November 16, 2023 • 37 mins
Have you heard of Seven Primal Questions by Mike Foster? Amy's sister, Cristi, told her to get this book and take the quiz. Amy did and ended up with "Am I Wanted?" as her primal question (same as her sister!) Cristi highly recommends this book as part of a journey towards understanding yourself more and expressing yourself from a more authentic place.
Am I safe?
Am I secure?
Am I loved?
Am I wanted?
Am I successful?
Am I good enough?
Do I have purpose?
Amy's friend Jeremiah Carter joins her for this chat and they talk about the primal questions & so much more.
HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Cats up thing little food for yourself life.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh it's pretty, but hey, it's pretty beautiful thing beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
That for a little more exciting, said he can your
kick with four with Amy Brown.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Okay, we're talking primal questions, and I don't know if
y'all have heard of Mike Foster b has a whole
book about the seven Primal Questions. And I'm going to
start off by reading a post that my sister put
up about her primal question because she read the book,
she did the whole thing, and she figured out or
question was. It's sort of like, you know, if you
(00:53):
ask yourself questions to figure out your Nyagram number or
something along the lines of that. You go through this
whole book and then you discover, or you take this
quiz if you don't want to read the book, and
you discover what your primal question is. And my sister
is am I wanted? And what's funny is I didn't
think I would be the same as her, but I
(01:14):
took the quiz and it turns out my question is
am I wanted? As well? And Jeremiah is here. You
may remember him from the hair transplant soccer episode.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's what I'm remembered for Okay, work on, which is
why we're here.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
It's led to this whole thing on the show where
Eddie might go to Turkey to get a hair transplant
and Bobby might pay for it.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
It's ridiculous, but I love it. I'm fully on.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Bold for that all because we were talking about David
Beckham and his hair and then you said, well, you
know a lot of football players go to Turkey to
get their hair done, not.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Just football players, but that's what Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well but there was a whole article of footballers.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Because they're public, they're there, they're always and just you know,
put out there by different media outs. So you see
the transition pretty easily from one season to the next.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I mean, yeah, it's pretty obvious.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
How did you say their luscious hair is blowing in
the wind.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Yes, like sometimes they're you know, the season before it
was just they had like no hair happening and the
next thing you know, they had to wear a headband
and a scrunchy I so much hair.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Maybe two pays will I don't think.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
You could play a soccer game with two pains. You
use your head, you do the headers.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, well, I don't know if that would affect the
headers negatively. I just don't think it would be comfortable
to exert yourself in you know, like you have to
have something to keep it there. And if you're sweating
and your bald head, lots of whatever adhesive? Is that
how you do?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, like the gloom.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Not just extensions because there's nothing to attach it.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, I think it is glued on.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
But you're right with the sweat, like I was thinking
of the ball hit the head though it may knock
it off.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're right.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Something like that.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
AnyWho, that's Heeremiah and the Seven Primal Questions. I first
heard of Mike Foster when Kat Defada had Mike on
to talk about the Seven Primal Questions. So if you'd
like to hear an interview with Mike until I can
get him on, because I definitely want to chat to
him about this. But Kat sat down with him, So
you can just go to You Need Therapy podcast and
(03:28):
listen to her interview that she did because it's really
good and it's when Cat was so excited about like
so much show. She texted me after and she's like,
it's my favorite interview I've ever done. And then my
sister when she got this book, she hit me up
straight away like you need to order this. And so
lay Labo is a really nice candle that you can get.
And the cool part and what makes it a special
(03:49):
gift is you can customize it.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Now I don't even know if I talked about the candle.
In the beginning, I was talking about the candle, and
then the dog.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Barked, and then now I just want to no, you're
doing great. So basically what Amy was trying to get
to is not going no, She's this is going on.
It has to we have to be very authentic and vulnerable.
And you had bought your sister a candle because you
were thinking of her. And with le Labo you have
the opportunity to do a custom label and that's what
(04:21):
you did. And you did her primal question, which is
am I wanted? Am I wanted? And when she got it,
she didn't just get to light it and smell this
wonderful smell. She got to read her primal question. And
so now she's attached a cent to her primal question.
She's being brought back into it every time she lights
that candle. That's kind of what you were getting to.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Right, yeah, because and I wanted her to whenever she
lights the candle, because she'll journal a lot, and she
likes to light a candle and journal and is in
that too. I wanted her to know every time she
lights the candle. I sent that to her as like
a gift of like, yes, you are wanted. So when
she lights it, it's like she feels a yes, yes
I'm wanted. So this is the post that she put up.
(05:03):
She's at Christy Doser. She said, when your sister knows
your primal question and sends you a customized candle to
remind you, it's actually your gift. There are seven questions.
We have pieces of all of them within us, but
one stands out more than the others. Am I wanted
as mine and something I've come to realize has been
present with me ever since I was a small child,
(05:24):
especially when that looming question seemed to be answered with
a no. Belonging in kindness are strong values to me.
So rejection and criticism strike me deeply and send me
into a scramble for a yes. So thankful for Mike
Foster and his work teaching me to reframe the rejections
I have faced versus trying to adapt myself to avoid them.
(05:46):
I highly recommend this book. It's part of a journey
towards understanding yourself more and expressing yourself from a more
authentic place.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
I just wanted to.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Share that because I love the way she put it,
and her husband also did it. I thought she had
shared in the post what his question was, but I
guess that was just to me personally. But he won't
mind if I share. But his was I believe am
I enough? Let me go through all of them? Am
I good enough?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Was his?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
So the seven questions are am I safe? Am I secure?
Am I loved? Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am
I good enough? Do I have purpose? And again, like
Christy said, all of those are within us, but one
will stand out more than the other. And to sum
up what the primal questions are, it's a set of
core questions that subconsciously drive your choices, actions, and triggers.
(06:41):
When you uncover your primal question, you also uncover insights
into your vulnerabilities, your superpowers. You have more opportunities in
your relationships and better direction for your life.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Yes, and you're smiling at me with a smirk because
you think that I'm just a critic and only a critic.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Yes, okay, I think that people like people feel that
way about a lot of the tests.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
That are out.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Sure, sure, yeah, I'll be a voice for them because
in some sense, I'll say it openly. I naturally am
I would say I like to be a critic in
some sense, and I think that, first of all, I
should say that. And the second disclaimer is that I'm
not scared of any of these tests, and I think
(07:27):
that they have value that can help people. I think
that there's value add for people in a lot of
these understanding yourself through certain questions, certain letters, certain numbers,
however you want to say it. And I still look
at it as almost more dangerous than helpful because I
(07:49):
think that people will will run to it and think
that they can figure themselves out just through somebody's new
book or new routine or new question or new number
and new test. And a lot of times I think
it's just people making a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, and here's the Enneagram's like really old, Yeah it is, And.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
We've talked about the enneagram. I think the enneagram and.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Mike Foster, I still want to have you on the
podcast by the.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Way, Yeah, sorry, Mike, I'm sure that you could teach
me so much. And yeah, Amy bought me this book,
so I need to dive into the book before I
even comment more about your specific questions, obviously, because I
haven't read up enough to know what I'm criticizing here.
But the enneagram I think would be more powerful. We
spoke about this with Chase. How I think it should
(08:35):
be your friends answering it for you, because I think
people often try to answer questions the way they want
to be. I don't think they actually answer honestly. I
think they try to say, oh, I want to respond
that way, I want to feel that way, I want
to look this way or appear that way. I don't.
I don't think they're as honest with themselves as they think.
But your friends, they will always be honest. I would
(08:57):
hope they will always be honest. Otherwise they're not really
that closer friends, are they.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Have you ever taken a one of those tests for
a friend?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Never, I mean that'd be an interesting little test to write.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
You know, maybe your brother, like whoever you're who are
you closest to? And then he takes it? You take
it or me and my sister like I could take
it and then she could take.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
It for me.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah. Yeah, And here's to my point, and the same
number we just thought of a multimillion dollar business.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Oh we did.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, you just write a book, put a test out there,
and people are going to cling to it and they're
going to try to approach their life with it. And
my point is, I don't think any of it's negative
because you are having people check in and be a
bit introspective for a moment, and some of that can
be good. But I think that and I'm coming from
a biblical belief I think some of these questions have
been around since the dawn of time, and I don't
(09:48):
think that people can really start to understand themselves, and
they really shouldn't start to understand themselves unless they know
who God is. And I think you have to understand
a belief in and deal with and have an understanding
of why you've been made in regards to the God
of the Bible. Otherwise it's a lot of these questions
like again, am I safe? Am I secure? And I loved?
(10:10):
Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am I good enough?
Do I have purpose? Like? Those are all in a sense,
Biblical questions like those have been around for thousands of years,
and a lot of these questions like again, am I safe?
(10:32):
Am I secure? And I loved? And I wanted? Am
I successful? Am I good enough? Do I have purpose?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Like?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Those are all in a sense biblical questions like those
have been around for thousands of years, But.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
It's too unlock which ones or which one you may
the scars scary about it because it helps with relationships too,
especially like for my sister and her husband, I think,
and I'm using them an example because they've both done it,
but like she now knows okay, if bens is am
(11:03):
I good enough? Like she can work towards you know,
as his partner, coming alongside and supporting him.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And it's like language.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yes, I love languages.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I'm not scared of it. I think it can be helpful.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Do you believe in those?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Sure? But again with love languages, I would say all
of them. I want. I want gifts, I want words
of affirmation. I want to be touched. And I know
that everybody doesn't feel like that, and I know there's
probably degrees for each one, but again my point is,
why wouldn't I want to be loved and not just
loved partially. I would want to be loved holy, and
I would want a love in my life that I
(11:38):
know is going to be that's going to last. And
I want to be a part of something that matters.
I want to know I matter. I want to know
that this love is important and that my life is important. Well, yeah, again,
there's a lot of these questions that why wouldn't I
want to know? All of these questions? Right? I think
they're great questions. They are great questions.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I just pulled this up. Due to lack of research.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
The enneagram isn't used in evident in space psychology, as
many professionals prefer NbTi, which is based on the theories
of I don't know some psychiatrist Carl Junk, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
I haven't taken that test, have you?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
No, I've done that. Remember we spoke about the predictive
index one. That was when I think I had done
that you hadn't done for a job a while back,
many many years ago. But that was that was a
really interesting one because I couldn't I felt like game
it because it was just fifty words of click which
ones you feel you would use to describe yourself, okay,
(12:32):
and that can be what do you want to come
across like, but then it's fifty pick fifty words that
you think other people would use to describe you.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
And then it's like, well, it's been suggested that Jesus
was a nine.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Tell me what a nine is.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
He's a textbook example of a type nine enneagram. It's
the adaptive peacemaker. My sister is a nine, a peacemaker,
he was.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I mean, I know, but.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Clara, she has issue.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Larah barking, but her name is Kara.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah, nine nine's really want peace, harmony, and goodwill among men.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Their holy idea is love?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Right, you brew to vipers. Jesus said that. My point is,
I think I think you're right. But my point is
when you try to and maybe I know I've heard
this is said for one of the numbers. When you
try to put someone in a box, I think you're
you are in some sense limiting them, and I think
they're limiting themselves.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah, I think it's all in how you list it
and how you look at it, because it could.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Be just a tool in your toolbox.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Totally. I don't think it's all negative.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yeah, to better understand yourself, yes, and get to know
yourself like my sister and I were talking yesterday and
she said, just that the work she's done this year,
she said, it's like I'm getting to know myself, like
her real, authentic self at forty six years old.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah. No, I think it's beautiful to start to learn yourself.
But again, I think that we all have to be
honest with the reality that you will change. Your sister
at fifty five will be saying I'm getting to know myself,
and she'll be a very different person than she was
ten years before. However, many years that is thirteen? What
is it? I didn't even know what we started at.
(14:31):
So I'd like math too.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
This is trash nine to gosh, you like math?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I love math?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Really?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah? Clear answer? Huh yeah, very clear. But which is
interesting because I like mystery as well. I like unknowns.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I love Could you tutor children in math for the
right price?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Okay, for the right price? That was a little rough
rough out there. These days school was difficult for me.
Who knows. I probably would have liked math, but I
was very social and my add was off the charts,
but I did nothing for it. I was always late
to math class.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Actually on purpose.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
No boyfriend, no friends, just talking. So second floor at
my high school was where everybody would meet to hang
out in between classes, and math happened to be up
on the third floor. And I think I was going
from the first floor to the second floor to stop
say hi to everybody where we all hung out, and
then I had to carry on to the third floor
(15:32):
and it just didn't really fit. The location of the
class didn't really fit my schedule.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
And so my math teacher called my mom.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Oh, I guess unbeknownst to me or something, and I'm
on the second floor talking with my friends, having a
good time, about to go to math, and I get
a tap on my shoulder and I turn around and
it's my mom. No, And I was like, what are
you doing here? And she goes, I'm here to walk
you to math class. No, because you can't seem to
get there.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And I was like, okay, it was that bad.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
So I was never related to math class again because
when you're in this is probably my junior year.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Did your mom work at the school?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
No, she worked, and she worked at the school. She
had she took time out of her No.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
That's crazy. The math teacher called and I.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Know that was my mom's idea was in the math
the maths. She was like, hey, I'm really.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
I see yeah, yeah, you know, Amy can't seem to
get to class on time.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And Mom's like, I got this.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
My mom was like and I was never late again.
Good for you, because I can't remember if it was
eleventh or twelfth grade.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Either way, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Your mom cared seventeen eighteen years old and having your
mom walk you to class, yeah, I know that. That
shows me now looking back how much she cared.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yeah, tap on the shoulder, and a lot of people
are not going to get that tap on the shoulder.
They're going to say, just I don't know, go get her?
Can can you? Can you send her like a stern warning?
Can you? I'm really sorry? Thanks for calling. They're not
going to the school. That's pretty cool. But I don't
know what else.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It was not cool at the time.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Not cool. Well, yeah, it's cool. I think it's cool.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I appreciate it now, like I love that she did that.
I wonder what enneagram number she would We didn't know
really much about the end of that.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm really enjoying this.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
It's still around because I and I also wonder what
my mom's primal question would be like to me. This
is also just something fun to do, yeah, with your siblings,
maybe your parents, your family, And because Jeremiah suggested it too,
y'all all pass it around and see if everybody in
(17:47):
your family or your partner whatever that looks like y'all
come up with the same number for you specifically that
could be.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
That's good, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
But it can't be that whole like we're about to
throw so much shade on them and soone mode on
them about like, oh, I think you're a four because
and then you say all the things that are unhealthy
about like one of four operates in unhealthy ways or
but you don't really know what the branches are r
at first. It depends on the person, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I think, yeah, four wing one or for wing four?
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Right? And where you go when you're unhealthy? Because sure
you do have to look at the positives. You can't
just yeah, diagnos is the wrong word. You can't assign.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
You can't like a.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Number to someone based on your interactions with them.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Truly, honestly, we.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Know ourselves the best, Like I feel like we're the
best ones to answer it. But you're right, you have
to challenge yourself to be honest.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Yeah. Yeah, cool. To your point, part of why you're
even bringing this up is because I did the little
test and I got and I love. That was my question, right, Yes,
and I loved. Which is interesting because we've had conversation.
I've talked about things I've worked through with my counselor
or things about my childhood, and yeah, there are things
that relate directly to that question. And I was like, nah, man,
(19:06):
this test is like, I think this is silly. I
was just being my whole home about it completely. And
to your point, you're like, no, but I think that's related.
And my point was like, I know, Amy, they're all
relaid and I will ask all the questions. But and
I loved might be to your point, the primal question
in this season of life for me, but I don't
(19:29):
fully which is maybe proving your point, I don't fully
receive it.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yeah, So is that your skepticism for the way it
works or you're just in denial because wouldn't it be
a helpful tool. Maybe you take that to your counselor. Hey,
I took this primal thing and said am I loved.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Like, Yeah, I think my skepticism is for sure in
all the ways, with all that whole section in any bookstore,
the library, wherever you go, the self help stuff. I
think think self help is such a dangerous money making world,
and I think people get caught up in and I
think that's where a lot of narcissism happens. I think
(20:08):
a lot of people get so focused on moving from
one self help think to the next, they are only
thinking about themselves. So you bought me a book I
need to read. I bought you a book and it
hasn't come. Amazon's delayed. Come on, Bezos. But it's called
The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness. It's a three dollars.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Book forgetful or forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Self forgetfulness, Okay, the freedom of self forgetfulness. And he's
not saying you think less of yourself. You think of
yourself less. That's the whole point of the book. And
he uses Madonna to kind of unwrap that, and he
does it beautifully. And the way he tells through history
how in the past, it's way back Traditionally people thought
(20:46):
that to have a high self esteem was dangerous, right,
you had a really high self esteem, and everybody was
more likely to get in line if you had a
high self esteem that wasn't looked on pop positively. And
it's almost like to the point of I think they
say criminals a lot of times people in prison have
some of the highest self esteem because you have to
(21:07):
think a lot of yourself to harm someone else or
to take something from someone else, So you think a
whole lot of yourself to take that step to take
an action that's legal, illegal right, and to harm someone else,
just as one example for something that can put someone
in prison. Now today, modern days, and in the last
I think he kind of unpacks it. Since sixties seventies,
(21:29):
there's been a big flip of no, no, no. The problem
with what the West and the problem with human hearts
these days is that the self esteem is too low.
People have too low a self esteem, so they need
to start to think of themselves in a higher manner.
They need to start to And his point is, no,
it's not low self esteem, it's not higher self esteem.
(21:49):
You need to stop thinking about yourself, quit focusing on yourself,
starts to be involved in the community around you, be
involved with people around you, start to engage with the
world around you, and you will start to see who
you are through that. You'll start to see who you
are by engaging with other people, not this constant introspection,
constant asking yourself questions, constantly giving yourself tests. Does that
(22:12):
make sense? So your self esteem is not even on
the table. You're not even thinking about that. You're thinking
about other people. And it's sort of like that who
said that? Oh man, I wish I could remember who.
I'll just claim it was Jeremiah Carter. They say that
when you engage with somebody in any setting, you go
to a friend's house for friends giving, whatever, and you
meet somebody new, you don't oftentimes walk away from somebody saying, man,
(22:36):
that person was so humble, Like when they're an actual
person of humility, you walk away saying like they were dang,
they were really genuinely interested in who I was. They
really cared about what I was, like, where I came from,
who I am. But that's a person that's humble. That's
a person that's not thinking about themselves. They're really actually
at the party, not thinking at all about what does
(22:58):
this person think of me? What does it look like
when I walk through the door, wearing this. What does
it mean when I tell them I'm going on this vacation,
I'm working on this project. You really are just engaging
with those around you. What are you guys into? What
are you up to these days? How's your world? If
no one asks you questions, you don't even worried about it,
You're not even thinking about it. Is that kind of
makes sense? So I get into that in my criticism
of my critiques, I get into that whole self helped
(23:20):
world or I think it can lead to oftentimes some
negative places. But I don't think as a whole it's
negative to ask yourself these questions.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Yeah, I like it. I looking forward to the book.
It's Timothy Keller.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Yeah, speaking of humble people, habits of humble people, I
just run through.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Them real quick.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah. I hit us with those.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Speaking of humble people, habits of humble people, I just
run through them real quick.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Yeah. I hit us with those.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I want to show up that way.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
This is not a self help episode, by the way. Okay,
humble people are situationally aware. They retain relationships, they make
difficult decisions with ease.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
They put others first. Yeah, they listen. Yeah, it's a
lot of what you're.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Saying and all of that, right, all of that isn't
some like they're putting deposits out there, like I've done
all this for you, now you owe me?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Oh yeah, No.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
The minute someone says that back to you, which I've
had that said back to me, and I'm like, oh, well,
then everything you did for me, it was for them, literally.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Was for you and doesn't matter. And now I know that,
so thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
That's right. That's not humility, that's not so forgetfulness. That's again.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
And that's another thing too, just as a mom that
you have to keep in mind because I feel like
a lot of times as parents with our kids, you
can just get frustrated and think like, oh, everything that
I do for you and you know this is how
you're going to talk to me or treat me or whatever.
But the minute you say that, it's like, oh, wait,
am I doing this for them?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Am I doing it for myself?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Right? Right? And so yeah, my uncle, he's a counselor,
he's done a lot of that, and he had the
we talked about how we don't need to get it.
But I dated a girl. I chase a girl. He
didn't really date that I should not have been chasing.
And one of the conversations he kept having to have
with me was, Jeremiah, pay attention, Pay attention. Look, she's
showing you exactly who she is. You think that that
(25:27):
one time where it was such a great day and
then she she turned a corner and she chose you,
and she made a meal for you that day. It
wasn't for you. But he's like, that meal was for her.
She did it because it made her feel good in
the moment. Look at all the other choices she's making.
Weren't about you, were they She actually threw you under
the bus in all these other situations, And you're jumping
on to this. No, she really does care about me.
(25:49):
She made me this meal. He's like, no, that again,
you're looking and only remembering the good things. But that
meal was not about you. She didn't care to give
it to you. She cared to give it from herself
for herself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Continuing on with the list of humble qualities, humble people
are curious.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Hmm. I love that one.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
They speak their minds.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Yeah, they're not afraid. I like that one.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
They take time to say thank you.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Yes, they have an abundance mentality tell that one's story.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Oh yeah, all right, So well, I was in a
very nice part of the world, and I won't give
too much a way here. I was in a very
nice part of the world at a very nice place
to eat that was a membership place actually, And when
I had finished the meal and it was an unbelievable
meal with a very close friend of mine. We might
have had one other friend there, but at the end
(26:46):
of the meal, and I've had many meals with these people,
at the end of the meal, it was the best
meal I've ever had. And we left so much food
there and we couldn't finish it, and just eating so much,
and I asked for a to go box, and you
have at this place. We had three or four people
waiting on this so it wasn't just like, you know,
they're there for you, whatever you need, wherever you want,
We've got you covered. And as soon as the lady
(27:08):
left and said, no problem, will take care of this
person who I was eating with, turning me and said, hey,
you know, just at a place like this, don't do that.
And I was like, well, what, you know why, I
was like, you know, we've had meals before. I've taken
food to go before, especially in nice places. You know,
you don't want to waste it. It's lunch tomorrow or something.
And he said, yeah, but you know, especially in these
settings at a membership club or it's good practice for
(27:31):
when you're in a business setting or in a business
meeting over a meal, you want to be able to
have an abundance mindset, and when you take leftovers, it's
almost like you're acting out of black like there's not
going to be enough for tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
So crazy, it's crazy. And they don't agree with that,
by the way.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
So yeah, I got understood what they were saying, but
I also have and this person is very well established,
very great person, great heart, just heart of gold. So
I'll say that for sure. And they were coming from
a place of seeing me and knowing me, so they're
trying to love me. Well. I fully believe that, whether
I agree with what they said or not. But I
(28:08):
also know that there are people in those situations or
in those seats of prominence established will take you to
a membership club and have a meal, that kind of
thing that will also say like, hey man, I didn't
finish have my meal. You should take it like hey,
and they're you know, older gentlemen fifty six years old.
They will look at me at I'm thirty five say
you know, hey, man, I remember even in those days
(28:29):
like where you're trying to build a company, you're trying
to start a business, you're working in the startup. Well,
you know, make sure you don't waste anything, don't waste
any food. Take take my meal and save it for
lunch tomorrow. And you feel grateful for them seeing you
and thinking of you and knowing what it's like to
go through what you're going through. So it's just really
interesting to see two very very similar situations on the
surface and two very similar people in similar settings on
(28:53):
the surface handle something wildly different, right, and.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Not taking food to go as a lack yeah connotation.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah yeah. One viewed it as lack and one viewed
it as maybe you're being prepared, you're thinking through it
and acknowledge what you're in when it.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Comes to an abundance mentality.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Humble people don't believe that one person wins or that
if someone else wins, it's their loss, Like there's room
for everybody at the table, which.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Oh, oh, wait for it.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I think I just put about to put a little
bow on this because listen to what's playing in the
background of my sister's Instagram post about primal questions. Oh oh,
it's the High Women. It's called Crowded Table. It is
such a good song. Are you familiar?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Oh yeah, that's world class.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
See how that?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Yeah, I'm like there's room for everybody.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, you're not alone. You're not at the table alone.
You don't have to go through life alone. You don't
have to process things alone. You don't need to reflect
on all your every interest. You don't even know why
your heart moves and feels the way it does, and
you don't go motive which hunting with your whole life.
Why did I do this? Why did it? Sometimes you
just engage with other people, have humility to look at
them and get out in the world.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, and I too fat table other people's wins like
when you see it as like they're welcome at your
table too, and there's enough space for you. When someone
else is doing something that I know that I want
to do, I see it as God showing me, Look,
they can do it, So this is possible.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yes, Lewis, is the very nature of friendship is that
you have two people looking at something or engaging the
same way with something and saying looking over and seeing
the other person, and they're like, oh you too, you too,
You see that, you care about that, your heart feels
that way. I think that's really cool. That's how relationships starts, you.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Know, humble people start sentences with you rather than I.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
I dig that, they accept feedback.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Ooh yeah, that's a tough one.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
They assume responsibility, they ask for help.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Yeah. That's where you learn a lot about yourself. Is
where the emotions get turned up and the volume is
turned very high, and you oftentimes have to say, these
emotions don't fit these circumstances or this circumstance, where are
they coming from? You know, and you have to start
to kind of unpack that yourself. But that's where I
(31:24):
think you can do that. Keanu reeves if like someone
can come to you and give you the hardest critique
ever of hey, blah blah blah, two plus two equals five,
you're wrong. It's not four, it's five, and you just wow, Okay,
let me think about that and cheers. Have a good one.
You don't have to you're wrong, you know. Fire back
at them. It doesn't have to be that. And I
think that taking a moment to reflect, and because I
(31:48):
think that csus as well as you will know when
someone loves you and cares about you, when they're willing
and wanting in some sense to risk the relationship, because
there are some tough conversations you're going to have to
have with people in your life. So they of people
in your life if you really care about them, and
so when you speak something that's tough, they have to
have the maturity as well to receive it and sometimes
look back over time and maybe say I don't think
(32:10):
I agree, but they also might say, hey, thank you
so much. I would have never seen that without you.
Thank you so so much. And now they know you
can do that back with them, and they can do
that back with you, you know.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Yeah, and the two plus two equals five kanu reeves thing.
Kat and I talked about that on a fifth thing
not too long ago. But yeah, it's just his window
of tolerance for people if they're going to act a
certain way is small because he's not going to let
it take up his energy or space, and.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So he'll just be like, okay, yeah, sure, two plus.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
Two was five, have a good day, carry on, because
you're no longer in my a.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
You don't have to give him all your energy orbit so,
but I think that's what a humble person does, because
if he's not humble, he in a sense has to
react or engage in a way that means I've got
to get you to think of me or think of
something in the way that I want you to think
of me and the way I want you to engage
with the world. I have to have you look at
me a certain way instead of they look at him
(33:13):
and say, you are crazier. I think you're a terrible actor.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
It's like favorite actor ever in your opinion?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
He's growing on me?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Right No, No, well him? Or is it? Who is it?
Speaker 1 (33:23):
I'd say, right now, Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, I really like
a lot of the things he's done. I like some
of the old guys though. I love some of the
old dudes. Paul Newman, I love Gregory Peck, I like
Russell Crowe. I think Russell Crowe is fantastic, and then
Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling I think is really great too.
(33:45):
There's some females I really like too. I didn't mean
to just stick with males. There. What females do I like?
How about you? You name a few who do you like?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Well, I think speaking of Matthew McConaughey, I just wanted
to pull up about nineteen forty four because part of
the Yellowstone stuff and.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
It's cast me. Come on, guys, generation.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Of Dutton's are on the way. Yellowstone, the flagship western
drama that launched a thousand cowboy fantasies, will becoming in
in twenty twenty four. But that's not the end of
the Dutton saga. We have nineteen forty to look forward
to with Matthew McConaughey. Listen, I've never been into a
(34:21):
like a Dodge Ram truck until like that show, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Like, like a vintage truck.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
No, they all drive those big it's not even vintage Yellowstone.
The current Yellowstone. That's like in this day and age
with Beth.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Okay, I know about Bath. Everyone talks about.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Beth, but but I don't know something about Rip driving one.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
I don't know. It just made it.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
It's like I don't know it said cowboy fantasies, and
I'm like, Okay, anytime I see like a big I
just show that truck. My favorite actors, I mean, I
don't know. I feel like I have a lot, but
I like Reese Witherspoon and Julia Roberts.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
All standing by her the other day. I missed my moment.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
You didn't say anything.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
We were both buying fruit in the refrigerated fruit section
of Whole Foods, and I felt like she looked at me.
Yeah she did. Yeah, I felt like she looked at me.
And then I just didn't say anything. She did like
a double take. I think she thought I was somebody
she knew, and I should have been like, I know,
but I thought that would have been terrible too, so
(35:25):
I said nothing. I just bought my fruit. You look familiar, Reece.
I'm here. I'm ready to make a movie out of
whatever book you find next. Let's do it. But I
will say that Matthew McConaughey, I'm definitely going to do
something with him one day, watch show a movie something.
We're going to do something.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Okay, this will go up November sixteenth, twenty twenty three.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, mark marked mark the calendar.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Jeremiah Carter's doing something with Matthew McConaughey, which is something
that Jeremiah does have.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Well, we'll talk about it later, but there is like.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
A I don't even know what you're about to saying.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
It'll be another thing like this is I feel like
this is a good way to wrap this episode. But
you do have something very specifically that you're passionate about
that I want others to know about. And I've been
talking to a lot of friends about and I think that, Ah, yes,
listeners want.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
To Yeah, we'll circle back, get in on it. So
we'll just leave It's about the community.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
It is. And I'll say this before we get out
of here, that Amy has been, as she was kind
of alluding to earlier, someone who's seen in the same
direction as I've seen and felt in the same direction
that I've felt. And it's been beautiful to kind of
work on her with some of these some of these
aspects of the project. She asked, She's been a great
there's a great human being in it. There's a great
(36:41):
person in it. And I couldn't be more thankful for you.
So there you go, Amy, appreciate you, thank you. I
feel loved and I loved I felt loved.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
Yes, thankful for you too, and even sitting down to
record with me. All right, have the day that you
need to have, whatever that looks like for you, and
I'll see you Saturday for Outweigh and next Tuesday for fifthing.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Bye MHM.
Cats up thing little food for yourself life.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh it's pretty, but hey, it's pretty beautiful thing beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
That for a little more exciting, said he can your
kick with four with Amy Brown.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Okay, we're talking primal questions, and I don't know if
y'all have heard of Mike Foster b has a whole
book about the seven Primal Questions. And I'm going to
start off by reading a post that my sister put
up about her primal question because she read the book,
she did the whole thing, and she figured out or
question was. It's sort of like, you know, if you
(00:53):
ask yourself questions to figure out your Nyagram number or
something along the lines of that. You go through this
whole book and then you discover, or you take this
quiz if you don't want to read the book, and
you discover what your primal question is. And my sister
is am I wanted? And what's funny is I didn't
think I would be the same as her, but I
(01:14):
took the quiz and it turns out my question is
am I wanted? As well? And Jeremiah is here. You
may remember him from the hair transplant soccer episode.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's what I'm remembered for Okay, work on, which is
why we're here.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
It's led to this whole thing on the show where
Eddie might go to Turkey to get a hair transplant
and Bobby might pay for it.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
It's ridiculous, but I love it. I'm fully on.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Bold for that all because we were talking about David
Beckham and his hair and then you said, well, you
know a lot of football players go to Turkey to
get their hair done, not.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Just football players, but that's what Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well but there was a whole article of footballers.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Because they're public, they're there, they're always and just you know,
put out there by different media outs. So you see
the transition pretty easily from one season to the next.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I mean, yeah, it's pretty obvious.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
How did you say their luscious hair is blowing in
the wind.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Yes, like sometimes they're you know, the season before it
was just they had like no hair happening and the
next thing you know, they had to wear a headband
and a scrunchy I so much hair.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Maybe two pays will I don't think.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
You could play a soccer game with two pains. You
use your head, you do the headers.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, well, I don't know if that would affect the
headers negatively. I just don't think it would be comfortable
to exert yourself in you know, like you have to
have something to keep it there. And if you're sweating
and your bald head, lots of whatever adhesive? Is that
how you do?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, like the gloom.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Not just extensions because there's nothing to attach it.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, I think it is glued on.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
But you're right with the sweat, like I was thinking
of the ball hit the head though it may knock
it off.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're right.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Something like that.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
AnyWho, that's Heeremiah and the Seven Primal Questions. I first
heard of Mike Foster when Kat Defada had Mike on
to talk about the Seven Primal Questions. So if you'd
like to hear an interview with Mike until I can
get him on, because I definitely want to chat to
him about this. But Kat sat down with him, So
you can just go to You Need Therapy podcast and
(03:28):
listen to her interview that she did because it's really
good and it's when Cat was so excited about like
so much show. She texted me after and she's like,
it's my favorite interview I've ever done. And then my
sister when she got this book, she hit me up
straight away like you need to order this. And so
lay Labo is a really nice candle that you can get.
And the cool part and what makes it a special
(03:49):
gift is you can customize it.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Now I don't even know if I talked about the candle.
In the beginning, I was talking about the candle, and
then the dog.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Barked, and then now I just want to no, you're
doing great. So basically what Amy was trying to get
to is not going no, She's this is going on.
It has to we have to be very authentic and vulnerable.
And you had bought your sister a candle because you
were thinking of her. And with le Labo you have
the opportunity to do a custom label and that's what
(04:21):
you did. And you did her primal question, which is
am I wanted? Am I wanted? And when she got it,
she didn't just get to light it and smell this
wonderful smell. She got to read her primal question. And
so now she's attached a cent to her primal question.
She's being brought back into it every time she lights
that candle. That's kind of what you were getting to.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Right, yeah, because and I wanted her to whenever she
lights the candle, because she'll journal a lot, and she
likes to light a candle and journal and is in
that too. I wanted her to know every time she
lights the candle. I sent that to her as like
a gift of like, yes, you are wanted. So when
she lights it, it's like she feels a yes, yes
I'm wanted. So this is the post that she put up.
(05:03):
She's at Christy Doser. She said, when your sister knows
your primal question and sends you a customized candle to
remind you, it's actually your gift. There are seven questions.
We have pieces of all of them within us, but
one stands out more than the others. Am I wanted
as mine and something I've come to realize has been
present with me ever since I was a small child,
(05:24):
especially when that looming question seemed to be answered with
a no. Belonging in kindness are strong values to me.
So rejection and criticism strike me deeply and send me
into a scramble for a yes. So thankful for Mike
Foster and his work teaching me to reframe the rejections
I have faced versus trying to adapt myself to avoid them.
(05:46):
I highly recommend this book. It's part of a journey
towards understanding yourself more and expressing yourself from a more
authentic place.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
I just wanted to.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Share that because I love the way she put it,
and her husband also did it. I thought she had
shared in the post what his question was, but I
guess that was just to me personally. But he won't
mind if I share. But his was I believe am
I enough? Let me go through all of them? Am
I good enough?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Was his?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
So the seven questions are am I safe? Am I secure?
Am I loved? Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am
I good enough? Do I have purpose? And again, like
Christy said, all of those are within us, but one
will stand out more than the other. And to sum
up what the primal questions are, it's a set of
core questions that subconsciously drive your choices, actions, and triggers.
(06:41):
When you uncover your primal question, you also uncover insights
into your vulnerabilities, your superpowers. You have more opportunities in
your relationships and better direction for your life.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Yes, and you're smiling at me with a smirk because
you think that I'm just a critic and only a critic.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Yes, okay, I think that people like people feel that
way about a lot of the tests.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
That are out.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Sure, sure, yeah, I'll be a voice for them because
in some sense, I'll say it openly. I naturally am
I would say I like to be a critic in
some sense, and I think that, first of all, I
should say that. And the second disclaimer is that I'm
not scared of any of these tests, and I think
(07:27):
that they have value that can help people. I think
that there's value add for people in a lot of
these understanding yourself through certain questions, certain letters, certain numbers,
however you want to say it. And I still look
at it as almost more dangerous than helpful because I
(07:49):
think that people will will run to it and think
that they can figure themselves out just through somebody's new
book or new routine or new question or new number
and new test. And a lot of times I think
it's just people making a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, and here's the Enneagram's like really old, Yeah it is, And.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
We've talked about the enneagram. I think the enneagram and.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Mike Foster, I still want to have you on the
podcast by the.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Way, Yeah, sorry, Mike, I'm sure that you could teach
me so much. And yeah, Amy bought me this book,
so I need to dive into the book before I
even comment more about your specific questions, obviously, because I
haven't read up enough to know what I'm criticizing here.
But the enneagram I think would be more powerful. We
spoke about this with Chase. How I think it should
(08:35):
be your friends answering it for you, because I think
people often try to answer questions the way they want
to be. I don't think they actually answer honestly. I
think they try to say, oh, I want to respond
that way, I want to feel that way, I want
to look this way or appear that way. I don't.
I don't think they're as honest with themselves as they think.
But your friends, they will always be honest. I would
(08:57):
hope they will always be honest. Otherwise they're not really
that closer friends, are they.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Have you ever taken a one of those tests for
a friend?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Never, I mean that'd be an interesting little test to write.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
You know, maybe your brother, like whoever you're who are
you closest to? And then he takes it? You take
it or me and my sister like I could take
it and then she could take.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
It for me.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah. Yeah, And here's to my point, and the same
number we just thought of a multimillion dollar business.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Oh we did.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, you just write a book, put a test out there,
and people are going to cling to it and they're
going to try to approach their life with it. And
my point is, I don't think any of it's negative
because you are having people check in and be a
bit introspective for a moment, and some of that can
be good. But I think that and I'm coming from
a biblical belief I think some of these questions have
been around since the dawn of time, and I don't
(09:48):
think that people can really start to understand themselves, and
they really shouldn't start to understand themselves unless they know
who God is. And I think you have to understand
a belief in and deal with and have an understanding
of why you've been made in regards to the God
of the Bible. Otherwise it's a lot of these questions
like again, am I safe? Am I secure? And I loved?
(10:10):
Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am I good enough?
Do I have purpose? Like? Those are all in a sense,
Biblical questions like those have been around for thousands of years,
and a lot of these questions like again, am I safe?
(10:32):
Am I secure? And I loved? And I wanted? Am
I successful? Am I good enough? Do I have purpose?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Like?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Those are all in a sense biblical questions like those
have been around for thousands of years, But.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
It's too unlock which ones or which one you may
the scars scary about it because it helps with relationships too,
especially like for my sister and her husband, I think,
and I'm using them an example because they've both done it,
but like she now knows okay, if bens is am
(11:03):
I good enough? Like she can work towards you know,
as his partner, coming alongside and supporting him.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And it's like language.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yes, I love languages.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I'm not scared of it. I think it can be helpful.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Do you believe in those?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Sure? But again with love languages, I would say all
of them. I want. I want gifts, I want words
of affirmation. I want to be touched. And I know
that everybody doesn't feel like that, and I know there's
probably degrees for each one, but again my point is,
why wouldn't I want to be loved and not just
loved partially. I would want to be loved holy, and
I would want a love in my life that I
(11:38):
know is going to be that's going to last. And
I want to be a part of something that matters.
I want to know I matter. I want to know
that this love is important and that my life is important. Well, yeah, again,
there's a lot of these questions that why wouldn't I
want to know? All of these questions? Right? I think
they're great questions. They are great questions.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I just pulled this up. Due to lack of research.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
The enneagram isn't used in evident in space psychology, as
many professionals prefer NbTi, which is based on the theories
of I don't know some psychiatrist Carl Junk, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
I haven't taken that test, have you?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
No, I've done that. Remember we spoke about the predictive
index one. That was when I think I had done
that you hadn't done for a job a while back,
many many years ago. But that was that was a
really interesting one because I couldn't I felt like game
it because it was just fifty words of click which
ones you feel you would use to describe yourself, okay,
(12:32):
and that can be what do you want to come
across like, but then it's fifty pick fifty words that
you think other people would use to describe you.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
And then it's like, well, it's been suggested that Jesus
was a nine.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Tell me what a nine is.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
He's a textbook example of a type nine enneagram. It's
the adaptive peacemaker. My sister is a nine, a peacemaker,
he was.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I mean, I know, but.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Clara, she has issue.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Larah barking, but her name is Kara.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah, nine nine's really want peace, harmony, and goodwill among men.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Their holy idea is love?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Right, you brew to vipers. Jesus said that. My point is,
I think I think you're right. But my point is
when you try to and maybe I know I've heard
this is said for one of the numbers. When you
try to put someone in a box, I think you're
you are in some sense limiting them, and I think
they're limiting themselves.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah, I think it's all in how you list it
and how you look at it, because it could.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Be just a tool in your toolbox.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Totally. I don't think it's all negative.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yeah, to better understand yourself, yes, and get to know
yourself like my sister and I were talking yesterday and
she said, just that the work she's done this year,
she said, it's like I'm getting to know myself, like
her real, authentic self at forty six years old.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah. No, I think it's beautiful to start to learn yourself.
But again, I think that we all have to be
honest with the reality that you will change. Your sister
at fifty five will be saying I'm getting to know myself,
and she'll be a very different person than she was
ten years before. However, many years that is thirteen? What
is it? I didn't even know what we started at.
(14:31):
So I'd like math too.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
This is trash nine to gosh, you like math?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I love math?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Really?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah? Clear answer? Huh yeah, very clear. But which is
interesting because I like mystery as well. I like unknowns.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I love Could you tutor children in math for the
right price?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Okay, for the right price? That was a little rough
rough out there. These days school was difficult for me.
Who knows. I probably would have liked math, but I
was very social and my add was off the charts,
but I did nothing for it. I was always late
to math class.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Actually on purpose.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
No boyfriend, no friends, just talking. So second floor at
my high school was where everybody would meet to hang
out in between classes, and math happened to be up
on the third floor. And I think I was going
from the first floor to the second floor to stop
say hi to everybody where we all hung out, and
then I had to carry on to the third floor
(15:32):
and it just didn't really fit. The location of the
class didn't really fit my schedule.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
And so my math teacher called my mom.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Oh, I guess unbeknownst to me or something, and I'm
on the second floor talking with my friends, having a
good time, about to go to math, and I get
a tap on my shoulder and I turn around and
it's my mom. No, And I was like, what are
you doing here? And she goes, I'm here to walk
you to math class. No, because you can't seem to
get there.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And I was like, okay, it was that bad.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
So I was never related to math class again because
when you're in this is probably my junior year.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Did your mom work at the school?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
No, she worked, and she worked at the school. She
had she took time out of her No.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
That's crazy. The math teacher called and I.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Know that was my mom's idea was in the math
the maths. She was like, hey, I'm really.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
I see yeah, yeah, you know, Amy can't seem to
get to class on time.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And Mom's like, I got this.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
My mom was like and I was never late again.
Good for you, because I can't remember if it was
eleventh or twelfth grade.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Either way, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Your mom cared seventeen eighteen years old and having your
mom walk you to class, yeah, I know that. That
shows me now looking back how much she cared.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yeah, tap on the shoulder, and a lot of people
are not going to get that tap on the shoulder.
They're going to say, just I don't know, go get her?
Can can you? Can you send her like a stern warning?
Can you? I'm really sorry? Thanks for calling. They're not
going to the school. That's pretty cool. But I don't
know what else.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It was not cool at the time.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Not cool. Well, yeah, it's cool. I think it's cool.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I appreciate it now, like I love that she did that.
I wonder what enneagram number she would We didn't know
really much about the end of that.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm really enjoying this.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
It's still around because I and I also wonder what
my mom's primal question would be like to me. This
is also just something fun to do, yeah, with your siblings,
maybe your parents, your family, And because Jeremiah suggested it too,
y'all all pass it around and see if everybody in
(17:47):
your family or your partner whatever that looks like y'all
come up with the same number for you specifically that
could be.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
That's good, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
But it can't be that whole like we're about to
throw so much shade on them and soone mode on
them about like, oh, I think you're a four because
and then you say all the things that are unhealthy
about like one of four operates in unhealthy ways or
but you don't really know what the branches are r
at first. It depends on the person, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I think, yeah, four wing one or for wing four?
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Right? And where you go when you're unhealthy? Because sure
you do have to look at the positives. You can't
just yeah, diagnos is the wrong word. You can't assign.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
You can't like a.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Number to someone based on your interactions with them.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Truly, honestly, we.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Know ourselves the best, Like I feel like we're the
best ones to answer it. But you're right, you have
to challenge yourself to be honest.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Yeah. Yeah, cool. To your point, part of why you're
even bringing this up is because I did the little
test and I got and I love. That was my question, right, Yes,
and I loved. Which is interesting because we've had conversation.
I've talked about things I've worked through with my counselor
or things about my childhood, and yeah, there are things
that relate directly to that question. And I was like, nah, man,
(19:06):
this test is like, I think this is silly. I
was just being my whole home about it completely. And
to your point, you're like, no, but I think that's related.
And my point was like, I know, Amy, they're all
relaid and I will ask all the questions. But and
I loved might be to your point, the primal question
in this season of life for me, but I don't
(19:29):
fully which is maybe proving your point, I don't fully
receive it.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yeah, So is that your skepticism for the way it
works or you're just in denial because wouldn't it be
a helpful tool. Maybe you take that to your counselor. Hey,
I took this primal thing and said am I loved.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Like, Yeah, I think my skepticism is for sure in
all the ways, with all that whole section in any bookstore,
the library, wherever you go, the self help stuff. I
think think self help is such a dangerous money making world,
and I think people get caught up in and I
think that's where a lot of narcissism happens. I think
(20:08):
a lot of people get so focused on moving from
one self help think to the next, they are only
thinking about themselves. So you bought me a book I
need to read. I bought you a book and it
hasn't come. Amazon's delayed. Come on, Bezos. But it's called
The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness. It's a three dollars.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Book forgetful or forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Self forgetfulness, Okay, the freedom of self forgetfulness. And he's
not saying you think less of yourself. You think of
yourself less. That's the whole point of the book. And
he uses Madonna to kind of unwrap that, and he
does it beautifully. And the way he tells through history
how in the past, it's way back Traditionally people thought
(20:46):
that to have a high self esteem was dangerous, right,
you had a really high self esteem, and everybody was
more likely to get in line if you had a
high self esteem that wasn't looked on pop positively. And
it's almost like to the point of I think they
say criminals a lot of times people in prison have
some of the highest self esteem because you have to
(21:07):
think a lot of yourself to harm someone else or
to take something from someone else, So you think a
whole lot of yourself to take that step to take
an action that's legal, illegal right, and to harm someone else,
just as one example for something that can put someone
in prison. Now today, modern days, and in the last
I think he kind of unpacks it. Since sixties seventies,
(21:29):
there's been a big flip of no, no, no. The problem
with what the West and the problem with human hearts
these days is that the self esteem is too low.
People have too low a self esteem, so they need
to start to think of themselves in a higher manner.
They need to start to And his point is, no,
it's not low self esteem, it's not higher self esteem.
(21:49):
You need to stop thinking about yourself, quit focusing on yourself,
starts to be involved in the community around you, be
involved with people around you, start to engage with the
world around you, and you will start to see who
you are through that. You'll start to see who you
are by engaging with other people, not this constant introspection,
constant asking yourself questions, constantly giving yourself tests. Does that
(22:12):
make sense? So your self esteem is not even on
the table. You're not even thinking about that. You're thinking
about other people. And it's sort of like that who
said that? Oh man, I wish I could remember who.
I'll just claim it was Jeremiah Carter. They say that
when you engage with somebody in any setting, you go
to a friend's house for friends giving, whatever, and you
meet somebody new, you don't oftentimes walk away from somebody saying, man,
(22:36):
that person was so humble, Like when they're an actual
person of humility, you walk away saying like they were dang,
they were really genuinely interested in who I was. They
really cared about what I was, like, where I came from,
who I am. But that's a person that's humble. That's
a person that's not thinking about themselves. They're really actually
at the party, not thinking at all about what does
(22:58):
this person think of me? What does it look like
when I walk through the door, wearing this. What does
it mean when I tell them I'm going on this vacation,
I'm working on this project. You really are just engaging
with those around you. What are you guys into? What
are you up to these days? How's your world? If
no one asks you questions, you don't even worried about it,
You're not even thinking about it. Is that kind of
makes sense? So I get into that in my criticism
of my critiques, I get into that whole self helped
(23:20):
world or I think it can lead to oftentimes some
negative places. But I don't think as a whole it's
negative to ask yourself these questions.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Yeah, I like it. I looking forward to the book.
It's Timothy Keller.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Yeah, speaking of humble people, habits of humble people, I
just run through.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Them real quick.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah. I hit us with those.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Speaking of humble people, habits of humble people, I just
run through them real quick.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Yeah. I hit us with those.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I want to show up that way.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
This is not a self help episode, by the way. Okay,
humble people are situationally aware. They retain relationships, they make
difficult decisions with ease.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
They put others first. Yeah, they listen. Yeah, it's a
lot of what you're.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Saying and all of that, right, all of that isn't
some like they're putting deposits out there, like I've done
all this for you, now you owe me?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Oh yeah, No.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
The minute someone says that back to you, which I've
had that said back to me, and I'm like, oh, well,
then everything you did for me, it was for them, literally.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Was for you and doesn't matter. And now I know that,
so thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
That's right. That's not humility, that's not so forgetfulness. That's again.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
And that's another thing too, just as a mom that
you have to keep in mind because I feel like
a lot of times as parents with our kids, you
can just get frustrated and think like, oh, everything that
I do for you and you know this is how
you're going to talk to me or treat me or whatever.
But the minute you say that, it's like, oh, wait,
am I doing this for them?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Am I doing it for myself?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Right? Right? And so yeah, my uncle, he's a counselor,
he's done a lot of that, and he had the
we talked about how we don't need to get it.
But I dated a girl. I chase a girl. He
didn't really date that I should not have been chasing.
And one of the conversations he kept having to have
with me was, Jeremiah, pay attention, Pay attention. Look, she's
showing you exactly who she is. You think that that
(25:27):
one time where it was such a great day and
then she she turned a corner and she chose you,
and she made a meal for you that day. It
wasn't for you. But he's like, that meal was for her.
She did it because it made her feel good in
the moment. Look at all the other choices she's making.
Weren't about you, were they She actually threw you under
the bus in all these other situations, And you're jumping
on to this. No, she really does care about me.
(25:49):
She made me this meal. He's like, no, that again,
you're looking and only remembering the good things. But that
meal was not about you. She didn't care to give
it to you. She cared to give it from herself
for herself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Continuing on with the list of humble qualities, humble people
are curious.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Hmm. I love that one.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
They speak their minds.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Yeah, they're not afraid. I like that one.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
They take time to say thank you.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Yes, they have an abundance mentality tell that one's story.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Oh yeah, all right, So well, I was in a
very nice part of the world, and I won't give
too much a way here. I was in a very
nice part of the world at a very nice place
to eat that was a membership place actually, And when
I had finished the meal and it was an unbelievable
meal with a very close friend of mine. We might
have had one other friend there, but at the end
(26:46):
of the meal, and I've had many meals with these people,
at the end of the meal, it was the best
meal I've ever had. And we left so much food
there and we couldn't finish it, and just eating so much,
and I asked for a to go box, and you
have at this place. We had three or four people
waiting on this so it wasn't just like, you know,
they're there for you, whatever you need, wherever you want,
We've got you covered. And as soon as the lady
(27:08):
left and said, no problem, will take care of this
person who I was eating with, turning me and said, hey,
you know, just at a place like this, don't do that.
And I was like, well, what, you know why, I
was like, you know, we've had meals before. I've taken
food to go before, especially in nice places. You know,
you don't want to waste it. It's lunch tomorrow or something.
And he said, yeah, but you know, especially in these
settings at a membership club or it's good practice for
(27:31):
when you're in a business setting or in a business
meeting over a meal, you want to be able to
have an abundance mindset, and when you take leftovers, it's
almost like you're acting out of black like there's not
going to be enough for tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
So crazy, it's crazy. And they don't agree with that,
by the way.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
So yeah, I got understood what they were saying, but
I also have and this person is very well established,
very great person, great heart, just heart of gold. So
I'll say that for sure. And they were coming from
a place of seeing me and knowing me, so they're
trying to love me. Well. I fully believe that, whether
I agree with what they said or not. But I
(28:08):
also know that there are people in those situations or
in those seats of prominence established will take you to
a membership club and have a meal, that kind of
thing that will also say like, hey man, I didn't
finish have my meal. You should take it like hey,
and they're you know, older gentlemen fifty six years old.
They will look at me at I'm thirty five say
you know, hey, man, I remember even in those days
(28:29):
like where you're trying to build a company, you're trying
to start a business, you're working in the startup. Well,
you know, make sure you don't waste anything, don't waste
any food. Take take my meal and save it for
lunch tomorrow. And you feel grateful for them seeing you
and thinking of you and knowing what it's like to
go through what you're going through. So it's just really
interesting to see two very very similar situations on the
surface and two very similar people in similar settings on
(28:53):
the surface handle something wildly different, right, and.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Not taking food to go as a lack yeah connotation.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah yeah. One viewed it as lack and one viewed
it as maybe you're being prepared, you're thinking through it
and acknowledge what you're in when it.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Comes to an abundance mentality.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Humble people don't believe that one person wins or that
if someone else wins, it's their loss, Like there's room
for everybody at the table, which.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Oh, oh, wait for it.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I think I just put about to put a little
bow on this because listen to what's playing in the
background of my sister's Instagram post about primal questions. Oh oh,
it's the High Women. It's called Crowded Table. It is
such a good song. Are you familiar?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Oh yeah, that's world class.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
See how that?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Yeah, I'm like there's room for everybody.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, you're not alone. You're not at the table alone.
You don't have to go through life alone. You don't
have to process things alone. You don't need to reflect
on all your every interest. You don't even know why
your heart moves and feels the way it does, and
you don't go motive which hunting with your whole life.
Why did I do this? Why did it? Sometimes you
just engage with other people, have humility to look at
them and get out in the world.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, and I too fat table other people's wins like
when you see it as like they're welcome at your
table too, and there's enough space for you. When someone
else is doing something that I know that I want
to do, I see it as God showing me, Look,
they can do it, So this is possible.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yes, Lewis, is the very nature of friendship is that
you have two people looking at something or engaging the
same way with something and saying looking over and seeing
the other person, and they're like, oh you too, you too,
You see that, you care about that, your heart feels
that way. I think that's really cool. That's how relationships starts, you.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Know, humble people start sentences with you rather than I.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
I dig that, they accept feedback.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Ooh yeah, that's a tough one.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
They assume responsibility, they ask for help.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Yeah. That's where you learn a lot about yourself. Is
where the emotions get turned up and the volume is
turned very high, and you oftentimes have to say, these
emotions don't fit these circumstances or this circumstance, where are
they coming from? You know, and you have to start
to kind of unpack that yourself. But that's where I
(31:24):
think you can do that. Keanu reeves if like someone
can come to you and give you the hardest critique
ever of hey, blah blah blah, two plus two equals five,
you're wrong. It's not four, it's five, and you just wow, Okay,
let me think about that and cheers. Have a good one.
You don't have to you're wrong, you know. Fire back
at them. It doesn't have to be that. And I
think that taking a moment to reflect, and because I
(31:48):
think that csus as well as you will know when
someone loves you and cares about you, when they're willing
and wanting in some sense to risk the relationship, because
there are some tough conversations you're going to have to
have with people in your life. So they of people
in your life if you really care about them, and
so when you speak something that's tough, they have to
have the maturity as well to receive it and sometimes
look back over time and maybe say I don't think
(32:10):
I agree, but they also might say, hey, thank you
so much. I would have never seen that without you.
Thank you so so much. And now they know you
can do that back with them, and they can do
that back with you, you know.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Yeah, and the two plus two equals five kanu reeves thing.
Kat and I talked about that on a fifth thing
not too long ago. But yeah, it's just his window
of tolerance for people if they're going to act a
certain way is small because he's not going to let
it take up his energy or space, and.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So he'll just be like, okay, yeah, sure, two plus.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
Two was five, have a good day, carry on, because
you're no longer in my a.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
You don't have to give him all your energy orbit so,
but I think that's what a humble person does, because
if he's not humble, he in a sense has to
react or engage in a way that means I've got
to get you to think of me or think of
something in the way that I want you to think
of me and the way I want you to engage
with the world. I have to have you look at
me a certain way instead of they look at him
(33:13):
and say, you are crazier. I think you're a terrible actor.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
It's like favorite actor ever in your opinion?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
He's growing on me?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Right No, No, well him? Or is it? Who is it?
Speaker 1 (33:23):
I'd say, right now, Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, I really like
a lot of the things he's done. I like some
of the old guys though. I love some of the
old dudes. Paul Newman, I love Gregory Peck, I like
Russell Crowe. I think Russell Crowe is fantastic, and then
Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling I think is really great too.
(33:45):
There's some females I really like too. I didn't mean
to just stick with males. There. What females do I like?
How about you? You name a few who do you like?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Well, I think speaking of Matthew McConaughey, I just wanted
to pull up about nineteen forty four because part of
the Yellowstone stuff and.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
It's cast me. Come on, guys, generation.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Of Dutton's are on the way. Yellowstone, the flagship western
drama that launched a thousand cowboy fantasies, will becoming in
in twenty twenty four. But that's not the end of
the Dutton saga. We have nineteen forty to look forward
to with Matthew McConaughey. Listen, I've never been into a
(34:21):
like a Dodge Ram truck until like that show, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Like, like a vintage truck.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
No, they all drive those big it's not even vintage Yellowstone.
The current Yellowstone. That's like in this day and age
with Beth.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Okay, I know about Bath. Everyone talks about.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Beth, but but I don't know something about Rip driving one.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
I don't know. It just made it.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
It's like I don't know it said cowboy fantasies, and
I'm like, Okay, anytime I see like a big I
just show that truck. My favorite actors, I mean, I
don't know. I feel like I have a lot, but
I like Reese Witherspoon and Julia Roberts.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
All standing by her the other day. I missed my moment.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
You didn't say anything.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
We were both buying fruit in the refrigerated fruit section
of Whole Foods, and I felt like she looked at me.
Yeah she did. Yeah, I felt like she looked at me.
And then I just didn't say anything. She did like
a double take. I think she thought I was somebody
she knew, and I should have been like, I know,
but I thought that would have been terrible too, so
(35:25):
I said nothing. I just bought my fruit. You look familiar, Reece.
I'm here. I'm ready to make a movie out of
whatever book you find next. Let's do it. But I
will say that Matthew McConaughey, I'm definitely going to do
something with him one day, watch show a movie something.
We're going to do something.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Okay, this will go up November sixteenth, twenty twenty three.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, mark marked mark the calendar.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Jeremiah Carter's doing something with Matthew McConaughey, which is something
that Jeremiah does have.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Well, we'll talk about it later, but there is like.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
A I don't even know what you're about to saying.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
It'll be another thing like this is I feel like
this is a good way to wrap this episode. But
you do have something very specifically that you're passionate about
that I want others to know about. And I've been
talking to a lot of friends about and I think that, Ah, yes,
listeners want.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
To Yeah, we'll circle back, get in on it. So
we'll just leave It's about the community.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
It is. And I'll say this before we get out
of here, that Amy has been, as she was kind
of alluding to earlier, someone who's seen in the same
direction as I've seen and felt in the same direction
that I've felt. And it's been beautiful to kind of
work on her with some of these some of these
aspects of the project. She asked, She's been a great
there's a great human being in it. There's a great
(36:41):
person in it. And I couldn't be more thankful for you.
So there you go, Amy, appreciate you, thank you. I
feel loved and I loved I felt loved.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
Yes, thankful for you too, and even sitting down to
record with me. All right, have the day that you
need to have, whatever that looks like for you, and
I'll see you Saturday for Outweigh and next Tuesday for fifthing.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Bye MHM.
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