May 24, 2022 • 30 mins
Welcome to the '5th Thing' with Amy & Kat!! Today’s quote: “Power of empathy: I’m in it with you. I’m not here to fix you. I’m not here to feel it for you. I’m here to feel with you and let you know you’re not alone.” -Brene Brown
Amy reads a few listener emails: one about connection & sharing things, one about a co-worker conflict, and another about evolving (which FYI: if you’re not evolving, you're dead!)
Kat gives us something to keep in mind when it comes to what we share publicly (like on social media or other platforms): “There is this culture that our whole lives can be exposed if we want them to be.” (Sometimes just sharing a small detail is more powerful than giving it all.)
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy!
Please send emails for the '5th Thing' to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!
ShopEspwa.com for all items that support Haiti!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and welcome to
the Fifth Thing. Today's quote comes from Brine Brown because
we've been spending a lot of time with Atlas of
the Heart, which is her special that's on HBO Max.
It's also a book, but she did a five part series.
We've mentioned it on multiple episodes, but I'm actually done
(00:25):
with it now, but rewatching it and I think it
was in the fifth episode though, that she spent some
time on empathy, and I decided to pull up a
quote from her on the power of empathy because I
think that's just an important thing to remember and I
want to remember it for myself as well. But she said,
the power of empathy, I'm in it with you. I'm
not here to fix you. I'm not here to feel
(00:46):
it for you. I'm here to feel with you and
let you know you're not alone. And I just think
that that's a great reminder when you are faced with
you know, someone in your life that might be going
through something or that's you knowing what what you need
from people. And I think it's okay to also express
to loved ones. But Cat, you're the expert here, so
(01:06):
I want you to lean into this more so, but
that hey, I don't need you to fix this right now,
because so many people they want to be of service
and help and fix. But in the episode, Burnet actually
did role play with someone that works with her that
she was in the crowds. She pulled her up and
she gave several examples and some of them were like,
oh wow, I mean, it's actually not a bad thing
(01:27):
that this example or this person quote unquote trying to do.
But then it's not really what anybody needs, especially when
we're going through something hard, and a lot of times
we think we can like empathize with something, but it's
really not the same thing. It might be sympathy. I
don't know. So you you break it all down, But
what are your thoughts when you hear that quote the
power of empathy? Well, one, I feel like I need
(01:50):
to confess that I have yet to watch this. I'll
put it on the list. Well, yeah, you have a
lot going on, and I was going to do it last.
Everybody has HBO Max. Although I do recommend getting it
because the Holiday season two, my Christmas movie UM that
I'm in mine, I have a small scene in a
bathroom in the movie that it's going to be I
(02:12):
can't say the title of the movie yet, but I
can say that it's gonna be streaming on HBO Max,
so you might look just you might as well get
it now, mainly for Burnet Brown. But come Christmas time,
it's gonna be like surprise, that's amazing. Okay, yeah, so
I will watch it. But I really like that because
I think what I hear a lot of times from
well met people is they're confused on what the difference
(02:32):
between empathy and sympathy is. And they do think that
I can be empathetic while I give advice. I can
be empathetic what I tell them my experience, when a
lot of times empathy literally is just like sitting there
and not leaving and not being judgmental because I knew
in my life. When I've had like a hard experience
and I'm ventine or I'm expressing, or I'm sitting with
(02:55):
a friend, and then they start to give me like
advice or ideas, or then they start to talk about themselves,
it can be really damaging. Either I feel like I'm
doing something wrong and so you're trying to tell me
what I need to do, or I'm not getting the
space I need because now you're talking about yourself. Yeah,
I've definitely done the empathy card wrong to people, like
I'm guilty of some of the things, and so moving forward,
(03:16):
I want to be very aware of this and I
want to be very available to just sit and be.
And that was I think the final example when Burnet
was like, I want you to watch it to get it.
I don't want to mess up the role play. They
did vice saying incorrectly, but it was just this whole
vibe of hey, what do you need right now? And
like you got ten minutes, you want to go talk
through it, you want to talk about it? What would
(03:38):
you like to do for the ten minutes? And the
person I think was even like, I actually don't want
to think about it for the next ten minutes. Cool,
let's go what would you would what would you like
to do these next ten minutes instead of forcing the
conversation or trying again to come in and be a fixer.
So highly recommend that special. And we just talked so
much about you know, coming alongside people so that they
(04:00):
don't feel alone, Like that's what we do this podcast
for and that's why we share and you know, some
days it's that you might need a laugh, for some
days it's that you might need to cry, or some
days it might be that you know, yeah, like we
everybody's going through hard stuff, and I mean, you're a therapist.
Before we even sat down, which today Fun Factor recording
from Cat's office because of her schedule and their Bobby
(04:24):
Bones show studio is actually super close by to Cats.
So I just finished that and Mosey don't over here.
I didn't even drive. I walk a beautiful day. I
feel like I'm in a therapy session right now. And
on the wall there's a sign that says it's okay
to feel things, and I'm like, yeah, that's right, it is.
But you have your podcast, you need therapy, and you
(04:45):
are all about like you want people to feel connected
and know that they're not alone. And I'm looking at
another sign in your office right now that says everything
is going to be okay. Means even when things don't
go as planned, the world can still impress you, which
I love that, like if you're not alone, and yeah,
things might suck right now, but guess what around the corner,
you never know what's waiting for you. I like what
(05:06):
you said earlier to about like Burne saying, well, what
do you want to do? Because a lot of times
when we think we're being empathetic, we're being really selfish
because somebody, as a therapist, I can speak to this
and maybe you couldn't speak to this as like being
a client too. A lot of times when I'm not
a client of yours at the moment, but like as
a client, But a lot of times when clients are
(05:27):
crying and they're not speaking right, they're just literally sitting
in my office on this couch crying, and I'm what
six ft away from them, just staring at them. It
can be uncomfortable for me because I'm like, well what
am I? What do I do? What do I say?
But the client doesn't feel uncomfortable because they're sitting with
their emotions and they're feeling them and they just like
that my presence is there. So if I were to
(05:49):
be like it's okay, or say something or give a
piece of advice or try to say something that makes
them feel better or like break the silence, it's because
I'm uncomfortable, not them. So a lot of times when
think we're being helpful, we're being selfish, right, or even
like I I tried to think about something I experienced
last weekend with someone that's going through something that I
(06:10):
also recently experienced, and I thought like the natural thing
that was coming into my head was that I knew
exactly what they were feeling because I've been there. But
then because of the work that I'm doing and amazing
people that you know are speaking about these topics of empathy,
I realized like, actually, I have been exactly where she is,
(06:33):
but because my other life experiences are totally different, our
filters are totally different, and I have no idea. I
think I may know how she's feeling, but I really
have no idea how she's feeling. So I tried to
really be careful with my words, like if she asked
me what my personal experience was like and what I did,
(06:54):
then I shared. But other than that, I stayed very like,
how can I support you in this moment. That's because
I've been, you know, intentional and trying to pay attention
to thought leaders in this area because I want to
be of help to people, especially those directly in my life.
But you know, we're on this podcast twice a week,
(07:14):
and listeners send us emails like, I'm going to read
a few here and we're gonna be sharing things with them,
and I want to make sure that I'm trying to
do the best that I can to come alongside people.
So this email is from Sarah. She said, Hey, Amy,
just wanted to thank you for the little piece of
hope that you gave at the end of the Bobby
Bones Show post Show on May tenth. I'm assumed to
(07:34):
be step mom of three and last night I was
having a bit of a breakdown, feeling guilty about the
lack of emotional connection that I've had with the kids lately.
I turned on the post show podcast as I laid
down in bed as a way to help my mind relax.
She said. Side note, I listened to the Bobby Bones
Show and the Four Things podcast often when I need
to relax or I need to pick me up, because
it feels like I'm listening to a conversation with some
(07:56):
of my friends. At the end of the podcast, you
mentioned you had a breakthrough type conversation with your son
where he willingly expressed his emotions to you and you
felt a better connection with him. You said to take
this as a sense of hope for any parent out
there that might not be feeling very connected with their
kids right now, and that was exactly what I needed
to hear at that moment. So thank you. Loving and
(08:18):
caring for children that aren't biologically yours can be so
hard some days, and it just feels good to know
that others have been there or in the same boat.
And I hesitated and even sharing that story because it
was such a personal thing, but it just came out.
I had mentioned it to Bobby and then I didn't
give all the details surrounding it. And I think that's
(08:40):
another thing that I'll pull from the burnet Brown special
is not your story. Is doesn't have to be for everybody,
And actually my story with my kids isn't just my story,
it's their story too, So I have to be very
careful about what I say. But I do want to
offer bits of hope and encouragement to other parents that
are in the thick of his, especially if they have
a opted or maybe they're becoming a step mom. But
(09:02):
I feel like there is this like, oh, I have
to share everything type culture at times, and I want
to tread lightly with what I do say and don't say.
But I'm glad that this met this listener exactly where
they needed to be met. And relationships are are tricky,
and relationships are hard. But just again, like this feeling,
This is the perfect example of her knowing right away, oh,
(09:25):
I'm not alone in this feeling was comforting to her.
What I think what's important? What just came out of
your mouth. You just said you don't have to share
every detail, like you can share the bones of an
experience and somebody can say, oh, I've been in a
similar place, so it doesn't have to be I've been
in that exact same space. So I think about when
we are sharing, especially because there is this culture where
(09:49):
it's like our whole lives can be exposed if we
want them too, with social media, and sometimes it feels
like we should be doing that, But even sharing a
small glimpse can be just just as if out more
powerful than giving every detail of every part of your life. Yeah,
and I was hesitant in sharing that. I remember exactly
how I felt in the post show when Bobby brought
(10:10):
that up, and I was like, oh, I don't know,
but I said it in a way that I think
was okay, and I felt okay with And again, it's
like that that one person. Can I ask you a question?
(10:32):
Can I ask you a question? Go ahead? You just
looked so happy when I said I can ask you
a question. I was gonna say, fire away. This is
not rapid fire. Don't worry. But for you, when you
think about because I have to think about this a
lot while I'm doing therapy and on you Need Therapy podcast,
of what's the line between what I do share and
(10:53):
what I don't. So for you, are there questions that
you ask yourself for boundaries that you have around what
you share on the show, for is what you share
with friends versus what you share on your podcast. I
think that I've matured in that area. I think early
on in my career I just was like, oh my goodness,
I'm on the radio. This is so fun. And I
mean I was thrown all kinds of things out there,
and you know, everything was show prep, Like I was called,
(11:16):
this will be great. There's a couple of stories that
I told early on in my career that I cringe
now thinking that I told them, and I'm not going
to repeat them now because I don't think they exist
anywhere now think goodness. But they involved other people, and
again I think it was my maturity level and not
knowing boundaries with storytelling. And yes, it was something that
(11:39):
happened to me, so I had every right to share
the story. But now that I have more years under
my belt and more life experience, knowing what the other
people involved, like, there was more to it than that.
It wasn't as black and white. There was likely some
real serious things going on, and I just kind of
(11:59):
made a this like, listen to this crazy story that
happened to me, and it is sensational, and yeah, it
is a great story, but is it for public airwaves?
But I didn't ever say the person's name. You still
got back, but right, And the thing is, I don't
know if it ever did. The forty one year old
me would be mortified if I chose to tell that
(12:21):
story today. But that was year old me, And you know, honestly,
I've even thought about reconnecting with that person in just
a way of like, just in case it ever did
get back to them. I would like to now apologize
for that because yes, it was my story, but it
wasn't mine alone. And so I think that's the boundary
(12:42):
that I've learned over time, is like, if I want
to tell it. I've got to find a way to
tell it where it's just my my side and not
really details that other person didn't agree to it, right,
And I mean I wasn't even in communication with that
person anymore. So you have people that are in your
outer outer circle, and then you have your inner circle too,
and that has caused I mean, that caused issues with
(13:04):
you know, with my mom and her cancer journey. I
wouldn't say it caused issues, but there was one day
like my mom was like, oh, I wish you would
have said it this way. And so then from then
on out, I even had my mom right out, like
she knew listeners wanted to be involved in her journey,
and she was so thankful for their thoughts and prayers,
and that's why I became such a big thing on
the show and Pimp and Joy, and so I had
(13:25):
her start writing out statements and I would open up
a piece of paper and I'll be like, this is
from my mother, and I would read the update verbatim
because I wanted to respect her and her journey and
that she was willing to share so much and get vulnerable.
If I felt comfortable what I was saying, I would
say it in my own words, but there were times
where I literally read verbatim notes that my mom had
(13:45):
typed up or written for me to share updates, and
so that was something that I had to learn. There
was you know, sometimes my sister would make a comment,
you know, we'd be eating and be like, well that, hey,
careful what you say everything show prep for Amy. That's
why you sent me that message the other day whenever
I was like, so, so, we had had a conversation
and I remember you saying like, oh my gosh, that
(14:05):
could be show prep. Then I was trying to remember
what it even was, not that I didn't want you
to use it, and you sent me a voice memo
that was like, I just want you to know that
if there's anything that you ever tell me and you
don't want it to be using the show, you can
tell me that. Don't feel like I get to say
whatever we talked about in conversation because your life is
not my job. And I really appreciated that, but I
(14:26):
was like, oh, I I would tell you show prepped
it the next day. That's funny. So yes, I just
feel like because in my mind, I'm like, oh, interesting topics,
so out of my mouth comes show prep. But you
don't use my name. No, But still, just because I
say show prep, I wanted to follow that up and
(14:46):
send you a message and being like, hey, I know
you heard me say show prep, but just so you know,
I'm going to run this by you if I do
choose to prep it or talk about it, because yeah,
and my stuff with uh, in my marriage with my kids.
I think anybody in media that tells personal stories has
(15:07):
likely had a relationship that's been affected by what they've said,
unless they're just like incredibly wise and they have all
the right boundaries and they know all the right things
to say. But yeah, when you're publicly sharing things, there's
times where it gets a little muddy and you're like, oh, shoot,
you know, I hope that this doesn't get taken that way,
or like on the Bobby Bone Show, you have other people,
(15:28):
so then other comments get thrown in the mix, and
then the conversation goes a different direction, but the origin
of the story is still involving the other people, and
they're like, wait, what so And this can be just
a lesson, Like not everybody is on a public platform
where they're sharing stories publicly, but this could be what
are you sharing about someone else on Instagram? On social media?
What are you sharing with your your friend group, what
(15:48):
are you sharing at church with your prayer request group?
Because I just you know, hey, prayer request for so
and so their d da da da, And I even
I think that to some friends that I'm like so
close to. I have other friends that are going through something,
and I'll I don't pause because I trust the friend
that I'm talking to. So I just kind of roll
(16:09):
into like, oh, I don't know, I just hung up
with this person. And then I'm like, oh, I got
to rein that in I trust the person I'm saying
that to one wholeheartedly. It doesn't have I know that
person is not going to say anything, but it doesn't matter.
I still shouldn't say that somebody else's information. I've got
to work on that. That's me confessing that right now,
(16:29):
like I probably did that last week. And something I
heard in what you said is that you learned this
by messing up a little bit, yes, which I think
everybody needs to hear, like you're going to mess up
when it comes to that stuff, and that's probably how
you learned that. That was such a big deal. It's
because it felt so ikey after you did it, You're like, oh,
this means I need to put a boundary here. Yeah,
when I was twenty years old, I don't know that
I felt the ickness right away. I think it took
(16:50):
some maturing because I was just so new to everything
that I was doing and just looking for reaction and
not consider the consequences of that. So which we all
did that when we's like, yeah, all right, I mean
(17:18):
to get into another email, which is straight up anonymous. Hey, Amy,
I just want to say that I've always been a
person with plenty of self confidence. I keep to myself
and I don't care about what others do. But lately
there's been this one person at work who makes me
feel really insecure. She looks exactly like me, dresses exactly
(17:39):
like me, and people even call me her name on accident.
I don't like the negative and competitive feelings that I
get around this person. And I'm wondering if you had
any good words of advice. Thanks Amy, Anonymous. And that's
when I say thanks, Cat take it away. She said
that this is somebody work or somebody like in our
(18:01):
life at work, and she's saying people are accidentally confusing her,
and this is someone that is like dressing like her,
acting like her, and so I guess she's admitting to
being someone with a lot of confidence. So we could
just pivot this conversation to anybody that is feeling insecure
in a certain area in their life, like, what are
some some tools we can keep in our back pocket
(18:23):
where we keep the focus on ourselves, because that's probably
what I would have to do, would be like, well,
I can't control what this person is doing, and I
can't control of someone accidentally calls me this person, and
I just have to focus on me and continue showing
up as my best self at work, and that's what
I can do. Yeah, I think that stuff like this
there's not like an awesome answer that will make everything
(18:44):
feel better. But what I often offer people who ask
for advice like that is I offer them questions to
think about. So I would wonder like, what is it
about the situation that makes me feel uncomfortable or what
are you feeling? And if if the feeling is I
feel a great okay, well, anger is a dresice emotion,
So what feels like it's not right or unjust in
(19:05):
the situation? And then once you have that, then you
have like a need that you can fulfill. So I
would ask her questions back of like, what is it
about this that's frustrating? What are you feeling when this happens?
What is that feeling saying to you? And then have
a conversation with that feeling until it leads you down
the road to what you need. And a lot of
times the need is something within yourself versus I need
(19:28):
to go tell them this. I need to go make
sure she stops doing this, because you're right, we can't
control their people. Wish we could, if she wants to,
it would be nice. Go buy the outfit you were
literally wearing last week. There's nothing you can do about that.
There's nothing you can't be like I had this dress first. Well,
I mean you could, but I don't know what you
would be like. Well I did in high school. I
(19:50):
bought this dress for spring break, and my best friend
at the time went and bought the same dress. It
was from Dillard's, went about the same dress in a
different pattern, and I didn't talk to her for like
two weeks because I was mad. So I don't suggest
to Well, I'm glad you've matured. Since then, I've learned
a little bit. Yeah, now we can laugh about it,
but it wasn't funny back cats evolved. Remind me to
never buy anything that cat has. Let's get the same thing. Okay,
(20:16):
hopefully that helps. That's a tricky situation, and you know
it's hard. Yes, you're typically a super confident person and
you have something that's like a curveball that's thrown at you.
But what do they say, like when you flattery? Like
when someone, oh, flattery you mimicking? Is flattery a link?
It's a lyric in a Drake song. Oh I'm sure
(20:39):
it is, but I think it was the same before.
That is the most sincere form of flattery. But Drake
says it's really just annoying to me, and you know
it's true. Yeah, okay, so yeah, just throwing some Drake
when you're driving into work and leave it in the
car because once you get in the office, it's your
time to shine. You gotta focus on you and you'll
(21:00):
see what happens with her. Who knows, maybe if you
get to know her, you'll become like bff and then
you dressed a leg on purpose and then you get
to share clothes and you're like, save money. I don't know.
Next email is from Christine in Massachusetts. Hey guys, well
today I finally did it. I'm all caught up on
the podcast. I was late to the party and just
started listening in late summer of one And while I
(21:24):
know a new episode is going to be out tomorrow
or today, whatever, I'm all caught up. I loved binging
this podcast. It was like having a friend in the
car and on morning walks with the dog right there
with me. It's refreshing to hear your evolvement as I
listened to hear you acknowledge difficulties, changes in thinking, new
ways to try things. I love the addition of cat
(21:47):
to the fifth thing. Hearing her laugh is like a
jolt of energy to my soul. I know, I love this,
persays my favorite part of the email. I'll read it again.
I love the addition of at to the fifth thing.
Hearing her laugh is like a jolt of energy to
my soul. You have introduced me to new people, books, products,
and ideas. I feel like my life has grown and
(22:08):
evolved right along with you. So thank you for continuing
to put out episodes even when things have been hard.
You've been a source of encouragement to me, your friend
Christine in Massachusetts. So to that, I want to say,
I totally agree about cats laugh. I love it. She
is a great addition to the fifth thing and so
cool that someone just found the podcast not even a
(22:28):
year ago and venge the entire thing from when it
first started. And yes, I feel as though I was
a different person then, but that kind of puts a
bow on what we're saying here is the evolvement of
who we are and everything even from the beginning, talking
about watching the Burnet special or learning these different emotions
and the alice of the heart and trying to understand empathy.
(22:49):
I mean, I'm forty one years old and I'm I'm
trying to get a handle on things. I want to
grow and evolve and that I had a little birthday
gathering back in March and we were all sitting around
the table just laughing and saying like, if if we're
not evolving, we're dead. So that was like a mantra
that came out of a little birthday. Hang. I guess
in this recording, I'm telling you about the times when
(23:10):
I'm wanting to evolve, but I've had a few days
because I think it's that time in my cycle for
me where I'm just I want to throw in the towel.
I want to be done evolving, what am I doing?
Why am I even here? But then Cat, I get
an email like this, And then Cat also sent an
encouraging text yesterday that was super thoughtful and someone had
(23:32):
found your podcast through Lisa an Outweigh, which Lisa was
my co host on Outweigh. She's a registered dietician that's
our friend. She also has a podcast called The Truth
fus Life, and she recently became a mom and she
had to pivot and so now she stepped away from
Outweigh and now I just host that on my own
with guest experts, which Cat hooked me up my latest.
(23:56):
So every Saturday, if you have you need some encouragement
or to know that not alone with any eating disorder
thoughts or disordered eating patterns or body image issues. My
Cat's friend Crystal has been joining me. She's like doing
three Saturdays in a row with me. And that's just
a quick fifteen twenty minute chat where you can download
and it's a tool that you can use to hopefully
(24:17):
encourage you through your eating disordered journey, whatever that looks
like for you in the moment. But I guess cats
someone had found you because Lisa mentioned you or something,
and you're like, hey, I just wanted to share this
because like, you never know who's listening or who needs
to hear something. And I got a message from somebody
who lives in New York yesterday who I was talking
(24:37):
about coming on the You Need Therapy, and she said,
oh my gosh, I meant to send this to you,
but somebody in my office in New York City was
talking about your podcast and how somebody put this really
cool dating podcast Outcuit did an episode on dating, and
I was like, what, Like, I didn't even think that
this episode was that good, And then there are people
talking about it and that don't even know who I
am in a state far far away. That makes you
(24:58):
think of that Pace Picante commercial from back in the day.
Did you have that where from? No, I mean I'm
older than you have. But also this is in Texas,
but it was like cowboys sitting around a fire, and
I don't know. I think I'm pretty sure it was
paced with Conde. Some people will know what I'm talking
about right now, but probably the majority of not. But
they'd be like New York City, Like I'm gonna land
far far away. Yeah, yeah, it's like New York City.
(25:23):
So when you say that, that's how I feel that too.
Like if someone in New York City was talking about
my podcast, I'd be like, wait what, yes, no, I
doubt a New York City. Yeah, I've really made it.
Somebody's talking about me in New York. But I was like,
I need to hear that, Like we all need to
hear that because we can all get in these spots
matter what it is that we're doing that We're like,
does this matter? And like you having your podcast, you're
(25:43):
doing Outweigh has literally changed the trajectory of this person's life.
Where she was like, I've never heard what I heard
on that podcast. It was life changing to me. The
stuff on Outweigh is not the typical stuff you hear
in the world, and people need to have a way
to find that information well. And it's crazy because when
it started it was just a series here on four Things,
(26:05):
and then it evolved into its own podcast. And when
Lisa decided she um was going to step away, which
I fully respected that decision and support her wholeheartedly and
everything is great. It was bitter sweet the day we
were signing the papers to remove her as a as
a co host. But I thought about, well, do we
just dissolve this and figure something else out? But then
(26:29):
I thought, no, what if there's just one person that
still needs it and I have the bandwidth now. I
think had Lisa come to me a year ago, I
probably would have not been able to do it and thought, well,
you know, outweigh, that was a good run, what a
cool thing that existed. But thankfully, right now we'll figure
this out, We'll come up with a plan, we'll take
this on and that's what I'm gonna do. We're making
(26:51):
it happen. I mean a lot thanks to you and
the connections you have in town with experts and with
shout out Elizabeth Fozzio who works for my heart, and
I even thought about that too with the movie role thing.
It's just this is a piece of encouragement too, of
just how much like life can change in a year,
and it'll be a roller coaster. There's gonna be ups
and downs, it might the pendulum might swing the other way.
(27:13):
But for me, if that role had been offered to
me last year, I would have had to say no,
There's no way I could have gone to l A
for something like that for myself for forty eight hours,
thirty six hours or whatever it was. I mean I
was only on set the one day, but I had
to leave on a Monday, come back on Wednesday. But anyway, timing,
timing is everything, and a year ago I couldn't even
(27:35):
imagined being where I am now. But I had to
put in work and I had to be patient and
I'm still having to be. But just some just some
encouragement there too that you know, like if you're in
the lows, just know there's peaks and there's valleys. Yeah,
And I think that something to remember on both sides.
If you are in a place where you're in a valley,
the valley doesn't last forever, and so use that as encouragement.
(27:58):
And if you're in a place where you're in like
a outain top moment, that's also not going to last forever,
So savor it. I think we forget to do that
a lot, true because some people really struggle with that.
They just want to go chase like the next next thing.
Savor it, Savor that movie role. Savor it, save for
that bathroom scene. I love like my big breakthrough role,
(28:22):
like storming into a bathroom. Hello world, I have to
pretend wash my hands. Was it a nice bathroom? Yeah, okay,
it's pretty nice. It wasn't like gas station bathroom. But
that's good. Although if you are traveling, I gotta say
McDonald's bathrooms are probably the best somehow. Now we're rating bathrooms,
(28:43):
but when you're on a roach, the bathroom it's not
I've been in some bad McDon That would be a
nice poll to do. What are the best, Fathan? If
you're in Texas. Speaking of being back in Texas, Bucky,
I've never been to one of those. Oh it's a
goal of mine. Oh bucket list item Bucky's. Everybody talks
about it. Yeah, no, I mean it's pretty pretty awesome. Well,
(29:05):
we just appreciate each and every one of you so much.
And if you want to send us an email, of
course I had more I was going to get to
but Cat and I go on and on. I love
how we're like, I'm gonna set a timer and then
we're gonna quit talking at a certain time. But here
we are, we're still talking. We went over. It's over
thirty minutes, so um, fit things. We try to keep shorter,
but you know, Cat likes to talk just kidding. Okay,
(29:26):
but I do. I know, but I don't know one
that mostly but me. So thank you to the emails
that we did get through. Thank you for taking the
time to send a note because I know that it's
kind of weird just emailing someone that you've never met.
But we love hearing from you. So four Things with
Amy Brown at gmail dot com is where you can
do that. On Instagram, I'm at radio Amy Cat take
(29:46):
it away with your info at Cat dot de fata
and also at you new therapy podcast Boom. We hope
you'll have an amazing day and um, we'll see you.
We'll I'll see you on Thursday for four Things. But
Cat and I together here as one. We'll see you
next Tuesday. Bye.
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and welcome to
the Fifth Thing. Today's quote comes from Brine Brown because
we've been spending a lot of time with Atlas of
the Heart, which is her special that's on HBO Max.
It's also a book, but she did a five part series.
We've mentioned it on multiple episodes, but I'm actually done
(00:25):
with it now, but rewatching it and I think it
was in the fifth episode though, that she spent some
time on empathy, and I decided to pull up a
quote from her on the power of empathy because I
think that's just an important thing to remember and I
want to remember it for myself as well. But she said,
the power of empathy, I'm in it with you. I'm
not here to fix you. I'm not here to feel
(00:46):
it for you. I'm here to feel with you and
let you know you're not alone. And I just think
that that's a great reminder when you are faced with
you know, someone in your life that might be going
through something or that's you knowing what what you need
from people. And I think it's okay to also express
to loved ones. But Cat, you're the expert here, so
(01:06):
I want you to lean into this more so, but
that hey, I don't need you to fix this right now,
because so many people they want to be of service
and help and fix. But in the episode, Burnet actually
did role play with someone that works with her that
she was in the crowds. She pulled her up and
she gave several examples and some of them were like,
oh wow, I mean, it's actually not a bad thing
(01:27):
that this example or this person quote unquote trying to do.
But then it's not really what anybody needs, especially when
we're going through something hard, and a lot of times
we think we can like empathize with something, but it's
really not the same thing. It might be sympathy. I
don't know. So you you break it all down, But
what are your thoughts when you hear that quote the
power of empathy? Well, one, I feel like I need
(01:50):
to confess that I have yet to watch this. I'll
put it on the list. Well, yeah, you have a
lot going on, and I was going to do it last.
Everybody has HBO Max. Although I do recommend getting it
because the Holiday season two, my Christmas movie UM that
I'm in mine, I have a small scene in a
bathroom in the movie that it's going to be I
(02:12):
can't say the title of the movie yet, but I
can say that it's gonna be streaming on HBO Max,
so you might look just you might as well get
it now, mainly for Burnet Brown. But come Christmas time,
it's gonna be like surprise, that's amazing. Okay, yeah, so
I will watch it. But I really like that because
I think what I hear a lot of times from
well met people is they're confused on what the difference
(02:32):
between empathy and sympathy is. And they do think that
I can be empathetic while I give advice. I can
be empathetic what I tell them my experience, when a
lot of times empathy literally is just like sitting there
and not leaving and not being judgmental because I knew
in my life. When I've had like a hard experience
and I'm ventine or I'm expressing, or I'm sitting with
(02:55):
a friend, and then they start to give me like
advice or ideas, or then they start to talk about themselves,
it can be really damaging. Either I feel like I'm
doing something wrong and so you're trying to tell me
what I need to do, or I'm not getting the
space I need because now you're talking about yourself. Yeah,
I've definitely done the empathy card wrong to people, like
I'm guilty of some of the things, and so moving forward,
(03:16):
I want to be very aware of this and I
want to be very available to just sit and be.
And that was I think the final example when Burnet
was like, I want you to watch it to get it.
I don't want to mess up the role play. They
did vice saying incorrectly, but it was just this whole
vibe of hey, what do you need right now? And
like you got ten minutes, you want to go talk
through it, you want to talk about it? What would
(03:38):
you like to do for the ten minutes? And the
person I think was even like, I actually don't want
to think about it for the next ten minutes. Cool,
let's go what would you would what would you like
to do these next ten minutes instead of forcing the
conversation or trying again to come in and be a fixer.
So highly recommend that special. And we just talked so
much about you know, coming alongside people so that they
(04:00):
don't feel alone, Like that's what we do this podcast
for and that's why we share and you know, some
days it's that you might need a laugh, for some
days it's that you might need to cry, or some
days it might be that you know, yeah, like we
everybody's going through hard stuff, and I mean, you're a therapist.
Before we even sat down, which today Fun Factor recording
from Cat's office because of her schedule and their Bobby
(04:24):
Bones show studio is actually super close by to Cats.
So I just finished that and Mosey don't over here.
I didn't even drive. I walk a beautiful day. I
feel like I'm in a therapy session right now. And
on the wall there's a sign that says it's okay
to feel things, and I'm like, yeah, that's right, it is.
But you have your podcast, you need therapy, and you
(04:45):
are all about like you want people to feel connected
and know that they're not alone. And I'm looking at
another sign in your office right now that says everything
is going to be okay. Means even when things don't
go as planned, the world can still impress you, which
I love that, like if you're not alone, and yeah,
things might suck right now, but guess what around the corner,
you never know what's waiting for you. I like what
(05:06):
you said earlier to about like Burne saying, well, what
do you want to do? Because a lot of times
when we think we're being empathetic, we're being really selfish
because somebody, as a therapist, I can speak to this
and maybe you couldn't speak to this as like being
a client too. A lot of times when I'm not
a client of yours at the moment, but like as
a client, But a lot of times when clients are
(05:27):
crying and they're not speaking right, they're just literally sitting
in my office on this couch crying, and I'm what
six ft away from them, just staring at them. It
can be uncomfortable for me because I'm like, well what
am I? What do I do? What do I say?
But the client doesn't feel uncomfortable because they're sitting with
their emotions and they're feeling them and they just like
that my presence is there. So if I were to
(05:49):
be like it's okay, or say something or give a
piece of advice or try to say something that makes
them feel better or like break the silence, it's because
I'm uncomfortable, not them. So a lot of times when
think we're being helpful, we're being selfish, right, or even
like I I tried to think about something I experienced
last weekend with someone that's going through something that I
(06:10):
also recently experienced, and I thought like the natural thing
that was coming into my head was that I knew
exactly what they were feeling because I've been there. But
then because of the work that I'm doing and amazing
people that you know are speaking about these topics of empathy,
I realized like, actually, I have been exactly where she is,
(06:33):
but because my other life experiences are totally different, our
filters are totally different, and I have no idea. I
think I may know how she's feeling, but I really
have no idea how she's feeling. So I tried to
really be careful with my words, like if she asked
me what my personal experience was like and what I did,
(06:54):
then I shared. But other than that, I stayed very like,
how can I support you in this moment. That's because
I've been, you know, intentional and trying to pay attention
to thought leaders in this area because I want to
be of help to people, especially those directly in my life.
But you know, we're on this podcast twice a week,
(07:14):
and listeners send us emails like, I'm going to read
a few here and we're gonna be sharing things with them,
and I want to make sure that I'm trying to
do the best that I can to come alongside people.
So this email is from Sarah. She said, Hey, Amy,
just wanted to thank you for the little piece of
hope that you gave at the end of the Bobby
Bones Show post Show on May tenth. I'm assumed to
(07:34):
be step mom of three and last night I was
having a bit of a breakdown, feeling guilty about the
lack of emotional connection that I've had with the kids lately.
I turned on the post show podcast as I laid
down in bed as a way to help my mind relax.
She said. Side note, I listened to the Bobby Bones
Show and the Four Things podcast often when I need
to relax or I need to pick me up, because
it feels like I'm listening to a conversation with some
(07:56):
of my friends. At the end of the podcast, you
mentioned you had a breakthrough type conversation with your son
where he willingly expressed his emotions to you and you
felt a better connection with him. You said to take
this as a sense of hope for any parent out
there that might not be feeling very connected with their
kids right now, and that was exactly what I needed
to hear at that moment. So thank you. Loving and
(08:18):
caring for children that aren't biologically yours can be so
hard some days, and it just feels good to know
that others have been there or in the same boat.
And I hesitated and even sharing that story because it
was such a personal thing, but it just came out.
I had mentioned it to Bobby and then I didn't
give all the details surrounding it. And I think that's
(08:40):
another thing that I'll pull from the burnet Brown special
is not your story. Is doesn't have to be for everybody,
And actually my story with my kids isn't just my story,
it's their story too, So I have to be very
careful about what I say. But I do want to
offer bits of hope and encouragement to other parents that
are in the thick of his, especially if they have
a opted or maybe they're becoming a step mom. But
(09:02):
I feel like there is this like, oh, I have
to share everything type culture at times, and I want
to tread lightly with what I do say and don't say.
But I'm glad that this met this listener exactly where
they needed to be met. And relationships are are tricky,
and relationships are hard. But just again, like this feeling,
This is the perfect example of her knowing right away, oh,
(09:25):
I'm not alone in this feeling was comforting to her.
What I think what's important? What just came out of
your mouth. You just said you don't have to share
every detail, like you can share the bones of an
experience and somebody can say, oh, I've been in a
similar place, so it doesn't have to be I've been
in that exact same space. So I think about when
we are sharing, especially because there is this culture where
(09:49):
it's like our whole lives can be exposed if we
want them too, with social media, and sometimes it feels
like we should be doing that, But even sharing a
small glimpse can be just just as if out more
powerful than giving every detail of every part of your life. Yeah,
and I was hesitant in sharing that. I remember exactly
how I felt in the post show when Bobby brought
(10:10):
that up, and I was like, oh, I don't know,
but I said it in a way that I think
was okay, and I felt okay with And again, it's
like that that one person. Can I ask you a question?
(10:32):
Can I ask you a question? Go ahead? You just
looked so happy when I said I can ask you
a question. I was gonna say, fire away. This is
not rapid fire. Don't worry. But for you, when you
think about because I have to think about this a
lot while I'm doing therapy and on you Need Therapy podcast,
of what's the line between what I do share and
(10:53):
what I don't. So for you, are there questions that
you ask yourself for boundaries that you have around what
you share on the show, for is what you share
with friends versus what you share on your podcast. I
think that I've matured in that area. I think early
on in my career I just was like, oh my goodness,
I'm on the radio. This is so fun. And I
mean I was thrown all kinds of things out there,
and you know, everything was show prep, Like I was called,
(11:16):
this will be great. There's a couple of stories that
I told early on in my career that I cringe
now thinking that I told them, and I'm not going
to repeat them now because I don't think they exist
anywhere now think goodness. But they involved other people, and
again I think it was my maturity level and not
knowing boundaries with storytelling. And yes, it was something that
(11:39):
happened to me, so I had every right to share
the story. But now that I have more years under
my belt and more life experience, knowing what the other
people involved, like, there was more to it than that.
It wasn't as black and white. There was likely some
real serious things going on, and I just kind of
(11:59):
made a this like, listen to this crazy story that
happened to me, and it is sensational, and yeah, it
is a great story, but is it for public airwaves?
But I didn't ever say the person's name. You still
got back, but right, And the thing is, I don't
know if it ever did. The forty one year old
me would be mortified if I chose to tell that
(12:21):
story today. But that was year old me, And you know, honestly,
I've even thought about reconnecting with that person in just
a way of like, just in case it ever did
get back to them. I would like to now apologize
for that because yes, it was my story, but it
wasn't mine alone. And so I think that's the boundary
(12:42):
that I've learned over time, is like, if I want
to tell it. I've got to find a way to
tell it where it's just my my side and not
really details that other person didn't agree to it, right,
And I mean I wasn't even in communication with that
person anymore. So you have people that are in your
outer outer circle, and then you have your inner circle too,
and that has caused I mean, that caused issues with
(13:04):
you know, with my mom and her cancer journey. I
wouldn't say it caused issues, but there was one day
like my mom was like, oh, I wish you would
have said it this way. And so then from then
on out, I even had my mom right out, like
she knew listeners wanted to be involved in her journey,
and she was so thankful for their thoughts and prayers,
and that's why I became such a big thing on
the show and Pimp and Joy, and so I had
(13:25):
her start writing out statements and I would open up
a piece of paper and I'll be like, this is
from my mother, and I would read the update verbatim
because I wanted to respect her and her journey and
that she was willing to share so much and get vulnerable.
If I felt comfortable what I was saying, I would
say it in my own words, but there were times
where I literally read verbatim notes that my mom had
(13:45):
typed up or written for me to share updates, and
so that was something that I had to learn. There
was you know, sometimes my sister would make a comment,
you know, we'd be eating and be like, well that, hey,
careful what you say everything show prep for Amy. That's
why you sent me that message the other day whenever
I was like, so, so, we had had a conversation
and I remember you saying like, oh my gosh, that
(14:05):
could be show prep. Then I was trying to remember
what it even was, not that I didn't want you
to use it, and you sent me a voice memo
that was like, I just want you to know that
if there's anything that you ever tell me and you
don't want it to be using the show, you can
tell me that. Don't feel like I get to say
whatever we talked about in conversation because your life is
not my job. And I really appreciated that, but I
(14:26):
was like, oh, I I would tell you show prepped
it the next day. That's funny. So yes, I just
feel like because in my mind, I'm like, oh, interesting topics,
so out of my mouth comes show prep. But you
don't use my name. No, But still, just because I
say show prep, I wanted to follow that up and
(14:46):
send you a message and being like, hey, I know
you heard me say show prep, but just so you know,
I'm going to run this by you if I do
choose to prep it or talk about it, because yeah,
and my stuff with uh, in my marriage with my kids.
I think anybody in media that tells personal stories has
(15:07):
likely had a relationship that's been affected by what they've said,
unless they're just like incredibly wise and they have all
the right boundaries and they know all the right things
to say. But yeah, when you're publicly sharing things, there's
times where it gets a little muddy and you're like, oh, shoot,
you know, I hope that this doesn't get taken that way,
or like on the Bobby Bone Show, you have other people,
(15:28):
so then other comments get thrown in the mix, and
then the conversation goes a different direction, but the origin
of the story is still involving the other people, and
they're like, wait, what so And this can be just
a lesson, Like not everybody is on a public platform
where they're sharing stories publicly, but this could be what
are you sharing about someone else on Instagram? On social media?
What are you sharing with your your friend group, what
(15:48):
are you sharing at church with your prayer request group?
Because I just you know, hey, prayer request for so
and so their d da da da, And I even
I think that to some friends that I'm like so
close to. I have other friends that are going through something,
and I'll I don't pause because I trust the friend
that I'm talking to. So I just kind of roll
(16:09):
into like, oh, I don't know, I just hung up
with this person. And then I'm like, oh, I got
to rein that in I trust the person I'm saying
that to one wholeheartedly. It doesn't have I know that
person is not going to say anything, but it doesn't matter.
I still shouldn't say that somebody else's information. I've got
to work on that. That's me confessing that right now,
(16:29):
like I probably did that last week. And something I
heard in what you said is that you learned this
by messing up a little bit, yes, which I think
everybody needs to hear, like you're going to mess up
when it comes to that stuff, and that's probably how
you learned that. That was such a big deal. It's
because it felt so ikey after you did it, You're like, oh,
this means I need to put a boundary here. Yeah,
when I was twenty years old, I don't know that
I felt the ickness right away. I think it took
(16:50):
some maturing because I was just so new to everything
that I was doing and just looking for reaction and
not consider the consequences of that. So which we all
did that when we's like, yeah, all right, I mean
(17:18):
to get into another email, which is straight up anonymous. Hey, Amy,
I just want to say that I've always been a
person with plenty of self confidence. I keep to myself
and I don't care about what others do. But lately
there's been this one person at work who makes me
feel really insecure. She looks exactly like me, dresses exactly
(17:39):
like me, and people even call me her name on accident.
I don't like the negative and competitive feelings that I
get around this person. And I'm wondering if you had
any good words of advice. Thanks Amy, Anonymous. And that's
when I say thanks, Cat take it away. She said
that this is somebody work or somebody like in our
(18:01):
life at work, and she's saying people are accidentally confusing her,
and this is someone that is like dressing like her,
acting like her, and so I guess she's admitting to
being someone with a lot of confidence. So we could
just pivot this conversation to anybody that is feeling insecure
in a certain area in their life, like, what are
some some tools we can keep in our back pocket
(18:23):
where we keep the focus on ourselves, because that's probably
what I would have to do, would be like, well,
I can't control what this person is doing, and I
can't control of someone accidentally calls me this person, and
I just have to focus on me and continue showing
up as my best self at work, and that's what
I can do. Yeah, I think that stuff like this
there's not like an awesome answer that will make everything
(18:44):
feel better. But what I often offer people who ask
for advice like that is I offer them questions to
think about. So I would wonder like, what is it
about the situation that makes me feel uncomfortable or what
are you feeling? And if if the feeling is I
feel a great okay, well, anger is a dresice emotion,
So what feels like it's not right or unjust in
(19:05):
the situation? And then once you have that, then you
have like a need that you can fulfill. So I
would ask her questions back of like, what is it
about this that's frustrating? What are you feeling when this happens?
What is that feeling saying to you? And then have
a conversation with that feeling until it leads you down
the road to what you need. And a lot of
times the need is something within yourself versus I need
(19:28):
to go tell them this. I need to go make
sure she stops doing this, because you're right, we can't
control their people. Wish we could, if she wants to,
it would be nice. Go buy the outfit you were
literally wearing last week. There's nothing you can do about that.
There's nothing you can't be like I had this dress first. Well,
I mean you could, but I don't know what you
would be like. Well I did in high school. I
(19:50):
bought this dress for spring break, and my best friend
at the time went and bought the same dress. It
was from Dillard's, went about the same dress in a
different pattern, and I didn't talk to her for like
two weeks because I was mad. So I don't suggest
to Well, I'm glad you've matured. Since then, I've learned
a little bit. Yeah, now we can laugh about it,
but it wasn't funny back cats evolved. Remind me to
never buy anything that cat has. Let's get the same thing. Okay,
(20:16):
hopefully that helps. That's a tricky situation, and you know
it's hard. Yes, you're typically a super confident person and
you have something that's like a curveball that's thrown at you.
But what do they say, like when you flattery? Like
when someone, oh, flattery you mimicking? Is flattery a link?
It's a lyric in a Drake song. Oh I'm sure
(20:39):
it is, but I think it was the same before.
That is the most sincere form of flattery. But Drake
says it's really just annoying to me, and you know
it's true. Yeah, okay, so yeah, just throwing some Drake
when you're driving into work and leave it in the
car because once you get in the office, it's your
time to shine. You gotta focus on you and you'll
(21:00):
see what happens with her. Who knows, maybe if you
get to know her, you'll become like bff and then
you dressed a leg on purpose and then you get
to share clothes and you're like, save money. I don't know.
Next email is from Christine in Massachusetts. Hey guys, well
today I finally did it. I'm all caught up on
the podcast. I was late to the party and just
started listening in late summer of one And while I
(21:24):
know a new episode is going to be out tomorrow
or today, whatever, I'm all caught up. I loved binging
this podcast. It was like having a friend in the
car and on morning walks with the dog right there
with me. It's refreshing to hear your evolvement as I
listened to hear you acknowledge difficulties, changes in thinking, new
ways to try things. I love the addition of cat
(21:47):
to the fifth thing. Hearing her laugh is like a
jolt of energy to my soul. I know, I love this,
persays my favorite part of the email. I'll read it again.
I love the addition of at to the fifth thing.
Hearing her laugh is like a jolt of energy to
my soul. You have introduced me to new people, books, products,
and ideas. I feel like my life has grown and
(22:08):
evolved right along with you. So thank you for continuing
to put out episodes even when things have been hard.
You've been a source of encouragement to me, your friend
Christine in Massachusetts. So to that, I want to say,
I totally agree about cats laugh. I love it. She
is a great addition to the fifth thing and so
cool that someone just found the podcast not even a
(22:28):
year ago and venge the entire thing from when it
first started. And yes, I feel as though I was
a different person then, but that kind of puts a
bow on what we're saying here is the evolvement of
who we are and everything even from the beginning, talking
about watching the Burnet special or learning these different emotions
and the alice of the heart and trying to understand empathy.
(22:49):
I mean, I'm forty one years old and I'm I'm
trying to get a handle on things. I want to
grow and evolve and that I had a little birthday
gathering back in March and we were all sitting around
the table just laughing and saying like, if if we're
not evolving, we're dead. So that was like a mantra
that came out of a little birthday. Hang. I guess
in this recording, I'm telling you about the times when
(23:10):
I'm wanting to evolve, but I've had a few days
because I think it's that time in my cycle for
me where I'm just I want to throw in the towel.
I want to be done evolving, what am I doing?
Why am I even here? But then Cat, I get
an email like this, And then Cat also sent an
encouraging text yesterday that was super thoughtful and someone had
(23:32):
found your podcast through Lisa an Outweigh, which Lisa was
my co host on Outweigh. She's a registered dietician that's
our friend. She also has a podcast called The Truth
fus Life, and she recently became a mom and she
had to pivot and so now she stepped away from
Outweigh and now I just host that on my own
with guest experts, which Cat hooked me up my latest.
(23:56):
So every Saturday, if you have you need some encouragement
or to know that not alone with any eating disorder
thoughts or disordered eating patterns or body image issues. My
Cat's friend Crystal has been joining me. She's like doing
three Saturdays in a row with me. And that's just
a quick fifteen twenty minute chat where you can download
and it's a tool that you can use to hopefully
(24:17):
encourage you through your eating disordered journey, whatever that looks
like for you in the moment. But I guess cats
someone had found you because Lisa mentioned you or something,
and you're like, hey, I just wanted to share this
because like, you never know who's listening or who needs
to hear something. And I got a message from somebody
who lives in New York yesterday who I was talking
(24:37):
about coming on the You Need Therapy, and she said,
oh my gosh, I meant to send this to you,
but somebody in my office in New York City was
talking about your podcast and how somebody put this really
cool dating podcast Outcuit did an episode on dating, and
I was like, what, Like, I didn't even think that
this episode was that good, And then there are people
talking about it and that don't even know who I
am in a state far far away. That makes you
(24:58):
think of that Pace Picante commercial from back in the day.
Did you have that where from? No, I mean I'm
older than you have. But also this is in Texas,
but it was like cowboys sitting around a fire, and
I don't know. I think I'm pretty sure it was
paced with Conde. Some people will know what I'm talking
about right now, but probably the majority of not. But
they'd be like New York City, Like I'm gonna land
far far away. Yeah, yeah, it's like New York City.
(25:23):
So when you say that, that's how I feel that too.
Like if someone in New York City was talking about
my podcast, I'd be like, wait what, yes, no, I
doubt a New York City. Yeah, I've really made it.
Somebody's talking about me in New York. But I was like,
I need to hear that, Like we all need to
hear that because we can all get in these spots
matter what it is that we're doing that We're like,
does this matter? And like you having your podcast, you're
(25:43):
doing Outweigh has literally changed the trajectory of this person's life.
Where she was like, I've never heard what I heard
on that podcast. It was life changing to me. The
stuff on Outweigh is not the typical stuff you hear
in the world, and people need to have a way
to find that information well. And it's crazy because when
it started it was just a series here on four Things,
(26:05):
and then it evolved into its own podcast. And when
Lisa decided she um was going to step away, which
I fully respected that decision and support her wholeheartedly and
everything is great. It was bitter sweet the day we
were signing the papers to remove her as a as
a co host. But I thought about, well, do we
just dissolve this and figure something else out? But then
(26:29):
I thought, no, what if there's just one person that
still needs it and I have the bandwidth now. I
think had Lisa come to me a year ago, I
probably would have not been able to do it and thought, well,
you know, outweigh, that was a good run, what a
cool thing that existed. But thankfully, right now we'll figure
this out, We'll come up with a plan, we'll take
this on and that's what I'm gonna do. We're making
(26:51):
it happen. I mean a lot thanks to you and
the connections you have in town with experts and with
shout out Elizabeth Fozzio who works for my heart, and
I even thought about that too with the movie role thing.
It's just this is a piece of encouragement too, of
just how much like life can change in a year,
and it'll be a roller coaster. There's gonna be ups
and downs, it might the pendulum might swing the other way.
(27:13):
But for me, if that role had been offered to
me last year, I would have had to say no,
There's no way I could have gone to l A
for something like that for myself for forty eight hours,
thirty six hours or whatever it was. I mean I
was only on set the one day, but I had
to leave on a Monday, come back on Wednesday. But anyway, timing,
timing is everything, and a year ago I couldn't even
(27:35):
imagined being where I am now. But I had to
put in work and I had to be patient and
I'm still having to be. But just some just some
encouragement there too that you know, like if you're in
the lows, just know there's peaks and there's valleys. Yeah,
And I think that something to remember on both sides.
If you are in a place where you're in a valley,
the valley doesn't last forever, and so use that as encouragement.
(27:58):
And if you're in a place where you're in like
a outain top moment, that's also not going to last forever,
So savor it. I think we forget to do that
a lot, true because some people really struggle with that.
They just want to go chase like the next next thing.
Savor it, Savor that movie role. Savor it, save for
that bathroom scene. I love like my big breakthrough role,
(28:22):
like storming into a bathroom. Hello world, I have to
pretend wash my hands. Was it a nice bathroom? Yeah, okay,
it's pretty nice. It wasn't like gas station bathroom. But
that's good. Although if you are traveling, I gotta say
McDonald's bathrooms are probably the best somehow. Now we're rating bathrooms,
(28:43):
but when you're on a roach, the bathroom it's not
I've been in some bad McDon That would be a
nice poll to do. What are the best, Fathan? If
you're in Texas. Speaking of being back in Texas, Bucky,
I've never been to one of those. Oh it's a
goal of mine. Oh bucket list item Bucky's. Everybody talks
about it. Yeah, no, I mean it's pretty pretty awesome. Well,
(29:05):
we just appreciate each and every one of you so much.
And if you want to send us an email, of
course I had more I was going to get to
but Cat and I go on and on. I love
how we're like, I'm gonna set a timer and then
we're gonna quit talking at a certain time. But here
we are, we're still talking. We went over. It's over
thirty minutes, so um, fit things. We try to keep shorter,
but you know, Cat likes to talk just kidding. Okay,
(29:26):
but I do. I know, but I don't know one
that mostly but me. So thank you to the emails
that we did get through. Thank you for taking the
time to send a note because I know that it's
kind of weird just emailing someone that you've never met.
But we love hearing from you. So four Things with
Amy Brown at gmail dot com is where you can
do that. On Instagram, I'm at radio Amy Cat take
(29:46):
it away with your info at Cat dot de fata
and also at you new therapy podcast Boom. We hope
you'll have an amazing day and um, we'll see you.
We'll I'll see you on Thursday for four Things. But
Cat and I together here as one. We'll see you
next Tuesday. Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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