July 31, 2025 • 16 mins
Amy and Kat dive into a couple of listener emails. One from Erin, a middle school teacher, shares her new “Feeling Things Friday” classroom routine to help kids check in with their emotions and we’re, of course, obsessed with this idea! Then, Kayla opens up about navigating pressure and anxiety around having a second child after a challenging first pregnancy and postpartum journey. Amy and Kat offer advice, words of affirmation, and talk about why it’s okay to live life on your own terms…whether that means one kid, two kids, or none!!
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HOSTS:
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Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
All right, break it down. If you ever have feelings
that you just fons home Mayby and Cat got you
covin locking. No, brother, ladies and folks, we just follow
an the spirit where it's all the real stuff, tell
the chill stuff and the m but Swayne, sometimes the
best thing you can do.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
It just stop you feel things.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks the Q and a
episode to our Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat and Quick Disclimer.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Before we get going that, although in Couch Talks we
answer you guys this questions you guys, your questions, You
guys just question sounds like I was from New York
use guys is anyway, Although we answer you guys as questions,
this is not a replacement for actual therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Not at all. But it helps one single bit. Before
we get into the email that has a question, I
just have a fun email to read from a listener
named Aaron who is a teacher, and I know we
have other teachers that listen. Or maybe you're just love
assigning things to certain days of the week and this
(01:13):
email will be helpful for you because maybe you could
live like Arin like she does with her classroom, but
just in your own life like TikTok Tuesday. Sorry, I
only let myself look at TikTok on Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
That's actually a good actor.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah yeah, Facebook, Friday.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Instagram, The Graham.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Saturday Stories, Saturday Story.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I only watch stories on Saturdays and Sundays or I
post stories on Saturdays.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Okay, So this is the note that we got from Aaron, Hey, Amy,
and Kat. I'm a longtime Bobby Bone Show podcast listener
and have been listening to Feeling Things since it started. Wooo.
I'm a middle school teacher and I'm preparing for the
start of the next school year. I'm trying to do
something a little different each day to start class and
settle students into our classroom routine. For example, I'm doing
(02:01):
a TikTok Tuesday, and I'm going to show motivational inspirational tiktoks.
Because not all social media is bad shout out. You
can show them feeling things podcast ted talks. I need
to be better at adding them though. Okay, she said,
I've been working on other days of the week, and
I finally settled on Friday. It's going to be feeling
(02:22):
things Friday, I've got some little videos I've already found
with some prompts, questions, and space for students to respond
and reflect on what they've watched. I'm really trying to
create a safe space for them to make connections to
themselves and others. I want them to figure out how
they're feeling and how they can focus on what they
(02:42):
want for themselves, goal setting, etc. I feel like there's
lots of possibilities with this new thing I'm trying to
implement as a teacher. I've always said while gifts and
things are nice and appreciated, someone taking the time and
letting me know the impact that my life's work has
had on their life or letting me know some way
I've had them has always meant so much more So,
(03:02):
while I'm not sure how many emails you get and
if you'll actually see this, I wanted to take a
minute and let you know that your podcast has inspired
me to try something new this year and to better
help my students with all the fields kids have in
middle school. I hope you have the day you need
to have much love Aarin and then PS, I'm a
middle school teacher, so I don't know if that's copyright
(03:24):
or trademark infringement. And after the mel Robins episode and
her trying to own the rights to let them, I
don't know the rules on that. Please don't sue me.
If you own feeling things Friday, I'll happily change the name.
I was trying to just go with some alliteration for
each day of the week, which aarin. One of my
favorite things is alliteration. Really, oh yeah, I thought you
(03:45):
knew that about me.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I mean, I think most people love a good alliteration.
I really Friday, the couldn't be better?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
You know. Sometimes that's what I, you know, get all
worked up over when I'm coming up with titles. I'm
always like, well, I love it to be like, you know,
big bold booties, or like I don't not that that's
the topic, but what came to your mind? Well, I'm
trying to think of things we talk about, you know,
like laughter, Lily's and lullabyes or love. Well, obviously I'm
(04:18):
not good off the cuff.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, okay, you know what would you title this episode? Alliterations? Animals?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
And look at you?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
You knew that alliteration started with an A. I feel
like my rain. I know it starts with the A,
but when I picture alliteration, I picture I. Oh.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
I thought you were trying to make a joke like
I can't.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
No, you knew because you said alliteration animals like I
would say alliteration, alliteration igloos and islands Instagram. Yeah, but
alliteration is of.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
A and so you really were complimenting.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I really was. Yes, I'm gonna take it.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah, I love this though. It's cute.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
And you know, if you're running out of stuff to
do on Feeling things Friday, you can always stream our
YouTube videos.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
The whole class, no problem. Show the kids the Mel
Robins steep dive.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
They'd love it.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
They're gonna go home, like, so would you do? It's
school today? Do you know who Mel Robbins is?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
We watched a YouTube video about her?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yeah, Kat and I were joking about making like don't
let them stuff, speaking of stealing things or a hat copyright.
Mel certainly doesn't have don't let them, but I know
she was trying to trademark let them. I don't know
where she is on any of that.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
So would you buy a hat that says don't let them?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Don't let them stotop them, but maybe not confront confront them.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Maybe maybe confront them, maybe don't confront them.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Yeah, it depends.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It depends.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Shit in Okay, we've been talking about Oh my gosh,
that could be so cute I.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Feel okay, Okay, you want to know where my brain goes. Okay,
this is probably only my brain. We're workshopping. Yeah, here,
so I have to throw everything out. It depends.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It's so cute.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I love it. I think it depends. If it depends,
is all you think of. But because I was a
caregiver for my dad and I brought a lot, it depends.
I'm thinking of pull up. We don't call them diapers.
Oh sorry, we call them adult pull up. We call
them underwear with patty so cry. Okay, it depends.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
It depends, would be adult padded underwear.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Oh, I know. It just depends. Like anytime I hear depends,
I think of.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Adults all you were thinking, Well, I was answering those
questions to you.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
You just for thinking adult pull ups, adult pull ups,
adult pull up?
Speaker 1 (06:53):
No, Well, when I think of it being put on
a hat, like, it depends, like just by itself, Like
if you're saying this situation is happening, and it depends. No,
I'm not like adult, like if someone asked me this
or this and I'm like, well, I don't know, it depends.
I'm not like a double ups. But if I were
to just see depends on a hat and that it
(07:13):
being really small, I might be like, huh depends, But
I do like it.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
I mean, okay, we'll put it in the bucket.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
We would like any feedback on if y'all heard us
say anything that you think would be so cute on
an hat. Let us know, like the fruit is fruiting
hard hard, wait to worry?
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, have that.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You need to have stuff like that. Okay, now onto
the email that needs advice, which this could apply to
anybody in a situation like you know, if you get
those questions when are you having kids? Or when are
y'all going to get married? Or when are you gonna
get a job, stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Okay, start paying your bills.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Hey, I'm a new listener to the Feeling Things pod,
but an avid Bobby Bone Show listener. I wanted to
get some advice from the both of you. For reference,
I do currently go to therapy and half for ten
years my husband and I have a three year old son,
but we aren't sure if we want to have another.
I'm not necessarily a kid person, but obviously I love
my own I get comments or questions very frequently about
(08:25):
if we're going to have another kid, and the people
asking no. The hardships that we faced the first pregnancy
was very stressful. I have generalized anxiety and I was
diagnosed with severe clamsia pre c.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Use guys.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
And my son was born at thirty four weeks and
spent two weeks in the meek you that being said what, well,
it depends on how you say it you.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I say, nick you exactly. I know what that is.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
My roommate in college, she was in Get this she
was She was in the nick you as a baby
at a hospital, and then in college meta guy started
dating him and then come to find out they were
in the niku together. Said it right that time they
were in the nicku together.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Guess what, they're married.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
They got married, they're still married and they have kids,
and they.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yes, that's crazy in that that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And we didn't go to college in the same town
we grew up in, like, we went to another city
and they ended up meeting each other and getting married.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
That's wild.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, back to the email, I didn't really Let's see,
that's how I say.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
That's poet. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
That being said, I would love to give him a
sibling and watch their bond and watch them grow up
together and all that stuff. But the newborn phase was
extremely hard on me. I had very bad postpartum depression.
That part's not funny, and I'm still struggling with that
every day along with anxiety. What advice can you give
(10:16):
regarding letting other people know that we are fine with
having one or if we do decide to have another.
What are some words of affirmation for me that you
could provide? Thank you, Kayla. Parentheses you do not have
to keep me anonymous, So thank you Kayla for your note.
I hope you can appreciate some of the levity that
we had in there. Yeah, because this is obviously a
(10:36):
very sensitive and serious situation, and I hate that you're
struggling with the postpartum in any of the anxiety, and
then also people questioning what you want to do in
this desire to give your kid a friend, but then
also that maybe you are okay with one.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, I think, like you said, this can apply to
any of those questions that people ask, and it brings
up for me. This might be like cliche, but you know,
I ever really know what somebody else is going through.
So when people are asking those questions, I don't think
they're meaning them in a mean or ill way.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
They might just really be curious. But as I've gotten
older and.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I've learned more people's stories, I've learned you don't ask
those kinds of things.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You talk about them as somebody else brings them up.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Oh, we're just trying to decide if we want to
have another kid, but we're thinking about some things and
this was hard. Then that's an invitation into that conversation.
But that's not something that we really should bring up
to other people. But when I have people that are
going through something like this in my office clients, what
I like to have them do is start with what
do you really want to say to them? Like when
(11:41):
they ask you that question, like well, when are you
going to have your next kid? I mean people have
been asking me when I'm going to have a kid.
They started asking before we were even married for a year,
like you're you know you're thirty five, you might want
to start having kids, And I'm like, okay, so I
have people, what do you want to say to them?
And then work backwards because sometimes that is one feels
(12:03):
good to get it out, because there's some things that
you want to say, but you like don't want to
be rude or mean or start anything like that, and
it might not be your character. But then if you
work backwards, you can finally get to like, Okay, what
is it that I want people to hear? So I'm
not going to give Kayla the actual words to say
to somebody, but I'm going to invite you into journal
(12:27):
or talk about it with your husband or a friend,
and like get that out and then start picking out
the pieces, like what is it the meat of that
that I want people to hear? And that's maybe what
I share but in a kind way.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, And I think it depend on the level of
relationship with the person, how much information they get.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Some of your you can blow it off.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Closer to you can give a little bit more information,
like the meat of it is a little juicier, and
then other people you may not even owe them.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, you might just want to say it for yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
I mean, that's how I feel a lot of times
when people say that is like I want event about
that question to a friend or my husband or my
mom or something like that, but I don't really want
to say that to that person. I just kind of
let that conversation die out depending on how they say.
I mean, if somebody's like, you're getting old, you might
want to have kids, I might say like, well, that's
kind of rude.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, And I think when you work through some of that,
you can it'll help you decide what you truly want
to do, and then you can decide if you're gonna
have it. And I know you're looking for affirmation for
if that's what y'all decide to do. I just personally
don't know much about postpartum and how that feels. And
that might be if you still have some of it,
(13:38):
that could be a reality with the second and I
don't I don't know how you can't affirm your way
out of that right at all. So I've experienced in
my adoption, like some loaves like of what I think
might be equivalent to that, but I don't know. I
didn't have hormones going through my body because I wasn't
pregnant and then delivering, But I had low moments of
being in my closet and crying and being very confused
(14:01):
and thinking what have we done? But I can't I
can't put myself in your position, and I don't know
what would be helpful because the things that you may
face are an affirmation isn't going to fix.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Well, we don't know what's right for you, but I
know that you did this with a therapist at one point,
and I love doing this when you're trying to decide something.
I have a couch in my office that has different cushions.
It's not just like a bench cushion. And we'll name
one cushion for the one decision and another cushion for
another decision. And I have clients hop back and forth
to each cushion and they talk about what it feels
(14:33):
like to be in that space. And sometimes you surprise
yourself and so rather than giving you an affirmation, it's like,
here's an exercise you can maybe try, and you can
bring that to your therapist and say like, I want
to try this and just see what comes out, because
you will if you let yourself just be honest and
say the things you might be surprised and then you
can affirm yourself.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Which I'm glad you brought up that exercise because that
was helpful when I did it, and it was very
grateful for that. I've kind of even forgot about it,
so thank you for it. And talk to your therapist
because you said you've been going for ten years and
all therapists are different, but sometimes they might have some
experiential things that they can offer, but if they're used
to just doing straight talk therapy with you, maybe they
(15:12):
haven't brought some of that out. But ask be like, hey,
do you have anything experiential we can do? Because I
heard about this activity with the chairs and for me,
finding experiential therapists that have different activities and I'm talking
like hula hoops on the ground and you're moving around
and you're involving your body and moving from one side
of the room to the next and seeing how you
(15:32):
feel like that stuff is very informative for me. So
maybe if you're not already, toss that out there to
your therapist if she does any experiential work, and if not,
maybe she has somebody she could refer you to. So
hope that helps good luck, Kayla, thank you for emailing
and Elizabeth. Elizabeth is a different email that we didn't
get to, but we'll read that one next time. Aaron,
(15:54):
Aaron's the teacher. Thank you for your note too. Y'all
can email us. Hey, they're at Feeling Things podcast dot com.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
We hope you have the day you need to help.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Bye bye,
All right, break it down. If you ever have feelings
that you just fons home Mayby and Cat got you
covin locking. No, brother, ladies and folks, we just follow
an the spirit where it's all the real stuff, tell
the chill stuff and the m but Swayne, sometimes the
best thing you can do.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
It just stop you feel things.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks the Q and a
episode to our Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat and Quick Disclimer.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Before we get going that, although in Couch Talks we
answer you guys this questions you guys, your questions, You
guys just question sounds like I was from New York
use guys is anyway, Although we answer you guys as questions,
this is not a replacement for actual therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Not at all. But it helps one single bit. Before
we get into the email that has a question, I
just have a fun email to read from a listener
named Aaron who is a teacher, and I know we
have other teachers that listen. Or maybe you're just love
assigning things to certain days of the week and this
(01:13):
email will be helpful for you because maybe you could
live like Arin like she does with her classroom, but
just in your own life like TikTok Tuesday. Sorry, I
only let myself look at TikTok on Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
That's actually a good actor.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah yeah, Facebook, Friday.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Instagram, The Graham.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Saturday Stories, Saturday Story.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I only watch stories on Saturdays and Sundays or I
post stories on Saturdays.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Okay, So this is the note that we got from Aaron, Hey, Amy,
and Kat. I'm a longtime Bobby Bone Show podcast listener
and have been listening to Feeling Things since it started. Wooo.
I'm a middle school teacher and I'm preparing for the
start of the next school year. I'm trying to do
something a little different each day to start class and
settle students into our classroom routine. For example, I'm doing
(02:01):
a TikTok Tuesday, and I'm going to show motivational inspirational tiktoks.
Because not all social media is bad shout out. You
can show them feeling things podcast ted talks. I need
to be better at adding them though. Okay, she said,
I've been working on other days of the week, and
I finally settled on Friday. It's going to be feeling
(02:22):
things Friday, I've got some little videos I've already found
with some prompts, questions, and space for students to respond
and reflect on what they've watched. I'm really trying to
create a safe space for them to make connections to
themselves and others. I want them to figure out how
they're feeling and how they can focus on what they
(02:42):
want for themselves, goal setting, etc. I feel like there's
lots of possibilities with this new thing I'm trying to
implement as a teacher. I've always said while gifts and
things are nice and appreciated, someone taking the time and
letting me know the impact that my life's work has
had on their life or letting me know some way
I've had them has always meant so much more So,
(03:02):
while I'm not sure how many emails you get and
if you'll actually see this, I wanted to take a
minute and let you know that your podcast has inspired
me to try something new this year and to better
help my students with all the fields kids have in
middle school. I hope you have the day you need
to have much love Aarin and then PS, I'm a
middle school teacher, so I don't know if that's copyright
(03:24):
or trademark infringement. And after the mel Robins episode and
her trying to own the rights to let them, I
don't know the rules on that. Please don't sue me.
If you own feeling things Friday, I'll happily change the name.
I was trying to just go with some alliteration for
each day of the week, which aarin. One of my
favorite things is alliteration. Really, oh yeah, I thought you
(03:45):
knew that about me.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I mean, I think most people love a good alliteration.
I really Friday, the couldn't be better?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
You know. Sometimes that's what I, you know, get all
worked up over when I'm coming up with titles. I'm
always like, well, I love it to be like, you know,
big bold booties, or like I don't not that that's
the topic, but what came to your mind? Well, I'm
trying to think of things we talk about, you know,
like laughter, Lily's and lullabyes or love. Well, obviously I'm
(04:18):
not good off the cuff.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, okay, you know what would you title this episode? Alliterations? Animals?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
And look at you?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
You knew that alliteration started with an A. I feel
like my rain. I know it starts with the A,
but when I picture alliteration, I picture I. Oh.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
I thought you were trying to make a joke like
I can't.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
No, you knew because you said alliteration animals like I
would say alliteration, alliteration igloos and islands Instagram. Yeah, but
alliteration is of.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
A and so you really were complimenting.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I really was. Yes, I'm gonna take it.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah, I love this though. It's cute.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
And you know, if you're running out of stuff to
do on Feeling things Friday, you can always stream our
YouTube videos.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
The whole class, no problem. Show the kids the Mel
Robins steep dive.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
They'd love it.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
They're gonna go home, like, so would you do? It's
school today? Do you know who Mel Robbins is?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
We watched a YouTube video about her?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yeah, Kat and I were joking about making like don't
let them stuff, speaking of stealing things or a hat copyright.
Mel certainly doesn't have don't let them, but I know
she was trying to trademark let them. I don't know
where she is on any of that.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
So would you buy a hat that says don't let them?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Don't let them stotop them, but maybe not confront confront them.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Maybe maybe confront them, maybe don't confront them.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Yeah, it depends.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It depends.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Shit in Okay, we've been talking about Oh my gosh,
that could be so cute I.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Feel okay, Okay, you want to know where my brain goes. Okay,
this is probably only my brain. We're workshopping. Yeah, here,
so I have to throw everything out. It depends.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It's so cute.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I love it. I think it depends. If it depends,
is all you think of. But because I was a
caregiver for my dad and I brought a lot, it depends.
I'm thinking of pull up. We don't call them diapers.
Oh sorry, we call them adult pull up. We call
them underwear with patty so cry. Okay, it depends.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
It depends, would be adult padded underwear.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Oh, I know. It just depends. Like anytime I hear depends,
I think of.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Adults all you were thinking, Well, I was answering those
questions to you.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
You just for thinking adult pull ups, adult pull ups,
adult pull up?
Speaker 1 (06:53):
No, Well, when I think of it being put on
a hat, like, it depends, like just by itself, Like
if you're saying this situation is happening, and it depends. No,
I'm not like adult, like if someone asked me this
or this and I'm like, well, I don't know, it depends.
I'm not like a double ups. But if I were
to just see depends on a hat and that it
(07:13):
being really small, I might be like, huh depends, But
I do like it.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
I mean, okay, we'll put it in the bucket.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
We would like any feedback on if y'all heard us
say anything that you think would be so cute on
an hat. Let us know, like the fruit is fruiting
hard hard, wait to worry?
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, have that.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You need to have stuff like that. Okay, now onto
the email that needs advice, which this could apply to
anybody in a situation like you know, if you get
those questions when are you having kids? Or when are
y'all going to get married? Or when are you gonna
get a job, stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Okay, start paying your bills.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Hey, I'm a new listener to the Feeling Things pod,
but an avid Bobby Bone Show listener. I wanted to
get some advice from the both of you. For reference,
I do currently go to therapy and half for ten
years my husband and I have a three year old son,
but we aren't sure if we want to have another.
I'm not necessarily a kid person, but obviously I love
my own I get comments or questions very frequently about
(08:25):
if we're going to have another kid, and the people
asking no. The hardships that we faced the first pregnancy
was very stressful. I have generalized anxiety and I was
diagnosed with severe clamsia pre c.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Use guys.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
And my son was born at thirty four weeks and
spent two weeks in the meek you that being said what, well,
it depends on how you say it you.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I say, nick you exactly. I know what that is.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
My roommate in college, she was in Get this she
was She was in the nick you as a baby
at a hospital, and then in college meta guy started
dating him and then come to find out they were
in the niku together. Said it right that time they
were in the nicku together.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Guess what, they're married.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
They got married, they're still married and they have kids,
and they.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yes, that's crazy in that that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And we didn't go to college in the same town
we grew up in, like, we went to another city
and they ended up meeting each other and getting married.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
That's wild.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, back to the email, I didn't really Let's see,
that's how I say.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
That's poet. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
That being said, I would love to give him a
sibling and watch their bond and watch them grow up
together and all that stuff. But the newborn phase was
extremely hard on me. I had very bad postpartum depression.
That part's not funny, and I'm still struggling with that
every day along with anxiety. What advice can you give
(10:16):
regarding letting other people know that we are fine with
having one or if we do decide to have another.
What are some words of affirmation for me that you
could provide? Thank you, Kayla. Parentheses you do not have
to keep me anonymous, So thank you Kayla for your note.
I hope you can appreciate some of the levity that
we had in there. Yeah, because this is obviously a
(10:36):
very sensitive and serious situation, and I hate that you're
struggling with the postpartum in any of the anxiety, and
then also people questioning what you want to do in
this desire to give your kid a friend, but then
also that maybe you are okay with one.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, I think, like you said, this can apply to
any of those questions that people ask, and it brings
up for me. This might be like cliche, but you know,
I ever really know what somebody else is going through.
So when people are asking those questions, I don't think
they're meaning them in a mean or ill way.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
They might just really be curious. But as I've gotten
older and.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I've learned more people's stories, I've learned you don't ask
those kinds of things.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You talk about them as somebody else brings them up.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Oh, we're just trying to decide if we want to
have another kid, but we're thinking about some things and
this was hard. Then that's an invitation into that conversation.
But that's not something that we really should bring up
to other people. But when I have people that are
going through something like this in my office clients, what
I like to have them do is start with what
do you really want to say to them? Like when
(11:41):
they ask you that question, like well, when are you
going to have your next kid? I mean people have
been asking me when I'm going to have a kid.
They started asking before we were even married for a year,
like you're you know you're thirty five, you might want
to start having kids, And I'm like, okay, so I
have people, what do you want to say to them?
And then work backwards because sometimes that is one feels
(12:03):
good to get it out, because there's some things that
you want to say, but you like don't want to
be rude or mean or start anything like that, and
it might not be your character. But then if you
work backwards, you can finally get to like, Okay, what
is it that I want people to hear? So I'm
not going to give Kayla the actual words to say
to somebody, but I'm going to invite you into journal
(12:27):
or talk about it with your husband or a friend,
and like get that out and then start picking out
the pieces, like what is it the meat of that
that I want people to hear? And that's maybe what
I share but in a kind way.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, And I think it depend on the level of
relationship with the person, how much information they get.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Some of your you can blow it off.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Closer to you can give a little bit more information,
like the meat of it is a little juicier, and
then other people you may not even owe them.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, you might just want to say it for yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
I mean, that's how I feel a lot of times
when people say that is like I want event about
that question to a friend or my husband or my
mom or something like that, but I don't really want
to say that to that person. I just kind of
let that conversation die out depending on how they say.
I mean, if somebody's like, you're getting old, you might
want to have kids, I might say like, well, that's
kind of rude.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, And I think when you work through some of that,
you can it'll help you decide what you truly want
to do, and then you can decide if you're gonna
have it. And I know you're looking for affirmation for
if that's what y'all decide to do. I just personally
don't know much about postpartum and how that feels. And
that might be if you still have some of it,
(13:38):
that could be a reality with the second and I
don't I don't know how you can't affirm your way
out of that right at all. So I've experienced in
my adoption, like some loaves like of what I think
might be equivalent to that, but I don't know. I
didn't have hormones going through my body because I wasn't
pregnant and then delivering, But I had low moments of
being in my closet and crying and being very confused
(14:01):
and thinking what have we done? But I can't I
can't put myself in your position, and I don't know
what would be helpful because the things that you may
face are an affirmation isn't going to fix.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Well, we don't know what's right for you, but I
know that you did this with a therapist at one point,
and I love doing this when you're trying to decide something.
I have a couch in my office that has different cushions.
It's not just like a bench cushion. And we'll name
one cushion for the one decision and another cushion for
another decision. And I have clients hop back and forth
to each cushion and they talk about what it feels
(14:33):
like to be in that space. And sometimes you surprise
yourself and so rather than giving you an affirmation, it's like,
here's an exercise you can maybe try, and you can
bring that to your therapist and say like, I want
to try this and just see what comes out, because
you will if you let yourself just be honest and
say the things you might be surprised and then you
can affirm yourself.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Which I'm glad you brought up that exercise because that
was helpful when I did it, and it was very
grateful for that. I've kind of even forgot about it,
so thank you for it. And talk to your therapist
because you said you've been going for ten years and
all therapists are different, but sometimes they might have some
experiential things that they can offer, but if they're used
to just doing straight talk therapy with you, maybe they
(15:12):
haven't brought some of that out. But ask be like, hey,
do you have anything experiential we can do? Because I
heard about this activity with the chairs and for me,
finding experiential therapists that have different activities and I'm talking
like hula hoops on the ground and you're moving around
and you're involving your body and moving from one side
of the room to the next and seeing how you
(15:32):
feel like that stuff is very informative for me. So
maybe if you're not already, toss that out there to
your therapist if she does any experiential work, and if not,
maybe she has somebody she could refer you to. So
hope that helps good luck, Kayla, thank you for emailing
and Elizabeth. Elizabeth is a different email that we didn't
get to, but we'll read that one next time. Aaron,
(15:54):
Aaron's the teacher. Thank you for your note too. Y'all
can email us. Hey, they're at Feeling Things podcast dot com.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
We hope you have the day you need to help.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Bye bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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