September 2, 2021 • 42 mins
There is so much craziness in the world right now, so Amy wanted to sit down with her friend & licensed therapist, @KatDeFatta, to talk about what we can do to navigate/process everything that's going on. Their conversation is heavy with levity weaved in...so don't think this is an episode to skip because you can't handle the topic!! We hope you'll listen and feel encouraged to: be still + check on your friends + know that you're not alone + have the day you need to have! September is Suicide Awareness Month, so if you or somehone you know might need help please check out: suicidepreventionlifeline.org or call 800-273-8255.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, cap roAP, little food for you. So life, Oh
it's pretty by it's pretty beautiful than that for a
(00:23):
little moth kicking with four Brown, Happy Thursday. Welcome to
the four Things podcast. Amy here, and I have my
friend cat to fad To joining me on this episode.
You've always love when you're on, Cat, So do I?
I love when I'm on. Yeah. Cat's a license therapist,
(00:45):
so she's my expert for today's conversation, which is a
little bit heavier than usual, so I won't be doing
my usual first thing, the second thing, I started to
realize it's okay. If I don't do that, you'll probably
noticed on us. You're a brand new listener today. Welcome,
But that's some episodes. What do I say it that way?
Some episodes I have not had the little jigal music
(01:10):
in between things because it just doesn't make sense to
be talking about something and then have to break into things.
So surely we'll cover four things or more within this conversation.
But September is suicide Awareness Month, and so I wanted
to you know, this is the first episode that's out
in the month of September, and I want to talk
(01:30):
about it. But also just the state of the world
right now. It is bonkers. I follow El Royo on Instagram,
which is a Mexican restaurant in Austin, and they have
a sign and but like Rose Pepper. It's like Rose Pepper.
If you're in Nashville, you know Rose Pepper, or maybe
you visited, but El Royo shout out Austin. Love them,
(01:51):
and they have this sign that they put up every day.
I don't want to know the people that are in
charge because they're really good at it. But then they
have an Instagram account where they put up the sign
every single day and they recently put one up that said,
has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it
back in? Because I agree, like something is literally not functioning.
(02:17):
Like when you call your friend, you're like that can't
get this to work. That Have you tried I'm plugging
it y, Yeah, for ten seconds and then you plug
it back in and then you tried to turn it
on and off. That's hilarious. Yeah, just to give another example,
and we'll get back to that, because that was to
kind of set up our conversation. It's about more than
just what's going on in the United states, there's so
much in the world right now, there's so much that's
(02:39):
going on that's super heavy. But then also there's stuff
that's going on in your own personal life, under your
own roof that's super heavy right now, and it can
just all be too much to take. And I think
that we're in a highly sensitive time where people are
super vulnerable and fragile, and we need to be checking
in on each other. So we're gonna circle back to
that and get cats expertise on where we are. But
I'm I'm looking for the post. But it was something
(03:01):
like my favorite childhood memory is energy, and I was like, yes, same,
I am tired all the time, and you know, I'm
I'm tired of what's going on. I'm tired of just
in general is I think we're all tired, but especially
I'm emotionally tired. And I say that because I think
(03:24):
that's about myself, not to be like, oh, look at
all this that I've had going on or what that
I'm feeling from the world. But I think there's a
lot of people in the same place, and I do
this podcast so that people don't feel alone, period. End
of story. That's why we share so much on here.
That's why we bring others on to share their wisdom
and their stories, and sometimes it's fun and lighthearted and
(03:46):
I'm sharing fun things that I like. Like that has
nothing to do with you feeling alone, but the overall
big picture and theme of this podcast is for that.
In today's episode alone, if you're feeling heavy right now,
I want you to know that you are not alone,
and you would second that, right, I would second that.
And I think that what I was gonna say earlier
is thank you for even acknowledging that, like you're tired,
(04:06):
because I think a lot of us are going throughout
the day trying to hold it together and move forward
and put a happy face on and like it's okay
to be like, oh my gosh, this sucks right now.
I don't like this. I like it. I don't want
to complain. You're not complaining, that's okay. And also complaints
aren't that bad? Is it healthy to complaints? What's a
(04:27):
different dream like venting and well complaint with a complaint,
Like think about a complaint box at like a store
or restaurant. You put a complaint in so people can
see what's going not right or what's not working and
they can they can fix it or or choose to
do something else or take that into consideration. Think about
if you could I've had these more like a bad
review or like a message from somebody, and it's like, Okay,
(04:50):
I can look at that and see if that's something
that I want to put into practice and adjust. So
complaints not always that bad because it gives you an
opportunity to shift and change for the better. Play is
not bad. Holding all that stuff in build resentment you're
giving by just saying that, and people hearing you say
like this is like I have no energy because all
the stuff that's going on in the world right now
(05:11):
it's sucking a low life out of me. You're saying
that opens up a space for other people to be like,
wait a second, me too, Like maybe I'm not exhausted
because I haven't been getting enough sleep. Maybe I'm exhausted
because it takes so much energy for me to actually
just move through my day because of the energy that's
in the world right now. And I would say if
you're looking for a little bit of levity at times,
(05:34):
that l Royal account is going to account to follow.
If you need a little laugh here and there, and
speaking of a good follow, I think Cat you are
a good follow on Instagram. You must say so myself.
I feel highly encouraged by your page. Which if you'll
want to follow her, it's k a t because Cat's
real name is Katherine. She's not like trying to be
a Kardashian cat with I Am, which you know would
(05:58):
be a bad thing. Which if you this is a
topic that have you heard Kim Kardashian on Yes, what's
their podcast? Kristen Bells and support some support, be supportive,
b B support, supported by we are supported by. That's
what it is. So you like how I busted into
like a cheerleading chance to be supportive. I was trying
(06:19):
to stall, so I just started doing a cheer But yes,
Kim Kardashian was on their podcast, and after y'all get
done listening to mine and then maybe an episode of
cats podcast you need therapy, then you should go listen
to that. Oprah was also recently on that as well,
another amazing episode. So there you go, just some podcast recommendations.
(06:42):
But you put up a post on Instagram that I
would like to share that's related to what we're talking about.
So I'm gonna read your words back to you, to
your face. I've talked a lot about aiming for growth
versus success on here this year, and while I still
believe in everything I've said, today, I realized that I
also believe in something else. The world is a really
(07:03):
hard place to be fully alive and aware inside of
right now. So I've been thinking. I've been thinking a lot.
What I keep coming back to is that sometimes there
are days when simply staying where I am feels like work.
I felt moments were. Staying rooted in me now takes effort,
and more and more I felt like it's been an
accomplishment to not move backwards. Okay, I have a couple
(07:26):
of plants in my house that I have somehow kept
alive for multiple years, and there is one in particular
that I'm often confused by. Oh this is Amy talking
here now, not cats caption in the Instagram picture. It's
Cat's hand holding a plant, and your tattoo is shown
in the picture too, which says be still, which I
(07:47):
think is also appropriate. Y'all see why when I finish reading.
But the plant is it's really cute. I like it. Okay,
back to the post, I have a couple of plants
in my house that I've somehow kept alive for multiple years,
and there is one in particular that I'm often confused by.
He should be bigger than this by now is often
the thought that runs through my head when I look
(08:08):
at him. Well, today I looked at him and I
felt my mind going somewhere different. I'm really freaking proud
of myself that I haven't killed this, and that's what
I mean. Growth might be the long game goal. Like truly,
I would like this guy to eventually be a cascading
vine of greenery. And at the same time, I'm satisfied
today that it is where it is. Staying in the
(08:29):
game gets to be good enough to Kinsey Todd said today,
patience is a form of action. I really really like that.
I like it because I find waiting annoying. And while
I find it annoying, I also believe that we do
things while we wait. We hope, we keep going, we trust,
we continue to breathe, we are working in the weight.
I think that it is so so important that we
(08:51):
remember this. Staying still takes work, too, and that is
why I think it's okay if all you can do
is stay still today. You don't have to grow right now.
There will be time for that. I think I've said
if you aren't growing, you're dying before, and I don't
know maybe scientifically that's true. Emotionally, however, I'm not going
(09:12):
to force myself to believe it. So maybe today you
need to take a pause. Maybe today we don't try
to grow, We just breathe and try to stay alive.
That is okay, That is good too, That is enough.
So that was your post. So now can you speak
more on that and why you put it up and
(09:34):
and what you mean by pause and giving people that
permission to be still. I really haven't a couple of
reasons why that came to mind, But I've really been
talking a lot this whole year. I was telling the
truth in that post about the growth mindset and how
we should be striving to grow rather than to succeed
and all of that, and today I just got like
(09:54):
flooded with this exhaustion of everywhere I'm moving. It's what
we've been talking about. Everywhere we look, it seems like
there's something else that is happening in the world, And
I for a second was like, I don't want to grow.
I don't want to learn from this. I don't want
to I don't want to do any of that. I
just want to stay where I am. I don't have
the energy, which is what you're just saying earlier. I
(10:14):
don't have the energy to do that. And I think
that's where a lot of us get stuck. In this
past couple of weeks, I've had a couple of clients
who have been dealing with the big, heavy world stuff
and then their own internal stuff inside their own homes
and relationships. Because I'll validate them all the time. I'll
say I like, you're so strong, like I'm so proud
of you and X y Z, and then their friends
(10:36):
will say that, and a couple of them within the
last couple of weeks said, I'm so sick of it.
I'm so sick of hearing you're so strong, you handle
things so well whatever it is that people, and people
mean it well, but they I'm so sick of having
to be strong. And I think that that is an
important thing for somebody to open up and say, because
(10:58):
that's how I felt when I wrote this. I am
tired of it, and so rather than looking at how
do I move forward and push forward and get to
the next thing and do the next thing and all that.
Why don't I just realize that it's okay to be
where I am. Our culture is very hustle mindset, very
go meet your goals mindset, and that's not a bad
thing even in hard times. Yes, it's like, yes, what
(11:20):
can I learn from this? And how am I going
to grow from this? And how's this going to make
me a better person? That's the end game. I need
need to check that box, right, And that's not a
bad that's not what I'm saying. Not saying is that's bad,
But when it's all of the time, it can be
really harmful and exhausting. So I wanted to put that
out there. I wanted to say that, and I'm glad
we're even talking about it because it's also okay to
(11:40):
have moments in your life where the only thing you
can do is stay where you are, Because seriously, it's
an accomplishment that I'm not moving back when I'm stressed
out in things like my eating disorder or old ways
of dealing with stress. It's that is hard enough. So
for me to have to elevate and level up through
this hardship I don't have in me right now, speaking
(12:13):
of suicide prevention and all of what's going on this month,
If we keep perpetuating that idea that we have to
do that life can feel heavier than it already feels
with what we have in front of us. We don't
need that, no, And I think we just need to
have safe places to have these conversations. And I'm not
talking about just you and me talking with listeners, but
(12:35):
I want each listener to have their safe people that
they can talk to and open up to and call
and check on and not be weird, or to call
and be like, hey, I need to be checked on
and there not be any weird stigma attached to it.
I just feel like so many people are silently suffering.
And that's what comes to mind when especially I think
(12:57):
of Suicide Awareness Month. I think of people I know
that have been in that situation where it's been death
by suicide. And that's something that I learned from you
last year when you came on during Suicide Awareness Month,
is that we often have said because that's how it
was presented us, that it was like, oh, this person
committed suicide. But the better way to say it is
(13:19):
that because they didn't choose that. Yes, it's an act
that they did, but like mentally, they were in a
place where it wasn't their choice, and I can feel
the compassion and saying it that way, it just gives
it another tone. And you have to know if someone's
in a place where they're doing that, then they're just
in a place mentally where maybe you've never gone before,
(13:41):
but you could. And so just like someone with cancer,
they didn't commit cancer, there was death by cancer. So
death by suicide. I just want to make sure that
I'm you know, continuing. I don't know that I've said
that even since last year when we talked about it.
But the more people can learn, like that's a simple
thing where people can process it maybe that way and
speak to it that way, Like if you see someone
(14:04):
else that says that and be like, oh wow, death
by suicide, that's which it's heavy, it is, but that's
so important that s that is so important to honor
the person who has died, and also for those who
may have had an attempt and didn't it wasn't a
successful attempt, which is a good thing. Living through that
can be really traumatizing because of the stigma of what
(14:26):
that must mean about that person that they did that,
and the reality is it has nothing to do with
their moral character or anything like that. It is a
mental illness that somebody cannot really control. And so just
like you said, we cannot control cancer and if somebody
survives that or not, So that is so important and
so so glad you're bringing that back up. Even though
(14:46):
it's been said on here before, it should be said
a million times. Yeah, I think it's it's a good
reminder too, off the for the loved ones that are
left behind, like the moms and the sisters and the
best friends that have lost someone, and helps honor who
that person really was. And going even back to like
the strength and in the type of people who are
(15:06):
affected by this. Is a lot of times people who
have died by suicide, the conversation will be like, well,
that's so like I don't understand how this happened, Like
there were no signs or this and that, and that
is a lot of times because it has nothing to
do with like your strength and your ability to like
move through hard times, because people are probably people who
have been moving through a lot of really really really
(15:28):
really really hard stuff and we glamorize that, glamorize people
being able to like pull up their bootstraps and continue
like trucking along, when really, when somebody's going through something,
and even if they look like they're just like killing it,
like wow, I wish I could handle chaos or crisis
or whatever like that person, they still deserve to be
checked in on because just because I can handle it
(15:50):
alone doesn't mean I want to. Yeah, well, I mean,
and I would say, just like there's a functioning, high
functioning alcoholics, there's high functioning trust people all around, and
you never know what someone is really thinking ever. Ever
you can think you know if you think they're telling you,
(16:10):
but really we never know fully what every person, or
even the people people we feel the closest to, we
don't really know all of their thoughts. And somebody saying
something like hey, how are you really doing? It's so simple,
but that can be a game changer because what that
is signaling is somebody who may have felt very very
(16:33):
very lonely and ignored and unimportant. That's signally that somebody
actually cares about them, and that sentence might be aw
somebody really needs to hear. There might not be anything
you can actually do once they tell you how they're doing,
but you asking that is allowing them to feel somebody
care about them, and that's just huge. It's simple and huge.
(16:54):
So if you having to me someone right now listening
that is struggling, my hope would be that you have
someone that you can reach out to. But what we
need to be doing if we're on the other side
of things, like mentally, you're in a place where you
know you can be checking up on people, it's like,
let's be proactive about it and check up on people.
Try to connect with our friends, I would say, especially
(17:17):
if you know someone that has served in our military.
With the current climate right now, it is just bringing
up all kinds of different emotions and trauma for people
that I personally will never understand because I wasn't at war.
I'm married to someone that was at war for many,
many years. But it's a different ballgame, like if you've
(17:38):
been over there. Even our Vietnam veterans are having feelings
come up from what's been happening in Afghanistan, and they've
got all these years in between, but it's still very triggering.
So I would just use this time as a reminder
to check in on your military people and you know,
see how they're doing, see if you can do anything
to help right in their day, or just let them know, hey,
(17:59):
I'm here for you if you need anything. I mean,
a couple of years ago, I think the quote that
got really big on Instagram was like check on your
strong friends, your friend your strong friends need help too,
And I love that and I don't think that will
ever be a cliche thing for me because the friends
that you have that you think are your strong friends
aren't the friends that don't have anything ever happened to them.
(18:19):
They're probably the people that have the most go on
in their life. And you know that they're strong because
they've literally had to be. That doesn't mean that they
aren't struggling. You can be strong and struggle at the
same time. So no matter what somebody looks like, I
think this is just a note to like, check on
all your friends, all of them. Just send a text
out randomly each day to a new friend, how you doing,
(18:41):
I care about you? And then you know, maybe even
start the conversations with your friends of like how are
you processing all that's going on in the world, because yes,
we we have what's going on in the world, but
then we have what's going on under our own roofs.
So maybe you know, if they're dealing with something, maybe
you bring up with the events in the world to
open up the conversation of maybe what's going on really
with them on a deeper level. So maybe you can
(19:03):
put the foot in the door on that, because some
people just don't really talk about things, you know, I
don't know, you just like for these volcanoes and things
just start to build up, and then there's like but
sometimes people aren't verbal processors either, so which isn't a
bad thing. It's just how how people work. So maybe
somebody doesn't have the words to express how they're doing,
(19:24):
but they might be able to express it in different ways,
and so things like what would that look like? They
might not be able to say, I need to get
this off my chest, but they might be able to say, like,
I've had a really hard day. Do you want to
go for a walk? Or I have I've had a
really hard day. Do you want to come over and
watch a movie? I don't want to be alone. I
feel really heavy and I'm really I've been really tired,
(19:45):
even though I've been sleeping a lot. Do you want
to go out to eat and you could be talking
about the Kardashians, you could be talking about anything else,
but having that space to be with somebody and connect
in some way would be helpful. Okay, I love those
examples because think about it, because is different. Yeah, and
you like to go on walks, right, but not every
time you go on a walk. Do you want to
(20:07):
be talking about every deep, deep, heavy part of your life?
So I want? Yeah, I just heard of Oh it's
too heavy, it's too heavy, but it's called Your Honor.
I've never heard of it. Well, it's on Showtime. The
first episode was free and I don't have the Showtime app,
sorry streaming service, so but I do have Apple Plus
(20:28):
and it showed up on there. It's like an option
to watch free. And then it got me because the
first episode was so good. Brian Cranston's in it from
Breaking Bad. I've never seen that what I know? Okay, Well,
the world is too much like we need to be
watching The Virgin, The Virgin very light like Telemundo type situations.
(20:51):
But I am watching Your Honor. So it hooked me,
so I paid. I didn't want to buy this monthly
subscription to Showtime because it's like ten ninety nine a month,
and I don't know that there's more for me that
I want to watch, but like a download him on Apple.
So I bought the season for hook Line and Sinker.
But I'm in and I'm here for it, and it's
(21:12):
sometimes it's a little much like there was one scene
that was really heavy and I felt I was sitting
down when I was watching it and suddenly to like
to be able to even take in the scene, I
had to get up and I started washing my face
and I started doing other things as it was on
because I just couldn't sit there and watch it. That's
for me, how I know, Okay, Like I don't know
that I have the bandwidth for this, but it is
a really good show. So that's not the show that
(21:35):
you watch when you want to stress. I know. I'm
just saying that is what I want to talk about though,
Like that's what I'm gonna I wanna tell my friends
about it. Speaking of I also watch Friends, so that's
my where I bring in some laughter and comfort. Is
it melrose Place, What were you watching? Oh? Yeah, I'm
still dabbling with melmose Place. I watched all of nine
or two one O the original, and then I'm working
through Mellow's Place when I work out that's what I
(21:57):
put on is Melrose Place. I don't and Lisa Renna
is in it from a long like in the nineties.
But I also have been watching Real Housewives of Beverly
Hills because I'm very invested in if Erica Jane knew
or not. I just found out about that. Yeah, I
don't watch that show anymore. But have you watched The
Housewife and the Hustler? Okay, well that it's like a
(22:18):
documentary that will give you an inside. It's not even
really about the housewives. It's about the lawyer that she
was married to and kind of the backstory of like
the shady legal things. And we're going to watch um
I on Hulu. It's either like it's a it's a documentary,
So yeah, start with The Housewife in the Hustler. But anyway,
(22:38):
like I'm gonna be like, oh, you need to check
out this, and you check this, and I'm like, did
Rika know? And that's yes. I can see where that
could be still therapeutic, A walk might be. Maybe it's
that you want to go throw axes. There's that axe
throwing place, maybe google one near you, and then you
just throw an axe at the wall and it's a safe,
contained activity that might get out some different feelings. And
(23:01):
I would say to yeah, it doesn't need to be
like these these intense conversations. But like maybe another thing
to bring up with your friends is like your post
was saying, Hey, maybe I don't know about you, but
for me right now, I'm feeling like super heavy. But
also I just heard about this Instagram post and it
was reminding us to be still. So I just wanted
to pass that along, like it's okay to just press
(23:24):
pause and you can even use like we language to
make it more comfortable. I'm just thinking like, if you're
trying to like you're trying to engage with a friend
that you're not quite sure how to start this conversation,
it's like, it's okay for us to just be still
right now. Yea. And in using that post as especially
if it's a friend that's like a hustler and like
the go and you think that they're like you can,
(23:46):
it's like a, it's like we can be still right now. Well,
and yeah, and using that post as a guide to
I don't know about you. I'm feeling really, really, really heavy.
I don't want to get into a really big, deep
discussion about what's going on in the world right now.
There is a time and a place for that, and
I'm not going to ignore it. But right now I'm exhausted.
I don't have the energy. So do you want to
go on a walk and talk about Erica Giordi and
(24:08):
is that her last name? Ana Jane? Erica Jane but
and Lisa Nna and I want to go talk about
that for a second. Are you interested? Do you think
that might help you to or whatever? And they might
surprise you and they'd be like, yeah, I need a walk,
or they might and then on the walk, like they
can guide the conversation if they decide to open up more.
And I'm were this is a hypothetical scenario that I'm
presenting for like maybe how to start having a conversation
(24:30):
with someone that you really think might need it but
isn't used to opening up. And I would just say too,
if you're listening and you happen to be struggling with
certain thoughts, I will I want to talk more about that.
Pause because for suicide awareness. The semi colon is a
symbol for that, and I know a lot of people
(24:52):
are getting that tattooed, which I think is a good
way to keep the conversation going because people ask like, oh,
what's that, and then it allows for more conversation about
It's what I love about tattoos people. It's like a
and if it's publicly out there, sometimes it can be
so personal to ask someone about something on their body.
But I feel like if you're putting it in a
visible place, you may want to be asked about it.
(25:13):
I don't know, and then it's your choice how much
you want to share. But the semi colon represents a
pause and a sentence. It's like, Okay, here's part of
the story semi colon. Oh but wait, we're not done yet.
There's more to this story, but it's coming after the
semi colon. So I love that. And for anybody that's
(25:33):
not seeing the hope in the future, I want to
be in your ears right now saying there can be
I understand that it's difficult to see that now, but
I would just ask that you please pause and know
that there there is more to your story. If nobody
else is telling you that I want you to hear
it from me and from Cat, and I think that
(25:54):
it's also helpful. And we're saying that you might not
be able to see and understand the hope that Amy
and I are talking about with the other part of
the story, but find somebody that you trust, and hopefully
you trust us. We've gained enough trust from you that
sometimes when you can't see it or believe it, you
just have to lean onto the people that can for
(26:16):
a little bit. Because we're when you're in those really
dark times, it feels like there isn't a second half,
like it feels like it's a period, not a semi colon,
And so just hold onto the idea that you can
trust the people around you. I wouldn't lie to you, guys.
I would never lie on this podcast, on all right here,
on this um. I saw one of my friends that
(26:37):
I fall on Instagram. They were going to some nineties
party and two of her friends dressed up as Bill
Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Not to get political here, but
it just makes me think of how he's like depends
on what the definition of is is, I don't know,
but wasn't that his response to something where he was
(26:58):
like trying not to live was lying, and he's like, well,
it depends on what the definition of every politician anyway,
He's a different story. Which speaking of shows and Bill Clinton,
(27:21):
I mean, it's kind of funny just where conversations can
take a quick turn because I had no intention of
talking about Bill Clinton. But on September seven, so coming
up in just a few days, impeachment. The American Crime
Story season three is coming out, and so they're going
to be focusing on Bill Clinton. And I'm is that, like,
(27:42):
is that like a documentary thing? Yeah, it's like a
deep dive into what happened. And I was a kid then,
I mean not a kid, but teenager, so like I
don't remember all of the details. I mean, I know
what I know, You know what I mean, But I
know there's a dress and a cigar and lying, but
(28:02):
I know enough. But I also too, I think I
had seen a little teaser for it, and it was
at least I think it was the teaser for this,
or maybe it was something else. Either way, I feel
like it's worth saying how the media portrayed Monica Owinski
during that time, and it's almost like she's still got
this but he's fine. Right, It's like, oh, that's Bill Clinton,
(28:22):
former president, and then it's all she's known for. Monica Lewinsky. Yes,
and in the media did that to her. We we
saw that in the Brittany Spears Get Me Started documentary, Yes,
the deep dive into her. Like people think of Britney
Spears right now and they think that she's crazy, But
what they don't see is how smart and genious she was,
(28:46):
and how much she's done, how many records she's broken,
and all of that. The media can portray somebody however
they want to. Yeah, and Kim Crashing ain't going back
to her in that episode. Yeah, I mean it happens
all the time time in the sexual stuff that's always
tied to women in these situations and girls at the time,
(29:06):
Brittany was a girl. I mean I think was portrayed
and how Brittany was trade. No, it's it's very it's
we hopefully are growing away from that. I do believe
like a lot of this stuff is from a while ago.
We're not there yet. There's still a lot of work
to be done. But it's just so it's wild too though,
because it wasn't blatantly obvious to people back then because
(29:27):
it's just what we were used to. I mean, may
maybe some woke people back then it was blatantly obvious,
but I mean, I guess I can just speak for
myself that it wasn't. And now it's just so jaw dropping.
I can't believe, even from like female journalists who now
would maybe sing a different tune, but at the time
that was what was normal and they were just doing
(29:47):
their job. So yeah, a little side rant here, but
that's I think September seven, the impeachment, American crime story
comes out, and then if you haven't watched the Brittany one,
that one I think in New York time Um documentary
and you know Mary at the shop forward she made
I Love Brittany shirts. Yes, this is the best skiff
(30:08):
to anybody has ever gone. Yes, and the shot forward too.
I know that there's a lot going on in the
world right now, between you know, the earthquake in Haiti
and then really bad weather that followed that, and the
flooding in Tennessee and the hurricane in Louisiana and that
part of the country, and then everything in Afghanistan, and
(30:31):
then losing so many military members young ones in in
one day. It's just all again a lot um. But
the Shot Forward does have various things that are helping
to a lot of those causes. So if you're ever
looking for a way to support and you want to
have something that's like a reminder too, I think that's
(30:52):
the thing about the clothing. There's a lot of sites
you can go straight to, and I recommend that if
you have one that you're passionate about, which I'll take
Project Meta Share for example, in Haiti that we work with,
I would love it if you go to Project meta
share dot work and you make a straight donation to them,
because they've been in Haiti twenty seven years. They're offering
much needed medical relief right now. They are literally boots
on the ground making a difference. And you can go
(31:14):
that route if you have other you know, refugee organization
do you want to donate directly to or the Red Cross.
What I love about Pimp and Joy and other lines
that we have some of the four things stuff and
is that like when I wear my Pimp and Joy
it's like I I'm reminded that not in a toxic
positivity type way, I feel like I have to clarify
(31:36):
that now because that's important. And my mom would have
never wanted people to think that she was just like
Judy choose and enjoy all the time, even though I
have cancer. It wasn't like that. It was like, you know,
this is my overall theme and my motto, and that
she really wanted to spread joy to others. She felt
like craps some days, but if she saw someone at
the hospital also feeling like craps, she wanted to compliment
them and bring them a little joy and make them
(31:57):
feel good. So that was the joy. It was like, yes,
choosing it for herself in a way, but more so
spreading it to others. And that's what pimp and Joy
is about. And so when you wear that, if you
have an item and it's like all the money went
to help something. I mean, of course the shirt had
to be made, so there's costs there, but you get
to wear it as a reminder of like, oh yeah,
(32:18):
I spread joy to this hurricane victims. And when you
wear it, you can remember to pray for those families
and you can remember to just spread joy throughout the
day whatever that looks like, spread kindness to people like
my mom did on the elevator, tell a stranger that
you know, you like their shirt or their hair looks beautiful,
or their radiant and glowing or whatever it looks like
(32:38):
for you, and being kind of the person checking you
out at the grocery store. I just feel like sometimes
having an item or like I love Brittany, It's like
it's a reminder to be praying for Brittany because she
needs it. She would love the thoughts and the prayers
and the good energy. And Cat and I were talking
about energy, not when we were recording, but earlier were
talking about energy healer and that's a whole another episode.
(33:02):
But even if you don't believe in that sort of thing,
we were talking about all kinds of things because I
was headed to church this morning and I was on
the phone with Kat and we were talking about all
the different and you side tracked me and I ended
up spending way too much money on my groceries. Oh yeah,
because she was and we were too busy talking about
the church. I go to the church. I used to
(33:22):
go to the church where Cat goes to, but I
also used to go there. And then breaking it down,
we're in this other church that might be a cult
and all this stuff. And then Cat is that the
I hear beep beep and then she texts me and
she's like, um, I just sent way too much money
at Trader Joe's. So you will definitely have some good
(33:44):
to eat. But someone's energy is also we can all
pick up on each other's energy, like if someone walks
in the room and their vibe is low, like you
feel the loneness. So to that point, it's like if
you've got good energy and you bring that to somebody
else and you send that energy, I do believe that
you can share it and spread it. Y. Yes, so
(34:06):
you can send Brittany that energy and the shirt, or
if you're in Pimp and Joy, you can send that
energy to the military people. Pimp Enjoy has done so
much for our military, like the summer. Every summer we
partner with building homes for heroes, to build a hero
a home. And I hope when you wear that you
know the cause that's supported. And if you don't, just
know that it went to something awesome and it's a
(34:28):
good reminder and something tangible, then it's a conversation starter
when you're wearing it, like someone might be like, oh
my gosh, I love Brittany too. Is that Brittany Bears?
And where did you get that? And then you can
connect if you what does pimp and joy mean? Why
are you even wearing that? Or or what are what
are those four things? But behind too Joy laugh a lot,
eat cake, Like what that's cute shirt? What's that about?
And then you can say, oh, it's this shirt that
(34:50):
I got, That's why I like the clothing behind it.
But never do I ever want you to think that
we're just like trying to send you somewhere to to
get stuff or buy stuff. Ultimately, it's just about reading, awareness, bread, awareness,
helping those in need however you see fit. Some people
don't have the money to do any of that, to
(35:11):
make a donation or buy a shirt, So how else
can you help be a part of the picture. How
can you spread the word words are free? Mary and
I did alive the other day with some people in
Haiti project Meta Share so they could update us on
the work they're doing, And after we hung up with them,
we were kind of talking about how with all that's
going on in the world, you can just feel kind
of paralyzed sometimes, which is okay and very normal and
(35:34):
actually being still is totally fine. But even when it
comes to doing things because that it just gets overwhelming,
like I don't even know where to help. So I'm
just not going to do anything and I'm just gonna
watch housewives, which is okay in that moment, maybe that's
what you need to do, but also it's just okay,
what's the one next step I can take? What I
can leave a footprint here? What's my next step? Like
(35:55):
my friend I told this on the live, but I
know more people are listening here than watched that live.
And her friend is a nurse at Vanderbilt, so healthcare worker,
which covid is totally nuts, and for healthcare workers, it's
been like a year and a half of them working
non stop, and she said she asked her friend, like,
what's the coolest thing that people can do for you?
(36:16):
And they're like, well, when we get food dropped off,
it's awesome. So she put that up on her Instagram stories.
And she's not an influencer or anything like, she's just
a normal person on Instagram. Reached out to her her
friends and her followers, said Hey, I'm going to Costco today.
Here's my venmo if anybody else wants to contribute, And
she had a bunch of different friends pitch in and
(36:37):
she ended up with five hundred dollars and she went
to Costco and she filled up her trunk with snacks
and all kinds of things and she dropped it off
at the hospital for the healthcare workers. And again that
wasn't It's not like she had personally had five of
her own to go do that. But she took to
social media. She reached out to her friends, they rallied together,
they did something for healthcare workers. Sometimes it can look
like that and the next thing you know, Oh, you're
(37:00):
you took your next step, You're making that footprint. I
like that you're saying that because I feel that sometimes.
When those floods happened in Tennessee last week, I was like,
I want to help, but I don't know how, and
so then I don't do anything. But with all the
stuff that you guys do, it's like, oh, I want
to help, here's an easy way. I can just just
go and do that. Or I want to help, Oh,
I'm gonna veno this girl, however much money and takes
(37:23):
the work out of it. So I can actually put
action to a feeling. Yeah, so I appreciate that the
shot forward dot com slash Pimp and Joy is where
you can get to that because Pimp and Joy is
always giving to certain things, and with all that's going
on in the world, we're having to diversify our giving
a little bit. But if you want a way to help,
that's definitely one way to do it. And then also
just get connected. Maybe ask your ask your church. Is
(37:46):
there anything worth supporting right now that I can learn
more about, Ask your friends, get on social follow certain
accounts that are really good resources for who to donate
to and who to help with. And it may take
a little research, but that's the thing too, Like if
with the show for it is, Mary's fully vetted anyone
that we're ever donating to as well, so that also
takes the guests out of work, out of it of like,
(38:07):
am I donating to a reputable organization? So anyway, just
throwing that out there as an option. We know it's
a lot in the world right now, and it's it's
heavy for sure, but hopefully this podcast gave you a
little bit of help with navigating some of it, especially
the hard conversations when it comes to stuff like suicide.
(38:28):
I know that wasn't the main focus of our chat,
but again, it is suicide Awareness months, so I can't
not bring it up. There's a suicide prevention website that
I'm just going to throw out that I think is
super helpful and it's hopefully easy to remember, suicide Prevention
lifeline dot org and there's a lot of information and
(38:49):
help to be found there. So Cat, thank you so
much for all that you do for mental health and
helping take care of others, because I know that that's
not an easy thing to do, especially in this climate.
I'm sure you're meeting with a lot of people to
have a lot going on right now, but I just
wanted you to know that I'm thankful for you. Thank you,
(39:10):
and I will say the reason you do the podcast,
you say, is so people don't feel alone, and that's
what helps a lot of times when people are struggling
with depressionist connection. So you're helping in ways that you
probably don't even realize all year, not just in September. Oh,
thank you. Now, I want to piggyback on what you're
saying and say thank you to the listeners because I
(39:31):
feel like when y'all email in, and like for the
fifth thing, the Tuesday Bonus episode, when you share some
of your words of wisdom and your encouragement and you
get vulnerable and you share some of your story and
then I get to read it back. For everybody, You're
allowing the conversation to keep happening. We're a community, so
I feel like we're an ecosystem and we're all doing
(39:53):
our part, working together to keep it all happening. So
I am thankful for every single person listening and every
person that has sent in an email, because that's a
big deal. Like to take time to either call in,
like we get calls on the Bobby Bones Show. I
feel like that's a big deal. I want to start
taking calls on the podcast, but I haven't quite figured
(40:13):
it out the best way to work through that, but
it is on my long long list of things I
am trying to work on. But email is the best
way now, and I'll just leave the email addressed here
at the end. Two it's four things with Amy Brown
at gmail dot com. So if you want to send
a note, love to hear from you, and especially if
(40:34):
you want it to be specifically a part of the
Tuesday episode, just put fifth thing in the subject line
so I'll know that it's okay to read and share
with others. If you'd rather not, then maybe put private.
Please don't ever read this ever out loud. But I
still want to send you a note in the subject line.
I kind of just feel like, though, if they email in,
it's kind of like fair game to use. But I
(40:56):
have had people that say, like, I don't mind if
you share this, but please don't say my name or
keep it anonymous something like that. But yeah, connection, community,
all of that so important, and that's what we have
right here. And I feel like that's what Mary and
I have with a squaw, and that's what the Bobby
Bones Show has with b Teamers and Cat you have
(41:16):
that with your yeah your you need therapy podcast. People,
we need like a name like Gaga has our Little Monsters. Yes,
what am I your kitty cats? I don't know cat
Cat the Fat does not now with a k We're
gonna workshop that. We'll get back to you. Yeah, we'll
(41:38):
work on it. We'll get back to you. But it's
a it feels weird being I start this episode off
like happy Thursday, and then I hope you'll have a
great weekend coming up, but it is Labor Day weekend,
and I do hope that you get to enjoy some
time with family and friends. And speaking of I know
after Labor Day on you need therapy podcasts. You're going
to be putting up an episode that's dedicated to suicide
(42:00):
awareness as well, so that'll be another resource for you
to listen to in the next week or so. Yeah,
And I will say that a way that I've started
ending every podcast is telling people have the day you
need to have for the week you need to have.
I love that. So I even have a sticker. I'm
not selling them, but if you have, I given you
one of those stickers. I need to give you all
(42:21):
tho stickers have have the day you need to have.
And that goes full circle back to what we talked
about in the beginning is sometimes you just need to
be where you are so you don't have to have
a good day. You can just have the day that
you need to have today. Oh I like that. All right, everybody,
have the day you need to have. Bye Bye.
Okay, cap roAP, little food for you. So life, Oh
it's pretty by it's pretty beautiful than that for a
(00:23):
little moth kicking with four Brown, Happy Thursday. Welcome to
the four Things podcast. Amy here, and I have my
friend cat to fad To joining me on this episode.
You've always love when you're on, Cat, So do I?
I love when I'm on. Yeah. Cat's a license therapist,
(00:45):
so she's my expert for today's conversation, which is a
little bit heavier than usual, so I won't be doing
my usual first thing, the second thing, I started to
realize it's okay. If I don't do that, you'll probably
noticed on us. You're a brand new listener today. Welcome,
But that's some episodes. What do I say it that way?
Some episodes I have not had the little jigal music
(01:10):
in between things because it just doesn't make sense to
be talking about something and then have to break into things.
So surely we'll cover four things or more within this conversation.
But September is suicide Awareness Month, and so I wanted
to you know, this is the first episode that's out
in the month of September, and I want to talk
(01:30):
about it. But also just the state of the world
right now. It is bonkers. I follow El Royo on Instagram,
which is a Mexican restaurant in Austin, and they have
a sign and but like Rose Pepper. It's like Rose Pepper.
If you're in Nashville, you know Rose Pepper, or maybe
you visited, but El Royo shout out Austin. Love them,
(01:51):
and they have this sign that they put up every day.
I don't want to know the people that are in
charge because they're really good at it. But then they
have an Instagram account where they put up the sign
every single day and they recently put one up that said,
has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it
back in? Because I agree, like something is literally not functioning.
(02:17):
Like when you call your friend, you're like that can't
get this to work. That Have you tried I'm plugging
it y, Yeah, for ten seconds and then you plug
it back in and then you tried to turn it
on and off. That's hilarious. Yeah, just to give another example,
and we'll get back to that, because that was to
kind of set up our conversation. It's about more than
just what's going on in the United states, there's so
much in the world right now, there's so much that's
(02:39):
going on that's super heavy. But then also there's stuff
that's going on in your own personal life, under your
own roof that's super heavy right now, and it can
just all be too much to take. And I think
that we're in a highly sensitive time where people are
super vulnerable and fragile, and we need to be checking
in on each other. So we're gonna circle back to
that and get cats expertise on where we are. But
I'm I'm looking for the post. But it was something
(03:01):
like my favorite childhood memory is energy, and I was like, yes, same,
I am tired all the time, and you know, I'm
I'm tired of what's going on. I'm tired of just
in general is I think we're all tired, but especially
I'm emotionally tired. And I say that because I think
(03:24):
that's about myself, not to be like, oh, look at
all this that I've had going on or what that
I'm feeling from the world. But I think there's a
lot of people in the same place, and I do
this podcast so that people don't feel alone, period. End
of story. That's why we share so much on here.
That's why we bring others on to share their wisdom
and their stories, and sometimes it's fun and lighthearted and
(03:46):
I'm sharing fun things that I like. Like that has
nothing to do with you feeling alone, but the overall
big picture and theme of this podcast is for that.
In today's episode alone, if you're feeling heavy right now,
I want you to know that you are not alone,
and you would second that, right, I would second that.
And I think that what I was gonna say earlier
is thank you for even acknowledging that, like you're tired,
(04:06):
because I think a lot of us are going throughout
the day trying to hold it together and move forward
and put a happy face on and like it's okay
to be like, oh my gosh, this sucks right now.
I don't like this. I like it. I don't want
to complain. You're not complaining, that's okay. And also complaints
aren't that bad? Is it healthy to complaints? What's a
(04:27):
different dream like venting and well complaint with a complaint,
Like think about a complaint box at like a store
or restaurant. You put a complaint in so people can
see what's going not right or what's not working and
they can they can fix it or or choose to
do something else or take that into consideration. Think about
if you could I've had these more like a bad
review or like a message from somebody, and it's like, Okay,
(04:50):
I can look at that and see if that's something
that I want to put into practice and adjust. So
complaints not always that bad because it gives you an
opportunity to shift and change for the better. Play is
not bad. Holding all that stuff in build resentment you're
giving by just saying that, and people hearing you say
like this is like I have no energy because all
the stuff that's going on in the world right now
(05:11):
it's sucking a low life out of me. You're saying
that opens up a space for other people to be like,
wait a second, me too, Like maybe I'm not exhausted
because I haven't been getting enough sleep. Maybe I'm exhausted
because it takes so much energy for me to actually
just move through my day because of the energy that's
in the world right now. And I would say if
you're looking for a little bit of levity at times,
(05:34):
that l Royal account is going to account to follow.
If you need a little laugh here and there, and
speaking of a good follow, I think Cat you are
a good follow on Instagram. You must say so myself.
I feel highly encouraged by your page. Which if you'll
want to follow her, it's k a t because Cat's
real name is Katherine. She's not like trying to be
a Kardashian cat with I Am, which you know would
(05:58):
be a bad thing. Which if you this is a
topic that have you heard Kim Kardashian on Yes, what's
their podcast? Kristen Bells and support some support, be supportive,
b B support, supported by we are supported by. That's
what it is. So you like how I busted into
like a cheerleading chance to be supportive. I was trying
(06:19):
to stall, so I just started doing a cheer But yes,
Kim Kardashian was on their podcast, and after y'all get
done listening to mine and then maybe an episode of
cats podcast you need therapy, then you should go listen
to that. Oprah was also recently on that as well,
another amazing episode. So there you go, just some podcast recommendations.
(06:42):
But you put up a post on Instagram that I
would like to share that's related to what we're talking about.
So I'm gonna read your words back to you, to
your face. I've talked a lot about aiming for growth
versus success on here this year, and while I still
believe in everything I've said, today, I realized that I
also believe in something else. The world is a really
(07:03):
hard place to be fully alive and aware inside of
right now. So I've been thinking. I've been thinking a lot.
What I keep coming back to is that sometimes there
are days when simply staying where I am feels like work.
I felt moments were. Staying rooted in me now takes effort,
and more and more I felt like it's been an
accomplishment to not move backwards. Okay, I have a couple
(07:26):
of plants in my house that I have somehow kept
alive for multiple years, and there is one in particular
that I'm often confused by. Oh this is Amy talking
here now, not cats caption in the Instagram picture. It's
Cat's hand holding a plant, and your tattoo is shown
in the picture too, which says be still, which I
(07:47):
think is also appropriate. Y'all see why when I finish reading.
But the plant is it's really cute. I like it. Okay,
back to the post, I have a couple of plants
in my house that I've somehow kept alive for multiple years,
and there is one in particular that I'm often confused by.
He should be bigger than this by now is often
the thought that runs through my head when I look
(08:08):
at him. Well, today I looked at him and I
felt my mind going somewhere different. I'm really freaking proud
of myself that I haven't killed this, and that's what
I mean. Growth might be the long game goal. Like truly,
I would like this guy to eventually be a cascading
vine of greenery. And at the same time, I'm satisfied
today that it is where it is. Staying in the
(08:29):
game gets to be good enough to Kinsey Todd said today,
patience is a form of action. I really really like that.
I like it because I find waiting annoying. And while
I find it annoying, I also believe that we do
things while we wait. We hope, we keep going, we trust,
we continue to breathe, we are working in the weight.
I think that it is so so important that we
(08:51):
remember this. Staying still takes work, too, and that is
why I think it's okay if all you can do
is stay still today. You don't have to grow right now.
There will be time for that. I think I've said
if you aren't growing, you're dying before, and I don't
know maybe scientifically that's true. Emotionally, however, I'm not going
(09:12):
to force myself to believe it. So maybe today you
need to take a pause. Maybe today we don't try
to grow, We just breathe and try to stay alive.
That is okay, That is good too, That is enough.
So that was your post. So now can you speak
more on that and why you put it up and
(09:34):
and what you mean by pause and giving people that
permission to be still. I really haven't a couple of
reasons why that came to mind, But I've really been
talking a lot this whole year. I was telling the
truth in that post about the growth mindset and how
we should be striving to grow rather than to succeed
and all of that, and today I just got like
(09:54):
flooded with this exhaustion of everywhere I'm moving. It's what
we've been talking about. Everywhere we look, it seems like
there's something else that is happening in the world, And
I for a second was like, I don't want to grow.
I don't want to learn from this. I don't want
to I don't want to do any of that. I
just want to stay where I am. I don't have
the energy, which is what you're just saying earlier. I
(10:14):
don't have the energy to do that. And I think
that's where a lot of us get stuck. In this
past couple of weeks, I've had a couple of clients
who have been dealing with the big, heavy world stuff
and then their own internal stuff inside their own homes
and relationships. Because I'll validate them all the time. I'll
say I like, you're so strong, like I'm so proud
of you and X y Z, and then their friends
(10:36):
will say that, and a couple of them within the
last couple of weeks said, I'm so sick of it.
I'm so sick of hearing you're so strong, you handle
things so well whatever it is that people, and people
mean it well, but they I'm so sick of having
to be strong. And I think that that is an
important thing for somebody to open up and say, because
(10:58):
that's how I felt when I wrote this. I am
tired of it, and so rather than looking at how
do I move forward and push forward and get to
the next thing and do the next thing and all that.
Why don't I just realize that it's okay to be
where I am. Our culture is very hustle mindset, very
go meet your goals mindset, and that's not a bad
thing even in hard times. Yes, it's like, yes, what
(11:20):
can I learn from this? And how am I going
to grow from this? And how's this going to make
me a better person? That's the end game. I need
need to check that box, right, And that's not a
bad that's not what I'm saying. Not saying is that's bad,
But when it's all of the time, it can be
really harmful and exhausting. So I wanted to put that
out there. I wanted to say that, and I'm glad
we're even talking about it because it's also okay to
(11:40):
have moments in your life where the only thing you
can do is stay where you are, Because seriously, it's
an accomplishment that I'm not moving back when I'm stressed
out in things like my eating disorder or old ways
of dealing with stress. It's that is hard enough. So
for me to have to elevate and level up through
this hardship I don't have in me right now, speaking
(12:13):
of suicide prevention and all of what's going on this month,
If we keep perpetuating that idea that we have to
do that life can feel heavier than it already feels
with what we have in front of us. We don't
need that, no, And I think we just need to
have safe places to have these conversations. And I'm not
talking about just you and me talking with listeners, but
(12:35):
I want each listener to have their safe people that
they can talk to and open up to and call
and check on and not be weird, or to call
and be like, hey, I need to be checked on
and there not be any weird stigma attached to it.
I just feel like so many people are silently suffering.
And that's what comes to mind when especially I think
(12:57):
of Suicide Awareness Month. I think of people I know
that have been in that situation where it's been death
by suicide. And that's something that I learned from you
last year when you came on during Suicide Awareness Month,
is that we often have said because that's how it
was presented us, that it was like, oh, this person
committed suicide. But the better way to say it is
(13:19):
that because they didn't choose that. Yes, it's an act
that they did, but like mentally, they were in a
place where it wasn't their choice, and I can feel
the compassion and saying it that way, it just gives
it another tone. And you have to know if someone's
in a place where they're doing that, then they're just
in a place mentally where maybe you've never gone before,
(13:41):
but you could. And so just like someone with cancer,
they didn't commit cancer, there was death by cancer. So
death by suicide. I just want to make sure that
I'm you know, continuing. I don't know that I've said
that even since last year when we talked about it.
But the more people can learn, like that's a simple
thing where people can process it maybe that way and
speak to it that way, Like if you see someone
(14:04):
else that says that and be like, oh wow, death
by suicide, that's which it's heavy, it is, but that's
so important that s that is so important to honor
the person who has died, and also for those who
may have had an attempt and didn't it wasn't a
successful attempt, which is a good thing. Living through that
can be really traumatizing because of the stigma of what
(14:26):
that must mean about that person that they did that,
and the reality is it has nothing to do with
their moral character or anything like that. It is a
mental illness that somebody cannot really control. And so just
like you said, we cannot control cancer and if somebody
survives that or not, So that is so important and
so so glad you're bringing that back up. Even though
(14:46):
it's been said on here before, it should be said
a million times. Yeah, I think it's it's a good
reminder too, off the for the loved ones that are
left behind, like the moms and the sisters and the
best friends that have lost someone, and helps honor who
that person really was. And going even back to like
the strength and in the type of people who are
(15:06):
affected by this. Is a lot of times people who
have died by suicide, the conversation will be like, well,
that's so like I don't understand how this happened, Like
there were no signs or this and that, and that
is a lot of times because it has nothing to
do with like your strength and your ability to like
move through hard times, because people are probably people who
have been moving through a lot of really really really
(15:28):
really really hard stuff and we glamorize that, glamorize people
being able to like pull up their bootstraps and continue
like trucking along, when really, when somebody's going through something,
and even if they look like they're just like killing it,
like wow, I wish I could handle chaos or crisis
or whatever like that person, they still deserve to be
checked in on because just because I can handle it
(15:50):
alone doesn't mean I want to. Yeah, well, I mean,
and I would say, just like there's a functioning, high
functioning alcoholics, there's high functioning trust people all around, and
you never know what someone is really thinking ever. Ever
you can think you know if you think they're telling you,
(16:10):
but really we never know fully what every person, or
even the people people we feel the closest to, we
don't really know all of their thoughts. And somebody saying
something like hey, how are you really doing? It's so simple,
but that can be a game changer because what that
is signaling is somebody who may have felt very very
(16:33):
very lonely and ignored and unimportant. That's signally that somebody
actually cares about them, and that sentence might be aw
somebody really needs to hear. There might not be anything
you can actually do once they tell you how they're doing,
but you asking that is allowing them to feel somebody
care about them, and that's just huge. It's simple and huge.
(16:54):
So if you having to me someone right now listening
that is struggling, my hope would be that you have
someone that you can reach out to. But what we
need to be doing if we're on the other side
of things, like mentally, you're in a place where you
know you can be checking up on people, it's like,
let's be proactive about it and check up on people.
Try to connect with our friends, I would say, especially
(17:17):
if you know someone that has served in our military.
With the current climate right now, it is just bringing
up all kinds of different emotions and trauma for people
that I personally will never understand because I wasn't at war.
I'm married to someone that was at war for many,
many years. But it's a different ballgame, like if you've
(17:38):
been over there. Even our Vietnam veterans are having feelings
come up from what's been happening in Afghanistan, and they've
got all these years in between, but it's still very triggering.
So I would just use this time as a reminder
to check in on your military people and you know,
see how they're doing, see if you can do anything
to help right in their day, or just let them know, hey,
(17:59):
I'm here for you if you need anything. I mean,
a couple of years ago, I think the quote that
got really big on Instagram was like check on your
strong friends, your friend your strong friends need help too,
And I love that and I don't think that will
ever be a cliche thing for me because the friends
that you have that you think are your strong friends
aren't the friends that don't have anything ever happened to them.
(18:19):
They're probably the people that have the most go on
in their life. And you know that they're strong because
they've literally had to be. That doesn't mean that they
aren't struggling. You can be strong and struggle at the
same time. So no matter what somebody looks like, I
think this is just a note to like, check on
all your friends, all of them. Just send a text
out randomly each day to a new friend, how you doing,
(18:41):
I care about you? And then you know, maybe even
start the conversations with your friends of like how are
you processing all that's going on in the world, because yes,
we we have what's going on in the world, but
then we have what's going on under our own roofs.
So maybe you know, if they're dealing with something, maybe
you bring up with the events in the world to
open up the conversation of maybe what's going on really
with them on a deeper level. So maybe you can
(19:03):
put the foot in the door on that, because some
people just don't really talk about things, you know, I
don't know, you just like for these volcanoes and things
just start to build up, and then there's like but
sometimes people aren't verbal processors either, so which isn't a
bad thing. It's just how how people work. So maybe
somebody doesn't have the words to express how they're doing,
(19:24):
but they might be able to express it in different ways,
and so things like what would that look like? They
might not be able to say, I need to get
this off my chest, but they might be able to say, like,
I've had a really hard day. Do you want to
go for a walk? Or I have I've had a
really hard day. Do you want to come over and
watch a movie? I don't want to be alone. I
feel really heavy and I'm really I've been really tired,
(19:45):
even though I've been sleeping a lot. Do you want
to go out to eat and you could be talking
about the Kardashians, you could be talking about anything else,
but having that space to be with somebody and connect
in some way would be helpful. Okay, I love those
examples because think about it, because is different. Yeah, and
you like to go on walks, right, but not every
time you go on a walk. Do you want to
(20:07):
be talking about every deep, deep, heavy part of your life?
So I want? Yeah, I just heard of Oh it's
too heavy, it's too heavy, but it's called Your Honor.
I've never heard of it. Well, it's on Showtime. The
first episode was free and I don't have the Showtime app,
sorry streaming service, so but I do have Apple Plus
(20:28):
and it showed up on there. It's like an option
to watch free. And then it got me because the
first episode was so good. Brian Cranston's in it from
Breaking Bad. I've never seen that what I know? Okay, Well,
the world is too much like we need to be
watching The Virgin, The Virgin very light like Telemundo type situations.
(20:51):
But I am watching Your Honor. So it hooked me,
so I paid. I didn't want to buy this monthly
subscription to Showtime because it's like ten ninety nine a month,
and I don't know that there's more for me that
I want to watch, but like a download him on Apple.
So I bought the season for hook Line and Sinker.
But I'm in and I'm here for it, and it's
(21:12):
sometimes it's a little much like there was one scene
that was really heavy and I felt I was sitting
down when I was watching it and suddenly to like
to be able to even take in the scene, I
had to get up and I started washing my face
and I started doing other things as it was on
because I just couldn't sit there and watch it. That's
for me, how I know, Okay, Like I don't know
that I have the bandwidth for this, but it is
a really good show. So that's not the show that
(21:35):
you watch when you want to stress. I know. I'm
just saying that is what I want to talk about though,
Like that's what I'm gonna I wanna tell my friends
about it. Speaking of I also watch Friends, so that's
my where I bring in some laughter and comfort. Is
it melrose Place, What were you watching? Oh? Yeah, I'm
still dabbling with melmose Place. I watched all of nine
or two one O the original, and then I'm working
through Mellow's Place when I work out that's what I
(21:57):
put on is Melrose Place. I don't and Lisa Renna
is in it from a long like in the nineties.
But I also have been watching Real Housewives of Beverly
Hills because I'm very invested in if Erica Jane knew
or not. I just found out about that. Yeah, I
don't watch that show anymore. But have you watched The
Housewife and the Hustler? Okay, well that it's like a
(22:18):
documentary that will give you an inside. It's not even
really about the housewives. It's about the lawyer that she
was married to and kind of the backstory of like
the shady legal things. And we're going to watch um
I on Hulu. It's either like it's a it's a documentary,
So yeah, start with The Housewife in the Hustler. But anyway,
(22:38):
like I'm gonna be like, oh, you need to check
out this, and you check this, and I'm like, did
Rika know? And that's yes. I can see where that
could be still therapeutic, A walk might be. Maybe it's
that you want to go throw axes. There's that axe
throwing place, maybe google one near you, and then you
just throw an axe at the wall and it's a safe,
contained activity that might get out some different feelings. And
(23:01):
I would say to yeah, it doesn't need to be
like these these intense conversations. But like maybe another thing
to bring up with your friends is like your post
was saying, Hey, maybe I don't know about you, but
for me right now, I'm feeling like super heavy. But
also I just heard about this Instagram post and it
was reminding us to be still. So I just wanted
to pass that along, like it's okay to just press
(23:24):
pause and you can even use like we language to
make it more comfortable. I'm just thinking like, if you're
trying to like you're trying to engage with a friend
that you're not quite sure how to start this conversation,
it's like, it's okay for us to just be still
right now. Yea. And in using that post as especially
if it's a friend that's like a hustler and like
the go and you think that they're like you can,
(23:46):
it's like a, it's like we can be still right now. Well,
and yeah, and using that post as a guide to
I don't know about you. I'm feeling really, really, really heavy.
I don't want to get into a really big, deep
discussion about what's going on in the world right now.
There is a time and a place for that, and
I'm not going to ignore it. But right now I'm exhausted.
I don't have the energy. So do you want to
go on a walk and talk about Erica Giordi and
(24:08):
is that her last name? Ana Jane? Erica Jane but
and Lisa Nna and I want to go talk about
that for a second. Are you interested? Do you think
that might help you to or whatever? And they might
surprise you and they'd be like, yeah, I need a walk,
or they might and then on the walk, like they
can guide the conversation if they decide to open up more.
And I'm were this is a hypothetical scenario that I'm
presenting for like maybe how to start having a conversation
(24:30):
with someone that you really think might need it but
isn't used to opening up. And I would just say too,
if you're listening and you happen to be struggling with
certain thoughts, I will I want to talk more about that.
Pause because for suicide awareness. The semi colon is a
symbol for that, and I know a lot of people
(24:52):
are getting that tattooed, which I think is a good
way to keep the conversation going because people ask like, oh,
what's that, and then it allows for more conversation about
It's what I love about tattoos people. It's like a
and if it's publicly out there, sometimes it can be
so personal to ask someone about something on their body.
But I feel like if you're putting it in a
visible place, you may want to be asked about it.
(25:13):
I don't know, and then it's your choice how much
you want to share. But the semi colon represents a
pause and a sentence. It's like, Okay, here's part of
the story semi colon. Oh but wait, we're not done yet.
There's more to this story, but it's coming after the
semi colon. So I love that. And for anybody that's
(25:33):
not seeing the hope in the future, I want to
be in your ears right now saying there can be
I understand that it's difficult to see that now, but
I would just ask that you please pause and know
that there there is more to your story. If nobody
else is telling you that I want you to hear
it from me and from Cat, and I think that
(25:54):
it's also helpful. And we're saying that you might not
be able to see and understand the hope that Amy
and I are talking about with the other part of
the story, but find somebody that you trust, and hopefully
you trust us. We've gained enough trust from you that
sometimes when you can't see it or believe it, you
just have to lean onto the people that can for
(26:16):
a little bit. Because we're when you're in those really
dark times, it feels like there isn't a second half,
like it feels like it's a period, not a semi colon,
And so just hold onto the idea that you can
trust the people around you. I wouldn't lie to you, guys.
I would never lie on this podcast, on all right here,
on this um. I saw one of my friends that
(26:37):
I fall on Instagram. They were going to some nineties
party and two of her friends dressed up as Bill
Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Not to get political here, but
it just makes me think of how he's like depends
on what the definition of is is, I don't know,
but wasn't that his response to something where he was
(26:58):
like trying not to live was lying, and he's like, well,
it depends on what the definition of every politician anyway,
He's a different story. Which speaking of shows and Bill Clinton,
(27:21):
I mean, it's kind of funny just where conversations can
take a quick turn because I had no intention of
talking about Bill Clinton. But on September seven, so coming
up in just a few days, impeachment. The American Crime
Story season three is coming out, and so they're going
to be focusing on Bill Clinton. And I'm is that, like,
(27:42):
is that like a documentary thing? Yeah, it's like a
deep dive into what happened. And I was a kid then,
I mean not a kid, but teenager, so like I
don't remember all of the details. I mean, I know
what I know, You know what I mean, But I
know there's a dress and a cigar and lying, but
(28:02):
I know enough. But I also too, I think I
had seen a little teaser for it, and it was
at least I think it was the teaser for this,
or maybe it was something else. Either way, I feel
like it's worth saying how the media portrayed Monica Owinski
during that time, and it's almost like she's still got
this but he's fine. Right, It's like, oh, that's Bill Clinton,
(28:22):
former president, and then it's all she's known for. Monica Lewinsky. Yes,
and in the media did that to her. We we
saw that in the Brittany Spears Get Me Started documentary, Yes,
the deep dive into her. Like people think of Britney
Spears right now and they think that she's crazy, But
what they don't see is how smart and genious she was,
(28:46):
and how much she's done, how many records she's broken,
and all of that. The media can portray somebody however
they want to. Yeah, and Kim Crashing ain't going back
to her in that episode. Yeah, I mean it happens
all the time time in the sexual stuff that's always
tied to women in these situations and girls at the time,
(29:06):
Brittany was a girl. I mean I think was portrayed
and how Brittany was trade. No, it's it's very it's
we hopefully are growing away from that. I do believe
like a lot of this stuff is from a while ago.
We're not there yet. There's still a lot of work
to be done. But it's just so it's wild too though,
because it wasn't blatantly obvious to people back then because
(29:27):
it's just what we were used to. I mean, may
maybe some woke people back then it was blatantly obvious,
but I mean, I guess I can just speak for
myself that it wasn't. And now it's just so jaw dropping.
I can't believe, even from like female journalists who now
would maybe sing a different tune, but at the time
that was what was normal and they were just doing
(29:47):
their job. So yeah, a little side rant here, but
that's I think September seven, the impeachment, American crime story
comes out, and then if you haven't watched the Brittany one,
that one I think in New York time Um documentary
and you know Mary at the shop forward she made
I Love Brittany shirts. Yes, this is the best skiff
(30:08):
to anybody has ever gone. Yes, and the shot forward too.
I know that there's a lot going on in the
world right now, between you know, the earthquake in Haiti
and then really bad weather that followed that, and the
flooding in Tennessee and the hurricane in Louisiana and that
part of the country, and then everything in Afghanistan, and
(30:31):
then losing so many military members young ones in in
one day. It's just all again a lot um. But
the Shot Forward does have various things that are helping
to a lot of those causes. So if you're ever
looking for a way to support and you want to
have something that's like a reminder too, I think that's
(30:52):
the thing about the clothing. There's a lot of sites
you can go straight to, and I recommend that if
you have one that you're passionate about, which I'll take
Project Meta Share for example, in Haiti that we work with,
I would love it if you go to Project meta
share dot work and you make a straight donation to them,
because they've been in Haiti twenty seven years. They're offering
much needed medical relief right now. They are literally boots
on the ground making a difference. And you can go
(31:14):
that route if you have other you know, refugee organization
do you want to donate directly to or the Red Cross.
What I love about Pimp and Joy and other lines
that we have some of the four things stuff and
is that like when I wear my Pimp and Joy
it's like I I'm reminded that not in a toxic
positivity type way, I feel like I have to clarify
(31:36):
that now because that's important. And my mom would have
never wanted people to think that she was just like
Judy choose and enjoy all the time, even though I
have cancer. It wasn't like that. It was like, you know,
this is my overall theme and my motto, and that
she really wanted to spread joy to others. She felt
like craps some days, but if she saw someone at
the hospital also feeling like craps, she wanted to compliment
them and bring them a little joy and make them
(31:57):
feel good. So that was the joy. It was like, yes,
choosing it for herself in a way, but more so
spreading it to others. And that's what pimp and Joy
is about. And so when you wear that, if you
have an item and it's like all the money went
to help something. I mean, of course the shirt had
to be made, so there's costs there, but you get
to wear it as a reminder of like, oh yeah,
(32:18):
I spread joy to this hurricane victims. And when you
wear it, you can remember to pray for those families
and you can remember to just spread joy throughout the
day whatever that looks like, spread kindness to people like
my mom did on the elevator, tell a stranger that
you know, you like their shirt or their hair looks beautiful,
or their radiant and glowing or whatever it looks like
(32:38):
for you, and being kind of the person checking you
out at the grocery store. I just feel like sometimes
having an item or like I love Brittany, It's like
it's a reminder to be praying for Brittany because she
needs it. She would love the thoughts and the prayers
and the good energy. And Cat and I were talking
about energy, not when we were recording, but earlier were
talking about energy healer and that's a whole another episode.
(33:02):
But even if you don't believe in that sort of thing,
we were talking about all kinds of things because I
was headed to church this morning and I was on
the phone with Kat and we were talking about all
the different and you side tracked me and I ended
up spending way too much money on my groceries. Oh yeah,
because she was and we were too busy talking about
the church. I go to the church. I used to
(33:22):
go to the church where Cat goes to, but I
also used to go there. And then breaking it down,
we're in this other church that might be a cult
and all this stuff. And then Cat is that the
I hear beep beep and then she texts me and
she's like, um, I just sent way too much money
at Trader Joe's. So you will definitely have some good
(33:44):
to eat. But someone's energy is also we can all
pick up on each other's energy, like if someone walks
in the room and their vibe is low, like you
feel the loneness. So to that point, it's like if
you've got good energy and you bring that to somebody
else and you send that energy, I do believe that
you can share it and spread it. Y. Yes, so
(34:06):
you can send Brittany that energy and the shirt, or
if you're in Pimp and Joy, you can send that
energy to the military people. Pimp Enjoy has done so
much for our military, like the summer. Every summer we
partner with building homes for heroes, to build a hero
a home. And I hope when you wear that you
know the cause that's supported. And if you don't, just
know that it went to something awesome and it's a
(34:28):
good reminder and something tangible, then it's a conversation starter
when you're wearing it, like someone might be like, oh
my gosh, I love Brittany too. Is that Brittany Bears?
And where did you get that? And then you can
connect if you what does pimp and joy mean? Why
are you even wearing that? Or or what are what
are those four things? But behind too Joy laugh a lot,
eat cake, Like what that's cute shirt? What's that about?
And then you can say, oh, it's this shirt that
(34:50):
I got, That's why I like the clothing behind it.
But never do I ever want you to think that
we're just like trying to send you somewhere to to
get stuff or buy stuff. Ultimately, it's just about reading, awareness, bread, awareness,
helping those in need however you see fit. Some people
don't have the money to do any of that, to
(35:11):
make a donation or buy a shirt, So how else
can you help be a part of the picture. How
can you spread the word words are free? Mary and
I did alive the other day with some people in
Haiti project Meta Share so they could update us on
the work they're doing, And after we hung up with them,
we were kind of talking about how with all that's
going on in the world, you can just feel kind
of paralyzed sometimes, which is okay and very normal and
(35:34):
actually being still is totally fine. But even when it
comes to doing things because that it just gets overwhelming,
like I don't even know where to help. So I'm
just not going to do anything and I'm just gonna
watch housewives, which is okay in that moment, maybe that's
what you need to do, but also it's just okay,
what's the one next step I can take? What I
can leave a footprint here? What's my next step? Like
(35:55):
my friend I told this on the live, but I
know more people are listening here than watched that live.
And her friend is a nurse at Vanderbilt, so healthcare worker,
which covid is totally nuts, and for healthcare workers, it's
been like a year and a half of them working
non stop, and she said she asked her friend, like,
what's the coolest thing that people can do for you?
(36:16):
And they're like, well, when we get food dropped off,
it's awesome. So she put that up on her Instagram stories.
And she's not an influencer or anything like, she's just
a normal person on Instagram. Reached out to her her
friends and her followers, said Hey, I'm going to Costco today.
Here's my venmo if anybody else wants to contribute, And
she had a bunch of different friends pitch in and
(36:37):
she ended up with five hundred dollars and she went
to Costco and she filled up her trunk with snacks
and all kinds of things and she dropped it off
at the hospital for the healthcare workers. And again that
wasn't It's not like she had personally had five of
her own to go do that. But she took to
social media. She reached out to her friends, they rallied together,
they did something for healthcare workers. Sometimes it can look
like that and the next thing you know, Oh, you're
(37:00):
you took your next step, You're making that footprint. I
like that you're saying that because I feel that sometimes.
When those floods happened in Tennessee last week, I was like,
I want to help, but I don't know how, and
so then I don't do anything. But with all the
stuff that you guys do, it's like, oh, I want
to help, here's an easy way. I can just just
go and do that. Or I want to help, Oh,
I'm gonna veno this girl, however much money and takes
(37:23):
the work out of it. So I can actually put
action to a feeling. Yeah, so I appreciate that the
shot forward dot com slash Pimp and Joy is where
you can get to that because Pimp and Joy is
always giving to certain things, and with all that's going
on in the world, we're having to diversify our giving
a little bit. But if you want a way to help,
that's definitely one way to do it. And then also
just get connected. Maybe ask your ask your church. Is
(37:46):
there anything worth supporting right now that I can learn
more about, Ask your friends, get on social follow certain
accounts that are really good resources for who to donate
to and who to help with. And it may take
a little research, but that's the thing too, Like if
with the show for it is, Mary's fully vetted anyone
that we're ever donating to as well, so that also
takes the guests out of work, out of it of like,
(38:07):
am I donating to a reputable organization? So anyway, just
throwing that out there as an option. We know it's
a lot in the world right now, and it's it's
heavy for sure, but hopefully this podcast gave you a
little bit of help with navigating some of it, especially
the hard conversations when it comes to stuff like suicide.
(38:28):
I know that wasn't the main focus of our chat,
but again, it is suicide Awareness months, so I can't
not bring it up. There's a suicide prevention website that
I'm just going to throw out that I think is
super helpful and it's hopefully easy to remember, suicide Prevention
lifeline dot org and there's a lot of information and
(38:49):
help to be found there. So Cat, thank you so
much for all that you do for mental health and
helping take care of others, because I know that that's
not an easy thing to do, especially in this climate.
I'm sure you're meeting with a lot of people to
have a lot going on right now, but I just
wanted you to know that I'm thankful for you. Thank you,
(39:10):
and I will say the reason you do the podcast,
you say, is so people don't feel alone, and that's
what helps a lot of times when people are struggling
with depressionist connection. So you're helping in ways that you
probably don't even realize all year, not just in September. Oh,
thank you. Now, I want to piggyback on what you're
saying and say thank you to the listeners because I
(39:31):
feel like when y'all email in, and like for the
fifth thing, the Tuesday Bonus episode, when you share some
of your words of wisdom and your encouragement and you
get vulnerable and you share some of your story and
then I get to read it back. For everybody, You're
allowing the conversation to keep happening. We're a community, so
I feel like we're an ecosystem and we're all doing
(39:53):
our part, working together to keep it all happening. So
I am thankful for every single person listening and every
person that has sent in an email, because that's a
big deal. Like to take time to either call in,
like we get calls on the Bobby Bones Show. I
feel like that's a big deal. I want to start
taking calls on the podcast, but I haven't quite figured
(40:13):
it out the best way to work through that, but
it is on my long long list of things I
am trying to work on. But email is the best
way now, and I'll just leave the email addressed here
at the end. Two it's four things with Amy Brown
at gmail dot com. So if you want to send
a note, love to hear from you, and especially if
(40:34):
you want it to be specifically a part of the
Tuesday episode, just put fifth thing in the subject line
so I'll know that it's okay to read and share
with others. If you'd rather not, then maybe put private.
Please don't ever read this ever out loud. But I
still want to send you a note in the subject line.
I kind of just feel like, though, if they email in,
it's kind of like fair game to use. But I
(40:56):
have had people that say, like, I don't mind if
you share this, but please don't say my name or
keep it anonymous something like that. But yeah, connection, community,
all of that so important, and that's what we have
right here. And I feel like that's what Mary and
I have with a squaw, and that's what the Bobby
Bones Show has with b Teamers and Cat you have
(41:16):
that with your yeah your you need therapy podcast. People,
we need like a name like Gaga has our Little Monsters. Yes,
what am I your kitty cats? I don't know cat
Cat the Fat does not now with a k We're
gonna workshop that. We'll get back to you. Yeah, we'll
(41:38):
work on it. We'll get back to you. But it's
a it feels weird being I start this episode off
like happy Thursday, and then I hope you'll have a
great weekend coming up, but it is Labor Day weekend,
and I do hope that you get to enjoy some
time with family and friends. And speaking of I know
after Labor Day on you need therapy podcasts. You're going
to be putting up an episode that's dedicated to suicide
(42:00):
awareness as well, so that'll be another resource for you
to listen to in the next week or so. Yeah,
And I will say that a way that I've started
ending every podcast is telling people have the day you
need to have for the week you need to have.
I love that. So I even have a sticker. I'm
not selling them, but if you have, I given you
one of those stickers. I need to give you all
(42:21):
tho stickers have have the day you need to have.
And that goes full circle back to what we talked
about in the beginning is sometimes you just need to
be where you are so you don't have to have
a good day. You can just have the day that
you need to have today. Oh I like that. All right, everybody,
have the day you need to have. Bye Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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