February 6, 2024 • 19 mins
Today’s quote: “The view is always better from the high road – and there’s less traffic!”
Amy & Kat answer two questions from a listener email:
How should we feel if a friendship ends?
A lot of people don’t talk about ending friendships, but it can feel like more of a loss than someone we’ve been dating (even if you knew it was the right decision for yourself)!
It’s a VERY normal experience for a friendship to end (and it can really suck). Kat reminds us that grieving is not about getting over something – it’s about learning live with the loss.
How can get your doctor to take your symptoms seriously?
Amy is in perimenopause and is getting her hormones tested to try to figure out the right way to treat her symptoms. There’s a lot of shame around menopause especially if you’re doctor isn’t taking your symptoms seriously or is disregarding your concerns.
Reminder! You are allowed to have information & ask questions about your own health!! Don’t feel bad advocating for yourself and if you need to, find a new doctor who will listen to you!
PLUS – beauty mishaps: Veet for eyebrows and Preparation H for undereye?!
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat, and today's quote is from a listener that
sent us an email. I'm going to leave off her
name because of the questions that she's asking. I don't know,
they feel kind of personal, and I don't have her
permission yet. I sent her a note that we're going
to be talking about it, but I'll just leave her
name off. But in the email, she shared a quote
right off the bat, So that's going to be our
(00:25):
quote for today, she said. Hey, I figured I would
start my email with a quote because that's how you
begin the Fifth Thing each week. One of my favorites
is the view is always better from the high road
and there's less traffic, she said. Clearing out the noise
and taking the high road has been put to the
test a decent amount recently, which brings me to the
reason for my email. Have you ever considered doing a
(00:47):
segment on breaking away from friendships? Over the last few years,
I have had to distance myself from a few friends
who had previously been a huge part of my life.
One in particular was my best friend for many years,
but unfortunate we saw the importance of our friendship differently
and ended up agreeing to disagree, imparting ways. While I
know that this is the best thing for me, it
(01:07):
doesn't make it any less painful. Sometimes I feel a
void in times when I would normally pick up the
phone and call her. I'm getting used to it, and
I have many other friends just with love some advice,
or to hear a conversation about how other women handle
such situations. I know the saying people come into your
life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and
(01:28):
I have accepted it, but would love to hear your
slash Kat's perspective. Okay, I'm going to pause the email
right there and we'll talk about the friendship part because
she also has another part of the email asking about
hormones and so Kat is a therapist. Is it's something
that you see in your office. I would assume you
predominantly meet with women. Or what is your take on
(01:49):
friendships and how we should feel if a friendship ends,
because I think that breaking up with partners, boyfriends, husbands, whatever,
that's something that's easy to talk about because people talk
about it. A lot of people don't talk about ending friendships.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I think that you kind of hit the nail on
the head when you said how we should feel. What's
really interesting is that we probably are going to go
through more ups and downs with our friendships ending and
starting new than our romantic relationships. Yet we give them
less weight and we assume that they should be less
(02:25):
heavy or we should grieve in a different way when
a lot of friendships, depending on what that friend was
to you, can be heavier or feel like more of
a loss than somebody that we've been dating, even.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
If you knew it's the right decision for yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, I mean, we don't have an issue thinking about
that when it's a dating relationship, rightly, it still hurts
even though I know this is what's best for me.
And I think also with that, we hold on to
friendships and force ourselves to stay in friendships longer than
we do in some of these other relationships and make
them work because of those reasons like oh, they've been
(03:03):
my friend since middle school, or they saw me through
a tough time, or they seem to get along with
all these other people. Is it just me like I
can make this work? Or maybe that's just how she
is or how he is, And that's not really fair
If a friendship is causing you a lot of pain
and suffering being in that relationship, it's fair to evaluate it.
(03:24):
And I also want to say this is a very
very very very very normal experience. I don't know many
people who have not had an ending of a friendship.
Doesn't mean it was dramatic, but we've all gone through
losses in those ways. And I had a friend who
was very close to me. I even lived with this
person for a while who we had a falling out,
(03:45):
and I would say it was friendly at the end
when we decided, like, we don't see it seems very similar.
We don't see eye to eye on this, and I
don't need to change your mind and you don't need
to change my mind. But us having these two very
different opinions is going to be make it really hard
for us to support each other in our respective lives
right now. So we just kind of went our separate ways.
(04:08):
And it was kind of like a friendship where I
would see a meme or something that I'd want to
send to them, and I'd like, oh, you can't send
that to her because that would be weird now. Or
I would want to invite them somewhere, or maybe I
didn't get invited to a lot of places because we
had a lot of mutual friends, and I got kind
of not the acts, but I mean I got the shaft. Yeah,
(04:28):
and it sucked, and I was sticking up for myself
in a way, and so I lean on the people
that were supportive to me. And I think that's one
of the most helpful things. Think about what would you
do in a breakup with any other kind of person.
You would lean on the people that you have in
your life and that know you and love you and
want you to know who they think you are. And
(04:49):
that's why I did. I leaned into those other friendships
and developed new ones that felt really safe. I think
also it's important to remember the part about grief where
grieving is not about getting over something and it not
meaning anything eventually, it's about you learning how to live
with the loss, and eventually you become more routinely able
(05:12):
to live with the loss of that relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
You know. It was on the cover of Megan Devine's
book where she has someone with a backpack and the
grief doesn't go away, but the backpack just feels lighter. Yeah,
So the backpack is still there. It's on your back.
But there's times where the backpack might feel really heavy
and it's dragging you down, And there's other times where
it's like, oh yeah, here's my backpack, but feeling pretty
(05:36):
good right now with how I process what's in it.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
I'm glad you said that. That's such a good metaphor.
I imagine how I just explained that sounded like it
was just this like really graceful process of me ending
this friendship with this person, and then we felt lighter
and things just moved on. But I still go through
stages where I'm angry or i am sad or I
don't care one day, And I think that's part of
(06:00):
what you're saying is I also know that eventually it's
not going to feel this way anymore. So I ride
that wave, I carry that backpack knowing that, like, eventually
it's going to feel lighter. So I just wanted to
add that because I don't want anybody to think that, oh,
it was this easy process for her, it should be
this easy process for me. No, it's not easy. It
was a lot of crying and hard conversations and wondering
(06:21):
if I am in the wrong or if I'm dramatic,
or if this person's this, or and then you just
eventually come to a realization that this is not probably
good for either of us at this moment.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Well, I'm glad you shared that, Kat the clarity. Yeah,
because it's not this easy thing. I'll continue on with
the email. We can get to hormones. She said here
while I'm writing, I figured I would ask about getting
information on whatever you did to balance your hormones. I
saw on your Instagram post, and I need to find
a place where I feel like I'm being heard about
(06:50):
my menopause symptoms versus the standard GP answer of that's
just what happens in menopause.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So frustrating.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I'm fifty two years old and in full blow menopause,
and I am determined to find relief without a bunch
of medication. I am in perimenopausal phase. I guess I'm
learning that, but I think I've been there for a
couple of years now. And I finally, after knowing I
wanted to do blood work for a couple of years,
went and did blood work. I will get my results
(07:20):
in another week or so, and I'll have a sit
down with the doctor that drew them, and I hope
to have more information for you. But she was telling
me about some really good supplements that are out there.
It's not a prescription medication, but it's herbs. I mean,
I was at a doctor's office. It wasn't a holistic place,
but she was talking about different supplements that are out there.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
That are really good that help with menopause.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
But if it's not a medication, if it's a supplement,
she's like, you've got to give it three months to
see if you really see a difference. Because a prescription
medication you're going to feel rather quickly. When you're taking
something like the herbal stuff, you need to give it
three months and then make a decision on how you feel.
And you've got to do a lot of note taking.
(08:04):
You got to track all kinds of things. And that's
what she was encouraging me to do, to keep tracking
when my period started when it didn't. Because my period's
all over the place. I'm like starting stopping, it's three
weeks apart. In the next week, I'm on another period.
It's all kinds of messed up. I get very irritable
and angry and spacey. And she was talking about my
testosterone levels.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
They might be low.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Oh yeah, you think they're high. I would imagine if
you were getting irritable. I didn't know if that meant
they were irritable.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Maybe, but I think low tea maybe the spacey.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
But she also could have said that was estrogen.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
I don't know pagestriogen, estrogen, and testosterone. I know she
did say those three things. I'm not a medical expert. Obviously,
I can just share with you my experience, and once
I have more information, I'm happy to.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Say it here.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But I do think you need to seek medical attention
yourself because everybody's so different. But I like the idea
of talking about well perimenopause, premenopause, menopause more because I
don't want there to be shame around that for people.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Also, either that is frustrating when you're asking questions and
your practitioners just psych. That's just what it is. You
don't need to know, Shah shah. That is frustrating when
you're asking questions and your practitioners just psych. That's just
(09:28):
what it is. You don't need to know. If you
want to know, you have a right to know. I'm
not going through that exactly, but I asked one of
my doctors recently about something at PCs and I needed
to know something about it, and his response was, you
don't need to know that. And what I did is
I got myself a new doctor who said, if you
don't necessarily need to know that right now, but if
(09:49):
you want to know that, let's figure it out. And
so I just want to encourage you to find somebody
who might say, I don't know that you need that
to survive right now, but if that's iportant to you,
let's figure it out. Like you are allowed to have
information about your own health. Absolutely, It's like a very
interesting thing to think about, like, oh, I wasn't allowed
to get that.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
What Also, while you were talking, I did a quick
Google search and it is a common symptom of low
testosterone in women is the inability to focus and concentrate.
The sudden onset of what is generally referred to as
brain fog is an indication of hormone and balance. But
that's just quick Google search. Again, go talk to a
(10:30):
doctor about what you're feeling. But journal, journal, journal, I
think take notes, not just oh, journaling through how you're
feeling one day. But if you have a calendar and
you can put was super irritable today, got very angry
for no reason and frustrated. I wanted to rip everybody's
face off, like you need to document and then the
next day if you're having other feelings, because if you
(10:50):
can't explain it, some things are going to make you mad.
So it was like, oh, it's dub, I know why
I'm feeling angry right now, but if you're just so
annoying you don't know why I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Yes, Also I want to give this caveat because I'm
actually doing an episode soon on you need therapy that
is talking a little bit about this, but it's coming
at a different angle. And so I want people to
be very aware too that the phrase hormonal imbalance has
become very trendy on social media and a lot of
people are using that to gain their own whatever, following money, whatever.
(11:26):
It's one of those gimmicky things. And so while that
is a thing that you're allowed to be concerned about,
and many people are concerned about, I just want people
to be aware of what information they're consuming and if
anybody is diagnosing you or telling you there's something wrong
with you without talking to you or meeting with you,
beware because I just feel like there's a lot of
people being like poached out there by things like you.
(11:47):
I mean, I've been going through my own things and
I see something that sounds like, oh, is that what
I need? It's like the vulnerability of people. You know
what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, I get it, and I have no idea what
somebody else else needs.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Well that's your hand. You're talking about this in a
very healthy way. I just want to say that because
anytime this kind of stuff comes up, I get a
little bit uncomfyed because it can be one of those
things that is used to convince people there's something wrong
with them, where then they feel like they need something
to fix them, and you know that leads.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Us into which, Yes, to your point, it could be normal.
It is normal for me.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
To have crazy days like that if I'm feeling especially
if I'm periment apozzle, it is normal. But I do
think that if you can figure out maybe why there
is some of the imbalance, or there's things you know
you can do to be proactive, and maybe it's that
I don't take a dang thing for it. But if
I know that those things are coming up, is are
there other things I can do to take care of
(12:47):
myself that day, or maybe not talk to people.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Well you know what I mean. Well, and so there's
a I think a spectrum of normal too. There's a
normal irritability and then there's like a that's not like
a major Yeah. So I just want people to allow
themselves to be okay and allow themselves to be like, well,
is this okay?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
I was gonna share something about how my ob G
I N a couple of years ago, wanted to put
something in me, like a what's it the I U
D Y? I always want to say, like I D
but that's explosive device.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
I D I D ED. Isn't that an explosive device?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Like it will worth that? And I ed, Okay, I
thought you were saying I D.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
No that my driver's license. But I've never tried an
I U D.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah, I thought about getting one. I didn't end up
doing it. What does the I U D stand for?
I'm pretty sure it's intrauterine device? Okay, I've never had one. Yeah,
she suggested it. I didn't want to get that. But
then this woman I saw the other day she mentioned
it as well, and so I don't know I'm going
to do some more research. All that to say you
(14:03):
can stand up for yourself and make a decision. Because
my ob G I N was definitely adamant about me
doing it. She was highly recommending it, and I just
didn't feel right about it, so I said, no, I'm
not going to do that. So if you don't feel
comfortable with something, you don't have to do.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You don't have to do whatever a practitioner is recommending
to you unless you're not being wise, and it's definitely
something you should be well. I guess you know if
a doctor is like, hey, you have this going on,
you need to put this cream here, like you shouldn't
be wise, and you.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Get there because like that, if I ever tell you that.
Ons time I used my sister's hair removal back when
like V and there was really popular, I used it
on my eyebrows without testing my skin, and I burned
off my eyebrows. I had to go to school with
(14:59):
no scats under my eyebros was in middle school and
then my mom I was like, Mom, I burned my eyebrows.
They're like scabbing and bleeding, and she was like, well,
put some cream on them, put some whatever, I didn't
know what it was. I put preparation H on my
eyebrows instead of neosporin, which I'm pretty sure is like
butt cream.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
It's hemorrhoid cream.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Well, you know, back in the day, Oprah used to
or she had someone on her show, someone associated with Oprah,
maybe even her, said to put preparation H on your
underreyes where they're puffy, because when you're putting it on
a hemorrhoid, it's making them go down. So that's what
it will do to your puffy eyes. And so in
(15:38):
high school, I used to always buy preparation age, but
I was always so embarrassed when I was checking out.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
The self checkout.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I thought, yeah, this was before self checkout, and I
would always be like, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I'm gonna put this under my eyes, I promise, And.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
They probably looked like even weirder, but that's okay. So
maybe as ahead of the trends, maybe it helped actually
more than I thought, because I was really laughing. It
on eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Yeah, well, I I'm trying to think, were you trying
to just make them thinner? Like you were trying to
get rid of the eyebrows, like underneath yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I didn't know. It was like little spot, you don't
even think I like, I knew really how to pluck
my eyebrows, and my sister got it was veat I remember,
because it was like new and she was so mad
at me for using it. I couldn't lie because my
eyebrows were scapped, so I couldn't be like, I don't
know what you're talking about. She was so mad, but
I was trying to like wax them instead of like
pluck them. Then I think my mom probably started getting
(16:29):
letting me get my eyebrows waxed because she didn't want
me to do that again.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Which gosh, a big mistake. Yeah, those thin brows from
back in the day. I'm still paying for it. That's
why I have literally paid for it. I have my
my brows micro bladed.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Which is Megan is someone in town that Kat and
I actually both go to and we don't. We just
it's a coincidence, right, Yeah, beauty by Megan. It's not
like you went because of me or I went because
of you. We just both happened to go.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah. I think I put like a question box on
Instagram asking where people got their eyebrows done. And she
was the most popular person.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah, beauty Dot buy Dot Megan me ee g e n.
She is someone in Nashville that is one of the best.
And I have gone to someone that I thought was
one of the best and I had to have those
lasered off because it was not the best work on
my face and.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It was my face.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
I'm like, this is my face, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
That that second. There's three people actually that got it
told to me were the people's favorite people. One of
them was that person. It's the grace of God that
I maybe she was good for a lot of people,
though she.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Was recommended to me as well, and I do think
that she is talented and good. I think that something
about the day I was there was not one of
those days, or there was miscommunication about what you wanted
I wanted, perhaps because it was just not a good
situation for me. But micro blading is an option in
(17:54):
case you overplucked back in the day, or you put
vet or nare on your brows or something like that.
But anyway to put a bow on that whole conversation
is you've got to advocate for yourself and make decisions
for yourself and not just listen to doctors, or listen
to influencers, or listen to people online, or listen to anything. Katin,
I say, you got to make the decision for yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Amen, you made it.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
In the email?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Is still there's still more?
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Yeah, just a closing, like a nice closing.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, she said.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I love the podcast and the Bobby Bone Show. I
attached a picture below from my daughter and I visited
the studio in March of twenty twenty, right before the
world shut down. I been on this experience through case
and we had an amazing time sitting in with you.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Thanks again.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And what's crazy about twenty twenty, right before the world
shutdown is that's when when I met you. We met
which last episode we did a little bit of Q
and A and we still have questions left over, so
we'll get to those later. But one of the questions
which multiple people asked, by the way, how we met
and God, that was right before February. Huh, early March
or it was early March. I know because Lisa flew
(19:00):
in from New York to record with us, and then
when she flew back to New York, the tornado happened
right after that here in Nashville. But then she almost
like flew back to New York and things were weird
and different there and she was only gone a few days.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
It hit New York before.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Did she have like fear, had she already had fears
of even traveling down to you or wasn't that big
of a deal yet.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
I don't think yet. I don't think they realized exactly
what was happening, but it was sort of that that's
what it was getting weird.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
So anyhow, one twenty good times, Kat, Where can people
find you?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
On Instagram at Kat dot defauda and atny Therapy podcast
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and Kat
and I both hope that you are having the day
you need to have by
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat, and today's quote is from a listener that
sent us an email. I'm going to leave off her
name because of the questions that she's asking. I don't know,
they feel kind of personal, and I don't have her
permission yet. I sent her a note that we're going
to be talking about it, but I'll just leave her
name off. But in the email, she shared a quote
right off the bat, So that's going to be our
(00:25):
quote for today, she said. Hey, I figured I would
start my email with a quote because that's how you
begin the Fifth Thing each week. One of my favorites
is the view is always better from the high road
and there's less traffic, she said. Clearing out the noise
and taking the high road has been put to the
test a decent amount recently, which brings me to the
reason for my email. Have you ever considered doing a
(00:47):
segment on breaking away from friendships? Over the last few years,
I have had to distance myself from a few friends
who had previously been a huge part of my life.
One in particular was my best friend for many years,
but unfortunate we saw the importance of our friendship differently
and ended up agreeing to disagree, imparting ways. While I
know that this is the best thing for me, it
(01:07):
doesn't make it any less painful. Sometimes I feel a
void in times when I would normally pick up the
phone and call her. I'm getting used to it, and
I have many other friends just with love some advice,
or to hear a conversation about how other women handle
such situations. I know the saying people come into your
life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and
(01:28):
I have accepted it, but would love to hear your
slash Kat's perspective. Okay, I'm going to pause the email
right there and we'll talk about the friendship part because
she also has another part of the email asking about
hormones and so Kat is a therapist. Is it's something
that you see in your office. I would assume you
predominantly meet with women. Or what is your take on
(01:49):
friendships and how we should feel if a friendship ends,
because I think that breaking up with partners, boyfriends, husbands, whatever,
that's something that's easy to talk about because people talk
about it. A lot of people don't talk about ending friendships.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I think that you kind of hit the nail on
the head when you said how we should feel. What's
really interesting is that we probably are going to go
through more ups and downs with our friendships ending and
starting new than our romantic relationships. Yet we give them
less weight and we assume that they should be less
(02:25):
heavy or we should grieve in a different way when
a lot of friendships, depending on what that friend was
to you, can be heavier or feel like more of
a loss than somebody that we've been dating, even.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
If you knew it's the right decision for yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, I mean, we don't have an issue thinking about
that when it's a dating relationship, rightly, it still hurts
even though I know this is what's best for me.
And I think also with that, we hold on to
friendships and force ourselves to stay in friendships longer than
we do in some of these other relationships and make
them work because of those reasons like oh, they've been
(03:03):
my friend since middle school, or they saw me through
a tough time, or they seem to get along with
all these other people. Is it just me like I
can make this work? Or maybe that's just how she
is or how he is, And that's not really fair
If a friendship is causing you a lot of pain
and suffering being in that relationship, it's fair to evaluate it.
(03:24):
And I also want to say this is a very
very very very very normal experience. I don't know many
people who have not had an ending of a friendship.
Doesn't mean it was dramatic, but we've all gone through
losses in those ways. And I had a friend who
was very close to me. I even lived with this
person for a while who we had a falling out,
(03:45):
and I would say it was friendly at the end
when we decided, like, we don't see it seems very similar.
We don't see eye to eye on this, and I
don't need to change your mind and you don't need
to change my mind. But us having these two very
different opinions is going to be make it really hard
for us to support each other in our respective lives
right now. So we just kind of went our separate ways.
(04:08):
And it was kind of like a friendship where I
would see a meme or something that I'd want to
send to them, and I'd like, oh, you can't send
that to her because that would be weird now. Or
I would want to invite them somewhere, or maybe I
didn't get invited to a lot of places because we
had a lot of mutual friends, and I got kind
of not the acts, but I mean I got the shaft. Yeah,
(04:28):
and it sucked, and I was sticking up for myself
in a way, and so I lean on the people
that were supportive to me. And I think that's one
of the most helpful things. Think about what would you
do in a breakup with any other kind of person.
You would lean on the people that you have in
your life and that know you and love you and
want you to know who they think you are. And
(04:49):
that's why I did. I leaned into those other friendships
and developed new ones that felt really safe. I think
also it's important to remember the part about grief where
grieving is not about getting over something and it not
meaning anything eventually, it's about you learning how to live
with the loss, and eventually you become more routinely able
(05:12):
to live with the loss of that relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
You know. It was on the cover of Megan Devine's
book where she has someone with a backpack and the
grief doesn't go away, but the backpack just feels lighter. Yeah,
So the backpack is still there. It's on your back.
But there's times where the backpack might feel really heavy
and it's dragging you down, And there's other times where
it's like, oh yeah, here's my backpack, but feeling pretty
(05:36):
good right now with how I process what's in it.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
I'm glad you said that. That's such a good metaphor.
I imagine how I just explained that sounded like it
was just this like really graceful process of me ending
this friendship with this person, and then we felt lighter
and things just moved on. But I still go through
stages where I'm angry or i am sad or I
don't care one day, And I think that's part of
(06:00):
what you're saying is I also know that eventually it's
not going to feel this way anymore. So I ride
that wave, I carry that backpack knowing that, like, eventually
it's going to feel lighter. So I just wanted to
add that because I don't want anybody to think that, oh,
it was this easy process for her, it should be
this easy process for me. No, it's not easy. It
was a lot of crying and hard conversations and wondering
(06:21):
if I am in the wrong or if I'm dramatic,
or if this person's this, or and then you just
eventually come to a realization that this is not probably
good for either of us at this moment.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Well, I'm glad you shared that, Kat the clarity. Yeah,
because it's not this easy thing. I'll continue on with
the email. We can get to hormones. She said here
while I'm writing, I figured I would ask about getting
information on whatever you did to balance your hormones. I
saw on your Instagram post, and I need to find
a place where I feel like I'm being heard about
(06:50):
my menopause symptoms versus the standard GP answer of that's
just what happens in menopause.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So frustrating.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I'm fifty two years old and in full blow menopause,
and I am determined to find relief without a bunch
of medication. I am in perimenopausal phase. I guess I'm
learning that, but I think I've been there for a
couple of years now. And I finally, after knowing I
wanted to do blood work for a couple of years,
went and did blood work. I will get my results
(07:20):
in another week or so, and I'll have a sit
down with the doctor that drew them, and I hope
to have more information for you. But she was telling
me about some really good supplements that are out there.
It's not a prescription medication, but it's herbs. I mean,
I was at a doctor's office. It wasn't a holistic place,
but she was talking about different supplements that are out there.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
That are really good that help with menopause.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
But if it's not a medication, if it's a supplement,
she's like, you've got to give it three months to
see if you really see a difference. Because a prescription
medication you're going to feel rather quickly. When you're taking
something like the herbal stuff, you need to give it
three months and then make a decision on how you feel.
And you've got to do a lot of note taking.
(08:04):
You got to track all kinds of things. And that's
what she was encouraging me to do, to keep tracking
when my period started when it didn't. Because my period's
all over the place. I'm like starting stopping, it's three
weeks apart. In the next week, I'm on another period.
It's all kinds of messed up. I get very irritable
and angry and spacey. And she was talking about my
testosterone levels.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
They might be low.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Oh yeah, you think they're high. I would imagine if
you were getting irritable. I didn't know if that meant
they were irritable.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Maybe, but I think low tea maybe the spacey.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
But she also could have said that was estrogen.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
I don't know pagestriogen, estrogen, and testosterone. I know she
did say those three things. I'm not a medical expert. Obviously,
I can just share with you my experience, and once
I have more information, I'm happy to.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Say it here.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But I do think you need to seek medical attention
yourself because everybody's so different. But I like the idea
of talking about well perimenopause, premenopause, menopause more because I
don't want there to be shame around that for people.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Also, either that is frustrating when you're asking questions and
your practitioners just psych. That's just what it is. You
don't need to know, Shah shah. That is frustrating when
you're asking questions and your practitioners just psych. That's just
(09:28):
what it is. You don't need to know. If you
want to know, you have a right to know. I'm
not going through that exactly, but I asked one of
my doctors recently about something at PCs and I needed
to know something about it, and his response was, you
don't need to know that. And what I did is
I got myself a new doctor who said, if you
don't necessarily need to know that right now, but if
(09:49):
you want to know that, let's figure it out. And
so I just want to encourage you to find somebody
who might say, I don't know that you need that
to survive right now, but if that's iportant to you,
let's figure it out. Like you are allowed to have
information about your own health. Absolutely, It's like a very
interesting thing to think about, like, oh, I wasn't allowed
to get that.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
What Also, while you were talking, I did a quick
Google search and it is a common symptom of low
testosterone in women is the inability to focus and concentrate.
The sudden onset of what is generally referred to as
brain fog is an indication of hormone and balance. But
that's just quick Google search. Again, go talk to a
(10:30):
doctor about what you're feeling. But journal, journal, journal, I
think take notes, not just oh, journaling through how you're
feeling one day. But if you have a calendar and
you can put was super irritable today, got very angry
for no reason and frustrated. I wanted to rip everybody's
face off, like you need to document and then the
next day if you're having other feelings, because if you
(10:50):
can't explain it, some things are going to make you mad.
So it was like, oh, it's dub, I know why
I'm feeling angry right now, but if you're just so
annoying you don't know why I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Yes, Also I want to give this caveat because I'm
actually doing an episode soon on you need therapy that
is talking a little bit about this, but it's coming
at a different angle. And so I want people to
be very aware too that the phrase hormonal imbalance has
become very trendy on social media and a lot of
people are using that to gain their own whatever, following money, whatever.
(11:26):
It's one of those gimmicky things. And so while that
is a thing that you're allowed to be concerned about,
and many people are concerned about, I just want people
to be aware of what information they're consuming and if
anybody is diagnosing you or telling you there's something wrong
with you without talking to you or meeting with you,
beware because I just feel like there's a lot of
people being like poached out there by things like you.
(11:47):
I mean, I've been going through my own things and
I see something that sounds like, oh, is that what
I need? It's like the vulnerability of people. You know
what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, I get it, and I have no idea what
somebody else else needs.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Well that's your hand. You're talking about this in a
very healthy way. I just want to say that because
anytime this kind of stuff comes up, I get a
little bit uncomfyed because it can be one of those
things that is used to convince people there's something wrong
with them, where then they feel like they need something
to fix them, and you know that leads.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Us into which, Yes, to your point, it could be normal.
It is normal for me.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
To have crazy days like that if I'm feeling especially
if I'm periment apozzle, it is normal. But I do
think that if you can figure out maybe why there
is some of the imbalance, or there's things you know
you can do to be proactive, and maybe it's that
I don't take a dang thing for it. But if
I know that those things are coming up, is are
there other things I can do to take care of
(12:47):
myself that day, or maybe not talk to people.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Well you know what I mean. Well, and so there's
a I think a spectrum of normal too. There's a
normal irritability and then there's like a that's not like
a major Yeah. So I just want people to allow
themselves to be okay and allow themselves to be like, well,
is this okay?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
I was gonna share something about how my ob G
I N a couple of years ago, wanted to put
something in me, like a what's it the I U
D Y? I always want to say, like I D
but that's explosive device.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
I D I D ED. Isn't that an explosive device?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Like it will worth that? And I ed, Okay, I
thought you were saying I D.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
No that my driver's license. But I've never tried an
I U D.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah, I thought about getting one. I didn't end up
doing it. What does the I U D stand for?
I'm pretty sure it's intrauterine device? Okay, I've never had one. Yeah,
she suggested it. I didn't want to get that. But
then this woman I saw the other day she mentioned
it as well, and so I don't know I'm going
to do some more research. All that to say you
(14:03):
can stand up for yourself and make a decision. Because
my ob G I N was definitely adamant about me
doing it. She was highly recommending it, and I just
didn't feel right about it, so I said, no, I'm
not going to do that. So if you don't feel
comfortable with something, you don't have to do.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You don't have to do whatever a practitioner is recommending
to you unless you're not being wise, and it's definitely
something you should be well. I guess you know if
a doctor is like, hey, you have this going on,
you need to put this cream here, like you shouldn't
be wise, and you.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Get there because like that, if I ever tell you that.
Ons time I used my sister's hair removal back when
like V and there was really popular, I used it
on my eyebrows without testing my skin, and I burned
off my eyebrows. I had to go to school with
(14:59):
no scats under my eyebros was in middle school and
then my mom I was like, Mom, I burned my eyebrows.
They're like scabbing and bleeding, and she was like, well,
put some cream on them, put some whatever, I didn't
know what it was. I put preparation H on my
eyebrows instead of neosporin, which I'm pretty sure is like
butt cream.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
It's hemorrhoid cream.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Well, you know, back in the day, Oprah used to
or she had someone on her show, someone associated with Oprah,
maybe even her, said to put preparation H on your
underreyes where they're puffy, because when you're putting it on
a hemorrhoid, it's making them go down. So that's what
it will do to your puffy eyes. And so in
(15:38):
high school, I used to always buy preparation age, but
I was always so embarrassed when I was checking out.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
The self checkout.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I thought, yeah, this was before self checkout, and I
would always be like, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I'm gonna put this under my eyes, I promise, And.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
They probably looked like even weirder, but that's okay. So
maybe as ahead of the trends, maybe it helped actually
more than I thought, because I was really laughing. It
on eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Yeah, well, I I'm trying to think, were you trying
to just make them thinner? Like you were trying to
get rid of the eyebrows, like underneath yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I didn't know. It was like little spot, you don't
even think I like, I knew really how to pluck
my eyebrows, and my sister got it was veat I remember,
because it was like new and she was so mad
at me for using it. I couldn't lie because my
eyebrows were scapped, so I couldn't be like, I don't
know what you're talking about. She was so mad, but
I was trying to like wax them instead of like
pluck them. Then I think my mom probably started getting
(16:29):
letting me get my eyebrows waxed because she didn't want
me to do that again.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Which gosh, a big mistake. Yeah, those thin brows from
back in the day. I'm still paying for it. That's
why I have literally paid for it. I have my
my brows micro bladed.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Which is Megan is someone in town that Kat and
I actually both go to and we don't. We just
it's a coincidence, right, Yeah, beauty by Megan. It's not
like you went because of me or I went because
of you. We just both happened to go.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah. I think I put like a question box on
Instagram asking where people got their eyebrows done. And she
was the most popular person.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah, beauty Dot buy Dot Megan me ee g e n.
She is someone in Nashville that is one of the best.
And I have gone to someone that I thought was
one of the best and I had to have those
lasered off because it was not the best work on
my face and.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It was my face.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
I'm like, this is my face, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
That that second. There's three people actually that got it
told to me were the people's favorite people. One of
them was that person. It's the grace of God that
I maybe she was good for a lot of people,
though she.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Was recommended to me as well, and I do think
that she is talented and good. I think that something
about the day I was there was not one of
those days, or there was miscommunication about what you wanted
I wanted, perhaps because it was just not a good
situation for me. But micro blading is an option in
(17:54):
case you overplucked back in the day, or you put
vet or nare on your brows or something like that.
But anyway to put a bow on that whole conversation
is you've got to advocate for yourself and make decisions
for yourself and not just listen to doctors, or listen
to influencers, or listen to people online, or listen to anything. Katin,
I say, you got to make the decision for yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Amen, you made it.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
In the email?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Is still there's still more?
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Yeah, just a closing, like a nice closing.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, she said.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I love the podcast and the Bobby Bone Show. I
attached a picture below from my daughter and I visited
the studio in March of twenty twenty, right before the
world shut down. I been on this experience through case
and we had an amazing time sitting in with you.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Thanks again.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And what's crazy about twenty twenty, right before the world
shutdown is that's when when I met you. We met
which last episode we did a little bit of Q
and A and we still have questions left over, so
we'll get to those later. But one of the questions
which multiple people asked, by the way, how we met
and God, that was right before February. Huh, early March
or it was early March. I know because Lisa flew
(19:00):
in from New York to record with us, and then
when she flew back to New York, the tornado happened
right after that here in Nashville. But then she almost
like flew back to New York and things were weird
and different there and she was only gone a few days.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
It hit New York before.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Did she have like fear, had she already had fears
of even traveling down to you or wasn't that big
of a deal yet.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
I don't think yet. I don't think they realized exactly
what was happening, but it was sort of that that's
what it was getting weird.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
So anyhow, one twenty good times, Kat, Where can people
find you?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
On Instagram at Kat dot defauda and atny Therapy podcast
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and Kat
and I both hope that you are having the day
you need to have by
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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