HOW-TO MINISODE WITH CANDICE HORBACZ (EVA LOVIA): How to spice up your marriage!

HOW TO spice up your marriage with CANDICE HORBACZ (a.k.a. EVA LOVIA)!

Create INTIMACY.

Have FANTASIES.

Sexual BUFFET.

INVEST in your relationship.

Make it INTENTIONAL.

By the end of this episode, you'll know HOW TO take your relationship to the next level and start spicing things up in your marriage!

Listen to CANDICE HORBACZ How-To Minisode on GET REAL Podcast...NOW!

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Since you do know so much about the world of erotica,
and that is a huge topic for people. How can
a couple spice up their marriage, Say, someone who wants
to put a little, you know, a little spark in
their marriage and they want to make their marriage sexy.
They need they want a step up their sex life. Okay,

(00:21):
but they're not professionals. They don't feel comfortable, you know,
fully expressing themselves in their body. You know, they have
a lot of hold ups like regular people would have.
How can people who feel like they are trapped in
the mundane of their sex life they don't know how
to make it spicy. They've been married twenty years or
you know what are ten years and they're like, well,
we're just gonna do missionary and knock it out and hey,

(00:45):
can you make me? Can you made me a sandwich?
How can somebody a couple just do a few simple
steps to spice up their sex life when they feel
like it's just it needs a reboot. So everyone's gonna
have a different entry point, right, Like, we're all at
different complacent stages in our sexual journey, especially if you've

(01:08):
been with someone for a long time. So there's this
exercise that we actually did while I was pregnant with
my first child, and it was the idea of being
able to create intimacy and connection, especially when like maybe
you don't want to because you're so big and bloated
and all of the things. It's called a sexual buffet.
So you each have a sheet of paper, and on

(01:28):
this paper you write everything that you have that you
want to experience and maybe haven't yet. And it could
be as simple as like, I want you to read
me this passage out of this erotic novel. I want
you to put a dipsy story on. I want to
like try a vibrator, or for him, maybe it's like
I want you to wear this lacy outfit or pretend
to be a teacher or whatever role play. Write in

(01:52):
total vulnerability, you share all of your sexual desires, and
then in a trust exercise, you switch those pieces of
paper so you can read your partners. And then the
beautiful thing is there's probably gonna be a lot of overlap,
and you're gonna be like, I had no idea you
wanted to try that. I wanted to try that too,
and it creates like this conversation that you weren't all

(02:12):
like available for previously. It could even just be like
a massage. It doesn't have to go straight to porn
or straight to like bringing someone else into the bedroom.
It does not have to get that crazy. It could
be like I want you to give me a full
body massage and then ub oil on my back and
then have like intimate sex listening to otis Redding. I mean,
it could be something simple like that, and your partner's
gonna be like, that sounds so hot. Let's do that

(02:34):
to doable, and let's do it great. Because then it's
like you can see this list and you're not like
overwhelmed by thinking like I don't know what they want.
I can't provide for them. I want to make sure
I'm sexy. But it's like, oh no, here it is
laid out. I can see it, and now I can
plug into where I know I can like intersect and
make it happen and we can agree on this and
be a team. Uh. That's awesome and little astrict. I

(02:56):
would say anyone that's going to do this exercise, like
really make sure you're okay with it, because the last
thing you want to do is share that list with
your husband or wife or you know, partner and then
them judge you for it or like shame you for it.
So like you have to have like an honest, safe
space to do that, and your relationship is going to
be so much better for it. Like I guarantee you

(03:17):
that is awesome, Candice, what great knowledge. And yeah, just
like it's okay to have some fantasies, it's okay to
want to try. You'd actually kind of be strange if
you didn't, So why not enlist your spouse and make
them happen? Right exactly? I love that because tell me

(03:37):
the benefit of having a healthy sex life in your marriage,
because I feel like a marriage who has a thriving
sex life or a healthy sex life there is such
a difference with one that isn't. And can you explain
to and them gonna wrap up the priority of having
a healthy sex life because I feel like, especially women
can get overwhelmed and sex can sometimes be one more

(03:57):
thing on it to do list, but it is something
that is so so, so, so so crucial. Can you
explain to me why so in my perspective and just
through my experience and especially having two kids, you go
through a serious stage where you're not having sex for
a long time. Yeah, maybe it's born for you don't
really want to have sex with the whole first year,

(04:18):
but like yeah, because because you're so tired, so tired,
and you're not feeling like yourself, and your motions are
everywhere and your hormones are insane and it's like, oh
my god. Literally yes, yeah, so you you have to
look at it as investing in investing into your relationship, right,
Like just like you would invest into a different trading portfolio,

(04:41):
you have to invest into your relationship for it to
like grow and thrive. And sex is huge. It's huge
for women and for men, but I feel like especially
for men, it's like this this space where they really
connect with you. And if you are having intentional sex,
like you are having like that convergence where you are
become one person and it's you could have the biggest

(05:04):
fight you could think. You know, this is all for nothing.
No one's appreciating it, appreciating what I'm going through. I'm
up all night feeding the baby and he's sleeping in
and gets to play with the todd there. Like there's
all of these negative stories that you'll tell yourself about
your partner because motherhood is unfair. It's just biologically unfair.
What's going to get you over that is healing through

(05:26):
sex with your partner is him being able to take
care of you in bed and then you being able
to connect with him in bed. So it might feel
like a chore and you might feel like you don't
have the energy. But if I would say, like the
biggest piece of advice is if your husband is like
making a pass at you, like just lean into it,
like you might be exhausted, I feel like you're gonna
be so happy for it and happy for that connection

(05:49):
because if you are romantically aligned and like thriving with him,
then that's going to show up. And how you parent,
that's going to show up. How you love yourself, like
yourself talk sometimes again like we feel so gross after
we have kids. We're like, oh, like look at my belly,
look at my thighs, look at all of these things.
And he's like, she's there saying I love you and
I want to I want to be with you, So like,

(06:10):
let him love you, let him show you how beautiful
you are. And I think that there's something really healing
in that sex. So it's like, don't let your don't
let you become your worst enemy, and that like, don't
let you yourself sabotage that part of your relationship, because
it's so easy to become roommates and that's the last
thing you want. Like the difference between a friend and

(06:32):
your husband is that physical intimacy, So reach it. My
mom said this too, she said, because my mom's been
married for like forty five years to my dad, and
it's like she's like, it's never equal at the same time.
And I think that is just such good advice, because,
like you said, with motherhood, it isn't equal in the beginning,
Like it's just not I mean, maybe there are some
relationships that are they accepted with their rule, but like

(06:54):
for the majority, it is majority on the mom in
the beginning, and it's just that way for a or two,
you know, at least I love that m