July 24, 2025 • 20 mins
Amy and Kat answer a listener question from Cinthia about what to look for in a therapist. They share practical tips for figuring out what you need, how to get trustworthy recommendations, and why it’s okay to test out a few therapists before finding the right fit. If you’ve been curious about therapy but don’t know where to start, this chat will help!
Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won't Amy
and Cat gotcha, covin locking, no.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Brother, the ladies and folks.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
the phone over, real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it just stop you feel things.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Happy Thursday.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome to Couch Shocks. This is our Q and a
episode to our Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat. And quick disclaimer before we
get started that although we're gonna answer your questions today,
this is not served as a replacement or a substitute
for actual mental health services, So don't sue us.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Mental health services AKA there. Well, there's other types of services.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Psychologists, a psychiatrist, oh true, behavioral analyst.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Could you imagine if we were prescribe medicine through here?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I can't prescribe medicine, I know if we could, because
it's like it wrote me an like you need We're
like double tap here for this till I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
That could be something like oh yeah, in the future
where it's just like double tap and then like this
little drone shows up at your house and drops off
a pill and then you wake up and it's like
a month has passed and you're like, sweet, what you
don't what? Wait, maybe you just need to disappear from
your life for a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I thought you were going to say, in the future,
you can just like order drugs online and they'll show
up at your door. And I'm like, wait, you can
kind that now?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Do you mean the pill is that you skip a
month of your life?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Who knows?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Maybe we just all lay down and go to bed
and live our life through a simulation.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
We could be doing that right now. We don't know it.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I know, isn't that crazy? But no, we're here.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Pinch pinch me, we're here.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
You know how I know we're really here is because
we're doing stupid things like putting sharpies on our lips.
Have you seen that trend when you say we we
is in society?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Women, I've women are putting Sharpie markers on their lips
like they're getting coral and pink Sharpie markers and outlining
their lips so that their lip liner lasts longer, and
dermatologists and even Sharpie, the company itself. They've had a
put out statement saying stop doing this, it's not safe.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
That's like eating a sharpie.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, you're only.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Doing your liner to be fair, You're true. If you
lick your lips then that's going to be a problem,
but it's to help have that liner look for longer.
And I'm like, why don't you just get the lipstain
like I did. I finally ordered that stuff. I think
I've talked to you about it because one day I
left it on for too long and my liner was
(02:54):
way too dark. But the sweet spot is about ten
minutes that. I think Wonder Skin is the popular brand,
but I didn't even order that one. Someone else had
posted a different one on Instagram and I clicked that
link about it, so I don't even know the brand
that I ordered. But yeah, you put it on and
then it peels off. I don't know what kind of
chemicals are happening in there.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Like okay, but because we have those things, are people
using sharpie because it's cheaper.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I guess more convenient.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
I've seen tiktoks of people drawing on their face with
sharpie and then being like, I'm gonna show you how
good this concealer is.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Do they what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Like like they'll color on their face with sharpie and
they're like, I'm gonna prove to you that this concealer
really works, and then they cover it up with the
concealer the sharpie. But I'm like, you just covered on
your face with permanent marker like a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I can't think of a single foundation or any type
of coverage that I own that would cover sharpie marker.
You'd have to put that stuff on thick.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Well maybe not these special ones, but also like not,
I don't know that you need that right now. But
also they probably getting a lot of views, so maybe
it's worth it for them. I mean I watched it,
like her face, she's color in her face with sharpie.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I no, no, no, no. Listeners even emailed in asking
about this. It was top of mind for me, so
I had to share it with you. I didn't know
if you had seen it, because this is we're going
to do a listener Q and A. Yeah, it's not
like why people don't come to us for our makeup tips.
Although I do have my brows down.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Would you do sharpie lips?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
No? Okay no, especially since dermatologists and Sharpie itself, like
you think Sharpie's like sweet, we're selling more markers because
girls were running out buying coral and pink sharpies. But
even they were like, let's not do this, let's not
put the sharpie'es on our lips. Yeah, but it also
just goes to show like one person probably did that once.
Is like a joke on TikTok, and then it spreads
(04:47):
and people are like, oh.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Or maybe not even that joke. She's just like, oh,
this is would be get views? Oh true? You know,
like I'm gonna do. That's the whole thing of social media.
The things that get views are the things that are
very like, oh my gosh, if I saw somebody drawing
on her face with sharpie, obviously I watched it, especially
I haven't seen the lip one. If I saw somebody
doing that, I'd be like, what's she doing?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Maybe I could get sharpie and draw my brows on.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Just go get out there.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
It seems less bad for you than your lips. But okay,
I don't think sharpie is the look you're going for.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Uh No, Because they make those fine tip sharpies in
like a light brown, and then when I swim it
won't come off.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
This conversation is backfiring on you. I don't know, and
it won't.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I won't taste it like it's not It's not gonna
go through my mouth.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So but if you mess up, if you make a
bad stroke, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Uh, rubbing alcohol or no polish remover?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
What would take a tone on my eyebrow?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
That would probably be bad.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Yeah, yeah, I still and then my week of brow issues,
but we'll get past it all.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, okay, I'm gonna change lanes before you start ordering.
Then tipped Sharpie's okay, and read you our question today.
I'm interested what your feedback is going to be on this,
because you're gonna say that you're not the expert on this,
but you actually know how to do this, Okay. So
this comes from Cynthia. She says, I've been listening to
the Bobby Bone Show since before you guys moved to
(06:18):
country music. Kat, I've become a fan over the last
few weeks of listening to you both on feeling things.
Thank you. I'm warming up to the idea of therapy, However,
I have no idea what to look for in a
therapist or where to even start. I trust that you
both have done the legwork on the good, the bad,
and the ugly on this topic. Can you please help
(06:39):
guide me?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
What are you trying to say, Like I'm an expert
because I've had a lot of therapy.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I'm saying that you have had to do this before.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, I've had to do it, not only for myself.
If I've vetted therapists for couples therapy when my husband
and I were in it and divorcing, we knew we
were divorcing, but we were using the therapist well to
figure out if you're going to divorce, and then once
we realize you're gonna get divorced, we used it for
co parenting and then also therapists for my kids. So
you're right, Yeah, I do have a little bit of experience,
(07:10):
and I think it's something you just have to try
out and then you have to see how comfortable you feel.
And talking to others has been very helpful for me.
Like I would ask you, not everybody has the best
friend that's a therapist though, that they could go to
and be like, hey, do you have any recommendations for this?
But if you have family or friends that are in therapy,
(07:32):
I don't know that I would recommend going to their
exact therapist, but it's like, do you know of anybody
or have you worked with anybody? If it's for your kids,
that's very helpful because you never know. Other people may
be like, oh my gosh, this therapist helped change our lives.
Now does that mean that therapist could help change your life?
You don't know, But I think it's always good to
have some word of mouth around somebody. But then if
(07:54):
that runs the risk of you going to someone that
your friends or family go to, then it's like, ehe,
you may not want to do that at all. Speaking
of yes, I just this is a brain I have
to say this. Kim Kardashian and Chloe Kardashian go to
the same therapist. I wonder if they have some sort
of a thing with a therapists where it's like, you're
(08:16):
allowed to take information that you know of our parents
to help both of us.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I would that be helpful some agreement. But I think
there's two thoughts of having about that. One that has
to be so confusing for the therapist if they don't
have that agreement, because she's going to have to remember
what did I learn from you and what did I
learn from you? And I cannot mix those things up
because if I start saying something that you have never
told me, that could be a problem in many different ways.
(08:44):
But the other thing is like that's just messy in
the sense that what if they're in a fight with
each other and they're both coming to you saying you're
getting this story, then you're getting this story. Then you
can't really be unbiased because you're you have more. It's
just it's very sticky, and we get in. Therapists get
in those situations on accident, I think from time to time,
(09:05):
because especially if you are living in a small town,
like there's maybe not a different therapist for everybody, but
they live in California, I'm sure there's plenty of therapists
and they willingly like went tweet the same one. I
think one of them was seeing them first and recommended them.
It feel so complicated tricky.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's almost like maybe that therapist could come more of
like a mediator if there was a big family drama
situation that happened.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
And there's one thing if you're doing family therapy, but
if my sister asked me for a therapist, I would
never give her my therapist. That's mine and you want.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
To be able to like say things and feel like it. Okay,
this is safe and it's kind of fun when your
therapist has no idea who you're talking about. Fun, it's
not the right word free, more free. Yeah, I don't
know why I said fun.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Well, I guess it is.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah, it makes therapy. I guess talking about it feels
more free and free can be fun. Maybe that's where
my brain's going with that. But fun fun therapy is
not what I would describe as fun, but it is
worth it and it can make your life more fun
because you overall are a healthier person. So I think
it's amazing that you're wanting to find a therapist. It
(10:18):
is a little trial and error though. It's some some
word of mouth talk, it's some maybe cold call some people,
and then you just got to go give it a go.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
You've said most of the things that I would say
to anybody if they're looking for a therapist, that one
know what you want to work on. This is a
big thing because oh I didn't say that.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Yeah, that's a good point because could specialize.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
And if you're seeing somebody for one thing, and you
love your therapist, that might not mean she would be
good for what I'm looking for. So, like, know what
you're looking for, and know that not all therapists specialize
in the same things and know all the same things.
There's plenty of stuff that I don't know I would
not be a good fit for. And just a word
to the wise. If you ever see a therapist or
(11:11):
her website or if she's listed somewhere and she has
everything under the sun written down that she works with
and she specializes in, that's a no go because there's
no way you can specialize and know everything about all
those things. You don't want that. That's more so like
she wants people to think everybody's or they want somebody
to think that she would be a good fit for anybody.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know, Yeah, I agree, I've gotten specialists.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, I think if that's wise?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
So, no, were you going to well, I think I
was going to say, yeah, I think her just sitting down,
what does she want to do? I think I was
going to say, I'd used eating disorder therapists. Yeah, and
then because I have adopted kids, Yeah, therapists that work
with a lot of adopted kids or kids that lived
in orphanages, or have a particular type of trauma. It's
(12:00):
great when they specialize in that stuff, but.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
It could be as simple as like, I am for me,
my not my current therapist, my last one. When I
was in my twenties, I wanted to work, I was,
I was single, I wanted to talk about that. I
wanted somebody who would be I'd be able to relate
to a little bit. But I wanted somebody who was
a little bit older than me so I could I
didn't want somebody in my same age. I think it's
also a little different because I am a therapist, so
(12:24):
I would do want somebody with more experience than me.
So those things also went into it. Like I had
a therapist that was like in our sixties when I
was in college, and I liked that for that time
in my life. But then this time I wanted somebody
who if I was talking about Instagram, she would know
what I was talking about. So just yes, what you
want them to specialize in, But like, what's the vibe
you're looking for?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Do are you looking for like a motherly yeah, or
a grandma? Do you want somebody really direct or do
you want someone that's your age. Yeah, it's a more
of like a peer. Do you want a female or
a male? Like I would want a female.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, I've always had.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
If I'm a female, I want a female a therapist,
a female doctor, a female guynecologist, a female everything.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Yeah, and some people want a man.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Wouldn't you be worried? I just feel like when you're
creating that type of a close intimate relationship, like.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
I don't know, maybe this is from my child.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Okay, so no, but my mom had some friends where
the guy was a therapist and he ended up having
a relationship with a client and then he lost his
license and it was really tragic because it totally disrupted
their entire lives because their well being was now gone.
They were then trying to work on their marriage and
(13:41):
save it. But he had no job, and I think
he did have to go serve jail time.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Oh okay, Well, people lose their licenses for that for sure.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
I don't know why there would be I mean, would
they go to jail though? Well, if he assaulted and
I don't think it was like that, Okay, I think
it was consensual.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Oh well, then I don't think that's you don't go
to jail for that, you lose your life and you
might not be able to practice ever again. Sometimes people
just get like.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What I in the state of Texas though.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Oh, I don't know, I don't. Yeah, I guess it's
different down there, you do. I mean that's not the
norm though, I But gendered therapist can actually be depending
on what you need, that could be very healing for you.
Like for uh, okay, yeah, if I grew up around
all mostly unavailable men, it could be really helpful for
(14:29):
me to learn because I could learn how to have
a secure relationship with a guy through my therapist. But
also that would be part of the conversation because there
could be some transference around, like well, now I feel
like I'm falling in love with you.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
What is transference?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Like if a client is having some like you're my therapist,
if I start like feeling like you're my mom, right.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh, I thought you're gonna say fantasizing about no.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
But and then there's counter transference where if like you're
doing it towards the client, like if you're therapist and
I'm the client and I'm triggering something in you and
your own life, that's like countertransference. So it's something that
therapists will talk about in their own therapy and their supervision.
And also that's something that hopefully you bring up as
the client if you're having that experience with your therapist.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Gotcha.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Anyway back to the tips, so know what you want
and then yes, word of mouth if you can ask
for referrals, not even just for somebody else's therapist, but
if you love your therapist, Hey, Amy, I'm looking for
a therapist that does this. I want in person therapy.
I want it to be a woman. Can you ask
your therapist if she has any recommendations. That is the
(15:39):
best route to go, because the therapists have their network
of other therapists, you know, true, So that would be
what I would do first. And then if you don't
have that ability, google it, read their websites, like, read
their bios, see if you like their vibe, schedule an appointment.
Now I would give it more than one go because
(16:00):
sometimes an intake is kind of like where did you
grow up? What was your mom? Like, like it's just
very like a lot of questions and it's just kind
of getting to know each other in the process, And
so I would give it maybe one or two or
two or three before you're like, that's not the right
person unless something is glaringly wrong. And also, I think
it's okay to try out more than one at a time. What, Yeah,
(16:24):
it's like dating.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Like seeing two therapists at once. Well, not like on
Tuesday you go to Cindy on Tuesday, and then maybe
the next Tuesday you see Linda and then the next
Tuesday you go back to Cindy because a lot of
people they're probably going to pay for multiple sessions a
week or have that time. But like, if you were
wanting to go to therapy once a week anyways, then
(16:48):
you're just like.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
If you had it up, if you have the ability
to do that, do that. I don't think that's bad
or wrong, especially if you don't really know what you're
looking for. The last time I found a therapist, I
found two people. I scheduled two appointments, and then I
went to the first one and I loved her, and
then I had a phone consult with the other one
(17:10):
and I did not like her. But I was like, oh,
I think that I had a better rapport with this person,
so I'm just gonna continue to see her and if
it doesn't work, out, then I'll go to this other person.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
So if you're testing it out with Cindy and Linda
and you go back and forth and back and forth,
and then you decide on Cindy, but you don't ever
tell them you're doing it. But then once you've decided
on Cindy, do you go and you're like, Hey, Cindy.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I'm freaking up with you. No, Cindy is who you chose.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
You don't tell, you know when it hurt Linda's feelings,
But to Cindy you could be like, just so you know,
I've been seeing another therapist too, but you win.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
That I make her feel you would want yeah, yeah,
she feel like. I have had clients do that. But
also I'm sure that clients have done that and not
told me too.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, and you've you've had clients that probably have not
chose chosen me.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yeah, no, never, You're perfect, I'm sure. Yeah. I've had
clients who have come for like a couple sessions and
never come back. And sometimes people come for a couple sessions,
you never hear from them again. Three years later they email.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You, are they like, hey remember me? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
And maybe they just weren't ready at that time. Or
maybe they went and saw Cindy for a little bit
and they're like, Okay, I want to see what you got. Now.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Have you ever been like out at a bar and
you're drinking, you're having fun, and you're like whoa, and
then you like see a client, what do you do?
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Duck? Well, you can't say anything.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
I know, I can't now they've seen you, or you like, oh,
they're seeing me be a person right now. Yeah, as
long as you're being a normal person, I guess it's fine.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
And I'm sure my clients have seen me. And I
have no idea too. I'm sure that's happened because if
I saw my therapist out, I'm talking about me. If
I saw my therapist out and I was drinking or
I was just like, I don't know, just doing anything.
I don't really want to go up and no offense
to her, but I'm not trying to go hang out
with her. So I think i'd beg Patrick, let's go
(19:05):
this way. You know it just you can't. I wouldn't
feel comfortable. So I'm sure my clients have done that,
and sometimes they tell me sometimes they don't. Sometimes clients
have will go up to you and be like, oh
my god, Kevin, this is my best friend Amy and.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
This is whatever.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
But you don't say I can't say anything. But if
they say this.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Is my therapist, do you just say like mm hmm,
you're like, yeah, what she said, because you can't really
admit it. Okay, cool, cool, Yeah, I don't know. I
got me curious about that. I guess you're never really
acting ridiculous, you know, like if I were to see
my therapist out and they were acting a fool, they
can't see on a table concerning Yeah, I mean to
see people, you can still have fun. But like if
(19:46):
they were like throwing a tantrum or having a fit
and yeah, or yeah, stumbling.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yelling at the management, yeah, I'd be like, oh.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Shoot, where's where's Linda.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Knock over?
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yeah we're done.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Okay, Well, good luck Cynthia.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yeah, hope you find your Cindy, yeah, or.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Your Linda or your cat or your Amy.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Thanks for your question, And if you guys have questions,
you can email us.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Email us call us eight seven seven two O seven
two seven seven is the number, and then Hey, They're
Feeling Things podcast is the email.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Put couch talks in the subject.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
And then let us know if we can say your
name or not. If you want to be anonymous, just
say that and also follow us on socials and YouTube.
We are feeling things the podcast and we hope you
have the day you need to have.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Bye. Bye,
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won't Amy
and Cat gotcha, covin locking, no.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Brother, the ladies and folks.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
the phone over, real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it just stop you feel things.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Happy Thursday.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome to Couch Shocks. This is our Q and a
episode to our Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat. And quick disclaimer before we
get started that although we're gonna answer your questions today,
this is not served as a replacement or a substitute
for actual mental health services, So don't sue us.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Mental health services AKA there. Well, there's other types of services.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Psychologists, a psychiatrist, oh true, behavioral analyst.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Could you imagine if we were prescribe medicine through here?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I can't prescribe medicine, I know if we could, because
it's like it wrote me an like you need We're
like double tap here for this till I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
That could be something like oh yeah, in the future
where it's just like double tap and then like this
little drone shows up at your house and drops off
a pill and then you wake up and it's like
a month has passed and you're like, sweet, what you
don't what? Wait, maybe you just need to disappear from
your life for a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I thought you were going to say, in the future,
you can just like order drugs online and they'll show
up at your door. And I'm like, wait, you can
kind that now?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Do you mean the pill is that you skip a
month of your life?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Who knows?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Maybe we just all lay down and go to bed
and live our life through a simulation.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
We could be doing that right now. We don't know it.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I know, isn't that crazy? But no, we're here.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Pinch pinch me, we're here.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
You know how I know we're really here is because
we're doing stupid things like putting sharpies on our lips.
Have you seen that trend when you say we we
is in society?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Women, I've women are putting Sharpie markers on their lips
like they're getting coral and pink Sharpie markers and outlining
their lips so that their lip liner lasts longer, and
dermatologists and even Sharpie, the company itself. They've had a
put out statement saying stop doing this, it's not safe.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
That's like eating a sharpie.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, you're only.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Doing your liner to be fair, You're true. If you
lick your lips then that's going to be a problem,
but it's to help have that liner look for longer.
And I'm like, why don't you just get the lipstain
like I did. I finally ordered that stuff. I think
I've talked to you about it because one day I
left it on for too long and my liner was
(02:54):
way too dark. But the sweet spot is about ten
minutes that. I think Wonder Skin is the popular brand,
but I didn't even order that one. Someone else had
posted a different one on Instagram and I clicked that
link about it, so I don't even know the brand
that I ordered. But yeah, you put it on and
then it peels off. I don't know what kind of
chemicals are happening in there.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Like okay, but because we have those things, are people
using sharpie because it's cheaper.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I guess more convenient.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
I've seen tiktoks of people drawing on their face with
sharpie and then being like, I'm gonna show you how
good this concealer is.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Do they what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Like like they'll color on their face with sharpie and
they're like, I'm gonna prove to you that this concealer
really works, and then they cover it up with the
concealer the sharpie. But I'm like, you just covered on
your face with permanent marker like a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I can't think of a single foundation or any type
of coverage that I own that would cover sharpie marker.
You'd have to put that stuff on thick.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Well maybe not these special ones, but also like not,
I don't know that you need that right now. But
also they probably getting a lot of views, so maybe
it's worth it for them. I mean I watched it,
like her face, she's color in her face with sharpie.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I no, no, no, no. Listeners even emailed in asking
about this. It was top of mind for me, so
I had to share it with you. I didn't know
if you had seen it, because this is we're going
to do a listener Q and A. Yeah, it's not
like why people don't come to us for our makeup tips.
Although I do have my brows down.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Would you do sharpie lips?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
No? Okay no, especially since dermatologists and Sharpie itself, like
you think Sharpie's like sweet, we're selling more markers because
girls were running out buying coral and pink sharpies. But
even they were like, let's not do this, let's not
put the sharpie'es on our lips. Yeah, but it also
just goes to show like one person probably did that once.
Is like a joke on TikTok, and then it spreads
(04:47):
and people are like, oh.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Or maybe not even that joke. She's just like, oh,
this is would be get views? Oh true? You know,
like I'm gonna do. That's the whole thing of social media.
The things that get views are the things that are
very like, oh my gosh, if I saw somebody drawing
on her face with sharpie, obviously I watched it, especially
I haven't seen the lip one. If I saw somebody
doing that, I'd be like, what's she doing?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Maybe I could get sharpie and draw my brows on.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Just go get out there.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
It seems less bad for you than your lips. But okay,
I don't think sharpie is the look you're going for.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Uh No, Because they make those fine tip sharpies in
like a light brown, and then when I swim it
won't come off.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
This conversation is backfiring on you. I don't know, and
it won't.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I won't taste it like it's not It's not gonna
go through my mouth.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So but if you mess up, if you make a
bad stroke, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Uh, rubbing alcohol or no polish remover?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
What would take a tone on my eyebrow?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
That would probably be bad.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Yeah, yeah, I still and then my week of brow issues,
but we'll get past it all.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, okay, I'm gonna change lanes before you start ordering.
Then tipped Sharpie's okay, and read you our question today.
I'm interested what your feedback is going to be on this,
because you're gonna say that you're not the expert on this,
but you actually know how to do this, Okay. So
this comes from Cynthia. She says, I've been listening to
the Bobby Bone Show since before you guys moved to
(06:18):
country music. Kat, I've become a fan over the last
few weeks of listening to you both on feeling things.
Thank you. I'm warming up to the idea of therapy, However,
I have no idea what to look for in a
therapist or where to even start. I trust that you
both have done the legwork on the good, the bad,
and the ugly on this topic. Can you please help
(06:39):
guide me?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
What are you trying to say, Like I'm an expert
because I've had a lot of therapy.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I'm saying that you have had to do this before.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, I've had to do it, not only for myself.
If I've vetted therapists for couples therapy when my husband
and I were in it and divorcing, we knew we
were divorcing, but we were using the therapist well to
figure out if you're going to divorce, and then once
we realize you're gonna get divorced, we used it for
co parenting and then also therapists for my kids. So
you're right, Yeah, I do have a little bit of experience,
(07:10):
and I think it's something you just have to try
out and then you have to see how comfortable you feel.
And talking to others has been very helpful for me.
Like I would ask you, not everybody has the best
friend that's a therapist though, that they could go to
and be like, hey, do you have any recommendations for this?
But if you have family or friends that are in therapy,
(07:32):
I don't know that I would recommend going to their
exact therapist, but it's like, do you know of anybody
or have you worked with anybody? If it's for your kids,
that's very helpful because you never know. Other people may
be like, oh my gosh, this therapist helped change our lives.
Now does that mean that therapist could help change your life?
You don't know, But I think it's always good to
have some word of mouth around somebody. But then if
(07:54):
that runs the risk of you going to someone that
your friends or family go to, then it's like, ehe,
you may not want to do that at all. Speaking
of yes, I just this is a brain I have
to say this. Kim Kardashian and Chloe Kardashian go to
the same therapist. I wonder if they have some sort
of a thing with a therapists where it's like, you're
(08:16):
allowed to take information that you know of our parents
to help both of us.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I would that be helpful some agreement. But I think
there's two thoughts of having about that. One that has
to be so confusing for the therapist if they don't
have that agreement, because she's going to have to remember
what did I learn from you and what did I
learn from you? And I cannot mix those things up
because if I start saying something that you have never
told me, that could be a problem in many different ways.
(08:44):
But the other thing is like that's just messy in
the sense that what if they're in a fight with
each other and they're both coming to you saying you're
getting this story, then you're getting this story. Then you
can't really be unbiased because you're you have more. It's
just it's very sticky, and we get in. Therapists get
in those situations on accident, I think from time to time,
(09:05):
because especially if you are living in a small town,
like there's maybe not a different therapist for everybody, but
they live in California, I'm sure there's plenty of therapists
and they willingly like went tweet the same one. I
think one of them was seeing them first and recommended them.
It feel so complicated tricky.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's almost like maybe that therapist could come more of
like a mediator if there was a big family drama
situation that happened.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
And there's one thing if you're doing family therapy, but
if my sister asked me for a therapist, I would
never give her my therapist. That's mine and you want.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
To be able to like say things and feel like it. Okay,
this is safe and it's kind of fun when your
therapist has no idea who you're talking about. Fun, it's
not the right word free, more free. Yeah, I don't
know why I said fun.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Well, I guess it is.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah, it makes therapy. I guess talking about it feels
more free and free can be fun. Maybe that's where
my brain's going with that. But fun fun therapy is
not what I would describe as fun, but it is
worth it and it can make your life more fun
because you overall are a healthier person. So I think
it's amazing that you're wanting to find a therapist. It
(10:18):
is a little trial and error though. It's some some
word of mouth talk, it's some maybe cold call some people,
and then you just got to go give it a go.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
You've said most of the things that I would say
to anybody if they're looking for a therapist, that one
know what you want to work on. This is a
big thing because oh I didn't say that.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Yeah, that's a good point because could specialize.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
And if you're seeing somebody for one thing, and you
love your therapist, that might not mean she would be
good for what I'm looking for. So, like, know what
you're looking for, and know that not all therapists specialize
in the same things and know all the same things.
There's plenty of stuff that I don't know I would
not be a good fit for. And just a word
to the wise. If you ever see a therapist or
(11:11):
her website or if she's listed somewhere and she has
everything under the sun written down that she works with
and she specializes in, that's a no go because there's
no way you can specialize and know everything about all
those things. You don't want that. That's more so like
she wants people to think everybody's or they want somebody
to think that she would be a good fit for anybody.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know, Yeah, I agree, I've gotten specialists.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, I think if that's wise?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
So, no, were you going to well, I think I
was going to say, yeah, I think her just sitting down,
what does she want to do? I think I was
going to say, I'd used eating disorder therapists. Yeah, and
then because I have adopted kids, Yeah, therapists that work
with a lot of adopted kids or kids that lived
in orphanages, or have a particular type of trauma. It's
(12:00):
great when they specialize in that stuff, but.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
It could be as simple as like, I am for me,
my not my current therapist, my last one. When I
was in my twenties, I wanted to work, I was,
I was single, I wanted to talk about that. I
wanted somebody who would be I'd be able to relate
to a little bit. But I wanted somebody who was
a little bit older than me so I could I
didn't want somebody in my same age. I think it's
also a little different because I am a therapist, so
(12:24):
I would do want somebody with more experience than me.
So those things also went into it. Like I had
a therapist that was like in our sixties when I
was in college, and I liked that for that time
in my life. But then this time I wanted somebody
who if I was talking about Instagram, she would know
what I was talking about. So just yes, what you
want them to specialize in, But like, what's the vibe
you're looking for?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Do are you looking for like a motherly yeah, or
a grandma? Do you want somebody really direct or do
you want someone that's your age. Yeah, it's a more
of like a peer. Do you want a female or
a male? Like I would want a female.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, I've always had.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
If I'm a female, I want a female a therapist,
a female doctor, a female guynecologist, a female everything.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Yeah, and some people want a man.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Wouldn't you be worried? I just feel like when you're
creating that type of a close intimate relationship, like.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
I don't know, maybe this is from my child.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Okay, so no, but my mom had some friends where
the guy was a therapist and he ended up having
a relationship with a client and then he lost his
license and it was really tragic because it totally disrupted
their entire lives because their well being was now gone.
They were then trying to work on their marriage and
(13:41):
save it. But he had no job, and I think
he did have to go serve jail time.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Oh okay, Well, people lose their licenses for that for sure.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
I don't know why there would be I mean, would
they go to jail though? Well, if he assaulted and
I don't think it was like that, Okay, I think
it was consensual.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Oh well, then I don't think that's you don't go
to jail for that, you lose your life and you
might not be able to practice ever again. Sometimes people
just get like.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What I in the state of Texas though.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Oh, I don't know, I don't. Yeah, I guess it's
different down there, you do. I mean that's not the
norm though, I But gendered therapist can actually be depending
on what you need, that could be very healing for you.
Like for uh, okay, yeah, if I grew up around
all mostly unavailable men, it could be really helpful for
(14:29):
me to learn because I could learn how to have
a secure relationship with a guy through my therapist. But
also that would be part of the conversation because there
could be some transference around, like well, now I feel
like I'm falling in love with you.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
What is transference?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Like if a client is having some like you're my therapist,
if I start like feeling like you're my mom, right.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh, I thought you're gonna say fantasizing about no.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
But and then there's counter transference where if like you're
doing it towards the client, like if you're therapist and
I'm the client and I'm triggering something in you and
your own life, that's like countertransference. So it's something that
therapists will talk about in their own therapy and their supervision.
And also that's something that hopefully you bring up as
the client if you're having that experience with your therapist.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Gotcha.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Anyway back to the tips, so know what you want
and then yes, word of mouth if you can ask
for referrals, not even just for somebody else's therapist, but
if you love your therapist, Hey, Amy, I'm looking for
a therapist that does this. I want in person therapy.
I want it to be a woman. Can you ask
your therapist if she has any recommendations. That is the
(15:39):
best route to go, because the therapists have their network
of other therapists, you know, true, So that would be
what I would do first. And then if you don't
have that ability, google it, read their websites, like, read
their bios, see if you like their vibe, schedule an appointment.
Now I would give it more than one go because
(16:00):
sometimes an intake is kind of like where did you
grow up? What was your mom? Like, like it's just
very like a lot of questions and it's just kind
of getting to know each other in the process, And
so I would give it maybe one or two or
two or three before you're like, that's not the right
person unless something is glaringly wrong. And also, I think
it's okay to try out more than one at a time. What, Yeah,
(16:24):
it's like dating.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Like seeing two therapists at once. Well, not like on
Tuesday you go to Cindy on Tuesday, and then maybe
the next Tuesday you see Linda and then the next
Tuesday you go back to Cindy because a lot of
people they're probably going to pay for multiple sessions a
week or have that time. But like, if you were
wanting to go to therapy once a week anyways, then
(16:48):
you're just like.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
If you had it up, if you have the ability
to do that, do that. I don't think that's bad
or wrong, especially if you don't really know what you're
looking for. The last time I found a therapist, I
found two people. I scheduled two appointments, and then I
went to the first one and I loved her, and
then I had a phone consult with the other one
(17:10):
and I did not like her. But I was like, oh,
I think that I had a better rapport with this person,
so I'm just gonna continue to see her and if
it doesn't work, out, then I'll go to this other person.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
So if you're testing it out with Cindy and Linda
and you go back and forth and back and forth,
and then you decide on Cindy, but you don't ever
tell them you're doing it. But then once you've decided
on Cindy, do you go and you're like, Hey, Cindy.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I'm freaking up with you. No, Cindy is who you chose.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
You don't tell, you know when it hurt Linda's feelings,
But to Cindy you could be like, just so you know,
I've been seeing another therapist too, but you win.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
That I make her feel you would want yeah, yeah,
she feel like. I have had clients do that. But
also I'm sure that clients have done that and not
told me too.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, and you've you've had clients that probably have not
chose chosen me.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yeah, no, never, You're perfect, I'm sure. Yeah. I've had
clients who have come for like a couple sessions and
never come back. And sometimes people come for a couple sessions,
you never hear from them again. Three years later they email.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You, are they like, hey remember me? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
And maybe they just weren't ready at that time. Or
maybe they went and saw Cindy for a little bit
and they're like, Okay, I want to see what you got. Now.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Have you ever been like out at a bar and
you're drinking, you're having fun, and you're like whoa, and
then you like see a client, what do you do?
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Duck? Well, you can't say anything.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
I know, I can't now they've seen you, or you like, oh,
they're seeing me be a person right now. Yeah, as
long as you're being a normal person, I guess it's fine.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
And I'm sure my clients have seen me. And I
have no idea too. I'm sure that's happened because if
I saw my therapist out, I'm talking about me. If
I saw my therapist out and I was drinking or
I was just like, I don't know, just doing anything.
I don't really want to go up and no offense
to her, but I'm not trying to go hang out
with her. So I think i'd beg Patrick, let's go
(19:05):
this way. You know it just you can't. I wouldn't
feel comfortable. So I'm sure my clients have done that,
and sometimes they tell me sometimes they don't. Sometimes clients
have will go up to you and be like, oh
my god, Kevin, this is my best friend Amy and.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
This is whatever.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
But you don't say I can't say anything. But if
they say this.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Is my therapist, do you just say like mm hmm,
you're like, yeah, what she said, because you can't really
admit it. Okay, cool, cool, Yeah, I don't know. I
got me curious about that. I guess you're never really
acting ridiculous, you know, like if I were to see
my therapist out and they were acting a fool, they
can't see on a table concerning Yeah, I mean to
see people, you can still have fun. But like if
(19:46):
they were like throwing a tantrum or having a fit
and yeah, or yeah, stumbling.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yelling at the management, yeah, I'd be like, oh.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Shoot, where's where's Linda.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Knock over?
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yeah we're done.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Okay, Well, good luck Cynthia.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yeah, hope you find your Cindy, yeah, or.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Your Linda or your cat or your Amy.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Thanks for your question, And if you guys have questions,
you can email us.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Email us call us eight seven seven two O seven
two seven seven is the number, and then Hey, They're
Feeling Things podcast is the email.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Put couch talks in the subject.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
And then let us know if we can say your
name or not. If you want to be anonymous, just
say that and also follow us on socials and YouTube.
We are feeling things the podcast and we hope you
have the day you need to have.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Bye. Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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