January 10, 2023 • 23 mins
Ever been on a bad date? Do you beat yourself up over bad decisions? Are you feeling hopeless? Do you need good/cute/affordable places to shop? Do you love Harry Potter? Well, this episode is for you…Amy & Kat talk about a lot of random things!
The Quote:
“Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.” -Anonymous
Kat tells a story about one of the worst dates she’s ever been on. After sharing the quote for this episode, Amy reads an email from Chelsea who opened up about some of her feelings right now (hopeless and angry) and this led to a conversation about identifying our emotions. Knowing what you’re feeling is amazing because that tells you what you need…and there is hope in that.
They also talk about Kat’s recent obsession with Harry Potter, cute places Amy’s been shopping lately, and some goals for the year when it comes to additional resources for the podcast (i.e. a newsletter!!)
4 Things Gratitude Journal 3.0 (all proceeds to education in Haiti): https://www.theshopforward.com/products/4-things-gratitude-journal-3-0
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Send emails for the '5th Thing' to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Cat, and our quote today is from Anonymous. Good
decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.
So if you make a bad decision, don't beat yourself up. Therefore,
good decisions come from bad decisions. There you goo Anonymous.
So last Tuesday for the Fifth Thing, we ended by
(00:27):
talking about your bad date situation before you you know,
successfully landed Big P and I made a note that
we needed to talk about it because New Year, some
people are probably thinking, I'm gonna try to date more
this year. I'm gonna get on a dating now, I'm
gonna get in with Shoutout Hinge. We're still trying to
(00:47):
get Cat and endorsement with Hinge because that's where she
met Big P. And they are a success story. They
are a walking Hinge ad if you see them on
Instagram all over each other. I'm just kidding. You don't
have a lot of p d A, but you'll do
cute things and take there. I mean, you went to
like five hundred weddings last year seven basically, yeah, it
(01:11):
was a lot, and then like every other weekend, catsick
with wedding with a wedding with wedding and then you
went to Costa Rica. Anyway, a lot of pictures that
you'll posted were very adorable and very hinge ad worthy.
But before big p you had gone on a date
with this one guy that you met and you'll started
talking about bucket lists or something. You can take the
(01:33):
story from here. You don't have to give every single
detail about the date. But it was okay, So I'll
just give the highlights of the date, which really are
low lights. Top three worst dates I've ever had in
my life. So I met him on I don't know
if it was hinger bumble was a dating map, and
he he was somebody who I had really funny banter with,
but he you could tell he was sarcastic, but I
thought it was just fun banter. And so we met
(01:55):
at a bar in eastern Nashville, like a dive bar
in the winter, and and um, the first thing that
threw me off is when I walked in. It was
the winter. He was wearing flip flops, and so I
thought that was kind of strange because I was wearing
like a very large winter coat. Then I think we
started by like he was like guessing my angiogram number
(02:15):
or something, and everything he guessed was just kind of
it was like, you must be a three because you
seem like you really care what people think about you.
Like it wasn't like, oh, maybe you're two. You seem
really kind like, it wasn't anything like that. So we
start to talk, and I feel like the flip flops
are an imperative part of the story, like you'll see.
I think it speaks volumes that he's just yeah, he
(02:37):
didn't have home, by the way, when he is the
third person that I've been on a date with that
was homeless, Well he couch surfed, yes, okay, so we
got to that part. So so we start talking and
I was like trying to ask him, like, what do
you like to do for fun? Like tell me about
these things. I just was trying to make conversation that
didn't make me like, I didn't hurt my feelings. And
(02:57):
so I said, what do you like to do for fun?
He said, I like to walk down the street and
smell flowers. I can appreciate that. Stop and smell the roses. Yeah,
I get it, and it's really kind. But I wanted
to get to know him, and I was like, what
do you like to do? And he's like, I like
to smell flowers. Like that answer, which is fine, I think.
I followed up with like, was there anything else you like?
(03:19):
And he said no, I don't plan anything in my life.
I let my life take me where I need to go.
So I'm like, okay, Um, so no hobbies then, So
then I said, okay, Well, like I guess maybe, like
if you have a bucket list, are the things you
want to do before you die? I would never make
a bucket list. Why because that means that I'm trying
to control my life. Oh tell me more. Because if
(03:41):
you are trying to do things in your life and
you're trying to check things off of a list that
you make before you die, and that means you're trying
to change the trajectory of what your life is supposed
to be. And like I said, I'd just like to
walk around spell flowers. By the way, he also in
this date, on this date called me a basic white
bad word because I said that I really liked to
shop at Target, and that was his response. Yeah, yeah,
(04:05):
I can't believe he said that to you, the basic
white boop. But didn't he want to like, you didn't
you pay for it? Oh? Yes, I also paid for
it because when we went up to the bar to
get a drink, and it was that like usually the
girl lingers a second to see if the guy's gonna
My thing is, whoever asked you on the date should pay.
My opinion, I'm always usually going to offer, but I'm
(04:25):
gonna give you a chance. So he ordered. He just
stood there. So I was like, here's my card and
he looked at me and he said, thanks, I'll get
the next one. Meanwhile, I was like, there's no After
five minutes, I was like, he's not getting the next one.
I I because for him to let me leave it
was awful. So then we walk out and we're like
going to our cars and I said, oh it was
(04:46):
it was nice meeting you. I had a good time.
And he said do you mean that? And I said no,
I actually don't. And then I never talked him again.
But I think that he might be someone that's on
a dating app going on dates with girls to get
him to buy him things. I never thought about that,
Oh my gosh, because he did. Yeah, he was homeless,
he didn't have a house. I said, where do you live?
And he said, I just let I live wherever my
(05:07):
life takes me. Right now, I'm staying at a friend's house.
And I was like, what, Like to me, I'm like,
there's that lacks the ambition, Like, wait, but did he
have a job. No? Okay, see what I mean. But
I thought he had a job. He has a job,
but it's a volunteer position. He volunteered. And I said,
don't you want to get a job so you can
afford life? He was like no, this is what I
(05:27):
meant to do. And I said, I get that, but
maybe you could do more of this if you also
had a job to support your life. Yet he's still
on I saw him after I like deleted apps and
got them again. I saw him again on there. So
he's out there. Well, yeah, he's working the system. He's
getting free drinks free Honestly, he sounds like a smart
guy because of that. Well, I guess, yeah, he's working
(05:51):
the system, but he's not when you were talking to
him like no, no, no, no, he's not. Actually you're right, Okay.
I have an email from Chelsea in Florida. Hey, Amy,
I've been listening to the Bobby Bone shows since I
was sixteen and lived in Austin. I'm now thirty five
and live in Florida. Those are hard to read. St Okay,
(06:11):
so she miss started listening to the Bobby Bunch Show
maybe right before I joined, because Bobby's in Lunchbox have
been doing it a little bit longer. I joined after
they've been together for two years. So anyway, back to
the email. I just sometimes when I meet listeners in person,
they're like, oh, I started listening to in junior high
and I'm a nurse. Now what does that mean? It
just makes me old? But that's okay. I love. I'm
(06:33):
okay with aging. I'm okay with being older. Are you
saying that to convince yourself? Okay, I really am. I'm
looking forward to my forties. I'm I'm turning forty two
this year, and I think I have a whole new like, yeah,
it's gonna be great. I can't wait. I hear from
a lot of people in their forties the forties are awesome,
their best years of their life. So here we go.
(06:56):
I can't wait to be forty, all right, enjoy thirty two? Okay.
I love your podcast, and I rock Pimp and joy
Gear all the time. And when I see someone else
wearing it, I immediately start talking to them because I
just know that they're my people, and that's not normally
my introverted self. Your latest episode four oh nine with
your cousin around Feelings and Healing touched me greatly this morning,
(07:18):
which side note, this is me talking, so that would
have been an episode last year and then they sent
this amount. But um so it's not my latest latest,
but you can go to four oh nine. I'm in
a season of deep sadness and loneliness and feeling hopeless
and angry. Honestly, I don't even know what my whole
thought was in writing you, but I want you to
know that what you do matters and I appreciate it.
(07:42):
When I listened to The Big Show, I don't understand
how people hate on everyone so hard, because y'all have
been the one consistent thing in my teenage to adult life.
Thanks for giving it real and doing what you do.
Your friend Chelsea, which the reason why I share this
is because she was able to identify her feelings, which
is what that episode was about in a way. And
(08:03):
I think so many times we have stuff going on
and we can't figure out what we're really feeling. And
we talked about how there's this feelings wheel and you
can even just google one, but it expands on the feelings,
like if you're feeling sad and there's all these adjectives
that go under sad, or if you're feeling happy, there's
all these different things to describe, and the wheel goes
out and out now and you can really hone in
on what you're feeling. And I hate that there's sadness
(08:26):
and loneliness and helpless and as an anger, but what
I see and being able to identify that is hope.
And she's saying hopeless, but there's hope because when you
can identify the feeling, that's when you can start addressing
it and working on it. What I think is so
great about that is I think a lot of times
people think feelings, if they don't feel good, they're bad.
But when you could identify a feeling, it tells you
(08:47):
what you need. That's exactly what a feeling is. It's
identifying a need that you have, and that is hope
because then I can go out and do the thing
that I need to do, or get the thing that
I need to do, or ask for the thing that
I need right And so Chelsea, I chose to read
that email, your email. I hope you're listening to this,
because I wanted you to hear that there's hope in
(09:08):
your email. And she even said, I don't even know
what the point of typing this is, and I know
what it is. I know what the point is, so
that I could read it and remind you that you're
already on your way to figuring out some of that.
And anger is not bad. I love now that I
can identify when I'm angry, and I didn't used to
have the tools to do that, and I want to
(09:29):
and I'm able to tell my kids too, when they're
feeling certain emotions. I don't shut any of them down
ever anymore. And I know that there's times that I
have in the past, but now I affirm, oh my gosh,
you're angry right now, and I get it. Sit with
that for a little minute, and come talk to me
later when you're ready, because you are very angry and
that is okay. Or you are very sad right now,
(09:51):
or I don't know actually what you're feeling right now,
can you describe it to me? And then sometimes they're
able to pinpoint it. If not, they spend time with
it and then ultimately they're able to work through and
process it. And I think the more we can do
that for our people, for our kids, for our friends,
for our spouses, our significant others, or our coworkers, if
you can acknowledge what they might be feeling and affirm
(10:15):
that it's okay, then they can the faster they can
process and work through it, especially anger, because I think
a lot of times still people see anger as something
that is bad, and it's like it turns into bad behavior,
or we should just put a smile on and move
through it and and be angry silently. And what anger is,
it's a it's the justice emotions. So it actually helps
(10:37):
you take care of yourself. So if you're taught to
not have that, then you lose the ability to take
care of yourself. I don't know that I could identify
emotions because nobody ever really talked to me about them.
A lot of people in my family we just brush
things under the rug or didn't really talk about them
and put on this happy, smiley face and all that.
So then I'm not able to set boundaries or again
(10:57):
ask for what I need. So anger is one of
my favorite emotions, even though I also don't like to
feel it right. I'm not saying angry, be angry, stay angry,
but like, Okay, let's figure out what are we angry about?
Or what are we feeling hopeless towards? Or what what
if we're lonely? What can we do to fix the loneliness?
(11:17):
Do we need to book a date with a friend?
Do we need to go out and do something for ourselves?
I think loneliness too, doesn't always have to involve other people.
It can involve books or what am I lonely for?
Am I lonely for connection with others? My lonely for
connection with self? Am I lonely for connection with a
higher power? My lonely for a lone time? And I like,
(11:39):
there's a lot of things you can be lonely for,
But when we hear lonely, we just think of, oh,
you want to be with your friends or with a partner.
There's so many things that we can connect to. Oh,
I like that. Do you ever use that feelings wheel?
(12:03):
Do you know what I'm talking about? But as you
said that, I want to look it up. It's really
colorful and pretty. Feelings wheel dot Com. Oh, it's easy
to remember because my cousin was saying, that's what she uses.
And she actually was able to identify that she was
feeling sad because her mom is dying, so obviously she's sad.
But she's been so busy and she's in a caregiver
(12:25):
role and she's working and a wife and doing all
the things that she never stopped to realize that she's
actually very sad right now, and in the moment she
realized it, it was sort of freeing. She's like, I
am sad. I'm sad, which also made like she was
elated in a way, which sounds weird because but you know,
(12:47):
guess what two things can be true at the same time.
She can be I feel like this relief or this
release from her to know like, oh, I'm sad, and
that can just be sad to be sad and that
is totally fine. And so I guess that that was
the episode and the conversation. I love to she use
even the episode four oh nine, Houston shout Out producer
(13:09):
worked really hard at going back and numbering episodes so
that it would be helpful to reference them, and that's
something I want to work on this year is to
reference episode numbers if I talk about the episode. However,
if it comes up organically and I'm not prepared, then
I don't know. Sorry, you might not get the number.
But can you search, Like if you just go into
(13:30):
the search thing on podcasts and just type in keywords, yeah,
it'll pop up. So maybe you could do four things
and then something about the episode. It should come up,
like four things wheel. Is that part of the title.
I don't think so. I think as we're part of
the type. Maybe the person though, like if it was
(13:51):
four things, Robin Roberts, it would pop up. It would
pop up, Oh four things, cry Oh four things. Yes, Okay,
so we've got confirmation that you can search for keywords
when you're listening to a podcast. Are you reading or
listening to anything good right now? Do you really want
to get me started on that? Yes, there is a
(14:11):
podcast I'd like to shout out for anybody, especially talking
about feelings. There's one with Gabor Mate on the man
Enough podcast. Highly recommend that. But really what I would
like to talk about is I started watching Harry Potter
and one of my goals for start not complete, but
start to read the Harry Potter books because I've never
done it or watched the movies. I've never seen it. Well,
(14:33):
I'm on six, I've never seen the movies before. What
you're looking at me like, that's a crazy thing to do,
because if you've already seen the movies, I feel like
you could read the book and then watch the movies.
But seeing a movie and then going back and reading
a book, I feel like I'd be bored normally, But
with Harry Potter, I'm always lost because they cut out
so much detail to make the movies, because the books
(14:53):
are so big, So I think I'm gonna get a
whole another experience when I read them. I'm like, oh
my gosh, now I understand this because I have more info.
Aren't there books? Very very out of no idea thick?
If you seems like you're trying to talk me out
of this, well, how long is it going to take
you to read the whole Harry Potter here? Well, I
don't know. It might take me a couple of years.
I'm gonna start this year with my goal not to finish.
(15:14):
I'm gonna start so I'm not currently reading, but I
will be reading Harry Potter. Okay, if y'all have any
book recommendations for us for Are you reading emails? Not?
At the moment, I'm journaling a lot. I'm spending a
lot of time. I'm doing this like twenty one day
journal thing, so I'm spending more time journaling than reading.
(15:40):
But I will this year. I have some things that
I want to dig into that people have told me about,
and I have them written down and they're not on
the top of my head right now, but I store
them in the notes on my phone? And do you
use the notes? Are gonna put Harry Potter in there? No,
I'm not. I don't want to read Harry Potter. I
barely wanted to watch the movies, but I watched them
with my kids and I thought they were fine. Did
(16:00):
you read the Hunger Games book? Yes, and I watched
those movies. But that's only trilogy or series that I've
read where I've read. I mean, I've read other books,
but that's the only one. Word's part one, part two,
parts Hunger Games? Is it for me? Well, I'm in
it to win it with Harry Potter. I'm gonna get
go to Hary Potter World. Oh you are, I'm going
to That would very prized for finishing on the book.
(16:21):
Is that in Tampa. Oh okay, you can also go
to London and go to the Harry Potter set. Okay, well,
I feel like I went to visit my brother in St.
Pete and clear Water and he was like, is Orlando
close to there? I don't know, because he was like, hey,
next time you come and can take the kids to
Harry Potter World or some Harry Potter thing. And he
was actual like it wasn't far. I was like, maybe
(16:43):
go stay at my brother's. I will call him free lodging.
Fly on Southwest maybe, yeah, you've got points in they're
still functioning. I forgave Southwest real quick, like you know,
oh yeah you did fly the I know some people
are still this many few weeks later, they're still very agree,
which I get it. They sort of ruined Christmas for
a lot of people, but I had a good experience.
(17:06):
Like eventually the flight attendant, though, was adamant that it
was over weather and nobody was buying that, and she's like, no, no,
we're fully staffed right now. Actually we're overstaffed and they
shouldn't say that it was weather. And I was sitting
there thinking this is what they told you to say.
Company email went out and I'm an a list perfect customer,
(17:27):
but even the even the CEO admitted that it wasn't
weather well, she did not get that memo because she
was standing by the fact that it was weather related
and and she was so excited to be back at
work and doing her job, which I'm sure she was,
and it just was I mean, it was a gamble
like Southwest, Like some people are still adamant they will
(17:51):
never fly it ever again. I'm already booked a Southwest
flight in February. So if you need to where are
you going? New York? What are you gonna do? Me
and Big pr going It's sorry your anniversary, so you're
taking a trip. Do you think he's gonna I don't
want to jinx anything. I don't think he would do
it there because I think it's to be expected and
(18:11):
I'm not going to now. I think he would think
I would expect it. So he's not going to do
it because he wants me to be surprised. So what
are y'all going to do? We're going to a Broadway show.
We're going to go to there's a couple of restaurants
we want to go to he wants. He's never been
there other than for work, so he hasn't seen any
of the museums. Like, so we're gonna do all of
the touristy things. Yeah, it's very different. If we're shopping,
(18:34):
then if you're oh, man, that Zara there, I'm gonna
take him to Zara. It's like multiple story. I mean
it's multiple stories in most places, but there's one take
him to the good one though that we went to
one one time and it was awful. I don't know
what I was like, is this did I read the
sign wrong? Is this Nara? Like it's not it had
nothing good? So bad? And another one I was like,
(18:55):
I will spend all my money here. Yeah. If I
had to recommend some stores right now, I would say,
Zara Aritzia. You don't like it. I don't like it.
Why it's so expensive for things that I Well, then
let me back up Forever. It's a good place to
(19:16):
get stuff. Yeah. I got the cutest coat from there
and it was on sale and just twenty forever. What
did I say? Forever twenty one? Yes, that's what I meant.
But I was also going to say H and M
because I went there too, so H and M, Zara,
Aritzia and forever. Those are four stores I'm giving you.
This is the four Things podcast, be four wrecks of
(19:38):
things were over the break or Christmas shopping or different things.
I found such cute stuff and on sale, and as
if I had, you know, I like to know it,
i'd link it for you, But I don't know. That's
something I might consider to do this year. I don't know,
just so that I can link things, I link stuff anyways.
I guess I don't even have to have a like
(19:59):
to know it, but I him not. I don't want
to be on Instagram that long. But maybe if I
could get an intern or something to do that for you,
I think that would take actually time off your hands
when people ask you where did you get that? Where
you can like, here's the link. Yes, because I'm not
trying to ignore anybody that's asking me anything. It's just
I don't have the bandwidth to find the links to everything.
And then also remember, oh yeah, these are a Goldie
(20:21):
Highways nineties and this is where I bought, like I
don't and then I try to search it out. So yeah,
if I could get more organized in that way, which
I think for a couple of years now, I've talked
about getting an intern, and then I've never actually really
done it. I think I had one for a teeny
tiny bit and then COVID happened real quick. I I
listed four stores. Do you have any four stores? Well?
(20:41):
Not for just one more? Since this is I thought
you were. You were going to say Abercrombie, Oh, good one,
another good one. I gotta say. It's just I have
to shop online there. I can't when I go in
the store. But right next door to Abercrombie, I gotta
say is American Eagle. And I bought the cute is
Flare denim jeans from there. Really like big Bell bottoms.
(21:04):
They are so cute and their on sale. I never
thought to go to American Eagle for jeans. Okay, so
I like it. We actually give you six things. Six things, yes,
which you know this is the four Things podcast and
and you're listening to the bonus episode. But if you
are going to be practicing gratitude this year, you can
(21:24):
hit up four things dot com for our latest gratitude
journals that we put out right before Christmas. They are
so cute, not intimidating at all, a great way to
journal and focus on what you're thankful for. There's encouraging
quotes inside and they're very very cute, and all proceeds
go to support education in Haiti, which is something that
(21:46):
we're very passionate about. So four Things dot com. But
I'm gonna start sending people, wait for it, to radio
Amma dot com because we're gonna get I'm it's going
to start blogging more there. I'm going to start linking
more things there. But that also, that's not gonna be
an interns job. I think I'm gonna end up hiring
somebody to help me sort of run that side of things,
(22:09):
but that wouldn't be my social media, but that would
be my website and so that way y'all can have
more access there. And I want to do a newsletter,
so I'm gonna start getting people to sign up for emails.
So I don't have that set up just yet, but
if anybody that's ever emailed for things with Amy Brown
at gmail dot com will be added to it. So
you can also just send me an email there right
now until we get the things set up on my
(22:32):
website and then you'll be able to register there and
you'll get something for it, Like I get people don't
just want to go there for nothing, but there will
be like some bonus content or something, and then your
email will be in the system and then anytime I
got a newsletter go out or you'll get early access
to stuff or whatnot that schools this year. Hopefully it
will happen. It could be no pressure, just kidding, it'll
(22:53):
be all right. Have the day you need to have
a cat? Where can people find you on Instagram at
at cat dot defun uh And also um the podcast
You Need Therapy And if you want to follow that
on Instagram, you can at you Need Therapy podcast And
I am at Radio Amy. I'll see you on Thursday. Um,
my friend Gracie will actually be on this Thursday. Gracie Mochler.
(23:16):
I love when she comes on the podcast. She's been
on a few times before, and she has a really
exciting announcement and she's just such an encouragement and I
think it'll be a really good episode. Y'all don't want
to miss it, all right, Bye bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Cat, and our quote today is from Anonymous. Good
decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.
So if you make a bad decision, don't beat yourself up. Therefore,
good decisions come from bad decisions. There you goo Anonymous.
So last Tuesday for the Fifth Thing, we ended by
(00:27):
talking about your bad date situation before you you know,
successfully landed Big P and I made a note that
we needed to talk about it because New Year, some
people are probably thinking, I'm gonna try to date more
this year. I'm gonna get on a dating now, I'm
gonna get in with Shoutout Hinge. We're still trying to
(00:47):
get Cat and endorsement with Hinge because that's where she
met Big P. And they are a success story. They
are a walking Hinge ad if you see them on
Instagram all over each other. I'm just kidding. You don't
have a lot of p d A, but you'll do
cute things and take there. I mean, you went to
like five hundred weddings last year seven basically, yeah, it
(01:11):
was a lot, and then like every other weekend, catsick
with wedding with a wedding with wedding and then you
went to Costa Rica. Anyway, a lot of pictures that
you'll posted were very adorable and very hinge ad worthy.
But before big p you had gone on a date
with this one guy that you met and you'll started
talking about bucket lists or something. You can take the
(01:33):
story from here. You don't have to give every single
detail about the date. But it was okay, So I'll
just give the highlights of the date, which really are
low lights. Top three worst dates I've ever had in
my life. So I met him on I don't know
if it was hinger bumble was a dating map, and
he he was somebody who I had really funny banter with,
but he you could tell he was sarcastic, but I
thought it was just fun banter. And so we met
(01:55):
at a bar in eastern Nashville, like a dive bar
in the winter, and and um, the first thing that
threw me off is when I walked in. It was
the winter. He was wearing flip flops, and so I
thought that was kind of strange because I was wearing
like a very large winter coat. Then I think we
started by like he was like guessing my angiogram number
(02:15):
or something, and everything he guessed was just kind of
it was like, you must be a three because you
seem like you really care what people think about you.
Like it wasn't like, oh, maybe you're two. You seem
really kind like, it wasn't anything like that. So we
start to talk, and I feel like the flip flops
are an imperative part of the story, like you'll see.
I think it speaks volumes that he's just yeah, he
(02:37):
didn't have home, by the way, when he is the
third person that I've been on a date with that
was homeless, Well he couch surfed, yes, okay, so we
got to that part. So so we start talking and
I was like trying to ask him, like, what do
you like to do for fun? Like tell me about
these things. I just was trying to make conversation that
didn't make me like, I didn't hurt my feelings. And
(02:57):
so I said, what do you like to do for fun?
He said, I like to walk down the street and
smell flowers. I can appreciate that. Stop and smell the roses. Yeah,
I get it, and it's really kind. But I wanted
to get to know him, and I was like, what
do you like to do? And he's like, I like
to smell flowers. Like that answer, which is fine, I think.
I followed up with like, was there anything else you like?
(03:19):
And he said no, I don't plan anything in my life.
I let my life take me where I need to go.
So I'm like, okay, Um, so no hobbies then, So
then I said, okay, Well, like I guess maybe, like
if you have a bucket list, are the things you
want to do before you die? I would never make
a bucket list. Why because that means that I'm trying
to control my life. Oh tell me more. Because if
(03:41):
you are trying to do things in your life and
you're trying to check things off of a list that
you make before you die, and that means you're trying
to change the trajectory of what your life is supposed
to be. And like I said, I'd just like to
walk around spell flowers. By the way, he also in
this date, on this date called me a basic white
bad word because I said that I really liked to
shop at Target, and that was his response. Yeah, yeah,
(04:05):
I can't believe he said that to you, the basic
white boop. But didn't he want to like, you didn't
you pay for it? Oh? Yes, I also paid for
it because when we went up to the bar to
get a drink, and it was that like usually the
girl lingers a second to see if the guy's gonna
My thing is, whoever asked you on the date should pay.
My opinion, I'm always usually going to offer, but I'm
(04:25):
gonna give you a chance. So he ordered. He just
stood there. So I was like, here's my card and
he looked at me and he said, thanks, I'll get
the next one. Meanwhile, I was like, there's no After
five minutes, I was like, he's not getting the next one.
I I because for him to let me leave it
was awful. So then we walk out and we're like
going to our cars and I said, oh it was
(04:46):
it was nice meeting you. I had a good time.
And he said do you mean that? And I said no,
I actually don't. And then I never talked him again.
But I think that he might be someone that's on
a dating app going on dates with girls to get
him to buy him things. I never thought about that,
Oh my gosh, because he did. Yeah, he was homeless,
he didn't have a house. I said, where do you live?
And he said, I just let I live wherever my
(05:07):
life takes me. Right now, I'm staying at a friend's house.
And I was like, what, Like to me, I'm like,
there's that lacks the ambition, Like, wait, but did he
have a job. No? Okay, see what I mean. But
I thought he had a job. He has a job,
but it's a volunteer position. He volunteered. And I said,
don't you want to get a job so you can
afford life? He was like no, this is what I
(05:27):
meant to do. And I said, I get that, but
maybe you could do more of this if you also
had a job to support your life. Yet he's still
on I saw him after I like deleted apps and
got them again. I saw him again on there. So
he's out there. Well, yeah, he's working the system. He's
getting free drinks free Honestly, he sounds like a smart
guy because of that. Well, I guess, yeah, he's working
(05:51):
the system, but he's not when you were talking to
him like no, no, no, no, he's not. Actually you're right, Okay.
I have an email from Chelsea in Florida. Hey, Amy,
I've been listening to the Bobby Bone shows since I
was sixteen and lived in Austin. I'm now thirty five
and live in Florida. Those are hard to read. St Okay,
(06:11):
so she miss started listening to the Bobby Bunch Show
maybe right before I joined, because Bobby's in Lunchbox have
been doing it a little bit longer. I joined after
they've been together for two years. So anyway, back to
the email. I just sometimes when I meet listeners in person,
they're like, oh, I started listening to in junior high
and I'm a nurse. Now what does that mean? It
just makes me old? But that's okay. I love. I'm
(06:33):
okay with aging. I'm okay with being older. Are you
saying that to convince yourself? Okay, I really am. I'm
looking forward to my forties. I'm I'm turning forty two
this year, and I think I have a whole new like, yeah,
it's gonna be great. I can't wait. I hear from
a lot of people in their forties the forties are awesome,
their best years of their life. So here we go.
(06:56):
I can't wait to be forty, all right, enjoy thirty two? Okay.
I love your podcast, and I rock Pimp and joy
Gear all the time. And when I see someone else
wearing it, I immediately start talking to them because I
just know that they're my people, and that's not normally
my introverted self. Your latest episode four oh nine with
your cousin around Feelings and Healing touched me greatly this morning,
(07:18):
which side note, this is me talking, so that would
have been an episode last year and then they sent
this amount. But um so it's not my latest latest,
but you can go to four oh nine. I'm in
a season of deep sadness and loneliness and feeling hopeless
and angry. Honestly, I don't even know what my whole
thought was in writing you, but I want you to
know that what you do matters and I appreciate it.
(07:42):
When I listened to The Big Show, I don't understand
how people hate on everyone so hard, because y'all have
been the one consistent thing in my teenage to adult life.
Thanks for giving it real and doing what you do.
Your friend Chelsea, which the reason why I share this
is because she was able to identify her feelings, which
is what that episode was about in a way. And
(08:03):
I think so many times we have stuff going on
and we can't figure out what we're really feeling. And
we talked about how there's this feelings wheel and you
can even just google one, but it expands on the feelings,
like if you're feeling sad and there's all these adjectives
that go under sad, or if you're feeling happy, there's
all these different things to describe, and the wheel goes
out and out now and you can really hone in
on what you're feeling. And I hate that there's sadness
(08:26):
and loneliness and helpless and as an anger, but what
I see and being able to identify that is hope.
And she's saying hopeless, but there's hope because when you
can identify the feeling, that's when you can start addressing
it and working on it. What I think is so
great about that is I think a lot of times
people think feelings, if they don't feel good, they're bad.
But when you could identify a feeling, it tells you
(08:47):
what you need. That's exactly what a feeling is. It's
identifying a need that you have, and that is hope
because then I can go out and do the thing
that I need to do, or get the thing that
I need to do, or ask for the thing that
I need right And so Chelsea, I chose to read
that email, your email. I hope you're listening to this,
because I wanted you to hear that there's hope in
(09:08):
your email. And she even said, I don't even know
what the point of typing this is, and I know
what it is. I know what the point is, so
that I could read it and remind you that you're
already on your way to figuring out some of that.
And anger is not bad. I love now that I
can identify when I'm angry, and I didn't used to
have the tools to do that, and I want to
(09:29):
and I'm able to tell my kids too, when they're
feeling certain emotions. I don't shut any of them down
ever anymore. And I know that there's times that I
have in the past, but now I affirm, oh my gosh,
you're angry right now, and I get it. Sit with
that for a little minute, and come talk to me
later when you're ready, because you are very angry and
that is okay. Or you are very sad right now,
(09:51):
or I don't know actually what you're feeling right now,
can you describe it to me? And then sometimes they're
able to pinpoint it. If not, they spend time with
it and then ultimately they're able to work through and
process it. And I think the more we can do
that for our people, for our kids, for our friends,
for our spouses, our significant others, or our coworkers, if
you can acknowledge what they might be feeling and affirm
(10:15):
that it's okay, then they can the faster they can
process and work through it, especially anger, because I think
a lot of times still people see anger as something
that is bad, and it's like it turns into bad behavior,
or we should just put a smile on and move
through it and and be angry silently. And what anger is,
it's a it's the justice emotions. So it actually helps
(10:37):
you take care of yourself. So if you're taught to
not have that, then you lose the ability to take
care of yourself. I don't know that I could identify
emotions because nobody ever really talked to me about them.
A lot of people in my family we just brush
things under the rug or didn't really talk about them
and put on this happy, smiley face and all that.
So then I'm not able to set boundaries or again
(10:57):
ask for what I need. So anger is one of
my favorite emotions, even though I also don't like to
feel it right. I'm not saying angry, be angry, stay angry,
but like, Okay, let's figure out what are we angry about?
Or what are we feeling hopeless towards? Or what what
if we're lonely? What can we do to fix the loneliness?
(11:17):
Do we need to book a date with a friend?
Do we need to go out and do something for ourselves?
I think loneliness too, doesn't always have to involve other people.
It can involve books or what am I lonely for?
Am I lonely for connection with others? My lonely for
connection with self? Am I lonely for connection with a
higher power? My lonely for a lone time? And I like,
(11:39):
there's a lot of things you can be lonely for,
But when we hear lonely, we just think of, oh,
you want to be with your friends or with a partner.
There's so many things that we can connect to. Oh,
I like that. Do you ever use that feelings wheel?
(12:03):
Do you know what I'm talking about? But as you
said that, I want to look it up. It's really
colorful and pretty. Feelings wheel dot Com. Oh, it's easy
to remember because my cousin was saying, that's what she uses.
And she actually was able to identify that she was
feeling sad because her mom is dying, so obviously she's sad.
But she's been so busy and she's in a caregiver
(12:25):
role and she's working and a wife and doing all
the things that she never stopped to realize that she's
actually very sad right now, and in the moment she
realized it, it was sort of freeing. She's like, I
am sad. I'm sad, which also made like she was
elated in a way, which sounds weird because but you know,
(12:47):
guess what two things can be true at the same time.
She can be I feel like this relief or this
release from her to know like, oh, I'm sad, and
that can just be sad to be sad and that
is totally fine. And so I guess that that was
the episode and the conversation. I love to she use
even the episode four oh nine, Houston shout Out producer
(13:09):
worked really hard at going back and numbering episodes so
that it would be helpful to reference them, and that's
something I want to work on this year is to
reference episode numbers if I talk about the episode. However,
if it comes up organically and I'm not prepared, then
I don't know. Sorry, you might not get the number.
But can you search, Like if you just go into
(13:30):
the search thing on podcasts and just type in keywords, yeah,
it'll pop up. So maybe you could do four things
and then something about the episode. It should come up,
like four things wheel. Is that part of the title.
I don't think so. I think as we're part of
the type. Maybe the person though, like if it was
(13:51):
four things, Robin Roberts, it would pop up. It would
pop up, Oh four things, cry Oh four things. Yes, Okay,
so we've got confirmation that you can search for keywords
when you're listening to a podcast. Are you reading or
listening to anything good right now? Do you really want
to get me started on that? Yes, there is a
(14:11):
podcast I'd like to shout out for anybody, especially talking
about feelings. There's one with Gabor Mate on the man
Enough podcast. Highly recommend that. But really what I would
like to talk about is I started watching Harry Potter
and one of my goals for start not complete, but
start to read the Harry Potter books because I've never
done it or watched the movies. I've never seen it. Well,
(14:33):
I'm on six, I've never seen the movies before. What
you're looking at me like, that's a crazy thing to do,
because if you've already seen the movies, I feel like
you could read the book and then watch the movies.
But seeing a movie and then going back and reading
a book, I feel like I'd be bored normally, But
with Harry Potter, I'm always lost because they cut out
so much detail to make the movies, because the books
(14:53):
are so big, So I think I'm gonna get a
whole another experience when I read them. I'm like, oh
my gosh, now I understand this because I have more info.
Aren't there books? Very very out of no idea thick?
If you seems like you're trying to talk me out
of this, well, how long is it going to take
you to read the whole Harry Potter here? Well, I
don't know. It might take me a couple of years.
I'm gonna start this year with my goal not to finish.
(15:14):
I'm gonna start so I'm not currently reading, but I
will be reading Harry Potter. Okay, if y'all have any
book recommendations for us for Are you reading emails? Not?
At the moment, I'm journaling a lot. I'm spending a
lot of time. I'm doing this like twenty one day
journal thing, so I'm spending more time journaling than reading.
(15:40):
But I will this year. I have some things that
I want to dig into that people have told me about,
and I have them written down and they're not on
the top of my head right now, but I store
them in the notes on my phone? And do you
use the notes? Are gonna put Harry Potter in there? No,
I'm not. I don't want to read Harry Potter. I
barely wanted to watch the movies, but I watched them
with my kids and I thought they were fine. Did
(16:00):
you read the Hunger Games book? Yes, and I watched
those movies. But that's only trilogy or series that I've
read where I've read. I mean, I've read other books,
but that's the only one. Word's part one, part two,
parts Hunger Games? Is it for me? Well, I'm in
it to win it with Harry Potter. I'm gonna get
go to Hary Potter World. Oh you are, I'm going
to That would very prized for finishing on the book.
(16:21):
Is that in Tampa. Oh okay, you can also go
to London and go to the Harry Potter set. Okay, well,
I feel like I went to visit my brother in St.
Pete and clear Water and he was like, is Orlando
close to there? I don't know, because he was like, hey,
next time you come and can take the kids to
Harry Potter World or some Harry Potter thing. And he
was actual like it wasn't far. I was like, maybe
(16:43):
go stay at my brother's. I will call him free lodging.
Fly on Southwest maybe, yeah, you've got points in they're
still functioning. I forgave Southwest real quick, like you know,
oh yeah you did fly the I know some people
are still this many few weeks later, they're still very agree,
which I get it. They sort of ruined Christmas for
a lot of people, but I had a good experience.
(17:06):
Like eventually the flight attendant, though, was adamant that it
was over weather and nobody was buying that, and she's like, no, no,
we're fully staffed right now. Actually we're overstaffed and they
shouldn't say that it was weather. And I was sitting
there thinking this is what they told you to say.
Company email went out and I'm an a list perfect customer,
(17:27):
but even the even the CEO admitted that it wasn't
weather well, she did not get that memo because she
was standing by the fact that it was weather related
and and she was so excited to be back at
work and doing her job, which I'm sure she was,
and it just was I mean, it was a gamble
like Southwest, Like some people are still adamant they will
(17:51):
never fly it ever again. I'm already booked a Southwest
flight in February. So if you need to where are
you going? New York? What are you gonna do? Me
and Big pr going It's sorry your anniversary, so you're
taking a trip. Do you think he's gonna I don't
want to jinx anything. I don't think he would do
it there because I think it's to be expected and
(18:11):
I'm not going to now. I think he would think
I would expect it. So he's not going to do
it because he wants me to be surprised. So what
are y'all going to do? We're going to a Broadway show.
We're going to go to there's a couple of restaurants
we want to go to he wants. He's never been
there other than for work, so he hasn't seen any
of the museums. Like, so we're gonna do all of
the touristy things. Yeah, it's very different. If we're shopping,
(18:34):
then if you're oh, man, that Zara there, I'm gonna
take him to Zara. It's like multiple story. I mean
it's multiple stories in most places, but there's one take
him to the good one though that we went to
one one time and it was awful. I don't know
what I was like, is this did I read the
sign wrong? Is this Nara? Like it's not it had
nothing good? So bad? And another one I was like,
(18:55):
I will spend all my money here. Yeah. If I
had to recommend some stores right now, I would say,
Zara Aritzia. You don't like it. I don't like it.
Why it's so expensive for things that I Well, then
let me back up Forever. It's a good place to
(19:16):
get stuff. Yeah. I got the cutest coat from there
and it was on sale and just twenty forever. What
did I say? Forever twenty one? Yes, that's what I meant.
But I was also going to say H and M
because I went there too, so H and M, Zara,
Aritzia and forever. Those are four stores I'm giving you.
This is the four Things podcast, be four wrecks of
(19:38):
things were over the break or Christmas shopping or different things.
I found such cute stuff and on sale, and as
if I had, you know, I like to know it,
i'd link it for you, But I don't know. That's
something I might consider to do this year. I don't know,
just so that I can link things, I link stuff anyways.
I guess I don't even have to have a like
(19:59):
to know it, but I him not. I don't want
to be on Instagram that long. But maybe if I
could get an intern or something to do that for you,
I think that would take actually time off your hands
when people ask you where did you get that? Where
you can like, here's the link. Yes, because I'm not
trying to ignore anybody that's asking me anything. It's just
I don't have the bandwidth to find the links to everything.
And then also remember, oh yeah, these are a Goldie
(20:21):
Highways nineties and this is where I bought, like I
don't and then I try to search it out. So yeah,
if I could get more organized in that way, which
I think for a couple of years now, I've talked
about getting an intern, and then I've never actually really
done it. I think I had one for a teeny
tiny bit and then COVID happened real quick. I I
listed four stores. Do you have any four stores? Well?
(20:41):
Not for just one more? Since this is I thought
you were. You were going to say Abercrombie, Oh, good one,
another good one. I gotta say. It's just I have
to shop online there. I can't when I go in
the store. But right next door to Abercrombie, I gotta
say is American Eagle. And I bought the cute is
Flare denim jeans from there. Really like big Bell bottoms.
(21:04):
They are so cute and their on sale. I never
thought to go to American Eagle for jeans. Okay, so
I like it. We actually give you six things. Six things, yes,
which you know this is the four Things podcast and
and you're listening to the bonus episode. But if you
are going to be practicing gratitude this year, you can
(21:24):
hit up four things dot com for our latest gratitude
journals that we put out right before Christmas. They are
so cute, not intimidating at all, a great way to
journal and focus on what you're thankful for. There's encouraging
quotes inside and they're very very cute, and all proceeds
go to support education in Haiti, which is something that
(21:46):
we're very passionate about. So four Things dot com. But
I'm gonna start sending people, wait for it, to radio
Amma dot com because we're gonna get I'm it's going
to start blogging more there. I'm going to start linking
more things there. But that also, that's not gonna be
an interns job. I think I'm gonna end up hiring
somebody to help me sort of run that side of things,
(22:09):
but that wouldn't be my social media, but that would
be my website and so that way y'all can have
more access there. And I want to do a newsletter,
so I'm gonna start getting people to sign up for emails.
So I don't have that set up just yet, but
if anybody that's ever emailed for things with Amy Brown
at gmail dot com will be added to it. So
you can also just send me an email there right
now until we get the things set up on my
(22:32):
website and then you'll be able to register there and
you'll get something for it, Like I get people don't
just want to go there for nothing, but there will
be like some bonus content or something, and then your
email will be in the system and then anytime I
got a newsletter go out or you'll get early access
to stuff or whatnot that schools this year. Hopefully it
will happen. It could be no pressure, just kidding, it'll
(22:53):
be all right. Have the day you need to have
a cat? Where can people find you on Instagram at
at cat dot defun uh And also um the podcast
You Need Therapy And if you want to follow that
on Instagram, you can at you Need Therapy podcast And
I am at Radio Amy. I'll see you on Thursday. Um,
my friend Gracie will actually be on this Thursday. Gracie Mochler.
(23:16):
I love when she comes on the podcast. She's been
on a few times before, and she has a really
exciting announcement and she's just such an encouragement and I
think it'll be a really good episode. Y'all don't want
to miss it, all right, Bye bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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