This week on GET REAL Podcast...LAURA HUTFLESS!
LAURA is a POWER PLAYER in the entertainment industry - working with the BIGGEST NAMES and TOP STARS. She is the co-founder of her entertainment marketing agency, FLYTEVU. She is also one of the most INSPIRING MOTHERS I know.
IN THIS EPISODE, we talk:
• Brand DEVELOPMENT & MARKETING
• The importance of keeping your CURIOSITY keen
• TRIUMPHING after TRAGEDY
• Being a single adoptive mother to sweet Evelyn Hope
• Finding YOUR avenues of JOY
Listen to my previous episode with Laura, HERE!
Listen to LAURA HUTFLESS on GET REAL Podcast...NOW!
Connect with LAURA:
Instagram
FlyteVu
FlyteVu Website
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
At Caryl Lone. She's a queen of the talking hey song.
You know, she's getting really not afraid to feel the
taxis and so just let it flow.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
No one can do we quiet Cary Lone is sounding
care lound. I am so excited to be back there
with my friend, someone who I have known for a
long time, worked with many times before. I am just
a grand admirer of you in general. I have loved
(00:40):
watching I don't know if love is the word, because
you've dealt with a lot of heartache. I have been
so inspired and encouraged with humanity and hope and that
crime starting from the beginning, that happenly ever afters can
look so many different ways, that happily ever afters can
(01:07):
be an all. So it can just come to us
from so many different angles and ways and out of heartache,
if we let ourselves continue to look for it and
be led by our intuition and our inner guidance and
our belief that there is something great for us and
that our dreams will be fulfilled and that we are
not crazy to have these desires on our hearts no
(01:29):
matter what we've been through, and like you are such
a shining light of someone who has been led by
your intuition, who has been dealt some really hard, hard
blows that should take anyone out, and yet you have
created this beautiful life for yourself. And you are so layered,
(01:51):
and you are so deep, and you are so kind,
and you are so talented, and you are so generous,
and you are so understanding, and you are just so
much of everything good because of what you have gone
through and your perspective on how you have gone through
it and the way you have continued to seek for
hope in the highest dream that you have in the
midst of anything. So I'm so excited to have you here.
(02:12):
Lara Hettfliss, who is the co founder of flight View,
which is just You're one of the top two hundred
brand marketing companies. Like, You're so incredible, you guys are
I love your face. I love your branding marketing strategy
because you're like mixing pop culture with purpose, and you're
so intentional about brands that you come up with and
so intentional about combinations, and you come up with creative
(02:33):
brand approaches to really hit the soul, not just to
try to sell something. And I just really admire you
so that was a very long introduction. I'm so happy
to have you here. I feel like the bar is
set really high now and maybe we should just end now.
It was great to be on. Thank you so much.
This is awesome, My goodness. It has been a journey,
and I just appreciate you being and supportive since the beginning.
(02:57):
We've known each other for a long time, even before
I started my company, you think, before you started the podcast,
so we've seen each other through a lot of ups
and downs. So I'm excited to be here and catch up.
And there's a part one for everyone listening. There's a
part one from Laura Hutlass, and you might want to
go check it out. Because you have, like we said,
you have weathered some really hard storms. You have you
(03:19):
talk about that on the first podcast, and just your
resilience and how you navigate stuff, how you nagicate, navigate
trauma and your outreaches, and it's really an incredible journey
you've been on. And I'm so excited to continue this
conversation just because I really have been sitting there thinking
I was talking to you about this earlier. I'm like
(03:41):
turning forty in July, and I'm like, what is my
area of expertise. Like I have been one of those
people who has just like loaded around and hopped from
one kind of experience to another. But I've gained all
this knowledge in all of this, like all these tools
in my belt, and I have so much awareness of
interacting with people and understanding people and empathy, and I
(04:04):
have so much awardness in the entertainment industry and all
of it, just like you, because I've just lived a
million lives in it and I've now focused it down
to conversations and podcasting and that's what I love. But
I'm like, what am I good at? And it's like
I am good at following my intuition, even though it's
a lot of times very clunky and messy and painful,
but I'm really I always follow it. And I feel
(04:24):
like that's what this podcast has become to me, is
about following my intuition with who I have on this podcast,
because I want people like yourself to come on who
can show us how to live by your intuition and
tell us the story of how they have lived by
their intuition, and even when things are going wrong, it's like,
but look at what actually went right out of the
(04:46):
things going wrong because I followed my intuition and I
didn't give up hope, and that's what I like to
showcase and you are like the shining example of that.
Thank you for that. It's a lot of curiosity. I
think when you mentioned that you're you know, you've tried
a lot of things, You're interested in a lot of things,
Like that's curiosity. I think that's the first attribute that
(05:09):
you have to have to be successful, right, You have
to be curious about a lot of things, try things out.
Some things you know, we'll stick, some things won't. But
I think that's that's a tool that I know I've
had in my belt that has allowed me to try
a lot of things and uh, you know, figure out
what works for me. So curiosity is really important. Okay,
(05:33):
so you started your business. You're co founder of flight View.
It's a huge brand agency. Like you work with the
top of the top stars brands. Tell us about what
it is you actually do because I'm really so curious
about brand, like brand marketing and all of that, because
it's like having your brand mean something and have a purpose.
It's so important. Whether you are someone like me who
(05:54):
has a podcast and like that's still a brand or
someone like a sports drink or something. You know, it's like,
what is the message that that brand or person is
through and through trying to say with everything they're putting
out there. And I love that because you're so about
it being a fluid, authentic representation. Yeah. So clients come
(06:16):
to us and typically their corporate clients. So we do
have some sports drinks, insurance companies, we have retail brands,
we have jewelry, makeup, et cetera. They come to us
and they come to us looking on the ways that
they can integrate into pop culture to gain relevancy to
target specific consumer groups. And then our unique proposition is
(06:39):
to make a difference, Right, how do you connect to
consumers or fans on an emotional level. It's not about
selling a product anymore. It doesn't work with millennials or
especially gen Z. They really have to believe in the purpose.
They have to believe in the mission of the brand,
and has to be authentic. So all of those things bind.
(07:00):
We help them figure out what is the right strategy
for them. So that could look a lot of different ways.
It could be alignments with influencers, it could be integrations
into podcasts. It could be a content series, a Super
Bowl ad, an event, or production. It looks different for
every single client that we that comes in our door.
But it's really fun because again, we get to be curious.
(07:23):
We get to learn a lot about a lot of
different brands, a lot of different industries and figure out
ways to help them grow their brand and by doing that,
their mission and their purpose. That's a lot that's really
like you say it and it sounds so like buttoned
up and like so like okay, yeah, got it, but
(07:45):
like actually, when you break that down to the brass
tax of what that means, I mean, I feel like
that's a lot of conference rooms, like brainstorming sessions, Like
probably those are my favorite. Brainstorms are my favorite. We
do have a process and the methodology that allows us
to get to a solution. Because when you start with that,
there's a lot of different paths you could take, right,
(08:06):
really like right, but Laura, that's it, like seriously like
figuring out the path that you want to take, especially
someone like you and your team who is creative. Confetti
in your brain like anything can go, like it literally anything,
y'all think of if you can connect the dots you
can do it, and so that must kind of be
(08:28):
a little tricky to figure out which road do we
take when we could take any road? How do you
do that? Good question? The number one I think thing
that we need to know and that will determine success
is goals. The brand has to understand what their goal is.
So without that, you know, we don't know really where
(08:49):
to start or where we're headed. Like you have to
know where you're headed and then we'll have to get there.
So I think you were talking about kind of in
your own life, like you know how to choose a
certain path. It's like you've got to choose the station
where you're headed, and then we'll build the track to
get there. So what compans if you don't really know
(09:11):
the full station, like for me, for someone I know
I'm not like your typical client, but like I am
now realizing I'm zero in on my station. But what
if you've never really like known your station, You've just refloated.
Do you just sort of like pick one that's the
most visible and start working towards it and then let
it evolve. Yeah, I think sometimes people think too far out.
Like I have a lot of interviews, people ask me
(09:33):
what's your five year plan or what's your three year plan.
I'm like, we could be working on Mars in five years. Like,
look how fast technology is changing. I mean, look what
things are happening in the world. TikTok didn't even exist
a few years ago, and now half my day has
spent around figuring out how to go viral and tiktalk
my client. So I mean the rate at which our
culture and society is shifting and technologies they're shifting is
(09:57):
really fast, faster than it's ever been in any generation.
So I think three and five year plans are bogus.
I don't even look that far ahead, Like I look
six months and I look a year at most, So
I love that six months from now, which isn't realistically
that far away. Like what do I want my data look?
Like I would even start there. How much time do
(10:18):
I want to spend with my daughter? And how much
time do I want to put into work? You love yoga?
How much time do I want to put into yoga?
Like what are the things? How do I want my
data work? And in a business, like how much money
do I need to make to you know, maintain my
lifestyle or whatever? That looks like. So you can make
little goals, even I it's just around your time or
(10:39):
finances or what you like to do, things that you
want in your life. Map that out and then you
can roadmap the way to get there. That is awesome.
You're the second person. You're the second like CEO boss woman,
but not in like sometimes it's like boss woman gets
like a yet rap, but like you know, like woman
who is just like crushing in at life, But you're
(11:02):
the second person who's telling me that. Molly Fletcher, who's
like the Jerry Maguire of the sports agents, like, she's
just like the woman who's crushing that world. She said
the same thing, and this is what made her such
a great agent, different than others, especially men. And I
feel like this goes for you as well, being a
woman in leadership. I feel like this is a big
dramatic difference that I have noticed with women as opposed
(11:24):
to men. Not that men aren't wonderful, but women just
come from a different approach. I feel like Molly was
saying this, and you just said this, planning out your day,
you the brand whoever, And she was even thinking about
this with her clients. She would go through their day
in her head and plan out what was important to them.
It's like you have to prioritize all of your life,
all of the things that matter and how much time
(11:47):
they need, And you have to start with what matters
to you most, like you're saying, and prioritize that and
then build it all out. Like, you can't just like
to sacrifice everything for work. You can't sacrifice it. You
have to have a balance and you have to keep
that healthy. Yeah, you have to figure out where your
joy comes from, and it can come from multiple places,
(12:11):
but you have to control that and create boundaries around
that and protect it. No one else is going to
do it for you. I think the biggest thing I
see from colleagues or staff on my team who are
young that are coming into the workforce is they don't
know how to be disciplined about their time. So instead
of you know, controlling their own schedules, which often protect
(12:34):
their mental health, right, they allow other people to control
it and they're not disciplined about the time they spend
on social media, or the time they're out with their friends,
or the time that they work, and so then it
just becomes overwhelming and they melt right that is the
best description I've ever heard. Yeah, so we have to
be disciplined, and unfortunately we're not taught. And you know
(12:57):
what it feels like, discipline is a bad thing, Like
you have to have discipline, Oh, that's boring. No discipline
allows you to have freedom in your life and really
thrive in all areas. I think this culture now is
one in which you can do whatever you want. You
should be able to have all these perks and live
it all. And that's not the truth. We only have
(13:18):
so many hours in a day. We all have the
same amount of hours in a day, and we only
have so much bandwidth. Each person has a different energetic
bandwidth they have each day to spend. So you can't
have it all. You can't. And I think that's a
lie that we're told now in society and culture. So
you knowing that if we can accept that, then we
(13:39):
can start to prioritize the things that we do want
and realize some things we're going to have to let
go at different stages in life. Right, your life changes,
and you know this having a child. You know when
the child's a baby, that's different. Your time looks different
than when they're four or five are in school, and
so just knowing life will change, just will change. Just
(14:00):
because you're committing to something now doesn't mean it's going
to stay that way forever. It's just what your priorities
are now. I love that. How do you because you
are someone who has a lot of responsibilities and big
responsibilities that matter, Like you can't drop the ball and
your responsibilities. Not that anyone should, but I mean you
really can't. So how do you decide your joy? How
(14:23):
do you decide your priorities? How do you? Like, what's
your mental system that you go through to a lot
this certain amount of time for each thing. And like,
because you said you just changed your work schedule where
now you're working from home a lot more and you
have a cutoff time at two pm where it didn't
used to be that way, so you can spend time
with your daughter, Like that's something you've been adjusting. So like,
how do you what is the system that you go through? Yeah,
(14:46):
you say following your gut And there's a little bit
of that too. I've recently became a mom and I
want to get into that story. I would love you
to share that story with a mom and so, and
I'm in a new relationship, and so both those things
take time. Both those things are important to me, and
if I ranked like they're at the top. Right when
(15:07):
I started back to work after having Evelyn, I don't think.
I think I thought, oh, I can just go back
to my same schedule, and that doesn't work. And I
really felt in my gut I wasn't showing up for
her the way that I wanted to. Now, yes, I
could put her with the nanny all day long, and
(15:28):
I could, you know, work all day long, but for me,
that's not how I wanted to show up as a mom.
I wanted to be more involved in her life. And
that's different for everybody. So you have when I say
your gut and what yep, you want to show up.
That's everyone's individual choice and there's no judgment for her,
and each woman feels differently about it. But the thread
that you're saying, and I'm totally agreeing with you, is
you have to listen to what your intuition is telling you. Yeah,
(15:51):
you have to listen to your gut. For me, you know,
she's had some early health issues. She needed me more
at home and more present, and that's the mom I
wanted to be. I grew up with a mom who
was a stay at a mom, and you know, there
are certain things in my mind when I pictured myself
being a mom, I would be doing with her, taking
her to the library, music class, and all these things.
And I realized I was essentially paying someone else to
(16:15):
do those things so I could work. And while I
still want to work and I love my job, I
want to be more present in her life. So because
of that, I had to adjust. I had to prioritize
that time so block to time more time with her.
I changed the schedule, changed child care so that I
could have that time, and I protect that time. Now
(16:36):
that means that I can't show up as much as
I want to at my work, and that may slow
down growth. That may mean I have to bring on
other people in my company and hand things off which
I have. But you can't add things to your life
and show up the same way. Oh oh oh wait,
wait wait wait, that's a moment. That's a moment. Can't
(17:00):
add things to your life and show up the same way.
I mean, why is that so profound? Shouldn't we I
don't know that. It's a while to figure It took
me a while like I had to add things and
then realize I wasn't showing up well because when I was,
I was stealing time from one to give to the other,
and that didn't sit well. Right. That's when I talk
(17:22):
about my gut, like, oh, I don't like the way
I'm showing up to either party now, So now I
have to readjust and we calibrate. And that's what it
is for now. It will change when she goes to preschool.
You know, like, there's there's changing, and I think we
need to allow ourselves to to accept that and to
acknowledge that that it's going to look different. It's okay,
(17:45):
this is the season of life, and you're not failing
at either one. It's just the adjustments you have to
make that bring joy to your life. I just you
are discol of wisdom bonds, Clara.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
You are.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I've just lived life or I'm living life. I don't
do it perfectly, and I think that's part of being human.
You know, you learn as you go. You know what
I have realized the kind of people that I like
are the intuitive ones like yourself. But I like the
ones who've just gotten in the big freaking ring with life,
(18:25):
like the ones who are just in it, who are
just like half the time covered in mud, the other
half like coming out on top with the victory. It's like,
it's just that's the only way to live. I'm not
interested in people who aren't living their life. I mean,
and yet it is so easy to be scared. I
am scared all the time, like constantly have anxiety and
(18:45):
birds of what in the actual f am I doing,
you know whatever. But at the same time, that's why
I always keep coming back to you have to follow
your intuition. And I love how you pointed it out.
With motherhood. It's like there's all different types of ways
to mother, but you know, in your gut, in your
guidance system, every mom listening to this right now knows
(19:06):
how they want to feel. And when you don't feel
that way, you should work on it because I that's
your inner, that's your guidance telling you this isn't right
for us, We're not this. It could be better. And
the thing that that scares people, and I feel like
scares has scared me before, but now I know it's
not the truth. So it's just like moving through it.
People are so scared, are so afraid that if they
(19:26):
listen to their inner guidance system and take those moves,
that their inner guidance says that they're actually going to,
like have things bad happen at work, or things fall
apart at work or their social life or whatever. They
think that letting go of the control of all the things,
the exterior things in life they have set up, if
they like, actually don't control that and let it go
(19:48):
based on what their intuition is saying, you feel like
you're going to go backwards in the life when really
it kind of pull you forward. Would you agree with that?
And you may, and you probably will let people down
and things balls will drip, they will, But because you've
prioritized what's important to you, so you've let the plastic
balls drop, right, but you've kept the glass ball. Therefore
(20:10):
you will have joy, right, you will be satisfied that
of the things that dropped, those were the things that
weren't as important to you. Maybe they were more important
to other people. And that's the hard part is that
other people may be disappointed or you may feel like
you're letting them down. But it's not about that, right,
I just have that happen to me where I feel
like I let someone down so badly, but I had
(20:32):
to do it for my own self and it's like,
oh God, And the situation wasn't perfect, you know, it
could have on my end too, like I've made lots
of mistakes in it, but like here I am having
to make a choice and I feel like I have
to let someone down. And that like the worst feeling
I when I became a mom, and I want to
get into that because I love my daughter. They're so
(20:53):
you know, my journey is not typical, and you know,
I was so consumed. Again, it was a real hard
first year. I didn't have time for my friends, right,
And I feel like because everyone was born premature, were
I'm premature, and I couldn't show up for them the
way that I normally would. And I felt like I
was failing all of my friends. Now that was the season, right,
(21:17):
I couldn't be there for them now that was their time.
They needed to show up for me, and many of
them did. And so that's a great point because we thought,
we always feel like we have to be the ones
showing up for everyone and do fifty No relationship as
any you're married, so you know, no relationship is fifty
to fifty all the time, right, Like, sometimes one partner
can contribute more, sometimes the other one. That's the same
in friendship. So if there's seasons where you just can't
(21:38):
be there, real friends will understand that, and that's their
opportunity to show up for you. Oh that's beautiful. I
really could experience that my first year, and I'm really
grateful for the friends that showed up for me, even
though I couldn't meet them halfway. It was like, I
need to be filled up right now. I need the help.
And that's hard for women like us who are tend
(21:59):
to do it all on her own. And and that
was a little bit hard pill to swallow, But it
was a beautiful year of me just realizing I had
a great support support system. How did it fail to
be nourished Because that's something that I've realized, Like I
am so good at nourishing others, just like you are,
and like I'm also I'm an emotional wreck. I don't
(22:20):
think you're as much an emotional wreck as me, but
like I am so good at filling others up and
like like noticing great things about others. But then, like
when I realized I didn't know how to like fully receive,
you know, like how to let myself surrender into being
nourished instead of saying, oh thanks great, awesome. You know,
it's like actually let yourself sink into it and like
(22:42):
kind of unhinge into being nourished. That's a hard thing
to you have to let go. Honestly, I think I
was so at rock bottom in the first year that
I didn't even have strength to hang on, Like I
was just have nothing, so bring it on. So there
was no strength to even hold go into anything for me.
So maybe you just have to hit rock bottom for that.
(23:04):
So maybe that's like the good that comes out of
the bat you know. I kind of, like I mentioned earlier,
I wanted to talk about like that is one of
the good things that comes out of the bad things,
is being so rock bottom that you can't hold on.
You have to surrender and let yourself be nourished. I
think in my journey and you can hear that in
our part one podcast some of the things. But I
(23:25):
think that's like God has really used those moments in
that way. Like I because I think I am so
strong and think by the way, I'm so capable, which
I know not I think sometimes he just has to
like throw me in the I have to hit rock bottom,
like that's the only way that I'm going to reassess
or reevaluate or let go. And I hate that. But
(23:47):
I think until I learned that lesson, sometimes those those
moments they come in your life for a reason and
to recalibrate and realize you're not in control of everything,
and you need to let others help you, and you
need to let go and you need to trust the process.
So tell me about Evlin. Tell me about your journey
to Evelyn, because I just like every time I read
a post to years, I'm like, oh, I'm just going
to casually read your post, and then I'm like crying
(24:08):
by the end of it.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh this is not.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
There's nothing casual about your posts. You hit my heart
strings every time. Okay, well, part one of the podcasts
we talked. I had lost my significant other to a
drug everardose in twenty nineteen. After that, I tried dating again,
just it was really hard after that, and so I realized, no,
(24:31):
I was ready to start a family, but it didn't
look like I was going to be able to do
that with a partner, which is okay, but it was
a definitely a grief process to work through that before
I started the adoption process, because I think in your head,
you grew up with this vision of what it's going
to look like and you're going to have this great partner,
(24:52):
and it didn't look like that for me. So I
worked through that, we came out on the other side
of that. I was ready to go. I I have
always wanted to adopt again, just thinking it would look different,
so I was kind of holding out for that. But
I hit forty, said your forty birthday is coming up,
so it's kind of a time when you evaluate your life.
I hit forty, and I said, this is the year.
(25:12):
So I started the process. For those of you that
don't know about adoption, you either work with a private
attorney or an agency. You put together kind of this
adoption book. It's a book about your life and your community.
Put that together and it's called going live, like I
went live with that where they started presenting that to
(25:32):
potential birth moms. And it was a few months later
I got a call from a private attorney who had
worked with several of my friends to help them find
their children be placed with Match with birth moms, and
she said, you've been chosen, and I didn't, even as
(25:53):
she had shown my book. So I was very surprised
to get this call that I had matched with a
birth mom and birth father. I was able to meet
them both before everyone was born and got to go
to an ultrasound, so that was really fun for me.
So it was an open adoption until she was born.
At that point the birth mom requested closed, so I
(26:13):
honored those wishes. And what does that mean closed? It
means we don't have contact her photos through a site,
but there's not any contact beyond that after. Was it
nice getting to know her and the dad before? It was?
And it is, and primarily because I'm able to share
that with Evelyn now. So I have pictures of us
(26:35):
at the ultrasound so she can know her birth mom
because I think he is a superwoman. And this is
when I get emotional. We both have children. I could
not imagine how hard that decision is to acknowledge that
you were not in a place to take care of
your child and to give a gift, which will be
(26:58):
she is my most precious gift of ever we'll ever receive.
To give that to someone else so no matter what
her choices were that led her to where she was
or choices she made while she was pregnant, I still
think she is the most brave woman I ever meant
to make. That to make that is so beautiful that
(27:18):
you can share that with Evelin. I actually was thinking,
that's something similar to that. When I was looking at
your post. I was looking at Evelyn eating a muffin
and you're saying it was such a big deal for
her to eat a muffin because she struggled with like
keeping food down, and she's had a lot of health
issues and it's been food has been hard. But she
was so happy. And I was thinking there, and I
was thinking about your I was thinking about your journey,
and I was like, man, yes Evelyn did, like she
(27:41):
is adopted by you, and like you didn't necessarily birth
her in like the situation the mom and the dad
having to make that decision. But I'm like, but this
child is so loved, Like that is the example that
life doesn't have to be one way, Like it just
doesn't and there's and what a life for and to
get to be loved by you, you know, well, we
(28:04):
see your mother carried her for a birth mother carried
her for seven months. She was born two months early.
She weighed two pounds, so I flew down to where
she was born and stayed with her for two months
in the niku. So I feel like I did end
up carrying her for a few of those months. And
you know, when you're born at two pounds, you don't
know how to breathe, you don't know how to feed.
(28:26):
You have to learn all that, and normally you would
learn some of those things in the womb. So I
was there for that. I was there for that process
and helped her learn those things. And because of that,
you know, she had some struggles with food and eating
and things along the way, typical things for preemies, and
we've weathered that journey together. So the first year was
(28:49):
unexpectedly hard because I didn't expect her to be born
at two pounds. That was not the journey expected. But
I will tell you the gift in that, because I
always look for the gift. You know, when I got
the call, I flew immediately down to where she was born.
I had nothing ready at my house. A little bit
of that was intentional, because, as you know, adoptions sometimes
(29:10):
they fall through and you have to be pretty I
let's say cautious. How much do you invest in it
until you know it's final? So I didn't have anything ready. Also,
it was very early, and so my friends showed up
at my house while I was gone for two months
and built the nursery. I mean, it's the most beautifulners
I've ever seen. They stopped it, they had closed dress
(29:33):
and I came back. My entire house was filled with
baby supplies. Ah, do you have no idea? I know
it well. I knew that they were. I didn't know
what it was going to look like. They asked me
a few questions, like we're going to go do this,
but you know, what colors do you want? And things
like that. But I said, you know, my brain was
so filled with what was happening with Evelyn. I just
I don't care. Like whatever you guys want to go
to do, I know idea it would be to that extent.
(29:55):
While I was at the hospital, this was in a
different state where I live. Every day I would get packages.
I lived in hospital housing. I would get packages from
people with clothes, so many things that I just had
to give them to the nicky babies and other moms
and it just turned into the biggest blessing. So I
never had so I never had a shower, which was
(30:16):
one thing that I thought, oh, I'm going to kind
of miss that, But I had much more of a
shower where every day I was showered with gifts. So
in true love, like you were showered with true love.
So even Evelyn too, Like it just made me realize
how loved she was going to be and supported. Even
though it was just us too, it wasn't just us too.
There were so many more people involved in her family
(30:38):
goes beyond just blood right, it's extended, and so I
I think again, even though it was not ideal, unexpected,
really hard, there are a lot of gifts in that process.
And I think that's kind of through any hardship in
your life, as long as you can one look for
the gifts, and two I would say, control your mindset
(31:00):
so that I love that I focused on the gifts,
not on the pain. It's a much easier way to
walk through some of those hard moments. But it's really
hard because your mind wants to go to all the
things that are going wrong or that you don't have
or I didn't have a shower, I didn't get this,
or I didn't get that, or you know, she's not
(31:20):
she's born early. Now it's like scary and it's you
know all that. Yes, there's a lot of anxiety and
fear around those issues. So I understand crippling anxiety, Carolyn
when you say that, but I I do. I really
try to focus on what are the good things? Like,
let me leave those thoughts behind, the hard thoughts behind,
and let me focus on the good that's that's right
(31:41):
now and then here and now, and that will help
you get through. So we need So she's great. She's
at a good weight now, and she's hitting all the miles.
The happiest child I've ever seen a really happiest child.
I mean, this girl laughs and smiles all the time.
I mean I almost think maybe when you go through
something really hard.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
As a baby, then you're just like everything else is great,
you know, like her perspective is already great. Yeah, everything
else is so much probably like less painful, more fun.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
You know, she's I mean, I'm not I don't have
a feeding too. I'm not getting poked with needles like
life is grande. This is this is great. She's a
spitfire she's gonna be a tough cookie. Hey, so is mine,
and I am thankful for that. Like it makes me
I reevaluate my approach on parenting Every like five minutes.
I'm like, oh my god, because I really tried to,
(32:34):
like I don't I guess called gentle parenting. I really like,
we don't like discipline. I mean, I'm not gonna like
I don't really don't. I don't believe it's spanking or
anything like that. I want to like talk things through
with her and like have her understand. But sometimes, man,
she gets going and I'm like, oh my god, in
a past life, you were so the boss and you
were like exin a warrior princess, like girl gets it done.
(32:57):
Oh man. We've had numerous hospital stays, unfortunately, but she's
always in good spirits and it's so it actually fools
the doctors because they think, oh, there's nothing wrong with her.
She's happy and joyous, and she'll just blab away when
they come in the hospital. Just she is not making
any you know, boh bah blah blah blah like that.
She just tells them how it is. Oh yeah, she
(33:19):
has the finger up and she said, everybody know she
is telling everybody a piece of her mind. She she
has quite the reputation at Vanderbilt Hospital right now. There
are a lot but every time she she has an
opinion on the course of action. I love that. That's amazing.
(33:42):
She's so funny. I mean, she is full of personality.
And you know, they say, you know, God gives you
the child you're supposed to have, So totally I agree
with that. I can see it. Tell me what you
have learned or evolved, what has what has been made
clear to you about yourself and life. With motherhood, you
(34:04):
have no control, like none, And when you're on your own,
especially being a single woman and running a company, like really,
you have a lot of control over your life and
your schedule and how you want things to go and time.
And then this child comes in who is the boss,
and disrupts everything and you have to get used to chaos,
(34:25):
like you have to get used to adapting. And she's
napping or not feeding or not napping or all these things,
and your plans are Can I guess on that your
plans are shit? Like yeah, yes, doesn't matter what plans
you make, just be prepared for them not to work
out the way they planned absolutely, so I really had
to let go in your opinion of okay, this is
(34:48):
I can't make something happen, I can't force the schedule nothing.
I am just going to have to ride this and
let go of any of my expectations. And when you
do that, it actually exceeds your expectations. I think you know,
have you enjoyed it? Have you enjoyed the release, the surrender?
(35:10):
How much I love this little child, Like I know
every mom says that, and you don't understand until you
get into it. But I look at her and I
wished to say, I'm so surprised at the amount of
fear that it has produced. Oh me, definitely love something
so much, and I am terrified of something happening, right
(35:31):
and because like now, you can't live without her, like literally,
your happiness depends on her existence. And it's the most
scary feeling in the world. Yes, I can look at
here and feel so much love and so much fear
at the same time. And I've tried to talk to
I'm in a relationship now, I've tried to talk to
(35:52):
him about it, and he I don't know if men
feel that way, but I know a lot of moms,
do you of just I love you so much in
that it's so scary. I had never felt this way.
And don't get me wrong, I love my husband, I
love him so much, but even with him, I've never
felt this level of love in my life because it's
literally terrifying because and especially like in the first couple
(36:16):
of years I was just I had like I was
debilitating anxiety with it, Like I just wanted to be
on top of her all the time to make sure
she was breathing. You know, it's crazy. I also think
there's a level of loneliness as a mom that I
wasn't ready for. And while I was surrounded by community,
(36:38):
so you can be surrounded by a lot of people
but still feel very lonely. And I think the first
year it felt that way that I feel like, you know,
I was in a hospital by myself. Even coming out
of it, she had a lot of health issues. We
couldn't really go out and do things. And no matter
what your journey is, you know, I think moms struggle
(36:58):
with that in the first year because you just you're
reinventing yourself. It's a rebirth of the moment. Yeah, So
I think that first year was It was difficult too,
of just feeling maybe not connected, you know, to friends.
You can't go out after five or you can't go
you know, you can't especially as a single mom, like
(37:19):
there's no one here, so it's me all the time.
And I think maybe that that was a tough road
to to, you know, like you said, reinvent, recalibrate. Okay,
let's figure out now what is the new balance, because
there's there's this other person in my world that I
have to make time for and that I want to
make time for that. You know, I have to reset.
(37:43):
I added something to my life. Now I have to
raise that, calibrate. I feel that way. I feel like
that was a lot of the postpartum for me, Like
I had like a year worth of just like I thought,
my nervous system was shocked because I did not know
how to feel. You have this overwhelming love for this child,
get debility and crippling fear that something could happen to them,
and in the meantime, you're you're the old you has
(38:06):
died like she did, you know, but now you don't
know who this new person is because you've never met
her before, and you're kind of like figuring it out.
You're also figuring out how to fully hand your whole
life over to someone because even if you're in a relationship,
you still can decide when you want to do stuff
and not. You know, I go with a partner, Well
(38:26):
you're with a child. It's like you are there twenty
four to seven, Like there is no you without this
child ever again, which is wonderful but also so overwhelming,
you know. And it's just a lot, and it's just
a lot, it is. And you can listen to podcasts
and you can listen to these things, but until you
get into it, it just it doesn't it doesn't connect.
(38:48):
And I actually to my friends because I'm an older mom,
right I became a mom later in my life, said
most of my friends have kids already. And I called
them individually and said, I am so sorry I did
not show up for you the way I should. I
am now in it, and they all so gracious said
to me, it's okay, we knew you didn't understand. You
don't understand until you understand. I'm so sorry. I mean,
(39:11):
I really felt so bad that, you know, I made
a lot of judgments and understand and actually in business
now you know, I have adjusted our maternity lead policy.
I've adjusted itsted you know, opportunity lead policies because I
realized now how hard it is and especially as a
single mom, like how to make both work. We had
(39:33):
those policies need to change the way that we work
needs to change. And so I think again walking through
it has been a gift in now making me making
a better environment for our team and our staff so
they'll have an easier path. That's awesome, Laura. You have
just continued to use your life to learn to better yourself,
(39:54):
to elevate yourself and your company, and just like the
culture in general, it's that's so awesome, And I just
I love, I just love hearing your story because you,
to me have like a fairy tale story, but it
would never be the way someone could have drawn it up.
You've just lived into it. Well, there is one piece
(40:16):
of the fairy tale story, so if you listen to
the first one. Obviously, I lost someone who I loved
very much, and I then adopted Evelyn, and in my
mind thought I'm doing this on my own because she
had so many health issues. We were going to the
pharmacy a lot to get different medicines, and she had
to have special compound medicines made, and so we had
to go to a special pharmacy. Don't tell me, don't
(40:38):
even don't even pretty sure the pharmacist Deny have been
in their relationship now since she was about six months
old and so, and he's been like hands on with
her and her treatment, really hands on. And I think
I kind of love that. But I think God was like, Okay,
now you got in a little deep, I'm gonna have
to give you help. Heer like I'm gonna say you
(41:00):
from yourself on this one. And He's amazing and wonderful
and beautiful and such a gift to Evelyn too. And
so if you listen from the first podcast to now,
I think to your point like, you never know how
the journey is gonna unfold. I literally thought I would
just it would be me and Evelin forever. And you know,
six months later, look look what happened. So stop it.
(41:22):
That's why you met him. Yeah, and we would never
have met once again, born early and needed the special medicine.
So you just never know, you know how God is
orchestrating all the puzzle pieces to build your story. So
that's why. Literally, like you said, I'm gonna just always
(41:42):
remember this, look for the gift. And I've heard that before,
but that is just so true, just like look for
the gift in the situations. But you're just doing the
next right thing. It's even like frozen, you don't know
what to do, just do the next right thing. It's like, literally,
you are just taking care of Evelyn. You're following your
intuition to be her mom, be a single mom. You're
thinking you're never going to date again because you already
had a very big love and you know you just didn't.
(42:04):
That wasn't on your agenda, your plate. And then all
of a sudden you got to know someone because you
were in a life with them just doing what you
were doing. So you actually got to like get to
really intimately know someone's heart and fall in love without
even meaning to. I know, and I had always worried,
how am I gonna date with a baby or a child,
or you know, I don't want to bring anybody into
(42:27):
her life. You didn't even that was not even a
question on the table. It wasn't a question because he
was treating her like he knew the whole story, and
it was quite funny, you know when you when you're
a new mom with a newborn and you know you
have to go out with a newborn, which was like
terrifying for me. You know, I had just spent two
months in the hospital. So I always say I walked
(42:47):
into the pharmacists like this. I like, I was, I
had not slept, you know, I was. It was not
my shining moment, I was. I'll put it that way.
And somehow, you know, he saw through all that. So
I figure he's a keeper because like me at the
first moment with it. How about this, I like you
at your realist moment though, you know, like he was
(43:09):
able to see you like at your like realist, most vulnerable,
just live in your life self. Isn't that what we
want someone to see in us? So yeah, and I'm
I tell him it was probably the hardest time to
ever meet somebody, But it was also the best because
if we could get through that and kind of all
of the thing, I mean, he's he'd spent nights in
(43:30):
hospitals with Evelin like these. If we can get through
kind of all of that card then that's pretty good.
I mean it. It hasn't been the traditional, I would say,
kind of that. What do you call it? Like the
beginning phase of going on dates and going on adventures.
It's like, we're going to go spend three nights in
the hospital. How about that? But we still have fun
and it's worked, and he's been so supportive, and I'm
(43:52):
glad to meet somebody then and realize the kind of
human and the character they have in those hard situations.
And he showed up with you. He's has showed up
and has not left, And it sounds to me like
he's all in for this, like this, like, yes, he
hadn't adopted the child, but like I'm sure children were
on his heart, and so it's like he's he's not
(44:14):
worried about having the perfect fairy tale either, Like he's
just going with the beautiful story that life hands you
and letting it be, letting it be good, letting it
be a gift. You know, his story. He actually never
wanted children or a family, so we really disrupted his
plan too. So I think that's part of what we
were saying at the beginning, is yeah, you know, we
(44:36):
I never make a three year, five year plan. It's like, Okay,
what doors or opportunities are in front of me now
and which one is in my gut to pursue and
let me take that next step, like it's just awesome step.
It's not about you know, five years from now or
planning this perfect life. He's mentioned happily ever after, and
(44:59):
I think that's a mindset. It's not like an actual
thing that happens or a moment that you're going to
get to. And I think sometimes people search for happily
ever after like we're not there yet. No, you're happily
ever after. It needs to be now and needs to
be right now now. It's not something to achieve. I
love that. Okay, so let's quickly go. I want to
(45:20):
do a quick little like how to of this, how
to stay in the mindset of happily ever after now
and not thinking that it's coming later, but actually be
happily ever after right now, even if you're in some
pretty not not situations that you would have chosen. How
to make the happily after after now. My trait is
I start with gratitude, so there's always something to be
(45:43):
grateful for, like I have clean water. Sometimes I literally
have to start there, like I have clean water. I
am a female that has rights. I have education, I
can vote, Like, there are things just being an American,
Like we can make a long list of just living
in the US. You know, I'm breathing, I have my health.
Like when you actually start with that list, you start
(46:05):
to see it's a big list. Yeah, there's a big list,
no matter what else is happening, and it will likely
far exceed the list what else is happening. So that's
how I get myself into a positive mindset is take
my intentionally shift my mind from here are the things
that are going wrong or that I can't control, that
(46:26):
i'm scared of too. These are the things that are
true in facts, you know, facts not feelings. These are
the facts, and these are the things that can be
grateful for and that are positive in my life. I
love that. I love that. And then can you approach
the topic or wherever you are, like, say you're thinking
you want to be somewhere else, but here you are.
Then can you come back to it and be like, Okay,
(46:48):
here we are. This is what I'm supposed to be,
and now clearly just decide the best road to go. Yeah.
So from the place of okay, now I'm grateful for
where I am. These are the positive things are in
my life, life and that I have. Maybe there are
a few things that don't feel right, Okay, then how
do I shift those? You know, it's actually it's not everything.
(47:09):
We tend to be black and white thinkers, like it's
all bad or it's all good. It's like, no, actually,
ninety percent is great. It's actually me ten percent that
I need to shift, And so how do I shift
that ten So? I think we as women especially tend
to live in our feelings. We have to get to
the facts and then we can move forward in the
(47:29):
facts because our feelings aren't always a good representation of
what's actually happening. Right, Sometimes we let our feelings take over.
It's not bad to have them. Feelings aren't bad, but
they can't control yes totally. We need to control them, yes,
And I think that's how I do it is try
to move from my therapist as you're in your feeling
(47:50):
mind right or in your fact mind. I try to
figure out what side I'm on and move it over
to facts till I can get moving forward. And then
maybe you know, does feels can come back when when
I when I've been able to control them. I love that.
I heard someone say that, like we are who we
are is the blue sky, and our feelings are just
(48:11):
the clouds are just like are in the sky. So
sometimes it's a really big cloud that's like taking up
every inch of the sky and it's all you see.
But it's gonna move, it's going to pass. I back
in when I was younger. It happened a lot in
my breakups. Right, you know, when you end a relationship
but you know the fact this person isn't great, like
they're actually not a great human, right, But our feelings
(48:33):
were so sad and devastated and suddenly we want them.
But my therapists always be like, okay, you're in your
feeling mind again, Like let's focus on the facts. Like
the facts are this and he's not good and we
need to let that go. Yes, I think that's a
good representation for kind of anything in life. Sometimes we
get sober and feelings we don't pay attention to the facts,
(48:54):
and then we end up someplace we don't want to be,
or depressed trully it, you know, in a not a
great mindset when the facts are we should be in
a great mindset. We're free, we're free from all those
toxic behaviors like this is the facts are good, so
it's hard as women. The great thing about us is
we feel so deeply as we talked about being a mom,
(49:15):
but we need to sometimes check that. I love it.
You do so many things. I mean, truly, I am
just so inspired to get to chat with you, be
in your orbit. I always wrap up with one question,
which is leave your light and what do you want
people to know? What do I want people to know?
(49:38):
I think I said this last time and I'm going
to say it again because Okay, I love it for me. Yeah,
it's just that there's hope, Yeah, I feel I hear
so many stories and we heard on the news of
people who have made decisions to give up right and
and there's so much light, and there's so much hope,
(49:59):
and there's so much positivity in the world. Our current
culture wants you to believe that there's not and that
there's quick fixes or you know, if your life needs
to look a certain way. It doesn't like no one's
life is perfect. And even you're talking about all the
accolades that I'm literally thinking, like ninety percent of kind
(50:23):
of you don't see the ninety percent of the hard
or the breakdowns, or the time I literally threw my
dinner and the fork across the room and drove off
without shoes on because I had lost it. I could
not hear my screaming, you know, like one more minute,
and like you don't see that part of it, like
you see the ten percent that maybe is out there
(50:45):
on social or you hear about so you're not alone.
Like we're all feeling the same things. We're all human,
and there is hope. There's always something positive. There's always
something to be grateful for, and there like there are
people who love you and care about you. And so
if you're listening to this, just just know that hope. Hopefully,
(51:06):
if you can't feel that right now, you know you
will today and that God will show you that and
there'll be a light today that will encourage you that
life is good. I love that so much. Laura, thank
you so much for coming on and sharing your story.
You are truly like you are one of those people.
Just like the life you live and the way you
(51:26):
are just pouring yourself into it and serving your community
and listening to your purpose and raising Evelyn. You are
such an inspiration and all that you do, you do
it with your full heart and intuition, and you are
just shining light on hope. You really are, so thank
you so much for joining me, and I just love
you dearly and I love this conversation. Thanks jarn Okay
(51:48):
bye
At Caryl Lone. She's a queen of the talking hey song.
You know, she's getting really not afraid to feel the
taxis and so just let it flow.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
No one can do we quiet Cary Lone is sounding
care lound. I am so excited to be back there
with my friend, someone who I have known for a
long time, worked with many times before. I am just
a grand admirer of you in general. I have loved
(00:40):
watching I don't know if love is the word, because
you've dealt with a lot of heartache. I have been
so inspired and encouraged with humanity and hope and that
crime starting from the beginning, that happenly ever afters can
look so many different ways, that happily ever afters can
(01:07):
be an all. So it can just come to us
from so many different angles and ways and out of heartache,
if we let ourselves continue to look for it and
be led by our intuition and our inner guidance and
our belief that there is something great for us and
that our dreams will be fulfilled and that we are
not crazy to have these desires on our hearts no
(01:29):
matter what we've been through, and like you are such
a shining light of someone who has been led by
your intuition, who has been dealt some really hard, hard
blows that should take anyone out, and yet you have
created this beautiful life for yourself. And you are so layered,
(01:51):
and you are so deep, and you are so kind,
and you are so talented, and you are so generous,
and you are so understanding, and you are just so
much of everything good because of what you have gone
through and your perspective on how you have gone through
it and the way you have continued to seek for
hope in the highest dream that you have in the
midst of anything. So I'm so excited to have you here.
(02:12):
Lara Hettfliss, who is the co founder of flight View,
which is just You're one of the top two hundred
brand marketing companies. Like, You're so incredible, you guys are
I love your face. I love your branding marketing strategy
because you're like mixing pop culture with purpose, and you're
so intentional about brands that you come up with and
so intentional about combinations, and you come up with creative
(02:33):
brand approaches to really hit the soul, not just to
try to sell something. And I just really admire you
so that was a very long introduction. I'm so happy
to have you here. I feel like the bar is
set really high now and maybe we should just end now.
It was great to be on. Thank you so much.
This is awesome, My goodness. It has been a journey,
and I just appreciate you being and supportive since the beginning.
(02:57):
We've known each other for a long time, even before
I started my company, you think, before you started the podcast,
so we've seen each other through a lot of ups
and downs. So I'm excited to be here and catch up.
And there's a part one for everyone listening. There's a
part one from Laura Hutlass, and you might want to
go check it out. Because you have, like we said,
you have weathered some really hard storms. You have you
(03:19):
talk about that on the first podcast, and just your
resilience and how you navigate stuff, how you nagicate, navigate
trauma and your outreaches, and it's really an incredible journey
you've been on. And I'm so excited to continue this
conversation just because I really have been sitting there thinking
I was talking to you about this earlier. I'm like
(03:41):
turning forty in July, and I'm like, what is my
area of expertise. Like I have been one of those
people who has just like loaded around and hopped from
one kind of experience to another. But I've gained all
this knowledge in all of this, like all these tools
in my belt, and I have so much awareness of
interacting with people and understanding people and empathy, and I
(04:04):
have so much awardness in the entertainment industry and all
of it, just like you, because I've just lived a
million lives in it and I've now focused it down
to conversations and podcasting and that's what I love. But
I'm like, what am I good at? And it's like
I am good at following my intuition, even though it's
a lot of times very clunky and messy and painful,
but I'm really I always follow it. And I feel
(04:24):
like that's what this podcast has become to me, is
about following my intuition with who I have on this podcast,
because I want people like yourself to come on who
can show us how to live by your intuition and
tell us the story of how they have lived by
their intuition, and even when things are going wrong, it's like,
but look at what actually went right out of the
(04:46):
things going wrong because I followed my intuition and I
didn't give up hope, and that's what I like to
showcase and you are like the shining example of that.
Thank you for that. It's a lot of curiosity. I
think when you mentioned that you're you know, you've tried
a lot of things, You're interested in a lot of things,
Like that's curiosity. I think that's the first attribute that
(05:09):
you have to have to be successful, right, You have
to be curious about a lot of things, try things out.
Some things you know, we'll stick, some things won't. But
I think that's that's a tool that I know I've
had in my belt that has allowed me to try
a lot of things and uh, you know, figure out
what works for me. So curiosity is really important. Okay,
(05:33):
so you started your business. You're co founder of flight View.
It's a huge brand agency. Like you work with the
top of the top stars brands. Tell us about what
it is you actually do because I'm really so curious
about brand, like brand marketing and all of that, because
it's like having your brand mean something and have a purpose.
It's so important. Whether you are someone like me who
(05:54):
has a podcast and like that's still a brand or
someone like a sports drink or something. You know, it's like,
what is the message that that brand or person is
through and through trying to say with everything they're putting
out there. And I love that because you're so about
it being a fluid, authentic representation. Yeah. So clients come
(06:16):
to us and typically their corporate clients. So we do
have some sports drinks, insurance companies, we have retail brands,
we have jewelry, makeup, et cetera. They come to us
and they come to us looking on the ways that
they can integrate into pop culture to gain relevancy to
target specific consumer groups. And then our unique proposition is
(06:39):
to make a difference, Right, how do you connect to
consumers or fans on an emotional level. It's not about
selling a product anymore. It doesn't work with millennials or
especially gen Z. They really have to believe in the purpose.
They have to believe in the mission of the brand,
and has to be authentic. So all of those things bind.
(07:00):
We help them figure out what is the right strategy
for them. So that could look a lot of different ways.
It could be alignments with influencers, it could be integrations
into podcasts. It could be a content series, a Super
Bowl ad, an event, or production. It looks different for
every single client that we that comes in our door.
But it's really fun because again, we get to be curious.
(07:23):
We get to learn a lot about a lot of
different brands, a lot of different industries and figure out
ways to help them grow their brand and by doing that,
their mission and their purpose. That's a lot that's really
like you say it and it sounds so like buttoned
up and like so like okay, yeah, got it, but
(07:45):
like actually, when you break that down to the brass
tax of what that means, I mean, I feel like
that's a lot of conference rooms, like brainstorming sessions, Like
probably those are my favorite. Brainstorms are my favorite. We
do have a process and the methodology that allows us
to get to a solution. Because when you start with that,
there's a lot of different paths you could take, right,
(08:06):
really like right, but Laura, that's it, like seriously like
figuring out the path that you want to take, especially
someone like you and your team who is creative. Confetti
in your brain like anything can go, like it literally anything,
y'all think of if you can connect the dots you
can do it, and so that must kind of be
(08:28):
a little tricky to figure out which road do we
take when we could take any road? How do you
do that? Good question? The number one I think thing
that we need to know and that will determine success
is goals. The brand has to understand what their goal is.
So without that, you know, we don't know really where
(08:49):
to start or where we're headed. Like you have to
know where you're headed and then we'll have to get there.
So I think you were talking about kind of in
your own life, like you know how to choose a
certain path. It's like you've got to choose the station
where you're headed, and then we'll build the track to
get there. So what compans if you don't really know
(09:11):
the full station, like for me, for someone I know
I'm not like your typical client, but like I am
now realizing I'm zero in on my station. But what
if you've never really like known your station, You've just refloated.
Do you just sort of like pick one that's the
most visible and start working towards it and then let
it evolve. Yeah, I think sometimes people think too far out.
Like I have a lot of interviews, people ask me
(09:33):
what's your five year plan or what's your three year plan.
I'm like, we could be working on Mars in five years. Like,
look how fast technology is changing. I mean, look what
things are happening in the world. TikTok didn't even exist
a few years ago, and now half my day has
spent around figuring out how to go viral and tiktalk
my client. So I mean the rate at which our
culture and society is shifting and technologies they're shifting is
(09:57):
really fast, faster than it's ever been in any generation.
So I think three and five year plans are bogus.
I don't even look that far ahead, Like I look
six months and I look a year at most, So
I love that six months from now, which isn't realistically
that far away. Like what do I want my data look?
Like I would even start there. How much time do
(10:18):
I want to spend with my daughter? And how much
time do I want to put into work? You love yoga?
How much time do I want to put into yoga?
Like what are the things? How do I want my
data work? And in a business, like how much money
do I need to make to you know, maintain my
lifestyle or whatever? That looks like. So you can make
little goals, even I it's just around your time or
(10:39):
finances or what you like to do, things that you
want in your life. Map that out and then you
can roadmap the way to get there. That is awesome.
You're the second person. You're the second like CEO boss woman,
but not in like sometimes it's like boss woman gets
like a yet rap, but like you know, like woman
who is just like crushing in at life, But you're
(11:02):
the second person who's telling me that. Molly Fletcher, who's
like the Jerry Maguire of the sports agents, like, she's
just like the woman who's crushing that world. She said
the same thing, and this is what made her such
a great agent, different than others, especially men. And I
feel like this goes for you as well, being a
woman in leadership. I feel like this is a big
dramatic difference that I have noticed with women as opposed
(11:24):
to men. Not that men aren't wonderful, but women just
come from a different approach. I feel like Molly was
saying this, and you just said this, planning out your day,
you the brand whoever, And she was even thinking about
this with her clients. She would go through their day
in her head and plan out what was important to them.
It's like you have to prioritize all of your life,
all of the things that matter and how much time
(11:47):
they need, And you have to start with what matters
to you most, like you're saying, and prioritize that and
then build it all out. Like, you can't just like
to sacrifice everything for work. You can't sacrifice it. You
have to have a balance and you have to keep
that healthy. Yeah, you have to figure out where your
joy comes from, and it can come from multiple places,
(12:11):
but you have to control that and create boundaries around
that and protect it. No one else is going to
do it for you. I think the biggest thing I
see from colleagues or staff on my team who are
young that are coming into the workforce is they don't
know how to be disciplined about their time. So instead
of you know, controlling their own schedules, which often protect
(12:34):
their mental health, right, they allow other people to control
it and they're not disciplined about the time they spend
on social media, or the time they're out with their friends,
or the time that they work, and so then it
just becomes overwhelming and they melt right that is the
best description I've ever heard. Yeah, so we have to
be disciplined, and unfortunately we're not taught. And you know
(12:57):
what it feels like, discipline is a bad thing, Like
you have to have discipline, Oh, that's boring. No discipline
allows you to have freedom in your life and really
thrive in all areas. I think this culture now is
one in which you can do whatever you want. You
should be able to have all these perks and live
it all. And that's not the truth. We only have
(13:18):
so many hours in a day. We all have the
same amount of hours in a day, and we only
have so much bandwidth. Each person has a different energetic
bandwidth they have each day to spend. So you can't
have it all. You can't. And I think that's a
lie that we're told now in society and culture. So
you knowing that if we can accept that, then we
(13:39):
can start to prioritize the things that we do want
and realize some things we're going to have to let
go at different stages in life. Right, your life changes,
and you know this having a child. You know when
the child's a baby, that's different. Your time looks different
than when they're four or five are in school, and
so just knowing life will change, just will change. Just
(14:00):
because you're committing to something now doesn't mean it's going
to stay that way forever. It's just what your priorities
are now. I love that. How do you because you
are someone who has a lot of responsibilities and big
responsibilities that matter, Like you can't drop the ball and
your responsibilities. Not that anyone should, but I mean you
really can't. So how do you decide your joy? How
(14:23):
do you decide your priorities? How do you? Like, what's
your mental system that you go through to a lot
this certain amount of time for each thing. And like,
because you said you just changed your work schedule where
now you're working from home a lot more and you
have a cutoff time at two pm where it didn't
used to be that way, so you can spend time
with your daughter, Like that's something you've been adjusting. So like,
how do you what is the system that you go through? Yeah,
(14:46):
you say following your gut And there's a little bit
of that too. I've recently became a mom and I
want to get into that story. I would love you
to share that story with a mom and so, and
I'm in a new relationship, and so both those things
take time. Both those things are important to me, and
if I ranked like they're at the top. Right when
(15:07):
I started back to work after having Evelyn, I don't think.
I think I thought, oh, I can just go back
to my same schedule, and that doesn't work. And I
really felt in my gut I wasn't showing up for
her the way that I wanted to. Now, yes, I
could put her with the nanny all day long, and
(15:28):
I could, you know, work all day long, but for me,
that's not how I wanted to show up as a mom.
I wanted to be more involved in her life. And
that's different for everybody. So you have when I say
your gut and what yep, you want to show up.
That's everyone's individual choice and there's no judgment for her,
and each woman feels differently about it. But the thread
that you're saying, and I'm totally agreeing with you, is
you have to listen to what your intuition is telling you. Yeah,
(15:51):
you have to listen to your gut. For me, you know,
she's had some early health issues. She needed me more
at home and more present, and that's the mom I
wanted to be. I grew up with a mom who
was a stay at a mom, and you know, there
are certain things in my mind when I pictured myself
being a mom, I would be doing with her, taking
her to the library, music class, and all these things.
And I realized I was essentially paying someone else to
(16:15):
do those things so I could work. And while I
still want to work and I love my job, I
want to be more present in her life. So because
of that, I had to adjust. I had to prioritize
that time so block to time more time with her.
I changed the schedule, changed child care so that I
could have that time, and I protect that time. Now
(16:36):
that means that I can't show up as much as
I want to at my work, and that may slow
down growth. That may mean I have to bring on
other people in my company and hand things off which
I have. But you can't add things to your life
and show up the same way. Oh oh oh wait,
wait wait wait, that's a moment. That's a moment. Can't
(17:00):
add things to your life and show up the same way.
I mean, why is that so profound? Shouldn't we I
don't know that. It's a while to figure It took
me a while like I had to add things and
then realize I wasn't showing up well because when I was,
I was stealing time from one to give to the other,
and that didn't sit well. Right. That's when I talk
(17:22):
about my gut, like, oh, I don't like the way
I'm showing up to either party now, So now I
have to readjust and we calibrate. And that's what it
is for now. It will change when she goes to preschool.
You know, like, there's there's changing, and I think we
need to allow ourselves to to accept that and to
acknowledge that that it's going to look different. It's okay,
(17:45):
this is the season of life, and you're not failing
at either one. It's just the adjustments you have to
make that bring joy to your life. I just you
are discol of wisdom bonds, Clara.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
You are.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I've just lived life or I'm living life. I don't
do it perfectly, and I think that's part of being human.
You know, you learn as you go. You know what
I have realized the kind of people that I like
are the intuitive ones like yourself. But I like the
ones who've just gotten in the big freaking ring with life,
(18:25):
like the ones who are just in it, who are
just like half the time covered in mud, the other
half like coming out on top with the victory. It's like,
it's just that's the only way to live. I'm not
interested in people who aren't living their life. I mean,
and yet it is so easy to be scared. I
am scared all the time, like constantly have anxiety and
(18:45):
birds of what in the actual f am I doing,
you know whatever. But at the same time, that's why
I always keep coming back to you have to follow
your intuition. And I love how you pointed it out.
With motherhood. It's like there's all different types of ways
to mother, but you know, in your gut, in your
guidance system, every mom listening to this right now knows
(19:06):
how they want to feel. And when you don't feel
that way, you should work on it because I that's
your inner, that's your guidance telling you this isn't right
for us, We're not this. It could be better. And
the thing that that scares people, and I feel like
scares has scared me before, but now I know it's
not the truth. So it's just like moving through it.
People are so scared, are so afraid that if they
(19:26):
listen to their inner guidance system and take those moves,
that their inner guidance says that they're actually going to,
like have things bad happen at work, or things fall
apart at work or their social life or whatever. They
think that letting go of the control of all the things,
the exterior things in life they have set up, if
they like, actually don't control that and let it go
(19:48):
based on what their intuition is saying, you feel like
you're going to go backwards in the life when really
it kind of pull you forward. Would you agree with that?
And you may, and you probably will let people down
and things balls will drip, they will, But because you've
prioritized what's important to you, so you've let the plastic
balls drop, right, but you've kept the glass ball. Therefore
(20:10):
you will have joy, right, you will be satisfied that
of the things that dropped, those were the things that
weren't as important to you. Maybe they were more important
to other people. And that's the hard part is that
other people may be disappointed or you may feel like
you're letting them down. But it's not about that, right,
I just have that happen to me where I feel
like I let someone down so badly, but I had
(20:32):
to do it for my own self and it's like,
oh God, And the situation wasn't perfect, you know, it
could have on my end too, like I've made lots
of mistakes in it, but like here I am having
to make a choice and I feel like I have
to let someone down. And that like the worst feeling
I when I became a mom, and I want to
get into that because I love my daughter. They're so
(20:53):
you know, my journey is not typical, and you know,
I was so consumed. Again, it was a real hard
first year. I didn't have time for my friends, right,
And I feel like because everyone was born premature, were
I'm premature, and I couldn't show up for them the
way that I normally would. And I felt like I
was failing all of my friends. Now that was the season, right,
(21:17):
I couldn't be there for them now that was their time.
They needed to show up for me, and many of
them did. And so that's a great point because we thought,
we always feel like we have to be the ones
showing up for everyone and do fifty No relationship as
any you're married, so you know, no relationship is fifty
to fifty all the time, right, Like, sometimes one partner
can contribute more, sometimes the other one. That's the same
in friendship. So if there's seasons where you just can't
(21:38):
be there, real friends will understand that, and that's their
opportunity to show up for you. Oh that's beautiful. I
really could experience that my first year, and I'm really
grateful for the friends that showed up for me, even
though I couldn't meet them halfway. It was like, I
need to be filled up right now. I need the help.
And that's hard for women like us who are tend
(21:59):
to do it all on her own. And and that
was a little bit hard pill to swallow, But it
was a beautiful year of me just realizing I had
a great support support system. How did it fail to
be nourished Because that's something that I've realized, Like I
am so good at nourishing others, just like you are,
and like I'm also I'm an emotional wreck. I don't
(22:20):
think you're as much an emotional wreck as me, but
like I am so good at filling others up and
like like noticing great things about others. But then, like
when I realized I didn't know how to like fully receive,
you know, like how to let myself surrender into being
nourished instead of saying, oh thanks great, awesome. You know,
it's like actually let yourself sink into it and like
(22:42):
kind of unhinge into being nourished. That's a hard thing
to you have to let go. Honestly, I think I
was so at rock bottom in the first year that
I didn't even have strength to hang on, Like I
was just have nothing, so bring it on. So there
was no strength to even hold go into anything for me.
So maybe you just have to hit rock bottom for that.
(23:04):
So maybe that's like the good that comes out of
the bat you know. I kind of, like I mentioned earlier,
I wanted to talk about like that is one of
the good things that comes out of the bad things,
is being so rock bottom that you can't hold on.
You have to surrender and let yourself be nourished. I
think in my journey and you can hear that in
our part one podcast some of the things. But I
(23:25):
think that's like God has really used those moments in
that way. Like I because I think I am so
strong and think by the way, I'm so capable, which
I know not I think sometimes he just has to
like throw me in the I have to hit rock bottom,
like that's the only way that I'm going to reassess
or reevaluate or let go. And I hate that. But
(23:47):
I think until I learned that lesson, sometimes those those
moments they come in your life for a reason and
to recalibrate and realize you're not in control of everything,
and you need to let others help you, and you
need to let go and you need to trust the process.
So tell me about Evlin. Tell me about your journey
to Evelyn, because I just like every time I read
a post to years, I'm like, oh, I'm just going
to casually read your post, and then I'm like crying
(24:08):
by the end of it.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh this is not.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
There's nothing casual about your posts. You hit my heart
strings every time. Okay, well, part one of the podcasts
we talked. I had lost my significant other to a
drug everardose in twenty nineteen. After that, I tried dating again,
just it was really hard after that, and so I realized, no,
(24:31):
I was ready to start a family, but it didn't
look like I was going to be able to do
that with a partner, which is okay, but it was
a definitely a grief process to work through that before
I started the adoption process, because I think in your head,
you grew up with this vision of what it's going
to look like and you're going to have this great partner,
(24:52):
and it didn't look like that for me. So I
worked through that, we came out on the other side
of that. I was ready to go. I I have
always wanted to adopt again, just thinking it would look different,
so I was kind of holding out for that. But
I hit forty, said your forty birthday is coming up,
so it's kind of a time when you evaluate your life.
I hit forty, and I said, this is the year.
(25:12):
So I started the process. For those of you that
don't know about adoption, you either work with a private
attorney or an agency. You put together kind of this
adoption book. It's a book about your life and your community.
Put that together and it's called going live, like I
went live with that where they started presenting that to
(25:32):
potential birth moms. And it was a few months later
I got a call from a private attorney who had
worked with several of my friends to help them find
their children be placed with Match with birth moms, and
she said, you've been chosen, and I didn't, even as
(25:53):
she had shown my book. So I was very surprised
to get this call that I had matched with a
birth mom and birth father. I was able to meet
them both before everyone was born and got to go
to an ultrasound, so that was really fun for me.
So it was an open adoption until she was born.
At that point the birth mom requested closed, so I
(26:13):
honored those wishes. And what does that mean closed? It
means we don't have contact her photos through a site,
but there's not any contact beyond that after. Was it
nice getting to know her and the dad before? It was?
And it is, and primarily because I'm able to share
that with Evelyn now. So I have pictures of us
(26:35):
at the ultrasound so she can know her birth mom
because I think he is a superwoman. And this is
when I get emotional. We both have children. I could
not imagine how hard that decision is to acknowledge that
you were not in a place to take care of
your child and to give a gift, which will be
(26:58):
she is my most precious gift of ever we'll ever receive.
To give that to someone else so no matter what
her choices were that led her to where she was
or choices she made while she was pregnant, I still
think she is the most brave woman I ever meant
to make. That to make that is so beautiful that
(27:18):
you can share that with Evelin. I actually was thinking,
that's something similar to that. When I was looking at
your post. I was looking at Evelyn eating a muffin
and you're saying it was such a big deal for
her to eat a muffin because she struggled with like
keeping food down, and she's had a lot of health
issues and it's been food has been hard. But she
was so happy. And I was thinking there, and I
was thinking about your I was thinking about your journey,
and I was like, man, yes Evelyn did, like she
(27:41):
is adopted by you, and like you didn't necessarily birth
her in like the situation the mom and the dad
having to make that decision. But I'm like, but this
child is so loved, Like that is the example that
life doesn't have to be one way, Like it just
doesn't and there's and what a life for and to
get to be loved by you, you know, well, we
(28:04):
see your mother carried her for a birth mother carried
her for seven months. She was born two months early.
She weighed two pounds, so I flew down to where
she was born and stayed with her for two months
in the niku. So I feel like I did end
up carrying her for a few of those months. And
you know, when you're born at two pounds, you don't
know how to breathe, you don't know how to feed.
(28:26):
You have to learn all that, and normally you would
learn some of those things in the womb. So I
was there for that. I was there for that process
and helped her learn those things. And because of that,
you know, she had some struggles with food and eating
and things along the way, typical things for preemies, and
we've weathered that journey together. So the first year was
(28:49):
unexpectedly hard because I didn't expect her to be born
at two pounds. That was not the journey expected. But
I will tell you the gift in that, because I
always look for the gift. You know, when I got
the call, I flew immediately down to where she was born.
I had nothing ready at my house. A little bit
of that was intentional, because, as you know, adoptions sometimes
(29:10):
they fall through and you have to be pretty I
let's say cautious. How much do you invest in it
until you know it's final? So I didn't have anything ready. Also,
it was very early, and so my friends showed up
at my house while I was gone for two months
and built the nursery. I mean, it's the most beautifulners
I've ever seen. They stopped it, they had closed dress
(29:33):
and I came back. My entire house was filled with
baby supplies. Ah, do you have no idea? I know
it well. I knew that they were. I didn't know
what it was going to look like. They asked me
a few questions, like we're going to go do this,
but you know, what colors do you want? And things
like that. But I said, you know, my brain was
so filled with what was happening with Evelyn. I just
I don't care. Like whatever you guys want to go
to do, I know idea it would be to that extent.
(29:55):
While I was at the hospital, this was in a
different state where I live. Every day I would get packages.
I lived in hospital housing. I would get packages from
people with clothes, so many things that I just had
to give them to the nicky babies and other moms
and it just turned into the biggest blessing. So I
never had so I never had a shower, which was
(30:16):
one thing that I thought, oh, I'm going to kind
of miss that, But I had much more of a
shower where every day I was showered with gifts. So
in true love, like you were showered with true love.
So even Evelyn too, Like it just made me realize
how loved she was going to be and supported. Even
though it was just us too, it wasn't just us too.
There were so many more people involved in her family
(30:38):
goes beyond just blood right, it's extended, and so I
I think again, even though it was not ideal, unexpected,
really hard, there are a lot of gifts in that process.
And I think that's kind of through any hardship in
your life, as long as you can one look for
the gifts, and two I would say, control your mindset
(31:00):
so that I love that I focused on the gifts,
not on the pain. It's a much easier way to
walk through some of those hard moments. But it's really
hard because your mind wants to go to all the
things that are going wrong or that you don't have
or I didn't have a shower, I didn't get this,
or I didn't get that, or you know, she's not
(31:20):
she's born early. Now it's like scary and it's you
know all that. Yes, there's a lot of anxiety and
fear around those issues. So I understand crippling anxiety, Carolyn
when you say that, but I I do. I really
try to focus on what are the good things? Like,
let me leave those thoughts behind, the hard thoughts behind,
and let me focus on the good that's that's right
(31:41):
now and then here and now, and that will help
you get through. So we need So she's great. She's
at a good weight now, and she's hitting all the miles.
The happiest child I've ever seen a really happiest child.
I mean, this girl laughs and smiles all the time.
I mean I almost think maybe when you go through
something really hard.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
As a baby, then you're just like everything else is great,
you know, like her perspective is already great. Yeah, everything
else is so much probably like less painful, more fun.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
You know, she's I mean, I'm not I don't have
a feeding too. I'm not getting poked with needles like
life is grande. This is this is great. She's a
spitfire she's gonna be a tough cookie. Hey, so is mine,
and I am thankful for that. Like it makes me
I reevaluate my approach on parenting Every like five minutes.
I'm like, oh my god, because I really tried to,
(32:34):
like I don't I guess called gentle parenting. I really like,
we don't like discipline. I mean, I'm not gonna like
I don't really don't. I don't believe it's spanking or
anything like that. I want to like talk things through
with her and like have her understand. But sometimes, man,
she gets going and I'm like, oh my god, in
a past life, you were so the boss and you
were like exin a warrior princess, like girl gets it done.
(32:57):
Oh man. We've had numerous hospital stays, unfortunately, but she's
always in good spirits and it's so it actually fools
the doctors because they think, oh, there's nothing wrong with her.
She's happy and joyous, and she'll just blab away when
they come in the hospital. Just she is not making
any you know, boh bah blah blah blah like that.
She just tells them how it is. Oh yeah, she
(33:19):
has the finger up and she said, everybody know she
is telling everybody a piece of her mind. She she
has quite the reputation at Vanderbilt Hospital right now. There
are a lot but every time she she has an
opinion on the course of action. I love that. That's amazing.
(33:42):
She's so funny. I mean, she is full of personality.
And you know, they say, you know, God gives you
the child you're supposed to have, So totally I agree
with that. I can see it. Tell me what you
have learned or evolved, what has what has been made
clear to you about yourself and life. With motherhood, you
(34:04):
have no control, like none, And when you're on your own,
especially being a single woman and running a company, like really,
you have a lot of control over your life and
your schedule and how you want things to go and time.
And then this child comes in who is the boss,
and disrupts everything and you have to get used to chaos,
(34:25):
like you have to get used to adapting. And she's
napping or not feeding or not napping or all these things,
and your plans are Can I guess on that your
plans are shit? Like yeah, yes, doesn't matter what plans
you make, just be prepared for them not to work
out the way they planned absolutely, so I really had
to let go in your opinion of okay, this is
(34:48):
I can't make something happen, I can't force the schedule nothing.
I am just going to have to ride this and
let go of any of my expectations. And when you
do that, it actually exceeds your expectations. I think you know,
have you enjoyed it? Have you enjoyed the release, the surrender?
(35:10):
How much I love this little child, Like I know
every mom says that, and you don't understand until you
get into it. But I look at her and I
wished to say, I'm so surprised at the amount of
fear that it has produced. Oh me, definitely love something
so much, and I am terrified of something happening, right
(35:31):
and because like now, you can't live without her, like literally,
your happiness depends on her existence. And it's the most
scary feeling in the world. Yes, I can look at
here and feel so much love and so much fear
at the same time. And I've tried to talk to
I'm in a relationship now, I've tried to talk to
(35:52):
him about it, and he I don't know if men
feel that way, but I know a lot of moms,
do you of just I love you so much in
that it's so scary. I had never felt this way.
And don't get me wrong, I love my husband, I
love him so much, but even with him, I've never
felt this level of love in my life because it's
literally terrifying because and especially like in the first couple
(36:16):
of years I was just I had like I was
debilitating anxiety with it, Like I just wanted to be
on top of her all the time to make sure
she was breathing. You know, it's crazy. I also think
there's a level of loneliness as a mom that I
wasn't ready for. And while I was surrounded by community,
(36:38):
so you can be surrounded by a lot of people
but still feel very lonely. And I think the first
year it felt that way that I feel like, you know,
I was in a hospital by myself. Even coming out
of it, she had a lot of health issues. We
couldn't really go out and do things. And no matter
what your journey is, you know, I think moms struggle
(36:58):
with that in the first year because you just you're
reinventing yourself. It's a rebirth of the moment. Yeah, So
I think that first year was It was difficult too,
of just feeling maybe not connected, you know, to friends.
You can't go out after five or you can't go
you know, you can't especially as a single mom, like
(37:19):
there's no one here, so it's me all the time.
And I think maybe that that was a tough road
to to, you know, like you said, reinvent, recalibrate. Okay,
let's figure out now what is the new balance, because
there's there's this other person in my world that I
have to make time for and that I want to
make time for that. You know, I have to reset.
(37:43):
I added something to my life. Now I have to
raise that, calibrate. I feel that way. I feel like
that was a lot of the postpartum for me, Like
I had like a year worth of just like I thought,
my nervous system was shocked because I did not know
how to feel. You have this overwhelming love for this child,
get debility and crippling fear that something could happen to them,
and in the meantime, you're you're the old you has
(38:06):
died like she did, you know, but now you don't
know who this new person is because you've never met
her before, and you're kind of like figuring it out.
You're also figuring out how to fully hand your whole
life over to someone because even if you're in a relationship,
you still can decide when you want to do stuff
and not. You know, I go with a partner, Well
(38:26):
you're with a child. It's like you are there twenty
four to seven, Like there is no you without this
child ever again, which is wonderful but also so overwhelming,
you know. And it's just a lot, and it's just
a lot, it is. And you can listen to podcasts
and you can listen to these things, but until you
get into it, it just it doesn't it doesn't connect.
(38:48):
And I actually to my friends because I'm an older mom,
right I became a mom later in my life, said
most of my friends have kids already. And I called
them individually and said, I am so sorry I did
not show up for you the way I should. I
am now in it, and they all so gracious said
to me, it's okay, we knew you didn't understand. You
don't understand until you understand. I'm so sorry. I mean,
(39:11):
I really felt so bad that, you know, I made
a lot of judgments and understand and actually in business
now you know, I have adjusted our maternity lead policy.
I've adjusted itsted you know, opportunity lead policies because I
realized now how hard it is and especially as a
single mom, like how to make both work. We had
(39:33):
those policies need to change the way that we work
needs to change. And so I think again walking through
it has been a gift in now making me making
a better environment for our team and our staff so
they'll have an easier path. That's awesome, Laura. You have
just continued to use your life to learn to better yourself,
(39:54):
to elevate yourself and your company, and just like the
culture in general, it's that's so awesome, And I just
I love, I just love hearing your story because you,
to me have like a fairy tale story, but it
would never be the way someone could have drawn it up.
You've just lived into it. Well, there is one piece
(40:16):
of the fairy tale story, so if you listen to
the first one. Obviously, I lost someone who I loved
very much, and I then adopted Evelyn, and in my
mind thought I'm doing this on my own because she
had so many health issues. We were going to the
pharmacy a lot to get different medicines, and she had
to have special compound medicines made, and so we had
to go to a special pharmacy. Don't tell me, don't
(40:38):
even don't even pretty sure the pharmacist Deny have been
in their relationship now since she was about six months
old and so, and he's been like hands on with
her and her treatment, really hands on. And I think
I kind of love that. But I think God was like, Okay,
now you got in a little deep, I'm gonna have
to give you help. Heer like I'm gonna say you
(41:00):
from yourself on this one. And He's amazing and wonderful
and beautiful and such a gift to Evelyn too. And
so if you listen from the first podcast to now,
I think to your point like, you never know how
the journey is gonna unfold. I literally thought I would
just it would be me and Evelin forever. And you know,
six months later, look look what happened. So stop it.
(41:22):
That's why you met him. Yeah, and we would never
have met once again, born early and needed the special medicine.
So you just never know, you know how God is
orchestrating all the puzzle pieces to build your story. So
that's why. Literally, like you said, I'm gonna just always
(41:42):
remember this, look for the gift. And I've heard that before,
but that is just so true, just like look for
the gift in the situations. But you're just doing the
next right thing. It's even like frozen, you don't know
what to do, just do the next right thing. It's like, literally,
you are just taking care of Evelyn. You're following your
intuition to be her mom, be a single mom. You're
thinking you're never going to date again because you already
had a very big love and you know you just didn't.
(42:04):
That wasn't on your agenda, your plate. And then all
of a sudden you got to know someone because you
were in a life with them just doing what you
were doing. So you actually got to like get to
really intimately know someone's heart and fall in love without
even meaning to. I know, and I had always worried,
how am I gonna date with a baby or a child,
or you know, I don't want to bring anybody into
(42:27):
her life. You didn't even that was not even a
question on the table. It wasn't a question because he
was treating her like he knew the whole story, and
it was quite funny, you know when you when you're
a new mom with a newborn and you know you
have to go out with a newborn, which was like
terrifying for me. You know, I had just spent two
months in the hospital. So I always say I walked
(42:47):
into the pharmacists like this. I like, I was, I
had not slept, you know, I was. It was not
my shining moment, I was. I'll put it that way.
And somehow, you know, he saw through all that. So
I figure he's a keeper because like me at the
first moment with it. How about this, I like you
at your realist moment though, you know, like he was
(43:09):
able to see you like at your like realist, most vulnerable,
just live in your life self. Isn't that what we
want someone to see in us? So yeah, and I'm
I tell him it was probably the hardest time to
ever meet somebody, But it was also the best because
if we could get through that and kind of all
of the thing, I mean, he's he'd spent nights in
(43:30):
hospitals with Evelin like these. If we can get through
kind of all of that card then that's pretty good.
I mean it. It hasn't been the traditional, I would say,
kind of that. What do you call it? Like the
beginning phase of going on dates and going on adventures.
It's like, we're going to go spend three nights in
the hospital. How about that? But we still have fun
and it's worked, and he's been so supportive, and I'm
(43:52):
glad to meet somebody then and realize the kind of
human and the character they have in those hard situations.
And he showed up with you. He's has showed up
and has not left, And it sounds to me like
he's all in for this, like this, like, yes, he
hadn't adopted the child, but like I'm sure children were
on his heart, and so it's like he's he's not
(44:14):
worried about having the perfect fairy tale either, Like he's
just going with the beautiful story that life hands you
and letting it be, letting it be good, letting it
be a gift. You know, his story. He actually never
wanted children or a family, so we really disrupted his
plan too. So I think that's part of what we
were saying at the beginning, is yeah, you know, we
(44:36):
I never make a three year, five year plan. It's like, Okay,
what doors or opportunities are in front of me now
and which one is in my gut to pursue and
let me take that next step, like it's just awesome step.
It's not about you know, five years from now or
planning this perfect life. He's mentioned happily ever after, and
(44:59):
I think that's a mindset. It's not like an actual
thing that happens or a moment that you're going to
get to. And I think sometimes people search for happily
ever after like we're not there yet. No, you're happily
ever after. It needs to be now and needs to
be right now now. It's not something to achieve. I
love that. Okay, so let's quickly go. I want to
(45:20):
do a quick little like how to of this, how
to stay in the mindset of happily ever after now
and not thinking that it's coming later, but actually be
happily ever after right now, even if you're in some
pretty not not situations that you would have chosen. How
to make the happily after after now. My trait is
I start with gratitude, so there's always something to be
(45:43):
grateful for, like I have clean water. Sometimes I literally
have to start there, like I have clean water. I
am a female that has rights. I have education, I
can vote, Like, there are things just being an American,
Like we can make a long list of just living
in the US. You know, I'm breathing, I have my health.
Like when you actually start with that list, you start
(46:05):
to see it's a big list. Yeah, there's a big list,
no matter what else is happening, and it will likely
far exceed the list what else is happening. So that's
how I get myself into a positive mindset is take
my intentionally shift my mind from here are the things
that are going wrong or that I can't control, that
(46:26):
i'm scared of too. These are the things that are
true in facts, you know, facts not feelings. These are
the facts, and these are the things that can be
grateful for and that are positive in my life. I
love that. I love that. And then can you approach
the topic or wherever you are, like, say you're thinking
you want to be somewhere else, but here you are.
Then can you come back to it and be like, Okay,
(46:48):
here we are. This is what I'm supposed to be,
and now clearly just decide the best road to go. Yeah.
So from the place of okay, now I'm grateful for
where I am. These are the positive things are in
my life, life and that I have. Maybe there are
a few things that don't feel right, Okay, then how
do I shift those? You know, it's actually it's not everything.
(47:09):
We tend to be black and white thinkers, like it's
all bad or it's all good. It's like, no, actually,
ninety percent is great. It's actually me ten percent that
I need to shift, And so how do I shift
that ten So? I think we as women especially tend
to live in our feelings. We have to get to
the facts and then we can move forward in the
(47:29):
facts because our feelings aren't always a good representation of
what's actually happening. Right, Sometimes we let our feelings take over.
It's not bad to have them. Feelings aren't bad, but
they can't control yes totally. We need to control them, yes,
And I think that's how I do it is try
to move from my therapist as you're in your feeling
(47:50):
mind right or in your fact mind. I try to
figure out what side I'm on and move it over
to facts till I can get moving forward. And then
maybe you know, does feels can come back when when
I when I've been able to control them. I love that.
I heard someone say that, like we are who we
are is the blue sky, and our feelings are just
(48:11):
the clouds are just like are in the sky. So
sometimes it's a really big cloud that's like taking up
every inch of the sky and it's all you see.
But it's gonna move, it's going to pass. I back
in when I was younger. It happened a lot in
my breakups. Right, you know, when you end a relationship
but you know the fact this person isn't great, like
they're actually not a great human, right, But our feelings
(48:33):
were so sad and devastated and suddenly we want them.
But my therapists always be like, okay, you're in your
feeling mind again, Like let's focus on the facts. Like
the facts are this and he's not good and we
need to let that go. Yes, I think that's a
good representation for kind of anything in life. Sometimes we
get sober and feelings we don't pay attention to the facts,
(48:54):
and then we end up someplace we don't want to be,
or depressed trully it, you know, in a not a
great mindset when the facts are we should be in
a great mindset. We're free, we're free from all those
toxic behaviors like this is the facts are good, so
it's hard as women. The great thing about us is
we feel so deeply as we talked about being a mom,
(49:15):
but we need to sometimes check that. I love it.
You do so many things. I mean, truly, I am
just so inspired to get to chat with you, be
in your orbit. I always wrap up with one question,
which is leave your light and what do you want
people to know? What do I want people to know?
(49:38):
I think I said this last time and I'm going
to say it again because Okay, I love it for me. Yeah,
it's just that there's hope, Yeah, I feel I hear
so many stories and we heard on the news of
people who have made decisions to give up right and
and there's so much light, and there's so much hope,
(49:59):
and there's so much positivity in the world. Our current
culture wants you to believe that there's not and that
there's quick fixes or you know, if your life needs
to look a certain way. It doesn't like no one's
life is perfect. And even you're talking about all the
accolades that I'm literally thinking, like ninety percent of kind
(50:23):
of you don't see the ninety percent of the hard
or the breakdowns, or the time I literally threw my
dinner and the fork across the room and drove off
without shoes on because I had lost it. I could
not hear my screaming, you know, like one more minute,
and like you don't see that part of it, like
you see the ten percent that maybe is out there
(50:45):
on social or you hear about so you're not alone.
Like we're all feeling the same things. We're all human,
and there is hope. There's always something positive. There's always
something to be grateful for, and there like there are
people who love you and care about you. And so
if you're listening to this, just just know that hope. Hopefully,
(51:06):
if you can't feel that right now, you know you
will today and that God will show you that and
there'll be a light today that will encourage you that
life is good. I love that so much. Laura, thank
you so much for coming on and sharing your story.
You are truly like you are one of those people.
Just like the life you live and the way you
(51:26):
are just pouring yourself into it and serving your community
and listening to your purpose and raising Evelyn. You are
such an inspiration and all that you do, you do
it with your full heart and intuition, and you are
just shining light on hope. You really are, so thank
you so much for joining me, and I just love
you dearly and I love this conversation. Thanks jarn Okay
(51:48):
bye
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