August 10, 2021 • 34 mins
This is Amy’s ‘5th Thing’ (a bonus episode). ‘4 Things With Amy Brown’ comes out every Thursday, but on Tuesdays Amy shares emails from YOU. If you have a question for Amy or something our community needs to know about then please email the podcast: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!! Can't wait to hear from you!
Amy on You Need Therapy Podcast w Kat Defatta:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. This is the
bonus episode to the Four Things podcast where I go
over emails that you have sent in and I've got
my friend and licensed therapist, Cat Defata joining me for
this one. She's come on the podcast before. She hosts
her own podcast called You Need Therapy, because well you do,
we all do. And she was already at my house
(00:27):
because we were recording actually something for her You Need
Therapy podcast. I was a guest for the very first time,
big deal, which I was. I was honored that you
asked me. Thank you. Um. We talked about grief and
I thought it was it was a good talk about that.
It's not something that's always comfortable to talk about. But
I recently had Megan Divine on my podcast and it's
(00:50):
already one of the most listened to episodes of this year.
So it's clearly a topic that is resonating with people.
And I think that our chat will be comforting if
you're going through something, just so again that you know
that you're not alone. And we went through some just
different things and then wildly enough, I came up with
some crazy analogy at the end of the episode that
(01:12):
Cat said she's now going to use with her. Do
you say patients are clients? Okay, with her clients. So
every time you bring it up with the client, you
have to give me credit. You don't know, I didn't
make this up. This is from the new Yeah, give
me the credit. So Cats joining us, we kind of
(01:32):
are impromptu recording this together. But if you all want
to go listen to that episode, it's Tuesday today and
that my episode with her went up yesterday on Monday,
so you can go listen to it find out what
they're Just go search up you need therapy wherever you
listen to podcasts, and then you can subscribe or follow.
(01:52):
That would be nice. You would appreciate that, right Cat,
and maybe even rate and review if you have time.
But we always do a quote at the beginning of
the fifth thing. So I've asked Kat to share something
that I saw her post on Instagram the other day.
I probably have honestly said it on my podcast before
because I loved it so much. I don't know if
I said it last week or so, but we're gonna
do it again because it's so good. Well, this is
(02:14):
actually something that I found from a video I saw
on TikTok, and it was a video that I watched
about seventeen times and then I sent it to so
many people because it was not just comforting to me,
but it was I think the thing I thought would
be comforting to a lot of people. And it is
from a guy. His name is Matthias James Barker, and
I will recommend going to his page and watching the
(02:35):
whole video. But the quote that I pulled from it said,
if everything is going to be okay, it doesn't mean
everything's going to line up with your expectations. Yeah, everything's
gonna be okay, but it doesn't mean it's going to
line up with your expectations. And we actually talked about
the quote too in your episode that we just did,
so if you'll want more of that, definitely check out
(02:57):
his TikTok and listen to our episode because it may
give you comfort in that, because sometimes that's hard to
to sit with once you realize it. But then when
you do, it's almost like you can like exhale and
and another thing And this isn't like fully quoted, but
this is kind of something that he said in that video,
is the fact that even though life might not go
(03:19):
the way you want it to. Life can still impress
you and life can still be good. And to me
that's just so comforting in my stage of life now.
But even as I look at other stages, it's been proven,
and I think it's just so nice the way he
said it and the way he verbalized a lot of
what I have needed to hear, because I know for
me and I wonder for you. I like to tell people.
(03:41):
I like to tell myself. I like that idea that
everything will be okay. But it sometimes has seemed almost insensitive.
But when you listen to this, because it's like sometimes
you can be like, well, no, it's not okay right now.
And what yeah, and what people aren't saying is that
you're going to get everything you want. What people are saying,
it's like it's gonna be okay and life can still
(04:02):
be good. Right You gave me a key chain that
says something like everything's going to be so good so soon.
I remember I showed it to a friend one she's like, no,
it's not or something, or just like I don't like that,
but you know, everybody's personality is different. But I love
I was like, oh yeah, it's gonna be so good
so soon. I have hope for that. I don't know.
(04:24):
So yeah, everyone, it's interesting how people taken things differently. Um,
but that's okay. That's what makes it awesome is we're
all different in how we process. Did you know that
a cat's per is healing? I'm asking you a cat,
I'm serious. Um, I did not know that, but I
(04:45):
imagine that to be. Well. Yeah, so we just got
a cat. And I was laying on my daughter's bed
with our cat, Maggie. It's a little kitten, maybe seventeen
weeks at this point, and she just was the first
time I'd ever heard her purr like this. I guess
she was finally like comfortable. I guess cats can purr
(05:05):
when they're really stressed out. But when she was dressed out,
she wasn't even near us because she was just trying
to get acclimated. But now she put her on the
cat leash. Oh, she hates the leash, but we're trying
to train her to like it. Um. But to Shira,
my daughter, she's watching like YouTube videos trying to figure
out how to get her to like the leash. But
she was laying next to me on the bed and
(05:26):
that was the first time she was super close to
me and cuddling up, and she was just purring so loud.
So I took a video of it and posted on Instagram,
and so many people responded to me that actually, there's
healing benefits for humans a cat's purr. So I was like, okay,
lay next to me, more cat. But I googled it
and petting a purring cat has a calming effect can
(05:47):
help lower stress hormones. Some people listening right now they
hate cats, are like, okay, I'm done listening by but
I guess me being a new cat mom myself, I
just was fascinated by the fact. I mean, we know
the animals are good, so for cats, that could be
the pur ring. Maybe it's like for dogs, it could
be something else's doing something for you. I don't know.
Right now, I'm really into my cat. The purring lowers
(06:08):
blood pressure and reduces the risks of heart disease. Cat
owners have at less risk of having having a heart attack.
I need to get a cat, I know, I'm like
to change. There's got a cat and then quote. There
are many stories of people with migraines whose headaches are
eased or extinguished when they lie with their heads close
to purring cats. That's why I said quote because I'm like,
(06:30):
don't quote me on this. This came from some articles,
so I have no idea, but it says to that
cats have been known to be able to heal broken
bones faster. And here's the deal. No, cats, they can
heal their bones incredibly fast. In fact, they like barely.
I don't know. There's something about that cats have nine lives,
you know, that's saying, right, So they do it, and
I think the purring has something to do with it,
(06:50):
and therefore it's got healing properties for humans too, to
where we just heal faster. I don't know, but if
you heard those wild stories to where like cats kind
of knew that their owners had cancer and stuff because
they could like feel it out. No, but what I
was sniff it out. I love this conversation. But what
I was thinking is the purtin makes sense because that
(07:13):
to me, that makes me think of like regulating your
nervous system. So it's a mean voice, or like even
just petting a cat who has like a calm like breath,
and or like the softness or any of that that
regulates your nervous systems, So that makes sense to me.
The bones I wasn't more information. Okay, wait, but for
(07:34):
people that might need to hear it. And when you
I'm gonna play for you Maggie's purr so that you
can hear it and then your anxiety before you listen
to it. And then I don't know what we're gonna
be playing it long enough. I'm just going to play
it for like a few seconds, but like just so
you can hear and it is. It was so soothing
to me. To me, it brought me a lot of
comfort knowing that she was purring this way, because clearly
(07:56):
she was calm, she wasn't stressed. But that was like
her way of pressing to me, like, I love you.
I know I've only known you for like two weeks,
but I love you, and I'm here and I'm going
to comfort you. And so here's Magnolia Moon. That's Maggie's
full name. Here you go, okay, Well, so there she
(08:21):
was Maggie Magnolia. Yeah, I love that so much her
stage name. A second, you should record an album of
Magnolia Moon Spurn and sell it to people. Oh, I
don't know that we need to sell it. I guess
I could just I guess I could just upload it somewhere.
Stashira does want to start like a cat and Instagram
(08:41):
account for Maggie, but see, I don't know if that's
her clever way, because she is smart, my fourteen year
old daughter to get an Instagram and to be like,
I'm running it for the cat, right, Okay, well, why
are all your friends on here? And then what's smart?
I know, trust me, and I do think it would
be cute and I would love to have an Instagram
for the cat, but I do not have time to
(09:01):
add that into my life. I have an email here
that I would love to read too, cat. And then,
just since you're a therapist, you may take it in.
I'm definitely brushing you on the spire because we didn't
distress any of this, but I'm just gonna leave everything
anonymous just in case this person's friend might be listening,
(09:24):
so that might be awkward. But I got this email
that said, Hey, Amy, I listen to your podcast every week.
Love hearing all of the positive body image, food freedom
and self help segments that you have. I'm writing in
because I was recently on the phone with one of
my good friends, who is at thirty weeks pregnant right now.
She kept making comments about her body and how she
(09:45):
is so proud that she'd only gained twelve pounds since
the beginning of her pregnancy, how fat she feels though,
et cetera. That absolutely broke my heart to hear, and
I didn't really know how to respond. Apparently, she's never
had so many compliments on her RADI ends her complexion
and her glow, none of which are related to her weight.
I tried to steer the conversation in the direction of
(10:07):
bringing attention to her unborn child and how amazing it
was that her body was growing this baby. However, it
didn't seem to change anything. I wanted so badly to
tell her her worth was not tied to her size,
but I didn't know how to say that without sounding insensitive.
I know she's excited about her baby, but she seems
really determined to get to her pre baby figure and
(10:29):
maybe even keep the pre baby figure even in her
third trimester. Let me know if you have any advice.
I'm concerned for my friend. Thanks, and I know like
this is a lot, but I guess just from a
perspective of you really could take this, like, maybe you
don't have a pregnant friend, but you have an opinion
about a friend's life, or about anybody in your life
if you have something that you're concerned about them, But
(10:51):
is it really any of your business to say something?
Or how would you recommend a friend handling this with
her friend if she feels like her friends a little
too sessed with like not gaining weight during her pregnancy. Well,
one I would say, I think that it's honorable that
she's even noticing that. And also what stuck out to
me is her saying, I think it was something about
(11:12):
you might have to remind me what it was. But
I don't want to be insensitive. I don't want to
be Yeah, she said, I wanted so badly to tell
her her worth was not tied to her size, but
I didn't know how to say that without sounding insensitive.
What about that sounds insensitive? Well, I don't know. I
guess your body is changing while you're pregnant, and so
if you're struggling with it and you're saying that to
(11:33):
a friend, then in the friends like, oh, but you
know you shouldn't have you can worry about that Okay,
that makes sense. Okay, that makes sense. So I think
that's where you can invite the like dialectic of having
two things that are conflicting be true and real. It
sounds like you're really struggling with this, and it must
be hard for me. I've never been pregnant, so I
(11:53):
wouldn't know what that feels like. So I could say
something like, I don't know what it's like to watch
your body change as your through pregnancy, and at the
same time, what I know to be true about my
body and your body is neither of our bodies have
anything to do with how valuable and good we are
as humans. I want you to know. Yeah, it's a
good way to say it, and that what that does
(12:15):
is that honors their experience at the same time speaks truth. Yeah. No,
that's great advice, because I'm so glad you're here, because
I was going to be like, don't say anything, it's
none of your but the other things, I'm just kidding it.
But some people might think that, and I think that
it's glad that you even joked about that, because some
people do think it's not of my business, and I
(12:36):
don't want to step on anybody's toes and I don't
want to do X y Z. And what I would
say is they are one making it your business because
they're bringing up to you. But also a lot of
the times we say things like that because we are
looking for something that we're afraid to ask for, so
you know what I mean. So like, if I'm having
a really really bad body image day, you might hear
me say something like I feel so gross in my
(12:57):
body or something like that, and I might be really
asking without being able to ask for. I need you
to reassure me that, like, I am not what my
body looks like, because I can't do that on my
own today. Now where I am in the recovery process,
I might be better equipped to actually rebalize what I want.
But a lot of people, and sometimes even me, I
(13:19):
don't have that ability. So well, let me ask you
something as a friend that might be giving you that.
This is interesting because I think sometimes when we hear
our friends needing that validation or that affirmation, we might
offer up the you look great or you're not. I'm
just saying the response if someone's like, oh I feel
so fat today, You're not fat? Okay, right, that's our response.
(13:41):
But what I want to focus on what you said,
which the response was not giving them what That's not
what they need to hear. They need to hear. Say
it again. I'm learning what they really probably need to
hear is that their what their body looks like or
what their body feels like does not have a direct
relation to their worthiness or how valuable they are. Ye yes,
write that down, because I think that we do that
(14:04):
often as friends. Is just like no, you look great,
stop saying that about yourself or da da da. But
it could be that, like you know, what they need
to hear is that validation that yes, they're worth has
nothing to do. First of all, I like the fact
that you said I feel fat. We don't want to
say no, you're not fat, because what one that's saying
(14:26):
is that being fat would be bad. It's not exactly.
And the other thing is like, we don't get to
choose how somebody feels in their body. So if I
do feel like that is my truth that day, you
telling me that that's not my truth isn't solving the problem.
But what I might need to hear is that like, yeah,
you maybe you feel that way, and that's probably really hard.
Guess what, You're still just as good as you were
(14:46):
when you felt this way. I feel like this is
good for moms to take into or dad's if you're listening,
it's like your kids can say certain things about their
body at times, and that's an excellent response to that.
You know what I used to hear it was a
well meaning thing, and I think so many parents to
do this is I was teased as a kid for
my body, and what my mom would tell me is
(15:09):
you're should probably probably say like, you're not fat, but
your big boned, your bilt like your dad. Well, also,
I don't want that that doesn't help me much. I
probably wanted her to say, is I'm so sorry that
you're feeling bad about yourself. You're feeling gross. At the
same time, I want you to know that no matter
what your body looks like, I'm going to love you
the same. Tell me that tell me that no matter
(15:31):
what your body was like, I love you the same. Yeah,
that's good. Speaking of our bodies. I got a couple
of emails asking about a follow up if I ever
went to see my dermatologists because I had this black
line and my thumbnail. I forgot about remember that. Yeah,
so I haven't gone for the full body check up.
(15:53):
I've had to move the dermatologist appointment twice now, so
what I was supposed to actually have one this week,
but my or started volleyball and she's got a game
now that was scheduled, so I had to move it again.
But I was able to see a friend's husband who
is a dermatologist, and he looked at it, but in
a he didn't specialize in that. He's more of like
a surgeon that does works with dermatologists, So I guess,
(16:16):
I guess I shouldn't describe exactly. I don't know, but
he looked at it off the clock and said that
he thought it was trauma to the nail, that it
wasn't any type of skin cancer. But what was interesting
and that I want to remind people about is that
I will be going for my full body checkup as
soon as I can get it scheduled. But you shouldn't
(16:37):
wear nail polish to the dermatologists because they need to
look at your nail beds because you can get melanoma
or whatever type of cancer in there. And that's how
a listener noticed it. I put up a picture on
Instagram at my dad's funeral was holding a bottle of
coke and some peanuts and like a rose because we
had peanuts and coke a my dad's funeral. And she's
(17:00):
zoomed in. But I mean, I guess she's highly sensitive
to it because she's someone that lost her thumb due
to this. So she zoomed in and saw the line
and then reached out to like Ray and Bay through
their cameo to like get me a message because she
didn't she didn't know if I would see a note.
So she paid forty dollars for the cameo, and she
straight up said to Ray like, I don't want the cameo,
(17:22):
I just want you to tell Amy to please go
to the doctor. That's actually really it was really thoughtful
and sweet. So Ray and I ended up making her
a cameo anyway, sending it to her. But I thought
that that was I was like, Wow, we have the
most amazing listeners in the world. And also I just
think it's it's a good reminder if you have access
to that to make sure you're getting checked or check
(17:43):
your body yourself, or have your partner look for things that.
But if you're somebody who always has now polished on. Well,
it's not even just your nails. Haven't seen my baar nails?
And I really walked out, Yeah, I know, your nails
look amazing. By the way, though they look pretty shout
out Katya, I was that who does them nails? Dot
t n she's not accepting new clients. Well thanks, thanks
(18:08):
for the shoutouts. Then. I just think it's important when
it comes to taking care of ourselves, especially as you
get older, like having those full body checks because my
husband had melanoma on his face. My mom had melanoma
at one point on her back. That's not what took
her life. It was a different form of cancer. And
a lot of people think my mom had breast cancer
and not that it matters, but I get I do
(18:30):
speaking of emails for the show, I do get like
questions about that about like breast cancer and how my
mom dealt with it, what it was like for me,
and do I worry about it because my mom had
breast cancer. My mom did not have breast cancer. So
I don't know if that's just a comment I never
really under what because I guess I never really said.
And here's the thing, my mom didn't like to talk
about it because I mean, she'd be fine with it
(18:51):
now she's okay with me talking about it, but she
had uh, well, anal cancer, and that's just not a
very fun one to say. Like not that any of
them fun, but like at least breast cancer is like
pink and there's fun runs for breast cancer, right, Like
my sister and mom and I used to joke about how, like, well,
what do we do if we have a fun run
(19:12):
for anal cancer? Like do we have like brown ribbons? Yeah?
Like nobody talks about it, right because right, I know.
So it's the kind of fair a fauce that had
in case you're really wondering, you know how my mom
used to describe it. That's what she would say. She'd
be like, I have what fair a faucet had? Okay, Also,
(19:32):
that's amazing that that's fair a faucet made. She like
made a documentary of some of her journey, so you
can learn more about it there. But I remember my
mom asking the doctor like she said, well, can I
at least call it like rectal cancer or other you know,
And he's like, no, you have anal It's different that
rectal cancer is the thing, but anals different because I
(19:55):
don't know, she just didn't like the whole you know,
and if anybody else are, he's been three. It's a
thing like there was so much for her that was
just so hard about that journey. This is stuff we
didn't get into on the grief episode that you know,
it makes me think of now A part that I
really had to process in her death was the trauma
(20:15):
um Well. We did talk about my dad and how
I said it was dramatic with him, but you were like, no,
that's traumatic. And I think back on some of the
stuff I had to deal with with my mom that
was very it seems like I would describe as like dramatic,
but it was traumatic, like scarred me for life because
it ended up metastasizing and it showed up in her
liver and then it showed up it was like epidermis
(20:38):
or it was like all in her skin, and I
think once it made its way to the liver, she
started saying she had liver cancer. But the doctor was like, no,
you have anal cancer in your liver, and she was yeah.
She was just like stop, I can't. I can't with
the anal anymore. So that's what she just kidding. Okay,
(21:06):
so Anny Hazy, I know about twit years I'm still
talking about my mom. The cancer started to show up
on the outside of her skin, and so I guess
if you've got kids in the car, you may want
to take a second, or before I say it, I'll
let you turn it down or turn us off. But
(21:31):
where it decided to show up was on her vagina,
on the outside. And it started off like the size
of my pinky nail, really small. What did it look like?
It was a tumor? Right, So this is this is
the wild part is that tumors are normally inside and
you're looking at them on a scan, so you never
really see them. You see them on a screen. The
(21:53):
doctors like, see that circle right there, that's the mass
or whatever. And so that's this was the why old
part is like we were seeing the tumor now come
out on the outside, and I remember when we went
to get it examined, she kind of thought, Oh, I'm
sure it's nothing, but I better go. So we went
to Emny Anderson and one doctor was like, Wow, I've
(22:14):
never seen that before. I guess it just looked like
a little like a growth. Yeah, like a like a bump,
tiny tiny little bump but on her vagina to where
she was like, well, that's weird, but what would that be?
I don't know STD? But then my mom's like, I
haven't been with anybody in like a very long time.
Which funny story about my daughter. I guess she's I
(22:34):
don't know she knows what STD is. And she asked
me the other day she said, did Papa I have
an STD? My dad? And I was like, I have
no idea why. That's a very personal question. I don't
know that about my dad, nor do I want to know.
And she's like, well, he was married four times, so
I just figured and I was like, okay, well interesting,
(22:54):
interesting thing that you're tying together there. But I don't
know loved kids. I didn't know how. They just feel
like they can just ask whatever they are when I'm
good for her. So I was like, well, we can't
ask him. Unfortunately is no longer with us and you
may not ask him. But anyway, my mom, I guess
that's what I would equate it to, is like maybe
if if my mom was younger, she might have been like, oh, shoot,
(23:15):
what is this? But one doctor was like I don't
think it's anything we need to worry about. But I'm
gonna go ahead and send you to the next doctor.
The beautiful thing about Indie Anderson, if you've ever been there,
is all your doctors are in the same hospital, but
you may have to walk far. But so she went
across to the next doctor and then they all de FI.
Everything's on file in the computer and they opened it
up and they're like, okay, Judy, da da da, Okay,
I know that so and so just saw you and
(23:35):
he wasn't concerned about it. But I am here to
tell you that I'm extremely concerned about it. And basically
I was with my mom and they she looked at
us and said, and this is EpiDerm and there is
no cure. And once it's reached that point, and so
that was like, what So then it started to grow
and you couldn't remove it. I mean, I don't know
(23:58):
that there would have been a point in removing it
because it was just going to keep growing from the
inside out. So basically this meant that was all in
her body had to toe anyway. So but it was
coming out. I'm like, mom, this is the worst luck ever.
First of all, the anal and then now the China,
like it's these are things that we would be able
(24:21):
to joke about, right, so I'm saying this and like
this is stuff. We would try to keep it light
even though there was really heavy, hard days, but it
was like we watched it grow and my mom, you know,
you can imagine walking with something like that, like it
would get very painful. And I wanted at one point
to like make my mom a sign on her shirt
that she would wear that said, please high five me
(24:42):
right now because I'm walking with a tumor in between
my lips and it hurts, but I'm walking with a
smile on my face because she was, and I wanted
everybody to be proud of her because you would never know,
like I would have been so much pain I would
have put on my She wouldn't let you make the
shirt now. She would make me make the sign. But
I was like, if it was me, I'd be like,
(25:02):
I am walking right now, I need people to know.
You need to know that this is impressive and I'm awesome.
But she didn't, and that was one of the things
like at the end of her life we had to
like see and take care of but you saw it
was now this thing again that was living inside of her.
That again, a lot of people don't ever get to see.
So it's like what you were seeing was just how
(25:24):
aggressive cancer can be and how it can take over
somebody's body, and to see it on the outside it
now becomes so a lot of people don't ever see exactly,
and it was crazy. I don't know how we start
talking about that, So go get your fingernails checked. Started that,
I don't know, Yeah, like go check your bodies. I think, Oh,
(25:44):
I brought up that my mom had melanoma and that's
not what took her life, and neither is breast cancer. Yeah. Yeah. Well, also,
I think that it's important that you not to well yeah,
I think it's important that you're saying that because obviously
there is an element of shame around the type of cancer. Yeah,
but there's I and that sucked because there's nothing wrong
with it, right, and and I want everybody to be like,
whatever you're going through, like it to be okay to
(26:05):
talk about it. Right, there's nothing she did to get
that kind of cancer versus somebody would do to get
breast cancer. And so what we know is the solution
to feeling loads of shame is talking about it, and
so I think it's somebody might be going through that
same thing, Like I feel like I can't talk about
whether it's the kind of cancer I have or just
any kind of medical condition I have. If you start
(26:27):
speaking about it and more people start speaking about it,
and they'll be less shame about it. I did talk
about pc O S in last week's Fifth Thing because
a listener was asked me to get an expert on.
But what I realized after the fact was I co
host a podcast called Outweigh with Lisa Ham and I
think during a time where I was off of work
(26:49):
because of I was grieving the loss of my dad
and had a lot going on, Lisa did a lot
of Outweigh episodes on her own and she had done
an interview with someone that is an expert and specializes.
She's an m S and an r D, so registered
dietitian is the r D. I don't know what the
(27:10):
probably just means, Yeah, that's what I'm thinking because I
have a Bachelor in Science BS, which I am full of.
But she did a whole episode with I think her
name is Eleni, and you know the title of the
Outweigh episode so you can go. So many of you
emailed me being like, yes, please have an expert on
(27:32):
I'm trying to find one. But in the meantime, I
just wanted to let you know that there is an
Outweigh episode up about this and it's titled When Weight
Loss Doesn't Cure Your PCOS, featuring a Leni Agresta, and
here's the little you know description about it. The typical
recommendation for PCOS is to quote lose weight, but after
(27:54):
losing the weight, Eleni was still left with symptoms and
clinical markers for pc os us. It was then that
she learned that health is not what you look like,
but dependent on your behaviors, and she took control of
her health by learning how to listen and honor her needs,
even if that meant gaining weight back. We learned what
a weight inclusive dietitian can do for you. Content warning,
(28:18):
Elena discusses her personal weight lush journey and its impact
or lack there of, on her PCOS. So, because it's Outweigh,
this is focusing on the weight side of things. Alene's
journey involving that, so that might not be speaking directly
to you, but just in case it is, and I
got so many emails about it that I'm sure it
is something where this episode could be helpful for you.
(28:41):
And then I'll just go ahead and give out Alene's
Instagram since I have it here, since clearly she's vocal
about the PCOS and it's at all Dot Bodies, dot Nutrition,
so you can check out that Instagram if you need help.
And then speaking of Instagram accounts, Christina is one of
our amazing listeners here in the four Things community that
(29:01):
sent an email letting us know about another person that
you know talks about PCOS a lot on Instagram and
her handle is Menstruation Queen. So she said she's been
following her for years and even took her period reboot
class and that helped regulate her cycle. So there might
be helpful information on there if you followed that person
(29:24):
Menstruation Queen and her name is Cassandra Wilder. So thank
you Christina for that email. So that's some quick PCOS
talk since it seems like a lot of you are
going through that. Okay, I was going to get into
more emails, but I think we've covered a lot. We've
covered a lot, so thank you all so much for
those of you that do send in notes. If you
(29:45):
have something specifically that you would like addressed in the
fifth thing, you can put that in the subject box
of your email, and where you can write in is
four things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. And
I would love to hear from you, and if you've
got a question, if you have advice or something you
want to share with everybody else, like we take all
(30:06):
kinds of things. It's not just a Q and a
episode like it's an email sharing episode. And Cat, thank
you for joining me since you're already here and we
were already recording, and don't forget you'll go check out
the episode I just did with Cat on her podcast
called You Need Therapy and I appreciate you. Cat. Cat'll
be joining us on out Way coming up in the
next couple of months or so. You'll be a guest
(30:26):
as well. Lisa is going to be on maternity leave,
so Cat will be joining me as the expert. Because
I don't want to do Outway alone. I mean, I
think it's irresponsible for me to do Outwagh alone, which
I think is admirable, yeah to say, because it's a
sensitive or it can be, and there's so many people
are going through so many different things that I want
to make sure that I have. I'm just someone that's
(30:47):
in recovery right, so I can relate. But I don't
always have all the answers. I may not say everything correctly,
and you and Lisa help like keep me in check.
So all right, Well, thank you so much for listening
to today's episode. If you want a follow or subscribe,
don't forget to do that. Have you ever do follow her?
I don't know how to say her last name, Heather mckimman.
You know McMahon. Why why can her name doesn't he
(31:11):
spelled different spelled McMahan, But I call her That's why
I feel like I mess it up. Can also can
be on podcast? Yes, I want to get her on
so bad. She's coming to Nashville in December. If anybody knows, sir,
I will get on the podcast. I don't know if
she would be appropriate for mine, but well you would
just come do it with me on mine because she
(31:31):
is so funny. How did you watch her video? Her
Garth Brooks video. No, okay, we're going to watch that
as soon as we're the one in the drive through
oh no, okay, Well she once posted about this kid,
um Josh, and he's your boy Josh fifty five, and
he's the cutest little thing ever. But on all of
(31:52):
his videos that he puts up, he'll just be like, yeah, here,
I'm just swimming in the pool and that's the video.
That's it. But he's like, you know what to do,
like and follow along, He said, don't forget to like
the host, comment, follow, And so I'm like, man, I
need to pick up the confidence of your boy Josh
fifty five because I sometimes feel weird being like, hey,
(32:16):
don't forget to like, subscribe, write a review. You know.
I'm just like, you know, it's it's a lot to
ask of people, but I'm just gonna own it. Like
to ask you offer a lot to people. Oh okay,
thank you, thank you for that. You're welcome validation. But
in honor of your boy Josh fifty five, you know
what to do. Go follow, like subscribe, write a review
(32:42):
of review. If you don't have anything nice to say,
please don't write a review. You can send me an
email full of constructive criticism. You don't have to put
it up on public display. And I do take to
heart some of that stuff some because some of it
I'm like, that's wrong, that's not right, not valid. But
other stuff or if I might think it's wrong for
like a day, and then I sit with it and
(33:04):
I'm like, you know what, Shoot, they were right, and
I can I can adjust. I'm bindy, I'm breezy and
go with the flow. I'm sore, I'm freezy. Is that
Monica and Friends? I just don't watch Friends? But I
know who are you? Are you even my friend? How
do you not watch Friends? I never got into it.
I got really into New Girl, which I know was
(33:26):
much later. What do you that's not even the same thing?
Definite apples and oranges? I know, But like, I don't
watch a lot of TV, so I don't. I don't
have a good excuse. That's what I'm driving my friend Cat,
she doesn't watch a lot of TV. It's okay, I'm
so cool. I don't watch TV. No, I think that
that's great. Good for you. Um, all right, Okay, we're done.
(33:46):
Make sure you listen to Thursday's episode. Okay, I need
to go. Okay, I'm just gonna go. You know, New
four Things episode up on Thursday by he
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. This is the
bonus episode to the Four Things podcast where I go
over emails that you have sent in and I've got
my friend and licensed therapist, Cat Defata joining me for
this one. She's come on the podcast before. She hosts
her own podcast called You Need Therapy, because well you do,
we all do. And she was already at my house
(00:27):
because we were recording actually something for her You Need
Therapy podcast. I was a guest for the very first time,
big deal, which I was. I was honored that you
asked me. Thank you. Um. We talked about grief and
I thought it was it was a good talk about that.
It's not something that's always comfortable to talk about. But
I recently had Megan Divine on my podcast and it's
(00:50):
already one of the most listened to episodes of this year.
So it's clearly a topic that is resonating with people.
And I think that our chat will be comforting if
you're going through something, just so again that you know
that you're not alone. And we went through some just
different things and then wildly enough, I came up with
some crazy analogy at the end of the episode that
(01:12):
Cat said she's now going to use with her. Do
you say patients are clients? Okay, with her clients. So
every time you bring it up with the client, you
have to give me credit. You don't know, I didn't
make this up. This is from the new Yeah, give
me the credit. So Cats joining us, we kind of
(01:32):
are impromptu recording this together. But if you all want
to go listen to that episode, it's Tuesday today and
that my episode with her went up yesterday on Monday,
so you can go listen to it find out what
they're Just go search up you need therapy wherever you
listen to podcasts, and then you can subscribe or follow.
(01:52):
That would be nice. You would appreciate that, right Cat,
and maybe even rate and review if you have time.
But we always do a quote at the beginning of
the fifth thing. So I've asked Kat to share something
that I saw her post on Instagram the other day.
I probably have honestly said it on my podcast before
because I loved it so much. I don't know if
I said it last week or so, but we're gonna
do it again because it's so good. Well, this is
(02:14):
actually something that I found from a video I saw
on TikTok, and it was a video that I watched
about seventeen times and then I sent it to so
many people because it was not just comforting to me,
but it was I think the thing I thought would
be comforting to a lot of people. And it is
from a guy. His name is Matthias James Barker, and
I will recommend going to his page and watching the
(02:35):
whole video. But the quote that I pulled from it said,
if everything is going to be okay, it doesn't mean
everything's going to line up with your expectations. Yeah, everything's
gonna be okay, but it doesn't mean it's going to
line up with your expectations. And we actually talked about
the quote too in your episode that we just did,
so if you'll want more of that, definitely check out
(02:57):
his TikTok and listen to our episode because it may
give you comfort in that, because sometimes that's hard to
to sit with once you realize it. But then when
you do, it's almost like you can like exhale and
and another thing And this isn't like fully quoted, but
this is kind of something that he said in that video,
is the fact that even though life might not go
(03:19):
the way you want it to. Life can still impress
you and life can still be good. And to me
that's just so comforting in my stage of life now.
But even as I look at other stages, it's been proven,
and I think it's just so nice the way he
said it and the way he verbalized a lot of
what I have needed to hear, because I know for
me and I wonder for you. I like to tell people.
(03:41):
I like to tell myself. I like that idea that
everything will be okay. But it sometimes has seemed almost insensitive.
But when you listen to this, because it's like sometimes
you can be like, well, no, it's not okay right now.
And what yeah, and what people aren't saying is that
you're going to get everything you want. What people are saying,
it's like it's gonna be okay and life can still
(04:02):
be good. Right You gave me a key chain that
says something like everything's going to be so good so soon.
I remember I showed it to a friend one she's like, no,
it's not or something, or just like I don't like that,
but you know, everybody's personality is different. But I love
I was like, oh yeah, it's gonna be so good
so soon. I have hope for that. I don't know.
(04:24):
So yeah, everyone, it's interesting how people taken things differently. Um,
but that's okay. That's what makes it awesome is we're
all different in how we process. Did you know that
a cat's per is healing? I'm asking you a cat,
I'm serious. Um, I did not know that, but I
(04:45):
imagine that to be. Well. Yeah, so we just got
a cat. And I was laying on my daughter's bed
with our cat, Maggie. It's a little kitten, maybe seventeen
weeks at this point, and she just was the first
time I'd ever heard her purr like this. I guess
she was finally like comfortable. I guess cats can purr
(05:05):
when they're really stressed out. But when she was dressed out,
she wasn't even near us because she was just trying
to get acclimated. But now she put her on the
cat leash. Oh, she hates the leash, but we're trying
to train her to like it. Um. But to Shira,
my daughter, she's watching like YouTube videos trying to figure
out how to get her to like the leash. But
she was laying next to me on the bed and
(05:26):
that was the first time she was super close to
me and cuddling up, and she was just purring so loud.
So I took a video of it and posted on Instagram,
and so many people responded to me that actually, there's
healing benefits for humans a cat's purr. So I was like, okay,
lay next to me, more cat. But I googled it
and petting a purring cat has a calming effect can
(05:47):
help lower stress hormones. Some people listening right now they
hate cats, are like, okay, I'm done listening by but
I guess me being a new cat mom myself, I
just was fascinated by the fact. I mean, we know
the animals are good, so for cats, that could be
the pur ring. Maybe it's like for dogs, it could
be something else's doing something for you. I don't know.
Right now, I'm really into my cat. The purring lowers
(06:08):
blood pressure and reduces the risks of heart disease. Cat
owners have at less risk of having having a heart attack.
I need to get a cat, I know, I'm like
to change. There's got a cat and then quote. There
are many stories of people with migraines whose headaches are
eased or extinguished when they lie with their heads close
to purring cats. That's why I said quote because I'm like,
(06:30):
don't quote me on this. This came from some articles,
so I have no idea, but it says to that
cats have been known to be able to heal broken
bones faster. And here's the deal. No, cats, they can
heal their bones incredibly fast. In fact, they like barely.
I don't know. There's something about that cats have nine lives,
you know, that's saying, right, So they do it, and
I think the purring has something to do with it,
(06:50):
and therefore it's got healing properties for humans too, to
where we just heal faster. I don't know, but if
you heard those wild stories to where like cats kind
of knew that their owners had cancer and stuff because
they could like feel it out. No, but what I
was sniff it out. I love this conversation. But what
I was thinking is the purtin makes sense because that
(07:13):
to me, that makes me think of like regulating your
nervous system. So it's a mean voice, or like even
just petting a cat who has like a calm like breath,
and or like the softness or any of that that
regulates your nervous systems, So that makes sense to me.
The bones I wasn't more information. Okay, wait, but for
(07:34):
people that might need to hear it. And when you
I'm gonna play for you Maggie's purr so that you
can hear it and then your anxiety before you listen
to it. And then I don't know what we're gonna
be playing it long enough. I'm just going to play
it for like a few seconds, but like just so
you can hear and it is. It was so soothing
to me. To me, it brought me a lot of
comfort knowing that she was purring this way, because clearly
(07:56):
she was calm, she wasn't stressed. But that was like
her way of pressing to me, like, I love you.
I know I've only known you for like two weeks,
but I love you, and I'm here and I'm going
to comfort you. And so here's Magnolia Moon. That's Maggie's
full name. Here you go, okay, Well, so there she
(08:21):
was Maggie Magnolia. Yeah, I love that so much her
stage name. A second, you should record an album of
Magnolia Moon Spurn and sell it to people. Oh, I
don't know that we need to sell it. I guess
I could just I guess I could just upload it somewhere.
Stashira does want to start like a cat and Instagram
(08:41):
account for Maggie, but see, I don't know if that's
her clever way, because she is smart, my fourteen year
old daughter to get an Instagram and to be like,
I'm running it for the cat, right, Okay, well, why
are all your friends on here? And then what's smart?
I know, trust me, and I do think it would
be cute and I would love to have an Instagram
for the cat, but I do not have time to
(09:01):
add that into my life. I have an email here
that I would love to read too, cat. And then,
just since you're a therapist, you may take it in.
I'm definitely brushing you on the spire because we didn't
distress any of this, but I'm just gonna leave everything
anonymous just in case this person's friend might be listening,
(09:24):
so that might be awkward. But I got this email
that said, Hey, Amy, I listen to your podcast every week.
Love hearing all of the positive body image, food freedom
and self help segments that you have. I'm writing in
because I was recently on the phone with one of
my good friends, who is at thirty weeks pregnant right now.
She kept making comments about her body and how she
(09:45):
is so proud that she'd only gained twelve pounds since
the beginning of her pregnancy, how fat she feels though,
et cetera. That absolutely broke my heart to hear, and
I didn't really know how to respond. Apparently, she's never
had so many compliments on her RADI ends her complexion
and her glow, none of which are related to her weight.
I tried to steer the conversation in the direction of
(10:07):
bringing attention to her unborn child and how amazing it
was that her body was growing this baby. However, it
didn't seem to change anything. I wanted so badly to
tell her her worth was not tied to her size,
but I didn't know how to say that without sounding insensitive.
I know she's excited about her baby, but she seems
really determined to get to her pre baby figure and
(10:29):
maybe even keep the pre baby figure even in her
third trimester. Let me know if you have any advice.
I'm concerned for my friend. Thanks, and I know like
this is a lot, but I guess just from a
perspective of you really could take this, like, maybe you
don't have a pregnant friend, but you have an opinion
about a friend's life, or about anybody in your life
if you have something that you're concerned about them, But
(10:51):
is it really any of your business to say something?
Or how would you recommend a friend handling this with
her friend if she feels like her friends a little
too sessed with like not gaining weight during her pregnancy. Well,
one I would say, I think that it's honorable that
she's even noticing that. And also what stuck out to
me is her saying, I think it was something about
(11:12):
you might have to remind me what it was. But
I don't want to be insensitive. I don't want to
be Yeah, she said, I wanted so badly to tell
her her worth was not tied to her size, but
I didn't know how to say that without sounding insensitive.
What about that sounds insensitive? Well, I don't know. I
guess your body is changing while you're pregnant, and so
if you're struggling with it and you're saying that to
(11:33):
a friend, then in the friends like, oh, but you
know you shouldn't have you can worry about that Okay,
that makes sense. Okay, that makes sense. So I think
that's where you can invite the like dialectic of having
two things that are conflicting be true and real. It
sounds like you're really struggling with this, and it must
be hard for me. I've never been pregnant, so I
(11:53):
wouldn't know what that feels like. So I could say
something like, I don't know what it's like to watch
your body change as your through pregnancy, and at the
same time, what I know to be true about my
body and your body is neither of our bodies have
anything to do with how valuable and good we are
as humans. I want you to know. Yeah, it's a
good way to say it, and that what that does
(12:15):
is that honors their experience at the same time speaks truth. Yeah. No,
that's great advice, because I'm so glad you're here, because
I was going to be like, don't say anything, it's
none of your but the other things, I'm just kidding it.
But some people might think that, and I think that
it's glad that you even joked about that, because some
people do think it's not of my business, and I
(12:36):
don't want to step on anybody's toes and I don't
want to do X y Z. And what I would
say is they are one making it your business because
they're bringing up to you. But also a lot of
the times we say things like that because we are
looking for something that we're afraid to ask for, so
you know what I mean. So like, if I'm having
a really really bad body image day, you might hear
me say something like I feel so gross in my
(12:57):
body or something like that, and I might be really
asking without being able to ask for. I need you
to reassure me that, like, I am not what my
body looks like, because I can't do that on my
own today. Now where I am in the recovery process,
I might be better equipped to actually rebalize what I want.
But a lot of people, and sometimes even me, I
(13:19):
don't have that ability. So well, let me ask you
something as a friend that might be giving you that.
This is interesting because I think sometimes when we hear
our friends needing that validation or that affirmation, we might
offer up the you look great or you're not. I'm
just saying the response if someone's like, oh I feel
so fat today, You're not fat? Okay, right, that's our response.
(13:41):
But what I want to focus on what you said,
which the response was not giving them what That's not
what they need to hear. They need to hear. Say
it again. I'm learning what they really probably need to
hear is that their what their body looks like or
what their body feels like does not have a direct
relation to their worthiness or how valuable they are. Ye yes,
write that down, because I think that we do that
(14:04):
often as friends. Is just like no, you look great,
stop saying that about yourself or da da da. But
it could be that, like you know, what they need
to hear is that validation that yes, they're worth has
nothing to do. First of all, I like the fact
that you said I feel fat. We don't want to
say no, you're not fat, because what one that's saying
(14:26):
is that being fat would be bad. It's not exactly.
And the other thing is like, we don't get to
choose how somebody feels in their body. So if I
do feel like that is my truth that day, you
telling me that that's not my truth isn't solving the problem.
But what I might need to hear is that like, yeah,
you maybe you feel that way, and that's probably really hard.
Guess what, You're still just as good as you were
(14:46):
when you felt this way. I feel like this is
good for moms to take into or dad's if you're listening,
it's like your kids can say certain things about their
body at times, and that's an excellent response to that.
You know what I used to hear it was a
well meaning thing, and I think so many parents to
do this is I was teased as a kid for
my body, and what my mom would tell me is
(15:09):
you're should probably probably say like, you're not fat, but
your big boned, your bilt like your dad. Well, also,
I don't want that that doesn't help me much. I
probably wanted her to say, is I'm so sorry that
you're feeling bad about yourself. You're feeling gross. At the
same time, I want you to know that no matter
what your body looks like, I'm going to love you
the same. Tell me that tell me that no matter
(15:31):
what your body was like, I love you the same. Yeah,
that's good. Speaking of our bodies. I got a couple
of emails asking about a follow up if I ever
went to see my dermatologists because I had this black
line and my thumbnail. I forgot about remember that. Yeah,
so I haven't gone for the full body check up.
(15:53):
I've had to move the dermatologist appointment twice now, so
what I was supposed to actually have one this week,
but my or started volleyball and she's got a game
now that was scheduled, so I had to move it again.
But I was able to see a friend's husband who
is a dermatologist, and he looked at it, but in
a he didn't specialize in that. He's more of like
a surgeon that does works with dermatologists, So I guess,
(16:16):
I guess I shouldn't describe exactly. I don't know, but
he looked at it off the clock and said that
he thought it was trauma to the nail, that it
wasn't any type of skin cancer. But what was interesting
and that I want to remind people about is that
I will be going for my full body checkup as
soon as I can get it scheduled. But you shouldn't
(16:37):
wear nail polish to the dermatologists because they need to
look at your nail beds because you can get melanoma
or whatever type of cancer in there. And that's how
a listener noticed it. I put up a picture on
Instagram at my dad's funeral was holding a bottle of
coke and some peanuts and like a rose because we
had peanuts and coke a my dad's funeral. And she's
(17:00):
zoomed in. But I mean, I guess she's highly sensitive
to it because she's someone that lost her thumb due
to this. So she zoomed in and saw the line
and then reached out to like Ray and Bay through
their cameo to like get me a message because she
didn't she didn't know if I would see a note.
So she paid forty dollars for the cameo, and she
straight up said to Ray like, I don't want the cameo,
(17:22):
I just want you to tell Amy to please go
to the doctor. That's actually really it was really thoughtful
and sweet. So Ray and I ended up making her
a cameo anyway, sending it to her. But I thought
that that was I was like, Wow, we have the
most amazing listeners in the world. And also I just
think it's it's a good reminder if you have access
to that to make sure you're getting checked or check
(17:43):
your body yourself, or have your partner look for things that.
But if you're somebody who always has now polished on. Well,
it's not even just your nails. Haven't seen my baar nails?
And I really walked out, Yeah, I know, your nails
look amazing. By the way, though they look pretty shout
out Katya, I was that who does them nails? Dot
t n she's not accepting new clients. Well thanks, thanks
(18:08):
for the shoutouts. Then. I just think it's important when
it comes to taking care of ourselves, especially as you
get older, like having those full body checks because my
husband had melanoma on his face. My mom had melanoma
at one point on her back. That's not what took
her life. It was a different form of cancer. And
a lot of people think my mom had breast cancer
and not that it matters, but I get I do
(18:30):
speaking of emails for the show, I do get like
questions about that about like breast cancer and how my
mom dealt with it, what it was like for me,
and do I worry about it because my mom had
breast cancer. My mom did not have breast cancer. So
I don't know if that's just a comment I never
really under what because I guess I never really said.
And here's the thing, my mom didn't like to talk
about it because I mean, she'd be fine with it
(18:51):
now she's okay with me talking about it, but she
had uh, well, anal cancer, and that's just not a
very fun one to say. Like not that any of
them fun, but like at least breast cancer is like
pink and there's fun runs for breast cancer, right, Like
my sister and mom and I used to joke about how, like, well,
what do we do if we have a fun run
(19:12):
for anal cancer? Like do we have like brown ribbons? Yeah?
Like nobody talks about it, right because right, I know.
So it's the kind of fair a fauce that had
in case you're really wondering, you know how my mom
used to describe it. That's what she would say. She'd
be like, I have what fair a faucet had? Okay, Also,
(19:32):
that's amazing that that's fair a faucet made. She like
made a documentary of some of her journey, so you
can learn more about it there. But I remember my
mom asking the doctor like she said, well, can I
at least call it like rectal cancer or other you know,
And he's like, no, you have anal It's different that
rectal cancer is the thing, but anals different because I
(19:55):
don't know, she just didn't like the whole you know,
and if anybody else are, he's been three. It's a
thing like there was so much for her that was
just so hard about that journey. This is stuff we
didn't get into on the grief episode that you know,
it makes me think of now A part that I
really had to process in her death was the trauma
(20:15):
um Well. We did talk about my dad and how
I said it was dramatic with him, but you were like, no,
that's traumatic. And I think back on some of the
stuff I had to deal with with my mom that
was very it seems like I would describe as like dramatic,
but it was traumatic, like scarred me for life because
it ended up metastasizing and it showed up in her
liver and then it showed up it was like epidermis
(20:38):
or it was like all in her skin, and I
think once it made its way to the liver, she
started saying she had liver cancer. But the doctor was like, no,
you have anal cancer in your liver, and she was yeah.
She was just like stop, I can't. I can't with
the anal anymore. So that's what she just kidding. Okay,
(21:06):
so Anny Hazy, I know about twit years I'm still
talking about my mom. The cancer started to show up
on the outside of her skin, and so I guess
if you've got kids in the car, you may want
to take a second, or before I say it, I'll
let you turn it down or turn us off. But
(21:31):
where it decided to show up was on her vagina,
on the outside. And it started off like the size
of my pinky nail, really small. What did it look like?
It was a tumor? Right, So this is this is
the wild part is that tumors are normally inside and
you're looking at them on a scan, so you never
really see them. You see them on a screen. The
(21:53):
doctors like, see that circle right there, that's the mass
or whatever. And so that's this was the why old
part is like we were seeing the tumor now come
out on the outside, and I remember when we went
to get it examined, she kind of thought, Oh, I'm
sure it's nothing, but I better go. So we went
to Emny Anderson and one doctor was like, Wow, I've
(22:14):
never seen that before. I guess it just looked like
a little like a growth. Yeah, like a like a bump,
tiny tiny little bump but on her vagina to where
she was like, well, that's weird, but what would that be?
I don't know STD? But then my mom's like, I
haven't been with anybody in like a very long time.
Which funny story about my daughter. I guess she's I
(22:34):
don't know she knows what STD is. And she asked
me the other day she said, did Papa I have
an STD? My dad? And I was like, I have
no idea why. That's a very personal question. I don't
know that about my dad, nor do I want to know.
And she's like, well, he was married four times, so
I just figured and I was like, okay, well interesting,
(22:54):
interesting thing that you're tying together there. But I don't
know loved kids. I didn't know how. They just feel
like they can just ask whatever they are when I'm
good for her. So I was like, well, we can't
ask him. Unfortunately is no longer with us and you
may not ask him. But anyway, my mom, I guess
that's what I would equate it to, is like maybe
if if my mom was younger, she might have been like, oh, shoot,
(23:15):
what is this? But one doctor was like I don't
think it's anything we need to worry about. But I'm
gonna go ahead and send you to the next doctor.
The beautiful thing about Indie Anderson, if you've ever been there,
is all your doctors are in the same hospital, but
you may have to walk far. But so she went
across to the next doctor and then they all de FI.
Everything's on file in the computer and they opened it
up and they're like, okay, Judy, da da da, Okay,
I know that so and so just saw you and
(23:35):
he wasn't concerned about it. But I am here to
tell you that I'm extremely concerned about it. And basically
I was with my mom and they she looked at
us and said, and this is EpiDerm and there is
no cure. And once it's reached that point, and so
that was like, what So then it started to grow
and you couldn't remove it. I mean, I don't know
(23:58):
that there would have been a point in removing it
because it was just going to keep growing from the
inside out. So basically this meant that was all in
her body had to toe anyway. So but it was
coming out. I'm like, mom, this is the worst luck ever.
First of all, the anal and then now the China,
like it's these are things that we would be able
(24:21):
to joke about, right, so I'm saying this and like
this is stuff. We would try to keep it light
even though there was really heavy, hard days, but it
was like we watched it grow and my mom, you know,
you can imagine walking with something like that, like it
would get very painful. And I wanted at one point
to like make my mom a sign on her shirt
that she would wear that said, please high five me
(24:42):
right now because I'm walking with a tumor in between
my lips and it hurts, but I'm walking with a
smile on my face because she was, and I wanted
everybody to be proud of her because you would never know,
like I would have been so much pain I would
have put on my She wouldn't let you make the
shirt now. She would make me make the sign. But
I was like, if it was me, I'd be like,
(25:02):
I am walking right now, I need people to know.
You need to know that this is impressive and I'm awesome.
But she didn't, and that was one of the things
like at the end of her life we had to
like see and take care of but you saw it
was now this thing again that was living inside of her.
That again, a lot of people don't ever get to see.
So it's like what you were seeing was just how
(25:24):
aggressive cancer can be and how it can take over
somebody's body, and to see it on the outside it
now becomes so a lot of people don't ever see exactly,
and it was crazy. I don't know how we start
talking about that, So go get your fingernails checked. Started that,
I don't know, Yeah, like go check your bodies. I think, Oh,
(25:44):
I brought up that my mom had melanoma and that's
not what took her life, and neither is breast cancer. Yeah. Yeah. Well, also,
I think that it's important that you not to well yeah,
I think it's important that you're saying that because obviously
there is an element of shame around the type of cancer. Yeah,
but there's I and that sucked because there's nothing wrong
with it, right, and and I want everybody to be like,
whatever you're going through, like it to be okay to
(26:05):
talk about it. Right, there's nothing she did to get
that kind of cancer versus somebody would do to get
breast cancer. And so what we know is the solution
to feeling loads of shame is talking about it, and
so I think it's somebody might be going through that
same thing, Like I feel like I can't talk about
whether it's the kind of cancer I have or just
any kind of medical condition I have. If you start
(26:27):
speaking about it and more people start speaking about it,
and they'll be less shame about it. I did talk
about pc O S in last week's Fifth Thing because
a listener was asked me to get an expert on.
But what I realized after the fact was I co
host a podcast called Outweigh with Lisa Ham and I
think during a time where I was off of work
(26:49):
because of I was grieving the loss of my dad
and had a lot going on, Lisa did a lot
of Outweigh episodes on her own and she had done
an interview with someone that is an expert and specializes.
She's an m S and an r D, so registered
dietitian is the r D. I don't know what the
(27:10):
probably just means, Yeah, that's what I'm thinking because I
have a Bachelor in Science BS, which I am full of.
But she did a whole episode with I think her
name is Eleni, and you know the title of the
Outweigh episode so you can go. So many of you
emailed me being like, yes, please have an expert on
(27:32):
I'm trying to find one. But in the meantime, I
just wanted to let you know that there is an
Outweigh episode up about this and it's titled When Weight
Loss Doesn't Cure Your PCOS, featuring a Leni Agresta, and
here's the little you know description about it. The typical
recommendation for PCOS is to quote lose weight, but after
(27:54):
losing the weight, Eleni was still left with symptoms and
clinical markers for pc os us. It was then that
she learned that health is not what you look like,
but dependent on your behaviors, and she took control of
her health by learning how to listen and honor her needs,
even if that meant gaining weight back. We learned what
a weight inclusive dietitian can do for you. Content warning,
(28:18):
Elena discusses her personal weight lush journey and its impact
or lack there of, on her PCOS. So, because it's Outweigh,
this is focusing on the weight side of things. Alene's
journey involving that, so that might not be speaking directly
to you, but just in case it is, and I
got so many emails about it that I'm sure it
is something where this episode could be helpful for you.
(28:41):
And then I'll just go ahead and give out Alene's
Instagram since I have it here, since clearly she's vocal
about the PCOS and it's at all Dot Bodies, dot Nutrition,
so you can check out that Instagram if you need help.
And then speaking of Instagram accounts, Christina is one of
our amazing listeners here in the four Things community that
(29:01):
sent an email letting us know about another person that
you know talks about PCOS a lot on Instagram and
her handle is Menstruation Queen. So she said she's been
following her for years and even took her period reboot
class and that helped regulate her cycle. So there might
be helpful information on there if you followed that person
(29:24):
Menstruation Queen and her name is Cassandra Wilder. So thank
you Christina for that email. So that's some quick PCOS
talk since it seems like a lot of you are
going through that. Okay, I was going to get into
more emails, but I think we've covered a lot. We've
covered a lot, so thank you all so much for
those of you that do send in notes. If you
(29:45):
have something specifically that you would like addressed in the
fifth thing, you can put that in the subject box
of your email, and where you can write in is
four things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. And
I would love to hear from you, and if you've
got a question, if you have advice or something you
want to share with everybody else, like we take all
(30:06):
kinds of things. It's not just a Q and a
episode like it's an email sharing episode. And Cat, thank
you for joining me since you're already here and we
were already recording, and don't forget you'll go check out
the episode I just did with Cat on her podcast
called You Need Therapy and I appreciate you. Cat. Cat'll
be joining us on out Way coming up in the
next couple of months or so. You'll be a guest
(30:26):
as well. Lisa is going to be on maternity leave,
so Cat will be joining me as the expert. Because
I don't want to do Outway alone. I mean, I
think it's irresponsible for me to do Outwagh alone, which
I think is admirable, yeah to say, because it's a
sensitive or it can be, and there's so many people
are going through so many different things that I want
to make sure that I have. I'm just someone that's
(30:47):
in recovery right, so I can relate. But I don't
always have all the answers. I may not say everything correctly,
and you and Lisa help like keep me in check.
So all right, Well, thank you so much for listening
to today's episode. If you want a follow or subscribe,
don't forget to do that. Have you ever do follow her?
I don't know how to say her last name, Heather mckimman.
You know McMahon. Why why can her name doesn't he
(31:11):
spelled different spelled McMahan, But I call her That's why
I feel like I mess it up. Can also can
be on podcast? Yes, I want to get her on
so bad. She's coming to Nashville in December. If anybody knows, sir,
I will get on the podcast. I don't know if
she would be appropriate for mine, but well you would
just come do it with me on mine because she
(31:31):
is so funny. How did you watch her video? Her
Garth Brooks video. No, okay, we're going to watch that
as soon as we're the one in the drive through
oh no, okay, Well she once posted about this kid,
um Josh, and he's your boy Josh fifty five, and
he's the cutest little thing ever. But on all of
(31:52):
his videos that he puts up, he'll just be like, yeah, here,
I'm just swimming in the pool and that's the video.
That's it. But he's like, you know what to do,
like and follow along, He said, don't forget to like
the host, comment, follow, And so I'm like, man, I
need to pick up the confidence of your boy Josh
fifty five because I sometimes feel weird being like, hey,
(32:16):
don't forget to like, subscribe, write a review. You know.
I'm just like, you know, it's it's a lot to
ask of people, but I'm just gonna own it. Like
to ask you offer a lot to people. Oh okay,
thank you, thank you for that. You're welcome validation. But
in honor of your boy Josh fifty five, you know
what to do. Go follow, like subscribe, write a review
(32:42):
of review. If you don't have anything nice to say,
please don't write a review. You can send me an
email full of constructive criticism. You don't have to put
it up on public display. And I do take to
heart some of that stuff some because some of it
I'm like, that's wrong, that's not right, not valid. But
other stuff or if I might think it's wrong for
like a day, and then I sit with it and
(33:04):
I'm like, you know what, Shoot, they were right, and
I can I can adjust. I'm bindy, I'm breezy and
go with the flow. I'm sore, I'm freezy. Is that
Monica and Friends? I just don't watch Friends? But I
know who are you? Are you even my friend? How
do you not watch Friends? I never got into it.
I got really into New Girl, which I know was
(33:26):
much later. What do you that's not even the same thing?
Definite apples and oranges? I know, But like, I don't
watch a lot of TV, so I don't. I don't
have a good excuse. That's what I'm driving my friend Cat,
she doesn't watch a lot of TV. It's okay, I'm
so cool. I don't watch TV. No, I think that
that's great. Good for you. Um, all right, Okay, we're done.
(33:46):
Make sure you listen to Thursday's episode. Okay, I need
to go. Okay, I'm just gonna go. You know, New
four Things episode up on Thursday by he
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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