July 4, 2024 • 23 mins
Do you ever ask yourself: “How can I serve today?” One of the simplest ways to get to your highest self (and out of ego) is to serve others. Leanne Ellington joins Amy for this chat and they each share how they have been selfish in the past (and sometimes still can be!) but they both now very much strive for and strongly align with this affirmation: “I am here to be truly helpful.” The desire to give (and not get) puts us in an awesome energetic state that leaves us feeling more full and in tune with who we truly are!
Amy shares 4 quotes about service that offer solid encouragement as you look for ways to serve others:
- “I start every day by wanting more for others than I do for myself. I think that is how God works, and that is how I think we have to work.” - Wayne Dyer
- “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” - Mahatma Gandhi
- “Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” - Muhammad Ali
- “Our prayers for others flow more easily than those for ourselves. This shows we are made to live by charity.” - C. S. Lewis
Listen to Outweigh HERE!
Leanne's Podcast: What's God Got To Do With It
HOST:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
GUEST:
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Up little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty but hey,
it's pretty beautiful, beautiful that for.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
A little more.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Said he you're kicking with full thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Happy Thursday, four Things, Amy here, and my guest today
is my friend Leanne Ellington, who has been on the
podcast before. And I say, she's a guest right now,
but again, we're just gonna be having a talk. Yeah,
and we're together because we just recorded for Outweigh and
Leanne has her own disordered eating body image story from
(00:54):
her past that you now use as service to others.
The theme of today's episode with us right now, Leanna
and I just chatting as friends and you're joining in
on it is how can we be of service? And
really having that mindset daily and asking yourself that before.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
You show up to work.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I mean maybe you just look at your job as
a way to pay the bills, but is there a
way you can start seeing in how you can show
up to serve others and then you'll see how that
bleeds into other areas of your life. And so, Leanne,
what does service mean to you career wise and on
(01:33):
a more personal level in not getting paid?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's interesting because if you had told me, you know,
ten fifteen years ago that I would be showing up
in the way that I'm showing up, I would have
been like, wait me, because it was a struggle that
really a form of suffering that I didn't even know
I had, that I didn't even know I would ever
find a way out of. Let alone go on and
invite other women to heal in their own journey. So,
(01:59):
in terms of your question, the big thing for me
was kind of a wake up call because it started
when I had a moment. You know, we all have
moments in our lives that kind of bring us to
our ease, and mine was the realization that, wow, this
monster in my head that is obsessing over food and
my body and that feels so much shame and feels
(02:21):
so much disorder.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Wow, I'm very selfish. Like that was my big thing.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I was like, I'm only thinking about me, because when
you're in the height of it and not in a
I'm not trying to shame anyone. This is what it
was for me when you're in such a world of
you know, that kind of mess in your head where
it's just it's the downward spiral of shame, blame, guilt, comparisonitis, embarrassment, fear,
and then all the stories that come alongside it of
(02:47):
like what if people knew, if only they knew all
these things, And you don't believe in yourself, you don't
trust in yourself, but then you're trying to control, control, control.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
In my case, it was my weight, my body.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I had this awareness, this heightened awareness that now I
know it was God, but at the time I didn't
have that faith in my life of like, wow, this
is a very self you know, engrossing way to live.
It was all about me, me, me, me me. And
then you know, obviously I got into the healing side
of it, and I had another awareness down the road.
(03:18):
Now it's not a big deal to share what I share,
but at first it was this thing of wait a minute,
I'm going to talk about shame.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I'm going to talk about feeling like an addict. I'm
going to talk about hating myself.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
And what I realized and through mentors and coaching of
mine as well, was of no it instead of it
feeling like a burden, because it did feel like a burden,
I did turn it into kind of taking it on
as an assignment, an assignment from God is what I
would call it now, of just like no, women need
me to step in and own my story and own
my shame so that they can be liberated from theirs
(03:50):
and so that they can see that it's not shame
and that there it doesn't have to be a secret.
And that's really where it really started. So this idea
of service wasn't really in my awarenes until I had
the self awareness of like, wow, I am very selfish
and I'm only thinking about me, me, me, me me,
and I had a bit of an existential crisis of like, wow,
this is not who I want to be. I'm not
(04:12):
a selfish person. But I realized like I was living
and acting as if I was.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You wanted to step into the highest version of yourself
and you had awareness, so you were definitely not there,
which I think one of the best ways to shift
from ego, which is where I know I was when
I was in the throes of that, and quite honestly
still can be at times. Sure ego pops up all
the time, and that's where you were, And to shift
from ego to your highest self is to be of
service to others. And being of service enables us to
(04:39):
recognize our interconnectedness, our shared humanity, like we're all in
this together, and we can be this nice little ecosystem
of giving back and helping each other absolutely and filling
each other up, which is now what you get to
do in service with your career and sharing your story
and your clients. And then are there other ways that
(04:59):
you find yourself serving outside of that?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, you know, I'm part of a ministry called Freedom
Prayer where we help walk other people alongside their struggles
and their fears. And I think, you know, being of
service in even asking yourself in your everyday life, how
can I help and support and pour into somebody? And
I think part of it too is like giving ourselves
permission to feel like we have something to give, right,
(05:23):
Like a lot of people I know walk around with like, well,
who am I to help somebody?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Support somebody? Know what I know, do what I do
all the things.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
And so first it's just like taking it on you
that even just being you and having the energy that
you have and being the personality that you are, being
a listener and a support and a love and somebody
that receives people in the good, the bad, the ugly,
all of where they are is of service and it
doesn't have.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
To be friends or your kids or like.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be this big, grandiose thing, right,
it can just be everyday ways of being of Like
you said, what was the prompt that you said that
you got?
Speaker 3 (05:57):
How can I be of service today? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
I mean often, and I asked myself before work, It's okay,
how can I be of service today?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
It's that exact question.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
And then the mantra is I am here to be
truly helpful. So that might be with your friend, with
your neighbor, with your kids, with your coworker, with your client. Yeah,
so it's not yeah, how many nonprofits am I volunteering for?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
That's then also become a measuring stick and a badge
of honor and a Girl Scout badge that we collect. Right,
even just a shift of the question of like what
can I get to?
Speaker 3 (06:35):
What can I give? Just that one question. Yes, I
journaled about that this morning.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I kid you not that I want to be a
giver but not give to get. There was a situation
that came up where I don't and this was internal
within my family. The giving and the getting can be
within your home, right, too, and so I realized that
I had behaved in a certain way, and I'm like, oh,
that's not how I want to show up, like I
(07:01):
need to give which I do.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Have four quotes.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Because well four things podcasts that tie into what we're
talking about that people can sit with, write down, you
can use them.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I don't know how people like to best use quotes.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I love quotes, Kat and I start every Tuesday episode
the fifth thing off with a quote. And sometimes there're
just there's so many good ones out there and it's
just something that you can sit with, maybe you can
journal about, you could use it as a prompt. And
so we're going to go on for right now that
you can chew one. This is from Wayne Dyer. I
start every day by wanting more for others than I
(07:37):
do for myself. I think that is how God works,
and that is how I think we have to work.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
This one's from Gandhi.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself
in the service of others. This one is from Muhammad Ali.
Service to others is the rent you pay for your
room here on earth. And then this one is from C. S.
Lewis our prayers for others flow more easily than those
for ourselves. This shows we are made to live by charity.
(08:10):
So those are four quotes that are just very much
to the point of we need to find out how
we can show up for others on the daily because
that is going to help fill our cup up.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And to your point of when you.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Were in the throes of your disordered behavior, that's exactly
how I felt.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I had zero space to connect with others.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I tried to operate as if I did, and maybe
outwardly it seemed as though I was. But people that
were in relationship with me during that time, which was
a very long time, did not feel connected to me
because I didn't have the bandwidth and my brain was
consumed with other things that were very selfish. My ego
(08:54):
was completely I was not in the highest version of myself.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
You are a half.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Shelled, compartimentalized version of yours that wasn't able to be present.
It's what happens when we get in it.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Right, and no judgment for all of us. Exactly you're
right now.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I actually have gratitude for the fact that I can
recognize that now and I could admit it and be like, wow,
I was incredibly selfish, and I did not have space
for the people in my life and I did not
show up for them the way that I should have.
And what I can do with that information now is
know that I want to be better.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah, And I didn't mean it attached at you.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I'm like, that's just the product of what happens when
we're in that space, you know. And I especially resonate
with that second quote about like finding yourself in the
service of others, And I think that was really part
of it too, is like when you do find healing
in yourself, it's about I have something a piece of
knowledge or a piece of wisdom that would really benefit others.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Like who am I to sit on it and to
not serve? You know?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
And I think the big shift if I were to
re answer your question, because you asked me a question
in the beginning of what I think about service, and
like the big theme that I would probably say about
it is shifting it from this thing that you do
in to something that you are, Like it's a being
not a doing in like living in that space of again,
what can I give rather than what can I get?
(10:08):
As opposed to looking at it as this checklist and
this you know, shopping list of did I do that?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Did I not do that? Did I volunteer? Did I not?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I am here to be truly helpful? Yeah, that affirmation
is something that you can say over and over until
you believe it. How do you feel about someone's not
in that space? Like saying that to themselves? How do
(10:40):
you feel about someone's not in that space? Like saying
that to themselves over and over? And they're like, but
am I here to be helpful? Am I really doing
anything to be helpful? Or can I even be of help?
Or how in the world would I serve? Or who
wants my hell? What do I have to offer? And
I'm thinking of the various lives that can pop in.
But at the same time, that affirmation to yourself might
(11:00):
feel like a lie, but it's still important to say
to yourself over and over. So being that you are,
you know, big on the brain and you have a
wealth of knowledge when it comes to how we operate,
how is that affirmation powerful in eventually getting us to
a place where we truly do feel like we are
here to help and serve?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Yeah? Oh, I have so much to say about this topic.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I love this stuff, But it's about meeting yourself where
you are in what you believe right now, and being
mindful of when something is a lie. So we really
want to be mindful when we're talking about things like affirmations.
There is that line of like do I not believe
it yet, but I kind of believe it, and I
want to step into it, versus like where is it
an outright lie? Because if your self image doesn't believe
it to be true, it will actually lay down something
(11:43):
called negative neuro associations and really block that fired and
wired process from taking place of creating new, you know,
powerful patterns. So you don't want to create a dissonance
or a disconnect in you by by the outright lie. So,
for example, if somebody is using that after of repeat
it again.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
I am here to be truly helpful, Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So if somebody hears I'm here to be truly helpful
and they're like, wow, that does not resonate.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
I don't feel it about myself.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Right even just starting with the mantra of like I'm
on my way to believing that I'm here to be
truly helpful, like literally meeting yourself where you are right
or I'm in the process of becoming the version of
myself that feels truly helpful. You're not lying, but you're
meeting yourself where you are in your disbelief, for your
doubt and tweaking, because I do believe it is a
really important part to kind of shift our thoughts and
(12:34):
move towards that air Quotes's positive direction. But again, you've
got to meet yourself where you are.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
So well, because this is where people get tripped up
on the whole mantras and affirmations of like Okay, yeah,
you can say this stuff to yourself all day long,
but yeah, if it's not matching, you're not going to
get there.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Yeah, like the whole The most common one I hear
is like I keep telling myself I'm worthy, I'm worthy, right,
And the tweak I give is like, what if you
just shifted it to like I'm committed to finally feeling
worthy or I'm committed to learning what I need to
feel love and acceptance, Like you're you're declaring the process
(13:10):
rather than declaring it as so already, and then your
brain creating a dissonance and a mismatch. And when I
say dissonance, it's like that cognitive dissonance of like I
hear it, but I don't believe it. And that's where
you're laying down negative neuro associations, which actually works against you.
The learning doesn't happen, the laying down of pathways doesn't
(13:30):
happen as fluidly.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
You're kind of working against yourself. You know.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
It's obviously a lot more complex than that, you know.
So meeting yourself where you are by just adding a
frame around it, like I'm committed to becoming or I
am learning how to X, rather than just I am that,
and I think that will help you meet yourself where
you are in your current doubt.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yes, I love that. So yeah, now you're not lying
to yourself. You're telling the truth. I'm committed. Now, don't
say it.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
If you're not committed to it, you know, and if
you're not on the process so learning it, don't. So
the big thing is, don't lie to yourself, you know.
But if you're learning, how okay?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
But walk me through this, because I do think there
are times in which to build that new or bath
the way I've heard. Okay, So, like for a long
time a story I had is Okay, I'm not capable,
I'm not smart enough or whatever. I'm not as smart
as certain people. And that's a story from my teenage
years that has been carried with me. I've carried it
(14:27):
with me for a very long time. And so I
would start to say to myself, I am capable, I
am capable, I guess because that.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
It already feels true. That worked for me, but I
did I felt like I was still lying to myself.
I'm like, so, I really capable. But I didn't have
a problem with I'm being capable.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
But I'm glad we're talking about this because I feel
like there is a thing between all these affirmations and
mauntras that we see out there and all these quotes
that I love to say on here all the time,
but then for some people, they're really not going to
nothing's going to happen.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Nothing is going to happen. For me.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I have sometimes been okay with quote unquote lying to
myself because I knew that my brain was going to
keep hearing that over and over and over, and to me,
that was part of the process, okay, And.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I felt okay with that. Yeah, no, this is so
good that you're bringing this up. And just keep in mind,
I always like to come from that place of like well,
not finding the holes in it, but like meeting the
skeptic the cynic where they are because that's how I was,
and it needed to resonate with me. And resonance is
the big factor for creating those neuroassociations. So, in answer
to what you said, when we logically know something's true,
(15:35):
but we've practiced the opposite for so long, sometimes those
mantras are literally just new reinforcement and memorization, so to speak,
of what we already believed to be true, but we've
just practiced the opposite.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
So I am capable.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Like that wasn't a big stretch for you because you
could build evidence of why you are capable. You had
just practiced kind of unconsciously or subconsciously telling yourself, well.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
I can't do that.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
But when you in your logic and reason brain, when
you start like thinking about it, talking about like deep
down you did believe that you were capable, but you
hadn't reinforced that new pathway in your brain. There wasn't recency,
there wasn't frequency, all the things that we need attention, intension,
and repetition.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Air to create a new pathway right, and.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
That attention intention repetition air, attention intention repetition air, I are,
So you didn't have all those things.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
But the capable what you didn't label it as an
outright lie in your subconscious mind, right, you believe that.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
But I did feel like I was lying to myself,
and I was like, I'm just to keep lying to
myself till it's true. But I love that you're saying this,
So somewhere deep inside of me, I actually did know
it's true and it wasn't really a lie.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
So and that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Some there might be things that you like don't fully
believe yet versus it's I totally disbelieve it.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
It's a lie. It feels very untrue to me.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You can feel that distinction in your brain, right, And
so part of it too is where it's like you
don't want to build new beliefs that are such a stretch,
such an outright lie, but if or something that you
can already kind of grasp onto and build evidence for.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
So if you had said, hey, what would be a
tweak on that?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Like I don't feel capable what I'm telling myself, I
am capable, Like even just saying like I am learning
to remember that I am capable or I am committed
to feeling the feels of capable right and it's just
those little tweaks so that it's right, it's true right now.
And it's not that the other can't work, because attention
intention repetition it does work, but it's going to be
(17:28):
a lot more resistance, it's probably going to take longer,
there might be some backslide and all of that. But
when you actually believe it and then attention intention repetition.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
It's like that's where the miracles happen.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
So that's why I always invite people to start at
what they can meet in their current reality of belief.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Now.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
It's not that the other's not possible, but it's going
to be a lot easier if you start in your
current reality of what you believe now.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
And if being helpful is something you have a desire
for but you're wondering how you could be helped, well
you're not quite sure yet, so you're not really believing it.
That's when you can start asking yourself questions like, yeah,
how can I serve today?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
How can I be helpful today? Or give me a
sign that I am being helpful.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Absolutely, And that's I was just gonna say. It doesn't
always have to be like an affirmation. It can be
a prayer like, hey, God, use me. I want to
be helpful. I'm not feeling helpful right now. I want
to be of service. I want to be helpful. So
it doesn't always have to be this like radical declaration.
It can be a request, it can be a prayer.
It can be a hope that you're speaking out loud
(18:37):
or writing. So that's the other side of affirmations, Like
it doesn't always have.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
To be so declarative.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
It can be you know, seeding the reality of what
you desire.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I love that because I saw someone speaking the other
day speaking on YouTube. My favorite is live my favorite
place to watch speakers. Do you ever go on there
and just watch tech talks.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I haven't recently, but I definitely went through my TED
talk phase.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
You should do a TED talk. Well, thank you, we're
seeding that into reality. God, I want to be of
service on a TED talk. I don't know how that happens,
but you need to apply. We should look into this.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I bet there's a YouTube video on how to become
a TED talk speaker.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
There probably is I feel like I see ads on
either YouTube or Instagram where it pops up. This one
guy's like, you want to have a Ted talk. I
can teach you how to put together the best Ted talk.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I don't know. Yes, I've seen him. I've seen talks
about Ted talks. So we need to do that, Okay.
I am here to help you do that. Be of service.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I want to be of service to you and help
you fill out the application or put it out. Hey,
maybe someone listening right now knows someone knows Ted.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Who is this Ted guy? Well, thank you for that
or TEDx or whatever.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
So I appreciate you saying anyway, I watch a lot
of YouTube while I'm getting ready or just cooking doing things.
I carry my computer around my house. I don't know
if you ever know I see it.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Yeah, I carry it to the.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Laundry room, and I'm like, oh, I carried upstairs, and
I just keep my YouTube going.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
But it'd probably be easier if I just put the
YouTube on my phone. Hey, no judgment the YouTube. How
old do I sound?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
So she was talking about and I can't remember what
I was watching, but she was talking about how she
is a big fan of the lying to yourself. And
she's a therapist, and I know she had data to
go along with it, but I like the way you're
saying it. The way you're saying it is resonating with
me more, and I believed what she was saying. I'm like, Okay,
there's power in that. I believe that, And we need
(20:34):
to start believing in ourselves first. But I like where
you're saying, let's be realistic, where are we with this?
And maybe I am on the road to it, maybe
I am gonna I am. I am someone who right
now is making a daily commitment to try to help others.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, I think it's about you know, instead of lying
to yourself.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
And again, it can work.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
It's just going to take longer, right because you're going
to have to fight against negative neuro associations, which is
the opposite of brain change. Right.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
So it's not that it can't work.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
But I'm a big fan and I have so much
evidence of this working with my clients and myself, of
like how to make over beliefs very quickly when you
meet yourself in the doubt, meet yourself in what you
think is a lie, Like meet yourself there and create
the next level of certainty. But going from I hate
my body too I love my body is not the
next level of certainty. That is a massive leap.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
But to your point, so you're saying, if I start
saying I love my body, I love my body, I
love my body, eventually I could love my body.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
But you're saying it would take a very, very very
that is maybe. There's so many different variables.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Obviously, it depends how deeply you believe the opposite. So
it's it's not a no, it's not a definite yes,
it's a maybe versus. If you meet yourself in your
doubt and build new beliefs and affirmations in alignment with
those in the next level of certainty, it will, hands
down you move the needle like right away.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
I've never experienced it not.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But again, what you ask, my answer is maybe just
maybe yeah, with.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Enough air, attention, intention, repetition.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Again, it just depends how how much you like don't
believe the lie.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
How deep does the wound go yeah or the yeah,
I go? How when did this start? How many years
have we been how.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Much evidence have you built in your brain to support
the lie.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
But the beautiful thing about our brains is you get
to turn it all over. You get to rewrite the story,
but it does take the You can't just let go
and let God this one.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
It's a choice.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You gotta put in the work, Leanne. Where can people
find you?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah, you can find me at Stressless Eating dot com
or Leannellington dot com.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And then I am Radioamy dot com and my Instagram's
at Radio Amy and people talk to y'all later.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Bye bye h
Up little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty but hey,
it's pretty beautiful, beautiful that for.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
A little more.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Said he you're kicking with full thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Happy Thursday, four Things, Amy here, and my guest today
is my friend Leanne Ellington, who has been on the
podcast before. And I say, she's a guest right now,
but again, we're just gonna be having a talk. Yeah,
and we're together because we just recorded for Outweigh and
Leanne has her own disordered eating body image story from
(00:54):
her past that you now use as service to others.
The theme of today's episode with us right now, Leanna
and I just chatting as friends and you're joining in
on it is how can we be of service? And
really having that mindset daily and asking yourself that before.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
You show up to work.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I mean maybe you just look at your job as
a way to pay the bills, but is there a
way you can start seeing in how you can show
up to serve others and then you'll see how that
bleeds into other areas of your life. And so, Leanne,
what does service mean to you career wise and on
(01:33):
a more personal level in not getting paid?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's interesting because if you had told me, you know,
ten fifteen years ago that I would be showing up
in the way that I'm showing up, I would have
been like, wait me, because it was a struggle that
really a form of suffering that I didn't even know
I had, that I didn't even know I would ever
find a way out of. Let alone go on and
invite other women to heal in their own journey. So,
(01:59):
in terms of your question, the big thing for me
was kind of a wake up call because it started
when I had a moment. You know, we all have
moments in our lives that kind of bring us to
our ease, and mine was the realization that, wow, this
monster in my head that is obsessing over food and
my body and that feels so much shame and feels
(02:21):
so much disorder.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Wow, I'm very selfish. Like that was my big thing.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I was like, I'm only thinking about me, because when
you're in the height of it and not in a
I'm not trying to shame anyone. This is what it
was for me when you're in such a world of
you know, that kind of mess in your head where
it's just it's the downward spiral of shame, blame, guilt, comparisonitis, embarrassment, fear,
and then all the stories that come alongside it of
(02:47):
like what if people knew, if only they knew all
these things, And you don't believe in yourself, you don't
trust in yourself, but then you're trying to control, control, control.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
In my case, it was my weight, my body.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I had this awareness, this heightened awareness that now I
know it was God, but at the time I didn't
have that faith in my life of like, wow, this
is a very self you know, engrossing way to live.
It was all about me, me, me, me me. And
then you know, obviously I got into the healing side
of it, and I had another awareness down the road.
(03:18):
Now it's not a big deal to share what I share,
but at first it was this thing of wait a minute,
I'm going to talk about shame.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I'm going to talk about feeling like an addict. I'm
going to talk about hating myself.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
And what I realized and through mentors and coaching of
mine as well, was of no it instead of it
feeling like a burden, because it did feel like a burden,
I did turn it into kind of taking it on
as an assignment, an assignment from God is what I
would call it now, of just like no, women need
me to step in and own my story and own
my shame so that they can be liberated from theirs
(03:50):
and so that they can see that it's not shame
and that there it doesn't have to be a secret.
And that's really where it really started. So this idea
of service wasn't really in my awarenes until I had
the self awareness of like, wow, I am very selfish
and I'm only thinking about me, me, me, me me,
and I had a bit of an existential crisis of like, wow,
this is not who I want to be. I'm not
(04:12):
a selfish person. But I realized like I was living
and acting as if I was.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You wanted to step into the highest version of yourself
and you had awareness, so you were definitely not there,
which I think one of the best ways to shift
from ego, which is where I know I was when
I was in the throes of that, and quite honestly
still can be at times. Sure ego pops up all
the time, and that's where you were, And to shift
from ego to your highest self is to be of
service to others. And being of service enables us to
(04:39):
recognize our interconnectedness, our shared humanity, like we're all in
this together, and we can be this nice little ecosystem
of giving back and helping each other absolutely and filling
each other up, which is now what you get to
do in service with your career and sharing your story
and your clients. And then are there other ways that
(04:59):
you find yourself serving outside of that?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, you know, I'm part of a ministry called Freedom
Prayer where we help walk other people alongside their struggles
and their fears. And I think, you know, being of
service in even asking yourself in your everyday life, how
can I help and support and pour into somebody? And
I think part of it too is like giving ourselves
permission to feel like we have something to give, right,
(05:23):
Like a lot of people I know walk around with like, well,
who am I to help somebody?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Support somebody? Know what I know, do what I do
all the things.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
And so first it's just like taking it on you
that even just being you and having the energy that
you have and being the personality that you are, being
a listener and a support and a love and somebody
that receives people in the good, the bad, the ugly,
all of where they are is of service and it
doesn't have.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
To be friends or your kids or like.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be this big, grandiose thing, right,
it can just be everyday ways of being of Like
you said, what was the prompt that you said that
you got?
Speaker 3 (05:57):
How can I be of service today? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
I mean often, and I asked myself before work, It's okay,
how can I be of service today?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
It's that exact question.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
And then the mantra is I am here to be
truly helpful. So that might be with your friend, with
your neighbor, with your kids, with your coworker, with your client. Yeah,
so it's not yeah, how many nonprofits am I volunteering for?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
That's then also become a measuring stick and a badge
of honor and a Girl Scout badge that we collect. Right,
even just a shift of the question of like what
can I get to?
Speaker 3 (06:35):
What can I give? Just that one question. Yes, I
journaled about that this morning.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I kid you not that I want to be a
giver but not give to get. There was a situation
that came up where I don't and this was internal
within my family. The giving and the getting can be
within your home, right, too, and so I realized that
I had behaved in a certain way, and I'm like, oh,
that's not how I want to show up, like I
(07:01):
need to give which I do.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Have four quotes.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Because well four things podcasts that tie into what we're
talking about that people can sit with, write down, you
can use them.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I don't know how people like to best use quotes.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I love quotes, Kat and I start every Tuesday episode
the fifth thing off with a quote. And sometimes there're
just there's so many good ones out there and it's
just something that you can sit with, maybe you can
journal about, you could use it as a prompt. And
so we're going to go on for right now that
you can chew one. This is from Wayne Dyer. I
start every day by wanting more for others than I
(07:37):
do for myself. I think that is how God works,
and that is how I think we have to work.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
This one's from Gandhi.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself
in the service of others. This one is from Muhammad Ali.
Service to others is the rent you pay for your
room here on earth. And then this one is from C. S.
Lewis our prayers for others flow more easily than those
for ourselves. This shows we are made to live by charity.
(08:10):
So those are four quotes that are just very much
to the point of we need to find out how
we can show up for others on the daily because
that is going to help fill our cup up.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And to your point of when you.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Were in the throes of your disordered behavior, that's exactly
how I felt.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I had zero space to connect with others.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I tried to operate as if I did, and maybe
outwardly it seemed as though I was. But people that
were in relationship with me during that time, which was
a very long time, did not feel connected to me
because I didn't have the bandwidth and my brain was
consumed with other things that were very selfish. My ego
(08:54):
was completely I was not in the highest version of myself.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
You are a half.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Shelled, compartimentalized version of yours that wasn't able to be present.
It's what happens when we get in it.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Right, and no judgment for all of us. Exactly you're
right now.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I actually have gratitude for the fact that I can
recognize that now and I could admit it and be like, wow,
I was incredibly selfish, and I did not have space
for the people in my life and I did not
show up for them the way that I should have.
And what I can do with that information now is
know that I want to be better.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah, And I didn't mean it attached at you.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I'm like, that's just the product of what happens when
we're in that space, you know. And I especially resonate
with that second quote about like finding yourself in the
service of others, And I think that was really part
of it too, is like when you do find healing
in yourself, it's about I have something a piece of
knowledge or a piece of wisdom that would really benefit others.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Like who am I to sit on it and to
not serve? You know?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
And I think the big shift if I were to
re answer your question, because you asked me a question
in the beginning of what I think about service, and
like the big theme that I would probably say about
it is shifting it from this thing that you do
in to something that you are, Like it's a being
not a doing in like living in that space of again,
what can I give rather than what can I get?
(10:08):
As opposed to looking at it as this checklist and
this you know, shopping list of did I do that?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Did I not do that? Did I volunteer? Did I not?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I am here to be truly helpful? Yeah, that affirmation
is something that you can say over and over until
you believe it. How do you feel about someone's not
in that space? Like saying that to themselves? How do
(10:40):
you feel about someone's not in that space? Like saying
that to themselves over and over? And they're like, but
am I here to be helpful? Am I really doing
anything to be helpful? Or can I even be of help?
Or how in the world would I serve? Or who
wants my hell? What do I have to offer? And
I'm thinking of the various lives that can pop in.
But at the same time, that affirmation to yourself might
(11:00):
feel like a lie, but it's still important to say
to yourself over and over. So being that you are,
you know, big on the brain and you have a
wealth of knowledge when it comes to how we operate,
how is that affirmation powerful in eventually getting us to
a place where we truly do feel like we are
here to help and serve?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Yeah? Oh, I have so much to say about this topic.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I love this stuff, But it's about meeting yourself where
you are in what you believe right now, and being
mindful of when something is a lie. So we really
want to be mindful when we're talking about things like affirmations.
There is that line of like do I not believe
it yet, but I kind of believe it, and I
want to step into it, versus like where is it
an outright lie? Because if your self image doesn't believe
it to be true, it will actually lay down something
(11:43):
called negative neuro associations and really block that fired and
wired process from taking place of creating new, you know,
powerful patterns. So you don't want to create a dissonance
or a disconnect in you by by the outright lie. So,
for example, if somebody is using that after of repeat
it again.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
I am here to be truly helpful, Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So if somebody hears I'm here to be truly helpful
and they're like, wow, that does not resonate.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
I don't feel it about myself.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Right even just starting with the mantra of like I'm
on my way to believing that I'm here to be
truly helpful, like literally meeting yourself where you are right
or I'm in the process of becoming the version of
myself that feels truly helpful. You're not lying, but you're
meeting yourself where you are in your disbelief, for your
doubt and tweaking, because I do believe it is a
really important part to kind of shift our thoughts and
(12:34):
move towards that air Quotes's positive direction. But again, you've
got to meet yourself where you are.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
So well, because this is where people get tripped up
on the whole mantras and affirmations of like Okay, yeah,
you can say this stuff to yourself all day long,
but yeah, if it's not matching, you're not going to
get there.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Yeah, like the whole The most common one I hear
is like I keep telling myself I'm worthy, I'm worthy, right,
And the tweak I give is like, what if you
just shifted it to like I'm committed to finally feeling
worthy or I'm committed to learning what I need to
feel love and acceptance, Like you're you're declaring the process
(13:10):
rather than declaring it as so already, and then your
brain creating a dissonance and a mismatch. And when I
say dissonance, it's like that cognitive dissonance of like I
hear it, but I don't believe it. And that's where
you're laying down negative neuro associations, which actually works against you.
The learning doesn't happen, the laying down of pathways doesn't
(13:30):
happen as fluidly.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
You're kind of working against yourself. You know.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
It's obviously a lot more complex than that, you know.
So meeting yourself where you are by just adding a
frame around it, like I'm committed to becoming or I
am learning how to X, rather than just I am that,
and I think that will help you meet yourself where
you are in your current doubt.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yes, I love that. So yeah, now you're not lying
to yourself. You're telling the truth. I'm committed. Now, don't
say it.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
If you're not committed to it, you know, and if
you're not on the process so learning it, don't. So
the big thing is, don't lie to yourself, you know.
But if you're learning, how okay?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
But walk me through this, because I do think there
are times in which to build that new or bath
the way I've heard. Okay, So, like for a long
time a story I had is Okay, I'm not capable,
I'm not smart enough or whatever. I'm not as smart
as certain people. And that's a story from my teenage
years that has been carried with me. I've carried it
(14:27):
with me for a very long time. And so I
would start to say to myself, I am capable, I
am capable, I guess because that.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
It already feels true. That worked for me, but I
did I felt like I was still lying to myself.
I'm like, so, I really capable. But I didn't have
a problem with I'm being capable.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
But I'm glad we're talking about this because I feel
like there is a thing between all these affirmations and
mauntras that we see out there and all these quotes
that I love to say on here all the time,
but then for some people, they're really not going to
nothing's going to happen.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Nothing is going to happen. For me.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I have sometimes been okay with quote unquote lying to
myself because I knew that my brain was going to
keep hearing that over and over and over, and to me,
that was part of the process, okay, And.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I felt okay with that. Yeah, no, this is so
good that you're bringing this up. And just keep in mind,
I always like to come from that place of like well,
not finding the holes in it, but like meeting the
skeptic the cynic where they are because that's how I was,
and it needed to resonate with me. And resonance is
the big factor for creating those neuroassociations. So, in answer
to what you said, when we logically know something's true,
(15:35):
but we've practiced the opposite for so long, sometimes those
mantras are literally just new reinforcement and memorization, so to speak,
of what we already believed to be true, but we've
just practiced the opposite.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
So I am capable.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Like that wasn't a big stretch for you because you
could build evidence of why you are capable. You had
just practiced kind of unconsciously or subconsciously telling yourself, well.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
I can't do that.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
But when you in your logic and reason brain, when
you start like thinking about it, talking about like deep
down you did believe that you were capable, but you
hadn't reinforced that new pathway in your brain. There wasn't recency,
there wasn't frequency, all the things that we need attention, intension,
and repetition.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Air to create a new pathway right, and.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
That attention intention repetition air, attention intention repetition air, I are,
So you didn't have all those things.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
But the capable what you didn't label it as an
outright lie in your subconscious mind, right, you believe that.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
But I did feel like I was lying to myself,
and I was like, I'm just to keep lying to
myself till it's true. But I love that you're saying this,
So somewhere deep inside of me, I actually did know
it's true and it wasn't really a lie.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
So and that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Some there might be things that you like don't fully
believe yet versus it's I totally disbelieve it.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
It's a lie. It feels very untrue to me.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You can feel that distinction in your brain, right, And
so part of it too is where it's like you
don't want to build new beliefs that are such a stretch,
such an outright lie, but if or something that you
can already kind of grasp onto and build evidence for.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
So if you had said, hey, what would be a
tweak on that?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Like I don't feel capable what I'm telling myself, I
am capable, Like even just saying like I am learning
to remember that I am capable or I am committed
to feeling the feels of capable right and it's just
those little tweaks so that it's right, it's true right now.
And it's not that the other can't work, because attention
intention repetition it does work, but it's going to be
(17:28):
a lot more resistance, it's probably going to take longer,
there might be some backslide and all of that. But
when you actually believe it and then attention intention repetition.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
It's like that's where the miracles happen.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
So that's why I always invite people to start at
what they can meet in their current reality of belief.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Now.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
It's not that the other's not possible, but it's going
to be a lot easier if you start in your
current reality of what you believe now.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
And if being helpful is something you have a desire
for but you're wondering how you could be helped, well
you're not quite sure yet, so you're not really believing it.
That's when you can start asking yourself questions like, yeah,
how can I serve today?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
How can I be helpful today? Or give me a
sign that I am being helpful.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Absolutely, And that's I was just gonna say. It doesn't
always have to be like an affirmation. It can be
a prayer like, hey, God, use me. I want to
be helpful. I'm not feeling helpful right now. I want
to be of service. I want to be helpful. So
it doesn't always have to be this like radical declaration.
It can be a request, it can be a prayer.
It can be a hope that you're speaking out loud
(18:37):
or writing. So that's the other side of affirmations, Like
it doesn't always have.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
To be so declarative.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
It can be you know, seeding the reality of what
you desire.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I love that because I saw someone speaking the other
day speaking on YouTube. My favorite is live my favorite
place to watch speakers. Do you ever go on there
and just watch tech talks.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I haven't recently, but I definitely went through my TED
talk phase.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
You should do a TED talk. Well, thank you, we're
seeding that into reality. God, I want to be of
service on a TED talk. I don't know how that happens,
but you need to apply. We should look into this.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I bet there's a YouTube video on how to become
a TED talk speaker.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
There probably is I feel like I see ads on
either YouTube or Instagram where it pops up. This one
guy's like, you want to have a Ted talk. I
can teach you how to put together the best Ted talk.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I don't know. Yes, I've seen him. I've seen talks
about Ted talks. So we need to do that, Okay.
I am here to help you do that. Be of service.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I want to be of service to you and help
you fill out the application or put it out. Hey,
maybe someone listening right now knows someone knows Ted.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Who is this Ted guy? Well, thank you for that
or TEDx or whatever.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
So I appreciate you saying anyway, I watch a lot
of YouTube while I'm getting ready or just cooking doing things.
I carry my computer around my house. I don't know
if you ever know I see it.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Yeah, I carry it to the.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Laundry room, and I'm like, oh, I carried upstairs, and
I just keep my YouTube going.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
But it'd probably be easier if I just put the
YouTube on my phone. Hey, no judgment the YouTube. How
old do I sound?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
So she was talking about and I can't remember what
I was watching, but she was talking about how she
is a big fan of the lying to yourself. And
she's a therapist, and I know she had data to
go along with it, but I like the way you're
saying it. The way you're saying it is resonating with
me more, and I believed what she was saying. I'm like, Okay,
there's power in that. I believe that, And we need
(20:34):
to start believing in ourselves first. But I like where
you're saying, let's be realistic, where are we with this?
And maybe I am on the road to it, maybe
I am gonna I am. I am someone who right
now is making a daily commitment to try to help others.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, I think it's about you know, instead of lying
to yourself.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
And again, it can work.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
It's just going to take longer, right because you're going
to have to fight against negative neuro associations, which is
the opposite of brain change. Right.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
So it's not that it can't work.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
But I'm a big fan and I have so much
evidence of this working with my clients and myself, of
like how to make over beliefs very quickly when you
meet yourself in the doubt, meet yourself in what you
think is a lie, Like meet yourself there and create
the next level of certainty. But going from I hate
my body too I love my body is not the
next level of certainty. That is a massive leap.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
But to your point, so you're saying, if I start
saying I love my body, I love my body, I
love my body, eventually I could love my body.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
But you're saying it would take a very, very very
that is maybe. There's so many different variables.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Obviously, it depends how deeply you believe the opposite. So
it's it's not a no, it's not a definite yes,
it's a maybe versus. If you meet yourself in your
doubt and build new beliefs and affirmations in alignment with
those in the next level of certainty, it will, hands
down you move the needle like right away.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
I've never experienced it not.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But again, what you ask, my answer is maybe just
maybe yeah, with.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Enough air, attention, intention, repetition.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Again, it just depends how how much you like don't
believe the lie.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
How deep does the wound go yeah or the yeah,
I go? How when did this start? How many years
have we been how.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Much evidence have you built in your brain to support
the lie.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
But the beautiful thing about our brains is you get
to turn it all over. You get to rewrite the story,
but it does take the You can't just let go
and let God this one.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
It's a choice.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You gotta put in the work, Leanne. Where can people
find you?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah, you can find me at Stressless Eating dot com
or Leannellington dot com.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And then I am Radioamy dot com and my Instagram's
at Radio Amy and people talk to y'all later.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Bye bye h
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Popular Podcasts
1. Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
2. Start Here
A straightforward look at the day's top news in 20 minutes. Powered by ABC News. Hosted by Brad Mielke.
3. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.