June 17, 2021 • 47 mins
FIRST THING: Amy’s brother, David, joins her to discuss Stanford Professor Paul Saffo's “Strong Opinions, Weakly Held” process...which is: “Allow your intuition to guide you to a conclusion, no matter how imperfect — this is the ‘strong opinion’ part. Then –and this is the ‘weakly held’ part– prove yourself wrong. Engage in creative doubt. Look for information that doesn’t fit, or indicators that point in an entirely different direction. Eventually your intuition will kick in and a new hypothesis will emerge out of the rubble, ready to be ruthlessly torn apart once again. You will be surprised by how quickly the sequence of faulty forecasts will deliver you to a useful result.” SECOND THING: Licensed therapist & host of You Need Therapy Podcast, @KatDefatta, is on to discuss “Imposter Syndrome” with Amy. THIRD THING: Random recommendations...a new affordable styling option & new TV shows Amy is enjoying. FOURTH THING: Gratitude!! Amy shares ‘4 things’ she is thankful for and hopes that you’ll take the time to do the same...you can even email her the things you’re grateful for: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, cass up a little food for you. So life.
Oh it's pretty, but it's pretty beautiful. Thank you. That's
(00:23):
a little month, said kick with four. Okay. So for
the first thing, I have my brother David joining me. David,
what up? Hey? Okay, So David is actually my half brother,
and he's significantly older than me. Yeah, but I don't
(00:46):
look significantly older than you, right, But we never really
grew up as kids together, like when you were in
my home when I was a kid, like you lived
with us for a little bit, but you were in college. Yeah,
I was in college. And yeah, I mean it's sort
of interesting. I've got a half brother is the teen
years younger than me, and then a half sister who's
thirteen years younger than me. So yeah, and so and
then you have your other half sister who's my sister Christie.
(01:07):
So we could get real confusing with you all kind
of explain our family dynamic as my dad was Cliff,
and he was married to David's mom, Judy back in
the sixties and they had David and Kim, and then
they got a divorce and David's mom, Judy, married another Cliff,
and then my dad married someone else named Bobby Sue
(01:28):
or Bobby Joe or something. We don't know much about her.
But then the third his third wife, who's my mom,
was also Judy. So there was a time period for
David and I where he had a set of parents,
Cliff and Judy, and then um, he also had his dad, Cliff,
who was married to my mom, his stepmom, Judy. So
there you go. Have you ever thought about David if
(01:49):
we were to ever do one of those you know,
DNA testing kids, if we would have any other siblings
out there? Are you really asking that him? Yes, that
thought has never crossed your mind. Oh yeah, I mean,
but I don't think so. I think I think our
dad if you if he had had other kids, you
would have he would have known you would to let
us know. But oh no, no, I'm just just saying
(02:11):
that he didn't even know about it. I don't know
who knows. Our dad was awesome. But the wives didn't
stop there at my duty. There was another one after that.
But you know, David and I were even having some
deep talks. We were together this last Saturday, and I guess, David,
before we get into our talk, do you want to
defend yourself I had forgotten that I had mentioned you
(02:32):
on last Thursday's episode in the first thing, when I
was talking to Mary and we were talking about the
book project Hail Mary, and I said that Dad's you know,
the weekend we were in Texas for Dad's funeral, that
you were walking around the hotel with your book. Like
everywhere I saw you, you had that book, and so
I guess I said, yeah, you're at the pool, You're
like laying there reading the book and we were all
(02:53):
hanging out and talking. But like, the book was so good,
and I'm thankful that you told me about the book
because I'm loving it, and you know, maybe we can
tell listeners about it and then they'll be thankful for it.
I wanted to give you the chance to defend yourself
because I didn't mean for you to take that the
wrong way. But to be fair, I didn't think you
would ever hear it. No, I heard it. I heard it,
so so yeah. Amy asked me over the weekend she
(03:16):
was here, you know, here visiting, and she asked me
to ride her her podcast, and I was like, I'm
gonna read your podcast. How I listened to it. I
gotta I gotta hear it and see see if it's good.
And so I listened to the last most recent episode
and there were you know, Amy, Amy was talking with
her friend about what was the list. For Amy, it
was a list of things that things you can quickly
(03:37):
do to boost your mood, booster mood. And and to me,
that list was also things that you can do when
you're trying to, like you know, you're trying to recharge, right,
You're trying to you know, maybe internalize and get to
a good place where you can you can deal or
cope with tough issues and stuff like that. And I
think different people deal with it in different ways. And
(03:57):
like most all three of my sisters, I think recharge
through social interaction, right, I think all three of you
really get a lot of comfort from interacting with other people.
But I'm I'm sort of the opposite, right, you know,
being in groups and spending time with other people is
is sort of like it's a little bit of a
drain on me. I mean, I like, it's not that
(04:18):
I don't like doing it, it just takes a lot
of energy out of me. And that was a really
emotional weekend, as people would imagine. And and so after
the service, was over, and we spent all this time
reminiscing and everything else. My brain won't shut off, and
unless I'm doing something like reading a book. It was
like giving me the opportunity to like turn off these
thoughts and feelings that I had been experiencing the entire
(04:40):
day and sort of give give my emotions and give
my brain a rest. And that's just the way that
I do it. You know. Books is a way for
me to like step out of my head and give
myself a chance to just rest emotionally. Right. Some people
use meditation, you know, some people use music. Books are
the way that I do. Okay, So now I feel
(05:01):
bad and I want to take back what I said
about you walking around the hotel all weekend with your book,
and you know, I think that that's important to realize,
you know that about yourself and you're processing. It was
a heavy weekend. I do think that Kim and Christie
and I do process differently than you, and and that's okay.
And but I will say, like even your yes, your
(05:21):
demeanor was a little bit different. But I did get
to spend time with you this last weekend. I could
tell you were more yourself like you were more talkative.
And I mean, you're obviously super smart, but with that,
you're also witty and quick and funny and good at conversation.
And I've always enjoyed having talks with you. It hasn't
(05:42):
been like we do it all the time by any means,
but I've always enjoyed it when we've had that time.
And you shared with me some really amazing quote, and
I want you to share with everyone that quote and
then the philosophy behind it, because I think it's just
an important reminder of how we should all be. There's
a Stanford professor's name is Paul Saffo and and he
(06:04):
writes about sort of a philosophy, and it's it's a
philosophy that can be applied to everything, like he uses
it for like scientific rigor, right, but but it can
be applied to just day to day life. And the
concept is something he calls strong opinions weakly held right
and and and basically what that means is that you
should be able to come up with strong ideas about
(06:27):
things right, and then test them by talking to other people,
and then be willing and not not just willing, but interested,
like actively seeking to change your opinion whenever you know
that opinion is shown to be false or shown to
be wrong in some way. And and the whole point
(06:47):
of this strong opinions weekly health concept is that there's
an opposite to it, which is weak opinions strongly held.
And we all know people like that, right. They're the
people who you ask them about something and they have
an opinion. The ask them why, and they're like, well,
I read it on the internet or well I heard it,
like people say it all the time. And you're like,
but that doesn't mean that it's true, right, But they
(07:09):
won't change. They're not willing to have a discussion about
their opinion. They're not willing to consider that it's wrong.
They just locked in. And and so they've got this
really weak opinion and it's weak because they won't allow
any scrutiny, they won't have a conversation with other people
with other ideas, and yet they will not change no
matter what, no matter, no matter what evidence. And so
(07:32):
Paul Stafo, you know, he his whole thing is, Look,
if you have two people that are having a conversation
about something and they both have really strong opinions, and
maybe those opinions are different but they're willing to listen
to each other, and they're willing to like examine their
own position, and they're willing to say, you know what,
I think maybe you're right about this and I'm wrong.
(07:53):
Let me change my opinion, let me change my worldview,
and adapt or adopt a portion of what they're hearing
from other people. That's where you get into this productive
dialogue between people where where change can happen and where
progress can be made. Right, and so, I just I
love that philosophy. It's like there's two types of people. Basically,
(08:13):
there are people who have strong opinions that they're willing
to examine and change, and then there are people who
have weak opinions who will not change no matter what,
no matter what you share with them. And the you know,
the people that are willing to examine their beliefs. Those
are people that you can have really compelling and powerful
conversations with and and meaningful discussions with. And I think,
(08:35):
given the situation our country today, wouldn't it be great
if there were more people, you know, on the left
and the right who were willing to sit down and
have conversations, strong conversations, strong opinions, but then find a
way to like learn from each other and and and
figure out a better way based on you know, the
knowledge that they share. That's what this this philosophy really
(08:56):
is all about. Yeah. Now, if we could just get
everybody on Facebook understand that concept. Yeah yeah, well, I
don't know. I think that's a lost cause. You know, look,
wouldn't it be great if people would sit down and
have like meaningful conversations. You know, it just feels like
we're so focused on things that are not you know,
(09:17):
they're sort of trivial and you know what celebrity is,
dating what celebrity and I mean, all that stuff is
sort of fun. Whoa, whoa, You're not obsessed with the
fact that j Lo is back within affleck did you
know that? Okay, so who who was she dating before?
I don't remember, but a rod people do care. I know,
people care. Here's the funny thing about it. When I
(09:38):
open up Apple News, like I use Apple News to
sort of get an update on what's going on every day.
And it used to be that I'd open up Apple
News and I'd see news stories. And now it's like
I see five stories that are like sixteen recipes that
will blew your mind, and it's like is that news?
What's happened here? And so like this morning, one of
the news stories, the top news stories on Apple was
(10:00):
like j lo and and Ben Afflexy kissing at restaurant.
And I was like, okay, seriously, hey, that is news.
I promised you that, and I'm here for it. Yeah.
I know. Well, we've all got dirty little you know,
we've got these dirty little pleasures right like that, you know,
things that you don't want to admit. I mean, I
drink like dr pepper a day. That's not something I'm
(10:23):
really super proud of. And people watch soap operas and
stuff like that, but you're such such a dirty little pleasure. Well, look,
the thing is, I don't know, it just feels like
we don't have as many substitutive conversations anymore, Like we
don't talk about meaningful stuff, right. I agree, And I
think that a lot of it boils down to sometimes
you just don't even want to get into it because
(10:43):
you know you're going to be met with such resistance
and you're not met with thoughtfulness and kindness. It could
be twofold. The delivery could be wrong, because the delivery
could be unkind and harsh, or it also could be
delivered in a kind way but then received completely wrong
and then met with a defensive response. And so what
everybody could work on, whether you're trying to start the
(11:08):
conversation or you're receiving what someone is trying to say,
is to like what filter is it going through on
the way out and on the way in. It's almost
like road rage has like moved over into conversations. You know,
you're like driving down the road and you and you
move over in front of somebody and they flip out
right and you're afraid they're gonna like run you off
(11:28):
the road and come after you with a bat or something.
Now it's like conversations are like that. If you mentioned
the wrong thing, the wrong you know, concept or whatever,
people just flip out. And I think you're exactly right.
People need to be willing to sit, you know, sit
back a little bit and and understand that everybody's just
a person and their opinions are just opinions, and that
(11:48):
if we can't have conversations about them, then all we're
gonna do is further divide ourselves, you know, from from
other people. And you know, what makes America great, you know,
and and you know, maybe the greatest country in the
history of the world. Is the fact that there's so
much diversity and so many different ideas and thoughts, and
that people, you know, can be unique and different and
(12:09):
and have different ideals, but that we're all like sort
of brought together by freedom, by by the ability to
speak our mind and the ability to you know, to
to act in a free way. Right, I feel like
we're losing that a little bit. We need to we
need to remember it and and respect other people's rights
to have the same freedoms that we enjoyed. In a
(12:29):
very brief, quick way, just explain and remind people that
a lot of times, if you're getting your your news
from Facebook, for example, how the algorithms are set to
where once you start to receive news at a like
about a certain thing like, then that's all you see
in your feed. So then you start to think that
(12:51):
that's how everybody's thinking, and it becomes that that's it's
that way or the highway. And then when you're met
with a different opinion, that different opinion hasn't been on
your Facebook feed for the past you know, year, then
you freak out because you're like, nobody thinks that way.
But wait, but I don't know. Just explain to people
how that happens, because even I have a hard time
(13:13):
wrapping my head around it. Yeah, the echo chamber, right,
And and basically what Facebook and other social media platforms
do is when you click on something, it tracks that. Right.
So if you click, like my wife Lisa, she clicks on,
you know, videos of of dogs. She's a big Siberian
Husky fan, and so anytime she sees something about dog
sledding or dog shows, she clicks on that. And so
(13:35):
now all of the stuff that Facebook shows are is
related to dogs. And so the same thing happens with politics.
So if you click on an article that's talking about
how you know, horrible conservatives are being treated, then Facebook
understands that you're interested in that, and it's gonna show
you more of those types of articles. So pretty quickly
(13:55):
you don't see the other side. You don't see any
information on the you know, about you know, the other
political party. All you see is negative stuff about the
other political party and positive stuff about your own political party.
And so you enter an echo chamber, and the echo
chamber makes it where it seems like your opinion is
the majority opinion, even if it's not right. That's what's
(14:18):
so insidious about, you know, what's what's happening with social media? Yeah,
so just keep that in mind if that's your number
one way of receiving information. Did you watch that documentary
on Netflix, The Social Dilemma? Yeah? Yeah, okay, so just
for anybody else, I mean, that's been out a while,
so maybe a lot of you have seen it and
some of this you might be like, oh, yeah, I
(14:39):
already knew that, But it's just it's good to to
keep in your mind so that you pay attention to
maybe when it's happening and then maybe when you need
to recheck or reset yourself, and then just be open
to more conversations with people. It doesn't mean that you
have to abandon anything that you believe or things that
you're passionate about, but who knows. If you're open to it,
(15:00):
you may find yourself leaning into what they're saying if
that is speaking true to you. If it doesn't, then
you just respect the conversation and you just walk away.
Doesn't have to end in some family fight or friendship
fight or yeah, like David was saying with road rage.
I think that was a perfect analogy. And you know
what if if some people in your life refused to
(15:22):
be that way. It makes me think of this this
quote and it's anonymous. I don't know who originally said it,
but it's you can't change the people around you, but
you can change the people around you. And uh so
I just will leave people with that. Yeah, really sit
with that one. You can't change the people around you,
(15:44):
but you can change the people around you. So sometimes
you may need to look around and be like, oh am,
I surrounding myself with with people that you know are
making me feel good about myself and what I believe,
and I'm allowed to be who I want to be,
even if it doesn't match up exactly with who they
think I should be. I mean, everything should be more welcoming,
(16:05):
like if you feel like you have to silence yourself
around certain people. But I will say it's very difficult
if it is family to like cut out family, you
know what I mean, because those are people that are
hard to change because you're you're close to them in
another way. Yeah, but family, I think is the best
way to practice what we is circling all the way
back to the beginning, right, you know, having strong beliefs
(16:27):
that are weekly held, that being in a situation where
you're willing to listen to other people's ideas and then
examine your own. The safest place to do that is
with family. Right. And and here's what I think requires
you have to say to somebody in your family that
has different beliefs, explain to me why you feel that way. Right,
Explain to me why you believe that way. And it
can't be aggressive. You gotta you gotta genuinely want to
(16:50):
understand what they're saying. I think if you go to
somebody who has maybe differing beliefs in your family, and
you and you you both sit down with the drink
and you and you say to I want to understand
why you feel the way that you do, Like I
really do care and want to know why you feel
the way you do. And if they're willing to have
the same conversation with you and listen to your opinion,
(17:11):
then you might both like come away first of all,
being closer, second ball being able to have a conversation
about tough issues. But it's it's a safer place to
do it because you know, at the end of the day,
even though you're maybe on different sides of an issue,
your family and hopefully family is stronger than that is
gonna is gonna allow you to you know, stay, you know,
positive and connected, and the relationship is going to be
(17:35):
stronger than whatever the differences are in your philosophy. Yeah,
so you don't have to like literally change the people
around you. And you know, I think too. We used
politics as an example, but this could really be anything
that you need to have a conversation about. I think,
like politics is just a big one that people tend
to disagree about, but it really could be a number
(17:56):
of things that you may need to have discussions about.
Like I can just think of, I'm off the top
of my head, like parenting. People have so many opinions
about parenting within their family. Or Yeah, I even think
of how I used to be about food, and I
was so wrapped up in my own eating disorder that
I didn't even realize like how toxic I was making
certain conversations around the family table, you know, and I
(18:19):
was projecting my stuff onto people that weren't even asking
for it. So those are just a couple of other
examples besides just politics. So see where this resonates with
you and then maybe where you can try to implement
it into your life. And David, I feel like I
could talk to you forever. You're definitely going to have
to come back on. I know that people are gonna
love you. They love it when Christie comes on, for sure,
(18:40):
So if you're willing to come back on, I would
love to have you. Yeah, Well, next time I have
to talk about something that's TOSHERA likes like anime. Oh,
I know, say your age again. I know I said
you were older than me, but like you're what weeks. Yeah,
and my daughter's fourteen and they have anime and common
they both like that. But your I will say, you're verse.
(19:00):
You know a lot about a lot of things. You're
not just into anime all day long. Yeah. I think
a lot of it comes down to I just love
to read, and when you read, you learn, right, That's
That's just one of the things. So it's it's less
about being like worldly or or whatever and just being
you know, being somebody who loves to read books, and
so you learn a lot of stuff by just picking
(19:20):
up a book, right, and you also retain a lot
of information, like a lot, and you pull it from
years ago. I'm quite envious of it, if I must
say so, because yeah, there's like a wealth of knowledge
in there. And not that I mean, I know that
I'm a smart person. I feel like your brain retains
things on another level. Like you're the firstborn, so I
think you got that gene or whatever that is. It's
(19:42):
funny though, because you'll remember things socially that I don't remember, right,
You'll remember something happens twenty years ago. So I think
we have different types of memory retention, right. Some people
retain facts and figures, some people retain history, some people
retain like social stuff like you'll remember, you know, names
of people that we met twenty years ago and what
(20:03):
they were doing and what their background was. So I
think our brains are just wired to absorb different types
of content, right, and different types of information. It's not
better or worse, it's just different. We're just different people
and we have different you know, different gifts. All right, David, Well,
thank you so much for coming on. So fun having you,
and thank you for listening to the podcast and subscribing
(20:26):
and rating and review it. I appreciate that, especially you
being my brother and if anybody else out there wants
to subscribe, rate and review, if you haven't already done that,
I would be super grateful. David. I hope I will
see you soon and you'll have to come on the
podcast for sure. I know that people are gonna love you.
Take care. Okay, we're talking imposter syndrome for this thing,
(20:52):
and I've briefly touched on this before, but it might
have been a couple of years ago, honestly, so it's
a good time to bring it back up. And I
have have license therapists. Cat de Fata talking with me
about it, and we decided to record this thing on
a whim. We weren't really planning on it, but we thought, well,
this could be a conversation because if we're struggling with it,
other people are struggling with it. And it's ironic because
Cat was literally recording a podcast with someone about impostor
(21:16):
syndrome and she was sort of having impostor syndrome, like
believing Okay, no, she definitely was. She was telling me
she was nervous about the interview and almost like she
didn't feel worthy to interview this person because this person
was more known and have more of a following, and
you know, it's just like when you sit back and
you hear something. You know, I wanted to encourage Cat,
but I'm like, no, you're good. This person is not
(21:38):
better than you just because they have more followers. And
so now we're just gonna have a real talk of
Like there's days where I'm sitting on the Bobby Bone
Show or I'm sitting here with this podcast and I
think what am I doing? I have no qualifications to
be here? Well, and then I really think about I'm like, well,
I have been on the Bobby Bone Show for fifteen years,
so I'm sure somewhere in there I've learned a thing
or two. But yet I still have lie in my
(22:00):
head that tell me I don't know what I'm doing
a lot of times I don't, but I but I don't,
and like why am I even doing this? And who's
even listening to me? And you know, my who am
I to be talking with people? And what makes me
feel better? And this isn't about the impostor thing. It's
just about being more of a like I'm doing this
to just we can have conversations and maybe someone listening
(22:21):
doesn't feel alone. But I still get stuck in my
head sometimes, but I do bring myself out of that
when I'm like, you know what, I'm not an expert.
I don't have to be. I'm not trying to pretend
that I am. But then sometimes I feel like people
maybe think that I am, and then I'm such a fake?
Does that make sense? Because I have a pressure and
I struggle with this all the time, and I almost
I don't think I realized how much I struggled with
(22:42):
it until I did that episode and I was like,
oh my gosh. My feelings about doing this episode are
the definitions of imposter syndrome. And for me, I know
it comes from this place of comparison. If I wasn't
comparing myself to anybody, I would be fine because I
think and sometimes a bubble, I can be really confident,
and then when it comes to having other pople's opinions
or thoughts, or I'm looking at other people's accomplishments next
(23:03):
to mine, for some reason, I'm like, oh, what am
I doing? Who am I to be? Having a podcast
is one of the main things that you know, right,
But what's something that you say about yourself when it
comes to being a therapist, that I totally know what
I know, that I'm good at what I do when
it comes to being a therapist. I'm very confident in
all of that with my clients. I don't take it
personally when somebody doesn't like me as a therapist because
(23:25):
I know that I know what I'm doing there. But
because I didn't have this like big huge dream and
goal to set out and I got all this training,
I've never been trained to have a podcast. I've been
trained to be a therapist. Maybe that's part of it,
but it became that like, who am I to be
interviewing people who actually do this for a living? Or
who am I to be interviewing people who have more
(23:46):
of a following than me? But then we circle back
to what is your podcast? You need therapy? And then
what are you at expert in? Right? What are you
an expert? Exactly? A podcast is too but like some
times super smart, but like even you and you know
all the tools, and like even you get wrapped up
in your own head about it. But then you had
(24:07):
a realization because you were ironically doing an episode on
imposter syndrome and having the exact same thoughts, So you
had that self awareness, you're like, oh my gosh. And
so for other people, it might not be a podcast.
It really could be any career thing being it could
be any anything. Being a mom. Maybe your a mom
for the first time, or maybe you've got four kids.
But you're still like, what the what am I doing?
What am I doing? Well? I mean like I'm not
(24:30):
I'm not a good mom, or there's no way I'm
doing this right. Or this person is a better mom,
or this person is better at this job, or whatever
your career is. And I do consider being a mom
of career. Whatever you're doing, you can sometimes get all
psyched out and get in your head about it. This
is a huge issue I think in our culture is
that being mediocre or being average or being okay at
(24:52):
something that is seen as a bad thing. It's seen
as an insult. Like if you were to tell me, oh,
your podcast is average, I would take that offensively. And
I think that's a problem because what's wrong with being
not the best at something but still being able to
be good at it or valuable in that field or
it just has become Again, it goes back to comparison.
I just well, I've held my finger up someone had
(25:12):
to remember you using the word valuable, because if you're
a value to the amount of people that are listening
to say it's five, say it's five hundred, say it's
five million. But if you're a value to those people,
then what is it to your point? Like it you're
still doing a service, and you're good at what you do,
and you're putting it out there and you're reaching people.
And again we've talked about this a million times, like
(25:34):
if you connect with one person, okay, well then that
And it also ties into this like addictive culture we're
in where it's like we need more and more and
more of something, where it's like, why can't I be
satisfied with helping five people? Why do I have to
have five million people be helped by something? Five people?
Those are five real people. But I think it comes
(25:55):
to like we just want more, and we want more
and we want more. And I think it's tied into
I think social media writing, what we see of getting
enough likes and all of that that quantity equal success
when it really doesn't. Yeah. I mean honestly, some people
are just really excellent at marketing themselves, so they may
not have as much as you think they have going on.
(26:15):
But that's just another thing of you to remember of
like what is reality because some people really are. In fact,
sometimes I watch people and they are so good at it.
I'm like part of me gives them props like, oh,
good for you. You believe in yourself right now, and
so maybe I need a little bit more of that.
I'm not hating on it because they're really good at
promoting what they do, but being confident, right, Maybe maybe
(26:36):
it's confidence. I mean I don't because I don't know
them as social media, so I don't really know. But
also maybe it's manipulation. Maybe I don't know. It could
be either way. They're really good at it. They got
me thinking they're great manipulated check or maybe it's just
genuinely like them having confidence and believing themselves and knowing
that what they're putting out is a value, even if
(26:57):
it's to one person and they're Bigolly, they're going to
put it out there and everybody needs to know about it. Well,
you know, And I want to bring this up. Have
you ever said that before? I don't know. I mean,
should I be hosting a podcast or not? Really? By
golly got all the all the hip work hit Lingo.
But I want to bring this up and I said
this in the episode, but I think it's valuable to
(27:19):
be said again. I was listening to a conversation with
a man named Mike Foster and John Acoff. It was
on Mike's podcast, Fund Therapy. I don't even know what
they're talking about, but one of them asked the other,
what would you do if you could just be six
pc good at something? If the goal wasn't to be
a percent the best? What would you do? What would
your life look like? How would it look differently? And
I don't even remember what was said, but that question
(27:41):
has followed me. That was years ago that I heard that,
and I just would encourage everybody who maybe is gravitating
or connecting with this idea of imposter syndrome of wait
a second, what would I be doing if it was
okay to be sixt good at it? Because that's probably
something that you should be doing. I mean, that's something
I might have to spend some time with. Thank it are. Yeah,
if people want to check out that episode, they can
(28:03):
just go to You Need Therapy podcast and the episodes
with Tanya rad and she is a Ryan Seacrest co host.
I was about to say, who's Ryan Seacrest was, but
most people know. I mean you may watch him on
American Idol. You may watch him on Ryan and Kelly
or Kelly and Ryan. I don't know he was. Yeah,
he took Regis place, he took oh, Michael Strahan, Yes, yeah,
(28:25):
I forgot there was in between and then yeah, he
has his own radio show based out of l A
on Kiss FIM. I mean he started out in radio
and then kind of worked his way. But Sissony and
Tanya are his co hosts, and Tanya is one of them,
and she is a recent episode of yours. I was
trying to look it up real quick so I could give, like,
do you do episode of numbers. It's just called syndrome.
(28:46):
So just search impostor syndrome with you Need Therapy or
Tanya rad and you will find it. And I highly
recommend cats podcast You Need Therapy if you want to
check that out. So thanks for hopping on to talk
to me about this. It's just also too I mean,
this isn't you'll you can dig more into imposter syndrome
if you go listen to that episode. But Cat and
I just wanted to bring it up because we were
(29:08):
talking about it, and we just want you to know
that we have those thoughts too, and not always true.
They're not always true, and you need to change the narrative,
tell yourself a different story. Believe in yourself as much
as Cat believes in herself being a therapist, because I
you've said that to me before, and I've been like, yes, girl,
because you've been like, I mean, I'm a good therapist.
(29:31):
And to me, I would want to come to you
because I want a therapist that really believes in their work.
And you're not saying it in a nuceated way. Not.
That's another thing, is it's it can be looked at
as bad for especially a woman, to be super confident,
and I think that is a messed up way to
look at things. Like we're allowed to like know what
(29:51):
we're good at. When we know we're good at something
like that's that's a good thing. We're allowed to at
least know what we're six. Yeah, exactly, And and I've
about go figure that out whatever that is. Okay, So Cat, defata,
thank you for joining me. And yeah, hopefully you will
do a little more research on imposter syndrome if you
think that this might be something that you deal with yourself. Okay,
(30:24):
this thing is random things that are on my mind,
which one of them is Amazon's new way to elevate
your wardrobe. I just saw an article posted about it,
and I don't know if you've heard, but they're offering
some personal shopper service I guess under their Prime Wardrobe brand,
and I thought I would just tell you all about
it in case you hadn't heard, and maybe you have
something coming up and you want help with styling, although
(30:45):
I did also see that they've had some delays due
to customer volume, like they don't have enough stylists or something,
so I don't know if you'll even be able to
find somebody. And again I have not used this yet.
Isn't like a commercial or anything. Just these are things
that I saw that I thought you may want to
know about. But it's four four dollars nents per styling
(31:06):
and they let the stylist do all the shopping for
you and then they send you the clothes and you've
got seven days to try them on and send back
before you're actually charged. So if you decide you don't
like them, well then you're you just send them back
and you're all good. And then all orders come with
a resealable box and a prepaid label for returns, so
(31:26):
it's pretty much hassle free, which that sounds a lot
like stitch Fix, And I think there's other trunk services
that have been offered. I've I've only ever used stitch Fix,
but I don't know. This Amazon one might be a thing,
so maybe you could look into that. I know I
love having help when it comes to getting ready for things,
whether it's from legit stylists or my friends. I'm someone
(31:49):
where in my head I don't really trust myself. I'm
not very confident in my dressing skills. But maybe part
of that is just because I need to believe in myself,
Like I need to change the narrative and be like,
you know what, as long as I feel comfortable and confident,
then it's fine. Why am I so concerned about what
anybody else thinks? But still I like having friends, opinions,
(32:09):
and and experts. So maybe Amazon's onto something. I mean, really, honestly,
Amazon is going to be taking over the world. They
already have. They basically do everything, and this is proving it.
They're getting into every little you know, they've got Amazon
TV and movies or Video Prime. They've got Amazon Books.
They have everything you could order at your fingertips and
sometimes it will even arrive to you same day. And
(32:31):
then now they're doing styling and clothing and the pantry stuff.
And speaking of Amazon Video, that is a place where
I do like to find things, and sometimes I can
find them for free on Amazon, or maybe I'll have
to just pay like two bucks to get something. But
a service that or streaming platform or service that I
downloaded a while ago, mainly for undoing with Nicole Kidman
(32:55):
because it was so good was HBO Max and I
kind of forgot about it for a little bit into
all the Friends reunion came back and then now I'm
spending so much time on HBO Max because after the
Friends reunion it made me want to watch Friends again,
which Friends is one of my all time favorite TV shows. Ever,
just after it went off Netflix, I wasn't really watching
it that much and I had it on the other day,
(33:17):
and the scene where Ross is getting married and he
says Rachel's name at the wedding, that is still a
scene that bothers me so much. It is it just
makes me cringe. The whole episode makes me uncomfortable. In fact,
I just skipped it and went to the next episode
because I didn't even want to deal with it. So
now it's got me wondering, like, if you have a
scene or an episode for one of your favorite shows
(33:38):
that is your least favorite, I want to hear from
y'all what those are. Maybe you could email them to
me four things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com
and we can bring this up in the fifth thing
and kind of share our uncomfortable episodes from our favorite
TV shows. But I've been watching a lot more Friends
on HBO Max, and then I watched Mayor of East Town,
which I really liked with Kate Win's lip. She's a
(33:59):
detective and she's investigating a murder, and then there's also
a disappearance of another girl, and then there's all these
other stories intertwined because I don't know, she's got a
lot of different characters in her life that have a
lot of drama happening. So that was very interesting. Thought
it was really good. A lot of people liked may
Or of Vastown better than Undoing, but I personally think
(34:20):
I liked Undoing better. But I still recommend both. And
then another one I just started on HBO Max is Hacks,
which is about this comedian, an older woman in Vegas
and she's kind of losing her thing because she's been
doing it for a very long time and the casino
where I guess she has a residency. I'm only on
(34:41):
episode one, by the way, so I'm just telling you all,
but I already can tell I'm totally into it and
I'm going to finish it. But she needs help kind
of appealing to a younger audience. And so there's this
writer who's young and apparently was doing well but put
out a tweet that caused her to get canceled in
a sense, and so she lost her job and she
couldn't find work anywhere because nobody wanted to be associated
(35:04):
with her. So they have the same agent, and their
agent kind of connected them, like there's this older lady,
and you got this younger girl, and she's a writer,
and maybe she can help you freshen up your comedy show.
So that's called Hacks, and I'm into it. So if
you've been on the fence about getting HBO Max, I
would say, I guess it's worth it. I mean some
(35:24):
people haven't really liked the Friends Reunion, but I loved it.
Mary and I watched it together and we were very
excited about it. But we talked about it on the
Bobby Bone Show and Bobby just thought it was okay. So,
you know, I don't want to overhype or oversell something,
because that's the worst is when someone talks about something
being so awesome and then you go watch it and
you're kind of let down. So I don't want to
(35:45):
do that. Maybe I shouldn't have done that with undoing
Mayor of Easttown and now Hacks, especially since I'm just
one episode into that. So that's just some TV show
recommendations for you. I know this is kind of a
random thing. There's stuff that was on my mind. If
anybody tries out the Amazon styling thing personal stylist, let
me know about that too, and I'll keep you all
(36:06):
posted if I try it as well. But if you
have any TV show recommendations for me, I would love
to hear them, or book recommendations or other podcasts or something,
and I'll be sure to share those, maybe in a
fifth thing if you email them into me, and that
way we can let each other know I love hearing
from people with their watching or reading or listening to
(36:27):
for sure, So I want to hear what y'all are
into and then I will share it with the group.
So we're like a little community here, and I'm the
one that shares everything to everybody. But I love hearing
from y'all, So send me things that we need to
know about, and I'll let the group know and I'll
talk about it in an upcoming episode. So appreciate any
suggestions you'll have let me know, all right. For this thing,
(36:56):
I am sharing with you all four things that I
am thankful for. This is stuff I legit put in
my gratitude journal last night, and I'm going to talk
it over with you because there might be some helpful
things in here that you might enjoy yourself. Because these
are things that I'm thankful for, so maybe you need
to know about them. And you know, I often have
guests do this if I have them on for all
(37:18):
four things, at the end, I have them share four
things that they're grateful for. So I thought, well, why
not do this myself? Might not be bad from time
to time. I don't want to like overdo it or
bore you'all with my gratitude. But these are things that
I am recently thankful for. And in number one is toast.
I'm obsessed with toast, mostly toast with gee and sea
(37:41):
salt like that is my jam. I have it most
every morning with my coffee, so I have a latte
which is kind of a little bit sweet. So maybe
that's why I like the salty and the butter and
the bread situation. But that is totally my jam right now.
Which begin a jam? I do put jam on it
from time to time, not always, but occasionally I'll do
the gee and instead of salt, I'll put strawberry jam
(38:03):
on top. But I don't know what it is about
me and toast right now, but it is all that
I want. And my bread of choice is Ezekiel bread,
the seven grain kind, I think that's what it's called.
It's in the red bag. So Ezekiel bread is often
found in the freezer at grocery stores, and they have,
you know, a green bag, a yellow bag, an orange bag,
(38:23):
a red bag, a purple bag. They're all different flavors
or how I don't know, however they make it, and
the one I like is the red bag. Sometimes certain
grocery stores don't have the red bag, and I'm like, oh,
so I opt for I guess I don't know the
orange bag, and it's all right. I still eat it,
enjoy it. But there's something about whatever they do with
within the red bag that I love. So that is
(38:44):
thing number one. The second thing I'm thankful for is
my bird collar will at least one of them. This
is something that Mary actually found and I think she
told Stashira about them, and Stare ended up giving it
to me for Mother's Day. So I have it up
here with me. I'll try not to blow it into
the microphone so when we totally in your ears. But
I go outside and I call my birds to come
(39:04):
to the feeder when I put food out, I walk
outside and I do this. And I posted this on
Instagram the other day and people wanted to know where
the caller came from, and I need to ask Mary
exactly where she got it. But it's a handmade little
wooden one that is so cute, and I found one
(39:27):
that is very similar. It's like a chicken ee call.
It calls little chicken ease, which those are my favorite
thing to come to my feeder because they're so tiny
and cute. But this would be a great gift for
somebody maybe if they're also into birds. But because it's
handmade and it's wood and it's super cute, it's about
twenty dollars but it comes in this cute little wooden
box of the picture of the bird on the outside
(39:48):
and the natural baby cot dot com is where I
found a link, and again I don't know exactly where
Mary found it. I need to talk with her about that,
so I might have an update for y'all on this,
but just quickly, that's something that might work. Or on
Amazon if you just type in bird callers, there might
be some really great options there that well. In fact,
I actually just did it and some popped up in
(40:09):
there about eight bucks, so maybe you could give that
a try and see if that works for you. But
there's something about a bird collar that's just so fun.
And then birds are outside chirping anyway, and I don't
know if they're responding to me or if they would
be chirping anyways, but I feel like we're having a conversation.
And then they come over to my feeder and I
feel like they legit showed up because I called them.
I have no idea if they would have shown up,
(40:31):
whether or not I used my caller or not, but
it is a pretty special feeling. You feel like you're
really connecting with nature in this weird way. So there's that,
all right. So we got toast and we got bird callers.
And then the third thing I'm thankful for is my brother.
He's actually on today's episode, so that's super cool. But
I just love that I am reconnecting with him. He's
(40:55):
older than me, and I didn't grow up with him
in the same house. We have different moms that we
had same dad. You know. I think we talked about
it a little bit in this episode, but going through
the loss of our dad has brought us closer together.
So I hope that we continue this. And I just
want to encourage you that if there's somebody in your life,
(41:16):
whether it's a friend or relative or whatever, maybe you
don't need something really heavy or tragic to happen that's
going to bring you back together. Maybe today it'll just
take a phone call or an email or text or
you reaching out. And some of that is just us
being intentional about doing it. I mean, I love my brother,
always have. I think he's awesome, but for whatever reason,
(41:37):
we just don't talk that often. And I don't think
we're gonna start talking every day, but I can tell
you that I'm going to be making more of an
effort to stay connected with him and my other sister, Kim,
and then my sister Christie, of course I'm super close with,
but I hope as siblings, all four of us hang
out more together and maybe we play little trips. I mean,
(41:57):
my dad would love that we were doing this. He
would freak out. It kind of makes me sad that
I didn't do some of this wall while he was alive,
because it would have made him so happy to see
his kids just connecting with each other and having real conversations.
And my brother and I didn't get into this specifically.
I was in Tampa this last weekend and saw him
and we had a really nice deep talk, like about
(42:19):
real things and our dads and our moms and relationships
and stuff that my dad had told him that he
had never told me. And it was really easy but
also awesome to be able to learn more even about
my dad through my brother. And I don't know that
we would have ever sat down and had like a
real meaningful conversation if we weren't being intentional about it.
(42:41):
And all credit my brother for for the meaningful conversation,
because we kind of went on a walk and we
sat down and he just asked me, I out of nowhere.
I think the question was like, who's somebody that you
admire in your life? And we started talking about different people,
and he said, well, you know, I got to say
your mom. And my mom was his stepmom for a while,
but he's like, I just admire so much how she
(43:02):
handled adversity and different challenges and he just thought she
did it with such grace and he saw her go through,
you know, different things because she was his stepmom for
a little bit. But then my parents got divorced and
we had a new stepmom who was maybe younger than
my brother maybe or for sure. There was at one
point where my brother had a girlfriend that was older
(43:23):
than my dad's wife, so that part was a little weird.
But he saw my mom go through some hard times,
but he always saw her handle it well and he
admired her for that and how she interacted with him
as a stepson for a period of time, probably about
thirteen years or so, so anyway, I am thankful for
my brother and our reconnection, even though I don't ever
(43:46):
feel like I was not connected to my brother. So yeah,
the third thing is me definitely being thankful for my
brother and our new way that we're going to handle
our relationship as siblings, all right. And for the fourth
and final thing, I am just straight up thankful for
my girl, Lisa Hame. She is a friend and a
(44:07):
co host of Outweigh are podcasts that we do on
Saturdays for eating disorders, and she just has a way
of sending a little encouraging texts from time to time
that makes me smile. And she also puts out a
newsletter every Sunday that is amazing. It's probably the best
newsletter that I received. I don't always read every newsletter
(44:29):
that people send out, but I always read hers. Mary,
if you're listening, I do check out the Shot Forward newsletters.
I guess they're more of like email blasts if they're
from the Shot Forward, so I guess that's very different.
But I'm trying to think of like people where I'm
real intentional making sure to check out whatever they're sending out,
especially if they're my friend. But Lisa's I want to
read every word, like, even if they're kind of long.
(44:50):
I like taking in what she has to say. And
at the end of her latest newsletter, she put a
little blurb of her latest episode of Truth the a Life,
which is her podcast, So I just want to shout
it out here. And she had a relationship expert and
coach on, Tiffany Louise, and they talk about how to
stop looking at your ex's Instagram, what it takes to
(45:11):
foster healthy romantic relationship, receiving, why is it so hard
for women, how to safely voice your needs and be heard,
and the unspoken grief that comes with accepting your partner
exactly where they are at. So, if you happen to
be in a relationship and that sounds interesting to you,
you might want to check out her latest episode, just
as a friend wanted to support which she has going on.
(45:34):
And yeah, there you go. Four things that I am
thankful for this week. And I'm trying to get back
into doing my journal. I don't do it every single
day now. We do a gratitude challenge at times where
I try to do it every single day. We did
it in March. It's hard to believe that was in March,
which I mean that was a few months ago, which
(45:54):
is crazy. Time is flying. I can't believe that it
is mid June. But if you are looking to join
us in this, all you gotta do is write down
four things that you're thankful for, maybe every day, maybe
every other day, maybe every few days, whatever it looks
like for you. You can just put pen to paper
write down four things you're thankful for. You can do
(46:15):
it in any notebook that you have, or we happen
to have one for our four Things community that esplaw
makes that supports education in Haiti through Project meta Share,
So you can go to four things dot com to
check that out, Radio amy dot com to find links
to other things, like even my Amazon Favorites page, which
(46:35):
I've got some bird feeder stuff up there if you'll want.
I don't have any bird callers linked because I haven't
actually bought one and tried it out. Everything that I
have linked there I have bought and used, but I
don't know. Maybe I will try some out and then
give you all a review of some bird callers from Amazon.
But yeah, Radio Amy should get you links to everything,
but just want to encourage you to try to think
(46:58):
of things that you are thankful for or especially if
you're in a little bit of a funk, it can
help shift your mood for sure, at least it does
for me, and maybe you could see if that's something
that works for you. All Right, thank you all for
listening to today's episode, and I hope you have a
great weekend. On Saturday, yeah, a new Outweigh episode will
go up, so make sure if you've, you know, struggled
(47:19):
with any disorder to eating or anything like that, you
you maybe want to subscribe to that so that way
it'll upload every Saturday, and then I will see y'all
next Tuesday for the fifth thing By
Okay, cass up a little food for you. So life.
Oh it's pretty, but it's pretty beautiful. Thank you. That's
(00:23):
a little month, said kick with four. Okay. So for
the first thing, I have my brother David joining me. David,
what up? Hey? Okay, So David is actually my half brother,
and he's significantly older than me. Yeah, but I don't
(00:46):
look significantly older than you, right, But we never really
grew up as kids together, like when you were in
my home when I was a kid, like you lived
with us for a little bit, but you were in college. Yeah,
I was in college. And yeah, I mean it's sort
of interesting. I've got a half brother is the teen
years younger than me, and then a half sister who's
thirteen years younger than me. So yeah, and so and
then you have your other half sister who's my sister Christie.
(01:07):
So we could get real confusing with you all kind
of explain our family dynamic as my dad was Cliff,
and he was married to David's mom, Judy back in
the sixties and they had David and Kim, and then
they got a divorce and David's mom, Judy, married another Cliff,
and then my dad married someone else named Bobby Sue
(01:28):
or Bobby Joe or something. We don't know much about her.
But then the third his third wife, who's my mom,
was also Judy. So there was a time period for
David and I where he had a set of parents,
Cliff and Judy, and then um, he also had his dad, Cliff,
who was married to my mom, his stepmom, Judy. So
there you go. Have you ever thought about David if
(01:49):
we were to ever do one of those you know,
DNA testing kids, if we would have any other siblings
out there? Are you really asking that him? Yes, that
thought has never crossed your mind. Oh yeah, I mean,
but I don't think so. I think I think our
dad if you if he had had other kids, you
would have he would have known you would to let
us know. But oh no, no, I'm just just saying
(02:11):
that he didn't even know about it. I don't know
who knows. Our dad was awesome. But the wives didn't
stop there at my duty. There was another one after that.
But you know, David and I were even having some
deep talks. We were together this last Saturday, and I guess, David,
before we get into our talk, do you want to
defend yourself I had forgotten that I had mentioned you
(02:32):
on last Thursday's episode in the first thing, when I
was talking to Mary and we were talking about the
book project Hail Mary, and I said that Dad's you know,
the weekend we were in Texas for Dad's funeral, that
you were walking around the hotel with your book. Like
everywhere I saw you, you had that book, and so
I guess I said, yeah, you're at the pool, You're
like laying there reading the book and we were all
(02:53):
hanging out and talking. But like, the book was so good,
and I'm thankful that you told me about the book
because I'm loving it, and you know, maybe we can
tell listeners about it and then they'll be thankful for it.
I wanted to give you the chance to defend yourself
because I didn't mean for you to take that the
wrong way. But to be fair, I didn't think you
would ever hear it. No, I heard it. I heard it,
so so yeah. Amy asked me over the weekend she
(03:16):
was here, you know, here visiting, and she asked me
to ride her her podcast, and I was like, I'm
gonna read your podcast. How I listened to it. I
gotta I gotta hear it and see see if it's good.
And so I listened to the last most recent episode
and there were you know, Amy, Amy was talking with
her friend about what was the list. For Amy, it
was a list of things that things you can quickly
(03:37):
do to boost your mood, booster mood. And and to me,
that list was also things that you can do when
you're trying to, like you know, you're trying to recharge, right,
You're trying to you know, maybe internalize and get to
a good place where you can you can deal or
cope with tough issues and stuff like that. And I
think different people deal with it in different ways. And
(03:57):
like most all three of my sisters, I think recharge
through social interaction, right, I think all three of you
really get a lot of comfort from interacting with other people.
But I'm I'm sort of the opposite, right, you know,
being in groups and spending time with other people is
is sort of like it's a little bit of a
drain on me. I mean, I like, it's not that
(04:18):
I don't like doing it, it just takes a lot
of energy out of me. And that was a really
emotional weekend, as people would imagine. And and so after
the service, was over, and we spent all this time
reminiscing and everything else. My brain won't shut off, and
unless I'm doing something like reading a book. It was
like giving me the opportunity to like turn off these
thoughts and feelings that I had been experiencing the entire
(04:40):
day and sort of give give my emotions and give
my brain a rest. And that's just the way that
I do it. You know. Books is a way for
me to like step out of my head and give
myself a chance to just rest emotionally. Right. Some people
use meditation, you know, some people use music. Books are
the way that I do. Okay, So now I feel
(05:01):
bad and I want to take back what I said
about you walking around the hotel all weekend with your book,
and you know, I think that that's important to realize,
you know that about yourself and you're processing. It was
a heavy weekend. I do think that Kim and Christie
and I do process differently than you, and and that's okay.
And but I will say, like even your yes, your
(05:21):
demeanor was a little bit different. But I did get
to spend time with you this last weekend. I could
tell you were more yourself like you were more talkative.
And I mean, you're obviously super smart, but with that,
you're also witty and quick and funny and good at conversation.
And I've always enjoyed having talks with you. It hasn't
(05:42):
been like we do it all the time by any means,
but I've always enjoyed it when we've had that time.
And you shared with me some really amazing quote, and
I want you to share with everyone that quote and
then the philosophy behind it, because I think it's just
an important reminder of how we should all be. There's
a Stanford professor's name is Paul Saffo and and he
(06:04):
writes about sort of a philosophy, and it's it's a
philosophy that can be applied to everything, like he uses
it for like scientific rigor, right, but but it can
be applied to just day to day life. And the
concept is something he calls strong opinions weakly held right
and and and basically what that means is that you
should be able to come up with strong ideas about
(06:27):
things right, and then test them by talking to other people,
and then be willing and not not just willing, but interested,
like actively seeking to change your opinion whenever you know
that opinion is shown to be false or shown to
be wrong in some way. And and the whole point
(06:47):
of this strong opinions weekly health concept is that there's
an opposite to it, which is weak opinions strongly held.
And we all know people like that, right. They're the
people who you ask them about something and they have
an opinion. The ask them why, and they're like, well,
I read it on the internet or well I heard it,
like people say it all the time. And you're like,
but that doesn't mean that it's true, right, But they
(07:09):
won't change. They're not willing to have a discussion about
their opinion. They're not willing to consider that it's wrong.
They just locked in. And and so they've got this
really weak opinion and it's weak because they won't allow
any scrutiny, they won't have a conversation with other people
with other ideas, and yet they will not change no
matter what, no matter, no matter what evidence. And so
(07:32):
Paul Stafo, you know, he his whole thing is, Look,
if you have two people that are having a conversation
about something and they both have really strong opinions, and
maybe those opinions are different but they're willing to listen
to each other, and they're willing to like examine their
own position, and they're willing to say, you know what,
I think maybe you're right about this and I'm wrong.
(07:53):
Let me change my opinion, let me change my worldview,
and adapt or adopt a portion of what they're hearing
from other people. That's where you get into this productive
dialogue between people where where change can happen and where
progress can be made. Right, and so, I just I
love that philosophy. It's like there's two types of people. Basically,
(08:13):
there are people who have strong opinions that they're willing
to examine and change, and then there are people who
have weak opinions who will not change no matter what,
no matter what you share with them. And the you know,
the people that are willing to examine their beliefs. Those
are people that you can have really compelling and powerful
conversations with and and meaningful discussions with. And I think,
(08:35):
given the situation our country today, wouldn't it be great
if there were more people, you know, on the left
and the right who were willing to sit down and
have conversations, strong conversations, strong opinions, but then find a
way to like learn from each other and and and
figure out a better way based on you know, the
knowledge that they share. That's what this this philosophy really
(08:56):
is all about. Yeah. Now, if we could just get
everybody on Facebook understand that concept. Yeah yeah, well, I
don't know. I think that's a lost cause. You know, look,
wouldn't it be great if people would sit down and
have like meaningful conversations. You know, it just feels like
we're so focused on things that are not you know,
(09:17):
they're sort of trivial and you know what celebrity is,
dating what celebrity and I mean, all that stuff is
sort of fun. Whoa, whoa, You're not obsessed with the
fact that j Lo is back within affleck did you
know that? Okay, so who who was she dating before?
I don't remember, but a rod people do care. I know,
people care. Here's the funny thing about it. When I
(09:38):
open up Apple News, like I use Apple News to
sort of get an update on what's going on every day.
And it used to be that I'd open up Apple
News and I'd see news stories. And now it's like
I see five stories that are like sixteen recipes that
will blew your mind, and it's like is that news?
What's happened here? And so like this morning, one of
the news stories, the top news stories on Apple was
(10:00):
like j lo and and Ben Afflexy kissing at restaurant.
And I was like, okay, seriously, hey, that is news.
I promised you that, and I'm here for it. Yeah.
I know. Well, we've all got dirty little you know,
we've got these dirty little pleasures right like that, you know,
things that you don't want to admit. I mean, I
drink like dr pepper a day. That's not something I'm
(10:23):
really super proud of. And people watch soap operas and
stuff like that, but you're such such a dirty little pleasure. Well, look,
the thing is, I don't know, it just feels like
we don't have as many substitutive conversations anymore, Like we
don't talk about meaningful stuff, right. I agree, And I
think that a lot of it boils down to sometimes
you just don't even want to get into it because
(10:43):
you know you're going to be met with such resistance
and you're not met with thoughtfulness and kindness. It could
be twofold. The delivery could be wrong, because the delivery
could be unkind and harsh, or it also could be
delivered in a kind way but then received completely wrong
and then met with a defensive response. And so what
everybody could work on, whether you're trying to start the
(11:08):
conversation or you're receiving what someone is trying to say,
is to like what filter is it going through on
the way out and on the way in. It's almost
like road rage has like moved over into conversations. You know,
you're like driving down the road and you and you
move over in front of somebody and they flip out
right and you're afraid they're gonna like run you off
(11:28):
the road and come after you with a bat or something.
Now it's like conversations are like that. If you mentioned
the wrong thing, the wrong you know, concept or whatever,
people just flip out. And I think you're exactly right.
People need to be willing to sit, you know, sit
back a little bit and and understand that everybody's just
a person and their opinions are just opinions, and that
(11:48):
if we can't have conversations about them, then all we're
gonna do is further divide ourselves, you know, from from
other people. And you know, what makes America great, you know,
and and you know, maybe the greatest country in the
history of the world. Is the fact that there's so
much diversity and so many different ideas and thoughts, and
that people, you know, can be unique and different and
(12:09):
and have different ideals, but that we're all like sort
of brought together by freedom, by by the ability to
speak our mind and the ability to you know, to
to act in a free way. Right, I feel like
we're losing that a little bit. We need to we
need to remember it and and respect other people's rights
to have the same freedoms that we enjoyed. In a
(12:29):
very brief, quick way, just explain and remind people that
a lot of times, if you're getting your your news
from Facebook, for example, how the algorithms are set to
where once you start to receive news at a like
about a certain thing like, then that's all you see
in your feed. So then you start to think that
(12:51):
that's how everybody's thinking, and it becomes that that's it's
that way or the highway. And then when you're met
with a different opinion, that different opinion hasn't been on
your Facebook feed for the past you know, year, then
you freak out because you're like, nobody thinks that way.
But wait, but I don't know. Just explain to people
how that happens, because even I have a hard time
(13:13):
wrapping my head around it. Yeah, the echo chamber, right,
And and basically what Facebook and other social media platforms
do is when you click on something, it tracks that. Right.
So if you click, like my wife Lisa, she clicks on,
you know, videos of of dogs. She's a big Siberian
Husky fan, and so anytime she sees something about dog
sledding or dog shows, she clicks on that. And so
(13:35):
now all of the stuff that Facebook shows are is
related to dogs. And so the same thing happens with politics.
So if you click on an article that's talking about
how you know, horrible conservatives are being treated, then Facebook
understands that you're interested in that, and it's gonna show
you more of those types of articles. So pretty quickly
(13:55):
you don't see the other side. You don't see any
information on the you know, about you know, the other
political party. All you see is negative stuff about the
other political party and positive stuff about your own political party.
And so you enter an echo chamber, and the echo
chamber makes it where it seems like your opinion is
the majority opinion, even if it's not right. That's what's
(14:18):
so insidious about, you know, what's what's happening with social media? Yeah,
so just keep that in mind if that's your number
one way of receiving information. Did you watch that documentary
on Netflix, The Social Dilemma? Yeah? Yeah, okay, so just
for anybody else, I mean, that's been out a while,
so maybe a lot of you have seen it and
some of this you might be like, oh, yeah, I
(14:39):
already knew that, But it's just it's good to to
keep in your mind so that you pay attention to
maybe when it's happening and then maybe when you need
to recheck or reset yourself, and then just be open
to more conversations with people. It doesn't mean that you
have to abandon anything that you believe or things that
you're passionate about, but who knows. If you're open to it,
(15:00):
you may find yourself leaning into what they're saying if
that is speaking true to you. If it doesn't, then
you just respect the conversation and you just walk away.
Doesn't have to end in some family fight or friendship
fight or yeah, like David was saying with road rage.
I think that was a perfect analogy. And you know
what if if some people in your life refused to
(15:22):
be that way. It makes me think of this this
quote and it's anonymous. I don't know who originally said it,
but it's you can't change the people around you, but
you can change the people around you. And uh so
I just will leave people with that. Yeah, really sit
with that one. You can't change the people around you,
(15:44):
but you can change the people around you. So sometimes
you may need to look around and be like, oh am,
I surrounding myself with with people that you know are
making me feel good about myself and what I believe,
and I'm allowed to be who I want to be,
even if it doesn't match up exactly with who they
think I should be. I mean, everything should be more welcoming,
(16:05):
like if you feel like you have to silence yourself
around certain people. But I will say it's very difficult
if it is family to like cut out family, you
know what I mean, because those are people that are
hard to change because you're you're close to them in
another way. Yeah, but family, I think is the best
way to practice what we is circling all the way
back to the beginning, right, you know, having strong beliefs
(16:27):
that are weekly held, that being in a situation where
you're willing to listen to other people's ideas and then
examine your own. The safest place to do that is
with family. Right. And and here's what I think requires
you have to say to somebody in your family that
has different beliefs, explain to me why you feel that way. Right,
Explain to me why you believe that way. And it
can't be aggressive. You gotta you gotta genuinely want to
(16:50):
understand what they're saying. I think if you go to
somebody who has maybe differing beliefs in your family, and
you and you you both sit down with the drink
and you and you say to I want to understand
why you feel the way that you do, Like I
really do care and want to know why you feel
the way you do. And if they're willing to have
the same conversation with you and listen to your opinion,
(17:11):
then you might both like come away first of all,
being closer, second ball being able to have a conversation
about tough issues. But it's it's a safer place to
do it because you know, at the end of the day,
even though you're maybe on different sides of an issue,
your family and hopefully family is stronger than that is
gonna is gonna allow you to you know, stay, you know,
positive and connected, and the relationship is going to be
(17:35):
stronger than whatever the differences are in your philosophy. Yeah,
so you don't have to like literally change the people
around you. And you know, I think too. We used
politics as an example, but this could really be anything
that you need to have a conversation about. I think,
like politics is just a big one that people tend
to disagree about, but it really could be a number
(17:56):
of things that you may need to have discussions about.
Like I can just think of, I'm off the top
of my head, like parenting. People have so many opinions
about parenting within their family. Or Yeah, I even think
of how I used to be about food, and I
was so wrapped up in my own eating disorder that
I didn't even realize like how toxic I was making
certain conversations around the family table, you know, and I
(18:19):
was projecting my stuff onto people that weren't even asking
for it. So those are just a couple of other
examples besides just politics. So see where this resonates with
you and then maybe where you can try to implement
it into your life. And David, I feel like I
could talk to you forever. You're definitely going to have
to come back on. I know that people are gonna
love you. They love it when Christie comes on, for sure,
(18:40):
So if you're willing to come back on, I would
love to have you. Yeah, Well, next time I have
to talk about something that's TOSHERA likes like anime. Oh,
I know, say your age again. I know I said
you were older than me, but like you're what weeks. Yeah,
and my daughter's fourteen and they have anime and common
they both like that. But your I will say, you're verse.
(19:00):
You know a lot about a lot of things. You're
not just into anime all day long. Yeah. I think
a lot of it comes down to I just love
to read, and when you read, you learn, right, That's
That's just one of the things. So it's it's less
about being like worldly or or whatever and just being
you know, being somebody who loves to read books, and
so you learn a lot of stuff by just picking
(19:20):
up a book, right, and you also retain a lot
of information, like a lot, and you pull it from
years ago. I'm quite envious of it, if I must
say so, because yeah, there's like a wealth of knowledge
in there. And not that I mean, I know that
I'm a smart person. I feel like your brain retains
things on another level. Like you're the firstborn, so I
think you got that gene or whatever that is. It's
(19:42):
funny though, because you'll remember things socially that I don't remember, right,
You'll remember something happens twenty years ago. So I think
we have different types of memory retention, right. Some people
retain facts and figures, some people retain history, some people
retain like social stuff like you'll remember, you know, names
of people that we met twenty years ago and what
(20:03):
they were doing and what their background was. So I
think our brains are just wired to absorb different types
of content, right, and different types of information. It's not
better or worse, it's just different. We're just different people
and we have different you know, different gifts. All right, David, Well,
thank you so much for coming on. So fun having you,
and thank you for listening to the podcast and subscribing
(20:26):
and rating and review it. I appreciate that, especially you
being my brother and if anybody else out there wants
to subscribe, rate and review, if you haven't already done that,
I would be super grateful. David. I hope I will
see you soon and you'll have to come on the
podcast for sure. I know that people are gonna love you.
Take care. Okay, we're talking imposter syndrome for this thing,
(20:52):
and I've briefly touched on this before, but it might
have been a couple of years ago, honestly, so it's
a good time to bring it back up. And I
have have license therapists. Cat de Fata talking with me
about it, and we decided to record this thing on
a whim. We weren't really planning on it, but we thought, well,
this could be a conversation because if we're struggling with it,
other people are struggling with it. And it's ironic because
Cat was literally recording a podcast with someone about impostor
(21:16):
syndrome and she was sort of having impostor syndrome, like
believing Okay, no, she definitely was. She was telling me
she was nervous about the interview and almost like she
didn't feel worthy to interview this person because this person
was more known and have more of a following, and
you know, it's just like when you sit back and
you hear something. You know, I wanted to encourage Cat,
but I'm like, no, you're good. This person is not
(21:38):
better than you just because they have more followers. And
so now we're just gonna have a real talk of
Like there's days where I'm sitting on the Bobby Bone
Show or I'm sitting here with this podcast and I
think what am I doing? I have no qualifications to
be here? Well, and then I really think about I'm like, well,
I have been on the Bobby Bone Show for fifteen years,
so I'm sure somewhere in there I've learned a thing
or two. But yet I still have lie in my
(22:00):
head that tell me I don't know what I'm doing
a lot of times I don't, but I but I don't,
and like why am I even doing this? And who's
even listening to me? And you know, my who am
I to be talking with people? And what makes me
feel better? And this isn't about the impostor thing. It's
just about being more of a like I'm doing this
to just we can have conversations and maybe someone listening
(22:21):
doesn't feel alone. But I still get stuck in my
head sometimes, but I do bring myself out of that
when I'm like, you know what, I'm not an expert.
I don't have to be. I'm not trying to pretend
that I am. But then sometimes I feel like people
maybe think that I am, and then I'm such a fake?
Does that make sense? Because I have a pressure and
I struggle with this all the time, and I almost
I don't think I realized how much I struggled with
(22:42):
it until I did that episode and I was like,
oh my gosh. My feelings about doing this episode are
the definitions of imposter syndrome. And for me, I know
it comes from this place of comparison. If I wasn't
comparing myself to anybody, I would be fine because I
think and sometimes a bubble, I can be really confident,
and then when it comes to having other pople's opinions
or thoughts, or I'm looking at other people's accomplishments next
(23:03):
to mine, for some reason, I'm like, oh, what am
I doing? Who am I to be? Having a podcast
is one of the main things that you know, right,
But what's something that you say about yourself when it
comes to being a therapist, that I totally know what
I know, that I'm good at what I do when
it comes to being a therapist. I'm very confident in
all of that with my clients. I don't take it
personally when somebody doesn't like me as a therapist because
(23:25):
I know that I know what I'm doing there. But
because I didn't have this like big huge dream and
goal to set out and I got all this training,
I've never been trained to have a podcast. I've been
trained to be a therapist. Maybe that's part of it,
but it became that like, who am I to be
interviewing people who actually do this for a living? Or
who am I to be interviewing people who have more
(23:46):
of a following than me? But then we circle back
to what is your podcast? You need therapy? And then
what are you at expert in? Right? What are you
an expert? Exactly? A podcast is too but like some
times super smart, but like even you and you know
all the tools, and like even you get wrapped up
in your own head about it. But then you had
(24:07):
a realization because you were ironically doing an episode on
imposter syndrome and having the exact same thoughts, So you
had that self awareness, you're like, oh my gosh. And
so for other people, it might not be a podcast.
It really could be any career thing being it could
be any anything. Being a mom. Maybe your a mom
for the first time, or maybe you've got four kids.
But you're still like, what the what am I doing?
What am I doing? Well? I mean like I'm not
(24:30):
I'm not a good mom, or there's no way I'm
doing this right. Or this person is a better mom,
or this person is better at this job, or whatever
your career is. And I do consider being a mom
of career. Whatever you're doing, you can sometimes get all
psyched out and get in your head about it. This
is a huge issue I think in our culture is
that being mediocre or being average or being okay at
(24:52):
something that is seen as a bad thing. It's seen
as an insult. Like if you were to tell me, oh,
your podcast is average, I would take that offensively. And
I think that's a problem because what's wrong with being
not the best at something but still being able to
be good at it or valuable in that field or
it just has become Again, it goes back to comparison.
I just well, I've held my finger up someone had
(25:12):
to remember you using the word valuable, because if you're
a value to the amount of people that are listening
to say it's five, say it's five hundred, say it's
five million. But if you're a value to those people,
then what is it to your point? Like it you're
still doing a service, and you're good at what you do,
and you're putting it out there and you're reaching people.
And again we've talked about this a million times, like
(25:34):
if you connect with one person, okay, well then that
And it also ties into this like addictive culture we're
in where it's like we need more and more and
more of something, where it's like, why can't I be
satisfied with helping five people? Why do I have to
have five million people be helped by something? Five people?
Those are five real people. But I think it comes
(25:55):
to like we just want more, and we want more
and we want more. And I think it's tied into
I think social media writing, what we see of getting
enough likes and all of that that quantity equal success
when it really doesn't. Yeah. I mean honestly, some people
are just really excellent at marketing themselves, so they may
not have as much as you think they have going on.
(26:15):
But that's just another thing of you to remember of
like what is reality because some people really are. In fact,
sometimes I watch people and they are so good at it.
I'm like part of me gives them props like, oh,
good for you. You believe in yourself right now, and
so maybe I need a little bit more of that.
I'm not hating on it because they're really good at
promoting what they do, but being confident, right, Maybe maybe
(26:36):
it's confidence. I mean I don't because I don't know
them as social media, so I don't really know. But
also maybe it's manipulation. Maybe I don't know. It could
be either way. They're really good at it. They got
me thinking they're great manipulated check or maybe it's just
genuinely like them having confidence and believing themselves and knowing
that what they're putting out is a value, even if
(26:57):
it's to one person and they're Bigolly, they're going to
put it out there and everybody needs to know about it. Well,
you know, And I want to bring this up. Have
you ever said that before? I don't know. I mean,
should I be hosting a podcast or not? Really? By
golly got all the all the hip work hit Lingo.
But I want to bring this up and I said
this in the episode, but I think it's valuable to
(27:19):
be said again. I was listening to a conversation with
a man named Mike Foster and John Acoff. It was
on Mike's podcast, Fund Therapy. I don't even know what
they're talking about, but one of them asked the other,
what would you do if you could just be six
pc good at something? If the goal wasn't to be
a percent the best? What would you do? What would
your life look like? How would it look differently? And
I don't even remember what was said, but that question
(27:41):
has followed me. That was years ago that I heard that,
and I just would encourage everybody who maybe is gravitating
or connecting with this idea of imposter syndrome of wait
a second, what would I be doing if it was
okay to be sixt good at it? Because that's probably
something that you should be doing. I mean, that's something
I might have to spend some time with. Thank it are. Yeah,
if people want to check out that episode, they can
(28:03):
just go to You Need Therapy podcast and the episodes
with Tanya rad and she is a Ryan Seacrest co host.
I was about to say, who's Ryan Seacrest was, but
most people know. I mean you may watch him on
American Idol. You may watch him on Ryan and Kelly
or Kelly and Ryan. I don't know he was. Yeah,
he took Regis place, he took oh, Michael Strahan, Yes, yeah,
(28:25):
I forgot there was in between and then yeah, he
has his own radio show based out of l A
on Kiss FIM. I mean he started out in radio
and then kind of worked his way. But Sissony and
Tanya are his co hosts, and Tanya is one of them,
and she is a recent episode of yours. I was
trying to look it up real quick so I could give, like,
do you do episode of numbers. It's just called syndrome.
(28:46):
So just search impostor syndrome with you Need Therapy or
Tanya rad and you will find it. And I highly
recommend cats podcast You Need Therapy if you want to
check that out. So thanks for hopping on to talk
to me about this. It's just also too I mean,
this isn't you'll you can dig more into imposter syndrome
if you go listen to that episode. But Cat and
I just wanted to bring it up because we were
(29:08):
talking about it, and we just want you to know
that we have those thoughts too, and not always true.
They're not always true, and you need to change the narrative,
tell yourself a different story. Believe in yourself as much
as Cat believes in herself being a therapist, because I
you've said that to me before, and I've been like, yes, girl,
because you've been like, I mean, I'm a good therapist.
(29:31):
And to me, I would want to come to you
because I want a therapist that really believes in their work.
And you're not saying it in a nuceated way. Not.
That's another thing, is it's it can be looked at
as bad for especially a woman, to be super confident,
and I think that is a messed up way to
look at things. Like we're allowed to like know what
(29:51):
we're good at. When we know we're good at something
like that's that's a good thing. We're allowed to at
least know what we're six. Yeah, exactly, And and I've
about go figure that out whatever that is. Okay, So Cat, defata,
thank you for joining me. And yeah, hopefully you will
do a little more research on imposter syndrome if you
think that this might be something that you deal with yourself. Okay,
(30:24):
this thing is random things that are on my mind,
which one of them is Amazon's new way to elevate
your wardrobe. I just saw an article posted about it,
and I don't know if you've heard, but they're offering
some personal shopper service I guess under their Prime Wardrobe brand,
and I thought I would just tell you all about
it in case you hadn't heard, and maybe you have
something coming up and you want help with styling, although
(30:45):
I did also see that they've had some delays due
to customer volume, like they don't have enough stylists or something,
so I don't know if you'll even be able to
find somebody. And again I have not used this yet.
Isn't like a commercial or anything. Just these are things
that I saw that I thought you may want to
know about. But it's four four dollars nents per styling
(31:06):
and they let the stylist do all the shopping for
you and then they send you the clothes and you've
got seven days to try them on and send back
before you're actually charged. So if you decide you don't
like them, well then you're you just send them back
and you're all good. And then all orders come with
a resealable box and a prepaid label for returns, so
(31:26):
it's pretty much hassle free, which that sounds a lot
like stitch Fix, And I think there's other trunk services
that have been offered. I've I've only ever used stitch Fix,
but I don't know. This Amazon one might be a thing,
so maybe you could look into that. I know I
love having help when it comes to getting ready for things,
whether it's from legit stylists or my friends. I'm someone
(31:49):
where in my head I don't really trust myself. I'm
not very confident in my dressing skills. But maybe part
of that is just because I need to believe in myself,
Like I need to change the narrative and be like,
you know what, as long as I feel comfortable and confident,
then it's fine. Why am I so concerned about what
anybody else thinks? But still I like having friends, opinions,
(32:09):
and and experts. So maybe Amazon's onto something. I mean, really, honestly,
Amazon is going to be taking over the world. They
already have. They basically do everything, and this is proving it.
They're getting into every little you know, they've got Amazon
TV and movies or Video Prime. They've got Amazon Books.
They have everything you could order at your fingertips and
sometimes it will even arrive to you same day. And
(32:31):
then now they're doing styling and clothing and the pantry stuff.
And speaking of Amazon Video, that is a place where
I do like to find things, and sometimes I can
find them for free on Amazon, or maybe I'll have
to just pay like two bucks to get something. But
a service that or streaming platform or service that I
downloaded a while ago, mainly for undoing with Nicole Kidman
(32:55):
because it was so good was HBO Max and I
kind of forgot about it for a little bit into
all the Friends reunion came back and then now I'm
spending so much time on HBO Max because after the
Friends reunion it made me want to watch Friends again,
which Friends is one of my all time favorite TV shows. Ever,
just after it went off Netflix, I wasn't really watching
it that much and I had it on the other day,
(33:17):
and the scene where Ross is getting married and he
says Rachel's name at the wedding, that is still a
scene that bothers me so much. It is it just
makes me cringe. The whole episode makes me uncomfortable. In fact,
I just skipped it and went to the next episode
because I didn't even want to deal with it. So
now it's got me wondering, like, if you have a
scene or an episode for one of your favorite shows
(33:38):
that is your least favorite, I want to hear from
y'all what those are. Maybe you could email them to
me four things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com
and we can bring this up in the fifth thing
and kind of share our uncomfortable episodes from our favorite
TV shows. But I've been watching a lot more Friends
on HBO Max, and then I watched Mayor of East Town,
which I really liked with Kate Win's lip. She's a
(33:59):
detective and she's investigating a murder, and then there's also
a disappearance of another girl, and then there's all these
other stories intertwined because I don't know, she's got a
lot of different characters in her life that have a
lot of drama happening. So that was very interesting. Thought
it was really good. A lot of people liked may
Or of Vastown better than Undoing, but I personally think
(34:20):
I liked Undoing better. But I still recommend both. And
then another one I just started on HBO Max is Hacks,
which is about this comedian, an older woman in Vegas
and she's kind of losing her thing because she's been
doing it for a very long time and the casino
where I guess she has a residency. I'm only on
(34:41):
episode one, by the way, so I'm just telling you all,
but I already can tell I'm totally into it and
I'm going to finish it. But she needs help kind
of appealing to a younger audience. And so there's this
writer who's young and apparently was doing well but put
out a tweet that caused her to get canceled in
a sense, and so she lost her job and she
couldn't find work anywhere because nobody wanted to be associated
(35:04):
with her. So they have the same agent, and their
agent kind of connected them, like there's this older lady,
and you got this younger girl, and she's a writer,
and maybe she can help you freshen up your comedy show.
So that's called Hacks, and I'm into it. So if
you've been on the fence about getting HBO Max, I
would say, I guess it's worth it. I mean some
(35:24):
people haven't really liked the Friends Reunion, but I loved it.
Mary and I watched it together and we were very
excited about it. But we talked about it on the
Bobby Bone Show and Bobby just thought it was okay. So,
you know, I don't want to overhype or oversell something,
because that's the worst is when someone talks about something
being so awesome and then you go watch it and
you're kind of let down. So I don't want to
(35:45):
do that. Maybe I shouldn't have done that with undoing
Mayor of Easttown and now Hacks, especially since I'm just
one episode into that. So that's just some TV show
recommendations for you. I know this is kind of a
random thing. There's stuff that was on my mind. If
anybody tries out the Amazon styling thing personal stylist, let
me know about that too, and I'll keep you all
(36:06):
posted if I try it as well. But if you
have any TV show recommendations for me, I would love
to hear them, or book recommendations or other podcasts or something,
and I'll be sure to share those, maybe in a
fifth thing if you email them into me, and that
way we can let each other know I love hearing
from people with their watching or reading or listening to
(36:27):
for sure, So I want to hear what y'all are
into and then I will share it with the group.
So we're like a little community here, and I'm the
one that shares everything to everybody. But I love hearing
from y'all, So send me things that we need to
know about, and I'll let the group know and I'll
talk about it in an upcoming episode. So appreciate any
suggestions you'll have let me know, all right. For this thing,
(36:56):
I am sharing with you all four things that I
am thankful for. This is stuff I legit put in
my gratitude journal last night, and I'm going to talk
it over with you because there might be some helpful
things in here that you might enjoy yourself. Because these
are things that I'm thankful for, so maybe you need
to know about them. And you know, I often have
guests do this if I have them on for all
(37:18):
four things, at the end, I have them share four
things that they're grateful for. So I thought, well, why
not do this myself? Might not be bad from time
to time. I don't want to like overdo it or
bore you'all with my gratitude. But these are things that
I am recently thankful for. And in number one is toast.
I'm obsessed with toast, mostly toast with gee and sea
(37:41):
salt like that is my jam. I have it most
every morning with my coffee, so I have a latte
which is kind of a little bit sweet. So maybe
that's why I like the salty and the butter and
the bread situation. But that is totally my jam right now.
Which begin a jam? I do put jam on it
from time to time, not always, but occasionally I'll do
the gee and instead of salt, I'll put strawberry jam
(38:03):
on top. But I don't know what it is about
me and toast right now, but it is all that
I want. And my bread of choice is Ezekiel bread,
the seven grain kind, I think that's what it's called.
It's in the red bag. So Ezekiel bread is often
found in the freezer at grocery stores, and they have,
you know, a green bag, a yellow bag, an orange bag,
(38:23):
a red bag, a purple bag. They're all different flavors
or how I don't know, however they make it, and
the one I like is the red bag. Sometimes certain
grocery stores don't have the red bag, and I'm like, oh,
so I opt for I guess I don't know the
orange bag, and it's all right. I still eat it,
enjoy it. But there's something about whatever they do with
within the red bag that I love. So that is
(38:44):
thing number one. The second thing I'm thankful for is
my bird collar will at least one of them. This
is something that Mary actually found and I think she
told Stashira about them, and Stare ended up giving it
to me for Mother's Day. So I have it up
here with me. I'll try not to blow it into
the microphone so when we totally in your ears. But
I go outside and I call my birds to come
(39:04):
to the feeder when I put food out, I walk
outside and I do this. And I posted this on
Instagram the other day and people wanted to know where
the caller came from, and I need to ask Mary
exactly where she got it. But it's a handmade little
wooden one that is so cute, and I found one
(39:27):
that is very similar. It's like a chicken ee call.
It calls little chicken ease, which those are my favorite
thing to come to my feeder because they're so tiny
and cute. But this would be a great gift for
somebody maybe if they're also into birds. But because it's
handmade and it's wood and it's super cute, it's about
twenty dollars but it comes in this cute little wooden
box of the picture of the bird on the outside
(39:48):
and the natural baby cot dot com is where I
found a link, and again I don't know exactly where
Mary found it. I need to talk with her about that,
so I might have an update for y'all on this,
but just quickly, that's something that might work. Or on
Amazon if you just type in bird callers, there might
be some really great options there that well. In fact,
I actually just did it and some popped up in
(40:09):
there about eight bucks, so maybe you could give that
a try and see if that works for you. But
there's something about a bird collar that's just so fun.
And then birds are outside chirping anyway, and I don't
know if they're responding to me or if they would
be chirping anyways, but I feel like we're having a conversation.
And then they come over to my feeder and I
feel like they legit showed up because I called them.
I have no idea if they would have shown up,
(40:31):
whether or not I used my caller or not, but
it is a pretty special feeling. You feel like you're
really connecting with nature in this weird way. So there's that,
all right. So we got toast and we got bird callers.
And then the third thing I'm thankful for is my brother.
He's actually on today's episode, so that's super cool. But
I just love that I am reconnecting with him. He's
(40:55):
older than me, and I didn't grow up with him
in the same house. We have different moms that we
had same dad. You know. I think we talked about
it a little bit in this episode, but going through
the loss of our dad has brought us closer together.
So I hope that we continue this. And I just
want to encourage you that if there's somebody in your life,
(41:16):
whether it's a friend or relative or whatever, maybe you
don't need something really heavy or tragic to happen that's
going to bring you back together. Maybe today it'll just
take a phone call or an email or text or
you reaching out. And some of that is just us
being intentional about doing it. I mean, I love my brother,
always have. I think he's awesome, but for whatever reason,
(41:37):
we just don't talk that often. And I don't think
we're gonna start talking every day, but I can tell
you that I'm going to be making more of an
effort to stay connected with him and my other sister, Kim,
and then my sister Christie, of course I'm super close with,
but I hope as siblings, all four of us hang
out more together and maybe we play little trips. I mean,
(41:57):
my dad would love that we were doing this. He
would freak out. It kind of makes me sad that
I didn't do some of this wall while he was alive,
because it would have made him so happy to see
his kids just connecting with each other and having real conversations.
And my brother and I didn't get into this specifically.
I was in Tampa this last weekend and saw him
and we had a really nice deep talk, like about
(42:19):
real things and our dads and our moms and relationships
and stuff that my dad had told him that he
had never told me. And it was really easy but
also awesome to be able to learn more even about
my dad through my brother. And I don't know that
we would have ever sat down and had like a
real meaningful conversation if we weren't being intentional about it.
(42:41):
And all credit my brother for for the meaningful conversation,
because we kind of went on a walk and we
sat down and he just asked me, I out of nowhere.
I think the question was like, who's somebody that you
admire in your life? And we started talking about different people,
and he said, well, you know, I got to say
your mom. And my mom was his stepmom for a while,
but he's like, I just admire so much how she
(43:02):
handled adversity and different challenges and he just thought she
did it with such grace and he saw her go through,
you know, different things because she was his stepmom for
a little bit. But then my parents got divorced and
we had a new stepmom who was maybe younger than
my brother maybe or for sure. There was at one
point where my brother had a girlfriend that was older
(43:23):
than my dad's wife, so that part was a little weird.
But he saw my mom go through some hard times,
but he always saw her handle it well and he
admired her for that and how she interacted with him
as a stepson for a period of time, probably about
thirteen years or so, so anyway, I am thankful for
my brother and our reconnection, even though I don't ever
(43:46):
feel like I was not connected to my brother. So yeah,
the third thing is me definitely being thankful for my
brother and our new way that we're going to handle
our relationship as siblings, all right. And for the fourth
and final thing, I am just straight up thankful for
my girl, Lisa Hame. She is a friend and a
(44:07):
co host of Outweigh are podcasts that we do on
Saturdays for eating disorders, and she just has a way
of sending a little encouraging texts from time to time
that makes me smile. And she also puts out a
newsletter every Sunday that is amazing. It's probably the best
newsletter that I received. I don't always read every newsletter
(44:29):
that people send out, but I always read hers. Mary,
if you're listening, I do check out the Shot Forward newsletters.
I guess they're more of like email blasts if they're
from the Shot Forward, so I guess that's very different.
But I'm trying to think of like people where I'm
real intentional making sure to check out whatever they're sending out,
especially if they're my friend. But Lisa's I want to
read every word, like, even if they're kind of long.
(44:50):
I like taking in what she has to say. And
at the end of her latest newsletter, she put a
little blurb of her latest episode of Truth the a Life,
which is her podcast, So I just want to shout
it out here. And she had a relationship expert and
coach on, Tiffany Louise, and they talk about how to
stop looking at your ex's Instagram, what it takes to
(45:11):
foster healthy romantic relationship, receiving, why is it so hard
for women, how to safely voice your needs and be heard,
and the unspoken grief that comes with accepting your partner
exactly where they are at. So, if you happen to
be in a relationship and that sounds interesting to you,
you might want to check out her latest episode, just
as a friend wanted to support which she has going on.
(45:34):
And yeah, there you go. Four things that I am
thankful for this week. And I'm trying to get back
into doing my journal. I don't do it every single
day now. We do a gratitude challenge at times where
I try to do it every single day. We did
it in March. It's hard to believe that was in March,
which I mean that was a few months ago, which
(45:54):
is crazy. Time is flying. I can't believe that it
is mid June. But if you are looking to join
us in this, all you gotta do is write down
four things that you're thankful for, maybe every day, maybe
every other day, maybe every few days, whatever it looks
like for you. You can just put pen to paper
write down four things you're thankful for. You can do
(46:15):
it in any notebook that you have, or we happen
to have one for our four Things community that esplaw
makes that supports education in Haiti through Project meta Share,
So you can go to four things dot com to
check that out, Radio amy dot com to find links
to other things, like even my Amazon Favorites page, which
(46:35):
I've got some bird feeder stuff up there if you'll want.
I don't have any bird callers linked because I haven't
actually bought one and tried it out. Everything that I
have linked there I have bought and used, but I
don't know. Maybe I will try some out and then
give you all a review of some bird callers from Amazon.
But yeah, Radio Amy should get you links to everything,
but just want to encourage you to try to think
(46:58):
of things that you are thankful for or especially if
you're in a little bit of a funk, it can
help shift your mood for sure, at least it does
for me, and maybe you could see if that's something
that works for you. All Right, thank you all for
listening to today's episode, and I hope you have a
great weekend. On Saturday, yeah, a new Outweigh episode will
go up, so make sure if you've, you know, struggled
(47:19):
with any disorder to eating or anything like that, you
you maybe want to subscribe to that so that way
it'll upload every Saturday, and then I will see y'all
next Tuesday for the fifth thing By
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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