March 1, 2025 • 52 mins
OUTWEIGH: In this special case study episode of Outweigh, Leanne sits down with Suzanne, a woman who spent decades trapped in the exhausting cycle of dieting, binge-eating, and self-rejection. Despite her external success, she felt stuck—knowing deep down that life had more to offer but unsure how to break free from the vicious cycle of food and body struggles. Apprehensive but ready for change, Suzanne took a leap of faith and joined Stressless Eating. In this raw and inspiring conversation, she shares the pivotal shifts that helped her finally forgive herself, love herself, and step into the freedom she once believed was impossible.
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I am, I get, I'm strong, fail free.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I know everybody of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And that will always out way if you feel it,
but yours.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
And there she'll some love to the food.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
There, say good day and did you and die out way,
Happy Saturday, outweigh It's leanne here and what you're about
to hear are real stories from real women who have
faced some of their deepest struggles with food and their
bodies and face their demons and come out on the
other side. And so these are the raw, unfiltered journeys
(00:51):
of women just like you, who once felt trapped in
their own mental prisons, caught in that endless cycle of
food obsession, you know, feeling like a failure in all
of that shame. And I'm sharing these with you because
I want you to know that no matter how stuck
or out of control you feel right now, there is
a way out.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
So if you're feeling broken or crazy, or like you're.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
The only one who struggles with this, you are not.
You are not alone, and you are definitely not beyond
hope or healing. These stories are proof that true transformation
is possible, and I hope they inspire you to see
what's possible for yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
So let's dive on in.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
So I am just honored to be here right now
with my amazing friend and client Suzanne, and just what
an honor it is to be here and to share
your story and to share your truths because you know,
a lot of women don't know what it's like to
be on the other side of it. They think that
the food cycle, the body prison that you get stuck
(01:53):
in is just how life has to be. And you're
so kind to be here today to just share your
journey with us.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
So hello, I say hello to our people. First of all, yay,
And what I described about this video was just kind
of set it up and then we'll move into the
first question.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But like, really, you you carved out this food, freedom
and self love for yourself in months instead of years,
Like it doesn't have to be this long drawn out process.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
You don't have to go, you know, rehash old wounds.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
But you know what I wrote about this, and you know,
check with you to make sure this was accurate in
your words, But like you know, you've been stuck on
the diet roller coaster for decades, and you thought you
were just one of those people that would have to
live like this forever. And you know, your life was
filled with a lot of success and all those like
external accomplishments, but deep down you were living in that
sadness and that disappointment and feeling like you knew there
(02:38):
was so much more to life, but you didn't know
how to break out of the vicious cycle. And on
top of the food and the body and the self
rejection prison that we're going to talk about, and we're
going to talk about that self rejection. It was the
keyword for you, and you felt powerless to escape from it.
It also kept you from putting yourself out there to
find true love and find a partner because you knew,
like I remember on our first call, you knew deep
(02:59):
down that if you didn't find it in yourself first,
you were never going to be able to fully receive
it from another.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
And so you were.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Apprehensive, but you knew something had to change, and you
booked a break through call with me, and you know,
the truth is, you weren't sure if anything.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Could help you at that point, but flip flopping.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Between being an extreme diet or and restrictor to being
you know, a bingejeter, it was no longer acceptable to you,
and you got started in the stress and seating program
that day. So we're here today and we're going to
share your journey, your struggles, like the good, bad, the ugly,
all the things in between, your shifts and then what
really finally enabled you to really forgive yourself and love
yourself and set yourself free.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
So thanks for being here.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
First of all, thank you, Yes, absolutely, so just surround it,
you know, really kick things off, like if you wouldn't
mind just sharing, you know, before we met, you know,
where were you? You know, where were you before you
started the program? Like what was your life like, what
was your relationship with food and your body? Like, what
were those internal conversations day and day out?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
What was that like for you?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Yeah, I think it's interesting to think back to that time.
It's actually kind of painful to think back to that time.
To think of the conversations that I was having with
myself and about myself and how I was showing up
in the world was completely different from how I was
feeling on the inside. I think those who knew me
really well were surprised when I started working with you
(04:23):
and opened up a little bit about how I was
feeling about myself. They're like, you're so confident, and you're
so successful, and your life is completely together, and you've
got all these great things going on. But the reality
was I was in an internal war with myself, and
it was a hateful, mean, spirited, vicious war that I
(04:44):
was having with myself. And the things that I was
saying to myself about myself were not kind. I was
hanging on to any mistake that I made and ruminating
on things over and over again, having fights in my head,
and being continually disappointed with myself. And it was a bad,
(05:05):
bad cycle that drove me. You know, you and I
through the work together. I've charted out, you know, like
I do this, and then it led to this, and
then it led to this, and it was, you know,
a path of self loathing and self rejection that then
I would turn to food to soothe myself, which obviously
(05:26):
does not soothe anything, and just made me hate myself more.
I was kicking myself all the time. Why can't you
be stronger? Why can't you have more will power. Why
can't you figure this out when you're able to be
successful in your career and successful in building friendships and
successful in you know, creating a home for yourself. But
(05:50):
I was failing in this area and I was drowning.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
And what was your relationship with food like before this, Like.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
What had you tried? You know, what?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
What was it working for you in the food and
body department so to speak.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Yeah, you know, for the amount of time that I
spent thinking about food and fixating on food and obsessing
about food, I was not spending a whole lot of
time preparing food for myself. And I was in this
weird cycle of denying myself food and then getting so
hungry that I would eat anything that was there. And
(06:26):
the unfortunately, you know that anything that's there is rarely
something that's actually going to nourish you. It's typically something
that is going to have a cumulative negative effect for
you and not make you feel like you have nourished
your body and made yourself stronger. But I was constantly snacking.
(06:47):
I was ignoring my body's cues of when I was
thirsty or when I was tired, and I was just
feeding it and if I was angry, I was feeding it.
If I was sad, I was feeding it. If I
was lonely, I was feeding it. And instead of saying,
oh you're tired, go to sleep, Oh you're lonely, call
one of your friends. Or you're stressed, go for a
(07:10):
walk or meditate, a healthier approach to what could actually
solve those feelings. Everything was related to food and denying
the painful emotions that are part of the human experience.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Absolutely, so food was like your go to, Like it
was the one thing that was always there when you
were stressed, when you were sad, when you needed comfort
or you know, convenience or you know, procrastination or anything like.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
Food was like your go to, oh always, and it
was my excuse for everything. Oh this didn't work out,
it's because I'm heavy. Oh this didn't work out. It's
because I don't take care of myself. Oh this you
know it became my excuse too.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Right, So it was like a hiding place for you totally.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Yeah, yes, I was completely hiding in it.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah, what had you tried before you found me? Like,
what were the different things that you had done over
the years, Because this was like a lifelong struggle for
you before we met, one of the things have you tried?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, I did wait Watchers.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
I had tried other diet plans, but waite Watchers had
worked fairly consistently for me until it didn't. I had
worked with a personal trainer. I had done exercise you know,
different a variety of exercise plans, and they all worked
for a little while until you know, it was too
hard to stick with them, and then I would beat
(08:28):
myself and beat myself up again, and all my self
names in my head, and it was just a horrible pattern. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
And you'd also done, if I'm correct, like a lot
of like self work on yourself too before Yeah, right,
Like what kind of stuff had you tried to overcome this?
Like you had you done? Like therapy and all the
personal development and all that.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Years of therapy, years of leadership training, all of which
is relevant and helpful and helped me work through a
variety of things, but none of them really got to
the root of what this behavior had been and how
deep rooted it was for me.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And so how has your life changed as a result
of enrolling in the program, Like what's different?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I don't talk to myself that way anymore. I have
to say, if.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
I think of one thing that is really really different,
it is that I don't beat myself up the way
I did. I don't have those negative, hateful conversations with myself.
And what's interesting is when I'm in a time recently,
I was in a time of pretty acute stress at work,
and I recognized I was having one of those conversations.
(09:39):
And the reason that it was so profound was like,
that's when I realized I don't do that anymore, you know.
It was the fact that I like went back to
that for a moment that made me think, holy cow,
it's really been a long time since I've done that.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
And it's just not who you are anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
No, it's not.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
You know I have at the drama and how I
talked myself so significantly, and it is just a kinder,
more loving conversation now.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Absolutely I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
And I know, like before you said that you had
that it was like an all or nothing.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Approach with food.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
It was like you were either like restricting and counting
and weighing and measuring, or like the diet mentality or
that inner rebel would come in if you weren't playing
food police and just like eat and comfort and numb
and all that, how has that.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Relationship with food shifted? Like what's your relationship with food?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Like?
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Now, yeah, you know what. We have talked so many
times in the course of our work together that none
of this is a food issue, and it's like, it's
one hundred percent true.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
That was that resonated for me.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
The first time you said that, I was like, yeah,
you're right, Like, it's not about the doritos that I
want to shove in my face. It's not about poor
diet choices, although that certainly, you know, has played into
how do I how do I look at.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Food differently now?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
But the reality was this was all about how I
was feeling about myself. This was all rooted in my
self esteem and my self acceptance. And there was no
way that eating a salad for every meal was going
to make me feel better about me.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
And who wants to eat a salad every meal anyway?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Well, right, I.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Don't want to do that at every meal, that's for sure,
But you know, thinking about it, it really was about
like how can I love myself differently? That has been
a lot of my driving force in the time that
we've been spending together. How can I love, like truly
actively love myself differently? And what does that look like?
(11:36):
And that had nothing to do with food and had
everything to do with how I was taking care of
myself and the food falls in line.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Then, And it's so interesting that you say that, how
can I love myself differently? Because unconsciously, when we go
on a diet or a restriction based thing, it's coming
from this place of like punishing ourselves or like not enough.
So unconsciously we're saying to ourselves, how can I punish
myself more? How can I restrict my self war how
can I control myself more? And coming from a place
of like, how can I love on myself more? It's
just like a totally different conversation.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
It is a different conversation. I'm thinking back.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
You know, it's the third day of the New year,
and on New Year's Day I was like, Okay, so
what am I going to do to take care of
myself today? Okay, I want to take a walk, and
I want to meditate and I want to do you know,
I really thought about, what are the ways that I
can take care of myself as part of that day.
And it wasn't like you have to go for a
walk because you ate cookies yesterday. Yes, you have to
(12:32):
like go have a hard workout because you did X
y Z. That punishment piece of this has gone to
the wayside, thankfully. That when I am wanting to take
a walk, it's because my joints feel better. When I
take a walk. It's because I want to move my
body and it's itching to move. So I'm listening to
(12:52):
that call from within, like hey, we're ready to get
up and go do something. Okay, let's go do something,
get a little going to the pantry to grab a
bag of chips. Let's you know, go up around the neighborhood,
or you know, do something in the house or whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
It is really or active.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah, And that's why I describe it as.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Like you have to learn a new language, Like we
learn that language of like starving the.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Fat and starving the ugly and you know.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Not good enough and I've got to you know, lose
weight to feel beautiful and like all this stuff. And
it's like nobody ever taught us like how do we
start it happy?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
How do we start it healthy?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Because also not to mention like the diet mentality is
the opposite of healthy.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Like you know, gaining, losing, gatting losing, and it's a
threat to your nervous system.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And we won't even get into that side of things,
you know, but like it really is learning a new language.
Like most women, yourself included, like spent decades speaking this
certain way of thinking. That yes, it's the diet mentality,
but it's also this conversation of like self loathing, self rejection,
self criticism, self hate.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
And it's like nobody's talking about how to shift the
pattern of thinking.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
It's always just about like a diet or a weight
loss or an exercise program or all that. And like,
I love how you just said that. You're just like
you're speaking differently to yourself. You're practicing this new way
of thinking in this new language.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Yeah, and it's interesting that you brought up, you know,
like how how does your brain react and what is
happening in your body? Because part of what I was
doing in self rejection and the self perpetuating of not
taking care of myself, I was constantly running at the
very last minute for things, and I was creating a
(14:32):
tremendous amount of stress for myself that could be alleviated
by leaving ten minutes earlier. Right. It was such a
simple solution. And I can't tell you how many times
I remember driving to work with a not in my stomach,
like I'm going to be late, I'm going to be late.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
I'm going to be late.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Oh my god, you know later than I want to be.
And then I'll be kicking myself like God, you did
this again. You did this to yourself. And I don't
have those conversations anymore because I was able to say, like,
hold on, what is the thing that is creating this
feeling of stress and anxiety? And it's it was being
self created. That was gosh, what an amazing discovery during
(15:10):
this work to say you're creating that feeling and you
don't have to.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
And that's such a beautiful example of First of all,
like people are like, wait a minute, how is that
side of things related to my physiological state or my
weight or my metabolism or anything. It's like it's everything.
You're in the sympathetic branch of your nervous system all
the time, like always in that like fat storage mode.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
But it's more than that.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
It's like those are the things that get in the way,
that cause you to overeat when you're stressed and when
you're like running on empty and it's like that's when
we reach for food.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
So it's like taking those things out.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Of the way, you know. But the other thing that
you just said that like you said it was behind
your words, is like it wasn't a conversation this time
of blame, Why do I do that?
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Why can't I get it right?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
It was radical ownership and radical responsibility, which is like
one of the biggest philosophies in the program, you know,
because most of us have only learned how to blame.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Ourselves or shame ourselves or be rate ourselves.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Oh definitely. You know, this program has been such a
reminder of self empowerment. I know that there have been
so many times that you know, I'll think about I
am empowered to do this, like I have choices, and
I had forgotten I had choices, and that all of
the choices that I make throughout the course of the
day can lead me to have a really awesome day
(16:26):
or a really crappy day. And it's not the external forces.
It is about my decisions as I'm making as I
go through my day. And I am typically a fairly
cheerful person just naturally that's my disposition. But I was
at war with that at times too, you know, just
creating stress for myself where I wasn't getting to enjoy
(16:47):
who I naturally am.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, and you were walking away from alignment rather than walking.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Forward to really yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
And not giving myself permission to even acknowledge who I
knew I could be or wanted to be. It was
easier and safer to pretend that that was externally controlled
instead of internally empowering myself to say, if this is
who you want to be, it's within your reach, go
(17:15):
get absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And that's what we mean by it's not the food. There,
Like a lot of women that come.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
To with me, they're like, okay, LeAnn, teach me to
stress and seeing strategy, you know, And I'm like, okay, cool,
we'll get to that.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Like we're going to talk about the freedom goggles, the
food goggles, all that, but first we have got to
start at yourself image. Because I could just flat out
give you the philosophies and the like the kind of
like process of how to shift your brain around food.
But if we don't identify all those weeds in the
garden of your mind that are causing you to think
and act and feel and behave like a self sabotage
or or not good enough or shaming yourself and self
(17:46):
projecting yourself like it won't matter, you know, and oftentimes,
like you can attest to this, like once you even
get to the food stuff, because it's a couple of
weeks in until we even get to the food stuff,
it's like it's almost like a non issue when you
get to it, because all the other stuff that was
causing you to overeat is gone.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
You know. It's interesting that you say that when we
approached some of the food experiments going along, it was
so helpful to have you to talk to to go
through those, because I did take a couple steps back
at that point and got stuck in the mentality of
dieting and oh my gosh, and restriction and what's good
and what's bad and what's allowed and what's not allowed,
(18:24):
and instead of reminding myself, this is an experiment number one,
which means this you're supposed to be trying something new
and it's not forever. But also, you know, it helped
me to see where I still had weeds, like the
weeds in the garden of your mind. Man, I had
a lot of weeds. Oh yeah, whole lot of weeds
(18:46):
to pull totally.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
That's exactly why we do it.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
And we do it right in the middle of the
program so that you're still supported, so we can see, Okay,
where is that old fired and wired experience coming in?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Where do we need to read to shift that?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
And it always comes back as you know, it's that
when we get focused on the content rather than the intent,
like our intentions behind it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
But like I do it purposefully because we've got to
figure it out while.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
We're in the trenches, so to speak of, Like so
this works in your real world life, so that this
can become a.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Forever way of thinking and a forever way of being.
It's like all the breakthroughs come from that.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah, it was so interesting to learn about success is
fifty percent the stories that we're just telling and fifty
percent the strategy. Because in the past, everything that I
had done was about the strategy and never about the story.
And I know that I've shared with you previously, you know,
I was frustrated when I would go to just like
my family doctor for a yearly check up, if they'd
(19:42):
talked about my weight at all, which you know, there
were times that they didn't even mention it, and I
wanted them to. The conversation was always about like eat
less red meat, eat less sugar. None of them were
ever acknowledging or even asking is there a reason that
you're eating more than you should? Is there a reason
that your weight is higher than what is ideal for
(20:04):
your body type? Like what's the underlying something that's going
on here? And it was frustrating, and I can remember
leaving doctor's offices crying and feeling unseen, and it was,
you know, I described it to you like finding you
and hearing that initial couple of steps and having our
(20:25):
first conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
It was like finding the holy Grail. I was so excited.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Because I knew in my heart that this was an
emotional issue. This was not a physical issue about food,
This was not a physical issue about my body. This
was an inside issue that needed to be addressed. And
I knew that it was rooted in how I felt
about myself. I knew it was rooted in the stories
I was saying to myself.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So to hear.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
That success is fifty percent of the stories and fifty
percent of the strategy was seriously music to my ears
and as a communication and I have a communications background.
Language is always so important to me, and it's been
so interesting as we've gone through this journey to think
about what is the language that I'm using, what are
(21:14):
the distinctions between different words?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
And am I saying really what I mean? And is
the language that I'm using.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Kind to myself? So that has been such a novel
and different approach that I would say if I had
to describe, like what was what's the biggest difference in
doing this program versus any other program that is out there?
That's what it is. It's about, like what are the
stories you're telling yourself? What is the internal conversation looking
(21:47):
like how do you address that? Because if you don't
address that, you can do every diet, you can do
every workout.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
It is not going to work long term.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Absolutely, And so that was actually going to be my
next question, like how is this different for you? And
it's I'm so glad you brought it up, because like
here's the thing. Yeah, the strategy and the stories. You know,
the strategy is one piece of it, Like don't get
me wrong. I want everyone to have a better strategy
than like dieting, restricting, counting, weighing, measuring, judging, controlling, shaming,
Like that's not a good strategy, unfortunately, that is the
(22:16):
strategy that is like being told is healthy, you know
what I mean, Like if you want to be healthy,
you just have to watch and carb count and check
track and weigh and measure and all that. And it's like, ah,
I bought into that lie too. The strategy doesn't work right.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
So I want everyone to have a better strategy.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
But like if unconsciously or subconsciously, while you're using even
a good a good strategy or a strategy that works
or sets you free, if unconsciously or subconsciously you are
a telling yourself it doesn't matter, like I'm never gonna
stick with us anyways, or like there's something wrong with you,
or there's like you're unworthy of being a certain size
or weight or being loved or.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Anything like that.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Or if unconsciously or subconsciously you're calling yourself a self
sabotage or telling yourself you can't trust yourself.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
None of it matters.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Like it's gotta be both, And that's what I discovered too,
like not only was I sold a bad bill of goods,
like this whole diet mentality thing and weight loss mentality,
not only does it not work, but it's actually dangerous,
Like it was harmful for me. I call it the
cost of skinny. I believe that every woman has their
own you know, mine was spine surgery and like a
fat head on top of a skinny body. You know,
but like everybody has that cost, and it usually costs
(23:20):
our self image and our self trust and our self
our self worth. And if we don't address both, we're
gonna leave our solution on the table. And something else
that you said about language, Like you were saying like
does it resonate with me?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
And all that? And my question for you is also
like is it my language?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Like part of the way I set this up is
so like we built your language.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Into like I give you the frameworks and the distinctions,
but like it's your language, like your words, because it's
got to resonate with you.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Like that's why positive thinking and positive affirmations don't work.
If I just told you just look in the mirror
and tell yourself you're beautiful, you're like, uh cool, Because
again that self image log in the background, it's gonna
be like, no, you're not you know, it's gonna repeat
what's been on.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Repeat for decades. So that's why it had to be
your words, in your language.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
Yeah, I remember how powerful it was to come up
with a different vocabulary for myself. But really, like, one
of the startling moments during this journey was I could
look at myself in the mirror and say, oh, you're
cute or you're beautiful, or I could also look and say, oh,
you look pudgy or anything else. But one of the
(24:31):
turning points for me was the day that I looked
in the mirror and said.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You look lovable. It was so huge and profound.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I remember that on the call and everybody was like, dear,
I mean you Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
I just peered up, thinking, I mean that's life.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
That was language I hadn't used in such a long
time for myself. And that is about who I am,
not about how I look. That is about you know,
am I am? I allowing all the beauty on the
inside to come out and be shown on the outside.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Yeah, And you can't buy that, you can't produce it
from a diet.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
It has got to be discovered.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, it's got to an internal job. This whole thing
is an internal job.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I'm so glad that you shared that and and really
like I really did to it. No, I get it, like,
I mean, that's the thing, that's the that's what we're
all waiting our whole lives to feel. It's not a seeing,
it's a feeling, you know, and you can't again, you
can't give that to somebody. You can guide them, you know.
And that's why it's I'm always like, ladies, like I'm
(25:40):
teaching you how to fish.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I can't give you anything. You know, it's yours. You've
got to You've got to claim it.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
You know, this really is about so much more than food.
It is for me, it has then about self discovery
and acceptance of you know, every part of human life
is going to have happy times and sad times. And
one of my discoveries had been how averse I was
(26:08):
to having to go through sadness and not allowing myself
to even name sadness at times.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Yeah, so that has been really.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Huge, and to allow myself to say instead of I
am sad, I feel sad and there's a big difference
in that, Like I'm not a sad person, but it's
okay to feel sad.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
And learning how to move through it and not sit
in it and let it faster act.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yes, having those tools, Yes.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
That's been extraordinarily helpful.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
Oh I was going to say, like one of the
things I wrote down, you know, and thinking about us
having this conversation that I remember writing this line that
I'm on a mission to heal the things that are
keeping me from being my higher self.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
How's that mission going?
Speaker 4 (26:59):
Yeah, And it's a lifelong mission, right, so it never ends.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
It's not going to be like check done. I can
say check on my way.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah, totally. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
How many times have I told you ladies, like this
is not me coming from some high mountain, Like I
was just in my own shit the other day and
I had to use this tool.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
That I'm teaching you in this tool.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
But the difference is, it's not that the curve balls
are going to stop coming. It's who we show up
as in the face of it that transforms life is unpredictable.
I mean, your father passed away like two weeks when
we started working together, Like, do you know what I'm
saying it was huge. I mean, yeah, I was.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
As I was talking about the sadness piece, I mean,
I was thinking about, you know how interesting timing is
in life. You know, it was so hard to lose
my dad in the midst of this, But in retrospect,
I was so grateful that you and I were talking
at that time. You were so helpful to me to
stay grounded during that time and gave me permission to say, hey,
(27:59):
take a break from this, like this may be too
intense right now. You need to feel what you need
to feel. And I knew that I needed to feel
what I needed to feel also, and that being able
to get through that without turning to food as my comfort,
embracing the people who were showing up in my life
(28:19):
to support me was so much more helpful and positive
and loving to myself than food ever would have been.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Absolutely, you just didn't know how to get it, you
know what I mean. And even just a couple of
weeks in I remember that, like when you did like
come back, you were like, Okay, I'm ready, you know,
you were like, but I didn't turn to food to
grieve my dad, like even just very quick, you know,
so It's very interesting what happens when you start just
first of all, when you draw that line in the
sand and you say, I'm no longer willing to live
like this. I'm not sure how it's going to happen yet,
(28:49):
because that's the biggest thing. When people can work with me,
they're like, leanne, I just I don't know how.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
I'm like, I get it. The how doesn't matter until
you've made the decision to translate, you know.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Yeah, if we had had that conversation when we first
started that a couple weeks from now, your dad's gonna
die and you're not going to turn to food, You're
actually going to turn nature.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
I'm gonna been like, what what are you talking about?
Speaker 4 (29:11):
But I was able to find solace in relationships and
solace in solitude, and solace in a sunset and the
water and trees and taking walk and that was a
completely different experience for me, and it was really really good.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Hard painful, but could make it easier. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Just you then get to show up in the way
that you need yourself to show up for yourself.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
And that's what we kept saying.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
We're like, if you can extract this right now in
the depths of darkness. You can do it anytime and anywhere,
like the epitome of darkness.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Like what a powerful stance.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
You know, it was huge. I loved what you said.
Things are going to show up. I mean, life is
never going to just stop. One of the things that's interesting.
There have been times that I think, well, that was
clearly certainly the most stressful thing that was going to happen,
as always doing this work. In some ways it's not though,
because it's expected that you'll take time off and that
(30:15):
you'll have time to process and grieve and take care
of yourself. In other acutely stressful situations, you're not given
that grace all the time, and you have to give
it to yourself. So it's been a lesson in like
how to make sure that I am still taking care
of me and acknowledging my human needs are just as
(30:40):
important as anybody else's frequently, so.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
I wanted to ask you.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I asked you beforehand if it was cool to talk
about this, and you, you know, so graciously, because.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
I think it's so important that the women hear this.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
And you know, on our very first call, you know,
one of the things that we discovered and uncovered was
that this relationship with self and then the and here's
what I'm going to say this very specifically, like it
wasn't your body that was the problem. It was your
relationship with yourself and the habits and the fired and
wired patterns. It was like a heart issue, ahead issue,
(31:10):
a mind issue, and that was causing you to physiologically,
you know, use food and not take care of your
body and carry around extra weight in all that.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
So, but that whole for me was keeping you also
from inviting love into your life. Like you were very
clear that like, hey, God has a plan for me,
Like I'm not going to be alone, you know, but
I know that who I'm showing up as right now,
I'm not meeting God halfway and I wouldn't be able
to receive this love. So when we started decide work together,
it wasn't about like, hey, let's get you a man.
(31:41):
It was very clear like, no, I need to find
the love in myself first, you know. But over the
course of time, you found that love in yourself and
you invited love.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
In from the outside.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
So can you just hear a little bit about that
and your experiences around that.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Sure, you know what it is interesting because I would
say how I defined a lot of my adult life
was based on being single and feeling shamed of being single.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
And I think that.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Shame was not about the fact that I hadn't found
my partner, but the shame was about how I knew
I was feeling inside and that that's what was keeping.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Me from finding a partner.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
Because I would I knew that I was not going
to show up for somebody in a way that I
would want to because I wasn't showing up for myself
in that way. And it has been interesting. I didn't
spend a lot of time looking for a partner.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
In fact, I was.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Defiantly not on any online dating sites. I was not
saying to friends, oh my gosh, you know, who do
you know to set me up with? But it's interesting,
you know, as I've gone through this process, as I
was starting to feel better about myself and really healing
the conversations and embracing a different way of loving myself,
(33:01):
in actively loving myself and talking to myself differently, I
was showing up differently in the world. So it's not
a surprise that I had colleagues that I knew just
kind of on the surface, who out of the blue said,
are you seeing anybody like? I have somebody to introduce
(33:22):
you to like And that had not been happening previously,
and also not a surprise. You know. I had this
really fun adventure that I was on with a bunch
of my friends to get to off fifty states before
returned fifty and I came back from that and felt
great about that accomplishment and just was feeling so good
about where I was entering this second half of my life.
(33:46):
It's not a surprise that I came back all zen
from that trip and feeling great, and somebody just showed
up a couple days later and.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Brand new person. And he's lovely and.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
It has been very natural and very fun, and he's
super supportive and kind and loving, and I'm able to
return that to him and he's super sweet and he's
not trying to tell me who to be or what
to do.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
He is. Maybe one of the.
Speaker 4 (34:19):
Kindest reflections back to me that he said is cush,
You're really just peaceful. And I thought, gosh, that is
so cool that that's what you're seeing, because that's how
I'm feeling, and that's not how I used to feel.
I didn't feel peaceful. I you know, I was at
war with myself. So the fact that that's who I'm
(34:39):
showing up for another person to be is really awesome.
And it's been fun and sure a little scary because
it's been a little while since I opened my heart,
but I'm definitely looking at it as like a new
adventure and a new challenge, and I've been enjoying it.
And you know, part of our journaling process that you
(35:03):
invited me into was talking about being grateful in advance
for things that you wanted in your life. And it's
interesting that as we've dated, I went back through my
journal and I wrote down everything that I had in
my journal of being grateful in advance regarding a partner,
and he hits every single thing that was on that
(35:23):
gratitude list. It's a coincidence, right, Yeah. That has been
really really eye opening and fun to see that what
I put out and said that I wanted, I actually
called into my life and like, would you help me
to think about like what else do I want? Like
(35:44):
how else do I want my life to transform? What
are the other things that I have the power to
create by how I'm being in my life?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
So would you speak to a little bit like, let's
say he magically showed up, you know, a few months ago,
and you weren't feeling the way you're feeling, Like why
did you have to become who you became for this
relationship to work and to be able to receive this
kind of life because you had Like now I'll brag
about you, like you have a mean that absolutely adores you,
and he sees the beauty in you. He sees the
essence of who you are. He loves you for all
(36:22):
the reasons that any woman wants to be loved, like
the utmost and acceptance and connection and care and.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Just you know, treasures you.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Why is that only possible for you now versus who
you were before?
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Because who I was before I wasn't showing who I
really was. I had armor up, I had a mask on.
I would have shown up and tried to be what
I thought he wanted me to be instead of just
being who I am.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
And it's been one of.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
The most wonderful parts of this relationship is how I
just showed up as me. One of my friends said recently, Now,
when does the good behavior and like, have you guys
seen each other in situations where you're like and you're
not happier or something, And I said, no, no, Like,
this is the first time in my life that I've
(37:12):
shown up into a romantic relationship completely is me. Like
what you see is what you get, and I have
never done that before.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
So powerful, Like, I just get to show up as
who I am and I'm not wearing a mask. There's
not this there's not this energy expenditure of trying to pretend.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
That I'm somebody that I'm not.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Like, you just get to be you and it feeds
into more of that because he loves and appreciates you.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
That's exactly it. I don't have to worry that he
is attracted to something that I'm not, you know, some
you know character that I'm putting out there or not
letting him see all of me. I want to be
loved unconditionally. I think humans want that unconditional love. And
I was not capable of putting the barriers down previously
(38:05):
to let somebody really see who I am. I was
so fearful of rejection, and I was self rejecting that
I was only putting out what I thought other people
wanted to see.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Wow, friends, I get just be me.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
I just get to be I love it. I love it.
So let me ask you this.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Obviously, when people hear about like taking you know, a
few months to really heal their relationship with food and
really heal their relationship with themselves and move towards self love,
not just in a woo woo fluffy kind of way,
but in a practical, like systematic kind of way.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
It's not as sexy. Let's be honest, it's not as sexy.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
It's like drop thirty pounds in thirty days, Like I'll
call it what it is, right like, especially because we
are so you know, into the immediate gratification trap, you know,
So why was it worth it for you to really
like hunker down and invest in this in a lifelong
solution like put the immediate gratification trap to bed for
a little while, like almost channel your like eighty or
(39:03):
ninety year old self and ask her, like, what do
you want me to do right now so that the
next thirty forty years of my life are amazing? Why
was it worth it to you to invest in a solution,
like a forever solution rather than go down the road
of like paying money and time and energy on a
short term fix that you were going to have to
backtrack and go back and forth, like why was it
worth it to invest in this?
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Like what clicked for you?
Speaker 4 (39:24):
So it was worth it to me because I knew
I didn't want to do one more diet that would
bring me some short term result and not stick. I
knew I didn't want to work out and punish myself.
Exercise had become punishment instead of something to joyfully move
my body. And I knew I was looking for something
(39:45):
that I could do forever. I wanted to feel better.
I knew that it was possible, and I was definitely
in a place of I want to academically learn right.
So I knew that I had read enough things and
had talked about enough things, but I had never fully
(40:08):
really addressed what the true issue was for me. And
you have said more than once you can't out diet this,
you cannot out exercise this, you can't outsmart this. And
that really resonated for me that, yeah, I want to
find a way to be happier, not for anybody else,
(40:29):
but for me, and I wanted to find a way
to accept myself and that gosh, if I'm not going
to love me who is right. So if I knew
that I wanted to have a different way of living
my life, then I was going to have to really
(40:51):
kind of explore what needs to change in.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Order for me to do that.
Speaker 4 (40:55):
And I think one of the things I've really loved
about working with you is that it's not a hey,
here's day one, everything changes, right. It is a gradual,
evolutionary transformational process, but it is a natural progression, and
it is it's small, seemingly small, but really foundational changes
(41:23):
that then set you up to continue to evolve. You know,
that word change is so hard, So I have often
not thought about this as how am I changing my life?
But how am I evolving into my next iteration of me?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
And?
Speaker 4 (41:41):
Yeah, how am I growing into that next level of
who I want to be? And I loved There was
a point in the last few months that I ran
into somebody that I had been friends with about twenty
years ago, and as we had some conversation and got
to hang out a little bit, he liveded me and said, gosh,
(42:01):
you have up leveled your life and I thought, yeah,
and I'm glad that it shows. Yeah, it was really
that was so cool to hear somebody say.
Speaker 3 (42:12):
You could own it. When they said it to you,
I did.
Speaker 4 (42:15):
Own it because I know I've done the work and
I but it was not like, hey, January one, here's
my resolution. I'm doing all these things and sticking to
the like some hard, rigid, self flagellating way of doing this.
It has been really gradual and natural.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
So it's so.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Powerful when you see that reflected back to you. You know,
it's not about your weight. It's not like, oh, you
lost some weight. It's like, no, you're just perfect, you know.
So yeah, my last question for you, and it's kind
of like a two parter, but like, you know, one
of the things that comes up a lot before women
go to do this work is they have a lot
of fear that they're going to have to go They're
(42:57):
like decades of you know, patterns, I have to go
like unhash what happened in my childhood, and like, I mean,
you and I are no different, like we both like
struggled distance.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Childhood, of course, and like one of the things.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
That I always talk about is like, no, we actually
don't want to go back in the past, like we
want to acknowledge what happened, and like we've psychoanalyzed that
to debt.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
That's what a lot of therapy does, you know.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
And we want to get solution focused and future focus
like present and future focus and not dig back into
the past, you know.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
So that's one element.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
But like, so my question for you is to any
woman that's watching this and they're sitting on the fence
out of fear or they have fear like doubt that
they'll be the one person it doesn't work for.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
They hear that too, you know, I think you were
that person. I'm going to be the Oh yeah, I'm like, oh,
you know.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
You know, So anybody that's sitting on the fence to
take this leap and you know, and and talk to
me and have a conversation about the reality of what's
going on and it is not a food and fitness problem,
you know. And they also have those fears of like,
oh my gosh, I don't want to go back and
unpack all that. Like, what would you say to anybody
that's sitting on the fence about actually taking the steps
to transform their lives in this capacity.
Speaker 4 (44:02):
That is an interesting question because you and I talked
about that a little bit, and I have spent a
lot of time in therapy, you know, unpacking things from
the past, and there can be a lot of value
to that and it can be helpful, but the reality
is it is only helpful to do that if you're
going to actually do something with it, and unpacking something
(44:23):
like that doesn't serve you if it just becomes one
more excuse. And the reality is you don't need to
do that. You don't need to go back and relive
and rehash and do that. You can say, eyes forward,
and let's look at what what does the future look like.
The past is done, It doesn't need you anymore and
(44:43):
you can find ways to peacefully resolve that and thank
it for the lessons that it brought you painful though
they may have been, and recognized. Today is owned by us,
right here, right now, and if we're looking towards what
do we want to be. If you're watching this, it's
(45:04):
because you want something different for yourself, and it's because
you know in your heart that you deserve something different
and making that leap, you know, is saying I'm worth
doing this for. And it's not about anybody else, and
it is not about the way you look, and it
is not about somebody else's expectations, and it is all
(45:25):
about being worth it. It's all about saying, I'm going
to do this just for me, just because I deserve
to feel as good as I could feel in this
one life that we get and in this one body
that we have. Wow.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
It really, I mean that's what it is. It's like,
this is your one life. Yeah, and you do have
the ability to transform it.
Speaker 4 (45:46):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
So beautifully said, Yeah, thank you so much for being
here and sharing this.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Is there anything anything that is on your heart that
you want to share anything I haven't asked that you
feel like you want the women of this world to
know about this journey or about you or.
Speaker 4 (46:00):
Like the other piece that we didn't talk about that
was so meaningful for me has been the opportunity to
work with you and the support that you give, whether
that is through weekly calls with all of the women
that are working on the program, whether it's the one
on one calls, or whether it's the help desk, so
(46:21):
you are available all the time and when you have
a question, or you hit a roadblock or can I
run an idea past you? You know, we talked a
little bit even today about like choosing a word for
the year, and and you invited me to think about
it a little differently. Those nuggets are so helpful, you know,
(46:42):
as you go through this, but the community of women
is so supportive. And the weekly calls, making time and
my calendar for that was the first way that I
recognized I was showing up for me in a different
way that I schedule those on my calendar and they're
(47:02):
sacred and they are not to be scheduled over, they
are not to be moved. I have rarely missed a
call because I think they're so important and I've learned
so much from the other women sharing so openly and
so freely what they're.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
Experiencing as they're going through this.
Speaker 4 (47:22):
And one of the things that I've thought about with
those calls is it's almost like it's a practice time
for me to say out loud who I am becoming.
For me to own that out loud in a really
safe space helped me to practice saying that to other
people in my life. And there were things that I
(47:44):
shared on those calls that I hadn't shared anywhere else yet,
and it helped me. I'm a verbal processor, so it
definitely helped me process what I was feeling and what
I was learning and how I was approaching my life
differently I was being I got to practice that on
those calls in a very safe and supportive environment, and
(48:06):
I loved that.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
So powerful.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
Yeah, and it's so interesting because like ladies and those
that are watching this and you get it, and everybody
that's been through the program gets it. Like this struggle
is like so deeply personal. There's a lot of shame
for most of us. It's our best kept secret. Like
you said, nobody knew that you were suffering the way
you were, Like nobody would have ever guessed because we
put on this act. I'm like, I'm so happy and
I'm taking care of everybody else and everything's great, and
(48:30):
I'm on this diet. I'm going to order the salad
at dinner and everything's gonna be fine. You know, Like
deep down inside, we're suffering, you know. And so part
of it is I used to do this work strictly
one on one, and then I started doing it in
this small format where it's still one on one, but
then once a week you also get to connect with
other women that are going through the process too, And
it's something magical unleashes because First of all, you realize
you're not alone.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
I was telling you this. I was like, I like.
Speaker 1 (48:51):
Pray for every single person that comes to work with
me beforehand, Like I don't know what you look like,
I don't know your names, but I just know the
kind of woman that I'm here to serve. And that's
why when we get in that small group, it's like
you guys are soul sisters because you are. You know,
you have the same The circumstances might be different, but
you have the same internal struggles and you get to
hear others speak their truth. They're asking questions that you
(49:12):
didn't even know that you had questions about, Like and
there's just something so powerful about not feeling so alone
in this struggle because people think it's just like like
to the outside, like oh, it's just a weight problem,
just like eat less and move more. And it's like, no,
you don't understand. This is bigger, this is deeper, and
it's it's got a stronger pull on me than I
have on a diet, and like you need sure.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
And people are like, wait, how do you get such.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Powerful results in just a few months. And it's like
because of the amount of support, like you need. You
can't out intellect an emotional struggle, and you can't do
it on your own, like you need to borrow somebody
else's goggles. And this is a twenty four hour a
day problem and that's why you need access. Like I
make myself so accepsible to my clients because you need it,
you know.
Speaker 3 (49:55):
So.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
I think that's really powerful what you just said, because
it just reminds people they're not alone, not crazy.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
This doesn't have to have so much shame.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
You can speak it, speak into the solution, and speak
into your truth and not have to do it alone.
So thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 4 (50:10):
Oh my pleasure. This is the best gift I ever
gave myself.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Amazing.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Well, you've gifted all of us, and I know everyone
that's in the program like learns from you every time
you speak, and every woman that's watching this right now
it gets the gift of sharing because it's not easy
to come on here and be like, hey, this is
where I was, but like you know it, it's part
of your journey and it brought you to where you
are now, Like you needed to get to that place
of almost like this quiet desperation to say no, I'm
done I'm done living in this prison. I'm ready to
(50:38):
draw a line in the sand. I don't exactly know how,
but I know it needs to happen, and then the
universe put us.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
Together made it happen. I love it well. Thank you
so much for taking time on this day to share you, Ruth.
Just from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
I'm so grateful that the universe connected us, and I'm
so proud of you. I love you so much, and
I love you too well. I can't wait to see what.
Speaker 3 (51:01):
The beginning. This is just the beginning.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
That's exactly right.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
Absolutely happiness and love to you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (51:08):
All right, ladies, have a wonderful day.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
Thanks for tuning in.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
Thank you so much for listening today, and I hope
this story gave you a little more hope and maybe
even some inspiration to see what's possible for you. To remember,
you're not broken, you're not crazy, and you're definitely not
alone in this. And if you want to learn more
about how I teach my clients to turn off the
part of their brain that's obsessed with food or obsessed
(51:33):
with their weight and rewire their own brain for peace
and freedom, then head on over to stressless Eating dot
com and sign up to watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview,
where I've literally peeled back the curtain and walked you
through the exact strategy I teach my clients to heal
themselves from the all or nothing diet mentality for good,
(51:53):
but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and definitely without
ever having to use words like macros, low carb or
calorie burn. It's there for you to access over at
stressless Eating dot com and if you like out Weigh,
I actually have another podcast here on iHeart where I
talk about all of this self image and body image stuff,
but from the perspective of where brain science intersects faith.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
It's called What's.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
God Got to Do with It? And you can access
it here on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
So that's it for today.
Speaker 1 (52:26):
I'm Leanne Ellington and we'll be back for more Outweigh,
So talk to you then Bye.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I am, I get, I'm strong, fail free.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I know everybody of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And that will always out way if you feel it,
but yours.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
And there she'll some love to the food.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
There, say good day and did you and die out way,
Happy Saturday, outweigh It's leanne here and what you're about
to hear are real stories from real women who have
faced some of their deepest struggles with food and their
bodies and face their demons and come out on the
other side. And so these are the raw, unfiltered journeys
(00:51):
of women just like you, who once felt trapped in
their own mental prisons, caught in that endless cycle of
food obsession, you know, feeling like a failure in all
of that shame. And I'm sharing these with you because
I want you to know that no matter how stuck
or out of control you feel right now, there is
a way out.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
So if you're feeling broken or crazy, or like you're.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
The only one who struggles with this, you are not.
You are not alone, and you are definitely not beyond
hope or healing. These stories are proof that true transformation
is possible, and I hope they inspire you to see
what's possible for yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
So let's dive on in.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
So I am just honored to be here right now
with my amazing friend and client Suzanne, and just what
an honor it is to be here and to share
your story and to share your truths because you know,
a lot of women don't know what it's like to
be on the other side of it. They think that
the food cycle, the body prison that you get stuck
(01:53):
in is just how life has to be. And you're
so kind to be here today to just share your
journey with us.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
So hello, I say hello to our people. First of all, yay,
And what I described about this video was just kind
of set it up and then we'll move into the
first question.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But like, really, you you carved out this food, freedom
and self love for yourself in months instead of years,
Like it doesn't have to be this long drawn out process.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
You don't have to go, you know, rehash old wounds.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
But you know what I wrote about this, and you know,
check with you to make sure this was accurate in
your words, But like you know, you've been stuck on
the diet roller coaster for decades, and you thought you
were just one of those people that would have to
live like this forever. And you know, your life was
filled with a lot of success and all those like
external accomplishments, but deep down you were living in that
sadness and that disappointment and feeling like you knew there
(02:38):
was so much more to life, but you didn't know
how to break out of the vicious cycle. And on
top of the food and the body and the self
rejection prison that we're going to talk about, and we're
going to talk about that self rejection. It was the
keyword for you, and you felt powerless to escape from it.
It also kept you from putting yourself out there to
find true love and find a partner because you knew,
like I remember on our first call, you knew deep
(02:59):
down that if you didn't find it in yourself first,
you were never going to be able to fully receive
it from another.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
And so you were.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Apprehensive, but you knew something had to change, and you
booked a break through call with me, and you know,
the truth is, you weren't sure if anything.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Could help you at that point, but flip flopping.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Between being an extreme diet or and restrictor to being
you know, a bingejeter, it was no longer acceptable to you,
and you got started in the stress and seating program
that day. So we're here today and we're going to
share your journey, your struggles, like the good, bad, the ugly,
all the things in between, your shifts and then what
really finally enabled you to really forgive yourself and love
yourself and set yourself free.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
So thanks for being here.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
First of all, thank you, Yes, absolutely, so just surround it,
you know, really kick things off, like if you wouldn't
mind just sharing, you know, before we met, you know,
where were you? You know, where were you before you
started the program? Like what was your life like, what
was your relationship with food and your body? Like, what
were those internal conversations day and day out?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
What was that like for you?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Yeah, I think it's interesting to think back to that time.
It's actually kind of painful to think back to that time.
To think of the conversations that I was having with
myself and about myself and how I was showing up
in the world was completely different from how I was
feeling on the inside. I think those who knew me
really well were surprised when I started working with you
(04:23):
and opened up a little bit about how I was
feeling about myself. They're like, you're so confident, and you're
so successful, and your life is completely together, and you've
got all these great things going on. But the reality
was I was in an internal war with myself, and
it was a hateful, mean, spirited, vicious war that I
(04:44):
was having with myself. And the things that I was
saying to myself about myself were not kind. I was
hanging on to any mistake that I made and ruminating
on things over and over again, having fights in my head,
and being continually disappointed with myself. And it was a bad,
(05:05):
bad cycle that drove me. You know, you and I
through the work together. I've charted out, you know, like
I do this, and then it led to this, and
then it led to this, and it was, you know,
a path of self loathing and self rejection that then
I would turn to food to soothe myself, which obviously
(05:26):
does not soothe anything, and just made me hate myself more.
I was kicking myself all the time. Why can't you
be stronger? Why can't you have more will power. Why
can't you figure this out when you're able to be
successful in your career and successful in building friendships and
successful in you know, creating a home for yourself. But
(05:50):
I was failing in this area and I was drowning.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
And what was your relationship with food like before this, Like.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
What had you tried? You know, what?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
What was it working for you in the food and
body department so to speak.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Yeah, you know, for the amount of time that I
spent thinking about food and fixating on food and obsessing
about food, I was not spending a whole lot of
time preparing food for myself. And I was in this
weird cycle of denying myself food and then getting so
hungry that I would eat anything that was there. And
(06:26):
the unfortunately, you know that anything that's there is rarely
something that's actually going to nourish you. It's typically something
that is going to have a cumulative negative effect for
you and not make you feel like you have nourished
your body and made yourself stronger. But I was constantly snacking.
(06:47):
I was ignoring my body's cues of when I was
thirsty or when I was tired, and I was just
feeding it and if I was angry, I was feeding it.
If I was sad, I was feeding it. If I
was lonely, I was feeding it. And instead of saying,
oh you're tired, go to sleep, Oh you're lonely, call
one of your friends. Or you're stressed, go for a
(07:10):
walk or meditate, a healthier approach to what could actually
solve those feelings. Everything was related to food and denying
the painful emotions that are part of the human experience.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Absolutely, so food was like your go to, Like it
was the one thing that was always there when you
were stressed, when you were sad, when you needed comfort
or you know, convenience or you know, procrastination or anything like.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
Food was like your go to, oh always, and it
was my excuse for everything. Oh this didn't work out,
it's because I'm heavy. Oh this didn't work out. It's
because I don't take care of myself. Oh this you
know it became my excuse too.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Right, So it was like a hiding place for you totally.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Yeah, yes, I was completely hiding in it.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah, what had you tried before you found me? Like,
what were the different things that you had done over
the years, Because this was like a lifelong struggle for
you before we met, one of the things have you tried?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, I did wait Watchers.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
I had tried other diet plans, but waite Watchers had
worked fairly consistently for me until it didn't. I had
worked with a personal trainer. I had done exercise you know,
different a variety of exercise plans, and they all worked
for a little while until you know, it was too
hard to stick with them, and then I would beat
(08:28):
myself and beat myself up again, and all my self
names in my head, and it was just a horrible pattern. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
And you'd also done, if I'm correct, like a lot
of like self work on yourself too before Yeah, right,
Like what kind of stuff had you tried to overcome this?
Like you had you done? Like therapy and all the
personal development and all that.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Years of therapy, years of leadership training, all of which
is relevant and helpful and helped me work through a
variety of things, but none of them really got to
the root of what this behavior had been and how
deep rooted it was for me.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And so how has your life changed as a result
of enrolling in the program, Like what's different?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I don't talk to myself that way anymore. I have
to say, if.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
I think of one thing that is really really different,
it is that I don't beat myself up the way
I did. I don't have those negative, hateful conversations with myself.
And what's interesting is when I'm in a time recently,
I was in a time of pretty acute stress at work,
and I recognized I was having one of those conversations.
(09:39):
And the reason that it was so profound was like,
that's when I realized I don't do that anymore, you know.
It was the fact that I like went back to
that for a moment that made me think, holy cow,
it's really been a long time since I've done that.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
And it's just not who you are anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
No, it's not.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
You know I have at the drama and how I
talked myself so significantly, and it is just a kinder,
more loving conversation now.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Absolutely I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
And I know, like before you said that you had
that it was like an all or nothing.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Approach with food.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
It was like you were either like restricting and counting
and weighing and measuring, or like the diet mentality or
that inner rebel would come in if you weren't playing
food police and just like eat and comfort and numb
and all that, how has that.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Relationship with food shifted? Like what's your relationship with food?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Like?
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Now, yeah, you know what. We have talked so many
times in the course of our work together that none
of this is a food issue, and it's like, it's
one hundred percent true.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
That was that resonated for me.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
The first time you said that, I was like, yeah,
you're right, Like, it's not about the doritos that I
want to shove in my face. It's not about poor
diet choices, although that certainly, you know, has played into
how do I how do I look at.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Food differently now?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
But the reality was this was all about how I
was feeling about myself. This was all rooted in my
self esteem and my self acceptance. And there was no
way that eating a salad for every meal was going
to make me feel better about me.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
And who wants to eat a salad every meal anyway?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Well, right, I.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Don't want to do that at every meal, that's for sure,
But you know, thinking about it, it really was about
like how can I love myself differently? That has been
a lot of my driving force in the time that
we've been spending together. How can I love, like truly
actively love myself differently? And what does that look like?
(11:36):
And that had nothing to do with food and had
everything to do with how I was taking care of
myself and the food falls in line.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Then, And it's so interesting that you say that, how
can I love myself differently? Because unconsciously, when we go
on a diet or a restriction based thing, it's coming
from this place of like punishing ourselves or like not enough.
So unconsciously we're saying to ourselves, how can I punish
myself more? How can I restrict my self war how
can I control myself more? And coming from a place
of like, how can I love on myself more? It's
just like a totally different conversation.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
It is a different conversation. I'm thinking back.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
You know, it's the third day of the New year,
and on New Year's Day I was like, Okay, so
what am I going to do to take care of
myself today? Okay, I want to take a walk, and
I want to meditate and I want to do you know,
I really thought about, what are the ways that I
can take care of myself as part of that day.
And it wasn't like you have to go for a
walk because you ate cookies yesterday. Yes, you have to
(12:32):
like go have a hard workout because you did X
y Z. That punishment piece of this has gone to
the wayside, thankfully. That when I am wanting to take
a walk, it's because my joints feel better. When I
take a walk. It's because I want to move my
body and it's itching to move. So I'm listening to
(12:52):
that call from within, like hey, we're ready to get
up and go do something. Okay, let's go do something,
get a little going to the pantry to grab a
bag of chips. Let's you know, go up around the neighborhood,
or you know, do something in the house or whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
It is really or active.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah, And that's why I describe it as.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Like you have to learn a new language, Like we
learn that language of like starving the.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Fat and starving the ugly and you know.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Not good enough and I've got to you know, lose
weight to feel beautiful and like all this stuff. And
it's like nobody ever taught us like how do we
start it happy?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
How do we start it healthy?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Because also not to mention like the diet mentality is
the opposite of healthy.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Like you know, gaining, losing, gatting losing, and it's a
threat to your nervous system.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And we won't even get into that side of things,
you know, but like it really is learning a new language.
Like most women, yourself included, like spent decades speaking this
certain way of thinking. That yes, it's the diet mentality,
but it's also this conversation of like self loathing, self rejection,
self criticism, self hate.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
And it's like nobody's talking about how to shift the
pattern of thinking.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
It's always just about like a diet or a weight
loss or an exercise program or all that. And like,
I love how you just said that. You're just like
you're speaking differently to yourself. You're practicing this new way
of thinking in this new language.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Yeah, and it's interesting that you brought up, you know,
like how how does your brain react and what is
happening in your body? Because part of what I was
doing in self rejection and the self perpetuating of not
taking care of myself, I was constantly running at the
very last minute for things, and I was creating a
(14:32):
tremendous amount of stress for myself that could be alleviated
by leaving ten minutes earlier. Right. It was such a
simple solution. And I can't tell you how many times
I remember driving to work with a not in my stomach,
like I'm going to be late, I'm going to be late.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
I'm going to be late.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Oh my god, you know later than I want to be.
And then I'll be kicking myself like God, you did
this again. You did this to yourself. And I don't
have those conversations anymore because I was able to say, like,
hold on, what is the thing that is creating this
feeling of stress and anxiety? And it's it was being
self created. That was gosh, what an amazing discovery during
(15:10):
this work to say you're creating that feeling and you
don't have to.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
And that's such a beautiful example of First of all,
like people are like, wait a minute, how is that
side of things related to my physiological state or my
weight or my metabolism or anything. It's like it's everything.
You're in the sympathetic branch of your nervous system all
the time, like always in that like fat storage mode.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
But it's more than that.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
It's like those are the things that get in the way,
that cause you to overeat when you're stressed and when
you're like running on empty and it's like that's when
we reach for food.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
So it's like taking those things out.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Of the way, you know. But the other thing that
you just said that like you said it was behind
your words, is like it wasn't a conversation this time
of blame, Why do I do that?
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Why can't I get it right?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
It was radical ownership and radical responsibility, which is like
one of the biggest philosophies in the program, you know,
because most of us have only learned how to blame.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Ourselves or shame ourselves or be rate ourselves.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Oh definitely. You know, this program has been such a
reminder of self empowerment. I know that there have been
so many times that you know, I'll think about I
am empowered to do this, like I have choices, and
I had forgotten I had choices, and that all of
the choices that I make throughout the course of the
day can lead me to have a really awesome day
(16:26):
or a really crappy day. And it's not the external forces.
It is about my decisions as I'm making as I
go through my day. And I am typically a fairly
cheerful person just naturally that's my disposition. But I was
at war with that at times too, you know, just
creating stress for myself where I wasn't getting to enjoy
(16:47):
who I naturally am.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, and you were walking away from alignment rather than walking.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Forward to really yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
And not giving myself permission to even acknowledge who I
knew I could be or wanted to be. It was
easier and safer to pretend that that was externally controlled
instead of internally empowering myself to say, if this is
who you want to be, it's within your reach, go
(17:15):
get absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And that's what we mean by it's not the food. There,
Like a lot of women that come.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
To with me, they're like, okay, LeAnn, teach me to
stress and seeing strategy, you know, And I'm like, okay, cool,
we'll get to that.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Like we're going to talk about the freedom goggles, the
food goggles, all that, but first we have got to
start at yourself image. Because I could just flat out
give you the philosophies and the like the kind of
like process of how to shift your brain around food.
But if we don't identify all those weeds in the
garden of your mind that are causing you to think
and act and feel and behave like a self sabotage
or or not good enough or shaming yourself and self
(17:46):
projecting yourself like it won't matter, you know, and oftentimes,
like you can attest to this, like once you even
get to the food stuff, because it's a couple of
weeks in until we even get to the food stuff,
it's like it's almost like a non issue when you
get to it, because all the other stuff that was
causing you to overeat is gone.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
You know. It's interesting that you say that when we
approached some of the food experiments going along, it was
so helpful to have you to talk to to go
through those, because I did take a couple steps back
at that point and got stuck in the mentality of
dieting and oh my gosh, and restriction and what's good
and what's bad and what's allowed and what's not allowed,
(18:24):
and instead of reminding myself, this is an experiment number one,
which means this you're supposed to be trying something new
and it's not forever. But also, you know, it helped
me to see where I still had weeds, like the
weeds in the garden of your mind. Man, I had
a lot of weeds. Oh yeah, whole lot of weeds
(18:46):
to pull totally.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
That's exactly why we do it.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
And we do it right in the middle of the
program so that you're still supported, so we can see, Okay,
where is that old fired and wired experience coming in?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Where do we need to read to shift that?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
And it always comes back as you know, it's that
when we get focused on the content rather than the intent,
like our intentions behind it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
But like I do it purposefully because we've got to
figure it out while.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
We're in the trenches, so to speak of, Like so
this works in your real world life, so that this
can become a.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Forever way of thinking and a forever way of being.
It's like all the breakthroughs come from that.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah, it was so interesting to learn about success is
fifty percent the stories that we're just telling and fifty
percent the strategy. Because in the past, everything that I
had done was about the strategy and never about the story.
And I know that I've shared with you previously, you know,
I was frustrated when I would go to just like
my family doctor for a yearly check up, if they'd
(19:42):
talked about my weight at all, which you know, there
were times that they didn't even mention it, and I
wanted them to. The conversation was always about like eat
less red meat, eat less sugar. None of them were
ever acknowledging or even asking is there a reason that
you're eating more than you should? Is there a reason
that your weight is higher than what is ideal for
(20:04):
your body type? Like what's the underlying something that's going
on here? And it was frustrating, and I can remember
leaving doctor's offices crying and feeling unseen, and it was,
you know, I described it to you like finding you
and hearing that initial couple of steps and having our
(20:25):
first conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
It was like finding the holy Grail. I was so excited.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Because I knew in my heart that this was an
emotional issue. This was not a physical issue about food,
This was not a physical issue about my body. This
was an inside issue that needed to be addressed. And
I knew that it was rooted in how I felt
about myself. I knew it was rooted in the stories
I was saying to myself.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So to hear.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
That success is fifty percent of the stories and fifty
percent of the strategy was seriously music to my ears
and as a communication and I have a communications background.
Language is always so important to me, and it's been
so interesting as we've gone through this journey to think
about what is the language that I'm using, what are
(21:14):
the distinctions between different words?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
And am I saying really what I mean? And is
the language that I'm using.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Kind to myself? So that has been such a novel
and different approach that I would say if I had
to describe, like what was what's the biggest difference in
doing this program versus any other program that is out there?
That's what it is. It's about, like what are the
stories you're telling yourself? What is the internal conversation looking
(21:47):
like how do you address that? Because if you don't
address that, you can do every diet, you can do
every workout.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
It is not going to work long term.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Absolutely, And so that was actually going to be my
next question, like how is this different for you? And
it's I'm so glad you brought it up, because like
here's the thing. Yeah, the strategy and the stories. You know,
the strategy is one piece of it, Like don't get
me wrong. I want everyone to have a better strategy
than like dieting, restricting, counting, weighing, measuring, judging, controlling, shaming,
Like that's not a good strategy, unfortunately, that is the
(22:16):
strategy that is like being told is healthy, you know
what I mean, Like if you want to be healthy,
you just have to watch and carb count and check
track and weigh and measure and all that. And it's like, ah,
I bought into that lie too. The strategy doesn't work right.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
So I want everyone to have a better strategy.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
But like if unconsciously or subconsciously, while you're using even
a good a good strategy or a strategy that works
or sets you free, if unconsciously or subconsciously you are
a telling yourself it doesn't matter, like I'm never gonna
stick with us anyways, or like there's something wrong with you,
or there's like you're unworthy of being a certain size
or weight or being loved or.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Anything like that.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Or if unconsciously or subconsciously you're calling yourself a self
sabotage or telling yourself you can't trust yourself.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
None of it matters.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Like it's gotta be both, And that's what I discovered too,
like not only was I sold a bad bill of goods,
like this whole diet mentality thing and weight loss mentality,
not only does it not work, but it's actually dangerous,
Like it was harmful for me. I call it the
cost of skinny. I believe that every woman has their
own you know, mine was spine surgery and like a
fat head on top of a skinny body. You know,
but like everybody has that cost, and it usually costs
(23:20):
our self image and our self trust and our self
our self worth. And if we don't address both, we're
gonna leave our solution on the table. And something else
that you said about language, Like you were saying like
does it resonate with me?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
And all that? And my question for you is also
like is it my language?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Like part of the way I set this up is
so like we built your language.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Into like I give you the frameworks and the distinctions,
but like it's your language, like your words, because it's
got to resonate with you.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Like that's why positive thinking and positive affirmations don't work.
If I just told you just look in the mirror
and tell yourself you're beautiful, you're like, uh cool, Because
again that self image log in the background, it's gonna
be like, no, you're not you know, it's gonna repeat
what's been on.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Repeat for decades. So that's why it had to be
your words, in your language.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
Yeah, I remember how powerful it was to come up
with a different vocabulary for myself. But really, like, one
of the startling moments during this journey was I could
look at myself in the mirror and say, oh, you're
cute or you're beautiful, or I could also look and say, oh,
you look pudgy or anything else. But one of the
(24:31):
turning points for me was the day that I looked
in the mirror and said.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You look lovable. It was so huge and profound.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I remember that on the call and everybody was like, dear,
I mean you Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
I just peered up, thinking, I mean that's life.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
That was language I hadn't used in such a long
time for myself. And that is about who I am,
not about how I look. That is about you know,
am I am? I allowing all the beauty on the
inside to come out and be shown on the outside.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Yeah, And you can't buy that, you can't produce it
from a diet.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
It has got to be discovered.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, it's got to an internal job. This whole thing
is an internal job.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I'm so glad that you shared that and and really
like I really did to it. No, I get it, like,
I mean, that's the thing, that's the that's what we're
all waiting our whole lives to feel. It's not a seeing,
it's a feeling, you know, and you can't again, you
can't give that to somebody. You can guide them, you know.
And that's why it's I'm always like, ladies, like I'm
(25:40):
teaching you how to fish.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I can't give you anything. You know, it's yours. You've
got to You've got to claim it.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
You know, this really is about so much more than food.
It is for me, it has then about self discovery
and acceptance of you know, every part of human life
is going to have happy times and sad times. And
one of my discoveries had been how averse I was
(26:08):
to having to go through sadness and not allowing myself
to even name sadness at times.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Yeah, so that has been really.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Huge, and to allow myself to say instead of I
am sad, I feel sad and there's a big difference
in that, Like I'm not a sad person, but it's
okay to feel sad.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
And learning how to move through it and not sit
in it and let it faster act.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yes, having those tools, Yes.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
That's been extraordinarily helpful.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
Oh I was going to say, like one of the
things I wrote down, you know, and thinking about us
having this conversation that I remember writing this line that
I'm on a mission to heal the things that are
keeping me from being my higher self.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
How's that mission going?
Speaker 4 (26:59):
Yeah, And it's a lifelong mission, right, so it never ends.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
It's not going to be like check done. I can
say check on my way.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah, totally. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
How many times have I told you ladies, like this
is not me coming from some high mountain, Like I
was just in my own shit the other day and
I had to use this tool.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
That I'm teaching you in this tool.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
But the difference is, it's not that the curve balls
are going to stop coming. It's who we show up
as in the face of it that transforms life is unpredictable.
I mean, your father passed away like two weeks when
we started working together, Like, do you know what I'm
saying it was huge. I mean, yeah, I was.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
As I was talking about the sadness piece, I mean,
I was thinking about, you know how interesting timing is
in life. You know, it was so hard to lose
my dad in the midst of this, But in retrospect,
I was so grateful that you and I were talking
at that time. You were so helpful to me to
stay grounded during that time and gave me permission to say, hey,
(27:59):
take a break from this, like this may be too
intense right now. You need to feel what you need
to feel. And I knew that I needed to feel
what I needed to feel also, and that being able
to get through that without turning to food as my comfort,
embracing the people who were showing up in my life
(28:19):
to support me was so much more helpful and positive
and loving to myself than food ever would have been.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Absolutely, you just didn't know how to get it, you
know what I mean. And even just a couple of
weeks in I remember that, like when you did like
come back, you were like, Okay, I'm ready, you know,
you were like, but I didn't turn to food to
grieve my dad, like even just very quick, you know,
so It's very interesting what happens when you start just
first of all, when you draw that line in the
sand and you say, I'm no longer willing to live
like this. I'm not sure how it's going to happen yet,
(28:49):
because that's the biggest thing. When people can work with me,
they're like, leanne, I just I don't know how.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
I'm like, I get it. The how doesn't matter until
you've made the decision to translate, you know.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Yeah, if we had had that conversation when we first
started that a couple weeks from now, your dad's gonna
die and you're not going to turn to food, You're
actually going to turn nature.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
I'm gonna been like, what what are you talking about?
Speaker 4 (29:11):
But I was able to find solace in relationships and
solace in solitude, and solace in a sunset and the
water and trees and taking walk and that was a
completely different experience for me, and it was really really good.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Hard painful, but could make it easier. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Just you then get to show up in the way
that you need yourself to show up for yourself.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
And that's what we kept saying.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
We're like, if you can extract this right now in
the depths of darkness. You can do it anytime and anywhere,
like the epitome of darkness.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Like what a powerful stance.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
You know, it was huge. I loved what you said.
Things are going to show up. I mean, life is
never going to just stop. One of the things that's interesting.
There have been times that I think, well, that was
clearly certainly the most stressful thing that was going to happen,
as always doing this work. In some ways it's not though,
because it's expected that you'll take time off and that
(30:15):
you'll have time to process and grieve and take care
of yourself. In other acutely stressful situations, you're not given
that grace all the time, and you have to give
it to yourself. So it's been a lesson in like
how to make sure that I am still taking care
of me and acknowledging my human needs are just as
(30:40):
important as anybody else's frequently, so.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
I wanted to ask you.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I asked you beforehand if it was cool to talk
about this, and you, you know, so graciously, because.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
I think it's so important that the women hear this.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
And you know, on our very first call, you know,
one of the things that we discovered and uncovered was
that this relationship with self and then the and here's
what I'm going to say this very specifically, like it
wasn't your body that was the problem. It was your
relationship with yourself and the habits and the fired and
wired patterns. It was like a heart issue, ahead issue,
(31:10):
a mind issue, and that was causing you to physiologically,
you know, use food and not take care of your
body and carry around extra weight in all that.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
So, but that whole for me was keeping you also
from inviting love into your life. Like you were very
clear that like, hey, God has a plan for me,
Like I'm not going to be alone, you know, but
I know that who I'm showing up as right now,
I'm not meeting God halfway and I wouldn't be able
to receive this love. So when we started decide work together,
it wasn't about like, hey, let's get you a man.
(31:41):
It was very clear like, no, I need to find
the love in myself first, you know. But over the
course of time, you found that love in yourself and
you invited love.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
In from the outside.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
So can you just hear a little bit about that
and your experiences around that.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Sure, you know what it is interesting because I would
say how I defined a lot of my adult life
was based on being single and feeling shamed of being single.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
And I think that.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Shame was not about the fact that I hadn't found
my partner, but the shame was about how I knew
I was feeling inside and that that's what was keeping.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Me from finding a partner.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
Because I would I knew that I was not going
to show up for somebody in a way that I
would want to because I wasn't showing up for myself
in that way. And it has been interesting. I didn't
spend a lot of time looking for a partner.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
In fact, I was.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Defiantly not on any online dating sites. I was not
saying to friends, oh my gosh, you know, who do
you know to set me up with? But it's interesting,
you know, as I've gone through this process, as I
was starting to feel better about myself and really healing
the conversations and embracing a different way of loving myself,
(33:01):
in actively loving myself and talking to myself differently, I
was showing up differently in the world. So it's not
a surprise that I had colleagues that I knew just
kind of on the surface, who out of the blue said,
are you seeing anybody like? I have somebody to introduce
(33:22):
you to like And that had not been happening previously,
and also not a surprise. You know. I had this
really fun adventure that I was on with a bunch
of my friends to get to off fifty states before
returned fifty and I came back from that and felt
great about that accomplishment and just was feeling so good
about where I was entering this second half of my life.
(33:46):
It's not a surprise that I came back all zen
from that trip and feeling great, and somebody just showed
up a couple days later and.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Brand new person. And he's lovely and.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
It has been very natural and very fun, and he's
super supportive and kind and loving, and I'm able to
return that to him and he's super sweet and he's
not trying to tell me who to be or what
to do.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
He is. Maybe one of the.
Speaker 4 (34:19):
Kindest reflections back to me that he said is cush,
You're really just peaceful. And I thought, gosh, that is
so cool that that's what you're seeing, because that's how
I'm feeling, and that's not how I used to feel.
I didn't feel peaceful. I you know, I was at
war with myself. So the fact that that's who I'm
(34:39):
showing up for another person to be is really awesome.
And it's been fun and sure a little scary because
it's been a little while since I opened my heart,
but I'm definitely looking at it as like a new
adventure and a new challenge, and I've been enjoying it.
And you know, part of our journaling process that you
(35:03):
invited me into was talking about being grateful in advance
for things that you wanted in your life. And it's
interesting that as we've dated, I went back through my
journal and I wrote down everything that I had in
my journal of being grateful in advance regarding a partner,
and he hits every single thing that was on that
(35:23):
gratitude list. It's a coincidence, right, Yeah. That has been
really really eye opening and fun to see that what
I put out and said that I wanted, I actually
called into my life and like, would you help me
to think about like what else do I want? Like
(35:44):
how else do I want my life to transform? What
are the other things that I have the power to
create by how I'm being in my life?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
So would you speak to a little bit like, let's
say he magically showed up, you know, a few months ago,
and you weren't feeling the way you're feeling, Like why
did you have to become who you became for this
relationship to work and to be able to receive this
kind of life because you had Like now I'll brag
about you, like you have a mean that absolutely adores you,
and he sees the beauty in you. He sees the
essence of who you are. He loves you for all
(36:22):
the reasons that any woman wants to be loved, like
the utmost and acceptance and connection and care and.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Just you know, treasures you.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Why is that only possible for you now versus who
you were before?
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Because who I was before I wasn't showing who I
really was. I had armor up, I had a mask on.
I would have shown up and tried to be what
I thought he wanted me to be instead of just
being who I am.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
And it's been one of.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
The most wonderful parts of this relationship is how I
just showed up as me. One of my friends said recently, Now,
when does the good behavior and like, have you guys
seen each other in situations where you're like and you're
not happier or something, And I said, no, no, Like,
this is the first time in my life that I've
(37:12):
shown up into a romantic relationship completely is me. Like
what you see is what you get, and I have
never done that before.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
So powerful, Like, I just get to show up as
who I am and I'm not wearing a mask. There's
not this there's not this energy expenditure of trying to pretend.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
That I'm somebody that I'm not.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Like, you just get to be you and it feeds
into more of that because he loves and appreciates you.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
That's exactly it. I don't have to worry that he
is attracted to something that I'm not, you know, some
you know character that I'm putting out there or not
letting him see all of me. I want to be
loved unconditionally. I think humans want that unconditional love. And
I was not capable of putting the barriers down previously
(38:05):
to let somebody really see who I am. I was
so fearful of rejection, and I was self rejecting that
I was only putting out what I thought other people
wanted to see.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Wow, friends, I get just be me.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
I just get to be I love it. I love it.
So let me ask you this.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Obviously, when people hear about like taking you know, a
few months to really heal their relationship with food and
really heal their relationship with themselves and move towards self love,
not just in a woo woo fluffy kind of way,
but in a practical, like systematic kind of way.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
It's not as sexy. Let's be honest, it's not as sexy.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
It's like drop thirty pounds in thirty days, Like I'll
call it what it is, right like, especially because we
are so you know, into the immediate gratification trap, you know,
So why was it worth it for you to really
like hunker down and invest in this in a lifelong
solution like put the immediate gratification trap to bed for
a little while, like almost channel your like eighty or
(39:03):
ninety year old self and ask her, like, what do
you want me to do right now so that the
next thirty forty years of my life are amazing? Why
was it worth it to you to invest in a solution,
like a forever solution rather than go down the road
of like paying money and time and energy on a
short term fix that you were going to have to
backtrack and go back and forth, like why was it
worth it to invest in this?
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Like what clicked for you?
Speaker 4 (39:24):
So it was worth it to me because I knew
I didn't want to do one more diet that would
bring me some short term result and not stick. I
knew I didn't want to work out and punish myself.
Exercise had become punishment instead of something to joyfully move
my body. And I knew I was looking for something
(39:45):
that I could do forever. I wanted to feel better.
I knew that it was possible, and I was definitely
in a place of I want to academically learn right.
So I knew that I had read enough things and
had talked about enough things, but I had never fully
(40:08):
really addressed what the true issue was for me. And
you have said more than once you can't out diet this,
you cannot out exercise this, you can't outsmart this. And
that really resonated for me that, yeah, I want to
find a way to be happier, not for anybody else,
(40:29):
but for me, and I wanted to find a way
to accept myself and that gosh, if I'm not going
to love me who is right. So if I knew
that I wanted to have a different way of living
my life, then I was going to have to really
(40:51):
kind of explore what needs to change in.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Order for me to do that.
Speaker 4 (40:55):
And I think one of the things I've really loved
about working with you is that it's not a hey,
here's day one, everything changes, right. It is a gradual,
evolutionary transformational process, but it is a natural progression, and
it is it's small, seemingly small, but really foundational changes
(41:23):
that then set you up to continue to evolve. You know,
that word change is so hard, So I have often
not thought about this as how am I changing my life?
But how am I evolving into my next iteration of me?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
And?
Speaker 4 (41:41):
Yeah, how am I growing into that next level of
who I want to be? And I loved There was
a point in the last few months that I ran
into somebody that I had been friends with about twenty
years ago, and as we had some conversation and got
to hang out a little bit, he liveded me and said, gosh,
(42:01):
you have up leveled your life and I thought, yeah,
and I'm glad that it shows. Yeah, it was really
that was so cool to hear somebody say.
Speaker 3 (42:12):
You could own it. When they said it to you,
I did.
Speaker 4 (42:15):
Own it because I know I've done the work and
I but it was not like, hey, January one, here's
my resolution. I'm doing all these things and sticking to
the like some hard, rigid, self flagellating way of doing this.
It has been really gradual and natural.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
So it's so.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Powerful when you see that reflected back to you. You know,
it's not about your weight. It's not like, oh, you
lost some weight. It's like, no, you're just perfect, you know.
So yeah, my last question for you, and it's kind
of like a two parter, but like, you know, one
of the things that comes up a lot before women
go to do this work is they have a lot
of fear that they're going to have to go They're
(42:57):
like decades of you know, patterns, I have to go
like unhash what happened in my childhood, and like, I mean,
you and I are no different, like we both like
struggled distance.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Childhood, of course, and like one of the things.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
That I always talk about is like, no, we actually
don't want to go back in the past, like we
want to acknowledge what happened, and like we've psychoanalyzed that
to debt.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
That's what a lot of therapy does, you know.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
And we want to get solution focused and future focus
like present and future focus and not dig back into
the past, you know.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
So that's one element.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
But like, so my question for you is to any
woman that's watching this and they're sitting on the fence
out of fear or they have fear like doubt that
they'll be the one person it doesn't work for.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
They hear that too, you know, I think you were
that person. I'm going to be the Oh yeah, I'm like, oh,
you know.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
You know, So anybody that's sitting on the fence to
take this leap and you know, and and talk to
me and have a conversation about the reality of what's
going on and it is not a food and fitness problem,
you know. And they also have those fears of like,
oh my gosh, I don't want to go back and
unpack all that. Like, what would you say to anybody
that's sitting on the fence about actually taking the steps
to transform their lives in this capacity.
Speaker 4 (44:02):
That is an interesting question because you and I talked
about that a little bit, and I have spent a
lot of time in therapy, you know, unpacking things from
the past, and there can be a lot of value
to that and it can be helpful, but the reality
is it is only helpful to do that if you're
going to actually do something with it, and unpacking something
(44:23):
like that doesn't serve you if it just becomes one
more excuse. And the reality is you don't need to
do that. You don't need to go back and relive
and rehash and do that. You can say, eyes forward,
and let's look at what what does the future look like.
The past is done, It doesn't need you anymore and
(44:43):
you can find ways to peacefully resolve that and thank
it for the lessons that it brought you painful though
they may have been, and recognized. Today is owned by us,
right here, right now, and if we're looking towards what
do we want to be. If you're watching this, it's
(45:04):
because you want something different for yourself, and it's because
you know in your heart that you deserve something different
and making that leap, you know, is saying I'm worth
doing this for. And it's not about anybody else, and
it is not about the way you look, and it
is not about somebody else's expectations, and it is all
(45:25):
about being worth it. It's all about saying, I'm going
to do this just for me, just because I deserve
to feel as good as I could feel in this
one life that we get and in this one body
that we have. Wow.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
It really, I mean that's what it is. It's like,
this is your one life. Yeah, and you do have
the ability to transform it.
Speaker 4 (45:46):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
So beautifully said, Yeah, thank you so much for being
here and sharing this.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Is there anything anything that is on your heart that
you want to share anything I haven't asked that you
feel like you want the women of this world to
know about this journey or about you or.
Speaker 4 (46:00):
Like the other piece that we didn't talk about that
was so meaningful for me has been the opportunity to
work with you and the support that you give, whether
that is through weekly calls with all of the women
that are working on the program, whether it's the one
on one calls, or whether it's the help desk, so
(46:21):
you are available all the time and when you have
a question, or you hit a roadblock or can I
run an idea past you? You know, we talked a
little bit even today about like choosing a word for
the year, and and you invited me to think about
it a little differently. Those nuggets are so helpful, you know,
(46:42):
as you go through this, but the community of women
is so supportive. And the weekly calls, making time and
my calendar for that was the first way that I
recognized I was showing up for me in a different
way that I schedule those on my calendar and they're
(47:02):
sacred and they are not to be scheduled over, they
are not to be moved. I have rarely missed a
call because I think they're so important and I've learned
so much from the other women sharing so openly and
so freely what they're.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
Experiencing as they're going through this.
Speaker 4 (47:22):
And one of the things that I've thought about with
those calls is it's almost like it's a practice time
for me to say out loud who I am becoming.
For me to own that out loud in a really
safe space helped me to practice saying that to other
people in my life. And there were things that I
(47:44):
shared on those calls that I hadn't shared anywhere else yet,
and it helped me. I'm a verbal processor, so it
definitely helped me process what I was feeling and what
I was learning and how I was approaching my life
differently I was being I got to practice that on
those calls in a very safe and supportive environment, and
(48:06):
I loved that.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
So powerful.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
Yeah, and it's so interesting because like ladies and those
that are watching this and you get it, and everybody
that's been through the program gets it. Like this struggle
is like so deeply personal. There's a lot of shame
for most of us. It's our best kept secret. Like
you said, nobody knew that you were suffering the way
you were, Like nobody would have ever guessed because we
put on this act. I'm like, I'm so happy and
I'm taking care of everybody else and everything's great, and
(48:30):
I'm on this diet. I'm going to order the salad
at dinner and everything's gonna be fine. You know, Like
deep down inside, we're suffering, you know. And so part
of it is I used to do this work strictly
one on one, and then I started doing it in
this small format where it's still one on one, but
then once a week you also get to connect with
other women that are going through the process too, And
it's something magical unleashes because First of all, you realize
you're not alone.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
I was telling you this. I was like, I like.
Speaker 1 (48:51):
Pray for every single person that comes to work with
me beforehand, Like I don't know what you look like,
I don't know your names, but I just know the
kind of woman that I'm here to serve. And that's
why when we get in that small group, it's like
you guys are soul sisters because you are. You know,
you have the same The circumstances might be different, but
you have the same internal struggles and you get to
hear others speak their truth. They're asking questions that you
(49:12):
didn't even know that you had questions about, Like and
there's just something so powerful about not feeling so alone
in this struggle because people think it's just like like
to the outside, like oh, it's just a weight problem,
just like eat less and move more. And it's like, no,
you don't understand. This is bigger, this is deeper, and
it's it's got a stronger pull on me than I
have on a diet, and like you need sure.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
And people are like, wait, how do you get such.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Powerful results in just a few months. And it's like
because of the amount of support, like you need. You
can't out intellect an emotional struggle, and you can't do
it on your own, like you need to borrow somebody
else's goggles. And this is a twenty four hour a
day problem and that's why you need access. Like I
make myself so accepsible to my clients because you need it,
you know.
Speaker 3 (49:55):
So.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
I think that's really powerful what you just said, because
it just reminds people they're not alone, not crazy.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
This doesn't have to have so much shame.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
You can speak it, speak into the solution, and speak
into your truth and not have to do it alone.
So thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 4 (50:10):
Oh my pleasure. This is the best gift I ever
gave myself.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Amazing.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Well, you've gifted all of us, and I know everyone
that's in the program like learns from you every time
you speak, and every woman that's watching this right now
it gets the gift of sharing because it's not easy
to come on here and be like, hey, this is
where I was, but like you know it, it's part
of your journey and it brought you to where you
are now, Like you needed to get to that place
of almost like this quiet desperation to say no, I'm
done I'm done living in this prison. I'm ready to
(50:38):
draw a line in the sand. I don't exactly know how,
but I know it needs to happen, and then the
universe put us.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
Together made it happen. I love it well. Thank you
so much for taking time on this day to share you, Ruth.
Just from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
I'm so grateful that the universe connected us, and I'm
so proud of you. I love you so much, and
I love you too well. I can't wait to see what.
Speaker 3 (51:01):
The beginning. This is just the beginning.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
That's exactly right.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
Absolutely happiness and love to you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (51:08):
All right, ladies, have a wonderful day.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
Thanks for tuning in.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
Thank you so much for listening today, and I hope
this story gave you a little more hope and maybe
even some inspiration to see what's possible for you. To remember,
you're not broken, you're not crazy, and you're definitely not
alone in this. And if you want to learn more
about how I teach my clients to turn off the
part of their brain that's obsessed with food or obsessed
(51:33):
with their weight and rewire their own brain for peace
and freedom, then head on over to stressless Eating dot
com and sign up to watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview,
where I've literally peeled back the curtain and walked you
through the exact strategy I teach my clients to heal
themselves from the all or nothing diet mentality for good,
(51:53):
but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and definitely without
ever having to use words like macros, low carb or
calorie burn. It's there for you to access over at
stressless Eating dot com and if you like out Weigh,
I actually have another podcast here on iHeart where I
talk about all of this self image and body image stuff,
but from the perspective of where brain science intersects faith.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
It's called What's.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
God Got to Do with It? And you can access
it here on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
So that's it for today.
Speaker 1 (52:26):
I'm Leanne Ellington and we'll be back for more Outweigh,
So talk to you then Bye.
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