September 9, 2023 • 29 mins
OUTWEIGH: One of the biggest myths out there in the Women’s Health ‘world’ is this idea that you should get ‘good’ at trying to CONTROL yourself.
I can’t even tell you how many women I speak with that WISH that they simply had more willpower or discipline or perseverance to feel 'in control', and that if they could just figure out how to make THOSE things show up for them, all would be well, and the problem would be solved.
I used to think the SAME THING about my own struggles with my weight and my own inability to stick with whatever the ‘diet of the month’ I promised myself I would follow through on.I came to learn that it was only because I was focusing on the WRONG thing. In fact, I was actually making my disordered eating WORSE! Because willpower and motivation and the ability to ‘grit’ my way through yet another unsustainable diet, were NOT my problems.
The REAL problem was this idea in my head that actually WANTED to ‘get good’ at controlling myself…or to be a better ‘rule-follower’.
THAT was the problem. It was that ‘Hyper-Control Mentality’ that was keeping me stuck, and the fact that I was trying to become MORE skillful in a way of thinking that was setting me up to LOSE and setting me up to FAIL…well that was just the icing on the cake. In this episode of Outweigh, we are going to explore the in’s and out’s of the ‘Control’ Myth….
HOST: Leanne Ellington // @leanneellington // StresslessEating.com
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am again. I'm strong, I
feel free. I know every part of me it's beautiful
and that will always out way if you feel it.
(00:24):
But you she'll some love to the vio I get there,
say go day and did you and die out way?
Happy Saturday, Outwigh. I'm Leanne Ellington and I'm the author
and creator of stressles Seating and I'm here for a
solo episode this week. But before we dive in, Amy
and I did a series called Two Things Can Be
(00:46):
True at the same time designed to normalize the in
betweens and heal from extremism. So if you miss those,
definitely go back and check those out. All eight episodes
are out now and we're gonna keep on treking along
with this week's episode about Way, which is all about
one of the biggest myths that comes up with my clients.
(01:08):
So just for context, the number one thing that I've
noticed women do to try to take control and I'm
really putting that in air quotes, but take control of
their health is to try to take control of the
food that they are eating. And heck, there's a multi
billion dollar industry geared towards helping you do just that,
and that's really what the diet industry is. But when
(01:29):
it comes to any woman that struggles with any type
of disordered eating or an actual eating disorder, this adds
even more madness to the equation because the more you
try to air quotes control what you eat, ironically, the
more out of control you feel. And the truth is
is that everyone knows how to control food or control
(01:50):
what you put in your body, and everyone knows how
to do the whole eat less, move, more dance, and
you know, there's countless options out there teaching you how
to count and measure and and restrict and micromanage or
control what or how much you eat. But let's be honest,
is that really the approach that you want to take?
(02:10):
And is that going to help or harm you and
your efforts with your relationship with food? And does that
even solve the right problem? And if you get truly
honest with yourself, is trying to you know, control yourself?
If that was going to work, wouldn't it have worked
by now? Now this might seem like a super obvious
(02:31):
thought process. But again, I have worked with hundreds of
women over the years, and the number one thing I
hear is leanne I wish I had more control over food.
And if you're anything like I was, or like my
clients are, trying to control food or track food or
simply think about food, actually makes disordered eating worse, and
(02:52):
it ingrains more of the diet mentality that you think
you're trying to get away from. And I totally get
it because I learned and the same eat less move
more equation that I'm assuming you know you probably learn too.
And even though yeah, it can be effective and feeding
that short term gratification trap of making you feel like
you're in control, unless you address your relationship with food,
(03:16):
nothing will change in the long run. So, for example,
if within your relationship with food, you feel like you're
a slave to controlling yourself or a slave to exercise
to make you feel some sense of control or to
keep you from feeling like you're going off the date bend,
or if you're always bouncing from one extreme to the other.
So for me, it looked like, you know, dieting and
(03:37):
restricting or playing food police until I couldn't really take
it anymore, and then my inner rebel would kick in
and I would move to the polar opposite, you know,
care free, abandonment, eating whatever I could get my hands on,
and then of course feeling guilty or trying to out
exercise what I ate. So if you live anywhere on
that spectrum, and we all have our own version of it,
(03:59):
that means you're mos likely living on that up and down,
all or nothing control roller coaster, which means you're probably
the opposite of free. And if I can be bold
and take a guess, I'm guessing that you're probably the
opposite of happy, because let's be honest, that's no way
to live. And as you're gonna hear me talk about
a lot, unless you, or I should say, until you
(04:21):
address the self image and body image that's causing you
to think and act and feel and behave the way
that you are and to eat the way that you're eating,
or to eat your feelings, or you know, to feel
all that shame and blame and guilt and comparisonitis and perfectionism,
or you know, whatever your version of that is. And
again we all have our own. There's no shame, and
(04:42):
I'm really not trying to be doom and gloom or negative,
but you will bring all of your old habits and
old thinking and old behaviors with you if you don't
address it. And that's why today's episode is so important.
But also, you know, there are so many mixed messages
out there about this idea trying to you know, control
what you eat and the fact that you should try
(05:04):
to get good at controlling yourself and having more willpower.
But in reality, not only does this mentality keep you
stuck in the cycle and oftentimes it makes it worse.
But thinking that controlling what you eat or even that
weight loss is going to solve a deeper, bigger struggle,
or that it is the answer, it's actually going to
(05:25):
keep you from finding what actually works for you to
heal in all the ways that you need healing. And again,
this is not a short term conversation, because everything works
in the short run, and there's a million ways to
feel in control in the short run, But then it's
like what happens after a few days or a few weeks,
and you know, we really need to shift the paradigm
(05:46):
to start talking about what will work for you in
the long run. As in forever and heal the cycle,
close the loop, put the fire out, and prevent the
fires from popping back up in the future. So what
I'm proposed us is that we dive into the thinking
and the mindset and the brain set behind all of this,
as in, you know, the wiring in your brain that
(06:08):
is doing the doing without your permission. And in order
to do that, I want to start by addressing one
of the biggest myths that you need to be aware
of if you ever want to heal your relationship with food,
your relationship with your body, your relationship with yourself, and
put all of this stressing about food and your body
to bed for good. So let's dive in. So I
(06:30):
believe that one of the biggest myths out there in
the women's health world is just that it's this idea
that you should go get good at controlling food. And
like I said, I can't even tell you how many
women I speak with that wish they could simply you know,
have more willpower or discipline or perseverance to stick with
whatever plan they put themselves on, or you know, maybe
(06:53):
their dietician or nutritionists put them on it. And yes,
you know, sometimes it's even an eating disorder specialist that
put you on something that essentially caused you to think
about food even more. And again, there's so many different
things out there, and I'm not trying to make anything wrong,
but we also want to be aware of that, even
when we think we're getting the help that we need,
if it's not serving us, we want to know what
(07:14):
that looks like too, right, because the reality is, let's
face it, all you want to do is not think
about it and not have it rule your brain. There
are so many amazing dieticians and nutritionists and eating disorder
specialists out there, but a lot of my clients come
to me and they're likely Anne, I went to somebody
that specialized in eating disorders and disordered eating and it
made the problem worse. So you also want to be
(07:37):
aware of when it's creating more of this food focused conversation. Right.
And I can't even tell you how many women come
to me and tell me that, like, if they could
just figure out how to make, you know, willpower and
discipline and control show up for them, then all would
be well and the problem would be solved. And they
kind of feel bad that they're not able to muster
up those skills, and I used to think this same
(08:00):
thing about my own struggles and my own up and
down weight loss, weight gain, yo yo cycle, and my
own inability to stick with whatever the you know, diet
of the month or plan of the month I promised
myself I would follow through on, And I came to
learn that it was only because I was focusing on
the wrong thing. In fact, I was actually making things
worse because willpower and motivation and the ability to you know,
(08:22):
grit my way through yet another unsustainable plan or program
or structure were not my problems. The real problem was
this idea in my head that I actually wanted to
go get good at control in the first place, or
to be a better dieter or whatever words I was using.
That was the problem. It was that hyper control mentality
(08:44):
that was keeping me stuck and the fact that I
was trying to become more skillful in a way of
thinking that was setting me up to lose and setting
me up to fail. Well, that was just the icing
on the cake. Because when trying to control myself or
grit my way through cravings or you willpower, when that
kind of thinking was the epicenter of my strategy, this
(09:05):
was basically my life. So, first off, I was playing
a game that I would never love and I would
never win. Yet I was investing crazy amounts of time
and energy and money and you know, heart and soul,
really trying and wishing and praying that somehow this time
would be different. I was playing a game that I
would never love and never win, and trying to force myself,
(09:26):
persuade myself, convince myself to keep playing, even though I
knew in my heart that it would never work and
that there had to be a better way, even if
I didn't know what the heck that looked like. Right,
I was playing a game that I would never love
and never win, and then beating myself up or shaming myself,
blaming myself, feeling guilty all the time because I honestly
(09:48):
thought there was something wrong with me, that I was
the problem. Till all of a sudden, you know, I
got to that point where I hate to admit it,
but I kind of almost lost hope or faith or
trust that anything would work for me, because by that point,
I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me. I
genuinely thought I was messed up or a food addict
(10:10):
or whatever other cruel and untrue things I was saying
to myself. Thankfully though a moment literally down on my
knees on a paddle board with tears streaming down my face,
and I now endearingly call it my first quarter life crisis,
which is a whole other story all in itself, but
it forced me to stop putting band aids on the problem,
(10:33):
get the help that I needed, and finally solve the
problem that had been following me around my entire life.
And it was only through those series of events that
I was able to realize the following. So trying to
use willpower and control was simply a band aid or
a way of me papering over the fact that I
had a really complicated and stressful and emotional relationship with
(10:57):
food and a complicated, stressful and emotional relationship with myself. Ironically, though,
you know when you're trying to control yourself all the time,
you know what that brings more of? Well, yeah, you
probably guessed complication, stress, and emotion. So it's taking the complication,
the stress, and the emotion and just adding to it,
but trying to control myself thinking that it was going
(11:19):
to help, but it was making it worse. And it
was just one big catch twenty two. And this is
where I want to talk about something that I talk
about all the time, and I call it the weight
of the weight. And this is where I want to
talk about something that I talk about all the time,
and I call it the weight of the weight, because
(11:41):
the weight on your body isn't the real weight. The
real weight is all this other stuff that you've been
carrying around with you. And we're going to talk about
what that is in just a second, but for right now,
just know this, like, once you make the shift, once
you ditch that weight what I call the weight of
the weight, that's when you'll finally be able to be
(12:02):
done with all the food and body and diet stuff
once and for all, and you know, no more dieting
and worrying and stressing or obsessing or second guessing or whatever,
right and you can just finally stop all of that
controlled diet madness, okay, and you'll be able to get
off the up and down all or nothing roller coaster
(12:23):
and you'll know how to give yourself what you really
need to transform your health for good, not just get
those short term. Can't keep them because I can't sustain
this kind of results. Right. And when I talk about
the weight of the weight, there's a few different weight
of the weights that you'll hear me talk about throughout
these episodes on that way. But the weight of the
weight that I want to talk about today is the
(12:44):
first weight that needs to be ditched, and it's the
weight of the fight, Okay, the fight against food, the
fight against your body, the fight against yourself. And I
want to give you permission to ditch the weight of
the fight, which is really this quest to control, as in,
ditch the weight of the restriction and the deprivation and
(13:07):
the punishment and the persuasion and the stress that typically
comes alongside food in your body. And it does not
have to because here's the thing. Food is not the problem.
Food is not some enemy, right. The hyper trying to
control yourself mentality is the problem here. It's your thoughts
about food that are the problem. Right. The all or nothing,
(13:28):
black white up down on off roller coaster is the
problem because you can't ever get off, or if you do,
you become terrified that you're going to go. You know,
for me, it was like, oh my gosh, I'm going
to go gain a bunch of weight I'm going to
go off the deep end. I'm gonna feel so out
of control. So either way, you end up feeling like
you're a slave to it, and you become like kind
(13:48):
of like a hostage to it. It controls your life
more than you do. Right, And so here's the truth.
This is the real weight. This is what perpetuates your
struggle with food and your body and actually makes it
worse because first of all, it's stressful, but I would
even go as far as say it's fattening. And here's
what I mean. So I want to share with you
(14:08):
what I call the tail of two cookies. And I've
shared this before, but it definitely bears repeating. So picture this.
If I eat a cookie and I allow myself to
really experience it, you know, the positive emotions of the
cookie like joy, pleasure, indulgence, just permission to eat it,
no drama. Right. This is going to put me in
the relaxed branch of my nervous system. It's called the
(14:30):
parasympathetic branch. And so as a result, I'm going to
have all of those feel good, happy hormones floating through me,
things like dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin and most women don't
know this, but you've got to be in that parasympathetic
branch if you want to digest your food optimally and
extract nutrients and really just get your metabolism firing optimally.
(14:51):
As in, your metabolism and nervous system can't do its
job if it's not in that parasympathetic branch. But on
top of that, now that cookie has become one more
repetition of me practicing relaxation and ease around food, and
you're gonna learn the nervous system it just it literally
just gets good at whatever you teach it, whatever it practices,
(15:13):
and then this is going to create positive neuro associations
alongside that cookie. But on the flip side, if I
eat a cookie, same cookie, but this time I'm feeling
guilty because I think it's bad, or because I'm doing
something air quotes wrong, or simply eliciting any other negative emotions,
this puts me in the stressed branch of my nervous system,
(15:35):
the sympathetic branch. And so now this experience of the cookie,
the same cookie but with different thoughts means that I
have these stress hormones floating through me. Things like cortisol, adrenaline, epinephyrine.
And again, you know, when you're in this branch of
your nervous system, it's not able to optimally do its job,
so optimal digestion, optimal extraction of nutrients, and really like
(15:58):
firing up metabolic path ways. Your brain thinks it's running
from a saber toothed tiger, so it's not able to
optimally do all of that right. But on top of that,
now this cookie, with those thoughts, it's me practicing like
another repetition right of stress and unease and disease right
disorder around food. And again, the nervous system gets good
(16:20):
at whatever it practices. So now we're laying down these
negative neuro associations alongside food. Okay, but this isn't just
the case when it comes to food, Okay, who you're
being and how you're feeling before, during, and after any
action is what makes the biggest difference. So it's not
about what you're doing that's the most important thing. It's
(16:41):
about who you're being and how you're feeling. And that's why, yes,
I'm saying it's better to eat a cookie with permission
than a kale salad under duress or distress, because how
you feel matters. Okay, when you are stressed or feeling
guilty or overwhelmed, or you just feel it crap you
are in you're creating and eliciting that threat or stress response. Okay.
(17:04):
But the cool thing is your body also has this
relaxation response that cascades when you feel good or at
peace during any experience. So again, it's not the cookie,
it's who you're being and how you're feeling before, during,
and after, and the same is true for your body.
So let's just run through that. So for example, and
I want you to just kind of picture this in
your own body. If I'm feeling pain free, right and
(17:27):
I'm thinking happy thoughts and my nervous system is happy
and healthy, bam, it's going to trigger that relaxation response.
But if I'm in pain, so physical pain, maybe it's
emotional pain because I'm thinking self critical thoughts about my body,
that's gonna make my nervous system I call it nervous,
like a nervous nervous system, and bam, I'm triggering that
fight or flight response. And yes, that's simply based on
(17:50):
the thoughts that I'm thinking about my body so again,
it's not your body, it's who you're being and how
you're feeling about your body and the thoughts that you're thinking.
And I could go on and on and on. I
used you know, cookie in your body as an example,
but I think you're starting to get a pattern here. Okay,
but there's another really big reason that trying to restrict
(18:11):
or control and like again the control mentality in general,
why it's the problem. Because if I told you not
to think about the color blue, okay, just roll with
me for a second, Like, do not think about the
color blue, Okay, don't think about blue paint or a
blue sky, just don't think about the color blue. Period.
We as humans, especially women, if we are told that
(18:34):
we can't or have or do or you know, can't
consume something, it's all we think about. We want it
even more right, if you tell me I can't have it,
I think about it. Right. And so every woman that
I've ever met that struggles with overeating or emotional eating
or disordered eating or an eating disorder, you're so sick
(18:56):
of thinking about food, right, And that's why telling yourself
not to have something, not to do something, it's going
to make you think about it even more. And again,
you're sick of thinking about food, right that you just
want to think about it less. But when you're in
that all or nothing, black white on off roller coaster
and you're trying to play the control control control game,
which we already learn it just doesn't work and it's
(19:18):
never going to work, you're stuck in that paradigm. Okay.
So again, in other words, I mean, he's just trying
to say this a different way, and I'm one of
those people that likes to hear things multiple different ways.
But I'll just kind of spell it out. Food is
not the problem, Okay. I know we listen to podcasts
and we read books and we think like, oh my gosh,
I have a food problem. But it's really not the food.
It's your thoughts about food that are the problem, okay.
(19:41):
And your weight in your body are not this air
quotes problem. It's your thoughts about your body that are
causing and perpetuating the problem. And I hate to say
it like this, but like you are not the problem,
but you are also the problem in the way that like,
it's your thoughts about yourself that are the problems. So
your thoughts are the solution. Therefore you are the solution.
It's one of those things that I had to own
(20:03):
where I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm the problem. What's
that Taylor Swift song? She's like, Hey, I'm the problem.
It's me right, I'm the problem. But by golly, I
am the solution. Which is so empowering because I know
for me, I was thinking the solution lived you know
air quotes out there, and now I know, no, it
lives in here. It's in my mind. It's in my brain.
But I had to acknowledge not with shame, like with
love and compassion that like I am creating the problem
(20:26):
in my head with the way that I'm thinking, and
more of the control side of it is just perpetuating
that thinking, more of the problem. Right. So if food,
you know, stresses you out or bums you out or
weighs you down, food is not the problem. It's it's
your relationship with food and who you're being and how
you're feeling around the food that's the problem. Right. And
(20:48):
I can promise you this, right, food is not going away, Okay, temptation,
it's not going away either. And you know, family gatherings
and holidays and nights out on the town and you know,
tired night, it's at home on the couch. You know
the times when statistically most people tend to mindlessly eat
or stress eat or emotionally eat. They aren't going away either, Okay.
(21:10):
In fact, we can count on the fact that food
will always be a part of our lives. So the
way I see it, you can keep kind of ignoring
that and just hope that willpower and discipline magically appear
to counter all the restrictions in control. Or you can
a prepare yourself to better handle those situations when they
do come and be little by little prevent them from
(21:33):
happening as much in the future, because this is the
real weight in your mind, body and brain. So here's
how it played out for me. You know, first off,
I had to get really real with myself and what
the problem really was, because until I identified the real problem,
I would never be able to find a real solution.
(21:55):
So first I realized that I needed to stop the
dieting and hyper control, which again left me feeling so
out of control, and realized like that that was making
it worse, and on top of it, it didn't even
work right, and I realized that I was never actually
addressing the psychology of food and my relationship with food.
That all I ever knew, because it's all I ever learned,
(22:18):
was how to control food or this you know, the
control mentality, and that if I ever truly wanted to
be free, I needed to be unbrainwashed of the mindset
of thinking about food so much through you know, control
or restriction or deprivation or punishment or whatever. I learned
and really learn a whole new way of thinking around food.
And I know, to a lot of women I talk to,
they're likely and I don't even understand what that looks
(22:40):
like because this is all I've ever known. So if
that's you, like, I totally hear you. But also I
realized that food was just one of the ways that
I was disconnected from myself and disconnected from my body,
and that if I ever truly wanted to find peace
of mind and happiness and freedom, I needed to end
that war that I entered into a long time ago,
(23:02):
where I was fighting myself and shaming myself and blaming
myself and really just trying to control myself. And I
needed to find a way to move towards peace and
love and freedom. Like Wave the White flag like end
the war with my body, and so moral of the story.
You know, this myth that controlling yourself is the solution, right,
(23:23):
or that it's something that you even want to get
good at. That is the myth and the lie and
the brainwashing that I believe keeps women stuck, and it
keeps them in a prison. And it's a prison of
control and judgment and micromanaging every ounce of food that
touches your lips. And it's a prison of restriction and
deprivation that inevitably just leads to guilt or shame. And
(23:46):
it's a prison that we actually become afraid to leave.
I mean, you know, I know for me, it's all
I had ever known, and if it's all you've ever known, like,
it's very understandable that you're kind of terrified to leave it.
And you know, again, if you're anything like me, it
was a conversation that went something like, well, what will
happen if I stop trying to control or if I
stop restricting like again, I'll go off the deep end
(24:07):
or gain a bunch of weight or you know, insert
dramatic story. And we all have our own. And the
ironic part is that, yes, it's a prison, but it's
a prison that in some way actually feels safe and
it feels comforting because it's what we know, right, and
the brain loves what it knows, even if it's not
really that great, even if it's an absolutely causing suffering,
(24:30):
and until we realize that it's not actually keeping us
safe and that it's not actually comforting us, until we
realize that, we stay stuck in it. But the cool
thing is, if we choose it, we can break down
those walls and escape any time we choose and start
moving in the direction of freedom and happiness and peace
(24:51):
of mind and love, like true, genuine self acceptance and
self love, not that just like fake positivity that I
know the world threw at me for a lot of years,
for real, like really feeling it in your bones. Okay,
so what does that look like for you? And you know,
to be honest, it's different for every woman, and you know,
but here's what I can tell you. It isn't all right.
(25:12):
And I'm going to let you in on a little
distinction that I teach my clients and it's kind of
like a filter or a process so that we can
create their own unique recipes for freedom and peace of
mind and self love because I really believe we all
need our own recipe. But here it's super simple. So
the first question is this, and you can use this
like in the moment, but you can also use it
big picture like are you walking towards freedom so you know,
(25:35):
food freedom, body freedom? Or are you walking away from it? Right?
And just look look at your life, look at your
kind of strategy. Are you walking towards freedom or walking
away from it? And are you walking towards happiness or
you know day to day like are you feeling happy
or is the strategy that you're using making you happy?
Or are you walking away from happiness? Right? And are
(25:57):
you walking towards peace of mind or are you walking
away from peace of mind? Like are you living in
a stress or worry or anxiety or feeling like you're
constantly burnt out or just hemorrhaging energy? Following the plan,
the program, the structure, the system of thinking that you
are following. Because here's the reality, and I mean this
with so much love, But if whatever it is that
(26:20):
you're committed to makes you feel restricted or confined or deprived,
or if you have to force yourself to do it,
or stick with it. You are actively out voting your freedom.
And if whatever it is that you're committed to is
making you feel unhappy, or it's robbing you of your joy,
or outright does it make you feel very good, you
are actively outvoting your happiness. And if whatever you are
(26:45):
committing to it just blatantly you know, stresses you out
or overwhelms you or bogs you down or weighs you
down right, or maybe it's just that your heart and
soul knows that you're not going to be able to
stick with it, you are actively out voting peace of mind.
And if whatever you're doing is causing you to constantly
feel shame or blame or guilt or comparison itis or perfectionism,
(27:08):
you are actively out voting self love and self acceptance.
So I really just invite you to think about your
connection and commitment to trying to air quotes control yourself
and also thinking that you might actually want to get
better at it. And I want you to think about
this idea that you need to simply gather more willpower
or discipline, or that it's just a matter of finding
(27:30):
the perfect plan, right, Just think about all those ways
that you're still kind of in the control mentality and
it might be disguised as air quotes healthy, right, And
instead I just want you to ask yourself, like, is
this really what I want? And is this really what
I need? Like is this solving the right problem? Or
is it just perpetuating the old problem? And there is
(27:51):
no shame and no judgment, just love. But again, if
control and practicing willpower hasn't worked up until now, what's
going to magically cause it to start working for you now? Right?
And if you've been, you know, practicing the control mentality
for what seems like forever, you know, if it was
ever truly going to work, don't you think it would
have worked right now? And I wish that somebody would
(28:13):
have warned me that the thing I was thinking would
save me and would be my solution was actually making
things worse. Okay, this conversation, it really could have saved
me years of struggling and suffering and pain. And I
wouldn't be who I am if I didn't least share
it with you right here, right now. So I'm going
to turn it over to you, and I genuinely just
(28:35):
invite you to explore kind of the conversation the lines
of thinking, the lines of questioning that I shared on
today's episode, and really like, what do you have to lose?
Right because if you're here right now and you're stuck
in some sort of pain or suffering or a prison
of the food and body prison, what do you have
to lose? Really? Okay, So that is all for this
week's episode of Outweigh. And if you want to hear
(28:58):
more about the process that I teach my clients when
it comes to rewiring your own brain and self image
when it comes to food in your body, then head
on over to Stressless Eating dot com and sign up
to watch the Stressless Eating webinar where I walk you
through the exact five step game plan that my own
clients use to heal themselves from that all or nothing
(29:19):
diet mentality for good, but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies,
and definitely without ever having to use words like macros,
low carb or calorie burn. And so I've laid it
all out for you over there in five easy steps.
So head on over to stressless Eeating dot com and
check it out. And I'm Leanne Ellington signing out for
(29:39):
this episode of Outweigh, and we will be back next week.
Bye
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am again. I'm strong, I
feel free. I know every part of me it's beautiful
and that will always out way if you feel it.
(00:24):
But you she'll some love to the vio I get there,
say go day and did you and die out way?
Happy Saturday, Outwigh. I'm Leanne Ellington and I'm the author
and creator of stressles Seating and I'm here for a
solo episode this week. But before we dive in, Amy
and I did a series called Two Things Can Be
(00:46):
True at the same time designed to normalize the in
betweens and heal from extremism. So if you miss those,
definitely go back and check those out. All eight episodes
are out now and we're gonna keep on treking along
with this week's episode about Way, which is all about
one of the biggest myths that comes up with my clients.
(01:08):
So just for context, the number one thing that I've
noticed women do to try to take control and I'm
really putting that in air quotes, but take control of
their health is to try to take control of the
food that they are eating. And heck, there's a multi
billion dollar industry geared towards helping you do just that,
and that's really what the diet industry is. But when
(01:29):
it comes to any woman that struggles with any type
of disordered eating or an actual eating disorder, this adds
even more madness to the equation because the more you
try to air quotes control what you eat, ironically, the
more out of control you feel. And the truth is
is that everyone knows how to control food or control
(01:50):
what you put in your body, and everyone knows how
to do the whole eat less, move, more dance, and
you know, there's countless options out there teaching you how
to count and measure and and restrict and micromanage or
control what or how much you eat. But let's be honest,
is that really the approach that you want to take?
(02:10):
And is that going to help or harm you and
your efforts with your relationship with food? And does that
even solve the right problem? And if you get truly
honest with yourself, is trying to you know, control yourself?
If that was going to work, wouldn't it have worked
by now? Now this might seem like a super obvious
(02:31):
thought process. But again, I have worked with hundreds of
women over the years, and the number one thing I
hear is leanne I wish I had more control over food.
And if you're anything like I was, or like my
clients are, trying to control food or track food or
simply think about food, actually makes disordered eating worse, and
(02:52):
it ingrains more of the diet mentality that you think
you're trying to get away from. And I totally get
it because I learned and the same eat less move
more equation that I'm assuming you know you probably learn too.
And even though yeah, it can be effective and feeding
that short term gratification trap of making you feel like
you're in control, unless you address your relationship with food,
(03:16):
nothing will change in the long run. So, for example,
if within your relationship with food, you feel like you're
a slave to controlling yourself or a slave to exercise
to make you feel some sense of control or to
keep you from feeling like you're going off the date bend,
or if you're always bouncing from one extreme to the other.
So for me, it looked like, you know, dieting and
(03:37):
restricting or playing food police until I couldn't really take
it anymore, and then my inner rebel would kick in
and I would move to the polar opposite, you know,
care free, abandonment, eating whatever I could get my hands on,
and then of course feeling guilty or trying to out
exercise what I ate. So if you live anywhere on
that spectrum, and we all have our own version of it,
(03:59):
that means you're mos likely living on that up and down,
all or nothing control roller coaster, which means you're probably
the opposite of free. And if I can be bold
and take a guess, I'm guessing that you're probably the
opposite of happy, because let's be honest, that's no way
to live. And as you're gonna hear me talk about
a lot, unless you, or I should say, until you
(04:21):
address the self image and body image that's causing you
to think and act and feel and behave the way
that you are and to eat the way that you're eating,
or to eat your feelings, or you know, to feel
all that shame and blame and guilt and comparisonitis and perfectionism,
or you know, whatever your version of that is. And
again we all have our own. There's no shame, and
(04:42):
I'm really not trying to be doom and gloom or negative,
but you will bring all of your old habits and
old thinking and old behaviors with you if you don't
address it. And that's why today's episode is so important.
But also, you know, there are so many mixed messages
out there about this idea trying to you know, control
what you eat and the fact that you should try
(05:04):
to get good at controlling yourself and having more willpower.
But in reality, not only does this mentality keep you
stuck in the cycle and oftentimes it makes it worse.
But thinking that controlling what you eat or even that
weight loss is going to solve a deeper, bigger struggle,
or that it is the answer, it's actually going to
(05:25):
keep you from finding what actually works for you to
heal in all the ways that you need healing. And again,
this is not a short term conversation, because everything works
in the short run, and there's a million ways to
feel in control in the short run, But then it's
like what happens after a few days or a few weeks,
and you know, we really need to shift the paradigm
(05:46):
to start talking about what will work for you in
the long run. As in forever and heal the cycle,
close the loop, put the fire out, and prevent the
fires from popping back up in the future. So what
I'm proposed us is that we dive into the thinking
and the mindset and the brain set behind all of this,
as in, you know, the wiring in your brain that
(06:08):
is doing the doing without your permission. And in order
to do that, I want to start by addressing one
of the biggest myths that you need to be aware
of if you ever want to heal your relationship with food,
your relationship with your body, your relationship with yourself, and
put all of this stressing about food and your body
to bed for good. So let's dive in. So I
(06:30):
believe that one of the biggest myths out there in
the women's health world is just that it's this idea
that you should go get good at controlling food. And
like I said, I can't even tell you how many
women I speak with that wish they could simply you know,
have more willpower or discipline or perseverance to stick with
whatever plan they put themselves on, or you know, maybe
(06:53):
their dietician or nutritionists put them on it. And yes,
you know, sometimes it's even an eating disorder specialist that
put you on something that essentially caused you to think
about food even more. And again, there's so many different
things out there, and I'm not trying to make anything wrong,
but we also want to be aware of that, even
when we think we're getting the help that we need,
if it's not serving us, we want to know what
(07:14):
that looks like too, right, because the reality is, let's
face it, all you want to do is not think
about it and not have it rule your brain. There
are so many amazing dieticians and nutritionists and eating disorder
specialists out there, but a lot of my clients come
to me and they're likely Anne, I went to somebody
that specialized in eating disorders and disordered eating and it
made the problem worse. So you also want to be
(07:37):
aware of when it's creating more of this food focused conversation. Right.
And I can't even tell you how many women come
to me and tell me that, like, if they could
just figure out how to make, you know, willpower and
discipline and control show up for them, then all would
be well and the problem would be solved. And they
kind of feel bad that they're not able to muster
up those skills, and I used to think this same
(08:00):
thing about my own struggles and my own up and
down weight loss, weight gain, yo yo cycle, and my
own inability to stick with whatever the you know, diet
of the month or plan of the month I promised
myself I would follow through on, And I came to
learn that it was only because I was focusing on
the wrong thing. In fact, I was actually making things
worse because willpower and motivation and the ability to you know,
(08:22):
grit my way through yet another unsustainable plan or program
or structure were not my problems. The real problem was
this idea in my head that I actually wanted to
go get good at control in the first place, or
to be a better dieter or whatever words I was using.
That was the problem. It was that hyper control mentality
(08:44):
that was keeping me stuck and the fact that I
was trying to become more skillful in a way of
thinking that was setting me up to lose and setting
me up to fail. Well, that was just the icing
on the cake. Because when trying to control myself or
grit my way through cravings or you willpower, when that
kind of thinking was the epicenter of my strategy, this
(09:05):
was basically my life. So, first off, I was playing
a game that I would never love and I would
never win. Yet I was investing crazy amounts of time
and energy and money and you know, heart and soul,
really trying and wishing and praying that somehow this time
would be different. I was playing a game that I
would never love and never win, and trying to force myself,
(09:26):
persuade myself, convince myself to keep playing, even though I
knew in my heart that it would never work and
that there had to be a better way, even if
I didn't know what the heck that looked like. Right,
I was playing a game that I would never love
and never win, and then beating myself up or shaming myself,
blaming myself, feeling guilty all the time because I honestly
(09:48):
thought there was something wrong with me, that I was
the problem. Till all of a sudden, you know, I
got to that point where I hate to admit it,
but I kind of almost lost hope or faith or
trust that anything would work for me, because by that point,
I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me. I
genuinely thought I was messed up or a food addict
(10:10):
or whatever other cruel and untrue things I was saying
to myself. Thankfully though a moment literally down on my
knees on a paddle board with tears streaming down my face,
and I now endearingly call it my first quarter life crisis,
which is a whole other story all in itself, but
it forced me to stop putting band aids on the problem,
(10:33):
get the help that I needed, and finally solve the
problem that had been following me around my entire life.
And it was only through those series of events that
I was able to realize the following. So trying to
use willpower and control was simply a band aid or
a way of me papering over the fact that I
had a really complicated and stressful and emotional relationship with
(10:57):
food and a complicated, stressful and emotional relationship with myself. Ironically, though,
you know when you're trying to control yourself all the time,
you know what that brings more of? Well, yeah, you
probably guessed complication, stress, and emotion. So it's taking the complication,
the stress, and the emotion and just adding to it,
but trying to control myself thinking that it was going
(11:19):
to help, but it was making it worse. And it
was just one big catch twenty two. And this is
where I want to talk about something that I talk
about all the time, and I call it the weight
of the weight. And this is where I want to
talk about something that I talk about all the time,
and I call it the weight of the weight, because
(11:41):
the weight on your body isn't the real weight. The
real weight is all this other stuff that you've been
carrying around with you. And we're going to talk about
what that is in just a second, but for right now,
just know this, like, once you make the shift, once
you ditch that weight what I call the weight of
the weight, that's when you'll finally be able to be
(12:02):
done with all the food and body and diet stuff
once and for all, and you know, no more dieting
and worrying and stressing or obsessing or second guessing or whatever,
right and you can just finally stop all of that
controlled diet madness, okay, and you'll be able to get
off the up and down all or nothing roller coaster
(12:23):
and you'll know how to give yourself what you really
need to transform your health for good, not just get
those short term. Can't keep them because I can't sustain
this kind of results. Right. And when I talk about
the weight of the weight, there's a few different weight
of the weights that you'll hear me talk about throughout
these episodes on that way. But the weight of the
weight that I want to talk about today is the
(12:44):
first weight that needs to be ditched, and it's the
weight of the fight, Okay, the fight against food, the
fight against your body, the fight against yourself. And I
want to give you permission to ditch the weight of
the fight, which is really this quest to control, as in,
ditch the weight of the restriction and the deprivation and
(13:07):
the punishment and the persuasion and the stress that typically
comes alongside food in your body. And it does not
have to because here's the thing. Food is not the problem.
Food is not some enemy, right. The hyper trying to
control yourself mentality is the problem here. It's your thoughts
about food that are the problem. Right. The all or nothing,
(13:28):
black white up down on off roller coaster is the
problem because you can't ever get off, or if you do,
you become terrified that you're going to go. You know,
for me, it was like, oh my gosh, I'm going
to go gain a bunch of weight I'm going to
go off the deep end. I'm gonna feel so out
of control. So either way, you end up feeling like
you're a slave to it, and you become like kind
(13:48):
of like a hostage to it. It controls your life
more than you do. Right, And so here's the truth.
This is the real weight. This is what perpetuates your
struggle with food and your body and actually makes it
worse because first of all, it's stressful, but I would
even go as far as say it's fattening. And here's
what I mean. So I want to share with you
(14:08):
what I call the tail of two cookies. And I've
shared this before, but it definitely bears repeating. So picture this.
If I eat a cookie and I allow myself to
really experience it, you know, the positive emotions of the
cookie like joy, pleasure, indulgence, just permission to eat it,
no drama. Right. This is going to put me in
the relaxed branch of my nervous system. It's called the
(14:30):
parasympathetic branch. And so as a result, I'm going to
have all of those feel good, happy hormones floating through me,
things like dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin and most women don't
know this, but you've got to be in that parasympathetic
branch if you want to digest your food optimally and
extract nutrients and really just get your metabolism firing optimally.
(14:51):
As in, your metabolism and nervous system can't do its
job if it's not in that parasympathetic branch. But on
top of that, now that cookie has become one more
repetition of me practicing relaxation and ease around food, and
you're gonna learn the nervous system it just it literally
just gets good at whatever you teach it, whatever it practices,
(15:13):
and then this is going to create positive neuro associations
alongside that cookie. But on the flip side, if I
eat a cookie, same cookie, but this time I'm feeling
guilty because I think it's bad, or because I'm doing
something air quotes wrong, or simply eliciting any other negative emotions,
this puts me in the stressed branch of my nervous system,
(15:35):
the sympathetic branch. And so now this experience of the cookie,
the same cookie but with different thoughts means that I
have these stress hormones floating through me. Things like cortisol, adrenaline, epinephyrine.
And again, you know, when you're in this branch of
your nervous system, it's not able to optimally do its job,
so optimal digestion, optimal extraction of nutrients, and really like
(15:58):
firing up metabolic path ways. Your brain thinks it's running
from a saber toothed tiger, so it's not able to
optimally do all of that right. But on top of that,
now this cookie, with those thoughts, it's me practicing like
another repetition right of stress and unease and disease right
disorder around food. And again, the nervous system gets good
(16:20):
at whatever it practices. So now we're laying down these
negative neuro associations alongside food. Okay, but this isn't just
the case when it comes to food, Okay, who you're
being and how you're feeling before, during, and after any
action is what makes the biggest difference. So it's not
about what you're doing that's the most important thing. It's
(16:41):
about who you're being and how you're feeling. And that's why, yes,
I'm saying it's better to eat a cookie with permission
than a kale salad under duress or distress, because how
you feel matters. Okay, when you are stressed or feeling
guilty or overwhelmed, or you just feel it crap you
are in you're creating and eliciting that threat or stress response. Okay.
(17:04):
But the cool thing is your body also has this
relaxation response that cascades when you feel good or at
peace during any experience. So again, it's not the cookie,
it's who you're being and how you're feeling before, during,
and after, and the same is true for your body.
So let's just run through that. So for example, and
I want you to just kind of picture this in
your own body. If I'm feeling pain free, right and
(17:27):
I'm thinking happy thoughts and my nervous system is happy
and healthy, bam, it's going to trigger that relaxation response.
But if I'm in pain, so physical pain, maybe it's
emotional pain because I'm thinking self critical thoughts about my body,
that's gonna make my nervous system I call it nervous,
like a nervous nervous system, and bam, I'm triggering that
fight or flight response. And yes, that's simply based on
(17:50):
the thoughts that I'm thinking about my body so again,
it's not your body, it's who you're being and how
you're feeling about your body and the thoughts that you're thinking.
And I could go on and on and on. I
used you know, cookie in your body as an example,
but I think you're starting to get a pattern here. Okay,
but there's another really big reason that trying to restrict
(18:11):
or control and like again the control mentality in general,
why it's the problem. Because if I told you not
to think about the color blue, okay, just roll with
me for a second, Like, do not think about the
color blue, Okay, don't think about blue paint or a
blue sky, just don't think about the color blue. Period.
We as humans, especially women, if we are told that
(18:34):
we can't or have or do or you know, can't
consume something, it's all we think about. We want it
even more right, if you tell me I can't have it,
I think about it. Right. And so every woman that
I've ever met that struggles with overeating or emotional eating
or disordered eating or an eating disorder, you're so sick
(18:56):
of thinking about food, right, And that's why telling yourself
not to have something, not to do something, it's going
to make you think about it even more. And again,
you're sick of thinking about food, right that you just
want to think about it less. But when you're in
that all or nothing, black white on off roller coaster
and you're trying to play the control control control game,
which we already learn it just doesn't work and it's
(19:18):
never going to work, you're stuck in that paradigm. Okay.
So again, in other words, I mean, he's just trying
to say this a different way, and I'm one of
those people that likes to hear things multiple different ways.
But I'll just kind of spell it out. Food is
not the problem, Okay. I know we listen to podcasts
and we read books and we think like, oh my gosh,
I have a food problem. But it's really not the food.
It's your thoughts about food that are the problem, okay.
(19:41):
And your weight in your body are not this air
quotes problem. It's your thoughts about your body that are
causing and perpetuating the problem. And I hate to say
it like this, but like you are not the problem,
but you are also the problem in the way that like,
it's your thoughts about yourself that are the problems. So
your thoughts are the solution. Therefore you are the solution.
It's one of those things that I had to own
(20:03):
where I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm the problem. What's
that Taylor Swift song? She's like, Hey, I'm the problem.
It's me right, I'm the problem. But by golly, I
am the solution. Which is so empowering because I know
for me, I was thinking the solution lived you know
air quotes out there, and now I know, no, it
lives in here. It's in my mind. It's in my brain.
But I had to acknowledge not with shame, like with
love and compassion that like I am creating the problem
(20:26):
in my head with the way that I'm thinking, and
more of the control side of it is just perpetuating
that thinking, more of the problem. Right. So if food,
you know, stresses you out or bums you out or
weighs you down, food is not the problem. It's it's
your relationship with food and who you're being and how
you're feeling around the food that's the problem. Right. And
(20:48):
I can promise you this, right, food is not going away, Okay, temptation,
it's not going away either. And you know, family gatherings
and holidays and nights out on the town and you know,
tired night, it's at home on the couch. You know
the times when statistically most people tend to mindlessly eat
or stress eat or emotionally eat. They aren't going away either, Okay.
(21:10):
In fact, we can count on the fact that food
will always be a part of our lives. So the
way I see it, you can keep kind of ignoring
that and just hope that willpower and discipline magically appear
to counter all the restrictions in control. Or you can
a prepare yourself to better handle those situations when they
do come and be little by little prevent them from
(21:33):
happening as much in the future, because this is the
real weight in your mind, body and brain. So here's
how it played out for me. You know, first off,
I had to get really real with myself and what
the problem really was, because until I identified the real problem,
I would never be able to find a real solution.
(21:55):
So first I realized that I needed to stop the
dieting and hyper control, which again left me feeling so
out of control, and realized like that that was making
it worse, and on top of it, it didn't even
work right, and I realized that I was never actually
addressing the psychology of food and my relationship with food.
That all I ever knew, because it's all I ever learned,
(22:18):
was how to control food or this you know, the
control mentality, and that if I ever truly wanted to
be free, I needed to be unbrainwashed of the mindset
of thinking about food so much through you know, control
or restriction or deprivation or punishment or whatever. I learned
and really learn a whole new way of thinking around food.
And I know, to a lot of women I talk to,
they're likely and I don't even understand what that looks
(22:40):
like because this is all I've ever known. So if
that's you, like, I totally hear you. But also I
realized that food was just one of the ways that
I was disconnected from myself and disconnected from my body,
and that if I ever truly wanted to find peace
of mind and happiness and freedom, I needed to end
that war that I entered into a long time ago,
(23:02):
where I was fighting myself and shaming myself and blaming
myself and really just trying to control myself. And I
needed to find a way to move towards peace and
love and freedom. Like Wave the White flag like end
the war with my body, and so moral of the story.
You know, this myth that controlling yourself is the solution, right,
(23:23):
or that it's something that you even want to get
good at. That is the myth and the lie and
the brainwashing that I believe keeps women stuck, and it
keeps them in a prison. And it's a prison of
control and judgment and micromanaging every ounce of food that
touches your lips. And it's a prison of restriction and
deprivation that inevitably just leads to guilt or shame. And
(23:46):
it's a prison that we actually become afraid to leave.
I mean, you know, I know for me, it's all
I had ever known, and if it's all you've ever known, like,
it's very understandable that you're kind of terrified to leave it.
And you know, again, if you're anything like me, it
was a conversation that went something like, well, what will
happen if I stop trying to control or if I
stop restricting like again, I'll go off the deep end
(24:07):
or gain a bunch of weight or you know, insert
dramatic story. And we all have our own. And the
ironic part is that, yes, it's a prison, but it's
a prison that in some way actually feels safe and
it feels comforting because it's what we know, right, and
the brain loves what it knows, even if it's not
really that great, even if it's an absolutely causing suffering,
(24:30):
and until we realize that it's not actually keeping us
safe and that it's not actually comforting us, until we
realize that, we stay stuck in it. But the cool
thing is, if we choose it, we can break down
those walls and escape any time we choose and start
moving in the direction of freedom and happiness and peace
(24:51):
of mind and love, like true, genuine self acceptance and
self love, not that just like fake positivity that I
know the world threw at me for a lot of years,
for real, like really feeling it in your bones. Okay,
so what does that look like for you? And you know,
to be honest, it's different for every woman, and you know,
but here's what I can tell you. It isn't all right.
(25:12):
And I'm going to let you in on a little
distinction that I teach my clients and it's kind of
like a filter or a process so that we can
create their own unique recipes for freedom and peace of
mind and self love because I really believe we all
need our own recipe. But here it's super simple. So
the first question is this, and you can use this
like in the moment, but you can also use it
big picture like are you walking towards freedom so you know,
(25:35):
food freedom, body freedom? Or are you walking away from it? Right?
And just look look at your life, look at your
kind of strategy. Are you walking towards freedom or walking
away from it? And are you walking towards happiness or
you know day to day like are you feeling happy
or is the strategy that you're using making you happy?
Or are you walking away from happiness? Right? And are
(25:57):
you walking towards peace of mind or are you walking
away from peace of mind? Like are you living in
a stress or worry or anxiety or feeling like you're
constantly burnt out or just hemorrhaging energy? Following the plan,
the program, the structure, the system of thinking that you
are following. Because here's the reality, and I mean this
with so much love, But if whatever it is that
(26:20):
you're committed to makes you feel restricted or confined or deprived,
or if you have to force yourself to do it,
or stick with it. You are actively out voting your freedom.
And if whatever it is that you're committed to is
making you feel unhappy, or it's robbing you of your joy,
or outright does it make you feel very good, you
are actively outvoting your happiness. And if whatever you are
(26:45):
committing to it just blatantly you know, stresses you out
or overwhelms you or bogs you down or weighs you
down right, or maybe it's just that your heart and
soul knows that you're not going to be able to
stick with it, you are actively out voting peace of mind.
And if whatever you're doing is causing you to constantly
feel shame or blame or guilt or comparison itis or perfectionism,
(27:08):
you are actively out voting self love and self acceptance.
So I really just invite you to think about your
connection and commitment to trying to air quotes control yourself
and also thinking that you might actually want to get
better at it. And I want you to think about
this idea that you need to simply gather more willpower
or discipline, or that it's just a matter of finding
(27:30):
the perfect plan, right, Just think about all those ways
that you're still kind of in the control mentality and
it might be disguised as air quotes healthy, right, And
instead I just want you to ask yourself, like, is
this really what I want? And is this really what
I need? Like is this solving the right problem? Or
is it just perpetuating the old problem? And there is
(27:51):
no shame and no judgment, just love. But again, if
control and practicing willpower hasn't worked up until now, what's
going to magically cause it to start working for you now? Right?
And if you've been, you know, practicing the control mentality
for what seems like forever, you know, if it was
ever truly going to work, don't you think it would
have worked right now? And I wish that somebody would
(28:13):
have warned me that the thing I was thinking would
save me and would be my solution was actually making
things worse. Okay, this conversation, it really could have saved
me years of struggling and suffering and pain. And I
wouldn't be who I am if I didn't least share
it with you right here, right now. So I'm going
to turn it over to you, and I genuinely just
(28:35):
invite you to explore kind of the conversation the lines
of thinking, the lines of questioning that I shared on
today's episode, and really like, what do you have to lose?
Right because if you're here right now and you're stuck
in some sort of pain or suffering or a prison
of the food and body prison, what do you have
to lose? Really? Okay, So that is all for this
week's episode of Outweigh. And if you want to hear
(28:58):
more about the process that I teach my clients when
it comes to rewiring your own brain and self image
when it comes to food in your body, then head
on over to Stressless Eating dot com and sign up
to watch the Stressless Eating webinar where I walk you
through the exact five step game plan that my own
clients use to heal themselves from that all or nothing
(29:19):
diet mentality for good, but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies,
and definitely without ever having to use words like macros,
low carb or calorie burn. And so I've laid it
all out for you over there in five easy steps.
So head on over to stressless Eeating dot com and
check it out. And I'm Leanne Ellington signing out for
(29:39):
this episode of Outweigh, and we will be back next week.
Bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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