September 24, 2024 • 30 mins
Amy & Kat start off with levity by sharing the last texts that made them laugh. However, Kat's text is about something that really hurt her feelings. What she shares is an important reminder of what NOT to say to a woman, but at least she can laugh about it now. Amy practices a line she is working on that may help her get certain needs met...and it might work for you...it's a good line for sure. They also read & discuss a couple of listener emails: one about ending a friendship & another about a weird food combo that is so yummy for fall. Other topics: Reese Witherspoon wearing Sneax (does she really like these shoes??), the word of the week, and here's the list of things that can be true at the same time that Amy shares:
- You can love your parents AND acknowledge the ways they hurt you.
- You can set boundaries AND still be a good employee
- You can be glad a relationship is over AND still miss the person deeply
- You can prioritize rest AND still be successful
- You can need emotional support AND still be a strong person
QUOTE:
“Never apologize for outgrowing people, places or dreams. The secret to life is to constantly reinvent yourself. Who do you want to be today?”
– Sara Blakely
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Vanburen // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and we're gonna get to the official quote
here in a second. But I thought we'd start off
with something light and fun, like a quote from a
text I got from my daughter. I had to clean
the remote because Stevenson has bacon grease on it, and
this whole room is a mess. This is not his bedroom.
(00:25):
His clothes are everywhere. It's getting out of control. At
this point, we might as well get a pig.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
It's getting out of control.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah, And she was in there the game room here. Yeah,
And he did sleep up there that night because he
had a friend come over and spend the night and
they slept in there, so that's why there was clothes everywhere.
And I did make bacon, So how you taking responsibility
for it? No, but listen to Stevenson's heart. After I
(00:54):
got that text, I talked to him about the bacon
grease because I don't want that all over stuff anyway,
and he said, to be honest, Mom, I never touched
the remote. That had to be my friend. And he's like,
but it's my friend. So I guess at the end
of the day, it is my responsibility.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And so he's like, that's on me, and I kind
of thought, well, look at you, you little businessman, because
like you know, from the top down, like if he
was running a company'd be like, well, that person messed up.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
But at the end of the day, he's like, I'm
gonna throw under the bus a little bit, but.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I'm the one that has to take responsibility for what
happened here. And then it didn't stop there. Later she's
I guess she was in there because the treadmills in
there and she would was working out. So then later
she goes to get in the shower and this is
the cat's fault, but somehow it's Stevenson's. She goes tell
Stevenson to shut the door. I just put a towel
to my face and has cat hair all over it,
(01:52):
and that means Maggie got into the bathroom. But if
he were to shut the door, then the cat couldn't
get in and sit on the towel.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Right, I will say, I think I would really struggle
sharing a bathroom with my little brother.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, well, this is life. Technically, she shares a bathroom
with a pig and a cat for the first year
they were here. They were begging me to get a pig,
a little white pot belly pig or miniature pig. But
they're not. No, they're cute. When they're little, they're very tiny.
They're called teacup piglets. But then they grow to be big.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
What about a guinea pig, Well that's.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Very different than a pig, but a pig is a cute.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Little pigs they're not cute.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
They are cute. They're very cute, and they're very smart.
You can train them. I've never seen a train the
domesticated ones. You can train them just like you would
a dog.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Supposed to well, I don't know who knows.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Have you seen my silent film without a pig? The
time I gave birth to a pig. Okay, you know
I like pigs a lot. That's when I hung out
with the teacup piglets and I thought these were so
awesome and they're so small and they're cute. But then
they showed me their mom and their dad over like
when we were walking around the land, and the mom
and that I were huge.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So you can't just give a away when they get
to be adults.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
No, you could rehome them. I guess, but then that's
the whole thing. It's like people just yes wanting something
because it's tiny and cute, and then it causes a
problem when it grows big. So that's why you got
to do your research. Like, hey, can I see a
picture of the mom and the dad? Never mind or something? Okay,
what's your last text that made you laugh?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Well, it didn't make me laugh in the moment, but
looking back, this makes me laugh because I had a
situation this weekend. And you know, when you're having a
situation with somebody else and you're with them, but you
can't talk to them about us, you just need a
text a friend. Yeah, well I did that. I texted
my friend Taylor and said I had a meltdown yesterday.
I was wearing this dress and we were taking a
(03:40):
picture and Patrick put his hand on my belly pretending
I was pregnant, and I freaked out. So I changed
completely and I cried. That makes me sad thinking about
it now.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh, I'm like, wait, where's the funny bart. I know
Patrick's heart in his personality. I'm actually shocked he did that.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Well, he thought it would be funny, but don't we
know that we don't.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
It's not funny. But I'm sure I know.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I would never fall back to a girl and say
are you pregnant? I mean he knew I wasn't. I
was a pregnant so I don't even get that what
he was doing. But he did apologize a lot, so
I was I don't know, it's just being silly, and
you're right, it's not nice. You don't want pregnant, And
I was like, well, I'm already changing my clothes, so
I didn't get to wear this dress that I bought,
So maybe we should go have an event.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Okay, So I feel like, whenever you put that dress on,
do you feel like you're going it's gonna remind you
of the time that Patrick made a pregnancy joke, which
should never be a joke about anybody to anybody at
any time.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Ever. Yeah, the good news is the dress was only
eleven dollars, so I didn't like really lose out.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I'm still trying to connect the dots of like the
funniest text you this is more of like a P
s A.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And you have a lot of funny texts.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Like I watched you read it and I was like, wait, Cash,
it seems sad and as you should be. That would
make sense.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
I guess I sent that text too, so it's not
really funny. I don't have any other funny texts.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I feel like I sent you a funny one.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
The other day.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I sent that girl on Instagram where she was there's
like a meme video where she's looking into the camera
all crazy and she said, when you're dating a let's
move slow boy instead of a let's plan every day
for the next sixty years boy, which is that you?
I think that I want to be the like, let's
plan everything. This is so fun, but I need to
(05:35):
take it slow, so I could appreciate dating a boy
that wants to take it.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Sece because guys don't think like girls do. Where like
we're thinking, I want to know the next time I'm
going to see you, or I want to know what
you're planning for our next date. I want to know
where you're at. But like guys literally just I do
think that silence was silence in their head.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I do think that I am used to or I
want a little more interaction. Maybe I think I have
a line that I might use if I need to
one day. This might be helpful for other people too,
if they're dating. I got this from another friend and
the line is, so I am having fun, and in
order for me to stay interested, here's what I'm gonna need.
(06:19):
And it's a way for you to express your needs
without seeming needy.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
So you're tricking him.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
No, I just like the way it's vertical. I don't
think you're tricking no, because I don't really feel like healthy.
Tricking your needs.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
To be met is needy. But but you're tricking him
into being able to receive it.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Well, yeah, for me, it just comes off better than like, hey,
you're not giving me this and I need this, and
if you can't give it, I'm out like threatening. Very different.
Then I am having fun. So I'm having I'm trying
to be casual again. So I'm having fun.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
How are you going to say it with that laugh?
To be like you said that was like you prepared that.
It seems creepy. Okay, So I'm having a good time.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
So I'm having a good time. So I'm having fun.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Don't do the last laught. Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So I'm having fun. I don't know why I can't
stop laughing when I do it. Okay, So I'm having fun.
And I'm not trying to plan out the next sixty
days because I want to know woman to see you next,
and I want you to text me every morning and
every night. See how needy that sounds.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Well, I would hope you would change a little bit
of right.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So this is why you go, hey, you're.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Scaring me the way you're saying, can we talk?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I guess you have to initiate the conversation. Do you say, hey,
can we talk for a sec?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Wait? Wait, wait wait, I don't like setting conversations up
that way. Okay, it's like, oh gosh, what did I do?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Okay, so just casually, just say it randomly, like hey,
I'm having fun? Are you having fun?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
And he's like, yeah, I'm having fun.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Okay, Well, good me too. I'm having fun. And in
order for me to stay interested.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Though it's not going to come out right when you
say this, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
It needs more work. It needs more work. I wrote
it down though. Let me go to where I wrote
it down, and that way I can read it verbatim.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
You know what is throwing me off is that in
order for me to stay interested, I feel like there's
a better way to say. In order for me too
that feels very like business agreement.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Okay, I have what I wrote down, so I'm having fun.
But in order for me to stay interested, I'm gonna
need and then you can kind of say one thing
you don't have to do, like a laundry list, but.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Like the bet actually works there.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yes, so I take back the and most of the
time I'm trying to say and in my life instead
of butt. The therapist I've been seeing she has both
an and tattooed on her wrist, both on her right
wrist and on her left. When I'm talking, she'll just
put her wrist up. She's like both and both and
or and both whatever. So I do think that this
(08:51):
is a case where butt works. I'm having fun, but
in order for me to stay interested, I need and
then you fill in what you need. And you can
say this to your husband's Patrick, I have enjoyed being
married to you, But in order for me to say
interested in you, you must never comment.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
About my looking pregnant or making jokes about mine even
comment about it. But he just made a joke. No
more jokes, No more pregnancy jokes unless I make them
about myself. Can I not do that?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I guess you can, but then is inviting by example.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
You're right, Okay, no more pregnancy jokes in our household.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
All right? Onto the quote for today, which is from
Sarah Blakely, which is relatable to something Kat and I
were talking about earlier, because Kat saw Reese Witherspoon posting
that she was wearing Sarah Blakely's new creation, which is
a high healed sneaker called Sneaks, and Kat just shows me.
She goes, how much did Reese Weather's going get paid
to post this? And I said, I don't think she
(09:52):
got paid anything. I think that Sarah might be her friend,
and she sent her a pair, and Reese has been
genuinely wearing them all day and she thinks that they're comfortable,
and she's like she wants to support Sarah.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I don't think she was wearing them.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
But then I will jump up those sneakers. They're five
hundred and fifty dollars exactly.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
If they bring you joy and you think they're beautiful,
I support somebody wearing them. I think that they are
a very strange creation.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Well, as soon as Steve Madden makes a knock off,
and then I start to see other people and then
they start making them, and then I'm the year behind
the fashion. I'll probably start wearing them.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Very great.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
They're not cursed in my opinion that well, it's a
comfortable sneaker, it's.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
A comfortable heel. That's right, But there has been a
different way to design that.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
You could just make it not look like a sneaker
with a high heel.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I think it's like a pr stunt.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
No, it's a real business s n eax.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
But people are buying them as like a joke and
it's gonna accidentally catch on.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
That's a very expensive joke.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Some people have a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I don't think so. I mean they do, but speaking
of people with a lot of money, Speaking of people
with a lot of money, I've been watching the Netflix
show Monster, the movie that they or the docu series.
(11:12):
It's not a movie. There's episodes about the Menindaz brothers
who killed their parents. They have a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
How did they have money?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Well, the parents had a lot of money, and then they.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Had the money from the parents that they killed.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
They started spending it as if they had it. But
now they're in jail. I don't want to give anything away,
and because people want to watch it on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
But they the parents.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Now that has been in the news since the nineties,
and it's like, gosh, how in the world did they
even think they were going to get away with that?
But people with money get away with a lot of things.
Like earlier we were talking about Diddy and how it's
insane that for this long he's gotten away with what
he did. And I don't know why we're so surprised
(11:53):
whenever a really wealthy, famous person gets busted. I'm just
equally a shock like I was with the Jeffrey Epstein stuff.
It's like, you're around all these powerful, rich, wealthy people
and these victims surely not even surely, I know that
so many of them have said something and tried to
speak out, and there's much it's not powerful enough.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Well, because money is powerful.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Right, and people don't either believe them or they've been
paid off to not believe them.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Yeah, paid off or what's the word that I'm intimidated
or just bla blackmailed.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, that's it scary because the video cameras could be there,
like it could be like, okay, well, if you say something,
I actually have you on camera doing this, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And things can be twisted. And also once somebody starts
telling lies, once you say something, well, I'm gonna tell
people that you did this. If you say I did this,
even if it's not true, somebody might be like, that
could ruin my life because one person's wording against another person's.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, it's terrible.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
We give it to us, speaks.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Leave it to us to go from sneaks to ditty.
What's the quote?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Oh I haven't said?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, thank you. Never apologize for outgrowing people, places or dreams.
The secret to life is to constantly reinvent yourself. Who
do you want to be today?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Question mark? Is that her response to why did you
make sneaks?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
No? But I think that it's important to have people
that are always in your life, Like you may have
somebody that's in your life for a long, long, long
long time. Those are important things too, Like I don't
know that you're constantly so I'll grow everything in your life.
Is this permission just to not feel stuck?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah? I think there's a lot of conversation out there
that's like you should constantly be reinventing yourself and constantly
changing and constantly growing in and all this stuff and
da da da da dada. I know, like, if you're
not growing, you're dying. All that is true. At the
same time, that is exhausting, and it's also okay to
just be out. You don't have to constantly be doing that.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And there's something too relationships that have some longevity, some history. Yeah,
hopefully you can meet someone in your life like that,
I guess if you haven't come across that yet.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
But sometimes it's with relationships. I think you might outgrow
the way a relationship used to be, but the relationship
just transforms. Doesn't mean you have to kick them out
of your life. If you're like, you're not growing with me,
so you're out. It can just be like, oh, we're
in different places. If we have a relationship, but the
relationship is different, the.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Dynamic has changed, and that's okay. But a lot of times,
if one person has changed and it's outgrown, one of
the people is not okay with the change. In my opinion, yeah,
I could be wrong.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I think both can be true.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Both And and we did get an email about friendship
and I can read it. I'm not going to say
the person's name because I don't have her permission yet,
and you never know who's listening to what? But she said, Hey, Amy,
love listening to you and Kat. I have a question
for you both. You guys have talked before about longtime
friendships and the work required to maintain them. You've also
(14:55):
said that sometimes those friendships no longer serve you. My
question is, how do I tell someone and it's been
my friend for twenty plus years, that even though I
love them dearly, the friendship is not serving me anymore.
I feel like I'm in a different place in my life,
and I don't feel like this person understands that. She
feels like I'm not making an effort to maintain the
friendship because I don't attempt to make plans to hang
(15:17):
out often. But that's because I'm in a different place
and I choose to spend my time with my family
and the friends that make my cup feel full. Spending
time with this person often makes me feel drained. How
do I tell her that in a way that's sensitive
to how she'll feel. I don't want to hurt her.
Kat's that therapiusiness way.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Well, I will start by saying I don't think there's
a right way, one right way to handle this, but
my thoughts immediately went to like, you don't have to
tell her the entirety of the truth there, like, you
don't have to tell her everything that you're feeling and thinking.
I don't know that you necessarily have to say anything
at all, and you're allowed to let friendships kind of
just dwindle. There'sn't always have to be a conversation about it.
(16:02):
And I actually got that advice from my own therapist
when I was struggling with a friend that the dynamics
were really shifting and I felt like we needed to
talk about it, and she just kind of asked me why,
like why do you need to have a conversation with her?
Do you want your friendship to be what it was?
And I said, now, I don't think it ever can
be or will be. She said, well, then, I don't
(16:23):
know that it's necessary to put this much emotional energy
into a conversation when you don't really want anything out
of that conversation. So I think the first thing it
would be, like, what are you wanting out of talking
to her? Are you wanting her to feel better or
do you want to get something off of your chest?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Yes, you're right, I think that's always a good question.
Of anything we're going to do. Is this for the
other person feel better or just even to make us
feel better.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yeah, I don't have like a script to say, but
something that when you read that again listening to you
for the second time, it sounds like you could basically say, Hey,
I am really experiencing a life change and things are
shifting in my life and I don't have the time
and the energy to do all the things that I
used to do. Could say some kind of version of that,
(17:04):
because it sounds like she's like, you're not doing as
much or reaching out as much. My bandwidth is stretch thinner,
and I need a little grace or I would like
some understanding from you about the shifts and where I
am in my life right now.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I think it's important if you do decide to say
something and you can share that because that's your side
of the street. I think it's important to just stay
in your lane, your lane, stay on your side, because again,
it's not necessary to say anything about.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Not you're enjoying your company.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yes, how you just feel drained, because I could see
how that might come up if you're talking just like, Hey,
I don't know, I just feel drained when we hang out.
Oh well, that is still your side of the street,
it's crossing over into her side, and so just make
sure that it's about you and.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
What you need. I like that you said that, because
if you're wanting to work on that, that you want
to be able to hang out with her as much
and not feel drained, then you might share that in
a differfferent way of like, you know, I've been noticing
when we hang out this is happening because you want
to kind of fix that conflict in the relationship. But
if you're really just trying to distance yourself and spend
more time in different relationships, then you don't really need
(18:12):
to address that. Now, you can say something sensitively and
somebody's feelings can still be hurt, and you can say
something that is intentional and kind and true and they
can still be hurt. And so that's where like understanding
what's my goal here? If my goal is to not
to have them have any feelings, then there's no way
to have this conversation because it sounds like they're going
(18:34):
to have some discomfort in whatever comes up that conversation.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
It's very difficult and complicated. You know, Blake, your friend
that is a therapist. She has the Friendship Deck, which
is fun. She did a friendship episode with me, and
she said that something that a lot of us aren't
talking about, and not that you have to talk about
it publicly, but maybe amongst your girlfriends, just so that
people don't feel weird about it when they do have
(18:59):
to end something like she said, it's normal for some
friendships to fizzle and to fade out or to need
to break up in a sense, and you're not weird
for having these feelings. We all do evolve and grow,
and then we have certain boundaries and needs that we realize.
Once we even get to know ourselves a little more,
(19:20):
we start to understand any discomfort we may have. Like
you may hang out with somebody and be feeling weird,
but you might not know why am I feeling this way?
And then when you can pinpoint it of like oh,
then you realize, oh, I actually don't have to put
myself in situations where I'm feeling off or different or weird.
And you also have to accept that people may feel
(19:43):
that way about you. So it's like, if you can
feel that way about somebody else, someone can easily feel
that way about you. But sometimes when I put myself
in that situation, I'm like, Okay, for me, I don't
want someone to feel that way around me, and I
certainly don't want to be draining somebody, but not everybody's
everybody's cup of tea. So when I do give that
(20:05):
perspective to myself, it does help me.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I would even go farther to say that people probably
do feel that way about us. Yes, people are outgrowing us,
just like we could outgrow somebody else. And it doesn't
mean one person's better than the other. We're just I
think growing in different directions might be a better way
than saying outgrowing.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Ooh, I like that.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
That just kind of came to me because I'm thinking
about friendships that have just like shifted after time, and
I don't know, I feel like a lot of this
comes from the whole idea of somebody who has like
their best friend from second grade, and those relationships are
sometimes held higher. And I can speak for myself, I
don't have one of those, And I think you can
have just as strong as a friendship of somebody you
(20:47):
met three years ago as somebody that you've known for
twenty years. It just depends on how that relationship works.
So growing in different ways feels I don't know. Yeah,
and also more true that.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Seems to be what's happening. Yeah, they're growing in different
directions anyway. Something about TikTok that I've discovered, Yes, I'm
sure you could type this into TikTok and people will
share all kinds of stories and then you can stroll
through and see what's going on. Because that's how I've
stayed up to speed on the Blake Lively drama. I
(21:30):
probably need to get on there and understand more of
the diddy stuff because people will deep dive and tell
you everything everything, which being of being pregnant. That's something
that popped up is that Blake Lively interview And apparently
the reporter said this one interview alone made her want
to just quit her job.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
This is all speculation. I mean, the videos were there,
but I don't really know what Blake Lively's character is.
But I had never heard something negative about her ever. Ever.
I don't want to compare her to other people that
we've talked about, but that's speed to like. It just
is what people are shining the light on. So nobody's
paying attention to her being rude to certain people. Nobody
(22:06):
will really know about it. But then all of a sudden,
this one thing happens and everybody are pulling. Everyone's pulling
all this stuff from like years past. But the interview
that you're talking about it was cringey.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yes, sir, Blake sits down and Blake is pregnant, and
it's known that she's pregnant. So the person interviewing.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
She's announced that she's pregnant.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yes, this is very public information. And she was like
something about I like your bump, or your bump is cute.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
She said I love your bump, and then.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Blake just looked at her and it's like, I love
your bump.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Such attitude, and then she ignored her during the whole
interview and answered all of the questions to the other
person that was being interviewed. It was very uncomfortable, which
that's very different than Patrick pretending that I had a bump.
I had not had an announcement of a pregnancy. If
you announce that you're pregnant, that's a kind thing to say, like, oh,
I love your bump or congrat No, she said congratulations
(22:58):
on your bump. Oh, that's what it was. The intention
was so kind.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, something I wanted to share. I'm going to get
to another email that we got about weird food combo
that people needed about, especially this fall. So don't let
me forget to say that because you're gonna want to
try this. It's so good, especially because you love peanuts.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh. I think I know you're gonna say.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Okay. This is a whole thing about stuff that can
be true at the same time, and one of the
things falls in line with you can be glad a
relationship is over and still miss the person deeply. That's
the and the both and like two things can be true.
You can love your parents and acknowledge the ways they
hurt you. You can set boundaries and still be a
(23:38):
good employee. You can prioritize rest and still be successful.
You can need emotional support and still be a strong person.
And you can have fun but still need for something
to happen to have your needs met. See does and
realy work there?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I think it doesn't work there because you are It
doesn't send the right message. The connotation doesn't work. I
want it to work, but it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
So that was from therapy with Abby. I have seen
a lot of different these two things can be true
at the same time. But I thought those were all
really good ones. Are you ready for the little food
concoction that's weird?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Can I guess what it is? Is it peanuts and
candy corn?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
That is exactly it.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I love that. Yeah, and that's one of my favorite
fault treats and it is so addicting. It's so good. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
So this is from Phedra Piper. She is listening to
us from Hugo Colorado. She said, one of my favorite
weird combos is candy corn and salted, dry roasted peanuts.
I had never been a fan of candy corn, but
my son told me about this combo. His assistant at
work brought it in. I told him it's not a
gross but he said, you gotta try it. You take
one bag of candy corn and one jar of the peanuts,
(24:47):
you mix them together. The best mixed ratio is one
candy corn to four peanuts per bite, So you gotta
go one candy corn four peanuts.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
She says, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Amy's love of sweet and salty might make her a
fan of this fall treat, which, Pedra, you are right,
I'm already a fan, but I probably haven't made it
in almost a decade.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
My friend's mom makes it every year and then she
always has way too much. So it's a nice little
table snack.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yes, if you're having people over, you can like put it. Actually,
the time I had it, I remember that it was
a decade because my friend Tiffany was in town who
I worked with. Tiffany and Christy in Haiti with the Orphanage,
like I met them probably in twenty twelve, and then
in twenty fourteen we hosted an event here in Nashville,
like a food packaging event. That's how I met Chase
(25:37):
thirty abes and we broke a Guinness World record and
we had this big party at my house afterwards, and
Tiffany went to the store and got peanuts and candy
corn and she had little bowls scattered all around my
house and I was like, oh, this is so good.
So shout out to my girl Tiffany for teaching me
that little food combo, and then for Peder for reminding
(26:01):
us about it. Which speaking of food, I guess will
rap with the word of the week. Well, it's going
to be yoke because I just have to admit I
got multiple emails about how yok in the Bible is
not yolk yulk, But also yolk doesn't have an L,
(26:21):
but you don't pronounce.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It, okay, So I was right on that part. Yes, okay,
but you know what, I'm going to let you pronounce
the L if that is what makes you happy.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
No, I'm not going to. I even ended up on
YouTube watching this one woman that teaches English to people
that are learning English as their second language, and she's like, yolk,
it looks like yolk, but the L is silent, so
it's yoke.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You believe her.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Yes, it's her job to teach people English, okay. And
I'm like, look, you, I'm learning English is my second one.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
When you mess things up, and I think that's really
beautiful and what a great example.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Yes, And I appreciate all the emails I'll give Julie
Rogers in particular because she kept it simple, like some
people wrote out these whole things, and she just sent
an email that said yolk yolk, but the ella silence.
So it's yoke equals egg, yoke, y ok e equals
bound together, simple yo egg yoke bound together, which yoke
(27:24):
in the Bible bound together, unequally bound together yep.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Why okay, change it in the Bible to bound together
be easier for everybody.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, but well it's one word yoke people apparently know,
but I hadn't gone to that part.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Longshay's really hard. It's one of the hardest languages I've
heard English. Yeah, it's very complicated.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So thank you Julie for putting that in an email
in a simple way and being kind about it, because
some people. I did get one email that was like, basically,
we're dumb, so.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
You're so stupid.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, but I would say people that take the time
to email for things things are usually kind, so we're good.
So thanks guys. We'd love to hear from you. You
can send us more emails and we hope you're having
the day that you need to have. And if anybody
has bought any sneaks, we need.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
To know, send us pics. We need to style them.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
We know if they're awesome and are they really gonna
be in fashion? And will I be wearing them in
like a year?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I hope not.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
I've learned that's about how long it takes me to.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Catch on to something. A trend, Yeah, because you don't
like the trend, or because that just takes that long
for you to like see and find the trend.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
No. At first, I'm like, what, this is ridiculous, and
then they're after seeing it for your I get conditioned
and I'm like, oh, it's actually kind of cute. It
goes like this, It's like, oh, I'd never wear that.
Huh Okay, I kind of see how that could be cute. Hmmm, Wow,
she's wearing that. That's cute. Okay, Oh Google, where'd you
(28:53):
buy this? Like that's the progression of like, oh, those
are so cute? And then me I put them on
and I'm like, I feel good, like my almond nails.
I just got all the nails for the first time,
and they're tips.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Those are tips.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yeah, I got tips. I can barely type.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Are they cute? This is long?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
They're tapping into my feminine energy? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Are you ready for them to be off your hand?
Speaker 1 (29:16):
These nails are giving me the ability to be like, hey,
so I'm having fun, but I'm really having fun. But
in order for me to stay interested, I'm going to
need you to text me.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Like way more, like how much more? Every day? Okay?
I can do that. I just what happens if they
say no, Okay, we've had a good run.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Okay, every other day you like, okay, never mind, No,
I'm I'm going to need you to hold my hand
in public.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Okay, that's not that big of an ask, right, So
if they say no, then you can say all right,
well then I guess that's just touch with one of
your fingers.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, okay, Kat?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Where can people find you on Instagram? At Kat van
Buren and at You Need Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
And I am at Radio Amy and we are hoping
you were having the day that you need to have
and that you know that you are awesome?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Is that your new way to end? And you know
that you are awesome and the sun is shining and
it's a beautiful, bright day.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
And you deserve happiness. Bye.
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and we're gonna get to the official quote
here in a second. But I thought we'd start off
with something light and fun, like a quote from a
text I got from my daughter. I had to clean
the remote because Stevenson has bacon grease on it, and
this whole room is a mess. This is not his bedroom.
(00:25):
His clothes are everywhere. It's getting out of control. At
this point, we might as well get a pig.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
It's getting out of control.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah, And she was in there the game room here. Yeah,
And he did sleep up there that night because he
had a friend come over and spend the night and
they slept in there, so that's why there was clothes everywhere.
And I did make bacon, So how you taking responsibility
for it? No, but listen to Stevenson's heart. After I
(00:54):
got that text, I talked to him about the bacon
grease because I don't want that all over stuff anyway,
and he said, to be honest, Mom, I never touched
the remote. That had to be my friend. And he's like,
but it's my friend. So I guess at the end
of the day, it is my responsibility.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And so he's like, that's on me, and I kind
of thought, well, look at you, you little businessman, because
like you know, from the top down, like if he
was running a company'd be like, well, that person messed up.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
But at the end of the day, he's like, I'm
gonna throw under the bus a little bit, but.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I'm the one that has to take responsibility for what
happened here. And then it didn't stop there. Later she's
I guess she was in there because the treadmills in
there and she would was working out. So then later
she goes to get in the shower and this is
the cat's fault, but somehow it's Stevenson's. She goes tell
Stevenson to shut the door. I just put a towel
to my face and has cat hair all over it,
(01:52):
and that means Maggie got into the bathroom. But if
he were to shut the door, then the cat couldn't
get in and sit on the towel.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Right, I will say, I think I would really struggle
sharing a bathroom with my little brother.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, well, this is life. Technically, she shares a bathroom
with a pig and a cat for the first year
they were here. They were begging me to get a pig,
a little white pot belly pig or miniature pig. But
they're not. No, they're cute. When they're little, they're very tiny.
They're called teacup piglets. But then they grow to be big.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
What about a guinea pig, Well that's.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Very different than a pig, but a pig is a cute.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Little pigs they're not cute.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
They are cute. They're very cute, and they're very smart.
You can train them. I've never seen a train the
domesticated ones. You can train them just like you would
a dog.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Supposed to well, I don't know who knows.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Have you seen my silent film without a pig? The
time I gave birth to a pig. Okay, you know
I like pigs a lot. That's when I hung out
with the teacup piglets and I thought these were so
awesome and they're so small and they're cute. But then
they showed me their mom and their dad over like
when we were walking around the land, and the mom
and that I were huge.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So you can't just give a away when they get
to be adults.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
No, you could rehome them. I guess, but then that's
the whole thing. It's like people just yes wanting something
because it's tiny and cute, and then it causes a
problem when it grows big. So that's why you got
to do your research. Like, hey, can I see a
picture of the mom and the dad? Never mind or something? Okay,
what's your last text that made you laugh?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Well, it didn't make me laugh in the moment, but
looking back, this makes me laugh because I had a
situation this weekend. And you know, when you're having a
situation with somebody else and you're with them, but you
can't talk to them about us, you just need a
text a friend. Yeah, well I did that. I texted
my friend Taylor and said I had a meltdown yesterday.
I was wearing this dress and we were taking a
(03:40):
picture and Patrick put his hand on my belly pretending
I was pregnant, and I freaked out. So I changed
completely and I cried. That makes me sad thinking about
it now.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh, I'm like, wait, where's the funny bart. I know
Patrick's heart in his personality. I'm actually shocked he did that.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Well, he thought it would be funny, but don't we
know that we don't.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
It's not funny. But I'm sure I know.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I would never fall back to a girl and say
are you pregnant? I mean he knew I wasn't. I
was a pregnant so I don't even get that what
he was doing. But he did apologize a lot, so
I was I don't know, it's just being silly, and
you're right, it's not nice. You don't want pregnant, And
I was like, well, I'm already changing my clothes, so
I didn't get to wear this dress that I bought,
So maybe we should go have an event.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Okay, So I feel like, whenever you put that dress on,
do you feel like you're going it's gonna remind you
of the time that Patrick made a pregnancy joke, which
should never be a joke about anybody to anybody at
any time.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Ever. Yeah, the good news is the dress was only
eleven dollars, so I didn't like really lose out.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I'm still trying to connect the dots of like the
funniest text you this is more of like a P
s A.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And you have a lot of funny texts.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Like I watched you read it and I was like, wait, Cash,
it seems sad and as you should be. That would
make sense.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
I guess I sent that text too, so it's not
really funny. I don't have any other funny texts.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I feel like I sent you a funny one.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
The other day.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I sent that girl on Instagram where she was there's
like a meme video where she's looking into the camera
all crazy and she said, when you're dating a let's
move slow boy instead of a let's plan every day
for the next sixty years boy, which is that you?
I think that I want to be the like, let's
plan everything. This is so fun, but I need to
(05:35):
take it slow, so I could appreciate dating a boy
that wants to take it.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Sece because guys don't think like girls do. Where like
we're thinking, I want to know the next time I'm
going to see you, or I want to know what
you're planning for our next date. I want to know
where you're at. But like guys literally just I do
think that silence was silence in their head.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I do think that I am used to or I
want a little more interaction. Maybe I think I have
a line that I might use if I need to
one day. This might be helpful for other people too,
if they're dating. I got this from another friend and
the line is, so I am having fun, and in
order for me to stay interested, here's what I'm gonna need.
(06:19):
And it's a way for you to express your needs
without seeming needy.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
So you're tricking him.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
No, I just like the way it's vertical. I don't
think you're tricking no, because I don't really feel like healthy.
Tricking your needs.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
To be met is needy. But but you're tricking him
into being able to receive it.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Well, yeah, for me, it just comes off better than like, hey,
you're not giving me this and I need this, and
if you can't give it, I'm out like threatening. Very different.
Then I am having fun. So I'm having I'm trying
to be casual again. So I'm having fun.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
How are you going to say it with that laugh?
To be like you said that was like you prepared that.
It seems creepy. Okay, So I'm having a good time.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
So I'm having a good time. So I'm having fun.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Don't do the last laught. Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So I'm having fun. I don't know why I can't
stop laughing when I do it. Okay, So I'm having fun.
And I'm not trying to plan out the next sixty
days because I want to know woman to see you next,
and I want you to text me every morning and
every night. See how needy that sounds.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Well, I would hope you would change a little bit
of right.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So this is why you go, hey, you're.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Scaring me the way you're saying, can we talk?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I guess you have to initiate the conversation. Do you say, hey,
can we talk for a sec?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Wait? Wait, wait wait, I don't like setting conversations up
that way. Okay, it's like, oh gosh, what did I do?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Okay, so just casually, just say it randomly, like hey,
I'm having fun? Are you having fun?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
And he's like, yeah, I'm having fun.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Okay, Well, good me too. I'm having fun. And in
order for me to stay interested.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Though it's not going to come out right when you
say this, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
It needs more work. It needs more work. I wrote
it down though. Let me go to where I wrote
it down, and that way I can read it verbatim.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
You know what is throwing me off is that in
order for me to stay interested, I feel like there's
a better way to say. In order for me too
that feels very like business agreement.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Okay, I have what I wrote down, so I'm having fun.
But in order for me to stay interested, I'm gonna
need and then you can kind of say one thing
you don't have to do, like a laundry list, but.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Like the bet actually works there.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yes, so I take back the and most of the
time I'm trying to say and in my life instead
of butt. The therapist I've been seeing she has both
an and tattooed on her wrist, both on her right
wrist and on her left. When I'm talking, she'll just
put her wrist up. She's like both and both and
or and both whatever. So I do think that this
(08:51):
is a case where butt works. I'm having fun, but
in order for me to stay interested, I need and
then you fill in what you need. And you can
say this to your husband's Patrick, I have enjoyed being
married to you, But in order for me to say
interested in you, you must never comment.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
About my looking pregnant or making jokes about mine even
comment about it. But he just made a joke. No
more jokes, No more pregnancy jokes unless I make them
about myself. Can I not do that?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I guess you can, but then is inviting by example.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
You're right, Okay, no more pregnancy jokes in our household.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
All right? Onto the quote for today, which is from
Sarah Blakely, which is relatable to something Kat and I
were talking about earlier, because Kat saw Reese Witherspoon posting
that she was wearing Sarah Blakely's new creation, which is
a high healed sneaker called Sneaks, and Kat just shows me.
She goes, how much did Reese Weather's going get paid
to post this? And I said, I don't think she
(09:52):
got paid anything. I think that Sarah might be her friend,
and she sent her a pair, and Reese has been
genuinely wearing them all day and she thinks that they're comfortable,
and she's like she wants to support Sarah.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I don't think she was wearing them.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
But then I will jump up those sneakers. They're five
hundred and fifty dollars exactly.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
If they bring you joy and you think they're beautiful,
I support somebody wearing them. I think that they are
a very strange creation.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Well, as soon as Steve Madden makes a knock off,
and then I start to see other people and then
they start making them, and then I'm the year behind
the fashion. I'll probably start wearing them.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Very great.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
They're not cursed in my opinion that well, it's a
comfortable sneaker, it's.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
A comfortable heel. That's right, But there has been a
different way to design that.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
You could just make it not look like a sneaker
with a high heel.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I think it's like a pr stunt.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
No, it's a real business s n eax.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
But people are buying them as like a joke and
it's gonna accidentally catch on.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
That's a very expensive joke.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Some people have a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I don't think so. I mean they do, but speaking
of people with a lot of money, Speaking of people
with a lot of money, I've been watching the Netflix
show Monster, the movie that they or the docu series.
(11:12):
It's not a movie. There's episodes about the Menindaz brothers
who killed their parents. They have a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
How did they have money?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Well, the parents had a lot of money, and then they.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Had the money from the parents that they killed.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
They started spending it as if they had it. But
now they're in jail. I don't want to give anything away,
and because people want to watch it on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
But they the parents.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Now that has been in the news since the nineties,
and it's like, gosh, how in the world did they
even think they were going to get away with that?
But people with money get away with a lot of things.
Like earlier we were talking about Diddy and how it's
insane that for this long he's gotten away with what
he did. And I don't know why we're so surprised
(11:53):
whenever a really wealthy, famous person gets busted. I'm just
equally a shock like I was with the Jeffrey Epstein stuff.
It's like, you're around all these powerful, rich, wealthy people
and these victims surely not even surely, I know that
so many of them have said something and tried to
speak out, and there's much it's not powerful enough.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Well, because money is powerful.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Right, and people don't either believe them or they've been
paid off to not believe them.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Yeah, paid off or what's the word that I'm intimidated
or just bla blackmailed.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, that's it scary because the video cameras could be there,
like it could be like, okay, well, if you say something,
I actually have you on camera doing this, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And things can be twisted. And also once somebody starts
telling lies, once you say something, well, I'm gonna tell
people that you did this. If you say I did this,
even if it's not true, somebody might be like, that
could ruin my life because one person's wording against another person's.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, it's terrible.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
We give it to us, speaks.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Leave it to us to go from sneaks to ditty.
What's the quote?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Oh I haven't said?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, thank you. Never apologize for outgrowing people, places or dreams.
The secret to life is to constantly reinvent yourself. Who
do you want to be today?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Question mark? Is that her response to why did you
make sneaks?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
No? But I think that it's important to have people
that are always in your life, Like you may have
somebody that's in your life for a long, long, long
long time. Those are important things too, Like I don't
know that you're constantly so I'll grow everything in your life.
Is this permission just to not feel stuck?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah? I think there's a lot of conversation out there
that's like you should constantly be reinventing yourself and constantly
changing and constantly growing in and all this stuff and
da da da da dada. I know, like, if you're
not growing, you're dying. All that is true. At the
same time, that is exhausting, and it's also okay to
just be out. You don't have to constantly be doing that.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And there's something too relationships that have some longevity, some history. Yeah,
hopefully you can meet someone in your life like that,
I guess if you haven't come across that yet.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
But sometimes it's with relationships. I think you might outgrow
the way a relationship used to be, but the relationship
just transforms. Doesn't mean you have to kick them out
of your life. If you're like, you're not growing with me,
so you're out. It can just be like, oh, we're
in different places. If we have a relationship, but the
relationship is different, the.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Dynamic has changed, and that's okay. But a lot of times,
if one person has changed and it's outgrown, one of
the people is not okay with the change. In my opinion, yeah,
I could be wrong.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I think both can be true.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Both And and we did get an email about friendship
and I can read it. I'm not going to say
the person's name because I don't have her permission yet,
and you never know who's listening to what? But she said, Hey, Amy,
love listening to you and Kat. I have a question
for you both. You guys have talked before about longtime
friendships and the work required to maintain them. You've also
(14:55):
said that sometimes those friendships no longer serve you. My
question is, how do I tell someone and it's been
my friend for twenty plus years, that even though I
love them dearly, the friendship is not serving me anymore.
I feel like I'm in a different place in my life,
and I don't feel like this person understands that. She
feels like I'm not making an effort to maintain the
friendship because I don't attempt to make plans to hang
(15:17):
out often. But that's because I'm in a different place
and I choose to spend my time with my family
and the friends that make my cup feel full. Spending
time with this person often makes me feel drained. How
do I tell her that in a way that's sensitive
to how she'll feel. I don't want to hurt her.
Kat's that therapiusiness way.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Well, I will start by saying I don't think there's
a right way, one right way to handle this, but
my thoughts immediately went to like, you don't have to
tell her the entirety of the truth there, like, you
don't have to tell her everything that you're feeling and thinking.
I don't know that you necessarily have to say anything
at all, and you're allowed to let friendships kind of
just dwindle. There'sn't always have to be a conversation about it.
(16:02):
And I actually got that advice from my own therapist
when I was struggling with a friend that the dynamics
were really shifting and I felt like we needed to
talk about it, and she just kind of asked me why,
like why do you need to have a conversation with her?
Do you want your friendship to be what it was?
And I said, now, I don't think it ever can
be or will be. She said, well, then, I don't
(16:23):
know that it's necessary to put this much emotional energy
into a conversation when you don't really want anything out
of that conversation. So I think the first thing it
would be, like, what are you wanting out of talking
to her? Are you wanting her to feel better or
do you want to get something off of your chest?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Yes, you're right, I think that's always a good question.
Of anything we're going to do. Is this for the
other person feel better or just even to make us
feel better.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yeah, I don't have like a script to say, but
something that when you read that again listening to you
for the second time, it sounds like you could basically say, Hey,
I am really experiencing a life change and things are
shifting in my life and I don't have the time
and the energy to do all the things that I
used to do. Could say some kind of version of that,
(17:04):
because it sounds like she's like, you're not doing as
much or reaching out as much. My bandwidth is stretch thinner,
and I need a little grace or I would like
some understanding from you about the shifts and where I
am in my life right now.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I think it's important if you do decide to say
something and you can share that because that's your side
of the street. I think it's important to just stay
in your lane, your lane, stay on your side, because again,
it's not necessary to say anything about.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Not you're enjoying your company.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yes, how you just feel drained, because I could see
how that might come up if you're talking just like, Hey,
I don't know, I just feel drained when we hang out.
Oh well, that is still your side of the street,
it's crossing over into her side, and so just make
sure that it's about you and.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
What you need. I like that you said that, because
if you're wanting to work on that, that you want
to be able to hang out with her as much
and not feel drained, then you might share that in
a differfferent way of like, you know, I've been noticing
when we hang out this is happening because you want
to kind of fix that conflict in the relationship. But
if you're really just trying to distance yourself and spend
more time in different relationships, then you don't really need
(18:12):
to address that. Now, you can say something sensitively and
somebody's feelings can still be hurt, and you can say
something that is intentional and kind and true and they
can still be hurt. And so that's where like understanding
what's my goal here? If my goal is to not
to have them have any feelings, then there's no way
to have this conversation because it sounds like they're going
(18:34):
to have some discomfort in whatever comes up that conversation.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
It's very difficult and complicated. You know, Blake, your friend
that is a therapist. She has the Friendship Deck, which
is fun. She did a friendship episode with me, and
she said that something that a lot of us aren't
talking about, and not that you have to talk about
it publicly, but maybe amongst your girlfriends, just so that
people don't feel weird about it when they do have
(18:59):
to end something like she said, it's normal for some
friendships to fizzle and to fade out or to need
to break up in a sense, and you're not weird
for having these feelings. We all do evolve and grow,
and then we have certain boundaries and needs that we realize.
Once we even get to know ourselves a little more,
(19:20):
we start to understand any discomfort we may have. Like
you may hang out with somebody and be feeling weird,
but you might not know why am I feeling this way?
And then when you can pinpoint it of like oh,
then you realize, oh, I actually don't have to put
myself in situations where I'm feeling off or different or weird.
And you also have to accept that people may feel
(19:43):
that way about you. So it's like, if you can
feel that way about somebody else, someone can easily feel
that way about you. But sometimes when I put myself
in that situation, I'm like, Okay, for me, I don't
want someone to feel that way around me, and I
certainly don't want to be draining somebody, but not everybody's
everybody's cup of tea. So when I do give that
(20:05):
perspective to myself, it does help me.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I would even go farther to say that people probably
do feel that way about us. Yes, people are outgrowing us,
just like we could outgrow somebody else. And it doesn't
mean one person's better than the other. We're just I
think growing in different directions might be a better way
than saying outgrowing.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Ooh, I like that.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
That just kind of came to me because I'm thinking
about friendships that have just like shifted after time, and
I don't know, I feel like a lot of this
comes from the whole idea of somebody who has like
their best friend from second grade, and those relationships are
sometimes held higher. And I can speak for myself, I
don't have one of those, And I think you can
have just as strong as a friendship of somebody you
(20:47):
met three years ago as somebody that you've known for
twenty years. It just depends on how that relationship works.
So growing in different ways feels I don't know. Yeah,
and also more true that.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Seems to be what's happening. Yeah, they're growing in different
directions anyway. Something about TikTok that I've discovered, Yes, I'm
sure you could type this into TikTok and people will
share all kinds of stories and then you can stroll
through and see what's going on. Because that's how I've
stayed up to speed on the Blake Lively drama. I
(21:30):
probably need to get on there and understand more of
the diddy stuff because people will deep dive and tell
you everything everything, which being of being pregnant. That's something
that popped up is that Blake Lively interview And apparently
the reporter said this one interview alone made her want
to just quit her job.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
This is all speculation. I mean, the videos were there,
but I don't really know what Blake Lively's character is.
But I had never heard something negative about her ever. Ever.
I don't want to compare her to other people that
we've talked about, but that's speed to like. It just
is what people are shining the light on. So nobody's
paying attention to her being rude to certain people. Nobody
(22:06):
will really know about it. But then all of a sudden,
this one thing happens and everybody are pulling. Everyone's pulling
all this stuff from like years past. But the interview
that you're talking about it was cringey.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yes, sir, Blake sits down and Blake is pregnant, and
it's known that she's pregnant. So the person interviewing.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
She's announced that she's pregnant.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yes, this is very public information. And she was like
something about I like your bump, or your bump is cute.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
She said I love your bump, and then.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Blake just looked at her and it's like, I love
your bump.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Such attitude, and then she ignored her during the whole
interview and answered all of the questions to the other
person that was being interviewed. It was very uncomfortable, which
that's very different than Patrick pretending that I had a bump.
I had not had an announcement of a pregnancy. If
you announce that you're pregnant, that's a kind thing to say, like, oh,
I love your bump or congrat No, she said congratulations
(22:58):
on your bump. Oh, that's what it was. The intention
was so kind.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, something I wanted to share. I'm going to get
to another email that we got about weird food combo
that people needed about, especially this fall. So don't let
me forget to say that because you're gonna want to
try this. It's so good, especially because you love peanuts.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh. I think I know you're gonna say.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Okay. This is a whole thing about stuff that can
be true at the same time, and one of the
things falls in line with you can be glad a
relationship is over and still miss the person deeply. That's
the and the both and like two things can be true.
You can love your parents and acknowledge the ways they
hurt you. You can set boundaries and still be a
(23:38):
good employee. You can prioritize rest and still be successful.
You can need emotional support and still be a strong person.
And you can have fun but still need for something
to happen to have your needs met. See does and
realy work there?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I think it doesn't work there because you are It
doesn't send the right message. The connotation doesn't work. I
want it to work, but it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
So that was from therapy with Abby. I have seen
a lot of different these two things can be true
at the same time. But I thought those were all
really good ones. Are you ready for the little food
concoction that's weird?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Can I guess what it is? Is it peanuts and
candy corn?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
That is exactly it.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I love that. Yeah, and that's one of my favorite
fault treats and it is so addicting. It's so good. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
So this is from Phedra Piper. She is listening to
us from Hugo Colorado. She said, one of my favorite
weird combos is candy corn and salted, dry roasted peanuts.
I had never been a fan of candy corn, but
my son told me about this combo. His assistant at
work brought it in. I told him it's not a
gross but he said, you gotta try it. You take
one bag of candy corn and one jar of the peanuts,
(24:47):
you mix them together. The best mixed ratio is one
candy corn to four peanuts per bite, So you gotta
go one candy corn four peanuts.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
She says, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Amy's love of sweet and salty might make her a
fan of this fall treat, which, Pedra, you are right,
I'm already a fan, but I probably haven't made it
in almost a decade.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
My friend's mom makes it every year and then she
always has way too much. So it's a nice little
table snack.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yes, if you're having people over, you can like put it. Actually,
the time I had it, I remember that it was
a decade because my friend Tiffany was in town who
I worked with. Tiffany and Christy in Haiti with the Orphanage,
like I met them probably in twenty twelve, and then
in twenty fourteen we hosted an event here in Nashville,
like a food packaging event. That's how I met Chase
(25:37):
thirty abes and we broke a Guinness World record and
we had this big party at my house afterwards, and
Tiffany went to the store and got peanuts and candy
corn and she had little bowls scattered all around my
house and I was like, oh, this is so good.
So shout out to my girl Tiffany for teaching me
that little food combo, and then for Peder for reminding
(26:01):
us about it. Which speaking of food, I guess will
rap with the word of the week. Well, it's going
to be yoke because I just have to admit I
got multiple emails about how yok in the Bible is
not yolk yulk, But also yolk doesn't have an L,
(26:21):
but you don't pronounce.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It, okay, So I was right on that part. Yes, okay,
but you know what, I'm going to let you pronounce
the L if that is what makes you happy.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
No, I'm not going to. I even ended up on
YouTube watching this one woman that teaches English to people
that are learning English as their second language, and she's like, yolk,
it looks like yolk, but the L is silent, so
it's yoke.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You believe her.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Yes, it's her job to teach people English, okay. And
I'm like, look, you, I'm learning English is my second one.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
When you mess things up, and I think that's really
beautiful and what a great example.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Yes, And I appreciate all the emails I'll give Julie
Rogers in particular because she kept it simple, like some
people wrote out these whole things, and she just sent
an email that said yolk yolk, but the ella silence.
So it's yoke equals egg, yoke, y ok e equals
bound together, simple yo egg yoke bound together, which yoke
(27:24):
in the Bible bound together, unequally bound together yep.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Why okay, change it in the Bible to bound together
be easier for everybody.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, but well it's one word yoke people apparently know,
but I hadn't gone to that part.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Longshay's really hard. It's one of the hardest languages I've
heard English. Yeah, it's very complicated.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So thank you Julie for putting that in an email
in a simple way and being kind about it, because
some people. I did get one email that was like, basically,
we're dumb, so.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
You're so stupid.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, but I would say people that take the time
to email for things things are usually kind, so we're good.
So thanks guys. We'd love to hear from you. You
can send us more emails and we hope you're having
the day that you need to have. And if anybody
has bought any sneaks, we need.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
To know, send us pics. We need to style them.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
We know if they're awesome and are they really gonna
be in fashion? And will I be wearing them in
like a year?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I hope not.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
I've learned that's about how long it takes me to.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Catch on to something. A trend, Yeah, because you don't
like the trend, or because that just takes that long
for you to like see and find the trend.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
No. At first, I'm like, what, this is ridiculous, and
then they're after seeing it for your I get conditioned
and I'm like, oh, it's actually kind of cute. It
goes like this, It's like, oh, I'd never wear that.
Huh Okay, I kind of see how that could be cute. Hmmm, Wow,
she's wearing that. That's cute. Okay, Oh Google, where'd you
(28:53):
buy this? Like that's the progression of like, oh, those
are so cute? And then me I put them on
and I'm like, I feel good, like my almond nails.
I just got all the nails for the first time,
and they're tips.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Those are tips.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yeah, I got tips. I can barely type.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Are they cute? This is long?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
They're tapping into my feminine energy? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Are you ready for them to be off your hand?
Speaker 1 (29:16):
These nails are giving me the ability to be like, hey,
so I'm having fun, but I'm really having fun. But
in order for me to stay interested, I'm going to
need you to text me.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Like way more, like how much more? Every day? Okay?
I can do that. I just what happens if they
say no, Okay, we've had a good run.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Okay, every other day you like, okay, never mind, No,
I'm I'm going to need you to hold my hand
in public.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Okay, that's not that big of an ask, right, So
if they say no, then you can say all right,
well then I guess that's just touch with one of
your fingers.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, okay, Kat?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Where can people find you on Instagram? At Kat van
Buren and at You Need Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
And I am at Radio Amy and we are hoping
you were having the day that you need to have
and that you know that you are awesome?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Is that your new way to end? And you know
that you are awesome and the sun is shining and
it's a beautiful, bright day.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
And you deserve happiness. Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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