Laney Hayes: How monster trucks, McDonalds, and breaking into a construction site led to love at age 17 with Walker, raising 6 kids, Walker’s obsession with bacon, and dealing with the grief of losing their 7th child in labor while Laney almost died.

This is a powerful episode. Laney and Walker Hayes are high school sweethearts. They fell in love at age 17 after breaking into a construction site and talking all night, then reciting lines from their school play to each other and Walker finally going in for the kiss. They are incredible parents to 6 kids, and make it a point to have open communication about everything. They also have a family tradition of eating pounds of bacon when Walker comes in off the road. Laney gets real with me about the grief and tragedy of losing their 7th child, Oakleigh, in labor while Laney almost died delivering her. She and Walker feel very passionately about using their journey of loss to help others. There are tears and very raw emotions in this episode. I thank Laney for her bravery and willingness to share about this incredibly sensitive, painful topic and use it for healing.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Caroline. She's a queen and she's not afraid of just
no one. Caral sounds Hey, you guys. This episode of

(00:29):
Get Real podcast with Landy Hayes, who is the wife
of Walker Hayes, is such an incredible, vulnerable, emotional episode.
Laney walks me through her love story with Walker Hayes.
They met in high school, started dating in their seventeen
We go through their ups and downs, actually met their

(00:51):
first day was a monster truck rally, really cute. But
she just talks about their whole journey together, his career.
They have six kids together, and she was pregnant with
her seventh and they lost their seventh child in childbirth,
and Laney is very open about that story and she

(01:11):
shares it, and she shares her feelings, and she shares
the entire entire journey, and it's really it's really incredible
just hearing her talk about it, and she wants to
use the story for healing and to help others, and
I just think she's so brave, it's so strong to
be able to share this, and so I'm so grateful

(01:35):
to share it with you guys, whether you've gone through
something that is so emotionally hard, and painful, or you
know someone that has just to hear how someone has
walked this walk and is coming out with faith and
grace is so inspiring. So get excited for Laney and

(01:56):
just I just want to thank her for being so
honest and vulnerable with this story with me. She also
talks about Walker and they're sweet relationship, how they're so
good at communicating. He loves to communicate, He's a romantic
and his newest song, Don't Let Her is all about

(02:17):
Laney and how much he loves her, and it's so sweet,
and their story is amazing, and I just think the
way they're using their lives and Walker's platform and Laney's
speaking up and using her voice to help others heal
is truly remarkable. So here's Landy Hayes. Okay, Hey, Laney Hayes, Hi,

(02:38):
what's going on? Oh? Feeling a little out of my
comfort zone? Is this your first podcast? Definitely? Definitely your
first podcast? Definitely? Okay? So, um, thoughts about, like, what
do you think about podcasts? Well? Uh, in an ideal world,
I think I would love listening to them a whole lot,

(02:59):
But in reality I do get to every now and then.
But it's not, um, very typical that I get to
spend you know, an hour an hour and a half
listening with the world tuned out because you just have
like six kids to care for and you home school them,
all right, I do, because it's a different grades, so
it is, um, my oldest is thirteen and my youngest

(03:21):
is three, So the bottom two we're not in school
this past year, and the oldest is in seventh grade,
and then I have every odd year, so there are seventh, third, first,
and then the two little ones are not in anything.
But I try to combine them as much as I
can because it really makes it a lot easier. And
then my oldest two pretty much do everything on their own.

(03:41):
They don't they don't need a lot of assistance except
for just with questions. And I kind of have to
teach math to my oldest one because it's starting to
get a little more complex. But other than that, um,
the biggest part is the beginning where you teach them
how to read, and then once they can read, then
they can sort of learn on their own. Did you
know how to teach before where you became a homeschool teacher? Definitely, no,

(04:02):
not at all. I was so uncomfortable, and honestly, the
only reason we even started is because when our oldest
hit kindergarten age, we were kind of on a loosey
goosey schedule. We stayed up late at night, we would
go seewalker whenever we could, and then we would sleep late,
and so we kind of were thinking, kindergarten will totally
disrupt our family life. And so I was like, well,

(04:23):
I can homeschool and she still seems so young. It
seemed kind of possible to do that, And here we
are this many years later. I would have never thought
I would continue this, and I never would have thought
I would have had seven kids. So um, you know,
you blink in life kind of goes different directions than
what you think. But but yeah, here we are, and
I love it. The beginning, the first year, I was

(04:43):
super uncomfortable. I was thinking, how in the world am
I supposed to teach my child how to read? I
don't even know how to do this. I have no
education background. And then you know, you just figure it out.
It's your kid. You at least know your child. It's
better than anybody, I guess, But um, yeah, you learn
as you go. You do a lot of trial and error,
a lot of ditching what you thought was gonna work

(05:04):
and didn't work, and his parenting right, learning on the fly,
especially when you're married to a musician, which I love
that you represent Walker Hayes. You got a shirt on
your proud Yes, proudie. I pretty much live in pajamas
or Walker Hayes merch. That is about the extent of
my wardrobe. That not kidding, I mean literally in a

(05:26):
Walker Hayes shirt all the time. Well, he's got great
merch sometimes I know he does, right, It's it's awesome.
I like it when he's with me. Sometimes I feel
like I kind of don't need to wear his merch,
but but for the most part I do. Okay, So
you and Walker have a crazy story. Y'all started dating
or new to other. Your first date was twenty one
years ago, twenty two years ago, something like that. So

(05:49):
we were we were seventeen, and I was, well, you
know what. We started at the same school when I
was in kindergarten and he was in pre K, so
I'm a year older, like from the beginning. Because he
likes he likes a girl that he thinks can drive
a minivan and take him to school. I don't know,

(06:10):
he's crazy. But so I was in kindergarten, he was
in pre K. When we started at the same school,
it was a super small school, and then we didn't
really meet until I was a senior and he was
a junior. He um, you know, I guess we probably
knew of each other but not, you know, not really
that well. And we ended up in a play together.

(06:30):
We were in Little Shop of Horrors together, and that's
how we sort of got to know each other better.
And then we were in a chorus class also at
the same time. So I was sitting down the road
from him just in rehearsals one night, and he had
a solo He was the main character in the Little
Shop of Horror. Yes, exactly that he started singing his

(06:54):
first solo line, and I very vividly, I mean that
was a million years ago, but I very vividly remember
looking down the road like who is that. The second
he started singing, I was like that boy can sing?
And um. Anyway, that was sort of where it started,
I guess, and then we talent does pay off, like maybe,

(07:17):
so maybe it's legit. I never thought I would be like, oh,
I'm going to go after the musician guy. But you
couldn't resist, you know, yeah, something about that voice. I
just I was I was in. I was totally in um.
But then we kind of did the whole you know,
seventeen year old. Okay, I talked to my friends, Oh
I really like him. I want to I wanted to

(07:38):
hang out with him, and he talks to his friends
and so we all get together in a group of
friends and go out. And so Walker and I kinda
were instrumental in planning the evening. But we planned a
monster truck show. Okay, great first date, I know, totally.
So we planned this and we made sure all of
our friends were gonna come, so it wasn't gonna be
really awkward. Got to and so we went as a

(07:59):
group to this monster truck show, and then we went
to McDonald's. I mean, what could be better? Got French
failing this day? I know, perfect first day. I'm in. Yes. Uh,
So we did that and then you know, all the
friends kind of slowly disappear. I've got to go home,
you know, I've got this, and so everyone else disappears

(08:21):
and it's just Walker and me and we went to
a they were building a gym at a church right
behind his house, and so it was kind of a
construction site. And I don't really know why we went
over there. He used to always just go over there
and shoot basketball. So we drove over there and there
was a genie in the parking lot, like one of
those so one of those construction tools that you lift

(08:45):
up in the air and it kind of looks like
an accordion underneath the platform type. So anyway, why I
was not a rule breaker like that was pretty out
of character for me to get into a construction site
and really breaking in. I mean, we weren't doing anything.
We weren't vandalizing or anything property illegally. Yes, yes, so

(09:05):
he kind of grew that was his church that he
went to, So he kind of grew up there church question,
and it was in his backyard, so he always was there.
But anyway, so we climb on this genie and the
keys were in it, and so right, so we're seventeen
year old kids and we drive this genie around in
the parking lot and we were like, wow, this is
really fun and you feel nervous um like butterfly butterflies,

(09:30):
and everything's exciting and you're just so giddy that I
think you kind of think with a different brain maybe
than you would normally. So we drove around in that
and then realized we could lift it up in the air.
So we lifted this thing all the way to the
top of you know, as high as it would go,
and how nobody came and we're like, hey, what are

(09:52):
these people doing? What's going on over here? But nobody
came over there. And we sat in the bottom of
this genie for hours. I mean, I don't even know
how many hours passed, but we just talked all night long.
And at seventeen, that's not that common. I mean, you
don't usually just your friends, yes, but not really with

(10:13):
a boyfriend. Or he wasn't my boyfriend obviously at the time,
but that was not typical. But we just talked and
talked and talked and talked and talked all night long
and really just started a friendship, I guess. But we
there was scrap metal in the bottom of the genie
and we sat and twisted ear rings and bracelets and
rings and and I still have a ring that he

(10:33):
made from that night a million years ago. So monster
trucks McDonald and breaking the law that's right. That's how
you guys do your Yes, that is the key to happiness. No,
I just decent um. But yeah, it worked for us.
Usually people I feel like break up at the end

(10:53):
of high school, you know, like you don't start your
relationship with n of high school. So y'all kind of
like reversed it in a way because people are like, Okay,
we're going to college, we need to break up or
we're going in different ways, but you are like, no way, man. Well,
I had kind of been in a long relationship, I
guess over high school, and I was not dating anybody
at that time and definitely definitely not looking to find somebody.

(11:17):
I mean this was March of my senior year, so
I was I was headed to college in a couple
of months and certainly was not looking to meet someone.
But you know, you had to start singing and it
just all went down from there. So uh, you know,
so when you're all expecting it, I guess get together.
When did y'all dtr make it official? So like immediately

(11:38):
probably that night we were like, okay, this is it.
No um, we did end up. So after we left
the Genie, we ended up walking to his his back porch,
which was, you know, in right next to it, and
we sat there and still just talked and talked and
talked and talked, and I was like, I'm not leaving
until he kisses me. I'm gonna stay right here. And

(11:58):
I was this older girl and we always say I
kissed you first, No, I kissed you first, and he's like, no,
I really did. But it was a super cheesy moment
standing on his sports of course, and we were kind
of like reciting lines from Yes, how cheesy is that?
But so memorable. Yeah, So we were just kind of

(12:22):
I mean flirting, you know how that goes, and kind
of going through lines of the play. And then he
kissed me while we were doing that, and so we
definitely remember that and still tease about it to this day.
And that was the start, and that was the start. No, no, no, no, no.
We broke up a whole lot, so we dated, so

(12:43):
I guess that was I mean, we didn't make it
official then, but we never dated other people after that,
and then we dated all through my freshman year of college.
So I went off to college. I went to Birmingham Southern,
and we dated that whole year of my freshman year.
And then he came to Birmingham Southern the next year
and he came after you, so he did, so he

(13:03):
came after me and we dated that year. That was
our rockiest probably not ever, but that was the rockiest time,
you know, so far in our relationship is when he
came to college with me. Just the adjustment. I had
been there by myself a whole year. I had had
my friends. He came to visit a whole lot, but
it still wasn't the same. You know, he he probably

(13:25):
missed out really on a lot of his senior year
because he was coming to visit me every weekend. And
you know, we were young. You're just making decisions as
you go and whatever. But so after he came to
school there, it was just a hard you know, it
was his first year of college, so he was ready
to be a freshman in college and I was already
past that. And that was just I don't even know specifically,

(13:48):
but just that whole adjustment was really right in your
early twenties in college age and like years makes such
a difference, and then they get older and they all
blew together. It doesn't matter. But like those years, like
freshman year is such a pivotal year. Yes, Sture years
such a pivotal year. Yeah, Like every year of college
is so different, you know it. And we get out
of college and you're like, oh my gosh, you know
then you're in life. Yes, and you get thrown into it. Yeah,

(14:12):
but did you'll get engaged in college? So no, we okay,
So we broke up then after I guess his sophomore year,
I mean his freshman year of my sophomore year, and
y'all broke up just because it was hard, just like
him being a freshman. You already been there, the same
kind of thing you're talking about, right, But we were
at a small school, so really, when you're in school,
it's hard to break up because you're it's not like

(14:32):
a big college campus. I mean, you see each other everywhere.
We by this time had you know, pretty mutual friends. Um,
so we would try to break up sometimes. Maybe we
broke up during the school year. I don't even really remember,
but it just never really worked. We just always we
were that couple who broke up and got back together,
and nobody ever knew whether we were dating or not dating.
You know, we were we were those people. And so

(14:53):
after after we um, well, when the summertime came, we
really did break up and he would go work at
a summer amp and I just kind of did my
thing during the summer, and so we kind of were
we broke up like every single summer throughout college, I think.
So we would date other people, Yes, we would, and

(15:13):
then so Tom passes, we kind of do the whole breakup,
get back together a thing over and over and over
and over and over again. And then eventually we hit
this point and we're like, we have got to really
break up for good. I mean, we're not helping ourselves out.
We don't even know whether we're together because we really
love each other or we're together because it's all we know.
You know, we were kids when we started dating. You know.

(15:33):
At this point, we're past college and we're like, we've
just gotta we gotta know. And so we break up.
We go nine months, We're like, we can't even talk
to each other, we can't see each other, we can't
There was no social media than either, So breakups are right.
So breakups are a lot easier. You can't can't spaw
on each other. You mean, you can try to find
a friend and go hey, what's he up to? You know,
is he hanging out with anybody? Can't but you can't

(15:55):
spaw on a dog hard, So that's good. That helps
you out. I feel sorry for kids these days. But
so we break up. We really decided we're not going
to talk to each other. So we don't have any
turkey cold turkey cut ties, no talking, no email, No,
there was no yes, there was email at that point. Nothing.
So we go nine months. Then we have a friend

(16:15):
that's getting married and I knew he was singing in
the wedding. Colleague killer number one. So he was singing
in the wedding and I knew it, and I was
going to be there too, and we both kind of
went into it. I think he was dating somebody at
the time. I don't think I was, but we went
into it, go in, you know what, it'll be nice
to see each other. You know, we both legitimately thought this, like,

(16:39):
we're gonna see each other. It'll be so much fun.
You know, I've missed all of this person, I've loved
my whole life. It'll be so casual. I know, what
were we thinking? Right? Okay, So we go to this wedding.
I really did think you know, I was gonna see him,
and it was gonna be a moment of it's great
to see you, but I just know we would never
work out, Like I'd kind of come to that realization

(17:01):
that we were never we were never going to be
able to make it work in a healthy way. And
so we see each other and the second Okay, so
my nephew was born the day of this friend's rehearsal dinner.
So I show up late to the rehearsal dinner and
he is walking out as I walked in the door,
and it was like the world stood still. And I

(17:22):
am I hope. I don't think I'm overally dramatic, but
that was one of those moments where I was like,
oh my goodness, I was not prepared, not prepared at all.
And he says the same thing. So at that point,
you know, he was still dating somebody else. We talked
and we kind of hung out some and whatever, but
nothing nothing major. But after that we started contacting each other,

(17:43):
you know, with his girlfriend. He did with his girlfriend, um,
but still, you know, he lived, we weren't even living
in the same city. So you know, we did talk some,
but we knew we were going to see each other
at another friend's wedding a few months later. So when
we saw each other that dating, we both came single.
Neither one of us were dating anybody at that point,

(18:03):
and um basically got back together at that We we
got engaged like six weeks later after that wedding, so
we you know what, the the the turning point of
our relationship that took it from kind of a kid
in love to more of a definitely not adult because

(18:24):
we were young. I mean we were in our twenties
early twenties. But we had this conversation, and we had
always been the kind of couple who spent hours and
hours and hours on the phone, Like we were always
super communication heavy and talked a whole lot. But the
one night that I really remember feeling like, oh my goodness,
this is really different this time. And I would say

(18:46):
that every time, every time we would get back together,
I'd be like, it's different this time. No, it's different
this time. But it wasn't. It was the same immature,
oh i'm jealous, oh you know, that kind of relationship.
But this moment we sat and talked for her and
we told each other everything. It was like we completely
came clean with every yes, with every piece of baggage

(19:08):
in our lives, every thing that we had done that
we wish we hadn't, just everything. We came clean on
all the dirt we could think of, and it was
truly a different It was just a different level that
we hit of communication and from there it really was different,
and we did. We got engaged six weeks later, but
even I mean, it was still quick because people even,

(19:31):
you know, I remember him telling people that we, you know,
I got engaged, and they're like, to who, you know?
Nobody even knew we were together at that point, so
it was a whirlwind. But clearly we knew each other really, really,
really well. But the engagement came quickly. When you have
a big love like that, though, it's hard to ever
have anyone else take that spot, right. I feel that

(19:52):
way too, because I dated Michael for We dated like
four years, broke up two, and then got Then after
our two year break up, we got engaged four months
after we got back together. Kind of same thing. It's
like everyone's like, what you are back together? What you
are married? Like, what's wrong with you? All? Yeah, when
you have that big love, I feel like it's hard
to ever have anyone take that spot. Sometimes the timing

(20:15):
is just not right, and you have to grow up
and like mature. If you meet too young, not meet
too young, but if you meet so young, it just
takes a little while to take a little more too
long to work those things out because you're growing up
while you're date right. And I think sometimes you have
in your head, like the person that I'm gonna marry
is gonna look like this, or you're gonna you had
this sort of these parameters in your in your head

(20:37):
of what that person is going to be, but that's
not always who you have that connection with or fall
in love with or whatever. It doesn't always make sense
on paper. And I think I was always the real
rational brain, and so I think to me, maybe it
didn't make sense on paper, but I just knew he
was the only person I was gonna ever love. Like
I would try to date other people and it just

(20:58):
wasn't there. I mean, I like, this person makes sense
on paper, but it just doesn't feel right. Yes, it
wasn't right. I never had that same thing. Um, so yeah,
it's it didn't. It didn't always make sense. It still doesn't,
but you know, you fight, and you I don't know,

(21:18):
you get through all those times that don't seem to
make sense. So I read a bunch of articles about
you guys, because do you have an Instagram? I don't.
I know Instagram. No, I'm sorry I don't. And Walker
is he is sort of wanting me to. You gotta
get an Instagram. You know, they're at least a spying
your kids and they get older, there are so we've

(21:40):
always we always really wanted to keep our kids private,
not not like a oh there better than anybody else,
just for their sake, say you know, just yeah, I
kind of didn't want them to ever be kids that
were recognized when they were out apart from Walker. But
you know, the more that time passes, I always felt
very strongly a out that. But Walker and I've talked

(22:01):
a lot. We've obviously had a lot of unique experiences
in life, and there's nothing wrong with sharing your life
with other people. The more we communicate, the more we
share the yucky stuff in our life, it helps other people,
you know, it makes other people not feel alone, or
it makes other people feel, oh my goodness, I'm normal,

(22:22):
and there's part of me that for my kids wants
to protect them and go, you know what, it's nobody
else's business if my kid is struggling with blah blah
or whatever it is. But at the same time, I
want my kids to be able to tell other people.
I remember my oldest telling talking to a friend and
telling her about stuff that was going on, and this
friend was like, oh my goodness, me too. And I
feel like, you know, And on one hand, I want

(22:44):
to protect their prophecy, and on the other hand, I
want them to realize we're all the same, we all
struggle with the same things. You know, you're not You're
not alone in whatever you're going through. So I kind
of go back and forth on the whole keep in private,
you know, help them see the it. We're just a
tiny speck in this great, big world. I don't know

(23:05):
how do you view all that like, because that is
such a fine line, especially being in the spotlight, especially
when you are going through things. How do you decide
that you're willing to share because a lot of people
would be like, get out of my life. You know,
for Walker and me, we don't mind sharing it all,
are you know? I'm willing to talk about anything. Uh,
there's nothing really that's off limits to me. I'm more

(23:27):
than happy to share with people. And again I always
just pray, like, let it just benefit somebody, Like I
don't know what to say. I don't have the words.
I mean, I don't never know, especially like I said,
I don't ever do podcasts. I mean, there's no reason
I ever have to share, and I don't have an Instagram,
so you know, I really don't ever have to do
that kind of stuff. But I just want whether it's
in a conversation with a friend one on one or

(23:48):
this kind of outlet, I just wanted to benefit somebody.
I mean, hopefully I say something where there's someone out
there that doesn't feel that alone or feel abnormal or
whatever it is. But um that that's one reason why
I would consider doing Instagram. But I'm afraid of the
time suck. Yeah I would. I would definitely want to

(24:10):
use as an outreach, but I am just afraid of
the everybody says, oh, you'll get on a rabbit hole
and you know, two hours later you're like, what have
I been doing? And you know my time is is
very stretched thin, I guess you could say, And I'm
afraid I'll be like, no, kids, just go to your
school and I'm just gonna sit here and play on
Instagram or I don't know. Those are the things that

(24:32):
I'm we're afraid of and we don't know. We don't
allow our oldest to have social media. So maybe I'll
get it together, maybe, and maybe we can navigate it together.
I mean, you know, it's not like we're gonna keep
her in the closet or anything. But at the same time,
for her own sake, I mean, we tell her we
were super big communicators around here, so we just try
to tell her why we won't know, why we won't

(24:54):
let her have it. It's not We're not just trying
to be mean parents. You know, it's hard enough when
you're thirteen to not compare your life to everyone else's.
You know, there's no reason you need to be looking
at everybody's you know, exciting Instagram lives and that are
just the highlight reel. Right, do your kids respond well
to communicating? Like are they? Are they good at understanding

(25:14):
when you all have these conversations, because what is the
key to parenting? I'm about to first week in September. September, Okay, so,
but like you have amazing children. I walk in and
they're all so nice and so respectful, They're so cute
and so sweet. How do you instill all that in them? Oh?

(25:35):
My goodness. The well one is realizing how much we
don't have it figured out. Probably. I mean, we tell
our kids all the time. You have to remember, y'all
made us parents, Like we weren't seasoned parents before you
all came along. Like we're learning as we go. I mean,
we apologize more than you know. I mean, we mess

(25:55):
up and mess up and mess up and mess up
again and lose our patients and whatever her and you're
not scared to say, sorry, Gody, we live in sorry land,
like I mean, we yeah, that's just part of it.
Like I want them to realize. I don't want them
to have us on a pedestal, you know. I want
them to realize we're just imperfect people trying our best.
I mean, I want them to know how much they

(26:17):
are loved, how much they are valued as their unique
little personalities, because they're all so incredibly different, and I
want them to all see they have strengths and weaknesses
and that's okay. I mean, there's things they're good at
and things they're not. And that's all fine. I mean,
that's just the messy part of life. But the secret
to parenting. Check back with me in twenty years and

(26:38):
I'll let you know, like what we screwed up and
what we did well. I don't reverally don't know, um,
but we Walker is the communicator. I'm not that by nature,
he is super communicator. He wants to talk about everything.
He wants nothing to be awkward, nothing to be off limits.
And you have to start those conversations. See like walk

(27:00):
in and be like, oh, he'll talk about anything he
gets back from, you know, traveling, and he's like, so, Lee,
love you started puberty yet I mean like, and I
know people think that's weird and people look at us
like have you lost your mind? Like did he really
just say that? But he does not want anything to
be weird, Like why is that stuff weird? We all
go through I mean, so that's that's kind of the

(27:22):
approach we take. And again, I know there's probably plenty
of people who I want to point fingers and judge
us and whatever, but that's just the way we work.
And every family is different and that is amazing. I
think we're all uniquely gifted to be the parents to
the children that we have. So everyone's going to bring
their own talents and gifts into their relationships and parenting

(27:42):
and and everything else. But for us, I have really
he has won me over to the communicator side of things. Um,
I just see how it benefits us as a couple.
And you know, even those awkward things you don't always
want to talk about, you've got to go there, like
it's just it is so healthy. And then the other

(28:05):
side and rid of it. You don't carry it around
with you. It is like just everything, I mean, immediately
bring it up, Like when it hits your heart, you
should go ahead and bring it now. Granted, like maybe
right now is not the perfect timing, like you do
have to find kind of timmy was, but but yeah,
just communicating everything, I mean, we we're very open with

(28:26):
our kids about all those awkward things puberty and sex
and childbirth and how do you talk about it is well,
you know, Walker had always communicated to me how much
he wanted those things to be open conversation and I
was like, oh, weird, No, I don't know about that.
That's that's not my comfort zone. And then he was

(28:50):
gone one time and um, just our kids were and
this is gonna be a lot of information, but our
kids were showing some just sexual curiosities and interest, and
that was how I felt. I was like, they I
could see them feeling like some guilt about it, and

(29:12):
I did not want them to feel that way at all,
And so I went ahead and just told him. I
was like, hey, this is why, like we we are
made to care about that, Like that is part of
who we are, and you should never feel guilt about that.
Like I would never want them to wrap up guilt
with their sexuality, yes, if that makes any sense, especially

(29:35):
like with with faith and stuff. Faith is so important,
but sometimes it gets all messy in there because it
is not a bad thing to write sexually curious, right,
And so that was kind of the place that I
came from. I didn't want them to I just wanted
them to realize, this is how you're made. These things
are so good. You just have to learn the correct

(29:57):
parameters of you know, knowing about these things and dealing
with it. But I know that you're not abnormal to
care or to think about these things. And so that's
kind of how it started. Making it a big deal.
Just saying you're you're right to feel this way, right,
And so I just kind of told all of them
at the same time, because that's we're pretty much all

(30:18):
together all the time. I mean, our house is not
really made for a family of eight, are you know?
We everybody pretty much shares our bathroom. I mean, we
kind of have some communal living going on at the
Hay's house. So I just went ahead and told all
of them, and of course they all process it at
different I started very basic, and they all process it
at different levels, and then the older ones came back

(30:40):
with questions, and I was amazed at the depth of
their questions. So early on there, I would have been
sad did not have talked to them about it, you
know any I don't, I don't know. It just would
have made me sad that they really could come up
with questions like that such a what I thought was

(31:01):
an early age. You know, they needed somebody to talk
to them about it. You know, they don't need that
talked about, right, They don't need that with friends and
misinformation and online information and whatever else they might come
up with. So coming from you and Walker than them
going and trying to piece it together themselves right, and

(31:22):
they have come back with some big questions that even
I mean, you know, I'm thirty nine, but I still
kind of want to giggle when they ask certain questions.
And that's I mean, that's just how we are, you know,
for some reason, we want to giggle at weird words.
But you know, I'm so thankful that they'll come and
ask questions to me and not to a friend or something.

(31:43):
So I don't know, again, check back with me in
twenty years and let me tell you how we've screwed
them up or how we've maybe said you know, what
bad benefited them in life. But I don't know. I
love them so much, and I just I just want
them to know how much we love them and we're
trying our best. I mean, we mess up so much,
but we I mean, I want I'm Lord knows, I

(32:07):
am not a perfect mom. Walker puts me on this
like superwoman pedestal and it is not that he does,
and I'm like, it is I just want people to
see it is I lose my patience, I mess up.
I am not super mom, But um, I do just
want my kids to know. I want to try to
make decisions about what isn't their best interests long term,

(32:30):
not like what helps me right this minute. And you
know what, we all have to get through the day,
and we all have to survive. I mean, right now
I'm letting my kids do more device sound than I
would normally, but you know what, we we have to
get through the day. But at the end of the day,
I do want to make decisions where I feel like
this is going to benefit them in life, not just
what's convenient for me right this second. Like I don't

(32:50):
see them as get out of my They're not like
my little puppets. I really want them to grow into
the people they were meant to be. I agree with that.
I think that every child comes here for they have
their own purpose, their own personality, and like we get
to guide them. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, And it's amazing looking

(33:13):
back at their infancies at how much their personalities were
really evident, so so so early, and you don't know
it in its fullness until they get a little bit older.
But yeah, they're they're their own little unique people. And
you know, parenting looks different for each of them, for sure.
I mean I I definitely don't parent them the same

(33:34):
at a bet I mean, they have different rules. Like
my oldest got a phone younger. My second one is
already older than she was, but we're not getting him one.
And that's just I mean, it's not like one it
is and we yeah, we guess as we go, is
all we do. I think that's the only way you
can do it. I mean I really do. And like

(33:58):
I think, what you have kids, it's just a wild
West out there. Like we've waited till we were older
to have kids because I was always really afraid of
having children, Like I was nervous about it because it's
like these little creatures that are just their own thing,
you know, and it's like all of a sudden, there
your whole life. And I just think that you guys
do such a great job. And I wanted to talk
to you about this because I know you are willing

(34:20):
to be open. But like you guys walk through some
serious pain, and that's that's really hard to do as
a parent. And I don't know how how how do
you walk through serious pain like you and walker walk through.
I mean again, it's one day at a time. I
mean we are June six is one year, and I
don't know what to expect. I mean it's yeah, it's

(34:42):
it is learning as we go, I mean that, and
I'm happy to fill you in and whoever's listening on
kind of the story that we walked through. Um, I'm
not afraid to talk about it. Yes, it's heartbreaking to
talk about, but it's lie. I mean, it's real life,
like it's it's our journey that we went through. And so, um,
the night before I went into labor, we were sitting

(35:05):
at the baseball field at a Sun's baseball game, just
like so many I mean so many nights. And he
the next day was the CMT Awards and then he
was headed out of town on the bus that night
after the c MT Awards, and I was still pregnant.
I'd never carried a baby this long, so I was
right at forty weeks and all of them, I've never
had one past thirty eight. So you know, I'm definitely

(35:28):
day to day thinking why am I still pregnant? This
is crazy. We had blocked off the entire month of
May for him to be home, and May came and
went and I was still pregnant, and so we were like,
how much longer can you really take off of work?
I mean we got to get back out that we
I mean, he's working as hard as you can to
support us and pay for us so that I can
follow my dream, which is staying home and homeschooling and

(35:51):
doing all these things. And so we're kind of both
pursuing our dreams, I guess. And so he's thinking, I
gotta go back out of town tomorrow, and I'm begging,
please don't leave, don't leave, don't leave. And really, in
my head, I was telling him I'm not afraid of delivering.
I mean, you know, I've done this plenty of times.
I know I can do it without you there. I

(36:13):
just want you here. I just want you here. So
we went to bed that night, you know, got home
from baseball. I remember he posted on his Instagram story.
We were sitting there keeping the score for the game,
and I was writing on the paper, please don't leave,
and he videoed it and posted it on his story. Well,
the next day I woke up and this is just
like so many of my other kids. I woke up

(36:36):
early morning hours in labor, and so I just kind
of lie there and I'm watching the clock, going, Am
I really in labor? Am I not? I don't know
I'm gonna just watch the clock for a while because
I always just kind of have contractions getting closer. And
so enough time had passed where I was like, okay,
I'm really in labor. So I got up and I
was like, I'm gonna just kind of wake up, walk around,

(36:57):
make sure before I wake up Walker. And so I
kind of just paced through my house, you know, going
in mind labor. And it was getting more intent. So
I was like, okay, So I went and woke up.
Walker said, Hey, I'm really in labor. This is like
textbook around here. I mean, we have done this so
many times, and so I wake him up and he's like, oh,

(37:17):
my goodness, really really okay. Well, this time, for the
first time, we had planned a home birth because so
many of my kids had almost been born in the car.
So for the first time we had planned a home birth. Um,
a lot of our kids had almost been born in
the car. And that is not fun. That is super intense,
it's scary. It's just not fun. I don't even know

(37:41):
how it alps to explain it. It It is not fun.
And Walker's driving and we had all the other kids
in the car, all these other births, and you know,
would drive up at the hospital and Russian and like
I was delivering as I was being carded in the hospital.
I mean, just see quick labor, very quick. Yes, most
of them have been very very quick. So um yeah,

(38:03):
you know that's again. All of them are fun and
unique in their own ways. But that was intense. The
kids were always all with us, whoever you know the
other ones were at the time, and you know, so
number six, they were all in the delivery room when
the sixth one was born because it was so fast.
We had no there was no other choice. We don't

(38:24):
have family in town. You know, we don't have friends really,
I mean we have neighbors, but nobody close enough. It
was just like a kid's get in the car, We're
going to the hospital right now. And so, you know,
they were all lined up on the bench next to
me in the delivery room when the sixth one was born,
and it was like, uh here turned this way real fast, okay,
like the baby's here. I mean, so we just didn't

(38:45):
really want to repeat that. We were thinking, oh, home setting,
that will be so nice and relaxing, and um the
uh so, yeah, everything was progressing pretty normally, I guess, um, Uh,
it was getting more intense quickly, but again that wasn't
really out of character. So I called the midwife. She

(39:06):
came on, Um, you know, I don't know. You just
you want to look back and go, what were my
red flags? But you know, labor is exactly the same,
So there wasn't really anything that you go, there were
some weird things like I kind of was getting lightheaded
and stuff, but again that's not necessarily odd. Um. But

(39:30):
I so I went into labor. We're home. I'm just
going through labor. The midwife's here. Everything's fine. I mean,
they're monitoring the heartbeat. Everything seems okay. And now looking back,
I know I was not coherent, but in the process

(39:50):
of it, there was no way to know that because
I'm a super silent laborer. I I don't say a word,
like I don't make a sound, I don't say a word.
So for me to be absolutely quiet was not abnormal.
I mean, there's no reason Walker would have said this
is weird. You know. Yes, there were things that were abnormal,
but again, nothing just too crazy. So all of a sudden,

(40:12):
I mean I've been laboring for a while. I knew
it was so intense that I was thinking this baby,
we didn't know whether as a girl or boy. We
I was thinking, this baby will be here any minute.
And I said, you know, am I close? And they
were like, no, you're not close, And that to me
was really weird. But again I wasn't super coherent. So

(40:33):
not long after that, you know, they were still monitoring,
we just lost the heartbeat. I mean, her heartbeat went
from fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, strong to just gone.
And in my heart, I was thinking, please just let
us just have lost it. You know, they can move
down where you can't really detected as well, you know,

(40:55):
just I don't even know, but I was just thinking,
there's no way, yes, I can still a field movement.
I don't. I don't know. Well, at that point, they
immediately called nine one one. The ambulance came. You know,
Walker and I have no idea what's going on. I mean,
we definitely have never had an experience like this. So
the ambulance gets me. The whole process takes a long time.

(41:16):
I feel like, um, the transfer. I remember riding in
the ambulance looking out the window, sort of trying to
figure out where I am. But I was not coherent
um and Walker was in the front. Had no idea.
I mean, we were so clueless. It it's scary thinking
how clueless we were. And I remember here in the

(41:37):
paramedics like saying weird words that I didn't understand. But
I had no idea. I was literally dying in the ambulance.
You were dying. So I, yes, I was dying. I
ended up losing like two thirds of my blood volume
because you had And so okay, so we get to
the hospital. Um, they had called ahead. All the h

(42:00):
O R doctor knew or the O B knew. When
she met me at the door was you know mother
thirty nine way I think it was thirty eight, thirty
eight years old, you know, seventh pregnancy in labor, and
so she just thought, hey, we're gonna be having a
baby as you walk in the door. And so she
got me. They put me in an ultrasound really no,
they checked no heart rate. Um checked again, no heart rate.

(42:24):
Then they put an ultrasound thing up and immediately she
knew there was no heartbeat. Again, it's all such a blur,
and it's such a rush that, Um, I don't know
if Walker and I fully understood at this point what
was going on. So after they did the ultrasound and
saw no heartbeat. I mean, I was gone into surgery
in an instant, and so Walker just goes to sit

(42:46):
in this room by himself, and I'm rushed away into surgery.
And again still we knew nothing. I mean, at this point,
doesn't know that you're in risk. He doesn't know that
I'm that I'm at risk. He doesn't know that it
he we both at this point. Now, no, this is
not good, like something is going on with our baby.

(43:07):
And so, um that I go into surgery. I mean,
obviously I'm put to sleep. I have no idea what
happens in the next I mean I was in surgery
about two hours. And this is the first time that
he found out. Oh my goodness. Well they go out
and they tell him, uh, it's a girl and she
didn't make it. So he is out there basically processing

(43:30):
all this by himself. I mean, I'm in surgery. There's
nobody there. Um you know, he's yeah, he's just alone.
And it breaks my heart to think about him doing
that alone. And then um, so then they come back
and they go, we're doing everything we can for your wife. Wow.

(43:53):
And so he I mean I think his head is
just spinning like he doesn't. He's like, wait, what you know,
I just lost my baby, and what do you mean
You're doing everything you can for my wife? And so, um,
my uterus had ruptured. So from what I gather, it
was kind of like an explosion. I mean it was
I mean, she was in my abdominal cavity. She you know,

(44:16):
was no longer. I mean, my my uterus basically did
just it was just an explosion. So um, when they
did the C section, she actually ended up with a
little cut under her eye because of where they cut
me open. She was just right there and um, yeah,
so okay, so he's just sitting there for hours, you know,

(44:40):
not knowing what's happening. Well, they keep coming back there,
like we've done, you know, four bags of blood, and
then they come back a little later, we've given her
eight bags of blood. You know, they just keep kind
of coming back and updating him. So I think I
ended up with eight bags of blood maybe, and I
don't know platelets, and I don't even know what all
they do lots of other stuff. But um, it was

(45:01):
by the grace of God that I stopped bleeding. Even
the obie told me she said, I did not know.
I didn't even know why you stopped bleeding, but you
just did. And so, um, they were able to you know,
they had talked about again I don't know how much
information you want, but they had talked about doing a
hysterect to me. But she didn't think I would be

(45:22):
able to survive that at that point because of the
blood I'd already removed. That's where you removed the uterus. Yeah,
I said, That's what ideally they would need to do
in a situation like that, but um, I had already
lost too much blood, so she didn't feel like I
could survive that extra trauma. And so they ended up
just you know, stitching me back together, I guess. And

(45:43):
then they had to you know, rents with four leaders
of Saline, and I mean they just had to, I
don't know, take me apart and put me back together.
I guess. Um, But again I have no idea what's
going on here. So I come out of surgery and
into recovery and Walker's in there, and I don't remember

(46:04):
really a lot of this. So from what I gather,
I would wake up and I would just touch my
belly and Walker would tell me over and over and over.
We had a little girl and we lost her. So
he had to tell me this several times, he said,
because you know, in surgery, you wake up and you

(46:25):
kind of go back out, and you wake up and
you kind of go back out. So every time I
would wake up, I wouldn't remember, and I would just
touch my belly again and he would know what I
was asking, and he would just keep telling me. And
so finally I remember, this is super crazy, but so
I did. I did that again. He handed I had
a breathing tube down so I couldn't talk, and he

(46:49):
hands me a white board and a marker because it
was obviously I was trying to say something. And after
he told me, I said, I wrote on this white
board left handed and you can't read it, but he
took a picture of it. I wrote, can't do this again.
Adopt And never in my head had I ever said
we were going to adopt. And in my heart's not

(47:10):
there right now. Obviously I have we have a lot
of recovery left, and I don't know what the long
term road is. But I was just like, that's strange.
So that's what came out. But that's what came out, um,
and obviously I was a little drugged and um anyway,
but so as I woke up, they um, once I

(47:31):
was coherent, they brought Oakley in and I will never forget.
They brought her in in one of those, um those
plastic buckets like they always bring a newborn in and
she just had a head full of hair like the
rest of all of my kids, and um, it was heartbreaking.

(47:56):
So we got to hold her all day long. And um,
the hospital was amazing from what I gather, everyone doesn't
have an experience like that, and um, we just held
her all day long and got to spend time with
her and our friends Craig and Laura, the walker with
is on Craig about they came up there um and

(48:17):
held her with us and just we just spent the
day with her. And I need to back up a
little bit because there is a person named Michelle that
our midwife called to be there. She had lost a
little girl years prior, and she did not know us.
She dropped everything and showed up and ended up sitting
with Walker while I was still in surgery. And I

(48:39):
never met her because you know, she she was there
with Walker the whole time, and then left by the
time I came out, but she was an absolute godsend.
I don't know what we would have done without her.
She just walked us through a really walker and then
I later called her, but walked us through everything from
you need to hold her, you need to spend time

(49:00):
with her, you need to take pictures, y'all. A girl
named Cali showed up, a professional photographer and did pictures
of her. I mean, just all these people jumped in
and it's all the things you don't know that you need.
But once time passes, you have no idea what you
would have done without him. And these people just showed up.

(49:21):
And our midwife is the person that called all these
people up here. So I could not thank her enough
for putting those people in place for us. But um, yeah,
so we spent the day with her. They had taken pictures,
you know, before I ever came out of surgery. So
Walker did not want to hold her. You know, they
kept saying you need to hurry up and hold her,
You need to hurry up and hold her, and he

(49:41):
didn't want to do that without me, So we waited
and did that together. Um but yeah, so we you know,
it's it's very it's very bizarre. Um. You know, from
a spiritual standpoint, I knew that was just or shell,
like I knew her spirit was long gone. And I'm

(50:04):
thankful for that. I'm thankful that I know that. But
the I love that Walker said she's safely in heaven. Yes,
and she and she is um. But the mom instinct
of wanting to care for her body is so odd,
like it took me by surprise. And I've since talked
to moms who have lost children, you know, whether it's

(50:26):
babies or you know, older kids, but it is you
still want to care for them like they were living,
even though you know it's just a shell. It's it's
a very um. You just can't you just can't know
what that is like until you've been there. And Michelle

(50:47):
and other people, we have a neighbor that stopped by
and just spoken to our lives when we didn't want
to hear anything, but he just showed up and spoke
to us like we just needed and he had lost
an adult son and was just telling us how it's
like that song, it is well with my soul. The
sorrows like sea billows roll, and that is the best

(51:09):
way I can think of to describe it. Like the waves.
You don't know when they're gonna come. And in the
beginning they're super close together and they just crash you constantly.
But as time goes on the waves are they grow
further apart, and you know, you you might think one
day is like I remember thinking, I didn't really think
of six months to be hard, and then that day

(51:31):
came and it hit me like a tornado. And then
I was thinking, oh, nine months is gonna be hard,
And that day came and went and it was okay.
So it's that's the thing about grief is you just
don't know when it's gonna come. It's it is. It's
like those waves and all those parents that showed up
for us that have lost kids we could not. It's

(51:52):
the club that you don't ever want to be in
and you don't ever want to be a part of it,
but you are so thankful that it exists and that
there's other people. And that's what Walker and I've kind
of learned. Um, I know I'm jumping around so much,
but Welker and I've kind of learned through those people
showing up for us, We've got to tell our story.
We've got to we've got to be those people for

(52:14):
somebody else. I mean, we look back and we go
that night before, where we were sitting at that baseball
game talking about you performing on the c MT Awards
and then you were headed out of town. That stuff
just didn't matter all of a sudden. I mean, in
the blink of an eye, nothing mattered. And it just
sometimes takes nobody has to experience anything like that. But

(52:36):
but at the same time, those are moments in life
that you want the lessons that you learn from them.
You don't want the reason that you had to learn
those lessons, but the lessons that you take from it
are are so good and I wouldn't give those back.
I mean, just the things that don't matter in life,
the things we spend our time and energy and effort

(52:57):
chasing that just don't matter. I mean they really so
that for sure. Um, we were kind of a loosey
goosey household before that, even but more so now. I mean,
just do not sweat the small stuff. Yes, I mean
our our wall has holes all in it from throwing

(53:18):
the baseballs, and you know we have a dartboard on
our wall with holes all right there. And just the things.
And I'm not saying you have to live in a
house that looks as messed up as ires, but it
looks loved. J Yeah. Just there's things that matter and
there's things that don't. And it's a sobering reminder that

(53:40):
you know the and then you hear this all the
time as a mom. The dishes in the sink don't matter.
The you know, all these things that you think you
need to get done, they just don't matter. I mean,
they really really don't. And we saw that even more
so Balus in Oakley. And again I think in parent

(54:00):
that's been through losing a child, or anybody that's been
through grief, you you would give anything to go back
in time and change things and to make different choices
and to change decisions you made and to go what
was I thinking about different things? But you can't. You cannot.

(54:21):
And I had to live in guilt for like a
little season. And then Walker very lovingly was like, you
can't stay here, like you gotta keep going, and and
he was right. And right after we lost her, I mean,
we fiercely loved our other children like we never have
and we always obviously love them and they are such

(54:42):
a priority to us. But it is um. Everything else
just fades away, it really does, and so you're asking
priorities for sure. Is one humongous thing we've learned or been,
you know been. It was thrown at us and thrown
into our faces. The other thing is just taking the

(55:03):
time and using every bit of everything you have to
reach out to other people. And Walker has been uniquely
gifted with a platform where he can reach I guess
a little bit more people than even I can. But
his his it's given us perspective on his job to

(55:24):
His job is a job. I mean, it's just a
job at the end of the day. And he saw
that very clearly when we lost Oakley, and I think
losing her has given him such a good passion for
what he does. He already had that dream and that
desire and that passion, but it is read that it
changed his perspective on how I performed. And it has music,

(55:46):
it definitely has. And his favorite part is just the
fans and the people that he gets to meet. And
he loves the VP s and the meet and greets
and people come and tell him stories and it is
like we always laugh where like his VP should be
a room where there's metal chairs set up in a circle,
and it's like a therapy session, I mean for him

(56:08):
and hopefully for the people that come. And that is
how losing Oakley has really changed what he does. It
is not about he loves the ninety minutes on stage,
Don't get me wrong. I mean he has such a
gifting for it and he is passionate about it, and
he loves music. But it is about connecting with other
people and just sharing the journey of life together, the

(56:32):
goods and the bads and the uglies, and it is Yeah,
it is definitely changed how he views just what he does.
Um and as a singer and a performer, you are
a form of a preacher in a way. You're spreading
a message, you're spreading energy, You're affecting people, and he
has the ability to do that. He does. Yeah, And

(56:53):
I know his fans are the greatest. They are so
sweet and they just embrace our family when people bring
him gifts, and when they bring him gifts, they bring
stuff for the kids and for me, and you know
they are they have taken us all in for sure,
and he yeah, they his fans are the greatest. They

(57:14):
share real moments in life. And I mean he'll get
teary eyed in a meet and greet because somebody shares
a story and um, yeah, it's just giving him a
passion outside of just the music, which obviously is such
therapy to him anyway. I mean, he loves writing and
that's certainly his gift. So from all the different experiences

(57:36):
that you guys have had, from meeting so young to
You've got y'all's love story, Walker's music career, your children,
losing Oakley, what would you say the point of this
life is, Oh, my goodness, why are we? Why do
we go through all the things? The pain, the love,
the grief, the happiness, Like, what is what is all

(57:57):
this big ball of things that we go through? I
mean I don't. I don't know. First, I mean definitely
don't know. I don't have it figured out the I
don't want to be super preachy, but I feel like,
you know, we're here to glorify God and to serve others.

(58:18):
And there's so many times that I would go, oh,
I would just bring Oakley back, But then the other
part of me, it's that it's the struggle that I go,
why would she want to be in this world. This
world hurts, it's painful, and it's sad, and it's it's beautiful,
and there are a lot of joyous moments, but there's
also heartbreak, and you know, why would I want her

(58:41):
to have to come experience that? Um And so losing
a child, you tend to live with one foot in
heaven a little bit like you never would have before.
I mean this, this earth is fun too. This earth
is great and it's exciting, and I love you know,
I want to live on this earth as long as

(59:03):
I can because I want to be here for my
kids and I want to watch them grow up, and
I want to be with Walker and I want to
experience all these things with him. But at the same time,
you have this yearning that this earth is not it.
This is just not all there is, and it's a weird.
It's a weird living into places kind of thing that
I never knew before, even as a believer. Spiritually speaking,

(59:28):
it's hard to long for heaven because you don't you've
never been there. You don't know exactly what you're longing for. Sometimes,
and it's been pushed on me, like it or not
um in a more real way, I guess and then
also just serving other people. I mean, I so just

(59:48):
wanna again. I have been encouraged by people like Craig
and Laura Cooper and and that's always amazing because Craig
gave y'all a van. He did in a time where
we really needed it and we're definitely struggling. And you
even have a fund, be a Craig fund. We do.
And it is that is all the generosity of everybody
out there that has nothing to do with us or

(01:00:12):
Walker or anything. We always want people to know it is.
It is the fans out there that are doing that.
It's not us, like he might have set it up
but or his team set it up, or his idea,
whatever you want to say. But it is the generosity
of all the people out there that are giving to
it and allowing us to pay it forward and to

(01:00:33):
do things for other people. UM yeah, I feel like
until you're at a point where you really need help,
until you've been there, it's hard to fully extent help
to others. So I'm grateful for the seasons that we've
been through where we were really struggling. I mean, we

(01:00:53):
didn't I kept always I always told Walker, it's gonna
be fun. I know it's gonna be okay. I know
it's gonna be okay. We're gonna be fine, and we've
always been taken care of it's gonna be fine. But
sometimes I look back and I go, how why did
I think that? I mean, we didn't have any really
real signs that it was gonna all be okay, just trusted,
I guess. So, you know, you just kind of go
through things a day at the time, like I'm sort

(01:01:17):
of a day at the time person, and so I'm
not always thinking like what are we gonna do in
ten years from now. I mean, I'm just thinking, Okay,
well we got through today, so way to go. Now,
We're going to figure out tomorrow tomorrow. But um, I'm
getting on a tangent. I don't even know where I
started talking about this, But all these people that have
helped us and and showed up for us, all it

(01:01:39):
does is make me want to be able to do
that for other people. UM, and I think we all
need to be. It's good to be at a place
where we really need others. And do you think that
truly can't deny it, but we need others? Is that
part of the beauty of brokenness. Do you think, oh,
it's so is And again I would give back all
my brokenness and all my lessons to have Oakley back

(01:02:00):
any day. But you do, we were dealt that like
like it or not, that is, that is the lot
we were dealt and so learning taking the gifts that
we have received from losing her, that is, That's one
of the biggest blessings. I'm thankful to have a platform
where I can reach out to other people. Um, you know,

(01:02:23):
I can't imagine walking through that by myself or just
Walker and you know, just the two of us together,
by ourselves and with our kids. I mean, we had
to walk through it with our kids. We had to
figure out, you know, how are we going to tell it? Well,
he had to tell them because I was in the hospital.
But you just navigating all of that, you know, helping
our kids learn to grieve and you know, communicate. And

(01:02:44):
it's okay to be sad, It's okay to be happy.
If you feel happy today, be happy, like even if
it's the anniversary of the day she was born. I mean,
if you're happy today, be happy and don't feel guilty
about that. If you're sad today, you know, be willing
to just be sad and that's okay too. Um Walker
alwayss feel your feelings, and I'm not a feeling person.

(01:03:07):
I know he's like, he's a mess. He has watched
every romantic comedy and read everally every Nicholas Sparks book,
and I mean he is, he is bad and I
have to just talk about our feelings. His latest song
about you don't let her, I mean talk about a
feeling guy. He is a feelings guy. I mean that

(01:03:28):
makes that song makes me sad because it's talking about
it if he died and someone else comes in and
replaces him, right, and he's telling all the amazing things
about you, like don't let her miss me though, is
at the hook of it. If she miss ever misses me,
don't let her Godly. Yeah. I even got Terry when
he was in the UK, and he it was just

(01:03:49):
he was he was going to be gone for two weeks,
which is a really really long stretch for him to
be gone, and he gets lonely, really really lonely, and
he was just you know, we had just kind of
freshly lost Oakley, so deaf and just the impermanence of life.
I guess was fresh on our hearts and minds, and
he just sort of sort of jotted down lyrics and

(01:04:12):
texted them to me one night, and I just responded
with a teary face. And normally, you know, you get
so used when he when you have a husband as
a songwriter, I get really used to his songwriting. And
he brings some songs and I'm like, yeah, that's great. No, really,
it's great. I mean, but I am I'm kind of
immune to the talent, I suppose, but that one, that

(01:04:34):
one definitely struck me in a different way. And uh,
and I love the music. The lyric videos is all
you guys throughout your whole life and like high school
and falling in love. It is. It was fun to
gather all those when they were working on the video.
It was fun to kind of walk down memory lane
and gather all the old pictures and look through them.

(01:04:54):
And you know, we were closer to my daughter's age
then to where we are now. She's thirteen, she's thirteen
and we were seventeen, so she could look he was cute.
She's like, mom, weird, but but yeah, it was. It was.
It's been really fun getting that together. I'm not sure

(01:05:18):
I'm not a shod person. I can talk to anybody
you're outgoing, but I'm not really like a performer type either,
you know. So it's been interesting to right to that
has been kind of interesting and I'm like, oh, you
get to point out all my insecurities, all that weird
things that I hate and love. And yeah, it's a

(01:05:41):
little uming, I suppose, but that's I think it's so
sweet and lady. I think honestly, I just want to
thank you for your heart and coming on this podcast
and willing to be vulnerable about really hard things in life.
But that you feel like you want to share to
how brothers and I think that you and Walker are

(01:06:01):
using your life in this way to share and express
things that are hard to talk about is so incredible.
And I just want to thank you for that because
that's not easy to do and it's really it really
blew me away with your story. And I know other
people are going to feel that same way. Well, I
appreciate it. Yeah, I'm we're definitely you know, Walker has

(01:06:22):
always made it a priority to share the reality in life,
from his struggles and drinking to so he did four
years ago he just said enough, Yeah, I mean, honestly,
I look back on his career and everything, and it

(01:06:43):
likely would have been destructive to us all if things
had happened when we were in our early twenties and
just it was more of a party and it was
in the lure of the career and all of those things.
And so the struggle that we had over the last
you know, thirteen years was completely worth it. I probably

(01:07:05):
wouldn't have said that in the midst of it, but
now looking back, it was. It was what we needed.
I mean, those are he did he quit drinking. He
just woke up one day and said I have a
breaking point. When he he did not. I mean, he
always paints me as a super supportive, wonderful, perfect wife, like, oh,
if your loved one drinks too much, talk to Laney

(01:07:26):
and do what she did. I'm like, no, don't do that.
Definitely don't do that. I really don't know. You just again,
you just wake up and you go through the day.
And yes, there were certain worries and anxieties I had
and he would be touring and it felt like a
party on the road out there and um home, and
you know, there were there were those struggles and just

(01:07:50):
the insecurities of your you know, you're out there party
and do I trust you? You know, I don't know, um,
because like it or not, we're not exactly the same
people when we are drinking, and so yeah, it always
it bothered me at some point. And then Walker got
to the point where, you know, I would always bring

(01:08:12):
it up, like, hey, there's a problem here, and for
a while he just kind of pushed me off. And then,
you know, I wanted to be careful not to nag,
even though I know I mixed that in as well.
You know, I didn't want to nag, but it's hard
not to. I mean, we are human. But then he um,

(01:08:32):
so I would, yeah, I would bring it up. And
then he finally got to the point where he would say, yes,
I have a problem and I know it, but I
cannot stop. And so he was like I cannot do
my job and my life without it, because life was
hard at that point, Like we didn't know hard yet,
but that was hard when we were going through all
those things. And then you know, he just we kind

(01:08:52):
of communicated that for a season and then eventually he
just woke up one day and it was a football
day and he just didn't drink, and there was no
round a reason. It was not a planned thing. And
one day turned into two, and then that turned into
three and then four, and then he kind of got
high on sobriety, I guess, and that became, you know,

(01:09:13):
an adrenaline thing. And then you know, his journey has continued.
He started working out and other things. Yes, I mean,
I'm sure you don't mind that. For sure, it's like
the incredible Hulk, but like not as big, but like
so strange. Yes, but it's funny. He's just him to me.
I'm like, whether I don't know, he was like this,

(01:09:33):
not even a hundred pounds scrawny, skinny runner kid when
I met him, and so now he's like a bodybuilder,
all right, and then he's got to hate this, But
I don't. I don't really tend to notice. I know,
people always comment on his pictures and they're like, oh,
lucky Laney whatever, And yes, I think he's so hot,
but I think he always has been any different. And

(01:09:56):
I don't really notice whether he bolts up a little more,
he's a little skinnier. I mean, I don't tend to
notice those fluctuations. I'm sure he wishes he came home
and I was like, man, your babies are looking huge
or whatever. Right, your biceps are really bulging today. But
I mean we're in real life. I'm like, hey, so

(01:10:17):
glad you're home. And he likes to cook bacon the
second he walks in the door. Really fun fact, yeah, bacon.
I know, weird right right when he comes home anytime
a day, when he rolls in on the bus, you
know it's in the morning. So he comes in and
if I have at least like four pounds of bacon
and the big old electric griddle out, that is like
his love language. Stop. Does everyone love bacon in the house? Definitely,

(01:10:41):
We're all a little more over it because we now
we do it all the time. It was a treat
in the beginning, but now no, I mean, like four
pounds of bacon, that's a lot of team to be
kind of gone as fast as he can cook it.
But he loves to just stand there and I think
it's like, oh my god, I don't know, I freaking
love it. Okay. I could talk to you all day,
but we're already a little over an hour, so I

(01:11:02):
always wrap up every interview with your whole story has
been so inspiring. But um, I'll wrap up every interview
would leave your life, So leave a message that you
want people to hear, just about life, your journey, what
you wish people would know for their hearts. Oh my goodness,
what a loaded question. So really, I guess my biggest

(01:11:26):
thing would be just communicate. Communicate community whoever you have
around you, whether it's your mom or dad, or siblings
or friend, whoever, your spouse, whoever it may be. We
have found so much healing in just communication again, the good,
the bad, the awkward, the funny. You know, sit around

(01:11:47):
and communicate and laugh and tell funny stories or cry
or be mad. I mean it's okay to be walk around.
I love hard and we fight hard, like it's okay
to be passionate and fight hard to you know. Um,
but just communicating has been so instrumental for us from
our first date. Now makes so much sense that we

(01:12:09):
sat and talked for hours, because that is how that
is how we work. Like if we are having one
of those seasons where we're at each other's throats, if
we just go on a date night it is it
just makes everything better, Like just to sit and it's hard.
Life gets busy relationships can become businesses, especially once you
have kids. Um, you've got to make that time to

(01:12:32):
just talk and talk and talk and communicate and talk
real stuff like not surfacing. That's why he wrote say
something about the weather in his song about Me, because
we giggle like that's kind of superficial talk, you know,
like it's so nice outside. But just share your heart
with others, Um, don't be embarrassed about the weird things

(01:12:53):
in life. And I don't know, I hope our kids
learned that were Like, whatever baggage we've given them, if
they can just learn to share it with others, it
makes carrying it a lot easier for sure. And I
would say our whole journey has kind of maybe led
us to that point that. Lady, you're amazing. You're such
an amazing person. You and Walker are so inspiring together.

(01:13:16):
Just thank you for being such a right. It's crazy
that you invited me to be on this, so thank you,
so so inadequate to some one here, but no, thank
you for having me. I'm so thankful this is your
first podcast, And thank you for sharing your heart. Thank
you for You're amazing. Bye