January 31, 2023 • 24 mins
Do vision boards really work? YES!!! Amy shares how hers is already coming true and we are only one month into the year! This all might sound quite mystical, but vision boards are in fact rooted in neuroscience. Neuroscientist Dr Tara Swart explains: "Looking at images on a vision board primes the brain to grasp opportunities that may otherwise go unnoticed. That’s because the brain has a process called ‘value-tagging’ which imprints important things onto your subconscious and filters out unnecessary information.”
Today’s quote:
“The phrase: ‘Don’t take this the wrong way has 0% success rate!’” This quote led to Amy and Kat also discussing unsolicited advice and how that is actually a form of judgment.
Amy and Kat also read some listener emails about Undo The Booze and God having different plans for you when something falls through that you were really looking forward to!
Link to tickets for the ‘4 Things’ LIVE in Nashville at Franklin Theater:
https://secure.franklintheatre.com/websales/pages/info.aspx?evtinfo=370547~cfe40b7d-1c56-4c4b-b937-600bdd7c5904
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta+ @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Send emails for the '5th Thing' to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat. Welcome to the
fifth Thing. Today's quote is from our favorite place to
get them, and it's the El Royo Sign in Austin, Texas.
They have an Instagram. If you're not following it, you're
missing out. But Kat actually shared this one with me
the other day and I thought, oh, that is so good.
It said the phrase don't take this the wrong way
(00:27):
has zero percent success rate, which is very true, right, Yeah,
Which you have a way that you speak to your clients,
being that you're a therapist, do you ever have to
be like, hey, I don't want you to take this
the wrong way, but in your own way. Yeah, So
I need to implement this more in my personal life
as I do with clients. But I'll say, hey, I
(00:48):
don't know how you're going to receive this, so let
me know what you hear me say so we can
be clear, right, Because I think sometimes when I say that,
I don't tell you this the wrong way because I'm
trying to say something kind and helpful, but it might
come off as I think I'm better than you, or
you're doing X, y Z wrong or something like that.
But I posted that and then a follower on Instagram
(01:09):
said that what she'll do is she'll say, hey, I'm
gonna say this, but I need permission to revise it
if it comes out wrong. And she'll also give people
permission to revise if they say something and it was
maybe not so great, so like you have permission to
revise that. I love it. It makes think about something
that I've been trying to focus on lately, which is
(01:30):
not giving advice unless someone's asked for it. Because I
read this whole thing about how unsolicited advice is judgment,
so good, explain what you mean by that. Okay, I
think whether it's your significant other, whether it's a coworker,
a family member, a friend, a lot of times they
(01:51):
may be dealing with something or going through something, or
have done something, and because we care about them, we
instantly say something that is advice that we you think
would be helpful. But in that moment, if they haven't
asked for it, it's unsolicited and it can come off
as judgment because you're saying, Okay, I have a thought
that's better than probably anything you've thought of, and you
(02:13):
can't believe you just did that, so let me give
you this advice or you're not giving them the time
and space to work through it and figure it out
for themselves. So it's just really back to that simple
thing of like, let's not give advice unless somebody asks
for it. And I'm I'm guilty of it too. I'm
not saying I've never done that. She's something I'm trying
to be very very aware of. I even had to
go down with a friend two days ago where she
(02:33):
was sharing something with me, and I'm glad I had
had this at the front of my brain and I
was able to say, hey, I actually have some thoughts
on that if you're open to hearing it, but if
you don't want advice right now, if you want to
just vent, like let me know. And she straight up
said I think I just want to vent, and I
was like, cool, I wasn't offended by it at all.
And maybe one day she'll circle back around and like, hey,
(02:54):
what were your thoughts on that. I'm ready to hear
it now, But it's just I think sometimes so we
can just blurt out with advice or hey, don't do that,
or you shouldn't do that, or hey, you should really
do it this way, and nobody's asked that's judgment because
you're thinking whatever you have to say is right and
better and better, and a lot of times what's right
for us might not be right for another person. Yeah,
(03:17):
I think we do that so often without even thinking
that we are giving advice. So I when I came
home from college, I started cooking with my mom Alat.
And my mom is a really, really good cook, and
I remember her just letting me chop something, however I
want to chop at or do whatever. She wasn't very controlling,
and we were cooking, and I remember one day we were,
(03:38):
I think, making cookies or something, and I caught myself saying, hey,
why don't you do this? Or I think it's supposed
to be this way, and just giving her all. And
I caught myself being like, why am I so pushy
trying to control trying to control her? And I asked
her at one point, I don't know if it was
then or later, I was like, why do you not
try to correct all of these things? And she was like,
(04:00):
it doesn't matter, it's not going to change really the
final product that much. And we're having a good time.
But as I'm replaying that story in my head, I'm like,
oh gosh, my desire to be like, hey, you should
really chop the onion this way. I'm judging them and
thinking that they're chopping it wrong, and I'm giving them
advice on something when we're everybody's fine, the onions are
gonna be fine. Yeah, And I think we do that
(04:20):
all the time. If you see, if somebody tells you
something cool, like hey, oh my gosh, I did this
new thing, or I went to this new class and
we have this automatic Oh that's great, but you should
have taken this way to get there. It would have
been shorter, like, instead of enjoying the moment somebody is
sharing with you, we are critical with thinking that we're
being helpful. Yeah. It can be some of things like
that cooking directions, or it can be more direct like oh,
(04:43):
just like out that like oh, you shouldn't have said
it that way. Oh you know, you really shouldn't do that,
and it's like, okay, let me I'll figure that out
on my own later. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I've
done it and now let me work through it myself.
People don't I've experienced that a few times, or you know,
even parenting, I feel like that's probably a big one.
Or if you've got parents or in laws and they
(05:04):
could try to come into your home and be like,
are you really should do it this way? It's like, actually,
I didn't ask you. Let me figure it out. If
I ask you, like hey, I would really love your
help with this or your advice or what would you do,
it's totally different. Thank you. That's so good. Okay, So yeah,
stop using the phrase don't take this the wrong way.
And then also, if you want to give thoughts or
advice to someone in your life, ask permission first. Otherwise
(05:27):
it's unsolicited and that's judgment. End of story. Boom boom. Okay.
I've got an email from Tracy. Hey, Amy, I'm getting
ready to turn fifty one and I'm going to do
a margarita crawl for my birthday. What are the pills
that you've talked about that you take to avoid getting
a hangover if you drink and Tracy, the pills are
called undo the Booze. I don't know if I've talked
about this before, but I was with Gracie Mochler and
(05:50):
Ali Fallen. We were out at a girl's night. We
went to Bar Taco for Margarita's. We love to go there.
We had our Undo the Booze I had. I brought
pills with me and I had it on the counter
and the bartender asked for our I D s. And
I think Gracie made the comment of like, I feel
like under the Booze, like our table is our I
D because we just cannot metabolize alcohol like we used to,
(06:11):
like one Margarita, We're like, oh gosh, what have I
done to myself? So I learned about those from Lisa Hame,
our friend, and I can remember if she posted about
him or like, and then I texted her. I was like,
what are those? And she sent me the link. And
she has a podcast which I'll just say, since she's
the one that taught us about Under the Booze and
we're talking about her and it's called The Truth FIUs Life,
(06:31):
you should definitely check it out. But yeah, happy birthday,
Tracy fifty one, MARGARITEA krawl good to see it feel
like one and be like, hey, do you want to
watch a movie from my birthday? That's what I'm doing.
I mean, I want to do that. Yes, oh you know,
I'm turning forty two in March, and I'm seriously considering.
Sure the movie theater, I know, but you know, I'm
(06:52):
thinking about doing that retreat in the woods the all
day um oh yeah, therapy thing and with nature. What
is that called? Um, forest bathing? You gonna forest bathing.
I don't know specifically what they're gonna be doing there,
but it did say it would be outside in nature
and it would be very therapeutic. And it's literally on
(07:14):
my birthday. And I was like, is this a sign
happy birthday to me? Getting this email? Is this what
I'm supposed to sign up for? So TVD on that.
But you know, Tracy Margarite to crawl sounds pretty fun too.
I have another email from Aubrey. Hey, Amy, do you
remember the whole ticket Master fiasco that happened with Taylor
Swift tickets last November. Well, I was, unfortunately one of
(07:36):
the sad souls who did not get tickets. I was
trying to get these tickets in Seattle for me, my boyfriend,
and my cousin, but the website stopped responding as I
was selecting my seats. Long story short, by the time
I went through the queue for a second time, the
tickets were sold. Out so upsetting. I know, I feel like,
is this what people experience when Four Things Lives tickets
(07:59):
went up for say on Friday, but then you added
the second show? Okay, and to clarify, the website didn't crash.
I'm very thankful the first show sold out. And because
you know, I had on my vision board. I made
two vision boards this year, one vision board for my year,
and then I made a whole separate vision board for
the live the Four Things Live in Nashville. Before I
(08:22):
had even booked the venue. I knew I wanted to
do it at Franklin Theater, and I was gonna book it,
but I hadn't paid the deposit yet. But I printed
out Franklin Theater. I printed out Cat's face because she's
going to be there. I printed out Ali Fallon's face
because I wanted her there. And I printed out Britney
Spencer's face because I wanted her to do the music.
I hadn't even texted her yet. You hadn't told me
about it. Yeah, I know, But I was building my
(08:45):
vision board and i Google image sold out like a sign,
and I printed that out and I slapped it on
the vision board because I wanted to believe in myself. Also,
I know if it hadn't have sold out, I would
have been okay and everybody that was coming. That would
have been the night we were supposed to have. And
that's okay. It's not about it selling out. But I
wanted to look at it every day on my vision
board and believe in myself and believe that it was
(09:06):
going to be an impactful night and people needed to
be there. And it made me excited about it. So
then when I would talk about it, like the first
time the local station here in Nashville interviewed me about
it for the announcement which is on the Big ninety eight,
I talked about it with such confidence. And I think
it's because I was staring at my vision board and
I knew it was going to be an awesome night.
Look at those faces. You knew it was gonna be
(09:27):
Sally Brittany. The topics. Like I found something in a
magazine that said chase rainbows, and I thought, oh my gosh,
I already know this is my rainbow yere. Then I
found a rainbow in another magazine and I cut out
the rainbow and I put it on there, and I
found all these other words like worthy. I couldn't find
worthy in a word, so I had to cut it
out separately. But you made it work like a ransom lettery. Yes,
(09:49):
it made it work, which we've talked about making those before.
It just always looks funny to me when you have
to make the word. But it's also cute and colorful.
But this is making me want to go on a sidebar,
and we'll get back to Aubrey's email about vision board
and how I have been looking at mine since we
made it? When did we make them? This is making
(10:15):
me want to go on a sidebar, and we'll get
back to Aubrey's email about vision boards and how I
have been looking at mine since we made it. When
did we make them before January? Right? Yeah? Whatever? Early on,
I have looked at mine every single day. There's nights
where I haven't spent the night at my house. Took
it with me, No way I packed it because my
vision boards it's not huge. But I'm gonna go ahead
(10:38):
and read something to y'all. This is from the Motivation Clinic,
that's the website, and this is the science behind why
vision boards work. This all might quite just like a glitch,
glitch Houston. You can just leave that in there. Okay,
(10:59):
is Houston as our wonderful producer and editor, and sometimes
he'll take out things if we don't speak correctly and
we go, but just leave this in there. Who cares?
This all might sound quite mystical, but vision boards are
in fact rooted in neuroscience. Neuroscientists Dr Terra Swart says
this looking at images on a vision board primes the
(11:20):
brain to grasp opportunities that may otherwise go unnoticed. That's
because the brain has a process called value tagging, which
imprints important things onto your subconscious and filters out unnecessary information.
The brain assigns a higher value two images than written
words on a to do list, and the more you
(11:41):
look at those images, the more those images move up
in importance. And there are ways you can boost this activity,
for example, looking at your board at night, right before
you fall asleep, they'll imprint in your brain even further.
That's because the brain is very impressionable as it drifts
into sleep, so if you focus your attention and on something,
those images are more likely to be in your dreams
(12:03):
and your thoughts all the time. This is known as
the Tetris effect. The Tetris effect. I like that. I
was thinking as you were saying that, think about how
much stimuli is like thrown at you every single day.
We all if we walked down the street and we
walked into a store or something, we're getting like the
same stimuli thrown at us, but we catch different things.
(12:24):
And it's just because of what you just said of
we the value tagging, like things jump out at us
that we've locked as important. So if you're locking certain
things on your vision board is important, you're going to
see that when you go out into the world. Absolutely,
I'm living proof of that this year. I've done vision
boards before, but this is the first year I've been
very committed to praying specifically for things in my vision board,
(12:46):
looking at my vision board and it being a part
of prayer and focusing on it, like I said, looking
at it before bed, but even in the morning when
I wake up and looking at it and it's keeping
me I have a clear direction. I know where I
want to go this year. I know how I want
to show up, I know how I want the things
around me to feel and be, and it's all on
my board. And so it's just this constant reminder for
(13:09):
my brain, and also knowing that when I have a
negative thought about myself, like oh, why would you put
sold at on there? That's so stupid, because just so
arrogant to think that you could sell it out, and
why would you even do in a bit like this.
There's other people that are doing it better and you
should just let them do it. You know, is that
your inner critics voice. Sure, for the sake of this conversation,
(13:33):
I can believe you do that, because I mean, obviously
this last year, those thoughts have popped in my head.
I'm not to the point where I don't have those thoughts.
I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I
immediately forgive myself for those thoughts. I acknowledge them and say, wow,
all right, self, I forgive you for thinking that way
about yourself. And then we're gonna think positively and we're
gonna move on. And I'm like, okay, Lord, help me
(13:54):
not have those thoughts anymore, and help me believe in
myself and know that I'm capable. And I really feel
like I had so much energy going into the sale
of the first show and believing all those things that
it's like, oh, maybe other people they felt that energy
and they were buying tickets and they're like, instead of
one ticket, I'm gonna buy five or whatever. But so
much so we have we added another show, and so
(14:16):
now we have a three pm show option two, and
so it makes more space for people to come and
soak up some of this energy that we're gonna be
talking about. And I really feel like my goal for
both shows, the three pm will be the exact same
as the seven pm, So don't feel like, oh, I'm
getting the left of the three pm the add on
the No, everything will be the same and everything will
(14:36):
happen just as it is supposed to. And so there's
still seats for that and I the v I p
ones are for both shows are gone sold out. Cat
and I are going to be recording a fifth thing,
so I feel like that's gonna be really special with
those people. But there's other tickets available and it's still
going to be a great time, which I'll let you know.
I haven't told you this part, but you are going
to be the fourth thing in the lineup of the night.
(14:59):
Say the best for last, that's right, or put a
bow on it, cherry on top that's you, Like, I
think it's what. Everybody's great actually, so I take that back. Yeah,
they're amazing. So I think it's gonna go me like
an intro. First thing Britney Spenser. Second thing, some music
kind of going into sort of like a halfway interbition
but no intermission. Nobody get up. And also which there
(15:21):
will be cocktails there if you want to, like get
drinks or whatnot, have a good time, and then undo
the booze later. So and then Ali fallon third thing
and then you fourth thing. Love it. I love it
so and the theme of the night will be a
lot will be like I said about or I don't
know if I've said this before in this conversation that
I'm having here with you all now. But worth worthy
(15:43):
knowing you're worth knowing you deserve good things. You deserve
good things. If you get a good parking spot, you
deserve it, good for you. If you don't get it,
it's okay. You deserve to park for a way. You know,
there's some extra low time walking for whatever reason. God's like,
you know what, I actually think that you should go
(16:04):
this route today and you should walk. I mean, it's
just it's a it's a change in perspective. What does
this make possible? Oh my gosh, which leads me back
to Aubrey's email, because that's what it's all about. She
missed out on the tailors tickets. She missed out on
the freaking Taylor so of tickets, and so she's like
super bummed because I would be too, and she was
so so disappointed. And then she says in the email
(16:26):
that she couldn't remember who said it, but that she
was like, wait a second, I heard him four things.
What does this make possible? So she started to lean
into that quote, which, by the way, Aubrey, that was
Donald Miller when he was on the podcast last year.
Amazing episode. Highly recommend you'll check it out. All you
have to do is just search for things with amy
(16:46):
around Donald Miller and that episode will pop up. But
what does this make possible? He taught us that statement,
which we've had this positive thinking or knowing, like you're
acknowledging that something might be crappy right now. That's the thing.
It's not disregarding Okay, get over it's get over it.
It's like, Okay, this sucks, yes, and I don't like this.
Whatever the situation is, but now, what is it going
(17:08):
to make possible for me? So, in Aubrey's case, apparently
she's moving. She's about to move far away from her family.
They live in Idaho. She's about to move to Nashville
for college. And she now knows that one of the
things it's likely making possible, she's going to get more
family time, and that God maybe had that in store
for her to spend more time with her family instead
(17:29):
of with Taylor. I will say, her boyfriend, her cousin,
we're gonna be a Taylor and that's family time. But
they missed out on that. But she also said, which
I love this part two. She said, I am seeing
the situation in a different light. Maybe there's something else
I'm supposed to do the weekend of the concert. Maybe
I'm supposed to spend time at home with my family,
or maybe God has something different planned for me that weekend.
(17:51):
I mean, she says she doesn't even know what it is,
but she's open to it. What if I don't know
her situation. Her boyfriend is gonna propose that week and
he didn't want to do it at Taylor Swift. I
don't even if she wants to get married to him.
But it could be it what if she meets a
new boyfriend kidding, just kidding, or what if before in
(18:14):
the timeframe that I want to I'm just putting boat
scenarios out there. She might have they engaged or what
if they break up and then she meets the love
of her life? Yeah, and then you have these tickets
and it's like, how do we separate these tickets when yeah, custody? Yeah,
Taylor Swift ticket custody. I like that. It's it's another
it's essence of saying, how can I have some wonder
(18:37):
versus um resentment? Right? I wonder what could happen versus
I'm resentful for what didn't. So maybe the Taylor Swift
concert was at the same time as the Four Things
with Amy Brown Live. Probably not, But I did see
someone comment on Instagram. They said they were bummed because
I guess they're seeing Taylor Swift in Vegas that night,
(18:58):
but on the Instagram because I put up a whole
real talking about it, and they said, I'm so bombed
I'm gonna be at Taylor Swift in Vegas And I
was like, I even comment counter Franklin, Tennessee I commented back.
I was like, um, you're gonna have this is Taylor's concert,
like your trust me? I think you you got the
(19:20):
right tickets to that, but maybe you know we have again,
like we're gonna have Britney Spencer. We have music. You're
right music. There's a song that I'll just tease Stashira,
my daughter is going to come out. She wants to sing.
I didn't even ask her whenever it came up and
I told her about it and that Brittany was gonna
do and we're gonna do this one song. She was like,
do you think that I could sing it with her? Okay,
(19:41):
So whoever has a Taylor Swift tickets might want to
sell them because this is a once in a lifetime
opportunity Stashira has she ever sang on a stage like this.
It's her debut. Well okay, well you don't want to
miss it, honest. Couple of tickets left at three pm show.
Franklin Theater dot com is the website Franklin Theata. You
know they spelled theater or they the Franklin Theater because
(20:03):
it's old school, it's a historic theater. It's normal. Okay,
I think I spell it t e r at the end,
but they spell it t r e, which is the
theater way the terror. How do you spell theater? I
would have thought it was a t E r R, right,
(20:24):
you can spell a way that that is okay, But
people in the theater are you are you going to
read a poem at the theater? Maybe I will point well, anyway,
if you're looking for the website, they spelled theater t
(20:45):
r E, which people in THEATA they may already know that.
But if you're in the arts, if you don't know,
you do. And I welcome. I know because Nada made
my graphic for me and she spelled it theater like
we all do, and the ven you reached out and
it was like it's theta, so that we had to
go in and respell it or actually I don't even
know what I think we did actually really spelled the
(21:10):
or Okay, well it's interesting you ask. Okay, I'm gonna
google h here, let's see theater. Do you ever look
how to pronounce and then look at the google the
voice the creepy. I have to do it all the
time for commercials that I do for the Bobby won't show.
I have Sometimes we have clients that have things like
I'm doing these cruise commercials where the cruises go all
(21:32):
over the world and they have world renowned chefs Michelin
five star type restaurant situations on the cruise boat and
the celebrity cruise boat or and the chef's name is
like I like Scooba's. Deeve tries to like phonetically do
(21:52):
it for me, but then does I can't ever get
it right, and so then I have to say, okay, fine,
I know you wrote it on the pay for me,
but I'm gonna go ahead and google it and I'm
going to hear someone say it, and then I'm gonna
say back, Okay. So I found this is theater with
t r E. How to pronounce the word theater theater
We start with a voiceless th h, stick the tongue
(22:15):
out and release you. This must be someone that's teaching
someone it doesn't speak English. Well, it's theater. Now it's
the same. I don't know. That was a lot for nothing, hey,
but I promise you the night at the Live it
will be a lot for something something You won't walk
away with nothing. It's gonna be a good night anything.
You'll know how to say the tree correctly, the theater. Okay, Cat,
(22:41):
Where can people find you on Instagram at at Cat
dot de fata and at you Need Therapy podcast and
you can also listen to You Need Therapy podcast wherever
you like listening to podcasts. And I am at Radio
Amy on Instagram and you can also hit up radio
Amy dot com up there. I have lane to a splaw.
Things that support Haiti are four things, gratitude journals. I
(23:04):
have my Amazon Favorites page which I posted the salad
chopper thing the other day and it's the most amazing
thing ever. And I do have that linked if you
want to make sure you're getting the exact one, because
it's it's like Bucks or so, it's where it's like
high quality. It's totally worth. It's worth every stinking penny
if you like chop salads in my opinion, because I
think those are the best. Not that you ask for
(23:26):
my opinion, but I'm giving it to you all right,
half the day that you need to have. And then
remember perspective, positive perspective, whatever the outcome, what is the
good you can find from it in a way, But
don't ignore those bad feelings or whatever. It's crazy, it
is going on. Have the both and yeah, two things
(23:47):
can be true at the same time. It can be
really crappy and you can also look for the good. Amen, preach.
Put that on a bumper sticker, all right, by y'all,
By
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat. Welcome to the
fifth Thing. Today's quote is from our favorite place to
get them, and it's the El Royo Sign in Austin, Texas.
They have an Instagram. If you're not following it, you're
missing out. But Kat actually shared this one with me
the other day and I thought, oh, that is so good.
It said the phrase don't take this the wrong way
(00:27):
has zero percent success rate, which is very true, right, Yeah,
Which you have a way that you speak to your clients,
being that you're a therapist, do you ever have to
be like, hey, I don't want you to take this
the wrong way, but in your own way. Yeah, So
I need to implement this more in my personal life
as I do with clients. But I'll say, hey, I
(00:48):
don't know how you're going to receive this, so let
me know what you hear me say so we can
be clear, right, Because I think sometimes when I say that,
I don't tell you this the wrong way because I'm
trying to say something kind and helpful, but it might
come off as I think I'm better than you, or
you're doing X, y Z wrong or something like that.
But I posted that and then a follower on Instagram
(01:09):
said that what she'll do is she'll say, hey, I'm
gonna say this, but I need permission to revise it
if it comes out wrong. And she'll also give people
permission to revise if they say something and it was
maybe not so great, so like you have permission to
revise that. I love it. It makes think about something
that I've been trying to focus on lately, which is
(01:30):
not giving advice unless someone's asked for it. Because I
read this whole thing about how unsolicited advice is judgment,
so good, explain what you mean by that. Okay, I
think whether it's your significant other, whether it's a coworker,
a family member, a friend, a lot of times they
(01:51):
may be dealing with something or going through something, or
have done something, and because we care about them, we
instantly say something that is advice that we you think
would be helpful. But in that moment, if they haven't
asked for it, it's unsolicited and it can come off
as judgment because you're saying, Okay, I have a thought
that's better than probably anything you've thought of, and you
(02:13):
can't believe you just did that, so let me give
you this advice or you're not giving them the time
and space to work through it and figure it out
for themselves. So it's just really back to that simple
thing of like, let's not give advice unless somebody asks
for it. And I'm I'm guilty of it too. I'm
not saying I've never done that. She's something I'm trying
to be very very aware of. I even had to
go down with a friend two days ago where she
(02:33):
was sharing something with me, and I'm glad I had
had this at the front of my brain and I
was able to say, hey, I actually have some thoughts
on that if you're open to hearing it, but if
you don't want advice right now, if you want to
just vent, like let me know. And she straight up
said I think I just want to vent, and I
was like, cool, I wasn't offended by it at all.
And maybe one day she'll circle back around and like, hey,
(02:54):
what were your thoughts on that. I'm ready to hear
it now, But it's just I think sometimes so we
can just blurt out with advice or hey, don't do that,
or you shouldn't do that, or hey, you should really
do it this way, and nobody's asked that's judgment because
you're thinking whatever you have to say is right and
better and better, and a lot of times what's right
for us might not be right for another person. Yeah,
(03:17):
I think we do that so often without even thinking
that we are giving advice. So I when I came
home from college, I started cooking with my mom Alat.
And my mom is a really, really good cook, and
I remember her just letting me chop something, however I
want to chop at or do whatever. She wasn't very controlling,
and we were cooking, and I remember one day we were,
(03:38):
I think, making cookies or something, and I caught myself saying, hey,
why don't you do this? Or I think it's supposed
to be this way, and just giving her all. And
I caught myself being like, why am I so pushy
trying to control trying to control her? And I asked
her at one point, I don't know if it was
then or later, I was like, why do you not
try to correct all of these things? And she was like,
(04:00):
it doesn't matter, it's not going to change really the
final product that much. And we're having a good time.
But as I'm replaying that story in my head, I'm like,
oh gosh, my desire to be like, hey, you should
really chop the onion this way. I'm judging them and
thinking that they're chopping it wrong, and I'm giving them
advice on something when we're everybody's fine, the onions are
gonna be fine. Yeah, And I think we do that
(04:20):
all the time. If you see, if somebody tells you
something cool, like hey, oh my gosh, I did this
new thing, or I went to this new class and
we have this automatic Oh that's great, but you should
have taken this way to get there. It would have
been shorter, like, instead of enjoying the moment somebody is
sharing with you, we are critical with thinking that we're
being helpful. Yeah. It can be some of things like
that cooking directions, or it can be more direct like oh,
(04:43):
just like out that like oh, you shouldn't have said
it that way. Oh you know, you really shouldn't do that,
and it's like, okay, let me I'll figure that out
on my own later. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I've
done it and now let me work through it myself.
People don't I've experienced that a few times, or you know,
even parenting, I feel like that's probably a big one.
Or if you've got parents or in laws and they
(05:04):
could try to come into your home and be like,
are you really should do it this way? It's like, actually,
I didn't ask you. Let me figure it out. If
I ask you, like hey, I would really love your
help with this or your advice or what would you do,
it's totally different. Thank you. That's so good. Okay, So yeah,
stop using the phrase don't take this the wrong way.
And then also, if you want to give thoughts or
advice to someone in your life, ask permission first. Otherwise
(05:27):
it's unsolicited and that's judgment. End of story. Boom boom. Okay.
I've got an email from Tracy. Hey, Amy, I'm getting
ready to turn fifty one and I'm going to do
a margarita crawl for my birthday. What are the pills
that you've talked about that you take to avoid getting
a hangover if you drink and Tracy, the pills are
called undo the Booze. I don't know if I've talked
about this before, but I was with Gracie Mochler and
(05:50):
Ali Fallen. We were out at a girl's night. We
went to Bar Taco for Margarita's. We love to go there.
We had our Undo the Booze I had. I brought
pills with me and I had it on the counter
and the bartender asked for our I D s. And
I think Gracie made the comment of like, I feel
like under the Booze, like our table is our I
D because we just cannot metabolize alcohol like we used to,
(06:11):
like one Margarita, We're like, oh gosh, what have I
done to myself? So I learned about those from Lisa Hame,
our friend, and I can remember if she posted about
him or like, and then I texted her. I was like,
what are those? And she sent me the link. And
she has a podcast which I'll just say, since she's
the one that taught us about Under the Booze and
we're talking about her and it's called The Truth FIUs Life,
(06:31):
you should definitely check it out. But yeah, happy birthday,
Tracy fifty one, MARGARITEA krawl good to see it feel
like one and be like, hey, do you want to
watch a movie from my birthday? That's what I'm doing.
I mean, I want to do that. Yes, oh you know,
I'm turning forty two in March, and I'm seriously considering.
Sure the movie theater, I know, but you know, I'm
(06:52):
thinking about doing that retreat in the woods the all
day um oh yeah, therapy thing and with nature. What
is that called? Um, forest bathing? You gonna forest bathing.
I don't know specifically what they're gonna be doing there,
but it did say it would be outside in nature
and it would be very therapeutic. And it's literally on
(07:14):
my birthday. And I was like, is this a sign
happy birthday to me? Getting this email? Is this what
I'm supposed to sign up for? So TVD on that.
But you know, Tracy Margarite to crawl sounds pretty fun too.
I have another email from Aubrey. Hey, Amy, do you
remember the whole ticket Master fiasco that happened with Taylor
Swift tickets last November. Well, I was, unfortunately one of
(07:36):
the sad souls who did not get tickets. I was
trying to get these tickets in Seattle for me, my boyfriend,
and my cousin, but the website stopped responding as I
was selecting my seats. Long story short, by the time
I went through the queue for a second time, the
tickets were sold. Out so upsetting. I know, I feel like,
is this what people experience when Four Things Lives tickets
(07:59):
went up for say on Friday, but then you added
the second show? Okay, and to clarify, the website didn't crash.
I'm very thankful the first show sold out. And because
you know, I had on my vision board. I made
two vision boards this year, one vision board for my year,
and then I made a whole separate vision board for
the live the Four Things Live in Nashville. Before I
(08:22):
had even booked the venue. I knew I wanted to
do it at Franklin Theater, and I was gonna book it,
but I hadn't paid the deposit yet. But I printed
out Franklin Theater. I printed out Cat's face because she's
going to be there. I printed out Ali Fallon's face
because I wanted her there. And I printed out Britney
Spencer's face because I wanted her to do the music.
I hadn't even texted her yet. You hadn't told me
about it. Yeah, I know, But I was building my
(08:45):
vision board and i Google image sold out like a sign,
and I printed that out and I slapped it on
the vision board because I wanted to believe in myself. Also,
I know if it hadn't have sold out, I would
have been okay and everybody that was coming. That would
have been the night we were supposed to have. And
that's okay. It's not about it selling out. But I
wanted to look at it every day on my vision
board and believe in myself and believe that it was
(09:06):
going to be an impactful night and people needed to
be there. And it made me excited about it. So
then when I would talk about it, like the first
time the local station here in Nashville interviewed me about
it for the announcement which is on the Big ninety eight,
I talked about it with such confidence. And I think
it's because I was staring at my vision board and
I knew it was going to be an awesome night.
Look at those faces. You knew it was gonna be
(09:27):
Sally Brittany. The topics. Like I found something in a
magazine that said chase rainbows, and I thought, oh my gosh,
I already know this is my rainbow yere. Then I
found a rainbow in another magazine and I cut out
the rainbow and I put it on there, and I
found all these other words like worthy. I couldn't find
worthy in a word, so I had to cut it
out separately. But you made it work like a ransom lettery. Yes,
(09:49):
it made it work, which we've talked about making those before.
It just always looks funny to me when you have
to make the word. But it's also cute and colorful.
But this is making me want to go on a sidebar,
and we'll get back to Aubrey's email about vision board
and how I have been looking at mine since we
made it? When did we make them? This is making
(10:15):
me want to go on a sidebar, and we'll get
back to Aubrey's email about vision boards and how I
have been looking at mine since we made it. When
did we make them before January? Right? Yeah? Whatever? Early on,
I have looked at mine every single day. There's nights
where I haven't spent the night at my house. Took
it with me, No way I packed it because my
vision boards it's not huge. But I'm gonna go ahead
(10:38):
and read something to y'all. This is from the Motivation Clinic,
that's the website, and this is the science behind why
vision boards work. This all might quite just like a glitch,
glitch Houston. You can just leave that in there. Okay,
(10:59):
is Houston as our wonderful producer and editor, and sometimes
he'll take out things if we don't speak correctly and
we go, but just leave this in there. Who cares?
This all might sound quite mystical, but vision boards are
in fact rooted in neuroscience. Neuroscientists Dr Terra Swart says
this looking at images on a vision board primes the
(11:20):
brain to grasp opportunities that may otherwise go unnoticed. That's
because the brain has a process called value tagging, which
imprints important things onto your subconscious and filters out unnecessary information.
The brain assigns a higher value two images than written
words on a to do list, and the more you
(11:41):
look at those images, the more those images move up
in importance. And there are ways you can boost this activity,
for example, looking at your board at night, right before
you fall asleep, they'll imprint in your brain even further.
That's because the brain is very impressionable as it drifts
into sleep, so if you focus your attention and on something,
those images are more likely to be in your dreams
(12:03):
and your thoughts all the time. This is known as
the Tetris effect. The Tetris effect. I like that. I
was thinking as you were saying that, think about how
much stimuli is like thrown at you every single day.
We all if we walked down the street and we
walked into a store or something, we're getting like the
same stimuli thrown at us, but we catch different things.
(12:24):
And it's just because of what you just said of
we the value tagging, like things jump out at us
that we've locked as important. So if you're locking certain
things on your vision board is important, you're going to
see that when you go out into the world. Absolutely,
I'm living proof of that this year. I've done vision
boards before, but this is the first year I've been
very committed to praying specifically for things in my vision board,
(12:46):
looking at my vision board and it being a part
of prayer and focusing on it, like I said, looking
at it before bed, but even in the morning when
I wake up and looking at it and it's keeping
me I have a clear direction. I know where I
want to go this year. I know how I want
to show up, I know how I want the things
around me to feel and be, and it's all on
my board. And so it's just this constant reminder for
(13:09):
my brain, and also knowing that when I have a
negative thought about myself, like oh, why would you put
sold at on there? That's so stupid, because just so
arrogant to think that you could sell it out, and
why would you even do in a bit like this.
There's other people that are doing it better and you
should just let them do it. You know, is that
your inner critics voice. Sure, for the sake of this conversation,
(13:33):
I can believe you do that, because I mean, obviously
this last year, those thoughts have popped in my head.
I'm not to the point where I don't have those thoughts.
I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I
immediately forgive myself for those thoughts. I acknowledge them and say, wow,
all right, self, I forgive you for thinking that way
about yourself. And then we're gonna think positively and we're
gonna move on. And I'm like, okay, Lord, help me
(13:54):
not have those thoughts anymore, and help me believe in
myself and know that I'm capable. And I really feel
like I had so much energy going into the sale
of the first show and believing all those things that
it's like, oh, maybe other people they felt that energy
and they were buying tickets and they're like, instead of
one ticket, I'm gonna buy five or whatever. But so
much so we have we added another show, and so
(14:16):
now we have a three pm show option two, and
so it makes more space for people to come and
soak up some of this energy that we're gonna be
talking about. And I really feel like my goal for
both shows, the three pm will be the exact same
as the seven pm, So don't feel like, oh, I'm
getting the left of the three pm the add on
the No, everything will be the same and everything will
(14:36):
happen just as it is supposed to. And so there's
still seats for that and I the v I p
ones are for both shows are gone sold out. Cat
and I are going to be recording a fifth thing,
so I feel like that's gonna be really special with
those people. But there's other tickets available and it's still
going to be a great time, which I'll let you know.
I haven't told you this part, but you are going
to be the fourth thing in the lineup of the night.
(14:59):
Say the best for last, that's right, or put a
bow on it, cherry on top that's you, Like, I
think it's what. Everybody's great actually, so I take that back. Yeah,
they're amazing. So I think it's gonna go me like
an intro. First thing Britney Spenser. Second thing, some music
kind of going into sort of like a halfway interbition
but no intermission. Nobody get up. And also which there
(15:21):
will be cocktails there if you want to, like get
drinks or whatnot, have a good time, and then undo
the booze later. So and then Ali fallon third thing
and then you fourth thing. Love it. I love it
so and the theme of the night will be a
lot will be like I said about or I don't
know if I've said this before in this conversation that
I'm having here with you all now. But worth worthy
(15:43):
knowing you're worth knowing you deserve good things. You deserve
good things. If you get a good parking spot, you
deserve it, good for you. If you don't get it,
it's okay. You deserve to park for a way. You know,
there's some extra low time walking for whatever reason. God's like,
you know what, I actually think that you should go
(16:04):
this route today and you should walk. I mean, it's
just it's a it's a change in perspective. What does
this make possible? Oh my gosh, which leads me back
to Aubrey's email, because that's what it's all about. She
missed out on the tailors tickets. She missed out on
the freaking Taylor so of tickets, and so she's like
super bummed because I would be too, and she was
so so disappointed. And then she says in the email
(16:26):
that she couldn't remember who said it, but that she
was like, wait a second, I heard him four things.
What does this make possible? So she started to lean
into that quote, which, by the way, Aubrey, that was
Donald Miller when he was on the podcast last year.
Amazing episode. Highly recommend you'll check it out. All you
have to do is just search for things with amy
(16:46):
around Donald Miller and that episode will pop up. But
what does this make possible? He taught us that statement,
which we've had this positive thinking or knowing, like you're
acknowledging that something might be crappy right now. That's the thing.
It's not disregarding Okay, get over it's get over it.
It's like, Okay, this sucks, yes, and I don't like this.
Whatever the situation is, but now, what is it going
(17:08):
to make possible for me? So, in Aubrey's case, apparently
she's moving. She's about to move far away from her family.
They live in Idaho. She's about to move to Nashville
for college. And she now knows that one of the
things it's likely making possible, she's going to get more
family time, and that God maybe had that in store
for her to spend more time with her family instead
(17:29):
of with Taylor. I will say, her boyfriend, her cousin,
we're gonna be a Taylor and that's family time. But
they missed out on that. But she also said, which
I love this part two. She said, I am seeing
the situation in a different light. Maybe there's something else
I'm supposed to do the weekend of the concert. Maybe
I'm supposed to spend time at home with my family,
or maybe God has something different planned for me that weekend.
(17:51):
I mean, she says she doesn't even know what it is,
but she's open to it. What if I don't know
her situation. Her boyfriend is gonna propose that week and
he didn't want to do it at Taylor Swift. I
don't even if she wants to get married to him.
But it could be it what if she meets a
new boyfriend kidding, just kidding, or what if before in
(18:14):
the timeframe that I want to I'm just putting boat
scenarios out there. She might have they engaged or what
if they break up and then she meets the love
of her life? Yeah, and then you have these tickets
and it's like, how do we separate these tickets when yeah, custody? Yeah,
Taylor Swift ticket custody. I like that. It's it's another
it's essence of saying, how can I have some wonder
(18:37):
versus um resentment? Right? I wonder what could happen versus
I'm resentful for what didn't. So maybe the Taylor Swift
concert was at the same time as the Four Things
with Amy Brown Live. Probably not, But I did see
someone comment on Instagram. They said they were bummed because
I guess they're seeing Taylor Swift in Vegas that night,
(18:58):
but on the Instagram because I put up a whole
real talking about it, and they said, I'm so bombed
I'm gonna be at Taylor Swift in Vegas And I
was like, I even comment counter Franklin, Tennessee I commented back.
I was like, um, you're gonna have this is Taylor's concert,
like your trust me? I think you you got the
(19:20):
right tickets to that, but maybe you know we have again,
like we're gonna have Britney Spencer. We have music. You're
right music. There's a song that I'll just tease Stashira,
my daughter is going to come out. She wants to sing.
I didn't even ask her whenever it came up and
I told her about it and that Brittany was gonna
do and we're gonna do this one song. She was like,
do you think that I could sing it with her? Okay,
(19:41):
So whoever has a Taylor Swift tickets might want to
sell them because this is a once in a lifetime
opportunity Stashira has she ever sang on a stage like this.
It's her debut. Well okay, well you don't want to
miss it, honest. Couple of tickets left at three pm show.
Franklin Theater dot com is the website Franklin Theata. You
know they spelled theater or they the Franklin Theater because
(20:03):
it's old school, it's a historic theater. It's normal. Okay,
I think I spell it t e r at the end,
but they spell it t r e, which is the
theater way the terror. How do you spell theater? I
would have thought it was a t E r R, right,
(20:24):
you can spell a way that that is okay, But
people in the theater are you are you going to
read a poem at the theater? Maybe I will point well, anyway,
if you're looking for the website, they spelled theater t
(20:45):
r E, which people in THEATA they may already know that.
But if you're in the arts, if you don't know,
you do. And I welcome. I know because Nada made
my graphic for me and she spelled it theater like
we all do, and the ven you reached out and
it was like it's theta, so that we had to
go in and respell it or actually I don't even
know what I think we did actually really spelled the
(21:10):
or Okay, well it's interesting you ask. Okay, I'm gonna
google h here, let's see theater. Do you ever look
how to pronounce and then look at the google the
voice the creepy. I have to do it all the
time for commercials that I do for the Bobby won't show.
I have Sometimes we have clients that have things like
I'm doing these cruise commercials where the cruises go all
(21:32):
over the world and they have world renowned chefs Michelin
five star type restaurant situations on the cruise boat and
the celebrity cruise boat or and the chef's name is
like I like Scooba's. Deeve tries to like phonetically do
(21:52):
it for me, but then does I can't ever get
it right, and so then I have to say, okay, fine,
I know you wrote it on the pay for me,
but I'm gonna go ahead and google it and I'm
going to hear someone say it, and then I'm gonna
say back, Okay. So I found this is theater with
t r E. How to pronounce the word theater theater
We start with a voiceless th h, stick the tongue
(22:15):
out and release you. This must be someone that's teaching
someone it doesn't speak English. Well, it's theater. Now it's
the same. I don't know. That was a lot for nothing, hey,
but I promise you the night at the Live it
will be a lot for something something You won't walk
away with nothing. It's gonna be a good night anything.
You'll know how to say the tree correctly, the theater. Okay, Cat,
(22:41):
Where can people find you on Instagram at at Cat
dot de fata and at you Need Therapy podcast and
you can also listen to You Need Therapy podcast wherever
you like listening to podcasts. And I am at Radio
Amy on Instagram and you can also hit up radio
Amy dot com up there. I have lane to a splaw.
Things that support Haiti are four things, gratitude journals. I
(23:04):
have my Amazon Favorites page which I posted the salad
chopper thing the other day and it's the most amazing
thing ever. And I do have that linked if you
want to make sure you're getting the exact one, because
it's it's like Bucks or so, it's where it's like
high quality. It's totally worth. It's worth every stinking penny
if you like chop salads in my opinion, because I
think those are the best. Not that you ask for
(23:26):
my opinion, but I'm giving it to you all right,
half the day that you need to have. And then
remember perspective, positive perspective, whatever the outcome, what is the
good you can find from it in a way, But
don't ignore those bad feelings or whatever. It's crazy, it
is going on. Have the both and yeah, two things
(23:47):
can be true at the same time. It can be
really crappy and you can also look for the good. Amen, preach.
Put that on a bumper sticker, all right, by y'all,
By
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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