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January 16, 2025 16 mins

If you need a reminder that it’s okay to pivot, this episode is for you. Amy starts by sharing a powerful newsletter from Three Cords Therapy about letting go of people-pleasing and embracing the freedom to change your mind—whether it’s about big life decisions or something as small as what you’re craving for dinner. Amy also goes over 4 things that will help validate you anytime you need to change your mind! You'll also hear an inspiring update from a listener who made some changes when it comes to how she shows up with her finances! Change can be scary, but remember, it’s also where growth happens!

HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy

Follow Amy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/radioamy/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Okay, cats up broad thing, little food for yourself life. Ain't.
Oh it's pretty bad. Hey, it's pretty beautiful thing beautiful
that for a little more family. It's exciting. Acre said
he can't cut your kicking with full thing with Amy.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Brown, Happy Thursday, Four Things Amy here and today we're
talking about something that we all need to hear, especially
since we're in the beginning of a new year. At
least if you're listening to this on time when it
comes out or mid January, and I want you to
know this year, it is okay to change. Change can
be hard, it can be scary, it can bring about anxiety,

(00:57):
but change that is where grow happens. And if you're
a people pleaser, you for sure need to listen to
this now. The inspo for this whole topic came from
a recent Three Chords Therapy newsletter. Now therapy Cat who
co hosts The Fifth Thing with Me on Tuesdays. She
has her own practice here in Nashville. It's called Three
Chords Therapy. She sees clients and then she has other

(01:21):
therapists that work alongside her. They're all awesome and they
take turns writing the newsletter that goes out and This
most recent one was written by Julie and I absolutely
loved it. She titled the newsletter Feeling Connected, and it's
all about letting go of people, pleasing, allowing ourselves to change,

(01:41):
and then just embracing a new mindset for this year.
I'm going to read it for you verbatim, because well,
it's too good not to share. I'll do that in
just a second. And then after I read it, I'm
going to share with you four things that will help
validate you anytime you need to change your mind or
just change in general. Okay, here's the newsletter again. It

(02:04):
is titled Feeling Connected, written by Julie Langner from Three
Chords Therapy. Here's what she wrote. Maren Morris ushered me
out of twenty twenty four with the song I began
the year overplaying get the Hell out of Here. I'm
not surprised. I always love a song I can pretend
to live in. As a chronic people pleaser, I basked

(02:27):
in Maren's bold and unapologetic voice on this song. I
found myself clinging to her self assurance as she sang
one line in particular, my only resolution is I'm allowed
to change my mind. I like to pretend I'm not
a resolution gal because the psychology says it's not the
way we humans create change. However, if I let myself

(02:50):
have one for twenty twenty five, it is this I'm
allowed to change my mind. The alternate title for this
post was my New Year's resolute is to be more
of a disappointment, But I feared that might unsettle some people.
At the time of writing this, it is still twenty
twenty four, so I have eleven more days to hold

(03:11):
tight to my people pleasing protective strategies. That is often
what people pleasing is, and attachment coded response that we
learn in childhood as a way to protect and maintain
our most important relationships. People pleasers learn through observation and
experience that conflict threatens connection. And if I'm a young

(03:32):
child dependent on my caregivers for survival, my smart, little
nervous system is going to learn that in order to survive,
I need to keep the peace and prioritize others' needs.
As an adult, I get the chance to correct this
response hello therapy, But nervous system habits die hard, So

(03:53):
I'm still learning that asserting myself does not always mean disconnection?
What does this have to do with changing my mind?
People pleasing on a very micro level for me looks
like holding myself to rigid expectations that avoid inconveniencing others.
When I work with clients around changing long standing protective strategies,

(04:15):
I always like to work with the lowest hanging fruit.
What's the least threatening disruption we can pull off to start?
For me, it's going to look like sending a lot
of texts like this in twenty twenty five. So, actually
I changed my mind? Can we meet an East instead?
I'm really craving Mitchell's DELI. Hey, I took a closer

(04:36):
look at my schedule and I can no longer make
Thursday work. So meeting via zoom was working great for me,
and now I'd actually prefer to come in person. Can
we arrange that? So whenever we're changing a protective strategy,
it is common to feel an increase in anxiety, so
we want to pair it with some extra self care.

(04:58):
After I send a text like this, I'll probably throw
my phone on the couch and turn on Maren Morris.
If you're a chronic people pleaser, why don't you join
me in changing your mind this year. Julia, Right, So
that's the newsletter, And I love that it's challenging us
to not hold tightly to any protective strategies we have

(05:21):
picked up along the way, whether as a young child,
as a teenager, as a young adult, different life circumstances,
we pick up all kinds of strategies, which might mean
we end up being more of a disappointment this year
if we let go of some of those strategies. But

(05:43):
we can do all of this in a healthy way.
And after I read Julia's newsletter, I thought, Okay, I
want to sit with this for a little bit, and
tied into four Things by coming up with four things
that make changing your mind or changing in general awesome.
And the first thing that came to mind for me,

(06:05):
especially since I've experienced a lot of change the last
few years, is changes how we grow, whether it's learning
new skills or stepping out of a comfort zone or
letting go of old habits. Growth does not happen without change.
And on last Thursday's Four Things episode, we talked about

(06:26):
shedding things that no longer serve us. That's how we evolve.
It's all about shedding what no longer fits and we
can try to make it fit, and we can squeeze
our way into the pants or whatever you want to
use to visualize something no longer fitting and how uncomfortable
that is. But sometimes we will just force it and

(06:49):
sit in the comfort because that uncomfort, we think is
more comfortable than the actual uncomfort of changing. You know
what I mean, You just like sort of like pick
your poison. But if we pick the one that is
going to help us fall in alignment with ourselves, help
us lean into our more authentic selves, yeah, it may
be uncomfortable for a bit, but it's going to feel

(07:12):
better in the long run. So if we let go
of things that no longer serve us, that is how
we evolve. We're shedding what no longer fits. And this
includes changing our minds like, for example, deciding to take
a different career path, or even as small as choosing
a new lunch spot, like Julie was saying, She's like,

(07:32):
I'm craving Mitchell's Deli now, which, by the way, if
you're ever in East Nashville, shout out Mitchell's Deli. Definitely
a good sandwich spot for sure, But gosh, there's also
more serious things like ending a relationship. Any changing of
the mind, big or small, can open the door to
growth in ways that we never expected. I know, for me,

(07:56):
my divorce, which was never an option for a version
of me that I had to shed, opened the door
wide open for growth. The ways in which I have grown. Like,
that's a whole other episode in itself. It's awesome. I
love that change is how we grow, But sometimes we'll

(08:18):
just stay stuck and stunted. We'd rather not grow because
it's uncomfortable to change, all right. So the second thing
that came to mind for me when I was thinking

(08:39):
over this about change is change lets us get back
to what actually matters. Like, sometimes we end up doing
stuff just because we feel like we should, but changing
our minds is a way for us to check in
with ourselves, like canceling plans when we realize that we
just need a night to chill, or finally admitting maybe

(09:02):
that you don't actually love something that you're doing. Maybe
you started a new hobby and everyone else is obsessed
with it and you're wondering why am I not obsessed
with it? It's okay to change your mind. It's all about saying, hey,
this isn't working for me anymore, and I am owning
it again. I went over some personal examples during last
week's episode, like botox where I am with that different

(09:22):
medications I have gotten off of, and oh my gosh.
We also had that awesome email from a listener. She
was sharing that she has shed old ways of thinking
about her body and food, and her shedding of that
has made space for a life that matters more to
her than ever before. Because change can help get us

(09:44):
back to what actually matters. Maybe we never even knew
it mattered because we've been holding on to certain patterns
for so long, and then once you shed it, you're like,
oh wow. And on a related note, I have another
listener email update for you. This one is about finances
and it's a decision that she had to make to change.
So I'm definitely going to be reading that for you

(10:06):
in a minute. Third thing, change makes you tougher. It's
like a little mini workout for your confidence. Every time
that I have to do something differently, like even just
changing my mind, I am providing myself with new little

(10:27):
muscles that remind me I've got this, whether it's deciding
not to do something that I said I was going
to do like a big move. Maybe you've declared, oh,
I'm going to move to this city and take this
new job, and then you realize it's not for you
and you have to change your mind or you're going
to do this thing for your career, and you've had

(10:50):
to change your mind. I've had to change my mind
multiple times when it comes to this podcast, and there's
even more changes on the horizon and things that I
want want to do with it and live events that
I want to do, and I feel as though at
times I have let you down proclaiming there's going to
be this, this, and this, and then I have to

(11:10):
back up and be like, it's not the right time.
I'm not going to do that. Yet I had to
change my mind. And every time I've had to make
that call, it has made me stronger. It sucked, but
I'm also stronger, and it builds that that muscle that
I'm working on and builds my confidence that I know
how to trust myself and I know how to make

(11:32):
the best decisions for myself, my job, my career, and
the same thing goes for you and career stuff and
moving cities. Those are pretty big decisions, but it could
be small stuff too that exercises the muscle, like hey,
now I'm craving tacos instead of pizza tonight. It's all
about building that trust in yourself to roll with life.

(11:55):
Fourth thing change It clears the way the good stuff,
like when you stop holding onto things that aren't working,
whether it's an old routine, a plan that you made,
or even just a bad idea. You're making room for
something better now. As you can see all of these
things tied together, but the theme is that change can

(12:20):
be good again. It's how we grow, we get to
what actually matters. It makes us tougher and we can
get to the good stuff. You're making room for something
better when you create change, Like something small would be
skipping or workout to go have coffee with a friend. Boom,
you just made space for a little joy. Sometimes it's

(12:41):
in those small changes and they add up to the
biggest thing. They fill your cup up more instead of
emptying your cup. So there you go. Four things that
encourage you to change your mind when it is best
for you. And let's embrace the idea that it is
okay to change, whether it's changing our minds, shifting our priorities,

(13:06):
or rethinking those old strategies. It's all a part of
becoming more aligned with with who we're meant to be,
and alignment is my words for twenty twenty five. So
this is all very fitting for me and hopefully for
you too. More so for you. But as Julia said
in her newsletter, you know, change may come with anxiety,

(13:29):
but pairing it with self care that can make the
process smoother. So I love that tip as well. Like,
if you've got to send a text, you're like, oh,
that was awkward for me to send, whether it's about
something big or small, boom, throw your phone down and
go do some sort of self care. Maybe it's listening
to a song. Maybe it's going for a walk, Maybe
it's meeting up with a friend. Maybe it's taking a bath.

(13:52):
Maybe it's reading a book, watching your favorite TV show,
having a good cry, having a good laugh. Self care
per look different for you depending on the day, But
I love that pairing, pairing doing the thing, the hard
thing with a self care act. And remember you're allowed

(14:16):
to change your mind. That's the theme. Even if you
want to change your mind on sending the note, doing
the self care thing. What your self care looks like
You're allowed to change your mind, You're allowed to grow,
and you're allowed to become the best version of yourself.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Any
encouragement you have, you can always share things with me,

(14:38):
for things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com and
speaking at emails. I need to get to that one
from the listener that I told you about earlier. It's
so good. It fits the theme of change, and it's
an update that makes me happy. Hey, Amy, a recent
episode made me reflect on how far I've come. You
once read my email about my fear of finances to

(14:59):
a financial expert on your podcast, and it opened my eyes.
Since then, my husband and I have sat down together
and we have monthly meetings about finances. I'm so thankful
I'm not bogged down with such heaviness anymore. It's a
huge relief off my shoulders and I could cry because
it's freed up so much space in my brain. I've
also learned I have ADHD this year, after consulting with

(15:20):
a doctor and my therapist. I didn't know much about
it until finding your podcast, and I resonated often with
you when you would talk about how it affects you.
It makes so much sense now that I have the diagnosis.
This email is just for you to know that you
do have an impact and to hear some positive news.
I'm now someone that is thankful for the hard times,
because I don't think I would appreciate all the little

(15:42):
things like I do now. Ps I'm soaking up all
of the info on face fitness. And she did sign
her name, but then later I emailed her saying, hey,
I'm going to read your email on the podcast, and
she said, oh, could you keep it anonymous and take
out some other things, which now that I took out
the part that she asked me to take out, which
maybe one day I'll be able to fill y'all in

(16:03):
because it is something exciting. Yeah, so I won't say
her name, but we did remove something and then I
made it anonymous. But it's just something personal that hasn't
been shared publicly yet, so I just wanted to make
sure to keep that part private. So right now we're
saying anonymous and then maybe I'll have another update later.
But thank you for the email. I love hearing when

(16:25):
there's impact and change and growth in all of us,
and this is an example of that. And I hope
y'all are having the day that you need to have.
Here's to a year of alignment, growth, and feeling connected.

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