November 25, 2021 • 36 mins
Happy Thanksgiving! So, remember when Kat {@kat.defatta} told us she was going to unfollow everyone on her Instagram page for 30 days??? Well, she’s back on to share an update with Amy and what she learned from this experiment. If you are someone who struggles with comparison, losing time scrolling social media, and/or struggling to stay present in your life...then we hope this will be helpful for you! Don't forget to have the thanksgiving you need to have!
For more on this topic...check out Kat’s episode on ‘You Need Therapy Podcast’ linked HERE!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty, but
it's pretty beautiful than that. A little month you kicking
(00:30):
four Happy Thursday, Welcome to four Things, which actually I
guess I should say Happy Thanksgiving. Kat is here with me.
And if you're looking for something more Thanksgiving themed, hooefully
you heard our Tuesday episode. We did a little episode
to help prepare you for the holidays and anything you
might be facing this holiday season. But I hope wherever
(00:52):
you are today or this weekend, that you are having
the Thanksgiving you need to have there you go. That's
what Cat and I determined was our our slogan for
this week for sure. But we also mentioned on Tuesday's
episode that we were gonna do another fifth Thing about
cats Instagram experiment, and then we realized, oh, it's it's
kind of a longer conversation than just a quick fifteen
(01:14):
twenty minute fifth thing talk, So we're doing it here.
So that's what we're going to talk about today. And
like a week and a half ago, we saw Trade
Kennedy in Nashville and he is hilarious. If y'all are
not following him on Instagram, he's a great follow In fact,
after listening to this episode, if you decide to do
cats will experiment and you want to followed people for
thirty days, still follow Tray Kennedy because he is so funny,
(01:38):
Like he'll bring joy and laughter, pure joy, pure joy,
Like I laugh every time I'm on his page, which
tying into what we're talking about with Instagram. Like, on
November twelve, he put up this video that he made
of girls like in their Instagram comments section, and he
was kind of like voicing the different comments that come through.
And so I'm going to play the audio from now.
(02:00):
I realize it doesn't translate as well over podcasts, but
I'm gonna do it anyway. I just encourage you to
go watch the video because it'll be that you'll get
much better, that much better. Hopefully you'll actually laugh when
you watch it. But here's a little clip of what
he put up. Okay, I'm gonna post a book. You
need a photo, you know what. I don't need to
always like be in here and worrying about the slay
(02:21):
you better word. I'm sorry? Can I be you? You're
the one with body goals? Stop it? My best friends
of certified Baddie kissing emoji need to see you yesterday,
pure hotness, spectacular curse. Peach emoji, who are you? Who
are you? Okay? We love your look, would love to
(02:42):
collap d MS for all our time? Is he hard emoji?
I mean it's probably like a weird scam. I mean
they have three followers. But what if I get free makeup? Slay?
You're the queen? You love you? Okay, I gotta go.
That's too much time. Who cares? Six out of time?
What do you say? Six out? It's that I'm seeing
ter Oh my gosh, that's rude. Do you think I
care what some middle creep things in my comments? Move on, stirt,
(03:05):
you don't bother me. Bye bye. So this is so funny,
but like you, of course you're hearing it's you probably
might be a little bit lost. But he's walking in
out of the door, and the door is representing him
going or he's acting like he's a girl going into
her Instagram comments. And sometimes it's like we go there
(03:25):
just to be fed, you know, whatever compliments we need
to hear from our girls that are telling us that
we slay or that we're or fire or heart emoji whatever.
Peach emoji, Peach emoji. So I died laughing with the
bought one where it was like, we like your page
would like to collapse, DM, So it's I mean, it
(03:48):
is so true though sometimes we can walk through that
door of Instagram to our comments for validation. And you
even see in the clip he turns out to try
to walk out the door, but then another comment comes
through it pulls him back through the door, So back
into the comments. And I've wanted Cat to do this
for a couple of weeks now. Ever, since you finished
your Instagram experiment that you were doing where you unfollowed
(04:12):
people for thirty days, you were still on Instagram and
actively posting, but you weren't looking at anybody else's content.
So you told us on a recent fifth thing that
that was what you were doing. So now we're ready
for the follow up, like what did you conclude from
that experiment and how you show up on social media
(04:32):
and how you use it for you know, what you're
putting out there, but also what you're taking in and
then also what validation you're seeking from other people, Like
DM collab your page looks good. It feels so good
when you get one of those I love when I
like post a picture and immediately I have like four
comments and it's all that. It's like love your page,
Jim to collab, and I'm like my first four comments
(04:54):
sometimes now are like hey lonely, I'm like what stop?
Or like Also I get some like weird d m
s from like fake men as well, and it's like,
that's not really what I what. I Well, I'm getting
fake women that are probably old men and be careful
out there. I'm not. I don't I delete them because
I don't want them. They's scary. It's scary. So Okay,
(05:16):
I did a whole recap on You Need Therapy, and
the episode is how to make social Media work for You.
So I want to encourage people to go to that
because I talked about this more in depth. But there's
a couple of things that I really took away from
this experience that I want to talk with you about
on here because I just think they're so important. And again,
the reason I even did this experiment is because, like
(05:37):
most people, I have a complicated relationship with social media.
I love it and I want to use it and
it helps me connect and all of that. But also
I had gone through an experience where I lost something
that I wanted and I was really sad. And then
every time I got on social media, I was being
like bombarded with seeing other people have that, and I
(05:57):
was like, this seems like a good time to do
this experiment unfollowed everybody. I'm not seeing what anybody else
is doing for thirty days, and it was one of
the best experiences I think I've ever had where I
got to just be obsessed with what I'm doing, and
I got to just be obsessed with like my life
and there was nothing to tell me I'm not doing
(06:20):
enough for somebody who's doing something better or something somebody
has something you don't have. I just was focusing and
looking and seeing what I did have. Now. I still
knew that I didn't have certain things, but it was
just that and there wasn't this idea that everybody else
has it and you don't. So that was so nice
and refreshing. After the experiment was over, I learned a
(06:41):
couple of things. Again, go listen to the whole episode
to hear all of it. But one of the things
that I that I took from that is it's really okay.
Because I was still posting and I had this thought
I was journaling. The one day that I journal throughout this,
I was journaling and I was like, Oh, I'm having
this experience where like I'm afraid that other people are
gonna then the follow me and nobody will be paid
(07:03):
attention to my life. And I was like, oh, that
seems like an egotistical thought, like why do you care
so much? And I was like, I want people to
think I'm important. Why do you want people to think
you're important? And so I went down this whole trail,
and when I got down to it, I was like,
I think that it's okay to want people to care
about your life, and I think it's okay to feel
like you have things that are worth sharing and worth
(07:25):
bragging about. Because I think the idea of having a
highlight reel gets kind of demonized, like oh, it's just
a highlight reel. It's just a highlight reel. That's just
a highlight reel. But I think there's power in owning
a highlight reel of your life. Well what about it
being just that a highlight reel and people not seeing
other sides or that Instagram and Facebook's like this not
(07:45):
rereat place, it's not real. Well, I think that there's
part where we have to we have to take the
initiative to know that I'm seeing one side of somebody's life. Okay,
I'm seeing one side. And I think that also speaks
to like who you follow, and I don't follow any
more a ton of random people. I fall mostly people
that I know, and then some like accounts that are
(08:06):
like either funny or like give me inspiration for something
or something like that. But I have learned that it's
helpful for me to follow people where I get to
see their highlights and like be joyful on that for them.
But I know that I also know that that's not
the whole thing, and I know that for me too,
So I think there comes a responsibility of we have
to take hold of that. And Instagram is not an
expression of the three and sixty degree view of our life.
(08:27):
And I think that's okay, right, that's to know that's
on us to remind ourselves of that. Because also too,
if that is your place where you're wanting to highlight,
that's fine too. You don't owe anybody your whole story
on Instagram. And some people use it for that and
they give that full three sixty and that's okay because
(08:48):
maybe some other people that are taking in their page
need that, So it's not my place to judge. It's
just I guess it's just a fine line of like
you showing up there, how you feel best equipped to
show up. Yes, I think there's so much power in
expressing moments of toughness, and I do that on therapy,
and we do that here, and you do that yourself
(09:10):
with four things. I think there's power in that to
help people not feel alone. But I also don't think
that we have to feel bad for not sharing the
whole view of our life to everybody. And it's okay
if it's like I just want to see this stuff,
and if you want to follow my my journey or
if you want to follow this, that's on that person
to realize I'm probably only seeing one part of their life.
(09:30):
Because I want us to stop feeling bad. I want
to stop feeling bad for being excited to share joys
on this page. And I'm looking at my Instagram. It's
a little different because I don't post a ton of
personal stuff on there. I post some, but not a ton.
But I want to feel like excited to be able
to do that and I'm looking at that as more
(09:50):
of like I call it like a love letter to myself,
like a little like exciting highlight reel for myself. My
Instagram page. It's for me, and if anybody wants to
join it, that's awesome. But it's the realization you came
to when you were on this experiment. Yeah, because I
was like, I'm still posting on here, and even if
nobody everybody followed me, I realized that, like, I still
want to post on here good things because it's helping
(10:12):
me document parts of my life that I'm really excited about.
It's your own photo album that you get to go
back through and relive or re visit or find, and
I get to choose what goes on there. So that
was one thing where like I'm like, I'm gonna take
away this like dissonance around having to share everything, the good,
the bad, and ugly. It's like, no, I get to
(10:33):
share what I want and I get to follow what
I want. I don't have to follow everybody you want
to have follow for a follow, you know, follow for
a follow up, you don't have to do that. Well,
So when you started to add people back, how did
you do that? So I think. First day, I was like, well,
(10:58):
I just want to add my friends that come to
my mind, and so I just found them. But now
it's like, if I get like a message or something,
I see somebody's name, I'm like, oh, I want to
follow them again, I'll go back. But I didn't follow
a lot of people, and I feel okay doing that
because I realized that, like, oh, there is kind of
a weird thing that we just like think we have
to follow people because we met them one time, But like,
why should I have to care about somebody's life in
(11:20):
that way? We're not used to that. That is a
weird concept that we have to know everything about every
one side, whatever side they want to show us about
everybody's life that we've ever met. I mean, I've gone
through and cleaned up who I follow from time to time,
just because sometimes I don't know why I click on something.
There might be a reason, and then I'm like, wait,
why am I following this person? And clearly people do
(11:41):
that with me too, because I have people to unfollow
me all the time, and maybe that they started following
me at some point and then they see me posts
and they're like, wait, who's this girl? Why am I
following her or or they're not enjoying whatever I'm doing
for some reason. I mean, I know I have hundreds
of people that follow me at any given time or
that will choose to follow me, and I don't I
never know the reason I was I going to say
(12:02):
around this, I think, oh, it was that I was
going through to clean up who I was following because
I had gotten a little bit heavy, and I caught
myself being like, oh, I don't think I can unfollow
this person, even though I don't even know if I'll
ever see them again, and I don't really know them,
but I fear that they'll see that I and followed them,
and then that would be bad. And then but then
I'm like weird, Yeah, that's weird. And so that's the
(12:24):
experience I had because as I was unfollowing, I was like,
why do I follow these people? And then I think
at one point I was like looking through my followers
to see if, like I'm missing anybody that I like,
just like didn't think about, and then I'm just like
should I And I'm like, I, actually I don't care,
and I don't have to feel bad about not caring,
because it is not a normal thing to see all
(12:44):
of this information. Before Instagram and Facebook, it wasn't like
we had to write letters to update everybody that we've
ever met in our life what we're doing, and we
have to read them and then send a reply like
that's kind of what that idea would be, and that
is so weird and so part of that also is
like taking this idea of like co codependency, like, oh,
they'd be upset or what will they think if I
do this? That's on them. I think that that's on
(13:07):
us to take control and realistically look at what that
might mean. We don't have to put much meaning to it.
It just could be like, oh, I don't want to
see this much information. Doesn't mean they don't like you,
doesn't mean they don't care about you. Maybe it does,
we don't know, but it's it feels like the law
you must follow these people that you went to high
school with because you want to do them and they
(13:29):
followed you. Why? Why? Okay, So what else did you
take away from the other thing? Which I think is
a little more interesting, Maybe is this idea that it's
actually really and I believe this, but I think I
forgot it. It's Okay, to be jealous and envy is
like a powerful experience, so we don't grow up thinking
that at all. So even as a Christian, just like
(13:52):
all the things of like commandments, yea of it in
so right? Well yeah, but also if we really narrow
that down, why is it bad to be jealous or
be envious? I honestly don't know why Moses the Lord
told Moses to make it a commandment, but I think
it's because then that means you're not content with what
(14:16):
God gave you, and you're focusing on other people instead
of yourself. And I don't know why are you asking
me hard questions? Because why? Well I was thinking about it.
I was like, I think, what a lot of a
lot of times, what happens is when we feel jealousy
or envy, we have this experience of I shouldn't feel that. Okay, Well,
(14:36):
if I shouldn't feel something, I'm not going to talk
about it. I'm gonna try to pretend it's not there.
What will happen when we do that is those experiences
get muddled and turned into something else because it's unprocessed.
So now I'm sitting here with resentment, and when I
have resentment. I do things to make myself feel better.
I'll put people down, I'll do tons of things. And
so if we just honored our jealousy and envy and
(14:58):
looked at like, oh what does that actually mean, which
we'll get to, I then can lower this experience of
feeling resentful, which I really think is the issue. Okay,
So yeah, well I'm also now I'm dis willing all
of this and reading about it, and it does say
here that India is not always a sin. I'm just
clarifying not even everybody listening right now might be looking
(15:19):
for the biblical stance on this, or you might have thoughts,
or you're already turned off the podcast. Um, but I
think sometimes it's just walking through some of it and
what it really means, and like how you're then treating
others because of it. Right. Yeah, So let's say somebody
got engaged and they're posting their engagement. I honestly get
(15:40):
very excited about that kind of stuff, but also it
comes with this like dang it, like I want that,
which is I'm jealous. I'm jealous that they have something
that I don't have. If I'm just like, you're not
allowed to feel that I'll have to come up with
reasons to not feel that. Well, I bet their relationship
isn't that great, or like I would never want my
engagement to be there, or they just started dating. I
(16:01):
wonder if so and so is trying to hide something
blah blah blah, or that seems I come up with
reasons to make myself not be jealous of it. But
I am. So if I just would acknowledge it, I
could say, I'm just like jealous that they have something
I don't have. So is it those things that lie
within the jealousy like you were just doing? That's the
part that's that's the part. The way to get out
(16:25):
of my jealousy is the bad part of jealousy is
how I get out of it. But if I were
just to acknowledge it, it's like, oh, that's signaling that, like,
that's something I want. Jealousy and envy can be such
a motivator because some of us to get out of
jealousy or like we would never want that, like you want.
But if I acknowledge that I do want that, it's
going to move me closer to be getting that. But
if I'm like, oh, I don't I don't want to
(16:46):
be engaged, then I'm going to be farther away from
finding a relationship maybe or asking for what I want
in my relationship. Could we just name it something different
so that it's not so confused. I have no idea.
I'm just sitting here on my Nope, nope, nope, thou
shall not come it like that. I'll not come it cat.
And I I feel like I suppressed my jealousy simply
(17:09):
because of that, because I'm like, no, I shouldn't be
thinking that way. I'm practicing and walking this out. This
is new to me, so I would be more so
like I'm recognizing the thought I'm going to acknowledge. Okay, yeah,
this is true. I do want to be married and
this is a bummer, and I wish that was me.
But it's not like I'm really wishing, like I want
(17:31):
to come in there and I wish that was me
and move out of my way, or I'm like, I'm
going to kill for for this, because then that would
be thou shall not kill or just like but if
it was just like, oh, that's signaling, that's helping me
identify what I desire, right then what you do with
the thoughts from there that then could make it, like
you said, the icky part. And so that's why I'm saying,
(17:53):
if we just had a different name, would be less
confusing because you're not actually being icky envious and icky jealous,
healthy versus toxic. There you go. Healthy jealousy, healthy envy
helps lead us to what we long for, which will
help lead us closer least to get those things toxic
jealousy and toxic envy. If we are going to name
this is going to lead us to actually think really
(18:16):
unkind uncaring thoughts. Right, Yes, okay, Ikey love it. Got it.
He brought it down to elementary level for me, And
thank you for that because I just wanted to clarify
before also too, I started to get emails about it. Yeah,
thank you for doing that. You're welcome and also to
you may not even agree with this, and that's totally okay.
(18:36):
You don't. You do not have to, and that's the
beauty of I think talking through things with people and
walking through life together. I don't agree with every single
thing some of my friends say. I don't agree with
every single thing I see on the news, but I
don't throw my remote at the TV and well, and
to agree with everything your therapist says. Either. I sometimes
(18:56):
will argue with my therapist and I'm like, that's not right,
and like we talk about that. Yeah, I mean, I
think it's actually kind of weird. If you agree with
every single person that's around you at all times, where's
the challenge in that, where's the growth in that? And
if you've built yourself a little fortressful of all those
little people, then great. That's like the reminds me of
the echo chamber that first came with like Facebook, and
(19:20):
how it would constantly feed you things that perpetuated what
you believe to be true. So then you feel like
everyone in the world thinks like you, and people that
are not thinking like you are bonkers. And it really does.
I mean, it mentally messes with so many people. But
I was thinking, even before Facebook, some of us grow
up in an echo chamber, depending on maybe the church
(19:43):
that we went to, not even making a religious thing.
It could be like how your town was, some people
were in occult type situation, or family members, whatever it is.
It wasn't just Facebook like we had our own. I
think of things I've had to break down from my
childhood that we're my echo chamber that I literally thought.
And even in my twenties, I was going to college
(20:05):
and I was meeting certain people that didn't think how
I thought that everybody thought because of my echo chamber,
and I was like, oh my gosh. I was almost
in disbelief. Sometimes I'm like, surely they do not think
that or believe that, because what's wrong with that is
so weird because I was not exposed to a single
person this. I'm not even talking about religion and politics
(20:27):
some of it. I was. I mean, I thought this
is the truth that, like everybody voted Republican, so did I.
And if you yes, especially Democrats were bad. Yes yeah.
I was like, no, I can't hang out. I was like,
I can't hang out with them. They're Democrats. It's like
I don't even know what democrats meant. Yeah, or even
I had a boyfriend that was Catholic and it was
(20:48):
like what Catholic? And it wasn't like okay, cool, he
was raised Catholics, So like, what do y'all see y'all
doing as a couple together, Like how do y'all see
this playing out? Or what you do? It was just
like so black and white and that of course I
was saying, this isn't even just religious in politics, and
then the two examples like gave her religion in politics,
(21:10):
but it really wasn't just that like it was. I mean,
I guess this is kind of religious too, but even
like they're going to live together before they get married.
But I mean, once again, I was in my twenties
and then now now that I'm forty, just older and
wiser and different things, and there's just can be a
lot of growth. And I hope that anybody listening, regardless
(21:32):
of how you feel, if you're in that echo chamber
and you're realizing you can't sit with somebody else's decisions
in life very well, then that's when you might need
to reflect on like you're putting too much weight into that.
You can still practice that for yourself. Absolutely, don't abandon
what you believe to be true if that's how you
want to live your life. But then to have energy
(21:55):
dedicated to the how someone else is choosing to live
that's a sassing. And we can often do that a
lot of times by looking at someone social media, and
there's a lot of judgment that comes in on that platform.
What id those platforms. I do believe that, like the
goal of my experience was how to make social media
work for me, and like the goal of having this
(22:16):
conversation is like knowing that you can figure out ways
to make social media work for you. So my things
don't have to be your things, and what I'm doing
now doesn't have to be what you're doing now. I
just want to give us back the idea that we
have power to create our own ideas, because Instagram and
social media in general is formulated in a way to
make us think that we we don't have power and agency,
(22:38):
and we do have power and agency over how we
use these things. And I took what I took and
it's really actually been helpful in my life. And you
can do your own experiment and figure out what comes
up for you. I mean, and speaking of unfollowing people,
(23:02):
even if it is just for a short period of
time yours was thirty days, but it would be interesting
to see speaking of echo chambers, like what you're not
constantly fed with at all times, and then you can
start to formulate, yes, some own thoughts for yourself. And
I don't know, I just think that there's there's power
in that whatever way you want to get there to
do it. Maybe it's not even an Instagram experiment, but
(23:24):
I don't know. I don't know that I could do
the whole unfollowed thing. I mean maybe I plan on
taking a break over the holidays for sure, and I
don't typically do that. I'll still post during Christmas time,
and I'm just not I think I'm even deleting the app.
I don't know what day, which is hard because I
also try to run the espois account, which is at
shop uspall if anybody wants to follow. But that's where
(23:46):
we promote like our items that support Haiti, and we
normally have a last minute like leading up to Christmas
of like last minute shopping like, and that's a great
time of year for us to support our people because
so many people are shopping and were able to send
a significant amount of money to My Life Speaks and
Project Meta Share and the Orphanage where my kids were,
(24:07):
and we've worked with a couple of other organizations there,
but those are the ones we're focusing on right now,
and I want to be able to be a part
of that story and even relaying if we do have
the final check that we're sending like oh wow, like
because you shopped, we just were able to send a
hundred thousand dollars And giving that update is exciting because
it wouldn't be possible without the followers. So all that
(24:27):
to say, I have this thing in my head where
I'm like, no, I have a certain certain level of
responsibility here and I can't just unplug. But then also
for my mental health and my family and focusing on
what I need to focus on, I need to maybe
I won't delete the app, but I'll move it to
a different page on my phone that's harder to get to.
That's another trick. You don't have to have it on
your front and center page, and then that way you're
(24:48):
not seeing all the time. And then maybe I'll just
pull it up when I need to if it's a
work thing. And by work I mean a squaw. But
like me personally, I don't. I think I'm just gonna
take a break, predetermined break, and I'm gonna be okay
with that. And there was probably a time a few
years ago where I would have been like, you're crazy,
I can't do that. Last year I took so many breaks,
or maybe even earlier this year, I took so many
(25:09):
breaks where yeah, I deleted the app and it was
it was okay. And Mary kind of took over and
helped with some of this boss stuff because she knew
that's what I needed as well. And that's another thing too.
It's like talk to friends and family and ask, hey,
I'm thinking about doing this. If you feel like you
have a certain obligation, do you have people you can
ask to support you through that time, even if it's
just two day break. Or you can preload, like if
(25:32):
you are running a business or something, you can even preload,
schedule them and then have them in drafts are ready
to go, and then you just log on boop. But
you you need to set a role with yourself. I'm
not gonna scroll. I'm not gonna scroll. I'm not gonna scroll,
and you don't end up like deep diving into someone's
page from two thousand and fourteen? How did I get here?
I know? Those are always like the embarrassing. I'm like,
(25:54):
oh gosh, did you listen to Taylor Swift all too well? Yes,
Jake Jillen Hall, do you see people were over? I
ended up on him. I don't follow him on Instagram,
but I ended up on Jake's Instagram because, like on
his last post, all the Taylor fans really in comments.
They're like, where's the scarf? What are you doing? Yeah?
Poor guy, I know, I know, it's like such a
(26:14):
long time ago. I'm like, oh man, I know, and
she might when she read does Dear John, Oh my
goodness John Mayer's that I'm actually more interested in. Yeah. Well,
I mean, obviously I recommend the Taylor album, but another
album that I'm just obsessed with, as a Dull's new
album thirty. There's a song on there called I Drink Wine,
and I keep talking about it. It's not even about
She only says I think I drink wine one time
(26:36):
in the song, but it's that's the title. It's not
about drinking wine. In fact, she's not drinking. She told
Oprah that I need to watch that you do. It's
so good. Did you hear my interview with her on
the Bobby Bones Show? No? Yeah, it was only like
cable minutes. It's very different than ophra A sit down
because clearly she was doing like radio promotion for other
(26:57):
albums for your interview by doing I mean, but it
was a cool moment, like she was so kind and
in her a couple of minutes together. You wanna know
something funny? What is irrelevant? But I always think about
this when Adele comes up. Is you know her song
someone Like You? Yeah? When I went through a break up,
like four or five years ago, I would put that
(27:19):
song on repeat and go run on my like on
my run, I would just listen to that song on
repeat and just like cry through Myris. But I think
back and I'm like, what kind of weird torture was that?
I don't know. She makes me feel things. Yeah she does.
I mean I I've cried through yeah. Yeah. This new
album Cried Easy on Me came on the radio with
Chris Stapleton because it was so it's playing on country radio, yes,
(27:44):
so long? Yeah. So now I know you didn't listen
to my interview with her, because that's why she came
on the show, was because Chris Stapleton, like, because why
else should she be doing a country show? But I
just thought, yeah, I know, you just thought it was
a big time Actually, Bobby couldn't do it, so and
I did it. So it came on the radio and
I was in the car driving along and I just
started crying. Like crying, but I drink wine. Listen to
(28:05):
it Easy on Me with Chris. Listen to it as
There's several other good songs, but I can't think of
them right now, but all in my latest obsession is
I drink wine. I'll put it on repeat and go
for a run. Do that before we go, I was
gonna see if you could share four things that you
are thankful for. I've never done this on here me obviously.
(28:26):
I'm just kidding, so any wants me to name her.
I was just helpful to save you for last Okay,
I was joking. Don't see me why I am, okay
grateful for our friendship. Okay, yeah, I had like a
nice venting session with you this morning. I'm very grateful
for that. I'm grateful for because let me just tell you,
there's there's a guy out there and he's a real peach.
(28:50):
He's not the opposite. He's the opposite of a peach.
And I'm i am kind of speechless on how he
handled things with you, and for that, I feel you,
I see you, thank you, and he sucks. And if
I need to see a picture of him so that
if I ever see him, you can say I'm going
to be first the day you were born. Um, okay,
(29:13):
but the second thing, Okay, I am grateful for or thankful,
grateful for my my niece. She faced time me this
morning and she asked me to hang out with her,
and that was like a great thing. I needed that
because I had a weird night last night. So I'm
grateful for her. I'm grateful for having a job that
I like, really enjoy even though some days it's hard.
(29:34):
I'm grateful for the game code names. Yeah, we'd play that.
I'm grateful for that game. You know what we've been
playing is pictionary? Really? Oh yeah? And my yeah, my
daughter is really good at it. Someone got amnesia and
they were trying to draw it out and we were
all just how would you draw? And I had no idea.
I have no idea, but listen, fourteen year olds to Shia,
(29:56):
we're barely even guessing because we don't even know what
we're looking at. We're like what um um and it
So she was like amnesia, why yes? And she we
all like started screaming and erupted. We're like what this
is crazy? Like, how I'm gonna put this on your
school applications? Like you're a genius. Like I'm like, somebody,
(30:18):
what this girl's like you right now? She's Wow, she
would probably be good at code names. Then she loves
code names. Okay, I would like to play that with her.
We have Disney code names. And it's like a brain
It really is like an exercise for your brain. Is
like a puzzle in a different way. You'll have to
do this other puzzle thing with her. It's almost like
Rubik's Cube, but not like each person has their own side.
I can't remember. It's like magic squares or something, and
(30:40):
you pop these little cubes and they fall into formation
of like the colors that you need to have. I
don't know how it does, but I need to play.
You need to play. I'll show it. I have it
in the game room. I'll go get it and we
can play. I'm horrible. I'll place to share and she
just like put. She's like I'm done, and I am
maybe five minutes from being done, and I'm like, well,
I'm gonna sit here and finish, so that way my
(31:02):
brain can exercise its way. Yeah, because it's so fun
for her. It's so fun, I guess for me to
see her succeed in that way and be she's good
at like with movies, anticipating things and anyway. Pictionary old
school game but bring it back like if you're looking
(31:23):
for holiday games, another good game. And I talked about
this in our Gift Guide episode and we talked about
on the Bobby Bone Show. Two is blank slate. It's
so fun. I'll get it. It's a target blank slate.
I think I want to have a game night for
my birthday because like, what do you do for your
thirty second birthday? Oh, I don't know about you, but
I'm feeling thirty two. Okay, So that's what I did
(31:44):
for my thirty second birthday. Is Taylor Swift had a
song You're at a small concert for me Now. She
had a song she put out that year called twenty two,
and I made a parody and titled it thirty two
and changed the lyrics to fit like a thirty two
year old, and as said, like, it feels like the
(32:04):
perfect night. And now I can't hear the words, but
stay in and watch like CNN, and then I had
like face masks on and um. We filmed the video
at Bobby's house and my sister was in town and
it was funny. You can watch it. You can watch
it on YouTube. You just google Bobby Bone Show an
It's on the Bobby Bone Show YouTube page. Oh and
(32:27):
you mentioned someone like you with Adele. I used that
instrumental to that song to give birth to a baby
pig in another old YouTube video. We had a Silent
film festival. I remember you telling me about this and
that was the instrumental. Is that way it chose? It?
(32:47):
Just spitting? It was really popular at the time. I
think it was like one of the top songs, and
we worked in pop so we were playing it all
the time, so it's probably I just I don't know.
I pulled it and it was dramatic enough, especially for
the birth scene when I was in my car because
I couldn't make it to the hospital, and then it
was the piggy came out. Early later I realized I
(33:07):
was like, no, this never crossed my mind that that
would insinuate that, like somehow you got me pregnant. But
nobody ever thought about that far until way later and
the film was already done. But it was more so
that I was on a quest to end slaughtering pigs
(33:28):
to eat bacon. It turned into a hole like, save
the pigs. Stop baking bacon, because now it's a human
pig thing. Well, no, I was like, I really kid, Well,
I realized when I was pregnant, I was eating bacon,
and I loved bacon. I was like, maybe I'm And
then all of a sudden it became disgusting to me.
In the silent films, you can see on my face
(33:49):
I'm now disgusted and I kind of pat my belly
and you're probably like, what why is she doing that?
But then later I'll make sense when I give birth
to a pig, because eating the bacon get you pregnant.
Eating I hope that that's how I got breatict. So
then at the end, I had my friend Ricky and
Lunchbox dress in a cow costume and a pig costume,
(34:11):
and we stood on the side of the road on
Lamar in Austin. Took cars that were really driving by,
and we were filming and I was holding up signs
that said, no more bacon, my baby is a pig.
And then lunch was a cow and Ricky's there with me.
He's dressed as a pig and he's like, say the pigs.
And then we had lunchbox come up behind us and
a cow costume and like start beating us up because
(34:34):
he's like, no, save the cows. Like wait a second,
I would like to actually make another one of these videos.
Oh like a redo. Well not maybe a different concept,
yeah different. Yeah, we used to make videos all the time. Anyway, y'all,
can I think check that out? I know it got
removed from not because of bad content, but we kind
of once we moved to Nashville, we started like a
(34:54):
different page. So since that was done when we were
not in Nashville, we were in Austin, but I saved
it somehow, and maybe it got put on a YouTube
page that I have only we would like you to
or it's up somewhere at Radio amy dot com in
the blog section in case you literally have nothing else
to do later and you want to check it out.
I would like, y'all can watch thirty two and you
(35:16):
can watch oh my silent film was titled Bacon period.
So I only we braw all of that up because
of having a game night on your birthday and you're
turning thirty two and you don't know what to do,
and I was like, maybe I'll make a video yeah,
you're good at making TikTok videos like fun ones. Yeah,
(35:39):
well you and your friends y'all make it seem fun.
But maybe that's just a social media thing. I'm thinking
that it's fun, but it's really not as fun as
I made out of horrible time. I made up a
story that like, oh, look how much fun Cat has
with those friends on TikTok. Okay, we'll go make a
TikTok now. Okay, So this episode is full of lots
of things. Um, we hope you'll have a great day.
(36:02):
You can find me at Radio Amy on Instagram, and
Cat is at cat defata k A T dot d
e f A T t A. She might not follow
you back, though, but you can follow her other account
for her podcast, which is called You Need Therapy and
the handle is the at you Need Therapy Podcast. Did
(36:22):
I get all that? You got it all? Okay? Alright,
see y'all later. By
Okay, little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty, but
it's pretty beautiful than that. A little month you kicking
(00:30):
four Happy Thursday, Welcome to four Things, which actually I
guess I should say Happy Thanksgiving. Kat is here with me.
And if you're looking for something more Thanksgiving themed, hooefully
you heard our Tuesday episode. We did a little episode
to help prepare you for the holidays and anything you
might be facing this holiday season. But I hope wherever
(00:52):
you are today or this weekend, that you are having
the Thanksgiving you need to have there you go. That's
what Cat and I determined was our our slogan for
this week for sure. But we also mentioned on Tuesday's
episode that we were gonna do another fifth Thing about
cats Instagram experiment, and then we realized, oh, it's it's
kind of a longer conversation than just a quick fifteen
(01:14):
twenty minute fifth thing talk, So we're doing it here.
So that's what we're going to talk about today. And
like a week and a half ago, we saw Trade
Kennedy in Nashville and he is hilarious. If y'all are
not following him on Instagram, he's a great follow In fact,
after listening to this episode, if you decide to do
cats will experiment and you want to followed people for
thirty days, still follow Tray Kennedy because he is so funny,
(01:38):
Like he'll bring joy and laughter, pure joy, pure joy,
Like I laugh every time I'm on his page, which
tying into what we're talking about with Instagram. Like, on
November twelve, he put up this video that he made
of girls like in their Instagram comments section, and he
was kind of like voicing the different comments that come through.
And so I'm going to play the audio from now.
(02:00):
I realize it doesn't translate as well over podcasts, but
I'm gonna do it anyway. I just encourage you to
go watch the video because it'll be that you'll get
much better, that much better. Hopefully you'll actually laugh when
you watch it. But here's a little clip of what
he put up. Okay, I'm gonna post a book. You
need a photo, you know what. I don't need to
always like be in here and worrying about the slay
(02:21):
you better word. I'm sorry? Can I be you? You're
the one with body goals? Stop it? My best friends
of certified Baddie kissing emoji need to see you yesterday,
pure hotness, spectacular curse. Peach emoji, who are you? Who
are you? Okay? We love your look, would love to
(02:42):
collap d MS for all our time? Is he hard emoji?
I mean it's probably like a weird scam. I mean
they have three followers. But what if I get free makeup? Slay?
You're the queen? You love you? Okay, I gotta go.
That's too much time. Who cares? Six out of time?
What do you say? Six out? It's that I'm seeing
ter Oh my gosh, that's rude. Do you think I
care what some middle creep things in my comments? Move on, stirt,
(03:05):
you don't bother me. Bye bye. So this is so funny,
but like you, of course you're hearing it's you probably
might be a little bit lost. But he's walking in
out of the door, and the door is representing him
going or he's acting like he's a girl going into
her Instagram comments. And sometimes it's like we go there
(03:25):
just to be fed, you know, whatever compliments we need
to hear from our girls that are telling us that
we slay or that we're or fire or heart emoji whatever.
Peach emoji, Peach emoji. So I died laughing with the
bought one where it was like, we like your page
would like to collapse, DM, So it's I mean, it
(03:48):
is so true though sometimes we can walk through that
door of Instagram to our comments for validation. And you
even see in the clip he turns out to try
to walk out the door, but then another comment comes
through it pulls him back through the door, So back
into the comments. And I've wanted Cat to do this
for a couple of weeks now. Ever, since you finished
your Instagram experiment that you were doing where you unfollowed
(04:12):
people for thirty days, you were still on Instagram and
actively posting, but you weren't looking at anybody else's content.
So you told us on a recent fifth thing that
that was what you were doing. So now we're ready
for the follow up, like what did you conclude from
that experiment and how you show up on social media
(04:32):
and how you use it for you know, what you're
putting out there, but also what you're taking in and
then also what validation you're seeking from other people, Like
DM collab your page looks good. It feels so good
when you get one of those I love when I
like post a picture and immediately I have like four
comments and it's all that. It's like love your page,
Jim to collab, and I'm like my first four comments
(04:54):
sometimes now are like hey lonely, I'm like what stop?
Or like Also I get some like weird d m
s from like fake men as well, and it's like,
that's not really what I what. I Well, I'm getting
fake women that are probably old men and be careful
out there. I'm not. I don't I delete them because
I don't want them. They's scary. It's scary. So Okay,
(05:16):
I did a whole recap on You Need Therapy, and
the episode is how to make social Media work for You.
So I want to encourage people to go to that
because I talked about this more in depth. But there's
a couple of things that I really took away from
this experience that I want to talk with you about
on here because I just think they're so important. And again,
the reason I even did this experiment is because, like
(05:37):
most people, I have a complicated relationship with social media.
I love it and I want to use it and
it helps me connect and all of that. But also
I had gone through an experience where I lost something
that I wanted and I was really sad. And then
every time I got on social media, I was being
like bombarded with seeing other people have that, and I
(05:57):
was like, this seems like a good time to do
this experiment unfollowed everybody. I'm not seeing what anybody else
is doing for thirty days, and it was one of
the best experiences I think I've ever had where I
got to just be obsessed with what I'm doing, and
I got to just be obsessed with like my life
and there was nothing to tell me I'm not doing
(06:20):
enough for somebody who's doing something better or something somebody
has something you don't have. I just was focusing and
looking and seeing what I did have. Now. I still
knew that I didn't have certain things, but it was
just that and there wasn't this idea that everybody else
has it and you don't. So that was so nice
and refreshing. After the experiment was over, I learned a
(06:41):
couple of things. Again, go listen to the whole episode
to hear all of it. But one of the things
that I that I took from that is it's really okay.
Because I was still posting and I had this thought
I was journaling. The one day that I journal throughout this,
I was journaling and I was like, Oh, I'm having
this experience where like I'm afraid that other people are
gonna then the follow me and nobody will be paid
(07:03):
attention to my life. And I was like, oh, that
seems like an egotistical thought, like why do you care
so much? And I was like, I want people to
think I'm important. Why do you want people to think
you're important? And so I went down this whole trail,
and when I got down to it, I was like,
I think that it's okay to want people to care
about your life, and I think it's okay to feel
like you have things that are worth sharing and worth
(07:25):
bragging about. Because I think the idea of having a
highlight reel gets kind of demonized, like oh, it's just
a highlight reel. It's just a highlight reel. That's just
a highlight reel. But I think there's power in owning
a highlight reel of your life. Well what about it
being just that a highlight reel and people not seeing
other sides or that Instagram and Facebook's like this not
(07:45):
rereat place, it's not real. Well, I think that there's
part where we have to we have to take the
initiative to know that I'm seeing one side of somebody's life. Okay,
I'm seeing one side. And I think that also speaks
to like who you follow, and I don't follow any
more a ton of random people. I fall mostly people
that I know, and then some like accounts that are
(08:06):
like either funny or like give me inspiration for something
or something like that. But I have learned that it's
helpful for me to follow people where I get to
see their highlights and like be joyful on that for them.
But I know that I also know that that's not
the whole thing, and I know that for me too,
So I think there comes a responsibility of we have
to take hold of that. And Instagram is not an
expression of the three and sixty degree view of our life.
(08:27):
And I think that's okay, right, that's to know that's
on us to remind ourselves of that. Because also too,
if that is your place where you're wanting to highlight,
that's fine too. You don't owe anybody your whole story
on Instagram. And some people use it for that and
they give that full three sixty and that's okay because
(08:48):
maybe some other people that are taking in their page
need that, So it's not my place to judge. It's
just I guess it's just a fine line of like
you showing up there, how you feel best equipped to
show up. Yes, I think there's so much power in
expressing moments of toughness, and I do that on therapy,
and we do that here, and you do that yourself
(09:10):
with four things. I think there's power in that to
help people not feel alone. But I also don't think
that we have to feel bad for not sharing the
whole view of our life to everybody. And it's okay
if it's like I just want to see this stuff,
and if you want to follow my my journey or
if you want to follow this, that's on that person
to realize I'm probably only seeing one part of their life.
(09:30):
Because I want us to stop feeling bad. I want
to stop feeling bad for being excited to share joys
on this page. And I'm looking at my Instagram. It's
a little different because I don't post a ton of
personal stuff on there. I post some, but not a ton.
But I want to feel like excited to be able
to do that and I'm looking at that as more
(09:50):
of like I call it like a love letter to myself,
like a little like exciting highlight reel for myself. My
Instagram page. It's for me, and if anybody wants to
join it, that's awesome. But it's the realization you came
to when you were on this experiment. Yeah, because I
was like, I'm still posting on here, and even if
nobody everybody followed me, I realized that, like, I still
want to post on here good things because it's helping
(10:12):
me document parts of my life that I'm really excited about.
It's your own photo album that you get to go
back through and relive or re visit or find, and
I get to choose what goes on there. So that
was one thing where like I'm like, I'm gonna take
away this like dissonance around having to share everything, the good,
the bad, and ugly. It's like, no, I get to
(10:33):
share what I want and I get to follow what
I want. I don't have to follow everybody you want
to have follow for a follow, you know, follow for
a follow up, you don't have to do that. Well,
So when you started to add people back, how did
you do that? So I think. First day, I was like, well,
(10:58):
I just want to add my friends that come to
my mind, and so I just found them. But now
it's like, if I get like a message or something,
I see somebody's name, I'm like, oh, I want to
follow them again, I'll go back. But I didn't follow
a lot of people, and I feel okay doing that
because I realized that, like, oh, there is kind of
a weird thing that we just like think we have
to follow people because we met them one time, But like,
why should I have to care about somebody's life in
(11:20):
that way? We're not used to that. That is a
weird concept that we have to know everything about every
one side, whatever side they want to show us about
everybody's life that we've ever met. I mean, I've gone
through and cleaned up who I follow from time to time,
just because sometimes I don't know why I click on something.
There might be a reason, and then I'm like, wait,
why am I following this person? And clearly people do
(11:41):
that with me too, because I have people to unfollow
me all the time, and maybe that they started following
me at some point and then they see me posts
and they're like, wait, who's this girl? Why am I
following her or or they're not enjoying whatever I'm doing
for some reason. I mean, I know I have hundreds
of people that follow me at any given time or
that will choose to follow me, and I don't I
never know the reason I was I going to say
(12:02):
around this, I think, oh, it was that I was
going through to clean up who I was following because
I had gotten a little bit heavy, and I caught
myself being like, oh, I don't think I can unfollow
this person, even though I don't even know if I'll
ever see them again, and I don't really know them,
but I fear that they'll see that I and followed them,
and then that would be bad. And then but then
I'm like weird, Yeah, that's weird. And so that's the
(12:24):
experience I had because as I was unfollowing, I was like,
why do I follow these people? And then I think
at one point I was like looking through my followers
to see if, like I'm missing anybody that I like,
just like didn't think about, and then I'm just like
should I And I'm like, I, actually I don't care,
and I don't have to feel bad about not caring,
because it is not a normal thing to see all
(12:44):
of this information. Before Instagram and Facebook, it wasn't like
we had to write letters to update everybody that we've
ever met in our life what we're doing, and we
have to read them and then send a reply like
that's kind of what that idea would be, and that
is so weird and so part of that also is
like taking this idea of like co codependency, like, oh,
they'd be upset or what will they think if I
do this? That's on them. I think that that's on
(13:07):
us to take control and realistically look at what that
might mean. We don't have to put much meaning to it.
It just could be like, oh, I don't want to
see this much information. Doesn't mean they don't like you,
doesn't mean they don't care about you. Maybe it does,
we don't know, but it's it feels like the law
you must follow these people that you went to high
school with because you want to do them and they
(13:29):
followed you. Why? Why? Okay, So what else did you
take away from the other thing? Which I think is
a little more interesting, Maybe is this idea that it's
actually really and I believe this, but I think I
forgot it. It's Okay, to be jealous and envy is
like a powerful experience, so we don't grow up thinking
that at all. So even as a Christian, just like
(13:52):
all the things of like commandments, yea of it in
so right? Well yeah, but also if we really narrow
that down, why is it bad to be jealous or
be envious? I honestly don't know why Moses the Lord
told Moses to make it a commandment, but I think
it's because then that means you're not content with what
(14:16):
God gave you, and you're focusing on other people instead
of yourself. And I don't know why are you asking
me hard questions? Because why? Well I was thinking about it.
I was like, I think, what a lot of a
lot of times, what happens is when we feel jealousy
or envy, we have this experience of I shouldn't feel that. Okay, Well,
(14:36):
if I shouldn't feel something, I'm not going to talk
about it. I'm gonna try to pretend it's not there.
What will happen when we do that is those experiences
get muddled and turned into something else because it's unprocessed.
So now I'm sitting here with resentment, and when I
have resentment. I do things to make myself feel better.
I'll put people down, I'll do tons of things. And
so if we just honored our jealousy and envy and
(14:58):
looked at like, oh what does that actually mean, which
we'll get to, I then can lower this experience of
feeling resentful, which I really think is the issue. Okay,
So yeah, well I'm also now I'm dis willing all
of this and reading about it, and it does say
here that India is not always a sin. I'm just
clarifying not even everybody listening right now might be looking
(15:19):
for the biblical stance on this, or you might have thoughts,
or you're already turned off the podcast. Um, but I
think sometimes it's just walking through some of it and
what it really means, and like how you're then treating
others because of it. Right. Yeah, So let's say somebody
got engaged and they're posting their engagement. I honestly get
(15:40):
very excited about that kind of stuff, but also it
comes with this like dang it, like I want that,
which is I'm jealous. I'm jealous that they have something
that I don't have. If I'm just like, you're not
allowed to feel that I'll have to come up with
reasons to not feel that. Well, I bet their relationship
isn't that great, or like I would never want my
engagement to be there, or they just started dating. I
(16:01):
wonder if so and so is trying to hide something
blah blah blah, or that seems I come up with
reasons to make myself not be jealous of it. But
I am. So if I just would acknowledge it, I
could say, I'm just like jealous that they have something
I don't have. So is it those things that lie
within the jealousy like you were just doing? That's the
part that's that's the part. The way to get out
(16:25):
of my jealousy is the bad part of jealousy is
how I get out of it. But if I were
just to acknowledge it, it's like, oh, that's signaling that, like,
that's something I want. Jealousy and envy can be such
a motivator because some of us to get out of
jealousy or like we would never want that, like you want.
But if I acknowledge that I do want that, it's
going to move me closer to be getting that. But
if I'm like, oh, I don't I don't want to
(16:46):
be engaged, then I'm going to be farther away from
finding a relationship maybe or asking for what I want
in my relationship. Could we just name it something different
so that it's not so confused. I have no idea.
I'm just sitting here on my Nope, nope, nope, thou
shall not come it like that. I'll not come it cat.
And I I feel like I suppressed my jealousy simply
(17:09):
because of that, because I'm like, no, I shouldn't be
thinking that way. I'm practicing and walking this out. This
is new to me, so I would be more so
like I'm recognizing the thought I'm going to acknowledge. Okay, yeah,
this is true. I do want to be married and
this is a bummer, and I wish that was me.
But it's not like I'm really wishing, like I want
(17:31):
to come in there and I wish that was me
and move out of my way, or I'm like, I'm
going to kill for for this, because then that would
be thou shall not kill or just like but if
it was just like, oh, that's signaling, that's helping me
identify what I desire, right then what you do with
the thoughts from there that then could make it, like
you said, the icky part. And so that's why I'm saying,
(17:53):
if we just had a different name, would be less
confusing because you're not actually being icky envious and icky jealous,
healthy versus toxic. There you go. Healthy jealousy, healthy envy
helps lead us to what we long for, which will
help lead us closer least to get those things toxic
jealousy and toxic envy. If we are going to name
this is going to lead us to actually think really
(18:16):
unkind uncaring thoughts. Right, Yes, okay, Ikey love it. Got it.
He brought it down to elementary level for me, And
thank you for that because I just wanted to clarify
before also too, I started to get emails about it. Yeah,
thank you for doing that. You're welcome and also to
you may not even agree with this, and that's totally okay.
(18:36):
You don't. You do not have to, and that's the
beauty of I think talking through things with people and
walking through life together. I don't agree with every single
thing some of my friends say. I don't agree with
every single thing I see on the news, but I
don't throw my remote at the TV and well, and
to agree with everything your therapist says. Either. I sometimes
(18:56):
will argue with my therapist and I'm like, that's not right,
and like we talk about that. Yeah, I mean, I
think it's actually kind of weird. If you agree with
every single person that's around you at all times, where's
the challenge in that, where's the growth in that? And
if you've built yourself a little fortressful of all those
little people, then great. That's like the reminds me of
the echo chamber that first came with like Facebook, and
(19:20):
how it would constantly feed you things that perpetuated what
you believe to be true. So then you feel like
everyone in the world thinks like you, and people that
are not thinking like you are bonkers. And it really does.
I mean, it mentally messes with so many people. But
I was thinking, even before Facebook, some of us grow
up in an echo chamber, depending on maybe the church
(19:43):
that we went to, not even making a religious thing.
It could be like how your town was, some people
were in occult type situation, or family members, whatever it is.
It wasn't just Facebook like we had our own. I
think of things I've had to break down from my
childhood that we're my echo chamber that I literally thought.
And even in my twenties, I was going to college
(20:05):
and I was meeting certain people that didn't think how
I thought that everybody thought because of my echo chamber,
and I was like, oh my gosh. I was almost
in disbelief. Sometimes I'm like, surely they do not think
that or believe that, because what's wrong with that is
so weird because I was not exposed to a single
person this. I'm not even talking about religion and politics
(20:27):
some of it. I was. I mean, I thought this
is the truth that, like everybody voted Republican, so did I.
And if you yes, especially Democrats were bad. Yes yeah.
I was like, no, I can't hang out. I was like,
I can't hang out with them. They're Democrats. It's like
I don't even know what democrats meant. Yeah, or even
I had a boyfriend that was Catholic and it was
(20:48):
like what Catholic? And it wasn't like okay, cool, he
was raised Catholics, So like, what do y'all see y'all
doing as a couple together, Like how do y'all see
this playing out? Or what you do? It was just
like so black and white and that of course I
was saying, this isn't even just religious in politics, and
then the two examples like gave her religion in politics,
(21:10):
but it really wasn't just that like it was. I mean,
I guess this is kind of religious too, but even
like they're going to live together before they get married.
But I mean, once again, I was in my twenties
and then now now that I'm forty, just older and
wiser and different things, and there's just can be a
lot of growth. And I hope that anybody listening, regardless
(21:32):
of how you feel, if you're in that echo chamber
and you're realizing you can't sit with somebody else's decisions
in life very well, then that's when you might need
to reflect on like you're putting too much weight into that.
You can still practice that for yourself. Absolutely, don't abandon
what you believe to be true if that's how you
want to live your life. But then to have energy
(21:55):
dedicated to the how someone else is choosing to live
that's a sassing. And we can often do that a
lot of times by looking at someone social media, and
there's a lot of judgment that comes in on that platform.
What id those platforms. I do believe that, like the
goal of my experience was how to make social media
work for me, and like the goal of having this
(22:16):
conversation is like knowing that you can figure out ways
to make social media work for you. So my things
don't have to be your things, and what I'm doing
now doesn't have to be what you're doing now. I
just want to give us back the idea that we
have power to create our own ideas, because Instagram and
social media in general is formulated in a way to
make us think that we we don't have power and agency,
(22:38):
and we do have power and agency over how we
use these things. And I took what I took and
it's really actually been helpful in my life. And you
can do your own experiment and figure out what comes
up for you. I mean, and speaking of unfollowing people,
(23:02):
even if it is just for a short period of
time yours was thirty days, but it would be interesting
to see speaking of echo chambers, like what you're not
constantly fed with at all times, and then you can
start to formulate, yes, some own thoughts for yourself. And
I don't know, I just think that there's there's power
in that whatever way you want to get there to
do it. Maybe it's not even an Instagram experiment, but
(23:24):
I don't know. I don't know that I could do
the whole unfollowed thing. I mean maybe I plan on
taking a break over the holidays for sure, and I
don't typically do that. I'll still post during Christmas time,
and I'm just not I think I'm even deleting the app.
I don't know what day, which is hard because I
also try to run the espois account, which is at
shop uspall if anybody wants to follow. But that's where
(23:46):
we promote like our items that support Haiti, and we
normally have a last minute like leading up to Christmas
of like last minute shopping like, and that's a great
time of year for us to support our people because
so many people are shopping and were able to send
a significant amount of money to My Life Speaks and
Project Meta Share and the Orphanage where my kids were,
(24:07):
and we've worked with a couple of other organizations there,
but those are the ones we're focusing on right now,
and I want to be able to be a part
of that story and even relaying if we do have
the final check that we're sending like oh wow, like
because you shopped, we just were able to send a
hundred thousand dollars And giving that update is exciting because
it wouldn't be possible without the followers. So all that
(24:27):
to say, I have this thing in my head where
I'm like, no, I have a certain certain level of
responsibility here and I can't just unplug. But then also
for my mental health and my family and focusing on
what I need to focus on, I need to maybe
I won't delete the app, but I'll move it to
a different page on my phone that's harder to get to.
That's another trick. You don't have to have it on
your front and center page, and then that way you're
(24:48):
not seeing all the time. And then maybe I'll just
pull it up when I need to if it's a
work thing. And by work I mean a squaw. But
like me personally, I don't. I think I'm just gonna
take a break, predetermined break, and I'm gonna be okay
with that. And there was probably a time a few
years ago where I would have been like, you're crazy,
I can't do that. Last year I took so many breaks,
or maybe even earlier this year, I took so many
(25:09):
breaks where yeah, I deleted the app and it was
it was okay. And Mary kind of took over and
helped with some of this boss stuff because she knew
that's what I needed as well. And that's another thing too.
It's like talk to friends and family and ask, hey,
I'm thinking about doing this. If you feel like you
have a certain obligation, do you have people you can
ask to support you through that time, even if it's
just two day break. Or you can preload, like if
(25:32):
you are running a business or something, you can even preload,
schedule them and then have them in drafts are ready
to go, and then you just log on boop. But
you you need to set a role with yourself. I'm
not gonna scroll. I'm not gonna scroll. I'm not gonna scroll,
and you don't end up like deep diving into someone's
page from two thousand and fourteen? How did I get here?
I know? Those are always like the embarrassing. I'm like,
(25:54):
oh gosh, did you listen to Taylor Swift all too well? Yes,
Jake Jillen Hall, do you see people were over? I
ended up on him. I don't follow him on Instagram,
but I ended up on Jake's Instagram because, like on
his last post, all the Taylor fans really in comments.
They're like, where's the scarf? What are you doing? Yeah?
Poor guy, I know, I know, it's like such a
(26:14):
long time ago. I'm like, oh man, I know, and
she might when she read does Dear John, Oh my
goodness John Mayer's that I'm actually more interested in. Yeah. Well,
I mean, obviously I recommend the Taylor album, but another
album that I'm just obsessed with, as a Dull's new
album thirty. There's a song on there called I Drink Wine,
and I keep talking about it. It's not even about
She only says I think I drink wine one time
(26:36):
in the song, but it's that's the title. It's not
about drinking wine. In fact, she's not drinking. She told
Oprah that I need to watch that you do. It's
so good. Did you hear my interview with her on
the Bobby Bones Show? No? Yeah, it was only like
cable minutes. It's very different than ophra A sit down
because clearly she was doing like radio promotion for other
(26:57):
albums for your interview by doing I mean, but it
was a cool moment, like she was so kind and
in her a couple of minutes together. You wanna know
something funny? What is irrelevant? But I always think about
this when Adele comes up. Is you know her song
someone Like You? Yeah? When I went through a break up,
like four or five years ago, I would put that
(27:19):
song on repeat and go run on my like on
my run, I would just listen to that song on
repeat and just like cry through Myris. But I think
back and I'm like, what kind of weird torture was that?
I don't know. She makes me feel things. Yeah she does.
I mean I I've cried through yeah. Yeah. This new
album Cried Easy on Me came on the radio with
Chris Stapleton because it was so it's playing on country radio, yes,
(27:44):
so long? Yeah. So now I know you didn't listen
to my interview with her, because that's why she came
on the show, was because Chris Stapleton, like, because why
else should she be doing a country show? But I
just thought, yeah, I know, you just thought it was
a big time Actually, Bobby couldn't do it, so and
I did it. So it came on the radio and
I was in the car driving along and I just
started crying. Like crying, but I drink wine. Listen to
(28:05):
it Easy on Me with Chris. Listen to it as
There's several other good songs, but I can't think of
them right now, but all in my latest obsession is
I drink wine. I'll put it on repeat and go
for a run. Do that before we go, I was
gonna see if you could share four things that you
are thankful for. I've never done this on here me obviously.
(28:26):
I'm just kidding, so any wants me to name her.
I was just helpful to save you for last Okay,
I was joking. Don't see me why I am, okay
grateful for our friendship. Okay, yeah, I had like a
nice venting session with you this morning. I'm very grateful
for that. I'm grateful for because let me just tell you,
there's there's a guy out there and he's a real peach.
(28:50):
He's not the opposite. He's the opposite of a peach.
And I'm i am kind of speechless on how he
handled things with you, and for that, I feel you,
I see you, thank you, and he sucks. And if
I need to see a picture of him so that
if I ever see him, you can say I'm going
to be first the day you were born. Um, okay,
(29:13):
but the second thing, Okay, I am grateful for or thankful,
grateful for my my niece. She faced time me this
morning and she asked me to hang out with her,
and that was like a great thing. I needed that
because I had a weird night last night. So I'm
grateful for her. I'm grateful for having a job that
I like, really enjoy even though some days it's hard.
(29:34):
I'm grateful for the game code names. Yeah, we'd play that.
I'm grateful for that game. You know what we've been
playing is pictionary? Really? Oh yeah? And my yeah, my
daughter is really good at it. Someone got amnesia and
they were trying to draw it out and we were
all just how would you draw? And I had no idea.
I have no idea, but listen, fourteen year olds to Shia,
(29:56):
we're barely even guessing because we don't even know what
we're looking at. We're like what um um and it
So she was like amnesia, why yes? And she we
all like started screaming and erupted. We're like what this
is crazy? Like, how I'm gonna put this on your
school applications? Like you're a genius. Like I'm like, somebody,
(30:18):
what this girl's like you right now? She's Wow, she
would probably be good at code names. Then she loves
code names. Okay, I would like to play that with her.
We have Disney code names. And it's like a brain
It really is like an exercise for your brain. Is
like a puzzle in a different way. You'll have to
do this other puzzle thing with her. It's almost like
Rubik's Cube, but not like each person has their own side.
I can't remember. It's like magic squares or something, and
(30:40):
you pop these little cubes and they fall into formation
of like the colors that you need to have. I
don't know how it does, but I need to play.
You need to play. I'll show it. I have it
in the game room. I'll go get it and we
can play. I'm horrible. I'll place to share and she
just like put. She's like I'm done, and I am
maybe five minutes from being done, and I'm like, well,
I'm gonna sit here and finish, so that way my
(31:02):
brain can exercise its way. Yeah, because it's so fun
for her. It's so fun, I guess for me to
see her succeed in that way and be she's good
at like with movies, anticipating things and anyway. Pictionary old
school game but bring it back like if you're looking
(31:23):
for holiday games, another good game. And I talked about
this in our Gift Guide episode and we talked about
on the Bobby Bone Show. Two is blank slate. It's
so fun. I'll get it. It's a target blank slate.
I think I want to have a game night for
my birthday because like, what do you do for your
thirty second birthday? Oh, I don't know about you, but
I'm feeling thirty two. Okay, So that's what I did
(31:44):
for my thirty second birthday. Is Taylor Swift had a
song You're at a small concert for me Now. She
had a song she put out that year called twenty two,
and I made a parody and titled it thirty two
and changed the lyrics to fit like a thirty two
year old, and as said, like, it feels like the
(32:04):
perfect night. And now I can't hear the words, but
stay in and watch like CNN, and then I had
like face masks on and um. We filmed the video
at Bobby's house and my sister was in town and
it was funny. You can watch it. You can watch
it on YouTube. You just google Bobby Bone Show an
It's on the Bobby Bone Show YouTube page. Oh and
(32:27):
you mentioned someone like you with Adele. I used that
instrumental to that song to give birth to a baby
pig in another old YouTube video. We had a Silent
film festival. I remember you telling me about this and
that was the instrumental. Is that way it chose? It?
(32:47):
Just spitting? It was really popular at the time. I
think it was like one of the top songs, and
we worked in pop so we were playing it all
the time, so it's probably I just I don't know.
I pulled it and it was dramatic enough, especially for
the birth scene when I was in my car because
I couldn't make it to the hospital, and then it
was the piggy came out. Early later I realized I
(33:07):
was like, no, this never crossed my mind that that
would insinuate that, like somehow you got me pregnant. But
nobody ever thought about that far until way later and
the film was already done. But it was more so
that I was on a quest to end slaughtering pigs
(33:28):
to eat bacon. It turned into a hole like, save
the pigs. Stop baking bacon, because now it's a human
pig thing. Well, no, I was like, I really kid, Well,
I realized when I was pregnant, I was eating bacon,
and I loved bacon. I was like, maybe I'm And
then all of a sudden it became disgusting to me.
In the silent films, you can see on my face
(33:49):
I'm now disgusted and I kind of pat my belly
and you're probably like, what why is she doing that?
But then later I'll make sense when I give birth
to a pig, because eating the bacon get you pregnant.
Eating I hope that that's how I got breatict. So
then at the end, I had my friend Ricky and
Lunchbox dress in a cow costume and a pig costume,
(34:11):
and we stood on the side of the road on
Lamar in Austin. Took cars that were really driving by,
and we were filming and I was holding up signs
that said, no more bacon, my baby is a pig.
And then lunch was a cow and Ricky's there with me.
He's dressed as a pig and he's like, say the pigs.
And then we had lunchbox come up behind us and
a cow costume and like start beating us up because
(34:34):
he's like, no, save the cows. Like wait a second,
I would like to actually make another one of these videos.
Oh like a redo. Well not maybe a different concept,
yeah different. Yeah, we used to make videos all the time. Anyway, y'all,
can I think check that out? I know it got
removed from not because of bad content, but we kind
of once we moved to Nashville, we started like a
(34:54):
different page. So since that was done when we were
not in Nashville, we were in Austin, but I saved
it somehow, and maybe it got put on a YouTube
page that I have only we would like you to
or it's up somewhere at Radio amy dot com in
the blog section in case you literally have nothing else
to do later and you want to check it out.
I would like, y'all can watch thirty two and you
(35:16):
can watch oh my silent film was titled Bacon period.
So I only we braw all of that up because
of having a game night on your birthday and you're
turning thirty two and you don't know what to do,
and I was like, maybe I'll make a video yeah,
you're good at making TikTok videos like fun ones. Yeah,
(35:39):
well you and your friends y'all make it seem fun.
But maybe that's just a social media thing. I'm thinking
that it's fun, but it's really not as fun as
I made out of horrible time. I made up a
story that like, oh, look how much fun Cat has
with those friends on TikTok. Okay, we'll go make a
TikTok now. Okay, So this episode is full of lots
of things. Um, we hope you'll have a great day.
(36:02):
You can find me at Radio Amy on Instagram, and
Cat is at cat defata k A T dot d
e f A T t A. She might not follow
you back, though, but you can follow her other account
for her podcast, which is called You Need Therapy and
the handle is the at you Need Therapy Podcast. Did
(36:22):
I get all that? You got it all? Okay? Alright,
see y'all later. By
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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