Laura Hutfless: Named one of Billboard’s “Power players” and “Country’s most powerful” multiple years in a row, Laura is using her influence to help survivors of mass shootings find healing.

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
Carola, She's a queen. She's getting not afraid of just
no Caral sounds. Hey, I'm really excited about this episode

(00:29):
to Get Real podcast. I have Laura Hutlash joining me.
She is a co founder and owner of flight View,
which is an entertainment marketing agency that helps brands connects
their sunny She's saying hello. That helps the brands connect
to consumers via the power of entertainment, pop culture, and sports. UM.
Laura is a really incredible resilient person. She has gone
through a lot and we talked about it UM. She

(00:51):
struggled with anorexia. That was sunny burping. She struggled with
anorexia and UM junior high in high school and I
got really serious and she almost lost her life to it. UM.
And she talks about that very openly and vulnerably, and
it's really and it's a powerful story. She also talks
about how she became the head of this amazing corporation,

(01:14):
flight View, the company that she's running, and they do
business differently. They're all about giving back. They give back
such a large percentage of what they make, and their
projects are all very soulful and creative and unique. Each
each project that they do is special and it's full
of love and you can feel it, and I love
hearing her talk about it, So I can't wait forgot

(01:34):
to hear how they run their business and UM. She
also was in love with a guy named Austin and
he was a survivor of Columbine and he went on
to use his life to speak to others and to
spread a message of UM, just a message of surviving
a terrible incident like that, and he ended up losing

(01:57):
his life to addiction UM recently, and Laura talks about that,
it's been really painful season for her, but as she
has done with everything else in her life, she has
turned that into something to help others. And she has
started a outreach program where you can go to on site,
which is an organization where it's intensive just therapy and

(02:21):
it helps you get to the core UH, really painful
issues and deal with them and help heal yourself. And
it's this program is called Triumph Over Tragedy and it
is for victims of mass shootings, the survivors of mass shootings.
There's a mass shooting a day. I did not know that,
but this program that she's created in this outreach is

(02:42):
for people who have survived mass shootings. So if you
know someone who has survived or if you are a
survivor of a mass shooting, um check this website out
www dot the on Site Foundation dot org and that's
th h O N s I t E f O
U n d A t i o n dot org

(03:03):
and spread the word because it's it's needed and a
lot of people could use this who've been through something
that's traumatic. And I just love Laura. I love her heart,
and I love all that she's doing to help heal
people that she loves and those that she knows needs it.
So here she has Laura Hutless. I am really excited
to be her. Laura Hutless, you are just really such

(03:27):
an inspiring person and I've got to know you on
the business side first ever, really before I got to
know you on the personal side, which has just been
such a blessing for me because a you're a powerhouse
in the business world. You are co founder and owner
of flight View, which is how do you describe flight View?

(03:47):
Were an entertainment marketing agency that helps brands connect to
consumers via the power of entertainment, pop culture, music, and sports.
So that's awesome and so cutting edge. Thanks go on,
But it is because it's like you really use social media,
you use all sorts of internet outlets, use um. Like

(04:08):
I started working with you with Cracker Barrel because they
had all sorts of online platforms to showcase really awesome
talent in a way that was kind of revolutionary. Like
Cracker Barrel did warehouse sessions and they had that aired
on their Facebook live like as a platform. And then
Cracker Bill did, uh, what was the fifty generations of
women five decades one voice? Yeah, fifty generations. Gosh, that's

(04:32):
like all the time. We'll go for the talking points again. Yeah. Yeah.
That was to celebrate their fiftieth anniversary and celebrating five
decades of women in music. Yeah, pairing icons with emerging artists, uh,
to connect emotionally to consumers and something that I think
you know, as a brand, you really struggle with because

(04:55):
it's a product. But music has the ability to connect people,
um all different ages. Ray This is um really globally,
and so a lot of brands are now realizing the
power of music to connect to consumers. I just love that.
I love how creative fly view is like y'all get
with brands and it's not just like, Okay, let's just
post a picture or let's just have a magazine article

(05:15):
or let's have a radio spot. It's like, how can
we come up with a creative way that, like you said,
really connects with consumers, touches heartstrings and is unique, Like
it's a unique experience for this brand partnership. Yeah, ad
campaign or whatever. We're none for being first, Okay. Yeah,
so our tagline is another flight you first. So every

(05:36):
program that we do there has to be a first element. Okay,
So what does that mean exactly? It means we have
to be the first to do something right. So I'll
use a campaign we did for Tennessee tourism Um with
Garth Brooks to celebrate Garth achieving the seven Diamonds status,
and so we did a big concert down to seven
diamond status means seven million. It means diamond is ten million.

(05:59):
So he sold seventy million seven albums that are ten
million or more, so he surpassed the Beatles. I mean,
it's a massive movement. And so we did a big
show downtown and the only way in was via Snapchat.
So it was the first ticketed event via Snapchato. We
did just this past year the first Super Bowl commercial
created UM by women UM, which was for Bumble. I

(06:22):
saw that it was Serena Williams and Serena Williams was
the star. Yes, so so you're creating. Yeah, So everything
we do there's a first element and that's really what
we take pride in. It also means there's a lot
of obstacles um And I think that's just been a
theme of my life really is pushing through obstacles. UM.

(06:42):
I love being the first to try something or do something.
It also means you can't be afraid of failing. We've
done that too on many occasions. But you'll never really
um do anything great unless you push through that and
dive into that fear. So I'm really proud of my team. Uh.
They know that when they sign net to work at
flight View that that's a requirement. So when you're hiring someone,

(07:04):
how do you even hire someone? Because it's so wide open.
It's such a creative canvas, Like what you're going to
be doing is wide open because you don't know, Like
you really have to dream it up based on what
walks in the door, who, what brand, wants to work
with you, and then you just like sit down and
start hashing out creative ideas like how do you even
get to snapchat snapchat ticket? Yeah? Well, first talking about

(07:26):
hiring a hire for culture, making sure someone's a culture fit,
that they align with our mission, vision and values. Tell
me what your mission, vision and values are? Ye, So
our mission and vision UM one is to create life's
bus moments for fans and for anyone that we interact
with with our programs. UM too is to serve our

(07:49):
clients with excellence, and that means transparency and honesty UM.
And the idea of service in general, I think is
a lost art UM because we're such a self centered
culture and to walk in and really think we're serving
the client's bus interests not our own. UM. It's really
a mindset that we have to build from the beginning.
And then lastly is give back, and so we do

(08:13):
that financially. UM every year we give back a portion
of proceeds to the community. This year we're of profits
and so we increase that five percent every year, which
is pretty substantial. And this year we all out our
employees to choose that. So what happens if you get
there when we get that far. But I honestly, Jeremy,

(08:35):
my business partner, and I started the company because we
wanted to prove that we could work in entertainment, We
could do what we love, we could support artists to
musicians and talent, and we could make a difference UM
in this space, and we weren't seeing a lot of
companies doing that UM. And then also just within the

(08:55):
campaigns that we do, there's always a giveback element, whether
it's on the back end of the deals that we're
making or it's actually part of the campaign of the program.
So one example is a program with Enterprise that we
did called Chare the Code Hit the Road and it
was an event ticketed via acts of kindness that was
the only way to get into the show. Wow. Yeah,

(09:16):
that was a really fun program. It was with Zac
Brown the first year and one Republic this past year.
So how fulfilling is this? I mean, I know this
has to be so hard because to get all of
this red tape path to cross through all this red tape,
like it is so hard to get anything done because
you've got managers, you've got publicist, you've got I mean,
who else. There's so many people, you've got label reps

(09:38):
a lot of the time, you've got record heads. You
have so many high ups when you're dealing with like
an artist, per se and a brand. How do you
get stuff cleared? Does it take forever? You know? I
just think that anything worth doing is going to be hard,
and you're willing to just and you can't take from
an answer. I mean there have been times where I

(09:59):
have literally really driven to an executive's office and sat
in their office until they give me an answer. So
you're just not taking an easy no. You can't know
is a suggestion? Is a suggestion? Is a suggestion? Actually?
I had an employee onlet's saying no is a modified yes.
That's then the attitude that we've adopted. And people don't

(10:22):
like change, and so to do something different, it's uncomfortable
and most people would rather just keep an easy um life.
And and that's not what we accept and our company
are with our team is we want to do things
that have impact, which means you have to push through

(10:42):
that no, and no just means that path that door
is closed, but there's five other doors to stick with
that one door. Yeah, you have to be creative and
that's where our creativity comes in. My background is art.
I was an art major. Really, my mom was an
art teacher. Said this really creative upbringing so many fun
stories there. And I think that's what allow allows me

(11:05):
to be creative in the business sense, to figure out
how to structure deals differently, or how to sell in
programs differently. Um, I think creativity is so lost, especially
and with this with young generations coming up, because they're
not creativity is not demanded of them because everything is
given to us on devices or phones. It's done for

(11:25):
us already. Where when I was little, if I wanted it,
I dreamed it up. I drew it, you know, I
I imagined it, and that's what I had to play with.
I had leaves, sin sticks and grants, and that really
served the purpose of everything that I ever wanted to create.
Where did this deep burning passion um Almost like it's

(11:49):
like non negotiable sense of we have to give back
as well, we have to impact, we have to give
back as well as having a career and having financial
You obviously want to have financial success, but it sounds
to me like financial success is just it's almost like
a byproduct, Like, yes, you want to make a living,
but you want to make an impact more than anything.

(12:10):
Where did that come from? I think it's in all
of us. But where why don't you decide to fight
for to make it making your stance because a lot
of people are like I'd rather just make a big check. Yeah.
I My faith is very important to me and I
grew up ah knowing to give back a portion was

(12:30):
kind of instilled um in me by my parents, And
as I grew I started realizing that that's what brought
me the most joy, and also realizing, I I am
so grateful to just be born in America, right to
be born into the family that I was, with two

(12:50):
parents who loved me. Um, I've received so many blessings
that I now have the ability to to give that back,
and seeing so many people who don't have that and
they are hurt and suffering, and we we each have
the ability to make an impact in somebody's life. So
that brought me the most joy. Um, it was almost

(13:13):
my duty or my calling. You feel you feel like
this is your duty? Yeah, I do. I think it's
a responsibility, like when you've been blessed to give it back.
And I started challenging myself to give back um in
a way that was uncomfortable, and so the fun I
mentioned the five percent we increase every year, it gets uncomfortable.

(13:35):
And it's amazing too when you do that to see
how it comes back. I mean, we've literally grown so
much every year. Um. We're now a team of thirty
and just a little of our four years and we
continue to have growth and success. And that's not just
financial but just with with people and our team, and

(14:00):
every time we give beyond what we think we can,
it comes back tenfold. And so I always i vision
as it's not mine, like that coming back is it's
not mine, it's just my job to steward it. And
that's how I've viewed so many things in my life,
even like my gifts and my talents. I didn't give
myself those developed them. I worked hard to develop them.

(14:23):
But it's now my responsibility to use those and give
those back. That's really really amazing. Yeah, I think when
you walk into it with open hand saying none of
it's mine, it's much easier to give when your hands
open than when it's closed and you think it's yours.
That's so much harder. So I just try to walk

(14:43):
into every situation with open hands and then it just
falls falls out. You're so um, you're so your hard
is so transparent. Mhmm, like and you've really been through it,

(15:04):
and I feel like you have walked through. So you
came in here and you said, my life is in
so many chapters. Which chapter you do you want to
talk about? And I'm like, I want to talk about
all of them. But you also lead with Kobe Bryant
died yesterday, and you know how that feels to have
shocking news of losing the most important person in your life.

(15:25):
So you talk about that a little bit. Because now
grief and grief therapy, and you've created a whole place
for people to go and deal with their grief because
you are really so so pure in your intentions of
let's talk about this grief, let's deal with it, let's
let's move through it, let's not hide from it. So

(15:46):
talk to me about like how today hit you, like yesterday,
like Kobe Bryan, and how it relates to you. And well,
last May I lost my significant other to addiction, and
so I know what it's like to lose someone unexpectedly,
to get a phone call that just pulls the rug

(16:12):
out from underneath you. Uh, and you don't even know
which way is up or down? And this was your love. Yeah,
this was the person I loved and expected to spend
my life with the rest of my life with um
and completely unexpected. UM. He had fought and was in

(16:33):
recovery from addiction for years since I met him. So
I I understood very little about addiction and didn't think
it was something that could come back. UM. And I
realized how naive I was, that it's something that you
always it's a disease, it's always with you. UM. You

(16:55):
just have to treat it like a disease and take
care of it. And so I'm I was completely naive.
So I was blindsided. And so the news of Kobe
passing and all the other families UM that were lost
in the crash, I can put myself in in their shoes,
and then the loved ones who are left behind to

(17:18):
understand what it feels like to get that call and
first the shock, than the denial, than the grief, than
the anger. There's so many emotions in grief, in the
grief process, UM. And to wake up the next morning
and think it's a dream or hope it's a dream
and the next morning. The next morning was the worst, um,

(17:39):
because it's like it's like this wasn't this wasn't this
wasn't real. You wake up and then it's the first thought,
and for months after it's the first thought. And do
you think, is it ever not going to be my
first thought? Um? Is it? It is a thought, but
it becomes um less overwhelming. And I think walking through

(18:01):
the grief process for me, it's like the first months
it's just waves that take you under, that feel like
they take you under. And then as you start to
work through that, and I had great resources to do that, Uh,
the waves become the waves will still crash, but they
won't take you under. And you realize you can stand
and your feet are on the ground and that you

(18:24):
can continue walking forward. Um. I think processing all of
the emotions. I called it the cold the sact of grief.
It was like anger, betrayal, you know, sadness, Um, just
so many emotions that it took me a while to
kind of unmap those two so that I can move
forward and not circle. Okay, so you're just going in
a surfing through them all. Yeah, you had to understand them,

(18:44):
get to know them, feel them. I had to fully
process each emotion to forward. Oh yeah, no you can't.
It's a process and it's your body's natural way of healing.
It's like our bodies are amazing. I'm so amazed by
um um and it's really are like we have an

(19:05):
ability to heal and it's so beautiful that God made
us that way. And I knew that we would have
these emotions and put them there. In fact, when I
learned that tears of grief and are different, different chemical
makeup than tears of joy. Really and yes, and when
I learned that, I thought, well, great, then I'm going

(19:27):
to cry as much as I can to get this
all out of me. Just cry and get it out helfully.
It's part. Yes, your body has to release that. I mean,
those chemicals are I'm gonna say toxic, but like they're
the chemical makeup is that of one which like it
needs to flush out of your system. So any time
part of my processes, anytime I felt like crying, I
just cry as much as I wanted to. There was

(19:47):
no holding back, and I I think that really helped
me really process it and feel okay to do that.
So you say you mentioned where I've been since then. UM.
I think in grief you can choose two different paths.
One is to isolate and to maybe ignore it and

(20:10):
not process it. The other way is to move forward,
move into the hard journey. There's no way around but through,
so to dive in it and two, hopefully one day
turn that pain into purpose. And that's what I've tried
to do. UM. Part of the story is that my

(20:32):
significant other was a survivor of Columbine mass shooting twenty
years ago, and so when he passed away, UM, he
was well known in that community. He was speaking about
he was speaking, UM, he had a TEDx talk that
was very popular. UM. He was a commentator for CNN
and Fox, and he was always the first one they're
reporting on it. When when a mash shooting occurred, which

(20:55):
now is one a day a day, Yeah, there's one
in America, and in America we have highest rates in
America by far than anywhere else in the world. One
a day. Yeah. And so when he passed away, I
started receiving phone calls and text and emails from other

(21:17):
survivors who had lost hope because if he had lost
his battle twenty years later, what was the hope for them,
because they were still struggling to YEAH, and so I
tried to find a resource to send them to or
help them, and I couldn't find one. And I quickly
realized that something had to be built there. There wasn't one.

(21:40):
There's a lot of there's a lot of resources in
the immediate but after even a year, those go away,
and so many people just in the first year they
don't even realize what's happened. It's after a year when
they start to process and they start to feel PTSD
and have nightmares and as I need depression, all of

(22:00):
those things. UM So, anyway, I partnered UH with on Site,
So I joined the board of the on Site Foundation,
which is YEAH. On Site is a on site foundation.
UM is five one C three nonprofit and they seek
to provide trauma informed therapy is an emotional health education
to those who need it most but otherwise can't afford it.

(22:24):
And UH we started working together and developed a program
specifically for survivors of mass shootings called Triumph of for Tragedy.
It's a six day workshop. It's hosted on the campus
outside Nashville UH and so we announced it, we opened
applications and the first workshop will be in March um

(22:45):
and we've received at least twenty applicants a day. Um.
I mean the need is greater than we ever imagined,
and so UM, I'm really excited to see that program grow.
There's some really exciting things happening with that, and we'll
we'll meet to sk alergy more workshops now that we
know the need to see that come from such a

(23:06):
dark place in my life is just to reminder that
there is beauty for ashes. And I'm so blessed that
really I've had some miniscule role in seeing that come
to life, and that God chose to use what was
my darkest day, um and turned it into just a

(23:29):
bright light for so many let him. I always say,
we're the vessel, right, so many people say, and you're
the light in the darkness, And I'm not the light, Like,
we're not the light, like we are the vessel, the
cracked vessel through which the light can shine through. And
that's how I visualize myself in this role, is just

(23:50):
a vessel with cracks that the light can shine through
to others. And that's my role is to let it
shine through and not try to fill it right, to
let to let my crack show. It's the only way
that others will see that light. So that's how I
feel about you. Like you walk in here and it's
just like a very calm, easy energy, Like you have

(24:11):
a lot that you've been through, but you don't feel heavy,
Like your energy is not heavy. You feel very light,
You feel very open. You feel very like I'm going
to share it all because my life is to help others.
Heel Like that's how I feel with you, like that
You're so wanting to use what's happened in your life
to help others, Like it's like it's a mission for you.

(24:32):
It is. I don't really know where that comes from, uh,
other than I I'm just amazed at how great my
God is. And I've seen him show up in every chapter.
Well he's been in every chime. He's written the chapters.
And I think, when I think about it that way,

(24:53):
I just have such a um a calling to tell
other people about it. And I just every morning I
wake up and I'm doing this seventy day prayer journal
where it's like a process that I follow every morning
and I pray for specific things and um for specific
people and it also has a section in the back

(25:14):
for answered prayer, And I get so excited every morning
because I'm like, Okay, what am I going to get
to put in the back today? Um? And so I
think when I'm when I've been intentional like that in
times in my life, it's your eyes are open to
just all of the answered prayers. So many times we
skim right past because we say sometimes I've I've used
God as a vending machine. God like what do I

(25:35):
need today? I'll press the button and hopefully he'll he'll
shoot it out. But that's not how a relationship works,
or how I think my God, my relationship with God works.
It's I I need to spend time. And I am
so excited at seeing how God has answered those prayers
because it then gives me courage to ask for bigger

(25:58):
things and do bigger things, and take risks and speak
out more because I can see the effect prove. So
tell me a little bit about Austin and your love story.
Um gosh, Well, we didn't know each other long, um,
but from the time that we met, it was one

(26:18):
of those instantaneous like this is that's it for me? Um?
Where ll meet We actually met it on site. Yeah,
what I brought you all both there? Are you gloud
to talk about this? You don't have to talk? Asked
me all the most personal things in life. I think
he signed something that you can the on site is
you can talk about going the baby. You can't talk.

(26:40):
I'll tell you why I went to on site. I
went to on site because, um, you know, I had
just this is actually funny story. I started the company
four years ago. Um, I had started that straight from
another very busy job in entertainment. Uh, and so there
wasn't a break there. And then I worked four years

(27:00):
building the company, no weekends, like no weekends, no time off,
no vacations. We got our first super Bowl campaign, so
I went right into that, which is, by the way,
I've never dine a commercial before, never gonna TV ad
And I got the call to do a super Bowl
spot and I was like, sure, totally, Why would I
say yes to that? Yeah, it's like six weeks, can
you do a spot? Sure? Yeah, and gets Serena Williams,

(27:23):
um so that nailed it. So I don't know, I
just i'd probably I have no fear. So anyway, I
dove into that and while we were going through it.
It was a beautiful experience, but I knew I was
burned out. And we got and every all of my
friends had been to on site and they kept telling me,
you need to go. It's just like a good reset.

(27:46):
And so I was at Super Bowl, literally in the
box watching the game, and I went into the bathroom
when I shut the door, and I called the CEO
of on site, Miles, and I said, Okay, I think
that I need to come, like this is the end
of my rope. You hit the end of your rope
at the Super Bowl. I realized I was on this

(28:07):
hamster wheel and everything was happening for me in such
great ways, and I thought, I, even though it's all
good things and nothing bad has happened, I can't get off,
and I don't know how to get off. And I thought, oh,
I'm missing some tools here, because if it keeps going
at this rate, I'm done. And I called him and

(28:29):
I said, I think I need to come. Okay, I'm
when you come. So this was in January, so I said, okay,
how about June? And he said how about next week?
He said, I think if I say no, that I
really have a problem. So I should probably just drop
everything and go. So I canceled. This is the week
after super Bowl, our biggest moment of our company, and
I canceled every interview, everything, my schedule, and I called

(28:51):
my business partner and said I'm actually I texted him
I was afraid to call. I said, I'm sant you
to know I'm going to on site next week because
I don't allow phones or computers or anything. And his
tugs back was I'm proud of you. What a great partner.
Oh my gosh, when they want your mental health to
be a top priority, Oh my gosh, that was the

(29:13):
most beautiful gift. He kind of given me, no questions, asked,
just I'm proud of you. So I did so. Um,
I went there because I wanted some tools. Did I
did get the tools? Yeah, I did. Um. And then
that's where where I met Austin. That's where the journey began. Yeah.
And only a few short months later is when um,

(29:35):
you know, he passed away and this journey began. But
because I had been through the program first and had
those tools so many others, I'm so thankful because I
was able to handle that situation so differently than what
I would have before going. And that's another great thing
about just doing therapy and doing your work. Sometimes you

(29:57):
don't know maybe learning tools, it aren't relevant to you
at that moment, but you never know when they're going
to be, and so don't wait until that moment to
get them smart. Prepare yes, go go do your work
and and get the tools so that you'll be ready.
And it's like clear out that baggage. Like I feel like, um,

(30:21):
we can so easily just drag around baggage that causes
the spear anxiety, being stuck on a hamster and not
knowing how to do like all sorts of grief like,
and it's like if we don't figure out how to
deal with it, then it just piles and piles and
piles up. Yah. I back to the empty vessel that
I talked about, We can fill that with a lot
of things to medicate and to fill that emptiness I

(30:43):
think we all have, like this emptiness we're trying to fill.
And if you fill it with the wrong things, man,
it's it's can't shine light, right, it becomes very dark
and very lonely. And so I constantly am thinking what
it What have I filled my vessel with? That I
shouldn't be putting in there to take it out, and um,
it's a it's a daily practice of recognizing those things. Wow.

(31:09):
So part of Austin's story was he had being in
Columbine that's very traumatic. So he had dealt with some
addiction and then he was turned he turned his life
around to speak about it. But that's so heavy, like
when you deal with something that traumatic. Was he like
the shooters were like all around him and oh God,

(31:29):
I don't want to make you relive any of this. Yeah,
I think you know, it's heavy for thousands of survivors.
And I think his story opened my eyes to the
thousands of people living with trauma, with that type of trauma,
which is I guess in the last ten years new right,

(31:53):
it's something that I can't believe. This is a new thing.
It is a very real thing. And now talking to
so many survivors, Um, you hear the same things over
and over and over again that what do they say, Well,
a lot of them have been very traumatized by press.
Press are there for twenty four hours and then gone,

(32:14):
Um they don't feel validated. Um. A lot of them
struggle years later with anger and other things that come
up that bubble up and trying to figure out does
that relate back to the trauma or not. And what
we found actually in doing a lot of group work
is that while a lot of them think that trauma

(32:37):
maybe the biggest thing, it actually relates back to maybe
early childhood and maybe some things that happened in early
in their early life that then determine how that trauma
affects them. UM. And so we've had a pilot program
already and when they come out of the program, I
heard many of them say, it wasn't it wasn't the shooting,

(32:57):
It wasn't the tragedy They thought that defined their life,
and it had for maybe a lot of years. But
they're not their trauma. And to kind of peel that
back is a process and something that I'm really thankful
that this program is now in place that can help
them peel back those layers. UM. And so many times

(33:18):
they've been defined by you know, so and so survivor
of its survivor of Vegas, and it's like a tagline
and it's not it's not who you are. It's what
happened to you, but it's not your tagline. And that
goes for so many people in life for whatever trauma

(33:39):
that someone's been defined ourselves by trauma and then you
can't let yourself move past it. It's not who you are,
it's what happened to you, and you can move past that.
It takes a lot of work to move past. It
does a big commitment. It's hard. I think that's why
so many people don't want to do it because to
crack it open, that is like looking at your pain

(34:01):
right in the face and letting yourself feel it to
the bottom. Yeah, it's it's so hard to do that.
I mean, it's like almost impossible to do that. It
feels imposted. But sometimes your darkest moment is your defining moment,
and you have to go to that dark place and
that because once you do, then you can grow from there.

(34:25):
Right then it defines how you react, and how you
respond defines sometimes the rest of your life. So it's
gonna whatever that dark moment is, it's gonna come back,
like it's gonna play a role in your life. Um,
And so you have a choice to determine to deal
with it now or later, get in there, do the work,

(34:46):
feel it, feel the pain, but like free yourself on
some level. You'll never be able to not have it
a part of your life, but free yourself from the
chains of it, or have it affect you for the
rest of your life. I think in my life and
I don't know, I think I was just born this way,
but I tend to dive into hard things because you
and I think I think I've had this thought that

(35:10):
if I dive in, I can get through the hardest
thing first and then they'll be It's like I eat
my vegetables first when I was a kid, so I
could get to the ice cream like I always like
did the hardest. Yeah, just get it over with. Funny
that grief doesn't work like that. And I quickly realized
when I dove into my grief work, thinking I got

(35:30):
this in a week, I can knock it out, give
me all the lessons I'm gonna do. I'm not going
to half acid. And then I realized, oh, this is
this is not like that, this is a journey. And
but still you still have to take that first step
to dive in. And I'm so glad I did. Um

(35:50):
And I think you don't need to look at you
don't need to look so far out like you just
take it one day at a time. And I started
looking at it that way, like I can dive into
it today. Today, this is what I can give, and
I'm going to show up the best I can every
day and some days it's not much, but I am
going to look at this as every day I'm just
going to dive into it and continue to walk forward.

(36:13):
I just have to take one step today. That's it.
What an inspiration you are to do this for yourself
and then to turn it around and shine this mirror
for other people. I mean that takes a lot of energy,
a lot of energy. You know. I was thinking about
it this morning, knowing that I was going to talk
to you about it, and I started questioning, where does
this courage come from? And I looked back in my

(36:36):
life and I realized, courage, it starts with little moments
that you choose to have that courage and to dive
into the hard things. And so then when something big happens,
you've built up. You don't just have it overnight practiced. Yeah,
and I think starting from a little girl, I mean,
I had had a lovely, beautiful life, but I went

(36:58):
through some hard stuff when I was young. I hadn't
disorder and that much. Um, when did that start? Eighth grade?
And I was listening to your podcast with Aaron and
she mentioned when a boy made a comment to her,
she's a Selberty trainer and she had a disorder and
transformed her whole life her road. Yes, and she someone

(37:21):
made a comment to her, and I remember the comment
that was said to me, and it was, you shouldn't
wear horizontal stripes because they make you look fat. Fat,
And I was not fat by any means at that time,
but it was the first comment that oh, might not
be perfect, Like this is something that I can control.
There are so many things going on in my life
and my family life that I couldn't control at that point,

(37:42):
but that was something that I could change. And so
that was the beginning of a very long journey that
ended up in impatient hospital. Really yeah, I was anorexic
um I mean to the point where I had the
tube and the ivy these and they didn't think I
was going to make it. Really still, I think one

(38:03):
of the few that made it through that program. That
was back when no one really talked about it either.
There weren't great therapeutic programs. It was and eating disorder
a ward next to a psych ward. So that was
an experience at seventeen, so you kind of started it
held eighth grade just slow. It was slow until probably

(38:24):
my sophomore year. And I think the summer of my
sophomore years when I was admitted. When did people that
I wonder people start knowing. My mom of course noticed
right away, but something was wrong. But I was playing
so many sports that they chalked it up to even
the doctors chalked it up to she's just playing too
many I was playing four sports and the figure skating,
so forgetting to eat and busy. And then my mom

(38:46):
started putting some real guidelines in place. You have to
gain it back or you know, certain things that I
wasn't doing, and so that then she knew something was
definitely wrong. But even the doctor weren't admitting it or
um weren't willing to consider that that was what was
going on. I was real good at hiding it. It

(39:08):
is a skill. When I was when I would be believing,
I would like my parents never even knew until I
told him later on down the road, because like when
people were like out of the house, you're sleeping or
you find the little bathrooms and like make yourself throw up,
like and then you just move on with your life
and don't even talk about it. It's just so quiet.
It's like this really secret sickness. It really is. That
is like in the beginning, you kind of feel like

(39:29):
you're empowered because you're like taking control and people maybe
for me, I was losing white, so people were making
good comments like, oh, you look great, you lost in
deep pounds by the way to an eighth grade or
never make that comment, and so that was positive. Reinfortunately
found healthy. This is all the way to do it.

(39:51):
So is that what fuels it for you is that
like You're getting this positive response, and so you were
loving the way that people were talking about you. I'm
a natural achiever and you're probably I'm a one because
I want to save the word perfectionist, wants to. It's powerful,
is the three. So yeah, I h it was. It

(40:14):
was almost an achiever wanted to and I had goals
and I could accomplish those. And I remember even when
it came to fitness, I was I'm almost taking me
to try to run the mile in a certain amount
of time. We had the President's fitness test and natural
fitness test, and so I remember practicing around the track
and it all became like this big health initiative that

(40:36):
I was just getting healthy, but because I'm an achiever
and perfectionist, I'm going to take it to the extreme
and You're gonna love the price. YEA. Before I knew it,
I was eighties pounds in a hospital room with an
IV in my arm and had no idea how I
ended up there. And there was a verse. So in

(40:56):
my room, my mom had put a verse above my
bed and it was what's now a tattoo on my arm,
which is Jeremi for I know the plans I have
for you, declares the Lord plans to prosper you and
not to harm you, plans to give you hope in
the future. And I remember there was one night where
the doctors were really worried that I maybe wouldn't make
it through the night. Down your organs and they had

(41:19):
already begun to do that, and they come in and
told me that they were going to watch me that night.
And I remember praying and say, God, if I wake
up and see this verse or if I didn't see
the first I said, if I wake up, um, I'm
going to fight like how And I woke up. It
was the first verse I saw, and I remember being like, oh,
can I cuss on here? I was like, oh man,

(41:42):
I really wanted to just give up. I didn't want
to fight. It just seemed insurmountable. It was life hard,
too hard for you at this point. Oh, it just
the disorder was so loud. Had it just consumed every
bit of your being. I couldn't even eat or look
at food or anything without seeing a number or without
counting things. Like. I just didn't know how I was

(42:02):
going to how my brain was going to get back
to normal, is what I would say, Like how could
you do it without becoming a beached whale? Yeah? I
just didn't know. It was too big. It felt like
something had come over me and I didn't know how
to shake it. Like I just felt like this thing
when get off my shoulder or get off my back
like that, you would never be able to live a

(42:22):
normal life because that you knew how to maintain whatever
you're maintaining is the sickness. Yeah, it felt like bondage.
Like I just felt like I was in this bondage
and so what do you do? That next morning when
you wake up and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna fight,
how do you even start? I I had to trust
because while I didn't see it, I had to trust

(42:46):
the therapist and the doctors and how that were you
to relinquish this big I had to let it go
back to the open hand because you're literally I was
hanging on so tight to what I thought was the
Lucian and I had to relinquish that. Okay, this isn't working.
What my solution is is not working, and I'm literally

(43:08):
in this hospital bed, so I'm gonna let it go.
I'm going to relinquish that to someone else, and whatever
they tell me, I'm going to do. So you just
did everything they said was a process I did. Part
of it was going on intend presence. I mean there
was that whole piece. Part in the other half was
literally trusting God that you're going to fight this battle

(43:31):
for me, and you've already won it and I just
got to get out of the way. And is that
one of your faith really kicked in? M It's when
it became my own faith, not just not what I've
been taught. That's a big difference. This is where God's
going to show up for me, um, and I'm going
to see him show up in so many ways. And

(43:54):
I was the only girl. I was one of the
youngest in the ward at that time who made it
out of that word and never went back, and one
of the few who survived because that was someplace you
went and you didn't come out. So yeah, So I
remember there was one of their seventeen year old girl
there with me, and she was back in treatment all

(44:14):
the way through her thirties and I lost contact with
her after that, but I never went back, and they
even the doctors would invite me to come back and
talk to the talk to them and I it was
hard then because I didn't really know. Looking back, I
can see how I came out of it, But in
the moment, it was like I just felt really blessed that,
you know, it was again, it was one step at

(44:34):
a time. Have you today, I'm going to trust today,
I'm gonna make this right decision. I'm going to do
the next right thing. Have you ever talked to your
mom or your dad about their feelings during that time? Oh? Yeah,
because we had to go to a lot of family therapy. UM,
my dad checked out quite a bit. By the way.
I don't blame him for that. I don't know how

(44:56):
you could watch your daughter starve herself to death like
I just he didn't have the tools. Um mom is
the one that fought like hell to get me help.
And she actually, and and I will say this, when
you're going through a disorder or an addiction or anything,

(45:16):
you turn into somebody else, like my reactions were. I
was volatile to um and so I said a lot
of things to her and my parents in that time
that I really do regret, and I've since apologized, and
I just I am so thankful that they understood that
that was the disorder, of course, and loved me through that.

(45:38):
My mom often says, I lost my daughter for three
years and I got her back, and she had then
because I was one of the first to go through
it in high school. Other girls of course, in college
and otherwise I found who began to struggle. She became
the source for their moms. And you look at you

(45:58):
and your mom turning your paying into your purpose. I
think because I've seen it, like when I talk about
I've just seen God show up and I've seen him
use use the hardest things for his glory. And because
there is that track record, I can trust that he
will continue to do that. It's not like he's just

(46:20):
gonna one time decide not to show up. But we
have to let go. But he will let you go
through the pain. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, you have to
go through the fire. I think it's always about you.
You see, you hear the analogy about the pot going
into the um? Is it the kennel I'm terrible with.

(46:40):
My brain is broken always, and it's like it's under
tremendous heat ah for the pot to be formed and
the kilm the kilm, thanks Kennel. And that's that's how
I feel about life. Is you have to get through
the hard things to see the beauty. Yeah, it's so funny.

(47:03):
It's not funny. It's not the right word. And I'm
I don't know how to speak correctly about any of
this stuff. So if I'm stumbling over my words, like
I always feel nervous talking to people about big moments
that are very grief written, or like talking about Aaron Opria.
She was she fought for ten years. She was the

(47:24):
first female to head a platoon, and she was like
she served our country in such a way. It's like
I always struggle with saying things right, you know, because
it's so touchy and it's so big and it's so painful,
and it's so um life and death, you know that.
Like I don't ever want to be like, oh, just
casually talking about this stuff. But it's like, this is

(47:44):
stuff that we need to talk about because we're all
struggling on some level. And you're sharing a story like
this and your journey, maybe someone thought there this hopeless
spot and they hear you and they're like, oh my god, Okay,
I'm not over. It's not done for me, Like I'm
not finished. Like I, yes, I am in the depths
of hell right now, and I don't know how to

(48:07):
get out of here. But laar did it. I can
do it, you know. I think that it's so important.
Hope is so powerful. Hope is the expectation that something
good will come from this. It's not knowing it to
be absolutely true, that's fact. Hope is that you expect

(48:31):
something good to come. And I've found that working with survivers,
working with girls who have who struggle with any disorders,
it's the ones that can get through the pain and
the grief and the trauma are the ones that have
the hope because that's what they cling to. And I

(48:52):
think that has been over the course of my life
the place that I got back to that everything around
me maybe burning down, but I have hope that there's
going to be good from this. What does hope fulfilled
feel like? After surviving you're eating sort of and almost
dying and then having hope and actually having hope become filled.

(49:17):
How does that feel? Because for people who right now
who feel hopeless, what does it feel like when you
get to the other side, what happens? It's humbling. I
guess that's the first word that came to my brain
is that when you see it come to fruition and
you see the purpose and the beauty come from it,
you don't forget the pain, but you're humbled that it

(49:41):
was used for such a greater purpose. And what changes
in you? Like how how is the hopeless person different
from the hope filled person? The hope fulfilled not even hopeful,
hope fulfilled You become more confident and so then next
time you go through a difficult part of your journey, Um,

(50:05):
you have more courage. Yeah, you can look back and remember, Wow,
I've been brought through these obstacles, these valleys, and the
valley is a little bit more familiar, and it's not
as scary. Um, it's not as intimidating because you know

(50:26):
you've been there before and you've come out before, and
you've come out every single time. They say, what doesn't
till he makes you stronger? Sometimes it kills you. But
every time, if it doesn't, you survive, You realize you survive.
And I think that's what it has done for me
is every time I've looked back and remember, oh, I survived,

(50:50):
I'm going to survive this one too. And what does
God feel like? Do you feel God? Yeah? Actually, I'm okay,
I'm going to read something. So uh. When I found
out the day I found out that Austin had passed away,
I got the phone call. I was at my grandmother's funeral,
and to lay your grief upon grief is too much.

(51:15):
No one should ever have to walk that path. But
I remember walking into her memorial already got it. I mean,
feeling like a shell of a human and standing with
my family as we sang and a song came on
um Or one of the hymns she loved hymns UM,

(51:35):
and I remember, I'm gonna read you the words. You'll
know it, UM. And I remember standing there as they sang,
and me literally have nothing in me, And I knew
I had to sing the song. I knew I had
to say the words, even though i've I couldn't see it,

(51:56):
I couldn't maybe believe it in that moment, but I
knew it to be true, and so can I read
you It's I'm not going to sing because that's your
your gift, Oh Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder,
consider all the works thy hand hath made. I see
the stars, I hear the mighty thunder, the power throughout

(52:19):
the universe displayed. When Christ shall come with shouts of
acclamation and take me home, which way shall fill my heart?
Then I shall bow in humble adoration, and their proclaim,
My God, how great thou art? And of course this

(52:39):
the chorus that everyone knows. UM then sings my soul,
my Savior God to thee, How great thou art? And
I remember forcing the words out. At that point, you
probably don't feel like God is so great? No oh, no,
I at that point I just felt like a ghost, really,
And but I knew that those words were true, like

(53:05):
if he created the universe and the stars, he had
that moment, that that moment, he had already been there
in that moment for me, and I was standing in
a place that was ordained, that was sacred, that if
I could look up and see the scars stars, I
knew that God was already there, even though I didn't

(53:26):
feel it. So sometimes you just don't feel it because
I was so overcome with grief, but I I knew it,
and I clung to the words. And so I remember
in that moment singing that how great thou art? And
I'm even though I don't feel it in this moment,
I know this in my heart and I have to
say it. And that was a turning point, I let's

(53:47):
say turning point. It was the beginning of a process.
But that's what I clung to through the whole process,
that I know this to be true, even if my
heart does not feel it in this moment, it is
the truth that I'm standing on. I can't believe you
go there in that moment. I mean, really, you you
surprise yourself with what you can do. Yeah, and this

(54:10):
isn't even all of your story because you had a
brain injury. I've forgotten about that part. That seems so
insignificant now. I mean that's like most people's like most
significant thing that's ever happened in their life. Oh man.
And well that's that's more due to my um clumsiness,
but still and my adventurous spirit. Yeah, I do tend

(54:35):
to get injured frequently, just because I a brisk taker, ah,
and I do love adventure sports. And so I had
been surfing um first wave of the season, of course,
and took a surfboard to the head and yeah, I

(54:55):
ended up with um, a pretty severe concussion and um
post traumatic concussion. I don't know what the term is,
but anyway, it ended up blasting a long time in
seven staples, twelve twelve staples, And yeah, I would laid
in a dark room for a long time for that
to heal. Yeah. I just like, you've gone through a

(55:17):
lot of really a lot of emotional um, like a
lot a lot of really heavy emotional things. And I'm
not saying you know because you said something earlier and
people say this, Um, no one should have to go
through this stuff. But I feel like we hear that
phrase said often, but people are still always going through it,

(55:39):
So God is not because like we shouldn't. It's awful,
it's traumatic, but it's like we all keep not. I mean,
some worse have more trauma than others, but we all
keep having to walk through these traumas. So is it
part of this life in this process for us? Like
do we have to have it? I? Yeah, yes, I

(56:02):
think it's it's life, right it If life was always good,
what would we need to depend upon God for m
I think in those moments it's I don't think He
intentionally gives hard things to people, but it's there part
of life, and it's a moment to take a step

(56:23):
back and realize we're actually not in control of any
of it. And I think just accepting that this is
all part of the journey, the highs and the lows,
and we got to take the lows with the highs.
And there's such beauty in that because I can look
back and see at the moments I've grown the most.

(56:45):
We're in the valleys always, which totally sucks and sometimes
it does, uh, but yeah, And so then when you
look back, you can be thankful for the valleys because
you've seen how much you've grown. And it's a human
and the valley strip you. Oh yeah, they strip all

(57:05):
the bullshit that we carry around, because when you're in
the valley, you can't bullshit. Yeah, it's you're exposed. You're exposed,
or you get rock hard and you block, like you
were saying, like you have like you go into it,
or you protect, protect, protect, and block it. The only
way to really heal pain, too is in community. And

(57:28):
that it's interesting that the US reports nine times more
pain than the rest of the world, which isn't because
we have more pain because there's countries there are in
constant war and um in battle and who are starving
and have no food or have to walk miles to

(57:51):
get clean water. So so we have we don't have
more pain, but report higher amounts of it. And it's
because we don't have ways in our culture to offload
pain in community, where other cultures, you think about villages
and how they surround their communities and they raise their
children together, and a lot of them don't have air conditioning,

(58:13):
so they're all outside and they're playing together, and they're
communing together, and they eat together. America, we have so
much that we isolate and then we can't offload that pain,
so it seems insurmountable. And that's what I love about
the programs that we're doing in group therapy. It's you
have to heal together, and our natural instinct is to

(58:36):
isolate because we don't want to let people know we're
in that pain, that we're not perfect. Yeah, and so
we have to be able to show are broken pieces.
And that's scary. It is. Yeah, it's so scary because
it's like, I think, until you do it, you built,
you build up this perception of yourself that you want
people to see you as. And then if you share

(58:57):
your pain, it's like you're not this in fact noble human.
You're not this bullet proof human. You're not this person
who can't be broken. It's like I'm freaking broken. Yeah.
And it's like, but once you can say that out
loud and like let it go and share it, it's
almost like why was I trying to front? You feel
so much freer because other people then it invites, it

(59:19):
opens the door for them to share freakness with you.
I never experienced that until um I experienced loss, and
suddenly I was getting emails and calls and people were
sharing their stories and I thought, why did I not
know that this was existing? I felt like my little
safe bubble of the world exploded and I could then

(59:41):
see outside that and see all the pain and suffering,
but such a beauty in that too, And um, I
that was a gift that came from this is that
I now have a deeper connection with people. And when
you have a grief bond, it's deep. Interviewed Alison Moore
and her father killed her mother and then himself, and

(01:00:03):
she said her sister Shelby Lynn, who Alison is a
Graham a nominee. Her sister want to grandmother so musically talented.
When you have a trauma bond, it's a level like
none other. So if you can share and get in community,
then you can heal together. And it's like you can
make it. I love what you said, you can make
your pain your purpose. I love that. Tell me you've

(01:00:23):
been talking about this, but like kind of like say
it now and like a concise spots of people can
hear this, like we know the we don't know. I mean,
there's all sorts of phases of grief and pain and suffering,
but we know how that feels and how we want
to hide from it and avoid it and hate it
and anger and all that. What is the beauty of
grief and suffering and pain? Kind of like how you

(01:00:44):
got on the other side of your you're eating disorder
and you found your hope fulfilled. What is on the
other side of going to the grief and the suffering
of the pain? What is there? I don't know that
I'm totally on the other side, and I don't know
that it or what do you look? Ever? What do
you see? But I will tell you the beauty for
me has been being able to sit with others in

(01:01:10):
their grief and being able to hold space for them
and realize that as a natural fixer, which is what
I am, I don't need to fix it. In fact
that there's no fixing it. It's just being able to say,
I'm going to sit with you in it and walk

(01:01:30):
the journey with you. It's been such a beautiful gift
to me because I've never been able to do that before.
In fact, many years ago, um I was leading a
group at an agency where I worked, and one of
the women lost her mother and found out at work,
and so we had all women on the team, and

(01:01:52):
so of course we all rushed into her office, and
you know, they're comforting her and she's very emotional. And
MY first reaction was, Okay, I'm going to go to hr.
I'm gonna get you the days off. I'm going to
get all the you know, all the work off your plate.
I'm gonna So I went straight to what can I do?
It's not what she needed, and someone had to do that,
But it's not what she needed in that moment. She
just wanted someone to sit with her. I didn't know

(01:02:14):
how to do that before. Now that I've walked through it,
I now understand that I don't need to take their
grief away from them. Grief is their connection to the
person they lost. It's the way that you know that
you love deeply, and to take that away is trying
to take that gift from someone. So I don't try

(01:02:35):
to take away grief anymore. It's just I'm going to
sit with you in it, because I've been there and
I know, and so I think that has been such
a beautiful gift for me. On the other side of
this is to reach back and be able to relate
and understand that journey so much better than I ever had. Wow,
it's a lot of like listening and hearing and letting

(01:03:01):
God work through you. It's a lot of I mean,
it's not patience the word. I don't know what the
word is. It's a lot of just I would say surrender, surrender,
it's but it it feels like it's just uh an
open hand, like I've started with the beginning, is just
I to have a tendency in life to hang on

(01:03:22):
so tightly and think that I'm controlling. We all do, don't.
And when you realize you're not the one writing, you're
not writing the book, you can let go of the pen. Yeah,
how do you feel lead? How do you know where

(01:03:43):
to go next? Like? How do you let go of
the pen? What does it feel like when God's flowing through?
And how do you know where to go and what
to do? How do you know to give five percent
more each year in your company? Like? How do you
know that's what you're supposed to do? And that's God
saying this is it? I'm gonna lead you. What does
that feel like? I couple a couple of things because
I don't think God ever speaks in one way or

(01:04:04):
moves in one way. One is just the open doors.
My ask in my prayer every morning is got opened
the door. You make the way where there is no way,
and I'll walk through. And if the door shut, very
clearly I'm not. My mom always said, um, the door shuts,

(01:04:25):
get your face out of the way. It'll hurt a
lot less. So that was good advice, very practical. Uh.
And so that that is one of the very obvious ways.
But so many times we do, we try to. We
get upset when the door shuts and I'd get in.
I remember when I was younger and I didn't get
the job that I wanted and I cried for days

(01:04:45):
and then another door open. It was the job I
was supposed to have, right, And so so many times
we just focus on what we can't have when there's
something better. Um. So that's one way. The other way is,
especially when it comes to giving, is to you give, listen,
you cannot give God. So I don't think God whatever

(01:05:05):
say don't give that much. Um. In fact, it's probably
the opposite. I'm constantly saying okay, maybe, okay, please with
my eyes closed. UM. I think for me, and giving
is again, what is going to be the amount? It's
right past the point that's comfortable. How do you know

(01:05:28):
where you want to give? So specifically for the company,
when we did the gift back UM, we wrote blank
checks and gave them to our employees UM so anywhere
between like five and fifteen dollars. They got chucks each
one of them, depending on the time at the company,
the tenure, and they got to choose where they wanted

(01:05:49):
to give the money. And it was one of those
beautiful experiences because that makes me want to cry. It was.
It's very emotional for a lot of them because that
that's a good sum of money and they've worked all
year or I don't view it as mine again, I
see it that they worked for that. And it also
allows them to UM to really live the culture of

(01:06:09):
giving and the whole requirements that they have to go
to deliver the check. So I even have a somebody
this week who's flying to New York to deliver her
check this week. Could it be to an individual, It
has to a nonprofit, so as long as it's a
five O and C three UM, they can give it there.
And then at the holiday party, we all go around
and we talk about where we gave it and why,

(01:06:31):
and it's I mean, most people go to more holiday
parties and they leave, you know, in a drunk our
holiday party, like we bring the tissues. It's very emotional,
but just to hear their stories and you start to
learn about somebody who they are, and people who have
are nervous speaking in public, stand up and give long speeches.

(01:06:53):
We have to cut them off because they're so passionate
about an organization that helped a parent through cancer, or
helped one girl is dyslexic and she this was that
organization that helped her overcome her dyslexia, which I didn't
even know that. So you find out so much about
people and it allows them to have a seat at
the table with these organizations that then they can champion that.

(01:07:15):
So I get emails all the time from nonprofits thanking me,
and it's like, it's not me, it's I think the
person that made that donation. They chose you know, they
chose that. But you're providing the space and the opportunity
for it, which is what an amazing work environment to
be in to not only get to do creative like
inspirational deals and visions with brands and artists and entertainers,

(01:07:41):
you're making amazing art in that way. From the heart,
and then you're using your company to give back to
this community, to this world. You're really impacting your culture
on a real level, and all the people that work
for you get to rise up and they get to
rise to the occasion, and they get to rise to
their best selves, and they get to rise to get

(01:08:02):
back in a way that matters to them. Like, how
could that not create a great work environment? You know, Like,
I mean, I'm sure you have your hiccups and make
your random stuff, but like how fulfilling to wake up
every day and be like, that's where I work. This
is my purpose. You know, we're really blessed. But you've
created that culture, You've created that that you've let it flow.

(01:08:23):
How about that You've allowed it. You haven't been like, no,
we're going to do a typical business. You show up,
you work nine to five, do your hours, do what
I say. You could easily do that. I hope I
have been a good steward. And that's how I view
my role as a leader at the company is I'm
a good steward of the many blessings that we've had

(01:08:46):
and time that people show up to work every day,
they spend more time with me than they do their families.
And I know now more than ever. Time is such
a precious gift. You just don't know how much you
have of it. It's the only non renewable resource. And
so if they're gonna show up every day and give

(01:09:08):
me their time, I want them to know and understand
that they're doing it for a greater purpose. Um. And
that's I think that's the reason why, um, honestly we've
been so blessed too, and why they show up to
do the hard things when we have to push through
the nose and we have to think outside the box
and we hit obstacles, it gives you a different meaning

(01:09:32):
behind pushing through than just let's have a great campaign.
It's we're pushing through because there's a little girl in
Vietnam who's enslaved that our dollars are going to help
free next month, right, And that's actually a true, a
real example of somebody on my team has invested there,

(01:09:53):
and we know last year there were forty girls who
were saved because of forty because of his investment. And
so it's like when it's like we think about that
when it's the late nights and it's one am and
I'm trying to get through a power point presentation. It's like, okay,
but it's one am somewhere in Vietnam, and my work

(01:10:13):
will directly impact that person's life. God, you're gonna you
are already changing the world. But this is like I'm
glad I'm getting to interview you because this is going
to be you are going to be on such a
level of impact, Laura, with the way that you're going, Like,
I felt lucky to know you because I'm like, you

(01:10:36):
are this is Oprah level stuff like to consume me.
Oprah uses her whole platform to change the world for good.
Obviously I don't know Oprah, and I'm sure everyone has
size and but like, to me, when I see Oprah,
she is using her platform in such a way to
make the world a better place. And like I hear
what you're saying, and it's like, Wow, you are really
doing it. You're doing it for the right reasons for God,

(01:10:58):
and you're such a vest. You're using your platform and
giving people the opportunity to share their stories and encourage
so many women. I mean, I've almost looked at that
like that with the camera, like I was talking to
the camera, I was so nervous too to speak, and
I don't do this often. And you have such a
gift of making people feel comfortable and open to share

(01:11:23):
and encouraging them and empowering them. Oh my goodness, I
can tell you I've I've done many panels and I
get so nervous every time, And this has just been
so easy and lovely. And the way that you create
a way, a beautiful way for somebody to to share
is really just an incredible gift that you have. You're

(01:11:43):
sweet to say that, I just have. My love has
been I've always people who follow this podcast. My struggle
has been self worth, Like I don't know why I
had great parents, Like I'm gonna wor actually, Michael are
going to go to on site here soon, so I'm
dive into it, maybe come up with the root of it. Oh,
it's so hard. I had the same thing and I

(01:12:04):
still do. By the way, it doesn't go away. It's
it's the voices. Voice has a voice that says, I
was just mentioning speaking in public. I'm going to go
have a vulnerability hangover after this. Don't worry everyone does.
I have people call me Ashley ker. I love her.
I did she had such she's a host of national
ses on this podcast. She it was just like this,
such a soulful conversation, sharing so much. She called me

(01:12:25):
the next day and she's like, um, she said this
where she's like I have a vulnerability hangover. She's like,
I don't, I don't know. I don't know about this.
I don't know. And it has gotten so much love.
She's had so much love because just like this, like
for you to share these things, it's very intimidating and
like it would be one thing for us just to
have this conversation, but you know, a lot of people
are gonna listen to it, and it's like, shoot, I

(01:12:46):
just told everybody everything. I just I'm naked. You know, well,
this is something and it's I know actually quote in
Burne and I'll equipe Berne too, but she always says,
if you're you know, don't accept criticism from people who
aren't in the arena. And that has been kind of
the quote I've lived by for you to like you're

(01:13:08):
in the arena, like good for us, Like, don't accept
noise from people that sit on the sidelines. They don't
have a right to have an input. That's true and
so I think that's what I've kind of put on
the armor and the blinders off. If it's not coming
from a source that has earned trust, that knows me,

(01:13:29):
knows how hard it is, then it's not a voice
I need to listen to. And I also learned in
my journey that my voice is the thing, the voice
that tells me I'm not good enough. I shouldn't have
shared that. What are the gonna think? I that voice
has a purpose. Sometimes it's good because it drives me

(01:13:52):
right through kind of the hard things, and sometimes it doesn't.
And I have to learn to take that voice and
it on site. They do this, but I visualize actually
a person speaking to me, and I will turn and
say you are not needed right now, and you're going
to sit here in the corner and you're not going
to speak again until I need you. But thank you
for trying to protect me. And but this is not

(01:14:16):
this is not needed. I got this, and so it's
it was a way for me be like, thank you
for trying to show yes, you're trying to do your dress.
Because sometimes the voice is good. Sometimes the voice spurs
you on. In some cases it's not, and you can
and I always thought I can get rid of it.
You can't get rid of it. You can learn to
control it, and you can learn to speak truth over it.

(01:14:37):
And so I think those tools really helped me. And
I also realized I would I would tell myself negative things,
You're not good enough, you're not pretty, because I would be.
I would beat others to hurting me if I hurt
myself first, and nothing they can say will bother me.
You've already thought it. I've already thought it, you've already
claimed it. I know I'm not good enough. I'm already
saying it. Okay, I'm on the floor with my legs

(01:14:58):
up like a dog in submission. And so working recognizing
that and working through that has really helped me. Also,
last thing, and I would recommend this if you don't
have it, I have a resiliency committee. Okay, So it's
three women. They are real people, real people. They're older

(01:15:18):
than me, UM, have lived more life. They are all
I'm not going to say their names because they all
have public profiles. UM, they're amazing women of faith. UM
there for me. They're they're in the arena. And I
asked them, I guess a while ago, to sit to

(01:15:39):
be my residency committee. So when like, if I come
off this podcast and I have a really hangover, I
will ask them. I'll call them, or I will ask
them to pray or whatever it is at moments where
I need that reinforcement, you need that strength. And it's
changed everything for me. It's it's knowing I have free
people who are in the arena have my back and

(01:16:00):
we'll speak truth to me, and I trust those voices.
I don't need to hear the other voices. So that
was really profound. Yeah, that would even Oh, a therapist
told me, I can't come up with these things on
my own. That's a really way. She's a man too.
He was like, I think you need a resiliency committee,
but I don't. That sounds amazing. How do I get
one of those? And I prayed about it for a

(01:16:22):
long time and these three names just kept coming up,
and I thought, I mean, and they're pretty well known,
so I thought, there's no way they are friends of mine.
But I thought, I don't want to ask them to
do one more thing, and it doesn't really take time,
it's just probably it is. And right away they said yes,
and they are there. If I and I don't do
it often. But if you made her conversation that I'm

(01:16:45):
going into you, I'll say, I really need to pray.
I'm going I'm going to work today. Can you pray?
Can you pray over me? And they do, and and
just knowing that, I think gives me the courage that,
oh ay, I'm just going to walk through and I'll
so knowing that, like you're not alone and that you're
doing hard things, you're putting yourself yourself out there, and
you have the support of these other people in the

(01:17:07):
arena who are saying do it. Like you said, do it.
This is important. Yes, it is terrifying, and you are
probably going to leave her and have a vulnerability hang
ever for sure, let's just go ahead and get that out.
But it's like it's important. Yeah, it's really important. And
the fact that you're willing to share and talk about
your journey on really really hard topics, that is what

(01:17:30):
people really are craving to hear. That is what I
have realized from this podcast, And this podcast has ended
up blessing me more than I could have ever imagined.
Just to get to have a conversation with you, to
have a conversation with women on this level where I'm
getting to talk about real stuff. I'm getting to talk
about places that are insecure for us, hard moments like
my podcast today is my former bandmate Taylor Lynn. She

(01:17:51):
struggled with so much addiction and like relapse and struggled
with her marriage and all of a sudden but now
she's on the other side of it, instantly working does
the footwork because she shared about it. And it's like
that stuff changes people, like people listening changes her. It's
and heal. It's healing to talk about the fact that
we're freaking perfect. Yeah, And it reduces the stigma, especially

(01:18:13):
for addiction. I mean something that clearly I've I've now
learned and I'm passionate about. So for someone to have
the courage to to share that journey and and just
inspire so many others and and really end of that stigma.
I feel like we've come a long way in mental health,
so there's not a stigma touched to mental health anymore.
I hope that it goes one step further and covers

(01:18:34):
addiction to So good for her. I can't wait to
hear it. It's so good and I just appreciate you.
I talked to you forever. We're already in our fifteen
and I kind I know you got your day to
go to and all the stuff, but I always wrap up.
I mean, there's so many things I want to keep
talking to you about, honestly, because I feel like I
could talk to you Part two. I always leave with
leave your light. And basically you've shared a lot of

(01:18:57):
amazing stuff today. If you're just gonna leave a little SoundBite,
what do you want people to know? Oh? So many things,
Um one I would want people to know. Um. Oh gosh,
this is like that does everyone. I knew that you

(01:19:18):
were anounced this too, because I've heard all the other
podcasts And I don't know why. I thought I'm going
to know when I get there. I don't know what,
just just what's the first thing that pops in your mind?
The first thing that came to mind is that there
is light. And what's amazing about light is that darkness

(01:19:40):
cannot overcome it. It's so true. You have a room,
as much darkness as you want to heap on light,
it cannot overcome it. So whatever darkness you're in, there
is a light, And even if you can't see it,
hope and trust me that it's there, UM, And no

(01:20:02):
matter how dark your day is today, that I know
that it's still there and you will see it. You
will find it, like the Bible says, seek and you
will find. And my prayer is that anybody listening to
this that feels that hopelessness UM, can hear in my
voice that there's hope UM, and that they will cling

(01:20:25):
to that UM and they will find the light. You're amazing.
You're such an amazing person and everything that you do,
in the choices that you make, the way you choose
to move through your life, the way you've chosen to
move through your grief, but you're using it to help
others in your business, the way you use your business
to build creativity, bring people together, make beautiful things, and

(01:20:50):
still help the world in the big way. You're really
a really special person. And I'm so thankful that I
got to be a part of your story today and
sharing it and thing keep for coming on and dealing
with your vulnerable to be a hangover okay in future. Yes,
thank you so much. I love you, Love you, M

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