September 7, 2025 • 35 mins
What do disciplining a child, teaching preschool and taking good care of yourself have in common?
The answer might surprise you.
This week’s episode is inspired by a parenting technique that seemed too simple to actually work. But as soon as I watched this alarmingly unsophisticated tactic have wild success with my four and five year olds—and their friends—I had to ask myself: maybe there’s value in even the adults taking a break?
How long should the break be? Why is this straightforward tool so powerful?
Perhaps it has to do with putting us back in touch with our higher selves, our creative nature, our intuitive voice.
To learn how taking a short break can combat burnout, calm big emotions and get you unstuck (and even how it can bring order to unruly preschoolers) take a listen and let me know what you think.
Where do you need to take a break?
Host: Ally Fallon // @allyfallon // allisonfallon.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back
together with the words you write, all the beauty and
peace and the magic that you'll start too fun when
you write your story. You got the words and said,
don't you think it's down to let them out and
write them down on cold It's all about and write
(00:24):
your story. Write, write your story. Hi, and welcome back
to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon, I'm
your host, and on today's episode, I have an exciting
announcement that I get to share with you. I'm truly
so excited about this. I know people say that kind
of stuff all the time, but I feel just elated
that I'm going to get to share this with you,
(00:44):
in part because it comes from a really honest place
for me. I've wanted to share this announcement a few
different times, in a few different ways, and just nothing
has felt really aligned. And today I feel like it
just opened up for me, and I get to tell
you what's coming, and I get to tell you from
a place of true alignment, and I feel deeply at
peace about it, and I'm just genuinely, genuinely excited to
(01:06):
share this information with you. So I'm going to share
that piece of information with you at the end of
the episode, because it'll make a lot more sense for
you at that point. But before I even get there,
what I want to do is get into today's topic
by just sharing a few updates from my life, because
the topic that I want to talk about today is
this idea of taking a break and how simple that
(01:27):
concept can be and yet how complicated it can be
and how powerful it can be. So in order to
make that make any sense to you, again, this is
a theme that just keeps popping up in my life
again and again and again, and I feel like it
has been opened up to me in a new kind
of way where I'm like, oh my gosh, this is
such a simple thing, Like can it really just be
that simple and can I have that powerful of an effect? Yes,
(01:51):
it absolutely can, and I've seen that to be true
over and over again for myself and for my kids.
And I'll share the stories with you today and hopefully
it will feel as powerful to you as it does
to me. But ultimately, I hope that this has a
takeaway for you that you can implement pretty immediately in
your life wherever you're feeling, I don't know, burnt out,
or if you're feeling frustrated, or if you're feeling like
(02:13):
you are disconnected from your intuition, or you're disconnected from
your sense of self, or you don't know what to
do next, or you're stuck or lost or whatever, or
any of those feelings that you might be feeling. I'm
hoping that maybe the simplicity of this topic can actually
apply to you pretty immediately and simply, for lack of
a better word, I know, I keep repeating that word,
(02:33):
but yeah, it can just literally be this simple, take
a break, take a break, take a break. This idea
came to me because we're in the month of September,
which I cannot believe it's already September, but the fact
that we're in the first week of September means it's
been exactly a month that I have been into this
process of starting a homeschool co op for my kids.
You've heard me talk about this before. This is not
(02:55):
brand new information, but my husband and I have dreamed
forever of homeschooling our kids and stiff arting a little
co op where we could bring kids together from the
neighborhood and kids could be homeschooled. Maybe part time and
come to the co op part time and get some
of that social activity together and learning experiences with each
other in a multiage kind of environment. And also could
(03:17):
have the freedom and flexibility to maybe sleep in in
the mornings and not be at school at seven twenty.
And there's so many different reasons for why we wanted
to homeschool, but the biggest motivators for me were more
flexibility of schedule, a slower pace of life, more time
for actual learning. Not that public school or private school
or whatever a more formal school setting that there isn't
time for learning, but I just felt like real time,
(03:41):
in the moment, learning happens so effortlessly and easily when
kids are given permission to follow their own curiosity and
to just have learning experiences in the course of their life,
that I wanted to promote that and encourage that with
my kids, and then give them opportunities to bring some
of their friends together from the neighborhood and create like
a really homegrown kind of small school situation. So this
(04:01):
has been in the works for a really long time.
In the first step was the building, which I've talked
about in previous episodes. My mother in law lives next door,
which is like the dreamiest setup in the world. She
bought the house next door to us and renovated it
and made it her own and it's so beautiful and fun,
and my kids get to just run next door and
see their Memi anytime that they want. And she also
built an addition onto the back of the house. We
(04:22):
helped her do it. That is a thousand square foot
apartment and that's where the homeschool co op is happening.
So we had to go through a process to get
the space zoned through the Board of Zoning Appeals in
Davidson County in order to be legally allowed to host
the homeschool co op in that space. And then now
we're in the middle of this process of getting our
(04:42):
license to be an official licensed homeschool co op, which
is extremely complicated, or maybe not that complicated, but just
like a long list of items that have to be
completed that some of which are complicated but actually are
sort of straightforward. They just take a lot of time,
and there's some red tape and bureaucras and that sort
of thing, but just a long list of things that
(05:02):
you have to complete in order to say to the state, like,
we've done everything that we're supposed to do. We've been
cleared by the fire department and by the Department of Health,
et cetera, et cetera. They've all checked out our space
and everything looks good, and so we're licensed as a
homeschool co op. Well, while we go through the process
of being licensed, we have to keep the group in
that space pretty small. We're legally allowed to have up
to six kids in there, and then once we're licensed,
(05:24):
I think it turns into like ten or twelve. So
eventually the idea is that we'll hire a teacher and
bring someone in who's specifically trained to work with this
age group and to facilitate the learning environment. But in
the meantime, while we're waiting to get our license, and
while we can only have six kids in there, two
of which are my kids, my husband and I were
talking about it and we were like, why wouldn't I
be the teacher, which I know, on the surface sounds
(05:46):
kind of insane because A because I have a lot
of other things on my plate right now. B Because
it hasn't really been in my plans to be a
preschool teacher. But the reason why it's not insane is
A because my kids are two of the six kids
who are in that space, and B because I actually
do have a background in education. My first career was
as a teacher. I taught in the public school system
(06:08):
in Portland, Oregon. I have a master's in teaching. My
specific certification was for older kids. I taught at a
middle school for a couple of years and at a
high school for a couple of years, and then I
subbed all over multiple different age groups and subjects for
a little bit after that, so I do have a
lot of experience as a teacher. And then also like
what I've been doing for the last fifteen years of
(06:29):
my career is also really considered adult education. So I've
been taking my teaching degree and putting it to use
by building curriculums for grown ups who want to learn
how to write a book, or want to learn how
to put a memoir together, or want to learn how
to edit a manuscript, and want to learn how to
be a book coach. That's what I've been doing with
my career for the last fifteen years. So it wasn't
(06:50):
such an insane idea that I step in to be
the teacher the facilitator in this space, at least in
the beginning, And one of the thoughts behind that was that,
you know, I'm the one who really wanted this for
our children. I'm the one who had this vision from
the beginning. I'm the one who was adamant that I
really wanted to give homeschooling a try, and I've always
(07:12):
held it with an open hand, thinking there may come
a day when my kids go like, I don't really
want to do this anymore. I would rather go to,
you know, a public school or a private school or whatever.
There may come a day where my kids say that
they would prefer to go to a more formal school environment,
at which point I will respect that choice that they have.
We also may get through our first year of homeschooling
(07:33):
and be like, yeah, no, this isn't anything like we
thought it was going to be, and so we'll just
make the decision to pivot and go a different direction.
This is a side note, but maybe important to say
that this past week, the school shooting in Minneapolis definitely
made me think that there's a third motivation for homeschooling
my kids that doesn't have anything to do with flexibility
(07:54):
of schedule. That really has everything to do with providing
an environment of safety. And this is with zero judgment
toward any family who chooses something different, because I do
recognize that homeschooling is an insane privilege that not everyone
has access to, and we are appreciating that privilege right now.
And so, you know, I don't want to get too
(08:15):
far down this rabbit hole. But there's a lot of
other things that I could say about violence and schools
and school shootings, and that maybe I should say for
a different time, But my point being that after the
shooting happened in Minneapolis, I just was like, oh my gosh,
this is maybe one of my top three motivations for
creating this space for my kids is it's my way
of creating a space that feels safer for the children
(08:38):
in our neighborhood. And I think that we have a
responsibility as a community to also make sure that public
and private schools also feel like safe spaces for kids.
And my number one way of doing this would be
by regulating the purchase and use of guns. And I'm
advocating for I'm specifically advocating for background checks, I'm advocating
(09:01):
for mandatory waiting periods, I'm advocating for the removal completely
of assault rifles. I just don't think assault rifles are necessary,
and I don't think there's any reason that any person,
any civilian person, needs to own an assault rifle. So
that's just I'm just stating that for the record, that
that's my take on that. And yet I know it's
a much bigger conversation than there would be people out
(09:23):
there who might disagree with me. All that to say, like,
one way that I can create a more safe environment
for my kids, something actionable that I can do, is
to create this small homeschool space. So I feel really
passionate about this, you know, for a lot of different reasons,
and I have been really excited about it. And in
the kind of Instagram versus reality situation that so many
(09:45):
of us run into in different areas of our lives,
I have had the experience of the difference between what
I pictured in my head when I thought homeschool environment
with mixed ages three to six, and then the reality
of what it actually feels like to have six children
in that space ages three to six. And I've been
(10:07):
contending with that reality and doing what any creative person
tries to do This happens too with book writing or
any other kind of creative endeavor where you have the
image in your head of what this is going to
be like, and then when you actually sit down to
the page to start writing, or to start painting, or
to start you know, writing a song or whatever kind
of creative activity you're doing, you realize, oh my gosh, like,
(10:28):
this is not what I pictured, This is not what
the image that I had in my head. And Malcolm
Gladwell has this amazing, amazing talk that he does about this.
It's not a TED talk, but similar to a Ted talk.
It's like a short, I don't know, ten or twelve
minute video where he talks about the gap between as
a creative person what you picture. Because you have amazing
(10:50):
taste as a creative person, so you picture this amazing
piece of art in your head, and then when you
go to bring that into reality, bring it to bear,
you realize that the reality doesn't match up to the
picture that you had in your head. So you have
two choices. You can either say, Okay, forget it, I
suck as an artist anyways, I guess I'm not going
to do that, or you can try to find a
(11:12):
way forward, you can try to find a way to
exert your influence, to exert your creative energy to shape
this thing and mold this thing, to use your agency
to bring to bear something different, to make it into
what you pictured or closer to what you pictured, and
you enter into this dance with the art where you
(11:33):
ask it like what is it that you want to be?
What did I think you were going to be? Versus
what is it going to be? And how can I
both exert my influence over this and also listen become
a good listener of what this thing wants to become.
So that isn't really what I was planning to talk about,
but that is a really interesting dynamic of doing anything
(11:53):
creative is that you have this image of what you
think it's going to become, and then you have what
it is actually and then you have the dance between
those two things as you figure out what is it
going to become? And that's what creating this homeschool environment
has been like for me, just like any creative endeavor is.
(12:20):
So I've bumped into instances in creating this homeschool space
where things have taken place that I didn't see coming,
or where we've had experiences that I wouldn't have imagined,
and because I wouldn't have imagined them, I didn't have
a strategy or a plan for how to adjust or
(12:41):
edit them. So I don't know if that makes sense,
but like, picture yourself creating something and you're like, oh,
I didn't realize that if I mixed these two colors together,
I was going to get this weird third color that
I didn't see that coming. And so now I have
this weird third color that I'm dealing with, and I've
got to try to figure out a solution for that,
Like either I accept this weird third color that's just
how it is, or I find a way to transition
(13:03):
it and transform it into something different. And so I've
been doing a lot of that in the school. And
one of the resources that I came across, thanks to
a couple of friends of mine who recommended it, is
this book called Raising Lions by Joe Newman, And they
sent me the title of the book and we're just
raving about how helpful it was. It's called Raising Lions
The Art of Compassionate Discipline, and so at their recommendation,
(13:26):
I immediately ordered a copy of it, and it came
in the mail and I picked it up and started
reading it, and I just thought to myself, like, oh
my gosh, like this is so simple. What he's suggesting
is so freaking simple. And I know this isn't a
podcast about discipline, it's not a podcast about raising kids
or whatever. But I did start implementing some of these
(13:47):
strategies with just my two kids at our house. And
when I say some of these strategies, actually, here's what
struck me about the whole thing. It's not some of
these strategies. There's one strategy. This book is just it's
one simple thing that you do over and over and
over again that over time has far reaching effects in
(14:08):
the relationship between you and your child, or you and
the children who you are put in charge of. And
the thing that he tells you to do is just
so simple that I have been struck over and over
again by how simple it is and how could it
possibly have such a big effect. But I have watched
it in real time have a big effect with my kids,
have a big effect with the kids at the school.
(14:28):
And this is the thing that I wanted to share
with you, the suggestion that he gives the whole strategy,
the whole formula, the whole plan is take a break.
Take a break. And if you're listening to this and
you have kids, you have had this experience. I was
just telling my sister about this book and she was
just like, oh, my gosh, you were speaking my language,
(14:49):
Like you just are literally describing the types of things
that happen in my home on a daily basis. But
if you have kids and you're used to being around
young kids, you know that kids will they'll fight with
each other, they will raise their voice, they will do
crazy things that they know they're not allowed to do
in the house. They'll color on the walls, they'll you know,
(15:09):
it's different for different kids, but they'll just test their
boundaries in every way possible, doing things that they really
know that they're not supposed to do, but just to
kind of see what you're going to do. Sometimes it's
like to get your attention. Sometimes it is, you know,
generally just like an impulse control issue, and they just
reach out and hit another kid or touch another kid,
or push another kid or whatever. So that's just how
(15:30):
preschool kids are. Kids ages three to six who are
exactly the ages of my two kids, And what this
Joe Newman guy says to do is when a child
does something like that. I mean, the book is two
hundred and four pages long, and there's a lot of
really helpful information in here, but at the end of
the day, you can boil down the strategy. The plan
(15:51):
that he suggests as simply just giving that child a break.
So if a kid throws a cran, they know they're
not supposed to throw a cran, and you go, oh,
to take a break, and you remove them from the
activity and sit them in proximity to you, so close
to you. It's not like they go to their room
or something like that. And they have to stop doing
the activity they were doing. They have to calm down
(16:13):
their body and regulate internally, and they have to take
a break. They have to take a break for two
minutes or three minutes. It's a short break, but they
have to take a break before they can resume the
activity that they were doing. So if they reach out
and touch another child or shove another child, or hit
another child or whatever, oh, time to take a break.
(16:33):
And they have to be removed from the play, removed
from the activity, go sit in a place that's close
to you. That's in proximity, calm their body down, and
once their body is calm, then you can start the
time or for their break. And at first I wasn't
really thinking anything about this other than like, I need
a strategy for managing the chaos that is sometimes my home.
(16:54):
But also six children, mixed ages in a thousand squareffit
apartment who I'm you know, trying to encourage to follow
their curiosity and have these learning experiences. And I was
explaining to my sister how in my head I pictured them,
you know, like learning to read and learning a second language.
And the reality of the fact is that none of
these kids have been to school before, and because of
(17:17):
their ages and their developmental level, some of the skills
that they're learning are simply just to sit still, or
some of the skills they're learning are self regulation, like
this Joe Newman guy teaches some of most of what
they're learning actually is how can I be in an
environment with other kids who aren't like me, who are
doing things that may or may not kind of align
(17:40):
with how I want things done, how I'm used to
seeing things and experiencing things, And how can I keep
my body regulated so that I can stay in touch
with myself so that I can make decisions that are
good for me, like decisions not to hit another kid,
or decisions not to throw a book, or decisions to
you know, to genuinely stay in contact with that creative
nature of my mind so that I can pursue what
(18:01):
matters to me. I can go read a book that's
interesting to me, I can stay the course with the
art project that I'm working on. And if I'm unable
to do that, if I move out of regulation, then
I'm going to have to take a break. I'm gonna
have to step away and take a break and calm
my body down before i can resume my activity. And
one of the things that I noticed when I started
implementing this strategy is how much it slows the whole
(18:23):
day down. So, in other words, you know, you have
all these activities that you want to accomplish in a day,
and if you're constantly taking a break, taking a break,
taking a break, This kid's taking a break, that's kids
taking a break. That kid's taking a break, everyone's taking
a break. There's one hundred breaks in a day, then
the amount of things you can accomplish in a day
definitely decreases significantly, and yet it decreases in a way
(18:48):
that is more aligned with what is actually true, with
what the nervous system can actually take in and integrate
and be capable of holding and metabolizing. And this can
be translated in such an obvious way to us as adults.
I watched this be so effective with my kids that
(19:08):
I was just like stunned, like in stun silence. I
was like, how this is the simplest thing that I've
ever heard of in my life. It's like the simplest
parenting program that I've ever read. It's so effective with
my kids. Then I took it to the school. I
was using it at the school. It's so effective at
the school. It slows the day way down. We accomplished
way less we didn't. You know, I'm still not like
(19:30):
living up to that invisible standard that I had in
my head of kids learning a second language, you know,
in this homeschool classroom. And yet, and yet it brought
us back into alignment and into agreement with what was true.
What is true for these six three to six year
olds about what they can internalize and metabolize and move
(19:53):
through on a given day is extremely different from my
fantasy of what I thought six kids it's in a
space together could accomplish and achieve. And you might think
of that as like, oh, like you don't want to
limit their capability or limit their ability or limit your
you know, your view of them. But actually I feel
like by coming into alignment and into truth with where
(20:16):
these kids actually are present day, what the need is
the immediate need right this moment with yeah, what the
moment calls for? What is needed in the moment that
actually we create these deep grooves of security and safety
and groundedness and regulation so that more and more and
(20:40):
more learning becomes possible. And what a gift, What a
freaking privilege and a gift that we actually have the opportunity.
I've thought so many times in the classroom about how
you would do this as a teacher if you had
twenty five kids in your classroom, you just wouldn't, Like,
it would just be like no, sit down, shut up,
and don't get out of your desk, And just by
the sheer nature of like it's only one teacher and
(21:02):
it's twenty five kids, or it's even fifteen kids, would
be triple the number of kids that I'm dealing with
I've got six kids, and there's there's me. So using
a strategy like take a break, which seems so so simple,
what we're actually doing is building a strong foundation of regulation,
of groundedness, of calm, so that we can a come
(21:26):
back into alignment with what's true, with where we genuinely are,
and create a sturdy foundation for the type of learning
that we actually want to do. And I just started
thinking about myself and how important this is as adults.
How we step outside of this alignment all the time
as adults, or maybe you don't, but I do. How
(21:48):
my entire life has been built on a faulty foundation
of pretending like I'm fine when I'm actually not fine.
My nervous system is on fire, I'm falling apart, I'm
getting sick all the time. There's all these signs and
symptoms that I'm not regulated, that I'm not okay, I'm
genuinely not okay. But instead I'm going I am okay,
(22:08):
I'm totally fine, I'm good. Let's schedule something else, Let's
put another thing on the calendar, Let's pack it full,
let's get as much done as possible. Let's just keep
plugging forward. Because we want to accomplish and achieve as
much as possible. But what if actually taking a break,
slowing down, stepping back, regulating. One of the things that
Joe Newman says to do is when a kid, when
you tell them to take a break and when they
throw a fit over it, to say, you let me
(22:31):
know when you're done crying, and I will set the
timer for you for your break. And he said, watch
how quickly these kids will regulate themselves. They do have
the capacity to do it, but if they're never pushed
to regulate themselves, they won't because there's no consequence for
not regulating themselves. And again, like, this is compassionate discipline.
(22:55):
This is not like go to your room and collect yourself.
They stay in close proximity to you, but you're not
doing the regulating for them. You're teaching them to regulate
for themselves. And this just has brought up for me
over and over again, how little I know how to
do this as a forty two year old woman to
regulate myself, and how much I rely on and count
(23:16):
on other people to regulate for me, or count on
outside circumstances of some kind to regulate for me, and
how effective it could be to simply say to myself,
it's time to take a break. I can tell you're
not regulated, so let's take a break. The signs that
a toddler is not regulated are different than a signs
that an an adult is not regulated, because I'm not
(23:37):
likely to unleash, you know, on a colleague and hit them.
That's a sign that a preschooler or a toddler is
not regulated. But a sign that I'm not regulated is
I'm not breathing deeply. A sign that I'm not regulated
is I'm getting sick. A sign that I'm not regulated
is I'm tired all the time. A sign that I'm
not regulated is I don't know what I want? Where
do you want to go to lunch? I don't know.
(23:59):
That's a sign that I'm not regulated. It's a sign
that I'm not in alignment, in touch with who I
really am, that I can't hear from myself. A sign
that an adult is not regulated is I'm stuck. I'm lost,
I'm confused, I don't know what to do. I am exhausted,
I'm burnt out, I'm sad, I'm crying, I'm sick all
(24:20):
the time. There's all these signs and symptoms that an
adult is not regulated. And what if it was just
as simple as take a break, take a break, sit
yourself down, put yourself in a metaphorical time out where
you just give yourself a minute to ground in, to
(24:41):
regulate internally, so that you can come back to yourself,
so that you can build a healthy foundation for everything
that you want to do moving forward. And this is
getting at the announcement that I have wanted to make.
(25:02):
And this is getting at the announcement that I have
wanted to make a year ago, Almost exactly a year
ago this week, I made the announcement that I was
taking a step back from coaching. At the time that
I made that announcement, I did not know that I
was about to lose my dad. I did not know
that I was about to lose the pregnancy that I
had at the time. All I knew was that I
was extremely exhausted and burnt out, and that my intuition
(25:25):
kept screaming at me that I needed to take a break,
that I needed to slow down, that I needed to
regulate internally so that I could move forward with some
semblance of alignment, of piece of steadiness, of sturdiness of security.
And when I made the announcement, I was really scared
(25:47):
to do it because I wasn't totally sure how everything
was going to work out. I mean, and Matt and
I had talked about it, and we had agreed that
I was going to take a step back from coaching
and he was going to step into more of the
bread winning role and we were going to kind of
pass the baton that certain baton at least at that moment.
But as far as like how all of that was
going to work out, I didn't totally know. I also
decided at that time that I wasn't going to run
(26:09):
another round of a book in six months, and I
shared a couple of weeks ago on an episode how
after I made that announcement, there were a handful of
people who reached out to me, all who were trying
to figure out, like, how can we help you bring
back this amazing product because it's such an incredible resource
for writers. There's so many people out there who haven't
had a chance to experience it yet who need to.
(26:31):
Is there a way that we can support you? Can
we bring in some financial support, Can we bring in
some hands on support? Could I partner with you. Could
I maybe buy the business from you and we could
sell the product. There were all these different conversations happening,
and I followed each conversation to its logical end and
never really felt like there was one conversation where I
(26:51):
was just like, yes, this feels perfectly aligned. In fact,
a few of them, the few of the conversations went
a little further. If you think of it like a
dating relationship, It's like we went on like I don't know,
eight or ten dates or whatever, and it's like, Yeah,
this feels good, it feels aligned, and then all of
a sudden, it was just like, no, something about this
isn't right. And I don't know how to completely explain it,
but it just feels like what I'm being told by
(27:12):
my intuition, by my inner knowing is I just need
to wait. I just need to stay in this break
until my body is regulated. And I wasn't there yet.
And that was the truth of the matter, is that
I wasn't there yet, and I kept having this kind
of panic voice be like, well, what if it's too
late by the time you are there? You know, what
if what if you run out of time? And what
(27:32):
if everybody moves on and somebody else is going to
create something in the meantime, and all of that is
just fear garbage, you know, it's all just like white
noise that's just clouding out the true wisdom that's trying
to come through. And I think I knew that, but
it's still easy to become swayed by those voices. And
I'm so glad that I stayed the course. And then
I stayed in my break until my body was one
(27:55):
hundred percent regulated, and I did not know how long
it was going to be. At first, I thought like,
I'll take a break three months, and then it was
like six months, and then it was nine months, and
then you know, by the time I had wrapped up
the final of these handful of conversations, I was just like, God, like,
I don't know if I will ever be able to
bring a book in six months back. I don't know
if I'm ever going to come back to coaching again,
because I just nothing that I'm doing feels really aligned.
(28:19):
And then the other day I get a phone call
out of nowhere. I'm driving to teach a yoga class,
which is one thing over the course of the last
year that has felt truly, truly aligned for me and
has helped me internally regulate over and over and over again.
So I'm driving to teach yoga. I'm on my way
to class. I get a call from an unknow number.
I almost always silence unknown numbers because you just never
(28:40):
know if it's a telemarketer. But for whatever reason, I
pick up the phone and on the other end of
the phone it's my friend Matt Smallbone, and he's like, Ali,
I wanted to call to tell you thank you so
much for your course a book in six months. It
helped me finish my book. And I'm about to send
this book off to a bunch of publishers. My agent
is feeling really excited about it. It's very promising and
we're sending it off to all these big publishers. And
I never could have done this without you. I finally
(29:02):
finished the book because of you. And he said, I
want you to know that I didn't come to a
single one of the phone calls. He's like, I'm sorry,
I hope that doesn't offend you, but like, I didn't
come to a single one of the group meetings. I
didn't participate in the Facebook group or in the group
on thin githic. I just didn't plug in with the community.
But the just the material itself, he said, I want
you to know is so extremely valuable. I never could
(29:24):
have written this book without your help. And I'm so
thankful for it. And I just wanted to call and
say thank you. And he didn't know anything about any
of it. Like, I haven't talked to this man, you know.
He's a friend of mine from a long time ago
in Nashville. We have been friends and like bump into
each other everywhere, and his kids are his family's so wonderful,
and he knows my family and we bump into each other.
We're like loose acquaintances slash friends, so we know each other.
(29:48):
But we have not been in contact really in the
last year. So I don't even think he knew about
what I've been going through. I don't know for sure
that he even knew that I was in a break
from coaching. He didn't know that I was considering, like
was I ever going to bring a book in six
months or not? But his phone call to me gave
me the idea, why wouldn't I bring back a book
in six months? As just the course material just the videos,
(30:13):
just the workbook, And I say just but it's like
he's saying to me, the videos, the workbook, the emails
were enough to help me finish my book. And if
bringing it back in that form means that I can
reduce the amount of hands on coaching that I do
as part of the program, and then I could bring
(30:35):
it to people at a lower cost, why wouldn't I
just bring it back that way? Like what is the
loss to me? If I bring back the program that way,
then I don't need a partner. I don't need a
financial partner. I don't need to hire an assistant to
help me with these things. Like I can just bring
back the program, let people purchase it, let people experience
the material in the program, and let it help people
(30:55):
finish their books. So this is what I'm going to do.
I'm bringing back a book in six months. And I'm
so excited to make this announcement because it's not big,
some big showy like I'm partnering with so and so,
or we're coming out with a bang, like it's not that.
It is the most aligned way that I could possibly
make this decision. And one of the reasons that I'm
excited for this is because it feels so aligned. That's
(31:20):
the best word that I can think of. It feels
so right to do it this way, and I don't
have to strive or effort it into place like I'm
going to in the next month. Just make the coursework
available for anybody who wants to participate. It will be
available all the time. One of my big hang ups
with the way that I was doing it before, something
that really didn't feel aligned with me was the launch sequence.
(31:43):
Because we would open cart we would like really focus
on me being on Instagram and getting a bunch of
people in the group and doing this big cohort. I mean,
we were getting like one hundred people in the course
each time. But I didn't love the big ramp up
of that cohort style. I loved being part of the cohort,
and I loved coaching. And this is what I kept
saying to my potential partners is it's like, I love
showing up and coaching, but I don't really want to
(32:05):
do these big launch sequences. It doesn't really sound that
fun to me, and it's actually really stressful and I
don't really like it. So I'm like, why not just
bring back a book in six months and not do
a launch sequence. It's just available all the time. Whenever
you want to purchase it. You can purchase it, and
you can put the coursework to use, and you can
use it to write your book. And then I'll also
(32:26):
have some coaching services available so that when you're working
through the coursework, if you need some more assistance, you
can also purchase some hours of coaching with me. More
on that later, but the biggest announcement is a book
in six months is coming back. It's coming back in
probably a month or a month and a half, depending
on how quickly I can get the landing page up.
But I'm working with my team on that right now,
and we're going to put the landing page up and
(32:48):
you can purchase it anytime, anytime that works for you,
and you can put the coursework to work on your
own schedule and on your own timeline, no pressure. And
I'm so excited about this, and I'm so thrilled that
I get to announce this to you. And I got
another email from another woman who was a part of
my last cohort who said she also recently finished her
(33:08):
manuscript and she's so was so excited to give me
that update and was just excited to share with me
how much the course work meant to her and how
helpful it was. And I was just like, yes, Okay,
it's affirming. This is the right thing to do. I'm
bringing this back for you. It's going to be good
for you, good for me in a way that's aligned
for all of us. I'm so glad I took the
break that I needed. I'm so glad I waited until
(33:29):
my system was regulated before I made any decisions. It
was such an act of discipline to do that, and
I'm so grateful that I did it, because now I
get to make this announcement in a way that feels
really truly excited. Sometimes I watch influencers or influencers or
just people whatever, authors, whatever, say like, I'm so excited
(33:52):
to make this announcement to you, and I'm like trying
to read the micro expressions on their face because I
know what it's like to be in that position and
have to say I'm excited about something when actually there's
a deep, deep, deep feeling inside of you that you're
actually not excited, And so I'm always like trying to
read micro expressions. I'm like, are they actually excited though,
And I hope that you can read the tone in
(34:13):
my voice like I'm just genuinely excited to get to
offer this program back to you and to get to
bring it back after a year. I can't wait until
I get to make the announcement that it's actually available
for purchase. But for those of you who have been
around through the last year, thank you for your patience,
thank you for your grace and your compassion as I
have moved through the grief and loss of the last
year and what it's brought to me. And I'm so
(34:34):
excited to get to bring this course back to you
and just to encourage you to take a break. Maybe
it's just as simple as that. Maybe what you need
is to just take a break, and then you'll be
more connected to yourself and can make a decision that
feels more aligned for you. Thanks for listening, and I'll
see you back next week on the Write Your Story Podcast.
Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back
together with the words you write, all the beauty and
peace and the magic that you'll start too fun when
you write your story. You got the words and said,
don't you think it's down to let them out and
write them down on cold It's all about and write
(00:24):
your story. Write, write your story. Hi, and welcome back
to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon, I'm
your host, and on today's episode, I have an exciting
announcement that I get to share with you. I'm truly
so excited about this. I know people say that kind
of stuff all the time, but I feel just elated
that I'm going to get to share this with you,
(00:44):
in part because it comes from a really honest place
for me. I've wanted to share this announcement a few
different times, in a few different ways, and just nothing
has felt really aligned. And today I feel like it
just opened up for me, and I get to tell
you what's coming, and I get to tell you from
a place of true alignment, and I feel deeply at
peace about it, and I'm just genuinely, genuinely excited to
(01:06):
share this information with you. So I'm going to share
that piece of information with you at the end of
the episode, because it'll make a lot more sense for
you at that point. But before I even get there,
what I want to do is get into today's topic
by just sharing a few updates from my life, because
the topic that I want to talk about today is
this idea of taking a break and how simple that
(01:27):
concept can be and yet how complicated it can be
and how powerful it can be. So in order to
make that make any sense to you, again, this is
a theme that just keeps popping up in my life
again and again and again, and I feel like it
has been opened up to me in a new kind
of way where I'm like, oh my gosh, this is
such a simple thing, Like can it really just be
that simple and can I have that powerful of an effect? Yes,
(01:51):
it absolutely can, and I've seen that to be true
over and over again for myself and for my kids.
And I'll share the stories with you today and hopefully
it will feel as powerful to you as it does
to me. But ultimately, I hope that this has a
takeaway for you that you can implement pretty immediately in
your life wherever you're feeling, I don't know, burnt out,
or if you're feeling frustrated, or if you're feeling like
(02:13):
you are disconnected from your intuition, or you're disconnected from
your sense of self, or you don't know what to
do next, or you're stuck or lost or whatever, or
any of those feelings that you might be feeling. I'm
hoping that maybe the simplicity of this topic can actually
apply to you pretty immediately and simply, for lack of
a better word, I know, I keep repeating that word,
(02:33):
but yeah, it can just literally be this simple, take
a break, take a break, take a break. This idea
came to me because we're in the month of September,
which I cannot believe it's already September, but the fact
that we're in the first week of September means it's
been exactly a month that I have been into this
process of starting a homeschool co op for my kids.
You've heard me talk about this before. This is not
(02:55):
brand new information, but my husband and I have dreamed
forever of homeschooling our kids and stiff arting a little
co op where we could bring kids together from the
neighborhood and kids could be homeschooled. Maybe part time and
come to the co op part time and get some
of that social activity together and learning experiences with each
other in a multiage kind of environment. And also could
(03:17):
have the freedom and flexibility to maybe sleep in in
the mornings and not be at school at seven twenty.
And there's so many different reasons for why we wanted
to homeschool, but the biggest motivators for me were more
flexibility of schedule, a slower pace of life, more time
for actual learning. Not that public school or private school
or whatever a more formal school setting that there isn't
time for learning, but I just felt like real time,
(03:41):
in the moment, learning happens so effortlessly and easily when
kids are given permission to follow their own curiosity and
to just have learning experiences in the course of their life,
that I wanted to promote that and encourage that with
my kids, and then give them opportunities to bring some
of their friends together from the neighborhood and create like
a really homegrown kind of small school situation. So this
(04:01):
has been in the works for a really long time.
In the first step was the building, which I've talked
about in previous episodes. My mother in law lives next door,
which is like the dreamiest setup in the world. She
bought the house next door to us and renovated it
and made it her own and it's so beautiful and fun,
and my kids get to just run next door and
see their Memi anytime that they want. And she also
built an addition onto the back of the house. We
(04:22):
helped her do it. That is a thousand square foot
apartment and that's where the homeschool co op is happening.
So we had to go through a process to get
the space zoned through the Board of Zoning Appeals in
Davidson County in order to be legally allowed to host
the homeschool co op in that space. And then now
we're in the middle of this process of getting our
(04:42):
license to be an official licensed homeschool co op, which
is extremely complicated, or maybe not that complicated, but just
like a long list of items that have to be
completed that some of which are complicated but actually are
sort of straightforward. They just take a lot of time,
and there's some red tape and bureaucras and that sort
of thing, but just a long list of things that
(05:02):
you have to complete in order to say to the state, like,
we've done everything that we're supposed to do. We've been
cleared by the fire department and by the Department of Health,
et cetera, et cetera. They've all checked out our space
and everything looks good, and so we're licensed as a
homeschool co op. Well, while we go through the process
of being licensed, we have to keep the group in
that space pretty small. We're legally allowed to have up
to six kids in there, and then once we're licensed,
(05:24):
I think it turns into like ten or twelve. So
eventually the idea is that we'll hire a teacher and
bring someone in who's specifically trained to work with this
age group and to facilitate the learning environment. But in
the meantime, while we're waiting to get our license, and
while we can only have six kids in there, two
of which are my kids, my husband and I were
talking about it and we were like, why wouldn't I
be the teacher, which I know, on the surface sounds
(05:46):
kind of insane because A because I have a lot
of other things on my plate right now. B Because
it hasn't really been in my plans to be a
preschool teacher. But the reason why it's not insane is
A because my kids are two of the six kids
who are in that space, and B because I actually
do have a background in education. My first career was
as a teacher. I taught in the public school system
(06:08):
in Portland, Oregon. I have a master's in teaching. My
specific certification was for older kids. I taught at a
middle school for a couple of years and at a
high school for a couple of years, and then I
subbed all over multiple different age groups and subjects for
a little bit after that, so I do have a
lot of experience as a teacher. And then also like
what I've been doing for the last fifteen years of
(06:29):
my career is also really considered adult education. So I've
been taking my teaching degree and putting it to use
by building curriculums for grown ups who want to learn
how to write a book, or want to learn how
to put a memoir together, or want to learn how
to edit a manuscript, and want to learn how to
be a book coach. That's what I've been doing with
my career for the last fifteen years. So it wasn't
(06:50):
such an insane idea that I step in to be
the teacher the facilitator in this space, at least in
the beginning, And one of the thoughts behind that was that,
you know, I'm the one who really wanted this for
our children. I'm the one who had this vision from
the beginning. I'm the one who was adamant that I
really wanted to give homeschooling a try, and I've always
(07:12):
held it with an open hand, thinking there may come
a day when my kids go like, I don't really
want to do this anymore. I would rather go to,
you know, a public school or a private school or whatever.
There may come a day where my kids say that
they would prefer to go to a more formal school environment,
at which point I will respect that choice that they have.
We also may get through our first year of homeschooling
(07:33):
and be like, yeah, no, this isn't anything like we
thought it was going to be, and so we'll just
make the decision to pivot and go a different direction.
This is a side note, but maybe important to say
that this past week, the school shooting in Minneapolis definitely
made me think that there's a third motivation for homeschooling
my kids that doesn't have anything to do with flexibility
(07:54):
of schedule. That really has everything to do with providing
an environment of safety. And this is with zero judgment
toward any family who chooses something different, because I do
recognize that homeschooling is an insane privilege that not everyone
has access to, and we are appreciating that privilege right now.
And so, you know, I don't want to get too
(08:15):
far down this rabbit hole. But there's a lot of
other things that I could say about violence and schools
and school shootings, and that maybe I should say for
a different time, But my point being that after the
shooting happened in Minneapolis, I just was like, oh my gosh,
this is maybe one of my top three motivations for
creating this space for my kids is it's my way
of creating a space that feels safer for the children
(08:38):
in our neighborhood. And I think that we have a
responsibility as a community to also make sure that public
and private schools also feel like safe spaces for kids.
And my number one way of doing this would be
by regulating the purchase and use of guns. And I'm
advocating for I'm specifically advocating for background checks, I'm advocating
(09:01):
for mandatory waiting periods, I'm advocating for the removal completely
of assault rifles. I just don't think assault rifles are necessary,
and I don't think there's any reason that any person,
any civilian person, needs to own an assault rifle. So
that's just I'm just stating that for the record, that
that's my take on that. And yet I know it's
a much bigger conversation than there would be people out
(09:23):
there who might disagree with me. All that to say, like,
one way that I can create a more safe environment
for my kids, something actionable that I can do, is
to create this small homeschool space. So I feel really
passionate about this, you know, for a lot of different reasons,
and I have been really excited about it. And in
the kind of Instagram versus reality situation that so many
(09:45):
of us run into in different areas of our lives,
I have had the experience of the difference between what
I pictured in my head when I thought homeschool environment
with mixed ages three to six, and then the reality
of what it actually feels like to have six children
in that space ages three to six. And I've been
(10:07):
contending with that reality and doing what any creative person
tries to do This happens too with book writing or
any other kind of creative endeavor where you have the
image in your head of what this is going to
be like, and then when you actually sit down to
the page to start writing, or to start painting, or
to start you know, writing a song or whatever kind
of creative activity you're doing, you realize, oh my gosh, like,
(10:28):
this is not what I pictured, This is not what
the image that I had in my head. And Malcolm
Gladwell has this amazing, amazing talk that he does about this.
It's not a TED talk, but similar to a Ted talk.
It's like a short, I don't know, ten or twelve
minute video where he talks about the gap between as
a creative person what you picture. Because you have amazing
(10:50):
taste as a creative person, so you picture this amazing
piece of art in your head, and then when you
go to bring that into reality, bring it to bear,
you realize that the reality doesn't match up to the
picture that you had in your head. So you have
two choices. You can either say, Okay, forget it, I
suck as an artist anyways, I guess I'm not going
to do that, or you can try to find a
(11:12):
way forward, you can try to find a way to
exert your influence, to exert your creative energy to shape
this thing and mold this thing, to use your agency
to bring to bear something different, to make it into
what you pictured or closer to what you pictured, and
you enter into this dance with the art where you
(11:33):
ask it like what is it that you want to be?
What did I think you were going to be? Versus
what is it going to be? And how can I
both exert my influence over this and also listen become
a good listener of what this thing wants to become.
So that isn't really what I was planning to talk about,
but that is a really interesting dynamic of doing anything
(11:53):
creative is that you have this image of what you
think it's going to become, and then you have what
it is actually and then you have the dance between
those two things as you figure out what is it
going to become? And that's what creating this homeschool environment
has been like for me, just like any creative endeavor is.
(12:20):
So I've bumped into instances in creating this homeschool space
where things have taken place that I didn't see coming,
or where we've had experiences that I wouldn't have imagined,
and because I wouldn't have imagined them, I didn't have
a strategy or a plan for how to adjust or
(12:41):
edit them. So I don't know if that makes sense,
but like, picture yourself creating something and you're like, oh,
I didn't realize that if I mixed these two colors together,
I was going to get this weird third color that
I didn't see that coming. And so now I have
this weird third color that I'm dealing with, and I've
got to try to figure out a solution for that,
Like either I accept this weird third color that's just
how it is, or I find a way to transition
(13:03):
it and transform it into something different. And so I've
been doing a lot of that in the school. And
one of the resources that I came across, thanks to
a couple of friends of mine who recommended it, is
this book called Raising Lions by Joe Newman, And they
sent me the title of the book and we're just
raving about how helpful it was. It's called Raising Lions
The Art of Compassionate Discipline, and so at their recommendation,
(13:26):
I immediately ordered a copy of it, and it came
in the mail and I picked it up and started
reading it, and I just thought to myself, like, oh
my gosh, like this is so simple. What he's suggesting
is so freaking simple. And I know this isn't a
podcast about discipline, it's not a podcast about raising kids
or whatever. But I did start implementing some of these
(13:47):
strategies with just my two kids at our house. And
when I say some of these strategies, actually, here's what
struck me about the whole thing. It's not some of
these strategies. There's one strategy. This book is just it's
one simple thing that you do over and over and
over again that over time has far reaching effects in
(14:08):
the relationship between you and your child, or you and
the children who you are put in charge of. And
the thing that he tells you to do is just
so simple that I have been struck over and over
again by how simple it is and how could it
possibly have such a big effect. But I have watched
it in real time have a big effect with my kids,
have a big effect with the kids at the school.
(14:28):
And this is the thing that I wanted to share
with you, the suggestion that he gives the whole strategy,
the whole formula, the whole plan is take a break.
Take a break. And if you're listening to this and
you have kids, you have had this experience. I was
just telling my sister about this book and she was
just like, oh, my gosh, you were speaking my language,
(14:49):
Like you just are literally describing the types of things
that happen in my home on a daily basis. But
if you have kids and you're used to being around
young kids, you know that kids will they'll fight with
each other, they will raise their voice, they will do
crazy things that they know they're not allowed to do
in the house. They'll color on the walls, they'll you know,
(15:09):
it's different for different kids, but they'll just test their
boundaries in every way possible, doing things that they really
know that they're not supposed to do, but just to
kind of see what you're going to do. Sometimes it's
like to get your attention. Sometimes it is, you know,
generally just like an impulse control issue, and they just
reach out and hit another kid or touch another kid,
or push another kid or whatever. So that's just how
(15:30):
preschool kids are. Kids ages three to six who are
exactly the ages of my two kids, And what this
Joe Newman guy says to do is when a child
does something like that. I mean, the book is two
hundred and four pages long, and there's a lot of
really helpful information in here, but at the end of
the day, you can boil down the strategy. The plan
(15:51):
that he suggests as simply just giving that child a break.
So if a kid throws a cran, they know they're
not supposed to throw a cran, and you go, oh,
to take a break, and you remove them from the
activity and sit them in proximity to you, so close
to you. It's not like they go to their room
or something like that. And they have to stop doing
the activity they were doing. They have to calm down
(16:13):
their body and regulate internally, and they have to take
a break. They have to take a break for two
minutes or three minutes. It's a short break, but they
have to take a break before they can resume the
activity that they were doing. So if they reach out
and touch another child or shove another child, or hit
another child or whatever, oh, time to take a break.
(16:33):
And they have to be removed from the play, removed
from the activity, go sit in a place that's close
to you. That's in proximity, calm their body down, and
once their body is calm, then you can start the
time or for their break. And at first I wasn't
really thinking anything about this other than like, I need
a strategy for managing the chaos that is sometimes my home.
(16:54):
But also six children, mixed ages in a thousand squareffit
apartment who I'm you know, trying to encourage to follow
their curiosity and have these learning experiences. And I was
explaining to my sister how in my head I pictured them,
you know, like learning to read and learning a second language.
And the reality of the fact is that none of
these kids have been to school before, and because of
(17:17):
their ages and their developmental level, some of the skills
that they're learning are simply just to sit still, or
some of the skills they're learning are self regulation, like
this Joe Newman guy teaches some of most of what
they're learning actually is how can I be in an
environment with other kids who aren't like me, who are
doing things that may or may not kind of align
(17:40):
with how I want things done, how I'm used to
seeing things and experiencing things, And how can I keep
my body regulated so that I can stay in touch
with myself so that I can make decisions that are
good for me, like decisions not to hit another kid,
or decisions not to throw a book, or decisions to
you know, to genuinely stay in contact with that creative
nature of my mind so that I can pursue what
(18:01):
matters to me. I can go read a book that's
interesting to me, I can stay the course with the
art project that I'm working on. And if I'm unable
to do that, if I move out of regulation, then
I'm going to have to take a break. I'm gonna
have to step away and take a break and calm
my body down before i can resume my activity. And
one of the things that I noticed when I started
implementing this strategy is how much it slows the whole
(18:23):
day down. So, in other words, you know, you have
all these activities that you want to accomplish in a day,
and if you're constantly taking a break, taking a break,
taking a break, This kid's taking a break, that's kids
taking a break. That kid's taking a break, everyone's taking
a break. There's one hundred breaks in a day, then
the amount of things you can accomplish in a day
definitely decreases significantly, and yet it decreases in a way
(18:48):
that is more aligned with what is actually true, with
what the nervous system can actually take in and integrate
and be capable of holding and metabolizing. And this can
be translated in such an obvious way to us as adults.
I watched this be so effective with my kids that
(19:08):
I was just like stunned, like in stun silence. I
was like, how this is the simplest thing that I've
ever heard of in my life. It's like the simplest
parenting program that I've ever read. It's so effective with
my kids. Then I took it to the school. I
was using it at the school. It's so effective at
the school. It slows the day way down. We accomplished
way less we didn't. You know, I'm still not like
(19:30):
living up to that invisible standard that I had in
my head of kids learning a second language, you know,
in this homeschool classroom. And yet, and yet it brought
us back into alignment and into agreement with what was true.
What is true for these six three to six year
olds about what they can internalize and metabolize and move
(19:53):
through on a given day is extremely different from my
fantasy of what I thought six kids it's in a
space together could accomplish and achieve. And you might think
of that as like, oh, like you don't want to
limit their capability or limit their ability or limit your
you know, your view of them. But actually I feel
like by coming into alignment and into truth with where
(20:16):
these kids actually are present day, what the need is
the immediate need right this moment with yeah, what the
moment calls for? What is needed in the moment that
actually we create these deep grooves of security and safety
and groundedness and regulation so that more and more and
(20:40):
more learning becomes possible. And what a gift, What a
freaking privilege and a gift that we actually have the opportunity.
I've thought so many times in the classroom about how
you would do this as a teacher if you had
twenty five kids in your classroom, you just wouldn't, Like,
it would just be like no, sit down, shut up,
and don't get out of your desk, And just by
the sheer nature of like it's only one teacher and
(21:02):
it's twenty five kids, or it's even fifteen kids, would
be triple the number of kids that I'm dealing with
I've got six kids, and there's there's me. So using
a strategy like take a break, which seems so so simple,
what we're actually doing is building a strong foundation of regulation,
of groundedness, of calm, so that we can a come
(21:26):
back into alignment with what's true, with where we genuinely are,
and create a sturdy foundation for the type of learning
that we actually want to do. And I just started
thinking about myself and how important this is as adults.
How we step outside of this alignment all the time
as adults, or maybe you don't, but I do. How
(21:48):
my entire life has been built on a faulty foundation
of pretending like I'm fine when I'm actually not fine.
My nervous system is on fire, I'm falling apart, I'm
getting sick all the time. There's all these signs and
symptoms that I'm not regulated, that I'm not okay, I'm
genuinely not okay. But instead I'm going I am okay,
(22:08):
I'm totally fine, I'm good. Let's schedule something else, Let's
put another thing on the calendar, Let's pack it full,
let's get as much done as possible. Let's just keep
plugging forward. Because we want to accomplish and achieve as
much as possible. But what if actually taking a break,
slowing down, stepping back, regulating. One of the things that
Joe Newman says to do is when a kid, when
you tell them to take a break and when they
throw a fit over it, to say, you let me
(22:31):
know when you're done crying, and I will set the
timer for you for your break. And he said, watch
how quickly these kids will regulate themselves. They do have
the capacity to do it, but if they're never pushed
to regulate themselves, they won't because there's no consequence for
not regulating themselves. And again, like, this is compassionate discipline.
(22:55):
This is not like go to your room and collect yourself.
They stay in close proximity to you, but you're not
doing the regulating for them. You're teaching them to regulate
for themselves. And this just has brought up for me
over and over again, how little I know how to
do this as a forty two year old woman to
regulate myself, and how much I rely on and count
(23:16):
on other people to regulate for me, or count on
outside circumstances of some kind to regulate for me, and
how effective it could be to simply say to myself,
it's time to take a break. I can tell you're
not regulated, so let's take a break. The signs that
a toddler is not regulated are different than a signs
that an an adult is not regulated, because I'm not
(23:37):
likely to unleash, you know, on a colleague and hit them.
That's a sign that a preschooler or a toddler is
not regulated. But a sign that I'm not regulated is
I'm not breathing deeply. A sign that I'm not regulated
is I'm getting sick. A sign that I'm not regulated
is I'm tired all the time. A sign that I'm
not regulated is I don't know what I want? Where
do you want to go to lunch? I don't know.
(23:59):
That's a sign that I'm not regulated. It's a sign
that I'm not in alignment, in touch with who I
really am, that I can't hear from myself. A sign
that an adult is not regulated is I'm stuck. I'm lost,
I'm confused, I don't know what to do. I am exhausted,
I'm burnt out, I'm sad, I'm crying, I'm sick all
(24:20):
the time. There's all these signs and symptoms that an
adult is not regulated. And what if it was just
as simple as take a break, take a break, sit
yourself down, put yourself in a metaphorical time out where
you just give yourself a minute to ground in, to
(24:41):
regulate internally, so that you can come back to yourself,
so that you can build a healthy foundation for everything
that you want to do moving forward. And this is
getting at the announcement that I have wanted to make.
(25:02):
And this is getting at the announcement that I have
wanted to make a year ago, Almost exactly a year
ago this week, I made the announcement that I was
taking a step back from coaching. At the time that
I made that announcement, I did not know that I
was about to lose my dad. I did not know
that I was about to lose the pregnancy that I
had at the time. All I knew was that I
was extremely exhausted and burnt out, and that my intuition
(25:25):
kept screaming at me that I needed to take a break,
that I needed to slow down, that I needed to
regulate internally so that I could move forward with some
semblance of alignment, of piece of steadiness, of sturdiness of security.
And when I made the announcement, I was really scared
(25:47):
to do it because I wasn't totally sure how everything
was going to work out. I mean, and Matt and
I had talked about it, and we had agreed that
I was going to take a step back from coaching
and he was going to step into more of the
bread winning role and we were going to kind of
pass the baton that certain baton at least at that moment.
But as far as like how all of that was
going to work out, I didn't totally know. I also
decided at that time that I wasn't going to run
(26:09):
another round of a book in six months, and I
shared a couple of weeks ago on an episode how
after I made that announcement, there were a handful of
people who reached out to me, all who were trying
to figure out, like, how can we help you bring
back this amazing product because it's such an incredible resource
for writers. There's so many people out there who haven't
had a chance to experience it yet who need to.
(26:31):
Is there a way that we can support you? Can
we bring in some financial support, Can we bring in
some hands on support? Could I partner with you. Could
I maybe buy the business from you and we could
sell the product. There were all these different conversations happening,
and I followed each conversation to its logical end and
never really felt like there was one conversation where I
(26:51):
was just like, yes, this feels perfectly aligned. In fact,
a few of them, the few of the conversations went
a little further. If you think of it like a
dating relationship, It's like we went on like I don't know,
eight or ten dates or whatever, and it's like, Yeah,
this feels good, it feels aligned, and then all of
a sudden, it was just like, no, something about this
isn't right. And I don't know how to completely explain it,
but it just feels like what I'm being told by
(27:12):
my intuition, by my inner knowing is I just need
to wait. I just need to stay in this break
until my body is regulated. And I wasn't there yet.
And that was the truth of the matter, is that
I wasn't there yet, and I kept having this kind
of panic voice be like, well, what if it's too
late by the time you are there? You know, what
if what if you run out of time? And what
(27:32):
if everybody moves on and somebody else is going to
create something in the meantime, and all of that is
just fear garbage, you know, it's all just like white
noise that's just clouding out the true wisdom that's trying
to come through. And I think I knew that, but
it's still easy to become swayed by those voices. And
I'm so glad that I stayed the course. And then
I stayed in my break until my body was one
(27:55):
hundred percent regulated, and I did not know how long
it was going to be. At first, I thought like,
I'll take a break three months, and then it was
like six months, and then it was nine months, and
then you know, by the time I had wrapped up
the final of these handful of conversations, I was just like, God, like,
I don't know if I will ever be able to
bring a book in six months back. I don't know
if I'm ever going to come back to coaching again,
because I just nothing that I'm doing feels really aligned.
(28:19):
And then the other day I get a phone call
out of nowhere. I'm driving to teach a yoga class,
which is one thing over the course of the last
year that has felt truly, truly aligned for me and
has helped me internally regulate over and over and over again.
So I'm driving to teach yoga. I'm on my way
to class. I get a call from an unknow number.
I almost always silence unknown numbers because you just never
(28:40):
know if it's a telemarketer. But for whatever reason, I
pick up the phone and on the other end of
the phone it's my friend Matt Smallbone, and he's like, Ali,
I wanted to call to tell you thank you so
much for your course a book in six months. It
helped me finish my book. And I'm about to send
this book off to a bunch of publishers. My agent
is feeling really excited about it. It's very promising and
we're sending it off to all these big publishers. And
I never could have done this without you. I finally
(29:02):
finished the book because of you. And he said, I
want you to know that I didn't come to a
single one of the phone calls. He's like, I'm sorry,
I hope that doesn't offend you, but like, I didn't
come to a single one of the group meetings. I
didn't participate in the Facebook group or in the group
on thin githic. I just didn't plug in with the community.
But the just the material itself, he said, I want
you to know is so extremely valuable. I never could
(29:24):
have written this book without your help. And I'm so
thankful for it. And I just wanted to call and
say thank you. And he didn't know anything about any
of it. Like, I haven't talked to this man, you know.
He's a friend of mine from a long time ago
in Nashville. We have been friends and like bump into
each other everywhere, and his kids are his family's so wonderful,
and he knows my family and we bump into each other.
We're like loose acquaintances slash friends, so we know each other.
(29:48):
But we have not been in contact really in the
last year. So I don't even think he knew about
what I've been going through. I don't know for sure
that he even knew that I was in a break
from coaching. He didn't know that I was considering, like
was I ever going to bring a book in six
months or not? But his phone call to me gave
me the idea, why wouldn't I bring back a book
in six months? As just the course material just the videos,
(30:13):
just the workbook, And I say just but it's like
he's saying to me, the videos, the workbook, the emails
were enough to help me finish my book. And if
bringing it back in that form means that I can
reduce the amount of hands on coaching that I do
as part of the program, and then I could bring
(30:35):
it to people at a lower cost, why wouldn't I
just bring it back that way? Like what is the
loss to me? If I bring back the program that way,
then I don't need a partner. I don't need a
financial partner. I don't need to hire an assistant to
help me with these things. Like I can just bring
back the program, let people purchase it, let people experience
the material in the program, and let it help people
(30:55):
finish their books. So this is what I'm going to do.
I'm bringing back a book in six months. And I'm
so excited to make this announcement because it's not big,
some big showy like I'm partnering with so and so,
or we're coming out with a bang, like it's not that.
It is the most aligned way that I could possibly
make this decision. And one of the reasons that I'm
excited for this is because it feels so aligned. That's
(31:20):
the best word that I can think of. It feels
so right to do it this way, and I don't
have to strive or effort it into place like I'm
going to in the next month. Just make the coursework
available for anybody who wants to participate. It will be
available all the time. One of my big hang ups
with the way that I was doing it before, something
that really didn't feel aligned with me was the launch sequence.
(31:43):
Because we would open cart we would like really focus
on me being on Instagram and getting a bunch of
people in the group and doing this big cohort. I mean,
we were getting like one hundred people in the course
each time. But I didn't love the big ramp up
of that cohort style. I loved being part of the cohort,
and I loved coaching. And this is what I kept
saying to my potential partners is it's like, I love
showing up and coaching, but I don't really want to
(32:05):
do these big launch sequences. It doesn't really sound that
fun to me, and it's actually really stressful and I
don't really like it. So I'm like, why not just
bring back a book in six months and not do
a launch sequence. It's just available all the time. Whenever
you want to purchase it. You can purchase it, and
you can put the coursework to use, and you can
use it to write your book. And then I'll also
(32:26):
have some coaching services available so that when you're working
through the coursework, if you need some more assistance, you
can also purchase some hours of coaching with me. More
on that later, but the biggest announcement is a book
in six months is coming back. It's coming back in
probably a month or a month and a half, depending
on how quickly I can get the landing page up.
But I'm working with my team on that right now,
and we're going to put the landing page up and
(32:48):
you can purchase it anytime, anytime that works for you,
and you can put the coursework to work on your
own schedule and on your own timeline, no pressure. And
I'm so excited about this, and I'm so thrilled that
I get to announce this to you. And I got
another email from another woman who was a part of
my last cohort who said she also recently finished her
(33:08):
manuscript and she's so was so excited to give me
that update and was just excited to share with me
how much the course work meant to her and how
helpful it was. And I was just like, yes, Okay,
it's affirming. This is the right thing to do. I'm
bringing this back for you. It's going to be good
for you, good for me in a way that's aligned
for all of us. I'm so glad I took the
break that I needed. I'm so glad I waited until
(33:29):
my system was regulated before I made any decisions. It
was such an act of discipline to do that, and
I'm so grateful that I did it, because now I
get to make this announcement in a way that feels
really truly excited. Sometimes I watch influencers or influencers or
just people whatever, authors, whatever, say like, I'm so excited
(33:52):
to make this announcement to you, and I'm like trying
to read the micro expressions on their face because I
know what it's like to be in that position and
have to say I'm excited about something when actually there's
a deep, deep, deep feeling inside of you that you're
actually not excited, And so I'm always like trying to
read micro expressions. I'm like, are they actually excited though,
And I hope that you can read the tone in
(34:13):
my voice like I'm just genuinely excited to get to
offer this program back to you and to get to
bring it back after a year. I can't wait until
I get to make the announcement that it's actually available
for purchase. But for those of you who have been
around through the last year, thank you for your patience,
thank you for your grace and your compassion as I
have moved through the grief and loss of the last
year and what it's brought to me. And I'm so
(34:34):
excited to get to bring this course back to you
and just to encourage you to take a break. Maybe
it's just as simple as that. Maybe what you need
is to just take a break, and then you'll be
more connected to yourself and can make a decision that
feels more aligned for you. Thanks for listening, and I'll
see you back next week on the Write Your Story Podcast.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
Popular Podcasts
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com