October 16, 2025 • 16 mins
Amy and Kat respond to a listener who’s torn between two types of love: one built on deep emotional connection and another driven by attraction. They explore what happens when the lines between friendship and romance blur, and whether long-term love requires both spark and stability.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won'ts home,
Amy and Kat gotcha cove and likeing No, brother, ladies
and folks, do you just follow an the spirit where
it's all the front over real stuff to the chill
stuff and the m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing
you can do it just stop you feel things. This
(00:27):
is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode of the Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And quick disclaimer before we get into today's question that
although we're answering your questions, this podcast does not serve
as a replacement for therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And Kat is a licensed therapist and I am not.
But also this is not a replacement regardless. Yeah, like
take this advice with the grain assault there you go,
would you like leave what you don't.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
H this is well it's anonymous.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
She puts that in then, so I'll just get to
read and okay, okay, okay, Hi Kat and Amy, please
keep anonymous. And sorry this is so long big fan
of you both, and I've been a longtime listener of
you need therapy and four things keep up the awesome work.
I'm in a situation with my best friend of several years.
We originally met on a dating app, but after realizing
(01:19):
early on that I wasn't really into him on that level,
we transitioned into a close friendship. Since then, he's become
my best friend. We have a really deep emotional connection,
and I can completely be myself around him. He's kind, steady,
and one of the best people that I know. The
confusing part is that I've never been physically attracted to him,
(01:40):
yet we've been intimate several times. I think because of
how emotionally close we are. It's not that I find
him ugly. I'm just not into him physically. A couple
of years ago, I dated someone else and cut contact
with my friend out of respect for that relationship. After
that breakup, which was really painful and led me through
a season of depression, I reconnected with him because I
(02:01):
knew I could count on his support and friendship. I
care about him deeply, but I can't seem to feel
peace about being in a relationship with him. I keep
wondering if this was ever going to turn into something more,
I'd feel more at peace than it would have already happened.
I'd love to hear your perspective on how much initial
physical attraction really matters when emotional capability is already strong.
(02:25):
He's physically attracted to me and doesn't understand what the
holdup is, but every time we're intimate, I end up
regretting it because I can't commit to being in a
relationship with him. On the flip side, the last person
I dated I was very physically attracted to and could
picture a future with him, but didn't have this level
of emotional connection, and that didn't work either. I'm in
(02:47):
my early thirties and starting to wonder if it's even
possible to have both that deep emotional bond and physical attraction,
or if I should compromise one way or the other.
Thank you for creating such a safe on a space
to ask questions like this, Anonymous.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
I have so many thoughts, so many get to crack alecin.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
So so my thoughts. You are reading this now just
because it's top of mind? Is Taylor Swift would say
Ruin the Friendship? You haven't listening to the album?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Yes, I have some of it.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Which song is that Ruin the Friendship? Oh?
Speaker 4 (03:22):
That's the title of the song. I guess I have
not listened to that one, and it's all about have
you listened to every single track?
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Multiple times? Okay, And I'm not even a swifty, but
I'm interested in like the lore of it all.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I guess this was about a friend that she had
in high school that she didn't never like go any
further because she didn't want to ruin the friendship and
that's one of her regrets and he's since pasted and
all that. It's a really good song. That's just what
came into my brain, jumped in there.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Well, I don't know that her concern is that because
sometimes people are like, oh, I don't want to do
that because I don't want to ruin our friendship. I
think she's might find that she's just not physically attracted
to him.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Right, So I have a couple thoughts. And again, because
we're not like sitting down with her and we only
have limited information, I'm gonna say again, like take this
with a grain of salt, because I'm just like kind
of throwing spaghetti at the wall. My first thought is,
is there some kind of attachment wound here? Because the
more emotionally close she is it sounds she's emotionally close
(04:21):
with this person, feels so safe, vulnerable, like obviously they
have this connection that's spanned years, yet there's this block.
But with this other person that she doesn't feel as
emotionally close to, she could actually did she say she
could see a future with him? Yes, So it's I
wonder if there's fear around the like this is more
to lose too, Like this is one of probably her
(04:45):
most vulnerable, safest relationships, and so maybe the physical part
is just coming up as a distraction for a deeper
fear or something. Again, just wondering this stuff to think about.
So I would do some digging around that. And my
other thought is because I believe that physical attraction gross,
(05:08):
Like sometimes you just can be physically attracted to, like
it's just kind of more objective, you know, and you're like, oh,
that person is good looking to me. However, then when
you get to know them, sometimes there's people that you
think were good looking, you're like, oh, how was I
ever attracted to that person?
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Right?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
And the opposite happens when you see something that you're
not initially attracted to, and then you get to know them,
and then you become more attracted to them. So I
do believe in that, and I wonder because to what
I hear is they're just they're really good friends and
they've randomly hooked up a couple of times. But I
don't see that since the initial dating when they met,
they've really tried to go down that path.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
And I yeah, yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I wonder if there is an attempt, if you're like, Okay,
let's actually try this, because I tell people that are
struggling with that physical part in the beginning of get
to know them more and see what it's like to
date them, and you might start to be more physically
attract to them because of the safeness of that relationship,
because of the things that you're learning about them, the
things that you're doing, what it's like to be with
(06:06):
him in that way, so you know him as more
so in more recent years, just as a friendship, you
don't know what it's really like to date this person,
and I don't think a random hookup can tell you.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
That that's not the same thing.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, So if you did say, like, I want to
try this out, this feels important to me, and give
it time and see if that grows the more you
see how he cares for you and how your relationship
blooms in that way.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
And I do think you need to be physically attracted
to somebody. And it's also pretty amazing that you found
someone that you feel so emotionally safe too, So they're
both important. And yes, I do think you can find both. Yes,
because that was one of her questions, is like should
I settle or is it possible to find both? Yes,
you can find both. We don't know if it's going
(06:50):
to be with this guy, And I like your idea
of like have you ever really tried to date other
than when y'all first met on the app? And you
said you learned pretty quickly? Like em she already wrote
that off, this isn't going to be a thing, But
for some reason he's still back in your life. And
shout out to him for even being there for you
after you had to cut him out, which I can
(07:11):
understand if you're trying to respect the relationship you're in
and he knows you'll been physical and whatnot, and that
makes sense.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
But he clearly is very into you.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, and then also too, like sometimes girls or guys
want a little bit of a Chase and you might be.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Well, that's kind of my point of round the tech
and stuff.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah, there might be something there sabotaging this where he
really could be a good fit. But for whatever reason,
you want you don't want it to be this easy,
like you want to be a little more difficult.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, and yeah, I think you're right. Her initial question
is do you have to give one up? And no,
you don't, And sometimes that means waiting for that part
to grow if it never grows, and like, okay, just
know that you can you can't have both.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Now, I would say a year into my relationship, I'm
more physically attracted to my boyfriend and now than I
was in the beginning. Yeah, like for lots of reasons.
And now I stare at him and I'm like, yeah,
like in ways that I didn't look at him that
way before. I kept thinking like, oh, this is not
gonna work. But then we got closer and now I
(08:20):
have that same emotional safety. And he's very like we've
talked about this, he's steadfast, he's consistent, he's very calming
for my nervous system, like a lot of things, like
he's not drama, he's very level headed and he's secure
and who he is, and that is so attractive.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
And I don't know if I just wasn't seeing certain
attractive things in him before.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I don't know what it is, because like now they're
there because he's still the same person. But I like
sometimes stare at him like he's just so hot.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
So I think you're explaining exactly what I was saying earlier,
that like the more you get to know somebody, And again,
when we first are dating people, we are judgmental. That's
part of dating is like you're judging do I like
this person. But there's this thing called interception that happens
where what you feel on the inside changes how you
see things. I talk about it a lot with body image,
(09:15):
of like how I'm feeling inside my body is going
to change how I feel about what I look like.
So I'll see myself differently word of the day interception
in a reception, So I'll see myself differently in a mirror.
If I'm having a bad day or if I'm feeling bad,
if I'm feeling more depressed or anxious or something, what
I see in the mirror will be different. And I
think that translates here too, with what you're saying, the
(09:35):
more you feel different, you feel more safe, connected, fun.
All of these words you could probably go on with more.
When you're with your boyfriend now, and so when you
see him, you're seeing through how you feel.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
In a reception, I'm just going to show the definition
for people. I've never heard that word before in my life.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
It could have a different definition for different things, but yeah,
I like it.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Inter reception the Boddy sensory system that provides awareness of
internal states such as hunger, thirst, pain, and emotions by
sensing and interpreting signals from internal organs. So that part
is a little different than what you're saying, but I.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Well, it's all connected to It's a vegus nerve too,
which is like your your neural pathways.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
Yeah, your awareness.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
That's awesome, Okay, So yeah, it gives you your physical needs,
your physical sensations, and your emotional.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
States and your reception.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Open your eyes.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, because it's so true that like I can, depending
on what's going on with me hormonally or yeah, if
I'm feeling a little bit more like depressed one day
than the other.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
And I don't mean like full blown depression, but you know,
like I'm.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Just like, Eh, I could have the exact same body
the next day. It's the same me, same outfit, say me,
and I will, for whatever reason, feel so uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
But it inter reception? Have you heard of it?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
So now I have?
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Oh okay.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I love this email though. I love that one that
she wanted to ask us this question, but also that
you are even thinking about this.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, and I love your advice on encouraging her to
give it a go.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Dating.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I mean, you don't know that if you want, but
I mean I think it's true, like let him woo
you see what that feels like and not. I don't
know how the random intimate moments are happening, but like,
maybe just pump the brakes on that, Like what would
it be like does he pick you up?
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Do you go to dinner?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean, obviously y'all are hanging out as friends, but
are you will letting him date you?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Because sometimes thinking about it, and I.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Would almost say this might not be the best advice
at all, but I'm just gonna say it because who knows.
But I would almost like go on some dates and
like not because y'all have been intimate before, Like and
y'all have that part, like you like maybe even like
resist that a little bit. See if something builds up
to where you're like, oh, I kind of missed that,
or I would want that because like who knows why.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I don't know why that's happening. She obviously is, but.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
You don't want you to play into that. She wants
what she can't have, Like I want to hook up
with him now because I've been telling myself I can't.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, I guess I'm just saying I don't let that. Yeah,
don't let that blind you. Yeah, like muddy the waters
a little bit, because what would it be like to
just you know, create a little.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Excitement, tension, yeah, sexual t.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
See if it shows up, yeah, and then if it doesn't,
then you're like okay, yeah right, well we tried.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
And at the end of this, do not settle if
that's what it feels like you're doing.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah, cool, just say no to settling.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
And can I add something else?
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Because there's something else to add to this idea. This
could be its own episode. But this idea of settling,
I think a lot of people feel very strongly of
that of like I don't want to settle. I'm not
going to settle, and sometimes what we actually need to
do is reorganize what it is that we really want
in a person. And it's not about settling, it's about
reorganizing what's important to me.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
We should do an episode on that, like a feeling
things episode on settling. Yeah, and reorganized. I'm intrigued by
what you're saying, So I think that could be a.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Full yeah there, I think that, and I won't say
everything I want to say if we want to do
a whole episode on this, but I do think that
there's this I don't know if it's generational or what,
but right now there is this idea that we can
have everything in a partner. And I think about like
in olden days, like marriage was more of a contract.
(13:43):
It was a business decision, right, it was like that's
what it was. You're marrying your daughter off to have
the land or the money or whatever. And as generations
have shifted, marriage has shifted, but we've held onto every
like idiom of is that the right word for that
is them every idea of what marriage is. We just
have kept holding on to that, and so now we
(14:05):
have this amalgamation. Look at all these big words amusing
of what marriage is, and it's like, it has to
be something that's going to provide for you, it has
to be something that you're emotionally connected to, it has
to be your best friend, it has to be somebody
that's going to do this, and a lot of other
cultures that's not what marriage is. And I'm not saying
you don't deserve to have what you want. I'm not
saying that at all, but sometimes what we have in
(14:27):
our head can get in the way of what we
actually are desiring or want. Like you know Laura Tremaine,
she's the author I think we both interviewed her on
other podcasts. She talks a lot about how her husband's
not her best friend. Yeah, and she doesn't want to
put him in that that's not fair and she has
other people that fill that role and her husband is
her husband. So that's not to say that your husband
(14:49):
can't be your best friend, because I would say that
my husband is my best friend. But well, I'm just
say it doesn't have to it can be your own.
You can't say that that. Amy just rolled her eyes
at me.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
I'm joking. I guess it's trying to be I'm a
playful for that.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I think that like just reorganizing. Maybe write what you
think that a partner should be and then reorganize what
is the most important part of this What are the
top three things I want? Does this person have that?
And then that's worth giving him a shot?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah, for sure, I think we should touch more on
it there. But yeah, it's not fair to put all
that pressure on someone to fill all of those roles
when you could have you know, siblings and friends and
other people that can be that for you.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Yeah, we'll do an episode on that. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Stay tuned, you guys, it's a little teaser.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Don't forget. You can sign up for our newsletter. It'll
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You can find us on Instagram and TikTok, which are
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(15:56):
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That's fun, and then you can call us and leave
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(16:18):
like love, love love. It's like brings us joy. So
I hope y'all enjoy hearing from other listeners whenever we
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for listening. And I guess we'll see y'all on Tuesday
or feeling things.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And we hope you have the day you need to have.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Bye bye,
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won'ts home,
Amy and Kat gotcha cove and likeing No, brother, ladies
and folks, do you just follow an the spirit where
it's all the front over real stuff to the chill
stuff and the m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing
you can do it just stop you feel things. This
(00:27):
is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode of the Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And quick disclaimer before we get into today's question that
although we're answering your questions, this podcast does not serve
as a replacement for therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And Kat is a licensed therapist and I am not.
But also this is not a replacement regardless. Yeah, like
take this advice with the grain assault there you go,
would you like leave what you don't.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
H this is well it's anonymous.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
She puts that in then, so I'll just get to
read and okay, okay, okay, Hi Kat and Amy, please
keep anonymous. And sorry this is so long big fan
of you both, and I've been a longtime listener of
you need therapy and four things keep up the awesome work.
I'm in a situation with my best friend of several years.
We originally met on a dating app, but after realizing
(01:19):
early on that I wasn't really into him on that level,
we transitioned into a close friendship. Since then, he's become
my best friend. We have a really deep emotional connection,
and I can completely be myself around him. He's kind, steady,
and one of the best people that I know. The
confusing part is that I've never been physically attracted to him,
(01:40):
yet we've been intimate several times. I think because of
how emotionally close we are. It's not that I find
him ugly. I'm just not into him physically. A couple
of years ago, I dated someone else and cut contact
with my friend out of respect for that relationship. After
that breakup, which was really painful and led me through
a season of depression, I reconnected with him because I
(02:01):
knew I could count on his support and friendship. I
care about him deeply, but I can't seem to feel
peace about being in a relationship with him. I keep
wondering if this was ever going to turn into something more,
I'd feel more at peace than it would have already happened.
I'd love to hear your perspective on how much initial
physical attraction really matters when emotional capability is already strong.
(02:25):
He's physically attracted to me and doesn't understand what the
holdup is, but every time we're intimate, I end up
regretting it because I can't commit to being in a
relationship with him. On the flip side, the last person
I dated I was very physically attracted to and could
picture a future with him, but didn't have this level
of emotional connection, and that didn't work either. I'm in
(02:47):
my early thirties and starting to wonder if it's even
possible to have both that deep emotional bond and physical attraction,
or if I should compromise one way or the other.
Thank you for creating such a safe on a space
to ask questions like this, Anonymous.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
I have so many thoughts, so many get to crack alecin.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
So so my thoughts. You are reading this now just
because it's top of mind? Is Taylor Swift would say
Ruin the Friendship? You haven't listening to the album?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Yes, I have some of it.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Which song is that Ruin the Friendship? Oh?
Speaker 4 (03:22):
That's the title of the song. I guess I have
not listened to that one, and it's all about have
you listened to every single track?
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Multiple times? Okay, And I'm not even a swifty, but
I'm interested in like the lore of it all.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I guess this was about a friend that she had
in high school that she didn't never like go any
further because she didn't want to ruin the friendship and
that's one of her regrets and he's since pasted and
all that. It's a really good song. That's just what
came into my brain, jumped in there.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Well, I don't know that her concern is that because
sometimes people are like, oh, I don't want to do
that because I don't want to ruin our friendship. I
think she's might find that she's just not physically attracted
to him.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Right, So I have a couple thoughts. And again, because
we're not like sitting down with her and we only
have limited information, I'm gonna say again, like take this
with a grain of salt, because I'm just like kind
of throwing spaghetti at the wall. My first thought is,
is there some kind of attachment wound here? Because the
more emotionally close she is it sounds she's emotionally close
(04:21):
with this person, feels so safe, vulnerable, like obviously they
have this connection that's spanned years, yet there's this block.
But with this other person that she doesn't feel as
emotionally close to, she could actually did she say she
could see a future with him? Yes, So it's I
wonder if there's fear around the like this is more
to lose too, Like this is one of probably her
(04:45):
most vulnerable, safest relationships, and so maybe the physical part
is just coming up as a distraction for a deeper
fear or something. Again, just wondering this stuff to think about.
So I would do some digging around that. And my
other thought is because I believe that physical attraction gross,
(05:08):
Like sometimes you just can be physically attracted to, like
it's just kind of more objective, you know, and you're like, oh,
that person is good looking to me. However, then when
you get to know them, sometimes there's people that you
think were good looking, you're like, oh, how was I
ever attracted to that person?
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Right?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
And the opposite happens when you see something that you're
not initially attracted to, and then you get to know them,
and then you become more attracted to them. So I
do believe in that, and I wonder because to what
I hear is they're just they're really good friends and
they've randomly hooked up a couple of times. But I
don't see that since the initial dating when they met,
they've really tried to go down that path.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
And I yeah, yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I wonder if there is an attempt, if you're like, Okay,
let's actually try this, because I tell people that are
struggling with that physical part in the beginning of get
to know them more and see what it's like to
date them, and you might start to be more physically
attract to them because of the safeness of that relationship,
because of the things that you're learning about them, the
things that you're doing, what it's like to be with
(06:06):
him in that way, so you know him as more
so in more recent years, just as a friendship, you
don't know what it's really like to date this person,
and I don't think a random hookup can tell you.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
That that's not the same thing.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, So if you did say, like, I want to
try this out, this feels important to me, and give
it time and see if that grows the more you
see how he cares for you and how your relationship
blooms in that way.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
And I do think you need to be physically attracted
to somebody. And it's also pretty amazing that you found
someone that you feel so emotionally safe too, So they're
both important. And yes, I do think you can find both. Yes,
because that was one of her questions, is like should
I settle or is it possible to find both? Yes,
you can find both. We don't know if it's going
(06:50):
to be with this guy, And I like your idea
of like have you ever really tried to date other
than when y'all first met on the app? And you
said you learned pretty quickly? Like em she already wrote
that off, this isn't going to be a thing, But
for some reason he's still back in your life. And
shout out to him for even being there for you
after you had to cut him out, which I can
(07:11):
understand if you're trying to respect the relationship you're in
and he knows you'll been physical and whatnot, and that
makes sense.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
But he clearly is very into you.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, and then also too, like sometimes girls or guys
want a little bit of a Chase and you might be.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Well, that's kind of my point of round the tech
and stuff.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah, there might be something there sabotaging this where he
really could be a good fit. But for whatever reason,
you want you don't want it to be this easy,
like you want to be a little more difficult.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, and yeah, I think you're right. Her initial question
is do you have to give one up? And no,
you don't, And sometimes that means waiting for that part
to grow if it never grows, and like, okay, just
know that you can you can't have both.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Now, I would say a year into my relationship, I'm
more physically attracted to my boyfriend and now than I
was in the beginning. Yeah, like for lots of reasons.
And now I stare at him and I'm like, yeah,
like in ways that I didn't look at him that
way before. I kept thinking like, oh, this is not
gonna work. But then we got closer and now I
(08:20):
have that same emotional safety. And he's very like we've
talked about this, he's steadfast, he's consistent, he's very calming
for my nervous system, like a lot of things, like
he's not drama, he's very level headed and he's secure
and who he is, and that is so attractive.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
And I don't know if I just wasn't seeing certain
attractive things in him before.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I don't know what it is, because like now they're
there because he's still the same person. But I like
sometimes stare at him like he's just so hot.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
So I think you're explaining exactly what I was saying earlier,
that like the more you get to know somebody, And again,
when we first are dating people, we are judgmental. That's
part of dating is like you're judging do I like
this person. But there's this thing called interception that happens
where what you feel on the inside changes how you
see things. I talk about it a lot with body image,
(09:15):
of like how I'm feeling inside my body is going
to change how I feel about what I look like.
So I'll see myself differently word of the day interception
in a reception, So I'll see myself differently in a mirror.
If I'm having a bad day or if I'm feeling bad,
if I'm feeling more depressed or anxious or something, what
I see in the mirror will be different. And I
think that translates here too, with what you're saying, the
(09:35):
more you feel different, you feel more safe, connected, fun.
All of these words you could probably go on with more.
When you're with your boyfriend now, and so when you
see him, you're seeing through how you feel.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
In a reception, I'm just going to show the definition
for people. I've never heard that word before in my life.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
It could have a different definition for different things, but yeah,
I like it.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Inter reception the Boddy sensory system that provides awareness of
internal states such as hunger, thirst, pain, and emotions by
sensing and interpreting signals from internal organs. So that part
is a little different than what you're saying, but I.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Well, it's all connected to It's a vegus nerve too,
which is like your your neural pathways.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
Yeah, your awareness.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
That's awesome, Okay, So yeah, it gives you your physical needs,
your physical sensations, and your emotional.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
States and your reception.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Open your eyes.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, because it's so true that like I can, depending
on what's going on with me hormonally or yeah, if
I'm feeling a little bit more like depressed one day
than the other.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
And I don't mean like full blown depression, but you know,
like I'm.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Just like, Eh, I could have the exact same body
the next day. It's the same me, same outfit, say me,
and I will, for whatever reason, feel so uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
But it inter reception? Have you heard of it?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
So now I have?
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Oh okay.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I love this email though. I love that one that
she wanted to ask us this question, but also that
you are even thinking about this.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, and I love your advice on encouraging her to
give it a go.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Dating.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I mean, you don't know that if you want, but
I mean I think it's true, like let him woo
you see what that feels like and not. I don't
know how the random intimate moments are happening, but like,
maybe just pump the brakes on that, Like what would
it be like does he pick you up?
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Do you go to dinner?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean, obviously y'all are hanging out as friends, but
are you will letting him date you?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Because sometimes thinking about it, and I.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Would almost say this might not be the best advice
at all, but I'm just gonna say it because who knows.
But I would almost like go on some dates and
like not because y'all have been intimate before, Like and
y'all have that part, like you like maybe even like
resist that a little bit. See if something builds up
to where you're like, oh, I kind of missed that,
or I would want that because like who knows why.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I don't know why that's happening. She obviously is, but.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
You don't want you to play into that. She wants
what she can't have, Like I want to hook up
with him now because I've been telling myself I can't.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, I guess I'm just saying I don't let that. Yeah,
don't let that blind you. Yeah, like muddy the waters
a little bit, because what would it be like to
just you know, create a little.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Excitement, tension, yeah, sexual t.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
See if it shows up, yeah, and then if it doesn't,
then you're like okay, yeah right, well we tried.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
And at the end of this, do not settle if
that's what it feels like you're doing.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah, cool, just say no to settling.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
And can I add something else?
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Because there's something else to add to this idea. This
could be its own episode. But this idea of settling,
I think a lot of people feel very strongly of
that of like I don't want to settle. I'm not
going to settle, and sometimes what we actually need to
do is reorganize what it is that we really want
in a person. And it's not about settling, it's about
reorganizing what's important to me.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
We should do an episode on that, like a feeling
things episode on settling. Yeah, and reorganized. I'm intrigued by
what you're saying, So I think that could be a.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Full yeah there, I think that, and I won't say
everything I want to say if we want to do
a whole episode on this, but I do think that
there's this I don't know if it's generational or what,
but right now there is this idea that we can
have everything in a partner. And I think about like
in olden days, like marriage was more of a contract.
(13:43):
It was a business decision, right, it was like that's
what it was. You're marrying your daughter off to have
the land or the money or whatever. And as generations
have shifted, marriage has shifted, but we've held onto every
like idiom of is that the right word for that
is them every idea of what marriage is. We just
have kept holding on to that, and so now we
(14:05):
have this amalgamation. Look at all these big words amusing
of what marriage is, and it's like, it has to
be something that's going to provide for you, it has
to be something that you're emotionally connected to, it has
to be your best friend, it has to be somebody
that's going to do this, and a lot of other
cultures that's not what marriage is. And I'm not saying
you don't deserve to have what you want. I'm not
saying that at all, but sometimes what we have in
(14:27):
our head can get in the way of what we
actually are desiring or want. Like you know Laura Tremaine,
she's the author I think we both interviewed her on
other podcasts. She talks a lot about how her husband's
not her best friend. Yeah, and she doesn't want to
put him in that that's not fair and she has
other people that fill that role and her husband is
her husband. So that's not to say that your husband
(14:49):
can't be your best friend, because I would say that
my husband is my best friend. But well, I'm just
say it doesn't have to it can be your own.
You can't say that that. Amy just rolled her eyes
at me.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
I'm joking. I guess it's trying to be I'm a
playful for that.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I think that like just reorganizing. Maybe write what you
think that a partner should be and then reorganize what
is the most important part of this What are the
top three things I want? Does this person have that?
And then that's worth giving him a shot?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah, for sure, I think we should touch more on
it there. But yeah, it's not fair to put all
that pressure on someone to fill all of those roles
when you could have you know, siblings and friends and
other people that can be that for you.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Yeah, we'll do an episode on that. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Stay tuned, you guys, it's a little teaser.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Don't forget. You can sign up for our newsletter. It'll
be in the show notes. You can find us on
Instagram and TikTok. Hey there, Nope, nope, nope, that's not it.
You can find us on Instagram and TikTok, which are
just Feeling Things podcasts. But if you want to email us,
it's Hey, They're at Feeling Things podcast dot com. If
you want to be anonymous with your question, make sure
(15:56):
you do like this lovely listener did and state that
very clearly. If you don't care, then be like, yeah,
use my name or Sometimes people are real, they leave
like an initial. They're like you can say L or M.
That's fun, and then you can call us and leave
us a voicemail as well. Eight seven seven two O
seven two O seven seven. We love hearing from y'all,
(16:18):
like love, love love. It's like brings us joy. So
I hope y'all enjoy hearing from other listeners whenever we
share voicemails and emails on the podcast. So thank you
for listening. And I guess we'll see y'all on Tuesday
or feeling things.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And we hope you have the day you need to have.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Bye bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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