July 2, 2020 • 55 mins
FIRST THING: We're excited to have Amy's friends on this episode! To start it off, Kelly Henderson {@velvetsedge} is on to talk about ‘how to teach young girls that they are beautiful’. Kelly just interviewed Cassidy Bentley on her podcast, The Velvet's Edge, about this topic and they discussed how we can try to be proactive in making a positive impact on young girls and their body image. SECOND THING: Caroline Hobby {@carohobby} shares her journey of learning about systemic racism and how she is bringing this new knowledge into her life. Be sure to check out her episode of 'Get Real with Caroline Hobby' featuring Amara Hall & Amara's mom. THIRD THING: Abby Smyers {@abbysmyers} is on to talk about one of her favorite personality tests: Myers Briggs!! Abby also shares her journey of working with animal rescue groups & fostering dogs. FOURTH THING: Last but not least, Amy and Lisa Hayim {@thewellnecessities} are both in the same season of moving...so Lisa shares her approach of bringing in mindfulness to her daily spaces and having gratitude for where she has been and where she is going. They also go over questions to ask yourself when organizing your home, so this is not just for when you're moving.
Items mentioned in this episode:
Dog Mom CLICK HERE!
Proverbs 12:10 Rescue CLICK HERE!
Velvet's Edge Podcast CLICK HERE!
Get Real with Caroline Hobby Podcast CLICK HERE
Saturated Ice cream {@saturatedicecream}
(Episode 160)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Never lays a little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty,
but hey, it's pretty beautiful than laugh a little month.
(00:28):
You're kicking four. Happy Thursday. I hope you're having a
great week now. This episode was fun for me because
I brought on four different girlfriends of mine to talk
about four totally different things. We recorded each thing on
zoom so that I could see their faces, So you'll
definitely have to bear with the audio sounding a little
(00:50):
bit different. It's not ideal, but I think you'll enjoy
what each of my friends brought to the table, and
you'll walk away from this episode inspired by these women.
Now to rundown of what you're gonna here today. For
the fourth thing, my friend Lisa, who a lot of
you may know is at the Well Necessities on Instagram,
moved this last week as well. I just moved into
(01:12):
a new house last week in case you didn't know,
but I wanted Lisa to come on and share her
approach of bringing in mindfulness to her daily spaces, whether
it's a home or a hotel, any space she's been in.
She tries to have gratitude for where she's been or
where she's lived, and then where she's going. So we
(01:33):
also go over questions to ask yourself when you're organizing
your home and thinking about what to keep or donate.
So it's not just for if you're moving, because I
know a lot of you listening may not be in
that season of life, but it'll still be an interesting
conversation for you. Oh and f y, I for my move,
I used Bellhot Moving. I got some messages from people
(01:54):
asking how we moved so fast, and we got our
home put together so quickly and deaf really would not
have been possible if I didn't use Bellhop Moving. So
I gotta give props and credit where credit is due,
and I don't want to mislead y'all thinking like, oh,
I just snapped my fingers and moved. UM. So, if
you happen to have a move coming up, big or small,
(02:16):
I highly recommend bell Hop. I know that they're all
over the country. And then while we're giving shout outs,
you know something that came up in my conversation with
Lisa's legacy box. You'll hear it about it in our
chat if you're not familiar with what it is. UM,
but I wanted to share here the website that we
give out on the Bobby Bones show in case you
end up interested, because um, you can say fift at
(02:38):
least at the moment, So Legacy box dot Com slash
bones for that. And then for the third thing, my
friend Abby is on to talk about one of her
favorite personality tests, Abbie Smiers. She's obsessed with Myers Briggs.
I had not taken the test until the other day
when she sent me a link. We also talk a
(02:59):
little bit about the Graham, but she discusses why she
likes this personality test better, and then she also shares
her journey of working with animal rescue groups and fostering dogs.
For the second thing, um, my friend Caroline Hobby is
on to talk about her journey of learning about systemic
racism and how she's bringing this new knowledge into her
(03:19):
life and she's just like a lot of us, trying
to figure it all out, and how she can be
a part of a change, like how we can all
be the change. Would you guys have been posting your
be the Change shirts on Instagram and it's the coolest
thing ever because we've raised about ninety dollars for the
Shop forward Ally fund to help fight racial injustice and
(03:42):
that's because a lot of you that are listening right now,
so thank you. And it's super cool for Stevenson, my
son to see his handwriting on a shirt and then
so many of your posts and especially on a shirt
that's making such a huge impact. So if you want
to support this cause or other efforts that we have
(04:02):
going on, we can find links at Radio amy dot
com for that. And then for the first thing today,
you're gonna hear my girl, Kelly Henderson at Velvet's Edge.
As a lot of you know her. If you're not
following her for fashion and beauty stuff, you definitely should.
But she's on to talk about interviewty and teaching young
girls that they are beautiful. And Kelly just interviewed Cassidy
(04:26):
Bentley on her podcast about this topic and they discussed
how we can try to be proactive and making a
positive impact on young girls and their body image. And
I think you'll enjoy our chat, but you're definitely gonna
want to go check out the podcast episode that she
mentions with Dirk Spentley's wife that she did super cool.
So I'm really thankful for each of the girls on
(04:48):
this episode. I'm thankful that they're in my life, and
I hope that you enjoy today's episode. Let's get started. Okay,
I got my girl, Kelly. She's on to talk about
a pretty interesting topic that she actually had on her
podcast this last week, and I thought, Hey, why don't
you come on and we talk about that and then
(05:09):
encourage my listeners to go listen to the episode if
they're a mom and they need to hear they're raising girls,
or even if you're just in lives of girls. You know,
it could be a niece, or your best friends kids,
or your step kids, whatever that looks like. So Kelly,
gonna have you introduced the topic real quick. So I've
(05:29):
had Cassidy Bentley, who's married to Dirk's Bentley obviously, on
the Velvet Edge podcast this week, and we talked a
lot about shaping young girls minds around beauty. You know,
I have been talking about the fact that I'm dating
someone who has two daughters now, and obviously Cassidy has
kids too, and it's something I never thought about as
someone in the beauty business. You know, I just do things.
(05:52):
I go get botox, I get eyelash extensions, I get
hair extensions, and what I'm noticing is these girls, they're
noticing this stuff that I do, you know, like they
play with my hair and they're like, what is that
in your head? Like when you feel my hair extensions?
And it kind of made me sad to have to
explain that and to say, you know, like I get
(06:12):
fake hair put in, because when I look at them,
I'm like, Oh, just think you're so beautiful the way
you are, you know. I want them to feel so
secure in that. And so it's really made me start
asking myself questions like why am I doing all of
this stuff to me? And kind of during this coronavirus
stuff too, I realized how much of it was just
this motorized thing that I do and I don't even
(06:33):
think about it, you know, I just do it. And
so the pause and life made me question some of
the things because I couldn't do it, and I was like,
do I really need this? Cassy and I really talked
about that. She's great about it and obviously has to
be on the red carpet a lot. And so she's
living these two laves where she's supernatural and one part
of her life and just a mom that is kind
(06:55):
of in the trenches with her kids and then she's
on red carpets with dirt, so that's a lot of
pressure in a totally different way. So she really helps me.
She had a lot of resources that she listened for
me that I'm going to look into, and um, yeah,
I just really want to start spreading this message of
beauty and maybe a bigger perspective of that, like inner beauty,
(07:16):
and let's all look inside and make sure that we're
addressing all of those parts of us too. I haven't
listened to it yet, but it's on my list, and
this is something that interests me so much. And if
Cassidy had a lot of good resources for you, I
know that I need to listen and write them down.
And I hope that other women listening will listen to
or I know I have some younger listeners to, some
(07:37):
high school girls that email me from time to time.
Do you think it's something that they could listen to
as well and get something out of? Actually really do,
because I think the programming as women that we get
so early on, like we get these messages that we
need to look this certain way, and especially with social
media nowadays, it's just like what we do, you know,
(07:57):
And so I think it's so important amount of what
your age to just ask the questions like why are
you doing this? And is it something that actually makes
you feel good about yourself or is it just something
that you do mechanically because we've been told we need
to be a certain size or we need to look
as young as we can as long as we can,
and those kind of thoughts. And I just want to
(08:19):
make sure I think it's fine, Like it's not like
stop doing everything, but it's also like does it actually
make you feel good? And is it fulfilling you? Is
it the right thing for you? And if it is,
then by all means totally there's got to be a
balance with it. I don't always love that word, but
I'm gonna say it for lack of me thinking of
a better word to use right now. But do you
(08:40):
follow the Bird's Papaya on Instagram? I've heard of that account,
but I actually don't why she is so great and
we were talking it made me think about she did
a post about the next generation and what we want
to pass down to our kids and what they're used
to seeing. And we grew up seeing airbrushed people everywhere,
were to see seeing only the kind of body and
(09:01):
this kind of look. And then now we're starting to
see more of a normalized bodies movement where it's like, Okay,
bodies have cellulite, not all bodies are particular shape. And
she put up a post and it was of her
I'll show it to you here, but it's just of
her in a swimsuit, but you can car you know,
the back of her legs, and she's like having a
great time in the summer sun. And she's like, that
(09:23):
should be the caption, that should be the end of
the post. So why aren't we there yet? Because she
feels like she needs to tide more because it shows
her cellulite, and she needs to explain certain things. And
she's like, hopefully we get to a place where women
can post their bodies as they are, stretch marks, cellulite,
all the beautiful things, and then just post and be
(09:43):
done with it, because you know there's an air brushed
image of this and that then someone might just be like, oh,
on the beach having fun in the sun. You know,
we're just not there yet. But her post is really
really good, and she just said that one day she
hopes if we continue making efforts and we can continue
to show up and continue to push back against the
decades of something different. A generation will come that will
(10:07):
not have known the days that we introduced and felt
shame for the normalcies of the skin and the body.
I'm excited about the episode. I'm thankful for you and
Cathy for doing that one. I think it's great. How
do we tell people real quick where to find it?
So you can just search Velvet's Edge on iHeart Media,
I heart Radio, any sort of place you listen to podcast,
(10:27):
It's just Velvet's Edge and the episode is titled how
to Teach Young Girls They're Beautiful with Cassidy Bentley. Awesome.
Thank you, Kelly, always awesome, even if it's on Zoom
and Love. I thought, if I got to see you
soon next month and we're going to celebrate your birthday, yes,
can't wait. So I've got my girl, Caroline Hobby on
(10:50):
Hey Carol, Hey girl, I got your Carol because that's
her Instagram is at Caro Hobby a r O h
O B b Y And Caroline has a podcast called
Get Real. She's on the same network as me, the
Nashville Podcast Network. And I was super proud of you
right away out of the gate seeing you use your
(11:13):
platform to bring awareness to the racial injustice like you
were on it and one of your next episodes you
had it up. I could tell you were digging in,
you were reading, you were researching, you were trying to
bring on friends and and experts and different people that
knew a lot, and so I was inspired by you,
and so I just wanted to bring you on just
(11:34):
as someone that's navigating it like a lot of other people,
including myself, and just get your take on a lot
of it. And then I also have a podcast episode
that I want you to to speak on and highlight
too with our friend Toma that you did, and so
that way listeners can go check it out. I, like
most people in the world, many people in the world,
(11:54):
have just a super empathetic heart. And when I see
something that has happened that resonates with me in my
core that is just wrong. And once I'm like enlightened
to something, it is so impossible for me to let
it go, Like I cannot go back to the way
I was before because I'm like, I now know this exists,
I know this is happening. If there's a way that
(12:17):
I can do something to help then I want to
when the Black Lives Matter of movement just got so activated,
I really started listening because I have a lot of
black friends who I really love and respect. They were
really passionate and upset themselves, and so it just felt
so different than the way we had been living where
(12:38):
I felt like there's probably some people that were racist,
but I didn't understand that racism was systematic. I thought
it was very personal. Like I thought it was just
people were racist and now it's a terrible thing. But
like I didn't think it was so deep. And so
I just started like asking my friends who were black,
and I started like getting my eyes open, and I
started watching movies I watched, which was super eye opening. It.
(13:00):
Then I was like, I'm super uncomfortable talking about this
because I don't know about it. I don't feel qualified
to talk about it. I feel like I'll say something wrong.
I do not want to offend anyone, like I am
so uneducated. But I asked my friend Amara, and she
was like, listen, just start talking about it. You have
a good heart, you have a good intention, Like, just
start talking about it, and that's better than not talking
(13:21):
about it. And so with her confidence, I interviewed her
and then interviewed her and her mom, and they really
just shed some wisdom on me, and I hope anyone
who heard the episode on how unfair it really is
and some of the things they've had to go through
as black people, and it breaks my heart. So I
want to be part of the change. And another thing
(13:43):
I'm learning is I get so overwhelmed because I feel like,
how do I change it all for everyone? But that's
so such a huge cross to bear, and nobody can
do that, and so you have to just do it
where you can do it in your own life. And
I was like, I have a podcast, I have amazing
black friends, Let's talk, And so that's what I did. Yeah. No,
I loved that episode. And Amara is just such a
(14:03):
beautiful soul in general. Anybody that encounters her your immediately
just lighter, like, hey, isn't it so tell her she's
like walking peace. Yeah, Like I have goose bumps after
I said that, because it's so true. She's just this
free spirit that just loves and is so gentle and kind,
(14:27):
passionate but not aggressive, and she sees the spark and everybody. Yeah,
she's one of a kind, very special person. So are
you what I feel with you? I know what you're
saying about Amara. She is next level. Yeah, so I
would encourage people to go find that episode. What is
it It's called Amar joins me again along with her
(14:49):
beautiful mother Norma, talking about systemic racism and their hope
for the future. Okay, so definitely go to Get Real
wherever you listen to podcasts. Caroline, we're talking before we
came on, and we were discussing how we get to
listen to podcasts if we even find the time. And
I told her that the other day I was listening
to an eighteen minute podcast that someone put up, but
(15:12):
it took me two days to listen to it. I
think I got five minutes the first day, and then
the second day I got to listen to the rest.
So I really fit them in where I can. But
a trick. If you're listening to podcast or audio books
or anything in your short on time, you can up
the speed like you can make it a time and
(15:33):
a half. And but everybody's excess everyone. And the problem
is when I get used to hearing someone speak in
their fast forward voice, when I hear them speak normal,
it's weird to be that's a funny little life pack.
I like that. How are you handling these types of
conversations with your family or even friends? Yes, you found
(15:55):
ways to bring it into the podcast, but how are
you bringing in into your life? I think, And I've
talked a lot to Marra and everyone who have interviewed
on this topic. I've asked that question, like what are
the ways to do it? Like, what are the ways
to start bringing this into your life without just walking
in with like a like a loud horn yelling it
(16:15):
and you know, making everyone feel they have to like
state their stance or whatever. Because I think everyone wants
it to change, at least in my life. The way
the people I hang out with an associate, and what
I'm seeing in the world is it feels like everyone
is not okay with this, Like it needs to change.
It's a big issue, but it's so deep rooted that
(16:35):
how do you It's very uncomfortable And I grew up
I never wanted to talk talk about people's color and
race and stuff. That's always made me super uncomfortable. And
so what I learned from Mickey Guy too, was just
denounce racism anywhere that you go, Like if I if
anyone has an off color joke or which I haven't
just hasn't happened to me, or says something that's just
not appropriate, you have to call him out. You have
(16:58):
to say I'm sorry, you just I can't stand for that.
You can't say that, you have to say that out loud,
you can't laugh it off. Of course, voting, taking your
voting right seriously, because it's a huge deal to have
the right to vote. So taking that seriously and really
getting educated about everyone running for office. I think to
just I have told my parents what I've been doing,
(17:18):
and my family and my friends, like I've watched this movie,
I've learned this, and then just having open conversations about
what went on that we didn't know about, you know
that we weren't aware too, And then just really starting
to have these conversations and educate ourselves and encourage everyone
around me to educate themselves, and just being open about
the fact that this is a big deal to me
(17:38):
and I'm educating myself. Here's what I'm learning. And if
you're wanting to educate to and learn something, watch this
movie or listen to this podcast or do that. And
it comes to find out like everyone is wanting to
have these conversations, I feel like, and so if you
can be kind of the instigator, then you can really
get into deep, good conversation and hopefully that will start
trickling across other people and who they hang out and
(17:59):
then all of a sudden, maybe we ought to step
up our game a little bit and that's how we
can help move this forward. You brought up an interesting
point about voting, which I think is great, and then
easy conversation starters, because we should be having these talks
with people that we're close to, her, that we work with,
or that we encounter if we can. What I've learned
in this is that some stuff isn't blatantly racist. It's
(18:22):
not some crazy anow there are the jokes or whatever,
but it's not some like blatant crazy joke where it's
obvious that that's racist. Like sometimes there's just so much
stuff again because it's so deeply rooted that just comes
out from people that maybe at a time we would
just be like okay, yeah no and just ignore it.
(18:42):
But there's moments where now if we have that, we
we might have to step up our game and say, hey,
you know what can we can we talk more about
what you just said, because I'm curious where that came from,
because they may not even realize what they have just
said and how hurtful that might be to somebody else.
I know. I get super overwhelmed, like I was saying earlier,
(19:05):
when I see a change that needs to happen, and
I want to immediately, like all want to just change
my whole life so fast and like try to like
fix this thing that I feel like is a huge problem.
And I think with this, like you're saying, it is
such a big problem. And I interviewed this amazing woman.
Her name is Loki, and she makes ice cream and
she does it like with black history. She brings black
(19:26):
history into her ice cream and like she made a
June team that ice cream and talked all about it,
and she gives history lessons on the ice cream. So
it's like she's like, Okay, I have two lines to
give you history on black history while you're getting ice cream.
And so she's done this really cool thing. It's called
saturated ice cream. Everyone check her out. Where where do
we get saturated ice cream? I already want to order it.
She's on Instagram Saturated ice cream and she has like
(19:49):
places in Nashville, so follow her Saturated ice Cream on Instagram,
but check out the podcast too. But what she said
is people can get like almost fatigued. You can have
something that hits you so heavy and you want to
change so fast and like you're all in, but then
you can burn out a little bit. So she's like,
just make sure you pace yourself. I've really taken that
to heart because this is something that I want to
commit to for the long run and I want to
(20:11):
change in my life and I want to be that
influence of everyone around me too, and so I know
that I have to just pace myself on learning, pace
myself on keeping the conversations going. I don't want to
feel like I have to fix everything today or that
it's my job to fix everything, but it is my
job to keep going, to keep learning, to pace myself
and try to make the difference in my own life.
(20:31):
So that's kind of one of the best use of
advice I've got about this for the long haul. Well,
I love it, and I think that that's some wisdom
that my listeners can take with them as well, because
I know a lot of us are on this journey
and I just want people to know that they're they're
not alone if they're struggling with how to do this,
what to do, but the important thing is to just
(20:54):
start taking those steps forward and start doing it. That
was freedom to me when Amara said that, she said,
it is better to start the conversation, even if you
feel completely ignorant. If you're to start the conversation, that
is better to do that than to say nothing. And
then when she said that, I was like, okay, because
I always was way too scared to have these kind
of conversations. Thank you for coming on and sharing with
(21:15):
us what you're doing. And I'm just super proud of you,
happy to have you as a friend. And I'm going
to come be on your podcast next month, Yes, mid July,
you will come be my guest and we'll maybe dive
deeper into these topics and we go deep. We got
a long history. I've known you for a long time.
We're with from Texas. I know we just need you
(21:35):
to get you to to move over here. Now. Thank
you for coming on, Caroline, thanks for having me. And
my friend Abby is making her podcast debut. I mean
(21:56):
on my past, really the only one of my only
podcasts ever, but only ever done one. Yeah, who did
you do? The other one with Caroline Carolyne Yea, And
she's on this episode too, so kind of fitting. We
all used to live in the same neighborhood together, but
now we have since moved. Caroline still there, she's holding
on the fort for us, holding down the fort for us.
(22:18):
But yeah, we moved and now Abby and I are
less than a mile apart, which is super fun. And
she was over here for dinner the other night with
my friend Brittany and Caitlin, and we were just sitting
around eating and then somehow we started talking about Myers Briggs.
I think we started talking about angiogram, and we all
had so much knowledge about aniogram. Everyone knows it. It's
(22:41):
like the trendiest thing. But then you and Brittany, which
Brittany has been on the podcast too, if it's just
so people know who we're talking about. She was my
friend that came on a few weeks ago for the
first episode that I did about racial injustice. And so
you and Brittany are talking and you you start saying
all these letters and Helmino and y'all have your whole
(23:05):
little Myers Briggs connection, and then Caitlin and I whose
Bobby's girlfriend, We did not know what y'all were talking about.
I mean, of course I've heard of it, but I
have no clue what the letters mean. I'd never taken
a test. I want to, but I thought, okay, since
this episode I'm featuring all my girlfriends and different little things, Mabby,
(23:25):
I'll do the disclaimer for you, since you were telling
me yes, effort like, not at all, not anywhere close.
This episode is just me chatting with my girlfriends about
things that other people might want to have girl talk about.
So absolutely I thought I would bring you on as
the unofficial Myers. You do know a lot. I know enough,
(23:48):
and I know about mine is the biggest thing. But
it was fun once you took it, and I need
to go back and see. Caitlin took it too, but
I forgot which one hers was. But we were all
discussing in Brittany and I were super similar. We were
just one letter apart, so I guess we should explain
the letters. But the letters are your personality type for
(24:10):
Myers Briggs. And the reason we were talking about this
is because everyone talks about Instagram. There's one thousand indiogram
Instagrams and there's different memes you can follow, and I
think it's really cool and interesting, but sometimes I feel
very pigeonholed by any agram, if that's the right word.
Like I feel not totally like I connect to it,
(24:33):
even though I understand why I'm a too amy What
are you again? Jury is still out for me. But
if I haven't done the test like that you do online,
and I was more, but then I've done a verbal
and I was given a three. Okay, three and four,
so four would make sense with your result for Myers
Briggs because she is an I s f P, which
(24:57):
is inherently creative as well, and for Or is creative,
so maybe there is something to be said there. But
to clarify, yes, I literally just the test two days ago,
and I feel like it's kind of quick to take
it again. I feel like I want to take it again.
Maybe I'm going on vacation next week and I'll be
(25:18):
in Colorado and a little more relaxed, and maybe and
then to focus on it more and really take it.
But I did. Yeah, my result was what you say,
I f P, So what that would stand for is
introverted sensing feeling perceiving, and from the little research that
I did on that, I found adventurer meaning more someone
(25:40):
who is creative and like willing to accept new things
very quickly, very welcoming, versus not like just going on adventures.
I didn't really get that from it, even though it
was called The Adventurer, But that was kind of like
the little gist of what I got. But you don't
feel like you really relate to that. So I know
I have a much partiding with any of it because
(26:01):
I take it and that's what we probably need to
not do. And I say we for anybody else like me,
you put yourself in that box and you feel like
you're supposed to check everything off about the single one
of them exactly, and so I wouldn't ugle with that.
That's how I feel about it too, and write when
we were about to jump on this an anagram account
(26:22):
that I follow, it was like the angiogram does not
define you, was just the post, and I was like, wow,
like that's very timely for the conversation that we're about
to have, because I think that's always been my issue,
is that I just don't relate to it oneent. But
then when I took Myers Briggs, which I'm an I
n f J, which so we're both introverted. It's introverted
(26:43):
intuitive feeling and judging. And when I first read the
description of me, I fully was in tears because it
was just like the first time I felt someone understood me,
even though it was just a web page. But it
was just little things like there's a line in the
description of an I n f J that just says,
anyone who met and I n f J would assume
(27:04):
they're an extroverted person. And I think people probably perceive
me as an extrovert a lot of the time because
I am very open. I love meeting new people, and
I'm very welcoming, which is something I really love about myself,
but I am very drained by that personally. I do
way better recharging by myself and kind of refocusing and
(27:25):
realigning alone, which I think is really unexpected for people.
Another thing about I n f J that I related
to so much myself was so I n f J
is the advocate, but we tend to take on way
too much in terms of things being in our control.
And I think during COVID or anything, especially right now
(27:46):
in these very very very trying times. It's really easy
to just take on so much and want to do
so many things and you're really limited on it, and
it can be really emotionally draining for everyone. So that
was something I guess I really really did too. But
you'll have to dig more in and see if there's
any things that you really do and yeah, what has
(28:06):
it been like for you? And I mean, because you're
married to Dan, how do y'all's personalities work out? Has
he taken the Myers Briggs? He has not taken the
Myers Briggs. And I finally just got him to take
the angiogram, which I don't know if it's like a
male thing or his personality or what it is. It
was just challenging to get him to stop. He wants
to work all the time, so that's just taking away
(28:27):
from work time if he's taking a quiz. But he
did take angiogram and he's an eight. And I was
actually really surprised by that. I would have typed him,
which they say, don't ever type people because you're gonna
be wrong, as probably a three or four, and he's
an eight, and I was a little taken aback at
the moment. But now that I like, look at two
(28:49):
and eight dynamics actually makes complete sense. In our marriage too,
is not dominant at all and always serving others and
a helper. And but it says in two in eight relationships,
that's like the one time a two is dominant, and
that's really true. He does. He lets me be in
charge sometimes, which is really free for any of you
(29:11):
girls out there listening to find yourself here to find
an eight, it's really great, truly, I think. I think, yeah,
that's what a part of our station that night was
a little bit about that. I forgot that you mentioned
that Dan was an eight, but yes, you know, I
think what's interesting for couples right now during quarantine is
(29:32):
some people are extroverts, call them seven's probably I'm to
be around people to feel like they're living life, and
it's probably really hard for them. But then if you're
in a relationship with someone that likes to be around people,
but then we like recharging by ourselves, and we both
(29:53):
marry people that travel a lot, and then suddenly everybody's
home and you're like, yet here we all are together
all the time. It's I try to take it as
the biggest blessing because we'll probably never have this opportunity again.
But I've talked to friends about it. My best friend Devon,
(30:15):
her husband. He's a three but he is incredibly extroverted.
His name is Jamison, but Jamison is like he just
thrives being around people, so quarantine has been such a
challenge for him, whereas she's like us, she's introverted three
charges alone, loves being alone. And I really feel for
people in that extroverted personality because this is really challenging.
(30:40):
And I guess maybe for us introverts, they're getting a
little bit of a taste of how we feel when
we have to go to social engagements all the time.
But I think it's really hard, and I feel for
them tremendously because I thrive at home and alone, so
I'm like, this is great, it's all right, but I
know that for so many people it is not that
way at all, and it's really really hard. And to me,
(31:03):
the best thing about these personality tests, whether it's angiogram
or Myers Briggs or I found two more for us
that we can take and discuss at a later time
that are more like character ones. They're the Gallop Test,
like gallop like a horse and then V I A.
I just was reading about them today, But they're really
deep diving personality tests that a lot of businesses want
(31:25):
you to take. And I know a lot of businesses
use Myers Briggs to like understand people. I think you
mentioned that, Yeah, my sister's husband. So yes, he works
in a high stress environment and he's the boss, and
he has a team under him on the trading floor
and he knows how to manage each of them because
he had them all take the Myers Briggs and he
(31:48):
just knows exactly how they're going to react under stress,
under pressure, under any scenario, and then that way he
knows how to approach them and how to best manage them.
Because I think that that what's cool for bosses or
managers or even coworkers to use this as a tool
to or high functioning office. I think it's even more
(32:10):
useful to understand other people. Obviously it's great to understand
yourself better, but I think it's probably harder for us
as individuals to look at I'm an I n F
J or a two or I'm a four or whatever
it is, and you see certain parts of those characteristics
that you don't relate to and then you're so in
tune with yourself. It's hard to like fully embrace those.
(32:32):
But when you use them as a tool to understand
other people, I think that's when they're the most beneficial,
because you're like, Okay, well, now that I understand that
and I and f J reacts in this way or
feels this way, or use the world in this way,
you might understand their response to you differently, and then
you can have better interactions. And I like all of them,
(32:54):
Angiogram or Myers Briggs so and maybe these two new
ones that I'm going to take later, but to just
better understand people as a whole and why they react
a certain way or why they might feel a certain way.
When did you first take Buyer's Bricks. I took it
in college for the first time. I don't know that
I remember if I was an I n f J
(33:15):
or not. The first time I took it as an
adult was probably two years ago. My friend from college, Aaron,
lives in San Diego and she's worked in advertising, well
she did right out of school, and now she works
for a nonprofit for veterans and people who have been
killed in combat. And their families and things like that,
(33:36):
and her husband is an a b seal, but she
uses a lot of these in their workplace and she
used them in advertising too. So I had gone to
visit her when her first son was born, and we
just got on the topic again because she has a
bunch of books and she's also the one who told
me about the Gallup test, but she has used it
through her life and just the experiences that her and
(34:00):
her husband have gone through with him deploying and all
of that, and so we just got on the topic
and I was like, I need to take that again.
And I felt like this was about the time that
Angiograham was getting super popular, and I just felt like
I related so much more to it. And not to
say that there's anything wrong with aniogram, I think it's great.
I just thought I related more to my results with
Myers Briggs and made me want to know more about it.
(34:23):
Where do you recommend? Like you sent me a link?
Is that? Yes, I think the one that I think
is called human Metrics. I like the results that human
metrics provides. I don't know the test is good or not,
to be honest, I just like the depth that they
go into it. For a free test. Now there's ones
you can pay for that I'm sure are way better,
But for a free test, I really like that one
(34:45):
because it's quick and the results are very in depth.
For a free test, I feel like and you don't
have to like buy more information at the end of it,
like it's pretty well rounded. So I really like that one.
But if you just google it, there's plenty of free tests,
kind of like the same with angiogram. But I know
the Gallup test is when you pay for and I
think I'm going to do it because it's like twenty
(35:06):
pages along your results, so I'm very interesting. Okay, I'll
go on Myers Briggs once, so yeah, you start there,
and then I'll take that test seriously, even though I
know that it got the eye part right because I
am interacted and then I am and I think you're
very creative. Yes, then the f part I feel anything, Yes,
(35:30):
I based too much on feelings. I mean, I'm I
need to stop and think sometimes before me to which yeah,
you being a two the angiogram and you being like
a helper and do or I just want to to
shout you out for all the help that you do.
For dogs and things. People may not know that about you.
(35:53):
I'm sure if they follow you on Instagram they do know.
But in case you know and Dan are like the
biggest dog rescuers in the land, like y'all have. Did
y'all have that in common when you started dating? Well,
it's really funny because when we very like the very
beginning of our relationship, I had a dog that was
(36:13):
mine that I got in college, and I honestly at
first was like a little afraid that he didn't like
my dog, and I was like, man, I really like
this guy, but that's a deal breaker, Like you have
to like my dog. Then I realized that he did
really like my dog, so it was fine. But I
feel like it kind of developed together. We did rescue,
our our first both of our rescue dog, Joy which
(36:35):
we named because we got Pimp and Joy week. But
she was our very first rescue dog and like our
first kind of introduction to rescue, and so then it
kind of just developed from there. My dog that I
had before before I was involved in rescue, before I
was knowledgeable and rescue, I got him from a breeder,
(36:55):
and um, he ended up just having a whole lot
of health issues and he night at four and it
was so so traumatic and so traumatizing. And we had
already rescued Joy at that point. A coworker of mine
was fostering her and we ended up adopting her, and
so I had already at that point been exposed to rescue,
(37:16):
and then having that trauma with my dog Miller, it
just became something I really wanted to focus on. So
since then, we've fostered probably forty dogs and we've kept fours.
So I feel like I'm not doing great. I not
keeping my foster dogs. So I'm trying to uh tone
(37:36):
it down a little bit on the fostering because I
clearly have no self control whatsoever. But I have been
transporting dogs during quarantine. I call it my dog taxi.
But it's just been really, really fun because it was
like a really awesome way for me, especially in the beginning,
feeling kind of helpless and confused on everything that was
(37:57):
happening in the world, and it was a way for
me to really safely still help rescue. I don't interact
with humans. I just go pick up the dog and
either take them to the vet or take them to
their new foster home or pick them up from the shelter,
just kind of all over the place. But it's been
really fun. And then I share their stories on Instagram
(38:20):
and all of them have been adopted so far, so
it's been really great. Yeah, I love that. Which if
y'all want to see Abby's Instagram, she's at Abby Smiers.
Yes that's me Myers with an S Myers with an
s Abby. I don't know all the organizations you all
are involved in, but yeah, we work with Proverbs a lot. Yes,
(38:42):
we work with Proverbs twelve ten a lot, and all
of our four dogs are from there. And then last
year I got to meet this really special person named
Katherine and she moved here from l A. And my
friend Devon, who I was talking about earlier, um she
introduced us. Steben was her real leader. She worked for
(39:02):
a really big rescue and still does wags and walks
in Los Angeles and she moved here for her fiance's
career and Wags. Let Catherine start a Wags Nashville and
she has just been doing the most incredible work. And
so I transport for Wags and Transport for Proverbs, and
we fundraise and do whatever we can to help I'm
(39:24):
super happy for all of Catherine's work in the city.
She who has been unbelievably amazing during COVID nineteen and
also during after right after the tornado because the shelter
was shut down, I mean for a really long time
when the city was shut down for both things, and
she took in way more dogs than she probably could
(39:46):
or had the means to, and she just helped. And
she has just been really amazing for Nashville. So we're
really happy to have another awesome rescue here that she's
doing great. Okay, and say hers again, it's Wags and Walks,
So she's Wags and Walks Nashville. And then Proverbs twelve
tin the Animal Rescue. Those are the two. I think
(40:08):
those are also their handles. But her name is Katherine
Lavan is the head of Proverbs, and they're both just
remarkable people and I'm really happy to know them. Yeah,
and you've been a dog mom model for us because
we have a mom line like we have like and
some shirts and they just say dog mom and go
to support Proverbs. Yes, And so that was fun. One
(40:30):
day we got a bunch of girls together and a
bunch of dogs and we did a photo shoot and
it was amazing, all four dogs, all four ward there.
I was like, Dan, you have to come with me.
I can't do all for works. Thanks Abby for coming
on to give us a little bit of insight into
Myers Briggs. I'm gonna go take it again and see
(40:52):
where I fall, and hopefully a lot of my listeners
will look it up what their letters are, and then
you never know when you might be having a dinner
with people or hanging out with friends and then some
friends start rattling off these letters at least and then
you know what they are. You boked your left out, Okay,
then you'll know them all. So at Abby Smires on Instagram,
(41:13):
you'll follow her. Yes, see you in the hood. Bye bye.
So excited to have my friend Lisa join us today.
And Lisa was my co host on our Outweigh series
that we did here on the podcast about disordered eating,
(41:33):
and she's been a guest for several things in the past,
but typically she's on talking about forking the noise when
it comes to your body and food, and today she's
gonna come on to talk about forking the noise in
other ways, because it is a way you can implement
it into your life. And before she starts talking about
(41:54):
what all we're gonna get into, I first want to
say happy birthday, Lisa, thank you for talking with me
on your birthday. But two, I want to tell my
listeners for your birthday they should go follow you at
the wellness that's on Instagram and show you some love
because you're definitely an amazing follow for me. We met
on Instagram and now I get to call you friend,
(42:15):
which is super cool, and your content is always so meaningful.
It's interesting too, is Lisa and I both just moved
at the exact same time, Like she was moving from
d C back to New York and I was just
moving about fifteen minutes down the road. But we were
both moving at the same time. And I saw you
post something on your Instagram stories that I wanted you
(42:37):
to elaborate on for us because I think it's important
because I certainly wasn't doing what you were doing, but
I was in the moving process and I was like, oh, shoot,
like this is really good stuff, and I think that
my listeners can benefit from it, whether they're moving or not.
Because I know that you were doing a technique that
you originally started doing in a hotel room, still working
(42:59):
the noise in general is about using mindfulness to really
explore and give space for your emotions so that you
can be your best caretaker of yourself. So growing up,
I moved a ton like. I lived in probably ten
houses from being born to eighteen, all within the same town.
But the process of moving was very like I never
(43:20):
checked in with myself. I just kind of abandoned the
last place that I went. My step home would fully
packed me up, and then you know, I'd go to
a friend's house and I'd arrived to our next house.
And oftentimes it's exciting to get to the new so
much that you just kind of leave behind the old.
It can be difficult to part with places for many reasons,
whether it was a place that maybe you don't have
(43:41):
such good memories, or because you do have such good memories.
But nonetheless, I have come to learn that honoring spaces
is a really fantastic way to foster gratitude in a sense.
So it began in hotel rooms for me, And so
for the longest time, I sort of like hated goodbyes
with people with plays, with things, clothing, you know, whatever
(44:02):
it was. I was just kind of holding on or
kind of like letting go and never you know, acknowledging it.
And so now when I part with a personal place
or a thing, I like to just kind of take
a moment to say, you know, if it's a place,
thank you for sheltering me, thank you for keeping me safe,
thank you for this experience. If it's a thing, you know,
thank you for keeping me clothed, thank you for giving
(44:23):
me warm, thank you for making me feel beautiful, whatever
it is. And if it's a person, you know, I
mean when you just kind of like did that really
sweet introduction. I know this might sound kind of funny,
but like I'm somebody that kind of like shies away
from positive attention makes me feel kind of like itchier, uncomfortable,
and rather than kind of like looking away, you know,
(44:43):
we're doing FaceTime right now at the same time, even
though it's audio, I took a moment to absorb your
words and your energy because my initial reaction is to
run from it. But like when I took a second
to really like feel your words, you know, we formed
such a beautiful friendship. I feel really grounded and rooted,
and so sometimes the things that we're running from those
uncomfortable emotions are a place where we can actually turned
(45:07):
towards and when we turned towards them, it never feels
as bad as what we think we're running from, you
know what I mean. I'm now I'm sitting here thinking, like,
my kids went to Colorado before me, and I pretty
much handled the move for them, and they're gonna be
coming home to a new house. But I'm thankful that
before they left we were intentional about, Hey, when you
(45:29):
get back, you're going to be in a new home.
I wasn't using these exact words, but like, what do
we need to do to make sure that you remember
this house and know that it was special to you?
So I wasn't super intentional about doing that for myself,
but I'm glad to know that I was intentional about
doing that for them, especially hearing that your step mom
would just pack you up and and move you, which
(45:50):
is what I basically just did for them. Stashira, She's funny.
She looked at it in a way when we brought
it up at dinner, and she said, well, I know
what I need to say goodbye to this house? And
I said, well, what is that? She goes, I'm gonna
need about thirty minutes alone in each room that has
a t V. And hey, yeah, well of course I
(46:10):
need to honor this for you. Um. But yeah, now
you're getting uninterrupted TV time in multiple rooms in the house.
Like you are so smart you do. But how would
you recommend if people are having to part with anything,
Like maybe it's not their house or there, or maybe
like for it could be a hotel room you spent
two nights there. What what should we be doing? I
(46:32):
think just like small, very small closing practices of Um,
I'm like audio, like I like to say things out loud.
I'd literally just say thank you so much for the
space for keeping me. Whatever you know safe is usually
a good one. If you're making it out of there,
you know you're safe. I think it's just planting seeds
of awareness because we're just such a rushed society. Obviously
(46:54):
Corona has slowed a lot of us down. But there's
so many little things that we can be doing to
give space two emotions that at the end of the
day I believe reduces anxiety. So oftentimes we get so
caught up in doing all of the things that we
don't give space to emotions. Whether they be positive, whether
(47:15):
they be negative. And I think that anxiety is kind
of like that coming up for us in little ways
because we're constantly trying to push down something that's trying
to come up. Maybe it's a little bit of sadness. Maybe,
you know, I'm sure leaving your house was very bit
or sweet for you, Amy. You know, that was a
really big, life changing house for your family, right that's
(47:35):
where you lived for the last big years, you know,
bringing the kids on there. It's super special for sure. Yeah,
and so for all of us. Obviously you had your
mom role, your mom pants on when you were packing
up and being the best caretaker for them. But these
little moments where we come home to ourselves and we
check in with ourselves is truly where I believe self love.
(47:57):
I put this in air quotes right now because it's
so I role for a lot of people who don't
understand the concept or see it on Instagram as manicures
and you know, all the fancy stuff. But it's these
little moments where we kind of pat ourselves on the back,
I think, and say, wow, you did big things here.
You know, you grew here, you learned here, you did
whatever here. And it's these building moments of self pride
(48:20):
that I think contribute to you know, we talked a
lot about self worth on outweigh right, So it's these
little practices where we check in with ourselves and center
and they're not long, they're not elaborate, and they're not expensive.
It's just planting seeds of mindfulness throughout the day. So
if it's not a hotel room, you know, it's maybe
just breakfast. You know, it's a lot of people pray.
(48:41):
I think praying kind of drops you into the present
and regardless of religion or anything like that, it's just
taking a moment to acknowledge where food came from before
it landed on your table. And as you know, you
talk a lot about gratitude, it creates a safety inside
that allows us to show up as not the frazzled,
(49:02):
anxious versions of ourselves, which are not who we are
at a core. So I think I think that's what
it's It's really about, just like breathing into spaces, taking
a moment, you know, don't don't get so caught up
and like take a picture of this in your mind.
Slowing down and dropping into the present is the best
thing that we can do to just savor a moment
(49:22):
or a space or whatever it is, and all the gratitude, yeah,
that we do talk about me so much. Research points
to that it reduces stress and anxiety and increases all
the different all the good things, and can lower all
the bad things. And it seems so I think sometimes
it's hard for people to think, if I really do that,
is it going to do it? Because it seems so simple.
At the same time, something so simple is often really
(49:46):
hard for us to do, stepping back and really having
to assess what you're thinking. Well for bigger small but
sometimes these bigger moments it's not as easy, or we
really don't think that if we take the time to
do it will really make a difference. That I'm a
believer that that it does. So I'm curious too when
you move. For me, I use moving. I've moved a
handful of times as an adult. I was in the
(50:07):
same house from birth till I was eighteen, so I
didn't have that same experience as you as a child.
But I've moved a handful of times as an adult,
and I always use it as a time to reevaluate
what I'm holding on to try to get rid of
some of things like how do you decide, especially if
someone's listening and they have a really hard time parting
with things like you were saying, you know, like what
(50:29):
some advice? And again, you may not even be moving,
maybe you're just looking around your space and you're like, Okay,
I'm kind of holding on to some things, like how
do you decide when you're ready to let go of
a shirt or an item or something that you just
don't need. Yeah, And obviously I think there's like experts
on this, the whole topic of you know, simplifying your life,
and I'm certainly not an expert. I think that oftentimes
(50:50):
we hold onto things that have sentimental value, but it
ends up weighing us down when the memory of it
is enough. And I think that we hold everything in
in our hearts, and that's kind of like, you know,
as as humans, we we think that we kind of
like prants around the earth and it's ours or that
we wear that everything and you know, everything is ours
(51:11):
for the taking and the using. But I think when
you think about all the things that you really need,
it's not a lot, right, I wear probably like four things,
like four things, so it's actually good for the Four
Things podcast. I think that that we we we we
think that all these things are ours for the taking,
for the doing, for the for the walking of the
earth and everything. But it's really we're all sharing, right,
(51:33):
We're sharing things with the earth, we're sharing things with people.
And so I think also just reframing the word get
rid of might be really helpful, right, because like what
you're giving up somebody else maybe gaining, right, few things
end up in the trash because few things are trash,
and so I think really thinking about it more as
like a reciprocal type of a nature of giving up
(51:55):
things for somebody else is a more happier way to
kind of think of it. And my has been Evan
is very sentimental and he holds onto a lot of things,
and he's probably gonna kill me for saying this, but
like we came into this house and he's having a
really hard time organizing and doing his work because he
can't do his work until he gets organized. And while
(52:15):
it's wonderful to have, you know, sentimental value for some things,
I think that it really can just weigh you down.
And when the memories truly live in the heart and
I think that's kind of the most important thing to
remember that you know, things can be ruined, things can
be taken from you, whatever, and all those most precious
things really do live inside of us. And if we
(52:36):
cultivate the practice of taking a second to thank an
item or a place, it secures it in our hearts
and in our memories, in the most secure place that
it could ever be. Love that and I love too that.
Evan our guest, did you do it for Evan or
did Evan send his videos in from when he was
a kid to Legacy? No, Evan did that and that's
amazing and we we work with Legacy Box on the body.
(53:00):
They're amazing. And I that's also to another way to
simplify and if you have a bunch of pictures or
home videos or things like Evan was like his bombs
from when he was yeah that when he turns through
to yeah, so that was really fun. You posted some
of the video on Instagram. But that's a way to
(53:20):
kind of take that and then put it based that
others can enjoy too, because you can it's digital now
and you can share it, but it's a physical and
a digital hoarder. And I just want the world to
hear that. But once he digitized every keep the physical No,
you know we didn't. So the Legacy box they convert
the VHS stuff to the digital, which is wonderful. I
(53:43):
was just easing, well, I saw a quick thing just
that I'll read out to people of what I buy
it again today? How often do I wear or use this?
Does it fit and match with my space or where
I currently am? Is it worth the space it's taking up?
And that means so much more to me than just
something like an item. You could apply some of these
(54:04):
questions to people you surround your energy. Do I have
more than one of these items? Will it be too
expensive or a hassle to move this? Yeah, a lot
of our stuff for d C was more expensive to
move than to just keep there. When I saw you
had to take your headboard like through a balcony down
(54:25):
and took like five thing but obviously that was important. Lastly,
does this item, whatever it is, bring value into my life?
And again that can apply to more than things. Yeah.
And just because we talked about like a body image stuff,
I feel like a big one for women is like
clothing that either fit in the past or clothing that
you want to fit into for the future, So like,
(54:47):
does this make me feel beautiful right now? Is a
good one to just like stay present as well as
for the noise, because you know, if you're working towards
fitting into a different pair of genes or address or
bathing suit, you know you're not going to be the
best caretaker of your body in this moment. So I
think just for a lot of us women or men,
however you identify, holding onto the things that make you
(55:09):
feel beautiful right now and letting go of future path
items is a beautiful way to acknowledge your own growth.
I love it, Lisa, and I just appreciate you so much.
I hope that is special and you and even get
to have some good quality or if you all get
to see family and friends that too. But it's just
some good quality birthday time and that you you feel
(55:31):
the love today. Thank you, Amy, It's so good to
see you on my birthday. Bye bye,
Never lays a little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty,
but hey, it's pretty beautiful than laugh a little month.
(00:28):
You're kicking four. Happy Thursday. I hope you're having a
great week now. This episode was fun for me because
I brought on four different girlfriends of mine to talk
about four totally different things. We recorded each thing on
zoom so that I could see their faces, So you'll
definitely have to bear with the audio sounding a little
(00:50):
bit different. It's not ideal, but I think you'll enjoy
what each of my friends brought to the table, and
you'll walk away from this episode inspired by these women.
Now to rundown of what you're gonna here today. For
the fourth thing, my friend Lisa, who a lot of
you may know is at the Well Necessities on Instagram,
moved this last week as well. I just moved into
(01:12):
a new house last week in case you didn't know,
but I wanted Lisa to come on and share her
approach of bringing in mindfulness to her daily spaces, whether
it's a home or a hotel, any space she's been in.
She tries to have gratitude for where she's been or
where she's lived, and then where she's going. So we
(01:33):
also go over questions to ask yourself when you're organizing
your home and thinking about what to keep or donate.
So it's not just for if you're moving, because I
know a lot of you listening may not be in
that season of life, but it'll still be an interesting
conversation for you. Oh and f y, I for my move,
I used Bellhot Moving. I got some messages from people
(01:54):
asking how we moved so fast, and we got our
home put together so quickly and deaf really would not
have been possible if I didn't use Bellhop Moving. So
I gotta give props and credit where credit is due,
and I don't want to mislead y'all thinking like, oh,
I just snapped my fingers and moved. UM. So, if
you happen to have a move coming up, big or small,
(02:16):
I highly recommend bell Hop. I know that they're all
over the country. And then while we're giving shout outs,
you know something that came up in my conversation with
Lisa's legacy box. You'll hear it about it in our
chat if you're not familiar with what it is. UM,
but I wanted to share here the website that we
give out on the Bobby Bones show in case you
end up interested, because um, you can say fift at
(02:38):
least at the moment, So Legacy box dot Com slash
bones for that. And then for the third thing, my
friend Abby is on to talk about one of her
favorite personality tests, Abbie Smiers. She's obsessed with Myers Briggs.
I had not taken the test until the other day
when she sent me a link. We also talk a
(02:59):
little bit about the Graham, but she discusses why she
likes this personality test better, and then she also shares
her journey of working with animal rescue groups and fostering dogs.
For the second thing, um, my friend Caroline Hobby is
on to talk about her journey of learning about systemic
racism and how she's bringing this new knowledge into her
(03:19):
life and she's just like a lot of us, trying
to figure it all out, and how she can be
a part of a change, like how we can all
be the change. Would you guys have been posting your
be the Change shirts on Instagram and it's the coolest
thing ever because we've raised about ninety dollars for the
Shop forward Ally fund to help fight racial injustice and
(03:42):
that's because a lot of you that are listening right now,
so thank you. And it's super cool for Stevenson, my
son to see his handwriting on a shirt and then
so many of your posts and especially on a shirt
that's making such a huge impact. So if you want
to support this cause or other efforts that we have
(04:02):
going on, we can find links at Radio amy dot
com for that. And then for the first thing today,
you're gonna hear my girl, Kelly Henderson at Velvet's Edge.
As a lot of you know her. If you're not
following her for fashion and beauty stuff, you definitely should.
But she's on to talk about interviewty and teaching young
girls that they are beautiful. And Kelly just interviewed Cassidy
(04:26):
Bentley on her podcast about this topic and they discussed
how we can try to be proactive and making a
positive impact on young girls and their body image. And
I think you'll enjoy our chat, but you're definitely gonna
want to go check out the podcast episode that she
mentions with Dirk Spentley's wife that she did super cool.
So I'm really thankful for each of the girls on
(04:48):
this episode. I'm thankful that they're in my life, and
I hope that you enjoy today's episode. Let's get started. Okay,
I got my girl, Kelly. She's on to talk about
a pretty interesting topic that she actually had on her
podcast this last week, and I thought, Hey, why don't
you come on and we talk about that and then
(05:09):
encourage my listeners to go listen to the episode if
they're a mom and they need to hear they're raising girls,
or even if you're just in lives of girls. You know,
it could be a niece, or your best friends kids,
or your step kids, whatever that looks like. So Kelly,
gonna have you introduced the topic real quick. So I've
(05:29):
had Cassidy Bentley, who's married to Dirk's Bentley obviously, on
the Velvet Edge podcast this week, and we talked a
lot about shaping young girls minds around beauty. You know,
I have been talking about the fact that I'm dating
someone who has two daughters now, and obviously Cassidy has
kids too, and it's something I never thought about as
someone in the beauty business. You know, I just do things.
(05:52):
I go get botox, I get eyelash extensions, I get
hair extensions, and what I'm noticing is these girls, they're
noticing this stuff that I do, you know, like they
play with my hair and they're like, what is that
in your head? Like when you feel my hair extensions?
And it kind of made me sad to have to
explain that and to say, you know, like I get
(06:12):
fake hair put in, because when I look at them,
I'm like, Oh, just think you're so beautiful the way
you are, you know. I want them to feel so
secure in that. And so it's really made me start
asking myself questions like why am I doing all of
this stuff to me? And kind of during this coronavirus
stuff too, I realized how much of it was just
this motorized thing that I do and I don't even
(06:33):
think about it, you know, I just do it. And
so the pause and life made me question some of
the things because I couldn't do it, and I was like,
do I really need this? Cassy and I really talked
about that. She's great about it and obviously has to
be on the red carpet a lot. And so she's
living these two laves where she's supernatural and one part
of her life and just a mom that is kind
(06:55):
of in the trenches with her kids and then she's
on red carpets with dirt, so that's a lot of
pressure in a totally different way. So she really helps me.
She had a lot of resources that she listened for
me that I'm going to look into, and um, yeah,
I just really want to start spreading this message of
beauty and maybe a bigger perspective of that, like inner beauty,
(07:16):
and let's all look inside and make sure that we're
addressing all of those parts of us too. I haven't
listened to it yet, but it's on my list, and
this is something that interests me so much. And if
Cassidy had a lot of good resources for you, I
know that I need to listen and write them down.
And I hope that other women listening will listen to
or I know I have some younger listeners to, some
(07:37):
high school girls that email me from time to time.
Do you think it's something that they could listen to
as well and get something out of? Actually really do,
because I think the programming as women that we get
so early on, like we get these messages that we
need to look this certain way, and especially with social
media nowadays, it's just like what we do, you know,
(07:57):
And so I think it's so important amount of what
your age to just ask the questions like why are
you doing this? And is it something that actually makes
you feel good about yourself or is it just something
that you do mechanically because we've been told we need
to be a certain size or we need to look
as young as we can as long as we can,
and those kind of thoughts. And I just want to
(08:19):
make sure I think it's fine, Like it's not like
stop doing everything, but it's also like does it actually
make you feel good? And is it fulfilling you? Is
it the right thing for you? And if it is,
then by all means totally there's got to be a
balance with it. I don't always love that word, but
I'm gonna say it for lack of me thinking of
a better word to use right now. But do you
(08:40):
follow the Bird's Papaya on Instagram? I've heard of that account,
but I actually don't why she is so great and
we were talking it made me think about she did
a post about the next generation and what we want
to pass down to our kids and what they're used
to seeing. And we grew up seeing airbrushed people everywhere,
were to see seeing only the kind of body and
(09:01):
this kind of look. And then now we're starting to
see more of a normalized bodies movement where it's like, Okay,
bodies have cellulite, not all bodies are particular shape. And
she put up a post and it was of her
I'll show it to you here, but it's just of
her in a swimsuit, but you can car you know,
the back of her legs, and she's like having a
great time in the summer sun. And she's like, that
(09:23):
should be the caption, that should be the end of
the post. So why aren't we there yet? Because she
feels like she needs to tide more because it shows
her cellulite, and she needs to explain certain things. And
she's like, hopefully we get to a place where women
can post their bodies as they are, stretch marks, cellulite,
all the beautiful things, and then just post and be
(09:43):
done with it, because you know there's an air brushed
image of this and that then someone might just be like, oh,
on the beach having fun in the sun. You know,
we're just not there yet. But her post is really
really good, and she just said that one day she
hopes if we continue making efforts and we can continue
to show up and continue to push back against the
decades of something different. A generation will come that will
(10:07):
not have known the days that we introduced and felt
shame for the normalcies of the skin and the body.
I'm excited about the episode. I'm thankful for you and
Cathy for doing that one. I think it's great. How
do we tell people real quick where to find it?
So you can just search Velvet's Edge on iHeart Media,
I heart Radio, any sort of place you listen to podcast,
(10:27):
It's just Velvet's Edge and the episode is titled how
to Teach Young Girls They're Beautiful with Cassidy Bentley. Awesome.
Thank you, Kelly, always awesome, even if it's on Zoom
and Love. I thought, if I got to see you
soon next month and we're going to celebrate your birthday, yes,
can't wait. So I've got my girl, Caroline Hobby on
(10:50):
Hey Carol, Hey girl, I got your Carol because that's
her Instagram is at Caro Hobby a r O h
O B b Y And Caroline has a podcast called
Get Real. She's on the same network as me, the
Nashville Podcast Network. And I was super proud of you
right away out of the gate seeing you use your
(11:13):
platform to bring awareness to the racial injustice like you
were on it and one of your next episodes you
had it up. I could tell you were digging in,
you were reading, you were researching, you were trying to
bring on friends and and experts and different people that
knew a lot, and so I was inspired by you,
and so I just wanted to bring you on just
(11:34):
as someone that's navigating it like a lot of other people,
including myself, and just get your take on a lot
of it. And then I also have a podcast episode
that I want you to to speak on and highlight
too with our friend Toma that you did, and so
that way listeners can go check it out. I, like
most people in the world, many people in the world,
(11:54):
have just a super empathetic heart. And when I see
something that has happened that resonates with me in my
core that is just wrong. And once I'm like enlightened
to something, it is so impossible for me to let
it go, Like I cannot go back to the way
I was before because I'm like, I now know this exists,
I know this is happening. If there's a way that
(12:17):
I can do something to help then I want to
when the Black Lives Matter of movement just got so activated,
I really started listening because I have a lot of
black friends who I really love and respect. They were
really passionate and upset themselves, and so it just felt
so different than the way we had been living where
(12:38):
I felt like there's probably some people that were racist,
but I didn't understand that racism was systematic. I thought
it was very personal. Like I thought it was just
people were racist and now it's a terrible thing. But
like I didn't think it was so deep. And so
I just started like asking my friends who were black,
and I started like getting my eyes open, and I
started watching movies I watched, which was super eye opening. It.
(13:00):
Then I was like, I'm super uncomfortable talking about this
because I don't know about it. I don't feel qualified
to talk about it. I feel like I'll say something wrong.
I do not want to offend anyone, like I am
so uneducated. But I asked my friend Amara, and she
was like, listen, just start talking about it. You have
a good heart, you have a good intention, Like, just
start talking about it, and that's better than not talking
(13:21):
about it. And so with her confidence, I interviewed her
and then interviewed her and her mom, and they really
just shed some wisdom on me, and I hope anyone
who heard the episode on how unfair it really is
and some of the things they've had to go through
as black people, and it breaks my heart. So I
want to be part of the change. And another thing
(13:43):
I'm learning is I get so overwhelmed because I feel like,
how do I change it all for everyone? But that's
so such a huge cross to bear, and nobody can
do that, and so you have to just do it
where you can do it in your own life. And
I was like, I have a podcast, I have amazing
black friends, Let's talk, And so that's what I did. Yeah. No,
I loved that episode. And Amara is just such a
(14:03):
beautiful soul in general. Anybody that encounters her your immediately
just lighter, like, hey, isn't it so tell her she's
like walking peace. Yeah, Like I have goose bumps after
I said that, because it's so true. She's just this
free spirit that just loves and is so gentle and kind,
(14:27):
passionate but not aggressive, and she sees the spark and everybody. Yeah,
she's one of a kind, very special person. So are
you what I feel with you? I know what you're
saying about Amara. She is next level. Yeah, so I
would encourage people to go find that episode. What is
it It's called Amar joins me again along with her
(14:49):
beautiful mother Norma, talking about systemic racism and their hope
for the future. Okay, so definitely go to Get Real
wherever you listen to podcasts. Caroline, we're talking before we
came on, and we were discussing how we get to
listen to podcasts if we even find the time. And
I told her that the other day I was listening
to an eighteen minute podcast that someone put up, but
(15:12):
it took me two days to listen to it. I
think I got five minutes the first day, and then
the second day I got to listen to the rest.
So I really fit them in where I can. But
a trick. If you're listening to podcast or audio books
or anything in your short on time, you can up
the speed like you can make it a time and
(15:33):
a half. And but everybody's excess everyone. And the problem
is when I get used to hearing someone speak in
their fast forward voice, when I hear them speak normal,
it's weird to be that's a funny little life pack.
I like that. How are you handling these types of
conversations with your family or even friends? Yes, you found
(15:55):
ways to bring it into the podcast, but how are
you bringing in into your life? I think, And I've
talked a lot to Marra and everyone who have interviewed
on this topic. I've asked that question, like what are
the ways to do it? Like, what are the ways
to start bringing this into your life without just walking
in with like a like a loud horn yelling it
(16:15):
and you know, making everyone feel they have to like
state their stance or whatever. Because I think everyone wants
it to change, at least in my life. The way
the people I hang out with an associate, and what
I'm seeing in the world is it feels like everyone
is not okay with this, Like it needs to change.
It's a big issue, but it's so deep rooted that
(16:35):
how do you It's very uncomfortable And I grew up
I never wanted to talk talk about people's color and
race and stuff. That's always made me super uncomfortable. And
so what I learned from Mickey Guy too, was just
denounce racism anywhere that you go, Like if I if
anyone has an off color joke or which I haven't
just hasn't happened to me, or says something that's just
not appropriate, you have to call him out. You have
(16:58):
to say I'm sorry, you just I can't stand for that.
You can't say that, you have to say that out loud,
you can't laugh it off. Of course, voting, taking your
voting right seriously, because it's a huge deal to have
the right to vote. So taking that seriously and really
getting educated about everyone running for office. I think to
just I have told my parents what I've been doing,
(17:18):
and my family and my friends, like I've watched this movie,
I've learned this, and then just having open conversations about
what went on that we didn't know about, you know
that we weren't aware too, And then just really starting
to have these conversations and educate ourselves and encourage everyone
around me to educate themselves, and just being open about
the fact that this is a big deal to me
(17:38):
and I'm educating myself. Here's what I'm learning. And if
you're wanting to educate to and learn something, watch this
movie or listen to this podcast or do that. And
it comes to find out like everyone is wanting to
have these conversations, I feel like, and so if you
can be kind of the instigator, then you can really
get into deep, good conversation and hopefully that will start
trickling across other people and who they hang out and
(17:59):
then all of a sudden, maybe we ought to step
up our game a little bit and that's how we
can help move this forward. You brought up an interesting
point about voting, which I think is great, and then
easy conversation starters, because we should be having these talks
with people that we're close to, her, that we work with,
or that we encounter if we can. What I've learned
in this is that some stuff isn't blatantly racist. It's
(18:22):
not some crazy anow there are the jokes or whatever,
but it's not some like blatant crazy joke where it's
obvious that that's racist. Like sometimes there's just so much
stuff again because it's so deeply rooted that just comes
out from people that maybe at a time we would
just be like okay, yeah no and just ignore it.
(18:42):
But there's moments where now if we have that, we
we might have to step up our game and say, hey,
you know what can we can we talk more about
what you just said, because I'm curious where that came from,
because they may not even realize what they have just
said and how hurtful that might be to somebody else.
I know. I get super overwhelmed, like I was saying earlier,
(19:05):
when I see a change that needs to happen, and
I want to immediately, like all want to just change
my whole life so fast and like try to like
fix this thing that I feel like is a huge problem.
And I think with this, like you're saying, it is
such a big problem. And I interviewed this amazing woman.
Her name is Loki, and she makes ice cream and
she does it like with black history. She brings black
(19:26):
history into her ice cream and like she made a
June team that ice cream and talked all about it,
and she gives history lessons on the ice cream. So
it's like she's like, Okay, I have two lines to
give you history on black history while you're getting ice cream.
And so she's done this really cool thing. It's called
saturated ice cream. Everyone check her out. Where where do
we get saturated ice cream? I already want to order it.
She's on Instagram Saturated ice cream and she has like
(19:49):
places in Nashville, so follow her Saturated ice Cream on Instagram,
but check out the podcast too. But what she said
is people can get like almost fatigued. You can have
something that hits you so heavy and you want to
change so fast and like you're all in, but then
you can burn out a little bit. So she's like,
just make sure you pace yourself. I've really taken that
to heart because this is something that I want to
commit to for the long run and I want to
(20:11):
change in my life and I want to be that
influence of everyone around me too, and so I know
that I have to just pace myself on learning, pace
myself on keeping the conversations going. I don't want to
feel like I have to fix everything today or that
it's my job to fix everything, but it is my
job to keep going, to keep learning, to pace myself
and try to make the difference in my own life.
(20:31):
So that's kind of one of the best use of
advice I've got about this for the long haul. Well,
I love it, and I think that that's some wisdom
that my listeners can take with them as well, because
I know a lot of us are on this journey
and I just want people to know that they're they're
not alone if they're struggling with how to do this,
what to do, but the important thing is to just
(20:54):
start taking those steps forward and start doing it. That
was freedom to me when Amara said that, she said,
it is better to start the conversation, even if you
feel completely ignorant. If you're to start the conversation, that
is better to do that than to say nothing. And
then when she said that, I was like, okay, because
I always was way too scared to have these kind
of conversations. Thank you for coming on and sharing with
(21:15):
us what you're doing. And I'm just super proud of you,
happy to have you as a friend. And I'm going
to come be on your podcast next month, Yes, mid July,
you will come be my guest and we'll maybe dive
deeper into these topics and we go deep. We got
a long history. I've known you for a long time.
We're with from Texas. I know we just need you
(21:35):
to get you to to move over here. Now. Thank
you for coming on, Caroline, thanks for having me. And
my friend Abby is making her podcast debut. I mean
(21:56):
on my past, really the only one of my only
podcasts ever, but only ever done one. Yeah, who did
you do? The other one with Caroline Carolyne Yea, And
she's on this episode too, so kind of fitting. We
all used to live in the same neighborhood together, but
now we have since moved. Caroline still there, she's holding
on the fort for us, holding down the fort for us.
(22:18):
But yeah, we moved and now Abby and I are
less than a mile apart, which is super fun. And
she was over here for dinner the other night with
my friend Brittany and Caitlin, and we were just sitting
around eating and then somehow we started talking about Myers Briggs.
I think we started talking about angiogram, and we all
had so much knowledge about aniogram. Everyone knows it. It's
(22:41):
like the trendiest thing. But then you and Brittany, which
Brittany has been on the podcast too, if it's just
so people know who we're talking about. She was my
friend that came on a few weeks ago for the
first episode that I did about racial injustice. And so
you and Brittany are talking and you you start saying
all these letters and Helmino and y'all have your whole
(23:05):
little Myers Briggs connection, and then Caitlin and I whose
Bobby's girlfriend, We did not know what y'all were talking about.
I mean, of course I've heard of it, but I
have no clue what the letters mean. I'd never taken
a test. I want to, but I thought, okay, since
this episode I'm featuring all my girlfriends and different little things, Mabby,
(23:25):
I'll do the disclaimer for you, since you were telling
me yes, effort like, not at all, not anywhere close.
This episode is just me chatting with my girlfriends about
things that other people might want to have girl talk about.
So absolutely I thought I would bring you on as
the unofficial Myers. You do know a lot. I know enough,
(23:48):
and I know about mine is the biggest thing. But
it was fun once you took it, and I need
to go back and see. Caitlin took it too, but
I forgot which one hers was. But we were all
discussing in Brittany and I were super similar. We were
just one letter apart, so I guess we should explain
the letters. But the letters are your personality type for
(24:10):
Myers Briggs. And the reason we were talking about this
is because everyone talks about Instagram. There's one thousand indiogram
Instagrams and there's different memes you can follow, and I
think it's really cool and interesting, but sometimes I feel
very pigeonholed by any agram, if that's the right word.
Like I feel not totally like I connect to it,
(24:33):
even though I understand why I'm a too amy What
are you again? Jury is still out for me. But
if I haven't done the test like that you do online,
and I was more, but then I've done a verbal
and I was given a three. Okay, three and four,
so four would make sense with your result for Myers
Briggs because she is an I s f P, which
(24:57):
is inherently creative as well, and for Or is creative,
so maybe there is something to be said there. But
to clarify, yes, I literally just the test two days ago,
and I feel like it's kind of quick to take
it again. I feel like I want to take it again.
Maybe I'm going on vacation next week and I'll be
(25:18):
in Colorado and a little more relaxed, and maybe and
then to focus on it more and really take it.
But I did. Yeah, my result was what you say,
I f P, So what that would stand for is
introverted sensing feeling perceiving, and from the little research that
I did on that, I found adventurer meaning more someone
(25:40):
who is creative and like willing to accept new things
very quickly, very welcoming, versus not like just going on adventures.
I didn't really get that from it, even though it
was called The Adventurer, But that was kind of like
the little gist of what I got. But you don't
feel like you really relate to that. So I know
I have a much partiding with any of it because
(26:01):
I take it and that's what we probably need to
not do. And I say we for anybody else like me,
you put yourself in that box and you feel like
you're supposed to check everything off about the single one
of them exactly, and so I wouldn't ugle with that.
That's how I feel about it too, and write when
we were about to jump on this an anagram account
(26:22):
that I follow, it was like the angiogram does not
define you, was just the post, and I was like, wow,
like that's very timely for the conversation that we're about
to have, because I think that's always been my issue,
is that I just don't relate to it oneent. But
then when I took Myers Briggs, which I'm an I
n f J, which so we're both introverted. It's introverted
(26:43):
intuitive feeling and judging. And when I first read the
description of me, I fully was in tears because it
was just like the first time I felt someone understood me,
even though it was just a web page. But it
was just little things like there's a line in the
description of an I n f J that just says,
anyone who met and I n f J would assume
(27:04):
they're an extroverted person. And I think people probably perceive
me as an extrovert a lot of the time because
I am very open. I love meeting new people, and
I'm very welcoming, which is something I really love about myself,
but I am very drained by that personally. I do
way better recharging by myself and kind of refocusing and
(27:25):
realigning alone, which I think is really unexpected for people.
Another thing about I n f J that I related
to so much myself was so I n f J
is the advocate, but we tend to take on way
too much in terms of things being in our control.
And I think during COVID or anything, especially right now
(27:46):
in these very very very trying times. It's really easy
to just take on so much and want to do
so many things and you're really limited on it, and
it can be really emotionally draining for everyone. So that
was something I guess I really really did too. But
you'll have to dig more in and see if there's
any things that you really do and yeah, what has
(28:06):
it been like for you? And I mean, because you're
married to Dan, how do y'all's personalities work out? Has
he taken the Myers Briggs? He has not taken the
Myers Briggs. And I finally just got him to take
the angiogram, which I don't know if it's like a
male thing or his personality or what it is. It
was just challenging to get him to stop. He wants
to work all the time, so that's just taking away
(28:27):
from work time if he's taking a quiz. But he
did take angiogram and he's an eight. And I was
actually really surprised by that. I would have typed him,
which they say, don't ever type people because you're gonna
be wrong, as probably a three or four, and he's
an eight, and I was a little taken aback at
the moment. But now that I like, look at two
(28:49):
and eight dynamics actually makes complete sense. In our marriage too,
is not dominant at all and always serving others and
a helper. And but it says in two in eight relationships,
that's like the one time a two is dominant, and
that's really true. He does. He lets me be in
charge sometimes, which is really free for any of you
(29:11):
girls out there listening to find yourself here to find
an eight, it's really great, truly, I think. I think, yeah,
that's what a part of our station that night was
a little bit about that. I forgot that you mentioned
that Dan was an eight, but yes, you know, I
think what's interesting for couples right now during quarantine is
(29:32):
some people are extroverts, call them seven's probably I'm to
be around people to feel like they're living life, and
it's probably really hard for them. But then if you're
in a relationship with someone that likes to be around people,
but then we like recharging by ourselves, and we both
(29:53):
marry people that travel a lot, and then suddenly everybody's
home and you're like, yet here we all are together
all the time. It's I try to take it as
the biggest blessing because we'll probably never have this opportunity again.
But I've talked to friends about it. My best friend Devon,
(30:15):
her husband. He's a three but he is incredibly extroverted.
His name is Jamison, but Jamison is like he just
thrives being around people, so quarantine has been such a
challenge for him, whereas she's like us, she's introverted three
charges alone, loves being alone. And I really feel for
people in that extroverted personality because this is really challenging.
(30:40):
And I guess maybe for us introverts, they're getting a
little bit of a taste of how we feel when
we have to go to social engagements all the time.
But I think it's really hard, and I feel for
them tremendously because I thrive at home and alone, so
I'm like, this is great, it's all right, but I
know that for so many people it is not that
way at all, and it's really really hard. And to me,
(31:03):
the best thing about these personality tests, whether it's angiogram
or Myers Briggs or I found two more for us
that we can take and discuss at a later time
that are more like character ones. They're the Gallop Test,
like gallop like a horse and then V I A.
I just was reading about them today, But they're really
deep diving personality tests that a lot of businesses want
(31:25):
you to take. And I know a lot of businesses
use Myers Briggs to like understand people. I think you
mentioned that, Yeah, my sister's husband. So yes, he works
in a high stress environment and he's the boss, and
he has a team under him on the trading floor
and he knows how to manage each of them because
he had them all take the Myers Briggs and he
(31:48):
just knows exactly how they're going to react under stress,
under pressure, under any scenario, and then that way he
knows how to approach them and how to best manage them.
Because I think that that what's cool for bosses or
managers or even coworkers to use this as a tool
to or high functioning office. I think it's even more
(32:10):
useful to understand other people. Obviously it's great to understand
yourself better, but I think it's probably harder for us
as individuals to look at I'm an I n F
J or a two or I'm a four or whatever
it is, and you see certain parts of those characteristics
that you don't relate to and then you're so in
tune with yourself. It's hard to like fully embrace those.
(32:32):
But when you use them as a tool to understand
other people, I think that's when they're the most beneficial,
because you're like, Okay, well, now that I understand that
and I and f J reacts in this way or
feels this way, or use the world in this way,
you might understand their response to you differently, and then
you can have better interactions. And I like all of them,
(32:54):
Angiogram or Myers Briggs so and maybe these two new
ones that I'm going to take later, but to just
better understand people as a whole and why they react
a certain way or why they might feel a certain way.
When did you first take Buyer's Bricks. I took it
in college for the first time. I don't know that
I remember if I was an I n f J
(33:15):
or not. The first time I took it as an
adult was probably two years ago. My friend from college, Aaron,
lives in San Diego and she's worked in advertising, well
she did right out of school, and now she works
for a nonprofit for veterans and people who have been
killed in combat. And their families and things like that,
(33:36):
and her husband is an a b seal, but she
uses a lot of these in their workplace and she
used them in advertising too. So I had gone to
visit her when her first son was born, and we
just got on the topic again because she has a
bunch of books and she's also the one who told
me about the Gallup test, but she has used it
through her life and just the experiences that her and
(34:00):
her husband have gone through with him deploying and all
of that, and so we just got on the topic
and I was like, I need to take that again.
And I felt like this was about the time that
Angiograham was getting super popular, and I just felt like
I related so much more to it. And not to
say that there's anything wrong with aniogram, I think it's great.
I just thought I related more to my results with
Myers Briggs and made me want to know more about it.
(34:23):
Where do you recommend? Like you sent me a link?
Is that? Yes, I think the one that I think
is called human Metrics. I like the results that human
metrics provides. I don't know the test is good or not,
to be honest, I just like the depth that they
go into it. For a free test. Now there's ones
you can pay for that I'm sure are way better,
But for a free test, I really like that one
(34:45):
because it's quick and the results are very in depth.
For a free test, I feel like and you don't
have to like buy more information at the end of it,
like it's pretty well rounded. So I really like that one.
But if you just google it, there's plenty of free tests,
kind of like the same with angiogram. But I know
the Gallup test is when you pay for and I
think I'm going to do it because it's like twenty
(35:06):
pages along your results, so I'm very interesting. Okay, I'll
go on Myers Briggs once, so yeah, you start there,
and then I'll take that test seriously, even though I
know that it got the eye part right because I
am interacted and then I am and I think you're
very creative. Yes, then the f part I feel anything, Yes,
(35:30):
I based too much on feelings. I mean, I'm I
need to stop and think sometimes before me to which yeah,
you being a two the angiogram and you being like
a helper and do or I just want to to
shout you out for all the help that you do.
For dogs and things. People may not know that about you.
(35:53):
I'm sure if they follow you on Instagram they do know.
But in case you know and Dan are like the
biggest dog rescuers in the land, like y'all have. Did
y'all have that in common when you started dating? Well,
it's really funny because when we very like the very
beginning of our relationship, I had a dog that was
(36:13):
mine that I got in college, and I honestly at
first was like a little afraid that he didn't like
my dog, and I was like, man, I really like
this guy, but that's a deal breaker, Like you have
to like my dog. Then I realized that he did
really like my dog, so it was fine. But I
feel like it kind of developed together. We did rescue,
our our first both of our rescue dog, Joy which
(36:35):
we named because we got Pimp and Joy week. But
she was our very first rescue dog and like our
first kind of introduction to rescue, and so then it
kind of just developed from there. My dog that I
had before before I was involved in rescue, before I
was knowledgeable and rescue, I got him from a breeder,
(36:55):
and um, he ended up just having a whole lot
of health issues and he night at four and it
was so so traumatic and so traumatizing. And we had
already rescued Joy at that point. A coworker of mine
was fostering her and we ended up adopting her, and
so I had already at that point been exposed to rescue,
(37:16):
and then having that trauma with my dog Miller, it
just became something I really wanted to focus on. So
since then, we've fostered probably forty dogs and we've kept fours.
So I feel like I'm not doing great. I not
keeping my foster dogs. So I'm trying to uh tone
(37:36):
it down a little bit on the fostering because I
clearly have no self control whatsoever. But I have been
transporting dogs during quarantine. I call it my dog taxi.
But it's just been really, really fun because it was
like a really awesome way for me, especially in the beginning,
feeling kind of helpless and confused on everything that was
(37:57):
happening in the world, and it was a way for
me to really safely still help rescue. I don't interact
with humans. I just go pick up the dog and
either take them to the vet or take them to
their new foster home or pick them up from the shelter,
just kind of all over the place. But it's been
really fun. And then I share their stories on Instagram
(38:20):
and all of them have been adopted so far, so
it's been really great. Yeah, I love that. Which if
y'all want to see Abby's Instagram, she's at Abby Smiers.
Yes that's me Myers with an S Myers with an
s Abby. I don't know all the organizations you all
are involved in, but yeah, we work with Proverbs a lot. Yes,
(38:42):
we work with Proverbs twelve ten a lot, and all
of our four dogs are from there. And then last
year I got to meet this really special person named
Katherine and she moved here from l A. And my
friend Devon, who I was talking about earlier, um she
introduced us. Steben was her real leader. She worked for
(39:02):
a really big rescue and still does wags and walks
in Los Angeles and she moved here for her fiance's
career and Wags. Let Catherine start a Wags Nashville and
she has just been doing the most incredible work. And
so I transport for Wags and Transport for Proverbs, and
we fundraise and do whatever we can to help I'm
(39:24):
super happy for all of Catherine's work in the city.
She who has been unbelievably amazing during COVID nineteen and
also during after right after the tornado because the shelter
was shut down, I mean for a really long time
when the city was shut down for both things, and
she took in way more dogs than she probably could
(39:46):
or had the means to, and she just helped. And
she has just been really amazing for Nashville. So we're
really happy to have another awesome rescue here that she's
doing great. Okay, and say hers again, it's Wags and Walks,
So she's Wags and Walks Nashville. And then Proverbs twelve
tin the Animal Rescue. Those are the two. I think
(40:08):
those are also their handles. But her name is Katherine
Lavan is the head of Proverbs, and they're both just
remarkable people and I'm really happy to know them. Yeah,
and you've been a dog mom model for us because
we have a mom line like we have like and
some shirts and they just say dog mom and go
to support Proverbs. Yes, And so that was fun. One
(40:30):
day we got a bunch of girls together and a
bunch of dogs and we did a photo shoot and
it was amazing, all four dogs, all four ward there.
I was like, Dan, you have to come with me.
I can't do all for works. Thanks Abby for coming
on to give us a little bit of insight into
Myers Briggs. I'm gonna go take it again and see
(40:52):
where I fall, and hopefully a lot of my listeners
will look it up what their letters are, and then
you never know when you might be having a dinner
with people or hanging out with friends and then some
friends start rattling off these letters at least and then
you know what they are. You boked your left out, Okay,
then you'll know them all. So at Abby Smires on Instagram,
(41:13):
you'll follow her. Yes, see you in the hood. Bye bye.
So excited to have my friend Lisa join us today.
And Lisa was my co host on our Outweigh series
that we did here on the podcast about disordered eating,
(41:33):
and she's been a guest for several things in the past,
but typically she's on talking about forking the noise when
it comes to your body and food, and today she's
gonna come on to talk about forking the noise in
other ways, because it is a way you can implement
it into your life. And before she starts talking about
(41:54):
what all we're gonna get into, I first want to
say happy birthday, Lisa, thank you for talking with me
on your birthday. But two, I want to tell my
listeners for your birthday they should go follow you at
the wellness that's on Instagram and show you some love
because you're definitely an amazing follow for me. We met
on Instagram and now I get to call you friend,
(42:15):
which is super cool, and your content is always so meaningful.
It's interesting too, is Lisa and I both just moved
at the exact same time, Like she was moving from
d C back to New York and I was just
moving about fifteen minutes down the road. But we were
both moving at the same time. And I saw you
post something on your Instagram stories that I wanted you
(42:37):
to elaborate on for us because I think it's important
because I certainly wasn't doing what you were doing, but
I was in the moving process and I was like, oh, shoot,
like this is really good stuff, and I think that
my listeners can benefit from it, whether they're moving or not.
Because I know that you were doing a technique that
you originally started doing in a hotel room, still working
(42:59):
the noise in general is about using mindfulness to really
explore and give space for your emotions so that you
can be your best caretaker of yourself. So growing up,
I moved a ton like. I lived in probably ten
houses from being born to eighteen, all within the same town.
But the process of moving was very like I never
(43:20):
checked in with myself. I just kind of abandoned the
last place that I went. My step home would fully
packed me up, and then you know, I'd go to
a friend's house and I'd arrived to our next house.
And oftentimes it's exciting to get to the new so
much that you just kind of leave behind the old.
It can be difficult to part with places for many reasons,
whether it was a place that maybe you don't have
(43:41):
such good memories, or because you do have such good memories.
But nonetheless, I have come to learn that honoring spaces
is a really fantastic way to foster gratitude in a sense.
So it began in hotel rooms for me, And so
for the longest time, I sort of like hated goodbyes
with people with plays, with things, clothing, you know, whatever
(44:02):
it was. I was just kind of holding on or
kind of like letting go and never you know, acknowledging it.
And so now when I part with a personal place
or a thing, I like to just kind of take
a moment to say, you know, if it's a place,
thank you for sheltering me, thank you for keeping me safe,
thank you for this experience. If it's a thing, you know,
thank you for keeping me clothed, thank you for giving
(44:23):
me warm, thank you for making me feel beautiful, whatever
it is. And if it's a person, you know, I
mean when you just kind of like did that really
sweet introduction. I know this might sound kind of funny,
but like I'm somebody that kind of like shies away
from positive attention makes me feel kind of like itchier, uncomfortable,
and rather than kind of like looking away, you know,
(44:43):
we're doing FaceTime right now at the same time, even
though it's audio, I took a moment to absorb your
words and your energy because my initial reaction is to
run from it. But like when I took a second
to really like feel your words, you know, we formed
such a beautiful friendship. I feel really grounded and rooted,
and so sometimes the things that we're running from those
uncomfortable emotions are a place where we can actually turned
(45:07):
towards and when we turned towards them, it never feels
as bad as what we think we're running from, you
know what I mean. I'm now I'm sitting here thinking, like,
my kids went to Colorado before me, and I pretty
much handled the move for them, and they're gonna be
coming home to a new house. But I'm thankful that
before they left we were intentional about, Hey, when you
(45:29):
get back, you're going to be in a new home.
I wasn't using these exact words, but like, what do
we need to do to make sure that you remember
this house and know that it was special to you?
So I wasn't super intentional about doing that for myself,
but I'm glad to know that I was intentional about
doing that for them, especially hearing that your step mom
would just pack you up and and move you, which
(45:50):
is what I basically just did for them. Stashira, She's funny.
She looked at it in a way when we brought
it up at dinner, and she said, well, I know
what I need to say goodbye to this house? And
I said, well, what is that? She goes, I'm gonna
need about thirty minutes alone in each room that has
a t V. And hey, yeah, well of course I
(46:10):
need to honor this for you. Um. But yeah, now
you're getting uninterrupted TV time in multiple rooms in the house.
Like you are so smart you do. But how would
you recommend if people are having to part with anything,
Like maybe it's not their house or there, or maybe
like for it could be a hotel room you spent
two nights there. What what should we be doing? I
(46:32):
think just like small, very small closing practices of Um,
I'm like audio, like I like to say things out loud.
I'd literally just say thank you so much for the
space for keeping me. Whatever you know safe is usually
a good one. If you're making it out of there,
you know you're safe. I think it's just planting seeds
of awareness because we're just such a rushed society. Obviously
(46:54):
Corona has slowed a lot of us down. But there's
so many little things that we can be doing to
give space two emotions that at the end of the
day I believe reduces anxiety. So oftentimes we get so
caught up in doing all of the things that we
don't give space to emotions. Whether they be positive, whether
(47:15):
they be negative. And I think that anxiety is kind
of like that coming up for us in little ways
because we're constantly trying to push down something that's trying
to come up. Maybe it's a little bit of sadness. Maybe,
you know, I'm sure leaving your house was very bit
or sweet for you, Amy. You know, that was a
really big, life changing house for your family, right that's
(47:35):
where you lived for the last big years, you know,
bringing the kids on there. It's super special for sure. Yeah,
and so for all of us. Obviously you had your
mom role, your mom pants on when you were packing
up and being the best caretaker for them. But these
little moments where we come home to ourselves and we
check in with ourselves is truly where I believe self love.
(47:57):
I put this in air quotes right now because it's
so I role for a lot of people who don't
understand the concept or see it on Instagram as manicures
and you know, all the fancy stuff. But it's these
little moments where we kind of pat ourselves on the back,
I think, and say, wow, you did big things here.
You know, you grew here, you learned here, you did
whatever here. And it's these building moments of self pride
(48:20):
that I think contribute to you know, we talked a
lot about self worth on outweigh right, So it's these
little practices where we check in with ourselves and center
and they're not long, they're not elaborate, and they're not expensive.
It's just planting seeds of mindfulness throughout the day. So
if it's not a hotel room, you know, it's maybe
just breakfast. You know, it's a lot of people pray.
(48:41):
I think praying kind of drops you into the present
and regardless of religion or anything like that, it's just
taking a moment to acknowledge where food came from before
it landed on your table. And as you know, you
talk a lot about gratitude, it creates a safety inside
that allows us to show up as not the frazzled,
(49:02):
anxious versions of ourselves, which are not who we are
at a core. So I think I think that's what
it's It's really about, just like breathing into spaces, taking
a moment, you know, don't don't get so caught up
and like take a picture of this in your mind.
Slowing down and dropping into the present is the best
thing that we can do to just savor a moment
(49:22):
or a space or whatever it is, and all the gratitude, yeah,
that we do talk about me so much. Research points
to that it reduces stress and anxiety and increases all
the different all the good things, and can lower all
the bad things. And it seems so I think sometimes
it's hard for people to think, if I really do that,
is it going to do it? Because it seems so simple.
At the same time, something so simple is often really
(49:46):
hard for us to do, stepping back and really having
to assess what you're thinking. Well for bigger small but
sometimes these bigger moments it's not as easy, or we
really don't think that if we take the time to
do it will really make a difference. That I'm a
believer that that it does. So I'm curious too when
you move. For me, I use moving. I've moved a
handful of times as an adult. I was in the
(50:07):
same house from birth till I was eighteen, so I
didn't have that same experience as you as a child.
But I've moved a handful of times as an adult,
and I always use it as a time to reevaluate
what I'm holding on to try to get rid of
some of things like how do you decide, especially if
someone's listening and they have a really hard time parting
with things like you were saying, you know, like what
(50:29):
some advice? And again, you may not even be moving,
maybe you're just looking around your space and you're like, Okay,
I'm kind of holding on to some things, like how
do you decide when you're ready to let go of
a shirt or an item or something that you just
don't need. Yeah, And obviously I think there's like experts
on this, the whole topic of you know, simplifying your life,
and I'm certainly not an expert. I think that oftentimes
(50:50):
we hold onto things that have sentimental value, but it
ends up weighing us down when the memory of it
is enough. And I think that we hold everything in
in our hearts, and that's kind of like, you know,
as as humans, we we think that we kind of
like prants around the earth and it's ours or that
we wear that everything and you know, everything is ours
(51:11):
for the taking and the using. But I think when
you think about all the things that you really need,
it's not a lot, right, I wear probably like four things,
like four things, so it's actually good for the Four
Things podcast. I think that that we we we we
think that all these things are ours for the taking,
for the doing, for the for the walking of the
earth and everything. But it's really we're all sharing, right,
(51:33):
We're sharing things with the earth, we're sharing things with people.
And so I think also just reframing the word get
rid of might be really helpful, right, because like what
you're giving up somebody else maybe gaining, right, few things
end up in the trash because few things are trash,
and so I think really thinking about it more as
like a reciprocal type of a nature of giving up
(51:55):
things for somebody else is a more happier way to
kind of think of it. And my has been Evan
is very sentimental and he holds onto a lot of things,
and he's probably gonna kill me for saying this, but
like we came into this house and he's having a
really hard time organizing and doing his work because he
can't do his work until he gets organized. And while
(52:15):
it's wonderful to have, you know, sentimental value for some things,
I think that it really can just weigh you down.
And when the memories truly live in the heart and
I think that's kind of the most important thing to
remember that you know, things can be ruined, things can
be taken from you, whatever, and all those most precious
things really do live inside of us. And if we
(52:36):
cultivate the practice of taking a second to thank an
item or a place, it secures it in our hearts
and in our memories, in the most secure place that
it could ever be. Love that and I love too that.
Evan our guest, did you do it for Evan or
did Evan send his videos in from when he was
a kid to Legacy? No, Evan did that and that's
amazing and we we work with Legacy Box on the body.
(53:00):
They're amazing. And I that's also to another way to
simplify and if you have a bunch of pictures or
home videos or things like Evan was like his bombs
from when he was yeah that when he turns through
to yeah, so that was really fun. You posted some
of the video on Instagram. But that's a way to
(53:20):
kind of take that and then put it based that
others can enjoy too, because you can it's digital now
and you can share it, but it's a physical and
a digital hoarder. And I just want the world to
hear that. But once he digitized every keep the physical No,
you know we didn't. So the Legacy box they convert
the VHS stuff to the digital, which is wonderful. I
(53:43):
was just easing, well, I saw a quick thing just
that I'll read out to people of what I buy
it again today? How often do I wear or use this?
Does it fit and match with my space or where
I currently am? Is it worth the space it's taking up?
And that means so much more to me than just
something like an item. You could apply some of these
(54:04):
questions to people you surround your energy. Do I have
more than one of these items? Will it be too
expensive or a hassle to move this? Yeah, a lot
of our stuff for d C was more expensive to
move than to just keep there. When I saw you
had to take your headboard like through a balcony down
(54:25):
and took like five thing but obviously that was important. Lastly,
does this item, whatever it is, bring value into my life?
And again that can apply to more than things. Yeah.
And just because we talked about like a body image stuff,
I feel like a big one for women is like
clothing that either fit in the past or clothing that
you want to fit into for the future, So like,
(54:47):
does this make me feel beautiful right now? Is a
good one to just like stay present as well as
for the noise, because you know, if you're working towards
fitting into a different pair of genes or address or
bathing suit, you know you're not going to be the
best caretaker of your body in this moment. So I
think just for a lot of us women or men,
however you identify, holding onto the things that make you
(55:09):
feel beautiful right now and letting go of future path
items is a beautiful way to acknowledge your own growth.
I love it, Lisa, and I just appreciate you so much.
I hope that is special and you and even get
to have some good quality or if you all get
to see family and friends that too. But it's just
some good quality birthday time and that you you feel
(55:31):
the love today. Thank you, Amy, It's so good to
see you on my birthday. Bye bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com