November 16, 2024 • 18 mins
OUTWEIGH: Welcome to the first part of our holiday series on Outweigh, where Amy and Leanne tackle a challenge that many listeners face during this festive season: navigating holiday gatherings without the burden of food guilt.
As the holidays approach, the temptation of indulgent foods can lead to feelings of being "out of control." We dive deep into understanding the roots of food guilt, often stemming from black-and-white thinking and the typical dieting culture that surrounds us. We'll explore how this "all-or-nothing" mentality not only perpetuates guilt but also fuels a cycle of overeating followed by restriction.
We talk about the importance of shifting from a 'scarcity' mindset—where indulgence feels like a last chance—to an 'abundance' mindset that fosters a healthier relationship with food. And we will share practical strategies and real-life examples from clients' journeys to illustrate this shift, making the holidays a time for celebration rather than guilt.
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Aga, I'm strong, I feel free, I know every part
of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then we'll always out way if you.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Feel it, but your here, She'll some love to the vio.
Why get there? Take you one day? Anita?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Did you and die out way?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy Saturday? Outweigh Amy here with Leanne hey le Ane, Hello, Hello,
good to be here. Leanne Ellington and I are gonna
be starting a holiday series. This is going to be
part one and then we'll have a part two next week.
I guess it's a four part series in a nutshell,
and the holidays can be well, to just put it, frankly,
(00:59):
a strugg I don't want to add to that by
giving it that power. But a lot of times there's
the family dynamics that just add another layer of stress.
You're around a lot of food, You maybe grew up
a certain way like I did, where before any holiday meal,
I felt like I needed to achieve XYZ until I
could sit down and eat, and by achieve it would
(01:21):
be some sort of a turkey trot or a fun
run or workout class that I would make myself do.
And so this is just going to be a four
part series over the next four Saturdays to offer you
some extra support during this season. And Leanne, I saw
this whole article talking about things we regret in life,
(01:42):
and we don't really regret so much things that we do.
It's the things that we didn't do. And one of
the top three things it was spending more time with
family and friends. And the thing that popped in my
head when I read that when it came to my
family was I feel like I got the quality time
with them, but I didn't always eat the food that
(02:03):
my dad or my mom had cooked. So a big regret,
especially now that I've lost both of my parents, is
not enjoying their food. And a lot of times that
we were gathering around the table it was Thanksgiving or
Christmas and I was eating something that maybe they prepared
but a very small amount, or not letting myself eat it,
(02:24):
or me making some healthier quote unquote healthier version of it.
So I know we're talking about navigating holiday gatherings without
food guilt, and that's just a regret that popped in
my head. So if your parents are still around, eat
their food this holiday season because you're gonna miss it.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, and it's the missing out.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
And then it's like we're there, we're physically there, but
we're not present because we're thinking about Okay, how many
calories does this have?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Or like do they notice I eat weight? Or whatever
it is.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
We all have our own kind of dialogue and it's
like are we We're there in the flesh and blood,
but we're.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Not necessarily present, and it's just it's pervasive.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Yeah, and you maybe are late to the dinner because
you're trying to get that work out. And now if
your family's all doing the turkey trot and it's something fun,
you're getting that quality time together, then yeah, go for it.
Make it a family event, and moving your body if
you are able, is still an important thing to do.
I'm not saying you have to cancel any of that
if you've got it on your calendar, but it's just
(03:21):
making sure that it's coming from the right place.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah. Is it a tool or is it a weapon
of control?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
But yeah, it's this this guilt factor, you know, coming
to this idea of navigating gatherings without that food guilt, right,
And I think the first point to kind of make
is that that food guilt is optional, right, It doesn't
have to be there. And I feel like, you know,
in order for us to really eradicate it or just
like become the version of ourselves where it influences this
less and less because it's never this overnight thing, right,
(03:49):
we have to understand like, well, where did it come from?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Right?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And a lot of it is coming from this black
and white thinking of you know, the typical diet culture
that we you know that a lot of us kind
of got indoctrinated into growing up. That all or nothing
mentality is what leads to you know, if you're in
that restriction, that control, that deprivation and telling yourself that
you can't have something, there's an alter ego to that
(04:12):
for all of us, which leads to overeating and the
binging and the stuffing our faces and feeling like we
have to get it all in right now kind of
mindset they come. They go hand in hand, right, and
so really realizing that the restriction cycle is what sets
us up to be feeling out of control and that's
what caused and the guilt and the shame and the
cognitive dissonance is really a symptom of that. I think
(04:34):
we think that the guilt the food guild is the cause,
but it's really a symptom of thinking that's going on
higher up in our brain.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I think too, just how we treat holidays like as
a society. And I'm not talking about people with eating disorders.
It just is a known thing that you save room
for all of the food you want to consume, so
like we're told, and not from an eating disorder perspective
or a restrictive perspective to be thin. It's just more like, oh,
(05:02):
I want to stuff my face on the holidays, so
I better not eat anything else so that I have room.
And then that contributes to the problem.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, and here's the thing that mindset where holidays are
the times where you have these special foods and maybe
you eat a little.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Bit more than you normally would.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
That can be like a fun thing that doesn't have
to have all of this kind of emotion attached to it.
I think we build it up in our brains and
we think that it is this big emotional thing, and
so you know, part of it is, you know, one
of the reframes I just wanted to share. Is the
difference between having that scarcity mindset, which is like I
have to get it all in now because I air
(05:38):
quotes can't have it later, right, versus you know, this
abundance mentality around food, where it's like, hey, I'm allowed
to have this, now, who do I want to be
and how do I want to feel around that? And
obviously that's a different conversation in itself, you know, separate
from this episode.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
But really it's easy for us to.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Think that something is like off limits or on limits, right,
But there's that green light or there's that red light.
But that is part of the scarcity mindset of feeling
like I can't ever have this, so I have to
get it all in now, versus being like, no, I
can have this.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Like I saw a meme one time that was like
part of.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Being an adult is knowing that I can go to
the grocery store at twelve o'clock on a Wednesday and
buy a cake, you know, and eat cake in the
middle of the week, right.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
And it made me giggle.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Because anybody who's ever had some sort of disordered eating
or eating disorder that feels kind of foreign until it
does it right, and so.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
But part of it is knowing that.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Like, these foods are not, you know, something that are
off limits the rest of the year, and that you
can't just have these. But I think we put it
in our mind that we can't, and therefore on those
days it becomes this kind of almost I mean, for me,
it used to be this like gluttonously overstuffing kind of day,
And it doesn't have to be that way if we
can break free from that scarcity mindset.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Yeah. No, I mean that's kind of my point too.
In the just how society is with Thanksgiving and Christmas meals,
people that do not have an eating disorder whatsoever are like, oh,
I'm completely overindulged and I'm completely stuffed. It's just like
the behavior. But then those of us that are over
(07:06):
here in the eating disorder world were like, well wait
a second, Like I get that you're able, You're able
to be that way, and I guess I'm following suit.
But our reasons can be so different and much more
complicated and just confusing, and can quite honestly live rent
free in our brain where they can like maybe eat
(07:28):
that way and then move on with their day. For me,
my brain was just consumed by it, and it didn't
leave much room for me to connect with the humans
that were around me because I was so obsessed with
what I had eaten or I hadn't eaten, or how
much I ate or didn't eat, and it was just
my thoughts were consumed. And so what can look like
(07:48):
very normal Thanksgiving Day behavior again because that's how society
tells us we're supposed to eat. What's going on internally,
it can be so just destructive and leave you feeling
so disconnected from the people that are near you. It's
similar to that meme that you were talking about Leanne.
On a recent Fifth Thing episode Therapy, Kat and I
(08:12):
we do quotes every episode. In one of our recent
quotes was, Hey, you can go to the grocery store
and buy a birthday cake, like any time of the year.
They don't card you, like like, hey, is it your birthday?
Because if not, you cannot have this cake. Like turns
out you can just go buy a cake if you
want to buy a cake exactly.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yeah, And it's one of those things, you know, I mean,
I remember I heard this one time for like shopping
where they're like, okay, if this was eight dollars Would
you still buy it?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
If it was on sale? Would you still buy it?
Or double the price? Would you still buy it?
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Right?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
And one of the filters, kind of a non related
filter that you can put yourself through on the day
of is like, if I knew that I had permission
to go eat this tomorrow, not on Thanksgiving, not on Christmas, whatever,
how much would I have right now? What would satisfy me,
what would give me peace of mine? What would actually
make me proud when I leave here? What would not
take up all of my peace of mind?
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Right?
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And there's different filters that you can put through it,
but put it through that filter like like in a war,
because I think you're right. There's people that don't have
the disorder or the eating disorder mindset. It's just cake
to them, it's just stuffing. It's just you know, fill
in the blank, right. But for us there is it's
a lot more complex. There's thoughts before, during, and after
we eat that if we don't take ownership of they'll
(09:27):
they'll take us down the rabbit hole, right, And so
part of it is like just putting it through the mindset,
and it's almost like a little bit of a reality
check of like, oh wait, I can have this tomorrow
if I want this is not this isolated day out
of three six, three out and sixty five days. But
knowing that I can have this tomorrow, how much of
it do I want today? And honestly, you might not
(09:47):
want it at all. It might be part of what
I call that inner rebel that's like I just got
to get it all in now, because you know, somebody
or something is going to tell me that tomorrow I
can't have carbs or calories again.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
So something that I'm about to say, I think when
I was in the throes of my eating disorder, if
someone had said it to me, I probably would have
rolled my eyes. And it's that, gosh, there are so
many foods that I thought I really loved and I
thought were so amazing, and they were so forbidden, and
I would gorge on them come a holiday, and then
(10:24):
once they were allowed, I'm like, I would actually not
eat this ever, even if it is a holiday, like
this is just not good to me, like things that
had so much power over me. And the reason why
I say I would roll my eyes is I'd be like, oh,
easy for you to say you don't have the same thoughts. No, no,
I did. I've been there, and I'm just saying, there's
(10:46):
hope you don't have to have them. But there's so
many foods, like even not even holiday related, like my
daughter bought some of those sour cream and chive crackers.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I mean
this was something I just never thought I could have.
And I would probably have eaten five hundred crackers if
you'd let me have them, because I had them. It's
(11:07):
such a forbidden thing. And I ate one of the
crackers the other day. I was like, these are disgusting.
These are just not good at all. And I know
that that's a silly example because it's a cracker, But
that's the crazy part is this cracker had so much
power over me as and it's really not that great
of a cracker, right.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I'm glad you said that.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
I'm glad you brought that up because it shows such
a perspective shift and how you really changed your thinking
about food and the power that it held over you,
and really your ability.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
To take back your power from the food.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
And that's really you know a full circle of what
we're talking about, like understanding where this food guilt comes
from It's not from the food, right, It's our thoughts
about the food. It's not from the Thanksgiving or Christmas meal.
It's our thoughts about it and then the thoughts that
we have on those other days, at the other three
hundred and sixty five four days, right, And that's the
one thing we have the power to cultivate, because what
(11:59):
are we going to do? Miss out on Thanksgiving or
say no to invitations? And this isn't just around the holidays,
it's every day of the year. You know, somebody asks
you out to dinner, somebody says, hey, come over, we're
having a pot luck. You know what I'm saying, Like,
these are the things that take up our minds. So
I'm so glad that you shared it. And I think
even you know, if you're in an irol position based
on what Amy just said, just know that.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
There's hope for you.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
And if you're in the somewhere in between that it's
just like again, you're seeing the power of taking back
power from the food. So I'm so glad that you
brought it up.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
When I have a lot of compassion for my old self,
that part of me, and I know where she was
coming from. So I want listeners to also have the
same compassion for themselves and hold yourself with care and
know that there's nothing wrong with you. You are not
alone in these thoughts. So many people have them. I
(12:47):
think just what Leanne and I really want to drive
home is that you don't have to be stuck there.
And those are thoughts I would have too, of, like, well,
I guess this is just how it's going to be
the rest of my life, and this is just how
I live, and it doesn't have to be that way.
So have some compassion for yourself and use this as
an opportunity this holiday season to maybe step into some
(13:11):
of those things you've been afraid of that your family
has cooked, or that family recipe that has something in it,
because the joy that you'll get from it far out
weighs the anxiety that comes from eating it. You just
have to power through and then you'll be like, oh, Wow, cool,
I did it. Yeah, this isn't as scary or as
crazy as I once thought. And every time you do it,
(13:34):
you're one step closer to it coming more naturally.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And the fact that we're even gathering today to talk
about this topic just shows how not alone and how
not broken you are.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
This is this is.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
So such a powerful kind of stance for so many people,
that food.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Has this power over them, especially on the holidays.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So if that's you, absolutely, self compassion is the piece
of this puzzle. To give yourself grace that you learned
the shoulds and the supposed to us and the and
the bad, the right, the wrong, It was something that
you learned and you can unlearn it anytime you choose.
So giving yourself that that love and that grace.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, and go into the meal as relaxed as possible.
What are some self care things you can do for
yourself before you head into the holidays? Maybe start prepping
big time, like not just the morning of, but start
prepping the week before because again, you know I mentioned earlier,
family dynamics can sometimes add a little more stressed depending
(14:28):
on what's going on in your family circle. And then
when you're stressed, maybe you tend to you know, eat
more or restrict more. Everybody has their go to. But
what can you do to take care of yourself so
that you are relaxed and as balanced and as regulated.
I think going into it regulated is super important. That
way you're not easily triggered by something and then very reactive,
(14:51):
like you can kind of be chill, be you stay calm.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
And if you can do it during the time of
the year that's like stereotypically has a lot more of
a high and you know, dysregulated part of you, you
can do it anytime, like it's a great time to
build that muscle.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah, so you've got what now, it's November sixteenth, these
people are hearing this. You've probably got ten more days
till Thanksgiving and then you know, forty more days till
Christmas and then New Year's And so I want to
encourage you to don't have the mindset of Okay, well
I'm just gonna do whatever I want till the end
(15:27):
of the year and then i'll start January first. That
used to be a big thing for me come holiday season.
And you don't have to have that mindset. It's not
all or nothing, like Leanne was saying, that mentality will
lead to so much guilt, to so much more overeating.
It's not a form of self care at all. You
may think it is because you're like, oh, well, it'll
(15:48):
just allow me to have all the freedom that I want.
The next month and a half. But again, when you're
coming from a place of disordered eating and an unhealthy
relationship with food and body, thought are just gonna spiral.
At least that was in my experience. So I'm just
encouraging you don't approach the year that way. Keep taking
care of yourself, doing what you need to do every
(16:11):
single day in that right direction to get you there.
And it's just a repetitive process in your brain. Because
I just feel for this time of year with a
lot of people, that whole New Year's resolution thing. I
know that's sort of off topic a little bit, but
I think that that can lead to way more guilt
come you know, December, even January, or then if it's
(16:32):
January first and you've somehow failed already and it's this
like repeated cycle and I remember living in it. So
just don't even put that pressure on yourself. Just one
day at a time, show up how you want to
show up, and tackle it that way instead of this
like throwing in the towel till the new year type mentality.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Absolutely, your head, your heart, your brain, you're nervous sys
and they need you all the time, not just right now.
And I'm glad that you brought up the whole kind
of New Year, New you, you know race, because we're
gonna we've got some episodes coming up for them on
that specifically too.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
All right, well, take care of yourself again. Every Saturday
at least for the next four weeks, we'll have a
little tiny conversation that'll hopefully be the dash of encouragement
that you need to navigate, you know, the holiday gatherings.
But right now, the focus today is like eliminating the
guilt that you feel and if it pops up, that's okay,
(17:26):
acknowledge it and then say, okay, I release you guilt.
Don't try to run from it. Acknowledge it and release it.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Amen to that.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Leanne Where can people find you if.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
You want to learn how I teach women how to
turn off the part of their brain that is obsessed
with food and rewire their brain and their nervous system
for freedom and ease and peace, then you can head
on over to stress listeating dot com and check it out.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And I am at Radio Amy. We'll be back next
Saturday talking about how to handle food pushers. Do you
know who the food pushers are in your life? In
any unwanted comment about your body. That'll be next week,
m hmm.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Aga, I'm strong, I feel free, I know every part
of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then we'll always out way if you.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Feel it, but your here, She'll some love to the vio.
Why get there? Take you one day? Anita?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Did you and die out way?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy Saturday? Outweigh Amy here with Leanne hey le Ane, Hello, Hello,
good to be here. Leanne Ellington and I are gonna
be starting a holiday series. This is going to be
part one and then we'll have a part two next week.
I guess it's a four part series in a nutshell,
and the holidays can be well, to just put it, frankly,
(00:59):
a strugg I don't want to add to that by
giving it that power. But a lot of times there's
the family dynamics that just add another layer of stress.
You're around a lot of food, You maybe grew up
a certain way like I did, where before any holiday meal,
I felt like I needed to achieve XYZ until I
could sit down and eat, and by achieve it would
(01:21):
be some sort of a turkey trot or a fun
run or workout class that I would make myself do.
And so this is just going to be a four
part series over the next four Saturdays to offer you
some extra support during this season. And Leanne, I saw
this whole article talking about things we regret in life,
(01:42):
and we don't really regret so much things that we do.
It's the things that we didn't do. And one of
the top three things it was spending more time with
family and friends. And the thing that popped in my
head when I read that when it came to my
family was I feel like I got the quality time
with them, but I didn't always eat the food that
(02:03):
my dad or my mom had cooked. So a big regret,
especially now that I've lost both of my parents, is
not enjoying their food. And a lot of times that
we were gathering around the table it was Thanksgiving or
Christmas and I was eating something that maybe they prepared
but a very small amount, or not letting myself eat it,
(02:24):
or me making some healthier quote unquote healthier version of it.
So I know we're talking about navigating holiday gatherings without
food guilt, and that's just a regret that popped in
my head. So if your parents are still around, eat
their food this holiday season because you're gonna miss it.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, and it's the missing out.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
And then it's like we're there, we're physically there, but
we're not present because we're thinking about Okay, how many
calories does this have?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Or like do they notice I eat weight? Or whatever
it is.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
We all have our own kind of dialogue and it's
like are we We're there in the flesh and blood,
but we're.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Not necessarily present, and it's just it's pervasive.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Yeah, and you maybe are late to the dinner because
you're trying to get that work out. And now if
your family's all doing the turkey trot and it's something fun,
you're getting that quality time together, then yeah, go for it.
Make it a family event, and moving your body if
you are able, is still an important thing to do.
I'm not saying you have to cancel any of that
if you've got it on your calendar, but it's just
(03:21):
making sure that it's coming from the right place.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah. Is it a tool or is it a weapon
of control?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
But yeah, it's this this guilt factor, you know, coming
to this idea of navigating gatherings without that food guilt, right,
And I think the first point to kind of make
is that that food guilt is optional, right, It doesn't
have to be there. And I feel like, you know,
in order for us to really eradicate it or just
like become the version of ourselves where it influences this
less and less because it's never this overnight thing, right,
(03:49):
we have to understand like, well, where did it come from?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Right?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And a lot of it is coming from this black
and white thinking of you know, the typical diet culture
that we you know that a lot of us kind
of got indoctrinated into growing up. That all or nothing
mentality is what leads to you know, if you're in
that restriction, that control, that deprivation and telling yourself that
you can't have something, there's an alter ego to that
(04:12):
for all of us, which leads to overeating and the
binging and the stuffing our faces and feeling like we
have to get it all in right now kind of
mindset they come. They go hand in hand, right, and
so really realizing that the restriction cycle is what sets
us up to be feeling out of control and that's
what caused and the guilt and the shame and the
cognitive dissonance is really a symptom of that. I think
(04:34):
we think that the guilt the food guild is the cause,
but it's really a symptom of thinking that's going on
higher up in our brain.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I think too, just how we treat holidays like as
a society. And I'm not talking about people with eating disorders.
It just is a known thing that you save room
for all of the food you want to consume, so
like we're told, and not from an eating disorder perspective
or a restrictive perspective to be thin. It's just more like, oh,
(05:02):
I want to stuff my face on the holidays, so
I better not eat anything else so that I have room.
And then that contributes to the problem.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, and here's the thing that mindset where holidays are
the times where you have these special foods and maybe
you eat a little.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Bit more than you normally would.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
That can be like a fun thing that doesn't have
to have all of this kind of emotion attached to it.
I think we build it up in our brains and
we think that it is this big emotional thing, and
so you know, part of it is, you know, one
of the reframes I just wanted to share. Is the
difference between having that scarcity mindset, which is like I
have to get it all in now because I air
(05:38):
quotes can't have it later, right, versus you know, this
abundance mentality around food, where it's like, hey, I'm allowed
to have this, now, who do I want to be
and how do I want to feel around that? And
obviously that's a different conversation in itself, you know, separate
from this episode.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
But really it's easy for us to.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Think that something is like off limits or on limits, right,
But there's that green light or there's that red light.
But that is part of the scarcity mindset of feeling
like I can't ever have this, so I have to
get it all in now, versus being like, no, I
can have this.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Like I saw a meme one time that was like
part of.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Being an adult is knowing that I can go to
the grocery store at twelve o'clock on a Wednesday and
buy a cake, you know, and eat cake in the
middle of the week, right.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
And it made me giggle.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Because anybody who's ever had some sort of disordered eating
or eating disorder that feels kind of foreign until it
does it right, and so.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
But part of it is knowing that.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Like, these foods are not, you know, something that are
off limits the rest of the year, and that you
can't just have these. But I think we put it
in our mind that we can't, and therefore on those
days it becomes this kind of almost I mean, for me,
it used to be this like gluttonously overstuffing kind of day,
And it doesn't have to be that way if we
can break free from that scarcity mindset.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Yeah. No, I mean that's kind of my point too.
In the just how society is with Thanksgiving and Christmas meals,
people that do not have an eating disorder whatsoever are like, oh,
I'm completely overindulged and I'm completely stuffed. It's just like
the behavior. But then those of us that are over
(07:06):
here in the eating disorder world were like, well wait
a second, Like I get that you're able, You're able
to be that way, and I guess I'm following suit.
But our reasons can be so different and much more
complicated and just confusing, and can quite honestly live rent
free in our brain where they can like maybe eat
(07:28):
that way and then move on with their day. For me,
my brain was just consumed by it, and it didn't
leave much room for me to connect with the humans
that were around me because I was so obsessed with
what I had eaten or I hadn't eaten, or how
much I ate or didn't eat, and it was just
my thoughts were consumed. And so what can look like
(07:48):
very normal Thanksgiving Day behavior again because that's how society
tells us we're supposed to eat. What's going on internally,
it can be so just destructive and leave you feeling
so disconnected from the people that are near you. It's
similar to that meme that you were talking about Leanne.
On a recent Fifth Thing episode Therapy, Kat and I
(08:12):
we do quotes every episode. In one of our recent
quotes was, Hey, you can go to the grocery store
and buy a birthday cake, like any time of the year.
They don't card you, like like, hey, is it your birthday?
Because if not, you cannot have this cake. Like turns
out you can just go buy a cake if you
want to buy a cake exactly.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yeah, And it's one of those things, you know, I mean,
I remember I heard this one time for like shopping
where they're like, okay, if this was eight dollars Would
you still buy it?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
If it was on sale? Would you still buy it?
Or double the price? Would you still buy it?
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Right?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
And one of the filters, kind of a non related
filter that you can put yourself through on the day
of is like, if I knew that I had permission
to go eat this tomorrow, not on Thanksgiving, not on Christmas, whatever,
how much would I have right now? What would satisfy me,
what would give me peace of mine? What would actually
make me proud when I leave here? What would not
take up all of my peace of mind?
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Right?
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And there's different filters that you can put through it,
but put it through that filter like like in a war,
because I think you're right. There's people that don't have
the disorder or the eating disorder mindset. It's just cake
to them, it's just stuffing. It's just you know, fill
in the blank, right. But for us there is it's
a lot more complex. There's thoughts before, during, and after
we eat that if we don't take ownership of they'll
(09:27):
they'll take us down the rabbit hole, right, And so
part of it is like just putting it through the mindset,
and it's almost like a little bit of a reality
check of like, oh wait, I can have this tomorrow
if I want this is not this isolated day out
of three six, three out and sixty five days. But
knowing that I can have this tomorrow, how much of
it do I want today? And honestly, you might not
(09:47):
want it at all. It might be part of what
I call that inner rebel that's like I just got
to get it all in now, because you know, somebody
or something is going to tell me that tomorrow I
can't have carbs or calories again.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
So something that I'm about to say, I think when
I was in the throes of my eating disorder, if
someone had said it to me, I probably would have
rolled my eyes. And it's that, gosh, there are so
many foods that I thought I really loved and I
thought were so amazing, and they were so forbidden, and
I would gorge on them come a holiday, and then
(10:24):
once they were allowed, I'm like, I would actually not
eat this ever, even if it is a holiday, like
this is just not good to me, like things that
had so much power over me. And the reason why
I say I would roll my eyes is I'd be like, oh,
easy for you to say you don't have the same thoughts. No, no,
I did. I've been there, and I'm just saying, there's
(10:46):
hope you don't have to have them. But there's so
many foods, like even not even holiday related, like my
daughter bought some of those sour cream and chive crackers.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I mean
this was something I just never thought I could have.
And I would probably have eaten five hundred crackers if
you'd let me have them, because I had them. It's
(11:07):
such a forbidden thing. And I ate one of the
crackers the other day. I was like, these are disgusting.
These are just not good at all. And I know
that that's a silly example because it's a cracker, But
that's the crazy part is this cracker had so much
power over me as and it's really not that great
of a cracker, right.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I'm glad you said that.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
I'm glad you brought that up because it shows such
a perspective shift and how you really changed your thinking
about food and the power that it held over you,
and really your ability.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
To take back your power from the food.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
And that's really you know a full circle of what
we're talking about, like understanding where this food guilt comes
from It's not from the food, right, It's our thoughts
about the food. It's not from the Thanksgiving or Christmas meal.
It's our thoughts about it and then the thoughts that
we have on those other days, at the other three
hundred and sixty five four days, right, And that's the
one thing we have the power to cultivate, because what
(11:59):
are we going to do? Miss out on Thanksgiving or
say no to invitations? And this isn't just around the holidays,
it's every day of the year. You know, somebody asks
you out to dinner, somebody says, hey, come over, we're
having a pot luck. You know what I'm saying, Like,
these are the things that take up our minds. So
I'm so glad that you shared it. And I think
even you know, if you're in an irol position based
on what Amy just said, just know that.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
There's hope for you.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
And if you're in the somewhere in between that it's
just like again, you're seeing the power of taking back
power from the food. So I'm so glad that you
brought it up.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
When I have a lot of compassion for my old self,
that part of me, and I know where she was
coming from. So I want listeners to also have the
same compassion for themselves and hold yourself with care and
know that there's nothing wrong with you. You are not
alone in these thoughts. So many people have them. I
(12:47):
think just what Leanne and I really want to drive
home is that you don't have to be stuck there.
And those are thoughts I would have too, of, like, well,
I guess this is just how it's going to be
the rest of my life, and this is just how
I live, and it doesn't have to be that way.
So have some compassion for yourself and use this as
an opportunity this holiday season to maybe step into some
(13:11):
of those things you've been afraid of that your family
has cooked, or that family recipe that has something in it,
because the joy that you'll get from it far out
weighs the anxiety that comes from eating it. You just
have to power through and then you'll be like, oh, Wow, cool,
I did it. Yeah, this isn't as scary or as
crazy as I once thought. And every time you do it,
(13:34):
you're one step closer to it coming more naturally.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And the fact that we're even gathering today to talk
about this topic just shows how not alone and how
not broken you are.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
This is this is.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
So such a powerful kind of stance for so many people,
that food.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Has this power over them, especially on the holidays.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So if that's you, absolutely, self compassion is the piece
of this puzzle. To give yourself grace that you learned
the shoulds and the supposed to us and the and
the bad, the right, the wrong, It was something that
you learned and you can unlearn it anytime you choose.
So giving yourself that that love and that grace.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, and go into the meal as relaxed as possible.
What are some self care things you can do for
yourself before you head into the holidays? Maybe start prepping
big time, like not just the morning of, but start
prepping the week before because again, you know I mentioned earlier,
family dynamics can sometimes add a little more stressed depending
(14:28):
on what's going on in your family circle. And then
when you're stressed, maybe you tend to you know, eat
more or restrict more. Everybody has their go to. But
what can you do to take care of yourself so
that you are relaxed and as balanced and as regulated.
I think going into it regulated is super important. That
way you're not easily triggered by something and then very reactive,
(14:51):
like you can kind of be chill, be you stay calm.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
And if you can do it during the time of
the year that's like stereotypically has a lot more of
a high and you know, dysregulated part of you, you
can do it anytime, like it's a great time to
build that muscle.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah, so you've got what now, it's November sixteenth, these
people are hearing this. You've probably got ten more days
till Thanksgiving and then you know, forty more days till
Christmas and then New Year's And so I want to
encourage you to don't have the mindset of Okay, well
I'm just gonna do whatever I want till the end
(15:27):
of the year and then i'll start January first. That
used to be a big thing for me come holiday season.
And you don't have to have that mindset. It's not
all or nothing, like Leanne was saying, that mentality will
lead to so much guilt, to so much more overeating.
It's not a form of self care at all. You
may think it is because you're like, oh, well, it'll
(15:48):
just allow me to have all the freedom that I want.
The next month and a half. But again, when you're
coming from a place of disordered eating and an unhealthy
relationship with food and body, thought are just gonna spiral.
At least that was in my experience. So I'm just
encouraging you don't approach the year that way. Keep taking
care of yourself, doing what you need to do every
(16:11):
single day in that right direction to get you there.
And it's just a repetitive process in your brain. Because
I just feel for this time of year with a
lot of people, that whole New Year's resolution thing. I
know that's sort of off topic a little bit, but
I think that that can lead to way more guilt
come you know, December, even January, or then if it's
(16:32):
January first and you've somehow failed already and it's this
like repeated cycle and I remember living in it. So
just don't even put that pressure on yourself. Just one
day at a time, show up how you want to
show up, and tackle it that way instead of this
like throwing in the towel till the new year type mentality.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Absolutely, your head, your heart, your brain, you're nervous sys
and they need you all the time, not just right now.
And I'm glad that you brought up the whole kind
of New Year, New you, you know race, because we're
gonna we've got some episodes coming up for them on
that specifically too.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
All right, well, take care of yourself again. Every Saturday
at least for the next four weeks, we'll have a
little tiny conversation that'll hopefully be the dash of encouragement
that you need to navigate, you know, the holiday gatherings.
But right now, the focus today is like eliminating the
guilt that you feel and if it pops up, that's okay,
(17:26):
acknowledge it and then say, okay, I release you guilt.
Don't try to run from it. Acknowledge it and release it.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Amen to that.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Leanne Where can people find you if.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
You want to learn how I teach women how to
turn off the part of their brain that is obsessed
with food and rewire their brain and their nervous system
for freedom and ease and peace, then you can head
on over to stress listeating dot com and check it out.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And I am at Radio Amy. We'll be back next
Saturday talking about how to handle food pushers. Do you
know who the food pushers are in your life? In
any unwanted comment about your body. That'll be next week,
m hmm.
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Host
Amy Brown
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