FIRST THING: Jessica Honegger from Noonday Collection is back for another powerful interview! Amy & Jessica talk about perfection and how it can majorly effect your body image. “Your body is not a problem to be fixed. It is your home, to be loved and cared for and nurtured.” Embracing this truth can help free you from the mindset that could be holding you back. If you haven’t followed her yet be sure to follow her at @JessicaHonegger and @NoondayCollection. SECOND THING: Are you looking for a quick and easy fix for those health and beauty issues?? I mean, who isn’t? @Adambobo from Arete is here to give you the easiest and FREE advice to help with all areas of your life. (Spoiler Alert: ITS SLEEP!) THIRD THING: We’re so lucky to have @JeremyCowart back on to talk about his adoption from Haiti (just like Amy)! Jeremy & his wife have adopted two children, and he is here to get into ‘all the things’ about adoption; the good, the really hard and the “brutiful”(Brutal & Beautiful). Be prepared for lots of heartfelt honesty, inspiration and tips. FOURTH THING: Are you washing your face the right way? Yeah, yeah…we know its simple! We’ve got some friendly tips and reminders and believe it or not, Amy wasn’t washing her face the right way! Opps!
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"Adopted for Life" By Russell Moore
(Episode 62)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
A little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty bad,
it's pretty beautiful. Laugh for a little mouth. You're kicking four. Okay,
So this is fun. It's our intro and from time
to time I have my husband join me in the
(00:37):
intro or like Chase has popped in the intro before,
or even Stevenson. But today I have Aaron Opria in
my intro, which she's my trainer. She's come on. She's
normally one of the things, like you're normally a thing.
You're more than the intro. You're like you have a
topic like a thing. But we literally just got done
working out and we ran up to the studio to
kind of record a quick intro because I always like
(00:59):
to keep you guys informed on when her next step
that starts because you'll like to do it. And it's
it's August twelve, So this is going up on Thursday
the eighth, and then on Monday the twelfth, the next
step that starts. So we need to be signed up
by like Sunday. Yes, so download the step at app
into the game code. Aaron Opria, why would you guys
not want to play? Everybody should play. The more you move,
(01:21):
the better you feel. It's true. The more you get healthy,
you get healthy, you feel amazing, and you make money.
It's a win win. It costs you nothing if you
move and you get your own independent goal, your goal,
my goal. Everyone's goal is different. Yeah, y'all, you don't
want Aaron's skull? How does your goal this around? Just
tell twenty three and thousand? So because there's normal though, guys, right,
(01:45):
there's regular days and there's power days, and so I
would just say, don't let that number scare you because
the normal thing for people is normally like seven thousand
on a regular day and maybe ten thousand on a
power day. Seven nine, I see a lot. But also
remember you get one day of rest a week, so
any day you want, you get to choose your day
and you don't have to move that day. Relax. Chill yeah,
(02:07):
chill out, calm down, relax ch as. My son Stevenson
would say, we're speaking of I gotta talk to Mary.
But I think last year for Stevenson's birthday, we did
a chill out shirt, um and the money like just
for his birthday and Oniver's birthday and then he got
to like make a donation. That's so cool to the
orphanage that he grew up in. It's under the squall line.
(02:27):
And so since we did chill out last year, we're
thinking about doing relax this year and the next year
do calm down, so chill so cool, calm down, relax.
So like Aaron saying, one day a week you get
to relax and maybe where you're Stevenson relaxed shirt while
you're relaxed. All for a good cause, yes, And then
the good cause about the step bed is you do
(02:48):
I will say I've participated and I love it because
it does get you moving, and it's like, seriously, hold
you accountable something like that. Yes, you have a trainer,
but somebody that's on your wrist all day long. And
if you don't have a fitness tracker, no problem. You
can use your cell phone attracts your steps to smartphone,
just carry with whoever you go and normally you're carrying
it anyway. And it does get you off the couch,
(03:10):
which is important. And then Aaron, another thing that I
talked about in this episode. You don't know it's one
of the things, but is sleep? And would you say
sleep is super important. Sleep is just as important as
clean eating, as moving right, I agree, but for whatever reason,
we don't put emphasis on not um. My friend Bobo
put up this post about it, and I just found
it to be like, okay, yeah, this in sleep is
(03:32):
free literally moving walking your body. You know what? Will
we make every excuse while we can't, including myself, I
struggle with it. That's my and the worst at that,
and that's something I have to work on. Yeah, yeah, true,
I know. But these are a little These are little things,
like we're just here to encourage you so you can
get moving. You can join Aaron's step bet Aaron opria
Um spell your last name so they know how to
(03:53):
find it. So make sure you into the game code
Aaron opria opie r e A. Because I at last
summer when I joined the first game, I joined like
a random game. I didn't join Errand's like I messed
up and didn't put in her name and I was
like a part of some random game. And Aaron was
nice enough to email them and handle it for me,
so then I got into her game. A lot of
(04:13):
people actually sign up for the wrong game. If you guys,
sign up for the wrong game, you and I can
help you, dmen. But we want to all be on
the same game together, So I would highly recommend that.
And then so that's just a tip we wanted to
give you all. We're talking about sleep this episode. I
also have Jeremy Coward back, the um famous celebrity, amazing,
(04:34):
philanthropic photographer that I had on a couple of weeks ago.
I'm glad y'all enjoyed him. But he also has adopted
from Haiti. So we do a chat about adoption and
he got real and shared some things. And so even
if you haven't adopted or you don't have kids, I
think it will be a good talk for you to
listen to. And Jessica Haniger, the founder of Noonday Collection,
is back on this episode talking body image, which is
(04:57):
something Aaron and I have covered, but she has written.
Jessica wrote a book about her all kinds of things
and just part of her life, and she is someone
that has struggled with body image and I think she
has a lot of wisdom surrounding that on how to
love yourself. So I love our little talk about that.
And then I have like how you could be washing
(05:18):
your face all wrong. It's a simple thing, but I
am guilty of it, and I was reminded this week
that I'm what I'm doing wrong, and so I share
with you all how we can all change it. And
guess what, as long as you have running water that
parts free to well, dang, I need to watch that.
I don't have a clue watch it, listen to it. Okay,
So that is what's on the menu for today, and
thank you Aaron for running up here to remind us
(05:40):
about step Okay. First, as promised, Jessica Haniger is back
and this time around we're talking imperfect Courage. If you
missed last week's episode, she was on and we talked
about traveling the world, her taking her son, her adopted
son from Rwanda back to Rwanda for the first time,
(06:02):
and I could think we got into like a lot
of other different things how you can become a Noonday Ambassador,
which is just because company it's amazing, but also the
importance of spending time with your kids and the bonding
and anyways, a good episode and definitely go back and
check it out if you missed it. And then, um,
now I want to dive into something that came up
last week that we thought we would get into a
(06:22):
little bit more, and it's something that you wrote about
in your book, and it's body image. Yes, yes, I
have found that summertime. And maybe it because I live
in Austin and it could show hot here. So suddenly
when it's hot, I feel like, did I have gained
twenty pounds? I mean I really I feel like I've
(06:42):
been healthy lately, Like why do I feel this way?
And then, you know, I think that our scrolls and
up we just see more women in twin suits. And
I just realized that I was starting to think more
about my body than normal. And so I write about
in Imperfect Courage that I used to have this whole
(07:04):
perfectionistic mentality towards my parenting and towards my life and
also towards my body, and that if I somehow I
could have this body, which by the way, was like perfect,
then I wouldn't have any problems in my life, you know,
like I would have a seat at the table, I'd
get invited to all the parties like you fill in
(07:25):
the blank. And it was just a long journey for
me to really realize that my body is not a
problem to be fixed. It is my home that's to
be loved and cared for and nurtured and that I
could accept it exactly as it is today or as
it was yesterday, and really embracing that truth brought me
(07:46):
into a level of freedom and helped me to realize
that my body is not the problem, but my mindset
was the problem. And the empowering thing about that is
that we can actually change our mindset. And um and
at this is kind of bizarre, but I was just
hanging hanging out with one of my friends who is
a psychologist and researcher, and they just completed a study
(08:09):
on body image. And they had women in the study
and they didn't even know what they were signing up
for in this study, but they had women do things
like checked themselves in the near multiple times a day,
camouflaged parts of their body they didn't like, avoid activities
that would expose certain parts of their body, compare themselves
to others. What they found at the end of the
study is that woman's perception about their body body drastically
(08:34):
went down. I mean, their body positivity was practically defeated
because of all of these actions. And I looked at
my life and I'm like, oh my gosh, I've totally
been doing that, you know, like now, almost unconsciously, I've
been like, oh, I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna wear
that swimsuit today because it covers this, or you know,
oh gosh, look at that girl like she looks so
(08:56):
cute and that I wish as I wish I could
look like that, and like checking myself in the mirror.
And I realized that, oh my gosh, that's why I
have kind of been triggered lately, because I've been engaging
in these activities that ultimately defeat my body positivity. So
it's really powerful just with a simple act of putting
down the phone and taking the shorts off when I
(09:19):
go swimming, and just going out and having fun. Even
it's been class today, I like fun behind someone, so
I wasn't just staring at myself in the mirror the
whole time, and all of those little things just helped
change my mindset and just remind me that my body
is to be loved and nurtured. And it's like what
(09:40):
you focus on eventually becomes so important to you. So
I don't want to focus on my that, you know,
I want to focus on having fun with my kids.
I want to focus on the moment I was having
in that photo, not like how my arms looked, you know. Yeah, no,
it's so true. And I feel like I feel like
the vibe right now amongst women in at least that
(10:00):
I've been surrounding myself with or you know, leaning on
towards stuff like that, has been moving more in a
positive direction of like just love your body, um, you know,
don't stress out, like stop the dieting, Like, just take
care of your body, nourish it, give it what it needs,
like start looking at like food is fuel, and you know,
(10:22):
there's just so many different layers to it. We could
go on and on and on about that, but I
feel like curves are more acceptable. We're not trying to
be this like stick thin situation now. I mean a
lot of times you may see other things on Instagram
with the filters getting out of control because I have
to even catch myself with that because sometimes all I
just want to use the filter because it just looks better.
(10:43):
It just looks better, let's be honest. But then I'll
catch myself without the filter and I'm like, oh, yikes,
Like I am so deceiving right now. It's just like
even I freak myself out, like whoa, that's not what
my skin looks like right now. But if I have
a pimple or two or something, and then the filter
make it go away, Obviously, I don't want people staring
at the pimples, so I do the filter, and then
(11:06):
I'm like, oh my gosh. If someone were to meet
me in real life right now and all they ever
saw was sometimes a filtered story or whatever, then they
would be like, oh wow, like there, her skin is
not as smooth as I thought it was, or you know,
her pores are not as tight as I thought they were,
or um. So there's there's the whole thing with that Instagram.
(11:28):
But I still feel like even with that, somehow we're
moving in a more positive direction with being accepted of
of of our bodies and and the different types of
bodies that are out there. I don't even want to
say the flaws, but we refer to them as flaws,
but they shouldn't be like the I had this girl, Lisa,
I call her my friend now, but I literally met
(11:49):
her on Instagram. Her instagraming handle is at the well
Necessities and um. Now, you know we chat from time
to time, and you know, she had posted picture of
her stretch marks and Christie Teagan do you follow her? Okay,
So she has her stretch marks and she calls them stretches.
I think that's like their nickname, and she loves She's
(12:10):
like if she takes a picture and they show up,
she's like, oh, stretch he has made an appearance, Like
she just owns it. And I love how confident she
is because she's like this bombshell model who you think
like but even her, like I would never thinks just
like I mean, she's like taught to this player in
the world. And she just did a totally unfelt, unfiltered,
(12:33):
un photoshop for Vogue and I was like, man, yea, yes, yes,
like yeah, I love it, And I feel like that's
it's going. We're going in the right direction. It's getting better.
There's less and less photoshop, especially from the celebrities that
were inundated with and um more of them are on
board with just like embracing everything, and I feel like
(12:54):
that's going to be good for UM are our kids,
like we both have daughters, and it's already hard enough.
But I don't feel like it's ever going to fully
go away because it's just something that just pops up,
and I don't even know where it comes from, because
like my daughter, she's in like a homeschool situation. She's
not on um social media, she's not surrounded by a
(13:16):
bunch of other girls all the time, and she still
makes comments about her body sometimes, and I'm like, what
are you talking about? Like what? Like? What have how? What?
Where have I failed you? Because how have you? Do
you even have that in your head? And I try
to be careful about what I say about myself around her,
just so that I don't it doesn't bleed into her thoughts.
(13:37):
What do you have to say about that? Well? You
know I and I would write about this in my
book and I have like with my daughter, I my
mom did a lot of things that I didn't want
to repeat, and she has told me that, you know,
so she talked really poorly about her body and just
dieted a ton, and you know, we basically it's like
(14:00):
we can say whatever we want, but more is caught
than taught. And I just remember when I had a
little girl, I was so scared because I was like,
oh my gosh, I don't want her to end up
like having to go through this huge healing journey that
I've been through. So we did think, like, I mean,
I showered with her up until like a couple of
years ago, and she's thirteen now, and like I'm super
(14:22):
hippy dippy too, so it's like I'm like not modest
and all in front of her. And I never said
like anything about my body, you know, in front of her.
It's anything. I've just tried to talk super confidently, and
she's definitely picked a lot of that up. In fact,
last month we were both like having to kind of
mess with our shorts. It was a really hot day.
(14:43):
We were kind of like having to pull them down
because they kind of ritten written up our siys and
and she looked at me, she goes, yet, we got
those sides, don't we? Mom? These these hips don't lie.
And I was like, that's right. We've got Beyonce size,
don't we. And for me to even be able to
immediately think of a really famous person who has amazing
(15:06):
hips and thighs and be able to just know that
she has seen Beyonce, we watched Beyonce's documentary and I
had a positive reference point for her, you know, whereas
when I think when I was her age, I didn't
have that, but even she, I mean she's thirteen going
into eighth grade and has recently kind of, you know,
said that she has had some insecurities kind up that
(15:26):
she's had to really work through. And um, I think
it was that reality of you know, we can influence
an influence and influence and we have to keep the
narrative going in the direction that it's going. But there
is just something in a I think in all of
us that just still I think it's really about perfection.
We think that if we could just look this way,
(15:48):
or if we could just have this group of friends,
or if we could just have this career, or if
we could just reach this number in our bank account,
or if we could just get to buy those shoes,
then our life would be what were still in the blank.
And it's just such it's perfectionist's mentality, and it keeps
you flaying after that thing instead of living in the present,
(16:08):
living in your moment, living in your day, and it
really keeps you missing out on connection with yourself and
with the people around you. So I think it's it's
body image, but I realized, you know, I can do
it easily in other areas of my life as well.
It's just this idea that like, if I could just
reach that certain place, then life would somehow have no
(16:30):
pain in it, you know, And it's not true. And
it's not like that shouldn't be our goal anyway, you know,
a goal of just perfect you know, perfect comfort. You know,
actually the things that causes to grow are the uncomfortable things.
I even took my son with me, we went spinning together.
(16:50):
I love my local Austin studio. You can bring your
kids to spin cost and yeah, and he even told
me afterwards, he was like, Mom, there was this one
point and I just thought, you know what I'm gonna sit.
I'm gonna you know, put it, put it on the
easier level. And then I just decided no, because it's
the hard things that help us grow. And I was like, yeah, that, yes,
(17:16):
it is. It's the hard things that help us grow.
So it's kind of like when you think of your
um muscles breaking down while you're spinning and you're working out.
So made me think of muscles and a lot of
times when you're lifting weights or you're working those muscles,
you're you're tearing them and then they build back up stronger,
they build back up, they build back up. And I
think that can be this scary thing when you've had
(17:40):
these impulses in your life, whether it's withholding food from yourself,
or whether it's checking yourself in the mirror a lot,
or even checking your own Instagram feed and looking at
selfies that you've posted, like whatever it is, I think
all of these behaviors you it is a scary a
moment of surrender. It's that muscle breakdown point where you
(18:03):
have to surrender these behaviors, and it feels uncomfortable because
it's just become so much of your habit and your
reality that I promised. When you start laying down some
of those activities, freedom is in the lake of that,
and you become what you focus on. So if you
(18:23):
focus obsessively on oh my God, my skin, or oh
my gosh, my arms or my body or whatever it is,
then that ends up taking your attention, and it takes
your attention ultimately, ultimately away from your life, from the
good stuff. It's an allergy supper, it is. It's an
energy sucker. But I remember meeting with my therapist one
(18:46):
time and there was this picture and it was of
me and my daughter, and all I could see was
my arm in this photo and I immediately deleted it
from my feed and I remember telling my therapist about
it it and then it was like, you know what,
I'm going to go get that out of my my
deleted folder and I'm gonna and then like look at it,
(19:08):
and she does, what if instead of looking at her
arm right now, like, imagine how you feel about your
daughter in this moment she got to come with you
to work that day, You're holding one another, and you know,
it's like, yes, like that was a special moment. Instead
of turning it into a critical narrative about my body,
really I could focus on the relationship that I have
(19:31):
with my daughter and then I got to bring her
to work, and then I love my job. And so
it really is recreating these narratives in our mind and
redefining what we've seen is perfect and focusing on what
really matters. And you know, those are things that have
really helped me and my journey. I love it. I mean,
(19:51):
I told you all Jessica's full of wisdom. Um, and
she does have a podcast, uh and it's called Going Scared.
If you'll ever want to check that out, you totally
should go, Like you have like sixty something episodes up
right now, Yes I do. Amy is on one of them,
one of my first ones, and we interview everyone from
(20:13):
entrepreneurs like Ali Webb of The Dry Bar. I talked
about body image with Jenna Teacher, who's an ARI advocate,
and we've even had the for magazine publisher. I mean,
we just it's a variety of people on really interesting
conversations and we are Our next season launches August fourteen. Awesome. Okay,
(20:37):
so definitely go check that out and then your Instagram
handled but spell your last name because I know the
rest one. I know. It's Jessica Honiger. It's got two
g's and one end, so there's an egg in the middle,
So Jessica h O and e G G e er.
My mother in law had to teach me that trick
because I've been spelled. It was when Joe and I
(20:57):
were dating. So I like, this is not going, Wow,
this is not good. But yeah, that's helpful. I've never
I've never heard the egg trick that that's going to
help me out because I tell you, Jessica, I always
do two ends and it's one end and then it's okay,
got it. So Yeah, it's it's just been. It's been
a yeah well and definitely a good follow on Instagram.
(21:21):
I love sometimes you give me a little tips, like
I don't know, it may even been a week or
two ago, but you're like high ponytails are having a
moment right now, and I was like, oh, they are gone.
I don't know. I just cut I cut all my
hair off, not too long ago. I mean, I feel
like I've had short hair for a little bit. I
guess it was late last year that I cut it off.
(21:41):
But there are just some body pins underneath. I think
you could still well, I don't know if there was
a little hot hair extension. Yeah, maybe you throw it in. Okay,
I'll try to embrace the high pony and I'll put
on some like I don't know, fun Noonday Collection earrings
and call it day do it, do it? Okay, we'll
have some time in your way from the new line
(22:02):
Oh okay awesome, which that launched last week. If y'all
are curious, um and again, more about Noonday is on
last week's episode. But Noonday Collection is Jessica's business, and
all the jewelry is made by female artisans all around
the world. Is it strictly just females? It actually isn't.
We really want families to flourish. So about that. Yea,
(22:24):
our female, but we also really want to raise up
men to be cultural influencers as well. Yeah, so you
can check out her jewelry line Noonday Collection dot com. Okay, well,
thanks for coming back on Jessica, and hopefully I'll see
you soon. Oh let's do it. Okay, okay, okay, that
was okay, Well that was I feel like both of
(22:46):
those are really good. Are you happy with both those?
Oh yeah, they're great. Thank you. Okay, than welcome. I'm
about to Jeremy Coward's about to be here. Have you
ever met him? Oh? Yeah, he was on my podcast
and then we're in a little entrepreneurial ke together called Practice.
I love Jeremy, Yeah I have. Um. I met him
(23:07):
once at Tracy Hamilton's house and we were doing something
for Haiti. But um yeah, he's coming on to talk
about a couple of things. So um he is so great.
He is for me. He is just um man, He's
a really humble guy in the best of ways. Yeah.
I will definitely tell him that you said hi. They
(23:28):
will be a good little icebreaker for me, and yeah, well,
I hope you have a good rest of the day,
and thank you for making time to come on. And
then just just so when it goes live, it'll be
the first one August one, and then the next one
is following Thursday, so two weeks. Okay, Well we will
shout at from the reeftop. Thanks so much, Amy, or
(23:49):
I just love how you keep showing up, bro. Thanks Jessica.
You say to you, you're you're showing up. You're out
there like doing all the things. I'm like, oh my gosh.
And then even listening to talk right now, I'm like, gosh,
she's your like you're you're good, You're really good, like
you've got I'm like, she's full of all the stories
and all the things you can tell. You're just so
passionate about it all. And I love it. Wow, thanks girl.
(24:12):
I enjoy it. I swear if I could do interviews
all day for my job, I totally would. I know,
I know, but unfortunately got to do all the other
stuff to you kind of get to do do more
in that than me. Yeah, but it is fun, not
gonna lie. Yeah, it's an awesome job. Okay, girl, Well
thanks again for having me on. I'll talk to you later, Okay, okay, right,
(24:43):
And so Adam Bobo is someone that's come on my
podcast before. He's my friend that has a business here
in Nashville called Arete, which is one of those ivy
hydration businesses. Like he has an office you can go
to or it's concierge will he'll come to you and
hydrate you. Who works with a lot of artists and
act leads, and he's just he's one of those guys
that like tries it all on his body like a
(25:04):
little guinea pig and then he'll tell us things. So
y'all have always enjoyed when we've had him on. So
I want to do I want to have him back
on and have like a little Q and a thing
for him, like you all submit me questions you have
and then I can have him answer them. And you know,
I'm bringing this up now so that when we can
start collecting the questions and y'all can send them to
(25:26):
four Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com and
just put you know, like question for Bobo or put
Bobo in the subject line or something, and we can
create a little a little segment with him for that
because he he he's noticed whenever he comes on he
gets Instagram messages. His Instagram handle is at Adam Bobo.
(25:47):
He'll get d M s from y'all asking certain things,
and he's like, I mean, people come with like really
good questions. So then I saw this post that he
put up and about something that he gets asked all
the time, and I thought, hm, like, this is something
I want to share. So I'm gonna make this a thing,
and then I'll also use as a setup for people
to send in their Bobo questions. But here's what Adam posted.
(26:11):
I get asked all the time for what someone should
do if they don't like needles, if they can't afford
I v S, or they don't have regular access to
I v S and they want to still improve their
health and overall physical and mental functioning. I respond with
two answers, adequate and quality hydration and sleep. Most people
(26:31):
fail to get enough sleep, and even then the ones
who do fail to get quality sleep. Sleep is the
single most effective recovery tool and performance enhancing asset that
we all have access to, and it's free. Athletes and
high cognitive functioning individuals should be getting eight to ten
hours of high quality sleep per night. Everyone else should
(26:53):
be getting a minimum of seven hours, with a goal
of eight minimum. Decreased sleep time and quality has shown
time and time again to decrease cognitive function, concentration, mood,
running speed, athletic performance, and a durance, as well as
increases upper respiratory and infection risk, injury risk, and risk
(27:14):
of type two diabetes and heart disease. Even knowing this,
our society is still infatuated with the grind. I'm the
same way at times. But just as much as you
want to put in extra time for training, that project,
recovery techniques, fun or TV, sleep time and quality must
take precedent. If not, all the things you were doing
(27:36):
to perform at a higher level, grow a company, or
simply enjoy life will all take a hit and the
time invested will not be as fruitful. Every little step
you implement to improve your sleep quality and duration makes
a difference. Start small and start reeling the benefits. So
thank you Adam Bobo for that post. I really enjoyed it,
(27:57):
so I wanted to share it with you all because
I know that it's hard to make sleep a priority.
We've even made sleep a thing before on the podcast,
one of the things was dedicated to sleep and why
it's so important. So I'm just gonna keep saying it,
but I thought that, you know, I love Adam's perspective
of like, you know, people are coming to him like
I can't get I V I can't do this, and
he's like, well, you know what hydration. Most of you
(28:19):
can drink water and most of you should be able
to get sleep. And I love that the sleep part
is totally free. You just gotta make yourself do it
and see if you feel any better. So again, send
your questions for Adam Bobo on Instagram. You can follow
him at Adam Bobo. But make sure you're letting me
know what you want to do with our little Q
(28:40):
and A. And he'll come in and be one of
the things and we'll sit down with him. And yes,
he's single. I know a lot of you that's a
lot of times your question is he single? Where does
he live? He lives here in Nashville, And yes, he's
very single. Last time we had Jeremy Coward on, we
talked about, um, all the amazing things that you're doing,
(29:05):
but you started with your photography and then how that
kind of you know, had a domino effect into these
crazy ideas that you had, where I mean, you're just
using like some people just like they go out and
they take pictures and it's like, oh great, but like you, you,
I don't know. You're so gifted. You have all you're
an ideas person and with photography. I mean, you're impacting
(29:26):
so many people with all of your various projects. And
I told you all to go to Jeremy Coward dot com,
and I hope that you did, and you click on
the ideas and you see the um hurricane relief, the earthquakely,
the child Arn't Therapy, the Forgiveness Project, the Purpose Hotel,
which we talked about last time, which if y'all haven't
listened to that episode, you need to go listen to
it because the hotel idea is amazing and it's happening,
(29:49):
and Nashville is lucky enough to get the first one,
and any of you that are living your that don't
live in Nashville, like you're gonna want to come stay
at the Purpose Hotel in Nashville. And I'm just so
honored to have me back on now to talk about
adoption because we have that in common. We both have
adopted from Haiti. And now did you when you went
to Haiti. On the last episode, we talked about how
(30:11):
when you went to Haiti to to photograph after the
earthquake because you wanted people there to be able to
tell their story. Um, did you already? When did you?
When did you and your wife decided to adopt from Haiti? Yeah,
the the earthquake was pre adoption, Yeah, because that was
how I fell in love with Haiti for sure, was
that project. So we we brought our kids home four
(30:34):
years ago. Um, yes, two thousand fifteen, but we started
the process in two twelve. I think the earthquake was
what two ten? Yeah, it was the year my son
was born. So his I always picture his mom she
was pregnant when the earthquake happened. Crazy. Yeah, So we
(30:54):
were soon after that. Yeah, and so and then it
took you all three years, So took us five. So
international adoption is definitely not something that just you know,
you don't get a phone call. But domestic I will say,
I've gone through that side of it too before we
decided to go international, and it was still a process
(31:17):
and I know people can end up waiting years and
that it's not always like some people it's quick. Some
people it's not. The international there's just so many more
things to go through, hoops to jump through that it's
it's just a given that it's going to take a
couple of years or longer. And so for you, it
was not necessarily My brother adopted from Africa and start
(31:38):
to finish, it was like six months. Stop, does he
know somebody or just happened that way? Well, I know
someone that that happened for, But they knew somebody for sure.
That is crazy. That's very rare, that would you say,
But what a blessing for them to not have to
because when you're in that, when you're in it, it
(31:59):
just seems like forever. Yes, it is. Yeah, And we're
not on here to discourage anybody from looking into international
adoption by any means. In fact, the opposite. It's almost
just to make sure that you're you're aware of like
the different things that happened with adoption and that those
of us that have been through it are being transparent
and that you know, it's not a walk in the park.
(32:21):
Is very very hard to talk about for sure. Without Yeah,
I call always called the whole thing brutalful because it's
brutal and it's beautiful, you know, like, and there's no
getting through it without both, you know, because it's the
hardest thing I've ever done, but the most redemptive and
(32:42):
beautiful thing. Hopefully, right, we're still in the think of it. Um.
But uh, but yeah, it's a it's wild and like
you said, it's like I think adoption is so often
perceived as being the sweet, joyful thing, which it is,
but man, it's hard. You know, there's I don't know
anybody that can said, oh, it's so easy and fun.
(33:03):
I remember at the very beginning, which is when it's
the most rough. But you and I, you know, off air,
we're kind of talking. We'll share a little bit more
as we get into it that we're I think we're
just like with any kids, You're always gonna be going
through stuff. It's life. Um. But the beginning for me
was so rough, Like the first six months were so ah, brutal. Well,
(33:24):
you went from zero kids period, right, zero kids period
to a seven year old and a ten year old
and uh, and all the testing and all the things,
and it just was I was crying in my closet
every day. And I remember being at Target and I
ran into a listener or something and she was just like,
oh my gosh, I've just been following your journey on
(33:45):
Instagram and you're You're just so inspiring. This is so
amazing and I can't believe you did this, And like
literally I was staring at I mean, I just kind
of smiled, like, oh, thank you. But in my mind,
I was like, does this woman know that? Literally, like
I want to give them back, Like I was having
those thoughts, which when you're having them, you feel awful
(34:05):
and you feel like I'm just not equipped and this
is not for me and what have I done? Like,
and she was trying to be all nice and you
praise like this was so amazing, and I'm like, I
literally because I mean, she's a nice listener, but I'm
not about to get into it in the Target checkoutline
with her. But in my mind, I was like, if
she had any idea the thoughts I've been having lately,
she would not be saying this to me. Therapeutic to
(34:27):
hear you say that, because you know we've had a
really just terrible thoughts, you know, like this is like
you said it's not less about the child or more
about ourselves, like we cut out for this, are we
even capable of doing this? Because it is it's hard.
We I guests had it easier in a sense that
we already had two biological children, so at least we
(34:49):
were already parents, you know. Um, But even then, like
parenting biological children is easier because it's it's in aid
that they're your blood. You understand their decision making, you understand.
They're just easier somehow, I don't know, Maybe that's just me,
but with adoption, there's no compass. You don't understand their
(35:10):
brains and how they're wired and while they're doing what
they're doing. I don't know. It's just it's been much
much harder for us. And so yeah, there have been days,
you know where it's like, man, did we make the
right decision? You know? Um for sure? And our two
are very very different. Um are they biological? No, they
are not realized, but they grew up together in the
(35:33):
same orphanage. And then another weird thing is that are
two biological kids are best friends, have never fought a
moment in their lives. They don't even argue, like they
literally are best friends. It's crazy. I fought with my
brother's tooth and nail grown up, and so I'm not
used to a sibling dynamic where they're just love each
(35:55):
other every day all the time, you know. Um, And
so the two that we've adopted, you know, they're just
fight every day. So two that are best friends on
two that fight every day, and uh, it's really it's
really fun. And we're hoping the younger too are influenced,
but the older two in their relationship yea, but yeah,
it's uh, and it's I can't say that it's gotten
(36:16):
easier for us. Um it's uh, it's either the same
or getting a little harder for sure. Oh wow, Okay,
so because for me it was so hard in the beginning.
Like right now, I feel like we're in a we're
in a good spot. Some stuff with my son that
wasn't an issue in the beginning. Like our daughter seems
to have rounded a corner. But I mean we got
(36:36):
her at a time for you know, she was ten
and she's eleven and now she's twelve, and it's like
all the girls stuff and the like, well are your
adopted kids? I have a boy and a girl, have
a boy and a girl. Here's a girl and how
old are they? Boys? Eight? A girl of seven? Okay,
so she's seven, so you have some time, well get ready,
(36:58):
but you know, like there's that whole side where I
am like, Okay, she's just being this is hormones. Don't
take it personally. Some of it is probably wounds from
her past life. So she lived with her mom from
zero to five or birth to five, and then she
lived at the orphanage from five to ten, and then
(37:18):
so now from tender on she's with us. So it's
almost like she's on her third life. So I've got
a lot of grace. I got a lot, but I
only have so much. And you know, she she was
a tester, but she's kind of round at a corner
where she's really gosh, she's just starting to minus, like
the hormone stuff sometimes. Like she really is helpful. She's
(37:39):
helpful with our son and kind of loves that role
of kind of be She likes responsibility, and so the
more we give her, the more she thrives. And that's
something we've just learned. But our son, where he used
to be kind of easier, he's the one that now
a year and a half in, we're having all these
things and it's like, why is this happening? Everything was
(38:02):
so fine and like, I don't know. And then he's eight,
so then it's like they've done some therapy because it
was required with the adoption, and um, but now I
think it's almost time that we just start doing it
more full time. But I didn't want to. That's so
heavy that they were already processing so much that I
(38:24):
didn't want to add that. Did did y'all put your
kids in? Are they going? Or what would your I
don't know your advice on. For one, I have to
clarify just my my opinion personally from all my discussions
on adoption. I think any parent listening really has to
know that every adoption is just unique as every child
(38:45):
of period. Yes, like they're no, there is no adoption
story like like another. Like I feel like we're somewhere
in the middle. I've heard a lot harder stories. I've
heard a lot easier stories, you know, like each child
is so unique. Um. But with our story, daughter, I
would say, for the most part, has been a brief
She's really sassy, funny, uh seven with a seven wing
(39:09):
on the Instagram. She's just the life of the party question.
Didn't you say that? What number are you on the intiogram?
I think I'm a four with a three wing? Yeah,
uh the individualist. Um. Anyway, So she's actually been easy
four years, you know, knock on wood, Um. But obviously
we have many a long time to go still, but
(39:30):
she's just a blast. Our son has been really difficult.
He was. There's a lot of trauma that we're aware
of from his taller years, both at home and the
orphanage and severe a d h d um, a lot
of anger. The anger seems to be growing, which is
(39:52):
that's where it's getting difficult. Um. And you know, I've
never had anger issues, but I'm never dealt with it either.
I what didn't grow up in an angry home. My
children don't express anger, and so UM, it's hard to
know what to do with that. Because his his need
is to control us, his need is to be the boss,
(40:14):
and no form of discipline works with him. We've tried
all of it, the religientle sweet loving stuff, the really
military discipline, hard stuff, and none of it works. Um.
But the thing is, it's not every day like he's
It's almost like there's there's two of him, and we
don't know which one we're going to be facing, you know,
(40:36):
because he does have a very sweet, loving side, um,
but then the next moment he's just switched. And then
now we're dealing with the angry, whole, you know, version
of himself. UM. And so yeah, it's it's difficult, and
we're trying everything to from you know, uh, neuro feedback,
(40:56):
brain therapy, to counseling, to counseling for us as parents, um,
kind of trying to all the things to try to
navigate it. Yeah, and that's interesting you say, that's the
I don't know where were on this on the scale
of of angry with our son, but it is this
juckle and hide situation and he's eight and we're starting
(41:19):
to see it because people see him as this bubbly, lively,
laughter all the time, cutest can be sweet kiddo, and
you know, and then but there's also this side people
wouldn't you know, we all have our sides, but it's definitely, um,
something I'm not used to, like you're saying, seeing in
(41:40):
our home or that I'm used to see, and especially
at such a young age. And some of the thoughts
and words and how he chooses to express it, and like,
I don't know, it worries me sometimes worries worries us
every day, and it's you know, I can't blame him
for it. You know, your birth of five is the
most most developmental years for any human beings, so who
(42:03):
knows what we went through. But again, like you said earlier,
it's like, man, am I cut out to know how
to deal with this? Yeah, because it's so heavy and
intense and uh, you know, we're trying to figure out
how do we best respond when literally new discipline works,
nothing can stop him, you know, when he's in that mode.
(42:25):
So yeah, it's overwhelming. So what I mean again, and
thank you for sharing that, just so that other people
listening maybe know that they're not alone if they are
experiencing children like that, and that it's not you know,
he's kind of start to think, is it is it me?
Is it us? What are we doing wrong? But you know,
(42:46):
you just it's hard to know sometimes what's going on
in their little heads and how maybe they just can't
figure out how to quite process it. And hopefully they'll
get there or we'll all get there together as a family.
When or working through something like that. But just hopefully
if you're if you're listening, you're not alone, or if
you're listening right now and you're thinking, well, I was
(43:07):
considering adoption and now I'm not. That's not our point
at all. But just know too that there's I love
that you described it as brutiful, because there's brutal moments
and there's beautiful moments. So what would you say to
someone that might be listening that literally, because I get
emails all the time from couples that they are just
(43:31):
starting to think about adoption and they don't know what
to do with it because it's totally foreign to them,
And it was to me and my husband, like, we
didn't know many people adopted. Nobody in our family had
really adopted. We always thought we would have biological children, um,
but then we weren't able to get pregnant, and then
it just sort of just organically became our story. Um.
(43:52):
And you know, so I know what it's like to
kind of first be thinking and being like what, I
don't really know. But there wasn't as many resources back then,
and I guess podcasts are just such an easy way
to consume it. But there was books, um. And one
book that sealed the deal for my husband was adopted
for life. So I'll throw that book out there for
anybody thinking about it. And that's when after he read that,
(44:14):
he was like, Okay, I'm in because he was a
little bit more hesitant. He didn't want to give up
on the whole biological thing. Um. And So for you,
as an adopted parent, like, what is something you would
say to encourage people that are just now starting to
consider it? Yeah, I mean if you, if you, I
would say, just first, just be sure you know it's
(44:37):
right decision for you. You know, we used to before
our kids came out, and we would say jokingly but
also kind of wondering, we're about to have our lives
turned upside down. I remember we'd always say that, and
the truer statement had never been said, because it really
does turn your life upside down. It's just just crazy,
(44:58):
as you know, you're just thrown into of the I
just had a friend who went from zero to three
kids at once, and they're just like, you know, the
same thing, just kind of freaking out. But again, it's
it's you're changing that child's life, and so you're sacrificing
so much, but it's worth you know, you're giving them
a forever home and a forever family and so um.
(45:20):
But there's no doubt that it's that it's beautiful and
it's going to be hard. And again, I can't reiterate
enough that I do hear of adoption stories where it's seamless,
it's easy, it's smooth, you know, and then I hear
some I've got one friend who's fourteen year old. They'll
(45:40):
be driving down the interstate and she will jump out
of the back seat and start punching them in the
face like the most insane opposite side. But they love,
I mean they are to me, they are my heroes
because they have a lot harder than we do. But
the love they have for is unending and just so inspiring.
(46:01):
And you know, so we're not getting physically sacked, but
you know other days where it feels like that emotionally
for sure. But you just have to know that your
your called to it, and I knew that. You know,
their store may not be like your's warm mine just
every child is so unique. I think if you can
(46:21):
find people and then that's how I met you. The
first time was through Tracy and Scott Hamilton's was Tracy
became a mentor to me because she had already gone
down and this road. They adopted two older kids from
Haiti as well, and she still is and I can
still call on her, and that's super helpful. Like if
you and she we were introduced by a mutual friend
(46:44):
who knew that, you know, we had that in common,
and so it's not like I she just was already
my friend. It was like she became my mentor because
you know, I reached out to somebody else that that knew.
It was just kind of a whole thing and it happened.
So find those people. Find your people that can help
you navigate, because there's so much to go through, even
(47:04):
when you're in the process of maybe bring them home
or um trying to get them or wherever they come from,
or maybe it's domestic whatever that whatever it looks like
for you, or you want to even dive into foster care.
You know, I have Eddie. I've had Eddie from the
Bobby Bones show on and he's fostering two kids right
now and he has two biological and so they're in
his home and who knows, I mean, he may he
(47:26):
may end up he may end up adopting them one day,
if that's what ends up happening. Um. So there's various ways. Um,
but I would just encourage people are saying that if, if,
if you feel it, like explore it. But like Jeremy said,
make sure that you're you're ready, and if you're not,
I really feel like if you're not, the process may
(47:48):
weed you out anyway, because it's a lot of work.
I mean the paperwork and the home studies and the
fingerprints at various locations five times a year. I mean,
I was like, because we were in the process for
five years and we had to get two sets of
finger rents every year to prove that we weren't criminals still,
and every year I was like, still not a criminal.
But it was like your appointments up and then everything
(48:08):
was archaic. It was like some of it was snail mail,
and just everything was taking so long, and I kept
thinking like, if I didn't really want this, I would
just be like forget it. But so that's why I
feel like the process itself sometimes might wet out people
that it's not really for me. Into some degree. You
never will be ready, you know. It's kind of like marriage.
(48:29):
You ever were ready for marriage, you ever really ready
for kids? And you know the same goes like we
weren't ready really, you know, but you just jump into it.
And but I know what you mean. Make sure you're
ready to some degree. And then but also know that
you know that child is gonna blow your mind. And
all kinds of way is good in bed, you know,
so true, and then the good hopefully well way the
(48:52):
bad and you'll have a brutiful situation. I love it.
I have a new word I would totally use out
all the time. Okay, So Jeremy Coward, thanks for coming
back on this time to talk adoption. But last time
we talked about a bunch of different things. So again,
go back and listen to the episode if you haven't,
and then for sure check out Jeremy Coward dot com
for all of the photos and amazing things in the
(49:13):
Purpose Hotel. And I don't know if you're telling me
you want me to come in to take some picture
or something. I am now doing opening my studio to
the public. Anybody can come in for portraits and yes
you need to come in, okay, because I do not
like having my picture taken. Nobody does. But you'll make
it easy and apparently the pictures will look super cool.
I'm trying. Yeah, you're not. You're trust me, You're talented.
(49:40):
That's awesome. Okay, Well, thank you, Jeremy, and until next time. Okay.
So this thing is going to be quick, and it
might seem kind of like obvious to some of you listening,
but this is a reminder that I definitely needed this week. Mean,
I for sure have heard it before in my life,
(50:01):
but I was not implementing it lately. And I was
talking to Carry at the Nashville Beauty Girl and I
was like, my skin is so dry right now and
I don't understand why. And once we went through some
of my face routine stuff, she asked me what temperature
I was washing my face on lately, and I said, well,
pretty hot. Actually, I don't even when I'm washing my
face at the sink, like before I go to bed
or when I wake up. I'm not talking about like
(50:23):
when I'm taking a shower or whatever, I have it
on hot. I don't even turn the cold knob on.
That's like I only use whatever is coming out of
the hot side to wash my face. And boom. That
was the problem. When you wash your face. With hot water,
you strip its essential natural oils, and it causes like
skin sensitivity, and it can make your face really dry,
(50:45):
which that that was my problem, which is not good. Also,
it kind of opens up the pores like a lot.
And then cold water, which I love taking me a
good freezing cold shower, But actually my cold showers haven't
even felt that cold lately because it is so hot
out side that I feel like the water even through
the pipes is being warmed. Like back once we hit wintertime,
(51:06):
my cold showers will get back to being like legit
cold showers. But you know, I am putting the cold
water on my face thinking that maybe that's really good
for my skin. And while colder temperature temperatures definitely do
help like reduce puffiness, so I recommend it for that. Um,
it doesn't like tighten your pores, And for whatever reason,
I always had it in the back of my brain
that it did, but CARRY was like, no, that's not
(51:28):
really the case. So the ideal temperature to wash our
faces is gonna be lukewarm water. So I've been implementing
that the past two nights or so, and I can
already see my face doing a little bit better. So
lukewarm water is where it's at. That's what we need
to be washing our faces with. Got it, got it,
got it good. Okay, about to get into the email
(51:53):
shout out, but I just want to say that I
hope after listening to Jeremy and Jessica you'll give them
a follow on Instagram, tell them how much you loved
hearing them on the podcast. I just appreciate them sharing
their lives with us and opening up at Jeremy Coward
is his Instagram handle and at Jessica Haniger is hers.
So big thank you to them, and then don't forget
to send your questions in for Adam Bobo. His instagram
(52:16):
is at Adam Bobo if you want to get familiar
with him and see if you might have a question
for him after checking out his Instagram page, and then
before I get to the email shout out, I quickly
want to say that in the intro that I recorded
with Aaron, I teased that we might be doing a
relaxed shirt for Stevenson's birthday this weekend, and we're gonna
(52:37):
do it, so heads up that is happening. It will
be Saturday only because that's his legit birthday. This is
what we did last year on his legit birthday, sold
chill Out shirts that helps support the orphanage in Haiti
where he grew up. And it's just an honor his
birthday and something cool that we can do to celebrate
his life and give back to the place that that
took care of him until he came to live with me,
(52:58):
which is pretty amazing. So if you're new to this
and you weren't following my life last year, Stevenson like
loved saying chill out, relax, calm down, and it was
adorable and precious. So last year we did chill out.
This year will do relax, and next year we will
do calm Down, and then we'll figure out another way
(53:20):
to celebrate his birthday after that. But uh, since people
might be shopping for us on the squall page at
that time, I'll go ahead and say that on Saturday
is when we will put up the four Things teacher
tote as well, so that will finally be available. That way,
you don't have to like go to the website twice
in a couple of days. We want to keep it
simple for y'all, So if you happen to want to
(53:41):
relax shirt, great if not. If you just want the
four Things teacher tote, great if you want both, awesome.
But there will be the four Things teacher tote that
you can buy for yourself or for a teacher in
your life and you'll actually get in the mail. And
then there's also gonna be an option to sponsor a
tote where you can buy it and then it's going
to go to a teacher that gets nominated and we
fill it with awesome things and it goes out. If
(54:02):
maybe you can't do you know, afford to do a
whole sponsored tote, We're going to have I think a
drop down option where you can donate like five to
fifteen dollars to go towards filling the tote and then
you can be a part of the campaign, the project
for the teachers. But if you can't even do that,
we totally get it. Uh So we just appreciate you
(54:23):
spreading the word if that's a way that you can
help us out and be a part of this teacher
tote campaign, the Fill the Tote drive. I don't really
know that we have an official name yet, but uh,
word of mouth is so great and Instagram is so
amazing and we just appreciate when y'all post and share
and tag four things, tote and tag shop ESPLA and
the shot forward. I mean, that's what Mary and I
(54:45):
rely on, so we appreciate it so much and that
is definitely an easy way to help out and doesn't
cost any money. So with all that said, be on
the lookout for that stuff this a weekend. It'll be
so fun. Radio Ama dot com is an easy way
to access freething like you know, a SPOA related, pimp,
enjoy related my Amazon page. I get a lot of
(55:06):
questions about that. Just radio amy dot com keep that
in mind. It'll take you to everything. So let's go
ahead and get to the email shout out, which today
is from Caitlin. Dear Amy, I am twenty nine years
old and recently married. I listen to your podcast religiously
and love every topic that you discuss on it. I
just wanted to thank you for bringing Lisa on your
(55:28):
podcast and introducing your listeners to fork the Noise. I
have always been thin and loved working out with my trainer,
but at times I can get too caught up and
only eating low carb, sugar free food during the week
and then drinking and eating whatever I want on the weekends.
It's my husband's birthday today, so I woke up early
to get him donuts for breakfast, one of our birthday traditions.
Because it isn't technically the weekend yet, I struggled with
(55:50):
whether or not to eat a doughnut with my husband.
Then I instantly thought about how you ate the turkey
sandwich when you went hiking and decided to go ahead
and just enjoy the day donut. It tasted amazing and
I don't feel awful like I thought I would today.
I'm thankful that I got to spend a few extra
minutes eating donuts with my husband before we went to
work because it filled up our relationship tanks. Thanks Amy,
(56:13):
keep doing you. Love you and your podcast so much, Caitlin,
So Caitlin shout out. That is so awesome. I love
that you had like a relationship tank moment and a
donut moment with your husband and it was, you know,
in the middle of the week and not the weekend,
and it didn't throw you off course and make everything crazy.
That is what Fork the Noise is all about. And
I appreciate Lisa and her message so much and heads up,
(56:35):
I don't know actually if her course is full, but
don't forget. She did offer a special cupon code for
my listeners for this course, So if you you know,
have have relationship issues with food, definitely just go read
about this and check it out and see if it
could be something for you. Amy dot Fork the Noise
dot Com is the custom you are l for my users,
(56:58):
which should give you the discount out Amy dot Fork
the Noise dot Com. And Lisa her Instagram handle is
at the Well Necessities UM and she's amazing and we
actually have a few things in the work to get
her back on here to talk about some stuff regarding
all of her wisdom when it comes to food and
(57:18):
your body and how we should be, how that relationship,
what a healthy relationship with all that should look like.
So Lisa, we'll be back on And with that said,
that is a wrap on today's episode. I'll see you
Tuesday for the fifth Thing ur Q and a episode.
If you've got questions, you can send them into four
Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. Bye, Little
(57:52):
Food for Yourself life. Oh it's pretty bad. It's pretty
beautiful that little more families tightened up because man, of
course said he can't. Your kicking it with four Things
with Amy Brown
A little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty bad,
it's pretty beautiful. Laugh for a little mouth. You're kicking four. Okay,
So this is fun. It's our intro and from time
to time I have my husband join me in the
(00:37):
intro or like Chase has popped in the intro before,
or even Stevenson. But today I have Aaron Opria in
my intro, which she's my trainer. She's come on. She's
normally one of the things, like you're normally a thing.
You're more than the intro. You're like you have a
topic like a thing. But we literally just got done
working out and we ran up to the studio to
kind of record a quick intro because I always like
(00:59):
to keep you guys informed on when her next step
that starts because you'll like to do it. And it's
it's August twelve, So this is going up on Thursday
the eighth, and then on Monday the twelfth, the next
step that starts. So we need to be signed up
by like Sunday. Yes, so download the step at app
into the game code. Aaron Opria, why would you guys
not want to play? Everybody should play. The more you move,
(01:21):
the better you feel. It's true. The more you get healthy,
you get healthy, you feel amazing, and you make money.
It's a win win. It costs you nothing if you
move and you get your own independent goal, your goal,
my goal. Everyone's goal is different. Yeah, y'all, you don't
want Aaron's skull? How does your goal this around? Just
tell twenty three and thousand? So because there's normal though, guys, right,
(01:45):
there's regular days and there's power days, and so I
would just say, don't let that number scare you because
the normal thing for people is normally like seven thousand
on a regular day and maybe ten thousand on a
power day. Seven nine, I see a lot. But also
remember you get one day of rest a week, so
any day you want, you get to choose your day
and you don't have to move that day. Relax. Chill yeah,
(02:07):
chill out, calm down, relax ch as. My son Stevenson
would say, we're speaking of I gotta talk to Mary.
But I think last year for Stevenson's birthday, we did
a chill out shirt, um and the money like just
for his birthday and Oniver's birthday and then he got
to like make a donation. That's so cool to the
orphanage that he grew up in. It's under the squall line.
(02:27):
And so since we did chill out last year, we're
thinking about doing relax this year and the next year
do calm down, so chill so cool, calm down, relax.
So like Aaron saying, one day a week you get
to relax and maybe where you're Stevenson relaxed shirt while
you're relaxed. All for a good cause, yes, And then
the good cause about the step bed is you do
(02:48):
I will say I've participated and I love it because
it does get you moving, and it's like, seriously, hold
you accountable something like that. Yes, you have a trainer,
but somebody that's on your wrist all day long. And
if you don't have a fitness tracker, no problem. You
can use your cell phone attracts your steps to smartphone,
just carry with whoever you go and normally you're carrying
it anyway. And it does get you off the couch,
(03:10):
which is important. And then Aaron, another thing that I
talked about in this episode. You don't know it's one
of the things, but is sleep? And would you say
sleep is super important. Sleep is just as important as
clean eating, as moving right, I agree, but for whatever reason,
we don't put emphasis on not um. My friend Bobo
put up this post about it, and I just found
it to be like, okay, yeah, this in sleep is
(03:32):
free literally moving walking your body. You know what? Will
we make every excuse while we can't, including myself, I
struggle with it. That's my and the worst at that,
and that's something I have to work on. Yeah, yeah, true,
I know. But these are a little These are little things,
like we're just here to encourage you so you can
get moving. You can join Aaron's step bet Aaron opria
Um spell your last name so they know how to
(03:53):
find it. So make sure you into the game code
Aaron opria opie r e A. Because I at last
summer when I joined the first game, I joined like
a random game. I didn't join Errand's like I messed
up and didn't put in her name and I was
like a part of some random game. And Aaron was
nice enough to email them and handle it for me,
so then I got into her game. A lot of
(04:13):
people actually sign up for the wrong game. If you guys,
sign up for the wrong game, you and I can
help you, dmen. But we want to all be on
the same game together, So I would highly recommend that.
And then so that's just a tip we wanted to
give you all. We're talking about sleep this episode. I
also have Jeremy Coward back, the um famous celebrity, amazing,
(04:34):
philanthropic photographer that I had on a couple of weeks ago.
I'm glad y'all enjoyed him. But he also has adopted
from Haiti. So we do a chat about adoption and
he got real and shared some things. And so even
if you haven't adopted or you don't have kids, I
think it will be a good talk for you to
listen to. And Jessica Haniger, the founder of Noonday Collection,
is back on this episode talking body image, which is
(04:57):
something Aaron and I have covered, but she has written.
Jessica wrote a book about her all kinds of things
and just part of her life, and she is someone
that has struggled with body image and I think she
has a lot of wisdom surrounding that on how to
love yourself. So I love our little talk about that.
And then I have like how you could be washing
(05:18):
your face all wrong. It's a simple thing, but I
am guilty of it, and I was reminded this week
that I'm what I'm doing wrong, and so I share
with you all how we can all change it. And
guess what, as long as you have running water that
parts free to well, dang, I need to watch that.
I don't have a clue watch it, listen to it. Okay,
So that is what's on the menu for today, and
thank you Aaron for running up here to remind us
(05:40):
about step Okay. First, as promised, Jessica Haniger is back
and this time around we're talking imperfect Courage. If you
missed last week's episode, she was on and we talked
about traveling the world, her taking her son, her adopted
son from Rwanda back to Rwanda for the first time,
(06:02):
and I could think we got into like a lot
of other different things how you can become a Noonday Ambassador,
which is just because company it's amazing, but also the
importance of spending time with your kids and the bonding
and anyways, a good episode and definitely go back and
check it out if you missed it. And then, um,
now I want to dive into something that came up
last week that we thought we would get into a
(06:22):
little bit more, and it's something that you wrote about
in your book, and it's body image. Yes, yes, I
have found that summertime. And maybe it because I live
in Austin and it could show hot here. So suddenly
when it's hot, I feel like, did I have gained
twenty pounds? I mean I really I feel like I've
(06:42):
been healthy lately, Like why do I feel this way?
And then, you know, I think that our scrolls and
up we just see more women in twin suits. And
I just realized that I was starting to think more
about my body than normal. And so I write about
in Imperfect Courage that I used to have this whole
(07:04):
perfectionistic mentality towards my parenting and towards my life and
also towards my body, and that if I somehow I
could have this body, which by the way, was like perfect,
then I wouldn't have any problems in my life, you know,
like I would have a seat at the table, I'd
get invited to all the parties like you fill in
(07:25):
the blank. And it was just a long journey for
me to really realize that my body is not a
problem to be fixed. It is my home that's to
be loved and cared for and nurtured and that I
could accept it exactly as it is today or as
it was yesterday, and really embracing that truth brought me
(07:46):
into a level of freedom and helped me to realize
that my body is not the problem, but my mindset
was the problem. And the empowering thing about that is
that we can actually change our mindset. And um and
at this is kind of bizarre, but I was just
hanging hanging out with one of my friends who is
a psychologist and researcher, and they just completed a study
(08:09):
on body image. And they had women in the study
and they didn't even know what they were signing up
for in this study, but they had women do things
like checked themselves in the near multiple times a day,
camouflaged parts of their body they didn't like, avoid activities
that would expose certain parts of their body, compare themselves
to others. What they found at the end of the
study is that woman's perception about their body body drastically
(08:34):
went down. I mean, their body positivity was practically defeated
because of all of these actions. And I looked at
my life and I'm like, oh my gosh, I've totally
been doing that, you know, like now, almost unconsciously, I've
been like, oh, I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna wear
that swimsuit today because it covers this, or you know,
oh gosh, look at that girl like she looks so
(08:56):
cute and that I wish as I wish I could
look like that, and like checking myself in the mirror.
And I realized that, oh my gosh, that's why I
have kind of been triggered lately, because I've been engaging
in these activities that ultimately defeat my body positivity. So
it's really powerful just with a simple act of putting
down the phone and taking the shorts off when I
(09:19):
go swimming, and just going out and having fun. Even
it's been class today, I like fun behind someone, so
I wasn't just staring at myself in the mirror the
whole time, and all of those little things just helped
change my mindset and just remind me that my body
is to be loved and nurtured. And it's like what
(09:40):
you focus on eventually becomes so important to you. So
I don't want to focus on my that, you know,
I want to focus on having fun with my kids.
I want to focus on the moment I was having
in that photo, not like how my arms looked, you know. Yeah, no,
it's so true. And I feel like I feel like
the vibe right now amongst women in at least that
(10:00):
I've been surrounding myself with or you know, leaning on
towards stuff like that, has been moving more in a
positive direction of like just love your body, um, you know,
don't stress out, like stop the dieting, Like, just take
care of your body, nourish it, give it what it needs,
like start looking at like food is fuel, and you know,
(10:22):
there's just so many different layers to it. We could
go on and on and on about that, but I
feel like curves are more acceptable. We're not trying to
be this like stick thin situation now. I mean a
lot of times you may see other things on Instagram
with the filters getting out of control because I have
to even catch myself with that because sometimes all I
just want to use the filter because it just looks better.
(10:43):
It just looks better, let's be honest. But then I'll
catch myself without the filter and I'm like, oh, yikes,
Like I am so deceiving right now. It's just like
even I freak myself out, like whoa, that's not what
my skin looks like right now. But if I have
a pimple or two or something, and then the filter
make it go away, Obviously, I don't want people staring
at the pimples, so I do the filter, and then
(11:06):
I'm like, oh my gosh. If someone were to meet
me in real life right now and all they ever
saw was sometimes a filtered story or whatever, then they
would be like, oh wow, like there, her skin is
not as smooth as I thought it was, or you know,
her pores are not as tight as I thought they were,
or um. So there's there's the whole thing with that Instagram.
(11:28):
But I still feel like even with that, somehow we're
moving in a more positive direction with being accepted of
of of our bodies and and the different types of
bodies that are out there. I don't even want to
say the flaws, but we refer to them as flaws,
but they shouldn't be like the I had this girl, Lisa,
I call her my friend now, but I literally met
(11:49):
her on Instagram. Her instagraming handle is at the well
Necessities and um. Now, you know we chat from time
to time, and you know, she had posted picture of
her stretch marks and Christie Teagan do you follow her? Okay,
So she has her stretch marks and she calls them stretches.
I think that's like their nickname, and she loves She's
(12:10):
like if she takes a picture and they show up,
she's like, oh, stretch he has made an appearance, Like
she just owns it. And I love how confident she
is because she's like this bombshell model who you think
like but even her, like I would never thinks just
like I mean, she's like taught to this player in
the world. And she just did a totally unfelt, unfiltered,
(12:33):
un photoshop for Vogue and I was like, man, yea, yes, yes,
like yeah, I love it, And I feel like that's
it's going. We're going in the right direction. It's getting better.
There's less and less photoshop, especially from the celebrities that
were inundated with and um more of them are on
board with just like embracing everything, and I feel like
(12:54):
that's going to be good for UM are our kids,
like we both have daughters, and it's already hard enough.
But I don't feel like it's ever going to fully
go away because it's just something that just pops up,
and I don't even know where it comes from, because
like my daughter, she's in like a homeschool situation. She's
not on um social media, she's not surrounded by a
(13:16):
bunch of other girls all the time, and she still
makes comments about her body sometimes, and I'm like, what
are you talking about? Like what? Like? What have how? What?
Where have I failed you? Because how have you? Do
you even have that in your head? And I try
to be careful about what I say about myself around her,
just so that I don't it doesn't bleed into her thoughts.
(13:37):
What do you have to say about that? Well? You
know I and I would write about this in my
book and I have like with my daughter, I my
mom did a lot of things that I didn't want
to repeat, and she has told me that, you know,
so she talked really poorly about her body and just
dieted a ton, and you know, we basically it's like
(14:00):
we can say whatever we want, but more is caught
than taught. And I just remember when I had a
little girl, I was so scared because I was like,
oh my gosh, I don't want her to end up
like having to go through this huge healing journey that
I've been through. So we did think, like, I mean,
I showered with her up until like a couple of
years ago, and she's thirteen now, and like I'm super
(14:22):
hippy dippy too, so it's like I'm like not modest
and all in front of her. And I never said
like anything about my body, you know, in front of her.
It's anything. I've just tried to talk super confidently, and
she's definitely picked a lot of that up. In fact,
last month we were both like having to kind of
mess with our shorts. It was a really hot day.
(14:43):
We were kind of like having to pull them down
because they kind of ritten written up our siys and
and she looked at me, she goes, yet, we got
those sides, don't we? Mom? These these hips don't lie.
And I was like, that's right. We've got Beyonce size,
don't we. And for me to even be able to
immediately think of a really famous person who has amazing
(15:06):
hips and thighs and be able to just know that
she has seen Beyonce, we watched Beyonce's documentary and I
had a positive reference point for her, you know, whereas
when I think when I was her age, I didn't
have that, but even she, I mean she's thirteen going
into eighth grade and has recently kind of, you know,
said that she has had some insecurities kind up that
(15:26):
she's had to really work through. And um, I think
it was that reality of you know, we can influence
an influence and influence and we have to keep the
narrative going in the direction that it's going. But there
is just something in a I think in all of
us that just still I think it's really about perfection.
We think that if we could just look this way,
(15:48):
or if we could just have this group of friends,
or if we could just have this career, or if
we could just reach this number in our bank account,
or if we could just get to buy those shoes,
then our life would be what were still in the blank.
And it's just such it's perfectionist's mentality, and it keeps
you flaying after that thing instead of living in the present,
(16:08):
living in your moment, living in your day, and it
really keeps you missing out on connection with yourself and
with the people around you. So I think it's it's
body image, but I realized, you know, I can do
it easily in other areas of my life as well.
It's just this idea that like, if I could just
reach that certain place, then life would somehow have no
(16:30):
pain in it, you know, And it's not true. And
it's not like that shouldn't be our goal anyway, you know,
a goal of just perfect you know, perfect comfort. You know,
actually the things that causes to grow are the uncomfortable things.
I even took my son with me, we went spinning together.
(16:50):
I love my local Austin studio. You can bring your
kids to spin cost and yeah, and he even told
me afterwards, he was like, Mom, there was this one
point and I just thought, you know what I'm gonna sit.
I'm gonna you know, put it, put it on the
easier level. And then I just decided no, because it's
the hard things that help us grow. And I was like, yeah, that, yes,
(17:16):
it is. It's the hard things that help us grow.
So it's kind of like when you think of your
um muscles breaking down while you're spinning and you're working out.
So made me think of muscles and a lot of
times when you're lifting weights or you're working those muscles,
you're you're tearing them and then they build back up stronger,
they build back up, they build back up. And I
think that can be this scary thing when you've had
(17:40):
these impulses in your life, whether it's withholding food from yourself,
or whether it's checking yourself in the mirror a lot,
or even checking your own Instagram feed and looking at
selfies that you've posted, like whatever it is, I think
all of these behaviors you it is a scary a
moment of surrender. It's that muscle breakdown point where you
(18:03):
have to surrender these behaviors, and it feels uncomfortable because
it's just become so much of your habit and your
reality that I promised. When you start laying down some
of those activities, freedom is in the lake of that,
and you become what you focus on. So if you
(18:23):
focus obsessively on oh my God, my skin, or oh
my gosh, my arms or my body or whatever it is,
then that ends up taking your attention, and it takes
your attention ultimately, ultimately away from your life, from the
good stuff. It's an allergy supper, it is. It's an
energy sucker. But I remember meeting with my therapist one
(18:46):
time and there was this picture and it was of
me and my daughter, and all I could see was
my arm in this photo and I immediately deleted it
from my feed and I remember telling my therapist about
it it and then it was like, you know what,
I'm going to go get that out of my my
deleted folder and I'm gonna and then like look at it,
(19:08):
and she does, what if instead of looking at her
arm right now, like, imagine how you feel about your
daughter in this moment she got to come with you
to work that day, You're holding one another, and you know,
it's like, yes, like that was a special moment. Instead
of turning it into a critical narrative about my body,
really I could focus on the relationship that I have
(19:31):
with my daughter and then I got to bring her
to work, and then I love my job. And so
it really is recreating these narratives in our mind and
redefining what we've seen is perfect and focusing on what
really matters. And you know, those are things that have
really helped me and my journey. I love it. I mean,
(19:51):
I told you all Jessica's full of wisdom. Um, and
she does have a podcast, uh and it's called Going Scared.
If you'll ever want to check that out, you totally
should go, Like you have like sixty something episodes up
right now, Yes I do. Amy is on one of them,
one of my first ones, and we interview everyone from
(20:13):
entrepreneurs like Ali Webb of The Dry Bar. I talked
about body image with Jenna Teacher, who's an ARI advocate,
and we've even had the for magazine publisher. I mean,
we just it's a variety of people on really interesting
conversations and we are Our next season launches August fourteen. Awesome. Okay,
(20:37):
so definitely go check that out and then your Instagram
handled but spell your last name because I know the
rest one. I know. It's Jessica Honiger. It's got two
g's and one end, so there's an egg in the middle,
So Jessica h O and e G G e er.
My mother in law had to teach me that trick
because I've been spelled. It was when Joe and I
(20:57):
were dating. So I like, this is not going, Wow,
this is not good. But yeah, that's helpful. I've never
I've never heard the egg trick that that's going to
help me out because I tell you, Jessica, I always
do two ends and it's one end and then it's okay,
got it. So Yeah, it's it's just been. It's been
a yeah well and definitely a good follow on Instagram.
(21:21):
I love sometimes you give me a little tips, like
I don't know, it may even been a week or
two ago, but you're like high ponytails are having a
moment right now, and I was like, oh, they are gone.
I don't know. I just cut I cut all my
hair off, not too long ago. I mean, I feel
like I've had short hair for a little bit. I
guess it was late last year that I cut it off.
(21:41):
But there are just some body pins underneath. I think
you could still well, I don't know if there was
a little hot hair extension. Yeah, maybe you throw it in. Okay,
I'll try to embrace the high pony and I'll put
on some like I don't know, fun Noonday Collection earrings
and call it day do it, do it? Okay, we'll
have some time in your way from the new line
(22:02):
Oh okay awesome, which that launched last week. If y'all
are curious, um and again, more about Noonday is on
last week's episode. But Noonday Collection is Jessica's business, and
all the jewelry is made by female artisans all around
the world. Is it strictly just females? It actually isn't.
We really want families to flourish. So about that. Yea,
(22:24):
our female, but we also really want to raise up
men to be cultural influencers as well. Yeah, so you
can check out her jewelry line Noonday Collection dot com. Okay, well,
thanks for coming back on Jessica, and hopefully I'll see
you soon. Oh let's do it. Okay, okay, okay, that
was okay, Well that was I feel like both of
(22:46):
those are really good. Are you happy with both those?
Oh yeah, they're great. Thank you. Okay, than welcome. I'm
about to Jeremy Coward's about to be here. Have you
ever met him? Oh? Yeah, he was on my podcast
and then we're in a little entrepreneurial ke together called Practice.
I love Jeremy, Yeah I have. Um. I met him
(23:07):
once at Tracy Hamilton's house and we were doing something
for Haiti. But um yeah, he's coming on to talk
about a couple of things. So um he is so great.
He is for me. He is just um man, He's
a really humble guy in the best of ways. Yeah.
I will definitely tell him that you said hi. They
(23:28):
will be a good little icebreaker for me, and yeah, well,
I hope you have a good rest of the day,
and thank you for making time to come on. And
then just just so when it goes live, it'll be
the first one August one, and then the next one
is following Thursday, so two weeks. Okay, Well we will
shout at from the reeftop. Thanks so much, Amy, or
(23:49):
I just love how you keep showing up, bro. Thanks Jessica.
You say to you, you're you're showing up. You're out
there like doing all the things. I'm like, oh my gosh.
And then even listening to talk right now, I'm like, gosh,
she's your like you're you're good, You're really good, like
you've got I'm like, she's full of all the stories
and all the things you can tell. You're just so
passionate about it all. And I love it. Wow, thanks girl.
(24:12):
I enjoy it. I swear if I could do interviews
all day for my job, I totally would. I know,
I know, but unfortunately got to do all the other
stuff to you kind of get to do do more
in that than me. Yeah, but it is fun, not
gonna lie. Yeah, it's an awesome job. Okay, girl, Well
thanks again for having me on. I'll talk to you later, Okay, okay, right,
(24:43):
And so Adam Bobo is someone that's come on my
podcast before. He's my friend that has a business here
in Nashville called Arete, which is one of those ivy
hydration businesses. Like he has an office you can go
to or it's concierge will he'll come to you and
hydrate you. Who works with a lot of artists and
act leads, and he's just he's one of those guys
that like tries it all on his body like a
(25:04):
little guinea pig and then he'll tell us things. So
y'all have always enjoyed when we've had him on. So
I want to do I want to have him back
on and have like a little Q and a thing
for him, like you all submit me questions you have
and then I can have him answer them. And you know,
I'm bringing this up now so that when we can
start collecting the questions and y'all can send them to
(25:26):
four Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com and
just put you know, like question for Bobo or put
Bobo in the subject line or something, and we can
create a little a little segment with him for that
because he he he's noticed whenever he comes on he
gets Instagram messages. His Instagram handle is at Adam Bobo.
(25:47):
He'll get d M s from y'all asking certain things,
and he's like, I mean, people come with like really
good questions. So then I saw this post that he
put up and about something that he gets asked all
the time, and I thought, hm, like, this is something
I want to share. So I'm gonna make this a thing,
and then I'll also use as a setup for people
to send in their Bobo questions. But here's what Adam posted.
(26:11):
I get asked all the time for what someone should
do if they don't like needles, if they can't afford
I v S, or they don't have regular access to
I v S and they want to still improve their
health and overall physical and mental functioning. I respond with
two answers, adequate and quality hydration and sleep. Most people
(26:31):
fail to get enough sleep, and even then the ones
who do fail to get quality sleep. Sleep is the
single most effective recovery tool and performance enhancing asset that
we all have access to, and it's free. Athletes and
high cognitive functioning individuals should be getting eight to ten
hours of high quality sleep per night. Everyone else should
(26:53):
be getting a minimum of seven hours, with a goal
of eight minimum. Decreased sleep time and quality has shown
time and time again to decrease cognitive function, concentration, mood,
running speed, athletic performance, and a durance, as well as
increases upper respiratory and infection risk, injury risk, and risk
(27:14):
of type two diabetes and heart disease. Even knowing this,
our society is still infatuated with the grind. I'm the
same way at times. But just as much as you
want to put in extra time for training, that project,
recovery techniques, fun or TV, sleep time and quality must
take precedent. If not, all the things you were doing
(27:36):
to perform at a higher level, grow a company, or
simply enjoy life will all take a hit and the
time invested will not be as fruitful. Every little step
you implement to improve your sleep quality and duration makes
a difference. Start small and start reeling the benefits. So
thank you Adam Bobo for that post. I really enjoyed it,
(27:57):
so I wanted to share it with you all because
I know that it's hard to make sleep a priority.
We've even made sleep a thing before on the podcast,
one of the things was dedicated to sleep and why
it's so important. So I'm just gonna keep saying it,
but I thought that, you know, I love Adam's perspective
of like, you know, people are coming to him like
I can't get I V I can't do this, and
he's like, well, you know what hydration. Most of you
(28:19):
can drink water and most of you should be able
to get sleep. And I love that the sleep part
is totally free. You just gotta make yourself do it
and see if you feel any better. So again, send
your questions for Adam Bobo on Instagram. You can follow
him at Adam Bobo. But make sure you're letting me
know what you want to do with our little Q
(28:40):
and A. And he'll come in and be one of
the things and we'll sit down with him. And yes,
he's single. I know a lot of you that's a
lot of times your question is he single? Where does
he live? He lives here in Nashville, And yes, he's
very single. Last time we had Jeremy Coward on, we
talked about, um, all the amazing things that you're doing,
(29:05):
but you started with your photography and then how that
kind of you know, had a domino effect into these
crazy ideas that you had, where I mean, you're just
using like some people just like they go out and
they take pictures and it's like, oh great, but like you, you,
I don't know. You're so gifted. You have all you're
an ideas person and with photography. I mean, you're impacting
(29:26):
so many people with all of your various projects. And
I told you all to go to Jeremy Coward dot com,
and I hope that you did, and you click on
the ideas and you see the um hurricane relief, the earthquakely,
the child Arn't Therapy, the Forgiveness Project, the Purpose Hotel,
which we talked about last time, which if y'all haven't
listened to that episode, you need to go listen to
it because the hotel idea is amazing and it's happening,
(29:49):
and Nashville is lucky enough to get the first one,
and any of you that are living your that don't
live in Nashville, like you're gonna want to come stay
at the Purpose Hotel in Nashville. And I'm just so
honored to have me back on now to talk about
adoption because we have that in common. We both have
adopted from Haiti. And now did you when you went
to Haiti. On the last episode, we talked about how
(30:11):
when you went to Haiti to to photograph after the
earthquake because you wanted people there to be able to
tell their story. Um, did you already? When did you?
When did you and your wife decided to adopt from Haiti? Yeah,
the the earthquake was pre adoption, Yeah, because that was
how I fell in love with Haiti for sure, was
that project. So we we brought our kids home four
(30:34):
years ago. Um, yes, two thousand fifteen, but we started
the process in two twelve. I think the earthquake was
what two ten? Yeah, it was the year my son
was born. So his I always picture his mom she
was pregnant when the earthquake happened. Crazy. Yeah, So we
(30:54):
were soon after that. Yeah, and so and then it
took you all three years, So took us five. So
international adoption is definitely not something that just you know,
you don't get a phone call. But domestic I will say,
I've gone through that side of it too before we
decided to go international, and it was still a process
(31:17):
and I know people can end up waiting years and
that it's not always like some people it's quick. Some
people it's not. The international there's just so many more
things to go through, hoops to jump through that it's
it's just a given that it's going to take a
couple of years or longer. And so for you, it
was not necessarily My brother adopted from Africa and start
(31:38):
to finish, it was like six months. Stop, does he
know somebody or just happened that way? Well, I know
someone that that happened for, But they knew somebody for sure.
That is crazy. That's very rare, that would you say,
But what a blessing for them to not have to
because when you're in that, when you're in it, it
(31:59):
just seems like forever. Yes, it is. Yeah, And we're
not on here to discourage anybody from looking into international
adoption by any means. In fact, the opposite. It's almost
just to make sure that you're you're aware of like
the different things that happened with adoption and that those
of us that have been through it are being transparent
and that you know, it's not a walk in the park.
(32:21):
Is very very hard to talk about for sure. Without Yeah,
I call always called the whole thing brutalful because it's
brutal and it's beautiful, you know, like, and there's no
getting through it without both, you know, because it's the
hardest thing I've ever done, but the most redemptive and
(32:42):
beautiful thing. Hopefully, right, we're still in the think of it. Um.
But uh, but yeah, it's a it's wild and like
you said, it's like I think adoption is so often
perceived as being the sweet, joyful thing, which it is,
but man, it's hard. You know, there's I don't know
anybody that can said, oh, it's so easy and fun.
(33:03):
I remember at the very beginning, which is when it's
the most rough. But you and I, you know, off air,
we're kind of talking. We'll share a little bit more
as we get into it that we're I think we're
just like with any kids, You're always gonna be going
through stuff. It's life. Um. But the beginning for me
was so rough, Like the first six months were so ah, brutal. Well,
(33:24):
you went from zero kids period, right, zero kids period
to a seven year old and a ten year old
and uh, and all the testing and all the things,
and it just was I was crying in my closet
every day. And I remember being at Target and I
ran into a listener or something and she was just like,
oh my gosh, I've just been following your journey on
(33:45):
Instagram and you're You're just so inspiring. This is so
amazing and I can't believe you did this, And like
literally I was staring at I mean, I just kind
of smiled, like, oh, thank you. But in my mind,
I was like, does this woman know that? Literally, like
I want to give them back, Like I was having
those thoughts, which when you're having them, you feel awful
(34:05):
and you feel like I'm just not equipped and this
is not for me and what have I done? Like,
and she was trying to be all nice and you
praise like this was so amazing, and I'm like, I
literally because I mean, she's a nice listener, but I'm
not about to get into it in the Target checkoutline
with her. But in my mind, I was like, if
she had any idea the thoughts I've been having lately,
she would not be saying this to me. Therapeutic to
(34:27):
hear you say that, because you know we've had a
really just terrible thoughts, you know, like this is like
you said it's not less about the child or more
about ourselves, like we cut out for this, are we
even capable of doing this? Because it is it's hard.
We I guests had it easier in a sense that
we already had two biological children, so at least we
(34:49):
were already parents, you know. Um, But even then, like
parenting biological children is easier because it's it's in aid
that they're your blood. You understand their decision making, you understand.
They're just easier somehow, I don't know, Maybe that's just me,
but with adoption, there's no compass. You don't understand their
(35:10):
brains and how they're wired and while they're doing what
they're doing. I don't know. It's just it's been much
much harder for us. And so yeah, there have been days,
you know where it's like, man, did we make the
right decision? You know? Um for sure? And our two
are very very different. Um are they biological? No, they
are not realized, but they grew up together in the
(35:33):
same orphanage. And then another weird thing is that are
two biological kids are best friends, have never fought a
moment in their lives. They don't even argue, like they
literally are best friends. It's crazy. I fought with my
brother's tooth and nail grown up, and so I'm not
used to a sibling dynamic where they're just love each
(35:55):
other every day all the time, you know. Um, And
so the two that we've adopted, you know, they're just
fight every day. So two that are best friends on
two that fight every day, and uh, it's really it's
really fun. And we're hoping the younger too are influenced,
but the older two in their relationship yea, but yeah,
it's uh, and it's I can't say that it's gotten
(36:16):
easier for us. Um it's uh, it's either the same
or getting a little harder for sure. Oh wow, Okay,
so because for me it was so hard in the beginning.
Like right now, I feel like we're in a we're
in a good spot. Some stuff with my son that
wasn't an issue in the beginning. Like our daughter seems
to have rounded a corner. But I mean we got
(36:36):
her at a time for you know, she was ten
and she's eleven and now she's twelve, and it's like
all the girls stuff and the like, well are your
adopted kids? I have a boy and a girl, have
a boy and a girl. Here's a girl and how
old are they? Boys? Eight? A girl of seven? Okay,
so she's seven, so you have some time, well get ready,
(36:58):
but you know, like there's that whole side where I
am like, Okay, she's just being this is hormones. Don't
take it personally. Some of it is probably wounds from
her past life. So she lived with her mom from
zero to five or birth to five, and then she
lived at the orphanage from five to ten, and then
(37:18):
so now from tender on she's with us. So it's
almost like she's on her third life. So I've got
a lot of grace. I got a lot, but I
only have so much. And you know, she she was
a tester, but she's kind of round at a corner
where she's really gosh, she's just starting to minus, like
the hormone stuff sometimes. Like she really is helpful. She's
(37:39):
helpful with our son and kind of loves that role
of kind of be She likes responsibility, and so the
more we give her, the more she thrives. And that's
something we've just learned. But our son, where he used
to be kind of easier, he's the one that now
a year and a half in, we're having all these
things and it's like, why is this happening? Everything was
(38:02):
so fine and like, I don't know. And then he's eight,
so then it's like they've done some therapy because it
was required with the adoption, and um, but now I
think it's almost time that we just start doing it
more full time. But I didn't want to. That's so
heavy that they were already processing so much that I
(38:24):
didn't want to add that. Did did y'all put your
kids in? Are they going? Or what would your I
don't know your advice on. For one, I have to
clarify just my my opinion personally from all my discussions
on adoption. I think any parent listening really has to
know that every adoption is just unique as every child
(38:45):
of period. Yes, like they're no, there is no adoption
story like like another. Like I feel like we're somewhere
in the middle. I've heard a lot harder stories. I've
heard a lot easier stories, you know, like each child
is so unique. Um. But with our story, daughter, I
would say, for the most part, has been a brief
She's really sassy, funny, uh seven with a seven wing
(39:09):
on the Instagram. She's just the life of the party question.
Didn't you say that? What number are you on the intiogram?
I think I'm a four with a three wing? Yeah,
uh the individualist. Um. Anyway, So she's actually been easy
four years, you know, knock on wood, Um. But obviously
we have many a long time to go still, but
(39:30):
she's just a blast. Our son has been really difficult.
He was. There's a lot of trauma that we're aware
of from his taller years, both at home and the
orphanage and severe a d h d um, a lot
of anger. The anger seems to be growing, which is
(39:52):
that's where it's getting difficult. Um. And you know, I've
never had anger issues, but I'm never dealt with it either.
I what didn't grow up in an angry home. My
children don't express anger, and so UM, it's hard to
know what to do with that. Because his his need
is to control us, his need is to be the boss,
(40:14):
and no form of discipline works with him. We've tried
all of it, the religientle sweet loving stuff, the really
military discipline, hard stuff, and none of it works. Um.
But the thing is, it's not every day like he's
It's almost like there's there's two of him, and we
don't know which one we're going to be facing, you know,
(40:36):
because he does have a very sweet, loving side, um,
but then the next moment he's just switched. And then
now we're dealing with the angry, whole, you know, version
of himself. UM. And so yeah, it's it's difficult, and
we're trying everything to from you know, uh, neuro feedback,
(40:56):
brain therapy, to counseling, to counseling for us as parents, um,
kind of trying to all the things to try to
navigate it. Yeah, and that's interesting you say, that's the
I don't know where were on this on the scale
of of angry with our son, but it is this
juckle and hide situation and he's eight and we're starting
(41:19):
to see it because people see him as this bubbly, lively,
laughter all the time, cutest can be sweet kiddo, and
you know, and then but there's also this side people
wouldn't you know, we all have our sides, but it's definitely, um,
something I'm not used to, like you're saying, seeing in
(41:40):
our home or that I'm used to see, and especially
at such a young age. And some of the thoughts
and words and how he chooses to express it, and like,
I don't know, it worries me sometimes worries worries us
every day, and it's you know, I can't blame him
for it. You know, your birth of five is the
most most developmental years for any human beings, so who
(42:03):
knows what we went through. But again, like you said earlier,
it's like, man, am I cut out to know how
to deal with this? Yeah, because it's so heavy and
intense and uh, you know, we're trying to figure out
how do we best respond when literally new discipline works,
nothing can stop him, you know, when he's in that mode.
(42:25):
So yeah, it's overwhelming. So what I mean again, and
thank you for sharing that, just so that other people
listening maybe know that they're not alone if they are
experiencing children like that, and that it's not you know,
he's kind of start to think, is it is it me?
Is it us? What are we doing wrong? But you know,
(42:46):
you just it's hard to know sometimes what's going on
in their little heads and how maybe they just can't
figure out how to quite process it. And hopefully they'll
get there or we'll all get there together as a family.
When or working through something like that. But just hopefully
if you're if you're listening, you're not alone, or if
you're listening right now and you're thinking, well, I was
(43:07):
considering adoption and now I'm not. That's not our point
at all. But just know too that there's I love
that you described it as brutiful, because there's brutal moments
and there's beautiful moments. So what would you say to
someone that might be listening that literally, because I get
emails all the time from couples that they are just
(43:31):
starting to think about adoption and they don't know what
to do with it because it's totally foreign to them,
And it was to me and my husband, like, we
didn't know many people adopted. Nobody in our family had
really adopted. We always thought we would have biological children, um,
but then we weren't able to get pregnant, and then
it just sort of just organically became our story. Um.
(43:52):
And you know, so I know what it's like to
kind of first be thinking and being like what, I
don't really know. But there wasn't as many resources back then,
and I guess podcasts are just such an easy way
to consume it. But there was books, um. And one
book that sealed the deal for my husband was adopted
for life. So I'll throw that book out there for
anybody thinking about it. And that's when after he read that,
(44:14):
he was like, Okay, I'm in because he was a
little bit more hesitant. He didn't want to give up
on the whole biological thing. Um. And So for you,
as an adopted parent, like, what is something you would
say to encourage people that are just now starting to
consider it? Yeah, I mean if you, if you, I
would say, just first, just be sure you know it's
(44:37):
right decision for you. You know, we used to before
our kids came out, and we would say jokingly but
also kind of wondering, we're about to have our lives
turned upside down. I remember we'd always say that, and
the truer statement had never been said, because it really
does turn your life upside down. It's just just crazy,
(44:58):
as you know, you're just thrown into of the I
just had a friend who went from zero to three
kids at once, and they're just like, you know, the
same thing, just kind of freaking out. But again, it's
it's you're changing that child's life, and so you're sacrificing
so much, but it's worth you know, you're giving them
a forever home and a forever family and so um.
(45:20):
But there's no doubt that it's that it's beautiful and
it's going to be hard. And again, I can't reiterate
enough that I do hear of adoption stories where it's seamless,
it's easy, it's smooth, you know, and then I hear
some I've got one friend who's fourteen year old. They'll
(45:40):
be driving down the interstate and she will jump out
of the back seat and start punching them in the
face like the most insane opposite side. But they love,
I mean they are to me, they are my heroes
because they have a lot harder than we do. But
the love they have for is unending and just so inspiring.
(46:01):
And you know, so we're not getting physically sacked, but
you know other days where it feels like that emotionally
for sure. But you just have to know that your
your called to it, and I knew that. You know,
their store may not be like your's warm mine just
every child is so unique. I think if you can
(46:21):
find people and then that's how I met you. The
first time was through Tracy and Scott Hamilton's was Tracy
became a mentor to me because she had already gone
down and this road. They adopted two older kids from
Haiti as well, and she still is and I can
still call on her, and that's super helpful. Like if
you and she we were introduced by a mutual friend
(46:44):
who knew that, you know, we had that in common,
and so it's not like I she just was already
my friend. It was like she became my mentor because
you know, I reached out to somebody else that that knew.
It was just kind of a whole thing and it happened.
So find those people. Find your people that can help
you navigate, because there's so much to go through, even
(47:04):
when you're in the process of maybe bring them home
or um trying to get them or wherever they come from,
or maybe it's domestic whatever that whatever it looks like
for you, or you want to even dive into foster care.
You know, I have Eddie. I've had Eddie from the
Bobby Bones show on and he's fostering two kids right
now and he has two biological and so they're in
his home and who knows, I mean, he may he
(47:26):
may end up he may end up adopting them one day,
if that's what ends up happening. Um. So there's various ways. Um,
but I would just encourage people are saying that if, if,
if you feel it, like explore it. But like Jeremy said,
make sure that you're you're ready, and if you're not,
I really feel like if you're not, the process may
(47:48):
weed you out anyway, because it's a lot of work.
I mean the paperwork and the home studies and the
fingerprints at various locations five times a year. I mean,
I was like, because we were in the process for
five years and we had to get two sets of
finger rents every year to prove that we weren't criminals still,
and every year I was like, still not a criminal.
But it was like your appointments up and then everything
(48:08):
was archaic. It was like some of it was snail mail,
and just everything was taking so long, and I kept
thinking like, if I didn't really want this, I would
just be like forget it. But so that's why I
feel like the process itself sometimes might wet out people
that it's not really for me. Into some degree. You
never will be ready, you know. It's kind of like marriage.
(48:29):
You ever were ready for marriage, you ever really ready
for kids? And you know the same goes like we
weren't ready really, you know, but you just jump into it.
And but I know what you mean. Make sure you're
ready to some degree. And then but also know that
you know that child is gonna blow your mind. And
all kinds of way is good in bed, you know,
so true, and then the good hopefully well way the
(48:52):
bad and you'll have a brutiful situation. I love it.
I have a new word I would totally use out
all the time. Okay, So Jeremy Coward, thanks for coming
back on this time to talk adoption. But last time
we talked about a bunch of different things. So again,
go back and listen to the episode if you haven't,
and then for sure check out Jeremy Coward dot com
for all of the photos and amazing things in the
(49:13):
Purpose Hotel. And I don't know if you're telling me
you want me to come in to take some picture
or something. I am now doing opening my studio to
the public. Anybody can come in for portraits and yes
you need to come in, okay, because I do not
like having my picture taken. Nobody does. But you'll make
it easy and apparently the pictures will look super cool.
I'm trying. Yeah, you're not. You're trust me, You're talented.
(49:40):
That's awesome. Okay, Well, thank you, Jeremy, and until next time. Okay.
So this thing is going to be quick, and it
might seem kind of like obvious to some of you listening,
but this is a reminder that I definitely needed this week. Mean,
I for sure have heard it before in my life,
(50:01):
but I was not implementing it lately. And I was
talking to Carry at the Nashville Beauty Girl and I
was like, my skin is so dry right now and
I don't understand why. And once we went through some
of my face routine stuff, she asked me what temperature
I was washing my face on lately, and I said, well,
pretty hot. Actually, I don't even when I'm washing my
face at the sink, like before I go to bed
or when I wake up. I'm not talking about like
(50:23):
when I'm taking a shower or whatever, I have it
on hot. I don't even turn the cold knob on.
That's like I only use whatever is coming out of
the hot side to wash my face. And boom. That
was the problem. When you wash your face. With hot water,
you strip its essential natural oils, and it causes like
skin sensitivity, and it can make your face really dry,
(50:45):
which that that was my problem, which is not good. Also,
it kind of opens up the pores like a lot.
And then cold water, which I love taking me a
good freezing cold shower, But actually my cold showers haven't
even felt that cold lately because it is so hot
out side that I feel like the water even through
the pipes is being warmed. Like back once we hit wintertime,
(51:06):
my cold showers will get back to being like legit
cold showers. But you know, I am putting the cold
water on my face thinking that maybe that's really good
for my skin. And while colder temperature temperatures definitely do
help like reduce puffiness, so I recommend it for that. Um,
it doesn't like tighten your pores, And for whatever reason,
I always had it in the back of my brain
that it did, but CARRY was like, no, that's not
(51:28):
really the case. So the ideal temperature to wash our
faces is gonna be lukewarm water. So I've been implementing
that the past two nights or so, and I can
already see my face doing a little bit better. So
lukewarm water is where it's at. That's what we need
to be washing our faces with. Got it, got it,
got it good. Okay, about to get into the email
(51:53):
shout out, but I just want to say that I
hope after listening to Jeremy and Jessica you'll give them
a follow on Instagram, tell them how much you loved
hearing them on the podcast. I just appreciate them sharing
their lives with us and opening up at Jeremy Coward
is his Instagram handle and at Jessica Haniger is hers.
So big thank you to them, and then don't forget
to send your questions in for Adam Bobo. His instagram
(52:16):
is at Adam Bobo if you want to get familiar
with him and see if you might have a question
for him after checking out his Instagram page, and then
before I get to the email shout out, I quickly
want to say that in the intro that I recorded
with Aaron, I teased that we might be doing a
relaxed shirt for Stevenson's birthday this weekend, and we're gonna
(52:37):
do it, so heads up that is happening. It will
be Saturday only because that's his legit birthday. This is
what we did last year on his legit birthday, sold
chill Out shirts that helps support the orphanage in Haiti
where he grew up. And it's just an honor his
birthday and something cool that we can do to celebrate
his life and give back to the place that that
took care of him until he came to live with me,
(52:58):
which is pretty amazing. So if you're new to this
and you weren't following my life last year, Stevenson like
loved saying chill out, relax, calm down, and it was
adorable and precious. So last year we did chill out.
This year will do relax, and next year we will
do calm Down, and then we'll figure out another way
(53:20):
to celebrate his birthday after that. But uh, since people
might be shopping for us on the squall page at
that time, I'll go ahead and say that on Saturday
is when we will put up the four Things teacher
tote as well, so that will finally be available. That way,
you don't have to like go to the website twice
in a couple of days. We want to keep it
simple for y'all, So if you happen to want to
(53:41):
relax shirt, great if not. If you just want the
four Things teacher tote, great if you want both, awesome.
But there will be the four Things teacher tote that
you can buy for yourself or for a teacher in
your life and you'll actually get in the mail. And
then there's also gonna be an option to sponsor a
tote where you can buy it and then it's going
to go to a teacher that gets nominated and we
fill it with awesome things and it goes out. If
(54:02):
maybe you can't do you know, afford to do a
whole sponsored tote, We're going to have I think a
drop down option where you can donate like five to
fifteen dollars to go towards filling the tote and then
you can be a part of the campaign, the project
for the teachers. But if you can't even do that,
we totally get it. Uh So we just appreciate you
(54:23):
spreading the word if that's a way that you can
help us out and be a part of this teacher
tote campaign, the Fill the Tote drive. I don't really
know that we have an official name yet, but uh,
word of mouth is so great and Instagram is so
amazing and we just appreciate when y'all post and share
and tag four things, tote and tag shop ESPLA and
the shot forward. I mean, that's what Mary and I
(54:45):
rely on, so we appreciate it so much and that
is definitely an easy way to help out and doesn't
cost any money. So with all that said, be on
the lookout for that stuff this a weekend. It'll be
so fun. Radio Ama dot com is an easy way
to access freething like you know, a SPOA related, pimp,
enjoy related my Amazon page. I get a lot of
(55:06):
questions about that. Just radio amy dot com keep that
in mind. It'll take you to everything. So let's go
ahead and get to the email shout out, which today
is from Caitlin. Dear Amy, I am twenty nine years
old and recently married. I listen to your podcast religiously
and love every topic that you discuss on it. I
just wanted to thank you for bringing Lisa on your
(55:28):
podcast and introducing your listeners to fork the Noise. I
have always been thin and loved working out with my trainer,
but at times I can get too caught up and
only eating low carb, sugar free food during the week
and then drinking and eating whatever I want on the weekends.
It's my husband's birthday today, so I woke up early
to get him donuts for breakfast, one of our birthday traditions.
Because it isn't technically the weekend yet, I struggled with
(55:50):
whether or not to eat a doughnut with my husband.
Then I instantly thought about how you ate the turkey
sandwich when you went hiking and decided to go ahead
and just enjoy the day donut. It tasted amazing and
I don't feel awful like I thought I would today.
I'm thankful that I got to spend a few extra
minutes eating donuts with my husband before we went to
work because it filled up our relationship tanks. Thanks Amy,
(56:13):
keep doing you. Love you and your podcast so much, Caitlin,
So Caitlin shout out. That is so awesome. I love
that you had like a relationship tank moment and a
donut moment with your husband and it was, you know,
in the middle of the week and not the weekend,
and it didn't throw you off course and make everything crazy.
That is what Fork the Noise is all about. And
I appreciate Lisa and her message so much and heads up,
(56:35):
I don't know actually if her course is full, but
don't forget. She did offer a special cupon code for
my listeners for this course, So if you you know,
have have relationship issues with food, definitely just go read
about this and check it out and see if it
could be something for you. Amy dot Fork the Noise
dot Com is the custom you are l for my users,
(56:58):
which should give you the discount out Amy dot Fork
the Noise dot Com. And Lisa her Instagram handle is
at the Well Necessities UM and she's amazing and we
actually have a few things in the work to get
her back on here to talk about some stuff regarding
all of her wisdom when it comes to food and
(57:18):
your body and how we should be, how that relationship,
what a healthy relationship with all that should look like.
So Lisa, we'll be back on And with that said,
that is a wrap on today's episode. I'll see you
Tuesday for the fifth Thing ur Q and a episode.
If you've got questions, you can send them into four
Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. Bye, Little
(57:52):
Food for Yourself life. Oh it's pretty bad. It's pretty
beautiful that little more families tightened up because man, of
course said he can't. Your kicking it with four Things
with Amy Brown
4 Things with Amy Brown News
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