Walaa’s life was forever changed when her home was set on fire in an arson attack, a moment that forced her to confront her deepest fears and the idea of surrendering to death. Yet, it was in facing her own vulnerabilities — the parts of herself she found most uncomfortable and “cringe” — that she discovered her path to healing. This profound self-acceptance led to the creation of “The Cringe Theory,” a powerful tool to help others transform their pain into growth. The birth of her daughter marked her true rebirth, as she found new strength and purpose in motherhood, realizing that through embracing life’s challenges, she could rise anew and help others do the same.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Cary Lone. She's a queen, talking and solemn. You know,
she's getting really not afraid to fail as episode, so
just let it flow. No one can do we quiet
like Carey Lone is sounding care lound.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I'm so excited to be back with Walla, one of
my favorite people. And due to podcasting, I was been
able to connect with you. You live in Spain, across
the world, across the ocean, and I met you. Was
it last year, the year before, maybe two years ago?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I think two years ago. Yeah, before everything happened.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Your life turned upside down and we met.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
It's like my life is like before the fire, after fire,
like the before times. If you watch Silo, it's kind
of the beforetime and then the now times.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
And when I met you a couple of years ago,
you were deep in the middle of color therapy and
we did I think I even did some exercises with
you and did some sound healing with you, and you
spoke to I was running a little workshop at a time.
You spoke to some of the people in the workshop,
and I just was I've just enamored with you as
a human because you are just such a beautiful soul,
(01:26):
such a beautiful human and you are just here to heal,
and you found all of these ways to heal. And
now you've moved on from color therapy. I kind of
want to talk about color therapy a little bit because
I know you still incorporate that, but you've moved on
to helping people heal through finding their cringe. And I
think that is so brilliant because I want to talk
(01:48):
about it because I know when you get to the
part that makes you like disgusted or icked out at
yourself or like you can't like yeah, you hit that
part and you feel it and you're like ooh, and
you don't even want to like acknowledge that it's there.
You're saying, that's what we need to like be diving
into with our whole existence. And you got there because
(02:09):
your house was arsoned.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yes, so back in July twenty twenty three, somehow we
woke up in the middle of the night and our
house was completely on fire.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
And your husband has has a child, right, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
My stepdaughter was there and her friend was there. Oh
my gosh, and like I'm gonna okay. It was that
night I think was the most horrible night in my life.
We woke up and we just got back from a
long trip in Ireland and we were on a boat,
so I inhaled so much smoke so when I got out,
(02:49):
when I got up, I didn't know what I was.
It was so pitch dark. It was really really scary,
and I remember thinking, I don't know where I am.
I was touching everything. I was crawling on the floor
and I remember thinking, oh my god, I think I'm
(03:10):
gonna die.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Like I think I'm gonna die. And you said you
surrender to death.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
And then I was like, okay, you know what. I
was so scared. I was so scared, and I was like, Okay,
then this is my moment, So I'm just gonna die.
I surrendered myself to die because I didn't I didn't
know how to get out.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So you were consumed by smoke everywhere. Yes, Yeah, y'all
will because house is fully engulfed.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, so our bedroom was not. And then my husband
got up and I got up after him, but I
was slower than he expected me. So he was just
out to get the girls, so he tried to open
the door. He went into the girl's room. He couldn't
get on the landing. So our room is here, my
(03:55):
stepdaughter's room was here. He couldn't it was just less
than to me and he couldn't get it go into that,
so he had to jump off the balcony and go
get them from the other way. Somehow. My stepdaughter, when
she sleeps, she never it's really hard to wake her up.
She deep sleeps. She woke up, she grabbed her friend,
(04:18):
threw her out the window. Her father caught her friend
from the window and then he grabbed her. She got out.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Would they like on a second story? Yes, so they like.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So he got on the car. He got on the car,
and he was able to get them because the house
had like a slope. Yeah. Can you imagine like eight
years of age.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You're eight years old.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yes. And she was so brave, like it's so scary,
I know, And it was. She was so brave because
her friend was sleeping, her friend was not waking up,
and she she doesn't know how, but she just kind
of lifted her up and threw her out the window.
She's like, I don't know where I got the strand thanks,
(05:00):
but I did. And then in the meantime, while that
was happening, I was still in the bedroom and I
was still trying to figure out what was going on,
and I thought we were on the boat. I don't know.
I could feel my I remember feeling my id. I
don't know why. I'm like, now, you should have grabbed it.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
But but so your husband was now because he's like,
I gotta go get the girl. So he's moving fast
as lightning. And then he's thinking, you're moving out, but
you're so disoriented that you don't know where you are.
So he's over here getting them to safety, but you
don't know how to get out because you don't know
where you are exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And then all of a sudden, I could hear him
shouting my stepdaughter's name, and I remember like feeling this
extreme fear because I've never heard my husband so scared.
Because my husband's always the guy who's super calm, like
as calm as the cucumber, you know, he's the one
who just figures it out. I'd be panicking and going
crazy and he'd be like, it's okay, like on a
(06:00):
duck's back, you know. But this is the first time
I could hear it. And then somehow so I was
like I surrendered to die. I was like, okay, you
know what I'm gonna die.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Did you not could did you like you couldn't figure
out a way out the door?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
No? But something incredible happened. So I was. I was there,
and then somehow when I started, when I decided, okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna die, I felt like this extreme peace,
incredible piece that oh, okay, death is not going to
be so bad. I'm going back home.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
So you really it wasn't just like okay, I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die. It's like you felt it coming over.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, I was like, okay, you know, I'm like soul god.
And then all of a sudden, I felt like my
something like that piece just went away, and I was
back in my body. I was completely awake, and my
lungs were burning. And then I I hear so I
have one of my closest aunts growing up has passed away,
(07:05):
I think three years before, and I could hear her
voice saying in Arabic, You're not going to die this way.
You don't die like this. And then somehow I found
myself on the balcony. They don't know how, and then
I jumped off and there was my husband and the
girl screaming my name, calling me while I was having
(07:28):
this like crazy, Am I going to die? Am I not?
And then after that we tried to get the dogs out.
We only could get one out.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
How many did you have?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Three? So two of them died and it was just, really,
this is the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened in
my life. This is like the biggest loss was losing
the dogs. And then it was just, you know.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Five.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
An hour before, I had everything I dreamed about. My
whole life was my dream life, and then all of
a sudden, it was all gone. I had no idea,
I had no clothes, I had nothing, And it was
(08:21):
scary because your safety is one of the things that
we take for granted. And then to be able to
put your head on a pillow not worrying that something
bad's going to happen to you is such a privilege.
And I only understood that after that night, and it
was all motion from there. But one of the biggest
(08:43):
things that really really touched us and really really helped
us is that the whole community the next day was moving,
getting us clothes, giving us cars, giving us phones, giving
us homes, like they were all working together to protect
us and to help us and the people we didn't
(09:03):
know and people we knew, and it was this amazing,
incredible feeling of Okay, you know what, the world's still
good even though this dark thing happened. So let's hold
on to that. So this is what, And then we
began this whole journey of first reclaiming our identities back
(09:25):
because when everything burns down, you know, they nobody, you know,
everybody's like, okay, how are you going to get your identity?
They don't believe you, Like I had to fly home
to be able to get a new passport.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And where are you from?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Originally I'm from Kuwait, so for in Kuwait specifically that
no embassy issues passports, you have to go back and yeah,
and they interview you and they interrogate you because losing
your passport is if you're considered a crime, so they
punish you by not giving you a passport for six months.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And I had a way for six months.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, thankfully I managed to convince them to let me
go back to my family because my family was in
Ireland and I needed to go. And then we also
go to different places to reclaim you know, my businesses
et cetera to be able to go back online. But
incredible things happened that I had so much help, and
(10:26):
I had so many people standing by us as a
family and by me as a person, and it really
really helped get us through this. But then, you know,
you go through this and then everybody, you know, you
go through the grief and everybody's with you, and then
and then at some point you as and as a
(10:48):
family are alone with all.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
The around once the initial people show up. Did you
know this woman? I know you can't talk about this,
but did you know this woman who burns? Yes, and
she just she's head it out for you. That's like unbelievable.
I can't actually believe that. And I know you can't
talk about a lot of things, but like, what in
the actual world.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
The problem is, Caroline, we live in a world that
people are enabling people, and women, especially women, due to
the feminist movement and due to very compassionate people. They're
enabling people who are in so much pain, who have
personality disorders, who have deep, deep trauma problems, who are
(11:36):
extremely manipulative, get away with things like this, and they're
helping them, and they feel bad for them because this
person uses organizations, charities until this day today, this person
is continuously harassing us.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
She's still out there on a loose Yes.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Even though she's supposed to surrender to jail voluntarily for
another crime that was last month.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Are you are you nervous?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
You know what? No, I this We as a family
decided we are not going to be scared. We are
just going to take all our precautions and we're going
to make sure we have security and that we are aware.
And that's it, because if you if you keep worrying
about the future and living in fear, it's not a
(12:29):
way to live. And that fear is her circus, not ours.
Even though it was really hard to get to this point,
So one of the biggest things I had to learn
from this, from this arts and attack was acceptance because
the justice system here is so slow and doesn't make
any sense because to me as a person who comes
(12:50):
from a like a different type of law, and you
don't need too much evidence to question someone. All you
need is some circumstantial evidence, and then I'm looking at
a police report that I had an eight. So I
spent the first few months hoping and wishing this was
(13:12):
an accident. Because I didn't want to accept that somebody
would want to harm us like this.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I mean, that could have was it. It could have
killed y'all. Yeah, and not just you guys, like the
child like what in the.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
World, Yes, exactly, and.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
And didn't even know there are two kids in the house.
I mean, ah, you.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Know, like the trauma. I was running because my husband
was still trying to get the dogs out when we ran,
and I me and my stepdaughter and her friend who
were running up trying to get help. And then because
the electricity was out, because as soon as the fire started,
the electricity went out, so we couldn't open the gate,
(14:01):
so we had to climb the gate. My legs were
just like jelly. My stepdaughter was able to go up
and do it, and she was like, dude, look, come on,
let's go. You can do it. You can do it.
And I'm like that. I was always worried about her.
That night I saw the bravest human being I've ever
seen in my life that I'm like, you know what,
(14:23):
after tonight, I'm not gonna worry about you anymore. And
it was just so emotional. I know, It's just I
came with a plan that I wasn't gonna really emotionally
get into this, but you know what, maybe we should
because people need to know that when someone has trauma
that's not healed, when someone is a high conflict personality,
(14:46):
when someone when someone comes to you and talks about
all these different things and blames all these other people
and is full of hate, hate, hate, you need to
question how much you're enabling them, and is this is
what they're saying is true? Because you know, after the fire,
the amount of people that were helping her that came
to us and were like, you know, now we think
(15:08):
it's her because all she talks about is how much
she hates you guys, and how much she hates your
husband because the connection is through my husband. Yeah, so
that's so, that's like everybody realized after the fact. And
on top of that, she was messaging people telling people
(15:29):
not to help us.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
If someone can harbor that much hate, that's what you're saying, Yeah,
if you can exatiminate it, why are you carrying that
much hate?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And if you don't, and that much hate is probably
many many, many, many, many, many many years.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Of pain and then this is the outlet to release
it all.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
On other people because ultimately, and this is where your
cringe methods comes in, because ultimately, I mean I feel
and I wonder if this is where you got to
with even the arson, Like, even though this happened to you,
this was a life threatening situation for your whole family.
You lost two of your dogs that were part of
(16:13):
your failing. I mean, this is traumatic, but still it
feels to me like you aren't even hold your You
took responsibility for healing yourself and said because you could
stay and hate, I mean, you could stay and hate
for her forever and it can make you a dark, bitter,
awful person.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
So I'm not gonna lie to you. We spent a
few months.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Hating and hating, Yeah, and how could you. But if
you don't feel that, you're gonna suppress it. So you
have to feel it.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
So we spent that much time and we went through
like because we had this feeling of injustice, absolutely feeling
of violation. We also had these feelings of you know,
we went to Ireland and then she followed us to
Ireland and.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
What in the world she followed you to Ireland?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, and she's started harassing us there. So it was
like one non stop yeah, so, and it was kidding
me right now. Yeah, if it was any other country,
we we would be I think we would probably have
a restraining order by now. But unfortunately here things are
(17:19):
harder because it's not yet even though we were stocked,
were followed, were harassed, et cetera. But because there's so many,
so many connections and so many different delays, and things
are so slow, Like, you know, this person was convicted
three days later or four days later, our house burns
(17:41):
down and convicted because of something that is connected to us, right, so, oh,
it's such a coincidence, and there's and if you look
at the police report, you're like, oh my god, it's
so much dark her Because we thought, you know, we
(18:02):
were like, you know what, hopefully it's an accident. We
spent month like it's an accident, it's an accent. We
get the police report, it's darker than we thought because
a person was hired to do it. So it's like,
oh yeah, so it's like whoa. This person is sitting
there planning and doing all these dark things, and everybody
is sitting there being like, oh my god, you poor thing.
(18:24):
Let's get your help, let's get your pardoned. Let's get you,
you know, not to face consequences. And this is what
really so the work that I had to do to
accept and separate myself and my family emotionally from this
from not going into the direction of hate and pain
(18:46):
and being able to move forward and focusing on being happy,
focusing on allowing ourselves to heal and and be happy,
because after something like this, you can really really sink
into a really really dark hole very easily. But we
(19:07):
kept going because we really really worked hard on the healing,
the screaming, the the the getting it all out and
facing also things that we felt that Okay, maybe you
know these are mistakes we made, or maybe this is
how I keep attracting this person into my life.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
That's interesting that you say that, because I know it's
like every time I'm like faced with some sort of
dark person in my orbit, I'm like, how did I
energetically get in that energy field with that person?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, I mean it's like what is that?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Why do I need them?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Why do I need them to teach me this lesson
to show me this part of myself?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Right? Yeah, But it's also it's also like why do
I need them to stay so it's kind of like, Okay,
this person, for example, is constantly creating, So why is
it that I need chaos to be in my life?
What is it about chaos that I need to heal
within myself? This person's chaos. I don't mean, I don't
(20:10):
mean that they're good or it's my fault that they're there,
But why do I need this chaos to keep this link?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Like? How is it? How is yeah? How am I
aligned with it? Because exactly how is it matching with me?
And I think that's what so many And I love
that you can even say this after something like that
happened to you, because so many times people are like,
that's just absolutely terrible. It's the worst thing that ever happened,
and it is. But then it's also you have this
next level of self reflection that's like, how did this
energetically happen?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Yeah? And you can go through it on many different
spiritual layers. But in the end of the day, it's
also a choice what am I going to choose to do?
Am I going to choose? Because for example, am I
going to choose to forgive? Because for me, forgiveness is
to give to God? Forgiveness is not Oh, it's okay
(21:11):
what you did to me. No, No, it's just that
the pain that because how I see what happened that night.
It was like this person that has so much pain
that they couldn't contain and they had to put it
on someone else, and they and that and that's what
they did, and that all that darkness, it was put
on me. So forgive. For me to forgive, it is
for me to take this darkness that they gave me
(21:33):
and give it back to God. For God to deal
with it, not me. It's not mine.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Not for you to internalize it and carry it and
integrate it into your existence. It's not you.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
And it's not even for me to go and try
to get justice either. Oh.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Now that's the real next level. That is like the
real healing piece. If you can get to that place
where you don't need like then to be vindicated, that's
that is serious, Walla.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
And you got Now, look I get there and then
I have days, and then I have days I'm like, ah,
I want it, and then I remember I remember that
I have to accept because if I go into the
sloop of oh justice hasn't been served, it's not it's
not for me because I don't know what justice looks like.
And if I give justice to God, oh my God,
(22:28):
justice is not prison. God. I know this from life,
and I know this from from everything I've I've seen
in my life, is that when God gives you the justice,
or when God serves someone their consequence.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
It's more much more than and it's you can ever
imagine exactly. And also it's like for every action there's
an equal and opposite reaction, Like I it's a Newton's
or law of physics. It's literally like you cannot escape
your darkness by adding more darkness, you know. And so
I feel for this person that she lives in this
state of misery because her existence has to be so
(23:10):
devastatingly dark. But literally I.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Always say, like I cannot imagine what it's like inside her. Yeah,
toms like to live in her skin with herself, like.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Wow, because you don't get happiness by causing harm to
someone else. It just doesn't work that way. It's not
going to work out. And so I, yeah, you're so
right though, But to be able to get to that
mental spot where you're like, I'm giving this over to God,
this is not mine to sort out. Ultimately, you just
(23:44):
have to do every.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Time something blows up, like something comes up and it's
like against what you said, and you're like, god, what
are you doing? And then and then you know, I
go like, no, you know what, m M. I have
to trust because this is not the picture, this is
not the end, this is not whatever any to keep
going on my own track and I just need my
My justice is to be just with myself. My justice, sorry,
(24:10):
my justice is to accept me. But all of that
happened through a lot of deep work and a lot
of self facing and a lot of choices.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
What did you find out about yourself when you started
facing yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
I found out that I really thought that I was
I need you know, I was doing I was bad
and I needed to you know, I needed people like
this to to punish me in a sense.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
But you thought you were bad.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yeah, and then after the fire, it's come. It comes
from a really deep trauma of a childhood trauma of
thinking of of being always the blame in the house.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
That's how you grew up.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, so it's all away the blame on you, Yes, eldest,
that I'm the girl, and it's like I'm always you know,
it's my fault. It's my fault. So my first reaction is,
it's my fault.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
So everything was always your fault, were you.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, So even when the fire happened, I had guilt
carried that I contributed.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
To this because it's your fault obviously.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, So I had to I really had to release that.
And then when I and and this is the beautiful
thing about community and people, because when people started chowing
up for us, I realized.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
No, I'm not I'm not bad. You thought you're just
innately a bad innately bad, like even if you're not doing.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Something, No, everything is my fault.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
But even if you weren't doing something wrong, you still
thought it was your fault.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah. And this is very typical of children to when
when they have relational trauma, the way they make sense
of it is it's my fault. It's my fault. Mom
doesn't love me, it's my fault. Mom doesn't have time
for me. It's my fault. I'm bad. So this is
(26:02):
something that was really something deeply I really needed to
work on and really needed to heal.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Did you feel like you didn't receive a lot of
nurturing and love as a child, not emotionally no, like,
even if your parents loved you, they didn't necessarily like
show you through their actions.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
It felt maybe you know a lot of parents, I think,
especially our generation, they knew how to put clothes on us,
they knew how to feed us well, but they didn't
know how to emotionally validate us. And they didn't know
how to emotionally be.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
There for us because they weren't didn't have it for themselves.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
No, that wasn't something that they knew how to do.
And I think our generation is very determined to break
that cycle in so many different ways. And I think
this is why it comes up a lot for a
lot of us.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Okay, so you thought that it immediately it was your fault,
and then you healed that, and then how did you
heal that?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
So it was more so with the cringe method is
it's just this.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Is how the cringe this is how the cringe method
was worth.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah. So the first thing with the cringe method, it's
it's not like a thing that I was like, Okay,
no more color therapy. No. I felt like with what
a color ways and the way I was talking to
people about it, they would come and they would expect
something really light when they came for a color reading,
(27:34):
and then I came and like, boom, this is your shadow.
Let's work on it. Nobody and everybody was like whoa,
this is not what I was expecting. This is not
what I was looking for. And a lot of people
went stayed and a lot of people were just like no.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
So with color therapy, you would show people. Can you
briefly just tell us what the color therapy was like
with the gist of it.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Remember the color reading that I do, it's now was
transformed to a cringe reading because everybody comes in with
a cringe that they need to work on. So mine
is a yellow sorry is a yellow red. So mine
is about taking leadership in my life and finding my
inner power on my own, so not needing other people
(28:14):
to bring my power to me. It's actually just finding
it from within, no matter what's going on around me.
And I think what happened with the arson attack was
like the biggest kind of push for me to pull
that inner power and not blame myself and not doubt
myself and really strengthened me to do a lot of
(28:37):
the things that I'm doing, Like I don't I used
to like worry about being perfect and saying the right
things all the time. Now I don't. I'm like, you
know what I feel. I will just make sure my
heart is open, my throat is open, and I'm connected
to love, and that's what I'm going to speak through.
(28:57):
So with the cringe method, we were there. Okay, So
it's like this four steps. So it's really when you're
when something is going on, what you really need to
find is this thing that you just want to.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Push that makes you like tighten up, yeah or go.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I also used to do this thing of like make
a sound to just get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah, yeah, just like okay, yeah, yeah I did that.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But I don't want to think that I did that.
I feel so much shame.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I know that feeling. I used to feel like I
was so worthless and that if people actually got to
know me, they would find out that I was just
a fraud faking to be someone who was valuable and
really I wasn't and it would just make me feel
so sick inside. I think everyone everyone has one, and
it's like.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Everyone has multiple. Yeah, we all have so many. And
this is the beauty of this because it's like, if
if we are able to get comfortable with this feeling
of like, uh, because these are the thoughts that I
want to hide. These are the thoughts and the things
and the feelings that I don't want it I want
to see. But if I actually look at them, that's
(30:03):
what they want. So we identify them, we talk about that,
we understand them, were like, Okay, why did I feel
this way? Or why do I think this way about myself?
And then work on clearing it. So the clearing element
is the tricky one because a lot of people feel
like when you do an energetic cleanse, you're done. But
(30:25):
in the cringe method, I really focus on healing it
from releasing it from the body, releasing it from the emotions,
and then also releasing it with actions, so really figuring
out how is it playing out in my life.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
So the first one is the first step is identifying
where you get that feeling of like oh I can't
even like look at this. I'm just gonna try to
get out of this feeling as fast as possible. Yes,
how do you identify them? How does someone get to
that first step of even finding them?
Speaker 1 (30:54):
So with this thing, you first have to work with
someone because we just want to escape pain that's the
natural thing. Okay, you need. So this is where I'm like, okay,
this is where I get my clients. And the cringe
method comes from when I was working with my clients
with the color therapy and then we'll be talking and
then be like and I was like, ah, there's the cringe,
(31:16):
bring it, and then they'll be like, oh no, I
mean let's bring it, let's face it, let's release the
shame from it, and then that will stay in it.
So that's that's how we're working. But I'm also going
to introduce something new that maybe we could that I'm
so excited about because I know that I can take
people through it, like have them be able to do
(31:37):
it with guidance, and then after we identify that, we
clear it together.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
So you do the clearing with them. How do you
clear it?
Speaker 1 (31:48):
So we'll clear it with color therapy and sound okay,
and breathing and sometimes movements depends on where it is
because everybody is unique and everybody is different. The thing
I'm going to introduce is it's going to be in groups.
So it's gonna be even a lot cooler because I'm
going to be combining all of them together and I'm
(32:08):
just gonna be intuitively figuring out how to get people
cleared altogether. And then when you have people doing the
same thing at the same time, it's amplified the healing.
And that's why I really love it.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So can you briefly explain to someone what the color
therapy healing is? You said, like, yours is yellow, and
that means to find your inner like your inner voice.
Like how does someone find what their colors are? And
then what does that mean?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Okay, So I do a color reading or a cringe
healing and cringe reading right now, and I help you
identify it through your birthday. So you're born with certain
colors in your chart, and these colors, say the color
you came in with like the essence of your soul,
(32:53):
and then the color you are challenged with, which is
like what is the cringe? It's the shadow element because
every color has a light element and a shadow element,
and that's how we work because color is a translation
of the language of light in a way. And then
where your soul wants you to go in this learning,
(33:16):
how are you going to take it further? So this
is something that I'm working on now to create a
brief to have on the website so people can access
this without needing to book a session. Well, it's work
in progress with a six month a seven almost seven
month baby, it's a bit tricky.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Oh, the fact that you're getting anything done and the
baby is phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I know, it's insane. I'm like, how do people do it?
Speaker 3 (33:41):
No?
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Okay? And so you heal it and then comes so
you identify it, you heal.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
It, and then and then you begin to understand how
it played out. So when you understand how it played out,
you understand the actions, you begin to change.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Them, okay, like rewire, yes, and.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
You also also make an effort of changing them in
the fourth also in the like this is a combination
between the fourth and the third, So you also understand
the actions, You forgive yourself for doing it, and understand
that you're not now even though you did an energy
healing and you released it, you're not gonna not make
the mistake again. It's about not punishing yourself. It's about
(34:25):
correcting the mistake and correcting and correcting and catching and correcting.
And then we do an integration process of like, okay,
how are we going to integrate the new beliefs. How
are we going to integrate something different than this?
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Okay, so you have like a new like a new
plan almost of like when this happens, when I catch
it instead of doing my old habits of this, I
now do this. It's but you have to be very intentional, yes, yeah,
but the thing is like you could.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah, but the thing is like you if you only
want to face your cringe when you're sick of your
own ship mm hmmm, because it's a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
It's a lot of work.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Program to reprogram something that you've had since childhood. A
lot of people want healing like this, and that's the expectation, like, Okay,
I'm going to be positive. Oh I'm going to be
able to tune into gratitude and I'm going to be
grateful all day. But then anxiety comes in and they
can't because we need to shay.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
And you haven't gone and rewired yourself. You haven't gotten
into the core beliefs that you believe about yourself and
that you believe about the world.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Or even gotten sick of them enough enough enough. Yeah,
Like when people come to me and they're like, I'm like, look,
come back to me. When you're sick of yourself. When
you're sick of yourself, just come back. Because it's like
when I'm sick of doing the same thing over and
over again, going over this pain over and over again,
(35:54):
going over this hate over and over again. Because we
all go through these loops and then it's like it's
like a game, you know, like the Mario game. As
soon as you go you finish a stage, you go
into another one. It's like a deeper layer of the onion.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I feel that all the time while and I get
so freaking frustrated because I will like heal do like
a big healing because like you, I am always healing myself.
It's so annoying, Like I'm literally like can I ever
stop this cycle? Because as soon as you like break
through one big barrier and like one big level that's
(36:27):
been holding you back, and you get to the next plateau,
you have these realizations, you do the work, you rewire
all that, it's like, damn it, there's another whole level
and you've got to start at this next whole level,
Like does it ever stop?
Speaker 4 (36:43):
You Know?
Speaker 1 (36:43):
What I found is that like there are some that goes,
oh man, this again, SiGe, can I like, not do
this again. But then there are these ones like, oh
you again, Okay, I know how to deal with you.
I've dealt with you before. You know, there are different ones.
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Some are more annoying.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
The more annoying it is, and the more cringey it is,
the more deeper you need to go. But also we
forget the gifts that we get after we do the healing.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Oh you're so right, You're so right, And I do
feel that way. I feel like I've been doing the deep, deep, deep,
deep deep ones because i feel like I'm starting to
get to a new level where I'm kind of like bored.
Not bored, but I'm kind of just like I'm not
like this desperate need to find answers. Like for so long,
I was like needing to talk to everyone who was healers.
I was needing to do all of the thing. Oh
(37:32):
you know, I was needing to do every different type
of healing modality I could find to like purge myself
and have realizations. And now I'm kind of like, Okay,
I have a good baseline. I know what my first
part of my life, the wiring that I have and
the lies that I told myself about myself, like you
told yourself that it was always your fault. Like I
(37:54):
know my things now and I've worked on them and
I've healed them, and I do feel worthy and I
do feel like totally empowered and like I love myself
so like I've done the baseline deep deep deep cleaning
out my pipes. But then so now I feel like
it's a little like you said, it's getting to be
a little lighter. It's not quite as like heavy. And
now I feel like when new stuff comes in, it's
(38:14):
like it's new things. It's not necessarily all my old stuff.
I am still dealing with old stuff, but a lot
of it's no new stuff. And because you have the rewiring,
it's like, Okay, I can deal with this in a
more efficient way where I don't have to let it
all just compound and get stuck inside of me like
I did the first half of my life because I
was a kid in an adolescent and I didn't know
how to process.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
You know, Yeah, And I think like the first the
most what I really want to get a lot of
my clients and the people that I work with, it's like,
you know, when you first start doing the healing and
then there's a tornado that you get stuck in of toxicity.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
And when people come to me with this, I want
to get them from this like the tornado to them
being like, Oh, the tornado's right there. I'm not going
to go there. I'm gonna stay here see the tornado.
But I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna be I'm.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Not gonna see the tornado. And I and I have
and I've examined the tornado. I'm not avoiding it. I'm
not like pretending it's not there. But I don't need
to go put myself in it, like I already know
what it is.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yeah, because the tornado is like the need for the pain, yeah,
that we have because it's familiar. Yes, So it's like, oh,
I'm going to fall into the complete deep anxiety and
all of this that whatever this tornado brings up from
you or this deep depression or or just secluding myself
from the world or whatever your your thing is, whatever
(39:36):
your tornado looks like, and the way you get sucked
into it, and then having having moved from there to
the area of like, Okay, I see this tornado, but
I'm not gonna jump on. I'm not gonna jump in it.
I'm not gonna let myself go. I'm not gonna this
addiction to pain because of early life trauma is what
I want people to kind of be able to catch.
(40:00):
And then even when they enter the tornado, I want
them to be able like, oh, I.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Can exit, I can exit, and to even realize, like
you said, they have a choice, because until you start
doing this work, you think the tornado is just your
life and who you are. You don't realize that it's
what happened to you. It's not who you are. But
until you separate what's happened to you and who you
actually are, that's a huge separation, and it takes a
(40:26):
lot of unraveling and detaching from all the beliefs that
are put on you, all the the words that people
told you of who you are, and the way you
felt about yourself due to the authority figures in your
life and the circumstances in your life, and all that.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Social media and the media.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
And the programming, you know, all the programming that we've
believed that we believed ourselves to be. To detach from that,
to actually get to the core of who you are
versus who you have been told you are and the
story that you've made.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
Up about yourself.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
One of the biggest learnings for me was when I
when I found out that, you know, all my life,
I also had like had this thing of like I
had to be special, better than everybody else so I
can be loved. I had to be special. And I
think this is a programming from society.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Do you think it also was because you were always
getting blamed for stuff that you thought if you were special,
maybe yes, would not be That was my healing fantasy. Yeah,
if you could be special, then you would be valuable
and yeah, then you would be worthy.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Yes, and then they like they would love me, and
then they.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Would love you, Yeah, because they would finally see it.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Yeah, they finally see them. I'm like, I'm great.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
You know which you are?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Then you know that which I am? I know that now,
But it's like it took some work.
Speaker 4 (41:40):
And and then when I.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Realized that, oh, my goals were a lot simpler than
what was put on me, and my passions were a
lot you know, smaller, like I wanted the smaller like,
the smaller moments, the things that give me happiness were
not like this being on Forbes List before I'm thirty five,
(42:13):
or or like being on the cover of a magazine
because I'm so cool and so amazing, and all that
programming that I had, or have this like crazy corporate
job or whatever. I had all these believes and I
was like, Oh, that's not actually success for me. That's
my mother's definition of success. That's my society's definition of success.
(42:36):
It's not mine. Mine actually looks different.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
And I totally relate to you, Wala, because I felt
that same way. I used to feel like I needed
to be special because if people could and that's why
I wanted to move to Nashville and be a famous singer,
because I was like, if I can just get famous
and the world can love me, then I will be special.
I will be validated everyone can. But really, then you
(43:01):
start doing all your own healing work and you actually
start to love yourself, and then you clear out all
this debris that you've been living with internally for so
long that you realize isn't true, and then you're like,
oh my God, like you said, it's actually I just
want to be in a happy marriage. I just want
to have a great relationship with my kids. I just
want to have peace in my life and in my chickens.
(43:22):
I just want chickens. I just wanna wake up every
day and breathe in fresh air and just be so
thankful for the little world that I live in. I
don't need this big validation from the world.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
And that's a huge turning point.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Oh yes, I know, because one I realize I don't
need to be special.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
I'm okay, because you already are special and you feel
it in yourself.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Yeah. But it was just not like even letting go
of oh I'm so unique or I need to find
that unique spot or I'm just being was such a
huge heavy thing that was like I put on myself.
And when I found permission to just kind of let go,
and I was like, what a relief. Yeah, what a relief.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Did not have to be constantly especially so perfect, so perfect,
and to be so validated by others, you know.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, yeah, And that was one of the biggest like
for me. So it was just incredible to have. You know,
my sister in law called us after the fire and
she said to us, you know, guys, I know you too.
One day you're going to look back at this and
(44:37):
you'll think this, even though it's bad. You're going to
say this is the best thing that ever happened to me.
And when she said that, I was like, you know what,
I'm going to make it that. I want to make
it that. And to be able to make it that,
I needed to do a lot of inner work and
a lot of healing and a lot of giving and
(45:00):
a lot of acceptance.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I've got full chills, man, because instead of and like
you said, you had your periods of anger and hating.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, you.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Have to you have to get that out. But you
turned it on yourself and you said I have to
heal me because if you don't do the work, you're
never going to get to that place of acceptance and
that this could be something that really transformed your life positively.
You can't get there unless you turn it inwards.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Yeah, because a lot of us get stuck in the
cycle of oh this person did this to me. They
have to get this, they have to get consequences, they
have to change.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
It's a victy and you truly were a victim, like
you have place you are a victim.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
You know, yes, but also I'm a survivor.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
Right. So the fact though that you're not even gonna
let victim mentality take over your existence.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
It did, and it felt like shit, sorry.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
What does it feel like to be full engulfed with
it when you have the right to be.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Even when you have the right to be, it feels
really bad. It just didn't feel like us. I remember
we were. We would sit at nights and feeling like
exchanging this, like this frustration, my frustration, my husband's frustration
were just like exchanging. And then we looked at each other.
We're like, why, we can do better. We can do
(46:27):
better than this, and we have to do better for us,
and we can't let this. We can't make this choice
of just sitting there because it used to feel like
so frustrating, like so suffocating like this, and and we
couldn't do anything reality, We couldn't. We had to accept
that there was nothing for us to do because every
door we knocked, police, lawyers, et cetera. They're like, sorry,
(46:51):
this is how it is here. You might it might
take seven years for you to even see justice, and
then to be able to you might not see it.
You know, this is what like they were all telling us.
So you know what, all I want to do, all
I care about is to have my family protected and
to be at peace, and to grow my passions, and
(47:13):
to grow and help people and continue to help people
like I always did, because that give me so much
joy and it gives me so much purpose. Yeah, And
I just feel like I want to be known for
my contributions to.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
The world, not your anger and bitterness of what was
wronged you. That's so power, yeah, because what do you
want to be known for?
Speaker 1 (47:42):
You know? Like I can sit and just like sit
and fight all these crazy articles that are full of
lies and things like this every day, but.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
Should I Is that where you want to spend your
time and energy exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
It's like petty circus And I'm like, you know what,
your circus, your monkey, not my circus, not my monkey.
I love this, Like, no, my circus, not my monkey.
My circus is this? My monkey? Is this? This is
the cringe that I need to focus on. And That's
what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna keep looking forward
because you look, you keep looking back, You'll break your neck.
That's what one of my friends always said. And it
(48:17):
was a really hard choice to make, but we kept
each other in check and we just kept going on
the path and just stayed in the love and just
laughed a lot and stayed together and did everything. And
now our family, my family grew and you had a baby.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
In all this, I mean, the fact that you've got
a child into the world after this, like that is
healing right there.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
And I did it at home.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
You did a home birth.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
How was that so? I was? I had a midwife
that was supposed to come, she didn't. She came six
minutes before the baby landed. Okay, it was stormy outside.
And throughout the work that I've been doing during the pregnancy,
(49:08):
I did a lot of work as well. Like I'm
so I hate being pregnant. Okay, I hate it. I'm
not gonna do it again. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Why did you hate it?
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I was so tired all the time. I had anemia.
It wasn't fun at all. And my third trimester was
in the summer and the heat it was horrible. I
couldn't get out of the house. It was just no
And then we also had all these different stresses coming
in and out. It was just like not a lot.
But then throughout that helped me because pregnancy hormones open
(49:40):
you up so much. So there's like so much emotion.
It's a lot of like I did a lot of
work and a lot of healing, like I'm so grateful
for this pregnancy. And then so one of the things
I was like, you know what, I don't want anybody
to see me. I don't want anybody to see me
like being in pain and blah blah blah. And I
think I'm go just like free birth this baby. That's
(50:02):
what I was like telling myself. And then emotionally, I
was prepared anyway. So this baby decided to come in
so fast that the midwife didn't believe I was in labor.
She thought I was like such a like an active labor.
She thought I was in pre labor. And then it's
(50:23):
just me and my husband did it together?
Speaker 2 (50:25):
Were you like in a bath or anything or did
you like yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:28):
But the bath was so tight, but it was like
I couldn't get out of it.
Speaker 2 (50:32):
And then her husband caught the baby.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
No, no, no, the midwife caught the baby. My husband
helped me. She came six minutes before the birth. The
actual breath.
Speaker 6 (50:40):
I started pushing before she came, but my husband was
so calm, and it was like a great trust exercise
between the both of us.
Speaker 1 (50:50):
And I think after the fire and then after this
crazy birth because I only pushed three, I didn't push
my body dead, and I had crazy vision and I
don't know what it was. It was incredible. It was
the most horrific, painful thing I've ever done, but it
was the most magical, crazy, craziest thing I've ever done.
(51:14):
And when she came, she was like, oh you're pushing.
I'm like, and this baby came out.
Speaker 2 (51:23):
How has motherhood changed you?
Speaker 1 (51:27):
It allowed me to allow more love into my heart
more and more, like allow it to stay love.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
That what is success? And happy with this to you
now that you've gone through all of this, because before
you said it was hard for you to not be
hard on yourself and want to be like a perfectionist.
You blame you like you thought things were your fault.
You know, you just put a lot of pressure on yourself. Yeah,
and now that you've gone through the burning and the rebirth,
(52:00):
like you birthed a child, your house burned. I mean,
you've gone through all of it. Ashes to life. You know,
you're altally new, You're a new human, like you've experienced this,
the depths of these lows and the highs of these highs,
and you have done all this self discovery. What is
happiness and success to you now?
Speaker 1 (52:21):
If it's allowing more love and just staying in it
whatever it looks like, Really it's just so simple and
really appreciating the.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Present, being present, just being present for that love, because
I think before I was just like jumping from one
thing to another. I still like to go from one
thing to another, but I'm making more.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
Efforts and being more present, being more present with my clients,
being more present with the love that I have for
my children and the love I have for my family
and my husband.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
And it's right here, right now, in the exact moments.
Like the bigs are great, and those mountaintop experiences are wonderful.
The valleys are hard and they rock you to your core.
But life is the day to day little moments it is,
and like finding the present, You're right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (53:11):
Right, And it's it's also I remember when everybody was like,
how do you feel now after I gave breath, and
I didn't say happy. I was like content, because I
think that's what we happy looks like, you know, reading
up and super high and content there's something about this
feeling of contentment, of just like everything is exactly how
(53:35):
it needs to be, and since the breath of my child,
that's the feeling that I keep looking for and bringing
myself back to to feel content. That's what beautiful.
Speaker 2 (53:50):
Thank you while you're just like you are doing the
work all the time, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (53:58):
Yes? It is.
Speaker 2 (54:02):
What do you have coming up? Because I know you
have some things coming up?
Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yes, So I'm introducing on the eighth of April, we
are I'm doing a free live cringe class. This class,
I'm going to explain the cringe method a bit, and
then I'm going to take people through an exercise to
find their blockage and that first cringe whatever's blocking them
from allowing themselves to just open a lot of it
(54:28):
to even manifest to even get the things that they want.
And then I'm going to take them through a healing
process and then I'm gonna give them a special special
for this new group program that I'm doing that's going
to be low commitment and it's going to be fun,
and it's going to be a five day fun experience
(54:50):
on telegram.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
So that's kind of and where can they find this
to join, so they're going to find it on the
Cringe method dot.
Speaker 1 (54:58):
Com and also find me on Instagram at the Cringe Method,
The Cringe Method.
Speaker 2 (55:05):
I love that. That is so just so spot on.
A cringe method or what makes you cringe about yourself,
that's where you need to dive in. Literally.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
I love it because I remember when I was working
on the rebranding a wonderful little girl, her name is Grace,
She's amazing, Grace Abbott, and she was like because I
was like, oh yeah, inner healing in and whatever, and
she was like, no, the cringe Method, because that's what
you do.
Speaker 2 (55:32):
I'm like, oh, yes, that's it, and you don't forget that.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
No.
Speaker 2 (55:39):
While I just love seeing you, I really genuinely just
adore you and love getting to connect with you. We
almost got to see each other in Spain this I
was partner.
Speaker 4 (55:50):
I know.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
I know maybe our past will cross one day, will
get to actually meet in the flesh and blood, but
it is not.
Speaker 1 (55:57):
I know. I know we will. I know we will
when I come in. So great to get to know
you too. Really, thank you so much for having me,
and I'm so excited that you're the podcast that I'm
talking about this first, and like, you're the first.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Person, so you haven't shared about this yet, well, thank
you for sharing.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
No, you're my first share. You're the person I trust,
trusted with my sorry, so.
Speaker 2 (56:19):
Well, that means so much, Walla, And honestly, the fact
that you have been able to turn all these things
into a positive ultimately, it's and I think that that's
what the message I always want to get across with
this podcast. I love hearing people's stories is anyone can
can truly overcome. And it's not even overcome, but it's
(56:41):
like doing this work to realize that you are not
what happened to you. And yes, what happened to so
many people is awful and traumatic and horrific, but you
are still the human, that soul, that light is still
there and it can separate rate itself from the You'll
(57:02):
never forget what happened, and it's going to shape who
you are. But like, yeah, if you don't have to
live in the chains of it your whole.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
Life, no, And you don't have to suffer for other
people's mistakes, Yeah, don't.
Speaker 2 (57:12):
And even if they put those mistakes on you and
you suffer the consequences of them, like you said, it's
not yours to carry, It's not yours. No, even though
it did affect you, and like that is just hard
work that I just love talking to you and I
love hearing your story and I feel like doing that
hard work it is so difficult. But if you don't
(57:34):
do that hard work living as a victim with all
that hate in your heart, not that you're not gonna
have birds of bursts of it and moments of it,
but if you live constantly and hate and victim mentality,
you're going to have a horrible it's going to.
Speaker 1 (57:47):
Destroy yourself, like hate destroys.
Speaker 2 (57:50):
Yeah. So I just love that you have done this deep, deep,
deep work and you figured out a way to help
others who are in that same place so you don't
have to live in that darkness. And it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (58:03):
And I hope and I hope that when people hear this,
they can know that no matter where they're at, it
can turn around. They can turn it around, no matter
how about it looks like it can.
Speaker 2 (58:15):
So that leads me to my last question, which is
I always wrop up with leave your light, and it's
just what kind of inspiration do you want to leave
people with?
Speaker 1 (58:23):
No matter where you are, no matter what it looks
like for you, really you can change it. And it
doesn't change with a big bang, it changes with small
little steps, and then one day you'll look back and
be like, oh, I just climbed the mountain. That's really beautiful.
Speaker 2 (58:42):
Will thank you so much for coming on and sharing
the story and sharing your healing process and the Cringe
Method and all of the ways that you have healed yourself.
Thank you for putting them into a resource that others
can use as well. That is so powerful and so awesome.
And I hope that a lot of the listeners come
and join your class. You said it's April eighth.
Speaker 1 (59:02):
Yeah, April eight.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
So go to the Cringe method dot com and.
Speaker 1 (59:09):
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it, let's do it.
Love it. Thank you so much, Waler, Thank you
Speaker 2 (59:19):
M
Cary Lone. She's a queen, talking and solemn. You know,
she's getting really not afraid to fail as episode, so
just let it flow. No one can do we quiet
like Carey Lone is sounding care lound.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I'm so excited to be back with Walla, one of
my favorite people. And due to podcasting, I was been
able to connect with you. You live in Spain, across
the world, across the ocean, and I met you. Was
it last year, the year before, maybe two years ago?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I think two years ago. Yeah, before everything happened.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Your life turned upside down and we met.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
It's like my life is like before the fire, after fire,
like the before times. If you watch Silo, it's kind
of the beforetime and then the now times.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
And when I met you a couple of years ago,
you were deep in the middle of color therapy and
we did I think I even did some exercises with
you and did some sound healing with you, and you
spoke to I was running a little workshop at a time.
You spoke to some of the people in the workshop,
and I just was I've just enamored with you as
a human because you are just such a beautiful soul,
(01:26):
such a beautiful human and you are just here to heal,
and you found all of these ways to heal. And
now you've moved on from color therapy. I kind of
want to talk about color therapy a little bit because
I know you still incorporate that, but you've moved on
to helping people heal through finding their cringe. And I
think that is so brilliant because I want to talk
(01:48):
about it because I know when you get to the
part that makes you like disgusted or icked out at
yourself or like you can't like yeah, you hit that
part and you feel it and you're like ooh, and
you don't even want to like acknowledge that it's there.
You're saying, that's what we need to like be diving
into with our whole existence. And you got there because
(02:09):
your house was arsoned.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yes, so back in July twenty twenty three, somehow we
woke up in the middle of the night and our
house was completely on fire.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
And your husband has has a child, right, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
My stepdaughter was there and her friend was there. Oh
my gosh, and like I'm gonna okay. It was that
night I think was the most horrible night in my life.
We woke up and we just got back from a
long trip in Ireland and we were on a boat,
so I inhaled so much smoke so when I got out,
(02:49):
when I got up, I didn't know what I was.
It was so pitch dark. It was really really scary,
and I remember thinking, I don't know where I am.
I was touching everything. I was crawling on the floor
and I remember thinking, oh my god, I think I'm
(03:10):
gonna die.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Like I think I'm gonna die. And you said you
surrender to death.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
And then I was like, okay, you know what. I
was so scared. I was so scared, and I was like, Okay,
then this is my moment, So I'm just gonna die.
I surrendered myself to die because I didn't I didn't
know how to get out.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So you were consumed by smoke everywhere. Yes, Yeah, y'all
will because house is fully engulfed.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, so our bedroom was not. And then my husband
got up and I got up after him, but I
was slower than he expected me. So he was just
out to get the girls, so he tried to open
the door. He went into the girl's room. He couldn't
get on the landing. So our room is here, my
(03:55):
stepdaughter's room was here. He couldn't it was just less
than to me and he couldn't get it go into that,
so he had to jump off the balcony and go
get them from the other way. Somehow. My stepdaughter, when
she sleeps, she never it's really hard to wake her up.
She deep sleeps. She woke up, she grabbed her friend,
(04:18):
threw her out the window. Her father caught her friend
from the window and then he grabbed her. She got out.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Would they like on a second story? Yes, so they like.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So he got on the car. He got on the car,
and he was able to get them because the house
had like a slope. Yeah. Can you imagine like eight
years of age.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You're eight years old.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yes. And she was so brave, like it's so scary,
I know, And it was. She was so brave because
her friend was sleeping, her friend was not waking up,
and she she doesn't know how, but she just kind
of lifted her up and threw her out the window.
She's like, I don't know where I got the strand thanks,
(05:00):
but I did. And then in the meantime, while that
was happening, I was still in the bedroom and I
was still trying to figure out what was going on,
and I thought we were on the boat. I don't know.
I could feel my I remember feeling my id. I
don't know why. I'm like, now, you should have grabbed it.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
But but so your husband was now because he's like,
I gotta go get the girl. So he's moving fast
as lightning. And then he's thinking, you're moving out, but
you're so disoriented that you don't know where you are.
So he's over here getting them to safety, but you
don't know how to get out because you don't know
where you are exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And then all of a sudden, I could hear him
shouting my stepdaughter's name, and I remember like feeling this
extreme fear because I've never heard my husband so scared.
Because my husband's always the guy who's super calm, like
as calm as the cucumber, you know, he's the one
who just figures it out. I'd be panicking and going
crazy and he'd be like, it's okay, like on a
(06:00):
duck's back, you know. But this is the first time
I could hear it. And then somehow so I was
like I surrendered to die. I was like, okay, you
know what I'm gonna die.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Did you not could did you like you couldn't figure
out a way out the door?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
No? But something incredible happened. So I was. I was there,
and then somehow when I started, when I decided, okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna die, I felt like this extreme peace,
incredible piece that oh, okay, death is not going to
be so bad. I'm going back home.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
So you really it wasn't just like okay, I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die. It's like you felt it coming over.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, I was like, okay, you know, I'm like soul god.
And then all of a sudden, I felt like my
something like that piece just went away, and I was
back in my body. I was completely awake, and my
lungs were burning. And then I I hear so I
have one of my closest aunts growing up has passed away,
(07:05):
I think three years before, and I could hear her
voice saying in Arabic, You're not going to die this way.
You don't die like this. And then somehow I found
myself on the balcony. They don't know how, and then
I jumped off and there was my husband and the
girl screaming my name, calling me while I was having
(07:28):
this like crazy, Am I going to die? Am I not?
And then after that we tried to get the dogs out.
We only could get one out.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
How many did you have?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Three? So two of them died and it was just, really,
this is the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened in
my life. This is like the biggest loss was losing
the dogs. And then it was just, you know.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Five.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
An hour before, I had everything I dreamed about. My
whole life was my dream life, and then all of
a sudden, it was all gone. I had no idea,
I had no clothes, I had nothing, And it was
(08:21):
scary because your safety is one of the things that
we take for granted. And then to be able to
put your head on a pillow not worrying that something
bad's going to happen to you is such a privilege.
And I only understood that after that night, and it
was all motion from there. But one of the biggest
(08:43):
things that really really touched us and really really helped
us is that the whole community the next day was moving,
getting us clothes, giving us cars, giving us phones, giving
us homes, like they were all working together to protect
us and to help us and the people we didn't
(09:03):
know and people we knew, and it was this amazing,
incredible feeling of Okay, you know what, the world's still
good even though this dark thing happened. So let's hold
on to that. So this is what, And then we
began this whole journey of first reclaiming our identities back
(09:25):
because when everything burns down, you know, they nobody, you know,
everybody's like, okay, how are you going to get your identity?
They don't believe you, Like I had to fly home
to be able to get a new passport.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And where are you from?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Originally I'm from Kuwait, so for in Kuwait specifically that
no embassy issues passports, you have to go back and yeah,
and they interview you and they interrogate you because losing
your passport is if you're considered a crime, so they
punish you by not giving you a passport for six months.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And I had a way for six months.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, thankfully I managed to convince them to let me
go back to my family because my family was in
Ireland and I needed to go. And then we also
go to different places to reclaim you know, my businesses
et cetera to be able to go back online. But
incredible things happened that I had so much help, and
(10:26):
I had so many people standing by us as a
family and by me as a person, and it really
really helped get us through this. But then, you know,
you go through this and then everybody, you know, you
go through the grief and everybody's with you, and then
and then at some point you as and as a
(10:48):
family are alone with all.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
The around once the initial people show up. Did you
know this woman? I know you can't talk about this,
but did you know this woman who burns? Yes, and
she just she's head it out for you. That's like unbelievable.
I can't actually believe that. And I know you can't
talk about a lot of things, but like, what in
the actual world.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
The problem is, Caroline, we live in a world that
people are enabling people, and women, especially women, due to
the feminist movement and due to very compassionate people. They're
enabling people who are in so much pain, who have
personality disorders, who have deep, deep trauma problems, who are
(11:36):
extremely manipulative, get away with things like this, and they're
helping them, and they feel bad for them because this
person uses organizations, charities until this day today, this person
is continuously harassing us.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
She's still out there on a loose Yes.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Even though she's supposed to surrender to jail voluntarily for
another crime that was last month.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Are you are you nervous?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
You know what? No, I this We as a family
decided we are not going to be scared. We are
just going to take all our precautions and we're going
to make sure we have security and that we are aware.
And that's it, because if you if you keep worrying
about the future and living in fear, it's not a
(12:29):
way to live. And that fear is her circus, not ours.
Even though it was really hard to get to this point,
So one of the biggest things I had to learn
from this, from this arts and attack was acceptance because
the justice system here is so slow and doesn't make
any sense because to me as a person who comes
(12:50):
from a like a different type of law, and you
don't need too much evidence to question someone. All you
need is some circumstantial evidence, and then I'm looking at
a police report that I had an eight. So I
spent the first few months hoping and wishing this was
(13:12):
an accident. Because I didn't want to accept that somebody
would want to harm us like this.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I mean, that could have was it. It could have
killed y'all. Yeah, and not just you guys, like the
child like what in the.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
World, Yes, exactly, and.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
And didn't even know there are two kids in the house.
I mean, ah, you.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Know, like the trauma. I was running because my husband
was still trying to get the dogs out when we ran,
and I me and my stepdaughter and her friend who
were running up trying to get help. And then because
the electricity was out, because as soon as the fire started,
the electricity went out, so we couldn't open the gate,
(14:01):
so we had to climb the gate. My legs were
just like jelly. My stepdaughter was able to go up
and do it, and she was like, dude, look, come on,
let's go. You can do it. You can do it.
And I'm like that. I was always worried about her.
That night I saw the bravest human being I've ever
seen in my life that I'm like, you know what,
(14:23):
after tonight, I'm not gonna worry about you anymore. And
it was just so emotional. I know, It's just I
came with a plan that I wasn't gonna really emotionally
get into this, but you know what, maybe we should
because people need to know that when someone has trauma
that's not healed, when someone is a high conflict personality,
(14:46):
when someone when someone comes to you and talks about
all these different things and blames all these other people
and is full of hate, hate, hate, you need to
question how much you're enabling them, and is this is
what they're saying is true? Because you know, after the fire,
the amount of people that were helping her that came
to us and were like, you know, now we think
(15:08):
it's her because all she talks about is how much
she hates you guys, and how much she hates your
husband because the connection is through my husband. Yeah, so
that's so, that's like everybody realized after the fact. And
on top of that, she was messaging people telling people
(15:29):
not to help us.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
If someone can harbor that much hate, that's what you're saying, Yeah,
if you can exatiminate it, why are you carrying that
much hate?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And if you don't, and that much hate is probably
many many, many, many, many, many many years.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Of pain and then this is the outlet to release
it all.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
On other people because ultimately, and this is where your
cringe methods comes in, because ultimately, I mean I feel
and I wonder if this is where you got to
with even the arson, Like, even though this happened to you,
this was a life threatening situation for your whole family.
You lost two of your dogs that were part of
(16:13):
your failing. I mean, this is traumatic, but still it
feels to me like you aren't even hold your You
took responsibility for healing yourself and said because you could
stay and hate, I mean, you could stay and hate
for her forever and it can make you a dark, bitter,
awful person.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
So I'm not gonna lie to you. We spent a
few months.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Hating and hating, Yeah, and how could you. But if
you don't feel that, you're gonna suppress it. So you
have to feel it.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
So we spent that much time and we went through
like because we had this feeling of injustice, absolutely feeling
of violation. We also had these feelings of you know,
we went to Ireland and then she followed us to
Ireland and.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
What in the world she followed you to Ireland?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, and she's started harassing us there. So it was
like one non stop yeah, so, and it was kidding
me right now. Yeah, if it was any other country,
we we would be I think we would probably have
a restraining order by now. But unfortunately here things are
(17:19):
harder because it's not yet even though we were stocked,
were followed, were harassed, et cetera. But because there's so many,
so many connections and so many different delays, and things
are so slow, Like, you know, this person was convicted
three days later or four days later, our house burns
(17:41):
down and convicted because of something that is connected to us, right, so, oh,
it's such a coincidence, and there's and if you look
at the police report, you're like, oh my god, it's
so much dark her Because we thought, you know, we
(18:02):
were like, you know what, hopefully it's an accident. We
spent month like it's an accident, it's an accent. We
get the police report, it's darker than we thought because
a person was hired to do it. So it's like,
oh yeah, so it's like whoa. This person is sitting
there planning and doing all these dark things, and everybody
is sitting there being like, oh my god, you poor thing.
(18:24):
Let's get your help, let's get your pardoned. Let's get you,
you know, not to face consequences. And this is what
really so the work that I had to do to
accept and separate myself and my family emotionally from this
from not going into the direction of hate and pain
(18:46):
and being able to move forward and focusing on being happy,
focusing on allowing ourselves to heal and and be happy,
because after something like this, you can really really sink
into a really really dark hole very easily. But we
(19:07):
kept going because we really really worked hard on the healing,
the screaming, the the the getting it all out and
facing also things that we felt that Okay, maybe you
know these are mistakes we made, or maybe this is
how I keep attracting this person into my life.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
That's interesting that you say that, because I know it's
like every time I'm like faced with some sort of
dark person in my orbit, I'm like, how did I
energetically get in that energy field with that person?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, I mean it's like what is that?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Why do I need them?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Why do I need them to teach me this lesson
to show me this part of myself?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Right? Yeah, But it's also it's also like why do
I need them to stay so it's kind of like, Okay,
this person, for example, is constantly creating, So why is
it that I need chaos to be in my life?
What is it about chaos that I need to heal
within myself? This person's chaos. I don't mean, I don't
(20:10):
mean that they're good or it's my fault that they're there,
But why do I need this chaos to keep this link?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Like? How is it? How is yeah? How am I
aligned with it? Because exactly how is it matching with me?
And I think that's what so many And I love
that you can even say this after something like that
happened to you, because so many times people are like,
that's just absolutely terrible. It's the worst thing that ever happened,
and it is. But then it's also you have this
next level of self reflection that's like, how did this
energetically happen?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Yeah? And you can go through it on many different
spiritual layers. But in the end of the day, it's
also a choice what am I going to choose to do?
Am I going to choose? Because for example, am I
going to choose to forgive? Because for me, forgiveness is
to give to God? Forgiveness is not Oh, it's okay
(21:11):
what you did to me. No, No, it's just that
the pain that because how I see what happened that night.
It was like this person that has so much pain
that they couldn't contain and they had to put it
on someone else, and they and that and that's what
they did, and that all that darkness, it was put
on me. So forgive. For me to forgive, it is
for me to take this darkness that they gave me
(21:33):
and give it back to God. For God to deal
with it, not me. It's not mine.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Not for you to internalize it and carry it and
integrate it into your existence. It's not you.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
And it's not even for me to go and try
to get justice either. Oh.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Now that's the real next level. That is like the
real healing piece. If you can get to that place
where you don't need like then to be vindicated, that's
that is serious, Walla.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
And you got Now, look I get there and then
I have days, and then I have days I'm like, ah,
I want it, and then I remember I remember that
I have to accept because if I go into the
sloop of oh justice hasn't been served, it's not it's
not for me because I don't know what justice looks like.
And if I give justice to God, oh my God,
(22:28):
justice is not prison. God. I know this from life,
and I know this from from everything I've I've seen
in my life, is that when God gives you the justice,
or when God serves someone their consequence.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
It's more much more than and it's you can ever
imagine exactly. And also it's like for every action there's
an equal and opposite reaction, Like I it's a Newton's
or law of physics. It's literally like you cannot escape
your darkness by adding more darkness, you know. And so
I feel for this person that she lives in this
state of misery because her existence has to be so
(23:10):
devastatingly dark. But literally I.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Always say, like I cannot imagine what it's like inside her. Yeah,
toms like to live in her skin with herself, like.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Wow, because you don't get happiness by causing harm to
someone else. It just doesn't work that way. It's not
going to work out. And so I, yeah, you're so
right though, But to be able to get to that
mental spot where you're like, I'm giving this over to God,
this is not mine to sort out. Ultimately, you just
(23:44):
have to do every.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Time something blows up, like something comes up and it's
like against what you said, and you're like, god, what
are you doing? And then and then you know, I
go like, no, you know what, m M. I have
to trust because this is not the picture, this is
not the end, this is not whatever any to keep
going on my own track and I just need my
My justice is to be just with myself. My justice, sorry,
(24:10):
my justice is to accept me. But all of that
happened through a lot of deep work and a lot
of self facing and a lot of choices.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
What did you find out about yourself when you started
facing yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
I found out that I really thought that I was
I need you know, I was doing I was bad
and I needed to you know, I needed people like
this to to punish me in a sense.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
But you thought you were bad.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yeah, and then after the fire, it's come. It comes
from a really deep trauma of a childhood trauma of
thinking of of being always the blame in the house.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
That's how you grew up.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, so it's all away the blame on you, Yes, eldest,
that I'm the girl, and it's like I'm always you know,
it's my fault. It's my fault. So my first reaction is,
it's my fault.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
So everything was always your fault, were you.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, So even when the fire happened, I had guilt
carried that I contributed.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
To this because it's your fault obviously.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, So I had to I really had to release that.
And then when I and and this is the beautiful
thing about community and people, because when people started chowing
up for us, I realized.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
No, I'm not I'm not bad. You thought you're just
innately a bad innately bad, like even if you're not doing.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Something, No, everything is my fault.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
But even if you weren't doing something wrong, you still
thought it was your fault.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah. And this is very typical of children to when
when they have relational trauma, the way they make sense
of it is it's my fault. It's my fault. Mom
doesn't love me, it's my fault. Mom doesn't have time
for me. It's my fault. I'm bad. So this is
(26:02):
something that was really something deeply I really needed to
work on and really needed to heal.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Did you feel like you didn't receive a lot of
nurturing and love as a child, not emotionally no, like,
even if your parents loved you, they didn't necessarily like
show you through their actions.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
It felt maybe you know a lot of parents, I think,
especially our generation, they knew how to put clothes on us,
they knew how to feed us well, but they didn't
know how to emotionally validate us. And they didn't know
how to emotionally be.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
There for us because they weren't didn't have it for themselves.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
No, that wasn't something that they knew how to do.
And I think our generation is very determined to break
that cycle in so many different ways. And I think
this is why it comes up a lot for a
lot of us.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Okay, so you thought that it immediately it was your fault,
and then you healed that, and then how did you
heal that?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
So it was more so with the cringe method is
it's just this.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Is how the cringe this is how the cringe method
was worth.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah. So the first thing with the cringe method, it's
it's not like a thing that I was like, Okay,
no more color therapy. No. I felt like with what
a color ways and the way I was talking to
people about it, they would come and they would expect
something really light when they came for a color reading,
(27:34):
and then I came and like, boom, this is your shadow.
Let's work on it. Nobody and everybody was like whoa,
this is not what I was expecting. This is not
what I was looking for. And a lot of people
went stayed and a lot of people were just like no.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
So with color therapy, you would show people. Can you
briefly just tell us what the color therapy was like
with the gist of it.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Remember the color reading that I do, it's now was
transformed to a cringe reading because everybody comes in with
a cringe that they need to work on. So mine
is a yellow sorry is a yellow red. So mine
is about taking leadership in my life and finding my
inner power on my own, so not needing other people
(28:14):
to bring my power to me. It's actually just finding
it from within, no matter what's going on around me.
And I think what happened with the arson attack was
like the biggest kind of push for me to pull
that inner power and not blame myself and not doubt
myself and really strengthened me to do a lot of
(28:37):
the things that I'm doing, Like I don't I used
to like worry about being perfect and saying the right
things all the time. Now I don't. I'm like, you
know what I feel. I will just make sure my
heart is open, my throat is open, and I'm connected
to love, and that's what I'm going to speak through.
(28:57):
So with the cringe method, we were there. Okay, So
it's like this four steps. So it's really when you're
when something is going on, what you really need to
find is this thing that you just want to.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Push that makes you like tighten up, yeah or go.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I also used to do this thing of like make
a sound to just get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah, yeah, just like okay, yeah, yeah I did that.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But I don't want to think that I did that.
I feel so much shame.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I know that feeling. I used to feel like I
was so worthless and that if people actually got to
know me, they would find out that I was just
a fraud faking to be someone who was valuable and
really I wasn't and it would just make me feel
so sick inside. I think everyone everyone has one, and
it's like.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Everyone has multiple. Yeah, we all have so many. And
this is the beauty of this because it's like, if
if we are able to get comfortable with this feeling
of like, uh, because these are the thoughts that I
want to hide. These are the thoughts and the things
and the feelings that I don't want it I want
to see. But if I actually look at them, that's
(30:03):
what they want. So we identify them, we talk about that,
we understand them, were like, Okay, why did I feel
this way? Or why do I think this way about myself?
And then work on clearing it. So the clearing element
is the tricky one because a lot of people feel
like when you do an energetic cleanse, you're done. But
(30:25):
in the cringe method, I really focus on healing it
from releasing it from the body, releasing it from the emotions,
and then also releasing it with actions, so really figuring
out how is it playing out in my life.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
So the first one is the first step is identifying
where you get that feeling of like oh I can't
even like look at this. I'm just gonna try to
get out of this feeling as fast as possible. Yes,
how do you identify them? How does someone get to
that first step of even finding them?
Speaker 1 (30:54):
So with this thing, you first have to work with
someone because we just want to escape pain that's the
natural thing. Okay, you need. So this is where I'm like, okay,
this is where I get my clients. And the cringe
method comes from when I was working with my clients
with the color therapy and then we'll be talking and
then be like and I was like, ah, there's the cringe,
(31:16):
bring it, and then they'll be like, oh no, I
mean let's bring it, let's face it, let's release the
shame from it, and then that will stay in it.
So that's that's how we're working. But I'm also going
to introduce something new that maybe we could that I'm
so excited about because I know that I can take
people through it, like have them be able to do
(31:37):
it with guidance, and then after we identify that, we
clear it together.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
So you do the clearing with them. How do you
clear it?
Speaker 1 (31:48):
So we'll clear it with color therapy and sound okay,
and breathing and sometimes movements depends on where it is
because everybody is unique and everybody is different. The thing
I'm going to introduce is it's going to be in groups.
So it's gonna be even a lot cooler because I'm
going to be combining all of them together and I'm
(32:08):
just gonna be intuitively figuring out how to get people
cleared altogether. And then when you have people doing the
same thing at the same time, it's amplified the healing.
And that's why I really love it.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So can you briefly explain to someone what the color
therapy healing is? You said, like, yours is yellow, and
that means to find your inner like your inner voice.
Like how does someone find what their colors are? And
then what does that mean?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Okay, So I do a color reading or a cringe
healing and cringe reading right now, and I help you
identify it through your birthday. So you're born with certain
colors in your chart, and these colors, say the color
you came in with like the essence of your soul,
(32:53):
and then the color you are challenged with, which is
like what is the cringe? It's the shadow element because
every color has a light element and a shadow element,
and that's how we work because color is a translation
of the language of light in a way. And then
where your soul wants you to go in this learning,
(33:16):
how are you going to take it further? So this
is something that I'm working on now to create a
brief to have on the website so people can access
this without needing to book a session. Well, it's work
in progress with a six month a seven almost seven
month baby, it's a bit tricky.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Oh, the fact that you're getting anything done and the
baby is phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I know, it's insane. I'm like, how do people do it?
Speaker 3 (33:41):
No?
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Okay? And so you heal it and then comes so
you identify it, you heal.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
It, and then and then you begin to understand how
it played out. So when you understand how it played out,
you understand the actions, you begin to change.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Them, okay, like rewire, yes, and.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
You also also make an effort of changing them in
the fourth also in the like this is a combination
between the fourth and the third, So you also understand
the actions, You forgive yourself for doing it, and understand
that you're not now even though you did an energy
healing and you released it, you're not gonna not make
the mistake again. It's about not punishing yourself. It's about
(34:25):
correcting the mistake and correcting and correcting and catching and correcting.
And then we do an integration process of like, okay,
how are we going to integrate the new beliefs. How
are we going to integrate something different than this?
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Okay, so you have like a new like a new
plan almost of like when this happens, when I catch
it instead of doing my old habits of this, I
now do this. It's but you have to be very intentional, yes, yeah,
but the thing is like you could.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah, but the thing is like you if you only
want to face your cringe when you're sick of your
own ship mm hmmm, because it's a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
It's a lot of work.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Program to reprogram something that you've had since childhood. A
lot of people want healing like this, and that's the expectation, like, Okay,
I'm going to be positive. Oh I'm going to be
able to tune into gratitude and I'm going to be
grateful all day. But then anxiety comes in and they
can't because we need to shay.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
And you haven't gone and rewired yourself. You haven't gotten
into the core beliefs that you believe about yourself and
that you believe about the world.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Or even gotten sick of them enough enough enough. Yeah,
Like when people come to me and they're like, I'm like, look,
come back to me. When you're sick of yourself. When
you're sick of yourself, just come back. Because it's like
when I'm sick of doing the same thing over and
over again, going over this pain over and over again,
(35:54):
going over this hate over and over again. Because we
all go through these loops and then it's like it's
like a game, you know, like the Mario game. As
soon as you go you finish a stage, you go
into another one. It's like a deeper layer of the onion.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I feel that all the time while and I get
so freaking frustrated because I will like heal do like
a big healing because like you, I am always healing myself.
It's so annoying, Like I'm literally like can I ever
stop this cycle? Because as soon as you like break
through one big barrier and like one big level that's
(36:27):
been holding you back, and you get to the next plateau,
you have these realizations, you do the work, you rewire
all that, it's like, damn it, there's another whole level
and you've got to start at this next whole level,
Like does it ever stop?
Speaker 4 (36:43):
You Know?
Speaker 1 (36:43):
What I found is that like there are some that goes,
oh man, this again, SiGe, can I like, not do
this again. But then there are these ones like, oh
you again, Okay, I know how to deal with you.
I've dealt with you before. You know, there are different ones.
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Some are more annoying.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
The more annoying it is, and the more cringey it is,
the more deeper you need to go. But also we
forget the gifts that we get after we do the healing.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Oh you're so right, You're so right, And I do
feel that way. I feel like I've been doing the deep, deep, deep,
deep deep ones because i feel like I'm starting to
get to a new level where I'm kind of like bored.
Not bored, but I'm kind of just like I'm not
like this desperate need to find answers. Like for so long,
I was like needing to talk to everyone who was healers.
I was needing to do all of the thing. Oh
(37:32):
you know, I was needing to do every different type
of healing modality I could find to like purge myself
and have realizations. And now I'm kind of like, Okay,
I have a good baseline. I know what my first
part of my life, the wiring that I have and
the lies that I told myself about myself, like you
told yourself that it was always your fault. Like I
(37:54):
know my things now and I've worked on them and
I've healed them, and I do feel worthy and I
do feel like totally empowered and like I love myself
so like I've done the baseline deep deep deep cleaning
out my pipes. But then so now I feel like
it's a little like you said, it's getting to be
a little lighter. It's not quite as like heavy. And
now I feel like when new stuff comes in, it's
(38:14):
like it's new things. It's not necessarily all my old stuff.
I am still dealing with old stuff, but a lot
of it's no new stuff. And because you have the rewiring,
it's like, Okay, I can deal with this in a
more efficient way where I don't have to let it
all just compound and get stuck inside of me like
I did the first half of my life because I
was a kid in an adolescent and I didn't know
how to process.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
You know, Yeah, And I think like the first the
most what I really want to get a lot of
my clients and the people that I work with, it's like,
you know, when you first start doing the healing and
then there's a tornado that you get stuck in of toxicity.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
And when people come to me with this, I want
to get them from this like the tornado to them
being like, Oh, the tornado's right there. I'm not going
to go there. I'm gonna stay here see the tornado.
But I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna be I'm.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Not gonna see the tornado. And I and I have
and I've examined the tornado. I'm not avoiding it. I'm
not like pretending it's not there. But I don't need
to go put myself in it, like I already know
what it is.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yeah, because the tornado is like the need for the pain, yeah,
that we have because it's familiar. Yes, So it's like, oh,
I'm going to fall into the complete deep anxiety and
all of this that whatever this tornado brings up from
you or this deep depression or or just secluding myself
from the world or whatever your your thing is, whatever
(39:36):
your tornado looks like, and the way you get sucked
into it, and then having having moved from there to
the area of like, Okay, I see this tornado, but
I'm not gonna jump on. I'm not gonna jump in it.
I'm not gonna let myself go. I'm not gonna this
addiction to pain because of early life trauma is what
I want people to kind of be able to catch.
(40:00):
And then even when they enter the tornado, I want
them to be able like, oh, I.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Can exit, I can exit, and to even realize, like
you said, they have a choice, because until you start
doing this work, you think the tornado is just your
life and who you are. You don't realize that it's
what happened to you. It's not who you are. But
until you separate what's happened to you and who you
actually are, that's a huge separation, and it takes a
(40:26):
lot of unraveling and detaching from all the beliefs that
are put on you, all the the words that people
told you of who you are, and the way you
felt about yourself due to the authority figures in your
life and the circumstances in your life, and all that.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Social media and the media.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
And the programming, you know, all the programming that we've
believed that we believed ourselves to be. To detach from that,
to actually get to the core of who you are
versus who you have been told you are and the
story that you've made.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
Up about yourself.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
One of the biggest learnings for me was when I
when I found out that, you know, all my life,
I also had like had this thing of like I
had to be special, better than everybody else so I
can be loved. I had to be special. And I
think this is a programming from society.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Do you think it also was because you were always
getting blamed for stuff that you thought if you were special,
maybe yes, would not be That was my healing fantasy. Yeah,
if you could be special, then you would be valuable
and yeah, then you would be worthy.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Yes, and then they like they would love me, and
then they.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Would love you, Yeah, because they would finally see it.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Yeah, they finally see them. I'm like, I'm great.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
You know which you are?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Then you know that which I am? I know that now,
But it's like it took some work.
Speaker 4 (41:40):
And and then when I.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Realized that, oh, my goals were a lot simpler than
what was put on me, and my passions were a
lot you know, smaller, like I wanted the smaller like,
the smaller moments, the things that give me happiness were
not like this being on Forbes List before I'm thirty five,
(42:13):
or or like being on the cover of a magazine
because I'm so cool and so amazing, and all that
programming that I had, or have this like crazy corporate
job or whatever. I had all these believes and I
was like, Oh, that's not actually success for me. That's
my mother's definition of success. That's my society's definition of success.
(42:36):
It's not mine. Mine actually looks different.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
And I totally relate to you, Wala, because I felt
that same way. I used to feel like I needed
to be special because if people could and that's why
I wanted to move to Nashville and be a famous singer,
because I was like, if I can just get famous
and the world can love me, then I will be special.
I will be validated everyone can. But really, then you
(43:01):
start doing all your own healing work and you actually
start to love yourself, and then you clear out all
this debris that you've been living with internally for so
long that you realize isn't true, and then you're like,
oh my God, like you said, it's actually I just
want to be in a happy marriage. I just want
to have a great relationship with my kids. I just
want to have peace in my life and in my chickens.
(43:22):
I just want chickens. I just wanna wake up every
day and breathe in fresh air and just be so
thankful for the little world that I live in. I
don't need this big validation from the world.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
And that's a huge turning point.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Oh yes, I know, because one I realize I don't
need to be special.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
I'm okay, because you already are special and you feel
it in yourself.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Yeah. But it was just not like even letting go
of oh I'm so unique or I need to find
that unique spot or I'm just being was such a
huge heavy thing that was like I put on myself.
And when I found permission to just kind of let go,
and I was like, what a relief. Yeah, what a relief.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Did not have to be constantly especially so perfect, so perfect,
and to be so validated by others, you know.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, yeah, And that was one of the biggest like
for me. So it was just incredible to have. You know,
my sister in law called us after the fire and
she said to us, you know, guys, I know you too.
One day you're going to look back at this and
(44:37):
you'll think this, even though it's bad. You're going to
say this is the best thing that ever happened to me.
And when she said that, I was like, you know what,
I'm going to make it that. I want to make
it that. And to be able to make it that,
I needed to do a lot of inner work and
a lot of healing and a lot of giving and
(45:00):
a lot of acceptance.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I've got full chills, man, because instead of and like
you said, you had your periods of anger and hating.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, you.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Have to you have to get that out. But you
turned it on yourself and you said I have to
heal me because if you don't do the work, you're
never going to get to that place of acceptance and
that this could be something that really transformed your life positively.
You can't get there unless you turn it inwards.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Yeah, because a lot of us get stuck in the
cycle of oh this person did this to me. They
have to get this, they have to get consequences, they
have to change.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
It's a victy and you truly were a victim, like
you have place you are a victim.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
You know, yes, but also I'm a survivor.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
Right. So the fact though that you're not even gonna
let victim mentality take over your existence.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
It did, and it felt like shit, sorry.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
What does it feel like to be full engulfed with
it when you have the right to be.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Even when you have the right to be, it feels
really bad. It just didn't feel like us. I remember
we were. We would sit at nights and feeling like
exchanging this, like this frustration, my frustration, my husband's frustration
were just like exchanging. And then we looked at each other.
We're like, why, we can do better. We can do
(46:27):
better than this, and we have to do better for us,
and we can't let this. We can't make this choice
of just sitting there because it used to feel like
so frustrating, like so suffocating like this, and and we
couldn't do anything reality, We couldn't. We had to accept
that there was nothing for us to do because every
door we knocked, police, lawyers, et cetera. They're like, sorry,
(46:51):
this is how it is here. You might it might
take seven years for you to even see justice, and
then to be able to you might not see it.
You know, this is what like they were all telling us.
So you know what, all I want to do, all
I care about is to have my family protected and
to be at peace, and to grow my passions, and
(47:13):
to grow and help people and continue to help people
like I always did, because that give me so much
joy and it gives me so much purpose. Yeah, And
I just feel like I want to be known for
my contributions to.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
The world, not your anger and bitterness of what was
wronged you. That's so power, yeah, because what do you
want to be known for?
Speaker 1 (47:42):
You know? Like I can sit and just like sit
and fight all these crazy articles that are full of
lies and things like this every day, but.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
Should I Is that where you want to spend your
time and energy exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
It's like petty circus And I'm like, you know what,
your circus, your monkey, not my circus, not my monkey.
I love this, Like, no, my circus, not my monkey.
My circus is this? My monkey? Is this? This is
the cringe that I need to focus on. And That's
what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna keep looking forward
because you look, you keep looking back, You'll break your neck.
That's what one of my friends always said. And it
(48:17):
was a really hard choice to make, but we kept
each other in check and we just kept going on
the path and just stayed in the love and just
laughed a lot and stayed together and did everything. And
now our family, my family grew and you had a baby.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
In all this, I mean, the fact that you've got
a child into the world after this, like that is
healing right there.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
And I did it at home.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
You did a home birth.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
How was that so? I was? I had a midwife
that was supposed to come, she didn't. She came six
minutes before the baby landed. Okay, it was stormy outside.
And throughout the work that I've been doing during the pregnancy,
(49:08):
I did a lot of work as well. Like I'm
so I hate being pregnant. Okay, I hate it. I'm
not gonna do it again. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Why did you hate it?
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I was so tired all the time. I had anemia.
It wasn't fun at all. And my third trimester was
in the summer and the heat it was horrible. I
couldn't get out of the house. It was just no
And then we also had all these different stresses coming
in and out. It was just like not a lot.
But then throughout that helped me because pregnancy hormones open
(49:40):
you up so much. So there's like so much emotion.
It's a lot of like I did a lot of
work and a lot of healing, like I'm so grateful
for this pregnancy. And then so one of the things
I was like, you know what, I don't want anybody
to see me. I don't want anybody to see me
like being in pain and blah blah blah. And I
think I'm go just like free birth this baby. That's
(50:02):
what I was like telling myself. And then emotionally, I
was prepared anyway. So this baby decided to come in
so fast that the midwife didn't believe I was in labor.
She thought I was like such a like an active labor.
She thought I was in pre labor. And then it's
(50:23):
just me and my husband did it together?
Speaker 2 (50:25):
Were you like in a bath or anything or did
you like yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:28):
But the bath was so tight, but it was like
I couldn't get out of it.
Speaker 2 (50:32):
And then her husband caught the baby.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
No, no, no, the midwife caught the baby. My husband
helped me. She came six minutes before the birth. The
actual breath.
Speaker 6 (50:40):
I started pushing before she came, but my husband was
so calm, and it was like a great trust exercise
between the both of us.
Speaker 1 (50:50):
And I think after the fire and then after this
crazy birth because I only pushed three, I didn't push
my body dead, and I had crazy vision and I
don't know what it was. It was incredible. It was
the most horrific, painful thing I've ever done, but it
was the most magical, crazy, craziest thing I've ever done.
(51:14):
And when she came, she was like, oh you're pushing.
I'm like, and this baby came out.
Speaker 2 (51:23):
How has motherhood changed you?
Speaker 1 (51:27):
It allowed me to allow more love into my heart
more and more, like allow it to stay love.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
That what is success? And happy with this to you
now that you've gone through all of this, because before
you said it was hard for you to not be
hard on yourself and want to be like a perfectionist.
You blame you like you thought things were your fault.
You know, you just put a lot of pressure on yourself. Yeah,
and now that you've gone through the burning and the rebirth,
(52:00):
like you birthed a child, your house burned. I mean,
you've gone through all of it. Ashes to life. You know,
you're altally new, You're a new human, like you've experienced this,
the depths of these lows and the highs of these highs,
and you have done all this self discovery. What is
happiness and success to you now?
Speaker 1 (52:21):
If it's allowing more love and just staying in it
whatever it looks like, Really it's just so simple and
really appreciating the.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Present, being present, just being present for that love, because
I think before I was just like jumping from one
thing to another. I still like to go from one
thing to another, but I'm making more.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
Efforts and being more present, being more present with my clients,
being more present with the love that I have for
my children and the love I have for my family
and my husband.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
And it's right here, right now, in the exact moments.
Like the bigs are great, and those mountaintop experiences are wonderful.
The valleys are hard and they rock you to your core.
But life is the day to day little moments it is,
and like finding the present, You're right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (53:11):
Right, And it's it's also I remember when everybody was like,
how do you feel now after I gave breath, and
I didn't say happy. I was like content, because I
think that's what we happy looks like, you know, reading
up and super high and content there's something about this
feeling of contentment, of just like everything is exactly how
(53:35):
it needs to be, and since the breath of my child,
that's the feeling that I keep looking for and bringing
myself back to to feel content. That's what beautiful.
Speaker 2 (53:50):
Thank you while you're just like you are doing the
work all the time, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (53:58):
Yes? It is.
Speaker 2 (54:02):
What do you have coming up? Because I know you
have some things coming up?
Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yes, So I'm introducing on the eighth of April, we
are I'm doing a free live cringe class. This class,
I'm going to explain the cringe method a bit, and
then I'm going to take people through an exercise to
find their blockage and that first cringe whatever's blocking them
from allowing themselves to just open a lot of it
(54:28):
to even manifest to even get the things that they want.
And then I'm going to take them through a healing
process and then I'm gonna give them a special special
for this new group program that I'm doing that's going
to be low commitment and it's going to be fun,
and it's going to be a five day fun experience
(54:50):
on telegram.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
So that's kind of and where can they find this
to join, so they're going to find it on the
Cringe method dot.
Speaker 1 (54:58):
Com and also find me on Instagram at the Cringe Method,
The Cringe Method.
Speaker 2 (55:05):
I love that. That is so just so spot on.
A cringe method or what makes you cringe about yourself,
that's where you need to dive in. Literally.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
I love it because I remember when I was working
on the rebranding a wonderful little girl, her name is Grace,
She's amazing, Grace Abbott, and she was like because I
was like, oh yeah, inner healing in and whatever, and
she was like, no, the cringe Method, because that's what
you do.
Speaker 2 (55:32):
I'm like, oh, yes, that's it, and you don't forget that.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
No.
Speaker 2 (55:39):
While I just love seeing you, I really genuinely just
adore you and love getting to connect with you. We
almost got to see each other in Spain this I
was partner.
Speaker 4 (55:50):
I know.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
I know maybe our past will cross one day, will
get to actually meet in the flesh and blood, but
it is not.
Speaker 1 (55:57):
I know. I know we will. I know we will
when I come in. So great to get to know
you too. Really, thank you so much for having me,
and I'm so excited that you're the podcast that I'm
talking about this first, and like, you're the first.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Person, so you haven't shared about this yet, well, thank
you for sharing.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
No, you're my first share. You're the person I trust,
trusted with my sorry, so.
Speaker 2 (56:19):
Well, that means so much, Walla, And honestly, the fact
that you have been able to turn all these things
into a positive ultimately, it's and I think that that's
what the message I always want to get across with
this podcast. I love hearing people's stories is anyone can
can truly overcome. And it's not even overcome, but it's
(56:41):
like doing this work to realize that you are not
what happened to you. And yes, what happened to so
many people is awful and traumatic and horrific, but you
are still the human, that soul, that light is still
there and it can separate rate itself from the You'll
(57:02):
never forget what happened, and it's going to shape who
you are. But like, yeah, if you don't have to
live in the chains of it your whole.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
Life, no, And you don't have to suffer for other
people's mistakes, Yeah, don't.
Speaker 2 (57:12):
And even if they put those mistakes on you and
you suffer the consequences of them, like you said, it's
not yours to carry, It's not yours. No, even though
it did affect you, and like that is just hard
work that I just love talking to you and I
love hearing your story and I feel like doing that
hard work it is so difficult. But if you don't
(57:34):
do that hard work living as a victim with all
that hate in your heart, not that you're not gonna
have birds of bursts of it and moments of it,
but if you live constantly and hate and victim mentality,
you're going to have a horrible it's going to.
Speaker 1 (57:47):
Destroy yourself, like hate destroys.
Speaker 2 (57:50):
Yeah. So I just love that you have done this deep, deep,
deep work and you figured out a way to help
others who are in that same place so you don't
have to live in that darkness. And it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (58:03):
And I hope and I hope that when people hear this,
they can know that no matter where they're at, it
can turn around. They can turn it around, no matter
how about it looks like it can.
Speaker 2 (58:15):
So that leads me to my last question, which is
I always wrop up with leave your light, and it's
just what kind of inspiration do you want to leave
people with?
Speaker 1 (58:23):
No matter where you are, no matter what it looks
like for you, really you can change it. And it
doesn't change with a big bang, it changes with small
little steps, and then one day you'll look back and
be like, oh, I just climbed the mountain. That's really beautiful.
Speaker 2 (58:42):
Will thank you so much for coming on and sharing
the story and sharing your healing process and the Cringe
Method and all of the ways that you have healed yourself.
Thank you for putting them into a resource that others
can use as well. That is so powerful and so awesome.
And I hope that a lot of the listeners come
and join your class. You said it's April eighth.
Speaker 1 (59:02):
Yeah, April eight.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
So go to the Cringe method dot com and.
Speaker 1 (59:09):
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it, let's do it.
Love it. Thank you so much, Waler, Thank you
Speaker 2 (59:19):
M
Host
Caroline Hobby
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