The Power of a Good Cry (When Tears Lead to an “Aha” Moment)

Something happened to Amy after she had a really good cry the other day, an epiphany of sorts, and it has her feeling very thankful for everything that led to her breakdown. Claire, Amy's friend that joined in on this episode (who also happens to be a cognative therapist), says what Amy experienced after all of her tears totally makes sense. Amy and Claire talk about the power of a good cry, gratitude, gardening, "spending commandments" from @Your.RichBFF (so you don't regret a purchase), 4 things you can do to protect your summer self-care from @KatieGustafson.co, pre-marital counseling, adoption, @TheNashvilleBeautyGirl (ZO Skinhealth + Biopelle), Stachira running Amy's Instagram account for links, and more!!

HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Cast up little food for you sol life. Oh it's
pretty bad. Hey, it's pretty beautiful, beautiful. That for a
little more exciting, said he. You're kicking with full thing
with Amy.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Brown, Happy Thursday, four Things. Amy here, and my friend
Claire is here with me. I was actually going to
record today's episode solo, but Claire texted me earlier and
was like, Hey, I have no kids and no hubs,
tonight you free.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
I was thinking party, but instead we're going to podcast.
It's great. Which we had options.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
We did have options. We could have hiked, yeah, I said,
I said, yes, I can hang. I too have no
kids and no hubs, but I do have to record
a podcast. If you want to join, that's great, or
I can do it solo. We can hike, we can
make a cocktail. So instead you came over. We hung
out on the back porch for a little bit. We
did and then we just made a cocktail, and then

(01:11):
we came up to record, which I like having my
friends on, especially because you've have you ever done a
podcast before? No.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
I listened to a lot of them because by trade,
you are a I'm a speech pathologist, work with adults,
all kinds of fun things she knows.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
All the studies everywhere. Every time she's like, well, okay,
long story short, Harvard just did the study, or Yell
just put out this publication or Health and Journal or
long COVID that she always knows all the things that
are being studied for the physical therapy type stuff, cognitive rehab.

Speaker 4 (01:42):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
I need some cognitive rehab up in here. But we're
we have our cocktails, which cognitively I'm gonna have to
it's we're having one drink, but I will one hundred
percent need to take an undo the booze pill before
I go to bed.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
We're going to do some activated charcoal before that. Time
is forty two.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
But Claire is a fellow adopted mom, and we're going
to get into the very unique way that we met
later on when I answer a question that one of
you emailed in, it's from one of you that started
listening to the podcast from the start, so you were
og listener. But then in twenty twenty, this listener was
really struggling and going through some stuff, and she shared

(02:21):
in this email that I just got from her that
when she was listening, it wasn't bringing her joy. So
she made the hard decision to take a break from listening,
and fast forward three years later, she's back. Hey, and
I can totally respect that decision. You need to step
away from anything that is not, you know, adding to
your life in whatever way you need it to. So

(02:44):
this person's back again. That's exciting. But since she's been gone,
she's got some questions, So we'll go over those, like
she doesn't know who Kat is who co hosts the
Fifth Thing with me? Now, yeah, because Kat joined, And
then you know, we can get into how I met Kat,
and then how I met you. I feel like how
we met is pretty cool. It is very unique. And
I'm going to go over the spending commandments. Do you

(03:07):
have a checklist of things that you go through anytime
before you make a purchase? Because your husband is a CPA,
I was gonna.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Say, I'm married to a CPA, and he is an
internal auditor version of a CPA, So his job is
to check for things that someone might have done wrong
or whatever. And so he's obviously always checking accounts, making
sure everything's legit. And so occasionally I get a call
like did we.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
Spend two hundred dollars at such and such a website?
And I'm like, yes, yes, that was us, we did
do that.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
That is accurate.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
That is accurate.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
But I definitely am a ad to kart and come
back person.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
Okay, well then you're gonna like these commandments. There you go,
because that's sort of one of them. I just don't
want anybody to regret purchases because I am in a
season of having to do some shopping. Clara walked into
my house and I'm back on my back porch and
she's like, I feel like you got and I'm like, no,
just got divorced.

Speaker 4 (04:04):
Only the back half of the house. The front half
is fully furnished.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
But then some rooms are definitely very empty. But it's
exciting because it's like I'm getting a fresh start. So
with my purchases when I'm making these new ones, I
want to make sure I'm making stuff that I'm not
going to regret because I don't really want to go
do this again, you know.

Speaker 4 (04:25):
In any way. I just had like, in no way
do we want to do this again?

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, not just with furniture. You know what I'm saying,
ways to protect your self care. I'm going to go
over a list of four ways actually for things you
can do for Things podcast, and also we'll talk about
looking for gratitude in the sucky times, which is actually
where we're going to start, because I am sitting here
with so much gratitude for getting sick a couple of

(04:49):
weeks ago, and I can see it now because obviously
at the time I was not thankful for it. I
had one hundred and four fever, I had a sore throat,
I had a horrible cough, and now I am so
thankful for all of that because it led to gardening,
which also when you pulled up at my house you
probably saw my situation.

Speaker 4 (05:09):
There were a few things in the porch.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Fears, pots and gloves and shovels and things. But you see,
being sick led me to losing sleep. I was coughing
all night for days, and then being tired led me
to tears, and then tears led me to gardening. So
it was last Thursday that all this started to happen.
I was so tired that I crawled into my bed
at three pm and I did not leave. The kids

(05:34):
had friends over and they were very busy, so I thought, Okay,
I'm just going to crawl in here, and I disappeared
and A side note would be that Shannon, who helps
me with so much, she's my right arm, that was
her first day of vacation, so the day before she
was done, and so the fact that I was able
to it's almost like a perfect storm, like all the
things were lining up for me to be able to

(05:55):
crash and then have this emotional release. Because if Shannon
had been working that day and been here, we would
have had a list of things that we would were doing.
I wouldn't have come home and gotten in my bed
pushed through. But she was on vacation.

Speaker 4 (06:10):
Sorry, Shannon.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
It was necessary for this to happen. So I went
to bed, no desire to leave my room, and I
didn't for the rest of the day. Later Ben had
to come and do some stuff for the kids, and
when he walked in, he started talking to me about
something and I just straight up I hadn't cried yet,
but when he walked in and started talking to me,
which I'm sure there's still just a lot of feelings
surrounding that, and he wasn't even talking to me about

(06:31):
our you know, our situation. It was just about other
things that I I guess, you know, I also feel
safe with him and I let it all out and
I am crying like heavy. I think he quite honestly
was worried at that point. He's like, Okay, well, I'm
going to go get food for the kids, and I'm
going to get a food for you. What do you want?

(06:52):
I'm getting you a burger, so burger up, I got
a turkey burger. Have you ever had their turkey burger?

Speaker 4 (06:56):
That's pretty good, Spaller.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah, it has avocado, caralized onions, mayo, the turtle, the flavors,
all the flavors, and truffle fries. So see, this was
all very I needed to cry so I could really
enjoy that. It was very comforting. But on his way
to get the burger, he called my sister, So then
he's worried. Then my sister calls me, so that I'm

(07:18):
talking to her, and all of a sudden, this thought
comes to me, very clear as day. I'm going to
go get plants tomorrow and plant them. And then so
I said the thought out loud as well, I declared it.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
Asked me the.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
Last time I said something like that? When was the
last time, Amy, I don't even know. Years I have
not wanted to decorate my front, porch or pot or
plant anything. Probably since North Carolina when Ben and I
first got married and we were in our first home
and we were what do they call that, like nesting nesting, Yeah,

(07:51):
and he would be deployed and I would have to
do a lot of it on my own, and I
had no problem with it. I would go load things up,
do it. Something happen to me between then and now
where I just didn't have the desire to go do
stuff like that. And I don't know why that changed
or what. Obviously, you know, when we left North Carolina

(08:13):
being got out of the Air Force, we moved home
in that same exact year, my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
Then life just got crazy. Then we did the adoption,
and then my dad got cancer. Then my dad so
all these years which you would think that gardening or
potting plants would be therapeutic during that time.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
Yeah, But I think it's it's something with going from
surviving to thriving, Like it's like you finally have this
bandwidth to think about things. Thriving, not just I've got
to get through this thing. I've got to get through
this thing. You can look to the next season. Oh,
if I'll plant these flowers. Now next season I'll have
these other flowers or whatever. It is, like, I don't know.

(08:47):
I feel like it's like you went from surviving to thriving,
and this is the season where you're thriving and able
to even think about I'm going to plant this.

Speaker 4 (08:55):
It's going to be great.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
So was I really in survival mode for ten plus years?

Speaker 3 (09:02):
I don't know, maybe maybe not consecutively, but I think
never enough maybe never enough time at a chunk to
actually think about you know, oh, I've been out of
survival enough now to actually think about planting.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
Things are thriving.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
But I really think that that cry gave me the clarity.
It was like a release and then it was like
it's almost as though like a plant that had just
been watered. I sort of popped up with, Ugh, I'm
going to go get plants tomorrow and.

Speaker 4 (09:37):
Plant them and not water them with my tears, right.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
And I'm going to be one with the earth and
this is going to heal me and I will be
back like I just I couldn't have been more excited
about it. So obviously I was very proud of myself
when the next day I found myself at home depot
in the plant aisle getting plants. Then I also went
back on Saturday got more plants, potting soil, pine straws.
I didn't even know what the pine straws were called.

(10:00):
I lived in straw without an oh well, and I
lived in North Carolina where they have pine trees galore.
But I've been so out of the gardening game for
quite some time that I just were looking. I looked
around my neighbor's yards because I knew I needed something
in my front bed, and I thought, well, they all

(10:20):
have these skinny stick looking things. So I Google and
that's when pine straw came up. And so I went
to home Deepoe on Saturday and said, I didn't see
it anywhere I looked, of course, because I don't want
to ask a question. I want to find it on
my own and I can find it. So I finally
had to go say, hey, y'all have pine straw I've
probably said pine straws. And then she said, oh yeah,

(10:42):
but it's way in the back and a trailer. You
have to drive around. So I drove around, and I
did it all by myself. And this is all so
much more than the gardening because I spent my entire
therapy session this week on this. I started my therapy
session with She's like, so tell me what's been going on.

(11:04):
I'm like, I got plants. But but then I went
into like how I have gratitude for the sickness now
And this is a perfect example. Like this is seems
sort of small, but in it also a quick payoff, right,
because sometimes you don't know a week later that you're
grateful for something that was pretty miserable. It takes months
or even years or whatever till you see what's coming

(11:27):
from that or what was made possible because of whatever
the situation was. But I did it all myself. I
got the everything, I was carrying it all. It was heavy.
I got the shovel, I got the gloves. I pulled
weeds like I was really getting after it asked me
the last time I pulled a weed.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
Well, and I don't know where or when the listeners
are listening, but this was a real commitment on Amy's part.
It is very hot here in Nashville, Tennessee in June.
It is the very first really hot week that so
this is a true commitment to sweat and you know

(12:07):
sunah burn potential all the things.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Because I had a clear vision I am going to
get alliants and I'm going to plant them, and I
didn't want to get overwhelmed at Home Depot, so obviously
on Friday night, when I was picking out the plants,
I just was like, wait, what did I see my
mom do a lot of And I knew I wanted
just neutrals, like a lot of greens, so ferns, but

(12:31):
I like the ferns that kind of stick straight up.
I don't know what those are called.

Speaker 4 (12:35):
I don't either, but I do know what you're talking about.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
And then I love like succulents. I don't have any yet,
but I'm probably gonna go to Home Depot tomorrow. They
get some more back because Trey Kennedy's coming over on Friday.

(12:58):
Trey Kennedy's coming over on Friday. We're not excited to
record a podcast and if y'all aren't following him on Instagram,
he's so funny and I actually have a skit idea
to pitch to him. We'll see if he does it. TBD.
I was gonna say, we're gonna tell him or no, no,
I'm telling him. But I remember my mom potting the
purple heart thingies.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
Yeah, I saw them. I didn't know what they were called,
so thank you.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
That's what we called them. And then I have the
pretty green to go with it, because I know she
had that. But what's that called.

Speaker 3 (13:29):
It's the sweet potato plant and the sweet potato vine,
and I love them because you plan them now and
and then the fall. You have like this really long
vine that you can keep using in your fall planter.
But you can't buy it in the fall. You have
to have planted it in the summer. So kind of
back to your like investing in something that's going to
last long term, like you'll have this vine. And weirdly,

(13:52):
I don't know for sure. I know that when you
pull them up, it looks like a sweet potato on
the end. I'm not sure if it's an actual sweet
potato if it's just looks like one. I didn't test that,
but that's why it's called sweet potato vine. Well that's
what Google's for, I mean, so figure that out. There
is a handheld device we can check with.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
That's how I found out about the pine straws, which
my therapist was helping me sort of talk through more
of my walkway and my front door, and how I've
lived in this house exactly three years and I have
not put ever, put one single plant on my front porch.
And it has frustrated me. I have known that I

(14:28):
don't have not enjoyed my walkway and my porch. It
just looks very nah. But yet I wasn't doing anything
about it. Do you see?

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Yeah, because even the pine straw is brand new. That's
the front of the house.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yes, and that is now pretty it is. And then
I got the pots and I put the plants there,
and then I got the ferns for the front, and
I ordered tall pots to be by the front door.
I took action. But my therapist was like, well, what
if this is a metaphor for new beginnings, new life,

(15:02):
the walkway, your front door and taking action, love it
and being proactive and making it, you know, starting to
nurture it and stop being so frustrated with it and
making it what you've wanted all along.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
I was gonna say, I wonder too, like I will
put something off because it's just something that I want.
And so in my family there are five of us,
and I almost I would do something my children would
want far faster than I would be like, you know what,
I would love to pull up in my driveway and
see a lovely plant sitting right by my you know,

(15:39):
garage door. I wouldn't do that for myself. I'll do
it for my kids. So I almost feel like it's like,
you know what, I would really enjoy driving up to
my front door and seeing plants and pretty things. So
you finally were like, I deserve this. I'm going to
do this for myself.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
Yes, And the walkway in the front door is yes,
I really am loving that. But it's also like I
have a new walkway and a new front door that
I get to build and figure out and I get
to invest your time, yeah, and pick out what do
I want it to be? And I mean I got
the good soil, like at the name brand. Oh you

(16:17):
got the name brand soil? Okay, so I don't have
to get that. I just was confused and I was like, listen,
I don't want to mess up and don't want to
so I got the but if there's a better off brand,
I will take any suggestions, because I also just I
didn't I'm sort of in a I just want to
get this done, and so I got it. So I'm
sure as I go I'll learn. But I also knew

(16:38):
I wanted to have good, yeah, good potter soil because
I wanted to give the plants something. And it made
me think about my insights and how I want to
give myself that which I have been with meditation and
journaling and you know, prayer and nurturing that my inside
so that I can grow. Right, I love this are great. Which,

(17:00):
speaking of pots, there was these pottery barn pots that
I really wanted. I mean, they are so pretty, but
they are so expensive and I just could not bring
myself to buy them. And so then I started looking
on Amazon for similar pots with the same vibe. I

(17:21):
couldn't find anything totally, but then I found something doable
and it was so much more affordable. So I was
very proud of myself too for not you know, pulling
the trigger on these expensive pots impulse by being patient. Yeah,
which made me think of Vivian, who I follow on Instagram.
She has one point eight million followers and her handle

(17:42):
is at your dot rich bff, and so her tagline
is like I don't even know. She's like, I'm your
Wall Street girly girl, and I'm going to help you
save money. And she's so fun and cute and has
a lot of really great ideas, And recently she posted
three spending command So before buying something, do these three

(18:03):
things so that you don't have any regrets about your spending.
The first thing is the forty eight hour rule. Put
the desired item in your cart and wait forty eight
hours before you purchase. If you forget about it after
those two days, let it go.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
So if you find it like a week later in
your cart and you're like, oh, nope, didn't need that,
guess my currently.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
Turn on push notifications is the second thing. For your
credit card. This helps to remind you that you are
spending real money and you aren't just swiping. And then
these things magically apper your doorstep, which is kind of
how I feel about my Amazon pots. There they are
look at that Amazon shows up a lot. And then
the third thing is opportunity cost. Remember what you are

(18:47):
giving up. Example, maybe skipping the daily five dollars Starbucks
drink doesn't seem like a big deal, but it adds
up to one thousand, eight hundred and twenty five dollars
by the end of the year, and you could use
that My need to buy yourself a new TV or
put towards a trip or something.

Speaker 4 (19:03):
Ooh see, that's yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
My husband wishes I did that more like when we've
booked a trip, He's like, so, now maybe we do
a little less of this thing that we do all
the time, because you know that money would be great
to be saved for this trip that we've just planned.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
Which a couple of months ago, we were on a
walk and you said, out of nowhere, well you were
talking about your trip to Costa Rica, And then you said,
he as long as I've known you, you haven't really
taken a trip besides Colorado, which is where we go
to see my sister and I love Colorado, and yep,
that's basically where I've gone the last few years. And

(19:39):
then before that, so we've had the kids for five
years now. For that, anytime I had vacation, I was
pretty much going to Haiti.

Speaker 4 (19:45):
Yeah, of course, which is not a vacation. Does haven't
been there. Vacations are like leisurely.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
Fun things versus a trip to go see your children
who you can't get home yet.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Would you were encouraging me to play something? And so
I did have an idea and talk to my cousin
Amanda about it. Where we're thinking maybe we might do Paris.
I love this TBD, but also I want to go
to Montana or I have never been to again. It's
very It's not Colorado, so I get it. I'm not

(20:20):
going too much further from there, but Montana, Wyoming. I
want to experience you that watched Ye Yellowstone too much,
of course, But really it's that we need to start
realizing things about ourselves, like that our friends or family
may notice about us, because I don't think it had

(20:40):
ever really crossed my mind that I had not planned
something just for me somewhere I want to go that's
really fun.

Speaker 4 (20:49):
That doesn't serve another purpose, right, It's not.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Seeing family, It's not you know, check doing well. It's
pretty much all I do is going to visit the
kids or see family. Or I'm trying to think is
there anything that im No, not really.

Speaker 3 (21:02):
And we all know the difference in a trip with
your children and a vacation. Those are two different things. Yeah,
so you know they well.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yes, this next vacation that I have coming up, they
will not be coming with me. Oh well, so we've
gone to Florida. There we go we went to the beach, Yeah,
thirty a.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
But that's a trip with your children to a beach
versus a vacation.

Speaker 4 (21:24):
Those are different things to me.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah, which I get that for some I mean totally,
it's not easy to do. But the point of thinking
about it is, can you carve it out. Can you
start saving for that trip? Can you get with a
friend or your sister or someone that would be fun
to travel with and say, hey, next year, we should

(21:46):
really put it on the calendar. Start planning it now
so we get good prices and let's do this for ourselves,
and yeah, being proactive. So I was thankful that you
said that to me, and I have you gave me
some travel agent person, which I've never called anyone like
that in my life, But I actually see how it's

(22:09):
quite beneficial, especially if you're going somewhere you don't know anything,
you've never been before. She was explaining to me how
she ends up getting paid, but then also how I'm
going to save money because of certain relationships that she has,
which I don't even know for sure that I'll end
up using her because I haven't booked anything yet. But
just don't sleep on a travel agent thinking that that

(22:31):
doesn't make sense because only maybe wealthy people use that,
because yeah, no, it's not the case.

Speaker 3 (22:38):
I felt like we saved money because we could go
for less days because we had we could do more
in a day because she had helped us kind of
plan things out well, and our transportation was already kind
of figured out for us, so we could stay less
days and do just as many things. So it did
kind of save us money that in that way, take.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
An agency over your life and what you want to
do and how you want.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
It to look.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
And now I'm a gardener, and gardening is self care.
It is like I have felt so good and when
I pull up, it's an accomplishment, like look at what
I did. And self care can look a lot of
different ways for people. And I did get an email
from Katie Gustafson. Do you know her. She's a therapist

(23:32):
here in Nashville, And she did a self care workshop
recently with Ali Fallon that I went to and I
ended up on her email list because I went to
the workshop, which was really awesome. In one of her
emails this week, she listed out ways to protect your
summer self care and I went through them. She had more,
but I picked four that I'll go over and it's

(23:54):
saying summer, but you could apply these at any time.
But one of the things. First thing is is work
with what you've got. No matter where you are and
what your schedule is, there is always opportunities to plug
into self care just because your typical routine may not
be available. Seeking out alternative roots to move to rest,

(24:15):
to nourish and play will only support a more balanced
restorative experience, for sure. So work with what you've got.
Second thing, self compassion is a verb. Katie said She's
a big believer that when all else fails, our self
care MVP is self compassion. Treating yourself as you would

(24:36):
a dear friend, speaking to yourself with kindness is the
foundation of all other self care. When schedules fill up
and life gets wonky, the last thing you need is
self discipline. It's self compassion. Oh preach, So yeah, I
like self compassion is a verb. Third thing, choose connection

(24:57):
over perfection. She said. So that as she was writing this,
it was nine pm on a late June evening, she
said she could hear her toddler's footsteps pouncing playfully upstairs.
She said she wanted to cringe, but she also knew
that structure and schedules are important, flexibility is as well,

(25:18):
So she said, give yourself extra time and space to
connect with people who matter when the opportunity presents, like tonight, yes,
like tonight, or if yeah, my son were to put
him to bed and it's bedtime, but it is summer
and he ends up coming downstairs in my room. I
can be more flexible and be like, you know what,
it's summer, crawl in bed, You're fine, Yes, you're fine.

Speaker 4 (25:40):
There's room here.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
Because I can get rigid about that, I'm like, I
put you in bed, go back up, it's your room.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
Well, we all start replaying those like oh you didn't
sleep last night, so now today's bad. But yes, I've
had my son didn't have a camp this week, so
he's been with me every spare moment that I'm not working,
and it's been nice. Like today, we just you know,
drove and did our things and I said, wow, buddy,
I'm gonna go to public. You want you want me

(26:06):
to get you a sprite while I'm in there, And
he was just like, yeah, I would, that would be awesome.
I would never on a busy, normal day, think you
know what, a drink from the from We just.

Speaker 4 (26:19):
Don't do those kinds of things.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
We don't buy snacks at gas stations if we're not
on a trip, we don't go and buy a single
drink at publics. Those are things that you know, we
just don't do. You can get a you can get
a drink at home. We're almost there, et cetera.

Speaker 4 (26:32):
But Jay, I was like, you want that? He looked
at me like shocked.

Speaker 3 (26:36):
Did you just offer me a cold beverage from the
from the grocery store when we're so close to home?

Speaker 4 (26:43):
I was like, sure, I did. It was nice.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
You chose the connection.

Speaker 4 (26:46):
Yeah, And he's just like, I would love that. Thanks Mom.
He didn't say it that way.

Speaker 2 (26:50):
He's like, yeah, thanks dude, Thanks man, Thanks Brah.

Speaker 4 (26:54):
You know he's twelve, so whatever.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, choose connection over perfection. And then the fourth thing
is practice play. The moment we stop playing, we start aging.
Summertime often presents us with an invitation to flex this
muscle in a special way. Take it. As I've learned
all too well, post cancer diagnosis and treatment, because Katie

(27:16):
had breast cancer, life is all about finding moments of
joy and presence. They are extravagant gifts strewn everywhere along
the way, just like freckles on a sun drenched face.
Let's get out there, she said, and then she signed
it Love and Gratitude Katie, which I thought she's a

(27:36):
neat writer and more that she wrote. But yeah, so good. Yeah,
And I think she does that self care workshop every year,
or she's going to. I know she had done it
the year before, and they did it again earlier this year,
and hopefully they'll do it again next year. It's really good.
Which speaking of Katie's, I got an email from a
listener named Katie. Mentioned her in the beginning, but here's

(27:57):
what she wrote in Speaking of Katie's, I got an
email from a listener named Katie. Mentioned her in the beginning,
but here's what she wrote in Amy. I started listening
to your four Things podcast from the get go. Then

(28:18):
around twenty twenty, I was at a personal low and
stopped listening. I was struggling and at that point in
my life, listening wasn't bringing me joy. So I made
the hard decision to take a break from listening. Today,
I was at the gym and decided to give your
podcast another listen, Yay, you have a new friend, kat.
I was curious of the backstory. How do you meet?
I take it she hause a boyfriend, big P. But

(28:41):
I'd love a quick recap of your friendship and is
she a regular on your episodes? Now? Maybe at some
point I can go back and try to totally catch up.
So Katie kat is my co host of The Fifth Things.
She also has a podcast on my network called You
Need Therapy. She's a licensed therapist based here in Nashville.

(29:02):
And how we met well in twenty twenty my friend
Lisa and I Lisa Haim, who's a registered dietitian out
of New York. She also has a podcast on my
network now called Trutheist Life. I got my own network
in twenty twenty as well, and these are some women
that joined it. But Lisa and I had become friends online,

(29:25):
and I had this idea of doing this eating disorder
series on the four Things podcast. It would be a
bonus series, a four part episode thing called Outweigh because
of Life without disordered eating outweighs Everything, and Lisa and
I would do it together and we put a call
out to anybody that had experience with any kind of

(29:46):
disorder behavior that was willing to share their story. We
wanted to talk to therapists, we wanted to talk to doctors.
It was very it was jam packed full of people.
And when we put the call out for the therapists,
one of Kat's friends' moms about it and called Kat
and said, hey, because Kat's a license therapist, it specializes
in eating disorders. And coincidentally, her practice is on Music Row,

(30:11):
which is where the Bobby Bone Show meets, which is
where we were doing the recordings on Music Row. So
Kat was like, oh, maybe I should email her and
just see if she replies. So I get this email
and she's like, hey, you don't know me. I'm a
licensed therapist. And I'm like perfect because some of the
people we were interviewing, in fact, most most of the

(30:32):
dieticians and the doctors and whatever, they were all on
the phone because they didn't live in Nashville. And so
I was like, oh, my gosh, you could just walk
over and record and she said, yeah, that's amazing, walk
on over. Because Lisa flew in from New York. It
was two weeks before COVID. COVID wasn't a thing I mean,
Lisa came from New York. It hit New York first.
It was literally right when she right when Lisa left,

(30:54):
the tornado happened here. And then she went to New
York and then she is like, things are getting weird here.
I don't know, and I'm like, ah, well, okay, glad
you made it. And we were able to do outweigh.
But that's when I met kat and we hit it off,
like clicked, and we became friends and have been friends
ever since. And then a lot of the fifth thing

(31:19):
at times was listener emails and Q and a's. It's
evolved since then. We were open to evolving. It varies.
It's whatever. I try not to put a I put
pressure on myself times. The four things I always had
to be four things, you know, I mean, I found
a way to put four things in here by only
listening four of Katie's self care tips.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
Perfect.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
But you know, fifth thing doesn't have to always be
a Q and A. So it's sort of just whatever.
But a lot of times we do the emails, but
some of them were very kind of, you know, advice driven,
and I didn't feel qualified to give advice, So a
lot of times I was asking Kat to come on
anyway and as a therapist, just so that I I had,

(32:01):
you know, like she was like protection because I didn't
want to misdeed anybody because I'm not an expert. And
so then I was like, this is so fun and
I'm loving it. So yeah, she's on as an official,
like she's she gets paid for her time, and I
value her time and it's so fun.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
I love having It is fun to listen to you too.
Even if I didn't know you both, it would be
fun to hear you kind of bounce off. It's almost
like I'm sitting in on Amy's therapy session sometimes because
like Amy'll bring something and then Cat'll be all therapeutic
and like explain.

Speaker 4 (32:37):
I'm like, oh that makes so much sense.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
Which she's now engaged. So Big p Yes was her boyfriend,
but he is now her fiancee. Which at my Nashville
Live show which Claire was there the live podcast taping
that we did, Big Pee per post to her at
the end of the night. We had two shows and
at the very end I was overdoing meet and greet
when he did it. Then I heard screaming and I

(33:00):
was like, oh, he did it. She said yes, and
so now they're engaged and they're planning their wedding and
it's a lot of fun. But Big p He's crazy.
Thing about that is she's a therapist and Big Piece
never been to therapy.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
I mean he's a man our age in the South.
That doesn't surprise me. Well, I mean I would love
it to be different. I hope that it's changing, but
you know.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah, well we'll see, wow that ends up going. But
it's just it's interesting for sure, just being a therapist.
But she's like surprisingly he's pretty, you know, in incredibly healthy.
But they may they're debating whether or not they're going
to do some sort of marriage counseling. Did you do
marriage counseling?

Speaker 3 (33:39):
It was a requirement. I'm surprised they even get a choice.
Most ministers that we talked to. Her brother's marrying her,
oh okay, and my uncle ended up doing it too,
but are marrying us also. But he required any couple
that he married to do premarital counseling, either with him
or with someone. I thought it was valuable, Like there

(34:01):
was a lot of like family of origin information that
like just caused us to have some question, like to
question each other about, Oh, how did your family do vacations? Well,
how did your families? How did your family handle stress? Stress?

Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yeah, silent treatment.

Speaker 3 (34:19):
Right, and like it just helped to kind of know
where you were coming from. Even though you know, we
both had fairly functional families, it was still good.

Speaker 4 (34:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (34:30):
I'm a big fan of premarital counseling and marital counseling
and individual counseling and children being counseled all the counseling.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah, it's interesting me knowing some of your background, which
not to say anything, it's it's interesting to hear you
say that you describe some of your upbringing as fairly functional.

Speaker 4 (34:47):
My parents are listening, just kidding, No, but.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
Like, hey, my parents all the time.

Speaker 4 (34:54):
I come from a divorced family similar to Amy's.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
And that's why she's laughing, Like we had very similar background.
But what I like when I think about my vacations
were fairly normal my right, you know, like we didn't.
I didn't have some of the level of dysfunction that
you see.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
Right, No, I agree. I actually would say same thing
for me, even though at nine my dad left my
family for another woman named Cricket, and she was significantly
younger than my dad. We also knew her, and then
they actually didn't get married until I was eighteen because
my parents didn't get divorced, so I was eighteen.

Speaker 4 (35:34):
That part I did not know right.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
And then like a few days after the divorce was
final because I turned eighteen, they were waiting on that
they had their whole wedding planned out, and then we
went to their wedding. Yeah, it was very interesting because
my mom was willing to wait, and if my dad
changed his mind in that nine years, she would have

(35:57):
taken him back.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
I don't that is very interesting, very.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
I don't think on her deathbed she would have said
I should have handled it that way when she died
at sixty five. And because I've told you, also told
you the story too about how I mean again, I
think my family was somewhat normal and not very dysfunctional.
But my dad did date my sister's husband's grandma after

(36:23):
he got a divorce from cricket. But that was after
my mom died. Because my mom, before she even died,
she goes, I think something's going on with your dad
and I won't say her name, and I said, Mom,
no way, she's Ben's grandma yes, signific My dad always
my dad is married four times and always younger women.

(36:44):
Every time he would get younger and younger. But my
Mom's like, no, I'm and my mom sure enough, she
knew it, but they wouldn't ever have I think, done
anything while my mom was alive, because while my mom
was alive, he was trying to date her.

Speaker 4 (36:58):
Again that doesn't sound, yeah, that sounds And.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
My mom said, well, I have cancer now, so I
was going to take you back, you know, back in
the nineties, but I'm a little busy now.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Maybe I'm going to pass and work on my self
care and say no to this and that The main thing.

Speaker 2 (37:14):
Was, which I've shared this before, so sorry if people
were hearing this again, but I think it's the power
of even forgiveness too. Of like she had already forgiven
him and she didn't she didn't need him to come
and say, will you forgive me? But she didn't. She
realized she didn't want to be with a man that

(37:35):
hadn't come to ask for forgiveness. Not because she needed
him to do that so she could forgive, yeah, but
she wanted to be with someone that wanted to say
those words.

Speaker 3 (37:45):
And it's something about that awareness of I need to
be forgiven and I think wanting a person who's able
to know.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
That about themselves, which I think my dad was unable.
He was not capable of being aware of that because
of his own stuff. When my mom was in hospice,
on her like in her final days, the last day
she was actually coherent, and my sister and I got
to witness it. My dad went over and leaned over

(38:13):
her bed and was like brushing his hand on her
forehead and moving her hair back, and you know, I
kind of like, I think gave her a little kiss
on the forehead and asked for forgiveness.

Speaker 4 (38:24):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
And my sister and I laugh because my mom she
was coherent, but she was also still very out of it.
But we know that she had to have known, like, wow,
I have been waiting what over twenty five years for
you to say that to me. But my mom's response
was literally she lifted up her hand with her pointer
finger and she went to his nose and she goes woo,

(38:48):
just like that. I think she was a little little
little drugged up because hospice is like, hey, you're just
trying to be comfortable, you know what. I'm saying, that's
all we're here for. That's all we're here for is
to be comfortable. So she went. But it was really
cool to see that she got that moment before she passed,
because it happened exactly when it was supposed to do

(39:11):
and at the right time. And then after that, my
dad was a completely different person. He started to shift
his priorities and he started to open up more and
want connection, and he had more awareness. And my sister's
husband's grandmother was very aware and she was very into
a lot of that stuff. And so then I think
they just really they both were outgoing personalities and she

(39:33):
liked it. She was very successful and like all, very
social and how to go, go go, and my dad
could hold his own like she was a successful business
woman that would be at like big University of Texas functions,
and she could take my dad as a date and
she didn't have to like babysit him because my dad
could walk in and hold his own and make a
conversation with somebody and not and she could go do
her thing.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
And he was finally marrying an equal since your mom,
like it sounds like your mom was last person he
married that was actually equal to him. He married these
younger women or what.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
My mom was younger. My mom was younger. Okay, my
mom was younger than my mom was wife number three.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
So seven total, no four while were total or lives total?

Speaker 2 (40:15):
And then there was the last wife, yes, last wife.
And then the grandma was just a girlfriend okay, because
she was she was never going to get married again
at that point, because she was in her eighties. She's
she passed away. Oh gosh, I think the same year
as my dad maybe, yeah, she which was what twenty
twenty one? Yeah, she was. We didn't really ever know

(40:37):
her age. She didn't like to say it, but I
think she was like eighty.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
I mean, it's fun fact my grandmother lied about her
age with such voracity that her tombstone is incorrect.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
By how much.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
It's at least two years, but nobody was sure, like
she always claimed, and it didn't make any sense to
you who cares, But yeah, her, she had her her
tombstone is the incorrect birth date, so that she died
younger than she actually was.

Speaker 4 (41:08):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
And my grandmother was. We still don't understand why it was.
She's you know whatever.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
I just hung up on it as the thing. I
mean for some people, there's a difference in you know,
eighty eight ninety, I mean sure, thirty eight and forty whatever,
you know.

Speaker 3 (41:25):
But yeah, like I will say, I feel like counseling
at any age helps all your relationships. And so I
can't say enough good things about marriage counseling. Oh yeah,
so long counseling. Long story short, Big Pee, Big Pete.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
Go to therapy.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
I mean right, yeah, just be be ready. But you
can't go to one of Cat's friends. That would be
the only like, you got to go to a therapist
that doesn't no.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
Cat at all.

Speaker 3 (41:47):
Oh yeah, otherwise he's going to feel a little ganged
up on.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
I don't think she would do that. But his name
is Patrick. I don't know if we addressed that, but
I gave him the nickname Big P because we first
started talking about him on the podcast when they were dating.
They met on Hinge. We obviously did not know that
this was going to end up like in a marriage,
because she had had some pretty wonky dating app dates

(42:11):
leading up to that, including with him. Actually after their
first date, I didn't think she was going to go
back out with him again, but she did so we
I thought, well, maybe he doesn't want his name said,
so we'll just give him a nickname, so start calling
him Big p. No, I don't think he cares. But
that Katie long story. That's how I met kat and

(42:31):
then how I met Claire is we were both on
the news together.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
Yes, back in that tumultuous twenty twenty, right, I mean
we had a lot of things in twenty twenty. We
had the tornado in Nashville, COVID obviously, and then Black
Lives Matters, Black Lives Matter, Yeah, I mean I feel
like there was multiple things that were happening. That summer
especially was really a lot and we I was approached

(43:00):
separately and asked, hey, you're raising a black son as
a white family. Would you be interested in talking about
what that looks like given the current environment in the country,
And they said, we're going to interview another family also
in Nashville. Similarly, it was a local radio, a local
news station, so then go ahead.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Yeah, we ended up on the same It was over
zoom because COVID.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
Yeah, they came, they came to my house.

Speaker 3 (43:29):
But I think you were still on like very strict
Bobby Bone Show Lockdown.

Speaker 4 (43:34):
You were not.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
I don't think anybody outside of your little sphere you
could see face to face. They came, they held they
wore masks and sat across the room for me and
like did a boom mic over my head to interview me.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
But yeah, it was we didn't get to see each
other face to face at all. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
So I never met you, but we were in the
same segment because I adopted from Haiti and you adopted
from Congo.

Speaker 4 (43:54):
He's from Yeah, from DC Congo.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
So we were the white moms talking about our black children.
And then what it was probably not long after that,
I mean maybe six seven months, eight months.

Speaker 4 (44:08):
Yeah, it was a while.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
And in the meantime I had heard you talk on
the radio and a couple of times I'd been like,
her life sounds a lot like my life currently in
what's going on in my house? Huh, that's interesting. And
so I finally I think a message the show podcast,
I know, but I don't think I got that. I

(44:30):
didn't get that. I ran into a radner. Yeah, and
then yes, and then I was like Amy, Hey, I'm sorry,
I know you're you know, just walking, but I'm so
and so. And we were on this on the news
together and so yeah, we ended up talking. Our poor
families had to wait like thirty minutes while we had
this DeepArt to heart in the parking lot.

Speaker 2 (44:51):
Right, because I couldn't believe that like some of our
stories are we don't say it's private, it's not our
stories fully, but just to meet some one that fully
understands something that you're experiencing. And so that was like
an instant okay, and we have been friends ever since.

Speaker 3 (45:10):
Yeah, I think we emailed and then it would be like, hey,
I just needed somebody that understands this to hear this
hard thing that happened. And it was really nice to
you know, kind of have a mom friend because without divulging,
you know, more than our kids would desire. Sometimes getting
your kid home is not the hardest part of adoption.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
No, I thought that was because it took me, gosh,
three years to three years.

Speaker 4 (45:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
Yeah, and we can say that too with just encouragement
to any parents, whether you're an adopted parent or you
have biological children, that there are so many different highs
and lows and finding people, whether online Facebook groups, group meetings.
Claire told me about this adopted mom's group we went

(45:57):
to through that I met some other moms that ended
up help with other schools. Like you know, it just
starts to snowball and you can meet the right people,
but it takes you saying hi to people, you know.
I even go back to the time I met Bobby
and that's how I'm on the Bobby Bone Show. My
saying from that is when I saw him eating alone
and I was a listener of the show and I

(46:18):
just wanted to say hi to him, nothing else. But
I could have just been like, oh, I think that's
Bobby Bones and went on with my day. But instead
I went over and said, here are you, Bobby Bones.
I listen every day. I love the show, Like thanks
for entertaining me on my hour drive, Jill's my favorite
blah blah blah. And that ended up without all the

(46:40):
details in between, but that here I like, I have
joining the Bobby Bone Show. And here we are seventeen
Actually the time I met him that was eighteen years ago,
so here we are eighteen years later. So my saying
is like, say hi to people. It could change your life. Yeah,
and you we met on the news sort of, but
then you saying hi to me at the relationships that

(47:02):
have formed since then and the time we've had together,
and you know, our boys becoming friends and hanging out,
you know, and our daughters. Yes, I just even see
I know more future things are coming for us, and
it's like wow, say hi to people, it could change
your life.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
And then be willing to be vulnerable if it seems appropriate.
Like I feel like if I had acted toward Amy, like, oh,
adoption is this rosy, beautiful thing, and I'm so every
day is rainbows and sunshine. I don't know that either
of us would have ever ever felt comfortable saying, oh,
but you know, this is hard.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
Some days are hard.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
I think the vulnerability that we were willing to show
each other was also a gateway to a friendship that
we might not have experienced otherwise.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
Right, and like a very safe, easy friendship, you know,
like it's just and that's what's you know. Kat is
a very similar example of like when you go do
a lot of work on yourself. Yeah, and Cat's a therapist,
which not all therapists are healthy by any means, but

(48:09):
she has also taught me sometimes like a healthy like
oh well this is this is fine, Like you don't
this is not a big deal. This is like it's okay,
this is healthy. I'm like, oh, okay, cool. And so two,
you have that because you've done a lot of work
and we both have experienced a lot of similar things
and so we just have a lot of grace and

(48:33):
understanding and compassion and it's like okay, cool, Like there's no.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
Like, no drama, no, so like I can't handle this
today is a very normal thing to say we can't.

Speaker 4 (48:44):
Today's not the day story I had plans.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
We just yeah, my kid can't do this today, or
even if just not kid, like if you were like
you sent me that text earlier today like hey I'm
kid free, husband free, you free question mark, Like if
you didn't hear from me for five days, it doesn't
I mean I replied to you today immediately, but I
know there's times where I haven't maybe for however long,

(49:07):
and there's no like we both understand that, like things
are just hectic.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Yes, And I think that self compassion you talked about earlier,
I think when you have self compassion, it helps you
to be more compassionate towards others, your friends, your family,
et cetera. And so if we start with that self compassion,
you know then we have compassion for you know what,
Amy didn't respond to me two days ago. It's no
big deal. I'm sure she's busy. I'm going to send

(49:32):
her another text. It's the same thing that I hope
that I would do for myself if I dropped the
ball on something and remember it two days later.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
Yeah, and I think it's something just popped into my head.

Speaker 4 (49:44):
Oh you had.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
What I realized you had texted me about that I
didn't respond to was if I had seen the Succession finale. Yes,
And now I don't know which is blowing my mind
that I can't remember if I've watched the finale of
a show, which is blowing my mind that I can't

(50:14):
remember if I've watched the finale of a show and I.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
Was gonna say, it's not the season, it's the series.
I know it's a thing.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
So I'm thinking, because that's another thing I lost in
the divorce.

Speaker 4 (50:25):
Watch with your children.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
It is incredibly, incredibly inappropriate language.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
But our accounts, like Netflix, we had to create new accounts,
and I don't know why I can't get into my
Max my Age Belavor my Max account, but I can't.
So now I can't even log in probably till Shannon
gets back.

Speaker 4 (50:47):
Shannon again on the list.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
If I because something is not working, I mean I
had that, I thought I had the password saved. And
then we use last Pass, which is a password app
that Shannon found that we put everything into. So if
you ever have a question about a password, it's a
safe place where you can put it.

Speaker 3 (51:09):
So my kid at college won't be texting me, mom,
what's the HBO max password?

Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (51:13):
Mom, how do I get in Netflix?

Speaker 2 (51:15):
You should just get the last Pass map and then
safely put it in there, and then he can log
in and go to Netflix and be like, oh boop,
there's the password. And so I can't figure it out
and I don't know. But then I but when I
replied to you today, I realized you sent that a
few days ago, and I just, I don't know, couldn't
couldn't respond at the time for whatever reason. Sometimes people though,

(51:36):
they do text during the Bobby Bone Show, and I
engage in it too. Sometimes I will reply, But then
the problem is if it's a day where I just
it's we're cranking things out and I can't I make
the stake of sort of engaging, and then I'll just
fall off the map, because then I go from one
thing to the next, and then you know, other texts

(51:58):
come in and then those go down, which I'm not
even going to show you. Let me tell you right now.

Speaker 3 (52:02):
Please don't tell me how unread text. Oh yeah, oh,
I can't handle it. I just need you to read
them so that there's not a little bubble that.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
Guess the number.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
Guess okay, forty no, hi, oh, no, one hundred higher.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
I was actually shocked by this myself. That's how I know.

Speaker 4 (52:19):
How do you handle that?

Speaker 2 (52:20):
Right?

Speaker 4 (52:20):
I say? In that many this.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Literally must be like group text where maybe tons of Yeah,
I don't know, because I'm at three hundred and seventy four. Oh, that's.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
That's more than days in the year. You could answer
one per day until this time next year, you wouldn't
be done.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
I yeah, I don't really know.

Speaker 3 (52:43):
Oh, you need to get some group me situation going
on with those group texts, so it's not all going into.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
Well, let's see, how many do I have my daughter
right now? One? Two, three? I just opened her text
four or five? She said, yeap.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
She has been very very active on the selling things
on your Instagram.

Speaker 4 (52:58):
Yes, that's been a big, a big pushed the couple days.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
She's a big about the silk yes, yes, so okay,
which she's working on being able to upload clothes that
I have, but she has to get that special. I
don't know that it's going to be like to know
it there's another one, yeah, because I don't know. I
was like to sure, I don't know that. We don't
have to have that. There's this other like shop thing
you can use. But she's like, well, I have to

(53:23):
have that if I want to make commission.

Speaker 4 (53:25):
But it's not like Poshmark.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
It's something else, something else, Okay, But she'll be able
to load up like I or if I have on
a pair of I mean, do I sound eighty years
old right now? Or what I'll be like. She'll be
able to load up a link to the genes on
the Instagram and you click it and then it's not
to order it.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
It's like on the Facebook.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
Thing, right, So she like if I because sometimes people
like where did you get those Jeanes? We're just and
I know that's helpful. I'm not saying people want to
always know what I'm wearing, but I do find it
helpful when people I follow have on a queue something.

Speaker 4 (54:00):
Yeah, like not an influencer, like a real person wearing
the thing.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
Well, I do have. I do have some influencers that
I follow for that too, yeah, like, and I appreciate
their links and I know the work that goes into that,
and I want them to get that commission because they
worked hard putting together this whole. You know, these are
all the white things you need and this is the
best dinum and they love these summer shoes. I'm grateful

(54:25):
for it, but I so I told Sashira, I don't
I don't have the bandwidth for that. If you would,
if I were to hire somebody, sure I could get help.
But she was looking for the summer drop. So anyway,
that's why she wants to do it. And she's doing
the Amazon links as like a yeah her, this is
like her practice, like her, she's getting her feet wet internship. Yeah.

(54:48):
And then she's working on getting the clothing thing. I
don't know where we are on that. I need to
check with her. And then when she gets all that
filled out, then maybe she can start linking clothes. And
she does have a good idea. She's like, I feel
like we could go to Abercrombie and go in the
dressing room and I could say, okay, mom tried these on,
and then she could say these are for moms, and

(55:09):
these are for teenagers because Abercrombie don't sleep on it.
They have they have.

Speaker 4 (55:14):
Some good genes of hers, yes, yeah, yes.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
And they have all kinds of sizes, they have all
kinds of fits. And then they've got this stuff for
the teens, and then they have this stuff for that
you can still you can be in your forties or
fifties or whatever and not feel like you're trying to
be a teenager.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
That's a good that's a good shout out, because I
feel like I've offloaded Abercrombie to the teenage you know world, No, okay.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
Don't sleep on it. At radio Amy follow along in
the stories. Apparently Sushia and I are going to do
what do they call it a try on?

Speaker 4 (55:44):
Oh? A hole?

Speaker 2 (55:45):
But that's but if we're at the store, I think
it's a hole.

Speaker 4 (55:47):
When you get home, yeah it is. You have to
have purchased it, So this is a try on, I guess. Interesting.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
If anybody knows exactly what that's called. Message, we'll probably
do something like that. But Soshia is great.

Speaker 4 (56:00):
But it's entrepreneurial. I like her idea, like, yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
She has ideas. She's just wanting to babysit, which she is,
and I love that she's being proactive and she wants
to do this and she wants to take initiative. And
I'm like, okay, I'd rather it be you than hire
somebody else. And you can make it part of your
summer job and who knows. If you start killing it
then yeah you yeah, and then she can use that

(56:23):
money to for her gas money and her to buy
her own clothes.

Speaker 4 (56:27):
It's close on the car.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
Yeah, she's taking her shaking her driving drivers test this Saturday.
Oh like a fish, like the driving like the real
official because she turned sixteen in April. So she's put
it off for a while. Now who's put it off?

Speaker 4 (56:43):
She has? Oh really it has been her.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
It's not me. Interesting, Oh you were looking at me
like it was me. Oh now, ma'am. She it's been.
She's kind of like, eh, it's fine. And then now
she's summer.

Speaker 4 (56:57):
All the friends. Yeah, she can't go. She doesn't have that.
I can go to my friend's house with no pre plan.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
Right, And I'm kind of ready for it too, because
if she has these babysitting jobs. And then Bobby hired
her to do something at his house the other day,
and I had to go driver and take her, yeah,
and then I ended up just waiting there because I
didn't want to turn around and have to come back
and pick her up. And at work, he was like, I,
you didn't have to stay. I wasn't expecting you to stay.
I'm like, well, I needed to make sure that she
was doing it. It was kind of complicated, and I

(57:24):
want to make sure she's doing it right. And then
also I just took my computer and I was like,
I just decided to work because i'd have to come
back and get her. And I honestly did not know
how long it was going to take, yeah, because Bobby
was like I think it'll take fifteen minutes. It took
an hour and a half.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
Okay, okay, Bobby, But I mean and we so my
daughter has a jobs. She has a couple jobs this summer,
and we fortunately live in an area where she can
get to her jobs by walking or biking because we
my husband and I both work, and so we were
just like, we can't we can't commit to getting you
to a job that we have to drive you to

(58:00):
regularly during the week during the summer. So she's like
lifeguarding in our pool at our pool neighborhood pool, and
then she can like walk to the grocery store and
back groceries. And that's worked out great. But I don't
know how you would do it otherwise with you and
Ben both working.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Yeah. No, I mean it's that's what we need to
start driving and then she can start shaking Stevenson places too.
Oh that's glorious, Yeah, she said.

Speaker 4 (58:24):
The other day.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
I said something about how you know his middle school's
and be right by her high school. And I'm like,
and then you can take him. It's gonna be amazing.
And she looked at me and she's like, I guess
I don't have a choice. Say, I bet she was
not as thrilled about that as you were. I was like, no,
you don't know a car is No, you don't that hurt.
The car she got was my car in I bought it.

(58:48):
It was my first car that I bought when I
joined the Bobby Bone Show in two thousand and six.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
You've had that car a long time. It's really good
for you. To have had it that long.

Speaker 2 (58:57):
We took great care of it, so just held on
to it and then we're like, oh, well it makes
sense to just pass it on to her. Keep it
in the fam.

Speaker 4 (59:08):
Now, we'll see how long it lasts now I know.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
Okay, Well, I hope y'all are having the day that
you need to have. And Claire, thank you so much
for joining me for this chat.

Speaker 4 (59:19):
Absolutely so fun.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
And hopefully you'll your husband will appreciate that you learned
some more spending commandments or whatever they were.

Speaker 4 (59:30):
Yes, money management tips.

Speaker 3 (59:32):
He's always thrilled for me to learn those things because
I did not back to that premarital counseling. That is
something I did not learn from my family of origin
money management in any way, shape or form.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Oh have you something I know that a lot of
women are having to hide from their husbands. Have you
tried the snail seerum yet?

Speaker 4 (59:49):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (59:49):
No?

Speaker 3 (59:50):
I got the under eye patches that I keep in
the fridge that were the ones that you. I bought
them from your link. I haven't done the snail stuff.
But Carrie, I see carry like so amy also, so
hand it off her skin person. I use her skin
person now and she's fantastic. I love her.

Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
The Nashville Beauty Girl is it's at the at the
Beauty Girl. It's Carrie.

Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
Yeah, yes, And so I figure that when I see
her next month, she will probably be like, hey, you
might want to do this.

Speaker 4 (01:00:14):
Your skin's looking dry.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
Oh yeah, because Carrie's the one that told me she
saw it online, and she's like any double or triple
board certified dermatologists that says we need to do this,
we need to do it. And I did see on
their website right now, which I don't I don't get
paid for this or make anything from this, but it's
the lowest they have a twenty five percent off thing.

(01:00:37):
When they've given me a code before, the code is
for twenty percent off. Ooh, and it's twenty five but
I know that on their website right now it's twenty
five percent off, which is the lowest I've ever seen it.
So you don't even need a code. I don't know how.
I just know that that's an option. So if you
want to try it out, it's biopel dot com and
it's the forty Sage but forty the snail Secretious, the

(01:01:03):
Little Tubes. It's the forty if you go to the serums.

Speaker 4 (01:01:06):
Like milligrams forty mgs.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
I don't know they're called like forty yeah, good question.
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:01:12):
Forty should be on the package.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Forty is on the packaging and they're these little tube
thingis if you go to serum and click down, you
want the forty and it's yeah, twenty five percent off.

Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
I need to post about that because people need to
know they I love I told you, and that's what
I told them when they wanted to give me the
I had posted about them randomly because I found them
and they were like, who's the scroll? We just sold
like the stuff, and they reached out to me and
I said, oh, well, yeah, I mean if you want
to give me a code, that's great. And then I said,
if if you want to give me some to give away,
I would love to give away. And they just had

(01:01:46):
emailed me the other day. That's how I know about
the sale, and they said, heads up, we're having a sale.
I said, okay, I'd love to tell people because anytime
I see it on sale on Amazon, I tell people.
So they're going to give me some two to do
a giveaway soon. And then I'll have a code eventually later,
but hey, you don't right now. You don't need a code.
It's twenty five percent off.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
Well, in the summer, I feel like is when our
skin gets so like fried and dry and we're just
all out of sorts our skin. Yeah, because well it
stand screen and all of a sudden, it's a gift.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
Like, I am obsessed. I don't know how to not
use it anymore.

Speaker 4 (01:02:19):
Are you using it every day?

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
No, I've done two ten day treatments. You can do
a ten day. Danielle who works on the Elvis Durancho
in New York or they're based out of New York,
but she was messing. She was texting me their day.
She's like, I need play by play what I'm supposed
to do. I just got my snail sermon and I
don't want to mess it up. And I'm like, I
feel you, girl. I watched YouTube videos. I wanted to
get it just right. And so I do the ten

(01:02:41):
day and then I do like one a week, okay,
or if I have an event like I've had some
work things where I just do it no matter what,
or that might be my day that week, or if
I have two things well, then end up using two
that week.

Speaker 4 (01:02:54):
I think that's what I remember from iHeart.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
Somebody had asked you, like, is that why you look
so dewy and fresh?

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:03:00):
And it was because you had the sun, you thought.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
And I did something with Kelsey Ballerini recently on camera
and these older men I don't know if I talked
about this on the podcast yet at all, but these
like fifty sixty something, I don't know, they were running
the cameras and they're like, she needs to powder her
face and I was like, no, nope, I worked really
hard to get this glow and you're not powdering off

(01:03:25):
my snail secret on my face. I don't know. It
just gives like this, even your texture is better. Less spring,
I told Danielle, I said, honestly, I've only been using
it since like March or February. February is when I
did my first ten day and then now what we're
in June. Really, what they recommend is quarterly do a

(01:03:48):
ten day. Okay, so four times a year you do
a ten day and then you can buy some extra
packs to do one a week in between if you can't.
If not, who cares, No big deal. You could do
one a year or just try it out and see
how it goes. But I told Danielle, I said, look,
I've only been using it since February. I am very
curious to see what my skin looks like next February,
when I know it's been a full year, because that's

(01:04:10):
how I felt about ZO, which Carrie got me on.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
Yeah, I was gonna say, and Carrie takes some before,
so she may have something from February to see, like
what your skin looked like, so you can compare yes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:20):
And the ZO products which Carrie put me on years ago.
My skin has changed drastically, but it took time to
see that. In fact, some of the ZO products that
she had me on were not right for my skin,
and I was getting like these little bumps. So we
had to play around with it, and then we finally
found my right plan. And now I'm obsessed with ZO
and I don't like I even I only deviate for

(01:04:43):
the snail for the biopel And then I started using
the biopel I cream too because it's a great It's
got like this shimmer to it. So I kind of
broke up with my Zeo I cream for that. But
everything else, I am Z and my skin is drastically different,
and it's it's been an investment of time, yeah, and

(01:05:08):
committing to it financially because I've always I always do
the disclaimer that there's a time in my life career
where I was not at a place where I could
have face care like that. And so Carrie always says, well,
if there's one hero product that you get from ZO,
like you if you need to get, you know, a
facewash from the drug store and use everything else but
daily power defense. If there's one product you can buy,

(01:05:30):
she recommends buying that, Okay, And so Zeo has been
a game changer for me, which I know a lot
of listeners feel the same. I get notes from listeners like, oh,
I've been on ZO for years and I love it interesting.

Speaker 4 (01:05:42):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
So she well, that's like, so Carrie's fantastic because you like,
she kind of sees you the first time and she's like,
here's some steps I think we should take over however
long you want it to take. But you know, but
it was in kind of the prognosis of things or
the you know, things that she thought I should do eventually,
but we haven't gotten to that stage yet, so she

(01:06:04):
had a few other things she wanted to address first,
and then she was like, then we'll talk about zo.
I think that would be a good option more for
you know, day to day. So yeah, I'll have to
find out next time when I go what her next
step is?

Speaker 4 (01:06:17):
Baby steps, baby steps, I mean.

Speaker 3 (01:06:19):
Yeah, but yes, I'm definitely back in twenty twenty when
we all decided to start working on our skincare because
we had time to watch tiktoks and all the things
about what we should be doing. I started paying far
more attention to, like a good regimen, and so I
have a regiment in place.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
Is how old are you?

Speaker 4 (01:06:36):
Forty four? Right?

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
And so you so at forty one you finally started
a skincare routine.

Speaker 3 (01:06:42):
And I think too, like we were, just we're in
this world of think getting things quickly, like getting a
pay a result quickly, and knowing that with skincare, you
just have to know it's going to be a while
before you get to really see that payoff, kind of
like you said, right, which.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Is why I mean, I see the off when I
put this nail sermon. I have it that night, that glow,
But then I want to know what are my long
term Yeah, of course I love that glow and I
do think the texture of my skin is changing, but
I really want to assess it once it's been a year.

Speaker 4 (01:07:12):
Yeah, and sticking with it long enough to actually see that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
To see it through. And that's why with the ZO
at first was like, I don't know that this is working,
but I had to kind of like stick with it
and power through and carry was like, trust me, we're
going to figure it out. Your skin will We'll get there.
Because my skin right now where it is, if there's
I credit it all to carry. I'm not saying I
have great skin. I feel like this is coming out wrong.

(01:07:36):
I don't know how to say it, but do you
know what I mean? If anybody ever is like, oh
my gosh, what did you do to your skin, I'm like,
she's like your team coach.

Speaker 4 (01:07:44):
She's like coached you on how to manage your skin.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
Yeah. What I'm saying is, if you've ever asked me
about my skin, because you've thought anything about my skin,
my skin is not I was not I was not
born this way.

Speaker 4 (01:07:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
Maybe what's that?

Speaker 3 (01:08:00):
Maybe it's maybe she's maybe she's start with.

Speaker 2 (01:08:03):
It, Maybe she's not.

Speaker 4 (01:08:05):
Maybe it's you didn't.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
Yeah, maybe it's Zeo and Carrie.

Speaker 4 (01:08:10):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (01:08:11):
But to your point of like TikTok and home remedy stuff,
I remember, Yeah, Carrie gave us this Zeo at home
five day, seven day or something peel situation to do
during COVID during lockdown, and it was bonkers. I was like,
what do we do? It was like a science experiment.
She's like, get this product, this product and this product
and mix it all together. And it turned into some

(01:08:31):
sort of appeal and it was painful, okay, but it
was also awesome.

Speaker 4 (01:08:38):
Yeah, the after effect was worth the worth the pain.

Speaker 2 (01:08:41):
I was like, wow, this is crazy. Okay. We could
ramble on the on and on and on and on,
but thank you Carrie, and thank you if anybody's still
even listening.

Speaker 3 (01:08:50):
Well, but I do think to your point with the
money thing, Carrie is one of those for me situations
where I'm like, you know what, I will sacrifice some things,
some superfluous extras for myself for a longer period to
go see carry because it's an investment in my face
and in my skin that I am I.

Speaker 4 (01:09:10):
Able to do now, but I am giving things up
to do.

Speaker 2 (01:09:14):
It and to say with that, it's I know you
and you would be okay if you even if you
didn't do it, Like, yes, it's a self confidence thing
and it helps you feel good. But like we did that.
I did that series last year of botox and body image. Yeah,
and I had on a therapist. It was like, am

(01:09:35):
I fraud if I get botox? Because she is the
most that focuses a lot on body image, And ultimately
she concluded that it was totally fine if she wants
to get it, because she also knows that she would
be okay if she doesn't get it. Yeah, but to
get it and know that it may boost your confidence
a little little bit here and there or make you
feel more awake. And she's a new mom, she's feeling

(01:09:57):
kind of tired and or look feel like she looked tired.
That it was okay. So sometimes you just have to
like there's some questions you can ask yourself before you
go do things, and like the fact that yeah, at
forty four, you decided, Hey, I kind of want to
go do this for myself and you've never you hadn't
done anything like it before, is okay. But yeah, I

(01:10:17):
just feel like I always have to preface like nobody.
We're not saying you have to go and do this
to feel good.

Speaker 4 (01:10:21):
No, and I think too, I have.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
I'm raising a fifteen year old, my middle child's fifteen
year old daughter, and she's going through phase right now
where she feels like she has to put makeup on
every morning to go anywhere or do anything outside the house.
And so I'm also trying to model you know, mom
is good. We can run out of this house with
no makeup on and go do things and that doesn't

(01:10:47):
affect the way I feel about myself one way or
the other. Now, do I want to do some things
with Carrie and have botox or whatever takes the u
zo and it maybe makes me feel more great in
my skin on a day that I might feel not
so confident. Sure, But do I need it every day
to go about my life?

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:11:06):
I do, not, right, And so it's modeling that for
her too.

Speaker 2 (01:11:10):
Boom all right, radiomet dot Com at radio Amy Instagram.
You may be seeing me in the stories there or Stashira.

Speaker 4 (01:11:20):
And Abracrombie TVD.

Speaker 2 (01:11:23):
Don't forget take care of yourself, self care, Go plant
some plants, Go do what you need to do, have
a good cry and see what comes to you. You
never know. After a good cry, be open, it could
unblock something and you'll just have this vision.

Speaker 4 (01:11:37):
It's those neurotransmator it's just going to.

Speaker 2 (01:11:39):
Change your life? Is that what's happening? After you cry?

Speaker 3 (01:11:41):
There's a release when you're crying, you're releasing you're flooding neurotransmitters.
And they're really good neurotransmitters to get in. And that's
why you feel so good after boom, you've released them.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
Cognitive therapy here, therapist here giving us the knowledge. All right, while,
see you all on what Saturday day for outweigh and
then next Tuesday with therapy cap for the fifth thing.
If you want to send an email, go to four
Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. Bye bye