September 12, 2023 • 24 mins
In the debut episode of the "What's God Got To Do With It" podcast, host Leanne Ellington takes listeners on a deeply personal journey of self-discovery and transformation. Leanne begins by sharing her background as a bacon-loving Jew with a Jewish heritage, where Judaism was more of a cultural 'thing' in her life, but NOT a connection to God.
She candidly discusses her lifelong struggles with food, body image, and toxic shame, tracing her introduction to weight watchers at just 8 years old and her ongoing battle with depression and anxiety. Despite losing nearly 100 pounds, Leanne reveals how she still felt trapped by the cycle of dieting and exercise.
This paved the way for Leanne's awakening to the need for deeper change, as she shares her realization that she couldn't diet or exercise her way out of her self-image issues and her newfound commitment to breaking free from the shackles of restriction and obsession. And that's when Leanne's life took an unexpected turn and introduced her pursuit of faith (despite not having a previous connection to God in her life). She delves into the concept of neuroplasticity and how it influenced her journey, acknowledging her initial skepticism about faith and spirituality.
She continues to share how her search for "surrender," led to her discovering God in the most unexpected places, and as the stage for her podcast's purpose, she invites listeners to explore faith, skepticism, and doubt in a safe space while contemplating the intriguing intersection of faith and science, inviting you on an enlightening and introspective journey into the intricate relationship between faith, identity, and self-discovery.
HOST: @LeanneEllington
To learn more about Leanne, head over to www.LeanneEllington.com, and to share your to share your thoughts, questions, feedback, or guest suggestions instantly, head on over to www.WhatsGodGotToDoWithIt.com.
What's God Got to Do With It is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown Podcast network. It's written and hosted by Leanne Ellington, Executive Produced by Elizabeth Fazio, Post Production and Editing by Houston Tilley, and Original music written by Cheryl Stark & produced by Adam Stark.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry. Now Here to preach. I want to keep
it clean and talk to me and recall where faith
needs off nature, get in touch with your creator. With
a Baker, Love and je she even speaks Hebrew. What's
that got to do? What's that? As well? Spation? You
(00:38):
should talking transformation, what's gone got toto? Welcome to What's
God got to do with it? I'm Leanne Ellington and
I'm your host and guide on what will most definitely
be an interesting ride. So if you asked me ten
years ago, if I ever thought I would be talking
about God, let alone share on a podcast talking about
(01:02):
what God has to do with well everything, I would
have thought you were joking or that I was on
one of those hidden camera shows. Because this Bacon Love
and Jew, even though she was super proud of her
Jewish heritage and culture, lived in Israel a total of
three times and even speaks mediocre at best, but can
(01:22):
totally get by Hebrew. It was never a God thing
to me. In fact, I put God, Jesus Christ, in
any other deity in the category of the tooth fairy.
The Easter bunny or that file in my brain labeled
make believe or fantasy. And I mean absolutely no offense
to anyone listening to this, but this is truly where
my heart and head were postured. And God and this
(01:45):
concept of faith in general just wasn't something that I
was looking for, interested, or even aware I was missing.
Judaism was never a connection to God for me. It
was never faith in my eyes. It was a culture
and simply part of who I am, a really proud
part of course. But in my eyes, I wasn't religious
or very Jewish as I used to say as a kid.
(02:07):
And God it wasn't even a topic in conversations that
I remember. Bottom line, until a few years ago, I
didn't even know that I didn't have God in my life.
It just wasn't even in my consciousness. What was in
my consciousness, though, shame, lots and lots of shame. So
let me just rewind a bit first, because the reason
I was way more intimately involved with shame than I
(02:30):
was with God is because of the war I was
in with myself and with my body for most of
my life. So I was taken to my first weight
Watchers meeting when I was eight, and from there on out,
food and my body became this very personal and very
emotional thing. More importantly, toxic, shame became a very integrated
(02:52):
character in the story of my life. It's also when
I started viewing food and my body as something that
needed to be way or measured, or accounted for, or
obsessed over, or just fit into a category of good, bad, right, wrong, healthy, unhealthy,
on plan, off plan, And really it just got worse
from there. So I carried it with me into my
(03:15):
teenage years and all the way into adulthood. So there
I was at twenty five years old, and not only
was I extremely overweight for my age by societal standards,
but I had developed this really addictive and controlling and
shameful relationship with food and a judgmental, self critical, shameful
relationship with myself. And you know, depression and anxiety were
(03:38):
just kind of parts of my life, and you can
obviously imagine how this impacted my confidence and self esteem. Eventually, though,
I finally hit my first enough is enough point, and
through a lot of wrong ways and some of the
right ways, I went and lost a lot of weight,
you know, close to one hundred pounds. And this even
inspired me to start my first business working with women
(04:00):
on their own weight loss journeys. But here's the thing,
I learned the same eat less, move more equation that
a lot of the mainstream teaches to young women who
think that losing weight will just magically solve all their problems.
And even though yes, I did technically lose the weight,
like yes, I got there, and I lost one hundred
pounds and got down to my lowest weight and could
(04:22):
finally wear sleeveless halter tops any day of the week,
but I never addressed my addiction like pull to food
and sugar. So I still felt like I was a
slave to dieting or a slave to exercise, because I
would bounce from one extreme to the other. I would
diet and restrict till I couldn't take it anymore, and
then rebound to the opposite care free abandonment, eating whatever
(04:45):
I could get my hands on, and then feeling guilty
or go try to out exercise my overeating. I was
the opposite of free. I was also the opposite of happy.
I mean you would think that after I lost one
third of my body weight, I would feel fee beautiful
and happy and free and all the things the magazines
promised me. But because I didn't address the self image
(05:07):
and the body image and the identity and the wiring
in my brain that was causing me to think and
act and feel and behave like I was fat or unworthy,
or a failure or destined to stay this way forever,
or whatever painful words I was using. Yes, I lost
the weight, but I never transformed my identity and I
(05:29):
brought all of my old habits, thinking, and behaviors with me.
Now keep in mind, at this point, I still didn't
have God in my life. Okay, or at least I
didn't know that I did. But by some divine miracle,
I eventually had the insight and awareness to realize that
I was never going to be able to outdiet or
outwork or outsmart the wiring in my brain and in
(05:53):
my self image. And now I know, like my spirit right,
But I learned that I was always going to end
up right back in alignment with the story I was
telling myself about myself. And so yeah, it was super
scary at the time to take the leap and really
ditch all of the short term band aids and the
quick fixes and the motivational raw ram, pump me ups,
(06:15):
and finally take a more scientific approach to my struggle,
because it's like, wait a minute, you mean stop trying
to control or hyper obsessed over the one thing I
have always tried to control, even though ironically, the more
I tried to control and perfect myself, the more out
of control and broken I felt. But it was the
devil I knew, versus the devil I didn't know, as
(06:36):
they say, And I finally got to that point where
I was ready, even though yeah, I was so flipping scared,
But that's what I did. I made a firm commitment
to myself that day that I would never be in
a place of crazy restriction or obsession ever again. And
I decided to examine my habits and my mindset around
food and my body. But that was only one side
(06:59):
of it. So yes, let's be clear, I definitely had
to go heal my relationship with food and my body.
So that's what I did, and that's ironically what God
had in store for me to help other women do
for themselves as well, which I promised to explain. But
like I started to say, that was only one side
of it. Okay, there was another curveball in the mix.
(07:19):
That took place essentially smack dab in the middle of
the story that I was just sharing. So now I
want to rewind about fifteen years ago, so two thousand
and seven, two thousand and eight, something like that. My
anesthesiologist had me counting backwards from one hundred as the
surgical team was getting ready to go in microscopically and
remove the calcified, hardened disc fluid that had been sitting
(07:41):
on my nerves for the last eight months, the nerves
of my lumbar spine. And it's a procedure that I
now endearingly call the cost of skinny, and I lovingly
call it that because I was so focused on getting
skinny or lean or toned or hot or whatever words
ruled my brain at the time. I didn't pay attention
(08:01):
to or tune into what my body needed and what
it was really screaming at me to do. And if
only I had listened to the screams for my body
to you know, probably slow down and chill out and
actually take care of it, maybe it could have all
been avoided. But I didn't care. Okay, who I was
at the time. I just wanted to be skinny and
(08:23):
beautiful or whatever vision I had in my mind of
the thing that would make me happy, and no back
pain or injury or pesky flareup was going to stop
me until it finally did stop me. And it didn't
just stop me, it landed me on an operating table
at Cleveland Metro for major spine surgery at the rifled
(08:44):
age of twenty five. So now picture this. If you
take a girl, a woman who's already feeling unworthy and
unlovable and undesirable because all she's ever known is seeing
herself through what I now lovingly call the fat goggles
of her self image, and now you throw on the
story that she is also now you know, damaged goods
(09:04):
or broken because of her body. You can only imagine
how low my inner world got at that point too.
But God redeemed all of that, as you're going to
come to learn, because major spine surgery and what I
now call the face off between my fat head and
my skinny head is really what drove me to start
obsessively studying the female brain, more specifically the science of
(09:28):
the self image, and what caused me to dive head
deep into studying and getting to know this little thing
we call the nervous system, which also completely transformed my life.
So yes, that's something else I should probably mention now,
and another very important part of this journey. I am,
by all definitions, considered a scientist, but it's not in
(09:49):
the conventional way that most scientists operate. I'm more of
a streets of the hard knock kind of scientist. Now,
the word nerd in me definitely wants you to know
that the etymology or word origin of the word scientists
literally means person verst in or devoted to science, and
the word origin of the word science literally means acquired
(10:11):
by study or assurance or certainty of knowledge. So by
those definitions, I most definitely identify as a scientist, but
for obvious reasons, it's not the typical kind that you
find in a classroom or a lab. I'm one of
those didn't mean to but had to in order to
solve my own deepest struggles kinds of scientists. Specifically, I've
(10:33):
dedicated my life's work to studying the female brain and
nervous system, and, as you'll come to learn, a semi
obsession with studying the part of the brain that houses
the female self image, which I promise to also share
because it connects a lot of dots and it will
bring us full circle to understand what God's got to
(10:54):
do with all of that. And as you'll soon see,
really it's everything because once I I unlocked that, okay,
the magic and possibility that I was awakened to when
it comes to the human body and nervous system. And
because of the neuroplastic, malleable, pliable nature of this machine
of possibility that we all have access to, combined with
(11:17):
the law of cause and effect programming, that we can
all feed it in order to transform slap on understanding
why we do what we do, why we say what
we say, why we feel how we feel, and why
we cope with those emotions however we cope with them.
And heck, there is no judgment and full transparency. I've
(11:37):
used everything from food and Netflix to social media and weed.
So hey, I am not perfect and I'm not trying
to be perfect, and really who wants to be perfect?
That being said, being exposed to all of the magic
and miracles of the nervous system on a science level,
and trust me when I say that this non believer
was not using words like magic and miracles fifth ten
(12:00):
years ago. Either well, all of that brain stuff that
I just described essentially just primed my mind, my heart,
my soul, and my spirit for seeing what I couldn't
yet see. But again, and as you can imagine for
any curious science driven gal that all of a sudden,
after thirty years, decided she wanted to go find God,
(12:20):
it made me extremely skeptical and cynical about the whole
faith side of things, because if there wasn't a research
paper about it, or I couldn't see it with my
own human eyes, I didn't believe it. So this whole
faith thing, which I partially define now as believing in
the possibility of what you cannot see or taste or
smell or touch or measure in a lab, that was
(12:42):
definitely a stretch for me. So that's why I can
only imagine that when you hear me share that a
Bacon love and Hebrew speaking Jewish scientist suddenly walked into
a Christian church searching for the word surrender and instead
found God and it completely transformed her life. Yeah, I
can see how that might sound like the beginning of
a riddle or knock knock joke, But as you'll learn
(13:04):
it completed the story that I had no idea at
the time, but God had been writing inside of me
all along. But I'll get into all of that. I've
spoken in front of audiences more times than I can count.
(13:25):
I've been on TV hundreds of times, magazines and newspapers dozens,
and hosted my own podcasts for three years. But this
podcast here is some of the most personal stuff I
have ever recorded, and definitely my most vulnerable shares to
date and up until now. It's the part of my
journey that I don't typically lead with, partially because you know,
(13:45):
I was giving myself permission to be air quotes selfish
with it and have my own personal me time one
on one with God. I wanted to establish my own
identity in God's eyes and establish my own faith and
truly integrate it with everything I already knew to be
true about science and my relationship with food and my body,
(14:05):
and my relationship with other people and the work that
I do with women in the emotional health world. But
also because I feel like faith can be one of
those taboo topics. It gets batched into conversations about religion
or even politics, and can have connotations or associations and
meanings that might not be intended for purposes of this
(14:26):
podcast and my own definitions. This is a story and
a tale and an open ended conversation about faith. Faith
is something I didn't always have, and like I said,
it's something I didn't even know that I didn't have
in the first place, or that I could have, And
now that I have it, I can't not share about it.
It's impact on my life and the love and compassion
(14:48):
and acceptance that my heart has been opened up to
that I never thought was possible. I can't not share
about the piece that came over me that was beyond understanding.
But also I can't not sha share about the deepest,
darkest deposits of residual toxic shame that no matter how
hard I tried, I couldn't personal development, rewire my brain
(15:10):
or self image my way through. But again, the piece
and acceptance that overcame me, that again was beyond my understanding.
So before we dive in, I feel like it's important
to just declare a few things. I am not here
as a faith or spiritual expert of any kind, not
even close, And I'm not here to teach theology or
(15:30):
the Bible. There's plenty of teachers for that. I'm honestly
just a guide and a gal who's on her own
spiritual journey, carving out her own faith based path and
seeking a spiritual safe space for her own heart and soul.
I'm not here as an expert, and I'm not claiming
to know that I know anything about anything. I'm here
(15:51):
to share my experiences and invite you into the conversation
that I wish I'd been invited into a long time
ago when it came to such a big topic like God.
Each episode, I'll share my personal stories from the moments
of doubt to the moments of profound connection, the good,
the bad, and the ugly, and just invite you to
go on your own personal spiritual ride. And I won't
(16:14):
be alone. We'll dive into conversations with powerful guests who
will share their insights and experiences, and I'll be introducing
you to my own guardian angels who have taught me,
guided me, and mentored me in my own What's God
got to do with it? Journey? This is not about
how Christianity is better than Judaism, is better than having
a connection with the universe, or anything like that, and
(16:37):
I'm not trying to convert you into anything. It's about
finding your own relationship with God. Or maybe it's about
recreating an existing relationship with God, one with more love, acceptance,
peace and worthiness. But there's another layer to this conversation too.
You see, when I first dipped my toes into Christianity,
as I first called my quote unquote research, and yes,
(17:00):
I promised to tell you all about that in future episodes,
but I discovered there was a void for me in
the spiritual landscape, like there was nothing out there that
truly met me in my own skepticism, doubt, and curiosity
about all aspects of life, the ones that seemingly had
nothing to do with God. Little did I know, I
found God in all of it, in every area of
(17:23):
my life, in every deep and dark corner of my existence.
This God guy that everyone else was talking about, that
I had never actually met and frankly never really cared
to meet, suddenly appeared to me and revealed, completed, and
healed parts of my story I didn't even know needed
those things. I found God in places I never expected
(17:44):
and never even knew to look. And that's how What's
God got to do with it was born. And yes,
I may be hosting this podcast and sharing part of
my story and the stories of others along the way,
but I'm here to remind you that God is and
will stay the main character in this podcast. I'm just
a messenger and a guide and a fellow gal on
(18:05):
my own journey to seek more and more wisdom, faith,
self love, and true meaning outside of my gene size,
bank balance and relationship status. I'm talking about an identity
and something so much bigger than anything we could create
or imagine with our human mind or see with our
human eyes. But also, if you are struggling, there is
(18:26):
absolutely no judgment whatsoever about that. Either. I was stuck
in a prison of my own making of depression, anxiety,
and self loathing for decades, so there's no shame and
no judgment if you are in a darker space or season.
But that's why I especially want to invite you into
the possibility that you are so not alone, You are
(18:47):
exactly where you're supposed to be, and that struggling is inevitable,
but suffering is optional. And I can promise you this
the God that I know he will meet you anywhere,
and you don't have to posture, perform, or pretend that
you're okay. You can be where you are, who you are,
how you are, warts and all, and with whatever residues
(19:09):
of shame that you are carrying around. But I will
invite you to ask yourself this, or just at least
try this on. What if there was a way out
of your version of the definition of insanity and all
you needed to do was shift your gaze or change
your posture and fix your eyes on something beautiful and
wonderful And dare I say magical and miraculous? And what
(19:33):
if you could become the hero in your own story
by simply inviting God in as your helper supporter, and
dare I say savior? And of course I don't want
to leave out those that do have an existing connection
with God or faith. But maybe you've had experiences or
dealings with spiritual leaders or communities that made you feel judged, shamed,
(19:54):
or like God is mad at you or disappointed in you,
or far away from you, whatever. If you've been led
astray or led away from your spirit, this is an
invitation to come home, come home to your soul, and
I believe that an amazing way to do that. Is
to come home to your spirit. So, whether you're struggling
(20:14):
with your emotional state, maybe you're experiencing depression or anxiety.
Maybe you're struggling with relationships. Maybe you're experiencing loneliness, disconnection,
feelings of abandonment or rejection. Maybe you're struggling with your health.
Maybe it feels out of control or hopeless or confusing,
or you're just sick and tired of being sick and
tired all the time, or not knowing exactly what's wrong
(20:38):
or how to heal what's ailing you. Maybe you're struggling
with your finances. Maybe you're experiencing major money stress and fear,
or you're in a lot of debt. Maybe you're struggling
with food or your body image. Maybe you feel stuck
in the chains of disorder or restriction, binging, or just
no motivation whatsoever to take care of yourself. Maybe you
(20:58):
have no flipping idea why you're struggling, and you're simply
dying to get out of the prison of shame or
fear or worry or disappointment in your brain. If you're
experiencing anything, any adversity, then I want to simply invite
you to stop looking at the thing as the thing
that needs attention or fixing, which I'm definitely putting in
(21:19):
air quotes when I say fixing, because you're definitely not
broken or a lost cause. And what if instead of
that thing being the problem, what if this was actually
a God conversation. And I'm not just saying to blindly
take my word for it. I'll share real life examples
of what I mean. I'm just inviting you to try
on a new story, and I'm going to invite you
(21:41):
little by little, episode by episode on this podcast, because,
as you'll learn, I wasn't looking for God, I wasn't
looking for faith. It actually started out with me searching
for the words surrender. And my search for surrender, which
ended up causing me to search for God, took me
on a journey I could have never expected or predicted.
(22:01):
And I'm going to share the ins and outs of
that with you on this podcast. But know this, Okay, Yes,
my active faith started about four years ago. But little
did I know, and you'll learn this from my story,
I've had something with me and inside me all along,
even if I wasn't calling it faith, and something was
pushing and protecting and guarding and loving me all along,
(22:24):
even if I didn't call it God. And that is
all I'm inviting you to do right here, right now.
I'm inviting you to just empty your cup forget about
what you think you know, what you think you don't know,
or what you think you might not even be interested
in knowing, and just open your mind, your heart, and
(22:45):
your spirit to possibility. And that's what this podcast was
specifically designed for. It's meant to be a place where
you can meet yourself exactly where you are on your
own journey, without judgment or shame, without trying to convince
or coerce or persuade you into anything, and without worrying
about whether you're doing it air quotes right. It's your
(23:08):
spiritual safe space where skepticism and doubt are welcome. It's
a place where faith meets science and miracles meet real life,
all while inviting you into the conversation that your heart, soul,
and spirit needs. And that's why, whether you're skeptical, curious,
or simply looking for some soul nourishing spiritual food, I
(23:29):
truly believe that what's God got to do with it
has something for everyone. And if you're wondering What's God
got to do with it? I'm here to tell you everything,
everything you know and everything you didn't know you didn't know.
We'll be back with more What's God Got to Do
with It? But in the meantime, I would love to
hear from you, so tell me about where you are
(23:51):
in your story and what questions you have. You know,
where do you feel you need clarity or wisdom in
your own journey. I definitely want to hear from you,
So head on over to What's God Got to Do
with It? Dot com and scroll down to the form
to share your thoughts, questions, or feedback instantly. That's What's
God Got to Do with It? Dot com? And if
you like this podcast and want to hear more, follow
(24:14):
like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts to get
your weekly dose of What's God Got to Do with It?
New episodes drop every single Tuesday, and while you're there,
be sure to rate and review to show your support.
It really means so much. What's God Got to Do
With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown
Podcast Network. It's written and hosted by me Leanne Ellington,
(24:38):
Executive produced by Elizabeth Fozzio, post production and editing by
Houston Tilley, and original music written by Cheryl Stark and
produced by Adam Stark
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry. Now Here to preach. I want to keep
it clean and talk to me and recall where faith
needs off nature, get in touch with your creator. With
a Baker, Love and je she even speaks Hebrew. What's
that got to do? What's that? As well? Spation? You
(00:38):
should talking transformation, what's gone got toto? Welcome to What's
God got to do with it? I'm Leanne Ellington and
I'm your host and guide on what will most definitely
be an interesting ride. So if you asked me ten
years ago, if I ever thought I would be talking
about God, let alone share on a podcast talking about
(01:02):
what God has to do with well everything, I would
have thought you were joking or that I was on
one of those hidden camera shows. Because this Bacon Love
and Jew, even though she was super proud of her
Jewish heritage and culture, lived in Israel a total of
three times and even speaks mediocre at best, but can
(01:22):
totally get by Hebrew. It was never a God thing
to me. In fact, I put God, Jesus Christ, in
any other deity in the category of the tooth fairy.
The Easter bunny or that file in my brain labeled
make believe or fantasy. And I mean absolutely no offense
to anyone listening to this, but this is truly where
my heart and head were postured. And God and this
(01:45):
concept of faith in general just wasn't something that I
was looking for, interested, or even aware I was missing.
Judaism was never a connection to God for me. It
was never faith in my eyes. It was a culture
and simply part of who I am, a really proud
part of course. But in my eyes, I wasn't religious
or very Jewish as I used to say as a kid.
(02:07):
And God it wasn't even a topic in conversations that
I remember. Bottom line, until a few years ago, I
didn't even know that I didn't have God in my life.
It just wasn't even in my consciousness. What was in
my consciousness, though, shame, lots and lots of shame. So
let me just rewind a bit first, because the reason
I was way more intimately involved with shame than I
(02:30):
was with God is because of the war I was
in with myself and with my body for most of
my life. So I was taken to my first weight
Watchers meeting when I was eight, and from there on out,
food and my body became this very personal and very
emotional thing. More importantly, toxic, shame became a very integrated
(02:52):
character in the story of my life. It's also when
I started viewing food and my body as something that
needed to be way or measured, or accounted for, or
obsessed over, or just fit into a category of good, bad, right, wrong, healthy, unhealthy,
on plan, off plan, And really it just got worse
from there. So I carried it with me into my
(03:15):
teenage years and all the way into adulthood. So there
I was at twenty five years old, and not only
was I extremely overweight for my age by societal standards,
but I had developed this really addictive and controlling and
shameful relationship with food and a judgmental, self critical, shameful
relationship with myself. And you know, depression and anxiety were
(03:38):
just kind of parts of my life, and you can
obviously imagine how this impacted my confidence and self esteem. Eventually, though,
I finally hit my first enough is enough point, and
through a lot of wrong ways and some of the
right ways, I went and lost a lot of weight,
you know, close to one hundred pounds. And this even
inspired me to start my first business working with women
(04:00):
on their own weight loss journeys. But here's the thing,
I learned the same eat less, move more equation that
a lot of the mainstream teaches to young women who
think that losing weight will just magically solve all their problems.
And even though yes, I did technically lose the weight,
like yes, I got there, and I lost one hundred
pounds and got down to my lowest weight and could
(04:22):
finally wear sleeveless halter tops any day of the week,
but I never addressed my addiction like pull to food
and sugar. So I still felt like I was a
slave to dieting or a slave to exercise, because I
would bounce from one extreme to the other. I would
diet and restrict till I couldn't take it anymore, and
then rebound to the opposite care free abandonment, eating whatever
(04:45):
I could get my hands on, and then feeling guilty
or go try to out exercise my overeating. I was
the opposite of free. I was also the opposite of happy.
I mean you would think that after I lost one
third of my body weight, I would feel fee beautiful
and happy and free and all the things the magazines
promised me. But because I didn't address the self image
(05:07):
and the body image and the identity and the wiring
in my brain that was causing me to think and
act and feel and behave like I was fat or unworthy,
or a failure or destined to stay this way forever,
or whatever painful words I was using. Yes, I lost
the weight, but I never transformed my identity and I
(05:29):
brought all of my old habits, thinking, and behaviors with me.
Now keep in mind, at this point, I still didn't
have God in my life. Okay, or at least I
didn't know that I did. But by some divine miracle,
I eventually had the insight and awareness to realize that
I was never going to be able to outdiet or
outwork or outsmart the wiring in my brain and in
(05:53):
my self image. And now I know, like my spirit right,
But I learned that I was always going to end
up right back in alignment with the story I was
telling myself about myself. And so yeah, it was super
scary at the time to take the leap and really
ditch all of the short term band aids and the
quick fixes and the motivational raw ram, pump me ups,
(06:15):
and finally take a more scientific approach to my struggle,
because it's like, wait a minute, you mean stop trying
to control or hyper obsessed over the one thing I
have always tried to control, even though ironically, the more
I tried to control and perfect myself, the more out
of control and broken I felt. But it was the
devil I knew, versus the devil I didn't know, as
(06:36):
they say, And I finally got to that point where
I was ready, even though yeah, I was so flipping scared,
But that's what I did. I made a firm commitment
to myself that day that I would never be in
a place of crazy restriction or obsession ever again. And
I decided to examine my habits and my mindset around
food and my body. But that was only one side
(06:59):
of it. So yes, let's be clear, I definitely had
to go heal my relationship with food and my body.
So that's what I did, and that's ironically what God
had in store for me to help other women do
for themselves as well, which I promised to explain. But
like I started to say, that was only one side
of it. Okay, there was another curveball in the mix.
(07:19):
That took place essentially smack dab in the middle of
the story that I was just sharing. So now I
want to rewind about fifteen years ago, so two thousand
and seven, two thousand and eight, something like that. My
anesthesiologist had me counting backwards from one hundred as the
surgical team was getting ready to go in microscopically and
remove the calcified, hardened disc fluid that had been sitting
(07:41):
on my nerves for the last eight months, the nerves
of my lumbar spine. And it's a procedure that I
now endearingly call the cost of skinny, and I lovingly
call it that because I was so focused on getting
skinny or lean or toned or hot or whatever words
ruled my brain at the time. I didn't pay attention
(08:01):
to or tune into what my body needed and what
it was really screaming at me to do. And if
only I had listened to the screams for my body
to you know, probably slow down and chill out and
actually take care of it, maybe it could have all
been avoided. But I didn't care. Okay, who I was
at the time. I just wanted to be skinny and
(08:23):
beautiful or whatever vision I had in my mind of
the thing that would make me happy, and no back
pain or injury or pesky flareup was going to stop
me until it finally did stop me. And it didn't
just stop me, it landed me on an operating table
at Cleveland Metro for major spine surgery at the rifled
(08:44):
age of twenty five. So now picture this. If you
take a girl, a woman who's already feeling unworthy and
unlovable and undesirable because all she's ever known is seeing
herself through what I now lovingly call the fat goggles
of her self image, and now you throw on the
story that she is also now you know, damaged goods
(09:04):
or broken because of her body. You can only imagine
how low my inner world got at that point too.
But God redeemed all of that, as you're going to
come to learn, because major spine surgery and what I
now call the face off between my fat head and
my skinny head is really what drove me to start
obsessively studying the female brain, more specifically the science of
(09:28):
the self image, and what caused me to dive head
deep into studying and getting to know this little thing
we call the nervous system, which also completely transformed my life.
So yes, that's something else I should probably mention now,
and another very important part of this journey. I am,
by all definitions, considered a scientist, but it's not in
(09:49):
the conventional way that most scientists operate. I'm more of
a streets of the hard knock kind of scientist. Now,
the word nerd in me definitely wants you to know
that the etymology or word origin of the word scientists
literally means person verst in or devoted to science, and
the word origin of the word science literally means acquired
(10:11):
by study or assurance or certainty of knowledge. So by
those definitions, I most definitely identify as a scientist, but
for obvious reasons, it's not the typical kind that you
find in a classroom or a lab. I'm one of
those didn't mean to but had to in order to
solve my own deepest struggles kinds of scientists. Specifically, I've
(10:33):
dedicated my life's work to studying the female brain and
nervous system, and, as you'll come to learn, a semi
obsession with studying the part of the brain that houses
the female self image, which I promise to also share
because it connects a lot of dots and it will
bring us full circle to understand what God's got to
(10:54):
do with all of that. And as you'll soon see,
really it's everything because once I I unlocked that, okay,
the magic and possibility that I was awakened to when
it comes to the human body and nervous system. And
because of the neuroplastic, malleable, pliable nature of this machine
of possibility that we all have access to, combined with
(11:17):
the law of cause and effect programming, that we can
all feed it in order to transform slap on understanding
why we do what we do, why we say what
we say, why we feel how we feel, and why
we cope with those emotions however we cope with them.
And heck, there is no judgment and full transparency. I've
(11:37):
used everything from food and Netflix to social media and weed.
So hey, I am not perfect and I'm not trying
to be perfect, and really who wants to be perfect?
That being said, being exposed to all of the magic
and miracles of the nervous system on a science level,
and trust me when I say that this non believer
was not using words like magic and miracles fifth ten
(12:00):
years ago. Either well, all of that brain stuff that
I just described essentially just primed my mind, my heart,
my soul, and my spirit for seeing what I couldn't
yet see. But again, and as you can imagine for
any curious science driven gal that all of a sudden,
after thirty years, decided she wanted to go find God,
(12:20):
it made me extremely skeptical and cynical about the whole
faith side of things, because if there wasn't a research
paper about it, or I couldn't see it with my
own human eyes, I didn't believe it. So this whole
faith thing, which I partially define now as believing in
the possibility of what you cannot see or taste or
smell or touch or measure in a lab, that was
(12:42):
definitely a stretch for me. So that's why I can
only imagine that when you hear me share that a
Bacon love and Hebrew speaking Jewish scientist suddenly walked into
a Christian church searching for the word surrender and instead
found God and it completely transformed her life. Yeah, I
can see how that might sound like the beginning of
a riddle or knock knock joke, But as you'll learn
(13:04):
it completed the story that I had no idea at
the time, but God had been writing inside of me
all along. But I'll get into all of that. I've
spoken in front of audiences more times than I can count.
(13:25):
I've been on TV hundreds of times, magazines and newspapers dozens,
and hosted my own podcasts for three years. But this
podcast here is some of the most personal stuff I
have ever recorded, and definitely my most vulnerable shares to
date and up until now. It's the part of my
journey that I don't typically lead with, partially because you know,
(13:45):
I was giving myself permission to be air quotes selfish
with it and have my own personal me time one
on one with God. I wanted to establish my own
identity in God's eyes and establish my own faith and
truly integrate it with everything I already knew to be
true about science and my relationship with food and my body,
(14:05):
and my relationship with other people and the work that
I do with women in the emotional health world. But
also because I feel like faith can be one of
those taboo topics. It gets batched into conversations about religion
or even politics, and can have connotations or associations and
meanings that might not be intended for purposes of this
(14:26):
podcast and my own definitions. This is a story and
a tale and an open ended conversation about faith. Faith
is something I didn't always have, and like I said,
it's something I didn't even know that I didn't have
in the first place, or that I could have, And
now that I have it, I can't not share about it.
It's impact on my life and the love and compassion
(14:48):
and acceptance that my heart has been opened up to
that I never thought was possible. I can't not share
about the piece that came over me that was beyond understanding.
But also I can't not sha share about the deepest,
darkest deposits of residual toxic shame that no matter how
hard I tried, I couldn't personal development, rewire my brain
(15:10):
or self image my way through. But again, the piece
and acceptance that overcame me, that again was beyond my understanding.
So before we dive in, I feel like it's important
to just declare a few things. I am not here
as a faith or spiritual expert of any kind, not
even close, And I'm not here to teach theology or
(15:30):
the Bible. There's plenty of teachers for that. I'm honestly
just a guide and a gal who's on her own
spiritual journey, carving out her own faith based path and
seeking a spiritual safe space for her own heart and soul.
I'm not here as an expert, and I'm not claiming
to know that I know anything about anything. I'm here
(15:51):
to share my experiences and invite you into the conversation
that I wish I'd been invited into a long time
ago when it came to such a big topic like God.
Each episode, I'll share my personal stories from the moments
of doubt to the moments of profound connection, the good,
the bad, and the ugly, and just invite you to
go on your own personal spiritual ride. And I won't
(16:14):
be alone. We'll dive into conversations with powerful guests who
will share their insights and experiences, and I'll be introducing
you to my own guardian angels who have taught me,
guided me, and mentored me in my own What's God
got to do with it? Journey? This is not about
how Christianity is better than Judaism, is better than having
a connection with the universe, or anything like that, and
(16:37):
I'm not trying to convert you into anything. It's about
finding your own relationship with God. Or maybe it's about
recreating an existing relationship with God, one with more love, acceptance,
peace and worthiness. But there's another layer to this conversation too.
You see, when I first dipped my toes into Christianity,
as I first called my quote unquote research, and yes,
(17:00):
I promised to tell you all about that in future episodes,
but I discovered there was a void for me in
the spiritual landscape, like there was nothing out there that
truly met me in my own skepticism, doubt, and curiosity
about all aspects of life, the ones that seemingly had
nothing to do with God. Little did I know, I
found God in all of it, in every area of
(17:23):
my life, in every deep and dark corner of my existence.
This God guy that everyone else was talking about, that
I had never actually met and frankly never really cared
to meet, suddenly appeared to me and revealed, completed, and
healed parts of my story I didn't even know needed
those things. I found God in places I never expected
(17:44):
and never even knew to look. And that's how What's
God got to do with it was born. And yes,
I may be hosting this podcast and sharing part of
my story and the stories of others along the way,
but I'm here to remind you that God is and
will stay the main character in this podcast. I'm just
a messenger and a guide and a fellow gal on
(18:05):
my own journey to seek more and more wisdom, faith,
self love, and true meaning outside of my gene size,
bank balance and relationship status. I'm talking about an identity
and something so much bigger than anything we could create
or imagine with our human mind or see with our
human eyes. But also, if you are struggling, there is
(18:26):
absolutely no judgment whatsoever about that. Either. I was stuck
in a prison of my own making of depression, anxiety,
and self loathing for decades, so there's no shame and
no judgment if you are in a darker space or season.
But that's why I especially want to invite you into
the possibility that you are so not alone, You are
(18:47):
exactly where you're supposed to be, and that struggling is inevitable,
but suffering is optional. And I can promise you this
the God that I know he will meet you anywhere,
and you don't have to posture, perform, or pretend that
you're okay. You can be where you are, who you are,
how you are, warts and all, and with whatever residues
(19:09):
of shame that you are carrying around. But I will
invite you to ask yourself this, or just at least
try this on. What if there was a way out
of your version of the definition of insanity and all
you needed to do was shift your gaze or change
your posture and fix your eyes on something beautiful and
wonderful And dare I say magical and miraculous? And what
(19:33):
if you could become the hero in your own story
by simply inviting God in as your helper supporter, and
dare I say savior? And of course I don't want
to leave out those that do have an existing connection
with God or faith. But maybe you've had experiences or
dealings with spiritual leaders or communities that made you feel judged, shamed,
(19:54):
or like God is mad at you or disappointed in you,
or far away from you, whatever. If you've been led
astray or led away from your spirit, this is an
invitation to come home, come home to your soul, and
I believe that an amazing way to do that. Is
to come home to your spirit. So, whether you're struggling
(20:14):
with your emotional state, maybe you're experiencing depression or anxiety.
Maybe you're struggling with relationships. Maybe you're experiencing loneliness, disconnection,
feelings of abandonment or rejection. Maybe you're struggling with your health.
Maybe it feels out of control or hopeless or confusing,
or you're just sick and tired of being sick and
tired all the time, or not knowing exactly what's wrong
(20:38):
or how to heal what's ailing you. Maybe you're struggling
with your finances. Maybe you're experiencing major money stress and fear,
or you're in a lot of debt. Maybe you're struggling
with food or your body image. Maybe you feel stuck
in the chains of disorder or restriction, binging, or just
no motivation whatsoever to take care of yourself. Maybe you
(20:58):
have no flipping idea why you're struggling, and you're simply
dying to get out of the prison of shame or
fear or worry or disappointment in your brain. If you're
experiencing anything, any adversity, then I want to simply invite
you to stop looking at the thing as the thing
that needs attention or fixing, which I'm definitely putting in
(21:19):
air quotes when I say fixing, because you're definitely not
broken or a lost cause. And what if instead of
that thing being the problem, what if this was actually
a God conversation. And I'm not just saying to blindly
take my word for it. I'll share real life examples
of what I mean. I'm just inviting you to try
on a new story, and I'm going to invite you
(21:41):
little by little, episode by episode on this podcast, because,
as you'll learn, I wasn't looking for God, I wasn't
looking for faith. It actually started out with me searching
for the words surrender. And my search for surrender, which
ended up causing me to search for God, took me
on a journey I could have never expected or predicted.
(22:01):
And I'm going to share the ins and outs of
that with you on this podcast. But know this, Okay, Yes,
my active faith started about four years ago. But little
did I know, and you'll learn this from my story,
I've had something with me and inside me all along,
even if I wasn't calling it faith, and something was
pushing and protecting and guarding and loving me all along,
(22:24):
even if I didn't call it God. And that is
all I'm inviting you to do right here, right now.
I'm inviting you to just empty your cup forget about
what you think you know, what you think you don't know,
or what you think you might not even be interested
in knowing, and just open your mind, your heart, and
(22:45):
your spirit to possibility. And that's what this podcast was
specifically designed for. It's meant to be a place where
you can meet yourself exactly where you are on your
own journey, without judgment or shame, without trying to convince
or coerce or persuade you into anything, and without worrying
about whether you're doing it air quotes right. It's your
(23:08):
spiritual safe space where skepticism and doubt are welcome. It's
a place where faith meets science and miracles meet real life,
all while inviting you into the conversation that your heart, soul,
and spirit needs. And that's why, whether you're skeptical, curious,
or simply looking for some soul nourishing spiritual food, I
(23:29):
truly believe that what's God got to do with it
has something for everyone. And if you're wondering What's God
got to do with it? I'm here to tell you everything,
everything you know and everything you didn't know you didn't know.
We'll be back with more What's God Got to Do
with It? But in the meantime, I would love to
hear from you, so tell me about where you are
(23:51):
in your story and what questions you have. You know,
where do you feel you need clarity or wisdom in
your own journey. I definitely want to hear from you,
So head on over to What's God Got to Do
with It? Dot com and scroll down to the form
to share your thoughts, questions, or feedback instantly. That's What's
God Got to Do with It? Dot com? And if
you like this podcast and want to hear more, follow
(24:14):
like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts to get
your weekly dose of What's God Got to Do with It?
New episodes drop every single Tuesday, and while you're there,
be sure to rate and review to show your support.
It really means so much. What's God Got to Do
With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown
Podcast Network. It's written and hosted by me Leanne Ellington,
(24:38):
Executive produced by Elizabeth Fozzio, post production and editing by
Houston Tilley, and original music written by Cheryl Stark and
produced by Adam Stark
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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