day jar.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
When I started using dating apps, I don't know when
this was, but I went on a couple dates me
in my roommate at the time that were just awful
and to keep us from crying. We decided to laugh
at them, and so we created this jar that we
had in our house, and after every date we went on,
we would write a funny like memory from it, or
a quote from it or whatever, and then we would
(06:52):
keep it in our home and it ended up being
honestly one of the most exciting parts of our home decor,
because when people would come in, they'd be like, oh,
what is this and they start reading them, and then
it would start conversations, and then people would be like,
I had a bad date, and then so other people
started putting their date stories in our jar. I still
have it. I no longer live with that person, but
I still have the date jar with all the stories
(07:12):
in my storage closet.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
You can leave this part in hear me talking to you,
but you can bleep the S word because you just
said it. Oops, you didn't realize.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
But it's okay.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I just know that I have mom friends that listen,
and I know their kids are in the car. So
in my closet right here, we're recording this as we
sit on my bed and ride. In my closet, on
the shelf, you'll see my blessings jar, which is sort
of the opposite of the crappy date jar. And it's
a really sweet gift that Kat gave me a couple
of years ago for my birthday. And you went around
(07:46):
to different people in my life and you had them
write kind things or just stuff about our relationship or
me as a person and put it in the jar
and then anytime I get to pull it out and
can read it.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
You know what you could do every time you go
on a date and it's bad and you're feeling really low,
you write what happened in the date and you put
it in one jar and then you go pull blessing
from the blessing jar to make you feel better.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, like, oh, it's totally him, it's not me, because
everything in this jar tells me i'mome.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Wait, you have the quote for today? Yeah, so I'll
let you read it, and if you're getting ready for that,
I can set up that we're also going to be
talking about the power of the word yet today and
then we're also going to go over seven phrases to
use when people are rude, which I think these are
not related at all, but both powerful things to keep
(08:40):
in your back pocket for yourself. So do you have
the quote.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I have the quote. It comes from Leilah Connolly Therapy
and she actually put this on there. I think this
was like a tweet from Mama Dearest, and it says,
I don't usually think about what I'm going to say
before I say it. No, I much prefer to think
about it after I've said it late at night for the.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Rest of my life while I'm trying to sleep, and
then I can me. I used to loop a lot
like that, but when I got healthier or better, I
don't know how to say it. I mean, I still
think about things, but I mean I used to loop
at night, like I would be trying to sleep in
my brain would just be replaying things for me over
and over and over. And then I did some of
(09:22):
the neurofeedback and it really helped my looping.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
My question around that is, are you looping about like
I could have said this better? Or are you looping
about Oh, I can't believe I said that I hurt
their feelings or put my foot my mouth.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Hopefully this stuff. If I know that I've hurt somebody's feelings,
that can get resolved by me going to the person
and saying that I haven't lately, but I would loop
about things that don't need to be looped about, like
don't really matter, Yeah that don't well, they do matter,
because I still don't want to hurt somebody, but also
I know that it was okay, it was the right thing.
Or I've said something on the show like the Bobby
(09:58):
Bone Show, this broadcasts everywhere and might live forever on
a podcast, and I feel bad about it. I'm like,
why did I answer it that way? Or why did
I say that? And that was so stupid? And when
I have more time to reflect, but then I back
up and I'm like, don't call yourself stupid. I don't
want to be negative towards myself, but that's how I feel,
And then that's what I'll loop, and that will keep
(10:19):
me up. But sometimes I would loop about just what
I needed to say.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
This, yeah, yeah, you loop about what you didn't say.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah, or I could have done it this way, and
then that will keep me in the spiral of like unhealthy,
toxic thoughts. So thankfully, first I'm over the nighttime looping,
but I still regret a lot of things that I
say even here on the podcast, like over the years,
like there's times I walk away and like, oh, I
could have said that better, or why they say that,
(10:49):
or I'll get an email that'll point out something, But
I feel like that's a different thing. Like I don't
mind feedback on how I could have maybe said something better,
and I'll try to just acknowledge that. And when if
I reply to the email and say thank you for
that feedback, as long as it was done in a
kind way and I can see it for myself and
I don't get all defensive, then that resolves pretty quickly.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I guess you are unique, and most people do not
have to worry about so many people hearing what they say,
you know, like I'm worried about what I said to
the lady at the cash registry when.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I'm you have a podcast, you need therapy. I guess, yeah,
everything you say on there is perfect.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
No no, no, I was gonna say, no nobody listens
to it, But that's that's true. Okay, but it's good.
I know, I know, I know, I know, but I
will say the like level to which people are listening
is different though the Bobby dr Owne show. Don't look
at me like that. That's not me being self deprecating.
That's reality.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I know, but you know that there are thousands and
thousands of downloads of your podcast, like, yeah, thousands and
thousands of But now.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You're bringing attention to then now I have to pay
more attention to what I say.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And no, you just be you and then keep yourself
up at night thinking about Okay, I said, okay, so
I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Be like the rest of.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Us, I do have the power of the word yet
for us, because maybe if you've said something and you
can acknowledge, oh, if you stand corrected. Oh, I just
(12:19):
hadn't learned that yet. Yeah, sort of like Sean Aiquist's book.
So these are things you can say to yourself that
include the word yet, like I can't do it yet.
And instead of me saying about myself in certain thoughts
like oh it's so stupid, I say that, I'm was like, oh,
I'm just not smart in that area yet. I don't
(12:41):
understand this yet. I'm not good at this yet. It
doesn't work yet. Although I will say, if something's not working,
maybe you don't always need to fight for it. You
don't have to hold on to that yet. Yeah, but
there could be the yet. Yeah, yeah, this doesn't make sense.
(13:02):
Yet and that one. Oh, I want to title the
next like podcast tour. I think I've shared this on
here and there, and I don't have the exact title
in my brain because I've gone back and forth with
like four different versions of it. But it's sort of like, well,
it all makes sense now, and it's part of like
in the moment, it did not make sense, and that's
(13:24):
sort of like this doesn't make sense yet, and then
down the line you look back and see how it
all makes sense, perfect sense if you want it to.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
But you couldn't have known that before.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I couldn't have known it before. And in fact, in
my personal story, there's so many things that fit together,
like a perfect puzzle that I can see now, a
perfect puzzle that had such a domino effect on each
thing that were a few months apart each thing. Like say,
there's three things, and there was like a December thing,
(13:59):
a March thing in a May thing. If the December
thing hadn't happened, then the March thing maybe wouldn't have happened,
and then the May thing wouldn't have happened, And it's
like they all needed each other and I couldn't make
sense of it at the time, but now that I'm
totally separated from it, it's like, oh, well that all
makes sense now.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Well almost, I'm thinking, because you know, when we're in
those moments, we say things like why is this happening
to me? Kind of thing. Instead of saying that because
it feels so like I'm this like victim in the space,
you could say something like I can't wait till I
understand what purpose this is bringing.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Now. You might not be able to say that in
the heat of the moment, but that's a nice little
reframe of I can't wait till one day I get
to understand this, because one day it will make sense,
but right now I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Speaking of lying in bed at night and having certain thoughts,
I feel like that's a really good statement to tell
yourself at night when you're going to bed when life
doesn't make sense. I've just heard so many neurologists, brain doctors,
psychologists talk about the power of what you go over
before you're going to sleep, like even doing gratitude before
(15:05):
you sleep and what went well today, even on really
really hard days, what went well today, and focusing on
that it can just help you in your sleep, and
so that might be a good question to ask yourself
before you go to sleep. I also can acknowledge that
might be really hard. I might not be able to
do that today, but.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah, yeah, you'll get there, because this doesn't make sense yet.
And then the final one is I don't get it yet,
and that one I sort of throw my hands in
the air because yeah, some things in life, like God,
I'll get it yet. So do you have anything that
you don't get in life or that you're like, I
can't do it yet. For me, this is a little sidebar.
(15:46):
I really want to play the piano.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
We keep talking about this.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I know I just haven't done it yet. But I
set up the keyboard in our little bonus room like
where we watch movies and the kids do video games
and stuff. And I set up the keyboard on an
actual table and I put a little bench there. So
(16:12):
it's like step one.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Maybe we could get you a really cute piano teacher,
like a man like command maybe cutes the wrong word.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Okay, you know when you find this cute man, this
cute a live piano teacher grade.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Her name was Miss Tweety. She was so sweet she
was about ninety five years old. She would sing all
the songs as I would play them, and it was
really hard to concentrate when she sang. So maybe you'll
get miss tweety. Maybe you'll get a really attractive man
that ends up being a life partner.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
We don't know yet.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
We do not know yet.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Maybe he's out there. Seven phrases to use when people
are rude. I'm gonna pivot to those real quick, since
the likelihood of me finding a piano teacher that I'm
gonna marry is slim. Number one, that's such a weird
thing to say out loud. You can embarrass the person
that is saying something that is clearly rude, but just
(17:09):
catch them off guard with like, huh, that's such a
weird thing to say out loud, and then they might
be like, wait, is it.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I can't wait to use that.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't think I have the guts, you don't. Oh yeah,
I know. There's definitely times where I could say that
way I would say it.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
I think you have the personality where you could say
that so like nonchalantly, just like you said it. Somebody
says something, You're like, oh wait, that's such an interesting
thing to say out loudly.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
You just have to say it with a chuckle. That's
such a thing to say out loud like that. Okay,
well you could do that. So there's that. There is
I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Can you repeat that?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Okay? Wait, here's my thing with that? Repeated it? And
then you say, that's such a weird thing to say
out loud.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
This is from TikTok. By the way, Fearless underscore mindset
is the account the deal with I'm sorry, I didn't
hear you? Can you repeat that? It minimizes the impact
of their insult. When they have to repeat themselves. It
makes them feel dumb because, like what, it didn't make sense?
Like to repeat it? And then maybe if they hear
themselves repeat it, they're like what, I think they get
(18:19):
the memo? Do you think it makes sense to them?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yet? It might not, depends on who they.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Are the next one? So what are you trying to
accomplish with that statement? This catches them off guard and
makes them stumble over their words, showing their true dirty intention.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
I feel like that one's more aggressive than the first one.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Also, I must correct this. They account on TikTok Underscore
Fearless Underscore mindset Underscore.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Because I guess Underscore Fearless Underscore Mindset was taken. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Sorry, I only had the one Underscore the first time,
and I want to give credit where credit is due.
The next one, hmmm, that's quite a bold assertion. Can
you provide evidence? Apparently this challenges them to back up
their claim with facts and logic. What happens if they
give you really good evidence, well, then they might be right.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
No, then you keep going back to well, I guess
that's a really weird thing to say out loud. You
can keep going back to the first one.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Oh god, I just fold I fold the lawn chair.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Okay, I give up.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
I'm already like, oh yeah, okay, you packed up your claim.
The next one, interesting perspective, care to elaborate. This encourages
them to explain further, potentially revealing flaws in their argument.
So you just have to be paying attention and on
your a game. And then the last one is so,
(19:44):
I'm curious what led you to that conclusion. This forces
them to justify their statement, exposing any faulty reasoning. But
then I feel like it's if I'm at some point
with this person like they're so in their echo chamber. Yeah,
they believe everything they're saying, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, I think I like the ones that are more
just like the can you repeat that? And hear that?
And then that that's a weird thing to say out loud.
I'm oftentimes not interested in the backup.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Honestly, I think the number one is my favorite, which
maybe that's why it's number one is because it doesn't
ask a question. It is a statement that's such a
weird thing to say out loud, and it kind of
leads shuts it down, because when you're asking questions to
someone that's not speaking rationally or in a way that
is kind, then sometimes it's really difficult to have a
conversation unless they're willing to hear you.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
It ends of the person.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Definitely depends on the person, because I know that I've
said things that I don't want to say again that
have kept me up at night. And maybe if my
friend said to me like, oh wait, can.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
You repeat that?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Or what are you trying to accomplish with that statement,
I may do some reflection and come out on the
other side. So there could be ways where the question
ones really work, you're one hundred percent correct. It depends
on the person. Just so you know, I feel safe
with you, and I could ask you all of those
your safe space, and I know you would answer like
sometimes I might be like cat, that's a bold assertion.
(21:06):
Can you provide evidence?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Because I may not agree with you?
Speaker 1 (21:10):
And then but if you do, like I would listen
and I would want to hear you out.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
You've said that kind of stuff before. I think you've
said that more maybe less when I've said something rude,
and more when I've said something that you didn't see
it the same.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Way, Like I said something like interesting perspective. Care to elaborate?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Did I say that was just like that you put
your hand on your hip and you tilted your head.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
These remind me of like in therapy with parenting therapists
and books that you read their scripts to have with
children that just can help alleviate certain situations. And when
I was really going through some stuff with one of
our kids, I had my scripts, like and I was
in a book and we would be in a moment
(21:51):
and I would be like one second, and I would
run to my bedroom and I would like flip and
I'd find the script, and I'd be like, okay, say this,
say this, say this, and then I would run out
and I'd be like okay, and then I would say
the script and it actually would really help, but I
couldn't keep it all straight. It's a lot of information
to have in your head to cable to. Yeah, I
(22:12):
made no cards too, but it was just a lot
of information. And then you're a heat of the moment,
and then you're maybe in your emotions and your emotions,
especially when you're the parent, it's like, well, emotions, you
can't be the driver right now. You have to be
in the passenger seat. But also I know that you're
feeling a little crazy, but just calm down, run to
your room, read the book, get what to say, and
(22:33):
then run out and do it. And then that that
was really helpful. But it seems like these are just
little scripts to have in your back pocket, but.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
You make them your own, like eventually you don't need
the script anymore and it becomes more natural for you
to speak in that way. It might not be this
exact script, right.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
I agree. I think this was early on where I
felt like I needed to cling to like every word
that like a doctor or psychologist was saying, yeah, you
know you did it right, Yeah, because I was like,
I can't mess this up.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Well, when it kind of clears your mind, you don't
have to think as much.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah, like I did good. Yeah, I did a good job.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I did good job.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
I take good job. I did just like book said.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Wait, we never got that game.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I know, I know, we got to play poetry for Neanderthals.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I want them to change the name of that game. Why, well,
I don't know. Which is a really long name.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
What should they call it? Like? Fun game? One syllable
fun game?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
What it should we call hit with bath?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
If you mess up one syllable like that, you get
an accent when you do it too. I feel as
though when I speak with one syllable words that's just
how I talk. Or maybe because it said Neanderthals, so
I change into one word.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Cat, Where can people find you on Instagram?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Oh my gosh, I changed my Instagram handle?
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh what is it? I haven't been on Instagram that
much lately because I just needed a break.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Okay, well, I'm offended that you didn't I noticed today.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Stop I didn't notice. I know you're not offended. Can
you elaborate on that please? What do you think that
I changed it to Cat Defada?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
No dot?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh? Oh you're married name Yea van Buren.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, so it's Cat dot van Buren.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Had to put a dot? I kept it just made
it more complicated. Should I take the dot out Cat
Dot van Buren? No, the dot's fine, I love it.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
But why did I put the dot in it in
the first.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Playbe Cat Defada wasn't available.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I'm sure it was.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I am sure that Cat van Buren is available.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Okay, okay, well maybe my maybe you can find me
Cattada maybe, or maybe you can find me Cat Dot
van Buren. Maybe you can call me, find me Cat
van Buren. I don't know type it all in.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Fun fact, Cat's husband that's the same last name, and
he's related to in a very distant way, like the
thirteenth President in the eighth.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
The President, and his name is Martin van Buren and
he was only five to four I think, so guess,
very sure, I guess what his n name was.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I know I know this because Eddie did a report
on Martin Van Buren on the Bobby Bone Show. But
now I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Lil Van so you could just call me lil Van
if you want.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Isn't that crazy that all these years later I gave
him a nickname on this podcast, which was Big P.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
And you could have called him Lil Van.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
But like then, because I was calling him Big P,
your nieces started calling him little P.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah that's funny. And now his friends call him well.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Pe and now so it's all a thing. And he
was little van Buren or shorty shorty Van. What's his nickname?
Lil Van? Well Van? See, okay, not bad. So Kat,
people can find you Atkat dot van Buren. Maybe for
the time being, I'm at Radio Amy And then Kat's
podcast is you Need Therapy? Definitely check it out because
(25:43):
apparently she thinks nobody's lasting, which they are. And we
hope you're having the day that you need to have. Bye,
don't we Okay Bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to The Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat. And before we get to the quote, I
thought I would share with y'all what Americans now consider
a luxury in modern dating, because I saw this whole
article that was written about it, and I thought, Kat,
you as a newly married woman who was dating not
that long ago, and I know happen to be dating,
and some listeners they might be dating soon or something.
(00:26):
But it's talking about emotional connections and how that is
the new gold standard of dating. And it found that
forty seven percent of people consider it luxurious if their
date reveals details about their background and they have in depth,
intelligent conversations, not just surface level stuff. Sixty five percent
(00:47):
of people want to be swept off their feet on
a date, and then thirty five percent feel the relationship
is doomed if they don't feel that way on the
first date. We all know Kat's first date with Big P. Well,
if you've been a list of the Fifth Thing, she
is now married. She met her husband Patrick on Hinge
and the first date, I wouldn't call it swept off
(01:08):
your feet.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I would not say that.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
In fact, she has been encouraging me if you don't
hit it off on the first date, you need to
give it another tribe. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Now, I don't know if he felt like he was
swept off his feet on our first date, but I
did not feel that way. But I'm interested in what
was the last thing you read? What was the percentage
how many people think that they're doomed?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Thirty five percent of people feel the relationship is doomed
if they don't feel swept off their feet on the
first date. And then a majority of people are very
into emotional connections on the first date, like going really deep,
which I think, oh, it's a little dangerous to kind
of give what did they call it? In depth intelligent
(01:50):
conversations and talking a lot about your background on the
first date.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well, that depends on how you define that. You can
have a good intelligent conversation, but I'm not going to
give you my whole life's story, in my deepest, darkest,
most private parts of my life on a first date
because I don't know this person to build some trust.
But the part where people think that they're doomed makes
me kind of sad, because I think it's a good
sign when you're not swept off your feet on the
(02:16):
first date.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I will say that Kat has tried to encourage me.
How do I say this? Like, you know, I think
when you're dating somebody that has a more secure attachment,
they may come off as a little dull, boring, and
that might be a turn off, but see it through
(02:37):
because I do think the more charismatic or there might
be more things, or even the drama can be a
little more interesting and enticing than someone's just sort of
like healthy in their communication. They're not dismissive of you,
but they're not having to text you all the time
like they're healthy in it.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So you don't become preoccupied with them because you don't
have to, because you just know they'll text you when
they text you it was a good date, it wasn't.
I'm not obsessed with this person. I'm not thinking about
them twenty four to seven. Now, you can have feelings
of excitement that is different than being swept off your feet.
I just feel like we exaggerate that too much. This
(03:17):
is also so nuanced. I'm not saying that this can
never happen and it's always bad if somebody feels that way.
I just think the expectation that you're going to leave
a date being like that's the one is setting people
up for failure, because then we're judging people. If everything
is not perfect and everything wasn't wonderful and every part
of the date there was no lulls in conversation, then
I just feel like we're judging people really harshly and
(03:39):
we're missing out if it's good enough to see them again,
and then when you find something that you really don't
like about them, you learn something that makes you not compatible,
or if you eventually get to know them and you're
like this really maybe would be a friend but not
my thing, then you don't have to keep dating them.
But I think just because I don't feel obsessed isn't
a bad thing. It might be more of a good thing.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I mean, I'm single and dating, but you're now married.
So I think for even people listening that are in relationship,
is good to pay attention to even lulls within a relationship.
It doesn't mean what is happening, we have to resoomed,
we need to break up, or this is not working.
It might mean that there needs to be a conversation
and some redirection of sorts or just reconnecting. But also
(04:23):
I have learned boring is good.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I don't feel like you've really bought into that yet.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, I know. Earlier in the kitchen, do you remember
when I was saying, like, I feel like I'm about
to say this because there's been some dramatic things happening
in my life a little bit, and I felt the
need to say like, I'm not asking for this, like
or I'm not chasing No, this isn't what I want.
But I feel like when someone says that, so I'm
(04:50):
very open to feedback that if you think I'm asking
for this, it's okay. You can tell me. As my friend,
you can tell me, but I I'm like, am I
asking for this? Like I inviting the drama? Do you
know how some people I think they invite the drama?
And I think that I have been there too. You
get comfortable with chaos, right, and you want it, so
(05:12):
you invite it in a way, and some of this
I feel like I am not inviting at all whatsoever,
And I just would like a little clarity and peace
around it. And so I felt like I needed to
say out loud like I don't want this, I'm not
inviting this. But then I thought, after you heard me
say that that you might be like, well, Amy, you
kind of do ask for the drama.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I do not think that you have asked for what
you are receiving right now. Okay, at this point, I
think that you've been very clear and that you don't
want this.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think that I appreciate your honesty and that and
I think you would tell me.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
You saw me before I was married, Like, I was
not always attracted to the healthiest human beings. So we
all at times get caught up in that stuff because
it is kind of addicting and makes for a fun story.
I have a whole date jar of like really crazy
stories from dating, and no, I don't want to relive
all of that, but some of it was kind of fun.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Elaborate on the date jar for people.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
It's called the what's another word for that that I
can say crappy date jar. Okay, I didn't know if
that was like too much.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Word, Oh yeah, I could do that. Crappy works, So
the crappy day jar.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
When I started using dating apps, I don't know when
this was, but I went on a couple dates me
in my roommate at the time that were just awful
and to keep us from crying. We decided to laugh
at them, and so we created this jar that we
had in our house, and after every date we went on,
we would write a funny like memory from it, or
a quote from it or whatever, and then we would
(06:52):
keep it in our home and it ended up being
honestly one of the most exciting parts of our home decor,
because when people would come in, they'd be like, oh,
what is this and they start reading them, and then
it would start conversations, and then people would be like,
I had a bad date, and then so other people
started putting their date stories in our jar. I still
have it. I no longer live with that person, but
I still have the date jar with all the stories
(07:12):
in my storage closet.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
You can leave this part in hear me talking to you,
but you can bleep the S word because you just
said it. Oops, you didn't realize.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
But it's okay.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I just know that I have mom friends that listen,
and I know their kids are in the car. So
in my closet right here, we're recording this as we
sit on my bed and ride. In my closet, on
the shelf, you'll see my blessings jar, which is sort
of the opposite of the crappy date jar. And it's
a really sweet gift that Kat gave me a couple
of years ago for my birthday. And you went around
(07:46):
to different people in my life and you had them
write kind things or just stuff about our relationship or
me as a person and put it in the jar
and then anytime I get to pull it out and
can read it.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
You know what you could do every time you go
on a date and it's bad and you're feeling really low,
you write what happened in the date and you put
it in one jar and then you go pull blessing
from the blessing jar to make you feel better.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, like, oh, it's totally him, it's not me, because
everything in this jar tells me i'mome.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Wait, you have the quote for today? Yeah, so I'll
let you read it, and if you're getting ready for that,
I can set up that we're also going to be
talking about the power of the word yet today and
then we're also going to go over seven phrases to
use when people are rude, which I think these are
not related at all, but both powerful things to keep
(08:40):
in your back pocket for yourself. So do you have
the quote.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I have the quote. It comes from Leilah Connolly Therapy
and she actually put this on there. I think this
was like a tweet from Mama Dearest, and it says,
I don't usually think about what I'm going to say
before I say it. No, I much prefer to think
about it after I've said it late at night for the.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Rest of my life while I'm trying to sleep, and
then I can me. I used to loop a lot
like that, but when I got healthier or better, I
don't know how to say it. I mean, I still
think about things, but I mean I used to loop
at night, like I would be trying to sleep in
my brain would just be replaying things for me over
and over and over. And then I did some of
(09:22):
the neurofeedback and it really helped my looping.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
My question around that is, are you looping about like
I could have said this better? Or are you looping
about Oh, I can't believe I said that I hurt
their feelings or put my foot my mouth.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Hopefully this stuff. If I know that I've hurt somebody's feelings,
that can get resolved by me going to the person
and saying that I haven't lately, but I would loop
about things that don't need to be looped about, like
don't really matter, Yeah that don't well, they do matter,
because I still don't want to hurt somebody, but also
I know that it was okay, it was the right thing.
Or I've said something on the show like the Bobby
(09:58):
Bone Show, this broadcasts everywhere and might live forever on
a podcast, and I feel bad about it. I'm like,
why did I answer it that way? Or why did
I say that? And that was so stupid? And when
I have more time to reflect, but then I back
up and I'm like, don't call yourself stupid. I don't
want to be negative towards myself, but that's how I feel,
And then that's what I'll loop, and that will keep
(10:19):
me up. But sometimes I would loop about just what
I needed to say.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
This, yeah, yeah, you loop about what you didn't say.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah, or I could have done it this way, and
then that will keep me in the spiral of like unhealthy,
toxic thoughts. So thankfully, first I'm over the nighttime looping,
but I still regret a lot of things that I
say even here on the podcast, like over the years,
like there's times I walk away and like, oh, I
could have said that better, or why they say that,
(10:49):
or I'll get an email that'll point out something, But
I feel like that's a different thing. Like I don't
mind feedback on how I could have maybe said something better,
and I'll try to just acknowledge that. And when if
I reply to the email and say thank you for
that feedback, as long as it was done in a
kind way and I can see it for myself and
I don't get all defensive, then that resolves pretty quickly.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I guess you are unique, and most people do not
have to worry about so many people hearing what they say,
you know, like I'm worried about what I said to
the lady at the cash registry when.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I'm you have a podcast, you need therapy. I guess, yeah,
everything you say on there is perfect.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
No no, no, I was gonna say, no nobody listens
to it, But that's that's true. Okay, but it's good.
I know, I know, I know, I know, but I
will say the like level to which people are listening
is different though the Bobby dr Owne show. Don't look
at me like that. That's not me being self deprecating.
That's reality.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I know, but you know that there are thousands and
thousands of downloads of your podcast, like, yeah, thousands and
thousands of But now.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You're bringing attention to then now I have to pay
more attention to what I say.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And no, you just be you and then keep yourself
up at night thinking about Okay, I said, okay, so
I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Be like the rest of.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Us, I do have the power of the word yet
for us, because maybe if you've said something and you
can acknowledge, oh, if you stand corrected. Oh, I just
(12:19):
hadn't learned that yet. Yeah, sort of like Sean Aiquist's book.
So these are things you can say to yourself that
include the word yet, like I can't do it yet.
And instead of me saying about myself in certain thoughts
like oh it's so stupid, I say that, I'm was like, oh,
I'm just not smart in that area yet. I don't
(12:41):
understand this yet. I'm not good at this yet. It
doesn't work yet. Although I will say, if something's not working,
maybe you don't always need to fight for it. You
don't have to hold on to that yet. Yeah, but
there could be the yet. Yeah, yeah, this doesn't make sense.
(13:02):
Yet and that one. Oh, I want to title the
next like podcast tour. I think I've shared this on
here and there, and I don't have the exact title
in my brain because I've gone back and forth with
like four different versions of it. But it's sort of like, well,
it all makes sense now, and it's part of like
in the moment, it did not make sense, and that's
(13:24):
sort of like this doesn't make sense yet, and then
down the line you look back and see how it
all makes sense, perfect sense if you want it to.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
But you couldn't have known that before.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I couldn't have known it before. And in fact, in
my personal story, there's so many things that fit together,
like a perfect puzzle that I can see now, a
perfect puzzle that had such a domino effect on each
thing that were a few months apart each thing. Like say,
there's three things, and there was like a December thing,
(13:59):
a March thing in a May thing. If the December
thing hadn't happened, then the March thing maybe wouldn't have happened,
and then the May thing wouldn't have happened, And it's
like they all needed each other and I couldn't make
sense of it at the time, but now that I'm
totally separated from it, it's like, oh, well that all
makes sense now.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Well almost, I'm thinking, because you know, when we're in
those moments, we say things like why is this happening
to me? Kind of thing. Instead of saying that because
it feels so like I'm this like victim in the space,
you could say something like I can't wait till I
understand what purpose this is bringing.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Now. You might not be able to say that in
the heat of the moment, but that's a nice little
reframe of I can't wait till one day I get
to understand this, because one day it will make sense,
but right now I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Speaking of lying in bed at night and having certain thoughts,
I feel like that's a really good statement to tell
yourself at night when you're going to bed when life
doesn't make sense. I've just heard so many neurologists, brain doctors,
psychologists talk about the power of what you go over
before you're going to sleep, like even doing gratitude before
(15:05):
you sleep and what went well today, even on really
really hard days, what went well today, and focusing on
that it can just help you in your sleep, and
so that might be a good question to ask yourself
before you go to sleep. I also can acknowledge that
might be really hard. I might not be able to
do that today, but.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah, yeah, you'll get there, because this doesn't make sense yet.
And then the final one is I don't get it yet,
and that one I sort of throw my hands in
the air because yeah, some things in life, like God,
I'll get it yet. So do you have anything that
you don't get in life or that you're like, I
can't do it yet. For me, this is a little sidebar.
(15:46):
I really want to play the piano.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
We keep talking about this.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I know I just haven't done it yet. But I
set up the keyboard in our little bonus room like
where we watch movies and the kids do video games
and stuff. And I set up the keyboard on an
actual table and I put a little bench there. So
(16:12):
it's like step one.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Maybe we could get you a really cute piano teacher,
like a man like command maybe cutes the wrong word.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Okay, you know when you find this cute man, this
cute a live piano teacher grade.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Her name was Miss Tweety. She was so sweet she
was about ninety five years old. She would sing all
the songs as I would play them, and it was
really hard to concentrate when she sang. So maybe you'll
get miss tweety. Maybe you'll get a really attractive man
that ends up being a life partner.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
We don't know yet.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
We do not know yet.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Maybe he's out there. Seven phrases to use when people
are rude. I'm gonna pivot to those real quick, since
the likelihood of me finding a piano teacher that I'm
gonna marry is slim. Number one, that's such a weird
thing to say out loud. You can embarrass the person
that is saying something that is clearly rude, but just
(17:09):
catch them off guard with like, huh, that's such a
weird thing to say out loud, and then they might
be like, wait, is it.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I can't wait to use that.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't think I have the guts, you don't. Oh yeah,
I know. There's definitely times where I could say that
way I would say it.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
I think you have the personality where you could say
that so like nonchalantly, just like you said it. Somebody
says something, You're like, oh wait, that's such an interesting
thing to say out loudly.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
You just have to say it with a chuckle. That's
such a thing to say out loud like that. Okay,
well you could do that. So there's that. There is
I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Can you repeat that?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Okay? Wait, here's my thing with that? Repeated it? And
then you say, that's such a weird thing to say
out loud.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
This is from TikTok. By the way, Fearless underscore mindset
is the account the deal with I'm sorry, I didn't
hear you? Can you repeat that? It minimizes the impact
of their insult. When they have to repeat themselves. It
makes them feel dumb because, like what, it didn't make sense?
Like to repeat it? And then maybe if they hear
themselves repeat it, they're like what, I think they get
(18:19):
the memo? Do you think it makes sense to them?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yet? It might not, depends on who they.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Are the next one? So what are you trying to
accomplish with that statement? This catches them off guard and
makes them stumble over their words, showing their true dirty intention.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
I feel like that one's more aggressive than the first one.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Also, I must correct this. They account on TikTok Underscore
Fearless Underscore mindset Underscore.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Because I guess Underscore Fearless Underscore Mindset was taken. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Sorry, I only had the one Underscore the first time,
and I want to give credit where credit is due.
The next one, hmmm, that's quite a bold assertion. Can
you provide evidence? Apparently this challenges them to back up
their claim with facts and logic. What happens if they
give you really good evidence, well, then they might be right.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
No, then you keep going back to well, I guess
that's a really weird thing to say out loud. You
can keep going back to the first one.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Oh god, I just fold I fold the lawn chair.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Okay, I give up.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
I'm already like, oh yeah, okay, you packed up your claim.
The next one, interesting perspective, care to elaborate. This encourages
them to explain further, potentially revealing flaws in their argument.
So you just have to be paying attention and on
your a game. And then the last one is so,
(19:44):
I'm curious what led you to that conclusion. This forces
them to justify their statement, exposing any faulty reasoning. But
then I feel like it's if I'm at some point
with this person like they're so in their echo chamber. Yeah,
they believe everything they're saying, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, I think I like the ones that are more
just like the can you repeat that? And hear that?
And then that that's a weird thing to say out loud.
I'm oftentimes not interested in the backup.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Honestly, I think the number one is my favorite, which
maybe that's why it's number one is because it doesn't
ask a question. It is a statement that's such a
weird thing to say out loud, and it kind of
leads shuts it down, because when you're asking questions to
someone that's not speaking rationally or in a way that
is kind, then sometimes it's really difficult to have a
conversation unless they're willing to hear you.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
It ends of the person.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Definitely depends on the person, because I know that I've
said things that I don't want to say again that
have kept me up at night. And maybe if my
friend said to me like, oh wait, can.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
You repeat that?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Or what are you trying to accomplish with that statement,
I may do some reflection and come out on the
other side. So there could be ways where the question
ones really work, you're one hundred percent correct. It depends
on the person. Just so you know, I feel safe
with you, and I could ask you all of those
your safe space, and I know you would answer like
sometimes I might be like cat, that's a bold assertion.
(21:06):
Can you provide evidence?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Because I may not agree with you?
Speaker 1 (21:10):
And then but if you do, like I would listen
and I would want to hear you out.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
You've said that kind of stuff before. I think you've
said that more maybe less when I've said something rude,
and more when I've said something that you didn't see
it the same.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Way, Like I said something like interesting perspective. Care to elaborate?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Did I say that was just like that you put
your hand on your hip and you tilted your head.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
These remind me of like in therapy with parenting therapists
and books that you read their scripts to have with
children that just can help alleviate certain situations. And when
I was really going through some stuff with one of
our kids, I had my scripts, like and I was
in a book and we would be in a moment
(21:51):
and I would be like one second, and I would
run to my bedroom and I would like flip and
I'd find the script, and I'd be like, okay, say this,
say this, say this, and then I would run out
and I'd be like okay, and then I would say
the script and it actually would really help, but I
couldn't keep it all straight. It's a lot of information
to have in your head to cable to. Yeah, I
(22:12):
made no cards too, but it was just a lot
of information. And then you're a heat of the moment,
and then you're maybe in your emotions and your emotions,
especially when you're the parent, it's like, well, emotions, you
can't be the driver right now. You have to be
in the passenger seat. But also I know that you're
feeling a little crazy, but just calm down, run to
your room, read the book, get what to say, and
(22:33):
then run out and do it. And then that that
was really helpful. But it seems like these are just
little scripts to have in your back pocket, but.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
You make them your own, like eventually you don't need
the script anymore and it becomes more natural for you
to speak in that way. It might not be this
exact script, right.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
I agree. I think this was early on where I
felt like I needed to cling to like every word
that like a doctor or psychologist was saying, yeah, you
know you did it right, Yeah, because I was like,
I can't mess this up.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Well, when it kind of clears your mind, you don't
have to think as much.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah, like I did good. Yeah, I did a good job.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I did good job.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
I take good job. I did just like book said.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Wait, we never got that game.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I know, I know, we got to play poetry for Neanderthals.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I want them to change the name of that game. Why, well,
I don't know. Which is a really long name.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
What should they call it? Like? Fun game? One syllable
fun game?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
What it should we call hit with bath?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
If you mess up one syllable like that, you get
an accent when you do it too. I feel as
though when I speak with one syllable words that's just
how I talk. Or maybe because it said Neanderthals, so
I change into one word.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Cat, Where can people find you on Instagram?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Oh my gosh, I changed my Instagram handle?
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh what is it? I haven't been on Instagram that
much lately because I just needed a break.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Okay, well, I'm offended that you didn't I noticed today.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Stop I didn't notice. I know you're not offended. Can
you elaborate on that please? What do you think that
I changed it to Cat Defada?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
No dot?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh? Oh you're married name Yea van Buren.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, so it's Cat dot van Buren.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Had to put a dot? I kept it just made
it more complicated. Should I take the dot out Cat
Dot van Buren? No, the dot's fine, I love it.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
But why did I put the dot in it in
the first.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Playbe Cat Defada wasn't available.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I'm sure it was.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I am sure that Cat van Buren is available.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Okay, okay, well maybe my maybe you can find me
Cattada maybe, or maybe you can find me Cat Dot
van Buren. Maybe you can call me, find me Cat
van Buren. I don't know type it all in.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Fun fact, Cat's husband that's the same last name, and
he's related to in a very distant way, like the
thirteenth President in the eighth.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
The President, and his name is Martin van Buren and
he was only five to four I think, so guess,
very sure, I guess what his n name was.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I know I know this because Eddie did a report
on Martin Van Buren on the Bobby Bone Show. But
now I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Lil Van so you could just call me lil Van
if you want.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Isn't that crazy that all these years later I gave
him a nickname on this podcast, which was Big P.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
And you could have called him Lil Van.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
But like then, because I was calling him Big P,
your nieces started calling him little P.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah that's funny. And now his friends call him well.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Pe and now so it's all a thing. And he
was little van Buren or shorty shorty Van. What's his nickname?
Lil Van? Well Van? See, okay, not bad. So Kat,
people can find you Atkat dot van Buren. Maybe for
the time being, I'm at Radio Amy And then Kat's
podcast is you Need Therapy? Definitely check it out because
(25:43):
apparently she thinks nobody's lasting, which they are. And we
hope you're having the day that you need to have. Bye,
don't we Okay Bye,
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