June 27, 2024 • 36 mins
Amy's sister, Cristi, joins Amy & Adelyn (her co-host for the month of June!) to talk about the power of flowers, dating in your 40s vs dating in your 20s, Cristi's desire for Amy to find a guy that she lights up around, boudoir photos, dating coaches, and more! Adelyn also shares 4 things she has learned while interning for Amy this last month. Hope you enjoy episode 4 of 4 with Adelyn....Amy for sure wants to have her back...so she might be back on in July!
HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
GUESTS: Adelyn Dozier // @adelynedozier
Cristi Dozier // @cristidozier
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Okay, cats up little food for yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Life. Oh it's pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hey, it's pretty beautiful.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Man, beautiful for.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
That for a little more exciting, said he.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
You're kicking with four Thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Happy Thursday. Four Things.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
Amy here, and I'm with my co host, my niece, Adeline. Hey,
and my sister is actually joining us too, So yes,
double guest.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Adeline's mom.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
And Adeline has been my co host for the month
of June. She's living with me for the summer as
my intern. There's four Thursdays in the month of June,
so she was joining me every Thursday, and this is
the final Thursday of the month. So if you missed
one through three, go back and listen. I've really enjoyed
having you. You're like, oh, I don't want it to end,
(01:03):
so maybe we'll see what looks like the rest of
the summer when you're here. But we're going to talk
about apparently the answer to all of our problems is flowers,
and Adeline and Christie feel pretty adamant about this, like
flowers are a thing and they're not for me, so
I'm curious why that is. And then we're going to
get into some dating talk because Adeline's dating at twenty one.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
She has a boyfriend. We've talked about him a few times.
Speaker 5 (01:25):
Hey, Henry, and then dating in your forties and what
that is like, Adeline, I think may have advice for me,
but I've got advice for you, and I'm sure your
mom does as well.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
And Christy is married, so it's not like this is.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
A we are also dating. She is still dating.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Yes, so if you are in a relationship your husband,
this podcast will benefit you. But no matter who you are,
what stage of life you're at in the moment, apparently
flowers can solve everything. And I, in my marriage, was
someone that realized I really don't like receiving flowers. And
I don't know why it took me so many years
(02:03):
to tell him that, but we were probably married over
ten years and I finally decided I don't know that
I really liked.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
It was ten years before you told him over.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
But I'll received the flowers and I would get them,
but I wasn't doing anything for me like a card
would with words of affirmation or if he's going to
spend a little money on something or a gift, flowers
weren't it for me.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I don't but I.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Had to give you some sort of initial like happiness,
like smile on your face, gratitude thought, Oh, yes, of
course I was a thoughtful the thoughtfulness of it.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Yeah, I think that you're like, oh, I'm comparing it
to a love language of sorts, even though it's not that.
But you can do, you know, acts of service for
someone all day long, and of course they're grateful and
they might appreciate it. But if their love language is
touch or words of affirmation, that's going to be more
impactful on the relationship or filling up your cup in
(03:00):
a different way. And when I see how much y'all
love flowers and even the benefits of having plants in
your home and things that are alive and beautiful, I'm
open to it. I'm willing to grow. I just need
nuh y'all can to water me a little bit with
your flower knowledge, and then in my next relationship, I'll
(03:21):
be able to receive flowers or you can.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Like just communicate it more in your next relationship, like
you don't need to get me flowers.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
I don't think I really realized how much until one
day I thought, I don't know if he was on
a kick of buying a lot of flowers, just even
at the grocery store when he's checking out like a
quick you know, there's sometimes they're in a bucket.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
See that would make me so happy.
Speaker 6 (03:41):
What I noticed this week is at your house you
had this really pretty bouquet someone had sent you. Was
a very small, simple one with hydranges and some pink roses,
and the hydrangers were starting to wilt a little bit.
And then I also noticed they were completely out of water.
So I had taken the little thing off the side table,
went over, filled it up in the sink, just kind
of doctored up a little bit, trimed the ends, filled
(04:02):
up the water to freshen up the hydranges, and then
I set it by the sink, because it's kind of
nice to have a little bouquet of flowers by the sink.
And then lo and behold, it moved. You moved it
back over to the hidden, little obscure corner.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Okay, she hit it. What is happening? Why did you
want flowers by your sink?
Speaker 5 (04:20):
So I actually thought they looked cue over in that
little nook. I think the flowers are pretty. And then
also I forgot to water them. And at that point
I thought they would be dead, so were you were
reviving them and bringing them back to life, I would
have just thrown them out. But then I saw what
you did, and I'm like, wow.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
There's something to this.
Speaker 6 (04:40):
Yeah, I think it's a little more if it's right
by the sink, you know, to fill it up. And
I think typically I'll do that at home as well.
And it doesn't have to be an extravagant, beautiful bouquet
of flowers, you know, a huge one, just a little simple,
even mason jar with like a couple of little flowers.
And for me, it's also about the color scheme, Like
I really love just whites and greens in my little
(05:02):
flowers that sit on my counter. So if I were
to get like bright orange carnations with some other lively
wild colors, I don't know if I'd keep them by
the sink as long as I do my beautiful whites
and greens.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
I know that for all Mel Robbins fans here, and
she recently did an entire episode on the benefits of flowers.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
She pulled together all this research and the researchers from
Harvard found actual proof that living with flowers strengthens feelings
of compassion and decreases anxiety and worry. But that doesn't
seem to be something that you have felt. But I
definitely think I feel that, and living with flowers can
provide a boost of energy, happiness, and enthusiasm at work.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Well, then maybe I need to get a little bouquet
of flowers so my desk at work too.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I'm willing to try anything. I'm not closed off to it.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
I guess when Ben was just gifting me a lot
of them, I realized, you don't need to keep doing this.
But now I feel like that was rude, but.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
It was more community.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
That's not rude.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
That's you community.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
I'm spressing what yeah like if someone buys you meet
every day and you're like, I.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Don't need meat.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
That's what Henry does.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Henry buys you meet beef.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
He lives on a cattle ranch. No he doesn't, he doesn't. Really.
He's gotten me some really good okays of flowers, and
I really appreciate them. What I think would be the
cherry on top is for a man to go to
Trader Joe's and buy the flowers in their separate buckets
and make their own arrangement. I think that would be
the coolest thing.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Ever, because it's time and effort.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
That's time and effort, and they're picking things out that
they think are specific to you. And I haven't gotten
that yet before. But one day, well maybe Henry's listen,
maybe he'll listen to this episode.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
Well I would.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
I think maybe you need to figure out what your
flower is.
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Maybe we go by Trader Joe's later, because they do
have a great we should do that. And what is
the flower that doesn't make you happy? Maybe that's the thing.
Like for me, I love vernunculus flowers. They're these kind
of wild little mini peonies. Oh, ponies. How can you
not love peonies?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
I love baby's breath.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
We need to go and baby's breath.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Yeah, the small white ones, you know. Yeah, I think there's.
Speaker 6 (07:11):
Yeah, But maybe you just don't know what your flower is,
and this is part of you just discovering another layer
of yourself that's untapped. And then you start buying yourself flowers.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Put on by the sink. I think maybe you just
don't wat overwhelming flower bouquet.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
And then I nurture it and keep it alive, and
then I build a relationship with flowers, right.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
But yeah, you have a connection to it instead of
killing tossing it and then.
Speaker 6 (07:34):
You get another one, or you just get a bundle
of parsley.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Yeah. Mom always keeps a mason jar of parsley by
the sink. And I think that could be something you
enjoy too.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Yeah, easy, yeah, low budgets. Parsley is good for you,
Like cilantro parsley. I love garnishing that on food for
the nutritional Maybe we try that too. So maybe my
next relationship, I just say, if you're gonna buy me flowers,
just get me parsley. So, speaking of dating, I'm trying
(08:03):
to do that. And Adeline, you've been with Henry for
what like six months? Yeah, ish or so, and I
feel like dating in my forties has been a little
bit of a struggle. However, you have shared that you
think that dating in your forties is way better than
dating in your twenties. And when I look at you
and here I'm watching you and how y'all are, I'm like, oh,
(08:26):
I want to go back to my twenties and I
want to date then. But the reality is I'm forty three,
I'm a mom of two, I have a full time career,
there's a lot happening, and then you try to work
in the dating, and then I wonder sometimes too, have
I taken enough time from my divorce? Have I fully
healed from that? There's things I could work through that
(08:47):
I don't want to take into the next relationship, like
communication problems since I took me well over a decade.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
You're say flowers, I don't think I.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
Like flowers, and then learning who I am like who
am I in this era? But maybe dating helps me
discover that. So I'm going to hear from you what
you put together for why you think it might be better
for me.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Well, I think in some people's opinions, and this can
be based on so many different circumstances, but some women
in their forties have said that dating is way better
and men, not just women. But it's because you're more confident,
because when you're older, you know more of what you want.
You know, you don't have to settle, You have your
expectations in line. It's less about looks now. Maybe I
(09:32):
don't know if you still care about that like I
care about looks a lot. You're worried if they have
hair or not. At this age, I guess.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
My god, well I think that.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Yeah, my age, it's either they have it or they don't.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Yeah, roll with that.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Another thing is men have matured for the most part.
You're looking for something different and your experiences give you
a different perspective on love. You're more mature, I think
is a sum, so you're more aware of what you
want in what you look for in someone, whereas a
lot of people in their twenties don't know themselves as
well yet, so they don't know exactly what they want
(10:08):
to look for in a relationship. So that's the perk possibly.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
You know.
Speaker 5 (10:13):
What I think for you in your twenties is I
think back to me in my twenties and Christy, you
got married at twenty three twenty three, okay, and I
got married at twenty five, and every boyfriend I had,
you know, I kept thinking about what's it going to
be like when we get married? And I don't know
what it's like for girls your age now, Adeline. But
(10:33):
do you think that when you start dating a guy,
not to scare Henry off if he's listening. But is
that at the forefront of your mind still or is
it more like, hey, I still have a lot ahead
of me. I have a lot to learn about myself.
This is a relationship where I'm excited to get to
know this person, but don't put this pressure on.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Am I going to marry this person?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Yeah? My brain does not go to marriage right away.
I feel like even or when I was younger, I
thought about that more than I do now, And now
my mindset has changed to where I just want to
be more present in the moment and get to know
someone and just see them for who they are, not
who they could be. So I don't know if I
keep dating Henry, that'll be something that is on my
(11:17):
mind more. But we haven't been dating that long, so
it's not something I think about all the time. I'm
more just enjoying getting to know him in college as
we are right now. But I think a lot of
my friends who are Christians, it's something that it's in
the Christian bubble of talking about getting married really young.
And some of my friends from this gap year that
I went on I was a mission trip gap year,
(11:39):
they're engaged getting married and then a bolder like in
my sorority, in my roommates, they're like, oh gosh, no,
not for another ten plus years and I'm somewhere right
in the middle, So that would be my take in
my twenties.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Definitely, every yeah friend I had is like you're like, oh,
we're only six months in. I'd be like I'd known
them for five days and be like, we're going to
get this is the one.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Like trying your first name with their last name signing it.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Okay, well I have done not, but I.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
You know, that's just funny.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Does that count?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Okay? I will say if they don't meet certain expectations.
I have grown up enough now to know I'm not
going to keep dating someone. I date Henry because I
do see things in him, qualities, So yeah, I see
qualities that I like in him. And if there are
expectations that a guy doesn't meet, I'm not going to
drag it out anymore.
Speaker 5 (12:30):
Christy, that being your daughter talking over there, that's going
to make you feel really proud of how she's operating it.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Absolutely does.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
I think I love hearing her take on it, just
as you're asking her about Henry, and we adore him.
And she's had a couple other boyfriends and a couple
guys you've maybe dated really really short term, never super
seriously but I do think of her roommates and friends
in different things, and there's a whole different spectrum of
how twenty one year olds are right now. She has
(13:00):
friends who have had babies, yeah, twenty one. She has
friends that are seriously.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Friends who have never had a boyfriend yet too, friends
who have two kids now and have been married for
two And then you have the gamut of the full spectrum,
girls who are trying to date as many guys as
they can, you know, kind of not a in a
very kind of flippant, non serious way.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
Yeah, And I think whenever people want to do that
is okay. I guess, just as your aunt, that would
be my advice to you. And you're already doing it,
and you're already living that way. So I think that's
awesome because that's now I'm going to approach now forty three.
I'm not dating and going to say, oh am I
going to marry this person. I want to practice being
(13:42):
more present and getting to know them. But similar to you,
if they have that'll.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Still your mindset, even in your forties now, not looking
at marriage, just saying I just want to be.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
It's my new mindset.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
Oh but when I was your age, right, it is
my mindset now that you already have, which was going
to be my advice. Oh but you already You're already
ahead of me, So that's sweet.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
You're very matures.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Have a great mom.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Gosh, who's your mom?
Speaker 6 (14:11):
I mean, But even for you, even as as mature
as you sound right now talking about it, I think
her dad and I try to really encourage her to
give yourself a little time, like we got married at
twenty three. Just really continue to get to know yourself,
continue to get to the person, know the person you're dating.
And there's no rush, you know. I think sometimes in
(14:32):
your young twenties you can feel this rush, especially when
your friends start getting engaged to like, oh my gosh,
am I gonna like miss my window? And it's so yeah,
follow and there's so many ways to get to know
yourself and to continue to grow.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
That's what you seem to be doing.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
One piece of advice that you gave me recently was
mom got engaged her senior year, and that's something that
some of my friends have done, and that's great. But
your advice to me was don't rush to the next
season while a really good season is already happening. Don't
rush to the season of being engaged. Be present, be
where my feet are, and then that will come if
(15:20):
it's meant to be in God's timing. And I really
liked that advice, and it made me feel like it
is okay to take things slow and it's there's no
need to rush to get engaged or to get married.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
Yeah, well, everybody's on their own timeline. But I was
just giving you my perspective, even though that's how we
did do things. And I did get engaged my senior year,
and then we got married right after I graduated. I
really realized that I felt like planning for the wedding
and planning for the marriage overlapped with me enjoying the
very end of my senior year of college. And it's
(15:52):
like these two seasons really overlapped. And so I was
just trying to share my perspective.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, I liked it.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
No matter what's happening with you your friends, you were
on your own timeline and it's okay to draw things
out a little longer than maybe other people are.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
So Ben, you're Ben.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
So I was minded to have been which happened to
be her Ben's bff. But what's the flower story, since
we were talking about flowers earlier, just oh, into my
head about what you did when y'all were in junior high.
Speaker 6 (16:20):
Yeah, well, my Ben and I, actually you're beIN and
I too. We all met in middle school youth group
at church. So my beIN we actually became boyfriend girlfriend
in middle school and kind of dated a little bit
through high school.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Then we broke up and he dated somebody else for
a long time.
Speaker 6 (16:35):
We don't talk, We don't really need to talk about
all the details of that. But nonetheless, he had come
over to my house and I was in gymnastics and
a dancer in high school, so it was like my
freshman year of high school, and I had done some
performances and sometimes you would get flowers. People would bring
you roses, Oh, good job on your performance. Well then
I would save those roses like that dozen roses, dry them,
(16:56):
hang them upside down, dry them, and then they'd be
sitting around my room. Really, and so Bit comes over
he sees, oh, she likes dead flowers. Okay, And so
his stepmom and dad had a recent anniversary. His dad
had given some flowers. The flowers were about to be
thrown out because they were wilty and gross and ugly,
(17:17):
and Ben's like, oh no, no, no, don't throw them out.
Christie loves dead flowers. So then he brought me his
parents old used dying dead anniversary flowers because he thought
I would love them. And so the differences, they weren't
the flowers given to me, they were given to somebody else.
(17:38):
So I think that's the sentiment of keeping dried flowers
is typically that's because they were given to you alive
and beautiful, and.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Then you saved them.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I think it's cute. That is thirteen or fourteen year
old brain.
Speaker 5 (17:49):
I thought, oh, she loves dead Wait a second, Christie
loves dead flowers.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
That's a cute story.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
I love that.
Speaker 5 (17:58):
So do you have any thoughts on dating, even though
you haven't dated since your twenties, or what you would
hope that I look for in my next relationship. Not
the qualities in the person, because I know that you
love my former bin. Yes we've known him forever, so
it's not I do about that be very special to me,
but more so that what you hope for me and
(18:21):
maybe what I look for, like traveling or being spontaneous.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Spontaneous spin could be that, but.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
I'm you know, working on that.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
Or are you and Ben looking for pickleball people to
like play with, y'all something like that, or people to
sit around the campfire? Would you like them him to
want to hike in the mountains with us and ski,
which you know, my bin did all wait?
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Why did I get to wait?
Speaker 5 (18:44):
No?
Speaker 6 (18:44):
No, I mean all of those things would be wonderful,
but I think the main thing I want to see
is I just want to see you really light up
when you're with them, And I honestly don't care about
anything else. So it makes me cry to say that
out loud, But I just think, whoever where it is,
and I believe that he's out there, that he will
walk into your life with a force and it can happen.
(19:09):
It can happen, and nothing's perfect and no one's perfect.
You know, it's not going to be like some type
of fairy tale situation because that's not real life, but
just something where you'll definitely compliment each other and light
each other up vice versa that I see he lights
you up as well, So that's the most important thing.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Thank you for sharing that. I would like that too.
Speaker 6 (19:33):
And if he likes to ski, and hike and enjoys
the mountains and wants to come to Pugosa all the time.
That would be awesome.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Yeah, if he wants to move to Colorado and Colorado, yeah,
that would be great and we'll come see you heard
anyone know anyone, So we.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Will be taking application.
Speaker 5 (19:50):
Adelan just made a reference to last week the Waterhose
podcast and the waterse praying raying water as a squirty.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Squirty, I don't say that.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
Yeah, this is more just me looking forward. It doesn't
mean what I didn't have or anything, Like I loved
my marriage. I love that we got two kids out
of it from Haiti and they have a whole new
life here and they're adjusting well to their time with
their mom and their time with their dad. And Ben
is dating, and clearly that's the thing, and I know
(20:24):
they're enjoying that and they're getting to experience someone that's
pouring into their life. And I just too want if
I meet somebody, I need to make sure that they'll
pour into my kids as well.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
That would be.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
Part of you lighting up around them because you're not
having to dim any part of yourself to accommodate.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
And you know, Ben is wonderful.
Speaker 6 (20:44):
You're Ben is wonderful, You're been a lot been, They're
all they're just great Ben.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
No.
Speaker 6 (20:50):
But what I was just saying is you you you're
a Ben.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
You have a hen.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
I know, but we are to now say your bin
or my bin because he's not my beIN anymore.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And he probably always say your bin.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
I know which, and I will refer to him that
way sometimes too, and then I still.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Call him uncle Ben.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Yeah, and you should. Yeah, he is your own been.
I just think out of respect for how how he's
progressed in his life, right for me to say my bin. Right,
it's weird because he's in a relationship, which is great.
Speaker 6 (21:25):
You know, you'll both have so much to offer people,
and you as a couple had lost your way with
each other because of a lot of factors. And so
I really hope it for both of you that as
you move on, because y'all are co parenting, you've got
these children. Of course, I love him and will always
be family, but I would like to see for both
(21:46):
of you that spark and whoever your partners are in
the future well.
Speaker 5 (21:50):
And some of the things that I was singing about
that are struggles in this you know, touched on have
I healed from that? Have I taken enough time? And
I do think that I have. But I saw somewhere
that for every five years or you take however long
you were married, and there's a formula where you figure
that's how long you need to stay single after you've
(22:12):
broken up or gotten a divorce.
Speaker 6 (22:15):
I've heard something about the rule of seven or something
that it can take seven years to fully heal from
a broken relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
And that's just one person's advice.
Speaker 6 (22:26):
I've also heard you for sure just need a full
year to focus on yourself. Don't jump into another relationship
right after a divorce, which I don't know where we
are in the timeline.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
I feel like we're a long time.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
I mean, how longer when I don't remember everything? I mean,
I don't know if you like everything became official. We're
getting close to.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
A year, but there was a separation prior to that.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
For a long time.
Speaker 5 (22:49):
So yeah, And then another struggle is getting clear on
like what I want in this partner, So I think
I maybe need to spend more time journaling through that.
And then if I am doing online dating, which I have,
I'm on hinge, but I'm even my friends like looked
at my profile and they're like, Amy, you're not even trying.
You put this picture of you answered one question. You're
like you know, they're like, what are you into? And
(23:10):
I'm like cats, cold plunges and clean sheets, and they're like.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
People swipe right, WHOA.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
I liked the alliteration and definitely not flowers.
Speaker 5 (23:23):
Parsley people and popcorn stuff like that pillow, pillow talk,
pillow time.
Speaker 6 (23:30):
That is one thing I never experienced is online dating situation.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
I never have either. I think it's funny that I
never have, and you're you and your four I have
never you've downloaded a dating app? No, but I get
to sit and watch my roommates enjoy it wipe.
Speaker 5 (23:45):
So I just don't know how to meet anybody else
any other way. You have to like leave your house
sometimes that's the probather than work, I know, and I
know you get home from work and it's like oh home,
which I'm not way too. I like to go on walks,
like maybe if I meet somebody at a like a
walrail club. So I think I'm going to spend some
(24:08):
time on maybe my profile, maybe just putting myself out
there more to other people like, Hey, do you know
anybody but not on Can I can help with that
with not on a TikTok or Instagram.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Well, and some advice from online people say that if
you're trying to up marketing yourself online, you should consider
hiring a dating coach. Some advice from online people say
(24:42):
that if you're trying to up marketing yourself online, you
should consider hiring a dating coach to help you with
your profile, or you can hire a local photographer to
get some crisp, updated and profile worthy photos. So maybe
we look into investing in a local dating coach.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
I did blood photos for uh been a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
You should pull those.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Up just put that is your profile.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
So actually found those the other day. We were cleaning
out a drawer and I saw it and I was like,
oh my gosh, my kids could have gone through this
draor at any moment. But it was literally three days.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Ago and I found it.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
What do you do with that?
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I just threw it away. I mean, I didn't know
what to do in that moment.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
I didn't even I knew what the book was from
the outside, and I didn't want to open it up
and look at it because I just didn't. I didn't
want to deal with seeing it at all. And I
was in my twenties.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Wait, that's what you do before you get married, right.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Well I did it after I was married. And my
best friend from high school she's still my bff. But Andrea,
she's a photographer. So we got engaged at the drist
School Hotel, and so Andrea and I went down there
one day. He was in Afghanistan and he was coming
back or something, and we rented a room, me and Andrea.
(26:01):
You can't, you.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Can't like rent a room, but I reserved by an
hour at the Drist School Hotel, which is a really
nice hotel in Austin, like historic, it's really beautiful if
you can go, like get a cocktail there if you're
ever in Austin.
Speaker 5 (26:15):
But I got it for the night.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
How do you say this?
Speaker 5 (26:19):
I got a hotel room there. And Andrea took my
photos for me because I was pretty shy and embarrassed
about it, and looking back, they're not really that riskue
Like I think in one of them, I'm in the
bathtub and I have brained boots on, Like I don't
know what I don't I'm going by memory because I
(26:41):
didn't open it up.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Like I said, I.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Just wish you wouldn't have thrown those away.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Well, I didn't know I saw some of them.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
I'm sure Andrea maybe has this.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
She probably.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:54):
Could you imagine if I hire a photographer and he's like, so,
what are these four? And I'm like, my dating.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
I've got these grape? He probably dating coaches probably get
that all too often. I'd like to use my rain
boots for these.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
Okay, so I could look into a dating coach. I
know people that have done that, especially in bigger cities
or they if they travel a lot, it's just overwhelming
and they're over the online stuff and they just want
like it's like a matchmaker. It's yeah, more than just
a dating coach. They actually will match you and you
pay a monthly fee or you pay six months to
(27:33):
work with them. I have friends here in Nashville that
have done it that are beautiful, single, awesome girls.
Speaker 6 (27:39):
They're still say, well, I'm curious about hinge. I know
I've heard of all these things, but like, that's what. Also,
college kids are on hinge. So how do you you
make the age margin.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
I've talked to someone that's thirty two on hinge and
someone that's fifty thirty two is my youngest, just talking
like message and.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
More so it was like I said, do you know
how old I am?
Speaker 5 (28:01):
And he was like that was your.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Lune because I was like, you're thirty two.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
And he said yeah, why would you close up? Like
are you open to getting coffee or And I was like,
I don't know how old? And I ended up saying
I'm just sorry I can't. And he called me out
for not being open to different experiences. He was really
nice about it, but he just said that's a shame because.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Maybe he was the one.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
But I'm also like I was eleven and you were
being born. It doesn't seem that crazy, but when you're older.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
It's different.
Speaker 6 (28:34):
I mean, it kind of does feel like y'all would
be in totally different phases of life.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Well, maybe part of my internship could be taking on
a dating coach role in your life, Like you.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
Would find the dating coach for me, or you would
take on.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Like we'll have meetings once a week to work on
your dating skills and take some new crisp photos, and
then I will I will enter the market of your
age group and find you people men.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
What is your hair like?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
What is the gap I think feel comfortable with I put.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Thirty to seventy.
Speaker 5 (29:09):
No, I think I put probably thirty eight to fifty
two or something like that. I feel like that's a
good window, kind a six or eight under, six or
eight over. I think too, It's like I need to
also not treat dates like interviews, just more like Adeline,
like be present, be in the moment, enjoy life, get flowers,
(29:33):
take care of the flowers, keep the flowers alive, Increase
my happiness, decrease my anxiety.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Opportunities not interviews.
Speaker 5 (29:41):
Yeah, okay, So Adil and you were talking about taking
on the role of dating coaches my intern I know
you put together a list of four things that you
have learned during your first month of interning.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
So you want to wrap by.
Speaker 5 (29:53):
Sharing whatever you put together, which I just saw that
we have a Google doc that we share and she
uploads stuff to it and then I look at it.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Two of the four done before we had to leave
a we can cut with more et, but I can
do two more on the spot. I've learned a lot. Okay,
four things I've learned in my first month of my
internship with Amy. The first one is how to deal
with unplanned situations and how to have the right attitude
towards it. There's a lot of things that happen in
your life all the time that do not go as planned,
(30:21):
and I've watched you react to every single one of
them really well. And I know you don't always feel
that on the inside. You think that you were too
mean or you didn't handle a situation right. But I
have watched you with really hard situations handle them with
grace and understanding. And that's not even part of what
I'm doing in my internship, but that's a good lesson
that I'll take with me. And I noticed that in you,
(30:43):
if you don't notice it in yourself. The second one
is one night we were in the garage in your
car and you were telling me the bucket analogy and
I couldn't think of who it was. Gen hat Maker, Yes,
Gen hat Maker. The bucket analogy of how to look
at everything that you're pouring into as buckets, and that
it's best to have yourself in multiple different buckets when
it comes to making an income and just in life,
(31:06):
seeing what buckets you do have in front of you
and what buckets are kind of have a hole in
the bottom and they're just draining, and what buckets are overfilling?
And I actually in my journal, I drew out my buckets.
It was a good way for me to separate all
the different things in my brain and realize what is
working and what isn't working, and how in my future
(31:27):
career I want to have multiple different sources of income
because I think that is a smart thing, and you've
said that that is a very smart and wise thing
to do. Yes, I'm taking out with me.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
You know, she got divorced before I did ish, and
I was having a really hard time and ended up
getting on the phone with her for about an hour,
and she talked through some things with me that were very,
very helpful because I had a lot of fear around
being single and taking care of myself even though I
(31:57):
am a successful career woman, still not having a husband
which was by my side for seventeen years and taking
care of things. And I knew she had a similar
situation of being married for a very long time and
having adopted kids and a lot of different things. So
she just spoke into me and had a lot of encouragement,
and yeah, the bucket thing was one of the things
(32:18):
that she shared with me, and she was like, Amy,
think of the buckets, and I mean instantly I could
see it and diversify things. And some of it is
income related and other things are just what fills you up?
Where do you want to give your time? Because some
of it may even be how are you volunteering? How
are you giving back? What is taking your time and energy?
And then have those buckets and then it's okay if
(32:39):
some of them are sitting empty.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
Those are your your dreams and your goals those buckets.
Speaker 5 (32:42):
And then there's some that are overflowing and that's great,
and there's others that are like, wait, what's the slow
drip here? Or I like the way you said that too,
even may have a slow leakya. And just assessing your
buckets and laying them out and drawing them even in
your journal, that's probably super helpful. But I remember in
that moment as she was saying it, I was pacing
my garage as I was talking to her. So now
(33:03):
when I think of buckets, my brain always goes to
my garage and all of these buckets.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Oh, and that's where you told me about the buckets.
We were sitting in your garage in your car.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
So there you go.
Speaker 5 (33:12):
But the buckets, and that helped me know that I
can have lots of different buckets. I'm not just defined
by one bucket, and it's not all just piled in there.
It's like you got all these buckets and you get
to choose, move them around.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Save them.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It makes me think, I don't think either of you
have seen the new Inside Out movie, but it's about
all the emotions and you need to go see. It's
a Disney movie, but it's way deeper than it comes off.
And they have different different islands and it's like the
imagination Island and the work island in the friend's island,
and it's kind of like the bucket analogy. But it
did really help me.
Speaker 5 (33:45):
Okay, So I guess that's two things, and she would
you don't have to do for but.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Oh you're gonna die. I can do two more on
the spot. Okay, Okay, I'd say the third thing is
I've picked up a lot of life lessons from you
so far, being here living with you. We're roommates and
it's just us every other week, and watching you balance
all the things on your plate has been a huge
lesson to me to see how you navigate that even
when I know you don't think you're doing a good
(34:11):
job at it and your brain feels like it's a
million different ways. From an outsider's perspective, I watch you
balance so many things and you show up to everything
fully present.
Speaker 5 (34:21):
We're together every week, but I guess it's just you
and me every other because the kids are there, and
I love that they're getting so much cousin time with you,
even though it is Yeah, that's been really good every
other Okay.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Fourth thing.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Fourth thing is I love learning the back end of
different brand endorsements and brand deals. I've never gotten to
see the back end of how that works, and I
think it's really interesting to learn how you get to
work with other brands and one develop relationships with them.
I think is really cool. And to be a face
for a brand and how it works navigating what you
(34:54):
say and what you talk about. So those are my
four things in the first month of being Internataline.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
Well, I have loved having you and I kind of
want you to stay forever. I love going on walks
with you. You're goofy and silly and fun, but you're also
very mature, but I think you bring out a playful
side in me, at least I feel it inside.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
I need to maybe like bring it out even a
little more, but you do.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
You're goofy and I like that about you. I don't
know if goofy is even the right word, but silly, life, fool,
how would you describe it?
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Christy? She's very fun.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Yeah, so that's your word.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
You're funk. You in fun and I love having you.
Speaker 5 (35:37):
So that wraps up our four together.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
But I'm having you back.
Speaker 5 (35:41):
We'll figure out other representations. You're going to be with me,
so c C. Thanks for being here, Thanks for having me.
We love you, Yeah, we love you. Come back and
visit us.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, I mean I'm going to be here next month,
a little while.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Not too long, all right.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
I hope you all are having the day that you
need to have at Radio Amy on Socials, at Christy
do Doer on Socials, and.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
At Adeline E. Doser.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
Okay, bye, bye bye
Okay, cats up little food for yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Life. Oh it's pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hey, it's pretty beautiful.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Man, beautiful for.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
That for a little more exciting, said he.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
You're kicking with four Thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Happy Thursday. Four Things.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
Amy here, and I'm with my co host, my niece, Adeline. Hey,
and my sister is actually joining us too, So yes,
double guest.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Adeline's mom.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
And Adeline has been my co host for the month
of June. She's living with me for the summer as
my intern. There's four Thursdays in the month of June,
so she was joining me every Thursday, and this is
the final Thursday of the month. So if you missed
one through three, go back and listen. I've really enjoyed
having you. You're like, oh, I don't want it to end,
(01:03):
so maybe we'll see what looks like the rest of
the summer when you're here. But we're going to talk
about apparently the answer to all of our problems is flowers,
and Adeline and Christie feel pretty adamant about this, like
flowers are a thing and they're not for me, so
I'm curious why that is. And then we're going to
get into some dating talk because Adeline's dating at twenty one.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
She has a boyfriend. We've talked about him a few times.
Speaker 5 (01:25):
Hey, Henry, and then dating in your forties and what
that is like, Adeline, I think may have advice for me,
but I've got advice for you, and I'm sure your
mom does as well.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
And Christy is married, so it's not like this is.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
A we are also dating. She is still dating.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Yes, so if you are in a relationship your husband,
this podcast will benefit you. But no matter who you are,
what stage of life you're at in the moment, apparently
flowers can solve everything. And I, in my marriage, was
someone that realized I really don't like receiving flowers. And
I don't know why it took me so many years
(02:03):
to tell him that, but we were probably married over
ten years and I finally decided I don't know that
I really liked.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
It was ten years before you told him over.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
But I'll received the flowers and I would get them,
but I wasn't doing anything for me like a card
would with words of affirmation or if he's going to
spend a little money on something or a gift, flowers
weren't it for me.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I don't but I.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Had to give you some sort of initial like happiness,
like smile on your face, gratitude thought, Oh, yes, of
course I was a thoughtful the thoughtfulness of it.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Yeah, I think that you're like, oh, I'm comparing it
to a love language of sorts, even though it's not that.
But you can do, you know, acts of service for
someone all day long, and of course they're grateful and
they might appreciate it. But if their love language is
touch or words of affirmation, that's going to be more
impactful on the relationship or filling up your cup in
(03:00):
a different way. And when I see how much y'all
love flowers and even the benefits of having plants in
your home and things that are alive and beautiful, I'm
open to it. I'm willing to grow. I just need
nuh y'all can to water me a little bit with
your flower knowledge, and then in my next relationship, I'll
(03:21):
be able to receive flowers or you can.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Like just communicate it more in your next relationship, like
you don't need to get me flowers.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
I don't think I really realized how much until one
day I thought, I don't know if he was on
a kick of buying a lot of flowers, just even
at the grocery store when he's checking out like a
quick you know, there's sometimes they're in a bucket.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
See that would make me so happy.
Speaker 6 (03:41):
What I noticed this week is at your house you
had this really pretty bouquet someone had sent you. Was
a very small, simple one with hydranges and some pink roses,
and the hydrangers were starting to wilt a little bit.
And then I also noticed they were completely out of water.
So I had taken the little thing off the side table,
went over, filled it up in the sink, just kind
of doctored up a little bit, trimed the ends, filled
(04:02):
up the water to freshen up the hydranges, and then
I set it by the sink, because it's kind of
nice to have a little bouquet of flowers by the sink.
And then lo and behold, it moved. You moved it
back over to the hidden, little obscure corner.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Okay, she hit it. What is happening? Why did you
want flowers by your sink?
Speaker 5 (04:20):
So I actually thought they looked cue over in that
little nook. I think the flowers are pretty. And then
also I forgot to water them. And at that point
I thought they would be dead, so were you were
reviving them and bringing them back to life, I would
have just thrown them out. But then I saw what
you did, and I'm like, wow.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
There's something to this.
Speaker 6 (04:40):
Yeah, I think it's a little more if it's right
by the sink, you know, to fill it up. And
I think typically I'll do that at home as well.
And it doesn't have to be an extravagant, beautiful bouquet
of flowers, you know, a huge one, just a little simple,
even mason jar with like a couple of little flowers.
And for me, it's also about the color scheme, Like
I really love just whites and greens in my little
(05:02):
flowers that sit on my counter. So if I were
to get like bright orange carnations with some other lively
wild colors, I don't know if I'd keep them by
the sink as long as I do my beautiful whites
and greens.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
I know that for all Mel Robbins fans here, and
she recently did an entire episode on the benefits of flowers.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
She pulled together all this research and the researchers from
Harvard found actual proof that living with flowers strengthens feelings
of compassion and decreases anxiety and worry. But that doesn't
seem to be something that you have felt. But I
definitely think I feel that, and living with flowers can
provide a boost of energy, happiness, and enthusiasm at work.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Well, then maybe I need to get a little bouquet
of flowers so my desk at work too.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I'm willing to try anything. I'm not closed off to it.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
I guess when Ben was just gifting me a lot
of them, I realized, you don't need to keep doing this.
But now I feel like that was rude, but.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
It was more community.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
That's not rude.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
That's you community.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
I'm spressing what yeah like if someone buys you meet
every day and you're like, I.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Don't need meat.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
That's what Henry does.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Henry buys you meet beef.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
He lives on a cattle ranch. No he doesn't, he doesn't. Really.
He's gotten me some really good okays of flowers, and
I really appreciate them. What I think would be the
cherry on top is for a man to go to
Trader Joe's and buy the flowers in their separate buckets
and make their own arrangement. I think that would be
the coolest thing.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Ever, because it's time and effort.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
That's time and effort, and they're picking things out that
they think are specific to you. And I haven't gotten
that yet before. But one day, well maybe Henry's listen,
maybe he'll listen to this episode.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
Well I would.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
I think maybe you need to figure out what your
flower is.
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Maybe we go by Trader Joe's later, because they do
have a great we should do that. And what is
the flower that doesn't make you happy? Maybe that's the thing.
Like for me, I love vernunculus flowers. They're these kind
of wild little mini peonies. Oh, ponies. How can you
not love peonies?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
I love baby's breath.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
We need to go and baby's breath.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Yeah, the small white ones, you know. Yeah, I think there's.
Speaker 6 (07:11):
Yeah, But maybe you just don't know what your flower is,
and this is part of you just discovering another layer
of yourself that's untapped. And then you start buying yourself flowers.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Put on by the sink. I think maybe you just
don't wat overwhelming flower bouquet.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
And then I nurture it and keep it alive, and
then I build a relationship with flowers, right.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
But yeah, you have a connection to it instead of
killing tossing it and then.
Speaker 6 (07:34):
You get another one, or you just get a bundle
of parsley.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Yeah. Mom always keeps a mason jar of parsley by
the sink. And I think that could be something you
enjoy too.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Yeah, easy, yeah, low budgets. Parsley is good for you,
Like cilantro parsley. I love garnishing that on food for
the nutritional Maybe we try that too. So maybe my
next relationship, I just say, if you're gonna buy me flowers,
just get me parsley. So, speaking of dating, I'm trying
(08:03):
to do that. And Adeline, you've been with Henry for
what like six months? Yeah, ish or so, and I
feel like dating in my forties has been a little
bit of a struggle. However, you have shared that you
think that dating in your forties is way better than
dating in your twenties. And when I look at you
and here I'm watching you and how y'all are, I'm like, oh,
(08:26):
I want to go back to my twenties and I
want to date then. But the reality is I'm forty three,
I'm a mom of two, I have a full time career,
there's a lot happening, and then you try to work
in the dating, and then I wonder sometimes too, have
I taken enough time from my divorce? Have I fully
healed from that? There's things I could work through that
(08:47):
I don't want to take into the next relationship, like
communication problems since I took me well over a decade.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
You're say flowers, I don't think I.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
Like flowers, and then learning who I am like who
am I in this era? But maybe dating helps me
discover that. So I'm going to hear from you what
you put together for why you think it might be better
for me.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Well, I think in some people's opinions, and this can
be based on so many different circumstances, but some women
in their forties have said that dating is way better
and men, not just women. But it's because you're more confident,
because when you're older, you know more of what you want.
You know, you don't have to settle, You have your
expectations in line. It's less about looks now. Maybe I
(09:32):
don't know if you still care about that like I
care about looks a lot. You're worried if they have
hair or not. At this age, I guess.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
My god, well I think that.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Yeah, my age, it's either they have it or they don't.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Yeah, roll with that.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Another thing is men have matured for the most part.
You're looking for something different and your experiences give you
a different perspective on love. You're more mature, I think
is a sum, so you're more aware of what you
want in what you look for in someone, whereas a
lot of people in their twenties don't know themselves as
well yet, so they don't know exactly what they want
(10:08):
to look for in a relationship. So that's the perk possibly.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
You know.
Speaker 5 (10:13):
What I think for you in your twenties is I
think back to me in my twenties and Christy, you
got married at twenty three twenty three, okay, and I
got married at twenty five, and every boyfriend I had,
you know, I kept thinking about what's it going to
be like when we get married? And I don't know
what it's like for girls your age now, Adeline. But
(10:33):
do you think that when you start dating a guy,
not to scare Henry off if he's listening. But is
that at the forefront of your mind still or is
it more like, hey, I still have a lot ahead
of me. I have a lot to learn about myself.
This is a relationship where I'm excited to get to
know this person, but don't put this pressure on.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Am I going to marry this person?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Yeah? My brain does not go to marriage right away.
I feel like even or when I was younger, I
thought about that more than I do now, And now
my mindset has changed to where I just want to
be more present in the moment and get to know
someone and just see them for who they are, not
who they could be. So I don't know if I
keep dating Henry, that'll be something that is on my
(11:17):
mind more. But we haven't been dating that long, so
it's not something I think about all the time. I'm
more just enjoying getting to know him in college as
we are right now. But I think a lot of
my friends who are Christians, it's something that it's in
the Christian bubble of talking about getting married really young.
And some of my friends from this gap year that
I went on I was a mission trip gap year,
(11:39):
they're engaged getting married and then a bolder like in
my sorority, in my roommates, they're like, oh gosh, no,
not for another ten plus years and I'm somewhere right
in the middle, So that would be my take in
my twenties.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Definitely, every yeah friend I had is like you're like, oh,
we're only six months in. I'd be like I'd known
them for five days and be like, we're going to
get this is the one.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Like trying your first name with their last name signing it.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Okay, well I have done not, but I.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
You know, that's just funny.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Does that count?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Okay? I will say if they don't meet certain expectations.
I have grown up enough now to know I'm not
going to keep dating someone. I date Henry because I
do see things in him, qualities, So yeah, I see
qualities that I like in him. And if there are
expectations that a guy doesn't meet, I'm not going to
drag it out anymore.
Speaker 5 (12:30):
Christy, that being your daughter talking over there, that's going
to make you feel really proud of how she's operating it.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Absolutely does.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
I think I love hearing her take on it, just
as you're asking her about Henry, and we adore him.
And she's had a couple other boyfriends and a couple
guys you've maybe dated really really short term, never super
seriously but I do think of her roommates and friends
in different things, and there's a whole different spectrum of
how twenty one year olds are right now. She has
(13:00):
friends who have had babies, yeah, twenty one. She has
friends that are seriously.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Friends who have never had a boyfriend yet too, friends
who have two kids now and have been married for
two And then you have the gamut of the full spectrum,
girls who are trying to date as many guys as
they can, you know, kind of not a in a
very kind of flippant, non serious way.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
Yeah, And I think whenever people want to do that
is okay. I guess, just as your aunt, that would
be my advice to you. And you're already doing it,
and you're already living that way. So I think that's
awesome because that's now I'm going to approach now forty three.
I'm not dating and going to say, oh am I
going to marry this person. I want to practice being
(13:42):
more present and getting to know them. But similar to you,
if they have that'll.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Still your mindset, even in your forties now, not looking
at marriage, just saying I just want to be.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
It's my new mindset.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
Oh but when I was your age, right, it is
my mindset now that you already have, which was going
to be my advice. Oh but you already You're already
ahead of me, So that's sweet.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
You're very matures.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Have a great mom.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Gosh, who's your mom?
Speaker 6 (14:11):
I mean, But even for you, even as as mature
as you sound right now talking about it, I think
her dad and I try to really encourage her to
give yourself a little time, like we got married at
twenty three. Just really continue to get to know yourself,
continue to get to the person, know the person you're dating.
And there's no rush, you know. I think sometimes in
(14:32):
your young twenties you can feel this rush, especially when
your friends start getting engaged to like, oh my gosh,
am I gonna like miss my window? And it's so yeah,
follow and there's so many ways to get to know
yourself and to continue to grow.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
That's what you seem to be doing.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
One piece of advice that you gave me recently was
mom got engaged her senior year, and that's something that
some of my friends have done, and that's great. But
your advice to me was don't rush to the next
season while a really good season is already happening. Don't
rush to the season of being engaged. Be present, be
where my feet are, and then that will come if
(15:20):
it's meant to be in God's timing. And I really
liked that advice, and it made me feel like it
is okay to take things slow and it's there's no
need to rush to get engaged or to get married.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
Yeah, well, everybody's on their own timeline. But I was
just giving you my perspective, even though that's how we
did do things. And I did get engaged my senior year,
and then we got married right after I graduated. I
really realized that I felt like planning for the wedding
and planning for the marriage overlapped with me enjoying the
very end of my senior year of college. And it's
(15:52):
like these two seasons really overlapped. And so I was
just trying to share my perspective.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, I liked it.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
No matter what's happening with you your friends, you were
on your own timeline and it's okay to draw things
out a little longer than maybe other people are.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
So Ben, you're Ben.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
So I was minded to have been which happened to
be her Ben's bff. But what's the flower story, since
we were talking about flowers earlier, just oh, into my
head about what you did when y'all were in junior high.
Speaker 6 (16:20):
Yeah, well, my Ben and I, actually you're beIN and
I too. We all met in middle school youth group
at church. So my beIN we actually became boyfriend girlfriend
in middle school and kind of dated a little bit
through high school.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Then we broke up and he dated somebody else for
a long time.
Speaker 6 (16:35):
We don't talk, We don't really need to talk about
all the details of that. But nonetheless, he had come
over to my house and I was in gymnastics and
a dancer in high school, so it was like my
freshman year of high school, and I had done some
performances and sometimes you would get flowers. People would bring
you roses, Oh, good job on your performance. Well then
I would save those roses like that dozen roses, dry them,
(16:56):
hang them upside down, dry them, and then they'd be
sitting around my room. Really, and so Bit comes over
he sees, oh, she likes dead flowers. Okay, And so
his stepmom and dad had a recent anniversary. His dad
had given some flowers. The flowers were about to be
thrown out because they were wilty and gross and ugly,
(17:17):
and Ben's like, oh no, no, no, don't throw them out.
Christie loves dead flowers. So then he brought me his
parents old used dying dead anniversary flowers because he thought
I would love them. And so the differences, they weren't
the flowers given to me, they were given to somebody else.
(17:38):
So I think that's the sentiment of keeping dried flowers
is typically that's because they were given to you alive
and beautiful, and.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Then you saved them.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I think it's cute. That is thirteen or fourteen year
old brain.
Speaker 5 (17:49):
I thought, oh, she loves dead Wait a second, Christie
loves dead flowers.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
That's a cute story.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
I love that.
Speaker 5 (17:58):
So do you have any thoughts on dating, even though
you haven't dated since your twenties, or what you would
hope that I look for in my next relationship. Not
the qualities in the person, because I know that you
love my former bin. Yes we've known him forever, so
it's not I do about that be very special to me,
but more so that what you hope for me and
(18:21):
maybe what I look for, like traveling or being spontaneous.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Spontaneous spin could be that, but.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
I'm you know, working on that.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
Or are you and Ben looking for pickleball people to
like play with, y'all something like that, or people to
sit around the campfire? Would you like them him to
want to hike in the mountains with us and ski,
which you know, my bin did all wait?
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Why did I get to wait?
Speaker 5 (18:44):
No?
Speaker 6 (18:44):
No, I mean all of those things would be wonderful,
but I think the main thing I want to see
is I just want to see you really light up
when you're with them, And I honestly don't care about
anything else. So it makes me cry to say that
out loud, But I just think, whoever where it is,
and I believe that he's out there, that he will
walk into your life with a force and it can happen.
(19:09):
It can happen, and nothing's perfect and no one's perfect.
You know, it's not going to be like some type
of fairy tale situation because that's not real life, but
just something where you'll definitely compliment each other and light
each other up vice versa that I see he lights
you up as well, So that's the most important thing.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Thank you for sharing that. I would like that too.
Speaker 6 (19:33):
And if he likes to ski, and hike and enjoys
the mountains and wants to come to Pugosa all the time.
That would be awesome.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Yeah, if he wants to move to Colorado and Colorado, yeah,
that would be great and we'll come see you heard
anyone know anyone, So we.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Will be taking application.
Speaker 5 (19:50):
Adelan just made a reference to last week the Waterhose
podcast and the waterse praying raying water as a squirty.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Squirty, I don't say that.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
Yeah, this is more just me looking forward. It doesn't
mean what I didn't have or anything, Like I loved
my marriage. I love that we got two kids out
of it from Haiti and they have a whole new
life here and they're adjusting well to their time with
their mom and their time with their dad. And Ben
is dating, and clearly that's the thing, and I know
(20:24):
they're enjoying that and they're getting to experience someone that's
pouring into their life. And I just too want if
I meet somebody, I need to make sure that they'll
pour into my kids as well.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
That would be.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
Part of you lighting up around them because you're not
having to dim any part of yourself to accommodate.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
And you know, Ben is wonderful.
Speaker 6 (20:44):
You're Ben is wonderful, You're been a lot been, They're
all they're just great Ben.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
No.
Speaker 6 (20:50):
But what I was just saying is you you you're
a Ben.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
You have a hen.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
I know, but we are to now say your bin
or my bin because he's not my beIN anymore.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And he probably always say your bin.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
I know which, and I will refer to him that
way sometimes too, and then I still.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Call him uncle Ben.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Yeah, and you should. Yeah, he is your own been.
I just think out of respect for how how he's
progressed in his life, right for me to say my bin. Right,
it's weird because he's in a relationship, which is great.
Speaker 6 (21:25):
You know, you'll both have so much to offer people,
and you as a couple had lost your way with
each other because of a lot of factors. And so
I really hope it for both of you that as
you move on, because y'all are co parenting, you've got
these children. Of course, I love him and will always
be family, but I would like to see for both
(21:46):
of you that spark and whoever your partners are in
the future well.
Speaker 5 (21:50):
And some of the things that I was singing about
that are struggles in this you know, touched on have
I healed from that? Have I taken enough time? And
I do think that I have. But I saw somewhere
that for every five years or you take however long
you were married, and there's a formula where you figure
that's how long you need to stay single after you've
(22:12):
broken up or gotten a divorce.
Speaker 6 (22:15):
I've heard something about the rule of seven or something
that it can take seven years to fully heal from
a broken relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
And that's just one person's advice.
Speaker 6 (22:26):
I've also heard you for sure just need a full
year to focus on yourself. Don't jump into another relationship
right after a divorce, which I don't know where we
are in the timeline.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
I feel like we're a long time.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
I mean, how longer when I don't remember everything? I mean,
I don't know if you like everything became official. We're
getting close to.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
A year, but there was a separation prior to that.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
For a long time.
Speaker 5 (22:49):
So yeah, And then another struggle is getting clear on
like what I want in this partner, So I think
I maybe need to spend more time journaling through that.
And then if I am doing online dating, which I have,
I'm on hinge, but I'm even my friends like looked
at my profile and they're like, Amy, you're not even trying.
You put this picture of you answered one question. You're
like you know, they're like, what are you into? And
(23:10):
I'm like cats, cold plunges and clean sheets, and they're like.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
People swipe right, WHOA.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
I liked the alliteration and definitely not flowers.
Speaker 5 (23:23):
Parsley people and popcorn stuff like that pillow, pillow talk,
pillow time.
Speaker 6 (23:30):
That is one thing I never experienced is online dating situation.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
I never have either. I think it's funny that I
never have, and you're you and your four I have
never you've downloaded a dating app? No, but I get
to sit and watch my roommates enjoy it wipe.
Speaker 5 (23:45):
So I just don't know how to meet anybody else
any other way. You have to like leave your house
sometimes that's the probather than work, I know, and I
know you get home from work and it's like oh home,
which I'm not way too. I like to go on walks,
like maybe if I meet somebody at a like a
walrail club. So I think I'm going to spend some
(24:08):
time on maybe my profile, maybe just putting myself out
there more to other people like, Hey, do you know
anybody but not on Can I can help with that
with not on a TikTok or Instagram.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Well, and some advice from online people say that if
you're trying to up marketing yourself online, you should consider
hiring a dating coach. Some advice from online people say
(24:42):
that if you're trying to up marketing yourself online, you
should consider hiring a dating coach to help you with
your profile, or you can hire a local photographer to
get some crisp, updated and profile worthy photos. So maybe
we look into investing in a local dating coach.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
I did blood photos for uh been a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
You should pull those.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Up just put that is your profile.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
So actually found those the other day. We were cleaning
out a drawer and I saw it and I was like,
oh my gosh, my kids could have gone through this
draor at any moment. But it was literally three days.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Ago and I found it.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
What do you do with that?
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I just threw it away. I mean, I didn't know
what to do in that moment.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
I didn't even I knew what the book was from
the outside, and I didn't want to open it up
and look at it because I just didn't. I didn't
want to deal with seeing it at all. And I
was in my twenties.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Wait, that's what you do before you get married, right.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Well I did it after I was married. And my
best friend from high school she's still my bff. But Andrea,
she's a photographer. So we got engaged at the drist
School Hotel, and so Andrea and I went down there
one day. He was in Afghanistan and he was coming
back or something, and we rented a room, me and Andrea.
(26:01):
You can't, you.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Can't like rent a room, but I reserved by an
hour at the Drist School Hotel, which is a really
nice hotel in Austin, like historic, it's really beautiful if
you can go, like get a cocktail there if you're
ever in Austin.
Speaker 5 (26:15):
But I got it for the night.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
How do you say this?
Speaker 5 (26:19):
I got a hotel room there. And Andrea took my
photos for me because I was pretty shy and embarrassed
about it, and looking back, they're not really that riskue
Like I think in one of them, I'm in the
bathtub and I have brained boots on, Like I don't
know what I don't I'm going by memory because I
(26:41):
didn't open it up.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Like I said, I.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Just wish you wouldn't have thrown those away.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Well, I didn't know I saw some of them.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
I'm sure Andrea maybe has this.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
She probably.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:54):
Could you imagine if I hire a photographer and he's like, so,
what are these four? And I'm like, my dating.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
I've got these grape? He probably dating coaches probably get
that all too often. I'd like to use my rain
boots for these.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
Okay, so I could look into a dating coach. I
know people that have done that, especially in bigger cities
or they if they travel a lot, it's just overwhelming
and they're over the online stuff and they just want
like it's like a matchmaker. It's yeah, more than just
a dating coach. They actually will match you and you
pay a monthly fee or you pay six months to
(27:33):
work with them. I have friends here in Nashville that
have done it that are beautiful, single, awesome girls.
Speaker 6 (27:39):
They're still say, well, I'm curious about hinge. I know
I've heard of all these things, but like, that's what. Also,
college kids are on hinge. So how do you you
make the age margin.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
I've talked to someone that's thirty two on hinge and
someone that's fifty thirty two is my youngest, just talking
like message and.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
More so it was like I said, do you know
how old I am?
Speaker 5 (28:01):
And he was like that was your.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Lune because I was like, you're thirty two.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
And he said yeah, why would you close up? Like
are you open to getting coffee or And I was like,
I don't know how old? And I ended up saying
I'm just sorry I can't. And he called me out
for not being open to different experiences. He was really
nice about it, but he just said that's a shame because.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Maybe he was the one.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
But I'm also like I was eleven and you were
being born. It doesn't seem that crazy, but when you're older.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
It's different.
Speaker 6 (28:34):
I mean, it kind of does feel like y'all would
be in totally different phases of life.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Well, maybe part of my internship could be taking on
a dating coach role in your life, Like you.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
Would find the dating coach for me, or you would
take on.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Like we'll have meetings once a week to work on
your dating skills and take some new crisp photos, and
then I will I will enter the market of your
age group and find you people men.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
What is your hair like?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
What is the gap I think feel comfortable with I put.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Thirty to seventy.
Speaker 5 (29:09):
No, I think I put probably thirty eight to fifty
two or something like that. I feel like that's a
good window, kind a six or eight under, six or
eight over. I think too, It's like I need to
also not treat dates like interviews, just more like Adeline,
like be present, be in the moment, enjoy life, get flowers,
(29:33):
take care of the flowers, keep the flowers alive, Increase
my happiness, decrease my anxiety.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Opportunities not interviews.
Speaker 5 (29:41):
Yeah, okay, So Adil and you were talking about taking
on the role of dating coaches my intern I know
you put together a list of four things that you
have learned during your first month of interning.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
So you want to wrap by.
Speaker 5 (29:53):
Sharing whatever you put together, which I just saw that
we have a Google doc that we share and she
uploads stuff to it and then I look at it.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Two of the four done before we had to leave
a we can cut with more et, but I can
do two more on the spot. I've learned a lot. Okay,
four things I've learned in my first month of my
internship with Amy. The first one is how to deal
with unplanned situations and how to have the right attitude
towards it. There's a lot of things that happen in
your life all the time that do not go as planned,
(30:21):
and I've watched you react to every single one of
them really well. And I know you don't always feel
that on the inside. You think that you were too
mean or you didn't handle a situation right. But I
have watched you with really hard situations handle them with
grace and understanding. And that's not even part of what
I'm doing in my internship, but that's a good lesson
that I'll take with me. And I noticed that in you,
(30:43):
if you don't notice it in yourself. The second one
is one night we were in the garage in your
car and you were telling me the bucket analogy and
I couldn't think of who it was. Gen hat Maker, Yes,
Gen hat Maker. The bucket analogy of how to look
at everything that you're pouring into as buckets, and that
it's best to have yourself in multiple different buckets when
it comes to making an income and just in life,
(31:06):
seeing what buckets you do have in front of you
and what buckets are kind of have a hole in
the bottom and they're just draining, and what buckets are overfilling?
And I actually in my journal, I drew out my buckets.
It was a good way for me to separate all
the different things in my brain and realize what is
working and what isn't working, and how in my future
(31:27):
career I want to have multiple different sources of income
because I think that is a smart thing, and you've
said that that is a very smart and wise thing
to do. Yes, I'm taking out with me.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
You know, she got divorced before I did ish, and
I was having a really hard time and ended up
getting on the phone with her for about an hour,
and she talked through some things with me that were very,
very helpful because I had a lot of fear around
being single and taking care of myself even though I
(31:57):
am a successful career woman, still not having a husband
which was by my side for seventeen years and taking
care of things. And I knew she had a similar
situation of being married for a very long time and
having adopted kids and a lot of different things. So
she just spoke into me and had a lot of encouragement,
and yeah, the bucket thing was one of the things
(32:18):
that she shared with me, and she was like, Amy,
think of the buckets, and I mean instantly I could
see it and diversify things. And some of it is
income related and other things are just what fills you up?
Where do you want to give your time? Because some
of it may even be how are you volunteering? How
are you giving back? What is taking your time and energy?
And then have those buckets and then it's okay if
(32:39):
some of them are sitting empty.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
Those are your your dreams and your goals those buckets.
Speaker 5 (32:42):
And then there's some that are overflowing and that's great,
and there's others that are like, wait, what's the slow
drip here? Or I like the way you said that too,
even may have a slow leakya. And just assessing your
buckets and laying them out and drawing them even in
your journal, that's probably super helpful. But I remember in
that moment as she was saying it, I was pacing
my garage as I was talking to her. So now
(33:03):
when I think of buckets, my brain always goes to
my garage and all of these buckets.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Oh, and that's where you told me about the buckets.
We were sitting in your garage in your car.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
So there you go.
Speaker 5 (33:12):
But the buckets, and that helped me know that I
can have lots of different buckets. I'm not just defined
by one bucket, and it's not all just piled in there.
It's like you got all these buckets and you get
to choose, move them around.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Save them.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It makes me think, I don't think either of you
have seen the new Inside Out movie, but it's about
all the emotions and you need to go see. It's
a Disney movie, but it's way deeper than it comes off.
And they have different different islands and it's like the
imagination Island and the work island in the friend's island,
and it's kind of like the bucket analogy. But it
did really help me.
Speaker 5 (33:45):
Okay, So I guess that's two things, and she would
you don't have to do for but.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Oh you're gonna die. I can do two more on
the spot. Okay, Okay, I'd say the third thing is
I've picked up a lot of life lessons from you
so far, being here living with you. We're roommates and
it's just us every other week, and watching you balance
all the things on your plate has been a huge
lesson to me to see how you navigate that even
when I know you don't think you're doing a good
(34:11):
job at it and your brain feels like it's a
million different ways. From an outsider's perspective, I watch you
balance so many things and you show up to everything
fully present.
Speaker 5 (34:21):
We're together every week, but I guess it's just you
and me every other because the kids are there, and
I love that they're getting so much cousin time with you,
even though it is Yeah, that's been really good every
other Okay.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Fourth thing.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Fourth thing is I love learning the back end of
different brand endorsements and brand deals. I've never gotten to
see the back end of how that works, and I
think it's really interesting to learn how you get to
work with other brands and one develop relationships with them.
I think is really cool. And to be a face
for a brand and how it works navigating what you
(34:54):
say and what you talk about. So those are my
four things in the first month of being Internataline.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
Well, I have loved having you and I kind of
want you to stay forever. I love going on walks
with you. You're goofy and silly and fun, but you're also
very mature, but I think you bring out a playful
side in me, at least I feel it inside.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
I need to maybe like bring it out even a
little more, but you do.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
You're goofy and I like that about you. I don't
know if goofy is even the right word, but silly, life, fool,
how would you describe it?
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Christy? She's very fun.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Yeah, so that's your word.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
You're funk. You in fun and I love having you.
Speaker 5 (35:37):
So that wraps up our four together.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
But I'm having you back.
Speaker 5 (35:41):
We'll figure out other representations. You're going to be with me,
so c C. Thanks for being here, Thanks for having me.
We love you, Yeah, we love you. Come back and
visit us.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, I mean I'm going to be here next month,
a little while.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Not too long, all right.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
I hope you all are having the day that you
need to have at Radio Amy on Socials, at Christy
do Doer on Socials, and.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
At Adeline E. Doser.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
Okay, bye, bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
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Amy Brown
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