September 26, 2023 • 33 mins
Today's quote comes from Marilyn Monroe: "I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
THINGS DISCUSSED:
-Opposites don't actually attract (study shows most couples are more similar)
-Kat shares some wedding updates
-Parasites and full moons
-Finding out what you want &/or need in a partner (Kat shares her 20, 10, 3 exercise which could also be used to narrow down traits you're looking for in friends too)
-Meeting expectations (FYI: your partner doesn't have to meet ALL of your needs!)
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote is from Marilyn Monroe. Ooh,
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes.
I'm out of control and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst, then
you sure is held deserve me at my best. Amen,
let's go tell that one to Patrick. He'd be like, yes, ma'am,
(00:25):
big p Which, how's the wedding planning going. We're kind of.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
At a stage where there's not much to do, so
I kind of feel bored and I want to create
things to do, but then I get overwhelmed, so I
do nothing.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
So it's going great.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
I saw that no matter how much you plan, things
can still go wrong on the big day, like sixty
five percent or something like that. I've married couples say
that at least one surprise mishap happened on their wedding day.
The most common ones included family drama, missing or late guests,
bad weather.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Well, ours is going to be inside, so we took
that out because I don't have the ability to deal
with that. I would be so anxious if it was
an outside wedding and it rained. But what could go
wrong that would really ruin the actual What do you
think would well, I.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Don't know what falls under family drama, but I don't
know where y'all gonna do that thing. Where does anybody object? Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Okay, that actually would make a Yeah, that wouldn't be good. No,
we're not doing that. If you object, then you can
tell me before. And I also don't care.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Maybe you have some bridesmaids that decide to make it
about themselves. Oh what if I showed up with hot
pink care.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I would not be excited about that, but I also
would respect the fact that you wanted your head with pink.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Oh see that's cool. Yeah, but I see you on
Reddit or sometimes things come up that's like a the
bridesmaids doing something drastic to get attention on the wedding
day and then the bride gets all upset.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That to me, I don't think I have any bridesmaids
that wouldever do that. I also don't care about a
lot of stuff. So yeah, I wouldn't love to have
hotpink hare in my pictures. But also, everybody keeps telling
me you're not going to print out that many pictures
of your full wedding party, so it's not that big
of a deal.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
That's not going to affect the rest of my life.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, I also love that you're letting us pick out
our own dresses. I found my dress from Revolve and
I will one hundred percent wear it again to other things,
and I think that that's great. You weren't always leaning
that way because you were looking at some very like
everybody's in the same bridesmaid's dress from this bridesmaid's store,
(02:34):
which is great too. That could work.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Also.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I just thought of something when I was in my
cousin's wedding. She did a thing where we rented our
bridesmaid's dresses and that was awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Where can you rent a bridesmaid dress?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I don't know. I guess it depends on where you live.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Which I think is unfair because guys rent their tuxes.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yeah, it's like grooms even rent their tuxes.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
They don't buy one thousand dollars tucks, but women buy.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
We should be able to rent our wedding dress.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yes, yeah, probably because tuxes are so crazy expensive, But
I mean, dresses can get up there too. But renting
is just awesome, or allowing your bridesmaids to pick out something.
It's all in the same vein, like we have to
wear black, and of course I got it approved by you.
I'm just going to show up in any all black dress.
But thank you for that, because now I bought a
(03:23):
dress that I'm wearing to a wedding, but I can
also wear again and it's not just going to go
in my closet.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
And you feel comfortable in it.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
And that is my main thing, as I've been in
weddings where I felt very uncomfortable in the dress. That
affects how the night goes. I think that affects your experience.
So I wanted everybody to be excited and also feel
good about themselves.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Do you know what kind of moon there's going to
be on your wedding night?
Speaker 3 (03:46):
I haven't looked that up.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
If not, I have no idea, because you know, people
act differently depending on the moon. Something about this family
drama I don't know, Like in a full moondome't people
the ears are busier?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Really? I think so?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Well. I guess that's true because people say, like, oh,
is it a full moon?
Speaker 3 (04:03):
People are acting weird? That is the thing.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
People say, Okay, whether you tend to believe that a
full moon means an explosion of patients in the yar
or that the myth is just that a myth, it's
important to know when you should go to the emergency room.
Just focus on that it says you're The results show
that the risk of accidents on the day after a
full moon is statistically higher than on quote unquote normal days.
(04:30):
So whatever normal means, does full moon affect energy? The
full moon can also lend an increased sense of energy
which each sign of the zodiac. Oh, I don't know. Wait,
can we trust that? Hold on? What day is the
moon most powerful? Okay? Full moon? Energetically it's the strongest.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I know.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It could be good.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I know that parasites love a full moon. They do well,
that's what I have been researching, Okay, because our serotonin
levels are high when there's a full moon, and parasites
love serotonin.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
But also if serotonin levels are higher in a full moon,
that means people should be feeling better around a full
moon because serotonin controls your mood and it makes you
feel happy more than not. So maybe parasites just like
to feel happy.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Maybe people are ending up in accidents because they're so happy.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Oh maybe they feel too good.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, they're all like, I'm gonna be wild and free
and jump off this building. Let's go.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I want to see if I can fly. Okay, well cool.
I hope that my wedding is not on a full moon.
Then I want to be on our regular moon.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So he says here interestingly, there is a relationship between
parasites and the full moon. During the full moon, serotonin
levels increase, a neurotransmitter that helps us feel good, and
parasites thrive on serotonin and use it to move more
freely throughout the body. I am looking into doing a
parasite cleanse. I've done one before, but I've never done
it around when there's a full moon or been intentional
about that. And I've heard there's certain days leading up
(05:57):
to the full moon or during the full moon that
you're supposed to do it. I'll try to have an
expert on talk about this. But there's just some symptoms
that my daughter especially has been having that we can't
figure out what it is, and we thought it was asthma,
and then I saw Hailey Hubbard, who is the wife
of Tyler Hubbard, half of former Florida Jojia line, and
(06:18):
she put up all of these stories about how she
was feeling, and every single symptom that she had is
what my daughter has. And we've taken her to the
doctor and she's on certain medicines but they're not helping,
and she's on this specific in haler and it's not helping.
And Haley even said she was on that stuff too,
which is what made me screenshaw all of her stories.
And then I sent her a DM and I'm trying
(06:40):
to get info of eventually what she ended up doing.
And in a nutshell, you can go to her instagram
and see she has a whole highlight reel about her
parasite cleanse. But she did cleanses plural because it's not
like a one and done. Some people think you should
do them ongoing because we're constantly being exposed to different things.
And then not too long ago, a few weeks ago,
(07:01):
there was that story of the woman with the parasite
in her brain, and Haley's page took me to someone
else's page that she worked with for the cleans and
that person had a paaracite like come out of their sinuses. Anyway.
I don't want to get too into it because people
will turn us off. But I just found it fascinating
and I'm going to look into it because it's worth
(07:21):
looking into. I don't think we have enough time because
now I see that the full moon is what in
like three days. It's September twenty ninth, that's the next
full moon, so.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
We want to do a cleanse on that day or before.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
That's what. I don't know the details yet, so I'm
not giving anybody any kind of medical advice got it
any way, shape or form. I'm just sharing with you
what I saw and it's gotten me curious about the
full moon and parasites. And if we do end up
doing a cleanse, which obviously I'll go with an expert
to help guide us, then I'll try to do it
in alignment with whatever they say around the full moon,
(07:54):
and I can give an update if people want that,
or if I end up getting in touch with whoever
Haley used and working with that person, then maybe she'll
come on the podcast and talk about it. Because it
is pretty fascinating the stuff that you're seeing come out
of And I've passed parasites before, I know what they
look like and it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
What's interesting that you're saying though, And it just is
something I guess we don't talk about because of multiple reasons.
I always thought when you get a parasite, you get sick,
like go to the bathroom sick. But you're saying like
they can live in other parts of your They're not
just in your digestive track.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So Haley, it was causing well, low energy. She had
a lot of long issues and breathing a horrible cough.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That just wouldn't go away.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And it wasn't like a colder, it wasn't a sinus
infection or antibotic didn't take it away right, interesting.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And she definitely tried all of the Yeah, of course
Western medicine, and she was on pills and drugs and prescriptions,
and so she's not someone that's anti Western, but she
did end up finding relief from a more easter and
holistic approach. But she recognizes the need for Western measures
and two, which I think is a healthy place to be,
not shining one and only going the other sort of
(09:10):
like politics, like do we have to be so right.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Or die about what we've You can take a little.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Bit of both take, yeah, take, take a little bit
of both. We don't have to be so like what
do we say sometimes let's be gray. We don't have
to be black and white all the time. But I
will update y'all on the parasite situation. But turns out
if you do a good point, if you do get
married on the full moon. Everyone's been having a good time.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
But are they all going to have parasites?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
No, the parents, well, the pa you already have the parasites.
But the parasites are just loving life. They're moving around,
moving more freely. They're replicating. The wedding advice that those
(09:59):
who have all already tied the knot would give to
couples that are planning their wedding now is to communicate
opinions honestly, to go with the flow, and to make
a detailed budget. Did y'all do those things? Or have
you all been doing those things?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
We do have a budget.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
That's been very helpful because you get excited and you
want to do everything, and then you have to have
the conversations about what's important.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
We are both go at the flow.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
There's nothing that we are So we talked about what
the top three things that we wanted to prioritize, and
so everything else has been like, oh do you like this?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Do you not like this? But I don't know if
I'm not the typical bride or I'm just.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
There are so many things that I've said, like I
said this a lot I just don't care about.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I don't really care about our invitations. I don't really
care about a lot of the.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Decor I made mine at Kinkos.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Kinkos doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I don't think okay, I think somebody bought them FedEx.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Maybe I think we're.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Going to make our own because oh my gosh, invitations
thousands of dollars people spend on them, which if that's
a important to you, then I get it. But it's
not for me. So I don't want to spend money
on that because people just are like, this is nice.
Now I'm gonna throw it away.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Well, so my wedding didn't last, but okay, or my
wedding did I guess my marriage? But we did make
it seventeen years. But I don't think it's because of
our invitations were printed.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
By did you get married on a full moon? It Kinkos?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I don't know. It was new Year's Eve. People were
having a good time. We didn't have any drama at
my wedding. What went wrong, I can't really you didn't know.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I bet something went wrong, but you didn't know about it.
So I hope that that's it did.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
And I just can't recall because again, seventeen years, oh
that's almost eighteen, that is true, So I don't know
that I would remember. I do know that we got
lucky with a part. We needed to be outside because
we got married at Mercury Hall, which is the cutest
old chapel. If you live in Austin you're looking for
a wedding venue, I highly recommend it, like white chapel,
stand glass windows. It's on South First and we did
(11:58):
the ceremony and then needed to flip it for the reception,
and so guests had to go outside because there wasn't
enough room and there for everybody to hang out. And
it was December thirty first, so weather in Texas it
could either be amazing great or it could be snowing.
You never know what you're going to get. And so
New Year's Eve was on a Sunday, so there was
(12:18):
a wedding there on Saturday night and that couple paid
for one of those massive, huge white tents with the
curtains and heaters and all the things, but the rental
company wasn't going to pick it up on a Sunday,
also being a holiday New Year's Eve, so I think
they were picking it up on like the following Tuesday.
So they called with a request if they could please
(12:42):
leave their tent up during our wedding on Sunday because
they were going to have to pay I guess a
bunch extra to have it come taken down on a holiday.
And I thought, well, let me think about it.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Just kidding.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I was like, yes, this is a huge blessing because
then we didn't have to pay for and this that's
because I would have never gotten one as nice as
they had and it was legit, and so I don't know,
I feel like things kind of just worked out for
us well. But that would have been something that would
have gone wrong because I think it was pretty chilly
out and I don't know that we would have I
would have ended up going with the proper tent that
(13:16):
we needed. But I didn't even have to worry about it.
So what up?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
So maybe if you have a more chill vibe going
into the wedding.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Things will just work out.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I was very chill. My sister did my flowers.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I wanted to do my own flowers because I've heard
a lot of people buying them in bulk at like
Trader Trader Joves. I did not know that in Costco.
But our venue, we have to have an actual florist
set everything up. There's a lot of rules. If anybody
is getting married, I will say, really read the rules
of the venue before you're like.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
This sounds amazing and perfect fine print. Yeah, which, speaking
of Costco and flowers, I know when you walked up
to my house you were said something about my plants
on my porch mm hm. And it probably looks like
I individually potted each of those different types of flowers.
Did you think that because I bought it that way?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
What do you mean you bought all of those?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
No, No, it came that way already pre potted. Oh
and your cement pots, I know, but I just lowered
the pot in there. I filled it up with styrofoam
and I don't have dirt in that pot. And I
just got the potted plant with a variety of plants,
like all pretty and organized and looking good in the
Costco pot and then I just set it on top
(14:24):
of the styrofoam and it looks as though it's coming
out of the concrete. That is smart and that I
bought all those different plants and planted them one by one.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And you knew what would look good with everything. Yeah,
you should take credit for that, I.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Know, but I thought i'd give other people the tip
in case they want to do it. And also, don't
sleep on Costco because I don't know if it's just
my age, but that's like what I want to do
on a Friday night now, because that's when it's the
least busy is Friday nights, I have learned, And it's entertaining,
like it's fun.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
What is Costco going to have?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Like what are we going to get?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
What deals are going to be there? What stamples are
they gonna have out?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, and if you have if yours has a gas
station attached, the gas is so much cheaper. This is
not an ad, but it could be a Costco call me.
I saw this whole thing about opposites attracting as well,
because you know, as I consider dating and then you
and Big py' all are in your relationship. We've heard
our whole lives opposites attract. You know, two steps forward,
(15:24):
I take two steps back when we get together. It's
opposites attracting, you know, paul A. No, No, straight up,
now tell me I know that one. Yeah, okay, I
used to roller.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
And so at the roller rink.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
No, in my groadge okay, there was very limited space,
but I would go round and round and round and
then also out in my cul de sac. But it's
just bumpy er. My garage was smoother. Psychological researchers have
found no compelling evidence the opposites actually attract. They say
so after reviewing several million couples cases and studies spanning
(16:02):
back one hundred years, like this is going back to
nineteen oh three, and this is from University of Colorado, Boulder,
shout out. That's where Miniece goes. And it says that
partners were more likely than not to be similar. Heavy
drinkers and smokers also commonly found a partner with similar habits.
Some correlation was even found in regards to how many
(16:23):
partners they've been with, if you know what I mean. So,
what about you and BP?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
So I think this is interesting because there's parts of
us that are very similar and parts of us that
are different. But socially we're very similar. We like besides
watching football, we like to say the same things. Yeah,
we are very social. We get along with a wide
variety of kinds of people. We like the same foods,
we enjoy the same restaurants, Our lifestyles are very similar.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Our personalities and how we handle conflict is.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
A little different, but generally we get along and we
like hanging out with each other because we like to
do the same thing. So if I was dating somebody
who was the opposite of that, obviously that wouldn't work
because what would we be.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Doing, right, And so when it comes to conflict, y'all
just learned how to interact with each other during those times.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
It's a work in progress.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I'm very assertive and sometimes can come off as very aggressive,
which I'm working on.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
He is very passive, Like give an example of aggressive.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
My opinions are very strong, so if I feel He says,
one of his favorite things about me is that I'm
very passionate, and that comes.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Out unless it's towards him.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That comes out when I see It's usually something that
I see is wrong, not about what somebody's done to me,
but somebody else. I get very worked up if this
is not fair, this is not right. And he is
way more passive in those types of situations. So we've
been working on that where I need to be able
to understand where he's coming from and sit in what
(17:54):
it might feel like to be him in those scenarios,
and he has to do the same for me. He
does not like conflict. I don't like it either, but
I will charge headfirst into it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You're a bison, you go into the conflict, into the storm.
And he's a cow.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, he's a cow.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Cow.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I'm just getting sweet cow though.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I'm just kidding, big pe I can be a cow
a lot. It's just kind of funny that we're not
running from things because we're Cowards's just sometimes avoiding conflict
we think is the easier thing to do, and then
we end up having to deal with it for longer
because we ran away.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
And I think he's taught me a lot and he's
slow to react and I'm quick, and he's taught me,
I think, how to appreciate more of the good things
versus look for the negative.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So there's something I can learn from him, and there's
something that he can learn from me. That's good.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
What advice do you have for people that may be dating?
What advice do you have for people that may be dating?
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Like did you you know, like Mesh, I'm not dating
yet a dating podcast now, dating yet, But there might
be some people out there in similar situations, or if
they're already in a relationship too, there could be things
of like this is a great way to show, Hey,
this is where we're different, and we're learning this about
each other and we're going to communicate about it, and
that way we know what to expect and how to
(19:32):
navigate the gray. And I wonder did you have like
a list of qualities, like when it comes to what
you're attracted to about him, like that y'all are social,
that you do like the same food, that you like
to play games.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Was that like on a did you write down a list? No?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I never had a non negotiable list. However, what I
do with clients, and this is something that if I
was dating I might do myself now, is I make
I have them make a list of twenty things that
they would want in a partner, and then I say, okay,
now pick ten of those. I'm like, wait, what I
thought I got twenty? Pick ten? Then they have the ten.
(20:11):
Then I make them pick five, then I make them
pick three, so then you get the three core things
that you It makes you think really hard of what
is important because we can be really picky. And I
might have done this subconsciously in my dating process, where
I was able to look at things and not judge
them as harshly until I really got to know somebody.
(20:32):
Sometimes that backfired because then I would go on all
these dates with somebody and then be like, this is
never going to go somewhere. However, it really worked out
with Patrick because I told myself after our first date,
I remember feeling really like, that was a good date,
but if you didn't call me again, I wouldn't cry,
which on a first date.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I don't know that we need to be that invested anyway,
but well.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
That's what you That's like a promise you made to yourself.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
If no, no, no, I just remember feeling like, if you
never calls me again, I won't be that upset, because
it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I thought you were like, okay, don't cry. Promise me now, dear, self,
if he doesn't call you, you will not cry. But
you were just saying you didn't really know how you felt, Like, yeah,
you knew you had a good time, but also at
the same time, if it didn't go anywhere, you want
to think you'd be missing out.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, But then I told myself, even though it wasn't fireworks,
which is what a lot of us are taught that
we're supposed to look for perfection. There's no way you
could know somebody's personality by a first date, by a
second date, by a third date, because there's anxiety and
you're trying to put your best foot forward.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Nerves, yeah, which is anxiety and the worry of like, oh,
which I think was probably some of his problems.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Oh we.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Knowing what I know. I think that it was like
he was just really nervous.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
He was so nervous, which he even told me. He
texted me and said, I was really nervous. I don't
know if you could tell.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I'm like I could tell.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
But that I think was very helpful for me to
tell myself because then I wasn't judgmental and I was
very curious about Oh my gosh, I can't wait till
I learn his humor, to see if his humor as
much like mine, or I can't wait to see what
he's like around his friends. And those are the things
that if I had not continued to go out with him,
I would have never known how much I would have
(22:16):
liked that about him.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Do you think that a similar list would work for
people two questions regarding that that are already in a relationship,
just to narrow down, like maybe what their needs are.
And then it doesn't mean that if the three don't
show up with the partner or who you're already with,
it just means that, like maybe there could be a
discussion of like, this is something that I am needing
(22:39):
and how can we work towards getting that, and then
making a list similar to that for friendships.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Oh, one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
And I actually did this with a client recently where
she was stressed out about, oh, my partner doesn't give
me everything.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I said, Okay, well let's see what it is that
you're looking for.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
So we did that and there was one thing that
wasn't on that that he wasn't offering her that was
on that list, and we talked about, okay, well, if
he does not have the ability to actually give that
to you. Is there a way you can find that
in other relationships? And would you be okay with that,
like a yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Like a friend.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
And that was a really cool conversation because we also
have a tendency to think that our partner has to
fulfill all our needs.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
But there's no way.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
And there are so many things about Patrick that I
love and when trade for the world, and there are
certain things that I get out of my relationships with
my friends that I just don't know that he could
give me, and vice versa. So her being able to see,
oh I actually can get that need meant that thing
from all my friends over here, I actually am okay.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Oh that's powerful. Yeah, I love that. Then it also
might take the load off of you, like if you're
the one actually feeling the pressure to be all this
for your partner, like having this revelation right now and
maybe doing this exercise with them will help you exhale
if you're feeling this pull or this pressure to kind
(24:06):
of show up as the top three things that they need.
I never thought about. Yeah, seeing where else that could
come from.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, then you get to appreciate more what that person
is offering you versus what they're not because nobody's perfect, and.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Then the twenty, the twenty to the ten to the three,
the narrowing down that can work for friendships, oh, one
hundred percent, and what you're ultimately looking for because I
think also too, just with friends, which we talked about
friendships last week too, but there's just different seasons and
we're evolving all the time, and so I feel like
(24:43):
sometimes there's this pressure of you know that once you've
got these friends, you should always they.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Just stay in your life forever in the same capacity
you have friends.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah, it's impossible, and I think the more we try
to force that, I think we've become unhappy in our friendships.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
I still am friends with a lot of my friends
from high school.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
But if I was forcing myself to be BFF with
all of the people that I was friends with in
high school, and what if they're not evolving in the
same way I am, then I'm not gonna get either
my needs met that I really want out a friendship,
or I'm gonna have to turn into somebody that I'm
not and that that doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
No, and I want people that can handle me at
my worst yeah, Maryland, because if not, then they sure
as heck don't deserve me at my best.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
I like that quote.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, I didn't know that I've heard that before. I
didn't know it came from Maryland, and I didn't know
the part before it of like, I am selfish, impatient,
a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control
and at times hard to handle. But if you can't
handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell
don't deserve me at my best. You should put that
in your wedding valves. This whole quote, big piece.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
That's literally why I said, he'd think, Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I am selfish, I'm patient and a little insecure, and
you'll deal with it. Are you all riding your vowels
or no?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I think what we're going to do is write letters
to each other to give to each other on the day,
like the wedding day, that we'll read privately, and then
we'll just do the traditional vows. I love that a
lot of pressure to say your most deep, vulnerable thoughts
to your partner in front of two hundred and fifty people.
You're having two hundred and fifty people, Well, we invited
(26:21):
to sixty.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Oh, I don't think they're all going to come.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Is that that's the total that's including plus ones? Do
I still have a plus one?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Okay, I know I keep telling you, don't worry about it.
I don't need a plus one. No, But I'm also
trying to be breezy to where maybe I will.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Yeah, so you can RVP for two and if you
don't find somebody, okay.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
I'm about to make my list of twenty things and
I'm going to nara down to ten and then narrow
down to three.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
And maybe you'll have a tryout for the wedding guest. Yes,
I got you should.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
My wedding date audition. Yeah, No, I just I think
the thing about that is I've gone to weddings alone plenty.
It's it's just sometimes fun to have someone there that
you know you can dance with and have a good
time with and agre' never just like standing awkwardly alone.
But if there's other single people there, then that's okay too,
(27:15):
or you're depends on how close you are to the
people at the wedding. I guess that's probable.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
You can also bring a friend. Your guest doesn't have
to be like a romantic date, Oh.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I have a plus one in that manner like I can.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Just yes, you can, you get have a plus one.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
So you know, some people only plus one if it's
a legit, no I want and if you don't have
a boyfriend by the time the wedding rolls around.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
It's like I did this specifically because I have been
of the person who has not gotten the plus one
just because I'm not dating somebody, and I don't think
that's fair, especially because some people are traveling and if
they don't know anybody, I want them to be able
to enjoy themselves. Your plus one can be a friend,
it can be a parent, It can be whoever you want.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
It can be your daughter, it can be whoever you
want it to be.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Okay, yeah, yeah, now that you say that, I do
remember you saying that about yourself, which I think is
thoughtful and just good advice for anybody else listening that
might be.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
And I know, I know everybody can't do that because
guest lists and they can really get out of control.
So I do know that that's not possible for everybody.
And I don't fallow anybody for not giving me one.
I just never wanted to say, well, they don't get
one because they're not dating somebody.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's not fair.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Okay, noted.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
What are the top three things you want out of
a wedding? Guest date partner?
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Oh, I thought that I went out of your wedding like, okay,
good music, good cake.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
We're not having cake? What? Wait? What we're not having
Do I not know this? So what? So we don't
have a cake?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
No?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (28:45):
So what are you gonna have? Okay, we'll have something.
What we're gonna do?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Ice cream? What?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
No? But one of my friends, Hi, we did wedding
five Wait one of my friends actually did a Jenny's
ice cream bar instead of a cake. I thought that
was genius. We're doing a cook key bar instead of
a cake because I don't really like wedding cake. Okay,
and it's very expensive, yeah, very And I really like cookies.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
I'd rather have that and make a cute cookie bar.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I had a family friend make mine. Okay from like my.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Sister, we can't do that, yeah, okay, I can't have
a like if it's not on a certain list. Couldn't
You couldn't bring it to our venue. It's in the
contract in the fine print.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
So you had to get the cookies from a specific,
specific person. Oh, because I was gonna say, is it
gonna be crumble?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
No?
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I wish they're not on there.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I really wanted Baked on eighth, but they're not on
there either, so I forgot.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
We're weird getting So what happens at a cookie bar?
Speaker 3 (29:35):
It's a bunch of different cookies on a bar.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Okay, so I just get to walk up and how
many cookies do I get as a chan as you want?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Yeah, it's unlimited until they're gone. Okay, yeah, huh see
that's what those things that I don't hear about cake. No,
you're I feel like you're judging my wedding.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I know I'm setting my expectation. Okay, oh what what?
What kind of cookies? What flavors?
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I forget? But it's like five or six different kinds.
There's no icing involved in them though. Okay, do you
want us to bring you a jar of icing on
the side?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
No, I'm just thinking of I love great American cookie
coat with the white icing.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I hate the icing on those cookies. The white I
don't like it. I don't like the I scrape it off.
Oh wow, But I like certain icnes from crumble, specifically
cream cheese, even though I don't like cream cheese.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Okay, well those were my okay, so not cake. Okay,
So good food or you're having food, right.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
We're having food and the food will be good.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
You're like, we're not doing food. We're doing smoothies.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
We'll have a smoothie bar yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Okay, so yeah, good music.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Yeah good, we're having barbecue. We're having edd Lee's yum
ooh okay, we love good food.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Check and we have a band and like a not
extremely long ceremony. How long?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Like that's so funny because the whole point of the
wedding is the ceremony. But everybody I know just wants
to get through the ceremony. It's going to be less
than thirty minutes or probably twenty minutes tops.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
It's a sweet spot.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Yeah, good job.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah okay, what were you saying?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
What are there three things that you would look for
in a date you bring to a wedding?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
What do you what would you want?
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Dance? Okay, easy to get along with with, like can
take care.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Of themselves themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
It's like babysit, right, because what if I see somebody
at your wedding and I want to go talk to
you and they're you know, something like that, and it's
just fun, easy, breezy, breezy, okay, breezy, fun on the
dance floor and can take care of themselves like they're
not clingy. Oh yeah, but I mean.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Depending, I don't know, unless you want them to be clingy.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
And I was just thinking, and I might cling so
I might want them to go everywhere I'm going. But
I mean, I guess it depends on if I'm bringing
someone as a date or I'm actually dating them someone.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
So you want like medium clan vibes, medium clean vibes, Okay,
I can do well. If that is you and you're listening,
then you can send in your application.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
And if apparently you need to like cookies.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Yeah, with or without icing?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah, no icing. And you need to like barbecue and
be down for a good time. Oh and no, you
can't drink too much because at weddings. Yeah, some people do,
and then that's unattractive. So I almost would add that
in ahead of like taking care of the klingy whatever
I said. I would say, can can hold liquor and
(32:29):
drink responsibly? Yes, okay, Yeah, I guess more so than
hold it, you can handle their liquor, can limit themselves
to two What if I'm like, okay, you're two tokens?
You have yeah, you have a two drink limit. Thank you,
because this is a wedding and I don't need things
to get out of control?
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Cat?
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (32:48):
On Instagram at cat dot defada and also you can
find my podcast You Need Therapy at at You Need
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And I'm at Radio Amy. You can also email us
four They Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Bye bye, m HM.
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote is from Marilyn Monroe. Ooh,
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes.
I'm out of control and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst, then
you sure is held deserve me at my best. Amen,
let's go tell that one to Patrick. He'd be like, yes, ma'am,
(00:25):
big p Which, how's the wedding planning going. We're kind of.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
At a stage where there's not much to do, so
I kind of feel bored and I want to create
things to do, but then I get overwhelmed, so I
do nothing.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
So it's going great.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
I saw that no matter how much you plan, things
can still go wrong on the big day, like sixty
five percent or something like that. I've married couples say
that at least one surprise mishap happened on their wedding day.
The most common ones included family drama, missing or late guests,
bad weather.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Well, ours is going to be inside, so we took
that out because I don't have the ability to deal
with that. I would be so anxious if it was
an outside wedding and it rained. But what could go
wrong that would really ruin the actual What do you
think would well, I.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Don't know what falls under family drama, but I don't
know where y'all gonna do that thing. Where does anybody object? Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Okay, that actually would make a Yeah, that wouldn't be good. No,
we're not doing that. If you object, then you can
tell me before. And I also don't care.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Maybe you have some bridesmaids that decide to make it
about themselves. Oh what if I showed up with hot
pink care.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I would not be excited about that, but I also
would respect the fact that you wanted your head with pink.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Oh see that's cool. Yeah, but I see you on
Reddit or sometimes things come up that's like a the
bridesmaids doing something drastic to get attention on the wedding
day and then the bride gets all upset.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That to me, I don't think I have any bridesmaids
that wouldever do that. I also don't care about a
lot of stuff. So yeah, I wouldn't love to have
hotpink hare in my pictures. But also, everybody keeps telling
me you're not going to print out that many pictures
of your full wedding party, so it's not that big
of a deal.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
That's not going to affect the rest of my life.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, I also love that you're letting us pick out
our own dresses. I found my dress from Revolve and
I will one hundred percent wear it again to other things,
and I think that that's great. You weren't always leaning
that way because you were looking at some very like
everybody's in the same bridesmaid's dress from this bridesmaid's store,
(02:34):
which is great too. That could work.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Also.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I just thought of something when I was in my
cousin's wedding. She did a thing where we rented our
bridesmaid's dresses and that was awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Where can you rent a bridesmaid dress?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I don't know. I guess it depends on where you live.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Which I think is unfair because guys rent their tuxes.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yeah, it's like grooms even rent their tuxes.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
They don't buy one thousand dollars tucks, but women buy.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
We should be able to rent our wedding dress.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yes, yeah, probably because tuxes are so crazy expensive, But
I mean, dresses can get up there too. But renting
is just awesome, or allowing your bridesmaids to pick out something.
It's all in the same vein, like we have to
wear black, and of course I got it approved by you.
I'm just going to show up in any all black dress.
But thank you for that, because now I bought a
(03:23):
dress that I'm wearing to a wedding, but I can
also wear again and it's not just going to go
in my closet.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
And you feel comfortable in it.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
And that is my main thing, as I've been in
weddings where I felt very uncomfortable in the dress. That
affects how the night goes. I think that affects your experience.
So I wanted everybody to be excited and also feel
good about themselves.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Do you know what kind of moon there's going to
be on your wedding night?
Speaker 3 (03:46):
I haven't looked that up.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
If not, I have no idea, because you know, people
act differently depending on the moon. Something about this family
drama I don't know, Like in a full moondome't people
the ears are busier?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Really? I think so?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Well. I guess that's true because people say, like, oh,
is it a full moon?
Speaker 3 (04:03):
People are acting weird? That is the thing.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
People say, Okay, whether you tend to believe that a
full moon means an explosion of patients in the yar
or that the myth is just that a myth, it's
important to know when you should go to the emergency room.
Just focus on that it says you're The results show
that the risk of accidents on the day after a
full moon is statistically higher than on quote unquote normal days.
(04:30):
So whatever normal means, does full moon affect energy? The
full moon can also lend an increased sense of energy
which each sign of the zodiac. Oh, I don't know. Wait,
can we trust that? Hold on? What day is the
moon most powerful? Okay? Full moon? Energetically it's the strongest.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I know.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It could be good.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I know that parasites love a full moon. They do well,
that's what I have been researching, Okay, because our serotonin
levels are high when there's a full moon, and parasites
love serotonin.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
But also if serotonin levels are higher in a full moon,
that means people should be feeling better around a full
moon because serotonin controls your mood and it makes you
feel happy more than not. So maybe parasites just like
to feel happy.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Maybe people are ending up in accidents because they're so happy.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Oh maybe they feel too good.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, they're all like, I'm gonna be wild and free
and jump off this building. Let's go.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I want to see if I can fly. Okay, well cool.
I hope that my wedding is not on a full moon.
Then I want to be on our regular moon.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So he says here interestingly, there is a relationship between
parasites and the full moon. During the full moon, serotonin
levels increase, a neurotransmitter that helps us feel good, and
parasites thrive on serotonin and use it to move more
freely throughout the body. I am looking into doing a
parasite cleanse. I've done one before, but I've never done
it around when there's a full moon or been intentional
about that. And I've heard there's certain days leading up
(05:57):
to the full moon or during the full moon that
you're supposed to do it. I'll try to have an
expert on talk about this. But there's just some symptoms
that my daughter especially has been having that we can't
figure out what it is, and we thought it was asthma,
and then I saw Hailey Hubbard, who is the wife
of Tyler Hubbard, half of former Florida Jojia line, and
(06:18):
she put up all of these stories about how she
was feeling, and every single symptom that she had is
what my daughter has. And we've taken her to the
doctor and she's on certain medicines but they're not helping,
and she's on this specific in haler and it's not helping.
And Haley even said she was on that stuff too,
which is what made me screenshaw all of her stories.
And then I sent her a DM and I'm trying
(06:40):
to get info of eventually what she ended up doing.
And in a nutshell, you can go to her instagram
and see she has a whole highlight reel about her
parasite cleanse. But she did cleanses plural because it's not
like a one and done. Some people think you should
do them ongoing because we're constantly being exposed to different things.
And then not too long ago, a few weeks ago,
(07:01):
there was that story of the woman with the parasite
in her brain, and Haley's page took me to someone
else's page that she worked with for the cleans and
that person had a paaracite like come out of their sinuses. Anyway.
I don't want to get too into it because people
will turn us off. But I just found it fascinating
and I'm going to look into it because it's worth
(07:21):
looking into. I don't think we have enough time because
now I see that the full moon is what in
like three days. It's September twenty ninth, that's the next
full moon, so.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
We want to do a cleanse on that day or before.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
That's what. I don't know the details yet, so I'm
not giving anybody any kind of medical advice got it
any way, shape or form. I'm just sharing with you
what I saw and it's gotten me curious about the
full moon and parasites. And if we do end up
doing a cleanse, which obviously I'll go with an expert
to help guide us, then I'll try to do it
in alignment with whatever they say around the full moon,
(07:54):
and I can give an update if people want that,
or if I end up getting in touch with whoever
Haley used and working with that person, then maybe she'll
come on the podcast and talk about it. Because it
is pretty fascinating the stuff that you're seeing come out
of And I've passed parasites before, I know what they
look like and it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
What's interesting that you're saying though, And it just is
something I guess we don't talk about because of multiple reasons.
I always thought when you get a parasite, you get sick,
like go to the bathroom sick. But you're saying like
they can live in other parts of your They're not
just in your digestive track.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So Haley, it was causing well, low energy. She had
a lot of long issues and breathing a horrible cough.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That just wouldn't go away.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And it wasn't like a colder, it wasn't a sinus
infection or antibotic didn't take it away right, interesting.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And she definitely tried all of the Yeah, of course
Western medicine, and she was on pills and drugs and prescriptions,
and so she's not someone that's anti Western, but she
did end up finding relief from a more easter and
holistic approach. But she recognizes the need for Western measures
and two, which I think is a healthy place to be,
not shining one and only going the other sort of
(09:10):
like politics, like do we have to be so right.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Or die about what we've You can take a little.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Bit of both take, yeah, take, take a little bit
of both. We don't have to be so like what
do we say sometimes let's be gray. We don't have
to be black and white all the time. But I
will update y'all on the parasite situation. But turns out
if you do a good point, if you do get
married on the full moon. Everyone's been having a good time.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
But are they all going to have parasites?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
No, the parents, well, the pa you already have the parasites.
But the parasites are just loving life. They're moving around,
moving more freely. They're replicating. The wedding advice that those
(09:59):
who have all already tied the knot would give to
couples that are planning their wedding now is to communicate
opinions honestly, to go with the flow, and to make
a detailed budget. Did y'all do those things? Or have
you all been doing those things?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
We do have a budget.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
That's been very helpful because you get excited and you
want to do everything, and then you have to have
the conversations about what's important.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
We are both go at the flow.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
There's nothing that we are So we talked about what
the top three things that we wanted to prioritize, and
so everything else has been like, oh do you like this?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Do you not like this? But I don't know if
I'm not the typical bride or I'm just.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
There are so many things that I've said, like I
said this a lot I just don't care about.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I don't really care about our invitations. I don't really
care about a lot of the.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Decor I made mine at Kinkos.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Kinkos doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I don't think okay, I think somebody bought them FedEx.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Maybe I think we're.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Going to make our own because oh my gosh, invitations
thousands of dollars people spend on them, which if that's
a important to you, then I get it. But it's
not for me. So I don't want to spend money
on that because people just are like, this is nice.
Now I'm gonna throw it away.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Well, so my wedding didn't last, but okay, or my
wedding did I guess my marriage? But we did make
it seventeen years. But I don't think it's because of
our invitations were printed.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
By did you get married on a full moon? It Kinkos?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I don't know. It was new Year's Eve. People were
having a good time. We didn't have any drama at
my wedding. What went wrong, I can't really you didn't know.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I bet something went wrong, but you didn't know about it.
So I hope that that's it did.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
And I just can't recall because again, seventeen years, oh
that's almost eighteen, that is true, So I don't know
that I would remember. I do know that we got
lucky with a part. We needed to be outside because
we got married at Mercury Hall, which is the cutest
old chapel. If you live in Austin you're looking for
a wedding venue, I highly recommend it, like white chapel,
stand glass windows. It's on South First and we did
(11:58):
the ceremony and then needed to flip it for the reception,
and so guests had to go outside because there wasn't
enough room and there for everybody to hang out. And
it was December thirty first, so weather in Texas it
could either be amazing great or it could be snowing.
You never know what you're going to get. And so
New Year's Eve was on a Sunday, so there was
(12:18):
a wedding there on Saturday night and that couple paid
for one of those massive, huge white tents with the
curtains and heaters and all the things, but the rental
company wasn't going to pick it up on a Sunday,
also being a holiday New Year's Eve, so I think
they were picking it up on like the following Tuesday.
So they called with a request if they could please
(12:42):
leave their tent up during our wedding on Sunday because
they were going to have to pay I guess a
bunch extra to have it come taken down on a holiday.
And I thought, well, let me think about it.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Just kidding.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I was like, yes, this is a huge blessing because
then we didn't have to pay for and this that's
because I would have never gotten one as nice as
they had and it was legit, and so I don't know,
I feel like things kind of just worked out for
us well. But that would have been something that would
have gone wrong because I think it was pretty chilly
out and I don't know that we would have I
would have ended up going with the proper tent that
(13:16):
we needed. But I didn't even have to worry about it.
So what up?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
So maybe if you have a more chill vibe going
into the wedding.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Things will just work out.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I was very chill. My sister did my flowers.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I wanted to do my own flowers because I've heard
a lot of people buying them in bulk at like
Trader Trader Joves. I did not know that in Costco.
But our venue, we have to have an actual florist
set everything up. There's a lot of rules. If anybody
is getting married, I will say, really read the rules
of the venue before you're like.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
This sounds amazing and perfect fine print. Yeah, which, speaking
of Costco and flowers, I know when you walked up
to my house you were said something about my plants
on my porch mm hm. And it probably looks like
I individually potted each of those different types of flowers.
Did you think that because I bought it that way?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
What do you mean you bought all of those?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
No, No, it came that way already pre potted. Oh
and your cement pots, I know, but I just lowered
the pot in there. I filled it up with styrofoam
and I don't have dirt in that pot. And I
just got the potted plant with a variety of plants,
like all pretty and organized and looking good in the
Costco pot and then I just set it on top
(14:24):
of the styrofoam and it looks as though it's coming
out of the concrete. That is smart and that I
bought all those different plants and planted them one by one.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And you knew what would look good with everything. Yeah,
you should take credit for that, I.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Know, but I thought i'd give other people the tip
in case they want to do it. And also, don't
sleep on Costco because I don't know if it's just
my age, but that's like what I want to do
on a Friday night now, because that's when it's the
least busy is Friday nights, I have learned, And it's entertaining,
like it's fun.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
What is Costco going to have?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Like what are we going to get?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
What deals are going to be there? What stamples are
they gonna have out?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, and if you have if yours has a gas
station attached, the gas is so much cheaper. This is
not an ad, but it could be a Costco call me.
I saw this whole thing about opposites attracting as well,
because you know, as I consider dating and then you
and Big py' all are in your relationship. We've heard
our whole lives opposites attract. You know, two steps forward,
(15:24):
I take two steps back when we get together. It's
opposites attracting, you know, paul A. No, No, straight up,
now tell me I know that one. Yeah, okay, I
used to roller.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
And so at the roller rink.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
No, in my groadge okay, there was very limited space,
but I would go round and round and round and
then also out in my cul de sac. But it's
just bumpy er. My garage was smoother. Psychological researchers have
found no compelling evidence the opposites actually attract. They say
so after reviewing several million couples cases and studies spanning
(16:02):
back one hundred years, like this is going back to
nineteen oh three, and this is from University of Colorado, Boulder,
shout out. That's where Miniece goes. And it says that
partners were more likely than not to be similar. Heavy
drinkers and smokers also commonly found a partner with similar habits.
Some correlation was even found in regards to how many
(16:23):
partners they've been with, if you know what I mean. So,
what about you and BP?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
So I think this is interesting because there's parts of
us that are very similar and parts of us that
are different. But socially we're very similar. We like besides
watching football, we like to say the same things. Yeah,
we are very social. We get along with a wide
variety of kinds of people. We like the same foods,
we enjoy the same restaurants, Our lifestyles are very similar.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Our personalities and how we handle conflict is.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
A little different, but generally we get along and we
like hanging out with each other because we like to
do the same thing. So if I was dating somebody
who was the opposite of that, obviously that wouldn't work
because what would we be.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Doing, right, And so when it comes to conflict, y'all
just learned how to interact with each other during those times.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
It's a work in progress.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I'm very assertive and sometimes can come off as very aggressive,
which I'm working on.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
He is very passive, Like give an example of aggressive.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
My opinions are very strong, so if I feel He says,
one of his favorite things about me is that I'm
very passionate, and that comes.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Out unless it's towards him.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That comes out when I see It's usually something that
I see is wrong, not about what somebody's done to me,
but somebody else. I get very worked up if this
is not fair, this is not right. And he is
way more passive in those types of situations. So we've
been working on that where I need to be able
to understand where he's coming from and sit in what
(17:54):
it might feel like to be him in those scenarios,
and he has to do the same for me. He
does not like conflict. I don't like it either, but
I will charge headfirst into it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You're a bison, you go into the conflict, into the storm.
And he's a cow.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, he's a cow.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Cow.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I'm just getting sweet cow though.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I'm just kidding, big pe I can be a cow
a lot. It's just kind of funny that we're not
running from things because we're Cowards's just sometimes avoiding conflict
we think is the easier thing to do, and then
we end up having to deal with it for longer
because we ran away.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
And I think he's taught me a lot and he's
slow to react and I'm quick, and he's taught me,
I think, how to appreciate more of the good things
versus look for the negative.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So there's something I can learn from him, and there's
something that he can learn from me. That's good.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
What advice do you have for people that may be dating?
What advice do you have for people that may be dating?
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Like did you you know, like Mesh, I'm not dating
yet a dating podcast now, dating yet, But there might
be some people out there in similar situations, or if
they're already in a relationship too, there could be things
of like this is a great way to show, Hey,
this is where we're different, and we're learning this about
each other and we're going to communicate about it, and
that way we know what to expect and how to
(19:32):
navigate the gray. And I wonder did you have like
a list of qualities, like when it comes to what
you're attracted to about him, like that y'all are social,
that you do like the same food, that you like
to play games.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Was that like on a did you write down a list? No?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I never had a non negotiable list. However, what I
do with clients, and this is something that if I
was dating I might do myself now, is I make
I have them make a list of twenty things that
they would want in a partner, and then I say, okay,
now pick ten of those. I'm like, wait, what I
thought I got twenty? Pick ten? Then they have the ten.
(20:11):
Then I make them pick five, then I make them
pick three, so then you get the three core things
that you It makes you think really hard of what
is important because we can be really picky. And I
might have done this subconsciously in my dating process, where
I was able to look at things and not judge
them as harshly until I really got to know somebody.
(20:32):
Sometimes that backfired because then I would go on all
these dates with somebody and then be like, this is
never going to go somewhere. However, it really worked out
with Patrick because I told myself after our first date,
I remember feeling really like, that was a good date,
but if you didn't call me again, I wouldn't cry,
which on a first date.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I don't know that we need to be that invested anyway,
but well.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
That's what you That's like a promise you made to yourself.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
If no, no, no, I just remember feeling like, if you
never calls me again, I won't be that upset, because
it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I thought you were like, okay, don't cry. Promise me now, dear, self,
if he doesn't call you, you will not cry. But
you were just saying you didn't really know how you felt, Like, yeah,
you knew you had a good time, but also at
the same time, if it didn't go anywhere, you want
to think you'd be missing out.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, But then I told myself, even though it wasn't fireworks,
which is what a lot of us are taught that
we're supposed to look for perfection. There's no way you
could know somebody's personality by a first date, by a
second date, by a third date, because there's anxiety and
you're trying to put your best foot forward.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Nerves, yeah, which is anxiety and the worry of like, oh,
which I think was probably some of his problems.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Oh we.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Knowing what I know. I think that it was like
he was just really nervous.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
He was so nervous, which he even told me. He
texted me and said, I was really nervous. I don't
know if you could tell.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I'm like I could tell.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
But that I think was very helpful for me to
tell myself because then I wasn't judgmental and I was
very curious about Oh my gosh, I can't wait till
I learn his humor, to see if his humor as
much like mine, or I can't wait to see what
he's like around his friends. And those are the things
that if I had not continued to go out with him,
I would have never known how much I would have
(22:16):
liked that about him.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Do you think that a similar list would work for
people two questions regarding that that are already in a relationship,
just to narrow down, like maybe what their needs are.
And then it doesn't mean that if the three don't
show up with the partner or who you're already with,
it just means that, like maybe there could be a
discussion of like, this is something that I am needing
(22:39):
and how can we work towards getting that, and then
making a list similar to that for friendships.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Oh, one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
And I actually did this with a client recently where
she was stressed out about, oh, my partner doesn't give
me everything.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I said, Okay, well let's see what it is that
you're looking for.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
So we did that and there was one thing that
wasn't on that that he wasn't offering her that was
on that list, and we talked about, okay, well, if
he does not have the ability to actually give that
to you. Is there a way you can find that
in other relationships? And would you be okay with that,
like a yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Like a friend.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
And that was a really cool conversation because we also
have a tendency to think that our partner has to
fulfill all our needs.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
But there's no way.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
And there are so many things about Patrick that I
love and when trade for the world, and there are
certain things that I get out of my relationships with
my friends that I just don't know that he could
give me, and vice versa. So her being able to see,
oh I actually can get that need meant that thing
from all my friends over here, I actually am okay.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Oh that's powerful. Yeah, I love that. Then it also
might take the load off of you, like if you're
the one actually feeling the pressure to be all this
for your partner, like having this revelation right now and
maybe doing this exercise with them will help you exhale
if you're feeling this pull or this pressure to kind
(24:06):
of show up as the top three things that they need.
I never thought about. Yeah, seeing where else that could
come from.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, then you get to appreciate more what that person
is offering you versus what they're not because nobody's perfect, and.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Then the twenty, the twenty to the ten to the three,
the narrowing down that can work for friendships, oh, one
hundred percent, and what you're ultimately looking for because I
think also too, just with friends, which we talked about
friendships last week too, but there's just different seasons and
we're evolving all the time, and so I feel like
(24:43):
sometimes there's this pressure of you know that once you've
got these friends, you should always they.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Just stay in your life forever in the same capacity
you have friends.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah, it's impossible, and I think the more we try
to force that, I think we've become unhappy in our friendships.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
I still am friends with a lot of my friends
from high school.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
But if I was forcing myself to be BFF with
all of the people that I was friends with in
high school, and what if they're not evolving in the
same way I am, then I'm not gonna get either
my needs met that I really want out a friendship,
or I'm gonna have to turn into somebody that I'm
not and that that doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
No, and I want people that can handle me at
my worst yeah, Maryland, because if not, then they sure
as heck don't deserve me at my best.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
I like that quote.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, I didn't know that I've heard that before. I
didn't know it came from Maryland, and I didn't know
the part before it of like, I am selfish, impatient,
a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control
and at times hard to handle. But if you can't
handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell
don't deserve me at my best. You should put that
in your wedding valves. This whole quote, big piece.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
That's literally why I said, he'd think, Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I am selfish, I'm patient and a little insecure, and
you'll deal with it. Are you all riding your vowels
or no?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I think what we're going to do is write letters
to each other to give to each other on the day,
like the wedding day, that we'll read privately, and then
we'll just do the traditional vows. I love that a
lot of pressure to say your most deep, vulnerable thoughts
to your partner in front of two hundred and fifty people.
You're having two hundred and fifty people, Well, we invited
(26:21):
to sixty.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Oh, I don't think they're all going to come.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Is that that's the total that's including plus ones? Do
I still have a plus one?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Okay, I know I keep telling you, don't worry about it.
I don't need a plus one. No, But I'm also
trying to be breezy to where maybe I will.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Yeah, so you can RVP for two and if you
don't find somebody, okay.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
I'm about to make my list of twenty things and
I'm going to nara down to ten and then narrow
down to three.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
And maybe you'll have a tryout for the wedding guest. Yes,
I got you should.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
My wedding date audition. Yeah, No, I just I think
the thing about that is I've gone to weddings alone plenty.
It's it's just sometimes fun to have someone there that
you know you can dance with and have a good
time with and agre' never just like standing awkwardly alone.
But if there's other single people there, then that's okay too,
(27:15):
or you're depends on how close you are to the
people at the wedding. I guess that's probable.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
You can also bring a friend. Your guest doesn't have
to be like a romantic date, Oh.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I have a plus one in that manner like I can.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Just yes, you can, you get have a plus one.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
So you know, some people only plus one if it's
a legit, no I want and if you don't have
a boyfriend by the time the wedding rolls around.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
It's like I did this specifically because I have been
of the person who has not gotten the plus one
just because I'm not dating somebody, and I don't think
that's fair, especially because some people are traveling and if
they don't know anybody, I want them to be able
to enjoy themselves. Your plus one can be a friend,
it can be a parent, It can be whoever you want.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
It can be your daughter, it can be whoever you
want it to be.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Okay, yeah, yeah, now that you say that, I do
remember you saying that about yourself, which I think is
thoughtful and just good advice for anybody else listening that
might be.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
And I know, I know everybody can't do that because
guest lists and they can really get out of control.
So I do know that that's not possible for everybody.
And I don't fallow anybody for not giving me one.
I just never wanted to say, well, they don't get
one because they're not dating somebody.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's not fair.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Okay, noted.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
What are the top three things you want out of
a wedding? Guest date partner?
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Oh, I thought that I went out of your wedding like, okay,
good music, good cake.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
We're not having cake? What? Wait? What we're not having
Do I not know this? So what? So we don't
have a cake?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
No?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (28:45):
So what are you gonna have? Okay, we'll have something.
What we're gonna do?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Ice cream? What?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
No? But one of my friends, Hi, we did wedding
five Wait one of my friends actually did a Jenny's
ice cream bar instead of a cake. I thought that
was genius. We're doing a cook key bar instead of
a cake because I don't really like wedding cake. Okay,
and it's very expensive, yeah, very And I really like cookies.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
I'd rather have that and make a cute cookie bar.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I had a family friend make mine. Okay from like my.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Sister, we can't do that, yeah, okay, I can't have
a like if it's not on a certain list. Couldn't
You couldn't bring it to our venue. It's in the
contract in the fine print.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
So you had to get the cookies from a specific,
specific person. Oh, because I was gonna say, is it
gonna be crumble?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
No?
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I wish they're not on there.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I really wanted Baked on eighth, but they're not on
there either, so I forgot.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
We're weird getting So what happens at a cookie bar?
Speaker 3 (29:35):
It's a bunch of different cookies on a bar.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Okay, so I just get to walk up and how
many cookies do I get as a chan as you want?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Yeah, it's unlimited until they're gone. Okay, yeah, huh see
that's what those things that I don't hear about cake. No,
you're I feel like you're judging my wedding.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I know I'm setting my expectation. Okay, oh what what?
What kind of cookies? What flavors?
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I forget? But it's like five or six different kinds.
There's no icing involved in them though. Okay, do you
want us to bring you a jar of icing on
the side?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
No, I'm just thinking of I love great American cookie
coat with the white icing.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I hate the icing on those cookies. The white I
don't like it. I don't like the I scrape it off.
Oh wow, But I like certain icnes from crumble, specifically
cream cheese, even though I don't like cream cheese.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Okay, well those were my okay, so not cake. Okay,
So good food or you're having food, right.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
We're having food and the food will be good.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
You're like, we're not doing food. We're doing smoothies.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
We'll have a smoothie bar yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Okay, so yeah, good music.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Yeah good, we're having barbecue. We're having edd Lee's yum
ooh okay, we love good food.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Check and we have a band and like a not
extremely long ceremony. How long?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Like that's so funny because the whole point of the
wedding is the ceremony. But everybody I know just wants
to get through the ceremony. It's going to be less
than thirty minutes or probably twenty minutes tops.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
It's a sweet spot.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Yeah, good job.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah okay, what were you saying?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
What are there three things that you would look for
in a date you bring to a wedding?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
What do you what would you want?
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Dance? Okay, easy to get along with with, like can
take care.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Of themselves themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
It's like babysit, right, because what if I see somebody
at your wedding and I want to go talk to
you and they're you know, something like that, and it's
just fun, easy, breezy, breezy, okay, breezy, fun on the
dance floor and can take care of themselves like they're
not clingy. Oh yeah, but I mean.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Depending, I don't know, unless you want them to be clingy.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
And I was just thinking, and I might cling so
I might want them to go everywhere I'm going. But
I mean, I guess it depends on if I'm bringing
someone as a date or I'm actually dating them someone.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
So you want like medium clan vibes, medium clean vibes, Okay,
I can do well. If that is you and you're listening,
then you can send in your application.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
And if apparently you need to like cookies.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Yeah, with or without icing?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah, no icing. And you need to like barbecue and
be down for a good time. Oh and no, you
can't drink too much because at weddings. Yeah, some people do,
and then that's unattractive. So I almost would add that
in ahead of like taking care of the klingy whatever
I said. I would say, can can hold liquor and
(32:29):
drink responsibly? Yes, okay, Yeah, I guess more so than
hold it, you can handle their liquor, can limit themselves
to two What if I'm like, okay, you're two tokens?
You have yeah, you have a two drink limit. Thank you,
because this is a wedding and I don't need things
to get out of control?
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Cat?
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (32:48):
On Instagram at cat dot defada and also you can
find my podcast You Need Therapy at at You Need
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And I'm at Radio Amy. You can also email us
four They Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Bye bye, m HM.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!