February 2, 2023 • 22 mins
Red Flags Part 2! Last week, Amy & Katherine Cox (Cryo Kat) went over 13 red flags to look out for in relationships, so this week they’re following up with how to know when something is for you + more warning signs to keep in mind + money red flags!
When something is for you:
-it will bring clarity & alignment to your life, not chaos & confusion.
-you won’t feel the need to beg, convince or force…things will feel grounded & safe.
-it will feel healthy & supportive, not toxic & destructive.
*check out the full post about this from @alex on instagram - it’s so good!!!
Quotes we love from this chat:
“Fall In love with people you love yourself around.”
“People who can’t communicate think everything's an argument!”
“Indecision is a decision.”
“If you settle for crumbs, you’ll always be starving!”
Money red flags to watch for in a potential partner:
They’re not willing to talk openly about finances.
They use money to control you.
They make you feel embarrassed about your financial situation.
They’re overly flashy.
They don’t tip.
They lie about money.
Other warning signs:
Love Bombing
Imbalance of power
Stonewalling
Drama
Keeping a scorecard
Link to tickets for the ‘4 Things’ LIVE in Nashville at Franklin Theater:
https://secure.franklintheatre.com/websales/pages/info.aspx?evtinfo=370547~cfe40b7d-1c56-4c4b-b937-600bdd7c5904
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Send emails for the '5th Thing' to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Okay, casa little food for you. So life. Oh that's pretty.
It's pretty beautiful. Thank you, laugh a little mom kicking
(00:30):
with four. Happy Thursday for things. Amy here and we're
back for another Red Flags episode. Last week we did
one and my friend cry O Cat joined me Catherine Cox,
and she's back today. Hello, Hello, hey Cat, And I
wondered her to come back on because last week's episode
(00:51):
got a good response from a lot of different people,
but also moms that were sending the episode to their
young daughters that are in their twenties and dating because
it was it leaned into relationships like romantic because it
was based on Cat's marriage, a marriage that she's no
longer in, and the red flags that she saw before
(01:11):
she walked down the aisle. But everything we shared also
could apply to any other type of relationship with people
in your family or your coworkers or friendships. You can
always apply these warning signs. But I thought we would
go over some more warning signs today that we didn't
touch on last week, which, by the way, also last
(01:33):
week we shared you could be the red flag, and
by you I mean me, you other people listening. I
went through something like, oh shoot, I've done that. Hi,
I'm the red flag, I'm the problem. Yes, and Cat
has a really good quote, and then I'm gonna kind
of do a more positive spin or from a different
perspective than when something is not for you, like the
(01:54):
flag is waving, but what about how you feel when
something is for green flag? The green flag? So it's
just something different, a different way of looking at it.
But Cat, why don't you share the quote you you
sent me because I loved it so much? Well, I love.
Psychology says you fall in love with people you love
yourself around. So that's relationships. Friendships. I'd say, observe your
(02:16):
energies around all people and see do I love myself
around them? How am I showing up? I mean some
you you may have to be different. It just depends
on the dynamic. But if you're not feeling safe and like,
you can just I kind of just took a breath
just then, like and then I feel like an exhale.
Like if you're able to just not hold your breath
(02:36):
around someone and you get to exhale, then that might
be a sign there. I love following Alex on Instagram.
That's the handle at Alex and she posted this whole
slide when something is for you, and so I'm just
going to read through each slide she put up. When
something is for you, it will bring clarity and alignment
to your life, not chaos and confusion. It will not
(02:59):
run or hide or avoid being yours. You do not
have to chase after anything or anyone. You won't feel
the need to beg convince, or force things. Will feel
grounded and safe. Which back to the quote you just shared, Cat,
It's like when you're not able to be yourself, you're
not feeling safe. So anyway, it would make sense that
(03:21):
you fall in love with the people that you love
yourself around. I love that one so much. Okay, back
to this, When something is for you, it will not
make you question or second guess you're worth. Instead, it
will remind you how worthy and love do you truly are.
It will feel healthy and supportive, not toxic or destructive.
You'll know stop ignoring the signs, release what needs to
(03:44):
be released so that you can receive what needs to
be received. So good, beautiful, I feel like I want
to read that every day. Gabby Bernstein had put up
something about healing in relationship and being welcoming to that
like if you're trying to work on something, and she
(04:04):
said that it's easy to let fear run the show
in relationships, particularly in romantic ones. She said that in
her twenties she was stuck in a fear based belief
that a lot of us have. She was trying to
find the one to save her and that's red flag.
That's red flag. On myself, I could be codefendent. And
(04:26):
then she came to realize that nothing outside of herself
was going to fill her up. And once she realized that,
everything changed, and again doesn't just apply to romantic relationships.
It could just be for someone in any relationship that
makes you feel whole, or if you're looking for that
person excuse me to make you feel whole, then you're
(04:47):
stuck in an ego based relationship. And once you let
go of that, everything will shift because you should make
yourself whole, not somebody else. So if someone is looking
for you to make them whole, red flag. Yeah, if
you're looking for someone to make you whole, you're the
red flag. It's not easy work, that's for sure. But
(05:08):
the more that I heal, the better my connections become
with you. Everybody over the last few years. You know
another quote that really speaks to me Amy is I
think a soulmate is someone who will make you the
most you that you can possibly be, for example, giving
you energy, giving you life. You don't want someone who
(05:29):
is draining you. You feel drained. Is on the list
of warning signs that we could go over today that
we didn't include last week. And that's a huge warning
sign if you feel drained around someone, Oh, I like
the next one. They have no interest in the people
you care about. I have most definitely experienced, wouldn't go
(05:50):
to any dinners, gatherings, their friend group, expected me to
be at all the activities, give rides to from, but
no interest in coming to my functions anything like that. Um.
I remember one instance with my grandfather. I think on
one of his last Thanksgivings, like, Hey, can you ride
(06:13):
along with me? No? I said, okay, Well can I
borrow your car so that I can go see my
grandfather on Thanksgiving? No? Okay, well I don't have a car.
So I mean that's a controlling that's yeah, not supporting,
And that makes me think of imbalance of power because
he had that over you where it's like M sorry,
(06:36):
can't have the car. And if you're in a healthy relationship,
whether again it's romantic or friendship, it should have equal
balance and you shouldn't freak out if you think that
the other person isn't going to like what you're doing,
or oh no, I'm going to get the silent treatment
if I do this, or I don't feel like I
can have other friends even in a romantic relationship. Again,
(06:58):
like you were just saying you have to be around
all their people and their friends all the time, you
kind of lose your identity, but that they wouldn't come
and hang out with mine or um, it was almost
like looked at just I'm so above your people. Right.
What about love bombing? Have you ever experienced that? Yes,
(07:19):
love bombing can be like oh I love you right,
like saying it really soon? Can that be a form?
Is it always gifts? It doesn't have to just be guests. No,
I think it's affirmation all the things, a thing to
make you feel good that is in excess and over
the top to where you are hooked. I remember one
of them, there was some leggings I wanted early on,
(07:41):
Like he jumped and bought me the leggings and like
candies and things like that. No private jets or anything,
because yeah, that could happen. I was listening to Dr
Romney's podcast once and I think there was a guest
on that was talking about how on a first or
second date, her date flew her to Miami for dinner,
and it's like, red flag. That's cringe to me. So
(08:03):
it says here, love bombing can look like a flourishing
and exciting start to a new relationship. But if your
partner or friend wants to be in constant contact and
argue or panic when they can't contact you, you might
be in a toxic relationship or silent treatment. You get
punished in a way for something. Drama dramas on the list.
(08:26):
Healthy relationships improve your life. They don't make it messier
or harder. A relationship is unhealthy if there was constant
drama or conflict present. Okay, in a completely different lane,
there's money red flags, and I saw an article from
Huffington Post talking all about it, especially thanks to look
(08:46):
out for if you're looking for a potential partner, so
this would be if you're dating, if you're already married, sorry,
hopefully you can work through some of that and with friends,
Obviously you're not sharing money, but hey, you might have
roommates and stuff where money could be a thing. First
of all, they're not willing to talk openly about finances,
and they're not talking about first date type stuff. Definitely,
(09:07):
on your first date you should not be talking about
credit card balances or four oh one case stuff. But
after a few months of dating, if they're still avoiding
talking about money or anything like that, then that might
be a red flag that they're trying to hide something.
If someone is using money to control you, like if
they make you feel bad about money, they guilt you
(09:28):
into paying for things, or hold what they spent on
you over your head, that's a warning sign. Yeah, I've
been there, Like someone buying you something and then holding
it over your head I have to or like telling
me I don't bring anything to the table. Oh gosh, sorry,
A big one here. They're overly flashy, if they only
(09:50):
wear designer clothes, splurge for expensive vacations and it feels
like they're only doing it to impress, or if their
job description and salary don't seem to match up to
their lifestyle. That's a real cheesy. Sometimes I wonder I'm like,
what in the world does some of these people do,
because I, while I don't know their bank account and
(10:11):
maybe I don't know if they have like an inheritance,
but you kind of know what they do for a
living and round about what that might make and I'm like,
how are they living that way? But they might either
have a lot of debt or they're trying to just
go over the top, or maybe they can afford it all.
And I shouldn't be judging judging, but I think so
many people just will go into debt to try to
(10:32):
hold an appearance they don't tip. I mean, yeah, if
I'm want to date with someone and they do not tip,
thank you. If they are frugal in situations where you
believe that they should be more generous, pay attention to that.
The way people treat service workers, including tipping, reveals a
lot about them. And it's not just the tipping part.
Like that they said, the way they treat service workers,
like if they're rude to a server, that would be
(10:55):
so embarrassing. I am big on tipping. I still tip
people as if I'm working the service industry and it's
coming back to me. So I need someone that tips well,
because the universe will reward you. Lastly, they lie about money.
Lying about finances constrain a relationship, drive you apart, and
cause you to lose trust in your partner. If they're
(11:16):
being secretive about money or downright dishonest, that's a red
flag that you don't want to ignore. Okay, So that
was just a little detour into the money side of things.
But there's so many other things you can look out
for in a relationship, like jealousy, keeping a scorecard, being
blamed for their emotions, contempt, self betrayal, stone walling. Your
(11:39):
boundaries aren't being taken seriously. That's a good one. That
is huge for me. And that's all boundaries. That's physical, boundaries, mental, emotional,
all those boundaries. If they're not being taken seriously, that
is a huge problem. M You know, I mentioned stonewalling
(12:07):
a second ago when I was just rattling off some stuff,
and to just go into that a little more. Sometimes
in relationships you've got to talk about hard things and
that person may then start arguing when you're really not
trying to have an argument, You're just trying to talk
about something that's hard, or they may just flee walk away,
they're not willing to have the conversation, and then you're
(12:28):
afraid to bring up certain topics because you fear that
the person is going to argue with you or or
walk away or leave you, or be silent. Kind of
that silent treatment in a way, and a toxic relationship
sometimes feels like we're walking on eggshells and we don't
want to trigger the other person. That's what stonewalling is.
(12:48):
People who can't communicate think everything as an argument. You
attract the right things when you have a sense of
who you are. Oh yeah, this is one of my
favorite ones too. Sorry, quick another quote. Yes, may you
attract someone who speaks your language so you don't have
to spend a lifetime translating your soul. Yeah that's really good.
(13:09):
I like that and something and that goes back to
like cups of tea, your cup of tea versus their
cup of tea, and like, sometimes it's not working because
that person doesn't speak your language, and you need to
find the people that speak your language. And there will
be someone out there, and I think we get caught up.
This is it, this is the only person. It's I
can't find. Another news flash, that other t is out
(13:31):
there for you, somewhere you can find your tea twin.
And then even just feeling safe enough to be yourself.
I mean even like today, I'm not proud of it,
but I've had a weird day wonky, and Cat has
seen some of it, and I've been like, Okay, I'm sorry.
I know that I'm being this way. It's not you,
it's me. But I feel safe, like I feel like
(13:52):
you're not going to hold any of this against me,
and tomorrow will be just fine. Oh yeah, everyone is
entitled to their wonky days. And I used to live
my life though. I was like I couldn't be happy
one day and then sad the next, Like I was like,
that's that's not right, Like I need to be consistent. No,
you can be wonky a me today and then right back.
(14:15):
I could be wonky and also and I'm gonna love
you no matter what. Well, I could be happy and
sad at the same time. Yes, yes, yes, we talked
about that. Oh my gosh, was it last night? We
had a good cry it I had a good cry
in here. I don't know one day this week we
talked about that. I didn't think it was okay. To
be all these different emotions I want. No, it's totally acceptable.
(14:38):
You can be grieving something and so excited about another simultaneously,
Like it's fine, what did I cry about last night? Oh?
Being a little shining star yea, where you were getting
your worth from right right? And now I am coming
back to that place. I'm feeling some of those good
feelings that I used to have before my worth was shattered.
(15:00):
And your worth doesn't come from some of that stuff.
You had put all your eggs, like in that basket
right right, and I had to let that basket go.
Let the basket go, Let let the eggs, let the
eggs drop, let the eggs fall where they made. I
love it. I think we've really made a come back today,
come back from what the wonky. But hey, that's okay.
(15:24):
Like the other cat says, have the day, you need
to have exactly what we are doing. This cat says,
if you settle for crumbs, you'll always be starving, and
don't let the mixed signals fool you in decision is
a decision. Remember that in friendships and romantic relationships and
(15:46):
maybe even the workplace. Yea, which cryo cat is going
to make an adherence that the Four Things live in
Nashville because she's gonna be here, so she'll be at
the seven pm. And then we added the three pm
so she'll be at that as well, And we have
one more thing. Are you gonna do an outfit change?
Probably if I changed three times at a wedding, I'm
(16:08):
probably gonna wear the same thing. But it's I just
knew you probably would have multiple outfits because that's your personality.
But I'm excited you're gonna be there, and I'm so
thankful for the support, and I know your mom is
going to come and other friends and family. So we
have the three pm tickets still available. Seven pm is
sold out. If you want to come to Nashville or
(16:31):
you live in Nashville. We'll be doing Four Things at
Franklin Theater. Britney Spencer is going to be the musical guest.
She's so amazing. I'm also going to talk with her
about finding her worth. Ali Fallon is an author and
writing expert that's going to be joining us talking about
her finding her worth. She was actually married to a narcissist,
(16:51):
got a divorce, has since remarried, and is living her
life her dream life. Which she never thought at the
end of that marriage that this was even possible for her.
So we'll talk to her about finding her worth and
also she's big on mantras and affirmations. She's gonna walk
because she's a writing expert. She's got writing exercises for us.
She's come on the podcast before, and then kat Defota
(17:13):
will be there as well, and she'll kind of put
a bow on things. The theme is knowing you are
worthy and knowing you deserve good things and knowing you
deserve your rainbow. Can I tell you sorry, after this
last relationship ending, I almost got worth tattooed on me,
So this is so appropriate for just me everybody, But yeah,
(17:36):
I almost got worth. But this is we're using the
word worthy. But I remember I kept over and over
in my head. I was like, I want to put worth,
but I haven't. But maybe I will after your party,
you will, maybe you will before and then you'll show everybody.
Oh my gosh, where do I put it? Probably right
there on your forearm, I wish I had done. I
(17:56):
have two tattoos, and I used more of a thicker needle,
and you of that thin needle is what a lot
of people are doing now, and I'm like, oh, man,
because it kind of bleeds out like over time and
it's very it's so cute. Look it's not as cute
as it was, but that's okay. You're so special to me.
You could go to this arm and then laser these off.
Let the laser hurt. But I still My ex husband
(18:19):
had to, oh, he had your name on his finger
might keep at the band, and so he would send
me videos of Oh, he would send me videos of
himself getting it removed in a nice way. That one
wasn't like disrespectful. I don't think. I mean there were
some disrespectful moments in that. That was the first guy. Well,
(18:43):
are we announcing your other party or no, what other party?
I don't know yet. Well, yeah, there might be something
in Nashville on Friday, which will be you won't need
a ticket for it at all. That it's something that
we're working on and we're going to do and it
should be a lot of fun and it will be
on Friday. So if you're traveling to Nashville, if you
get in Friday night for the show on Saturday, which
(19:06):
I know some people are flying in for it, then
you might have something to do on Friday night. Yeah,
whoop whoop. And then if you go to the three
pm show in Franklin, when the show gets out, it'll
be like dinner time. And there's so many amazing restaurants
in the Franklin Square downtown and it's so cute, so
you could make a reservation, go to eat and hang out.
(19:26):
So I feel like the three pm shows just as
good as the seven pm They're both going to be
phenomenon Franklin Theater dot com. If you want tickets again,
it's on March and I can't wait. It's going to
be such a special night. And Okay, you wanna say bye,
well I want to say like and subscribe, thank you
(19:46):
both things. Um, do we say the four things were
grateful for? Do we have time to do for really
fast ones? You can? Okay, I'm not even gonna elaborate.
We're just gonna go quick. Top of the head. Sobriety challenges, botox,
an I D those are things that I'm grateful for. Yeah,
which cat gets an a d at restore shoot, But
(20:07):
I should have said our hydrofacials. Oh yeah, we got restore,
got a new estetician. And so the estetician had to
practice and she has to do a certain amount before
she's certified in a way to be free to do
any paying client that comes in. So we got free
hydro facials today. So okay, if I do four things,
mine would be my free hydrofacial. Second thing would be
(20:30):
that I slept till nine today, the day that we're
recording this, because it's the weekend. But I yeah, I
had to take some children's cough s her up last
night because all we had was children's and I was like, well,
if I just double the dose, does that work? Maybe
took a little too much because then I slept for
twelve hours and I was mad at myself for sleeping
that long, but then I realized my body needed it.
(20:52):
So I'm thankful for the sleep. I'm thankful for my
salad chopper, my bowl with the rolling chopper. I posted
a video on Instagram and so many people are like,
oh my gosh, yes, I love that I have. That's
the best salat shopper ever, and it is. If you
go to radio Amy dot com, you can get a
link to my Amazon page, which is a link to
(21:14):
any product that I typically talk about, but my salad
chopper is up there. My fourth thing is my forgiveness
meditation that I'm doing Beautiful seven days, So every morning
for ten minutes, I'm doing the same meditation. It's a
forgiveness one and you can walk through and forgive yourself
if you need to for something or others and just
(21:36):
release that. But I do it for seven days, and
I've done it for two and if I had a
fifth thing, Amy, it's you, Okay, all right, okay. We
also have four Things Gratitude journals, which are an amazing
tool if you're trying to get into practicing gratitude, and
links to that can be found a Radio Amy as
well or four things dot com. However you want to
(21:57):
get there, all right, say bye bye. Small was full.
Okay, casa little food for you. So life. Oh that's pretty.
It's pretty beautiful. Thank you, laugh a little mom kicking
(00:30):
with four. Happy Thursday for things. Amy here and we're
back for another Red Flags episode. Last week we did
one and my friend cry O Cat joined me Catherine Cox,
and she's back today. Hello, Hello, hey Cat, And I
wondered her to come back on because last week's episode
(00:51):
got a good response from a lot of different people,
but also moms that were sending the episode to their
young daughters that are in their twenties and dating because
it was it leaned into relationships like romantic because it
was based on Cat's marriage, a marriage that she's no
longer in, and the red flags that she saw before
(01:11):
she walked down the aisle. But everything we shared also
could apply to any other type of relationship with people
in your family or your coworkers or friendships. You can
always apply these warning signs. But I thought we would
go over some more warning signs today that we didn't
touch on last week, which, by the way, also last
(01:33):
week we shared you could be the red flag, and
by you I mean me, you other people listening. I
went through something like, oh shoot, I've done that. Hi,
I'm the red flag, I'm the problem. Yes, and Cat
has a really good quote, and then I'm gonna kind
of do a more positive spin or from a different
perspective than when something is not for you, like the
(01:54):
flag is waving, but what about how you feel when
something is for green flag? The green flag? So it's
just something different, a different way of looking at it.
But Cat, why don't you share the quote you you
sent me because I loved it so much? Well, I love.
Psychology says you fall in love with people you love
yourself around. So that's relationships. Friendships. I'd say, observe your
(02:16):
energies around all people and see do I love myself
around them? How am I showing up? I mean some
you you may have to be different. It just depends
on the dynamic. But if you're not feeling safe and like,
you can just I kind of just took a breath
just then, like and then I feel like an exhale.
Like if you're able to just not hold your breath
(02:36):
around someone and you get to exhale, then that might
be a sign there. I love following Alex on Instagram.
That's the handle at Alex and she posted this whole
slide when something is for you, and so I'm just
going to read through each slide she put up. When
something is for you, it will bring clarity and alignment
to your life, not chaos and confusion. It will not
(02:59):
run or hide or avoid being yours. You do not
have to chase after anything or anyone. You won't feel
the need to beg convince, or force things. Will feel
grounded and safe. Which back to the quote you just shared, Cat,
It's like when you're not able to be yourself, you're
not feeling safe. So anyway, it would make sense that
(03:21):
you fall in love with the people that you love
yourself around. I love that one so much. Okay, back
to this, When something is for you, it will not
make you question or second guess you're worth. Instead, it
will remind you how worthy and love do you truly are.
It will feel healthy and supportive, not toxic or destructive.
You'll know stop ignoring the signs, release what needs to
(03:44):
be released so that you can receive what needs to
be received. So good, beautiful, I feel like I want
to read that every day. Gabby Bernstein had put up
something about healing in relationship and being welcoming to that
like if you're trying to work on something, and she
(04:04):
said that it's easy to let fear run the show
in relationships, particularly in romantic ones. She said that in
her twenties she was stuck in a fear based belief
that a lot of us have. She was trying to
find the one to save her and that's red flag.
That's red flag. On myself, I could be codefendent. And
(04:26):
then she came to realize that nothing outside of herself
was going to fill her up. And once she realized that,
everything changed, and again doesn't just apply to romantic relationships.
It could just be for someone in any relationship that
makes you feel whole, or if you're looking for that
person excuse me to make you feel whole, then you're
(04:47):
stuck in an ego based relationship. And once you let
go of that, everything will shift because you should make
yourself whole, not somebody else. So if someone is looking
for you to make them whole, red flag. Yeah, if
you're looking for someone to make you whole, you're the
red flag. It's not easy work, that's for sure. But
(05:08):
the more that I heal, the better my connections become
with you. Everybody over the last few years. You know
another quote that really speaks to me Amy is I
think a soulmate is someone who will make you the
most you that you can possibly be, for example, giving
you energy, giving you life. You don't want someone who
(05:29):
is draining you. You feel drained. Is on the list
of warning signs that we could go over today that
we didn't include last week. And that's a huge warning
sign if you feel drained around someone, Oh, I like
the next one. They have no interest in the people
you care about. I have most definitely experienced, wouldn't go
(05:50):
to any dinners, gatherings, their friend group, expected me to
be at all the activities, give rides to from, but
no interest in coming to my functions anything like that. Um.
I remember one instance with my grandfather. I think on
one of his last Thanksgivings, like, Hey, can you ride
(06:13):
along with me? No? I said, okay, Well can I
borrow your car so that I can go see my
grandfather on Thanksgiving? No? Okay, well I don't have a car.
So I mean that's a controlling that's yeah, not supporting,
And that makes me think of imbalance of power because
he had that over you where it's like M sorry,
(06:36):
can't have the car. And if you're in a healthy relationship,
whether again it's romantic or friendship, it should have equal
balance and you shouldn't freak out if you think that
the other person isn't going to like what you're doing,
or oh no, I'm going to get the silent treatment
if I do this, or I don't feel like I
can have other friends even in a romantic relationship. Again,
(06:58):
like you were just saying you have to be around
all their people and their friends all the time, you
kind of lose your identity, but that they wouldn't come
and hang out with mine or um, it was almost
like looked at just I'm so above your people. Right.
What about love bombing? Have you ever experienced that? Yes,
(07:19):
love bombing can be like oh I love you right,
like saying it really soon? Can that be a form?
Is it always gifts? It doesn't have to just be guests. No,
I think it's affirmation all the things, a thing to
make you feel good that is in excess and over
the top to where you are hooked. I remember one
of them, there was some leggings I wanted early on,
(07:41):
Like he jumped and bought me the leggings and like
candies and things like that. No private jets or anything,
because yeah, that could happen. I was listening to Dr
Romney's podcast once and I think there was a guest
on that was talking about how on a first or
second date, her date flew her to Miami for dinner,
and it's like, red flag. That's cringe to me. So
(08:03):
it says here, love bombing can look like a flourishing
and exciting start to a new relationship. But if your
partner or friend wants to be in constant contact and
argue or panic when they can't contact you, you might
be in a toxic relationship or silent treatment. You get
punished in a way for something. Drama dramas on the list.
(08:26):
Healthy relationships improve your life. They don't make it messier
or harder. A relationship is unhealthy if there was constant
drama or conflict present. Okay, in a completely different lane,
there's money red flags, and I saw an article from
Huffington Post talking all about it, especially thanks to look
(08:46):
out for if you're looking for a potential partner, so
this would be if you're dating, if you're already married, sorry,
hopefully you can work through some of that and with friends,
Obviously you're not sharing money, but hey, you might have
roommates and stuff where money could be a thing. First
of all, they're not willing to talk openly about finances,
and they're not talking about first date type stuff. Definitely,
(09:07):
on your first date you should not be talking about
credit card balances or four oh one case stuff. But
after a few months of dating, if they're still avoiding
talking about money or anything like that, then that might
be a red flag that they're trying to hide something.
If someone is using money to control you, like if
they make you feel bad about money, they guilt you
(09:28):
into paying for things, or hold what they spent on
you over your head, that's a warning sign. Yeah, I've
been there, Like someone buying you something and then holding
it over your head I have to or like telling
me I don't bring anything to the table. Oh gosh, sorry,
A big one here. They're overly flashy, if they only
(09:50):
wear designer clothes, splurge for expensive vacations and it feels
like they're only doing it to impress, or if their
job description and salary don't seem to match up to
their lifestyle. That's a real cheesy. Sometimes I wonder I'm like,
what in the world does some of these people do,
because I, while I don't know their bank account and
(10:11):
maybe I don't know if they have like an inheritance,
but you kind of know what they do for a
living and round about what that might make and I'm like,
how are they living that way? But they might either
have a lot of debt or they're trying to just
go over the top, or maybe they can afford it all.
And I shouldn't be judging judging, but I think so
many people just will go into debt to try to
(10:32):
hold an appearance they don't tip. I mean, yeah, if
I'm want to date with someone and they do not tip,
thank you. If they are frugal in situations where you
believe that they should be more generous, pay attention to that.
The way people treat service workers, including tipping, reveals a
lot about them. And it's not just the tipping part.
Like that they said, the way they treat service workers,
like if they're rude to a server, that would be
(10:55):
so embarrassing. I am big on tipping. I still tip
people as if I'm working the service industry and it's
coming back to me. So I need someone that tips well,
because the universe will reward you. Lastly, they lie about money.
Lying about finances constrain a relationship, drive you apart, and
cause you to lose trust in your partner. If they're
(11:16):
being secretive about money or downright dishonest, that's a red
flag that you don't want to ignore. Okay, So that
was just a little detour into the money side of things.
But there's so many other things you can look out
for in a relationship, like jealousy, keeping a scorecard, being
blamed for their emotions, contempt, self betrayal, stone walling. Your
(11:39):
boundaries aren't being taken seriously. That's a good one. That
is huge for me. And that's all boundaries. That's physical, boundaries, mental, emotional,
all those boundaries. If they're not being taken seriously, that
is a huge problem. M You know, I mentioned stonewalling
(12:07):
a second ago when I was just rattling off some stuff,
and to just go into that a little more. Sometimes
in relationships you've got to talk about hard things and
that person may then start arguing when you're really not
trying to have an argument, You're just trying to talk
about something that's hard, or they may just flee walk away,
they're not willing to have the conversation, and then you're
(12:28):
afraid to bring up certain topics because you fear that
the person is going to argue with you or or
walk away or leave you, or be silent. Kind of
that silent treatment in a way, and a toxic relationship
sometimes feels like we're walking on eggshells and we don't
want to trigger the other person. That's what stonewalling is.
(12:48):
People who can't communicate think everything as an argument. You
attract the right things when you have a sense of
who you are. Oh yeah, this is one of my
favorite ones too. Sorry, quick another quote. Yes, may you
attract someone who speaks your language so you don't have
to spend a lifetime translating your soul. Yeah that's really good.
(13:09):
I like that and something and that goes back to
like cups of tea, your cup of tea versus their
cup of tea, and like, sometimes it's not working because
that person doesn't speak your language, and you need to
find the people that speak your language. And there will
be someone out there, and I think we get caught up.
This is it, this is the only person. It's I
can't find. Another news flash, that other t is out
(13:31):
there for you, somewhere you can find your tea twin.
And then even just feeling safe enough to be yourself.
I mean even like today, I'm not proud of it,
but I've had a weird day wonky, and Cat has
seen some of it, and I've been like, Okay, I'm sorry.
I know that I'm being this way. It's not you,
it's me. But I feel safe, like I feel like
(13:52):
you're not going to hold any of this against me,
and tomorrow will be just fine. Oh yeah, everyone is
entitled to their wonky days. And I used to live
my life though. I was like I couldn't be happy
one day and then sad the next, Like I was like,
that's that's not right, Like I need to be consistent. No,
you can be wonky a me today and then right back.
(14:15):
I could be wonky and also and I'm gonna love
you no matter what. Well, I could be happy and
sad at the same time. Yes, yes, yes, we talked
about that. Oh my gosh, was it last night? We
had a good cry it I had a good cry
in here. I don't know one day this week we
talked about that. I didn't think it was okay. To
be all these different emotions I want. No, it's totally acceptable.
(14:38):
You can be grieving something and so excited about another simultaneously,
Like it's fine, what did I cry about last night? Oh?
Being a little shining star yea, where you were getting
your worth from right right? And now I am coming
back to that place. I'm feeling some of those good
feelings that I used to have before my worth was shattered.
(15:00):
And your worth doesn't come from some of that stuff.
You had put all your eggs, like in that basket
right right, and I had to let that basket go.
Let the basket go, Let let the eggs, let the
eggs drop, let the eggs fall where they made. I
love it. I think we've really made a come back today,
come back from what the wonky. But hey, that's okay.
(15:24):
Like the other cat says, have the day, you need
to have exactly what we are doing. This cat says,
if you settle for crumbs, you'll always be starving, and
don't let the mixed signals fool you in decision is
a decision. Remember that in friendships and romantic relationships and
(15:46):
maybe even the workplace. Yea, which cryo cat is going
to make an adherence that the Four Things live in
Nashville because she's gonna be here, so she'll be at
the seven pm. And then we added the three pm
so she'll be at that as well, And we have
one more thing. Are you gonna do an outfit change?
Probably if I changed three times at a wedding, I'm
(16:08):
probably gonna wear the same thing. But it's I just
knew you probably would have multiple outfits because that's your personality.
But I'm excited you're gonna be there, and I'm so
thankful for the support, and I know your mom is
going to come and other friends and family. So we
have the three pm tickets still available. Seven pm is
sold out. If you want to come to Nashville or
(16:31):
you live in Nashville. We'll be doing Four Things at
Franklin Theater. Britney Spencer is going to be the musical guest.
She's so amazing. I'm also going to talk with her
about finding her worth. Ali Fallon is an author and
writing expert that's going to be joining us talking about
her finding her worth. She was actually married to a narcissist,
(16:51):
got a divorce, has since remarried, and is living her
life her dream life. Which she never thought at the
end of that marriage that this was even possible for her.
So we'll talk to her about finding her worth and
also she's big on mantras and affirmations. She's gonna walk
because she's a writing expert. She's got writing exercises for us.
She's come on the podcast before, and then kat Defota
(17:13):
will be there as well, and she'll kind of put
a bow on things. The theme is knowing you are
worthy and knowing you deserve good things and knowing you
deserve your rainbow. Can I tell you sorry, after this
last relationship ending, I almost got worth tattooed on me,
So this is so appropriate for just me everybody, But yeah,
(17:36):
I almost got worth. But this is we're using the
word worthy. But I remember I kept over and over
in my head. I was like, I want to put worth,
but I haven't. But maybe I will after your party,
you will, maybe you will before and then you'll show everybody.
Oh my gosh, where do I put it? Probably right
there on your forearm, I wish I had done. I
(17:56):
have two tattoos, and I used more of a thicker needle,
and you of that thin needle is what a lot
of people are doing now, and I'm like, oh, man,
because it kind of bleeds out like over time and
it's very it's so cute. Look it's not as cute
as it was, but that's okay. You're so special to me.
You could go to this arm and then laser these off.
Let the laser hurt. But I still My ex husband
(18:19):
had to, oh, he had your name on his finger
might keep at the band, and so he would send
me videos of Oh, he would send me videos of
himself getting it removed in a nice way. That one
wasn't like disrespectful. I don't think. I mean there were
some disrespectful moments in that. That was the first guy. Well,
(18:43):
are we announcing your other party or no, what other party?
I don't know yet. Well, yeah, there might be something
in Nashville on Friday, which will be you won't need
a ticket for it at all. That it's something that
we're working on and we're going to do and it
should be a lot of fun and it will be
on Friday. So if you're traveling to Nashville, if you
get in Friday night for the show on Saturday, which
(19:06):
I know some people are flying in for it, then
you might have something to do on Friday night. Yeah,
whoop whoop. And then if you go to the three
pm show in Franklin, when the show gets out, it'll
be like dinner time. And there's so many amazing restaurants
in the Franklin Square downtown and it's so cute, so
you could make a reservation, go to eat and hang out.
(19:26):
So I feel like the three pm shows just as
good as the seven pm They're both going to be
phenomenon Franklin Theater dot com. If you want tickets again,
it's on March and I can't wait. It's going to
be such a special night. And Okay, you wanna say bye,
well I want to say like and subscribe, thank you
(19:46):
both things. Um, do we say the four things were
grateful for? Do we have time to do for really
fast ones? You can? Okay, I'm not even gonna elaborate.
We're just gonna go quick. Top of the head. Sobriety challenges, botox,
an I D those are things that I'm grateful for. Yeah,
which cat gets an a d at restore shoot, But
(20:07):
I should have said our hydrofacials. Oh yeah, we got restore,
got a new estetician. And so the estetician had to
practice and she has to do a certain amount before
she's certified in a way to be free to do
any paying client that comes in. So we got free
hydro facials today. So okay, if I do four things,
mine would be my free hydrofacial. Second thing would be
(20:30):
that I slept till nine today, the day that we're
recording this, because it's the weekend. But I yeah, I
had to take some children's cough s her up last
night because all we had was children's and I was like, well,
if I just double the dose, does that work? Maybe
took a little too much because then I slept for
twelve hours and I was mad at myself for sleeping
that long, but then I realized my body needed it.
(20:52):
So I'm thankful for the sleep. I'm thankful for my
salad chopper, my bowl with the rolling chopper. I posted
a video on Instagram and so many people are like,
oh my gosh, yes, I love that I have. That's
the best salat shopper ever, and it is. If you
go to radio Amy dot com, you can get a
link to my Amazon page, which is a link to
(21:14):
any product that I typically talk about, but my salad
chopper is up there. My fourth thing is my forgiveness
meditation that I'm doing Beautiful seven days, So every morning
for ten minutes, I'm doing the same meditation. It's a
forgiveness one and you can walk through and forgive yourself
if you need to for something or others and just
(21:36):
release that. But I do it for seven days, and
I've done it for two and if I had a
fifth thing, Amy, it's you, Okay, all right, okay. We
also have four Things Gratitude journals, which are an amazing
tool if you're trying to get into practicing gratitude, and
links to that can be found a Radio Amy as
well or four things dot com. However you want to
(21:57):
get there, all right, say bye bye. Small was full.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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