You Are Worthy of a Full & Beautiful Life (LIVE from Nashville)

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
I have a joke for you guys. Knock knock your mama.
Your mama is not here, but mine is welcome a bro.

(00:23):
Thank you, Stevenson. Hi for anyone that showed up here
today feeling unworthy in any area of your life, whatsoever,
our hope for today is that you leave here knowing
that you deserve a full and beautiful life, and that

(00:45):
you'll give yourself the permission to at least feel worthy.
And so when it comes to self worth, for me,
I'm struggling a little bit with the fact that like, oh, okay,
these people paid their hard earned money to come here
and see me, and in my brain, I'm like, I
feel like this is I've tricked them or something, because
this is literally something you can listen to for free

(01:07):
next week. But really, thank you so much for coming.
It means a lot. I am the bridge from you
to the experts that are going to be joining me
today because I am, I am learning, I learn from them,
and I'm so thankful for things that I want to
touch on right now are just worthiness, vulnerability, confidence, fear.

(01:27):
I struggle with all of that, and I honestly don't
know anybody that doesn't. And one thing I feared for
a long time is finances, and it honestly wasn't until
the last year or so that I started to kind
of dip my toe into that because I've spent the
last fifteen years or more not even knowing how to

(01:50):
get into my bank account, no idea logging on completely
overwhelmed me. And well, you do enough therapy and you
start to figure out the root of things. And I
realized that my fear of handling money stemmed from my
childhood watching my dad go through different highs and lows
with money, including a bankruptcy that really stressed our family

(02:12):
out and ultimately led to my parents splitting up. So
I think from there my solution was, Okay, well just
ignore the money and it won't stress you out. And
this falls under something called financial phobia. This is a
thing Cambridge University says it could be effecting up to
twenty percent of the population. So that's some of you

(02:34):
out there. And you know, I've never been reckless with money.
I have not been yeah, careless with it. I've just
been avoidant. And I found a quote that sums it
up nicely. Financial phobes can be capable people who are
achievers in most areas of their life. They're not irresponsible, reckless,
or spend thrifts. They get into a psychological syndrome that
makes it very difficult for them to deal efficiently with

(02:56):
their personal finances. And so when I got married, syndrome
caused me to hand the finances over to Ben and
really never look back. I mean, Ben and I were
actually talking about it the other day and he says
that he remembers at the start of our marriage, he
was going to have to deploy and go to Afghanistan,
and he was pumped because now he had a partner,
and he's like, hey, yeah, this is great. You're gonna

(03:17):
be able to take care of things while I'm gone.
I'm back home, you know, like check the mail, pay bills,
stuff like that. And I was like, oh, yeah, no,
I don't. I don't do that. That's why now we're
married and I we're partners, and this is you, and
that would require me dealing with money. And I said,
I'm not good at that. That's not my thing. And

(03:39):
that was my ongoing limiting belief about myself is that
I wasn't good with it. And then you fast forward
to twenty twenty and I was on the phone with
my cousin Amanda, and out of nowhere, she just starts
telling me that I need to start paying attention to
my finances and that it will empower me. And I'm like, okay,

(03:59):
I don't know I would empower me, but sure, I
guess Amanda, where are you here? Where are you? Oh?
I'm over here? Hi? Okay one, Okay. So you were
telling me I needed to pay attention and that it
would empower me, and I didn't get it. She really
didn't get it, and I was emphatic. I said, listen,
just go check your bank account, sit down and see

(04:19):
what your balance is. But then I was like, well, like,
I don't know how to log in, so get your
log in. And she did those things. And you have
started to see a difference right in the way you feel,
and the empowerment and the sense of worth because I
mean money worthy, All of those things are connected. It's
not about the amount though, just to be clear, Yeah,

(04:40):
it's really just about that feeling of abundance and worthiness.
And I know for me it's the same way when
I feel rich inside, it shows up in other ways
and it doesn't just mean through a paycheck or money
coming in through friendships, through connections, and that adds to
my worth. Yeah yeah, and so tonight we're hopeful that
will empower you and you are worth being here and

(05:03):
hearing from all the amazing people. And apparently now it's
like the time to hear. It's the time. So listen,
we are here in this incredible energetic season. Do we
have any aries in the house. Okay, these people know
because it's aries is the mighty I Am energy. There's
this fire in the sky and fire in this energy field.

(05:24):
To take risk, be bold, be fearless, and trust your soul,
trust the stuff that's coming through. So being here today
and also all of us together with that same intention,
just creates this vortex of energy and momentum. So sit
in your soul today, open your heart, open your ears,

(05:45):
you know, and enjoy all of these incredible experts as
Amy takes us on this journey today. Usually what I
say is pretty spot on. Yeah she does. She's all
about the energy. She's like, I've already checked everything with
all the numbers and things, and this is just going
to be such a powerful day. And I wanted y'all
to know that I want y'all to be invited into
this place of energy and know that you showing up

(06:06):
here was you showing up for all the other people
in the room at the same time. And you know
when Amanda told me that, I did start to take
baby steps, but that was twenty twenty. It really wasn't
until the last year or so that I was really
woken up. And patterns have to be broken, and I
was in an unhealthy pattern and they can be a

(06:29):
number of things for people, and for me, it was
a marriage ending, and that was a stress point that
provided opportunity for me to wake up, get my head
out of the sand, and I no longer could just
defer to Bin and I know that that was a
heavy thing I put on him our whole marriage, Like
I don't do this, but I'm the adult in my

(06:52):
life now and growing up in this area in my
forties has been challenging, but it's really been wild to
see how my body has reacted to having to go
there in the actual fear that I feel. And for me,
it might be the it's the finances, and I have
other things too, but for you, think about times where
your body has spoken to you and are you in

(07:14):
tune with it? Are you able to listen? Because now
that I am dialed in, you know, Ben and I
have had to sit in a lot of different meetings
where it's okay dividing assets, and I mean I have
to look at things. And the first several meetings I
showed up and I was holding my throat. That's where
it shows up for me. Might be somewhere else for you,
but my throat, and it would begin with me holding

(07:35):
it and then I would start crying. And you know,
sometimes there's other people involved, and I'm like, okay, sorry
about this, but it just was also overwhelming and simply
opening up a spreadsheet caused this. So I'm now happy
to say that at forty two years old, I have
access to all of my accounts and I know what's
coming in, what's going out. I know my water bill,

(07:56):
my electric bill. I print out every paycheck and go
over it. It's super fun. It doesn't freak me out
like it used to. And to that point, even knowing
my spending habits and all the things and not getting
the reaction in my throat or tears of overwhelm, it's
just been the coolest thing. And I gotta say, I

(08:18):
got who does anybody have the Rocket money app? No, Okay,
you should get it, because I got it. And every
time I get a deposit, I get an email and
you open it up and there's this cute little dog
and money is raining down and I'm like, okay, I'm like,
this is fun. So I finally understand what Amanda was
talking about, and it is empowering in the sense that

(08:38):
I'm an active participant in my life now. I'm no
longer shutting down around certain things. And I'm using the
financial phobia as one example. There's many apply this to
your life where you see fit? Where do you turn off?
Where do you shut down? Where do you just defer?
Where do you ignore? What are you acting like it's
not happening because it's it's not there? And then it's

(09:00):
not really there and I don't have to worry about it.
And so one statement I want to say for sure
here is that our desire to eliminate the fear using
avoidance actually is what perpetuates the fear. And I was
that way with finances because of a story that has
been in my brain since I was a child. But

(09:22):
I want y'all to know which the cool far is
the beauty of our brains. There's magic in there, there's
possibility up there, and we don't have to stay stuck
in the same narrative that we've been in for years
and years and years. And you're not alone, and you're thinking,
you're not crazy, and you can change it up, your narrative,
your story can switch and you are worth it, which

(09:44):
leads me to my first thing with my friend and
a self image scientist that knows a lot about the brain,
Leon Ellington. Yes, an amen to everything. And you just said,
the brain is such a multiple, pliable, switch uppable thing

(10:05):
that we can take ownership of any time we choose,
and that's a big part of why we're here is
to change that narrative. So just to kind of give
you guys a little bit of a mental picture, go
ahead and just roll with me and close your eyes
for just a moment, and just picture that you are
on the outside of a corn field and there is
a big red barn in the middle of that field.

(10:26):
And if you take a step from where you are
right now on the edge of that field to that barn, yeah,
maybe the corn's going to lay down a little bit,
but you're not going to really be able to see
where you were and where you went based on that
one time. But if every single day you walk that
same path, that same path, the corn is eventually going
to lay itself down and you're going to visually be

(10:47):
able to see where you where you stepped. And that's
exactly how the brain works. Okay, when we walk a path,
it fires and wires neurons together. But on the flip side,
if we have a path that we've been walking our
entire lives, and we all have our own right, when
you stop walking that path, little by little, the neurons

(11:10):
stop firing and wiring together. And that is the magic
of the plastic, amazing switch up a bole changeable brain
that we have access to that I know, for most
of my life I didn't even know we had access
to it. Yeah, I mean, I think that's the coolest
part she'll know about your brain. And I'm sure you've
heard it, Okay, neuroplasticity, it's a thing, but I mean

(11:30):
it's really powerful and I've seen it work in my
own life absolutely, and we can logically understand that. But
this is where I want to really invite you all
into this idea of what if tonight was day one
or day zero of you cutting through the noise of
all those stories or the narratives that you've been seeing
yourself through, or the goggles that you've been seeing yourself through.

(11:52):
What if tonight was the lion and the sand, that
you could switch it up and take ownership of what
is up here? My friendly say hey says, fork the
noise all the time, and that's one thing she was
instrumental in my eating disorder recovery. And that was the
that was the name of her course, fork the noise.

(12:13):
And it's literally over and over. You're just stick enough
fork in it to stop it. And yeah, you have
to go over and over and over again. And a
lot of grace is involved in that, but it's worth
it when you get to the other side. And I know, Lean,
you have your own personal story with that, so well
you have a few. How long do we you can

(12:37):
share whichever one you see fit. Just you know of
when you felt unworthy and you had to rewire things. Yeah,
I think unworthiness. Everybody has a story and mine started
when I was in third grade and my dad took
me to wait watchers and he didn't outright tell me
that I was fat I downloaded a story that that's
what I was, and I now call him my fat

(12:59):
goggles because everything in my life I saw myself through
those those eyes. That perception was the filter that I
would then take into life with me. And you know, coincidentally,
not coincidentally, I went on to gain one hundred pounds
over the next ten years. And even after I lost
that weight, because I didn't know what I didn't know,

(13:20):
and I didn't know to rewire my self image, I
was still left with, you know, disordered eating, a horrible
self image and body image. And the only thing that
shifted that was actually addressing the lens the unworthiness. You know,
my story was that I was broken, that I was
messed up, that I was an addict, all of those
things that contributed to this story of unworthiness. And I

(13:42):
would bring that with me into relationships and into work
and into every error of my life because it's three
dimensional and it goes with you everywhere. And again, if
I was sitting here, you know, fifteen years ago, hearing
the words that are coming out of my mouth, I
wouldn't have believed it because I was so deeply entrenched
in like this is just who I am. But that's
where it doesn't have to be that way, because we

(14:02):
have this plastic multiple thing that when we take ownership
of our beliefs in our story and our self image,
we can shift it anytime we choose. So I've felt unworthy,
You've felt unworthy, and I'd love to run through some
characteristics of low self worth and you can, if you're comfortable,

(14:23):
do as you see fit. It's not like a hand
raising thing at all. But Lan and I have mikes
and we're gonna be saying check kind of like check check.
I'll run through it and you can just sit in
your seat straight ahead. Nobody has to know who's saying what.
But if you have ever felt this characteristic of low
self worth, you can just say check. And my hope

(14:45):
is that again you're going to realize that you're not alone.
And like Amanda said, the energy in this room, the community,
this is why we gather. We could have recorded this
podcast with no people, but getting into a room with
others is very different. So just say check if you
are up for it. If you have felt like any

(15:06):
of these things, lack of self confidence, check people pleasing check, check,
inability to accept compliments, check, eating a sort of body
image issues check check. Reluctance to trust your own opinion,

(15:26):
check Expecting little out of life for yourself check check.
So seeing fun activity, we're not alone. So Leanne is
going to invite us into those the new opportunity that
we have in our brain. And maybe some of you

(15:47):
you're like, Okay, yeah, I've heard that neuroplasticity another brain,
and I mean I know it too. But then sometimes
you never know, like something that is holding your back
or something that you realized. And so that's why I'm
excited again to be gathered together and take this journey
with y'all and learning more about our brains are being
reminded of it or being encouraged so that when we
leave tonight it we're like, oh, I'm going to take

(16:09):
that next right step to start heading that direction in
the cornfield instead of that one. Absolutely and full transparency,
Amy gave me permission to get a little geeky with y'all.
But the reason I get so fired up about this
part of the brain that we're going to talk about
is because this is the gateway that helped me realize, Okay,
I'm not crazy, I'm not messed up, I'm not broken.

(16:31):
I'm not a lost cause my brain got fired and
wired to program and react a certain way. And once
I understood why I do what I do, it gave me,
first of all, that self compassion and awareness and realize, okay,
I'm a human. Specifically, there's a part of our brain
that I call the social brain, but it's called the
anterior singulate cortex. But you can just remember ACC, which

(16:54):
stands for acceptance, connection, and care, because that is the
part of our brain that care whether we are accepted, connected,
or cared for. It is the part of our brain
that cares what other people think about us. It is
the part of our brain that cares and notices. Am
I liked? Do they think I'm cool? Will they accept me?

(17:15):
Do they think I'm a failure? What are they thinking?
Those third party goggles? And I know, growing up I
heard people being like, yeah, I don't really care what
people think about me. And I realize when I learned
about that part of the brain, like, that's not possible.
We have an entire part of our brain that is
looking for other people's perceptions and awareness of us. Ladies.
It's bigger. It's more active in the female brain than

(17:37):
it is in the male brain, it develops earlier. And
so are there I see one guy? Two guys? Two?
Are there guys here? Three, four, five, seven nine, Mike D.
I saw that. Well, yes, a little late. They're raising
your hands as a man. Well you all have accs

(18:01):
as well. Yes, yes, men have them too. But also
one thing that comes to mind when you know it's like, oh,
I don't really care. I'm not supposed to care what
other people think. It's like, okay, yes we do care,
but one thing, and if you're in therapy, likely have
a their business told you this. But remember, okay, you
might care, but it's none of your business, right, it's none,

(18:22):
but somebody else thinks absolutely. But part of it too
is also like what if knowing that I care and
knowing that I have this part of my brain. By
the way, side, note, it's also the part of our
brain that is seeking something when we're reaching for food, sugar, netflix, compliments,
That numbing, procrastinating, distracting part of our brain. It's where

(18:42):
we house all of the emotional and physiological pain centers
of our brains. So there's a lot of things that
get mixed and match within that that Again, if you've
ever felt codependent on a substance or a thing or
opinions of other person. It's all check, check, it's all
mixed in there. We all have our own drug of choice. Right,

(19:03):
But what is possible? So what if it's not possible
to not care? Right, We've already established that, But what
is possible if? What if you started caring about what
you think and what you say and how you feel
about yourself and your own self image, your own identity,
and you built that worthiness from a currency that can
never be taken away from you. If your gene size

(19:23):
or your bank balance or the likes that you got
on Instagram do not add up to what you think
equates to worthy, what if you created a new currency
and took ownership of your social brain right, and now
you know you're not crazy if you eat your feelings
because your brain has gotten fired and wired to do that, right,
and it dissolves, hopefully it dissolves some of the shame.

(19:44):
It helps you see it for what it is, just
as data, not it's not personal. You aren't bad, wrong,
messed up. It's just your brain doing what it got
fired and wired to do. And because of what we
talked about, it is possible to stop it in its
track and take that back. I used to identify as
a sugar added for so many years, and then I
just realized, no, I've practiced using it addictively, and there's

(20:07):
a recipe where I can practice using it not addictively
and it can just be what it is. But that
is the power that we have when we take ownership.
And just for me, just knowing that, knowing about that
part of my brain and working with it rather than
thinking I was crazy or working against it changed everything
for me. Yeah, for me, it's been awareness is everything,
Like I had to be Okay, I'm aware of this.

(20:29):
You just start to realize and then it's kind of
a dominofic. You're like, oh now I'm aware of this.
Oh shoot, now I'm aware of that, and it's there's awareness.
Awareness is a thing. Yes, so explain what's going on
and we have awareness awareness right? Yeah, So we walk
around unaware that we have the ability to even be
aware of something. So when you have the awareness to

(20:50):
become aware of something new, that is what I call
an awareness awareness very clever name, I know, but it's
enough to start that process of building the new neurons.
In your brain. Awareness of the ability to become aware
of something new is enough to start that process, right.
So a lot of us, I know, I was always
one of those people that's like, just tell me what

(21:11):
to do, right, And it's like, no, it's a new
way of thinking, it's a new way of seeing. It's
a new awareness that there is something that you can
now become aware of. And once that process starts, it's
like you can't unsee what you've seen. It's pretty powerful.
And what it takes is work though, And now that
we've laid the groundwork for that, Okay, your brain's just
doing its thing. You're not crazy, you're not alone. We

(21:33):
can get into some some tools or things you can
do to take action now that you know you can
rewire the brain, which leads me to the second thing.

(21:58):
This is my dear friend and Ali Fallon. She is
an author and a writing expert and an all around
good person. Yeah. So I know that for you, writing
has been something that has been extremely healing in therapeutic
That's why you're such a proponent of it. Alie's a

(22:18):
big reason why I write now. I journal like a lot.
She gave me an assignment at what a couple of
weeks ago to journal twenty minutes a day for four
days because she said it's gonna change my life or something.
And it really was powerful. So thanks for that. Good,
isn't it? Yeah? This is because I've been journaling a
little bit of three minutes a day, three minutes a day,
three minute, and I set a timer and when that

(22:38):
three minutes is up, I'm like, throw the pin. Done. Yeah,
I didn't like check. But what I found is some
days I just keep writing for five or keep writing forever.
And then the twenty I was like, whoa, I've never
done that before. But I was determined and I set
the timer and I was surprised how much I could
get out. And it's not like there's no pressure. And

(23:00):
again there's no judgment on the paper. It's just you
and the paper. And so thank you for giving me
that gift of writing, because yeah, we really really planted
the seed for that. And so for you, why has
writing been so powerful? I mean you even wrote a
book called the Power of Writing It Down? So why writing?
Why pen to paper? Well? I have always been drawn

(23:23):
to writing since I was really young. I always knew
that I wanted to grow up and be a writer
or be an author. And I spent most of my
career in the last fifteen years in publishing, both writing
my own books and also working with authors to help
them get their book ideas out of their head and
onto paper. And I started to see this consistent trend
that when people were engaged in the activity of writing,
sometimes people who would not necessarily consider themselves writers, they're

(23:45):
just people who are public figures or whatever who've been
asked to write a book, that when they engage in
this activity of writing, they start to have these profound
insights and transformations happen in their life. So I got
really curious about this and started to do some digging,
and there's actually a huge body of data that shows
that writing is one of the most powerful ways that
we can create transformation in our lives. In fact, it

(24:07):
can transform your physical health, your mental health, your emotional health.
One of my favorite statistics to share is that people
who write regularly and regularly is defined as twenty minutes
a day for four days in a row, which is
why I had Aimy do the twenty minutes. People who
write regularly are fifty percent less likely to visit the
doctor for upper respiratory infections and flu, which just absolutely

(24:29):
blows my mind. And there's tons of other statistics I
can share healthy now, but you've cleared this system. But
the reason why that sticks out to me so much
is it tells us that the writing is having a
physical impact on your cellular biology. It's actually changing the
way that your body processes what's in the environment. There's

(24:52):
also studies that show that people who are in recovery
who write through recovery are more likely to stay sober.
There's studies that show that people who are undergoing treatment
for cancer respond better to the chemo if they're writing.
People who write regularly report being happier in the romantic relationships.
So there's just not a single part of your life

(25:12):
that this cass touch. But for me, when this really
sunk in, so I started to watch this happen in
my career and it was definitely I was really excited
about it and passionate about it, but it was mostly
about helping other people, these authors who I was working with,
access the power of writing. And then handful of years ago,
about seven years ago now, I went through a big
shift in my personal life and went through a divorce.

(25:35):
Decided I needed to leave a relationship that was really
toxic and very abusive, and I realized that while I
had had all this sense of self worth that had
been developing through my career, I really didn't have that
in my personal life, and that was something that I
felt really shamed about and kept really secret. So when
I stepped out of this relationship, I really felt like
I was stepping off of the cliff into no man's land.

(25:57):
And I had made up a whole story in my
head that because I was leaving this relationship, this would
be the end of my career because my last name
was going to change and I was known as this
author with this other name, and so like I was
never going to get a publisher again, I was never
going to write a book again. And as I was
going through this experience, I just kept having this nagging
feeling when I would wake up every morning that I
was supposed to go write down the story. And because

(26:20):
I have the publishing brain also, the publishing part of
me was like, that is a dumb idea. This is
never going to get published. No one, no one gives,
no one cares about this story. There was this other
book that I was supposed to be writing. I was
contracted with a publisher an agent to write this other book,
and so I kept telling myself, you should be writing
this other book. That I kept feeling pulled to write
the story. I just write what was happening in my

(26:42):
life and write what I was going through, and I
couldn't stop myself from doing it. So I'd wake up
every morning and for the first two or three hours
of my day, I would go and just write down
what was going on in my life. And that experience
transformed me so dramatically. I literally sometimes I think about
this because I was telling Amy November nineteenth of last
year was the seven year mark, and when I look

(27:04):
at my life now, I'm just like, I cannot believe
that this is the same life. Like my husband's here,
he's backstage. I'm married to a really wonderful guy. We've
got a great relationship. I've got two little kids who
are so sweet and and fun. But when you at
seven years ago, you did literally did not think that
was no in your future, no kids. I guess I'm

(27:26):
ruined forever and I'm not gonna get married again. Because
I was like thirty three, I was like I guess
I'm too old. It's it's over. It's you know, like
in my mind, I was just like, there's not enough
time left. That was the story that was going on
in my head. But I think this is the beauty
of taking the story and putting it down onto papers,
because these things are happening in our head outside of
our awareness, and when you write them on the paper,

(27:47):
you realize how absurd they sound. So when I started
to put on the paper what was happening to me
in my everyday life, I realized what like the trauma
that I had been through and how severe it was.
I started to realize way that these voices were playing
out in my head and how they were affecting my life,
and I was able to like rescript the narrative and

(28:07):
literally transform the way that I experienced my life and
especially my personal life. So it's like such a dramatic change.
It's kind of hard to believe sometimes, but it just
makes me believe even more in the power of writing.
And especially for people who say to themselves, well, that's
easy for you to say because you work in publishing,
but I'm not a real writer. You'd be shocked how
many people say that to me, And I think the

(28:29):
people who say that actually stand to gain the most
because you don't see that you have a story to tell.
So I hope the way Ali encourages people like that,
which is also me. She's like, well, you send text messages,
don't you? You're a writer? No, Okay. The reason I
say that is, I know it sounds sort of pedantic,

(28:49):
but it's like, we have this view of writing, like
it's this elite activity, the only a certain you know,
number of people should be allowed to do that. It's
just should be like a select view who are public authors.
But writing is a form of communication, just like the
spoken word. And I tell Amy, I'm like, how silly
would it be if you know, I've got a one
year old a two year old. If I was like,
I wonder if the one year old's going to be
a talker, It's like, of course it's going to be

(29:11):
a talker. This is that's like a form of communication
that we have in writing is just a form of
communication that literally anybody can use, and so why shouldn't
we all have access to that? So in some of
Ali's assignments to me and other assignments, I've sought out.
That's how much I enjoy the writing is that, like
I look for other prompts, like Ali has a lot
of amazing writing prompts that will kick things off, like

(29:34):
what am I supposed to write about today? And honestly,
if you don't know, you can write I don't know
what to write today, and you can write that over
and over until your brain starts to write something else
and it will happen. I've done that. Yeah, yeah, I've
even told you that I have one time I write
blah blah blah blah blah and eventually it turns into something.
So what's cool is in seeking out writing prompts. I

(29:55):
came across this opportunity to make a faith statement for
the year, and it was a four day process, not
all day, for like ten minutes a day of different
writing prompts, and then at the end of the four days,
you go and you circle words that are showing up
over and over like what's the theme? And by the

(30:16):
fourth day, honestly, I didn't even remember the first day's
question or what I wrote. So it was like interesting
to go back and it was so crazy that like
totally different questions, totally different answers, but there was a
theme and things were showing up. So then you take
from the circled words this whole little fun project. That
day was like, I'm not doing this right. I don't
believe in myself. What am I doing? I'm not a writer.
This is dumb. And I came up with my faith

(30:37):
statement and I was like, well, okay is what it is.
No one's ever going to see the who cares? And
now I have my journal here with y'all because this
is crazy what happened. So I've been asking God for
a lot of signs lately, like all the signs, and
if I was a sign, I take that as a sign.
But yeah, signs. So check this one out. Statement Sunday,

(31:01):
February fifth, twenty twenty three. This is what I wrote
after I circled a bunch of words. God is in control,
connecting me to the bigger picture with ease and guiding
me towards a full life. And I was like, well,
this is dumb. That was dumb. I don't know what
I'm doing. Let's move on. So then within five minutes,

(31:23):
go pick up this book that I had just gotten
in the mail for my friend Tanya Rad who also
works in radio, and she had just put it out
and she mailed out a bunch of copies to people,
and I happened to get one. And it's one hundred
days to finding the hope and joy you want the
sunshine state of mind. So I was like, oh, let's
check this out. Okay. So I go to day one

(31:44):
because I'm on day one, and I realize, Okay, it's
more than just a book. It's a day. It's a
daily reading, devotional type thing. And at the beginning of
each day she has a Bible verse. And again, five
minutes before that, I wrote my faith statement, which is
God is in control, connecting me to the bigger picture
with ease and guiding me towards a full life. Day

(32:08):
one Jeremiah twenty nine eleven. I know the plans I
have for you, declares the Lord plans to prosper you
and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope
and a future. And if you put my faith statement
side by side with Jeremiah twenty nine eleven, they're saying
the same thing. So my faith statement was affirmed by God.

(32:35):
He gave me a sign like it was so exactly
what I needed to know that, like Oh, okay, you
can do things. You could do the four day writing thing.
You can come up with your own faith statement for
the year and be judgment free of it. Just let
it go, Let go of the control, stop trying to
do that. God has you. God's like, okay, yes, I

(32:56):
have you. I have a plan for you. There is hope,
there is a future and a future towards like a
full life. And that's what my faith statement for the
year was. And so it was just such a crazy
five minutes where I felt very safe and secure in
the path I was on. Hopefully that makes you keep writing.

(33:19):
One thing too, I was gonna say, She's like, maybe
TVD writing connects us to the inner wisdom that lives
in all of us. And so I love that story
how you had that moment of wisdom and then you
see that wisdom reflected in scripture too. It's like I
call it the narrator voice that comes out when you

(33:39):
start to tell a story, Like there's the part of
you that's in the situation that describes what's happening to you,
and then there's this other part of you and you've
probably had this experience that sees a higher perspective and
that narrator voice will come out in you. The part
of you that sees the thirty thou view, that sees
the future, that knows that this is not forever, comes
out when you do your writing. And it's just one

(34:00):
of the really profound things that happens in a writing practice.
So writing is definitely a tool. And some of you
might be like, oh, yes, I loved write totally my thing,
and then others might be like, yeah, right, well, I
would just encourage you go pick out a fun journal.
Just go to a store, go online, go to Amazon,

(34:20):
just order yourself a journal and start there and then
see what happens. Get some writing prompts, like what would
be a prompt if people are working through worthiness or
fear and confidence. My very favorite writing prompt is one
thing that is true for me today is fill in
the blank. Oftentimes, if you start there, you can open

(34:42):
up a portal that will help you to just keep
writing and writing and writing, because there may be ten
things that feel true for you today, but you'll be
shocked at what comes out. What may come out is
a thought of unworthiness that you didn't know existed in
your brain. And that's great because now you have the
awareness awareness awareness. Yeah, we love that. We do have
an audience question that is very fitting, especially for Ali,

(35:07):
so I wanted to specifically ask it during this second thing.
So Amanda's out in the crowd with the mic, and
she's also with another Ali, So there's Ali and Ali. Hi.
Tell everybody your name where you're from, and then share
whatever's in your heart, your brave Oh, thank you. Hi.
My name's Ali. I'm from Canada and I recently left

(35:31):
an abusive relationship and I didn't realize how much it
had affected my sense of self forth until the last
little while before I left the relationship, because it took
a lot of time to build the courage to actually leave.
There was a big part of me that wanted to
stay because I still loved him, and I figured, at
least then I know what I'm in for. But just
the constant abuse, it it seriously damaged the way that

(35:55):
I saw myself and what I felt I was capable
or worthy of, and I kept blaming myself. I was
trying to figure out what more he could have done. Initially,
I thought it made me stronger because I could take it,
except I didn't realize how much it was actually breaking
me down, and now I'm trying to find my way
out of that and build a future that I want
instead of trying to appease somebody else. But I guess

(36:18):
my question is just I knew the way I was
being treated wasn't okay, but instead of having the mindset
that it wasn't a good thing, I thought I was
stronger and it made me tough because I could take it,
And I just was curious how I missed how damaging
it was. Yeah, I mean one of the ways that
you missed it is I don't know the person who

(36:39):
you're with, but people who are abusive our brilliant manipulators,
and so they have a way out of their own
pain of pulling the wool over your eyes very carefully.
And so that's part of how you missed it. And
you know, another part of how we miss stuff like
that is how we're cultured as women to you know,
sort of like take it. I think there's a lot

(37:01):
of it, may even be unintentional, but just ways that
in the broader culture that those behaviors are normalized, and
that we're taught to not talk about them and not
share them with other people, and so just go really
easy on yourself, because it's I used to think before
I was in the relationship that I was in that
because I was a confident woman and because I had

(37:22):
independence in my life, and you know, I was like
a little later in life getting married, and I had
this successful career, and I felt really confident about myself
that I was not at risk for a relationship like that.
And that's just not the case. And since I've gotten
out of that relationship, I've met so many other brilliant, intelligent, powerful, wonderful,
dynamic women who also have been And this happens to

(37:43):
men too. It's not just women, but who have been
in relationships where that toxic dynamic gets started. And it's
only when one person goes I'm ready to break the
pattern that the pattern gets broken. So good on you.
It takes a ton of courage to leave. And yeah,
I mean you have been really broken down. The fact
that you're feeling that tells you that you're really in
touch with reality. Are you? Are you writing at all?

(38:05):
Are you journaling what's going on? But I are you
open to something like that? I think it could be
really healing for you just to even like write the
for me, when I got out, it was like to
write a circumstance that had happened that I had normalized
inside of the relationship. But then I would write it

(38:25):
and I would sob because I would be like, how
did I live through that? I think that could be
a really cool like way to process what you've been through. Definitely, Yeah.
I try to do the Four Things Gratitude book every morning,
So yeah, I add that in. Oh No, that's a
great place to start too. I think that's it's not intimidating.

(38:45):
You can just start with in each thing, you know,
you can do one word and then you can move
on to a few sentences and then a paragraph. And
you said Canada, yeah, and then and you came alone.
I did okay, good for you, Yes, like we're okay,
Alie from Canada. Like you did this for yourself, and

(39:08):
I hope you realize how huge that is. Like you
knew you needed a weekend away and it wasn't just
about coming this or you needed a weekend away. You
needed that separation to come to Nashville and do something
for yourself, like a whole weekend. And so for that,
I want to bring in my friend Gracie Moechler, who's
got a little something for you, Ali, And I'll let

(39:30):
her explain it, but it's for your bravery for leaving
and then your courage for coming all the way here. Yes, Ali,
we want to give you an emergency comfetti. This is
a celebration, kid. Yes, so so inspired by your story,
Thank you for sharing. And this product actually was inspired
by a story Amy shared with me of this little

(39:51):
boys in his mom's car and he's like, hey, Mom,
can I throw this comfetti in my pocket? And she's
like no, no, no, no, don't throw that. But why
do you have that confetti? And he's like, it's my
emergency comfetti in case of good news? And I just
thought that was the best mindset on life, you know.
And I just hearing your story. There's only good ahead
for you, you know, and you've been so brave, and
I just picturing the confetti pop in you in your

(40:12):
new environment. I just hope for you it's a medical
for a metaphorical rainbow after the rain. You know that
that color is the new life for you. And I'm
just so inspired by you coming here, and I just
hope that you have so many celebrations ahead and getting
to hear your story in school and all the new
things you have, there's gonna be so much to celebrate.
So you can pop that confetti along the way. Thank
you Gracie, and thank you Ali for sharing. And I

(40:38):
know that your story it's going to impact people that
hear this and maybe in this room or on the
podcast later that. Yeah, we want you to be able
to go take that and yes, like Gracie said, pop
it in your new beginning, celebrate this new life ahead
because that's what you have. And we talked about writing,
but just quickly we'll go over mantras or a thing
which I used to be like okay, yeah, yeah, who cares?

(41:00):
But Ali, I think it's like four years ago, five six,
I don't know, a long time ago. Ali and I
would be at yoga and she took, oh my gosh,
yes you need to get this mantra journal. Who was
no no book? I think it was Louise Hey her. Yeah,
she's very famous for this. By the way, I had
no idea who she was, and then I got the
book and it just wasn't my thing. But then now
I'm desperately looking for the book because it's somewhere and yeah,

(41:24):
because they can be powerful. And so we'll just close
out the second thing with you have purpose and you
can take this and repeat it to yourself with an
eye like in your own time. But just Ali and
I want to say to you, everybody here, all my people,
We want to say to you, you have purpose. You

(41:45):
can release control, you can trust yourself, you are capable,
and you can have a full and beautiful life. It
is possible. It is possible. Yes, Okay. So with that said,
second thing is concluded, and one thank you Alan so fun. Okay,

(42:19):
I got a little envelope from a dude. Thank you, Stevenson.
I'm coming down there real quick to do something with y'all. Okay,
is Heather here? Oh Hi? Did you know what was
gonna call your name? Oh? You felt? She felt it,
she felt the energy. I mean, I know they feel.
Really had no idea that I was gonna call your name. Okay.

(42:41):
So back in twenty fourteen, we were having our first
Joy Week on The Bobby Bone Show and Pimp and
Joy was it was like just started. It was a
whole thing and it's about spreading joy to others and
so on the Bobby Bones Show, we put out a
call to action to our listeners like, hey, go spread
joy this week. Whatever that looks like. You can smile
at someone, you can open the door for someone. It

(43:03):
doesn't have to be monetary at all, whatsoever. And this
woman called in to the show during Joy Week and
she said, Hi, I don't listen to y'all. I don't
even know who y'all are, but I found your number
this morning because yesterday I was at the tire shop
and I'm a single mom. I needed new tires, but

(43:25):
I thought it was just going to be one. And
then the guy working was like, oh, no, ma'am, you
need four new tires. And she was like, I can
only afford one. I'm getting one tire. And the guy
behind her in line said put all four on my
card and she was like, what, no, I can't take that.
So then he said, no, no, no, it's Joy Week

(43:46):
on the show that I listened to, and this is
Pimp and Joy. He's like, I have to do this.
So she's like what show is and he's like Bobby
Bone Show. She's like, okay, So I don't even know
who this man is. To this day, we know is
this woman called in and shared this story with us,
and obviously for me, it gave me chill because I'm like,

(44:07):
oh my gosh, this impacted this single mom, and this
movement started with my mom and her cancer journey, and
she was a single mom. I know for her at times,
having to buy four tires at once would have been
like a thing. So it's interesting this tie in. But
Moody's Tires based here in Franklin, and they've been in

(44:28):
business in Brentwood, like Nashville area for seventy five years,
and they're an amazing family. And I know this might
seem really random to like give away four tires at
a live podcast, but they are generously giving you, Heather,
because we drew your seat four tires. And so I

(44:50):
have to do is go down to Moody and Franklin.
Do you live here? Okay, So you just go down
there and while LA the tires or yours whenever you
eventually need them, shut up, I need four new tires.
Yeah Okay, Well I knew it. I was like, okay, y'all,
I don't know how this tire thing is gonna go,
but I'm just gonna trust that, Like whoever needs to

(45:12):
get the tires, is gonna get the tires, and Heather
happens to need four new tires, So thank you, Moody.
They're an amazing family. Like there's been times while I've
been on sixty five and I got a flat tire
and I've been pulled over, but I'm like, all my
way to work and i gotta get to work because
if you're late to the Bobby Bone show, you could
sit home early. So I call Eddie. He's on sixty five,
and like, Eddie, you gotta come pick me up. I'm

(45:33):
gonna leave my car on the side of the road.
I gotta hop in with you because I'm not gonna
be late. And then I called Moody and I'm like, hey,
my car sitting on the side of sixty five, like
can you help? And they've rescued me multiple times. And
so I love Moody and I love the family and
I love what they do. And so when I think
of tires, I also think of my first car ever,

(45:57):
which was a nineteen eighty five red Ford Broncho full
size with big tires, and I loved it. I wish
I had kept it. I should have because it'd probably
be worth way more, especially with the Broncho come Back,
but I sold it. So when I think back to
that car and how happy it wasn't there, it's because

(46:18):
I got to get on the highway. I thirty five
in Austin, Texas, roll the windows down, put in the
Chicks Fly was my favorite CD and I would definitely
turn up this song. So right now I want to
welcome to the stage, my friend and super talented see

(46:40):
your songwriter your third thing for tonight, Britney Spencer, Hello France,
how are you? Isn't this a fun day? I love
this for us. It's just like brunch, but we're eating

(47:01):
stuff for our soul in our hearts. Thank you so much,
Amie for putting this event together. Thank you for having me.
I appreciate it. I know we all appreciate it. So

(47:22):
fun fact, Brittany and I met at a grocery store.
What what year was that? It was years ago? It
was like tea, I mean seventeen maybe, I'm not sure,
but we started a friendship and I had no idea.
She even sang, which, why did you never even bring
that up? Because I aint, what's your thing? I wanted
anything from you? I just I don't know. I just

(47:44):
I liked you. You were just nice, like literally, like
we built a friendship. And she was like, yeah, we
got these new hoodies out and they were like the
Pimp and Joy what was it was like the Neon
one the Rainbow. They were so fire, and she like
went home and came back and brought me one. She
was just the kindest person, and I just I just
I'm younger that you have too many Instagram followers. I

(48:04):
just didn't yeah any one day and then and then
one day she DMed me and she said, hey, I'm
I'm not going to be able to make your beat
Ginger Lemons juice anymore because I'm going on the road.
And I was like, on the road, what do you do?
Like you're making like juice on the road. And she's like, no,
I got a kid doing background vocals for I don't

(48:26):
even know what her do or oh I remember I
was saying backgrounds with Christopher Cross that year. Okay, that
was fun, so fun, best eidies life. But then we
decided to start to keep in touch and the next
thing you know, she's like here there. Start to see
her everywhere and then she's like singing with Marion Morrison
the high Women then opening for Maren and it's really

(48:49):
cool to see you flourish and chase your dreams. And
I love that you weren't going to let anybody define
what you were gonna do. And that's when it comes
to worth. You get to define your worth, not anybody else.
And how have you seen that show up for yourself
in country music? If you don't know your worth and

(49:10):
no one else does, I've not seen a lot of
people that look like me and country music. I've not
heard a lot of people that sound like me and
country music. And it's been a road. I've never really
been a person with high self esteem and who had
a high sense of self worth. But I quickly learned
that if I don't know my worth, nobody else will.

(49:31):
And if you don't know that you are worthy of
love and respect, it's just not You won't even if
it's given to you won't even recognize it except it
won't You won't take it in like you should. And
it means something to know that I'm worth something here,
and it means something to know that what I'm doing
is much bigger than myself, and I think that's what

(49:54):
keeps me going in the times where I feel like this.
You know, I'm too much of I've for like a
show most of my life. Every day I wake up
and I'm like, what's the next, Brittany, What's what you
about to do today? And uh? And you know that's
weird and wrong, but it it really does take some
like learning to trust myself, learning to trust that I

(50:17):
have something that's valuable and that I am valuable. If
I never sing another note a day in my life,
I still am me and I'm valuable and I'm worthy
of love and and defining myself off of that and
not just my abilities. It keeps me going. It messes
me up to but it mainly keeps me going. Hey,
we love the honesty for sure, and you are Oh

(50:38):
I got a lot more of you with You're a
gift and your gift to country music, and I'm so
glad that you're here. So for me, the last few
years have been very, very stormy, and you always talk about, oh,
you go through the storms and come out the other
side and there's a rainbow. For me, things got so dark,

(51:00):
but I didn't know. I was like, I don't don't
understand where this rainbow is. But I'm gonna be faithful
in it. I'm gonna follow it. And I learned how
to do that too, because I mean my mom with
Pimp and Joy gave me that gift. And someone else
that is a listener of the show, or of four
Things and the fifth Thing. Her name is Itsel, and

(51:20):
I would love for her to come out because she
also has been weathering some storms the last couple of
years and she has a very powerful story. And I
invited her to come to the show. She doesn't live
in Nashville, but she would email in hi itself, Hi,
Hello everybody, and where I'm came about two hours. I'm

(51:43):
in Jackson, Tennessee, but I'm from Texas, so she's from Texas.
And she started sending emails into four Things. We just
started corresponding back and forth, and then I read her
email on a fifth thing, and then another listener named Sarah.
It's like, oh my gosh, it's ill. Story really resonated
with me. I would like to do something for her
because I've been trying to live out never suppress a
generous thought. And so then she spread love to you,

(52:06):
and there was this whole back and fourth thing and
then it's all has some exciting news lately, well just
your personal life, things you've been through, So I'd love
for you to share some of that, and then where
you are and in the storms, and how you've been
able to see the rainbow, which is where I feel
like I'm at. Finally, when I first rode in, I
had written about I had gotten a biopsy done and

(52:29):
I was waiting to find out and I had a
feeling I knew it was going to be positive and
I was going to be diagnosed with breast cancer. But
during that time, I took a trip toss In which
made me think of you, and I had listened to
the podcast talking about you know, what does this make possible?
And so it was during a really hard time because
my dad had gotten diagnosed July of the previous year,

(52:53):
and so I'd gone into CRNA school, which is pretty
difficult to get into. I had done the application, all
the things, and literally the day that I was packing
up my house, I just got married in April, and
my dad showed up to help us pack and he
looked terrible, and so I was like, you can't help
us pack, like you can barely move. We need to
take you to the ear and so we went to

(53:14):
the ar and they told us that it was metastatic cancer.
It was everywhere, and we were supposed to leave that day.
I stayed with my dad and my husband moved to Tennessee. Here,
he moved everything, and I had to make a difficult
choice of do I stay and care for my dad
or do I continue with school. I went to school
orientation reluctantly. My dad made me go, and I was

(53:37):
presented the opportunity with hey, you're in a really difficult situation.
We will let you postpone school for a year. Take
this time and spend it with your dad, because it's
stage four and you likely don't have a lot of
time left with him. And so we had to scramble
to find somebody take over our lease. My husband and
I moved in with my parents and we just kind

(53:57):
of helped care for my dad, and it wasn't lucky. Good.
He started chemo and he started doing better, miraculous leaves
getting better, and so we were like, Okay, it's looking good.
I'm moving. I'm going to go to Tennessee Starts School.
And then I decided to get genetic testing done because
my dad's oncologists advised me to do it, so anybody

(54:19):
that has any family history please go get it done.
And I came back positive, but still that didn't mean anything.
It was just I just had to be a little
bit more careful. But something in me just didn't feel right.
And so when I went to an appointment with the
obioncollogist just to kind of see what monitoring would look like,
She's like, well, you're so young. You're only thirty one.

(54:41):
You know, we'll do a mamogram and all the things
when you're thirty five. I'm like, well, why can't we
just do it now? You know, I'm on high alert
because of my dad. So anyway, I pushed, I advocated
for myself to get the MRI done, and sure enough,
it came back highly suspicious for cancer. Then everything just
kind of happened so fast. Asked, I got the biopsy down,

(55:02):
it came back positive, but I was supposed to start
school in a month, and so I found myself again
a year later in the same position of like, this
dream's just never going to happen for me, Like maybe
it's not meant to be. But I was like, you
know what, I can do it. I can do it.
I will get chemo, I will have radiation, I will
work with my school schedule. And I reached out to

(55:22):
my director and he was like, it's going to be tough,
but if you want to try, try it, And so
I did. Moved out here. I finished chemo, I finished radiation,
and I'm in my second semester of CRNA school. My
last chemo, my husband surprised me with all of my
classmates there to ring the bell. And so I think

(55:44):
that's what I wrote in with my seal with my
email with that, like this whole crazy journey. What did
that make possible was I was able to feel all
that love. And I'm really happy to say that my
dad is still here. He is It's almost been two
years since he's been diagnosed and he's still here. So

(56:06):
it truly has been I think also my rainbow year
of just really really heavy storms. Something that you've said
to me too was that along with feeling the love,
but where there's a will, there's a way, and you
were determined. And I would love to just say your
strength and tenacity is contagious to so many and it's
super impressive, and you know that your life is worth

(56:29):
something and you're going to fight for it. And you know,
we're two people that are standing here before you that
have been through some storms, and I know so many
of you out there have been either in the past, currently,
next month, in the next few years. You never know
what's going to happen. And while we can see the
rainbow now, we're still going to go through other storms.

(56:50):
But I think for me, I'm just holding a little
more loosely to the umbrella because I feel like the
last couple of years, I was gripped so tight to
it because I was like, Oh, what's going to happen? Next?
Is going to happen next? The next thing's gonna knock
me down. But now I've given myself that permission to
be like, Okay, there's hope on the other side of this.
I just know it. So the next storm, I'm not

(57:13):
going to be gripping it so tightly because I know
that there's the rainbow, which leads to Brittany doing a
cover of Casey Musgraves Rainbow Thank You Itself. In addition

(57:38):
to Brittany being just a friend, she's also been an
amazing mentor and friend to my daughter Stashira, and there's
been so many times where we've had to call Brittany
at like ten o'clock at night and be like, can
you help with a hair situation because I have no
idea what I'm doing, And she's always so gracious. You've
even come over like at night and you're like, here,

(57:59):
do this right now, use this product, sleep in this.
It's all good. Call this person tomorrow. I got you.
And so that's been very special in her and Stashira
have a sweet bond and they've gone to Lizzo and
apparent least to Shia FaceTime Brittney last weekend and Brittany's
working in Australia doing something and Stashira's like, I need help.

(58:20):
I've lost my voice. But the reason why Stashia was
worried and she wants her voice because she's going to
come out and sing a song right now. Oh my gosh.
So um. This is Stashira, my fifteen year old daughter.

(58:41):
And we were sitting around the kitchen table one night
and Brittany was over and I wanted to write a
theme song for my Outweigh podcast for disordered eating and
we came up with it and Stashira was a part
of it. And then we just kind of sang it together,
and then Stashira wanted to sing it with Brittany here tonight,
so that's exactly what they're gonna do. Here's the Spitzer
featuring Stashira. Anyway Brown, No, yes, yes, now you literally

(59:06):
co wrote this song? I did? You did? You literally
wrote this song? Why are you hiding? Stand here? And
that Hurgan doesn't even go with the outfit. You have
to come over here. I'll stand here. Go okay, go
cool cool ah, you're ready to share. You can see
the words all right. We'll never imagine to all stand

(59:35):
obsessing over girl magazines around the table because what my
man is ben So we're not ever We'll stop it
just to be rab you up one of those boys.

(01:00:03):
I won't leave my body otway I made trying to change.
I'm burning who I am? I am shock heavy body

(01:00:24):
and oh say day at a time. So many hands
in there so show. This is her first day singing

(01:00:47):
in front of people like this, So can y'all give
it up for her? And it's not easy to do
what she did. She freaking did it twice today. You're incredible?
Yes okay, and we gave it up? What this what Brittany,
I want you to give a shout out to your
band and then I'll give y'all a proper send off
since we just sensed to sheer off. So these are

(01:01:10):
my friends John McNally, Gabordulist who tried to leave just now.
Thank you so much for having us. I love you, Amy,
thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, Brandy Spencer, Okay,
so just to recap, we're about to get into the

(01:01:30):
fourth thing. But first thing was you're not crazy, You're
not alone. Your brain just doing its thing. But the
good news is you know you can you can change
the narrative. Second thing was Ali with some tools to
help you start that process. And then the third thing
was a little music therapy and knowing that you get

(01:01:51):
to define your worth nobody else. And so now it's
time for the fourth thing, and I'm gonna bring out
my friend and license therapist, Kat Divaday. Okay, so Kat,
we're going to talk about trying, because well, trying cool

(01:02:11):
if you listen to the fifth thing, you know, so
we're gonna there's like four things though that are in
when it comes to like trying, so you can start there. Yeah,
well you mentioned this earlier thank you for the foreshadowing.
But when I think of trying, there's four things I
think of confidence, vulnerability, fear, and worthiness. And what I

(01:02:33):
kind of want to do with this time is talk
about how all of those tie in to how we
show up and if we go out and try the
things we want to try or not. And when I
think of people that I envy in the way that
they just go out and they just like go for it.
They see something, they just like do it no matter what,
the things that come up in my head are, Oh,

(01:02:53):
I wish I had that confidence, or I wish I
could build that confidence or figure out how to build
that confidence, or I wish I could be fearless. And
there's three things about all those thoughts that I'm going
to tell y'all as I tell myself as well. And
the first one, which Ali kind of hit on, which
I love, is that when we're thinking, oh, I really

(01:03:14):
wish I had that person's confidence that was up there,
I think most of the time we are thinking I
wish I had their sense of worthiness, because the real
difference between those people that are going out and doing
it and trying it and going for it is that
they believe that no matter what happens with the thing
they're trying, they're still worthy of love, belonging, connection, all

(01:03:37):
that stuff we really want. And then the second thing
that I want to mention is that it's not that
these people are out here not afraid because that they
have the sense of worthiness and they have this sense
of confidence. It's that with that sense of worthiness and
with that sense of confidence, I can go out and
do it while I'm scared, which we know. If you

(01:04:00):
listen to the fifth thing, hopefully you know this, But
that fear is really just one of those things. It's
the emotion that shows us, hey, I think you really
care about this thing. It's not always a stop sign
that says, hey, don't do this. And then the last
thing is it's so funny that we ask ourselves, oh,
I want to build that. I wish I could find
that worthiness. I wish I could build that confidence because

(01:04:21):
we are born straight out of the womb with a
whole lot of confidence and a whole lot of worthiness.
There's not one baby that doesn't believe that they're worthy
of whoever's taking care of them. To take care of them.
It's like the free gift you get for being birthed,
and so all of those things together to me says

(01:04:42):
that the people that are going out in there and trying,
they're doing it because they know that regardless of what happens,
I really am going to be okay. Even if it
doesn't go the way I want it to go, I'm
gonna be okay. And my favorite way to kind of
prove this is to ask the question, what would you

(01:05:02):
do if you only had to be sixty percent good?
If the expectation was that you'd be like a little
above average, Like, what would you do? So are you
willing to share that? Well, there's a lot of things
I would do, But I think of this being an
example because I wanted to do lives for a long

(01:05:23):
long time, and I feel like what you're saying is
as a kid. I mean honestly, I filmed little talk
shows in my laundry room with me and me like
yeah and the cam quarter, but I was the camera guy,
and we had it converted and in which at all.
I showed it at the first live show because I

(01:05:44):
was like, this was foreshadowing. This was my first show
in laundry room. And at the end of the video
you see me getting really mad at my camera man
because he's not turning off the camera and I, oh,
but I mean I was the camera person, so but
you know, I was acting in that moment. So I
think of acting is another one, like I have had
the opportunity to do some and I'm taking lessons and

(01:06:05):
I feel like every time I go do that. But
I feel like as if I was a kid and
I wanted to host a live show, would have been like, oh, yeah,
no problem, let's do this. Oh you want me to act? Okay, yeah,
no problem, let's do this. Like I would have had
all the confidence in the world. But instead now it's like, oh,
this is okay, we have to put tickets on sale,
and then people would have to get them and what
if nobody comes and why would I do that? And

(01:06:27):
who am I to do it? And somebody else is
already doing it. And so if as a kid, if
I was super confident, then as a therapist, cat like
what happened to us? Well, we're gonna get there. But
so you just basically said that if I was a kid,
I would do all these things. Yeah, Like answer my question, Yes,
I would do all these yes. And it is when

(01:06:47):
we are kids we like have this automatic permission to
be a beginner that we lose at some point. And
if I think about me as a kid, I played
every sport that's been invented. I played soccer, I played basketball,
I was on the swim team, I did tennis, I
did ballet, I did gymnastics. I'm gonna stop because I

(01:07:07):
could just keep going. But I did everything, and I
even went so far. I was on my neighborhood swim team.
But then I was like, I'm gonna take it a
step further and I'm gonna join the year round swim team,
which is like that was a serious swimmers, and I
was like, I want to try that, regardless of how
many super Swimmer awards I got on the neighborhood swim team,

(01:07:32):
which are you familiar with super swimmers? Like you're super
at it, like you were the best. It's like the
way they build up the confidence for the kids that
are always in last place. So it's the participation award.
I've only ever got a participation award, So I was like,
I'm going to join the year round swim team. And
even with that, I also then couldn't and I still

(01:07:53):
cannot dive, so I joined the year round swim team,
and I was the one and like, God bless my
parents for like still sitting in the front row. I
was the one they blew the whistle and I would
like full send a cannonball in and everybody else was
just like diving, and I'm like, oh, yes, awesome. So
but my point in that is that like as a kid,

(01:08:14):
I did not care, Like I tried swimming because I
wanted to try. I didn't try it because I was like, oh,
I wonder if I'm gonna get a first place. I
knew I was going to get the super swimmer, like
I knew that, and yeah, I just okay. So yes,
as kids, what I'm hearing you say is that basically
you were Michael Phelps and I was Oprah. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, okay.

(01:08:39):
So what happened to us, Well, so we experienced the world,
really the world happened to us, and as kids, we
are really confident and we believe in our worthiness. But
at the same time, we think, because we're egocentric at
that point in our life, that everything that's happening around
us is about us, whether it's good or whether it's bad.
And so if something bad happens and it doesn't feel good.

(01:09:01):
We do this thing where we kind of like get
these protective layers in different ways that we don't know
we're doing this because I don't think we know these
fancy words that I'm about to say, But it cuts
us off from vulnerability because we don't want to feel
that bad thing again that was shame, and it just
feels icky as a kid. And through time, after those
things happen over and over again, we have all those layers,

(01:09:25):
we get further and further and further away from that
confidence or worthiness that we used to just have. And
I just told you that story about me. When I
was I guess probably in third grade, third fourth grade,
I wanted to be on the swim team. Well, in
fifth grade, I was still that super worthy, confident girl.
And I was playing kickball at Recess in mister Plunk's class,

(01:09:50):
and I loved kickball. And this girl came up to
where our class was and she yelled across I don't
know what to call it at kickball court or kickball field,
but it was on pavement, so it's a court field.
So she yelled across the court field. Hey, Katherine, defatta,
which if you are new to me. My name is

(01:10:12):
Katherine Defata. She said, Hey, Katherine Defatta, it looks like
you need to stop drinking so many strawberry milkshakes and
start drinking some strawberry slim fast. Yeah. But in the moment,
publicly I said, yeah, well, I don't even like strawberry milkshakes. Meanwhile,
I totally do, but inside I didn't show this to

(01:10:37):
my class at that moment. It was really when I
got home, But at that moment, I was completely crushed.
I was mortified, I was embarrassed, and it was It's
one of the most vivid memories I have as a kid,
because in that moment I started to actually like recognize
the things that like maybe weren't that great about me.
And so that's where I started kind of putting on

(01:10:58):
those layers. And for me, from that, I started putting
on these layers where I wouldn't show up as my
full self and I would hold myself back from and
this goes like further into my life, but I would
hold myself back from relationships. So God, I would never
want to put myself out there because I already know
that nobody's gonna like me. Because I need to be
on some fast and then to make up for that,

(01:11:20):
because I have to feel something about myself. I started
hustling for my worth, really a manufactured version of it,
by being an overachiever and having straight a's all the time.
In sixth grade, I locked myself in my room for
like probably a week because I got one B on
my report card and I thought that to get into

(01:11:41):
college you had to have all as. So like that's
how drastic it got. I cannot relate to that, what
me being bullied or me a grade no, locking myself
in my bedroom because I gotta be like I would
have never like I wasn't I would I wasn't an
overachiever in school, but I think that there was stuff

(01:12:03):
that happened to me that led to that, and there
was untreated ADHD and teachers sometimes didn't really know what
to do with me. And I talked a lot. I
was very social and so therefore there wasn't a lot
of expectations. But teachers started to send me that message,
and then I started to believe, oh, well, there's no
high expectations of me, so why try? And then my
parents got bless them, but they didn't even ask for

(01:12:25):
report cards, so I didn't really care, like nobody was
asking to see how I was, and I wasn't looking
for attention with grades in any way. So there is
a very vivid memory, like similar to what you felt
in fifth grade. And of course there's a few, but
this one stands out to me. And it was right
before was transitioning from high school to college, which I

(01:12:45):
think is a pivotal time to believe in yourself. And
I was on this committee that was hosting something at
our school, and I got put in charge of the
speech for Lincoln Rose. He was a kid in my grade.
He was getting it. I wasn't getting it, but I
was gonna give him the speech that would give him

(01:13:07):
the award. And the teacher that was in charge of it,
she was my chemistry teacher. Except four. Get this, there
was AP chemistry, then there was chemistry, and then there
was chemistry in the community. Which class do you think
I was in chemistry and community? Yeah, that's it. So
that was their sweet way of saying, like, we're gonna

(01:13:28):
kind of teach you chemistry. But so but she taught
all three. So my teacher was AP. She was And
then I think, honestly to her Kimcom class. She's kind
of like, okay, these guys. But I was like, I'm
gonna sign up and be on this committee and I'm
gonna give a speech. And I had never spoken publicly
really anywhere, especially like that in front of a whole
school alumni. All these people gathered together, and I worked

(01:13:52):
so hard on this speech about Lincoln and no idea
where he is today but him and the whole experience.
He has no idea that like this is still a
narrative that's in my head. So afterwards, I am so
proud of myself. I did a good job. I know
I did. I was up there. Other people were like,
oh my gosh, that was that was so good because
the thing and I felt good when I got off stage.

(01:14:14):
And then the committee went to a meeting after the
thing and we're talking about, oh, it's so good, blah
blah blah, and then the teacher it's like, Amy, oh
my gosh, I was not expecting that, like just this
very I was confident, and then I deflated because she
literally was like, there's no. It wasn't like, oh my gosh,

(01:14:36):
you did so great, let me stop there. It was like,
you did so great and I'm so shocked right now
because I have zero expectations for you to do great,
and wow, who would have thought that? I think she
put it this way. I was a cheerleader. I don't
even know how I made the team, quite honestly, but
I was a cheerleader. And I think she said something
about like the cheerleader came through or something like that,

(01:14:58):
and I was like, okay. So I immediately just went
from like excited for myself and like wow, this is
good to like, Okay, this final nail in the coffin
that I'm not smart. That narrative had been building, building, building,
and then I get to college and all kinds of
things unraveled because I'm not smart. I mean, there's a
whole semester I withdrew, which is a whole other story.

(01:15:19):
But it's because I had little faith in myself. It's
because I had little faith in myself. And I know
now I'm working on it. I know now that I'm capable,

(01:15:42):
and I know now that I'm smart. But I'm telling
y'all for years. And that goes back to that finance
story that I shared earlier. It really is because yes,
I was scared of money, one thing, because my dad.
But then I also saw my mom really like take
care of herself after that he left and she had
to get a job for the first time, and like,
she took care of herself and she did it and
it wasn't easy, but I had a good example. But

(01:16:04):
then I think that narrative married up with the fear
of money, that I'm not smart, that it's like, Okay,
well then I'm just going to step back and hand
the reins over to somebody else, and then you have
no agency over your life. Yeah, and you just proved,
you just showed us that confidence and worthiness. It's literally
not about billing it and going out there and like

(01:16:25):
finding it somewhere, like digging it up. It's about shedding
those stories because I know for me, and I want
to say for you too, like the only difference between
the girl before I went out to Recess that day
and the girl that left Recess that day was the
shame blanket I picked up. That's the only difference. I
was literally the same thing, but I walked through life

(01:16:47):
so differently, And so if we want to find that again,
we have to shed those layers, which is terrifying because
we picked those things up for a reason. We aren't like, oh,
I want to hide myself from all the good things
in life. We do it for a reason, and through
a lot of therapy, and you know, as an adult,
you understand things a little differently. I could now say,

(01:17:08):
and I want to say this for your teacher too,
even though I don't know her, but what that girl
said about me. And I don't know if you guys,
are you know, coming up with stories in your head.
I'm like, oh, I have this one time and this
one time, and I remember this person saying this to me.
That girl, the thing that she said about me literally
had nothing to do with me at all. I can

(01:17:28):
see that now, but I didn't know that then. And
what I know now is that thing that she said
that was her way of hustling for her worthiness and
that's how she got that. And so through that, through
me figuring that out, I got to say, Okay, I
don't really need this blanket anymore because it's keeping me
from something that is not even there. And so you

(01:17:50):
were talking about all the stuff and how it transpired
through your life, and so I'm curious when you made
the transition from I'm not capable you have this narrative
that says I'm not smart, I'm not capable, and then
you have these people that are kind of like, yeah,
you're not smart, you're not capable. What did you have
to do in order to push through that to make
the shift? What did you actually have to do? Okay? Well,

(01:18:13):
then I well I had to admit that. Yeah, okay,
So I had to go to people and say I
don't know how to get into my bank account, I
need help, or I don't know how to check this balance,
I need help. I don't know how to log in
and look at my paycheck. I need help. There's a
lot of shame associated with that. I wasn't proud of that,

(01:18:36):
and some of the people that I was asking could have,
you know, laughed at me, and that would have hurt
my feelings for sure, but I guess I didn't care
because I had gotten to a point where if anybody
thought any less of me or laughed at me or
did whatever, it didn't matter. I was to a point
where I was like, Okay, I'm scared to do this,

(01:18:57):
but I'm doing it anyway because it's worth it. It's
the only way I'm going to get there. Yeah. Well,
you're saying I had to be vulnerable. Yes, yeah, I
had to show up and be vulnerable. I had to
allow myself to show up in the world like the
girl before that teacher said that thing. Yeah, and ask
for help. And quite honestly, I mean I still have

(01:19:19):
help in different things, Like you'd be surprised all this
stuff that comes up when you're adulting. Now now that
my eyes are open and I'm like I have to
I'm like, oh, okay, so who do we call for that?
But it's so weird because asking for help is like
a normal thing to do. I don't know how, you
know what. My boyfriend's dad actually said something that made
me feel really good a couple weeks ago, because he's

(01:19:42):
doing my taxes and I was asking him questions or something,
and I told Patrick to tell his dad, tell him
that I'm not stupid, and tell him that, like, I
really do know what I'm doing. And his dad replied,
it's okay if you don't know how to do your taxes,
I don't know how to be a therapist. We don't
have to know everything about everything. But if you have

(01:20:03):
a narrative in your head that says you're dumb, or
you're stupid or you're not capable. Then that starts to
apply to everything, like I don't know this thing. And
so now that goes back to that same narrative and
going back to you saying how to be vulnerable. It's
so interesting that when it comes to vulnerability, and again
I want you guys to kind of think about this

(01:20:23):
as we're telling these stories. When it comes to vulnerability,
it's something that I look at other people and I'm like, oh,
that's awesome, But I am not willing to show that
a lot of times because when I see it in you,
I see you're so strong and you're so courageous and
you're so brave, and when it comes to me, I think, oh,
I'm a failure, I'm weak, and that's embarrassing. And Berne

(01:20:49):
Brown defines vulnerability as risk, uncertainty, and emotional exposure, which
is terrifying. It sounds terrifying because it literally is terrifying,
but she also at the same time says that it
is the birthplace of love, courage, joy, connection, all of

(01:21:10):
the things that we really really want in our lives.
And so going back to the people that try, the
people that try are not threatened by that risk, that's
what you're saying, Like I no longer was threatened by
that risk. I knew the risk was there. Vulnerability opens
you up to get punched in the gut, It opens
you up to get hurt again. But also that is
the actual path to everything I want, and at some

(01:21:32):
point getting back on that path got more important than
like staying away and not getting hurt anymore. And that's
what we're perceiving as the confidence. Like some people might
seem like, oh, she's doing this live, Oh wow, she's confident,
And I was watching other people do lives where I
was like, wow, I wish I could do that like them,
And so I think it all ties up, like you're saying,

(01:21:53):
that's the confidence part, which Mel Robbins. I was listening
to something the other day where she defined confidence as
the simple thing, and it's literally confidence is trying. That's it.
Boom boom. Confidence is trying, And of course we love
that because try, like that's our thing, Like trying is

(01:22:13):
so cool. So I don't know what it is that
you need to try, but hopefully this will be your
permission to do that. And I'm just so thankful that
everybody is here there's something I know you want to
try in your life, but there is something holding you back.
So I just want to get to this real quick.

(01:22:33):
If you just want to introduce yourself where you're from
and what it is that you're wanting to try. So
I'm Megan. I flew here from Alaska. An I DMed
Amy when she announced the show and I said like,
I'm flying by myself from Alaska, Like, is it gonna

(01:22:54):
be okay that I'm like solo, like in the front row,
and she was like, oh, absolutely. So one of the
things that as I've been sitting here thinking about it
is I was a victim of abuse in my childhood.
For like ten years, I have worked so hard to
separate myself from my childhood. I wanted to be quote successful.

(01:23:15):
So I have a really good career, been married to
my husband for ten years. But I'm so afraid of
being a mom. And that's because how my mom handled
the abuse that I suffern was almost more traumatic than
the abuse itself. So my question is how do I
shift that mindset to allow myself to be a mom.

(01:23:37):
You can't really try being a mom without it's permanent,
So how do you move forward with that in seventh
grade we carried eggs the eggs just kidding. Well, I
just hope that what you see from what's been shared
here is that there's always opportunity to dig deeper and

(01:24:01):
work through some of the trauma that you have from
what you experience with your mom. And I'm not an
expert by any means where you're laughing at that, I
think you're an expert being a mom. Oh no, no,
but yes, we're all figuring it out. That's the thing.
When I adopted suddenly we had I mean we were like, okay, yeah,

(01:24:23):
now we're parents of a seven year old and a
ten year old, and we had no idea what we
were doing, and there was a lot of fear there,
but their support. There's community, there's reaching out, there's asking
for help. And so what I think is beautiful about
something like this and people sharing is that you have
the opportunity to let's dig into that think you personally.

(01:24:45):
You don't have to include me, but dig into that
and see where it will take you. And because I
know that, what I do know about you from what
you shared is that you're very successful at work. You've
proven that that's where your worth is right now. But
you're like, oh, I think I would like to be
a mom, and that could be cool, But then there's
the fear. But what did Kat just teach us is

(01:25:06):
that the fear's not gonna go away. It's actually good
that it's there. And do I get it? Get to
just go for it? And then I know the baby's born.
You're like, what, But even with like adoption or any
parent in here will say like when they had their kid,
it's like, what the heck did I just do? So
we just as a group, we can encourage you to

(01:25:29):
do do what you need to do to kind of
take care of what's going on inside of you and
wrestle with that. Journal through it, work it out, therapy,
talk to people, include people, and obviously include your husband.
Right yeah, and then y'all make the best decision. And
I can tell by just the moments that I've spent
with you, like you're going to be a great mom.

(01:25:50):
And I think you even asking this question and getting
vulnerable and saying this in front of people shows that
you care and you're going to be a good mom.
And so to celebrate your gravery, I want my friend
Gracie to come up this is Gracie Mochler, and she
has a whole hell company dedicated to celebrating things and

(01:26:11):
I'll let her share with you why she wanted to
give this to you, but we just want you to
know you're going to be a great mom. Yes, thank
you for sharing your story with us, and we wanted
to give you this emergency coffetti. And as the coffetti flutters,
I hope you just realize I'm worthy, I'm brave, and
I'm you know, I can do anything. You know, you

(01:26:31):
lean into these fears and just that goodness is around
the corner for you. Thank you, Gracie, Thank you really
for everybody here, everybody that spoke tonight, and then for
you all being here. It was a huge blessing. I
hope that you walk away tonight feeling that you have value,
that you are deserving of a full and beautiful life.

(01:26:54):
And on your way out, you can grab a puzzle.
Taylor Farms is gifting those to all of you along
with the Shot Forward, and it's something that is a
reminder for tonight because everything that happens in your life
is a piece to your puzzle, and we want you
to remember that it has a purpose. And sometimes when
you're looking at it up close, you're like, uh, I

(01:27:16):
don't really see it. But if you step back and
once you start putting every piece into place, it makes
sense and it will look beautiful. And Tailor Farms also
put a little QR code next to the puzzles that
you can grab and just scan at your convenience, because
they're picking five people to get a year supply of

(01:27:36):
chop salad, which is amazing. The salad kids from Tailor
Farms are my favorite. And when they told me they
wanted to give five people a year supply, I was like, well,
that's amazing. So all you have to do is grab
that QR code next to the puzzle and scan it
and whailah. You never know, you might be selected and
have salads forever. And then the four things totes that

(01:27:59):
are zipper pouches that we made for tonight that y'all have,
there are some out there that are available. All proceeds
are going to My Life Speaks, which is an organization
in Haiti that we work with founded here in Nashville,
special needs orphanage down in Nepplei, Haiti. And all the
items out there, the Pimp and Joy the four things,
but I love what's on the zipper pouch and it's

(01:28:21):
laugh Often share stories, find rainbows, spread joy, and that's
also what I hope you take away from tonight. So
thank you for coming tonight.

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