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June 23, 2022 53 mins

Amy's friend, Sundi (not to be confused with Cundi) McLaughlin, is on to chat about all the things! It's so hard to sum up all that you'll hear in this episode because they go over so much good stuff...just two girlfriends chatting it up about life & friendship over coffee!! In a nutshell though: if you want to chase a dream (and don't know how), want to make friends (and don't know how), need to communicate better (and don't know how), need blush & lipstick...but all you have is Skittles to make it happen (and don't know how), need to make cookies in a pinch (and don't know how), need to kill a roach (and don't know how), have to deal with a military spouse being deployed (and don't know how), want to stop limited thinking (and don't know how) then THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU!!!! Sundi also shares 4 things she is currently thankful for! :)


"There is one grand lie - that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.“ —  Wayne W. Dyer 


Check out Sundi's IG for her super cute shop in downtown Southern Pines, NC: @mockingbirdonbroad 


And Sundi's 'Mockingbird On Broad' website to order the most adorable things: https://mockingbirdonbroad.com 

 

Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, cass up rope A little food for yourself life.
Oh it's pretty, but it's pretty beautiful. Thanks, beautiful laugh

(00:23):
A little moth kicking with four Happy Thursday. Welcome to
four Things. Amy here, and I'm sitting next to my
friend Sunday, who if you listen to last Thursday's episode
when one of my things happened to be about making
friends as an adult. She's a friend that I made

(00:45):
as an adult. I was in my late twenties when
I met her and say, Hi, Sunday. Hi. I've been
staying with her in Southern Pines, North Carolina all weekend.
She has a boutique here called The mocking Bird, and
it's a cutest little shop, and that's how we met.
And she's also a military spouse, and when I lived here,

(01:06):
i was as well, and so we were talking about
how you just have to be proactive about making friends.
So I know some of you listening have spouses in
the military. Some of you listening maybe just move somewhere
new for a different type of job or whatever the
case may be. But that's really the big ticket item
is you have to be proactive. And so I'm thankful

(01:27):
that I was proactive and I would come down to
her shop and it was the first year that it
was open, so business was slow. How dare you know?
It was really slow. That's why we became such good friends.
This business was terrible and we could literally just post
up at the counter and chat for hours. Embarrassing, yes,

(01:49):
because I would finish the body Aboe Joe from my
house and then I would go hit up a yoga
class which happened to be in the building or the
room above your in your building, but above you, and
then there was a coffee shop next door, so I
would go get coffee, and yeah, they just come and
talk to you. So I've always enjoyed talking you. Sunday
is the best storyteller in the world. And but what's

(02:12):
interesting is I mean, that's a thing you had to
learn early on that was very important for my family,
for my dad specifically, like if you didn't have something funny, factual,
articulate to say at the dinner table, you learned very
quickly he was going to cut you off and move
on to the next I think it's very irish, you know,

(02:34):
they're they're like loving, but it's very like tough love,
like come on, just because you're my daughter doesn't mean
you've got something wonderful to say, Come with something, be prepared,
which you do. You always have a story to tell,
and they're always fascinating. Sunday has lived a wildlife, so
she does, yes, run a super cute boutique in a quaint,

(02:56):
little downtown North Carolina town. But she also was number
one in the police academy back in the day when
she graduated from police school and she was going to
be a police officer, but then she had to she
ended up in corrections and then she couldn't dig her
way out of there because they're like, we're understaffed, we
need you. So she has all of these stories of
you know, when people are getting checked into jail, Yeah, yeah,

(03:19):
sure do, and things that would happen there. What's probably
your favorite or most told story from your time. Well,
I always loved visitation Day for the ladies because they
would get all dolled up and they had limited supplies,
so there's no makeup or anything like that allowed. So
on commissary they could get Eminem's or Skittles, so they

(03:42):
would dilute those colors to make makeup, so pinks and
reds for their blush, blue for their eyeshadow, oh and
red for their lips as well. They've used brown a
lot to color in their eyebrows, but in Florida sometimes
it's hot, so it would like to start running down
their face if they were the low A S group,
and I'd have to be like, hey, check it. Check

(04:02):
yourself in the reflection your brown eminem eyebrow is. So
it's a tough art to master. Unfortunately, some of them
were intonge enough to master it and give tutorials in
the day room. But I also feel like it's a
pro tip for forever in a pinch, and like all
you have is a bag of skittles and you need
a little you want a little red on your cheek,

(04:22):
Ride or die. There are skittles in my glove box
just in case skittles makeup. But they all well from
what I know from your stories I have, I'm hearing
your side. But we know that they adored you because
you still you got letters from people even act like
you have relationships, and they you were their favorite. The
craziest thing is I left the sheriff apartment and I

(04:48):
had been gone about a year and a half because
we moved up here to Fort Bragg for a year
and a half and I was in the moving truck
and all the inmates used to call me Sunshine. Was
a super weird a coincidence. My name is Sunday, but
of course you would never tell anyone your first name.
That's like you don't want to have any information, so
they would just call me Sunshine. And a year and

(05:10):
a half later, I've just pulled off the Inner State.
We're just in Sarasota and I hear Sunshine. I'm like,
that's weird. It sounded like somebody said sunshine, and they
kept saying. So I look over and there's a garbage
man who's got his window down and he's like pointing,
like roll your window down. So I rolled my window down.

(05:30):
There like secon, where'd you been a girl? And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Because they were out and they found work and they
were out. Doubtful. It's a cyclical thing. It's a life
choice that most of them make, like this is the
life I'm gonna lead. It's gonna end me in in jail,
sometimes prison, and then you would see people leaving and
come back every Sometimes people would do a year in

(05:55):
County Jail, they would get released on a Friday, they'd
be back by the next week, thirty pounds lighter, back
in jail. Yeah, it's tragic, but yeah, you did become
very familiar with the usual suspects and you could just
you know, well they all loved you, and yeah, but yeah,
that's interesting about how they couldn't know your It's good.

(06:15):
Do you have to keep your information private because you
don't want to put you, yourself or your family in
danger at any point? No? No. When I got engaged,
which I never thought i'd get married, but uh, you
know how everyone puts like an announcement in the wet
in the paper. I mean I couldn't do that because
in mats come buy the paper for Sunday paper. So
certain things like that you just had to skip doing.

(06:37):
And let's go back to your name, which is Sunday
s U and d I S And like dinner the
other night, it came up like all the different names
that you get called because I tried to come prepared
to the dinner table. We had a fun dinner on
Friday night with multiple friends from town and normally are

(07:00):
go to when I'm here is chef Laurence because he
was my neighbor when I lived here and he's got
an amazing restaurant downtown. But we also love Ashton's and
that was a perfect place for us to end up
as well. And we had our own little room downstairs
and it was just intimate and we were able to
catch up and talk. But my friend Kate was there,
who I mentioned in last week's episode about she's another

(07:21):
adult friend that I made here. I picked her up
at Body Pump like I thought, well, she looks cool,
so I just started talking with her and we exchange numbers.
You're so great about that. Well, I mean I had
to be. I was had to be proactive, like I
was in this new town and knew nobody. So Kate
came to dinner and Sunday had her stories like she's
always a good storyteller. But I was like, I wanna

(07:41):
connect with the people here. I haven't seen them in
a while. So I brought my my icebreaker activity, which
I talked about on the podcast. A lot concrete conversations
and I had which, by the way, gave me immediate anxiety.
I get such anxiety about games. Was icebreaker though, I know,
but that it just I was like, oh no, we're
going to have to play a game, and my very

(08:02):
highly competitive nature is going to come out and I'm
going to flip a table. So but I end up
being really fun. So I just I didn't have the
cards with me, but I remember three level one questions.
To level one is the easy, safe thing, like level
three goes a little too emotional. But I just let
people choose which one. I said, you can either say

(08:23):
what you're known for in high school, a book that
you've read recently, or a book that changed your life,
or a show that you're binging, or a movie recommendation,
so something along the lines of that, and everyone choose. Well,
Kate went first, and Kate said that, well we Her
maiden name before she got married was Swallow. And what

(08:45):
I actually not, Okay, we should not go for it. No,
I don't know if Kate would care. Well, anyway, kids
are mean. That's my brutal is that kids are brutal.
And she shared what she was no for in high
school and she had a twin sister and it was awful,
And I thought, Okay, as parents, we need to do
right and remind our kids don't make fun of people

(09:07):
and their names that they have no choice, that they
were given. Let's not do that. Let's let's be better.
Even if you don't think your child would ever be
that person, just remind them when they head out for
school or wherever activity or camp this summer or whatever.
Don't forget pat him on the back, don't make fun
of people's names. To go out into the world, little
Pandora and do great things. So anyway, but Kate took

(09:32):
it almost level three because it was like it was
hard for her, and it made me think. And then
Sunday started talking about names and what are all the
different things you get confused by when you say your
name to My name is Sunday s U n d I.
Most people here Sunday, which I don't care. But my

(09:52):
friends take umbrage to it because I think they had
to go through the trouble of learning it, and when
they hear it not said right, they get upset. But
if I'm making reservations or I'm ordering in food, which
I do quite a bit, what people here over the
phone is Fundy Dundee Gundy, which is the most unfortunate

(10:14):
Hundy is really it's bad news, and that's the only
one all correct, and then Sun dial I get quite
a bit. Yeah, but we I recommend that activity. It
was you're at a group dinner or you're having people
over or something, because it got everybody flowing. And then

(10:34):
we all got recommendations because we all knew you, but
not necessarily we all knew everyone else at the table,
so it was a good way to brain strangers together
or acquaintances. You should carry concrete conversations at the mocking
Bird done. I mean, I don't know how to get will.
They were a guest from my friend Mary. She gave
them to me for my birthday. Concrete conversations. Screach out

(10:58):
to the company and see maybe they Sunday shop. They
would be perfect there. She has the most adorable stuff.
I went shopping there yesterday and I was I walked
in and I want it all. That's only so much
going to fit in my carry on. I know it's
not all gonna fit. It is. I know you're so
confident I'm going to make it fit. You mentioned working

(11:27):
in wanting to be a police officer, and when you
first moved to Southern Pines, you actually just showed me
your first business card where you were baking cookies and cakes,
and that was your That's what I thought I was
going to do. And I looked into all these different
restaurants that would let me borrow their kitchen in the morning,
and everyone looked at me crazy because we had a
dog at the time, so I couldn't get licensed to

(11:48):
cook in the in the house. Um, but that was
my passion for baking, and I love doing all that,
and um the coffee shop in town actually said, okay, yeah,
we will except your goods. But I couldn't get the
flour in the sugar all at a wholesale rate because
you have to buy in such bull quarters that I
never made profit. But I was just like, I'll get

(12:11):
my foot in the door and i'll and I'll just
do it. And it got to be where I would
be doing it at two in the morning, and you know,
it ended up being more trouble than it was worth.
Didn't work out, But that's okay. Well, Sunday has the
best cookies in the world. She made them for me
and I don't know that this is what you were

(12:31):
baking for me. People. It's a very famous French chocolate
chip cookie called mess to a House, right, So I thought,
I need this recipe. And it's just like the back
of the French episode Back of the Chop Cookie, where

(12:52):
it is bag. She uses the bars of crisco instead
of butter, which I know is going to horrify lot
of people, but it's a textural thing that I prefer.
And I on the salt and the salt extra salt
is necessary. But what Sunday will do that's also genius.
And she'll she'll make a bunch of it and then
bake a few and then roll it into a log

(13:13):
and put saran wrap over it and keep it in
the freezer. And that way, if you ever just want
to slice one cookie off from the log and put
in the oven, while you don't have to go through
the process of making this intense fled to the freezer. Yes,
that's a pro tip from your dad. Well, I love it.

(13:36):
And then Sunday also, she's an amazing baker. Shoot, whenever
we moved away from Southern Pines, my husband separated from
the Air Force. We always thought he was going to retire,
but ultimately just came down to a decision of family
or this job. And that's sadly where a lot of
people get with it. I mean, and you know the

(13:57):
challenges that come along with being a career military person,
especially a lot of people in this area, it's super intense.
They're gone a lot. You know, you may not know
even where they are, what they're doing, and it's just very,
very very stressful. Yeah, it's a lot of time alone.

(14:18):
I don't know how people do it with children, but
most most do. I'm a rarity that I don't have children,
but you know, come home alone and then get into
a routine. You know, you have your routine, you have
your tricks to kind of get you back in the flow.
And sometimes it's harder than others times. And that's really interesting.
Every every deployment or every trip has its own set

(14:39):
of challenges, starting off with like immediately the refrigerative will
break or the lights won't turn, you know, immediately, something
happens as soon as they leave. It's the weirdest thing. Well,
when we decided to separate, you made us this precious
little cake, like you really are so you have so
many talents, and I loved the ake. Apparently someone from

(15:01):
our book club, because we had a book club back
in the day. I thought the cake was inappropriate. But
they didn't understand what it was, and I'm like, what
do you mean it's cactuses because you're moving back to Texas, right,
So I made like a whole little scene scene out
of marzipan and they were being there's a little guy
with the sombrero too. I thought it was so cute.

(15:23):
So it's another thing we did, the book clubs. That's
a great way to create community and get people together.
And our friend Jennifer Kirby, she was a big reader.
I don't know if she's the one that spearheaded that
whole fingers at you, oh Jackston, okay, And she was
another military I really just to really to put a
fine point on that. I feel like, when you moved

(15:45):
to a new town, whatever your situation is, doesn't have
to be military. You have to get out of your
bubble of safety and really go for it and be
over the top aggressive and finding people. Finding your crew
could basicly be cool. No, I just mean within yourself. Yeah,
not like, oh, are you tell me your name and

(16:07):
number immediately, lady in the protoceisle. No, I just mean
for me, I had to really get out of my
comfort zone. That is not my jam And I think
the older you get, the more awkward it is. But
I knew instinctually, like if you don't get out of
your yourself and really make it an effort to meet somebody,

(16:28):
you will not survive here. Do you know? You can't
be left alone like lady Havebersham of the upper you know,
west Side, and just float around your home and your nightcoat. Yeah,
well that does sound good. Actually, full circle back to
you know, bringing up the mocking Bird, and you're doing

(16:48):
that and getting outside of your comfort zone even with that,
so you thought you were going to bake and do
so what just fast forward to what made you sigh?
Only open the mocking Bird? And you know, as we
mentioned earlier, it was challenging in the beginning because it
was a little bit of a recession happening. Yes, so

(17:08):
I searched for a year to find work in this
town and came up short, and I mean nothing. I
couldn't get hired. And it's in small towns. It's a
lot about it who you know, which is another reason
to get out and meet some people. And the second
person that I met said, oh, I know this lady
who's looking for help at her shop. So I went

(17:30):
in and It was an older lady and she hired
me on the spot. And I never thought, really I
would work retail. The only thing previous before the sheriff
smartman I'd do for shells in p West and how
to shell stand. So that was a lot of sales salesmanship,
you know. But I really loved it. I loved meeting
people because it's a broad street, it's in the center

(17:52):
of town. It's an Norman Rockwellians type of vibe of
train coming through. Its charming, and so I discovered that
how much I really loved interacting with people and selling things.
But then about three months after getting hired, she said,
I'm going to close. Would you want to buy the

(18:13):
inventory and take it over? And I mean, I didn't
have the money for anything, but I made an arrangement
with her to make payments and then maxed out a
credit card. And that's how I started. I started with
inventory that wouldn't be mine. It's not that there was
anything wrong with it, it's just not representative of me
and who I am. So that was like a very

(18:35):
much a learning process of finding my sales reps, finding
businesses that I really wanted to do business with that
I could really tell a good story about that that
I felt good about selling that I felt good about saying, yeah,
this is me, this is If you like what you
see here, then you're gonna like me because we're one
and the same. And I feel that when I walk
into your shop and when I walk into your home,

(18:57):
what do I say? Every time I walk into this house,
I'm like, oh nice, I love it. And every time
I walk into the shop, oh this is so cute.
Which speaking never at Sunday's house right now, And we
had a roach, A said the other night. If you
haven't seen on my instagram, just go to at Radio
Amy and Sunday's instagram is at Mockingbird on Broad because

(19:18):
mocking Bird on Broad it's called Mockingbird on Broad. That's yes,
that's right. I always call it the mockingbird. Why don't
you correct me? Okay, like Sunday, Dundae Gunda, come on
mocking Bird. So I almost died because Sunday had back

(19:40):
surgery recently and she couldn't get on the chair to
take care of this roach, which is apparently a palmetto
or something. Because every comeline was very quick to correct
us on the cockroach versus pal Meadow, Right, we're not entomologist.
Although I did take entomology one oh one in college,
it's just I also took turf management. These were like

(20:03):
classes to just get me out of college. I had
an act degree, so, yeah, how has that served? It
hasn't not. I was political science for the first couple
of years and then hated it. So I went to
meet with my advisor and said, how can I get
out of college still kind of on time? It ended

(20:25):
up being four and a half years, which is sort
of normal for a lot of like four years four half,
and she said, well, I think the only thing we
can switch you to would be an agricultural development degree
because you have to have an emphasis in something. It's
not quite a minor, and emphasis is twelve hours or something,
and that way your policy hours will be your emphasis.

(20:46):
So technically I graduated with an agricultural development degree with
an emphasis and policy and I do nothing with it.
Clearly didn't remember. And my entomologists professor wait to see
your house and visit your turf. He was my turf management.
He would have hissing roaches like crawling on him during class.

(21:09):
And one day during class we had a potluck, and
he brought us food like termite pizza. Why would you
eat anything from his? Because he said bugs are in
all of our food anyways, which they are, Okay, he
doesn't have to brag about it and then shove it
in your face. So anyway, we almost we had a
founder of a level of denial that we all live in.
Yeah I do. I deny that there's little roach legs

(21:32):
in my peanut butter, but there is so many nightmares.
But we got the roach to die, which was sad
because it like did nothing wrong other than scare us,
because it was disgusting and the video is up and
y'all can check it out. It was louder pandemonium. And
I apologize again for my part of that where I

(21:52):
threw your phone and blacked out. I don't understand. I
came to and you were hovering over the cock. Call
meato bug, water bug, whatever we're calling it. Right. So
Sunday's house is a roach free now and it is
absolutely adorable. I love your your vibe, your kids. It

(22:14):
is you. I see you in here, I see you
in your shop. So yeah, when you opened the shop
or you took it over, you eventually had to transform
it into It was a slow roll role. I remember
very one particular incident where you were visiting and I
had met with a new sales up and he was like, hey, listen,
if you're going to make it in this this little lady,

(22:36):
you have got to buy these chip clips, like like
bag of chip clips, not cute like clips they were.
And they were jumbo clothes pins that were sort of
the dazzled and had sort of a live, leave me
alone quality about them, you know, bless this house. I

(22:56):
think I still have one by because I had to
give them away in the end and you. I got
him in and I was like, hey, apparently these are
the hot ticket. This is my way up in the world. See,
And you took one look at them and looked at
me with such disgust. You as a friend, yes, And

(23:17):
it was a good face because you were you were
I was reading on your face what I felt in
my heart, which was like disaster. These chip clips are
not my vibe. I've been bamboostles. That was a good
learning lesson which sales are ups to trust that are
looking for longevity and their career and the and the
ones that are like I'm going to take this one

(23:38):
chip clips sale and run for the hills. Chi. I mean,
chip clips do come in handy. There are times when
I'm rolling up a bag of open chips a chip flip.
To this day, I've just just you've evolved. The chip
clip business is evolved, which you know, when it came

(23:59):
to opening your busy this though, I know, it took
like you had to believe in yourself that you could
do this and this was something that actually could be
really awesome for you. But was there any doubts in
your mom my? Gosh, No. I come from a place
hardwired where everything's going to be terrible and everything's going
to fail, and I just kept me from a lot

(24:20):
of doing a lot. But luckily I married a man
who is just the opposite. He's so positive, He's very
much like you, where he's like, what's the worst that
can happen? This guy's the limit. I can be pretty
dooming gloom though, don't Yeah, And I think some of that.
I think I'm wired to be that way, but then
learned in through my sister and I were talking about

(24:42):
this the other day. My dad was a big dreamer
and he had a lot of success and also a
lot of failure, and not that failure is bad, but
I always saw him dreaming and he would share it
with us and didn't make you cautious or did it
give you the bug? I think your dream I feel
like I struggle with it. I think I'm a natural
like dreamer and this would be cool, and I'm trying

(25:05):
to shut down any pessimists some that would pop into
my head about it. But then I instantly think back
to like, oh, because my dad's failures weren't like, oh,
you know, I failed, and I'm going to learn from
this and not repeat this mistake. It's almost like he
would repeat it and it would. It was detrimentous type mistakes.

(25:26):
And so I saw our family like take these drastic
turns because of it, and so I think I am
naturally that way. But then my learned experience shut some
of it down. Does that so you're hard fire? So
my husband said, what's the worst can to happen? I said, well,
we'll lose everything and we have to foreclose on our home.

(25:50):
And he said, okay, then we foreclose our home. Luckily
I live we live in the military world where we
could move on base. Now on what's your next problem.
So he just kind of took these very worst case
scenarios and manage them down to a way that was
palatable for me to go, Okay, I'm willing to do this,
which is awesome. But when I told my dad, he

(26:11):
was like, you're going to destroy your whole family, everything
you guys have worked for, you know, So it is
very tough. But I've wasted so much time being afraid
of my own dreams and ambitions, and whenever I try
and really go for something, I don't know why. I'm
so afraid of what I want, and I almost always
turned my back on it. But a few times I've

(26:33):
been brave enough to go, I'm going to give this
a try. It's never as bad as how I had
imagined it and created it in my mind, And I
wish that's something I could have told my younger self,
go for it. It's never gonna be your your dooming
gloom scenario. It won't be easy, but it's not impossible.
It's not a nightmare. It's not unfathomable. One of the

(27:06):
things that came up in our conversation at dinner the
other night because of books. We're talking about books and
a few people shared them. I brought up Limitless, which
is a book. I've been listening to it on audio version,
but I also have the hard copee because it's it's
a it's a lot, and I want to take it in.
But when you said that, it made me think of

(27:27):
a quote that I read on the airplane actually down here,
and the book is by Jim Quick, but he's quotes
different people throughout, and one of the people that he
quoted here on page I don't know eight is Wayne Dyer,
who I had Wayne's daughter Serena Dyer on the podcast
last year. I believe the quote is there is one

(27:50):
grand lie that we are limited. The only limits we
have are the limits that we believe. And so I
think sometimes, okay, there is one rand lie that we
are limited. The only limits we have are the limits
that we believe. And I think that sometimes I don't
believe that it's possible or that I can do it.

(28:11):
Like your husband was like, all right, we fix that problem.
What next? Like, no, there's a solution here, So what
it may result? The result might be this, this, this,
but at least we tried and we did it, and
we'll figure it out. And he is not limited in
his thing, and sometimes I can be he is so
driven once he decides on something, and it can be

(28:32):
the most difficult thing that I wouldn't even consider. Then
that is his sole purpose. It's really inspiring to witness.
I know very few people like that. It's really wonderful
to witness. Yeah, and encouraging to others to hearing you
share that right now, knowing that it's he's like thinking

(28:53):
to your yang. Yeah. And I mean I would like
to say, like I figured it out on myself and
nobody else. Some people are like that, like like him
or self German and don't really need other people to
help guide them. But I am not that. I definitely
rely on friends and loved ones around me too to

(29:13):
remind me of what I'm capable of. And and that's
really wonderful to have. It's a gift. Well, and look
at mocking Bird on broad Now. You've just moved into
a new location down the street which is a year ago. Yeah,
almost triple the size thirteen years. Remember your first anniversary party?
How could I forget those cupcakes? Amy? My nickname around

(29:37):
here was like cupcake Gamy because I started a cupcake business.
Also that I could well I franchised with my friend
Laurie's business in Austin, the Cupcake Bar, and then that
was a whole learning experience. I wanted to just I
end up having to call it Caroline at Cupcake Bar
because there was already a cupcake bar in Raleig Durham area,
that's right. And they sued me and I went to

(29:58):
their house. After I got it, I went, Lorie flew
to town. We went to their house actually before they
sued me. Let me back up once I tried to
do the dB A doing business as you know, all
the learnings of creating your own business, and I'm just
trying to figure it out. I was just on a
morning radio show, like I hadn't. I had a little

(30:18):
purse business in college and we had done some of that,
so I was pulling from my knowledge there. But then
luckily I had Lorie who had all done it before.
So she flew to town. She goes, let's go meet
with them and see if we can use the name,
and they're cool with it. So we arranged a meeting
and we drove to their house and we met with
them and we were like, I'm not trying to be
competition I'm really not going to operate outside of Southern

(30:40):
Pines Aberdeen Pine Hursteria, and I actually don't have a storefront.
I do catering, and it's the cupcakes are naked, and
we have cupcake bartenders, and we're going to decorate the
cupcakes at the events. I'm not your competition. They had
a cupcake shop and then they delivered already decorated cupcakes,
like it was very different, and I was not even

(31:01):
going to come into their territory. And then after we
met with them, I got a lawsuit situation and the mail,
and then I never they were They seemed like, okay,
we understand, but then they did they say not cool,
And no point did they say that they were going
to meet with lawyers and then to us to stop

(31:23):
use of the name. So then I had to get
a lawyer, and then I had to spend all this money,
and then I ultimately I said, this could have saved
us a lot of time if I don't. I couldn't
say this to them because we were communicating through lawyers.
But it was it was just a learning experience of
like probably should have just said, hey, if you really
have a problem with this, say it now, don't go
through lawyers. I'm an understanding person. Just tell me to

(31:45):
come up with a new name. And so we changed
it to Carolina Cupcake Bar after more money than I
had spending on lawyer fees, because the business itself, I
just bought the franchise rights. It just was ridiculous be
spent like wasted yea when it could have been resolved
human to human. But don't you think that that is

(32:06):
a classic reaction when someone is confronted with something they
acquiesced at first, then they get anger, and then they react.
I find that to be a very standard reaction. Yeah,
I'm looking at your coasters right now, which are so funny.
You sell them at the shop and I used to Yeah,

(32:26):
these are vintage bird these are vintage and bird yests,
but they're so funny. Like one says, be considerate B word,
like you know what, how can we say that not
rhymes with witches? Yeah? Be considerate, which is that's what
I feel. I'm like, be considerate. I came to talk
to you, and I gave you a heads up and

(32:48):
then you sue me, like another one of these coasters
is even skankstay things like that's all I felt like, okay,
so any that was, I'm sorry. That was my learning
experience that I don't know popped into my head just
now to also just share that communication can be so effective.

(33:10):
Just give me a phone call. You don't have to
go through a lawyer. I get. If I was crazy
Town and I had it wasn't consider it to come
out to your house and meet with you and then
you but I bet we we've played it out in
our heads that we probably left. They called their husbands,
and their husbands were like, oh, heck, no, that's not
how we're doing this. They can't do that, and then
they proceeded. I don't know, I'm making that up. It

(33:32):
could have been their own I agree with that, but
it's just how I pictured it going down, which is
so unfair because I think if the husbands had been there,
or I wish they would have been, or whoever else
was outside influencing them to just be like, yeah, this
isn't gonna work, and I are left there that minute
and like cool, we'll think of a new name. Well.
I think someone should write a book, and I'm sure
they have. You've probably read it about having difficult conversations.

(33:56):
I think that is what is paralyzing the world and
businesses and every level is that nobody, including myself, wants
to have the difficult conversation. Nobody wants to fire somebody.
No one wants to counsel uh an employee. No one
wants to say, hey, you're so nice and this seems

(34:16):
cool and you're probably not going to infringe on my business.
But I'm having reservations. Everybody wants everything to be nice,
including myself. I'm not trying to sound folier than now,
but I really honestly feel like none of us know
how to communicate difficult conversations productively. It's so funny that
we're having this conversation not planning. We kind of didn't

(34:40):
really plans exactly everything that we were gonna talk about.
And are the four things tie in? Is that eventually
Sunday is going to share four things gratitude. But we
thought it was just we just have a conversation as friends,
and you know, y'all are just listening in with us here.
But Cat Defada, she co hosts the Fifth Thing with Me,
which is my Tuesday episodes, and it's so funny. Literally

(35:01):
this morning she sent me a d M sharing an
Instagram account called Therapy for Women, and she had posted
I guess her name is Amanda E. White. I swear
good communication boils down to two things. One learning how
to tolerate discomfort. That's right to not saying the first

(35:23):
thing that pops into your head. And then she in
her comments, she said, once you master these first two,
then learning how to communicate what you want is important.
But if you cannot sit in someone saying something different
than what you believe, or giving you a piece of
feedback and not reacting immediately, it's going to be difficult
to get the other person to listen to what you

(35:43):
have to say. Occasionally we'll get negative feedback from the
store or to an employee, and I have learned not
to react, to sit with it and say is there
any truth to it? What is my ownership in it?
Do I need to appoll gize? And I feel like
so many people never want to apologize, and it's I

(36:04):
find it to be such a relief when you can
finally go, I'm so sorry. You're holding it in like
I don't want to. I don't want to have to
say it. But I think once you say you're sorry enough,
it's almost like a healing thing for yourself to go
I'm sorry, maybe not for the thing I did, if
you don't believe, but I'm sorry that that affected you
that way. I'm sorry that I hurt you, you know what.

(36:27):
I think it's very therapeutic for you to say it.
And some people will never ever say I'm sorry, and
it's and it's hurting them, it's not hurting the other person.
I think so anyway, that that's what I've learned over
the years is to you know, respond to those people
in the most loving way that I have in my body,

(36:48):
and and to tell my staff, who could take everything
really personal because none of us are working to make
anyone miserable. We're all working to bring ourselves joy, to
bring others joy. And when it doesn't hit on somebody,
because you never know what's going on in somebody else's life,
rarely what they have to say reflect on us. It's
usually a reflection of them, and you just come at

(37:10):
them with love. And it's sometimes it's harder than other
times to do that, but that's the best way I
have found. Well, do you want to share the four
things they're sure thankful for today? Today? I mean, honestly,
your friendship. I spend five years since I've seen you. No,
it hasn't, but Sunday's favorite. Everything was five years ago.

(37:31):
Even if it was last year, it was five years ago.
If it was twelve years ago, it was five years ago.
I don't know why. It always just seems like the
right number. But however long it's been, it's always so
lovely to see you. And I have such lovely memories
from our time together here in the pines, and when
we're here together, it's just we always have the best conversations.

(37:54):
I learned from you such a generosity of spirit. You're
always so willing to share with others to be opened.
I mean, that's what you do for a living, and
it's true in your personal life as well. And it's
always I always learned from you in a really positive way,
So thank you for that. Very great. It's mutual. I
always learned from you, and we always pick right back up.

(38:17):
It's true. It doesn't doesn't matter if it's been five years,
even if it hasn't, but whatever, we just pick right
back up. Yes, and but we always say, let's do
it again soon, and then life happen. It's hard because
you're running the shop. You're one in the world. No, yeah,
you are a girl. Okaya, you are alright? Anyway, moving

(38:40):
on number two, I have to say I've had a
real health like a bad health year. I've had COVID
for a second time. I've had back surgery and there
is no way it's been an s show. Let's be honest. Yes,
it's been a real dumb, dumb of a year. And
right here this other coaster that she has no one like.
It's a hot mess since and that is like me

(39:02):
but no, we like you, but like just the yeah,
he it's been a bad year and I've been absent
from my shop. You know, I thought i'd be back
to work after four weeks after my back surgery, and
it was more like eleven and Courtney, my manager is
so lovely and kind and all of the staff just
held it together and not just held it together, they

(39:26):
made it thrive. And that there's not enough like thank
you cards to thank them for that. So that's another thing. Um.
And I am, I guess grateful for my returning health.
I feel like I got a long way to go,
but you're right, I should be thankful for where I
am now. I'm not on a cane, but walking up
my own free will of the how to doctor tell

(39:49):
her Sundy's like, oh, something's not right and they're like,
well you could walk with a cane and she's like,
is that really where we are? Like you have nothing
more to offer me? Yeah, post surgery post yes, yes,
which is worse all right saying it. So you're right,
I should be grateful for that where I am right
now with my health, so that that's a big one.

(40:10):
And of course my man, he's such a joy and
he's gone a lot, but when he's home, I mean,
I just have so much fun with him. He's he's
a goodie. I'm going to get to see him. Well,
so he yes back from a trip and the wild
part is he lands right when I'm going to need
to get there to check in, and so I'm going
to get to see him at the airport and I

(40:32):
can't wait. That's so exciting. I was like, if I'm
going to get baby, I can't wait. Hopefully if all
the connectors work out, he's the best. Sunday and I
went and saw Top Gun yesterday, Yes, and it was
so good. I had all the fields. But it makes

(40:52):
me think of our our men in uniform. Yes, can
I talk about what? I didn't know what a forty
X was. Yeah, So I wanted to see the movie
before the premiere on Friday because we were leaving town.
So I found a theater that was doing a snake
preview event on the Tuesday prior. And when I booked

(41:13):
the tickets for my friends and I was about an
hour away, it said forty X, which I thought, okay,
some sort of upgrade to the screen. I can't keep
track of the three D the like whatever, okay, two D.
So when we get there, the manager says, now you
understand the seats move, and I think you and I
were sat in the seats here at Sandhill Cinema and

(41:36):
we bought some seats and there was sort of a
slight rumble. Do you remember that. It was like a
slight rumble, but it was nothing. It was sort of
a letdown. Yeah, so I thought, okay, whatever, the moving
seats got it. It was so violent. It was like
being on a roller coaster for two hours, and I
was so worried I was going to hurt my back.

(41:56):
And the wind was blowing and there's even in the
seat in front of you spat water at you during
the sailboat scene, and I was really afraid for my health.
And I like, I've come all this way in thirteen
weeks post back surgery, and I'm gonna go show up
to pet and They're like, what the heck happened to

(42:17):
you know? I'm like, Maverick, Maverick, happened? You went to
see Top Gun four d X for d X that
means the seats violently, they rumble, They like you're in
a fighter jet? Yes, yes, did you feel g fource?
I felt, but not. It was interesting to me that

(42:40):
you had the wind blowing and then it actually put
splashed water on you like that seems a little can
sure me? It is like movies haven't been back in
BIS for long, Like who who? When was the last
time anyone refilled that water? Or is it just some
old musty in the front in the back seat of
that I'm gonna get pink. I all that to say,

(43:02):
Sunday had that experience with Top Gun in the beginning,
So when I told her this weekend I hadn't seen
it and I wanted to, she was like, oh, I
would go see it again because I need to see
it without all of that distraction because the whole time, yes,
you were afraid for your health and you couldn't enjoy it. No,
I was listening. I was trying to remember what my
PT person was like, engage your corps, engage your corn like.
But for two and a half hours, I don't happen

(43:24):
in the tank. So it was very distracting for me.
Probably a healthy person would absolutely love it, but actually
they I think my other friends were sort of sick
of it as well. It's just too much. It's just
it's not necessary. Which next to us at the theater
there was a three year old or maybe four, and

(43:45):
that was interesting, which fine, if you want to take
your whole family not fine, Well, I say, fine, I
don't think it's I couldn't hear everything you could hear. Well,
I mean it's kind of intense. They're talking about life
and death. They're saying people aren't going to come back
from this mission. They're talking about I mean, not a
spoiler alert. If you saw the first one, Goose died,
so they reference Goose Goose Dad. So I mean it's

(44:10):
not I mean literally, buzz Lightyear came out on Friday,
that's where they should have been. Yeah at buzz light here,
yes or whatever, it's all light here. But I felt
like it was a lot, like a lot of The
little boy was next to you and he kept apparently
saying I couldn't hear. Are they dead? Is that the

(44:31):
bad guy? Are they going to die? Are you gonna
Because he was a soldier, the husband was a soldier,
we can tell are you going to die? Is that
what's going to happen when you go to war? And
it was breaking my heart. Yeah, I mean it's just
a big military town. You can kind of look around
and know who's military who's not. But yeah, yeah, that's
and that's a hard reality, like and that's something that's crazy.

(44:53):
You know. When I married Been, one of the very
first things we had to do was go figure out
our will because he was had it off to Afghanistan.
And I was like, what that. This is the least
romantic thing I've ever heard of in my life. I'm
twenty mid twenties and newly married, and well, I'm having
to plan out what will happen if you don't make

(45:14):
it back. That was a shot for me as well.
When we came here to Fort Bragg. That was some
of The first paperwork he brought home was how do
you want your funeral laid out? What kind of music?
Where do you want to be buried? And it is
shocking and every once in a while we'll have to
refresh that because things change, things change. Do you have
any new music? It's almost like you have to get

(45:35):
light about it because it's so It's true. You're like,
are you sure you want that song still going with
the bagpipes kilts? Are we sure that bagpipe guy was
fired that you love? Do you want to? But it's
no joke, like your whole career here, I mean we're
talking about the other night, like how many funerals some
people have been to around here? Is easy? Yeah, it's

(45:58):
just be stuff. So if you are in the military
or have loved ones that are serving, like just thank
you for all that you do, those that are serving,
and then that those that are holding the fort down
absolutely back at home for sure. So well, Sunday, thank
you so much for the chat. I always love chatting
with you. Think and the encouragement to chase our dreams

(46:20):
and just not limit ourselves. Just go for it, just
go for it. I guess we should be think that's
the worst that could happen. I guess we should be
your husband for that. Yeah, what's the worst that could happen?
You lose everything? It's fine, check get not everybody has
the option to fall back on base or whatever. But
you've you've got to assess your your risk, make a

(46:41):
pros and cons list for sure, but don't don't let
your I think sometimes you do have to be a
little reckless, which I think is what I've learned, which
is not my comfort zone. And we were talking about
this yesterday. Is life is short, Yes, and as we
get older we realize just how eating, yeah it can be.

(47:02):
That's right. You only have so many years with the
people you love, and how do you want to how
do you want to spend those years? WHOA we ended
all it down or well into Sound and Upper. Tell
us a good jail story. All the stories I want
to tell, I don't think they're not appropriate, not appropriate
for this channel. Yeah, I know there is one that's

(47:26):
I don't know how you would even tell it. But
it's when Sunday would have to do intake question like
what gender gender, and somebody was they would say I'm
a female and I would be almost positive that they
were a male. But if I'm long, I'm going to
get punched in the face because no one likes yeah,
and you want to respect whatever they feel are. I

(47:48):
have no opinion, live your life. I just have to
know your paperwork. I got paperwork, and I gotta know
where to put you over with the dudes, over with
the ladies. And there are laws that have to be
respected about that. So yeah, that that can be dicey
because they would be like, I'm a female, and I'm like,
well that's quite an atom's applogna young lady. So then

(48:11):
you had your clipboard and you're like, so, next question,
do you have a penis or a vagina? That was
the clincher and then they'd be like, I'm like, okay,
young ladies, sir, right this way, I gotta take you
over here. Yeah, And then it became a big joke
and saw the trans community would all end up in

(48:33):
one cell block, and they whenever I'd walk by, they
would always laugh and give me a hard time. But
they knew what they knew what I was doing, and
they knew I was trying to be respectful. But it's
an awkward conversation to have and if I'm wrong, I'm
going to get punched. This space can only take so
many punches. Haven't been punched, of course, Well we worked

(48:58):
in Nujaia, I know, but I didn't know that meant
you've been punched. Oh my gosh, you has wrestle wrestled violent?
I mean, yes, it's violent. People come in there. I
nobody wants to be arrested. People resist, Some people do.
I've had some ladies being like, oh, thank goodness, I
gotta get in here. I made a break or people

(49:20):
knew what food was being served. It's a set schedule,
and so a lot of the people that would be
typically what you would think of as like a drunk take,
they would make a scene in public so that they
would get arrested so that they could come in for
the breakfast. On Sundays, it was Sunday good breakfast. It
was good at jail, surprisingly good, new new. But I

(49:44):
think it's an acquired taste for some. And Sunday breakfast
were the most popular. And they were so smart. They
knew when they had to get arrested for for headcount
for that evening, so that this kitchen would know how
many to make so that they could be on that count.
They're smart, you know, they know how it all works.

(50:05):
But and back to the skittles, very resourceful and said
sometimes resourceful. Oh, I want to show you the artwork.
So one time I did like an art contest and
they used the same technique for watercolors. But the skills
with art contests in the jail. In the jail just
really for me, just to keep myself from going insane,

(50:26):
because it's pretty heavy atmosphere. I know it's about to
say now we're ending on a low point again. But
they were trying to go you know. They would write
poems and they would write caricatures. It was it was
a hoop. Some of them had such a great sense
of humor. And it wasn't all bad. It was all good.
That's where I met my man. Yeah, there you go,
who also worked there. I was not an inmate. No,

(50:53):
I could have ended bad. You're like the inmate or
the security guard that runs away with the inmate. Let's
be clear. He was a training officer, not mine. Given
his job in the military. Now I'm pretty sure he's
not yea no criminal background feel loud, So alright, well, Sunday,

(51:18):
thank you so much. Thank you y'all can find her
if you're ever near Southern Pines just stop into mocking
Bird on Broad and on Instagram. She is at mocking
Bird on Broad and I just got a text message.
I have no idea if that Dean is going to
show up in the episode, but if it does, surprise
and and Angel got their wings which Sunday were in

(51:39):
her sun room at her house right now. And she
has deer that come and visit and we put peanuts
out for the deer because she's out of deer food,
which would be corn. Yeah, and I don't know who
ate the peanuts. The deer pond and every single peanut
is gone and we're just looking at all the critters
and it's so beautiful here. So if you've never been
to Southern Pinds, I just enourage you to come just

(52:01):
for the just for the pines, or maybe golf if
you love to golf, or horseback riding or yeah, the
good shopping downtown and then the good food. Shout out
cha Florence and Ashton's absolutely and the ice cream shop
on the corner. One time they rescued Josie when she
got out, someone did and they held her at the

(52:21):
train station until I could get there, and the ice
cream shop gave her a hot dog. Oh yeah, Anthony
is the best. Yeah, and Josie was the best. Oh
my gosh, so many memories of Josie in this town.
And she had an aversion to trailers and every time
a trailer would go by, she would bark and lose
her mind. And one time my house on May Street,

(52:42):
I had the front door open in a truck drove
by with the trailer and she chased after because that's
what she wanted to do, chase the trailer, and then
a car behind them hit her. I remember that. Took
her to the vet and she was totally fine, but
I thought I had lost my only companion. Man ne're
bringing it down again, showkay, let's bring it back back
to have a great day. Bye you

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