November 26, 2022 • 21 mins
OUTWEIGH: Singer/Song-writer Maura Streppa is Amy's guest today! Maura battled with an eating disorder for most of her life, but didn’t realize it until she was a freshman in college. She started recovery over COVID and really used songwriting to help get through it. She wrote a song called “Skinnier” that comes out December 2nd and hopes it will help others feel less alone + encourage them to NOT think that life will be better if/when they are skinnier!!
About Maura:
There is a place where country meets soul meets pop. That sweet spot exists in the heart of singer/songwriter, Maura Streppa. Heavily influenced by Bob Dylan, John Prine, Amy Winehouse, Kacey Musgraves, and more, Maura uniquely and effortlessly creates a home for lovers of the old and the new alike. Hailing from the suburbs of Chicago, Maura discovered her love for music at a young age. After a move from the city to the south lands of North Carolina, Maura found that her mother’s piano keys helped her express her deepest emotions. It was from that moment on that she decided she wanted to share these cathartic songs with the world. Maura continued writing, singing, and sharing until the age of 18, when she was asked to play the Carolina Country Music Festival and to open for country music star, Jimmie Allen. It was in that opportunity that Maura became more sure than ever that singing country music for thousands of people was what she wanted to do with her life. She promptly packed her bags and made her way to Music City. Since making the big move to Nashville, Maura has been performing almost every single night, sharing her soulful songs with those who cross her path. She recently won Tennessee Songwriter’s Week and made her debut at The Bluebird Cafe with her song, “Singer and The Song”. The eclectic artist has a strong conviction to create music with authenticity, love, and purpose and works hard to carry out that calling every day.
Instagram: @maurastreppamusic
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body outly outweigh everything that I'm
made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. I'm
learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
I feel free, I know who every part of me.
It's beautiful and then will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it with joys in the air, She'll love to
the boom if the let's say good day and did
June and die out? Happy Saturday. Outweigh fam. I am
sitting across from Maura Streppa, which we're on Zoom. But
you're here in Nashville, right, Yeah, okay, because Mara is
(00:45):
a singer, songwriter, And what I love about the conversation
that we're gonna have today for the Outweigh community and
those that might be wrestling with whether or not they
have an eating disorder or they're in the throes of it,
or they on the they're on the other side there
in recovery, and they use that way as a tool
for that. However you're here and whyever you're here, I'm
so excited that you're here for this episode because Mara
(01:08):
being a songwriter, she is a storyteller, and she's someone
that lived with an eating disorder for most of her life.
It was almost like you had a Naha moment, like, oh,
I have a neating disorder. Sometimes we're living in it
and we don't even know, and either it's denial or
it's just you kind of don't know what you don't know,
and you're like, oh, this type of behavior is this
(01:29):
weird space of Because for me, orthorexia looked like that
Mara where I was very controlled about certain foods and
it had to be quote unquote clean and fit into
my box. But I didn't realize how restrictive I was being.
But because I wasn't purging in any way, then I
was all good. I was fine, everything was fine, which
(01:52):
it wasn't. So all that said, you have a beautiful
song called Skinnier, and I want you to share some
of your eating disordered journey, your story, the AHA moment
in college for you being a singer songwriter writing the
song Skinnier, like just tell us all the things. I'm
throwing you the mic and now you've got the stage.
Thank you again for having me. I'm really happy to
(02:14):
be here. So yeah, it was similar for me where
it was like this is normal the way that my
behaviors are is just what you know, society deems is normal.
I think it's very obvious that our society, especially you know,
in the like two thousand and ten onward. For me
at least, because I'm twenty one, so it was about
(02:36):
ten years ago where the behavior started. But it was
just what was encouraged by society and like what people
were told is deemed healthy. But yeah, pretty much, it
started with not feeling happy when I looked in a mirror.
I did dance growing up, and I would always get
(02:56):
really anxious putting on a leotard and those show everything,
and so it was hard being in a room with
girls who have the ideal ballet body, so to speak,
and not fit that mold. So it really started with
that and just feeling like something was wrong with me.
So that then reflected into restriction and you know, asking
(03:22):
my mom to take me to work out, and you know,
I was never like a sports person growing up, but
I would ask to go to the gym and go
to cycle classes, and I'd always be the youngest one
there because what ten year old goes to a cycle glass. Really,
in my mind, I was doing everything right and I
(03:44):
never saw a result never felt like anything was changing.
I distinctly remember when I had changed out of like
the youth clothing. I was always at youth large and
had gone to like adult and I was so excited
because I was a small all but it's like, obviously
that's the change. But I was so upset that I
(04:05):
always had that l on the label that finally having
an S was like such a relief. But then again
as I grew, it would get up and up and up,
and then it'd get back down because of the way
that I'd restrict. And then once I got into high school,
it turned into restricting and binge eating, so I would
(04:26):
never eat lunch at school. But then right after there
was like a pull a right next to my high school.
I'd go and I would binge eat as much as
I could before getting on the bus. And then once
I had gotten my license, I would again not eat dinner,
not eat lunch. And then when I told my parents
I was going to the gym, I'd go through bow
j Angles and get as much food as I could.
(04:49):
I would even if I did go to the gym,
I'd pick up food and lock myself in the bathroom
and eat as much as I could, so it really
became an unhealthy pattern. When I realized is that what
I was doing was not helping my weight loss. Then
I started going to the gym every single day for
an hour an hour and a half. High intensity boxing
(05:10):
was like my thing. But then again I'd be burning
all these calories and then not eating and then being exhausted.
And as a high school student, you know, I lived
an hour away from my high school, so I'd be
up from you know, five am until right after high school,
I have tennis practice, and then i'd have a workout
and then i'd go to the studio because I started
doing music when I was in high school, professionally started
(05:31):
doing music when I was in high school, and so
i'd be running on fumes seven. But that's what felt normal.
I saw nothing wrong with it. I thought that I
was doing everything right. And then once I got to college,
started having a lot of anxiety because we had like
the cafeteria, so you have a swipe and then access
to so much food, and I just every meal would
(05:54):
bench there was no way to stop myself. I'd feel
sick to my stomach, I'd want go throw up, Like
it was just overwhelming and then I try to go
to the gym and I just have a mental breakdown
because I feel like nothing would work. So I went
to the school therapist and she was like, you haven't
eating disorder, and I was like, no, I don't because
(06:15):
my only knowledge was anorexia. And I was like, there's
no way, I'm not skinny, so I don't have an
eating disorder. She's like, you one have an eating disorder,
and we're not fully equipped to deal with like the
level that you're at. And so I was like, Oh,
got out of that meeting, called my dad basically said
(06:38):
everything that she had said, and then um, this was
like right after Thanksgiving. So then we called the therapist
that they recommended, and after the new year, I went
and started therapy. Sorry that I'm getting emotional, but I mean,
obviously this is an emotional thing, But what is it
about that particular story that the tears. I think it
(07:02):
was more pride because seeing where I am now versus
um where I was then is encouraging. And I am
the youngest of five and my entire family is so
supportive and always checking in and like has been with
me this entire journey, which a lot of people don't have,
(07:23):
and it's amazed. I don't think I could have done
it without all of their support. And even when I
went to treatment, it was over zoom because of COVID,
and I was living with my aunt and uncle, my
cousins at the time, and every single session, you know,
they'd help me cook the food, they'd check in on me,
we'd like do a family movie or like to play
(07:47):
a game after, so that they made sure like I
was in the right headspace. And it's just without all
of that support and love, like, I don't think I
would be as happy, insecure or in my recovery as
I am to say, so, I think it was that,
and also just the shame associated with it, like that's
(08:07):
obviously there, and I think admitting it for the first
time to my dad to somebody else was awful, and
so that definitely was part of the the emotions that
came up to I think it's natural for myself and
anybody that I've talked to that has any type of
eating disordered behaviors, most of all of us have felt
(08:31):
that shame for different reasons, whatever it may be. I
just remember thinking if anybody ever knew what I was
doing to myself right now, whether it be with food
or how I was getting rid of the food or whatever,
like I would just be mortified. So yeah, that shame
is a real is a real thing. Well, I know
(08:53):
you have a song called Skinnier that you wrote, share
with us a little bit about that and white so
inportant to you. My typical songwriting is like honky Tonk
and upbeat, happy songs. And then I started writing more
honest stuff and you know, never thought to share it
with anyone, just kind of make it more of like
(09:15):
events session for me. And then my friend Sam Hatmaker
came over for right She was like, I have this idea.
It's a little dark, but I always write with guys
and I've never felt comfortable bringing it up with them,
so you know, I thought it'd be perfect to pitch
to you. And she's sang me this chorus and the
lyrics are, would you like me more if I was
(09:36):
a little less because I feel ignored when I'm doing
my best? The original lyric we changed it, but the
lyric that we changed it too is I hate to
admit I don't like myself either, but maybe I would
if I was skinnier. So she sings this chorus and
I'm like on the Virgil tears, and we start getting
in this conversation about our journeys with eating disorders and
(09:58):
body dysmorphia, and I think it's a really common theme.
It's like I would be so much happier if I
was skinnier. I know, that's what I thought. So we're
writing this song and we're just really spilling out everything
that our brains would make up when we were not okay.
(10:20):
And I think there's a lot of songs out there
that are about body positivity and like loving yourself. Those
songs are great and totally needed, but I also think
having a song that's just saying what is real and
what you're thinking helps people realize that it's like, oh,
I'm not the only person that thinks my life would
(10:41):
be better if I lose weight. So that was kind
of the goal when we wrote the song. The song
is not out right now, but it will be in
a couple of weeks. I'm gonna play it actually at
the Listening Room Cafe on December three, so it will
be teased and will be on all my social media's
and you'll be able to hear clips and bits will
that be your first time performing it live? No, So
(11:03):
the reason that i even decided to put it out
because I've never talked about my eating disorder on social media.
The only people that know are the people that kind
of went through it with me and that I confided
in about it. So again, I think that's a shame aspect.
I just didn't want people to think that something was
wrong with me, because obviously social media is kind of
(11:26):
a highlight reel, and this is not a highlight of
my life. Now that I feel like I'm on the
other side of it, it truly is, and I feel
like I'm ready to share it. But I played this
song at the listening room a few months ago and
six or seven people came up to me after kind
of explaining their journey and how much they could relate
(11:48):
to the song, and I realized, Okay, my goal with
songwriting is to let people understand that their thoughts are
similar to other people, so that they're not a loan
in their thoughts. So when I realized that people could
relate to it, I was like, all right, if I
put this song out and it helps one person realize
that they're not alone and that, you know, being skinnier
(12:12):
is not gonna make them at any happier, so to speak,
that it's worth it. So there's never planning to put
it out, but now we are and I'm nervous. But
like I said, if it helps one person, then it's
worth it. Yeah. Well, I think music is a great
way to meet people where they are And what a
gift that you have to be a storyteller and a
(12:34):
singer and to be able to take something so personal
and then pour it into what you're trying to pursue
as a career and your passion and potentially help someone else.
I feel like you'll reach more than one person, that's
for sure. But I know that feeling. That's why we
do this podcast. I never know what episode is going
(12:55):
to hit with one person and be the reason why
we even had a conversation talked. But I feel like
music is just such a gift and it's not a
conduit to meet people with a needing disorder because that
that's not the topic of conversation. I mean, you're right,
there's the songs, the empowering body movement loves, but like
you getting deep into the conversation of what you were chasing,
(13:19):
the skinny and that life is going to be better
because of that, and coming to it from such a
place deep within you. I just feel like it's going
to be a powerful way to meet people where they are.
Thank you. I'm excited, And I think putting this all
out there is just going to be helpful for me too,
because it will generate conversations and even help me understand
(13:40):
that I'm not alone in this. And although I've met
so many people through treatment and through meetings and just
through being conversational about it, I understand how helpful it
is to know that you're not alone in this mindset.
And the more people that realize that they're not alone
in it, then it's the more people that help change
it and create a society where this mindset isn't the norm, right,
(14:05):
Because I mean, let's back up to the beginning of
your story. With that your brain started trying to figure
this out for you and take care of you and
being like, oh, you know, at ten ten years old,
like I can find my way to fit in better
in this world. I need to have my mom take
me to spin class at ten years old or whatever,
Like you were looking for ways to make yourself smaller right,
(14:28):
and in a lot of ways. And that's what happens
is it's not just the body thing, it's making your
brain smaller, because then your brain is completely consumed with
food and appearance and working out, and then you don't
have really room or space for much else. Right. One
of the other lyrics in the song is always looking
for It's a first lyric, but always looking for a distraction,
(14:51):
leave the party before the party happens, And that was
always a feeling. I'm like, recovery isn't linear. Even this
Halloween weekend, I put on my costume and had a
complete mental breakdown because I felt so unhappy with how
I looked. And it's like, I don't even want to
go put myself out there this weekend because of how
(15:13):
I look. I'm so disgusted by what I see in
the mirror. And I realized, like that's just not the
way to live life. And I've worked so hard to
be where I am now that it's like, I'm not
gonna let that voice. I'm not gonna let ed take
this over, take this fun weekend away from me. One
of the other lyrics on the other side of it
(15:34):
is um thought I wasn't pretty or cool. So in brief,
I got good at being the comic relief. And I
know there's that movie Duff. It's like the Designated Ugly
Fat Friend, And they're always the comedic relief. They're always
the funny one, the self deprecating jokes. I was always
that person. I always thought that my humor and my
(15:57):
self deprecation would distract people, and so that's what I
really pushed forward. But at the end of the day,
I'm still, you know, thinking, oh, they probably thought this
and this and this, and I should just stay home,
and it's a whole thing. So in recovery, since it
is something that is new for you, how have you
(16:18):
seen your world expand? I think generally just being happier
and allowing myself to go do things and put on
outfits that I love, like adjust to the style. I
really feel like I found my style this past these
past few months. And you know, it always be oversized
(16:40):
T shirts and you know, sweatpants. I never wore jeans,
And now I'm wearing clothes that I like and that
I connect with, and I'm not letting how I feel
about my body that day affect it. And I'm that
same note going out and doing things and being with
my friends and sharing a meal with people that I
(17:00):
care about, and not letting you know, oh, if I
eat this or this or this or this, like I'm
gonna spiral, and just not letting that get to me
and understand that, like, life is short and these moments
are so important. And I look back at the way
that I was living and you know, regret not taking
(17:21):
opportunities to be in my late teens, early twenties years,
and these are everyone says the best years of your life,
and I don't. I don't want to waste it being
stuck in my mind. So that's definitely part of growing
and being able to experience the entire world without you know,
something in the back of my head telling me I'm
(17:43):
not worth discovering the world. Yeah, and I just hope
others here that as encouragement. And you're finding that at
twenty one is is huge. Yeah, there's some teenage years.
But also if you're listening to this right now in
your sixty one and you're just now getting there, it's hey,
the lightbulb is starting to go off and it's happening
for you, and you can start making that shift towards
(18:05):
expanding your world and opening up your mind and not
living so small because it took it took me late
thirties to really I can't. I think I had different
times throughout my life where I thought I was I
was like, oh, okay, I'm better now, and then you know,
you just kind of realized like, oh shoot, I just
kind of transferred one eating disorder to the next, or
(18:26):
one disordered behavior to the next that was more socially acceptable,
and then this next thing was acceptable. And then as
we learn evolved and grow, we're like, oh shoot, that's
actually again that was another thing put on me by
society making it sound acceptable. So one of the lyrics
in our opening theme song for Outweigh, which is a
song that I wrote with Britney Spencer, you know, call
(18:48):
that way but it's missing out on family meals around
the table because what grandma made is bad and we're
not able, and you know that could fit in. It
may not be grandma and might just be missing out
on meals around the table with ends, missing out on
going out with friends for X y Z, because whatever
is happening, we're not allowing ourselves to be a part
of that. For whatever reason, and that meal around the
(19:10):
table and what grandma cook can represent different things for
different people. But if that line or what Maro is
sharing with you resonates, sit with that, spend some time,
because I know we have so many people listening that
are kind of on that fence of like, I don't know,
I don't think I haven't eeding disorder. But if you
ever skip out on certain things, or you're missing out
(19:31):
on core memories, or you're missing out on connection, or
your your brain is occupied with calories or this or
that when you're sitting at the table when you should
be in the moment, or when you're gonna get your
next workout in, or how you're gonna not eat the
next meal, so you're gonna go ahead and eat it
all now, just pay attention to those those things that
happened inside your head when you are at the table,
(19:52):
for sure, And thank you Mara for sharing your story
and being that hope that recovery is possible, and then
also sharing your gift of muse sick and I encourage
people to check out Skinnier podcasts are weird, So people
might be listening to this well after December, so it's
already out, but they you can just search up Skinnier
and Mara Streppa, which is m A U r A
(20:14):
S t R E p p A and then you're
Mara Strepa music on Instagram right, so if you want
to check out your Instagram and thank you so much.
I wish I could come to the listening room to
hear Skinnier on December three, But if anybody else is
in Nashville and can make it on that day, I
don't think I'm in town. But if anybody else is
(20:35):
in Nashville and you're listening and you want to go
to the listening room that day, Mara will be performing Skinnier. Yeah. Well,
thank you so much for having me and creating a
platform for people to further understand who they are and
what they need and what how did best live their life?
So thank you, thank you for sharing your story.
I won't let my body outly outweigh everything that I'm
made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. I'm
learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
I feel free, I know who every part of me.
It's beautiful and then will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it with joys in the air, She'll love to
the boom if the let's say good day and did
June and die out? Happy Saturday. Outweigh fam. I am
sitting across from Maura Streppa, which we're on Zoom. But
you're here in Nashville, right, Yeah, okay, because Mara is
(00:45):
a singer, songwriter, And what I love about the conversation
that we're gonna have today for the Outweigh community and
those that might be wrestling with whether or not they
have an eating disorder or they're in the throes of it,
or they on the they're on the other side there
in recovery, and they use that way as a tool
for that. However you're here and whyever you're here, I'm
so excited that you're here for this episode because Mara
(01:08):
being a songwriter, she is a storyteller, and she's someone
that lived with an eating disorder for most of her life.
It was almost like you had a Naha moment, like, oh,
I have a neating disorder. Sometimes we're living in it
and we don't even know, and either it's denial or
it's just you kind of don't know what you don't know,
and you're like, oh, this type of behavior is this
(01:29):
weird space of Because for me, orthorexia looked like that
Mara where I was very controlled about certain foods and
it had to be quote unquote clean and fit into
my box. But I didn't realize how restrictive I was being.
But because I wasn't purging in any way, then I
was all good. I was fine, everything was fine, which
(01:52):
it wasn't. So all that said, you have a beautiful
song called Skinnier, and I want you to share some
of your eating disordered journey, your story, the AHA moment
in college for you being a singer songwriter writing the
song Skinnier, like just tell us all the things. I'm
throwing you the mic and now you've got the stage.
Thank you again for having me. I'm really happy to
(02:14):
be here. So yeah, it was similar for me where
it was like this is normal the way that my
behaviors are is just what you know, society deems is normal.
I think it's very obvious that our society, especially you know,
in the like two thousand and ten onward. For me
at least, because I'm twenty one, so it was about
(02:36):
ten years ago where the behavior started. But it was
just what was encouraged by society and like what people
were told is deemed healthy. But yeah, pretty much, it
started with not feeling happy when I looked in a mirror.
I did dance growing up, and I would always get
(02:56):
really anxious putting on a leotard and those show everything,
and so it was hard being in a room with
girls who have the ideal ballet body, so to speak,
and not fit that mold. So it really started with
that and just feeling like something was wrong with me.
So that then reflected into restriction and you know, asking
(03:22):
my mom to take me to work out, and you know,
I was never like a sports person growing up, but
I would ask to go to the gym and go
to cycle classes, and I'd always be the youngest one
there because what ten year old goes to a cycle glass. Really,
in my mind, I was doing everything right and I
(03:44):
never saw a result never felt like anything was changing.
I distinctly remember when I had changed out of like
the youth clothing. I was always at youth large and
had gone to like adult and I was so excited
because I was a small all but it's like, obviously
that's the change. But I was so upset that I
(04:05):
always had that l on the label that finally having
an S was like such a relief. But then again
as I grew, it would get up and up and up,
and then it'd get back down because of the way
that I'd restrict. And then once I got into high school,
it turned into restricting and binge eating, so I would
(04:26):
never eat lunch at school. But then right after there
was like a pull a right next to my high school.
I'd go and I would binge eat as much as
I could before getting on the bus. And then once
I had gotten my license, I would again not eat dinner,
not eat lunch. And then when I told my parents
I was going to the gym, I'd go through bow
j Angles and get as much food as I could.
(04:49):
I would even if I did go to the gym,
I'd pick up food and lock myself in the bathroom
and eat as much as I could, so it really
became an unhealthy pattern. When I realized is that what
I was doing was not helping my weight loss. Then
I started going to the gym every single day for
an hour an hour and a half. High intensity boxing
(05:10):
was like my thing. But then again I'd be burning
all these calories and then not eating and then being exhausted.
And as a high school student, you know, I lived
an hour away from my high school, so I'd be
up from you know, five am until right after high school,
I have tennis practice, and then i'd have a workout
and then i'd go to the studio because I started
doing music when I was in high school, professionally started
(05:31):
doing music when I was in high school, and so
i'd be running on fumes seven. But that's what felt normal.
I saw nothing wrong with it. I thought that I
was doing everything right. And then once I got to college,
started having a lot of anxiety because we had like
the cafeteria, so you have a swipe and then access
to so much food, and I just every meal would
(05:54):
bench there was no way to stop myself. I'd feel
sick to my stomach, I'd want go throw up, Like
it was just overwhelming and then I try to go
to the gym and I just have a mental breakdown
because I feel like nothing would work. So I went
to the school therapist and she was like, you haven't
eating disorder, and I was like, no, I don't because
(06:15):
my only knowledge was anorexia. And I was like, there's
no way, I'm not skinny, so I don't have an
eating disorder. She's like, you one have an eating disorder,
and we're not fully equipped to deal with like the
level that you're at. And so I was like, Oh,
got out of that meeting, called my dad basically said
(06:38):
everything that she had said, and then um, this was
like right after Thanksgiving. So then we called the therapist
that they recommended, and after the new year, I went
and started therapy. Sorry that I'm getting emotional, but I mean,
obviously this is an emotional thing, But what is it
about that particular story that the tears. I think it
(07:02):
was more pride because seeing where I am now versus
um where I was then is encouraging. And I am
the youngest of five and my entire family is so
supportive and always checking in and like has been with
me this entire journey, which a lot of people don't have,
(07:23):
and it's amazed. I don't think I could have done
it without all of their support. And even when I
went to treatment, it was over zoom because of COVID,
and I was living with my aunt and uncle, my
cousins at the time, and every single session, you know,
they'd help me cook the food, they'd check in on me,
we'd like do a family movie or like to play
(07:47):
a game after, so that they made sure like I
was in the right headspace. And it's just without all
of that support and love, like, I don't think I
would be as happy, insecure or in my recovery as
I am to say, so, I think it was that,
and also just the shame associated with it, like that's
(08:07):
obviously there, and I think admitting it for the first
time to my dad to somebody else was awful, and
so that definitely was part of the the emotions that
came up to I think it's natural for myself and
anybody that I've talked to that has any type of
eating disordered behaviors, most of all of us have felt
(08:31):
that shame for different reasons, whatever it may be. I
just remember thinking if anybody ever knew what I was
doing to myself right now, whether it be with food
or how I was getting rid of the food or whatever,
like I would just be mortified. So yeah, that shame
is a real is a real thing. Well, I know
(08:53):
you have a song called Skinnier that you wrote, share
with us a little bit about that and white so
inportant to you. My typical songwriting is like honky Tonk
and upbeat, happy songs. And then I started writing more
honest stuff and you know, never thought to share it
with anyone, just kind of make it more of like
(09:15):
events session for me. And then my friend Sam Hatmaker
came over for right She was like, I have this idea.
It's a little dark, but I always write with guys
and I've never felt comfortable bringing it up with them,
so you know, I thought it'd be perfect to pitch
to you. And she's sang me this chorus and the
lyrics are, would you like me more if I was
(09:36):
a little less because I feel ignored when I'm doing
my best? The original lyric we changed it, but the
lyric that we changed it too is I hate to
admit I don't like myself either, but maybe I would
if I was skinnier. So she sings this chorus and
I'm like on the Virgil tears, and we start getting
in this conversation about our journeys with eating disorders and
(09:58):
body dysmorphia, and I think it's a really common theme.
It's like I would be so much happier if I
was skinnier. I know, that's what I thought. So we're
writing this song and we're just really spilling out everything
that our brains would make up when we were not okay.
(10:20):
And I think there's a lot of songs out there
that are about body positivity and like loving yourself. Those
songs are great and totally needed, but I also think
having a song that's just saying what is real and
what you're thinking helps people realize that it's like, oh,
I'm not the only person that thinks my life would
(10:41):
be better if I lose weight. So that was kind
of the goal when we wrote the song. The song
is not out right now, but it will be in
a couple of weeks. I'm gonna play it actually at
the Listening Room Cafe on December three, so it will
be teased and will be on all my social media's
and you'll be able to hear clips and bits will
that be your first time performing it live? No, So
(11:03):
the reason that i even decided to put it out
because I've never talked about my eating disorder on social media.
The only people that know are the people that kind
of went through it with me and that I confided
in about it. So again, I think that's a shame aspect.
I just didn't want people to think that something was
wrong with me, because obviously social media is kind of
(11:26):
a highlight reel, and this is not a highlight of
my life. Now that I feel like I'm on the
other side of it, it truly is, and I feel
like I'm ready to share it. But I played this
song at the listening room a few months ago and
six or seven people came up to me after kind
of explaining their journey and how much they could relate
(11:48):
to the song, and I realized, Okay, my goal with
songwriting is to let people understand that their thoughts are
similar to other people, so that they're not a loan
in their thoughts. So when I realized that people could
relate to it, I was like, all right, if I
put this song out and it helps one person realize
that they're not alone and that, you know, being skinnier
(12:12):
is not gonna make them at any happier, so to speak,
that it's worth it. So there's never planning to put
it out, but now we are and I'm nervous. But
like I said, if it helps one person, then it's
worth it. Yeah. Well, I think music is a great
way to meet people where they are And what a
gift that you have to be a storyteller and a
(12:34):
singer and to be able to take something so personal
and then pour it into what you're trying to pursue
as a career and your passion and potentially help someone else.
I feel like you'll reach more than one person, that's
for sure. But I know that feeling. That's why we
do this podcast. I never know what episode is going
(12:55):
to hit with one person and be the reason why
we even had a conversation talked. But I feel like
music is just such a gift and it's not a
conduit to meet people with a needing disorder because that
that's not the topic of conversation. I mean, you're right,
there's the songs, the empowering body movement loves, but like
you getting deep into the conversation of what you were chasing,
(13:19):
the skinny and that life is going to be better
because of that, and coming to it from such a
place deep within you. I just feel like it's going
to be a powerful way to meet people where they are.
Thank you. I'm excited, And I think putting this all
out there is just going to be helpful for me too,
because it will generate conversations and even help me understand
(13:40):
that I'm not alone in this. And although I've met
so many people through treatment and through meetings and just
through being conversational about it, I understand how helpful it
is to know that you're not alone in this mindset.
And the more people that realize that they're not alone
in it, then it's the more people that help change
it and create a society where this mindset isn't the norm, right,
(14:05):
Because I mean, let's back up to the beginning of
your story. With that your brain started trying to figure
this out for you and take care of you and
being like, oh, you know, at ten ten years old,
like I can find my way to fit in better
in this world. I need to have my mom take
me to spin class at ten years old or whatever,
Like you were looking for ways to make yourself smaller right,
(14:28):
and in a lot of ways. And that's what happens
is it's not just the body thing, it's making your
brain smaller, because then your brain is completely consumed with
food and appearance and working out, and then you don't
have really room or space for much else. Right. One
of the other lyrics in the song is always looking
for It's a first lyric, but always looking for a distraction,
(14:51):
leave the party before the party happens, And that was
always a feeling. I'm like, recovery isn't linear. Even this
Halloween weekend, I put on my costume and had a
complete mental breakdown because I felt so unhappy with how
I looked. And it's like, I don't even want to
go put myself out there this weekend because of how
(15:13):
I look. I'm so disgusted by what I see in
the mirror. And I realized, like that's just not the
way to live life. And I've worked so hard to
be where I am now that it's like, I'm not
gonna let that voice. I'm not gonna let ed take
this over, take this fun weekend away from me. One
of the other lyrics on the other side of it
(15:34):
is um thought I wasn't pretty or cool. So in brief,
I got good at being the comic relief. And I
know there's that movie Duff. It's like the Designated Ugly
Fat Friend, And they're always the comedic relief. They're always
the funny one, the self deprecating jokes. I was always
that person. I always thought that my humor and my
(15:57):
self deprecation would distract people, and so that's what I
really pushed forward. But at the end of the day,
I'm still, you know, thinking, oh, they probably thought this
and this and this, and I should just stay home,
and it's a whole thing. So in recovery, since it
is something that is new for you, how have you
(16:18):
seen your world expand? I think generally just being happier
and allowing myself to go do things and put on
outfits that I love, like adjust to the style. I
really feel like I found my style this past these
past few months. And you know, it always be oversized
(16:40):
T shirts and you know, sweatpants. I never wore jeans,
And now I'm wearing clothes that I like and that
I connect with, and I'm not letting how I feel
about my body that day affect it. And I'm that
same note going out and doing things and being with
my friends and sharing a meal with people that I
(17:00):
care about, and not letting you know, oh, if I
eat this or this or this or this, like I'm
gonna spiral, and just not letting that get to me
and understand that, like, life is short and these moments
are so important. And I look back at the way
that I was living and you know, regret not taking
(17:21):
opportunities to be in my late teens, early twenties years,
and these are everyone says the best years of your life,
and I don't. I don't want to waste it being
stuck in my mind. So that's definitely part of growing
and being able to experience the entire world without you know,
something in the back of my head telling me I'm
(17:43):
not worth discovering the world. Yeah, and I just hope
others here that as encouragement. And you're finding that at
twenty one is is huge. Yeah, there's some teenage years.
But also if you're listening to this right now in
your sixty one and you're just now getting there, it's hey,
the lightbulb is starting to go off and it's happening
for you, and you can start making that shift towards
(18:05):
expanding your world and opening up your mind and not
living so small because it took it took me late
thirties to really I can't. I think I had different
times throughout my life where I thought I was I
was like, oh, okay, I'm better now, and then you know,
you just kind of realized like, oh shoot, I just
kind of transferred one eating disorder to the next, or
(18:26):
one disordered behavior to the next that was more socially acceptable,
and then this next thing was acceptable. And then as
we learn evolved and grow, we're like, oh shoot, that's
actually again that was another thing put on me by
society making it sound acceptable. So one of the lyrics
in our opening theme song for Outweigh, which is a
song that I wrote with Britney Spencer, you know, call
(18:48):
that way but it's missing out on family meals around
the table because what grandma made is bad and we're
not able, and you know that could fit in. It
may not be grandma and might just be missing out
on meals around the table with ends, missing out on
going out with friends for X y Z, because whatever
is happening, we're not allowing ourselves to be a part
of that. For whatever reason, and that meal around the
(19:10):
table and what grandma cook can represent different things for
different people. But if that line or what Maro is
sharing with you resonates, sit with that, spend some time,
because I know we have so many people listening that
are kind of on that fence of like, I don't know,
I don't think I haven't eeding disorder. But if you
ever skip out on certain things, or you're missing out
(19:31):
on core memories, or you're missing out on connection, or
your your brain is occupied with calories or this or
that when you're sitting at the table when you should
be in the moment, or when you're gonna get your
next workout in, or how you're gonna not eat the
next meal, so you're gonna go ahead and eat it
all now, just pay attention to those those things that
happened inside your head when you are at the table,
(19:52):
for sure, And thank you Mara for sharing your story
and being that hope that recovery is possible, and then
also sharing your gift of muse sick and I encourage
people to check out Skinnier podcasts are weird, So people
might be listening to this well after December, so it's
already out, but they you can just search up Skinnier
and Mara Streppa, which is m A U r A
(20:14):
S t R E p p A and then you're
Mara Strepa music on Instagram right, so if you want
to check out your Instagram and thank you so much.
I wish I could come to the listening room to
hear Skinnier on December three, But if anybody else is
in Nashville and can make it on that day, I
don't think I'm in town. But if anybody else is
(20:35):
in Nashville and you're listening and you want to go
to the listening room that day, Mara will be performing Skinnier. Yeah. Well,
thank you so much for having me and creating a
platform for people to further understand who they are and
what they need and what how did best live their life?
So thank you, thank you for sharing your story.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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