October 14, 2025 • 44 mins
This week, Amy and Kat start with a listener voicemail that brings some unexpected joy before diving into underrated love languages that deserve more attention: consistency, attunement, vulnerability, foreplay, and nurture. They also talk about burnout…specifically, the subtle ways it shows up at work and in life. Being “the responsive one” can quietly become part of your identity and why that’s not always something to be proud of. It’s an episode about boundaries, connection, and remembering that responsiveness doesn’t equal value…in work or in love.
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Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won't Amy
and Cat got your cob and locking.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
No brother ladies and pelts. You just follow an the
spirit where it's all the front.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Real stuff to the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
You can do it just stop you feel things. This
is feeling things.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
With Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things.
I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and I think we both
have feelings of the day, but we got to start
with yours because my feeling is based on your feeling.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So my feeling, my feeling is grateful. I'm feeling grateful
because I wanted to change something in our schedule. And
I feel like you're not going to feel this way,
but I feel this way. You went above and beyond
to make it work for both of us.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yeah, you're right, I don't. I don't really feel beyond.
I really see it's going above them beyond. But I
think that we both have shown each other over the
last several months, like, hey, I know that if I
am able to show up for you in what's best
for you, then if possible, you'll do the same. Like
I think that if I can make it work. I
(01:17):
want to make it work. So I could make it work.
I mean, it's just rescheduling a mammogram. It's just my yearly.
It's not like it was a I had an appointment
last week and they're like, we needed to come back
next week.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, but still you schedule. That was a scheduled thing,
and my thing, I just want to go on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah, which is kind of tied into our unique love
languages that we're going to talk about in a minute,
or underrated love languages, some that you don't hear about often,
and Kat's love languages definitely travel.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Acts of vacation as the Internet calls it. But the
funny thing about this is we're not we can't travel
right now for multiple reasons, so we're just.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Going to do a staycation. Usually when steak people do staycations.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
You didn't tell me that part, Yes, I did? You did?
I mean I knew you were to travel far No,
I thought, well, wait, no we can't, so we moved. Okay,
it's fine, so moved. The you can't you're not even
going like to I don't know Leaper's work.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Well, Leeper's work is like fifteen minutes from our house.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I'm still a destination.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
We're gonna do things, okay, but we're just not going
usually on staycations. I feel like people stay in like
a hotel in their city, right, Yeah, well our house
is still new to us, so we're staying in our.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yes, oh I think you can do staycation at home,
okay for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
But all we're just Patrick's taking off two days of
work and I'm taking off two days of work and
just have a four day weekend and just do stuff
with us, but do things that we normally wouldn't do,
you know, so maybe we'll go to Leaper's work.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
But yeah, we're not Does that change no?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Not No.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I was just giving you all the time. I totally
would have done the exact same thing, but it was
after you were like, well, wait a second, this that's
a mammogram, And really I'm like, I don't know, putting
it off. Surely it can't be that big of a deal.
I just moved it two weeks from now. But the
more we talk about it, so my feeling of the
(03:19):
day is nervous, like, oh, shoot, what if I needed
to go in or to flip it so that I'm
not nervous. I'm like, what if postponing it two weeks
is like a good thing? Yeah, because of like I
get a different technician or a scan, or maybe if
something does need to be caught, it'll be caught at
(03:39):
that point.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
But it wouldn't have been caught two weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah. Okay, it's not going to be anything super serious
because of course I don't want that. But if it
were to work out that way, then and October is
breast cancer Awareness month. However, every month is breast cancer
Awareness month.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Well, I thought you're gonna say then, because your maammegram
would have been in October either way.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I know, it just happened to work out that way.
I just have friends that have gone through breast cancer
and October is such a touchy month for them because
of the pink out stuff. Like every company is selling
things pink and they're profiting big time. Now, are they
making a donation to breast cancer research through the sale
of pink items? Yes, and they're also properating off of it.
(04:23):
If it was one hundred percent of the money, then
that would be different. And also they're so passionate about
that and more research does need to be done. And
because it's a woman thing, it gets you know, to
one month a year where you know, if this was
if men had to deal with this sort of thing, like,
(04:45):
there would potentially be more research. I mean, that's a
whole nother rabbit trail we could go down. But I
just have to support my girls, not my girls, but
all my girls as girls, and my girls, everybody's girls,
all the girls everywhere. Which this is a very those
are very female statement. My girls were supporting girls. But
we do have male listeners. Yeah, I think we were process.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
We have avid male listeners.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
We were keeping track of them. I feel like we
were like, okay, now that's anytime we would get an
email or something, you'd be like, okay, now we have
eight and.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
My little brother is an avid listener.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Now okay, no that's not yeah, And then we got
a voicemail.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Ten we were already up to like twelve. Yeah, oh really.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Okay, So we keep staying in the low. But we
need to give men credit where credit is due.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Well, and I think that.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I didn't mean to bag on the men for like,
if this was your disease, there would be more research,
but that's probably more in like the perimenopause.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
No, I think that you're there's a lot of a
lot of research that is.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Then used to care for women, is research done on men.
I mean we're getting there. I think things are getting better,
but cross my fingers.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, and men also and get breast cancer.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
A million little things.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Which is a show, and this is not gaving me
anything away because it's in the first episode and it's
not a surprise. One of the characters is a man
who has breast cancer. He goes to a support group.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I haven't thought about that show well since the last
time you brought it up, just maybe a couple of
months ago. But every once in a while you do
bring it up, and it is a really good show.
I just don't think I finished it.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
You have to finish, Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So when I started this show, if you have not
watched the show, and you're even if you're not looking
for one, put it on a list. It is so good.
And it's only like six seasons. You know how some
of these shows go too long. It's only six It
is so good. The first time I watched it, I
stopped at like season three or four. The next time
I started with Patrick, we watched the whole thing the
(06:48):
last episode the last season, but like the last episode
might have been the best and worst same time episode
of TV.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Okay, well I need to go it hits On, so like,
just check out the final drama.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
It's sports.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
It's you know, they like sports awareness, it's yes, it's
there's everything in it. My husband liked it, so we
both loved it equally. So it's not like I think
for our male listeners, I think sometimes think that show
is going to be too like girly.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah, you know, well, seeing of your husband and all
husbands out there, this voicemail is from yes, a male listener,
but he's also a husband and his wife listens. So
he started listening, and he in a nutshell is saying,
we help his marriage, No, we help feeling, We help
better understand his wife. I also just want to give
(07:41):
him a shout out before we play it. That good
for you for being proactive about figuring out ways that
you can understand your partner.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
It's actually so sweet.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
It's really sweet, and you think about it. So everyone listening,
if you're married or a boyfriend or something, you can
send them this voicemail and be like, hey, what are
you doing to be proactive.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Hey, Amy and kat Tony out of Iowa. Just wanted
to say love the show and listened to it since July.
Just been a really big help for me and my
wife just helped me understand her a little bit better,
helps her. She loved the Things, the Four Things with
Amy Brown, and so she loves the new podcast as well.
(08:21):
But I actually really liked the new one too, So
just wanted to say thanks for what you guys do
and it really makes an impact. And as a guy,
you know, I know that we're not your demographic, but
there's I think there's quite a few of us that
enjoy it too, so and it helps us just enjoy
our wives, our spouses and understand them just a little
bit better. So thanks guys, love it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Hey guys, Hey man, I think that he has so
sweet that he is listening to this.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Well, it sounds like he might get a little entertainment
from it, but to listen to that just to help
him understand and because his wife enjoys it is really sweet. Yeah,
good for you.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It's like one of his love languages.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Which we're learning that there's more than just five maybe.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, this is from doctor Elizabeth Frederick. She listed out
underrated love languages, which the other ones we've talked about before.
There's five very common ones, and consistency is the first
one that doctor Frederick listed here. And I feel like
that's the one I appreciate about my boyfriend the most.
Is his steadfast. He's very consistent. So what consistency will
(09:27):
look like actions over words, Reliable, dependable, available for both
ups and downs, and doesn't leave you guessing or confused.
And I'm like, that is my boyfriend in a nutshell.
That is his love language. I will say, you know,
I like touch, which is one of the main five,
(09:48):
like massage, just hold hand.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Like She's like, touching is like yeah, touching.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Words of affirmation are my number one to receive and
then touch is a close second. And I'm trying to
figure out to say this. I don't want it to
come out weird.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I'm nervous.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Okay, he doesn't like touch, No, he does, but I
I was he likes a different kind of touch than you.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
No. I I know you're gonna keep guessing until I
just say it, So I'm just gonna say it. Okay.
So he's given me massages before and they're sort of
like m you know, but I will say I'm sensitive
and wait.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
He stopped back up. What is what does that mean?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Like I'm just sort of like, eh, you know, but
I but I do, like calves need a massage. But
then my calves are very sensitive. And I'll be like, oh, oh, oh,
not that hard, not that hard.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Oh you're saying that it's too soft.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's too just like they're just meh, and they don't
last very long. It's more like, yeah, it'll and then
sometimes it'll be too hard to just try to like,
you know, get to go over with this, you know,
like I don't know how to describe it other than
it's you're.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Not getting what you need. His his love language isn't
acts of massage.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Right, However, this is the part where it's going to
get a little weird. Okay, okay, However, his daughter came
home the other day and she needed her back rubbed,
and I mean there was like the floor, elbows like
every I mean, it looked like the most professional, best
(11:19):
massage I've ever seen. And I'm like, you're busted, You're busted.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Did you say that?
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yes? When I left, I said, now I know, I
know what you're capable of. He's like, now you.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Know what I said, seeing what I needed to see.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I said, I'm not gonna be jealous because that's your daughter,
and that's weird.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
That would be weird.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
That would be really weird for me to be jealous of.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
The massage massage that she just got.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
However, now I know where you're capable of, so I'm
going to settle for any of this moment, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And what was his response?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
He laughed like and I was like, like, I'm not hitting.
I drove away. I was like, he thinks I'm joking.
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Well, okay, well at least you know. He Yeah, it's
actually better to know he's capable of that. You're like,
because he's a strong guy.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Actually sweet to watch him like care for her in
that way. But I'm like, I don't need to be
cared for like I'm the I'm better. I need care for.
I need to be cared for in that way. I
need care. I need care for.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I was gun.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I was gonna say, what we do is we just
use one like a thera gun on each other, Okay,
because I will I love to receive a massage, but
I can't say I love to give them, you know,
like it does. It makes my hands tired, and you
know it's always when I'm patrick, always on some massage
when I'm like trying to go to bed, you.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Know, yeah, I know. I just my brain went off
into this crazy thing, like I get the hierarchy of like,
you know, if he had to choose daughter or girlfriend,
he's gonna choose his daughter, Like why are.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
We even going there?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Because my brain went there because I was thinking like
maybe she gets the good massage and then energy, which okay,
it makes sense, so I get it. But now I
know it'd be like if you if he's like this
phenomenal cook and for his kids, and then for me
he's like Hamburger helping me throwing stuff together. Yeah, and
we were helpless actually kind of good, I know.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
But if he makes a from scratch meal right right right,
and then he's like I have this box, I'm gonna
just boil this these noodles and ster that's pack it in.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Throw it together. Okay, so you're listening anyway, You're consistent,
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Are you touch in the sense that like you need
to be touching him all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
No, but I don't mind holding hands in close. Like
I'm not extreme PDA person. But you know that one
guy I dated, which one the one New York?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Okay, yeah, okay, so I mean none.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
We were like brother and sister walking down the streets
and I'm like, this is weird to me, like just
even like a pat on my back to let me know,
like hey, glad you're to let me know I know
you're here, and I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Like could he ever stuff like that about it?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah? I said, something, you have not act to me,
like notice me in public or anything, like it's just
weird to me because one on one you're affectionate, but
in the streets nothing, And he was like, oh, I
just am very much like.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Or he didn't know if Leslie was going to be around.
He didn't want her to see it.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
No, I don't think that was the case. She's not
in the picture. It was more so that he's just
not a PDA person at all. And I was like,
I don't consider holding hands or you know, walking behind
you through the door and like putting my hand on
your lower back.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You know that kind of you think PDA is like
making out.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yeah, Like I'm not full on trying to like straddle
anybody somewhere. That's PDA is what I'm describing. But I'm
not extreme PDO. Okay, so there's different. It's a spectrum, right, Yeah,
what are you What do you mean? What level do
you go to?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
I don't want to like make out with somebody in public,
but I prefer to be touching my husband at all
times in some way.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, like hand on the leges.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Yeah, but he's that way as well, So yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
We've had that conversation of like, would we be together
if either of us because we're both so that way,
would we be able to be with somebody who wasn't
Like he told me one time, we wouldn't be together.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
If you weren't.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I'm like that did that break it?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
So that's his number one?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, he said that would we probably wouldn't. I don't
know how much he was kidding, but I asked him, like,
do you think we'd still be together if one of
us wasn't this affectionate towards the other? And he said no, wow,
because it's even like the way we sleep, like we
sleep very cuddly.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Yeah, cute Okay, you want to do the next one. Yes,
the first one was consistency.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
The next one is attunement. So that would look like
being truly present, emotional closeness, exploring each other's.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
In our worlds. What does that even mean?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I think that would be like asking introspective questions and
wanting to know each other deeper on a deeper level,
deep connection, feeling safe in each other's energy. A tunement
(16:17):
is necessary for a I think, a good healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But if someone really shines at that, well.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
When I can tell you something that does bother me
is when you can tell somebody's not present with you
and you're trying that to me kind of locks in
with quality time because when I'm like having a meal,
or last night we were walking. We're on a walk
and Patrick was playing with this baseball and I could
tell he was more interested in playing catch with himself
than listening to my story.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
And at one point I said, okay, you got to
get rid of the baseball.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I didn't feel like he was like a two. Yeah,
it wasn't a tune and that was our quality time.
So I think those go hand in hand in hand.
He kept the baseball.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
It's now at our house, where did he get the baseball?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So across the street room our neighborhood is all yeah,
and there was a baseball on the sidewalk, and I
was like. At first I was like, oh, Patrick, a baseball,
You should pick it up. And then I was like,
throw the baseball back to the children.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
He kept it.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
He regretted that. Yeah, okay. Next one is vulnerability, and
that's just being open and honest, discussing deep thoughts, expressing
wants and needs. Let's guard down, like you allow for
that to just again being vulnerable, because that's what it is,
and then you take risks and sharing feelings about past,
(17:34):
present and future also necessary, also necessary, Yeah, the relationship.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
The next one is for play.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
You wanted this one, didn't.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
I just lucked out flirting and teasing, playful tension, increasing arousal,
demonstrating desire including all types physical, emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
What does intellectual for play look like?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Honestly, I don't know that. To me, I'm like, is
that like deep questions?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Flash cards? Flash cards? Maybe I'm thinking that because I'm
doing them with my son for like the question Now
you're like flash cards not the questions, not conversation cards.
I was making a joke that did not go do
you want to explain that?
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Well?
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I was thinking intellectual foreplay, like hey, you want to
do some division flash cards? Like hey you want to
do multiplications? You going to do the nines?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
The nines? Or like do you want to do these.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Nine eighteen twenty seven? Say more? Keep going?
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Are you trying to arouse nine times? Oh my gosh, hot,
how do you know that.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
We're doing the nines?
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Well?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
I think that yeah, you should know with my.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Fifteen year old it's also weird now this everything's gotten weird.
But do you get it? Yeah? Four play physical, emotional, intellectual, experiential,
and be you a ritual. So after foreplay, this would
be the final one. Nurture taking care of each other, holding, caressing, rubbing,
(19:09):
gentle touch. Oh so this is sort of like test
your massage nurture. I need to be nurtured, soothing, consoling,
creating a safe space, protecting, reassuring, So it.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Can be physical, but it's also like all.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Different ways, but I need to be reassured that you
can massage me with your elbow on the floor. I mean,
it was like blown I'm like, what did you do
you now? I know you have a certificate from somewhere.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
He watched them. You're certificed.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
He's certified. He could stretch too, Like he knows how
to stretch all the things I guess from being an
athlete back in the day. And I told him I
was thinking about going to the stretch lab and he's like,
I can do all of that.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
You're like, we'll prove it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, what the time?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
What is the You might have answered this already, so sorry,
but sitting here right now, other than his steadiness, what's
his most attractive quality right now in your relationship? Not
when you first started dating or six months ago, but today?
What do you find most attractive about him? Outside of
his consistency?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Oh gosh, I have lots of different things, like rattling
off in my head, but watching him be a dad
is one of the best things ever. He's a really
great dad. I'm very comfortable around him. Like the ease
that I have when I'm with him is just unmatched. Like,
I'm very very comfortable. I like how he is knowledgeable
about lots of things. So number three, oh, how many
(20:39):
of are I supposed to get?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
I guess said one.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
But as I said, I have lots of things that
come to my mind, Like I like that he's wise
and about like certain things that I like. I don't
care about sports, but I love that he knows all
about sports. He can hold a conversation with anybody, anybody.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I think that's like guys.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
They literally could walk up to a stranger and be like,
so the Red Sox game last night, and like start
talking about like what happened in the bottom of the
third inning in all the people's names.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I don't you know what.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I think men have just like a separate part of
their brain just for that, and it was crazy, and
they have all the sports knowledge because that's how Also
a lot of men connect is talking about sports versus
like women connect on a lot of times more deeper.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
When he connects with his boys. But that's another thing too,
like I connect, I can connect with him on deeper
things as well, and I can appreciate that. But what
it is about the sports stuff, I think, even though
I'm not a sports girl, like I don't know any
of that stuff. I don't care about it, but I
find it very attractive that he does, because if he
(21:46):
didn't I'd be like, oh, like if he didn't like sports,
And I wonder if that's because the guys that I'm
around like they say, it's like weird red flag. If
like a guy tries to talk about sports and he
doesn't know what he's talking about, Oh like that that's
super embarrassing. What you haven't never heard that before?
Speaker 2 (22:05):
No, I've heard of women who are like, if they
don't like sports, that's a no for me.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I personally don't feel that way.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
I do find it attractive how much Patrick loves the
Falls and just sports in general, because what's attractive about
it is him caring so deeply about things and like
being just I like seeing him excited. But I would
feel uncomfortable if he was trying to show up as
somebody that he's not and that's why he like, Right,
(22:33):
If he's talking about sports and he doesn't know what
he's talking about, but he's trying to act, I would
feel sad.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
I think.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
So I'm like, oh, you don't have to be that way,
But I don't feel like that's like a it if
a guy doesn't like sports. Yeah, I have heard people say,
and I kind of agree that, like men talking about
sports is their form of gossip because they're talking about
other people, right, it's not like deep level stuff, and
it's a way to connect, just like other.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
People do that with other people's lives or.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Like women who talk about like reality TV or something
like that. Like it's gossip, and like that's men's form
of gossiping.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Since you brought up gossip, it maybe go over to
this other article I pulled, not even for today, but
I just went to it and it was talking about
how gossip could be a good thing. Yeah, we agree
or disagree because we've been taught to see gossip as toxic, cruel,
and always a red flag. But the truth is most
gossip isn't destructive. It's adaptive. And the fear of gossip
(23:30):
is quietly keeping a lot of people lonely because they
don't feel like they can connect. And it doesn't have
to be a cruel or mean spirited gossip session most
of the time. It can just be a way humans
are connecting and learning and bonding. And then it went
on to lists like the things that gossip can do
for us. First of all, gossip can keep us safe
(23:51):
because it's spread social information about who's trustworthy and who
might harm us. Gossip builds connection. Sharing stories, even the
lighthearted one, creates intimacy and belonging, and then it reinforces
values because when we talk about others' behavior, we're also
defining what's acceptable in our community.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
So do you know where that came from you? If
you don't, it's okay, because I didn't know if it
came from this. I started listening to a book called
You Didn't Hear This From Me. It's by Kelsey McKinney,
and she has a podcast called Normal Gossip, and it's
all about what you said, how people think that gossip
is this bad thing, but it's also something that helps
(24:29):
connect people, and it's it's not all like we're talking
when you hear gossip. I think what people think is
you're talking crap about people, you're talking badly about.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
People, you're in other people's business.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
But a lot of times it is like, yeah, a
way to connect and a way to like process things
with friends.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
And I think that must be where I.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Heard the stuff about sports, because in the beginning, I
think I only got like a couple chapters in. But
in the beginning she was talking about how historically people
think gossip is for women and men don't gossip, but
men do gossip. It just isn't seen as that. Yeah,
and that's where like the sports comes in.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
So I went to click around to where I pulled
that from, and it was the Surprising Benefits of Gossip,
a study done at the University of Westminster. It's over
the ponds from BBC.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
So it must be legit.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, it's from over there.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
So yeah, go gossip.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And this is an article from twenty twenty two, so
very relevant now only a few years old, but that's relevant. Yeah,
I'm just saying it wasn't anything that I pulled like
from today, oh or yeh, yesterday. I had it somewhere separate,
like I have like different open documents on my computer.
I mean, because on the Bobby.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Bone Show we have to read that from twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
It is from twenty twenty two that I had in
a doc saved to like talk about at some point
on the Bobby Bone Show. But it was research from
twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Okay, I thought, you just like have had that saved
on your computer.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
For SNCE twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Yeah, really, we hadn't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
We haven't gotten to it yet I'm still waiting.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
You're like, please pick the article about gossip.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
One day, we're going to talk about how gossip could
be a good thing. Yeah, it's not as bad as
we think it is. But also gossip can be very
toxic and destructive. You just have to do it in
the right way. That's like an I'm glad you clarified
about the sports thing. I don't mind if a guy
doesn't like sports. What I was saying was unattractive, which
(26:25):
i know we touched on it, but I'm just going
to reiterate since we have male listeners. Is just that
if they're not into it, but they try to fake
like they are, it's not attractive, Like you don't have
to do that.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
You have to do that.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
And I'm sure there's things that, like, I mean, I
can seek for myself. There are things that I have
done that I've been just trying to fit in that
probably didn't come off.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
So women do that too. You're just saying that this
is one way.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
That men can do, but there's probably so much pressure
for them to like do that, like to be a man,
Like I know more about what it's like to be
a woman, and the pressures to be a woman and
what I feel, what I feel like the world says
I should care about. I don't know as much on
the male side, and I'm assuming that this is part
of it, is like, you should like these masculine things.
(27:11):
Sports are masculine. You should know this, so you should
be able to talk about this with people.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Okay, Approximately fourteen percent of men are not a fan
of sports at all.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Not one sport, not a single Can you just google
what are the top hobbies for men?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
See if a hobbies hobbies?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Okay, ooh, woodworking in a number one.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
No way, okay, talk about an attractive hobby.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
What a woodworker like a carpenter, Like Jesus, it's that hot.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I'm more thinking like building things. He could build anything.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
He'd build you a coffee You could see something online
that you're like, I want this this coffee table.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
He could just make it for you.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah. He would like work a tool, like a wood whittler.
My boyfriend in college had a whittling machine in his
garage and things.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Yeah, I think I'm thinking more of carpentry.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, like, hey, I want new kitchen cabinets and he
could like, no problem, Yes, that's out there. With a
tool bell like chopping down a tree. Yeah, that's hot.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Mountain biking, that would give me anxiety. I don't know
that I want my partner to do that.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Okay, Gardening, hiking, video gaming, cooking, photography, scuba diving, brewing.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Okay, if you're.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Just listing hobbies, because I don't think scuba diving is
a top. That's probably a hobby, but I don't think
that's in the top for men.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Okay, let me move on to a different answer. Top
hobbies for men are very diverse. It says, so we
did about it, including sports and fitness, and in that
they put golf, hiking, and cycling. Then there's outdoor activities
such as fishing, camping, hunting. Then there's creative and manual
arts like woodworking, playing musical instruments, and gardening. Then there's
(28:58):
social and intellectual pursuits like gaming, cooking, reading, and learning
new languages. Hobbies are excellent for physical health, mental clarity,
self expression, and building connection with others. Just to round
out thing, I mean, does that? Yeah, those are the
hobbies you think men would be into.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Like I guess I was thinking, like hunting.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Fishing, fishing, hunting, fishing, hunting and fish.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
We then every day gaming is one that I'm grateful.
My husband does not participate in.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Same same my ex husband none of that. He didn't
do that, and my boyfriend now does it like I don't.
I've never dated a gamer, well I did, remember I
called him gamer gamer gamer boy one time.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
I said, what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
He said, my friends are coming over play video games,
and I think I texted you and I was like, I.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Don't know what to do with this. Yeah, he was
having like a gaming party.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yes, it was Saturday night, which, like, not to shame
anybody for their hobbies, that's great. I think that meant
we weren't compatible, right, you know.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
This is just what we're like.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
If I I was having to do that on a
Saturday night, that's what we're doing.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
I'm out. However, I don't.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Love sports, but on a Saturday night, I do like
going to somebody's house or to like a sports bar
and watching football. Not that I'm watching it, but I
love the community aspect of it.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
I'm going to my first UVA football game this weekend
with the boyfriend and the kids. His kids so he
went there for college, and I'm meeting all of his
college friends too. Apparently every fall they pick one game
to all meet up at, and this is the one.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Is uva good?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I should know that because I've been watching games with
him the last several weeks. Conference don't remember. I don't
know who is not sac. I don't think there's a
Who are they playing? I don't know, but you know
you're going. I am going, okay, And I got a
I got.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
A navy blueca to get outfit.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yes, I got a It's like a navy blueish button
down and it has orange stripes.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
The orange and it's dowed.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
I don't know if you know that brand, but it's
like not like my.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Rule was orange and navy shirt normally the.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Way it's styled, it's cute. And my rule was when
I was shopping for something to wear because I knew
I needed orange and navy colors, I was like, whatever
I'm spending money on, I'm getting a type of shirt
and a brand that I will wear a lot. So
it's like a little button down bodysuit thing. I think
it's cute a body Oh, I'm thinking, like, yes, okay,
(31:31):
maps question.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
This is a big deal because you're meeting friends, you
haven't met before?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Right? Are you nervous? Question?
Speaker 2 (31:50):
This is a big deal because you're meeting friends you
haven't met before. Right, are you nervous or are you
more excited?
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Like?
Speaker 3 (31:57):
What are you feeling?
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Why do you think I about my stad shirt? I mean,
let's see, I'm feeling well, I'm excited. I'm feeling included,
you know, because it's a special it's a thing he
does with his kids, and like I'm invited. I'm feeling yeah.
I mean that's pretty excited, excited and included, Okay, And
(32:19):
I wouldn't say I'm nervous.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
So do you know any of the friends? Have you
met any of these friends? Because I know you've met
some of his friends before.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I think one of the wives.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
I guess.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I don't know exactly who is going to be there.
When I get there and I see their faces, I'll
report back, okay, because it's like there's a lot of
names and a lot of people because he's from Nashville,
So sometimes with him it gets really tricky because he
knows so many people from growing up here and then
just in his work and his dad still is like
in business here, and I just they know you're running
(32:52):
too people everywhere, and then there's oh, no, I went
to college with that guy. I went to high school
with that guy. I went to junior high with that guy.
Oh I lived store to him in elementary school. And
I'm like, it'd be like if I lived in Austin,
it might feel that way for him, if it was
a little overwhelming because a lot of A and M
people or UT people, like there was just college. I mean,
Austin's kind of exploded a lot in Nashville is much smaller,
(33:14):
but you know what I mean. So sometimes with him,
when he's talking about people, I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm
really trying to keep up with who you're talking about.
But oh, there's just so many people.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
You're too popular.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, when we first started dating, I was like, what
are you mayor like everywhere we would go be it
wouldn't be like we have to stop and have these
full blown conversations, but everybody be like Alex, what up?
Like everywhere okay?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
But do you not feel like that's everywhere you go?
People you might not know them, but I feel like
people know you no, like he knows them, so like
you have to say.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Like they're like, what up? And then I'll be like, oh, yeah,
that was my college roommates, dad's lawyer, Like I mean, yeah,
it's like everybody. He remembers everybody.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
That's okay, I've told you my fear that like people
don't remember who I am, so I am the opposite
of I grew up here. But when I go places,
if I well, honestly, the backwards happened.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Did I tell you about the girl the grocery store?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
So when we moved, so we've just moved to Franklin,
which is where I grew up. We went to the
grocery store that I went to growing up to get groceries,
and I'm like, oh, who am I going to run
into here? But like not really thinking I would run
into people because like what are the odds, Like I
don't know who still lives in Franklin.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Which Franklin's like five minutes outside of Nashville. If people
always singing and they don't know where that is.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Yeah, so didn't moved far away. So we walk in
and like within the first three minutes, this girl does
a double take on me and then she goes, how
are you?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
And I was so awkward because I'm like is she
being friendly or do I know her? And should I
say something back or do I just like act cool
and keep going. It was very awkward, very uncomfortable, and
then Patrick thought, he goes, oh, was that one of
those can't confirm or deny situations.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Like it was Alian client?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
And I know, Patrick, I have no idea who that is,
but I think I should so like the opposite is happening,
where like somebody recognizes me. But that's one of my
biggest fears. So I'm sorry to whoever that was. If
I know you, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I hope she wasn't one of your clients in your
life idea.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
She definitely wasn't one of my clients. But then I
saw another girl that did know.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
But I don't like living in this I like where
I live, but my fear is that, like I do
run into somebody and I want to say hi, and
they're like, who are you? I Yeah, I can talk
about this in my own therapy.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Yeah maybe you should. Maybe you should. Before we go,
I want to talk about work burnout. Like I've got
two different things to touch on with that. One of
them is like a little short story that is from
Peak Performance with Julia, and when I read her story
of who she used to be and how she tries
(35:59):
to show up now, or this example of this thirty
eight year old woman is who we're going to be
talking about. I just hope that you can reflect on
being this person, because I know we probably have a
lot of listeners that are this person or you were
this person, which is.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Okay if you are, but you don't have to be.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
You don't have to be in kat and I want
to give you a big hug and be like, let go,
let loose, relax, calm down, chill out. My son used
to say that all the time, those three things, like
if he would be like relax, calm down, chill out
with his little Haitian accent, it was so cute. All Right,
(36:38):
I'm thirty eight. I answer emails at red lights, in
the grocery store line and before bed because being the
responsive one has become my identity. At first, it felt good.
People noticed, they called me reliable, dedicated, a team player,
But underneath it sounded more like she'll always say yes,
she'll pick up the slack, she'll never push back, And
over time, what felt like recognition started to feel like resentment.
(37:01):
Because being responsive doesn't just mean answering fast. It means
sacrificing yourself before anyone else even notices. I've interrupted dinners,
canceled workouts, stayed up way too late, all to prove
that I was on top of it. And the hardest part,
no one even notices the cost. They just notice that
you're always there. The truth, responsiveness isn't respect and availability
(37:23):
isn't value high achieving women, what if being respected at
work didn't mean being available twenty four to seven, Protect
your time, set boundaries that stick, create success on your terms.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Boom drop the mic.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
My favorite part of this is her saying it means
that sacrificing yourself happens before anybody even notices. Like nobody
notices that you're sacrificing yourself. They just notice that you're there.
That feels important to recognize that, Like they're not seeing
what you're having to say no to or point blank sacker,
(38:00):
They're just seeing that you're available. And people won't have
the forethought a lot of times to recognize.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Why you would be available. Yeah, and it's not even
on there.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
That's not on them either, right, Like if you're always
there for me and you don't share with me what
you're missing out on, like I could just it's fair
to assume that you have nothing else going on.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Right, Yeah, and even yes, people will you. As a therapist,
you probably know that sometimes there's a some sort of
wound attached to people pleasing like I must show up
all the time type behavior. So it could be some
inner work that could be done because I get that
I'm saying this and like we're like, oh, you don't
have to be this person. But it's not as simple
(38:41):
as like snapping the finger and being like chill out,
calm down, relaxed. It's not that simple since.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
There was probably a threat if you were not always there.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
What was the threat that, like you'll be replaced or
people will forget you, or maybe there will be a
punishment of some sort.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Well, and it's got to be exhausting to live that way.
So it's a perfect transition into burnout. And we're just
going to run through quickly like sneaky ways that burnout
can appear at work. And so I'm just going to
go through this checklist, and you take inventory in your
own life, but saying yes to everything at work is
the number one thing answering emails at midnight, feeling guilty
(39:22):
for taking a break, everything feels annoying, rewriting the same
to do list three times, working right after you wake up,
and then not being able to ask for help or
not choosing to say, hey, I need help with this.
And I get that. Some people are like, oh, yeah, right, okay,
But I don't have that luxury to not answer the
email at midnight, or I don't have that luxury like
(39:43):
I'm trying to keep up, or I want this next
promotion or this person's going to get ahead, and so
that's going to be a difficult place to be in too.
But those are just sneaky ways burnout can appear at work,
So just make sure you take inventory of that so
that you don't end up getting burnt out, Like can
this email weight? I caught myself getting on my phone
first thing in the morning the other day and I
had to like throw my phone. It's like, no, not
(40:05):
gonna take over me right now. This is my time,
And I'll deal with you when I get to work,
because it's really easy, and sometimes not even work stuff,
I'll go on Instagram and then I'm like, no, I'll.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Get burnout from all kinds of things. But I think
even that, yeah, it's easier said than done. And so
when I have these kinds of conversations with people at work,
clients of mine, I know it's easier and it might
sometimes be annoying for me to point things out, like well,
this this, and if you change this, this and this,
then this feeling or this might not be there. But
(40:38):
if like they feel trapped or like they can't But
I think it's helpful to realize that sometimes it's it
is important to whigh what's more important this promotion or
the enjoyment of my life overall, and like, yeah, this
promotion might come with money, it might come with more
financial freedom, it might come with certain things that you've
(40:59):
told ourselves in our head that we want are important
and we need. But would I even be able to
enjoy them if my life feels like it's crumbling and
if I'm irritable all the time, if I hate my
job because it worth it? And if the answer is yes, cool,
but it's okay to ask that question and it might
be no, and then I'm working towards something.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Why smiling because my brain when you said worth it,
this is where.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
It's worth it. Let me work.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Put the thing out with it.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Like That's instantly where my brain goes.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
And I'm like, I said that, you just were like
a little kid if I made like some kind of
I said something, you like had like a sex joke.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Right right, But no, I just had Missy Elliott like
You're like, you have to you have to weigh is
it worth it? And I'm like, let it work.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Speaking of you know that girl that was the dancer
in Missy Elliot's all her music videos growing up. I
think her name was like Alison or a Listen or something.
You remember that She's this is a nothing burger that
I'm about to give you guys. But so my brain went,
is I keep seeing her all of our TikTok. She
just came out with like a tell all book, oh
about like what.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
It was really like in the industry, in the industry. Yeah, okay, so.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
We'll check it on that note, check it out, all right.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
We love, love love hearing from y'all, especially all you
guys out there.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
Yeah, ghit us up. Men that like sports and some
men that don't like sports.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
And women all of you. We want to we want
to hear from you, so email us hey there at
Feeling Things podcast dot com, or you can call us
eight seven seven two O seven two O seven seven.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
And if you want to hear from us sign up
for a newsletter, you could do that now by clicking
the link in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
We have a link in the show notes to make
it easy. And then, oh, well, I mean, and Feeling
Things podcast is are social and that's where we are
on YouTube too.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
You know.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
It's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
So when we started this podcast, we had this newsletter
sign up and a lot of people emailed us saying,
I want to sign up for the newsletter?
Speaker 3 (43:07):
How do I do that? And so we told people
to email us and we would send them to the link.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Why did it take six months for us to realize
that we could just put the link?
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (43:20):
And also nobody thought of that.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
If y'all are wondering why we have not really you know,
kicked off the whole newsletter thing, tell them gat, I'm
just kidding.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
Well, we're.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Both of us. I was just kidding. Well, we had
differences in how we wanted to handle it and Cat one.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
And that's why you have got so.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
It is sort of on cat Uh, we did have differences,
but I do think that the way we're going to
go about it is going to be great. And but
we're kicking it back. Yes, we're circling back to the
newsletter because we're about to have a calendar and a
schedule and we're gonna have deadlines and then we're gonna
get burnout and then we'll see Kat and are just
(44:06):
trying to avoid burnouts. We're like newsletter on but no,
it's something we really want to do and we look
forward to adding it. We just had some behind the
scenes end up hang ups and differences, but we're here
and it's gonna be good. So make sure you sign
up because you don't want to miss out because you
never know. We're gonna drop in the newsletter.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
We're keeping you guys on your toes.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Behind the scenes stuff.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
It's gonna be really good, really good worth the wait.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I mean, we talk about things like Missy Elliott's backup
to answer from back in the day. That's now just kidding. Okay,
hope you have.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
The day you need to have. Bye bye,
All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won't Amy
and Cat got your cob and locking.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
No brother ladies and pelts. You just follow an the
spirit where it's all the front.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Real stuff to the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
You can do it just stop you feel things. This
is feeling things.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
With Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things.
I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and I think we both
have feelings of the day, but we got to start
with yours because my feeling is based on your feeling.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So my feeling, my feeling is grateful. I'm feeling grateful
because I wanted to change something in our schedule. And
I feel like you're not going to feel this way,
but I feel this way. You went above and beyond
to make it work for both of us.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yeah, you're right, I don't. I don't really feel beyond.
I really see it's going above them beyond. But I
think that we both have shown each other over the
last several months, like, hey, I know that if I
am able to show up for you in what's best
for you, then if possible, you'll do the same. Like
I think that if I can make it work. I
(01:17):
want to make it work. So I could make it work.
I mean, it's just rescheduling a mammogram. It's just my yearly.
It's not like it was a I had an appointment
last week and they're like, we needed to come back
next week.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, but still you schedule. That was a scheduled thing,
and my thing, I just want to go on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah, which is kind of tied into our unique love
languages that we're going to talk about in a minute,
or underrated love languages, some that you don't hear about often,
and Kat's love languages definitely travel.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Acts of vacation as the Internet calls it. But the
funny thing about this is we're not we can't travel
right now for multiple reasons, so we're just.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Going to do a staycation. Usually when steak people do staycations.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
You didn't tell me that part, Yes, I did? You did?
I mean I knew you were to travel far No,
I thought, well, wait, no we can't, so we moved. Okay,
it's fine, so moved. The you can't you're not even
going like to I don't know Leaper's work.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Well, Leeper's work is like fifteen minutes from our house.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I'm still a destination.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
We're gonna do things, okay, but we're just not going
usually on staycations. I feel like people stay in like
a hotel in their city, right, Yeah, well our house
is still new to us, so we're staying in our.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yes, oh I think you can do staycation at home,
okay for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
But all we're just Patrick's taking off two days of
work and I'm taking off two days of work and
just have a four day weekend and just do stuff
with us, but do things that we normally wouldn't do,
you know, so maybe we'll go to Leaper's work.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
But yeah, we're not Does that change no?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Not No.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I was just giving you all the time. I totally
would have done the exact same thing, but it was
after you were like, well, wait a second, this that's
a mammogram, And really I'm like, I don't know, putting
it off. Surely it can't be that big of a deal.
I just moved it two weeks from now. But the
more we talk about it, so my feeling of the
(03:19):
day is nervous, like, oh, shoot, what if I needed
to go in or to flip it so that I'm
not nervous. I'm like, what if postponing it two weeks
is like a good thing? Yeah, because of like I
get a different technician or a scan, or maybe if
something does need to be caught, it'll be caught at
(03:39):
that point.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
But it wouldn't have been caught two weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah. Okay, it's not going to be anything super serious
because of course I don't want that. But if it
were to work out that way, then and October is
breast cancer Awareness month. However, every month is breast cancer
Awareness month.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Well, I thought you're gonna say then, because your maammegram
would have been in October either way.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I know, it just happened to work out that way.
I just have friends that have gone through breast cancer
and October is such a touchy month for them because
of the pink out stuff. Like every company is selling
things pink and they're profiting big time. Now, are they
making a donation to breast cancer research through the sale
of pink items? Yes, and they're also properating off of it.
(04:23):
If it was one hundred percent of the money, then
that would be different. And also they're so passionate about
that and more research does need to be done. And
because it's a woman thing, it gets you know, to
one month a year where you know, if this was
if men had to deal with this sort of thing, like,
(04:45):
there would potentially be more research. I mean, that's a
whole nother rabbit trail we could go down. But I
just have to support my girls, not my girls, but
all my girls as girls, and my girls, everybody's girls,
all the girls everywhere. Which this is a very those
are very female statement. My girls were supporting girls. But
we do have male listeners. Yeah, I think we were process.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
We have avid male listeners.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
We were keeping track of them. I feel like we
were like, okay, now that's anytime we would get an
email or something, you'd be like, okay, now we have
eight and.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
My little brother is an avid listener.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Now okay, no that's not yeah, And then we got
a voicemail.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Ten we were already up to like twelve. Yeah, oh really.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Okay, So we keep staying in the low. But we
need to give men credit where credit is due.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Well, and I think that.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I didn't mean to bag on the men for like,
if this was your disease, there would be more research,
but that's probably more in like the perimenopause.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
No, I think that you're there's a lot of a
lot of research that is.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Then used to care for women, is research done on men.
I mean we're getting there. I think things are getting better,
but cross my fingers.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, and men also and get breast cancer.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
A million little things.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Which is a show, and this is not gaving me
anything away because it's in the first episode and it's
not a surprise. One of the characters is a man
who has breast cancer. He goes to a support group.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I haven't thought about that show well since the last
time you brought it up, just maybe a couple of
months ago. But every once in a while you do
bring it up, and it is a really good show.
I just don't think I finished it.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
You have to finish, Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So when I started this show, if you have not
watched the show, and you're even if you're not looking
for one, put it on a list. It is so good.
And it's only like six seasons. You know how some
of these shows go too long. It's only six It
is so good. The first time I watched it, I
stopped at like season three or four. The next time
I started with Patrick, we watched the whole thing the
(06:48):
last episode the last season, but like the last episode
might have been the best and worst same time episode
of TV.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Okay, well I need to go it hits On, so like,
just check out the final drama.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
It's sports.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
It's you know, they like sports awareness, it's yes, it's
there's everything in it. My husband liked it, so we
both loved it equally. So it's not like I think
for our male listeners, I think sometimes think that show
is going to be too like girly.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah, you know, well, seeing of your husband and all
husbands out there, this voicemail is from yes, a male listener,
but he's also a husband and his wife listens. So
he started listening, and he in a nutshell is saying,
we help his marriage, No, we help feeling, We help
better understand his wife. I also just want to give
(07:41):
him a shout out before we play it. That good
for you for being proactive about figuring out ways that
you can understand your partner.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
It's actually so sweet.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
It's really sweet, and you think about it. So everyone listening,
if you're married or a boyfriend or something, you can
send them this voicemail and be like, hey, what are
you doing to be proactive.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Hey, Amy and kat Tony out of Iowa. Just wanted
to say love the show and listened to it since July.
Just been a really big help for me and my
wife just helped me understand her a little bit better,
helps her. She loved the Things, the Four Things with
Amy Brown, and so she loves the new podcast as well.
(08:21):
But I actually really liked the new one too, So
just wanted to say thanks for what you guys do
and it really makes an impact. And as a guy,
you know, I know that we're not your demographic, but
there's I think there's quite a few of us that
enjoy it too, so and it helps us just enjoy
our wives, our spouses and understand them just a little
bit better. So thanks guys, love it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Hey guys, Hey man, I think that he has so
sweet that he is listening to this.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Well, it sounds like he might get a little entertainment
from it, but to listen to that just to help
him understand and because his wife enjoys it is really sweet. Yeah,
good for you.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It's like one of his love languages.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Which we're learning that there's more than just five maybe.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, this is from doctor Elizabeth Frederick. She listed out
underrated love languages, which the other ones we've talked about before.
There's five very common ones, and consistency is the first
one that doctor Frederick listed here. And I feel like
that's the one I appreciate about my boyfriend the most.
Is his steadfast. He's very consistent. So what consistency will
(09:27):
look like actions over words, Reliable, dependable, available for both
ups and downs, and doesn't leave you guessing or confused.
And I'm like, that is my boyfriend in a nutshell.
That is his love language. I will say, you know,
I like touch, which is one of the main five,
(09:48):
like massage, just hold hand.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Like She's like, touching is like yeah, touching.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Words of affirmation are my number one to receive and
then touch is a close second. And I'm trying to
figure out to say this. I don't want it to
come out weird.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I'm nervous.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Okay, he doesn't like touch, No, he does, but I
I was he likes a different kind of touch than you.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
No. I I know you're gonna keep guessing until I
just say it, So I'm just gonna say it. Okay.
So he's given me massages before and they're sort of
like m you know, but I will say I'm sensitive
and wait.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
He stopped back up. What is what does that mean?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Like I'm just sort of like, eh, you know, but
I but I do, like calves need a massage. But
then my calves are very sensitive. And I'll be like, oh, oh, oh,
not that hard, not that hard.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Oh you're saying that it's too soft.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's too just like they're just meh, and they don't
last very long. It's more like, yeah, it'll and then
sometimes it'll be too hard to just try to like,
you know, get to go over with this, you know,
like I don't know how to describe it other than
it's you're.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Not getting what you need. His his love language isn't
acts of massage.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Right, However, this is the part where it's going to
get a little weird. Okay, okay, However, his daughter came
home the other day and she needed her back rubbed,
and I mean there was like the floor, elbows like
every I mean, it looked like the most professional, best
(11:19):
massage I've ever seen. And I'm like, you're busted, You're busted.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Did you say that?
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yes? When I left, I said, now I know, I
know what you're capable of. He's like, now you.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Know what I said, seeing what I needed to see.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I said, I'm not gonna be jealous because that's your daughter,
and that's weird.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
That would be weird.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
That would be really weird for me to be jealous of.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
The massage massage that she just got.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
However, now I know where you're capable of, so I'm
going to settle for any of this moment, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And what was his response?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
He laughed like and I was like, like, I'm not hitting.
I drove away. I was like, he thinks I'm joking.
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Well, okay, well at least you know. He Yeah, it's
actually better to know he's capable of that. You're like,
because he's a strong guy.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Actually sweet to watch him like care for her in
that way. But I'm like, I don't need to be
cared for like I'm the I'm better. I need care for.
I need to be cared for in that way. I
need care. I need care for.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I was gun.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I was gonna say, what we do is we just
use one like a thera gun on each other, Okay,
because I will I love to receive a massage, but
I can't say I love to give them, you know,
like it does. It makes my hands tired, and you
know it's always when I'm patrick, always on some massage
when I'm like trying to go to bed, you.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Know, yeah, I know. I just my brain went off
into this crazy thing, like I get the hierarchy of like,
you know, if he had to choose daughter or girlfriend,
he's gonna choose his daughter, Like why are.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
We even going there?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Because my brain went there because I was thinking like
maybe she gets the good massage and then energy, which okay,
it makes sense, so I get it. But now I
know it'd be like if you if he's like this
phenomenal cook and for his kids, and then for me
he's like Hamburger helping me throwing stuff together. Yeah, and
we were helpless actually kind of good, I know.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
But if he makes a from scratch meal right right right,
and then he's like I have this box, I'm gonna
just boil this these noodles and ster that's pack it in.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Throw it together. Okay, so you're listening anyway, You're consistent,
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Are you touch in the sense that like you need
to be touching him all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
No, but I don't mind holding hands in close. Like
I'm not extreme PDA person. But you know that one
guy I dated, which one the one New York?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Okay, yeah, okay, so I mean none.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
We were like brother and sister walking down the streets
and I'm like, this is weird to me, like just
even like a pat on my back to let me know,
like hey, glad you're to let me know I know
you're here, and I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Like could he ever stuff like that about it?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah? I said, something, you have not act to me,
like notice me in public or anything, like it's just
weird to me because one on one you're affectionate, but
in the streets nothing, And he was like, oh, I
just am very much like.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Or he didn't know if Leslie was going to be around.
He didn't want her to see it.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
No, I don't think that was the case. She's not
in the picture. It was more so that he's just
not a PDA person at all. And I was like,
I don't consider holding hands or you know, walking behind
you through the door and like putting my hand on
your lower back.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You know that kind of you think PDA is like
making out.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yeah, Like I'm not full on trying to like straddle
anybody somewhere. That's PDA is what I'm describing. But I'm
not extreme PDO. Okay, so there's different. It's a spectrum, right, Yeah,
what are you What do you mean? What level do
you go to?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
I don't want to like make out with somebody in public,
but I prefer to be touching my husband at all
times in some way.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, like hand on the leges.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Yeah, but he's that way as well, So yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
We've had that conversation of like, would we be together
if either of us because we're both so that way,
would we be able to be with somebody who wasn't
Like he told me one time, we wouldn't be together.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
If you weren't.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I'm like that did that break it?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
So that's his number one?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, he said that would we probably wouldn't. I don't
know how much he was kidding, but I asked him, like,
do you think we'd still be together if one of
us wasn't this affectionate towards the other? And he said no, wow,
because it's even like the way we sleep, like we
sleep very cuddly.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Yeah, cute Okay, you want to do the next one. Yes,
the first one was consistency.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
The next one is attunement. So that would look like
being truly present, emotional closeness, exploring each other's.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
In our worlds. What does that even mean?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I think that would be like asking introspective questions and
wanting to know each other deeper on a deeper level,
deep connection, feeling safe in each other's energy. A tunement
(16:17):
is necessary for a I think, a good healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But if someone really shines at that, well.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
When I can tell you something that does bother me
is when you can tell somebody's not present with you
and you're trying that to me kind of locks in
with quality time because when I'm like having a meal,
or last night we were walking. We're on a walk
and Patrick was playing with this baseball and I could
tell he was more interested in playing catch with himself
than listening to my story.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
And at one point I said, okay, you got to
get rid of the baseball.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I didn't feel like he was like a two. Yeah,
it wasn't a tune and that was our quality time.
So I think those go hand in hand in hand.
He kept the baseball.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
It's now at our house, where did he get the baseball?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So across the street room our neighborhood is all yeah,
and there was a baseball on the sidewalk, and I
was like. At first I was like, oh, Patrick, a baseball,
You should pick it up. And then I was like,
throw the baseball back to the children.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
He kept it.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
He regretted that. Yeah, okay. Next one is vulnerability, and
that's just being open and honest, discussing deep thoughts, expressing
wants and needs. Let's guard down, like you allow for
that to just again being vulnerable, because that's what it is,
and then you take risks and sharing feelings about past,
(17:34):
present and future also necessary, also necessary, Yeah, the relationship.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
The next one is for play.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
You wanted this one, didn't.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
I just lucked out flirting and teasing, playful tension, increasing arousal,
demonstrating desire including all types physical, emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
What does intellectual for play look like?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Honestly, I don't know that. To me, I'm like, is
that like deep questions?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Flash cards? Flash cards? Maybe I'm thinking that because I'm
doing them with my son for like the question Now
you're like flash cards not the questions, not conversation cards.
I was making a joke that did not go do
you want to explain that?
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Well?
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I was thinking intellectual foreplay, like hey, you want to
do some division flash cards? Like hey you want to
do multiplications? You going to do the nines?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
The nines? Or like do you want to do these.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Nine eighteen twenty seven? Say more? Keep going?
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Are you trying to arouse nine times? Oh my gosh, hot,
how do you know that.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
We're doing the nines?
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Well?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
I think that yeah, you should know with my.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Fifteen year old it's also weird now this everything's gotten weird.
But do you get it? Yeah? Four play physical, emotional, intellectual, experiential,
and be you a ritual. So after foreplay, this would
be the final one. Nurture taking care of each other, holding, caressing, rubbing,
(19:09):
gentle touch. Oh so this is sort of like test
your massage nurture. I need to be nurtured, soothing, consoling,
creating a safe space, protecting, reassuring, So it.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Can be physical, but it's also like all.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Different ways, but I need to be reassured that you
can massage me with your elbow on the floor. I mean,
it was like blown I'm like, what did you do
you now? I know you have a certificate from somewhere.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
He watched them. You're certificed.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
He's certified. He could stretch too, Like he knows how
to stretch all the things I guess from being an
athlete back in the day. And I told him I
was thinking about going to the stretch lab and he's like,
I can do all of that.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
You're like, we'll prove it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, what the time?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
What is the You might have answered this already, so sorry,
but sitting here right now, other than his steadiness, what's
his most attractive quality right now in your relationship? Not
when you first started dating or six months ago, but today?
What do you find most attractive about him? Outside of
his consistency?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Oh gosh, I have lots of different things, like rattling
off in my head, but watching him be a dad
is one of the best things ever. He's a really
great dad. I'm very comfortable around him. Like the ease
that I have when I'm with him is just unmatched. Like,
I'm very very comfortable. I like how he is knowledgeable
about lots of things. So number three, oh, how many
(20:39):
of are I supposed to get?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
I guess said one.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
But as I said, I have lots of things that
come to my mind, Like I like that he's wise
and about like certain things that I like. I don't
care about sports, but I love that he knows all
about sports. He can hold a conversation with anybody, anybody.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I think that's like guys.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
They literally could walk up to a stranger and be like,
so the Red Sox game last night, and like start
talking about like what happened in the bottom of the
third inning in all the people's names.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I don't you know what.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I think men have just like a separate part of
their brain just for that, and it was crazy, and
they have all the sports knowledge because that's how Also
a lot of men connect is talking about sports versus
like women connect on a lot of times more deeper.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
When he connects with his boys. But that's another thing too,
like I connect, I can connect with him on deeper
things as well, and I can appreciate that. But what
it is about the sports stuff, I think, even though
I'm not a sports girl, like I don't know any
of that stuff. I don't care about it, but I
find it very attractive that he does, because if he
(21:46):
didn't I'd be like, oh, like if he didn't like sports,
And I wonder if that's because the guys that I'm
around like they say, it's like weird red flag. If
like a guy tries to talk about sports and he
doesn't know what he's talking about, Oh like that that's
super embarrassing. What you haven't never heard that before?
Speaker 2 (22:05):
No, I've heard of women who are like, if they
don't like sports, that's a no for me.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I personally don't feel that way.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
I do find it attractive how much Patrick loves the
Falls and just sports in general, because what's attractive about
it is him caring so deeply about things and like
being just I like seeing him excited. But I would
feel uncomfortable if he was trying to show up as
somebody that he's not and that's why he like, Right,
(22:33):
If he's talking about sports and he doesn't know what
he's talking about, but he's trying to act, I would
feel sad.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
I think.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
So I'm like, oh, you don't have to be that way,
But I don't feel like that's like a it if
a guy doesn't like sports. Yeah, I have heard people say,
and I kind of agree that, like men talking about
sports is their form of gossip because they're talking about
other people, right, it's not like deep level stuff, and
it's a way to connect, just like other.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
People do that with other people's lives or.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Like women who talk about like reality TV or something
like that. Like it's gossip, and like that's men's form
of gossiping.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Since you brought up gossip, it maybe go over to
this other article I pulled, not even for today, but
I just went to it and it was talking about
how gossip could be a good thing. Yeah, we agree
or disagree because we've been taught to see gossip as toxic, cruel,
and always a red flag. But the truth is most
gossip isn't destructive. It's adaptive. And the fear of gossip
(23:30):
is quietly keeping a lot of people lonely because they
don't feel like they can connect. And it doesn't have
to be a cruel or mean spirited gossip session most
of the time. It can just be a way humans
are connecting and learning and bonding. And then it went
on to lists like the things that gossip can do
for us. First of all, gossip can keep us safe
(23:51):
because it's spread social information about who's trustworthy and who
might harm us. Gossip builds connection. Sharing stories, even the
lighthearted one, creates intimacy and belonging, and then it reinforces
values because when we talk about others' behavior, we're also
defining what's acceptable in our community.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
So do you know where that came from you? If
you don't, it's okay, because I didn't know if it
came from this. I started listening to a book called
You Didn't Hear This From Me. It's by Kelsey McKinney,
and she has a podcast called Normal Gossip, and it's
all about what you said, how people think that gossip
is this bad thing, but it's also something that helps
(24:29):
connect people, and it's it's not all like we're talking
when you hear gossip. I think what people think is
you're talking crap about people, you're talking badly about.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
People, you're in other people's business.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
But a lot of times it is like, yeah, a
way to connect and a way to like process things
with friends.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
And I think that must be where I.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Heard the stuff about sports, because in the beginning, I
think I only got like a couple chapters in. But
in the beginning she was talking about how historically people
think gossip is for women and men don't gossip, but
men do gossip. It just isn't seen as that. Yeah,
and that's where like the sports comes in.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
So I went to click around to where I pulled
that from, and it was the Surprising Benefits of Gossip,
a study done at the University of Westminster. It's over
the ponds from BBC.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
So it must be legit.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, it's from over there.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
So yeah, go gossip.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And this is an article from twenty twenty two, so
very relevant now only a few years old, but that's relevant. Yeah,
I'm just saying it wasn't anything that I pulled like
from today, oh or yeh, yesterday. I had it somewhere separate,
like I have like different open documents on my computer.
I mean, because on the Bobby.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Bone Show we have to read that from twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
It is from twenty twenty two that I had in
a doc saved to like talk about at some point
on the Bobby Bone Show. But it was research from
twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Okay, I thought, you just like have had that saved
on your computer.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
For SNCE twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Yeah, really, we hadn't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
We haven't gotten to it yet I'm still waiting.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
You're like, please pick the article about gossip.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
One day, we're going to talk about how gossip could
be a good thing. Yeah, it's not as bad as
we think it is. But also gossip can be very
toxic and destructive. You just have to do it in
the right way. That's like an I'm glad you clarified
about the sports thing. I don't mind if a guy
doesn't like sports. What I was saying was unattractive, which
(26:25):
i know we touched on it, but I'm just going
to reiterate since we have male listeners. Is just that
if they're not into it, but they try to fake
like they are, it's not attractive, Like you don't have
to do that.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
You have to do that.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
And I'm sure there's things that, like, I mean, I
can seek for myself. There are things that I have
done that I've been just trying to fit in that
probably didn't come off.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
So women do that too. You're just saying that this
is one way.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
That men can do, but there's probably so much pressure
for them to like do that, like to be a man,
Like I know more about what it's like to be
a woman, and the pressures to be a woman and
what I feel, what I feel like the world says
I should care about. I don't know as much on
the male side, and I'm assuming that this is part
of it, is like, you should like these masculine things.
(27:11):
Sports are masculine. You should know this, so you should
be able to talk about this with people.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Okay, Approximately fourteen percent of men are not a fan
of sports at all.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Not one sport, not a single Can you just google
what are the top hobbies for men?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
See if a hobbies hobbies?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Okay, ooh, woodworking in a number one.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
No way, okay, talk about an attractive hobby.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
What a woodworker like a carpenter, Like Jesus, it's that hot.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I'm more thinking like building things. He could build anything.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
He'd build you a coffee You could see something online
that you're like, I want this this coffee table.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
He could just make it for you.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah. He would like work a tool, like a wood whittler.
My boyfriend in college had a whittling machine in his
garage and things.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Yeah, I think I'm thinking more of carpentry.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, like, hey, I want new kitchen cabinets and he
could like, no problem, Yes, that's out there. With a
tool bell like chopping down a tree. Yeah, that's hot.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Mountain biking, that would give me anxiety. I don't know
that I want my partner to do that.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Okay, Gardening, hiking, video gaming, cooking, photography, scuba diving, brewing.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Okay, if you're.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Just listing hobbies, because I don't think scuba diving is
a top. That's probably a hobby, but I don't think
that's in the top for men.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Okay, let me move on to a different answer. Top
hobbies for men are very diverse. It says, so we
did about it, including sports and fitness, and in that
they put golf, hiking, and cycling. Then there's outdoor activities
such as fishing, camping, hunting. Then there's creative and manual
arts like woodworking, playing musical instruments, and gardening. Then there's
(28:58):
social and intellectual pursuits like gaming, cooking, reading, and learning
new languages. Hobbies are excellent for physical health, mental clarity,
self expression, and building connection with others. Just to round
out thing, I mean, does that? Yeah, those are the
hobbies you think men would be into.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Like I guess I was thinking, like hunting.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Fishing, fishing, hunting, fishing, hunting and fish.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
We then every day gaming is one that I'm grateful.
My husband does not participate in.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Same same my ex husband none of that. He didn't
do that, and my boyfriend now does it like I don't.
I've never dated a gamer, well I did, remember I
called him gamer gamer gamer boy one time.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
I said, what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
He said, my friends are coming over play video games,
and I think I texted you and I was like, I.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Don't know what to do with this. Yeah, he was
having like a gaming party.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yes, it was Saturday night, which, like, not to shame
anybody for their hobbies, that's great. I think that meant
we weren't compatible, right, you know.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
This is just what we're like.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
If I I was having to do that on a
Saturday night, that's what we're doing.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
I'm out. However, I don't.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Love sports, but on a Saturday night, I do like
going to somebody's house or to like a sports bar
and watching football. Not that I'm watching it, but I
love the community aspect of it.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
I'm going to my first UVA football game this weekend
with the boyfriend and the kids. His kids so he
went there for college, and I'm meeting all of his
college friends too. Apparently every fall they pick one game
to all meet up at, and this is the one.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Is uva good?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I should know that because I've been watching games with
him the last several weeks. Conference don't remember. I don't
know who is not sac. I don't think there's a
Who are they playing? I don't know, but you know
you're going. I am going, okay, And I got a
I got.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
A navy blueca to get outfit.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yes, I got a It's like a navy blueish button
down and it has orange stripes.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
The orange and it's dowed.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
I don't know if you know that brand, but it's
like not like my.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Rule was orange and navy shirt normally the.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Way it's styled, it's cute. And my rule was when
I was shopping for something to wear because I knew
I needed orange and navy colors, I was like, whatever
I'm spending money on, I'm getting a type of shirt
and a brand that I will wear a lot. So
it's like a little button down bodysuit thing. I think
it's cute a body Oh, I'm thinking, like, yes, okay,
(31:31):
maps question.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
This is a big deal because you're meeting friends, you
haven't met before?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Right? Are you nervous? Question?
Speaker 2 (31:50):
This is a big deal because you're meeting friends you
haven't met before. Right, are you nervous or are you
more excited?
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Like?
Speaker 3 (31:57):
What are you feeling?
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Why do you think I about my stad shirt? I mean,
let's see, I'm feeling well, I'm excited. I'm feeling included,
you know, because it's a special it's a thing he
does with his kids, and like I'm invited. I'm feeling yeah.
I mean that's pretty excited, excited and included, Okay, And
(32:19):
I wouldn't say I'm nervous.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
So do you know any of the friends? Have you
met any of these friends? Because I know you've met
some of his friends before.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I think one of the wives.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
I guess.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I don't know exactly who is going to be there.
When I get there and I see their faces, I'll
report back, okay, because it's like there's a lot of
names and a lot of people because he's from Nashville,
So sometimes with him it gets really tricky because he
knows so many people from growing up here and then
just in his work and his dad still is like
in business here, and I just they know you're running
(32:52):
too people everywhere, and then there's oh, no, I went
to college with that guy. I went to high school
with that guy. I went to junior high with that guy.
Oh I lived store to him in elementary school. And
I'm like, it'd be like if I lived in Austin,
it might feel that way for him, if it was
a little overwhelming because a lot of A and M
people or UT people, like there was just college. I mean,
Austin's kind of exploded a lot in Nashville is much smaller,
(33:14):
but you know what I mean. So sometimes with him,
when he's talking about people, I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm
really trying to keep up with who you're talking about.
But oh, there's just so many people.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
You're too popular.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, when we first started dating, I was like, what
are you mayor like everywhere we would go be it
wouldn't be like we have to stop and have these
full blown conversations, but everybody be like Alex, what up?
Like everywhere okay?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
But do you not feel like that's everywhere you go?
People you might not know them, but I feel like
people know you no, like he knows them, so like
you have to say.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Like they're like, what up? And then I'll be like, oh, yeah,
that was my college roommates, dad's lawyer, Like I mean, yeah,
it's like everybody. He remembers everybody.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
That's okay, I've told you my fear that like people
don't remember who I am, so I am the opposite
of I grew up here. But when I go places,
if I well, honestly, the backwards happened.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Did I tell you about the girl the grocery store?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
So when we moved, so we've just moved to Franklin,
which is where I grew up. We went to the
grocery store that I went to growing up to get groceries,
and I'm like, oh, who am I going to run
into here? But like not really thinking I would run
into people because like what are the odds, Like I
don't know who still lives in Franklin.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Which Franklin's like five minutes outside of Nashville. If people
always singing and they don't know where that is.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Yeah, so didn't moved far away. So we walk in
and like within the first three minutes, this girl does
a double take on me and then she goes, how
are you?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
And I was so awkward because I'm like is she
being friendly or do I know her? And should I
say something back or do I just like act cool
and keep going. It was very awkward, very uncomfortable, and
then Patrick thought, he goes, oh, was that one of
those can't confirm or deny situations.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Like it was Alian client?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
And I know, Patrick, I have no idea who that is,
but I think I should so like the opposite is happening,
where like somebody recognizes me. But that's one of my
biggest fears. So I'm sorry to whoever that was. If
I know you, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I hope she wasn't one of your clients in your
life idea.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
She definitely wasn't one of my clients. But then I
saw another girl that did know.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
But I don't like living in this I like where
I live, but my fear is that, like I do
run into somebody and I want to say hi, and
they're like, who are you? I Yeah, I can talk
about this in my own therapy.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Yeah maybe you should. Maybe you should. Before we go,
I want to talk about work burnout. Like I've got
two different things to touch on with that. One of
them is like a little short story that is from
Peak Performance with Julia, and when I read her story
of who she used to be and how she tries
(35:59):
to show up now, or this example of this thirty
eight year old woman is who we're going to be
talking about. I just hope that you can reflect on
being this person, because I know we probably have a
lot of listeners that are this person or you were
this person, which is.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Okay if you are, but you don't have to be.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
You don't have to be in kat and I want
to give you a big hug and be like, let go,
let loose, relax, calm down, chill out. My son used
to say that all the time, those three things, like
if he would be like relax, calm down, chill out
with his little Haitian accent, it was so cute. All Right,
(36:38):
I'm thirty eight. I answer emails at red lights, in
the grocery store line and before bed because being the
responsive one has become my identity. At first, it felt good.
People noticed, they called me reliable, dedicated, a team player,
But underneath it sounded more like she'll always say yes,
she'll pick up the slack, she'll never push back, And
over time, what felt like recognition started to feel like resentment.
(37:01):
Because being responsive doesn't just mean answering fast. It means
sacrificing yourself before anyone else even notices. I've interrupted dinners,
canceled workouts, stayed up way too late, all to prove
that I was on top of it. And the hardest part,
no one even notices the cost. They just notice that
you're always there. The truth, responsiveness isn't respect and availability
(37:23):
isn't value high achieving women, what if being respected at
work didn't mean being available twenty four to seven, Protect
your time, set boundaries that stick, create success on your terms.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Boom drop the mic.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
My favorite part of this is her saying it means
that sacrificing yourself happens before anybody even notices. Like nobody
notices that you're sacrificing yourself. They just notice that you're there.
That feels important to recognize that, Like they're not seeing
what you're having to say no to or point blank sacker,
(38:00):
They're just seeing that you're available. And people won't have
the forethought a lot of times to recognize.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Why you would be available. Yeah, and it's not even
on there.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
That's not on them either, right, Like if you're always
there for me and you don't share with me what
you're missing out on, like I could just it's fair
to assume that you have nothing else going on.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Right, Yeah, and even yes, people will you. As a therapist,
you probably know that sometimes there's a some sort of
wound attached to people pleasing like I must show up
all the time type behavior. So it could be some
inner work that could be done because I get that
I'm saying this and like we're like, oh, you don't
have to be this person. But it's not as simple
(38:41):
as like snapping the finger and being like chill out,
calm down, relaxed. It's not that simple since.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
There was probably a threat if you were not always there.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
What was the threat that, like you'll be replaced or
people will forget you, or maybe there will be a
punishment of some sort.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Well, and it's got to be exhausting to live that way.
So it's a perfect transition into burnout. And we're just
going to run through quickly like sneaky ways that burnout
can appear at work. And so I'm just going to
go through this checklist, and you take inventory in your
own life, but saying yes to everything at work is
the number one thing answering emails at midnight, feeling guilty
(39:22):
for taking a break, everything feels annoying, rewriting the same
to do list three times, working right after you wake up,
and then not being able to ask for help or
not choosing to say, hey, I need help with this.
And I get that. Some people are like, oh, yeah, right, okay,
But I don't have that luxury to not answer the
email at midnight, or I don't have that luxury like
(39:43):
I'm trying to keep up, or I want this next
promotion or this person's going to get ahead, and so
that's going to be a difficult place to be in too.
But those are just sneaky ways burnout can appear at work,
So just make sure you take inventory of that so
that you don't end up getting burnt out, Like can
this email weight? I caught myself getting on my phone
first thing in the morning the other day and I
had to like throw my phone. It's like, no, not
(40:05):
gonna take over me right now. This is my time,
And I'll deal with you when I get to work,
because it's really easy, and sometimes not even work stuff,
I'll go on Instagram and then I'm like, no, I'll.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Get burnout from all kinds of things. But I think
even that, yeah, it's easier said than done. And so
when I have these kinds of conversations with people at work,
clients of mine, I know it's easier and it might
sometimes be annoying for me to point things out, like well,
this this, and if you change this, this and this,
then this feeling or this might not be there. But
(40:38):
if like they feel trapped or like they can't But
I think it's helpful to realize that sometimes it's it
is important to whigh what's more important this promotion or
the enjoyment of my life overall, and like, yeah, this
promotion might come with money, it might come with more
financial freedom, it might come with certain things that you've
(40:59):
told ourselves in our head that we want are important
and we need. But would I even be able to
enjoy them if my life feels like it's crumbling and
if I'm irritable all the time, if I hate my
job because it worth it? And if the answer is yes, cool,
but it's okay to ask that question and it might
be no, and then I'm working towards something.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Why smiling because my brain when you said worth it,
this is where.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
It's worth it. Let me work.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Put the thing out with it.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Like That's instantly where my brain goes.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
And I'm like, I said that, you just were like
a little kid if I made like some kind of
I said something, you like had like a sex joke.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Right right, But no, I just had Missy Elliott like
You're like, you have to you have to weigh is
it worth it? And I'm like, let it work.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Speaking of you know that girl that was the dancer
in Missy Elliot's all her music videos growing up. I
think her name was like Alison or a Listen or something.
You remember that She's this is a nothing burger that
I'm about to give you guys. But so my brain went,
is I keep seeing her all of our TikTok. She
just came out with like a tell all book, oh
about like what.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
It was really like in the industry, in the industry. Yeah, okay, so.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
We'll check it on that note, check it out, all right.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
We love, love love hearing from y'all, especially all you
guys out there.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
Yeah, ghit us up. Men that like sports and some
men that don't like sports.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
And women all of you. We want to we want
to hear from you, so email us hey there at
Feeling Things podcast dot com, or you can call us
eight seven seven two O seven two O seven seven.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
And if you want to hear from us sign up
for a newsletter, you could do that now by clicking
the link in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
We have a link in the show notes to make
it easy. And then, oh, well, I mean, and Feeling
Things podcast is are social and that's where we are
on YouTube too.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
You know.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
It's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
So when we started this podcast, we had this newsletter
sign up and a lot of people emailed us saying,
I want to sign up for the newsletter?
Speaker 3 (43:07):
How do I do that? And so we told people
to email us and we would send them to the link.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Why did it take six months for us to realize
that we could just put the link?
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (43:20):
And also nobody thought of that.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
If y'all are wondering why we have not really you know,
kicked off the whole newsletter thing, tell them gat, I'm
just kidding.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
Well, we're.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Both of us. I was just kidding. Well, we had
differences in how we wanted to handle it and Cat one.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
And that's why you have got so.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
It is sort of on cat Uh, we did have differences,
but I do think that the way we're going to
go about it is going to be great. And but
we're kicking it back. Yes, we're circling back to the
newsletter because we're about to have a calendar and a
schedule and we're gonna have deadlines and then we're gonna
get burnout and then we'll see Kat and are just
(44:06):
trying to avoid burnouts. We're like newsletter on but no,
it's something we really want to do and we look
forward to adding it. We just had some behind the
scenes end up hang ups and differences, but we're here
and it's gonna be good. So make sure you sign
up because you don't want to miss out because you
never know. We're gonna drop in the newsletter.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
We're keeping you guys on your toes.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Behind the scenes stuff.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
It's gonna be really good, really good worth the wait.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I mean, we talk about things like Missy Elliott's backup
to answer from back in the day. That's now just kidding. Okay,
hope you have.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
The day you need to have. Bye bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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