November 4, 2021 • 39 mins
To get everyone excited about next week’s ‘4 Things Gift Guide’ episode, Amy & Meri announced they are giving away a round trip airline ticket!! Listen to find out how you could win this! Our guest this week is New York Times bestselling author, @JeffersonBethke, who recently put out a new book called: Take Back Your Family. Do you want to connect with your family on a deeper level? Are you living your best life as a family or are you all running ragged simply to set kids up for success? Are meals around the table just not possible because of demanding family schedules? Stressed out? Burned out? This chat is for you...and so is Jeff’s book {linked below}.
Take Back Your Family: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400221765?ref=exp_radioamy_dp_vv_d
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, cap little food for you. So life. Oh it's
pretty Bay, It's pretty beautiful than that. A little month
(00:28):
you kicking with four Happy Thursday. Amy here and before
we get into my interview with Jeff, I've got marry
on because we have a fun announcement now. Next week
is going to be our four Things Christmas Gift Guide
episode that we do together every year. But Mary, tell
(00:49):
them what we're doing this year. We're gonna being a
fun gift that people are giving this year. And of
course we're gonna have all kinds of ideas, but one
that's really popular it's giving away like travel or experiences
or flights. So we're gonna give away a flight, a
round trip flight anywhere in the US. Yeah, continue US US.
We have to get the proper legal jargon so that
you all understand. But yeah, it doesn't include why or Alaska.
(01:12):
But yeah, round trip flight and it starts today on
our Instagram accounts, so make sure you are following at
the shot Forward and at shop Spoa. I run that account,
and then my personal Instagram I'll be posting it out there,
which is Radio Amy, but that's where you're gonna enter
as an Instagram Stories We have a graphic that we've
(01:32):
made that explains every single thing that you need to
do to nominate someone to win this flight. You screenshot it,
fill in the blanks. We made it super easy, and
then you repost it in your Instagram stories. Make sure
you tag us again that's on the instructions so that
we see it. And then from there we will pick
a recipient in the next week that will be featured.
(01:54):
We'll be calling the person and they will be in
next week's Gift Guide episode hearing for the first time
they have just won a flight. So if you have
a friend or a family member or a co worker
that you know would love to win a round trip
flight and have that experience to go I don't know,
somewhere they've never been, or to see a family member
but they can't afford to get there, whatever the case
(02:14):
may be. This is why we wanted to do it.
We wanted to give away a cool experience. So nominate
anybody in your life that you think would want this.
And then Mary, what do people need to do if
they're private on Instagram? So yeah, if you're private, just
posted in your stories like normal and then screenshot your
post and d M it to one of us so
that we can see it. Yeah, and then make sure
(02:34):
you're listening to next Thursday's Four Things Gift Guide episode.
It'll be out Thursday, November eleven again, that's when we'll
be announcing the winner and heads up. In that episode,
will be giving you a lot of gift ideas from
the Shop Forward and a squad that give back to
Haiti and other various causes. We're gonna be hearing from
people that run organizations that we donate to you, so
(02:55):
you can know the impact and how your gift helped
pay it Forward. But we're also going to be giving
other gift ideas that we just personally like, so if
you're shopping for different types of people in your life,
maybe that will be a benefit to you. And then
quickly we'll just be including some other fun giveaways. That's
all i'm gonna say now, no details, but you know
we're giving away a flight now that these other giveaways
(03:16):
are also going to be amazing, So you do not
want to miss next week's Gift Guide episode. So we
will see you then. Mary, thank you for joining me
in this quick little intro. Yeah, I'm so excited for
the gift guide. Yeah, okay, so Mary, I'll be back
next week. And for now, here is my chat with
Jefferson Bethkey. Okay, so this chat is long overdue. Jeff
(03:41):
Bethkey's on the podcast today. And you had a book
that came out early September called Take Back Your Family.
But it's not your first book, your New York Times bestseller.
I first learned a few years ago when you went
viral on YouTube, and some people listening right now, in
case you're not familiar, you might remember, maybe don't associate
the name with why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus,
(04:03):
And it was this video that just had millions and
millions of views in a matter of days. Since I've
never gotten to officially talk to you about that. We're
definitely getting into your book because it's right up my
alley of like where I need to be going with
my family. But you're one of the first people that
experienced that viral type thing. I mean, people go viral
on TikTok every day in a way, but back when
(04:26):
you went viral on YouTube, that was not the norm.
So what's funny even here and you talk, it's like
I feel like I'm like an old dad about with
with my answer, like I'm reflecting on some old age
during like World War Two. It's like ten years ago
and I'm still I'm only thirty two, so it does.
Even though I'm young, I do feel like there's I've
been in the internet game so long it feels weird
to think back on it. But you're right, like back
(04:46):
then and this is just you know, where you want
to call God's providence where they want to call luck
of the luck of the Irish out of fun Disney
movie by the way, Um, but I would say, yeah,
it was. It was. It definitely was meta your back then,
meaning when it happened to someone quote unquote, it was
life changing. Now it still is amazing, but like when
someone gets a couple million views on TikTok, that's not
changing life for good or for bad. By the way,
it was life changing, and it was accidental, like I
(05:08):
wasn't trying for it. We weren't trying to do that.
I was making videos because that's just what millennials do.
They breathe and they make videos and gen z now
is that times ten? But yeah, it was. It changed
our life for good or for bad. I don't I
don't ever want to go back and do it again.
That's one thing that people don't really realize is like
when you have that much of a concentrated spotlight on you, Like,
I did not like what that did to my soul.
I didn't like what that did to my my heart,
(05:29):
my emotions. So I don't wish I could replay it
or redo it. But I'm very grateful now for the
opportunities it's given that we've been able to lean into.
But yeah, you kind of giving PTSD by bringing it up.
Definitely definitely didn't mean to do that. I mean, and
that is interesting though, because you know, I work with
people that they would give for any of my listeners
that I mean, this is the podcast, but my main
(05:50):
job is the Bobby Bones Show and Lunchbox as a
co host on there, And he would like give anything
to go viral. He's been trying to go viral since
the viral was a thing. Same thing with the Lottery.
It's like he's always has wanted to live the lottery.
But similarly to that, I know it's not exactly the
same thing, but you think it's awesome, but then when
it happens to you, I mean, that's why there's a
show of like the Lottery Ruined my life or something. Yeah,
(06:11):
almost everyone goes broke. Almost everyone goes broke. Yeah, the
relationships get you know, get trashed, and it's difficult and
it's yeah, and it has implications that are that are
no one is expecting. And so that's kind of the
dark side of it for sure. And so since that video,
I mean, years have passed, You've written books, You've got
a wife, you have kids, you live in Maui, which
we're all very jealous that you're living here, right, Yes,
(06:35):
the mountains of Maui. So before we chat about your book,
I would love to do a little gratitude ice breaker
with you. And here are four things that you are
thankful for. I would like to know a book that
you're thankful for. It can't be one of your own.
I'll give two books. I mean, I'm a book guy.
(06:55):
I love books. So that's that's actually a very difficult question.
But the two that jumped out to my head, I'll
get kind of a more spiritual living one for those
interested in that, and then a kind of a family
business one that has has really impacted my life. Um So,
the first one my buddy John Mark Comber, Ruthless Elimination
of Hurry. Brilliant book. Everyone needs to read that book.
That book is basically the individual version of everything that
(07:16):
we're talking about here, of like, if you want to
learn with practical steps, how to slow down, how to
make your heart not feel at this pace of anxiousness
and hurry, you know it's a it's a super incredible book.
So Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comber. Another
book is Culture Code by I think the guy's name
is Daniel Coyle. It's a business book, but it's kind
of a Malcolm gladwelly, you know, I mean, like jumping
around an interesting pop psychology book on what makes teams
(07:40):
have really strong cultures. It's all business oriented. But I
read that book and it was the best parenting book
I've ever read. Had nothing to do with parenting. It
the best parenting book I've ever read. So I would
say those two books for sure. Oh it's funny you
mentioned Malcolm glad Well. I'm reading Talking to Strangers right now.
It's great. I like it. Do you like it so far?
I really like it. Mean, it's very interesting. I'm only
(08:00):
about halfway done. Yeah, so I'm reading that in between
more therapy type books. But it still is interesting and
fascinating how our minds work. I would love to hear
from you a TV show that you're thankful for. Oh
that's tough, and I'm not gonna sound I'm not trying
to send extra spiritual here, but I like don't watch
any TV, but I watch a bunch of YouTube, so
I'm not trying to almost like I want a ton
(08:22):
of YouTube. But i'd have to think of, like, what
about a movie. Okay, okay, that's great, I just want
to stud dude is sick? What is that? It's a new, huge,
massive blockbuster that just came out like three days ago
with says and day you'd say it's basically that it's
a science fiction. It's kind of like a Star Wars
eat Sit on a different Planet. That's one of those
It's one of those movies where you have to see
(08:43):
it in a theater. Like the sound design and like
that movie was sick, so done. Highly recommend. Okay, I
can't believe I haven't heard of it, but honestly, I
probably is. I'm watching too much TV. But Dune okay,
noted is that something we can take the kids too?
Is it something we can do as a family? Know,
even let's it's it's kind of dark. It's kind of like, uh,
it's almost like Star Wars, but like one rating, one
(09:04):
rating up. It's like a little bloody, little bloody you're
giving us family tips here? Okay, what about whatever social
platform you're on the most? Maybe for you it's YouTube,
but normally I asked, like an Instagram followed that you're
thankful for because I feel like, oh, it is your favorite? Okay, good,
so we'll stick with that. But I feel like the
(09:26):
Internet at times gets such a bad rap, and rightfully so,
there's horrible things on all the platforms if you see
the negative. But I I feel like it's connected me
with a lot of people, a lot of positive people
were and I'm scrolling through my feed that I am
encouraged by and influenced by in a positive way. So
who is that for you? That's funny. The three names
(09:47):
that popped my head are all like powerhouse women. So
but and you probly love them and they're all good
friends too, But I think they just they just they
they exemplify so well online of just like truth encouragement.
I would say Anny Downs, She's amazing, I would say
Jenny Allen, and I'd say Christine Kane. I don't know
why I just jumped to those three, but those are
three really fun follows for me, And like, I know,
whenever I'm going to see any of their stuff online,
(10:08):
I'm gonna leave with either a laugh or an encouragement,
none of the kind of the bs and craft that
always enters into social media. Like Christine Kane preaches the fire,
Jenny Allen is just like tons of truth. And then
Annie is just like such an amazing like she she
exemplifies life so well, um and how to live that
I think you have. Those three are fun follows. Annie
and Jenny have both come on the podcast before, and
so you'll haven't heard those episodes. I recommend you going
(10:31):
back to find those. And He's been on a couple
of times. I live in Nashville and she does too.
She's just, yeah, one of the best positive, happy space
but also very real, like not you're going to get
all the sides, and I just love her honesty and
vulnerability and all of that. Okay, I want to know
what drink you are thankful for, because like it's fall times.
(10:54):
So I don't know if you're a pumpkin spice latte
kind of guy or I am. I do love drinks
in general, but I also like once I get my routine.
So if it's a coffee shop, I definitely have to
have like any type of oatmelk, vanilla lattaste, so any
place latte if it's nighttime. I'm an old fashioned guy.
I love bourbon, so I I love an old fashioned
when friends are over and stuff like that. That's about it. Actually. Besides,
(11:17):
that's just water. I don't think I drink. I don't
drink orange juice, don't rinklem and I don't drink juices. Yeah,
i'd say like coffee, a good fancy hipster coffee, and
then like an old fashioned Those are my my go too.
Those drinks definitely go with you for sure. They figured vibe.
Do you like rum at all? Yeah? I do. Okay,
So there's this new rum out. I don't know the
company or anything, but it's infused with like a ghost
(11:39):
pepper and it's supposed to be Have you tried it? No?
It sounds too spicy. At the time that we're recording this,
I have not, but on the Bobby Bones Show, we
have a wheel that we spin and if it lands
on your name, you have to take a shot of
that stuff. Yeah. Thanks, Okay, I just didn't know next
time you had family over if you wanted to bust
out the wheel and be like, hey, yes, well here's
(12:02):
my thing. So the reason I had such a baby
actually as I can't do I can't even do like
table pepper, like you know, salt and pepper. Pepper is
too spicy for me. So I have a feeling that
would be too spicy for me. So you don't do jalapenos. No,
I don't. I can't do spice like I don't want
anything to me. I don't, And I don't understand how
people like it. Spice is like all it does is
kill all the flavor, Like I can't taste anything because
my mouth just got put on fire. Wait where we
(12:23):
were born and raised Seattle, Washington, which is not a
very spicy place. Yeah. See, I'm from Texas, so I
am looking at you like you're crazy right now. It's
like in your blood. Yeah. Well, all the kids these
days they're very into talkie, which is a spicy like
dorio thing, and the school nurse actually called me today
because my daughter went in there because she had too
(12:45):
much talkie started. She started to have talking in her bloodstream.
You need to come to Oh no. It literally was like,
if she comes back one more time, we're gonna need
you to come pick her up from school. And I'm like,
and the reason is because she had much talking. I'm
about to have to disrupt my words day to go
pick up my daughter because of talkie. But I mean,
(13:07):
that's so popular with kids these days. So parents, if
you're trying to just pick your kids up from school
and bond over a snack, I recommend surprising them with talkie. Yeah,
(13:31):
let's talk about take back your family and why this
book was important for you to put out there. And
I'm just going to go and tell you out of
the gate that we by we, I mean me and
my family, we are who you are speaking to. I
feel like we're going from soccer games, basketball practice, school,
tutoring me, trying to get certain work things done. We're
(13:52):
all in therapy. These appointments like everything Trump's family time
or meal time around the table. You can preach to
me now the best set of ever You're not alone.
That's that's what the books too. And so that's actually
the first couple of chapters in my book, trying to
trace um. You know, if if anyone's reading of my books,
I do, I have a very consistent style now, where
(14:14):
like I like digging into like kind of the history
and like how did we get here? That kind of
stuff at the beginning chapters the very book I've written.
And yeah, this one I wanted to kind of dive
into to hopeate, hopefully alleviate what you just talked about,
but also alleviate kind of the shame and guilt that
comes with it a lot of us, our families and
are included, which I talked about. The book gets in
like you just you kind of get to this place
we're like what am I doing? Like why are we
(14:34):
why are we running around with like like chickens with
their heads cut off? What are we trying to build?
You know, you kind of get to these these questions.
And so I was I traced in the book how
a lot of movements have happened the couple of the
last couple hundred years that actually pushed us into that. Right,
So one of them would be the Industrial Revolution, where
you know we can't go back now, right, Like we're
not gonna go to a grarian society, but it is
nice to know how that affected us in the sense
of Yeah, like for thousands of years before the Industrial Revolution,
(14:58):
the home was actually the center of economic activity things.
So think about that, right, Like, the home was the center. Right,
you were either a breadmaking family, you are a blacksmith family,
you're an a grarian agricultural family, etcetera. So the economic
hub of the family was centered actually at like the
dinner table with the family team. Now that has massive
implications for how then you're going to communicate on your
team and how the kids are going to work together, etcetera. Right, Meaning,
(15:21):
when the economic hub is at the center, you have
to work as a team because you have to go
do the crops, you have to go, you know, make
the iron ore and all these different types of things,
take the ore and make the iron and stuff. But
then the Industrial Revolution, what it did is it sucked
out the father right and then went and put him
in a warehouse um where he had to work, you know,
nine ten hours a day on an assembly line. And
(15:41):
that what that did is that kind of vacuumed out
the heart of the economic activity of the family, right, um,
and then you get and then you and then you
fast forward to the nineteen forties, nineteen fifties, where then
you get the creation of this nuclear family, which again,
if you were to go to eighteen hundred and tell someone, hey,
when I say the word family, what do you think of?
Most people then would have thought of twenty four to
(16:03):
twenty eight people. They would have thought of about three
or four generations, and they would have had, again the
center of economic activity in the home, and they probably
would have had swirling around that home aunt's, uncle's grandparents,
even kind of like employees, Like there's always usually employees
kind of swirling around a hub of a home. Now,
if you say the word family, most people think of mom, dad,
(16:23):
two kids. Now you probably even say that, I probably
do anythink that. But what I'm saying is that's a
different picture. So I kind of tried to set up
all these in the first couple of chapters and then
just say like, what happened? Why is that? And then
offer some solutions. But all that to say, long story short,
I affirm how you feel. I think all of us
feel that way. But there's actually been a couple of
things that have kind of nudged us there on purpose. Yeah,
(16:44):
and I know you went back to the eighteen hundreds.
But also in the West, we operate completely different than
if you've done some traveling or like I've spent time
in Kenya and my kids are from Haiti, and I
mean those are very different places, but where you see
a different example of like how people are living being
and everyone how they operate in the aunts and the
uncles and all the kids in the home and what
(17:05):
it's like. Because yeah, some parts of the world are
still operating in a multigenerational operation. That's a great point. Yes, well,
well because one of the common critiques when because we've
been doing stuff on family for years with our mentors,
like we're not We're not some huge, you know, pontificating
stages by any means. We we kind of are under
this context of an idea of like a whole another
(17:26):
group and a team of people. But but yes, as
we've talked about it, you know, one of the biggest critiques,
especially from kind of like Western people, is oh, well,
that's easy for you to say, like you know what
I mean, like basically only people with privilege and wealth
and kind of can kind of live like that when
it's actually the opposite you just mentioned it's actually the opposite.
So David Brooks argues this in his Atlantic article last
year called the end of the Nuclear Family, where only
(17:47):
rich people can do the nuclear family. Right. So like
like lower income socio economic status people have to live multigenerationally,
which is why you see it in Third world countries,
which is why you see it in other context. So
the West, we are this weird place where you can
track this again. Post World War two we became the
richest country almost in all of human history. The level
that was where we got chreation in the middle class,
(18:08):
that was where all these things, like the level of
prosperity post World War two was just insane. And what
it did is because the wealth at the macro level
for generally everyone was so big, then we had enough
resources to say, I don't need anyone anymore. I don't
need my grandma and grandpa, I don't need this community,
I don't need these people. Right. And so that's a
(18:28):
fascinating thing that I don't think people wrestle with, is
that the people live multigenerationally because they need each other.
But there's actually a blessing in that where we all
need that. Well, I'm going to read a quote. This
is something you said, so I assume it's good. Today's
families are frantically running themselves ragged, doing everything they can
(18:49):
think of to set their children up for the highest
levels of success, rarely eating peaceful meals at home together.
And the fruit of all of this is not good.
If families are dressed out, burned out, and would hardly
describe their lives as fulfilling. And I feel this at
my core. As I mentioned to earlier. I'm sure a
(19:09):
lot of other moms or dad's listening right now, or
maybe even just aunt's, uncles, siblings. Maybe you don't have
kids yourself, but you're feeling this disconnect from your family.
And I have lost both of my parents, so I
don't have grandparents, and my mom passed away in two
thousand fourteen, my dad died this year. And I'm like, okay,
(19:30):
And we adopted two kids. Those are we don't we know,
biological children. We've got two adopted kids that don't really
even understand the concept of family, and yet we've brought
them into this way Western society operates and we're trying
to show them this is what family is, and we're
here for you, we love you, so they can feel
(19:51):
safe and all the things. But yet we're so dang
busy all the time that it's hard to get those
moments like you're saying, we're run ragged and we're not
really living and so it's like we're trying to be
intentional with game night or game day whatever that looks
like different family activities together. My heart hurts that, like,
(20:12):
my kids don't have that whole grandparent type thing because
I remember time with my grandma so much. So what
do you say to families that don't have the multigenerational
or they've adopted older kids and they're trying to create
this feeling of family. And I'm struggling with them feeling
that connection because they're just kind of like y'all brought
(20:34):
us together, we're not really siblings. Like a fear that
I have is that they're not going to feel that
family connection. Both my parents were very sick when they died.
My sister and I were their caretakers. So I fear
that one day I'm going to get old and sick,
and because my kids aren't as bonded to me as
I was to my parents. They're not going to take
(20:55):
care of me when I'm old and sick. No, I
think that's a genuine fear, by the way, I don't think.
I think that's the normal fear. Um. And there's a
lot of actual research and stats to support that. There's
a lot of old senior citizens right now that that
is actually happening, so that, yeah, there's this loss, there's
this loss of connection, right, there's this loss of relationship.
I think that's really serious. But I think usually people
(21:15):
that are even asking that question, you usually are already
living so intentionally and living in a couple of things.
I would say, one, even about your parents I talked
about in the book, the real power of storytelling, like
storytelling is actually how we like That's how generations communicate,
That's how generations pass on wisdom to generations passed on
you know. And so even if someone has passed away,
(21:36):
if they are if they are kind of front and
center per se in the story of the family, that's
actually really dramatic and really helpful. Um, you know, like
kind of like things that have been learned, things that
like the way they were, like the way in which
they operated. You know, your kids should be able to
you know, they should almost be able to take a
test on their grandparents that maybe they didn't have that
much time with and they should be able to ace it.
That's what I'm saying, right, And that actually has really
(21:57):
deep implications where there's a lot of psychological so geological
research where when we are connected to the story of
the generations, even if someone isn't alive, it's really powerful, right,
It's really really powerful and how it makes us live. Um,
there's even crazy stats on you know, how people perform
in life based on when they have a longer connection
to the story. So I would say that and the
(22:17):
number two, I think to your point, I think that's
a real thing. But it's But what I talked about
in the book is this metaphor of a coach and
a babysitter. Right. So in the West, we are trained,
our systems train us because we're consumer oriented, because we
so believe in you know, the Western ideal is I
just want to feel the best I can feel, look
the best I can look, and kind of like have
(22:38):
all the things that I want. Like the Western ideal
is just like meeting desires that's essentially what the Western
gospel and good News is. And so what that does
that creates us to be a lot of consumers like
we just consume, and so in families, that's a really
that's really toxic because what it does is it creates
a dynamic where instead of a team working together, everyone's
subtle enemies with each other trying to get more resource
(23:00):
is from the other person. Meaning the whole thing is
a tug at war of resources, right, not even when
you get into the parent dynamic, right if that's when
you even get into the spouse and the spouses arguing
about who's going to work and stay home, like that's
a resource tugg a war question. But teams don't operate
like that. Teams don't operate like that at all. Teams
actually say, okay, how are we going to use my
particular giftings, my particular wirings to support this team and
(23:24):
go on mission with each other? Right now, some people
will hear that and be like, well, does that mean
just all the individuals get squashed and cost No, Right,
that's that's fascism, by the way, that's not team right,
Like you know the Golden State Warriors Steph Curry is
the m v P, meaning he is a he is
the best version of himself because he's in a context
of a team that is pursuing a mission, right that
he fits perfectly into. So same with families, right, and
(23:47):
so one way to really connect kids is to constantly
be putting situations in the family where they're having to
depend on each other, where they're having to, you know,
especially with their strengths and weaknesses. Be like, oh, I know,
if I put these two kids together, the three kids together,
in this situation, they're gonna really have to rely on
this kid's leadership. Oh man, They're gonna really have to
rely on this kid's emotional sensitivity. Oh man, they're gonna
(24:08):
really have to rely on this kid's math skills. I
don't know, right, And you do that over twenty years
and you that's a strong team. But again, we create
these dynamics where we don't need to need each other.
We're actually trying to purposely do that. We're trying to
make it where they don't ever do. We want to
give our kids and our families so much stuff that
they don't need to need anyone. It's like, well, I
want to do the upside, I want everyone to need
to need everyone. So then the last thing I'll say
is that coach babysitter metaphor is a really helpful metaphor
(24:30):
for me as I think to my parenting and now
we try to do this, Okay, So I'm like, you know,
a lot of us we want to just be good babysitters.
When when the parents come home, how do you know
if the babysitter was successful or not? Right, there's pretty
much two things. The kids still alive and then and
and and the kid was safe, meaning like kind of
secure and safe. That's the highest ideal for a lot
of Western parents. We we think about our families in
(24:51):
the sense of like, oh, I only want to make
a safe, great environment for our kids. Now, that is
that is necessary. By the way, I'm not saying that's
not that is necessary, but a coach, that's like one
of the fifteen things on the checklist, right, Like, and
at some level, sometimes you sometimes a coach pushes the
kids just a little so much where maybe the safety
conversation is like, oh, I just because why because the
(25:13):
goal there is you want them to grow. A coach's
job is not to kind of like protect them in
the present. A coach's job is to take them somewhere
in the future. So that's a radically different framework. Right
where babysitters like I just want to keep me safe
right now, the coaches like I want us to win
the championship, or I want you to get drafted, or
I see who you are that you aren't quite there yet.
We're gonna train, we're gonna work together. And and by
(25:34):
the way, I feel the pressure even when I say that,
because the coach, you already know what that word. That's
a lot more work I have to I have to
be able to be present. I have to be able
to be home. I have to be intentional to be
able to coach my kids because I can easily giving
them give them a babysitter environment, especially in the dad context.
A lot of dads have that classic, you know, sitcom
dad like I just provide for my kids and I'm
(25:55):
not really a distant at home whatever. That's the babysitter mentality.
But a coach, it's like, I'm gonna lean in, I'm
gonna emotionally get into what's going on, how are you doing?
What's I mean? And so I don't want to believe
that point too much, but hopefully that's gives kind of
futter for what you're saying. I don't think you're saying
it too much because I think it's an excellent analogy
that can resonate with a lot of people, and that's
very clear of like what role do you want to have?
(26:17):
Do you want to be a babysitter or do you
want to be a coach? And I would say that
we're all guilty of falling into the babysitter room for sure,
especially as an adopted mom. There's raising kids is challenging
no matter what. There's just a different set of challenges.
And if you're a foster parent, you've adopted, and you know,
sometimes it is like it's it can be taxing, but
(26:38):
then it's like, oh, you know, yes, we chose this
and we wanted this, and we have to want more
for our family instead of just checking that box of like, okay,
they made it to eighteen, there they go. We weren't
given that that team like mentality growing up, and then
so we end up going another generation and another family
just raising it the exact same way. So that's why
(27:00):
I like the title of your book too, because it's
like take back your family. Yeah, you can have ownership.
Because there's the thing. No one sacrifices anything for family,
but the sacrificed everything else. And what I mean by
that is like, you know, people move across the country
for jobs, but then you would ask them, like you know,
for family and no, no things right or like schedule right,
like schedule that's the worst one. It's like basically like
no one is ever willing to put a stake in
(27:20):
the ground for their family time, you know what I mean,
Like no, no, thank you for the invite, thank you
for the invite, but sorry, Thursday at six pm. That
is untouchable family time, like untouchable. Now, people would move
all all day every day for work, right, you know
I mean because because again there's these weird cultural pressures
that none of us are trying to actively do. But
it puts family on like the farthest back row of
the bus, you know what I mean. And that's just
(27:43):
detrimental that that's that that does not take your family
to a healthy spot. And another thing I'll say with
the team analogy is it's not natural to think of
a family as a team because of the water we're
swimming in in the West, all of us live in
some type of team. So that's why I always tell
dads is like, hey, you're actually a really good coach
and you are a very are we good at knowing
how to build a team? You just do that at
your work and you do at zero at home? Right,
(28:04):
So like transfer the skill. Don't think of a new skill,
just transfer, meaning like we're all building someone's team, and
that usually the family team just gets left on the
bench and it never gets to do anything. Yeah, I
mean that's a pretty good call out right there. I
felt that the moving your schedule for work, but but
not like family is kind of well, we feel guilty.
We're kind of like the bottom. Yeah I don't. I
(28:25):
don't know why, but I feel we feel that too. Yeah,
work calls, we jump family calls, and we're like, oh,
we'll just reschedule. That exactly nailed it. And so we
just have to be intentional about setting those boundaries. So
what advice do you have for families that are dealing
with um, speaking of sports, it's a sports analogy that
(28:47):
you have there, but literally sports get in the way
of so much. Yeah, So this is where my hot
take comes in so people might not love me after
this one. And and I'm coming from my own context,
and so I let men give you my own context.
I was a kid who play a baseball from age
four to one. Played in at a collegiate level, so
basically the highest levels except for professional seventeen years of
my life out of the first twenty one years of
(29:08):
my life, probably at age ten is when it starts
turning into every single weekend. Practice is probably four times
a week. No, no summers off, because that's actually when
it's busiest. Then you got the school season and you've
got fall. That was my life. Okay, Now my hot
take is for of people, you are wasting your time
and you are crushing your family of people. Now, can
your kids still play sports? Yes? But why My question
(29:31):
is why would you want to orbit orbit your entire life,
your entire and then once you have four or five kids,
it's nearly impossible, by the way, to have any semblance
of sanity if you're trying to shuttle everyone. Why would
you want to orbit your entire life? There's usually two
reasons that come up, by the way, But why would
you want to orbit your entire life around this mechanism
just to just to sacrifice everything. I mean, like everything
is on that altar. We are going to dictate our
(29:53):
schedule around that. We're gonna dictate our meals around that,
We're gonna dictate our finances around that so we can
afford it. We're gonna date. Like, why are you making
such a massive sacrifice for that? Two reasons usually come up.
One is that I want him to play professional or
blah blah, you know, blah blah blah. Okay, let me
just be honest. When I was a nine, when I
was aged nine, I knew who on my team was
probably gonna shot and who wasn't everyone does and and
(30:17):
by the way, it's point zero zero zero or one percent,
So like that's just like even collegiate like even like
that is that is like one per cent of like
the league. Your kid is in an age twelve, not
your team. There's probably zero kids on the team that
are going to do that. There maybe one in the
league might so that that, first of all, it's like
that's just unrealistic. Okay. The second one is most people say, well,
sports teach them a lot of things, you know, teamwork, relationships, socialization, etcetera.
(30:40):
I one agree, but there's other places you can get
all of those things without that level of sacrifice, or
you can just dictate it in a way where they
doesn't have to be that competitive. So we know a
lot of families that are experimenting with this, like and
this just shows you how bad our culture is. Right. So,
like I had a friend where he was wrestling with this, like, man,
his daughter is really into dance, and it was like, man,
just like she's at the age now where they just
(31:02):
want everything. They want all of our time, our schedule,
our money. Right, And so he was like, you know
what I'm gonna do, Like she loves to dance. She
loves to dance, she you know. And they got to
the level where like it was more about like the
girl just felt empowered to dance, but like she knew
that at that level, I'm not. I don't want to
do the stress of my life, but I really want
to spend my you know, a good chunk of my
life on it. So he's like, I need to find
a place where she can only come twice a week
(31:24):
or a practice is only like because we can't do
the five days a week, we can't like else, our
whole family will sacrifice that, right. So he started calling
around to like gyms. It took him like fifteen different gems. No.
He would call by the way and he would say, hey,
how long do you have to you know, just someone
have to practice. They would usually say, like, at this age,
it's every day. You have to be here every day
after school, okay. So then you would say, can she
(31:44):
just come twice a week? Um? Well no, you know,
I mean, he goes, what if I pay you full price?
What if I pay what if I pay everything you
want me to pay? But I only get that she
only gets to come twice, and they still said no.
It took him fifteen calls for someone to actually agreed
to a full price payment and only coming like twice
a week. So that just shows you, like, there is
(32:06):
something in the spirit of our air that is like
what kind of competitive sports that could be? You know,
to use religious language, a little idolatrous, you know, a
little like just yeah, I don't know, unhealthy. So I
would say, yeah, you gotta attack it. You gotta sit
down and be realistic and sober. Can we do this?
Does it completely capture our entire life at the expense
of three or four or five other good things, and
is it healthy for our team and our family. And
(32:28):
if you can answer yes to those we know families
that do that. We know families. Actually we're like they're
the baseball family and like that is their mission and
they actually crush it because they put language on it,
like we all go together, we all travel together. We
all said, like, you know what I mean, But they've
owned the identity of it rather than just kind of
being like, you know, floating an air about it. Yeah,
it just seems like sometimes we just bow down to
it and surrender because that seems easier. But we pay
(32:50):
for we pay for it. Yeah, it takes so much
reason work to resist. Yes, it's not easier because we're
running ragged and we're not living a full life. But
in the moment, it's easier to surrender to this is
what society says. How we're supposed to be parenting. So
take all my money and all my time exactly exactly
as long as it makes it right. Don't have conflicts.
(33:11):
I was thinking back on you mentioning storytelling, especially with
the older people in your family, and you know, for me,
I guess it's great because I do have stories from
my parents that I can pass along to my kids
and then maybe from their birth parents when they get
time with them later, we can learn more and they
can still have that connection to their their family and
Haiti and their culture. And I think that that's super
(33:33):
important too. But for those listening that still have grandparents
alive or parents, how do you recommend they preserve those stories?
Because I'm sure you being a YouTuber and all the
things that that you have some ideas. I'm gonna make
a little mini documentary at some point. Yeah, yeah, a
couple of things. Well, one first of all, one one
thing I do want to add, even to you know,
(33:54):
your situation on a lot of people situation whether the
older generation is is gone at some point now is
there's also are people to like, right, there's like another
way to think about it is like who who is
the wisdom like sages in our community that we want
to kind of link arms with not just for our
family story, but also just to just to impact our kids. Right,
so so even in our life it wouldn't just be
(34:15):
our parents. There's a lot of people were like, man,
this is a really sober wise voice. We want them
over for dinner. We want to ask them questions. We
want the kids to ask them questions, right, and so
it's crazy when you do that on and on and on.
One tip I always tell people is because sometimes people
feel pressure and they don't know what to ask whatever,
just do a show and tell. And it's funny, by
the way, how the older generation will just they love
this because the older generations in our society they don't
(34:36):
get put on the seat of honor very much. They
kind of get the back burner, like they're not very
in I mean um. And so when you put them
on the seat of honor without like them having to
like teach something, but just commune, just talk from their heart,
it's really powerful. We've seen a lot of people were
like they really come alive, Like the older generation comes
alive when you ask them to do that. So we
do this thing every Friday night during our Sabbath dinner
where we kind of about to enter into a day
(34:57):
of rest. We start with a big dinner. We have
Alista's parents because they live here in My parents live
in Washington, and we just do a show and tell.
So I asked them bring one thing, bring one thing
that just is like a story jump off point from
any moment in the last sixty years of your life. Right,
So it's the boundaries are so big that like it's
very easy to think of something. So like, you know,
like Melissa's mom will bring like the last couple and
(35:18):
she brought was like her cheerleading like what you call
those letterman's jacket patch. So it's just like a little
patch that had like I can't remember the symbols, but
it was her high school booms. She brought that. She
told the story about high school and cheerleading and what
she learned, you know, I mean blah blah blah. Okay,
one week she brought their wedding cake topper, so like
you know, I don't even know how she still had that,
but the little figurine from that was on top of
the cake talking about the went blah blah blah. Right,
(35:39):
And when you do that over twenty years, it's insane
how impactful it is. And by the way, for those listening, kids,
just eat that up. Like I I speak less on
our Friday night dinners than I ever speak like ever
in my life because I just like I just sit
back and it's just basically the kids just well, what
about what about tell me? You know, like they just
they eat it up. It's like a movie almost, you
know what I mean. And it's very easy to also
(35:59):
do that. So I would say that it's just show
and tell and just think of anything that kind of
a jumping off point. One cheap trick or hack I
would tell people is there's an Amazon journal called I
think it's called just the Grandfather's Journal and Grandmother's Journal,
and it has like a thousand questions in there with
blank space, and over the years we just asked them
a question and write down the answer. So then again,
how cool would being twenty years we have a journal
(36:20):
full of like and the questions are so broad. There's
a thousand. It's like, you know, there's there's section on spirituality,
perspection on just like Christmas, and like here's all your
Christmas like when you were ten years old, what's the
present you remember? Right? What's your favorite Christmas tradition? Like
it's just the most exhaustive book ever. So that's another
easy one. Um. And then yeah, even though I joked
about it, I would say, man, we're in an age
of cameras, We're in an age of videos, like ask
(36:41):
your your parents questions and take videos of it. So
I know one family who they kids, by the way,
because they were they were teenagers, they're getting all gen
z into videos. Blah blah blah. They made a little
documentary about their grandparents and then one of the grandparents
passed away like two months after that unexpectedly, and they
were like, man, that is one of the biggest gifts
they had is that little twenty minute video that the
(37:02):
teenage kids made, especially with you know that they keep
rewatching for the grandpa's memory and stuff like that. So like,
just lean into that. Just capture, capture, capture, and there's
a billion different ways to do it. But it's fun
and it's crazy. You'll see how much it really is
a really potent device and tool for a family. Oh man,
that stuff sounds special. And yeah, I mean even though
I can't do show and tell with like my dad
(37:22):
or my mom, I still love that idea for just
you know, my family sitting around the table, even the kids,
bringing a show and tell, getting them You guys can
do it. Yeah, you can think, Yeah, conversation and anything
you can get her do to get your kids talking
about stuff that's like really important. And to your point,
family is important. Yes. One thing I'll add there too,
(37:43):
is I talk about the book is businesses do this
really well, and they do it on purpose because they
know they'll get their employees to stay on the team longer.
So you walk into most Chick fil A's by the way,
and you go on the wall by the bathroom, and
what's usually happening right there? There's usually like this little
like kind of like a map. Right, yeah, there we go.
That's nineteen fifty four, Dan, Cathy, did you know? True?
(38:05):
Cathy did this? Cis it's our pictures. It's got little
paragraphs and it checks. Now that's not just because that's cute.
They know when they put that over three thousand locations
and also when they teach it to their employees in
the onboarding process. Story is like the glue. It's like this,
it's this glue that's like, oh, I believe now, I
believe in this company, I believe in this mission, I
(38:27):
believe in this team. So it's not just to like
be cute and quaint, but it actually is a massively
powerful tool to make a team stronger. Love it. All
this stuff is brilliant, and thank you so much. For
coming on to talk about take Back your Family. I
am linking the book in the show notes so it's
super easy for people to find and they can also
find you on Instagram, Yes, Jefferson, Beth Key b E,
(38:51):
t h k E, and I mean you're also all
over YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, website is jeff and Melissa dot com. Mom.
You have all the things, but highly encourage people to
check out your latest book. Thanks so much for having
me
Okay, cap little food for you. So life. Oh it's
pretty Bay, It's pretty beautiful than that. A little month
(00:28):
you kicking with four Happy Thursday. Amy here and before
we get into my interview with Jeff, I've got marry
on because we have a fun announcement now. Next week
is going to be our four Things Christmas Gift Guide
episode that we do together every year. But Mary, tell
(00:49):
them what we're doing this year. We're gonna being a
fun gift that people are giving this year. And of
course we're gonna have all kinds of ideas, but one
that's really popular it's giving away like travel or experiences
or flights. So we're gonna give away a flight, a
round trip flight anywhere in the US. Yeah, continue US US.
We have to get the proper legal jargon so that
you all understand. But yeah, it doesn't include why or Alaska.
(01:12):
But yeah, round trip flight and it starts today on
our Instagram accounts, so make sure you are following at
the shot Forward and at shop Spoa. I run that account,
and then my personal Instagram I'll be posting it out there,
which is Radio Amy, but that's where you're gonna enter
as an Instagram Stories We have a graphic that we've
(01:32):
made that explains every single thing that you need to
do to nominate someone to win this flight. You screenshot it,
fill in the blanks. We made it super easy, and
then you repost it in your Instagram stories. Make sure
you tag us again that's on the instructions so that
we see it. And then from there we will pick
a recipient in the next week that will be featured.
(01:54):
We'll be calling the person and they will be in
next week's Gift Guide episode hearing for the first time
they have just won a flight. So if you have
a friend or a family member or a co worker
that you know would love to win a round trip
flight and have that experience to go I don't know,
somewhere they've never been, or to see a family member
but they can't afford to get there, whatever the case
(02:14):
may be. This is why we wanted to do it.
We wanted to give away a cool experience. So nominate
anybody in your life that you think would want this.
And then Mary, what do people need to do if
they're private on Instagram? So yeah, if you're private, just
posted in your stories like normal and then screenshot your
post and d M it to one of us so
that we can see it. Yeah, and then make sure
(02:34):
you're listening to next Thursday's Four Things Gift Guide episode.
It'll be out Thursday, November eleven again, that's when we'll
be announcing the winner and heads up. In that episode,
will be giving you a lot of gift ideas from
the Shop Forward and a squad that give back to
Haiti and other various causes. We're gonna be hearing from
people that run organizations that we donate to you, so
(02:55):
you can know the impact and how your gift helped
pay it Forward. But we're also going to be giving
other gift ideas that we just personally like, so if
you're shopping for different types of people in your life,
maybe that will be a benefit to you. And then
quickly we'll just be including some other fun giveaways. That's
all i'm gonna say now, no details, but you know
we're giving away a flight now that these other giveaways
(03:16):
are also going to be amazing, So you do not
want to miss next week's Gift Guide episode. So we
will see you then. Mary, thank you for joining me
in this quick little intro. Yeah, I'm so excited for
the gift guide. Yeah, okay, so Mary, I'll be back
next week. And for now, here is my chat with
Jefferson Bethkey. Okay, so this chat is long overdue. Jeff
(03:41):
Bethkey's on the podcast today. And you had a book
that came out early September called Take Back Your Family.
But it's not your first book, your New York Times bestseller.
I first learned a few years ago when you went
viral on YouTube, and some people listening right now, in
case you're not familiar, you might remember, maybe don't associate
the name with why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus,
(04:03):
And it was this video that just had millions and
millions of views in a matter of days. Since I've
never gotten to officially talk to you about that. We're
definitely getting into your book because it's right up my
alley of like where I need to be going with
my family. But you're one of the first people that
experienced that viral type thing. I mean, people go viral
on TikTok every day in a way, but back when
(04:26):
you went viral on YouTube, that was not the norm.
So what's funny even here and you talk, it's like
I feel like I'm like an old dad about with
with my answer, like I'm reflecting on some old age
during like World War Two. It's like ten years ago
and I'm still I'm only thirty two, so it does.
Even though I'm young, I do feel like there's I've
been in the internet game so long it feels weird
to think back on it. But you're right, like back
(04:46):
then and this is just you know, where you want
to call God's providence where they want to call luck
of the luck of the Irish out of fun Disney
movie by the way, Um, but I would say, yeah,
it was. It was. It definitely was meta your back then,
meaning when it happened to someone quote unquote, it was
life changing. Now it still is amazing, but like when
someone gets a couple million views on TikTok, that's not
changing life for good or for bad. By the way,
it was life changing, and it was accidental, like I
(05:08):
wasn't trying for it. We weren't trying to do that.
I was making videos because that's just what millennials do.
They breathe and they make videos and gen z now
is that times ten? But yeah, it was. It changed
our life for good or for bad. I don't I
don't ever want to go back and do it again.
That's one thing that people don't really realize is like
when you have that much of a concentrated spotlight on you, Like,
I did not like what that did to my soul.
I didn't like what that did to my my heart,
(05:29):
my emotions. So I don't wish I could replay it
or redo it. But I'm very grateful now for the
opportunities it's given that we've been able to lean into.
But yeah, you kind of giving PTSD by bringing it up.
Definitely definitely didn't mean to do that. I mean, and
that is interesting though, because you know, I work with
people that they would give for any of my listeners
that I mean, this is the podcast, but my main
(05:50):
job is the Bobby Bones Show and Lunchbox as a
co host on there, And he would like give anything
to go viral. He's been trying to go viral since
the viral was a thing. Same thing with the Lottery.
It's like he's always has wanted to live the lottery.
But similarly to that, I know it's not exactly the
same thing, but you think it's awesome, but then when
it happens to you, I mean, that's why there's a
show of like the Lottery Ruined my life or something. Yeah,
(06:11):
almost everyone goes broke. Almost everyone goes broke. Yeah, the
relationships get you know, get trashed, and it's difficult and
it's yeah, and it has implications that are that are
no one is expecting. And so that's kind of the
dark side of it for sure. And so since that video,
I mean, years have passed, You've written books, You've got
a wife, you have kids, you live in Maui, which
we're all very jealous that you're living here, right, Yes,
(06:35):
the mountains of Maui. So before we chat about your book,
I would love to do a little gratitude ice breaker
with you. And here are four things that you are
thankful for. I would like to know a book that
you're thankful for. It can't be one of your own.
I'll give two books. I mean, I'm a book guy.
(06:55):
I love books. So that's that's actually a very difficult question.
But the two that jumped out to my head, I'll
get kind of a more spiritual living one for those
interested in that, and then a kind of a family
business one that has has really impacted my life. Um So,
the first one my buddy John Mark Comber, Ruthless Elimination
of Hurry. Brilliant book. Everyone needs to read that book.
That book is basically the individual version of everything that
(07:16):
we're talking about here, of like, if you want to
learn with practical steps, how to slow down, how to
make your heart not feel at this pace of anxiousness
and hurry, you know it's a it's a super incredible book.
So Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comber. Another
book is Culture Code by I think the guy's name
is Daniel Coyle. It's a business book, but it's kind
of a Malcolm gladwelly, you know, I mean, like jumping
around an interesting pop psychology book on what makes teams
(07:40):
have really strong cultures. It's all business oriented. But I
read that book and it was the best parenting book
I've ever read. Had nothing to do with parenting. It
the best parenting book I've ever read. So I would
say those two books for sure. Oh it's funny you
mentioned Malcolm glad Well. I'm reading Talking to Strangers right now.
It's great. I like it. Do you like it so far?
I really like it. Mean, it's very interesting. I'm only
(08:00):
about halfway done. Yeah, so I'm reading that in between
more therapy type books. But it still is interesting and
fascinating how our minds work. I would love to hear
from you a TV show that you're thankful for. Oh
that's tough, and I'm not gonna sound I'm not trying
to send extra spiritual here, but I like don't watch
any TV, but I watch a bunch of YouTube, so
I'm not trying to almost like I want a ton
(08:22):
of YouTube. But i'd have to think of, like, what
about a movie. Okay, okay, that's great, I just want
to stud dude is sick? What is that? It's a new, huge,
massive blockbuster that just came out like three days ago
with says and day you'd say it's basically that it's
a science fiction. It's kind of like a Star Wars
eat Sit on a different Planet. That's one of those
It's one of those movies where you have to see
(08:43):
it in a theater. Like the sound design and like
that movie was sick, so done. Highly recommend. Okay, I
can't believe I haven't heard of it, but honestly, I
probably is. I'm watching too much TV. But Dune okay,
noted is that something we can take the kids too?
Is it something we can do as a family? Know,
even let's it's it's kind of dark. It's kind of like, uh,
it's almost like Star Wars, but like one rating, one
(09:04):
rating up. It's like a little bloody, little bloody you're
giving us family tips here? Okay, what about whatever social
platform you're on the most? Maybe for you it's YouTube,
but normally I asked, like an Instagram followed that you're
thankful for because I feel like, oh, it is your favorite? Okay, good,
so we'll stick with that. But I feel like the
(09:26):
Internet at times gets such a bad rap, and rightfully so,
there's horrible things on all the platforms if you see
the negative. But I I feel like it's connected me
with a lot of people, a lot of positive people
were and I'm scrolling through my feed that I am
encouraged by and influenced by in a positive way. So
who is that for you? That's funny. The three names
(09:47):
that popped my head are all like powerhouse women. So
but and you probly love them and they're all good
friends too, But I think they just they just they
they exemplify so well online of just like truth encouragement.
I would say Anny Downs, She's amazing, I would say
Jenny Allen, and I'd say Christine Kane. I don't know
why I just jumped to those three, but those are
three really fun follows for me, And like, I know,
whenever I'm going to see any of their stuff online,
(10:08):
I'm gonna leave with either a laugh or an encouragement,
none of the kind of the bs and craft that
always enters into social media. Like Christine Kane preaches the fire,
Jenny Allen is just like tons of truth. And then
Annie is just like such an amazing like she she
exemplifies life so well, um and how to live that
I think you have. Those three are fun follows. Annie
and Jenny have both come on the podcast before, and
so you'll haven't heard those episodes. I recommend you going
(10:31):
back to find those. And He's been on a couple
of times. I live in Nashville and she does too.
She's just, yeah, one of the best positive, happy space
but also very real, like not you're going to get
all the sides, and I just love her honesty and
vulnerability and all of that. Okay, I want to know
what drink you are thankful for, because like it's fall times.
(10:54):
So I don't know if you're a pumpkin spice latte
kind of guy or I am. I do love drinks
in general, but I also like once I get my routine.
So if it's a coffee shop, I definitely have to
have like any type of oatmelk, vanilla lattaste, so any
place latte if it's nighttime. I'm an old fashioned guy.
I love bourbon, so I I love an old fashioned
when friends are over and stuff like that. That's about it. Actually. Besides,
(11:17):
that's just water. I don't think I drink. I don't
drink orange juice, don't rinklem and I don't drink juices. Yeah,
i'd say like coffee, a good fancy hipster coffee, and
then like an old fashioned Those are my my go too.
Those drinks definitely go with you for sure. They figured vibe.
Do you like rum at all? Yeah? I do. Okay,
So there's this new rum out. I don't know the
company or anything, but it's infused with like a ghost
(11:39):
pepper and it's supposed to be Have you tried it? No?
It sounds too spicy. At the time that we're recording this,
I have not, but on the Bobby Bones Show, we
have a wheel that we spin and if it lands
on your name, you have to take a shot of
that stuff. Yeah. Thanks, Okay, I just didn't know next
time you had family over if you wanted to bust
out the wheel and be like, hey, yes, well here's
(12:02):
my thing. So the reason I had such a baby
actually as I can't do I can't even do like
table pepper, like you know, salt and pepper. Pepper is
too spicy for me. So I have a feeling that
would be too spicy for me. So you don't do jalapenos. No,
I don't. I can't do spice like I don't want
anything to me. I don't, And I don't understand how
people like it. Spice is like all it does is
kill all the flavor, Like I can't taste anything because
my mouth just got put on fire. Wait where we
(12:23):
were born and raised Seattle, Washington, which is not a
very spicy place. Yeah. See, I'm from Texas, so I
am looking at you like you're crazy right now. It's
like in your blood. Yeah. Well, all the kids these
days they're very into talkie, which is a spicy like
dorio thing, and the school nurse actually called me today
because my daughter went in there because she had too
(12:45):
much talkie started. She started to have talking in her bloodstream.
You need to come to Oh no. It literally was like,
if she comes back one more time, we're gonna need
you to come pick her up from school. And I'm like,
and the reason is because she had much talking. I'm
about to have to disrupt my words day to go
pick up my daughter because of talkie. But I mean,
(13:07):
that's so popular with kids these days. So parents, if
you're trying to just pick your kids up from school
and bond over a snack, I recommend surprising them with talkie. Yeah,
(13:31):
let's talk about take back your family and why this
book was important for you to put out there. And
I'm just going to go and tell you out of
the gate that we by we, I mean me and
my family, we are who you are speaking to. I
feel like we're going from soccer games, basketball practice, school,
tutoring me, trying to get certain work things done. We're
(13:52):
all in therapy. These appointments like everything Trump's family time
or meal time around the table. You can preach to
me now the best set of ever You're not alone.
That's that's what the books too. And so that's actually
the first couple of chapters in my book, trying to
trace um. You know, if if anyone's reading of my books,
I do, I have a very consistent style now, where
(14:14):
like I like digging into like kind of the history
and like how did we get here? That kind of
stuff at the beginning chapters the very book I've written.
And yeah, this one I wanted to kind of dive
into to hopeate, hopefully alleviate what you just talked about,
but also alleviate kind of the shame and guilt that
comes with it a lot of us, our families and
are included, which I talked about. The book gets in
like you just you kind of get to this place
we're like what am I doing? Like why are we
(14:34):
why are we running around with like like chickens with
their heads cut off? What are we trying to build?
You know, you kind of get to these these questions.
And so I was I traced in the book how
a lot of movements have happened the couple of the
last couple hundred years that actually pushed us into that. Right,
So one of them would be the Industrial Revolution, where
you know we can't go back now, right, Like we're
not gonna go to a grarian society, but it is
nice to know how that affected us in the sense
of Yeah, like for thousands of years before the Industrial Revolution,
(14:58):
the home was actually the center of economic activity things.
So think about that, right, Like, the home was the center. Right,
you were either a breadmaking family, you are a blacksmith family,
you're an a grarian agricultural family, etcetera. So the economic
hub of the family was centered actually at like the
dinner table with the family team. Now that has massive
implications for how then you're going to communicate on your
team and how the kids are going to work together, etcetera. Right, Meaning,
(15:21):
when the economic hub is at the center, you have
to work as a team because you have to go
do the crops, you have to go, you know, make
the iron ore and all these different types of things,
take the ore and make the iron and stuff. But
then the Industrial Revolution, what it did is it sucked
out the father right and then went and put him
in a warehouse um where he had to work, you know,
nine ten hours a day on an assembly line. And
(15:41):
that what that did is that kind of vacuumed out
the heart of the economic activity of the family, right, um,
and then you get and then you and then you
fast forward to the nineteen forties, nineteen fifties, where then
you get the creation of this nuclear family, which again,
if you were to go to eighteen hundred and tell someone, hey,
when I say the word family, what do you think of?
Most people then would have thought of twenty four to
(16:03):
twenty eight people. They would have thought of about three
or four generations, and they would have had, again the
center of economic activity in the home, and they probably
would have had swirling around that home aunt's, uncle's grandparents,
even kind of like employees, Like there's always usually employees
kind of swirling around a hub of a home. Now,
if you say the word family, most people think of mom, dad,
(16:23):
two kids. Now you probably even say that, I probably
do anythink that. But what I'm saying is that's a
different picture. So I kind of tried to set up
all these in the first couple of chapters and then
just say like, what happened? Why is that? And then
offer some solutions. But all that to say, long story short,
I affirm how you feel. I think all of us
feel that way. But there's actually been a couple of
things that have kind of nudged us there on purpose. Yeah,
(16:44):
and I know you went back to the eighteen hundreds.
But also in the West, we operate completely different than
if you've done some traveling or like I've spent time
in Kenya and my kids are from Haiti, and I
mean those are very different places, but where you see
a different example of like how people are living being
and everyone how they operate in the aunts and the
uncles and all the kids in the home and what
(17:05):
it's like. Because yeah, some parts of the world are
still operating in a multigenerational operation. That's a great point. Yes, well,
well because one of the common critiques when because we've
been doing stuff on family for years with our mentors,
like we're not We're not some huge, you know, pontificating
stages by any means. We we kind of are under
this context of an idea of like a whole another
(17:26):
group and a team of people. But but yes, as
we've talked about it, you know, one of the biggest critiques,
especially from kind of like Western people, is oh, well,
that's easy for you to say, like you know what
I mean, like basically only people with privilege and wealth
and kind of can kind of live like that when
it's actually the opposite you just mentioned it's actually the opposite.
So David Brooks argues this in his Atlantic article last
year called the end of the Nuclear Family, where only
(17:47):
rich people can do the nuclear family. Right. So like
like lower income socio economic status people have to live multigenerationally,
which is why you see it in Third world countries,
which is why you see it in other context. So
the West, we are this weird place where you can
track this again. Post World War two we became the
richest country almost in all of human history. The level
that was where we got chreation in the middle class,
(18:08):
that was where all these things, like the level of
prosperity post World War two was just insane. And what
it did is because the wealth at the macro level
for generally everyone was so big, then we had enough
resources to say, I don't need anyone anymore. I don't
need my grandma and grandpa, I don't need this community,
I don't need these people. Right. And so that's a
(18:28):
fascinating thing that I don't think people wrestle with, is
that the people live multigenerationally because they need each other.
But there's actually a blessing in that where we all
need that. Well, I'm going to read a quote. This
is something you said, so I assume it's good. Today's
families are frantically running themselves ragged, doing everything they can
(18:49):
think of to set their children up for the highest
levels of success, rarely eating peaceful meals at home together.
And the fruit of all of this is not good.
If families are dressed out, burned out, and would hardly
describe their lives as fulfilling. And I feel this at
my core. As I mentioned to earlier. I'm sure a
(19:09):
lot of other moms or dad's listening right now, or
maybe even just aunt's, uncles, siblings. Maybe you don't have
kids yourself, but you're feeling this disconnect from your family.
And I have lost both of my parents, so I
don't have grandparents, and my mom passed away in two
thousand fourteen, my dad died this year. And I'm like, okay,
(19:30):
And we adopted two kids. Those are we don't we know,
biological children. We've got two adopted kids that don't really
even understand the concept of family, and yet we've brought
them into this way Western society operates and we're trying
to show them this is what family is, and we're
here for you, we love you, so they can feel
(19:51):
safe and all the things. But yet we're so dang
busy all the time that it's hard to get those
moments like you're saying, we're run ragged and we're not
really living and so it's like we're trying to be
intentional with game night or game day whatever that looks
like different family activities together. My heart hurts that, like,
(20:12):
my kids don't have that whole grandparent type thing because
I remember time with my grandma so much. So what
do you say to families that don't have the multigenerational
or they've adopted older kids and they're trying to create
this feeling of family. And I'm struggling with them feeling
that connection because they're just kind of like y'all brought
(20:34):
us together, we're not really siblings. Like a fear that
I have is that they're not going to feel that
family connection. Both my parents were very sick when they died.
My sister and I were their caretakers. So I fear
that one day I'm going to get old and sick,
and because my kids aren't as bonded to me as
I was to my parents. They're not going to take
(20:55):
care of me when I'm old and sick. No, I
think that's a genuine fear, by the way, I don't think.
I think that's the normal fear. Um. And there's a
lot of actual research and stats to support that. There's
a lot of old senior citizens right now that that
is actually happening, so that, yeah, there's this loss, there's
this loss of connection, right, there's this loss of relationship.
I think that's really serious. But I think usually people
(21:15):
that are even asking that question, you usually are already
living so intentionally and living in a couple of things.
I would say, one, even about your parents I talked
about in the book, the real power of storytelling, like
storytelling is actually how we like That's how generations communicate,
That's how generations pass on wisdom to generations passed on
you know. And so even if someone has passed away,
(21:36):
if they are if they are kind of front and
center per se in the story of the family, that's
actually really dramatic and really helpful. Um, you know, like
kind of like things that have been learned, things that
like the way they were, like the way in which
they operated. You know, your kids should be able to
you know, they should almost be able to take a
test on their grandparents that maybe they didn't have that
much time with and they should be able to ace it.
That's what I'm saying, right, And that actually has really
(21:57):
deep implications where there's a lot of psychological so geological
research where when we are connected to the story of
the generations, even if someone isn't alive, it's really powerful, right,
It's really really powerful and how it makes us live. Um,
there's even crazy stats on you know, how people perform
in life based on when they have a longer connection
to the story. So I would say that and the
(22:17):
number two, I think to your point, I think that's
a real thing. But it's But what I talked about
in the book is this metaphor of a coach and
a babysitter. Right. So in the West, we are trained,
our systems train us because we're consumer oriented, because we
so believe in you know, the Western ideal is I
just want to feel the best I can feel, look
the best I can look, and kind of like have
(22:38):
all the things that I want. Like the Western ideal
is just like meeting desires that's essentially what the Western
gospel and good News is. And so what that does
that creates us to be a lot of consumers like
we just consume, and so in families, that's a really
that's really toxic because what it does is it creates
a dynamic where instead of a team working together, everyone's
subtle enemies with each other trying to get more resource
(23:00):
is from the other person. Meaning the whole thing is
a tug at war of resources, right, not even when
you get into the parent dynamic, right if that's when
you even get into the spouse and the spouses arguing
about who's going to work and stay home, like that's
a resource tugg a war question. But teams don't operate
like that. Teams don't operate like that at all. Teams
actually say, okay, how are we going to use my
particular giftings, my particular wirings to support this team and
(23:24):
go on mission with each other? Right now, some people
will hear that and be like, well, does that mean
just all the individuals get squashed and cost No, Right,
that's that's fascism, by the way, that's not team right,
Like you know the Golden State Warriors Steph Curry is
the m v P, meaning he is a he is
the best version of himself because he's in a context
of a team that is pursuing a mission, right that
he fits perfectly into. So same with families, right, and
(23:47):
so one way to really connect kids is to constantly
be putting situations in the family where they're having to
depend on each other, where they're having to, you know,
especially with their strengths and weaknesses. Be like, oh, I know,
if I put these two kids together, the three kids together,
in this situation, they're gonna really have to rely on
this kid's leadership. Oh man, They're gonna really have to
rely on this kid's emotional sensitivity. Oh man, they're gonna
(24:08):
really have to rely on this kid's math skills. I
don't know, right, And you do that over twenty years
and you that's a strong team. But again, we create
these dynamics where we don't need to need each other.
We're actually trying to purposely do that. We're trying to
make it where they don't ever do. We want to
give our kids and our families so much stuff that
they don't need to need anyone. It's like, well, I
want to do the upside, I want everyone to need
to need everyone. So then the last thing I'll say
is that coach babysitter metaphor is a really helpful metaphor
(24:30):
for me as I think to my parenting and now
we try to do this, Okay, So I'm like, you know,
a lot of us we want to just be good babysitters.
When when the parents come home, how do you know
if the babysitter was successful or not? Right, there's pretty
much two things. The kids still alive and then and
and and the kid was safe, meaning like kind of
secure and safe. That's the highest ideal for a lot
of Western parents. We we think about our families in
(24:51):
the sense of like, oh, I only want to make
a safe, great environment for our kids. Now, that is
that is necessary. By the way, I'm not saying that's
not that is necessary, but a coach, that's like one
of the fifteen things on the checklist, right, Like, and
at some level, sometimes you sometimes a coach pushes the
kids just a little so much where maybe the safety
conversation is like, oh, I just because why because the
(25:13):
goal there is you want them to grow. A coach's
job is not to kind of like protect them in
the present. A coach's job is to take them somewhere
in the future. So that's a radically different framework. Right
where babysitters like I just want to keep me safe
right now, the coaches like I want us to win
the championship, or I want you to get drafted, or
I see who you are that you aren't quite there yet.
We're gonna train, we're gonna work together. And and by
(25:34):
the way, I feel the pressure even when I say that,
because the coach, you already know what that word. That's
a lot more work I have to I have to
be able to be present. I have to be able
to be home. I have to be intentional to be
able to coach my kids because I can easily giving
them give them a babysitter environment, especially in the dad context.
A lot of dads have that classic, you know, sitcom
dad like I just provide for my kids and I'm
(25:55):
not really a distant at home whatever. That's the babysitter mentality.
But a coach, it's like, I'm gonna lean in, I'm
gonna emotionally get into what's going on, how are you doing?
What's I mean? And so I don't want to believe
that point too much, but hopefully that's gives kind of
futter for what you're saying. I don't think you're saying
it too much because I think it's an excellent analogy
that can resonate with a lot of people, and that's
very clear of like what role do you want to have?
(26:17):
Do you want to be a babysitter or do you
want to be a coach? And I would say that
we're all guilty of falling into the babysitter room for sure,
especially as an adopted mom. There's raising kids is challenging
no matter what. There's just a different set of challenges.
And if you're a foster parent, you've adopted, and you know,
sometimes it is like it's it can be taxing, but
(26:38):
then it's like, oh, you know, yes, we chose this
and we wanted this, and we have to want more
for our family instead of just checking that box of like, okay,
they made it to eighteen, there they go. We weren't
given that that team like mentality growing up, and then
so we end up going another generation and another family
just raising it the exact same way. So that's why
(27:00):
I like the title of your book too, because it's
like take back your family. Yeah, you can have ownership.
Because there's the thing. No one sacrifices anything for family,
but the sacrificed everything else. And what I mean by
that is like, you know, people move across the country
for jobs, but then you would ask them, like you know,
for family and no, no things right or like schedule right,
like schedule that's the worst one. It's like basically like
no one is ever willing to put a stake in
(27:20):
the ground for their family time, you know what I mean,
Like no, no, thank you for the invite, thank you
for the invite, but sorry, Thursday at six pm. That
is untouchable family time, like untouchable. Now, people would move
all all day every day for work, right, you know
I mean because because again there's these weird cultural pressures
that none of us are trying to actively do. But
it puts family on like the farthest back row of
the bus, you know what I mean. And that's just
(27:43):
detrimental that that's that that does not take your family
to a healthy spot. And another thing I'll say with
the team analogy is it's not natural to think of
a family as a team because of the water we're
swimming in in the West, all of us live in
some type of team. So that's why I always tell
dads is like, hey, you're actually a really good coach
and you are a very are we good at knowing
how to build a team? You just do that at
your work and you do at zero at home? Right,
(28:04):
So like transfer the skill. Don't think of a new skill,
just transfer, meaning like we're all building someone's team, and
that usually the family team just gets left on the
bench and it never gets to do anything. Yeah, I
mean that's a pretty good call out right there. I
felt that the moving your schedule for work, but but
not like family is kind of well, we feel guilty.
We're kind of like the bottom. Yeah I don't. I
(28:25):
don't know why, but I feel we feel that too. Yeah,
work calls, we jump family calls, and we're like, oh,
we'll just reschedule. That exactly nailed it. And so we
just have to be intentional about setting those boundaries. So
what advice do you have for families that are dealing
with um, speaking of sports, it's a sports analogy that
(28:47):
you have there, but literally sports get in the way
of so much. Yeah, So this is where my hot
take comes in so people might not love me after
this one. And and I'm coming from my own context,
and so I let men give you my own context.
I was a kid who play a baseball from age
four to one. Played in at a collegiate level, so
basically the highest levels except for professional seventeen years of
my life out of the first twenty one years of
(29:08):
my life, probably at age ten is when it starts
turning into every single weekend. Practice is probably four times
a week. No, no summers off, because that's actually when
it's busiest. Then you got the school season and you've
got fall. That was my life. Okay, Now my hot
take is for of people, you are wasting your time
and you are crushing your family of people. Now, can
your kids still play sports? Yes? But why My question
(29:31):
is why would you want to orbit orbit your entire life,
your entire and then once you have four or five kids,
it's nearly impossible, by the way, to have any semblance
of sanity if you're trying to shuttle everyone. Why would
you want to orbit your entire life? There's usually two
reasons that come up, by the way, But why would
you want to orbit your entire life around this mechanism
just to just to sacrifice everything. I mean, like everything
is on that altar. We are going to dictate our
(29:53):
schedule around that. We're gonna dictate our meals around that,
We're gonna dictate our finances around that so we can
afford it. We're gonna date. Like, why are you making
such a massive sacrifice for that? Two reasons usually come up.
One is that I want him to play professional or
blah blah, you know, blah blah blah. Okay, let me
just be honest. When I was a nine, when I
was aged nine, I knew who on my team was
probably gonna shot and who wasn't everyone does and and
(30:17):
by the way, it's point zero zero zero or one percent,
So like that's just like even collegiate like even like
that is that is like one per cent of like
the league. Your kid is in an age twelve, not
your team. There's probably zero kids on the team that
are going to do that. There maybe one in the
league might so that that, first of all, it's like
that's just unrealistic. Okay. The second one is most people say, well,
sports teach them a lot of things, you know, teamwork, relationships, socialization, etcetera.
(30:40):
I one agree, but there's other places you can get
all of those things without that level of sacrifice, or
you can just dictate it in a way where they
doesn't have to be that competitive. So we know a
lot of families that are experimenting with this, like and
this just shows you how bad our culture is. Right. So,
like I had a friend where he was wrestling with this, like, man,
his daughter is really into dance, and it was like, man,
just like she's at the age now where they just
(31:02):
want everything. They want all of our time, our schedule,
our money. Right, And so he was like, you know
what I'm gonna do, Like she loves to dance. She
loves to dance, she you know. And they got to
the level where like it was more about like the
girl just felt empowered to dance, but like she knew
that at that level, I'm not. I don't want to
do the stress of my life, but I really want
to spend my you know, a good chunk of my
life on it. So he's like, I need to find
a place where she can only come twice a week
(31:24):
or a practice is only like because we can't do
the five days a week, we can't like else, our
whole family will sacrifice that, right. So he started calling
around to like gyms. It took him like fifteen different gems. No.
He would call by the way and he would say, hey,
how long do you have to you know, just someone
have to practice. They would usually say, like, at this age,
it's every day. You have to be here every day
after school, okay. So then you would say, can she
(31:44):
just come twice a week? Um? Well no, you know,
I mean, he goes, what if I pay you full price?
What if I pay what if I pay everything you
want me to pay? But I only get that she
only gets to come twice, and they still said no.
It took him fifteen calls for someone to actually agreed
to a full price payment and only coming like twice
a week. So that just shows you, like, there is
(32:06):
something in the spirit of our air that is like
what kind of competitive sports that could be? You know,
to use religious language, a little idolatrous, you know, a
little like just yeah, I don't know, unhealthy. So I
would say, yeah, you gotta attack it. You gotta sit
down and be realistic and sober. Can we do this?
Does it completely capture our entire life at the expense
of three or four or five other good things, and
is it healthy for our team and our family. And
(32:28):
if you can answer yes to those we know families
that do that. We know families. Actually we're like they're
the baseball family and like that is their mission and
they actually crush it because they put language on it,
like we all go together, we all travel together. We
all said, like, you know what I mean, But they've
owned the identity of it rather than just kind of
being like, you know, floating an air about it. Yeah,
it just seems like sometimes we just bow down to
it and surrender because that seems easier. But we pay
(32:50):
for we pay for it. Yeah, it takes so much
reason work to resist. Yes, it's not easier because we're
running ragged and we're not living a full life. But
in the moment, it's easier to surrender to this is
what society says. How we're supposed to be parenting. So
take all my money and all my time exactly exactly
as long as it makes it right. Don't have conflicts.
(33:11):
I was thinking back on you mentioning storytelling, especially with
the older people in your family, and you know, for me,
I guess it's great because I do have stories from
my parents that I can pass along to my kids
and then maybe from their birth parents when they get
time with them later, we can learn more and they
can still have that connection to their their family and
Haiti and their culture. And I think that that's super
(33:33):
important too. But for those listening that still have grandparents
alive or parents, how do you recommend they preserve those stories?
Because I'm sure you being a YouTuber and all the
things that that you have some ideas. I'm gonna make
a little mini documentary at some point. Yeah, yeah, a
couple of things. Well, one first of all, one one
thing I do want to add, even to you know,
(33:54):
your situation on a lot of people situation whether the
older generation is is gone at some point now is
there's also are people to like, right, there's like another
way to think about it is like who who is
the wisdom like sages in our community that we want
to kind of link arms with not just for our
family story, but also just to just to impact our kids. Right,
so so even in our life it wouldn't just be
(34:15):
our parents. There's a lot of people were like, man,
this is a really sober wise voice. We want them
over for dinner. We want to ask them questions. We
want the kids to ask them questions, right, and so
it's crazy when you do that on and on and on.
One tip I always tell people is because sometimes people
feel pressure and they don't know what to ask whatever,
just do a show and tell. And it's funny, by
the way, how the older generation will just they love
this because the older generations in our society they don't
(34:36):
get put on the seat of honor very much. They
kind of get the back burner, like they're not very
in I mean um. And so when you put them
on the seat of honor without like them having to
like teach something, but just commune, just talk from their heart,
it's really powerful. We've seen a lot of people were
like they really come alive, Like the older generation comes
alive when you ask them to do that. So we
do this thing every Friday night during our Sabbath dinner
where we kind of about to enter into a day
(34:57):
of rest. We start with a big dinner. We have
Alista's parents because they live here in My parents live
in Washington, and we just do a show and tell.
So I asked them bring one thing, bring one thing
that just is like a story jump off point from
any moment in the last sixty years of your life. Right,
So it's the boundaries are so big that like it's
very easy to think of something. So like, you know,
like Melissa's mom will bring like the last couple and
(35:18):
she brought was like her cheerleading like what you call
those letterman's jacket patch. So it's just like a little
patch that had like I can't remember the symbols, but
it was her high school booms. She brought that. She
told the story about high school and cheerleading and what
she learned, you know, I mean blah blah blah. Okay,
one week she brought their wedding cake topper, so like
you know, I don't even know how she still had that,
but the little figurine from that was on top of
the cake talking about the went blah blah blah. Right,
(35:39):
And when you do that over twenty years, it's insane
how impactful it is. And by the way, for those listening, kids,
just eat that up. Like I I speak less on
our Friday night dinners than I ever speak like ever
in my life because I just like I just sit
back and it's just basically the kids just well, what
about what about tell me? You know, like they just
they eat it up. It's like a movie almost, you
know what I mean. And it's very easy to also
(35:59):
do that. So I would say that it's just show
and tell and just think of anything that kind of
a jumping off point. One cheap trick or hack I
would tell people is there's an Amazon journal called I
think it's called just the Grandfather's Journal and Grandmother's Journal,
and it has like a thousand questions in there with
blank space, and over the years we just asked them
a question and write down the answer. So then again,
how cool would being twenty years we have a journal
(36:20):
full of like and the questions are so broad. There's
a thousand. It's like, you know, there's there's section on spirituality,
perspection on just like Christmas, and like here's all your
Christmas like when you were ten years old, what's the
present you remember? Right? What's your favorite Christmas tradition? Like
it's just the most exhaustive book ever. So that's another
easy one. Um. And then yeah, even though I joked
about it, I would say, man, we're in an age
of cameras, We're in an age of videos, like ask
(36:41):
your your parents questions and take videos of it. So
I know one family who they kids, by the way,
because they were they were teenagers, they're getting all gen
z into videos. Blah blah blah. They made a little
documentary about their grandparents and then one of the grandparents
passed away like two months after that unexpectedly, and they
were like, man, that is one of the biggest gifts
they had is that little twenty minute video that the
(37:02):
teenage kids made, especially with you know that they keep
rewatching for the grandpa's memory and stuff like that. So like,
just lean into that. Just capture, capture, capture, and there's
a billion different ways to do it. But it's fun
and it's crazy. You'll see how much it really is
a really potent device and tool for a family. Oh man,
that stuff sounds special. And yeah, I mean even though
I can't do show and tell with like my dad
(37:22):
or my mom, I still love that idea for just
you know, my family sitting around the table, even the kids,
bringing a show and tell, getting them You guys can
do it. Yeah, you can think, Yeah, conversation and anything
you can get her do to get your kids talking
about stuff that's like really important. And to your point,
family is important. Yes. One thing I'll add there too,
(37:43):
is I talk about the book is businesses do this
really well, and they do it on purpose because they
know they'll get their employees to stay on the team longer.
So you walk into most Chick fil A's by the way,
and you go on the wall by the bathroom, and
what's usually happening right there? There's usually like this little
like kind of like a map. Right, yeah, there we go.
That's nineteen fifty four, Dan, Cathy, did you know? True?
(38:05):
Cathy did this? Cis it's our pictures. It's got little
paragraphs and it checks. Now that's not just because that's cute.
They know when they put that over three thousand locations
and also when they teach it to their employees in
the onboarding process. Story is like the glue. It's like this,
it's this glue that's like, oh, I believe now, I
believe in this company, I believe in this mission, I
(38:27):
believe in this team. So it's not just to like
be cute and quaint, but it actually is a massively
powerful tool to make a team stronger. Love it. All
this stuff is brilliant, and thank you so much. For
coming on to talk about take Back your Family. I
am linking the book in the show notes so it's
super easy for people to find and they can also
find you on Instagram, Yes, Jefferson, Beth Key b E,
(38:51):
t h k E, and I mean you're also all
over YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, website is jeff and Melissa dot com. Mom.
You have all the things, but highly encourage people to
check out your latest book. Thanks so much for having
me
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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