August 15, 2024 • 49 mins
FIRST THING: Amy & Amanda talk about sobriety + wellness over alcohol. Grateful for Amanda sharing such a personal part of her life with us.
SECOND THING: There’s a timeline for falling in love?? Yep. They go over when you should know you've found the one!
THIRD THING: How many friends do you think people have on average?? Hint: They fit on one hand. Amy & Amanda talk about how they now prioritize their relationship and find quality time.
FOURTH THING: Some are annoyed they’re turning into their parents, but Amy & Amanda have a different perspective on this! If you're interested...here are Warning Signs You're Becoming Your Parents from Study Finds.
HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
GUEST: Amanda Rieger Green // SoulPathology.com // @SoulPatholoy
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Okay, cats up road, little food for yourself life aint.
Oh it's pretty bad. Hey, it's pretty beautiful, man, beautiful
for that for a little more exciting, said e K.
Your kicking with four Thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Happy Thursday.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Four Things. Amy here, and I've got a fun episode
with my cousin, Amanda Rieger Green. She is joining me
for all four Things. It's gonna be an o G episode.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Hey, Amanda, Hi, Amy, Hi everyone.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
We're sitting here at my house and Amanda's been visiting
for the past couple of days. She lives in Austin area,
well right outside of Austin and Wimberley, and then I'm
here in Nashville and I get to see you probably
about twice a year now yehsh.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Sometimes it's more, but usually it's it's definitely at least
twice a year.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
So I'm glad we are intentional about that making the
time it sort of falls like August December time frames.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
But the OG episode is going to be very diverse.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
We're going to be talking about skipping alcohol in favor
of health and well being. We're going to be talking
about friendships and how those are shaping up for people
like what's the average number of friends that people have.
I'm curious what your number would be.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Amanda and I go way.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Back, and fun fact, we're not really cousins. Our moms
were just super close. So growing up I called her
mom aunt Lisa, and she called my nan Judy, and
so I say, my cousin Amanda. And if you listen
to the Bobby Bone Show, you know she's on there
as my psychic cousin. And then she hosts her own
podcast called Soul Sessions. The third thing we're going to
get into is is there a time frame for dropping
the L word. I need to know this as I
(01:49):
am dating. But also it's just funny to maybe even
think back if you are married, how did that play
out in your relationship? And I'm curious for you and
your husband, Amanda, who said it first and what that
was like, because y'all have a huge age gap, Not
that that matters, but who did it first? I really
have no idea. I just remember at the time I
hadn't seen you in a little bit, and my mom
(02:10):
calls me and she's like, Amanda is dating a man.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
That could be like her father?
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Yeah, I'm sure he is much older than me and
we will talk a little bit about that, but oh,
I will share with you the l bomb story.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
And then we'll wrap with the fourth thing, and it's
the amount of Americans that are worried they're becoming their parents.
Apparently twenty seven people or twenty seven percent. It's way
more than twenty seven. People are really worried about that.
And Amanda and I have our own take on that,
especially as being two people who have Wow, we have
lost both our parents. Amanda lost her dad when she
(02:47):
was at nineteen eighteen, eighteen eighteen, and then lost her
mom a year and a half ago almost, and then
I lost my mom in October will be ten years,
which is wild. And then my dad probably a little
over three years ago. So we are in that club.
Do you follow Heather McMahon No I.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh, she is a hilarious.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Comedian and she has lost her dad. So she formed
the Dead Dad's Club, and it is a way of
just you've got to have some levity with it. But
she has a hashtag and it's like dead Dad Club.
But then some people were feeling left out. They're like, well,
my dad's still alive, but my mom died. And she's
like Okay, it's the Dead Parents Club.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, and so we're we're in the Dead Parents Club,
Yes we are, all right.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So with that said, we're going to get started first, right,
all right, So, Amanda, your journey with alcohol or your
story is yours to tell, and you can share what
you want about that. But I'm just going to read
an article that was talking about gen Z and their
relationship with alcohol. But I do think that it is
(03:50):
sprinkling into millennials. I know the younger people are having
a healthier relationship, so it seems with alcohol and just
mental health in general. But I know a lot of
friends in the millennial space that are opting not to
drink as much as they used to, or cutting it
out completely in the name of health and well being.
But this whole article was talking about this gen Zer
(04:11):
named Rachel, who is skipping alcohol because she says, when
you give up one bad habit, you empower yourself to
question other habits.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It's a chain reaction.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Research shows that those eighteen to thirty four who say
they occasionally drink alcohol dropped from seventy two percent to
sixty two percent last year, so as a ten percent
drop in people occasionally drinking. Underage drinking has also dropped significantly.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Hallelujah.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
If you're a parent, that's got to be good to hear.
I get very nervous about that. What has risen is
the use of non alcoholic beer and other drinks. That
industry has seen a five percent increase since twenty twenty two,
and gen z is increasingly focusing on health and well being.
So anything that works against those goals is kind of
getting kicked.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
To the curb.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And I'm like, okay, I ca get on board with this.
I have found when I drink, I take that unbooze.
You know these herbal pills they sell where it's like
undo the booze that you drink.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
I am very familiar with those, but you know, my
story is a little different. So I'd try anything to
get me to unbooze myself because I am in recovery.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And I'll share a little bit more with you all
in a minute. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
So I know that sometimes I feel like horrible when
I wake up the next day, even if I've just
had one margarita. So I do the unbooze to try
to help me, and I do find myself drinking less
than I did a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
But I think I go through phases. I've never had
a problem with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
I think there are times where I've been a little
too reliant on it, or comfortable is the word. Like
it's been part of my routine of like, oh, just
pour glass of wine at night. But I've never had
a problem. I think that jokingly I made, which joking
about alcohol is really not something funny, but similar to
Dead Dad Club, it's like, yeah, okay, I think that flippantly.
(05:58):
I've made comments in the past, especially on the Bobby
Bone Show, where you know, I've been like, ugh, had
to have a glass of wine to survive the night.
I think any parent can maybe relate to that. But
having walked through addiction with someone very close to me,
I now know, oh wow, okay, yeah, I don't have
that problem. I can say no to alcohol. I can
(06:19):
just shut it down. And that's just not the case
for everybody. So while some gen zers are like, oh,
I want to prioritize my mental health my well being
and I'm just going to not have alcohol, for some
people it's not that simple.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah, And I am one of those people where it's
not that simple. So I am so incredibly amazed by
the amount of younger people I meet who have chosen
health and wellness journeys and they choose not to drink,
because it blows my mind because it wasn't a choice
for me. I am in recovery and have been in
recovery since twenty thirteen, and for me, it was a
(06:55):
matter of life and death. And there's an analogy if
you know someone who is an addict or an alcoholic,
and it's like, once a cucumber becomes a pickle, the
pickle can't go back to a cucumber. And for me,
that's how alcoholism was. At some point, my drinking hit
a tipping point and it wasn't just reliant. It becomes
(07:18):
this allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.
And if you have any loved ones who have alcohol
or addiction issues or a problem, it's an insidious disease
and it really creates a lot of chaos and destruction, dysfunction,
and even it can be fatal, and there's plenty of fatality.
(07:38):
So for me, when it was time and the wheels
were falling off, and it wasn't just the drinking, My
whole life was falling apart, and where I had been
successful in work, it was just coming apart at the seams.
And I was in a very unhealthy relationship at the time,
and the person was unhealthy and I was unhealthy, and
it was perpetuating a psych But not only that, Apart
(08:02):
from my mental and emotional state being in total turmoil
and then the abuse to my physical body, I was
also just spiritually depleted and felt empty and hollow, and
so there was a lot of shame and demoralization and
I'll never do that again. And the next thing, you know,
I was having a drink or I had to have
(08:22):
a drink, or I would have drinks when I couldn't
control it, you know. And for me, it's a pretty
drastic story. And I had a wonderful job. I had
done well at worked. I love my job, but by
the end I found myself needing to drink at work.
And those were things in my early thirties that if
you'd have told me that at seventeen, eighteen, twenty two
(08:45):
years old that I would be drinking at work, I
would say, you've got to be kidding. I have it
all together. I would never do that. And with alcoholism,
all of those yets or never's. Alcohol creates this horrific
chain reaction where we use control and our lives become unmanageable.
So fortunately for me, I hit a rock bottom and
(09:07):
I got to that place of surrender where I was
willing to ask for and receive help. And it was
one of the most terrifying things I've ever done or
walked through in my life. And at the same time,
my first year of recovery was terrifying and it was
beautiful because for the first time I became completely honest
(09:28):
and open. So if you are dealing with somebody or
maybe yourself, you know, and sometimes when we know, we
know that we have no control or we've lost it.
There are so many resources out there. And while it
may be scary for you, I promise you. Is it
going to be hard? Oh yeah, it's hard, but it's
like the kind of hard where it's like, oh, I
(09:49):
want to live and I want to be healthy, and
I can live without alcohol or drugs and have an
amazing life. And that has been the case. But back
to all these people choosing not to drink. I see
it all the time. My stepdaughter actually, she's like, oh no,
I haven't had anything to drink in the last couple
of months, I hadn't even thought about that, and I'm like,
(10:10):
what how do you do that? And it's like, well,
I know when I drink alcohol, it like messes with
my nervous system or it disrupts my sleep. So I
make the choice not to do that. And not that
she doesn't celebrate or maybe go overboard sometimes she's human,
but a lot of her friends that's their mojo, that's
their vibe. So I can imagine the industry. It's like,
(10:31):
what do we do and all the alternatives you're talking about,
And for me as being in someone in recovery, and
everybody has their own choice. But I don't even partake
in fake booze, you know, like near beer or whatever,
because that can be triggering or for me, it could
be a slippery slope of I'm drinking a near beer.
What's it to say that I wouldn't get a beer
and I have made a choice that that is not
(10:53):
healthy for me and protect it. But I am totally
baffled by an amazed buye people making this choice and
integrating it into their lifestyles.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I know, I'm like, should we have gotten into the
non alcoholic beer business.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Maybe.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
So every time I'm on TikTok or Instagram and really like,
I see all these different promotion things for you know,
these drinks or these mocktail concoction things. But I remember
in twenty thirteen when you were starting your sobriety journey,
which you don't have to get into all the details
of why, but we've talked about this before, how to
get in your car.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Yeah, yes, I had some consequences of my actions. So
remember when I said it was terrifying and horrible and
beautiful at the same time. I had gotten to a
place where one of the consequences was I got a DUI.
And this is the seriousness of the that's very common.
It's very common. And I got a DUI, and so
(11:49):
I ended up in approbation pre trial deal. And interestingly,
I had chosen to get sober of my own accord
before all of that. But I will say this because
this is kind of cool. I did get an indignition
interlock in my car, so I had to blow every
time I got in. And it's like a comedy of errors,
and it's the most embarrassing, like it will humble you
(12:11):
to the core and I had all those things.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I remember. I think I picked you up from the
airport or something. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
We were going back to my mom's and we left
my mom's and we went to go pick up food
and go to the drug store like CVS or something,
and I was like, oh, Amanda, I love your car.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Okay, So like just to set the stage at the
time and listen when I got sober, like it wasn't
just a cleaning house of my alcohol problem, it was
my finances were out of control. So I had this
beautiful car that was way beyond my budget and mean,
so this I had. Let's just tell them I had
this really beautiful large Mercedes. And I had a good
(12:50):
job and I worked hard and I made good money,
but I had student loans, I had bills, but I
had not taken care of my finances. But I pick
up Amy in this big Mercedes that I had no
business driving like that.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Probably you know a woman you executive in her fifties when.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Driving exactly, I was driving the executive in her fifties
car at like thirty two, right, and I'd roll up
in my fancy schmancy car and I'm like, come on in,
excuse me let me blow into my ignition inner law.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I mean talk about.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
A does of humble pie. And the funny thing about
that is that car was part of my financial amends
and right sizing myself and living within my means. So
it was like penance for me because I remember I had,
you know, someone helping me through that time, and she
said to me, Amanda, you will drive that car and
with that ignition interlock and every day, you know, this
(13:43):
is a reminder of you're not allowed to take a
drink or a drug today. So it was like God
was divinely orchestrating the year that I had to have
an ignition interlock in my car to help safeguard my
first year of sobriety. So all the stuff that can
seem so humiliating and tragic, it was actually for me.
Even though I was doing things to heal and really
(14:06):
dedicated to my sobriety, that ignition interlock humbled me and
kept me honest, like I had to be accountable to
it and the law Harris County, Texas.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yeah, and that accountability that is key, especially when you're
trying to get sober, which is why all the different
types of recovery support out there is so crucial. If
that's a decision that you're trying to make, or you're
a family member of a loved one that has that,
you have your own recovery to go through as well,
if you've been interlocked with a sibling, a child, a spouse,
(14:40):
a parent, like the alcoholism runs deep, deep, all directions.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Yeah, and anybody out there listening, I would imagine some way,
shape or form, you've had a brush with alcoholism and addiction.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
It is so prevalent.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
But when I say it's insidious in families, and I
know you know, Amy is familiar with this in my story,
but I always I said, for me, I hurt the
people I loved the most because of my insanity and
my false promises and my disease.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
That when I.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Started to get sober, I realized the pain I was inflicting,
especially upon my mother at the time, and how abusive
my behavior was and confusing and dumbfounding.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
It was.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
So Fortunately my mom had gotten some help too to
help her not enable me anymore to set boundaries, and
she said it was some of the hardest things she
ever did, but it saved my life because it gave
me rim to blow myself up in a way, and
fortunately I lived through it, so I would make the
decision to get sober. So if you are dealing with
(15:43):
an addict or an alcoholic, the one thing for my experience,
and I work a lot in recovery and in treatment centers.
It's part of my service. And how I'm reminded of
you know why I don't have the option to drink
or even drink near beer, that being in recovery, it
can really pervade the family and it's a journey and
(16:03):
everyone ends up needing support so.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Well, and then you can assess, like you said, your
mother had to give you that space so you could
fall apart on your own and a lot of times
as loved ones, there's enabling that happens, there's codependency, and
those are things that they're hard to face at times.
Their support for that too. So thank you for sharing
some of your story. Someone out there I know needs
(16:29):
to hear a snippet of that and just knowing that
they're not alone and whatever it is that you're going through.
And while I may not be able to relate to alcohol,
I've had an addiction to food before, and I've had
an eating disorder and very disordered eating behaviors at certain
times in my life. And I know how difficult it
was for me to have that aha moment and walk
(16:49):
away from that and be now in recovery from that
for over four years now and so amazing. I think
you need to celebrate those things for sure and acknowledge them.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
But maybe for you it's not alcohol.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Maybe it's something else and just I think taking time
to assess that and see where you are with it,
and maybe you don't have an issue with alcohol all whatsoever,
but you're hearing like, oh wow, there is another choice
of just waking up with a clear head and not
being hungover and keeping my nervous system in track. John
Mayer is something just popped up on Instagram. I guess
(17:22):
he's gotten sober.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
I don't even know if I knew that. But he
was doing some interviewer podcast and he was talking about how,
you know, he was drinking a lot, and then at
one point he's like, Okay, this is it. This has
to be over, Like there's nowhere else to go. If
I were to just continue down this path, it does
not look good. So I can only assume and what
I've heard from other alcoholics is that, yeah, death is
upon me. Yeah, in a way like that's what's next.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Or jail.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Yeah, we have a saying that our choices are death
institutions or jail or get sober. And it's funny when
you give that choice to some money in active addiction
or alcoholism, it's like, give me the addiction, because we're
so caught up in the insanity and the obsession and
don't know how we will function or live without the
(18:09):
mental obsession and the physical allergy. And it's cunning. But
also again, like Amy said, there's so much help, and
there's also help for or support for the loved ones
or the people in your lives that are close to
you or wanting to support you through the journey but
don't have the tools. It is definitely a journey, and
Gosh in closing with that the greatest gift. And this
(18:34):
even makes me emotional to say, and I say this
often is my spiritual life and my connection with God
and my higher power. I have always believed and had
a deep faith, but I didn't know how to embody
and live it. And I say often it took me
to the depths of alcoholism addiction suicide attempts to make
(18:57):
that decision to surrender, to give it to God, and
then to allow God to work in my life. So
my relationship with God today is this byproduct of my alcoholism,
and that wherever you are in your journey or anybody
that you know, it doesn't look like that in the beginning.
And now with a rear view mirror and a way
(19:17):
of life that I have, I'm like, Gosh, my faith
and my surrender and my connection to God is what
it is because of the darkness of my journey and
the light that came through when I got sober, and
the help all of the angels and the people that
loved me and supported me through that. It's a debt
I will never be able to repay. So that's why
(19:39):
I am grateful and enough service today and that's why
I give back to the recovery community because it helps me,
but it reminds me.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Thanks Amanda, I love you, Love you. Second thing, I
we're gonna light it up here for the for the
second thing. And I don't remember if in the entro
its that it was going to be about friendships or
the L word, but we're gonna make it the L word,
(20:07):
because I feel like we'll lift things up a little
bit after that first thing there. But Amanda, when did
Dennis first say he loved you? Or did you say
it first? And share whatever details you went to about
y'all's situation.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Okay, I totally blurted it out like it was me
and Dennis and I have an age gap. We will
be married ten years in October. And when we met,
we had a connection.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
And before you tell the rest of the story, I'm
gonna pausital quick because I'm gonna bring up why we're
talking about the L word. I think let me start
with that and then finish your story. But there's this
dating coach. His name is Jake Maddock, and he was
talking about how if your partner doesn't say very clearly
I love you by twelve weeks, then he's not your
ideal partner and you've wasted your time. He puts dating
(20:57):
tips on TikTok and Instagram. He said, you'll know with
your ideal partner and they'll know too, and that it
needs to unravel in the twelve week time span. So
continue your story and give us the timeline.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Well, we met, and yes, there was an age gap.
But we just had this connection. And what I loved
before I knew I loved Dennis, what I loved about
him is, first of all, just his energy. He was
super grounded, but he was honest. What you saw was
what you got. Like he said what he meant, and
he meant what he said, and he's still like that
(21:30):
to this day. Sometimes he's really cut and dry and literal,
and that can drive me nuts, but I also really
appreciate that I get an honest person who shows up
and is consistent. So anyway, we had probably been dating.
I mean, get ready for this, because it's really crazy.
We had been seeing each other, and we were seeing
each other long distance, so we would see each other
(21:52):
every couple of weeks or every three weeks.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
But we would talk on the phone.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
So we had been cultivating this relationship, you know, over
the phone and over text, and we see.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Each other every couple of weeks.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
But we had probably been seeing each other six weeks,
two months. I don't know the exact time, but we
were together one weekend and we were going to hear
some live music and we had just had dinner and
we were sitting and talking and he was making me
laugh and I said, oh my gosh, I love you,
and then as I said it, I went, I love
(22:22):
you love and then I remember like cause I was like,
I turned beat red and he was standing there and
he was smiling, and I said, well, I guess I
may as well just finish what I was saying, I
love you, and he smiled back at me.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Because I couldn't believe myself. I was embarrassed.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
It just flew out of my mouth and he smiled
back and he goes, I love you too, and like
I said, Dennis says what he means and means what
he says, so of course I was kind of like,
but then it was like, but this is true, this
is love. And so it was spontaneous. So whether you're
the man or the woman or where whatever role you
(23:00):
are in your relationship, I think for me it was
the spontaneity of it. And even though I tried to
edit myself, I went ahead and said, well, I'm putting
it out there, and I was like, whatever he said
in the moment, I was ready for it, but I
was so embarrassed. But he said I love you, and
after that it was like I do love you.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, I love you.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
So it didn't quite turn into I love your shoes. Yeah,
so like, yeah, I would edit it to that, just
because like blurting it out or just wanting for him
to say it first. And I don't know where we
get that from. Jake doesn't say here if it matters
or not. But you and Dennis, y'all fall into the
skating coach's timeline.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Yeah, we do fall into that timeline. And then if
you want to get another layer deep, So I'll just
reveal this to y'all. And Dennis tells us to people
all the time. He says, oh, yeah, she proposed to me.
So I am the one in the relationship that just
blurted things out. And we had been together, I don't know,
not quite a year at that time, and I said
(23:59):
to him one day we were somewhere and I said,
oh my gosh, I could totally be married to you.
I've never been married. I've been married one time to Dennis, Like,
this is my marriage, my one and only married And
y'all's been married ten years and we've been married ten
years now, and we have a pretty wonderful marriage. We
go through our ups and downs, but it is pretty
consistent and he is my person. But I'm again, I'm like,
(24:21):
I'm the blurder outer, and I'm like, oh.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
My gosh, I could be married to you.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
And again I did the same thing, like, oh my gosh,
I just said that, and he but then again he said,
and I could be married to you, and he proposed
to me within I don't know, six weeks after that.
Probably yeah, shout out Dennis.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Do you think he'll listen?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
No, probably not, but I will probably recount to him. Yeah,
he won't listen.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Does he listen to soul Sessions?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
No, he doesn't. He does not.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
Every now and then if I ask him to listen
to my podcast, he will, But he hears that stuff
for me all the time. He just wants to hang
out with me, so he doesn't want to hear my
pontifications and wisdom or whatever it is. It's not saying
that I'm wise, but.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Oh, I think you're wise. But also yeah, I mean
Ben and I were married seventeen years. I was on
the radio the entire time. He barely listened to the
show ever, and definitely didn't listen to my podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I don't think, yeah, and just doesn't listen to mine.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Like a friend said something to him that lunchbox said
at one point, and then he would go back and
try to hear it, and then he'd be like, what
happened here? Yeah, And I'm like, he was just joking. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
I think it's like he gets the intimate version of
me and that's the one that he loves, but he
celebrates all parts of me. And if I were to
request something or if people bring it up to him
all the time and he's like, I didn't hear that,
but it doesn't surprise me, or I'll have to go
listen and he will, but he's he's not that interested.
He likes to have me, you know, one on one time.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Well, I'm thankful that you were able to come here
for one on one time with me. And that's what
we'll talk about next, is friendships and what those are
looking like these days compared to let's get.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
To you with the L word and he lets you.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Go and get to the third thing.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I know, but like just for one second, because I
know your listeners are interested in this and because they
know your journey and that you're opening yourself up when
it comes to love and loving someone. You know, have
you been thinking about, gosh, how do I express myself.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
You know.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
I mean, there's this something that you're thinking about because
it's different, You're in a different stage of life and
in a different place. Would you just blurt it out,
like if it came to you like I did, would
you just not edit yourself?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Maybe?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I guess we'll have to see. I know we'll have
to see.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
I'm just hey, I'm throwing these things out there for
her on her journey because I want you to just
be you. And I know that for me in that moment,
it was like, that was just me, even if it
was embarrassing, it was just me.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
I will say it's not the L word, but I
blurted out things that I didn't blurt out in previous
relationships my college boyfriends or in my marriage early on,
especially when we were dating. I don't know if I
would have said stuff to him later like that, but
I've just shared different thoughts that pop into my head
and I'm like, I don't know if I should be
(27:00):
saying this right now, but I'm just going to tell
you this because this is what I'm thinking, this is
where I am, and this may sound weird, and I
have found myself communicating in that way A little bit more,
And I think it's just important at this age when
you've got kids and there's a lot of layers involved,
it's like, why not share more of yourself a little sooner,
(27:21):
Or maybe it's just that a more comfortable.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
You're more comfortable and with yourself.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
And also to me, you know, kind of spontaneously sharing
or blurting things out, it's authentic. And also that is
being comfortable in your own skin, even if it's like, oh.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
My gosh, did I just say that, but it's your truth.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
And if you're in a relationship, and this can be
in friendships or any kind of personal relationship. Really, I
think people from an endearment quality, which is energetic, it's
heart centered. Endearment creates trust, It creates close bonds and
intimate connections that are more lasting. Like Brene Brown would
(27:59):
say that that is very true. So it's endearing when
you're spontaneously authentic, even if you know you blush and
turn bright red, so.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
So more will be revealed everyone. That is what I
can say.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I've blushed and had moments of just blurting out something,
but it wasn't the all words. So yeah, we'll touch
more on that later.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Going all right.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
So I was rushing Amanda to this thing about friendships,
because yeah, I'm still uncomfortable talking about dating and all that,
but I promise I'll I'll loosen up as time goes by.
But when it comes to our friendship, Amanda, I've just
been very grateful for the ways in which we've been
intentional about hanging out. I know that our moms would
really be proud of us, because there was seasons of
(28:46):
life where we weren't talking as much or seeing each
other as much, and we were just busy with our
own things. And I'd say the past several years we
have been pretty awesome at staying in touch, scheduling trips,
checking out like, hey, you got any Southwest points, you
got some Let's meet here, Let's go here, Let's stay
at this hotel, let's go have let's go hike. I'm
(29:06):
coming to town. It's no problem. I can work from
your house or it's like a little game of Tetris.
Life is so busy. But if you have a relationship
that is important to you and you want to cultivate it,
you want to nurture it, you want to water it,
You've got to take those moments of planning and even
this trip. While I say planning, we were a little
spontaneous with it, but there was some configuring that had
(29:27):
to happen. And I'm just thankful for it because I
haven't always done that. And thank you for being a
friend in my life. That is part of that growth
for me of really honing in on friendships that I
feel safe with, that I feel myself around, and that
I can nurture and be myself and there's no judgment
(29:47):
in any way, shape or form. And in my forties,
I can say I've found my friend group, and not
everybody that is that friend is all friends, but I
can get you together with anybody else in that group
and y'all are going to click and get along. And
you know my bff from high school, Andrea, she's another one.
We've started to nurture that more and more over the years,
and I'm just very thankful for our relationship. So I
(30:10):
just wanted you to know that. And I know it's
not easy essocially living in different cities, but there's hope
because I don't think I was always this connected to
my friends. And some of that was some therapy stuff
I needed to work through. Some avoidance that I had
going on with connection and some of that.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Who knows did I get.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
It from my mom and how she was and even
my dad. Amanda can probably speak more into that than
I could because she witnessed it. But this is a
decision that I've had to make. I don't want to
be that way, so now I have to be proactive.
And I'm thankful for this last handful of years where
we've been more proactive, and you've been on that journey
(30:49):
with me, and you've even guided me because I think
I've even said, like I want this, and the friends
that I've been able to get vulnerable with, like I
don't want to be shut off. And by the way,
our friendship, I'll say this about you and the others
that I'm talking about in my life. We don't talk
every day, we don't even talk every week, we may
not even talk every month, but when we pick back up,
(31:10):
no time has been lost and we just have this
respect like that, and I think it's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
I agree and thank you for that. One of the
things that you said is it takes an effort, and
we all lead busy lives that have lots of responsibilities
at any given time, but as we get older, it
becomes apparent that it's we have to nurture or we
get to nurture those relationships, and it takes this mutual effort.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
But also I had a.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
Good friend, and my circle is small. I have lots
of connections, friendships, affiliations, associations, but when it comes down
to the core group of people in my life, I
really count them on one hand and they're special to me,
and I make the effort and they do. But I
have one friend. A few years ago, I said to her,
(32:00):
I was on the phone. We were living in Belize
at the time, and it was during the pandemic, and
we hadn't talked in probably six months or something. She's
about ten years older than me, and she's super wise.
She's just kind of a badass. She's very cool. But
I said to her, I really appreciate you because whenever
we connect, even if it's been six months, we pick
(32:21):
right back up and I don't ever feel any shame
or guilt that we haven't talked, and you don't ever
get mad at me. And I'm a recovering people pleaser,
So of course those would be the things that I
would articulate and you know what she said to me,
and it was like truth bomb. Mike drops, she goes, Amanda,
that's called maturity, and it was like, you're so wise.
(32:45):
So from then on, I started thinking about my friendships
as mature relationships. How do I behave maturely in a relationship.
And I feel like our relationship has matured because of
the stage of life where and we've lost our parents,
and we also have a bond. I mean, our mothers
were pregnant together at the same time we're born a
(33:07):
few months apart. They lived next door to each other,
so they were with each other every day.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
So while we were in the womb.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
So we've gone through these phases where we hadn't been
as close. And because y'all moved away from we moved away, Yes,
we moved college. All the college I went away to school,
we moved away, so geographically there's no way and life
was happening. But also as things came full circle and
Amy and I really reconnected and got to know each
(33:35):
other through our journeys and our life stories and then
the innate connections we had. And I don't remember exactly
when this was, but it was a few years ago.
You and I had a conversation and said we want
to be closer, like we want to make the effort
to spend time with one another. I don't remember it exactly,
but I know you and I had a conversation and
(33:56):
basically made the pack set the intention with ourselves that
we're both here for each other, we love each other,
and we want to spend more time together. And since
then we have done that, and even the like, what
was it like two or three weeks ago, you said
to me, Oh my gosh, I feel like we haven't
been talking as consistently recently because you've just moved, you
had a bunch of stuff going on. I've got stuff
(34:17):
going on, And you were like, we need to just
be a little bit better about that, and I was like,
you're right, we do. But yet if we drop off
for the next couple months and we're busy, we'll give
each other grace. But also we are constantly you and
I both nurturing like this friendship garden, and neither one
of us is putting any pressure on the other to
be better at or have an expectation, and that's a
(34:39):
mature relationship.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
So I was texting with therapy Kat about something about
how I hadn't heard back from this other person. It's
not even about a friendship or anything, but I was
just like, gosh, I don't know, I haven't heard back
and it's been hours, Like did I say that wrong
or was it weird? And she just replied back in
the most mature, healthy way. She goes, what if them
not replying right now has nothing to.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Do with you?
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Yeah, And so I think that's a good thing to
ask yourself of, like, oh, what if I haven't heard
from this friend for the last week or two and
it has nothing to do with me, It has to
do with whatever they have going on.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
And there may be.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Times where you need to implement the mel Robbins let
them for people that maybe are not as close to
like oh, why didn't get invited to that friend group?
Hayng thing, Okay, I gotta let them. Which I did
hear on her podcast that she's actually writing a book
about the let them theory. I did hear on her
(35:41):
podcast that she's actually writing a book about the let
them theory.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
Which has become a big craze. And my sister in
law is the first person who brought that up to
me around Christmas last year, and she is kind of
like a manager control freak, like I love her today.
She's been in my life for a long long time.
And she goes, I'm just kind of like, let them
go with it. And I was watching her and we
and I'm like, yeah, it's called like surrender. Let people
(36:05):
do what they want, but listen. Bringing this back to
if you're in recovery or familiar with recovery, we have
this saying that we have magic magnifying minds. I will
create stories on why somebody hasn't called me back or
text me back, and it's probably not true. They probably
have a lot on their plate. And that's what I'm
always reminded of. Oh yeah, Amanda, you are not the
(36:26):
center of the universe. Not everything is about you. So
it takes me off of my ego and my high
horse and then I become more relaxed and that people pleasing.
I was talking about. It gets me clear on just
being comfortable in my own skins. But it also shows
me in relationships. If I am in a dynamic where
I'm worried or concerned that someone is not texting or communicating,
(36:51):
then I need to check myself and the health or
temperature of myself and maybe that relationship and the expectation
around that relationship. So that's another thing is as we
get older, I find for me being in my forties,
I am always assessing and evaluating just affiliations, friendships, maybe
not my closest friends, but the people I'm spending time with.
(37:13):
And Amy and I just talked about this this week
and I asked she and Kat for some insight on
some friendships I have and maybe I'm outgrowing or maybe
I'm changing. How do I communicate or set boundaries because
of you know, my people pleasing. I don't want to
hurt somebody or let somebody down, but then by doing that,
I'm hurting myself by putting myself in scenarios where I
(37:34):
don't feel safe, for comfortable, or not enjoying myself. So
thank you because you and Kat were both really supportive
in giving me some good reflection and feedback on that.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Well, and in assessing your friendships or any boundaries you
might need to set if it's being done. And this
is something that you learn and recovery, like though I'm not,
I'm a family member, right, that's in recovery. That's the
first place I learned stay on your side of the street.
So if there is something a dynamic that needs to change,
(38:05):
or a friendship conversation, it's like staying on your side
of the street. You don't need to list out the
many reasons and what has happened or what's going on
if you know they didn't call here. I mean, of course,
your feelings are your feelings, and there's a healthy way
to express those. But you know, friendships, if you can
find the golden ones, like they're just priceless. And I
(38:27):
feel like we have that. And again, I think of
our moms and what they had, and they would just
be so pumped to know. And I know they're looking
down on us, so they know it. I know they're
proud of us, because I think there was probably a
time where they're like, oh, dang, I wish that Amanda
and Amy were closer than they are right now. And
I'm sure that they prayed for that.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
Yeah, And I think Mom even said to me, as
she you know, in that last year when she was
sick and terminally ill, I'm so glad you and Amy
are close and that you have each other, Like I
know that, and Judy would be happy about that, and
you know, and I'll share this with your listeners because
you and I've talked about it.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
But it's really sweet.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
So my dad's been deceased a long time, my grandparents
and of course my mom.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
She had a.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
Beautiful faith and faith life, and she was excited to
be able to go meet her Lord and be on
the other side, and she wanted to see my dad
and my grandparents. But she says, gosh, Judy better be there.
I can't wait to see Judy. I want her in
the front row when I, you know, go to the
other side. Judy better be there. And that's the kind
of friendship they had. And you remember that. It was
(39:31):
so sweet because she was like, yes, I want your
dad there and my parents.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
But I really like Judy better be there. Judy better
be there to gain she was and she was yeah, she.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
Was, yeah, we know, we know she was definitely was there.
And you know, you mentioned your close friendships fitting on
one hand, and that's the average. I saw a new
study that was done this year about friendships in America
and that most people are adults I should say, have
four to five friends people in their friend group, does
mean they all are friends collectively exactly, but those are
(40:03):
the people that they call friend and they feel safe with.
And that number, by the way, is the same as
past decades. The research showed that as well. It was
four to five then and four to five now, which
is interesting because we hear a lot about loneliness and
that is very real, very real.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
In the work that I do.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I get to do spiritual mentorship because I am an
intuitive and I have gifts in that way, but I've
also worked with businesses and corporations and i worked with
we'll just say, a very large company that everyone is
familiar with, you know, like in the Fortune five, and
they ask me to come in for their employee base
(40:46):
and do a couple of workshops seminars on loneliness because
that's what they were experiencing. And loneliness is being separate from,
being apart from and a lot of that pervasive loneliness.
And of course the pandemic exacerbated that because of the
conditions we were in in the quarantine, and it kind
(41:07):
of broke open people really going within or breaking down.
I mean, it opened up people's emotions and their capacity
for that in a different and even jarring way. But
it really became apparent that it is an epidemic of loneliness.
So a lot of it apart from having close connections
not just your work people or your family, but friendships
(41:30):
is definitely a solution and a healer of that and
reaching out to those people, making the effort to say
I need help, or you know, do you have a
few minutes to talk, or I miss you, whatever it
may be. But also the spiritual component of things and
faith and not feeling alone spiritually, So there's this it's
kind of a spiritual hole that seems to be around Maggie.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Is my cat is mewing, She's mewing. She's like, I'm
lonely right now.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
She may have to exit the room. I'm here in
a second if she can't be quiet. But in touching
on loneliness, which thank you for that, the study also
found that seventy five percent of people are happy with
the number of friends that they have, but almost half
of those people that are happy, they don't feel that
there's close to the friends as they want to be.
(42:19):
So the bottom line from the study was that there's
room for more quality time with your friends. And so
with that loneliness, which there's a difference between solitude and isolation. Yep,
sometimes you need that alone time. But you could also assess, oh,
am I isolating a little bit right now? Am I
sort of adding fuel to the fire here of my loneliness?
(42:40):
And I'm not being proactive and I'm not asking anyone
to go do anything or I'm not trying to nurture
a relationship. And I will say that's something that I
did for a long time. There was a fear around
nurturing something too much because then what if it left me?
Speaker 4 (42:54):
Yeah, abandonment, yes, absolutely, and cultivating that intentionally, like we said,
make time for people that matter, intentionally prioritizing it, making
the effort it being a two way street, but also
the spiritual piece of it and the faith piece of
cultivating meaning and purpose. And that's what loneliness speaks to,
(43:14):
is feeling lost, feeling separate, than not feeling connected, even
not feeling connected to yourself, your soul, your beauty and divinity.
And we go through phases of life where we experience that,
and that's sometimes so beautiful because remember what we said
earlier with addiction and alcoholism, when you might think things
are falling apart, they actually may be falling together. So
(43:37):
it's always this opportunity to dig deep and re enrich
and reinvigorate yourself and your soul and your meaning. However
that looks like for you, love that all right.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
So shifting into a final thing here about a lot
of us are scared that we're turning into our parents.
I saw the study talking about twenty seven percent of
Americans are terrified they are turning into their parents. And
it happens around age thirty. So it's different things that happened.
And I probably become a parent, or you're as you're aging,
you start to act like your parents. Like Adeline was
living with me this summer, my niece, and I was
(44:19):
driving and my arms were ten and two and my
elbows were locked. And you know who used to drive that?
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Your mom used to lock her elbows. I remember, okay.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
I remember getting in the back of y'all had like
a blue Buick or Osmobile. And I remember sitting and
I was watching Aunt Judy driving and she had her
elbows locked, and I remember thinking, Gosh, when I drive,
I'm going.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
To drive like that. I'm going to look like Aunt Judy.
I had no idea that you knew that she locked
her elbows, but she did well, yeah, you do it too.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
We did, and then Adeline pointed it out to me,
and I was not like you. I didn't look and think, oh,
I want to drive that way when I because.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
She wasn't my mom.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
Okay, so you know, like I like to drive more cool,
more laid back. But now I'm very much upright ten
and two elbows locked, and I have my blinker on
even after I've already turned, or I'm not turning, or
something happens and you know, I got my bright lights
on or I'm using my phone and my flashlights on,
and my kids are like, Mom, you're so embarrassing. And
(45:14):
I remember being so embarrassed by my mom, and now
I'm turning into her in certain ways or different things
that I say or my mannerisms. But I think I
have a different perspective and you do too, probably Amanda,
being that you've lost your parents too. While it's easy
to get annoyed that you're turning into your parents when
you've lost them, it is such a special moment of
(45:36):
gratitude of like, oh, I'm acting this way because I
got it from my mom and I missed her, and
it gives me a quick reminder of just thinking of
her and thankful that I'm her daughter, or if I've
done something like with my dad, Like anytime I say, oh, okay, bueno,
you know, yeah some one or something, I'm like, oh,
that's not annoying at all, but it's just something that
(45:57):
makes me think of my dad. I think any time
you can think of someone that is special for you
and pausing and having gratitude for that moment can be good.
I'm trying to think of anything that my dad used
to do that was annoying to me. Maybe my mannerism
of stuffing things under the rug and not talking about
them and acting like they're not there. I got that
from my dad.
Speaker 4 (46:17):
Yeah, like everything is great, everything is fine, but it's
really not.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (46:22):
You and I both got that from our fathers because
they had a similar mannerism in that way. But I
think about my mom, and I've shared this with you,
but she used to always get frustrated at night, driving
at night and bright lights with cars and saying it
was like her depth perception was off. And I'd be like, oh, Mom,
it's fine. Can't you see the cars aren't coming into
our lane? And recently, I'll be driving and I'm like, gosh,
(46:45):
those cars are close, Gosh, those lights are bright. Do
they have their brights on? And then I start laughing
and thinking I'm so my mother, And in that moment
I laugh and I also A'm like, thank you, Mom
for keeping me safe while I'm driving at night and
keeping the other cars safe. So it's funny how I
noticed those things that were like, oh, Mom, I can't
(47:06):
believe we're doing this, or Dad, And now when those
things happen, it actually brings this grace or they're with me,
thank you for being there and kind of this levity
to you know, getting older and seeing those similarities but
actually seeing them as gifts.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
Yeah, and be careful what you get annoyed by, because
I was totally so annoyed with my mom when she
would call me Christy and she would call Christy Amy
and I thought, oh, don't know my name. And now
with Steven Simmons to Shira, I do that all the time,
and I think of how annoyed I used to get her.
Or when she would wake me up, she would come
in my room and she would say, good morning, it's
(47:44):
time to get up. And you know who I do
that too now my kids, of course, you do what
they hate, good morning, it's time to give it up.
They hate it, but you know what, one day, I
think they're probably gonna do it to their kids. So
the moral of this story is, if you are turning
into your parents and you still have your parents, you
(48:06):
may spend more time being annoyed with it, but we
promised you once they're gone, you're gonna be grateful for
those moments. So go ahead and start cherishing those moments now, right.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
Absolutely, thank you.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
All so much for joining us. Amanda can be found
on social media. I'll be your hype girl real quick.
She is at soul Pathology on Instagram. You can go
to soulpathology dot com, sign up for her newsletter, check
out all of her blog stuff there. She's got a
lot of content, a wealth of knowledge, for sure. I'm
very grateful for you, Amanda Rieger Green. And then yeah,
(48:38):
check out her podcast because lord knows her husband's not listening.
Soul Sessions is the name of her podcast. And I'm
very grateful for you in this time we've had together.
Thank you for taking time to come be with me.
Speaker 4 (48:52):
Absolutely, we made time for it and it's been magical.
Thank you all for having me.
Speaker 3 (48:57):
And then I am at Radio Amy Online in the
meantime and we'll talk to you later. Bye MHM.
Okay, cats up road, little food for yourself life aint.
Oh it's pretty bad. Hey, it's pretty beautiful, man, beautiful
for that for a little more exciting, said e K.
Your kicking with four Thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Happy Thursday.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Four Things. Amy here, and I've got a fun episode
with my cousin, Amanda Rieger Green. She is joining me
for all four Things. It's gonna be an o G episode.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Hey, Amanda, Hi, Amy, Hi everyone.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
We're sitting here at my house and Amanda's been visiting
for the past couple of days. She lives in Austin area,
well right outside of Austin and Wimberley, and then I'm
here in Nashville and I get to see you probably
about twice a year now yehsh.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Sometimes it's more, but usually it's it's definitely at least
twice a year.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
So I'm glad we are intentional about that making the
time it sort of falls like August December time frames.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
But the OG episode is going to be very diverse.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
We're going to be talking about skipping alcohol in favor
of health and well being. We're going to be talking
about friendships and how those are shaping up for people
like what's the average number of friends that people have.
I'm curious what your number would be.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Amanda and I go way.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Back, and fun fact, we're not really cousins. Our moms
were just super close. So growing up I called her
mom aunt Lisa, and she called my nan Judy, and
so I say, my cousin Amanda. And if you listen
to the Bobby Bone Show, you know she's on there
as my psychic cousin. And then she hosts her own
podcast called Soul Sessions. The third thing we're going to
get into is is there a time frame for dropping
the L word. I need to know this as I
(01:49):
am dating. But also it's just funny to maybe even
think back if you are married, how did that play
out in your relationship? And I'm curious for you and
your husband, Amanda, who said it first and what that
was like, because y'all have a huge age gap, Not
that that matters, but who did it first? I really
have no idea. I just remember at the time I
hadn't seen you in a little bit, and my mom
(02:10):
calls me and she's like, Amanda is dating a man.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
That could be like her father?
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Yeah, I'm sure he is much older than me and
we will talk a little bit about that, but oh,
I will share with you the l bomb story.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
And then we'll wrap with the fourth thing, and it's
the amount of Americans that are worried they're becoming their parents.
Apparently twenty seven people or twenty seven percent. It's way
more than twenty seven. People are really worried about that.
And Amanda and I have our own take on that,
especially as being two people who have Wow, we have
lost both our parents. Amanda lost her dad when she
(02:47):
was at nineteen eighteen, eighteen eighteen, and then lost her
mom a year and a half ago almost, and then
I lost my mom in October will be ten years,
which is wild. And then my dad probably a little
over three years ago. So we are in that club.
Do you follow Heather McMahon No I.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh, she is a hilarious.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Comedian and she has lost her dad. So she formed
the Dead Dad's Club, and it is a way of
just you've got to have some levity with it. But
she has a hashtag and it's like dead Dad Club.
But then some people were feeling left out. They're like, well,
my dad's still alive, but my mom died. And she's
like Okay, it's the Dead Parents Club.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, and so we're we're in the Dead Parents Club,
Yes we are, all right.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So with that said, we're going to get started first, right,
all right, So, Amanda, your journey with alcohol or your
story is yours to tell, and you can share what
you want about that. But I'm just going to read
an article that was talking about gen Z and their
relationship with alcohol. But I do think that it is
(03:50):
sprinkling into millennials. I know the younger people are having
a healthier relationship, so it seems with alcohol and just
mental health in general. But I know a lot of
friends in the millennial space that are opting not to
drink as much as they used to, or cutting it
out completely in the name of health and well being.
But this whole article was talking about this gen Zer
(04:11):
named Rachel, who is skipping alcohol because she says, when
you give up one bad habit, you empower yourself to
question other habits.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It's a chain reaction.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Research shows that those eighteen to thirty four who say
they occasionally drink alcohol dropped from seventy two percent to
sixty two percent last year, so as a ten percent
drop in people occasionally drinking. Underage drinking has also dropped significantly.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Hallelujah.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
If you're a parent, that's got to be good to hear.
I get very nervous about that. What has risen is
the use of non alcoholic beer and other drinks. That
industry has seen a five percent increase since twenty twenty two,
and gen z is increasingly focusing on health and well being.
So anything that works against those goals is kind of
getting kicked.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
To the curb.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And I'm like, okay, I ca get on board with this.
I have found when I drink, I take that unbooze.
You know these herbal pills they sell where it's like
undo the booze that you drink.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
I am very familiar with those, but you know, my
story is a little different. So I'd try anything to
get me to unbooze myself because I am in recovery.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And I'll share a little bit more with you all
in a minute. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
So I know that sometimes I feel like horrible when
I wake up the next day, even if I've just
had one margarita. So I do the unbooze to try
to help me, and I do find myself drinking less
than I did a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
But I think I go through phases. I've never had
a problem with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
I think there are times where I've been a little
too reliant on it, or comfortable is the word. Like
it's been part of my routine of like, oh, just
pour glass of wine at night. But I've never had
a problem. I think that jokingly I made, which joking
about alcohol is really not something funny, but similar to
Dead Dad Club, it's like, yeah, okay, I think that flippantly.
(05:58):
I've made comments in the past, especially on the Bobby
Bone Show, where you know, I've been like, ugh, had
to have a glass of wine to survive the night.
I think any parent can maybe relate to that. But
having walked through addiction with someone very close to me,
I now know, oh wow, okay, yeah, I don't have
that problem. I can say no to alcohol. I can
(06:19):
just shut it down. And that's just not the case
for everybody. So while some gen zers are like, oh,
I want to prioritize my mental health my well being
and I'm just going to not have alcohol, for some
people it's not that simple.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah, And I am one of those people where it's
not that simple. So I am so incredibly amazed by
the amount of younger people I meet who have chosen
health and wellness journeys and they choose not to drink,
because it blows my mind because it wasn't a choice
for me. I am in recovery and have been in
recovery since twenty thirteen, and for me, it was a
(06:55):
matter of life and death. And there's an analogy if
you know someone who is an addict or an alcoholic,
and it's like, once a cucumber becomes a pickle, the
pickle can't go back to a cucumber. And for me,
that's how alcoholism was. At some point, my drinking hit
a tipping point and it wasn't just reliant. It becomes
(07:18):
this allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.
And if you have any loved ones who have alcohol
or addiction issues or a problem, it's an insidious disease
and it really creates a lot of chaos and destruction, dysfunction,
and even it can be fatal, and there's plenty of fatality.
(07:38):
So for me, when it was time and the wheels
were falling off, and it wasn't just the drinking, My
whole life was falling apart, and where I had been
successful in work, it was just coming apart at the seams.
And I was in a very unhealthy relationship at the time,
and the person was unhealthy and I was unhealthy, and
it was perpetuating a psych But not only that, Apart
(08:02):
from my mental and emotional state being in total turmoil
and then the abuse to my physical body, I was
also just spiritually depleted and felt empty and hollow, and
so there was a lot of shame and demoralization and
I'll never do that again. And the next thing, you know,
I was having a drink or I had to have
(08:22):
a drink, or I would have drinks when I couldn't
control it, you know. And for me, it's a pretty
drastic story. And I had a wonderful job. I had
done well at worked. I love my job, but by
the end I found myself needing to drink at work.
And those were things in my early thirties that if
you'd have told me that at seventeen, eighteen, twenty two
(08:45):
years old that I would be drinking at work, I
would say, you've got to be kidding. I have it
all together. I would never do that. And with alcoholism,
all of those yets or never's. Alcohol creates this horrific
chain reaction where we use control and our lives become unmanageable.
So fortunately for me, I hit a rock bottom and
(09:07):
I got to that place of surrender where I was
willing to ask for and receive help. And it was
one of the most terrifying things I've ever done or
walked through in my life. And at the same time,
my first year of recovery was terrifying and it was
beautiful because for the first time I became completely honest
(09:28):
and open. So if you are dealing with somebody or
maybe yourself, you know, and sometimes when we know, we
know that we have no control or we've lost it.
There are so many resources out there. And while it
may be scary for you, I promise you. Is it
going to be hard? Oh yeah, it's hard, but it's
like the kind of hard where it's like, oh, I
(09:49):
want to live and I want to be healthy, and
I can live without alcohol or drugs and have an
amazing life. And that has been the case. But back
to all these people choosing not to drink. I see
it all the time. My stepdaughter actually, she's like, oh no,
I haven't had anything to drink in the last couple
of months, I hadn't even thought about that, and I'm like,
(10:10):
what how do you do that? And it's like, well,
I know when I drink alcohol, it like messes with
my nervous system or it disrupts my sleep. So I
make the choice not to do that. And not that
she doesn't celebrate or maybe go overboard sometimes she's human,
but a lot of her friends that's their mojo, that's
their vibe. So I can imagine the industry. It's like,
(10:31):
what do we do and all the alternatives you're talking about,
And for me as being in someone in recovery, and
everybody has their own choice. But I don't even partake
in fake booze, you know, like near beer or whatever,
because that can be triggering or for me, it could
be a slippery slope of I'm drinking a near beer.
What's it to say that I wouldn't get a beer
and I have made a choice that that is not
(10:53):
healthy for me and protect it. But I am totally
baffled by an amazed buye people making this choice and
integrating it into their lifestyles.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I know, I'm like, should we have gotten into the
non alcoholic beer business.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Maybe.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
So every time I'm on TikTok or Instagram and really like,
I see all these different promotion things for you know,
these drinks or these mocktail concoction things. But I remember
in twenty thirteen when you were starting your sobriety journey,
which you don't have to get into all the details
of why, but we've talked about this before, how to
get in your car.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Yeah, yes, I had some consequences of my actions. So
remember when I said it was terrifying and horrible and
beautiful at the same time. I had gotten to a
place where one of the consequences was I got a DUI.
And this is the seriousness of the that's very common.
It's very common. And I got a DUI, and so
(11:49):
I ended up in approbation pre trial deal. And interestingly,
I had chosen to get sober of my own accord
before all of that. But I will say this because
this is kind of cool. I did get an indignition
interlock in my car, so I had to blow every
time I got in. And it's like a comedy of errors,
and it's the most embarrassing, like it will humble you
(12:11):
to the core and I had all those things.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I remember. I think I picked you up from the
airport or something. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
We were going back to my mom's and we left
my mom's and we went to go pick up food
and go to the drug store like CVS or something,
and I was like, oh, Amanda, I love your car.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Okay, So like just to set the stage at the
time and listen when I got sober, like it wasn't
just a cleaning house of my alcohol problem, it was
my finances were out of control. So I had this
beautiful car that was way beyond my budget and mean,
so this I had. Let's just tell them I had
this really beautiful large Mercedes. And I had a good
(12:50):
job and I worked hard and I made good money,
but I had student loans, I had bills, but I
had not taken care of my finances. But I pick
up Amy in this big Mercedes that I had no
business driving like that.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Probably you know a woman you executive in her fifties when.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Driving exactly, I was driving the executive in her fifties
car at like thirty two, right, and I'd roll up
in my fancy schmancy car and I'm like, come on in,
excuse me let me blow into my ignition inner law.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I mean talk about.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
A does of humble pie. And the funny thing about
that is that car was part of my financial amends
and right sizing myself and living within my means. So
it was like penance for me because I remember I had,
you know, someone helping me through that time, and she
said to me, Amanda, you will drive that car and
with that ignition interlock and every day, you know, this
(13:43):
is a reminder of you're not allowed to take a
drink or a drug today. So it was like God
was divinely orchestrating the year that I had to have
an ignition interlock in my car to help safeguard my
first year of sobriety. So all the stuff that can
seem so humiliating and tragic, it was actually for me.
Even though I was doing things to heal and really
(14:06):
dedicated to my sobriety, that ignition interlock humbled me and
kept me honest, like I had to be accountable to
it and the law Harris County, Texas.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yeah, and that accountability that is key, especially when you're
trying to get sober, which is why all the different
types of recovery support out there is so crucial. If
that's a decision that you're trying to make, or you're
a family member of a loved one that has that,
you have your own recovery to go through as well,
if you've been interlocked with a sibling, a child, a spouse,
(14:40):
a parent, like the alcoholism runs deep, deep, all directions.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Yeah, and anybody out there listening, I would imagine some way,
shape or form, you've had a brush with alcoholism and addiction.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
It is so prevalent.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
But when I say it's insidious in families, and I
know you know, Amy is familiar with this in my story,
but I always I said, for me, I hurt the
people I loved the most because of my insanity and
my false promises and my disease.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
That when I.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Started to get sober, I realized the pain I was inflicting,
especially upon my mother at the time, and how abusive
my behavior was and confusing and dumbfounding.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
It was.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
So Fortunately my mom had gotten some help too to
help her not enable me anymore to set boundaries, and
she said it was some of the hardest things she
ever did, but it saved my life because it gave
me rim to blow myself up in a way, and
fortunately I lived through it, so I would make the
decision to get sober. So if you are dealing with
(15:43):
an addict or an alcoholic, the one thing for my experience,
and I work a lot in recovery and in treatment centers.
It's part of my service. And how I'm reminded of
you know why I don't have the option to drink
or even drink near beer, that being in recovery, it
can really pervade the family and it's a journey and
(16:03):
everyone ends up needing support so.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Well, and then you can assess, like you said, your
mother had to give you that space so you could
fall apart on your own and a lot of times
as loved ones, there's enabling that happens, there's codependency, and
those are things that they're hard to face at times.
Their support for that too. So thank you for sharing
some of your story. Someone out there I know needs
(16:29):
to hear a snippet of that and just knowing that
they're not alone and whatever it is that you're going through.
And while I may not be able to relate to alcohol,
I've had an addiction to food before, and I've had
an eating disorder and very disordered eating behaviors at certain
times in my life. And I know how difficult it
was for me to have that aha moment and walk
(16:49):
away from that and be now in recovery from that
for over four years now and so amazing. I think
you need to celebrate those things for sure and acknowledge them.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
But maybe for you it's not alcohol.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Maybe it's something else and just I think taking time
to assess that and see where you are with it,
and maybe you don't have an issue with alcohol all whatsoever,
but you're hearing like, oh wow, there is another choice
of just waking up with a clear head and not
being hungover and keeping my nervous system in track. John
Mayer is something just popped up on Instagram. I guess
(17:22):
he's gotten sober.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
I don't even know if I knew that. But he
was doing some interviewer podcast and he was talking about how,
you know, he was drinking a lot, and then at
one point he's like, Okay, this is it. This has
to be over, Like there's nowhere else to go. If
I were to just continue down this path, it does
not look good. So I can only assume and what
I've heard from other alcoholics is that, yeah, death is
upon me. Yeah, in a way like that's what's next.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Or jail.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Yeah, we have a saying that our choices are death
institutions or jail or get sober. And it's funny when
you give that choice to some money in active addiction
or alcoholism, it's like, give me the addiction, because we're
so caught up in the insanity and the obsession and
don't know how we will function or live without the
(18:09):
mental obsession and the physical allergy. And it's cunning. But
also again, like Amy said, there's so much help, and
there's also help for or support for the loved ones
or the people in your lives that are close to
you or wanting to support you through the journey but
don't have the tools. It is definitely a journey, and
Gosh in closing with that the greatest gift. And this
(18:34):
even makes me emotional to say, and I say this
often is my spiritual life and my connection with God
and my higher power. I have always believed and had
a deep faith, but I didn't know how to embody
and live it. And I say often it took me
to the depths of alcoholism addiction suicide attempts to make
(18:57):
that decision to surrender, to give it to God, and
then to allow God to work in my life. So
my relationship with God today is this byproduct of my alcoholism,
and that wherever you are in your journey or anybody
that you know, it doesn't look like that in the beginning.
And now with a rear view mirror and a way
(19:17):
of life that I have, I'm like, Gosh, my faith
and my surrender and my connection to God is what
it is because of the darkness of my journey and
the light that came through when I got sober, and
the help all of the angels and the people that
loved me and supported me through that. It's a debt
I will never be able to repay. So that's why
(19:39):
I am grateful and enough service today and that's why
I give back to the recovery community because it helps me,
but it reminds me.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Thanks Amanda, I love you, Love you. Second thing, I
we're gonna light it up here for the for the
second thing. And I don't remember if in the entro
its that it was going to be about friendships or
the L word, but we're gonna make it the L word,
(20:07):
because I feel like we'll lift things up a little
bit after that first thing there. But Amanda, when did
Dennis first say he loved you? Or did you say
it first? And share whatever details you went to about
y'all's situation.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Okay, I totally blurted it out like it was me
and Dennis and I have an age gap. We will
be married ten years in October. And when we met,
we had a connection.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
And before you tell the rest of the story, I'm
gonna pausital quick because I'm gonna bring up why we're
talking about the L word. I think let me start
with that and then finish your story. But there's this
dating coach. His name is Jake Maddock, and he was
talking about how if your partner doesn't say very clearly
I love you by twelve weeks, then he's not your
ideal partner and you've wasted your time. He puts dating
(20:57):
tips on TikTok and Instagram. He said, you'll know with
your ideal partner and they'll know too, and that it
needs to unravel in the twelve week time span. So
continue your story and give us the timeline.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Well, we met, and yes, there was an age gap.
But we just had this connection. And what I loved
before I knew I loved Dennis, what I loved about
him is, first of all, just his energy. He was
super grounded, but he was honest. What you saw was
what you got. Like he said what he meant, and
he meant what he said, and he's still like that
(21:30):
to this day. Sometimes he's really cut and dry and literal,
and that can drive me nuts, but I also really
appreciate that I get an honest person who shows up
and is consistent. So anyway, we had probably been dating.
I mean, get ready for this, because it's really crazy.
We had been seeing each other, and we were seeing
each other long distance, so we would see each other
(21:52):
every couple of weeks or every three weeks.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
But we would talk on the phone.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
So we had been cultivating this relationship, you know, over
the phone and over text, and we see.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Each other every couple of weeks.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
But we had probably been seeing each other six weeks,
two months. I don't know the exact time, but we
were together one weekend and we were going to hear
some live music and we had just had dinner and
we were sitting and talking and he was making me
laugh and I said, oh my gosh, I love you,
and then as I said it, I went, I love
(22:22):
you love and then I remember like cause I was like,
I turned beat red and he was standing there and
he was smiling, and I said, well, I guess I
may as well just finish what I was saying, I
love you, and he smiled back at me.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Because I couldn't believe myself. I was embarrassed.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
It just flew out of my mouth and he smiled
back and he goes, I love you too, and like
I said, Dennis says what he means and means what
he says, so of course I was kind of like,
but then it was like, but this is true, this
is love. And so it was spontaneous. So whether you're
the man or the woman or where whatever role you
(23:00):
are in your relationship, I think for me it was
the spontaneity of it. And even though I tried to
edit myself, I went ahead and said, well, I'm putting
it out there, and I was like, whatever he said
in the moment, I was ready for it, but I
was so embarrassed. But he said I love you, and
after that it was like I do love you.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, I love you.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
So it didn't quite turn into I love your shoes. Yeah,
so like, yeah, I would edit it to that, just
because like blurting it out or just wanting for him
to say it first. And I don't know where we
get that from. Jake doesn't say here if it matters
or not. But you and Dennis, y'all fall into the
skating coach's timeline.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Yeah, we do fall into that timeline. And then if
you want to get another layer deep, So I'll just
reveal this to y'all. And Dennis tells us to people
all the time. He says, oh, yeah, she proposed to me.
So I am the one in the relationship that just
blurted things out. And we had been together, I don't know,
not quite a year at that time, and I said
(23:59):
to him one day we were somewhere and I said,
oh my gosh, I could totally be married to you.
I've never been married. I've been married one time to Dennis, Like,
this is my marriage, my one and only married And
y'all's been married ten years and we've been married ten
years now, and we have a pretty wonderful marriage. We
go through our ups and downs, but it is pretty
consistent and he is my person. But I'm again, I'm like,
(24:21):
I'm the blurder outer, and I'm like, oh.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
My gosh, I could be married to you.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
And again I did the same thing, like, oh my gosh,
I just said that, and he but then again he said,
and I could be married to you, and he proposed
to me within I don't know, six weeks after that.
Probably yeah, shout out Dennis.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Do you think he'll listen?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
No, probably not, but I will probably recount to him. Yeah,
he won't listen.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Does he listen to soul Sessions?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
No, he doesn't. He does not.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
Every now and then if I ask him to listen
to my podcast, he will, But he hears that stuff
for me all the time. He just wants to hang
out with me, so he doesn't want to hear my
pontifications and wisdom or whatever it is. It's not saying
that I'm wise, but.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Oh, I think you're wise. But also yeah, I mean
Ben and I were married seventeen years. I was on
the radio the entire time. He barely listened to the
show ever, and definitely didn't listen to my podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I don't think, yeah, and just doesn't listen to mine.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Like a friend said something to him that lunchbox said
at one point, and then he would go back and
try to hear it, and then he'd be like, what
happened here? Yeah, And I'm like, he was just joking. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
I think it's like he gets the intimate version of
me and that's the one that he loves, but he
celebrates all parts of me. And if I were to
request something or if people bring it up to him
all the time and he's like, I didn't hear that,
but it doesn't surprise me, or I'll have to go
listen and he will, but he's he's not that interested.
He likes to have me, you know, one on one time.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Well, I'm thankful that you were able to come here
for one on one time with me. And that's what
we'll talk about next, is friendships and what those are
looking like these days compared to let's get.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
To you with the L word and he lets you.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Go and get to the third thing.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I know, but like just for one second, because I
know your listeners are interested in this and because they
know your journey and that you're opening yourself up when
it comes to love and loving someone. You know, have
you been thinking about, gosh, how do I express myself.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
You know.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
I mean, there's this something that you're thinking about because
it's different, You're in a different stage of life and
in a different place. Would you just blurt it out,
like if it came to you like I did, would
you just not edit yourself?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Maybe?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I guess we'll have to see. I know we'll have
to see.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
I'm just hey, I'm throwing these things out there for
her on her journey because I want you to just
be you. And I know that for me in that moment,
it was like, that was just me, even if it
was embarrassing, it was just me.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
I will say it's not the L word, but I
blurted out things that I didn't blurt out in previous
relationships my college boyfriends or in my marriage early on,
especially when we were dating. I don't know if I
would have said stuff to him later like that, but
I've just shared different thoughts that pop into my head
and I'm like, I don't know if I should be
(27:00):
saying this right now, but I'm just going to tell
you this because this is what I'm thinking, this is
where I am, and this may sound weird, and I
have found myself communicating in that way A little bit more,
And I think it's just important at this age when
you've got kids and there's a lot of layers involved,
it's like, why not share more of yourself a little sooner,
(27:21):
Or maybe it's just that a more comfortable.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
You're more comfortable and with yourself.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
And also to me, you know, kind of spontaneously sharing
or blurting things out, it's authentic. And also that is
being comfortable in your own skin, even if it's like, oh.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
My gosh, did I just say that, but it's your truth.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
And if you're in a relationship, and this can be
in friendships or any kind of personal relationship. Really, I
think people from an endearment quality, which is energetic, it's
heart centered. Endearment creates trust, It creates close bonds and
intimate connections that are more lasting. Like Brene Brown would
(27:59):
say that that is very true. So it's endearing when
you're spontaneously authentic, even if you know you blush and
turn bright red, so.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
So more will be revealed everyone. That is what I
can say.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I've blushed and had moments of just blurting out something,
but it wasn't the all words. So yeah, we'll touch
more on that later.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Going all right.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
So I was rushing Amanda to this thing about friendships,
because yeah, I'm still uncomfortable talking about dating and all that,
but I promise I'll I'll loosen up as time goes by.
But when it comes to our friendship, Amanda, I've just
been very grateful for the ways in which we've been
intentional about hanging out. I know that our moms would
really be proud of us, because there was seasons of
(28:46):
life where we weren't talking as much or seeing each
other as much, and we were just busy with our
own things. And I'd say the past several years we
have been pretty awesome at staying in touch, scheduling trips,
checking out like, hey, you got any Southwest points, you
got some Let's meet here, Let's go here, Let's stay
at this hotel, let's go have let's go hike. I'm
(29:06):
coming to town. It's no problem. I can work from
your house or it's like a little game of Tetris.
Life is so busy. But if you have a relationship
that is important to you and you want to cultivate it,
you want to nurture it, you want to water it,
You've got to take those moments of planning and even
this trip. While I say planning, we were a little
spontaneous with it, but there was some configuring that had
(29:27):
to happen. And I'm just thankful for it because I
haven't always done that. And thank you for being a
friend in my life. That is part of that growth
for me of really honing in on friendships that I
feel safe with, that I feel myself around, and that
I can nurture and be myself and there's no judgment
(29:47):
in any way, shape or form. And in my forties,
I can say I've found my friend group, and not
everybody that is that friend is all friends, but I
can get you together with anybody else in that group
and y'all are going to click and get along. And
you know my bff from high school, Andrea, she's another one.
We've started to nurture that more and more over the years,
and I'm just very thankful for our relationship. So I
(30:10):
just wanted you to know that. And I know it's
not easy essocially living in different cities, but there's hope
because I don't think I was always this connected to
my friends. And some of that was some therapy stuff
I needed to work through. Some avoidance that I had
going on with connection and some of that.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Who knows did I get.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
It from my mom and how she was and even
my dad. Amanda can probably speak more into that than
I could because she witnessed it. But this is a
decision that I've had to make. I don't want to
be that way, so now I have to be proactive.
And I'm thankful for this last handful of years where
we've been more proactive, and you've been on that journey
(30:49):
with me, and you've even guided me because I think
I've even said, like I want this, and the friends
that I've been able to get vulnerable with, like I
don't want to be shut off. And by the way,
our friendship, I'll say this about you and the others
that I'm talking about in my life. We don't talk
every day, we don't even talk every week, we may
not even talk every month, but when we pick back up,
(31:10):
no time has been lost and we just have this
respect like that, and I think it's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
I agree and thank you for that. One of the
things that you said is it takes an effort, and
we all lead busy lives that have lots of responsibilities
at any given time, but as we get older, it
becomes apparent that it's we have to nurture or we
get to nurture those relationships, and it takes this mutual effort.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
But also I had a.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
Good friend, and my circle is small. I have lots
of connections, friendships, affiliations, associations, but when it comes down
to the core group of people in my life, I
really count them on one hand and they're special to me,
and I make the effort and they do. But I
have one friend. A few years ago, I said to her,
(32:00):
I was on the phone. We were living in Belize
at the time, and it was during the pandemic, and
we hadn't talked in probably six months or something. She's
about ten years older than me, and she's super wise.
She's just kind of a badass. She's very cool. But
I said to her, I really appreciate you because whenever
we connect, even if it's been six months, we pick
(32:21):
right back up and I don't ever feel any shame
or guilt that we haven't talked, and you don't ever
get mad at me. And I'm a recovering people pleaser,
So of course those would be the things that I
would articulate and you know what she said to me,
and it was like truth bomb. Mike drops, she goes, Amanda,
that's called maturity, and it was like, you're so wise.
(32:45):
So from then on, I started thinking about my friendships
as mature relationships. How do I behave maturely in a relationship.
And I feel like our relationship has matured because of
the stage of life where and we've lost our parents,
and we also have a bond. I mean, our mothers
were pregnant together at the same time we're born a
(33:07):
few months apart. They lived next door to each other,
so they were with each other every day.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
So while we were in the womb.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
So we've gone through these phases where we hadn't been
as close. And because y'all moved away from we moved away, Yes,
we moved college. All the college I went away to school,
we moved away, so geographically there's no way and life
was happening. But also as things came full circle and
Amy and I really reconnected and got to know each
(33:35):
other through our journeys and our life stories and then
the innate connections we had. And I don't remember exactly
when this was, but it was a few years ago.
You and I had a conversation and said we want
to be closer, like we want to make the effort
to spend time with one another. I don't remember it exactly,
but I know you and I had a conversation and
(33:56):
basically made the pack set the intention with ourselves that
we're both here for each other, we love each other,
and we want to spend more time together. And since
then we have done that, and even the like, what
was it like two or three weeks ago, you said
to me, Oh my gosh, I feel like we haven't
been talking as consistently recently because you've just moved, you
had a bunch of stuff going on. I've got stuff
(34:17):
going on, And you were like, we need to just
be a little bit better about that, and I was like,
you're right, we do. But yet if we drop off
for the next couple months and we're busy, we'll give
each other grace. But also we are constantly you and
I both nurturing like this friendship garden, and neither one
of us is putting any pressure on the other to
be better at or have an expectation, and that's a
(34:39):
mature relationship.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
So I was texting with therapy Kat about something about
how I hadn't heard back from this other person. It's
not even about a friendship or anything, but I was
just like, gosh, I don't know, I haven't heard back
and it's been hours, Like did I say that wrong
or was it weird? And she just replied back in
the most mature, healthy way. She goes, what if them
not replying right now has nothing to.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Do with you?
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Yeah, And so I think that's a good thing to
ask yourself of, like, oh, what if I haven't heard
from this friend for the last week or two and
it has nothing to do with me, It has to
do with whatever they have going on.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
And there may be.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Times where you need to implement the mel Robbins let
them for people that maybe are not as close to
like oh, why didn't get invited to that friend group?
Hayng thing, Okay, I gotta let them. Which I did
hear on her podcast that she's actually writing a book
about the let them theory. I did hear on her
(35:41):
podcast that she's actually writing a book about the let
them theory.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
Which has become a big craze. And my sister in
law is the first person who brought that up to
me around Christmas last year, and she is kind of
like a manager control freak, like I love her today.
She's been in my life for a long long time.
And she goes, I'm just kind of like, let them
go with it. And I was watching her and we
and I'm like, yeah, it's called like surrender. Let people
(36:05):
do what they want, but listen. Bringing this back to
if you're in recovery or familiar with recovery, we have
this saying that we have magic magnifying minds. I will
create stories on why somebody hasn't called me back or
text me back, and it's probably not true. They probably
have a lot on their plate. And that's what I'm
always reminded of. Oh yeah, Amanda, you are not the
(36:26):
center of the universe. Not everything is about you. So
it takes me off of my ego and my high
horse and then I become more relaxed and that people pleasing.
I was talking about. It gets me clear on just
being comfortable in my own skins. But it also shows
me in relationships. If I am in a dynamic where
I'm worried or concerned that someone is not texting or communicating,
(36:51):
then I need to check myself and the health or
temperature of myself and maybe that relationship and the expectation
around that relationship. So that's another thing is as we
get older, I find for me being in my forties,
I am always assessing and evaluating just affiliations, friendships, maybe
not my closest friends, but the people I'm spending time with.
(37:13):
And Amy and I just talked about this this week
and I asked she and Kat for some insight on
some friendships I have and maybe I'm outgrowing or maybe
I'm changing. How do I communicate or set boundaries because
of you know, my people pleasing. I don't want to
hurt somebody or let somebody down, but then by doing that,
I'm hurting myself by putting myself in scenarios where I
(37:34):
don't feel safe, for comfortable, or not enjoying myself. So
thank you because you and Kat were both really supportive
in giving me some good reflection and feedback on that.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Well, and in assessing your friendships or any boundaries you
might need to set if it's being done. And this
is something that you learn and recovery, like though I'm not,
I'm a family member, right, that's in recovery. That's the
first place I learned stay on your side of the street.
So if there is something a dynamic that needs to change,
(38:05):
or a friendship conversation, it's like staying on your side
of the street. You don't need to list out the
many reasons and what has happened or what's going on
if you know they didn't call here. I mean, of course,
your feelings are your feelings, and there's a healthy way
to express those. But you know, friendships, if you can
find the golden ones, like they're just priceless. And I
(38:27):
feel like we have that. And again, I think of
our moms and what they had, and they would just
be so pumped to know. And I know they're looking
down on us, so they know it. I know they're
proud of us, because I think there was probably a
time where they're like, oh, dang, I wish that Amanda
and Amy were closer than they are right now. And
I'm sure that they prayed for that.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
Yeah, And I think Mom even said to me, as
she you know, in that last year when she was
sick and terminally ill, I'm so glad you and Amy
are close and that you have each other, Like I
know that, and Judy would be happy about that, and
you know, and I'll share this with your listeners because
you and I've talked about it.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
But it's really sweet.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
So my dad's been deceased a long time, my grandparents
and of course my mom.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
She had a.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
Beautiful faith and faith life, and she was excited to
be able to go meet her Lord and be on
the other side, and she wanted to see my dad
and my grandparents. But she says, gosh, Judy better be there.
I can't wait to see Judy. I want her in
the front row when I, you know, go to the
other side. Judy better be there. And that's the kind
of friendship they had. And you remember that. It was
(39:31):
so sweet because she was like, yes, I want your
dad there and my parents.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
But I really like Judy better be there. Judy better
be there to gain she was and she was yeah, she.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
Was, yeah, we know, we know she was definitely was there.
And you know, you mentioned your close friendships fitting on
one hand, and that's the average. I saw a new
study that was done this year about friendships in America
and that most people are adults I should say, have
four to five friends people in their friend group, does
mean they all are friends collectively exactly, but those are
(40:03):
the people that they call friend and they feel safe with.
And that number, by the way, is the same as
past decades. The research showed that as well. It was
four to five then and four to five now, which
is interesting because we hear a lot about loneliness and
that is very real, very real.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
In the work that I do.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I get to do spiritual mentorship because I am an
intuitive and I have gifts in that way, but I've
also worked with businesses and corporations and i worked with
we'll just say, a very large company that everyone is
familiar with, you know, like in the Fortune five, and
they ask me to come in for their employee base
(40:46):
and do a couple of workshops seminars on loneliness because
that's what they were experiencing. And loneliness is being separate from,
being apart from and a lot of that pervasive loneliness.
And of course the pandemic exacerbated that because of the
conditions we were in in the quarantine, and it kind
(41:07):
of broke open people really going within or breaking down.
I mean, it opened up people's emotions and their capacity
for that in a different and even jarring way. But
it really became apparent that it is an epidemic of loneliness.
So a lot of it apart from having close connections
not just your work people or your family, but friendships
(41:30):
is definitely a solution and a healer of that and
reaching out to those people, making the effort to say
I need help, or you know, do you have a
few minutes to talk, or I miss you, whatever it
may be. But also the spiritual component of things and
faith and not feeling alone spiritually, So there's this it's
kind of a spiritual hole that seems to be around Maggie.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Is my cat is mewing, She's mewing. She's like, I'm
lonely right now.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
She may have to exit the room. I'm here in
a second if she can't be quiet. But in touching
on loneliness, which thank you for that, the study also
found that seventy five percent of people are happy with
the number of friends that they have, but almost half
of those people that are happy, they don't feel that
there's close to the friends as they want to be.
(42:19):
So the bottom line from the study was that there's
room for more quality time with your friends. And so
with that loneliness, which there's a difference between solitude and isolation. Yep,
sometimes you need that alone time. But you could also assess, oh,
am I isolating a little bit right now? Am I
sort of adding fuel to the fire here of my loneliness?
(42:40):
And I'm not being proactive and I'm not asking anyone
to go do anything or I'm not trying to nurture
a relationship. And I will say that's something that I
did for a long time. There was a fear around
nurturing something too much because then what if it left me?
Speaker 4 (42:54):
Yeah, abandonment, yes, absolutely, and cultivating that intentionally, like we said,
make time for people that matter, intentionally prioritizing it, making
the effort it being a two way street, but also
the spiritual piece of it and the faith piece of
cultivating meaning and purpose. And that's what loneliness speaks to,
(43:14):
is feeling lost, feeling separate, than not feeling connected, even
not feeling connected to yourself, your soul, your beauty and divinity.
And we go through phases of life where we experience that,
and that's sometimes so beautiful because remember what we said
earlier with addiction and alcoholism, when you might think things
are falling apart, they actually may be falling together. So
(43:37):
it's always this opportunity to dig deep and re enrich
and reinvigorate yourself and your soul and your meaning. However
that looks like for you, love that all right.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
So shifting into a final thing here about a lot
of us are scared that we're turning into our parents.
I saw the study talking about twenty seven percent of
Americans are terrified they are turning into their parents. And
it happens around age thirty. So it's different things that happened.
And I probably become a parent, or you're as you're aging,
you start to act like your parents. Like Adeline was
living with me this summer, my niece, and I was
(44:19):
driving and my arms were ten and two and my
elbows were locked. And you know who used to drive that?
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Your mom used to lock her elbows. I remember, okay.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
I remember getting in the back of y'all had like
a blue Buick or Osmobile. And I remember sitting and
I was watching Aunt Judy driving and she had her
elbows locked, and I remember thinking, Gosh, when I drive,
I'm going.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
To drive like that. I'm going to look like Aunt Judy.
I had no idea that you knew that she locked
her elbows, but she did well, yeah, you do it too.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
We did, and then Adeline pointed it out to me,
and I was not like you. I didn't look and think, oh,
I want to drive that way when I because.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
She wasn't my mom.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
Okay, so you know, like I like to drive more cool,
more laid back. But now I'm very much upright ten
and two elbows locked, and I have my blinker on
even after I've already turned, or I'm not turning, or
something happens and you know, I got my bright lights
on or I'm using my phone and my flashlights on,
and my kids are like, Mom, you're so embarrassing. And
(45:14):
I remember being so embarrassed by my mom, and now
I'm turning into her in certain ways or different things
that I say or my mannerisms. But I think I
have a different perspective and you do too, probably Amanda,
being that you've lost your parents too. While it's easy
to get annoyed that you're turning into your parents when
you've lost them, it is such a special moment of
(45:36):
gratitude of like, oh, I'm acting this way because I
got it from my mom and I missed her, and
it gives me a quick reminder of just thinking of
her and thankful that I'm her daughter, or if I've
done something like with my dad, Like anytime I say, oh, okay, bueno,
you know, yeah some one or something, I'm like, oh,
that's not annoying at all, but it's just something that
(45:57):
makes me think of my dad. I think any time
you can think of someone that is special for you
and pausing and having gratitude for that moment can be good.
I'm trying to think of anything that my dad used
to do that was annoying to me. Maybe my mannerism
of stuffing things under the rug and not talking about
them and acting like they're not there. I got that
from my dad.
Speaker 4 (46:17):
Yeah, like everything is great, everything is fine, but it's
really not.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (46:22):
You and I both got that from our fathers because
they had a similar mannerism in that way. But I
think about my mom, and I've shared this with you,
but she used to always get frustrated at night, driving
at night and bright lights with cars and saying it
was like her depth perception was off. And I'd be like, oh, Mom,
it's fine. Can't you see the cars aren't coming into
our lane? And recently, I'll be driving and I'm like, gosh,
(46:45):
those cars are close, Gosh, those lights are bright. Do
they have their brights on? And then I start laughing
and thinking I'm so my mother, And in that moment
I laugh and I also A'm like, thank you, Mom
for keeping me safe while I'm driving at night and
keeping the other cars safe. So it's funny how I
noticed those things that were like, oh, Mom, I can't
(47:06):
believe we're doing this, or Dad, And now when those
things happen, it actually brings this grace or they're with me,
thank you for being there and kind of this levity
to you know, getting older and seeing those similarities but
actually seeing them as gifts.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
Yeah, and be careful what you get annoyed by, because
I was totally so annoyed with my mom when she
would call me Christy and she would call Christy Amy
and I thought, oh, don't know my name. And now
with Steven Simmons to Shira, I do that all the time,
and I think of how annoyed I used to get her.
Or when she would wake me up, she would come
in my room and she would say, good morning, it's
(47:44):
time to get up. And you know who I do
that too now my kids, of course, you do what
they hate, good morning, it's time to give it up.
They hate it, but you know what, one day, I
think they're probably gonna do it to their kids. So
the moral of this story is, if you are turning
into your parents and you still have your parents, you
(48:06):
may spend more time being annoyed with it, but we
promised you once they're gone, you're gonna be grateful for
those moments. So go ahead and start cherishing those moments now, right.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
Absolutely, thank you.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
All so much for joining us. Amanda can be found
on social media. I'll be your hype girl real quick.
She is at soul Pathology on Instagram. You can go
to soulpathology dot com, sign up for her newsletter, check
out all of her blog stuff there. She's got a
lot of content, a wealth of knowledge, for sure. I'm
very grateful for you, Amanda Rieger Green. And then yeah,
(48:38):
check out her podcast because lord knows her husband's not listening.
Soul Sessions is the name of her podcast. And I'm
very grateful for you in this time we've had together.
Thank you for taking time to come be with me.
Speaker 4 (48:52):
Absolutely, we made time for it and it's been magical.
Thank you all for having me.
Speaker 3 (48:57):
And then I am at Radio Amy Online in the
meantime and we'll talk to you later. Bye MHM.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
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Amy Brown
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