December 14, 2021 • 21 mins
Welcome to the '5th Thing' with Amy & Kat!! We all could use little reminders to take care of ourselves and it helps if we all share what we do to practice self-love...so that is what today's episode is all about! Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Please send emails for the 5th thing to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing bonus episode to
the Four Things podcast with Amy, Cat Samy and Cat Chat.
Hey Cat, Hi, Hi. So hopefully we did a good
job last week not being to therapy ish because you know,
not everything is about therapy, and I know not all
of you need therapy. But Cat is a licensed therapist
and we will lean into her wisdom when we need to.
(00:26):
And another person that I love as a go to
for awesome wisdom is Mel Robbins. Do you follow her
on Instagram? I've been obsessed with her since she did
her um five second rule. Oh yeah, when you need
to like do something, for example, get out of bed,
you count down five three to one and you just
get up and do it, or whatever it is you
need to tackle you five four three two one do it.
(00:47):
I love the five second role. I've talked about that
on Four Things before her TED talk that she did
back then, I don't know what was called, but her
Ted talk is one of my favorite Ted talks of
all time. Yeah to search Mel Robbins TEDtalk. Have you
at her on You Need Therapy Podcast? No? I would
die if I could. Do you think we could? I
don't know we should try. Okay, okay, that'd be awesome.
(01:08):
So she posted something the other day and that's going
to be my quote for today, because we always start
Tuesday episodes off with a quote, and it's just she posted,
stop buying blank stuff, but she said the bad word,
stop buying stuff you don't need. You don't need a
new air fryer. You need a new set of goals.
And it just made L O L because I saw
air fire commercial and already have an air fryer. But
(01:30):
I literally after I saw the commercial, I thought, oh
my gosh, I need a new air fire. And then
I saw that that post and I thought, Okay, I
guess I don't need a new air frier. Yeah, like,
why would I think I need to buy a new
air fire? And then sometimes, honestly, when I am shopping
a little bit more than usual, I do wonder, Okay,
what do I have going on? Am I deflecting from something?
(01:51):
I don't know? Avoiding? Yeah? Where we avoiding? On Friday? Oh? Yeah,
we went shopping. Well, I mean, now you are getting
ready for your birthday and I was trying to buy
things for to share. It didn't want anything that I
was buying her, but or I was trying to buy her,
which I mean, shopping is hard for kids these days,
(02:12):
like a lot of stuff is just not appropriate. Maybe
that's just me getting old. No, it's it's not that
it's not appropriate. It's that I remember we were in Abercrombie.
Aber Gonna Be Kids is too small for her, But
Abercrombie is too big for her, right, so it's just
hard for Then it was American Eagle, which I will say,
American Eagle has this sweatshirt right now that is blue.
(02:33):
I'm just telling you the details because I don't know
the fit of the sweatshirt, but the fit is sort
of oversized, and it's perfect, and it's blue, and it
says it's got white trees Christmas trees on it like
wintry and that it says Colorado and it looks really vintage,
but it's not. It's brand new from American Eagle, and
at a thrift store it does it looks like it.
So I ended up getting one for myself and one
(02:54):
for Stashira, because I normally sometimes we can share things,
but I wanted mine to be a little bit more
are oversized, so that would have been massive on her.
But anyway, sweatshirt idea if you're looking for something that
is from American Eagle. But they had these genes that
had these big holes in them, because that's in right now,
but the whole like went all the way up to
basically the hipline and the pocket was like hanging out,
(03:16):
and I thought, where are you going to wear these?
You cannot get them? And she was so she was disappointed,
Yeah she was, And I thought, like, I don't but
you know, you have to hold your ground. You have
to We're not going to wear those jeans. So I
don't even know how we got off on that oh
shopping Mel Robbins telling us like we need new gold
and like, okay, what do I need to do? And
(03:37):
one thing I realized I hadn't been doing. I've been
listening to audio books, but I hadn't been reading actual books.
And I've been intentional about reading more to both of
my kids at night, which just felt really good. Not
at the same time because one's eleven and one's fourteen
and they're just totally different. But I'll read to my
son and then go over and read to my daughter,
(03:57):
and that's been great. But I realized I need to
read to myself too, And so that is a new
goal that I'm setting for myself, is to get back
into less audio books, more physical books, reading with my eyeballs,
because I do think that that's good for me. When
you read, is your goal going to be to read
more like fiction? Because a lot of what you've probably
(04:19):
been reading the past year has been like therapist e Yes,
So I don't love reading fiction that much. It's very
hard for me. I either like nonfiction, but it doesn't
have to be therapy. It could be a true story
someone's like Michelle Obama's book Yes, something that happened with them,
or like just Mercy for example. I mean that those
(04:41):
are true stories inside of a book like that is
really interesting to me. But it's not therapeutic at all anything.
It's probably just a little too like a Nicholas Sparks
kind of go No. I like listening to those, but
I don't always enjoy reading them. But you know, now
that I've been doing my neuro feedback and my A
d D is getting better, maybe I will enjoy them.
(05:02):
I don't know. Some of it I think is a
how appealing is it for me to sit there and
read it? Because I would have to read a page
sometimes three or four times, so reading wasn't always very exciting.
A fiction book that I could not put down, which
was a series, was Hunger Games. I don't read if
it's not for like work or something like that. And
that's one of the only books I've got super super
(05:24):
super into because so fast, it's so good. But I mean,
that was what it's been a minute. I mean not
to say that I haven't read some fiction things since then,
but I lean more nonfiction doesn't have to be self help.
But that also rolls into something else that Mel Robbins
had posted about. And she just put up a post
(05:44):
that said seven ways I practice self love every day,
and I thought, I just swiped through this list that
she put up, and then seriously, if you're not following
Mel Robbins on Instagram, you're missing out, and then maybe
we can discuss these ways of practicing self love. The
first thing she put up was I wake up when
the alarm rings each morning. Last night, when you set
(06:06):
the alarm, you made a promise to yourself when you
get out of bed, you keep it. And so that's
kind of probably close to her five second role of
your alarm goes off, just get out of bed. Do
you press news? I've set more than one alarm, so
that's snows Yeah, yeah, but I do, And I guess
that's true. It is. It's basically snoozing. It's basically it's
like cheating. It's like news cheating because you don't even
(06:29):
have to press a button. Really, I guess you didn't
start it off. Yeah, but that's because I like to
wake up and then I like to know that like, okay,
I have ten more minutes. I used to do that too,
but it's no way to live, according to Yeah, it's
no I used to do that and it's no way now. Um.
The next thing she put was, I make my bed
to practice simple discipline. Plus it's a gift to myself
(06:50):
a beautiful place to come back to and dream tonight,
which I make my bed every day. Haven't always been
that way, but I can't remember when it started a
few years ago. It was through this podcast. I Admiral
mcgraven was giving a commencement speech and I saw it
on YouTube and I played it back on the podcast
because I thought it was great, and he was talking
about the discipline of making your bed, and that's what
(07:11):
he was telling these graduates, like, the one thing you
could do for yourself every day is start your day
by making your bed, because that is your first accomplishment
of the day and it sets you up for success
throughout the day, and Malice saying, here, I make my
bed to practice simple discipline. Do you make your bed?
I was going to ask you what I think I
make my bed. No, I don't. I make my bed
(07:31):
like twice a week, which I don't think it's for everybody.
But it's weird. I used to be a non bedmaker
and I didn't get the point, and then now I
you do, Like now if I haven't done it, I'm like,
you know what, stop, go make your bed. Everything will
be a better after that. And not everything is better,
but some things. But it's like you can control that.
But it's funny that I don't it to me, and
(07:53):
like it's just takes so much time, but it really doesn't.
It takes maybe five minutes and you always feel better
after you do it. But I just in my head
and I'm just going to mess it up again. Yeah,
well okay, true, but I'll try I'll try it out
for a couple of weeks in like Mel says, you
go back. It's a gift yourself. You walk up your
next night's sleep to a beautiful place to dreams. She says,
(08:14):
is not what it saysn't the thing? Yeah, okay, So
her next thing is which I don't do this, but
I high five myself in the mirror. It's one of
the most powerful ways I've found to change my inner
critic into a cheerleader. Have you ever high fived yourself
in the mirror? It's okay if you can. If you
have don't be fair, well, don't be If mel Mel
(08:37):
Robbins is pretty successful and if she does it, that's nine.
I think that's funny because that it's a problem. Sure
it works, but it's like giving yourself affirmations. I just
have never been like high vibe cat, but I've looked
in the mirror and like giving myself a pep talk.
Yeah you can do this, like you are, You're okay,
you you are smart, you are kind, you are are important.
(09:01):
In that movie, that's really a good book, The Help,
that's the other book that came out that the book,
but the movie did the same around the same time
as Hunger Games. Because I read all those books in
one year, and I was like, I read four books.
What so, Yeah, it's a good book. Okay. Next thing
(09:26):
is I spend time each day on something that matters
to me. Focusing on progress over perfection helps me create
momentum in my life. Say that again, I spend time
each day on something that matters to me, focusing on
progress over perfection. It helps me create momentum in my life.
I saw these cute socks online. I think I ordered
(09:47):
a few, speaking of shopping ipeaking of buying things, but
I ordered as gifts. I don't know if they've arrived yet,
but they are really cute. They were white socks and
in colorful stitching. They a progress over perfection. Where did
you find? I think they were a bander e I
r band dot com. Yeah, I did get them in
(10:08):
their Black Friday off sale. Why I have not received
in the in the mail yet. I'm not sure. I
didn't click on those emails because I knew that if
I opened that email and buy something, yeah, they get
me those Instagram ads. I'm like, okay, bander, take all
my money, except for according to mel Robin's here, I
need a new goal. Band Guys have cute things but
(10:29):
you focus on her. She's saying, focus on one thing
each day that matters to you. Yes, yeah, I'm trying
to think if I can always find time to do
that though, well, I mean I could spend you talk
to your you do that naturally. I feel like, Okay,
kids matter to me, Yeah, they do everything. Oh yeah,
you're right, and focus on progress over perfection, because yeah,
(10:49):
being a mom, it's like, I'm not going to get
every day perfect, but I'm definitely trying. And then this
last year I've been working really hard and being way
more of an intentional it's kind of adopting is I've
been looking back on it. It's a weird thing. At
the end of this month, coming up before around Christmas time,
we'll have had the kids officially four years, and I
feel like, all of a sudden, Yeah, we became parents
(11:12):
to older children, which we knew that was going to happen,
and we were in the adoption process a long time,
so duh. We were preparing, but nothing prepares you for it,
like real actual parenting and kids and situations, and then
there was so many other things we were focusing on,
like teaching them English and then you know, trying to
connect with them. But I didn't realize at the time
(11:33):
I had my own connection issues, Like everyone has their
different attachment styles, and while they're coming from a very
interesting place, different place than me when it comes to attachment,
especially after you know they've been separated from their birth parents,
they're living in an orphanage. Then they're taken to America
by these two white people in this strange, new foreign land,
(11:53):
and there was a lot to unpack. There's just so
much that I didn't even realize in that first the
first two years, for sure, that I wasn't doing to
connect with them just because I didn't know how to
do it. I was learning a lot about myself and
all kinds of relationships, and that maybe when moms have
(12:13):
new baby, brand new babies, that's how they feel to
like trying to figure out how do I even connect
with this baby, and you get confused, and sometimes you
just are trying to survive the day and get through
all the different things you need to get through, and
you're like, oh, I don't even know if I'm connecting
and this baby wants nothing to do with me. I
don't know, But that's how I felt like the kids.
It's like we didn't know how to really do it,
(12:35):
and now that I know a little bit more, but
it's taking me time and I've been figuring it out.
So you've got to give yourself that grace and that
permission to know that it's okay. It's not like I
was a horrible parent, but I wasn't who I am
trying to show up to be now. But I realized
some of it was because of my issues with my
own parents and how they parented me, and a lack
(12:56):
of connection that was there, and thankfully I realized it
and have worked on it so I don't pass it
on to them. And I mean because they again there's
already different attachment styles because of their trauma, but we're
going to be proactive as possible to try to not repeat,
at least on my end, what my parents did. And
I feel like I had great parents, they didn't connect
(13:18):
and I think that is I'm glad that you said
that part two, because I think a lot of people
are afraid to talk about any of that kind of
stuff because it's if they do, and then it means
their parents are bad. But you're like, no, I loved
my parents. No, And maybe it's easier for me to
say now because both of my parents were gone and
it's not like they're listening to this right now. But
I do feel like if they were alive, I'm to
(13:38):
a place now. I'm okay, I'm forty years old, I'm
doing a lot of work on myself, and I feel
like I could say to them with love and kindness
and they would probably agree. Quite honestly, I'm pretty sure
my my mom said something along the lines of that
to me and my sister on her deathbed, like she
and my dad too, so they know. But if your
(13:58):
parents are around, it's never too late and there can
be conversations that can be said in kindness. But yeah, anyway,
on to the next Moving on, mel Robins says, when
someone crosses my mind, I send them a text. It's
this little thing I've been doing lately. I find that
I've been less lonely because I'm reaching out. So that's
(14:21):
a way she practices self love is when someone crosses
her mind, I send a text. I mean, I could
maybe practice that because people cross my mind all the
time and then I'm not intentional about it, and then
I'm like, oh, well, I've thought of them or I'll
say a little prayer for them, or all be thinking
of them, and then I don't reach out, probably because
I'm doing all the things that matter to me in
texting my friend just kidding. How do you feel about
(14:44):
that one? And I think that's a good one. I
love that because we do we think about people all
the time, and then we don't reach out, and all
that is doing is connecting and that's what the essence
of what a lot of us are looking for, this connection.
So I think that's cool because how awesome And that
also feel You've got a random text of somebody just said, hey,
thinking about you, hope you're doing well. They don't want
anything return there, just are reaching out say that. I
(15:05):
just think that's cool to receive and give it. Another
thing she put up is I keep the small promises
I make to myself. This is the secret. If you
know you can count on yourself, it's a sign that
you love yourself. Will you say that again? I keep
the small promises I make to myself. She says that
this is the secret. If you know you can count
on yourself, it's a sign that you love yourself. It's
(15:26):
like getting up when your alarm goes off and making
your bed. Those are the two promises if you if
you made yourself I promise, because you could go to
bed and be like whatever, I'm not gonna I promised
to myself. I'm not going to make my bed. I
promised to myself. I'm gonna rest news and then your
that's your promise to yourself. I think of like when
I'm I want to do something. Let's say I want
to go for a run, or I want to I
(15:48):
want to spend time with that matters to me. I
want to do a puzzle, I wanna I think of
those as like I'm making an appointment with myself and
what I flake on somebody else? No, I show up,
So I have to show that same it meant to myself. Yeah,
so I'm a huge fan of that one. Okay, the
next thing, mel put up. I've created an evening ritual
to end my work day minus to make a mocktail,
(16:10):
take a bath, and go to bed early. Taking care
of yourself at night is the best way to guarantee
a great morning. She does not have young children. She
has she has older kids, and she's yeah, she's been
through other phases of life. She's now at this stage
in life where she can do that, and I think
that that's wonderful. May not look like this, but you
(16:31):
can still create an evening ritual that works for you.
A cup of tea before I go to bed. Oh
do not? You don't like tea? Why you just made
a gross out face because probably because in my disordered days,
I used to drink that tea that would make you
go to the bathroom midnight. Yeah, and so I and
(16:52):
I would drink that at night with my cup of
tea and act like it was totally normal. I even
I used to drink that. It doesn't even taste good. Yeah,
I know, it's Oh, it's disgusting. If I had have tea.
I like green tea and I like get iced and
that has caffeine, So don't drink it at nice. I
love a nice peppermint tea. At the end of the day,
(17:14):
Speaking of peppermint, I was watching I think a Hallmark
or a Lifetime Christmas movie and one of the characters
was giving another character a peppermint latte and the person rejected.
It was like, it feels like someone put toothpaste in
my coffee. And I thought, oh, I did that the
other day, I didn't have peppermint mooko, but I brushed
my teeth and then I had a sip of my
latte and it tasted so good like I like it, okay,
(17:38):
because so it was. It is like a mixture of
toothpaste and coffee. It literally is. Literally My family always
says that peppermint tea tastes like gum. Oh. I don't know,
Maybe I'll have to try it. Speaking of peppermint, just
as you think of this um. We've had an ant
problem and I had an exterminator come out and then
the ants still came back. So it was googling more
natural raised and to get rid of it them and
(18:00):
till they can come back out. And it's a peppermint oil.
So I don't know, peppermint everywhere, So peppermint all the
time everywhere? All right, Well, looks like that was the
last one. So yeah. Mel Robbins seven ways to practice
self love. At least she was sharing what she did,
and I enjoyed going through those because some of them
I definitely need to implement myself. Or maybe it's none
(18:21):
of these things like sit down and what can you
be doing to practice self love? Each day and Cat
thank you so much for joining us. For the fifth thing.
I will just make a quick little announcement here today
about Christmas shopping with a Spoa, which is our line
that supports Haitie. All of our four Things items are
under that line and anything from the shot forward. Mary
(18:42):
told me that today is the cut off day if
you want to get something in time for Christmas, no
matter what you're ordering, whether it's the Four Things puzzle,
a pre made four Things to out our Four Things
Gratitude journal, our Star necklace which is super cute, we
seriously have so many items born your hats for guys,
cool dad, cool uncle. Really, we have items for anyone
(19:03):
and everyone in your family if you're still looking for gifts,
especially gifts that give back. But just wanted you to
know that today December, if you're listening to this episode
to day it comes out, it's a cut off, and
then there might be a rush shipping option after today,
but I'm not even sure and I wouldn't even want
to risk it. So no matter where you're shopping, it's
probably the time to get it done because we officially
(19:26):
have eleven days until Christmas. Can you believe that isn't
that crazy. So shop squaw dot com is an easy
way to get there, or you can check out the
shop forward dot com for things dot com. Radio Amy
dot com will get you there. Cat has a website
you need Therapy podcast dot com, but you can't shop there. Well, actually,
do you have merch? Yeah? Cat has stuff that says
(19:48):
like I feel your feelings, that's it and which is
really cut. But um, so yes, there's a lot of
ways to get to the Shop Forward Again. Mary's come
on before we talk about how she loves buying domains
to make it easier depending on what you're shopping for.
So thank you all so much for all the support
with that, you know Spua anyways, um the impact that
(20:10):
you're able to make on the organizations we work with,
which this holiday season is we're working with two. Sometimes
we narrow it down to one organization, but we're supporting
my Life Speaks and Project Meta Share in Haiti, and
you make an impact, I promise. Like our favorite thing
to do is at the end of the Christmas season,
once we're able to take a picture of the check
we're about to send to them. It's just really really
(20:32):
cool and we would not be able to do that
without you. It's literally because of you, so thank you
so much for the support. And yeah, just a reminder
if you're a procrastinator, today is the last day. Get
it done, get it done, do something for yourself, except
for if you're just shopping just to shop, and you
might need to set some new goals. But hey, I
would tell Mel Robbins if you're wanting a shop from
(20:55):
a spa, well, hey, Mel, a spa means openatian Curl
and my just supported Haiti and that's doing something that matters,
right exactly, Thank you, right um. Y'all can find Kat
on Instagram as well at cat dot defata dot k
A T dot d e f A T t A
good okay, bye y'all. Bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing bonus episode to
the Four Things podcast with Amy, Cat Samy and Cat Chat.
Hey Cat, Hi, Hi. So hopefully we did a good
job last week not being to therapy ish because you know,
not everything is about therapy, and I know not all
of you need therapy. But Cat is a licensed therapist
and we will lean into her wisdom when we need to.
(00:26):
And another person that I love as a go to
for awesome wisdom is Mel Robbins. Do you follow her
on Instagram? I've been obsessed with her since she did
her um five second rule. Oh yeah, when you need
to like do something, for example, get out of bed,
you count down five three to one and you just
get up and do it, or whatever it is you
need to tackle you five four three two one do it.
(00:47):
I love the five second role. I've talked about that
on Four Things before her TED talk that she did
back then, I don't know what was called, but her
Ted talk is one of my favorite Ted talks of
all time. Yeah to search Mel Robbins TEDtalk. Have you
at her on You Need Therapy Podcast? No? I would
die if I could. Do you think we could? I
don't know we should try. Okay, okay, that'd be awesome.
(01:08):
So she posted something the other day and that's going
to be my quote for today, because we always start
Tuesday episodes off with a quote, and it's just she posted,
stop buying blank stuff, but she said the bad word,
stop buying stuff you don't need. You don't need a
new air fryer. You need a new set of goals.
And it just made L O L because I saw
air fire commercial and already have an air fryer. But
(01:30):
I literally after I saw the commercial, I thought, oh
my gosh, I need a new air fire. And then
I saw that that post and I thought, Okay, I
guess I don't need a new air frier. Yeah, like,
why would I think I need to buy a new
air fire? And then sometimes, honestly, when I am shopping
a little bit more than usual, I do wonder, Okay,
what do I have going on? Am I deflecting from something?
(01:51):
I don't know? Avoiding? Yeah? Where we avoiding? On Friday? Oh? Yeah,
we went shopping. Well, I mean, now you are getting
ready for your birthday and I was trying to buy
things for to share. It didn't want anything that I
was buying her, but or I was trying to buy her,
which I mean, shopping is hard for kids these days,
(02:12):
like a lot of stuff is just not appropriate. Maybe
that's just me getting old. No, it's it's not that
it's not appropriate. It's that I remember we were in Abercrombie.
Aber Gonna Be Kids is too small for her, But
Abercrombie is too big for her, right, so it's just
hard for Then it was American Eagle, which I will say,
American Eagle has this sweatshirt right now that is blue.
(02:33):
I'm just telling you the details because I don't know
the fit of the sweatshirt, but the fit is sort
of oversized, and it's perfect, and it's blue, and it
says it's got white trees Christmas trees on it like
wintry and that it says Colorado and it looks really vintage,
but it's not. It's brand new from American Eagle, and
at a thrift store it does it looks like it.
So I ended up getting one for myself and one
(02:54):
for Stashira, because I normally sometimes we can share things,
but I wanted mine to be a little bit more
are oversized, so that would have been massive on her.
But anyway, sweatshirt idea if you're looking for something that
is from American Eagle. But they had these genes that
had these big holes in them, because that's in right now,
but the whole like went all the way up to
basically the hipline and the pocket was like hanging out,
(03:16):
and I thought, where are you going to wear these?
You cannot get them? And she was so she was disappointed,
Yeah she was, And I thought, like, I don't but
you know, you have to hold your ground. You have
to We're not going to wear those jeans. So I
don't even know how we got off on that oh
shopping Mel Robbins telling us like we need new gold
and like, okay, what do I need to do? And
(03:37):
one thing I realized I hadn't been doing. I've been
listening to audio books, but I hadn't been reading actual books.
And I've been intentional about reading more to both of
my kids at night, which just felt really good. Not
at the same time because one's eleven and one's fourteen
and they're just totally different. But I'll read to my
son and then go over and read to my daughter,
(03:57):
and that's been great. But I realized I need to
read to myself too, And so that is a new
goal that I'm setting for myself, is to get back
into less audio books, more physical books, reading with my eyeballs,
because I do think that that's good for me. When
you read, is your goal going to be to read
more like fiction? Because a lot of what you've probably
(04:19):
been reading the past year has been like therapist e Yes,
So I don't love reading fiction that much. It's very
hard for me. I either like nonfiction, but it doesn't
have to be therapy. It could be a true story
someone's like Michelle Obama's book Yes, something that happened with them,
or like just Mercy for example. I mean that those
(04:41):
are true stories inside of a book like that is
really interesting to me. But it's not therapeutic at all anything.
It's probably just a little too like a Nicholas Sparks
kind of go No. I like listening to those, but
I don't always enjoy reading them. But you know, now
that I've been doing my neuro feedback and my A
d D is getting better, maybe I will enjoy them.
(05:02):
I don't know. Some of it I think is a
how appealing is it for me to sit there and
read it? Because I would have to read a page
sometimes three or four times, so reading wasn't always very exciting.
A fiction book that I could not put down, which
was a series, was Hunger Games. I don't read if
it's not for like work or something like that. And
that's one of the only books I've got super super
(05:24):
super into because so fast, it's so good. But I mean,
that was what it's been a minute. I mean not
to say that I haven't read some fiction things since then,
but I lean more nonfiction doesn't have to be self help.
But that also rolls into something else that Mel Robbins
had posted about. And she just put up a post
(05:44):
that said seven ways I practice self love every day,
and I thought, I just swiped through this list that
she put up, and then seriously, if you're not following
Mel Robbins on Instagram, you're missing out, and then maybe
we can discuss these ways of practicing self love. The
first thing she put up was I wake up when
the alarm rings each morning. Last night, when you set
(06:06):
the alarm, you made a promise to yourself when you
get out of bed, you keep it. And so that's
kind of probably close to her five second role of
your alarm goes off, just get out of bed. Do
you press news? I've set more than one alarm, so
that's snows Yeah, yeah, but I do, And I guess
that's true. It is. It's basically snoozing. It's basically it's
like cheating. It's like news cheating because you don't even
(06:29):
have to press a button. Really, I guess you didn't
start it off. Yeah, but that's because I like to
wake up and then I like to know that like, okay,
I have ten more minutes. I used to do that too,
but it's no way to live, according to Yeah, it's
no I used to do that and it's no way now. Um.
The next thing she put was, I make my bed
to practice simple discipline. Plus it's a gift to myself
(06:50):
a beautiful place to come back to and dream tonight,
which I make my bed every day. Haven't always been
that way, but I can't remember when it started a
few years ago. It was through this podcast. I Admiral
mcgraven was giving a commencement speech and I saw it
on YouTube and I played it back on the podcast
because I thought it was great, and he was talking
about the discipline of making your bed, and that's what
(07:11):
he was telling these graduates, like, the one thing you
could do for yourself every day is start your day
by making your bed, because that is your first accomplishment
of the day and it sets you up for success
throughout the day, and Malice saying, here, I make my
bed to practice simple discipline. Do you make your bed?
I was going to ask you what I think I
make my bed. No, I don't. I make my bed
(07:31):
like twice a week, which I don't think it's for everybody.
But it's weird. I used to be a non bedmaker
and I didn't get the point, and then now I
you do, Like now if I haven't done it, I'm like,
you know what, stop, go make your bed. Everything will
be a better after that. And not everything is better,
but some things. But it's like you can control that.
But it's funny that I don't it to me, and
(07:53):
like it's just takes so much time, but it really doesn't.
It takes maybe five minutes and you always feel better
after you do it. But I just in my head
and I'm just going to mess it up again. Yeah,
well okay, true, but I'll try I'll try it out
for a couple of weeks in like Mel says, you
go back. It's a gift yourself. You walk up your
next night's sleep to a beautiful place to dreams. She says,
(08:14):
is not what it saysn't the thing? Yeah, okay, So
her next thing is which I don't do this, but
I high five myself in the mirror. It's one of
the most powerful ways I've found to change my inner
critic into a cheerleader. Have you ever high fived yourself
in the mirror? It's okay if you can. If you
have don't be fair, well, don't be If mel Mel
(08:37):
Robbins is pretty successful and if she does it, that's nine.
I think that's funny because that it's a problem. Sure
it works, but it's like giving yourself affirmations. I just
have never been like high vibe cat, but I've looked
in the mirror and like giving myself a pep talk.
Yeah you can do this, like you are, You're okay,
you you are smart, you are kind, you are are important.
(09:01):
In that movie, that's really a good book, The Help,
that's the other book that came out that the book,
but the movie did the same around the same time
as Hunger Games. Because I read all those books in
one year, and I was like, I read four books.
What so, Yeah, it's a good book. Okay. Next thing
(09:26):
is I spend time each day on something that matters
to me. Focusing on progress over perfection helps me create
momentum in my life. Say that again, I spend time
each day on something that matters to me, focusing on
progress over perfection. It helps me create momentum in my life.
I saw these cute socks online. I think I ordered
(09:47):
a few, speaking of shopping ipeaking of buying things, but
I ordered as gifts. I don't know if they've arrived yet,
but they are really cute. They were white socks and
in colorful stitching. They a progress over perfection. Where did
you find? I think they were a bander e I
r band dot com. Yeah, I did get them in
(10:08):
their Black Friday off sale. Why I have not received
in the in the mail yet. I'm not sure. I
didn't click on those emails because I knew that if
I opened that email and buy something, yeah, they get
me those Instagram ads. I'm like, okay, bander, take all
my money, except for according to mel Robin's here, I
need a new goal. Band Guys have cute things but
(10:29):
you focus on her. She's saying, focus on one thing
each day that matters to you. Yes, yeah, I'm trying
to think if I can always find time to do
that though, well, I mean I could spend you talk
to your you do that naturally. I feel like, Okay,
kids matter to me, Yeah, they do everything. Oh yeah,
you're right, and focus on progress over perfection, because yeah,
(10:49):
being a mom, it's like, I'm not going to get
every day perfect, but I'm definitely trying. And then this
last year I've been working really hard and being way
more of an intentional it's kind of adopting is I've
been looking back on it. It's a weird thing. At
the end of this month, coming up before around Christmas time,
we'll have had the kids officially four years, and I
feel like, all of a sudden, Yeah, we became parents
(11:12):
to older children, which we knew that was going to happen,
and we were in the adoption process a long time,
so duh. We were preparing, but nothing prepares you for it,
like real actual parenting and kids and situations, and then
there was so many other things we were focusing on,
like teaching them English and then you know, trying to
connect with them. But I didn't realize at the time
(11:33):
I had my own connection issues, Like everyone has their
different attachment styles, and while they're coming from a very
interesting place, different place than me when it comes to attachment,
especially after you know they've been separated from their birth parents,
they're living in an orphanage. Then they're taken to America
by these two white people in this strange, new foreign land,
(11:53):
and there was a lot to unpack. There's just so
much that I didn't even realize in that first the
first two years, for sure, that I wasn't doing to
connect with them just because I didn't know how to
do it. I was learning a lot about myself and
all kinds of relationships, and that maybe when moms have
(12:13):
new baby, brand new babies, that's how they feel to
like trying to figure out how do I even connect
with this baby, and you get confused, and sometimes you
just are trying to survive the day and get through
all the different things you need to get through, and
you're like, oh, I don't even know if I'm connecting
and this baby wants nothing to do with me. I
don't know, But that's how I felt like the kids.
It's like we didn't know how to really do it,
(12:35):
and now that I know a little bit more, but
it's taking me time and I've been figuring it out.
So you've got to give yourself that grace and that
permission to know that it's okay. It's not like I
was a horrible parent, but I wasn't who I am
trying to show up to be now. But I realized
some of it was because of my issues with my
own parents and how they parented me, and a lack
(12:56):
of connection that was there, and thankfully I realized it
and have worked on it so I don't pass it
on to them. And I mean because they again there's
already different attachment styles because of their trauma, but we're
going to be proactive as possible to try to not repeat,
at least on my end, what my parents did. And
I feel like I had great parents, they didn't connect
(13:18):
and I think that is I'm glad that you said
that part two, because I think a lot of people
are afraid to talk about any of that kind of
stuff because it's if they do, and then it means
their parents are bad. But you're like, no, I loved
my parents. No, And maybe it's easier for me to
say now because both of my parents were gone and
it's not like they're listening to this right now. But
I do feel like if they were alive, I'm to
(13:38):
a place now. I'm okay, I'm forty years old, I'm
doing a lot of work on myself, and I feel
like I could say to them with love and kindness
and they would probably agree. Quite honestly, I'm pretty sure
my my mom said something along the lines of that
to me and my sister on her deathbed, like she
and my dad too, so they know. But if your
(13:58):
parents are around, it's never too late and there can
be conversations that can be said in kindness. But yeah, anyway,
on to the next Moving on, mel Robins says, when
someone crosses my mind, I send them a text. It's
this little thing I've been doing lately. I find that
I've been less lonely because I'm reaching out. So that's
(14:21):
a way she practices self love is when someone crosses
her mind, I send a text. I mean, I could
maybe practice that because people cross my mind all the
time and then I'm not intentional about it, and then
I'm like, oh, well, I've thought of them or I'll
say a little prayer for them, or all be thinking
of them, and then I don't reach out, probably because
I'm doing all the things that matter to me in
texting my friend just kidding. How do you feel about
(14:44):
that one? And I think that's a good one. I
love that because we do we think about people all
the time, and then we don't reach out, and all
that is doing is connecting and that's what the essence
of what a lot of us are looking for, this connection.
So I think that's cool because how awesome And that
also feel You've got a random text of somebody just said, hey,
thinking about you, hope you're doing well. They don't want
anything return there, just are reaching out say that. I
(15:05):
just think that's cool to receive and give it. Another
thing she put up is I keep the small promises
I make to myself. This is the secret. If you
know you can count on yourself, it's a sign that
you love yourself. Will you say that again? I keep
the small promises I make to myself. She says that
this is the secret. If you know you can count
on yourself, it's a sign that you love yourself. It's
(15:26):
like getting up when your alarm goes off and making
your bed. Those are the two promises if you if
you made yourself I promise, because you could go to
bed and be like whatever, I'm not gonna I promised
to myself. I'm not going to make my bed. I
promised to myself. I'm gonna rest news and then your
that's your promise to yourself. I think of like when
I'm I want to do something. Let's say I want
to go for a run, or I want to I
(15:48):
want to spend time with that matters to me. I
want to do a puzzle, I wanna I think of
those as like I'm making an appointment with myself and
what I flake on somebody else? No, I show up,
So I have to show that same it meant to myself. Yeah,
so I'm a huge fan of that one. Okay, the
next thing, mel put up. I've created an evening ritual
to end my work day minus to make a mocktail,
(16:10):
take a bath, and go to bed early. Taking care
of yourself at night is the best way to guarantee
a great morning. She does not have young children. She
has she has older kids, and she's yeah, she's been
through other phases of life. She's now at this stage
in life where she can do that, and I think
that that's wonderful. May not look like this, but you
(16:31):
can still create an evening ritual that works for you.
A cup of tea before I go to bed. Oh
do not? You don't like tea? Why you just made
a gross out face because probably because in my disordered days,
I used to drink that tea that would make you
go to the bathroom midnight. Yeah, and so I and
(16:52):
I would drink that at night with my cup of
tea and act like it was totally normal. I even
I used to drink that. It doesn't even taste good. Yeah,
I know, it's Oh, it's disgusting. If I had have tea.
I like green tea and I like get iced and
that has caffeine, So don't drink it at nice. I
love a nice peppermint tea. At the end of the day,
(17:14):
Speaking of peppermint, I was watching I think a Hallmark
or a Lifetime Christmas movie and one of the characters
was giving another character a peppermint latte and the person rejected.
It was like, it feels like someone put toothpaste in
my coffee. And I thought, oh, I did that the
other day, I didn't have peppermint mooko, but I brushed
my teeth and then I had a sip of my
latte and it tasted so good like I like it, okay,
(17:38):
because so it was. It is like a mixture of
toothpaste and coffee. It literally is. Literally My family always
says that peppermint tea tastes like gum. Oh. I don't know,
Maybe I'll have to try it. Speaking of peppermint, just
as you think of this um. We've had an ant
problem and I had an exterminator come out and then
the ants still came back. So it was googling more
natural raised and to get rid of it them and
(18:00):
till they can come back out. And it's a peppermint oil.
So I don't know, peppermint everywhere, So peppermint all the
time everywhere? All right, Well, looks like that was the
last one. So yeah. Mel Robbins seven ways to practice
self love. At least she was sharing what she did,
and I enjoyed going through those because some of them
I definitely need to implement myself. Or maybe it's none
(18:21):
of these things like sit down and what can you
be doing to practice self love? Each day and Cat
thank you so much for joining us. For the fifth thing.
I will just make a quick little announcement here today
about Christmas shopping with a Spoa, which is our line
that supports Haitie. All of our four Things items are
under that line and anything from the shot forward. Mary
(18:42):
told me that today is the cut off day if
you want to get something in time for Christmas, no
matter what you're ordering, whether it's the Four Things puzzle,
a pre made four Things to out our Four Things
Gratitude journal, our Star necklace which is super cute, we
seriously have so many items born your hats for guys,
cool dad, cool uncle. Really, we have items for anyone
(19:03):
and everyone in your family if you're still looking for gifts,
especially gifts that give back. But just wanted you to
know that today December, if you're listening to this episode
to day it comes out, it's a cut off, and
then there might be a rush shipping option after today,
but I'm not even sure and I wouldn't even want
to risk it. So no matter where you're shopping, it's
probably the time to get it done because we officially
(19:26):
have eleven days until Christmas. Can you believe that isn't
that crazy. So shop squaw dot com is an easy
way to get there, or you can check out the
shop forward dot com for things dot com. Radio Amy
dot com will get you there. Cat has a website
you need Therapy podcast dot com, but you can't shop there. Well, actually,
do you have merch? Yeah? Cat has stuff that says
(19:48):
like I feel your feelings, that's it and which is
really cut. But um, so yes, there's a lot of
ways to get to the Shop Forward Again. Mary's come
on before we talk about how she loves buying domains
to make it easier depending on what you're shopping for.
So thank you all so much for all the support
with that, you know Spua anyways, um the impact that
(20:10):
you're able to make on the organizations we work with,
which this holiday season is we're working with two. Sometimes
we narrow it down to one organization, but we're supporting
my Life Speaks and Project Meta Share in Haiti, and
you make an impact, I promise. Like our favorite thing
to do is at the end of the Christmas season,
once we're able to take a picture of the check
we're about to send to them. It's just really really
(20:32):
cool and we would not be able to do that
without you. It's literally because of you, so thank you
so much for the support. And yeah, just a reminder
if you're a procrastinator, today is the last day. Get
it done, get it done, do something for yourself, except
for if you're just shopping just to shop, and you
might need to set some new goals. But hey, I
would tell Mel Robbins if you're wanting a shop from
(20:55):
a spa, well, hey, Mel, a spa means openatian Curl
and my just supported Haiti and that's doing something that matters,
right exactly, Thank you, right um. Y'all can find Kat
on Instagram as well at cat dot defata dot k
A T dot d e f A T t A
good okay, bye y'all. Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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