October 19, 2025 • 35 mins
Dr. Wendy is covering the latest in Hollywood relationships this week. Stella Bandera's wedding, Kevin Federline's book, Meghan and Harry and more. PLUS you are no longer getting catfished. Now we have to look out for CHAT-fishes. ChatGPT is creating personalities for people. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. You are Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. It's always my
pleasure to be with you every Sunday from seven to
nine pm. If you're new to my show, I have
a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor, not
(00:24):
a therapist. At California State University Channel Islands Go Dolphins.
This semester I am teaching both health psychology and developmental psychology.
But in my personal life, I am obsessed with the
science of love, having written three books on relationships and
having written a dissertation on attachment theory. So what do
(00:45):
we have coming up on today's show that might impact
your life? Well, there's a hot woman swindler in Los
Angeles who's using dating apps to rob older men. Also,
the ex of a famous singer tells all in a
new book. And if you think you have in law problems,
imagine being the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Plus is
(01:06):
your husband or wife pretending to be helpless? I've got
a solution for you, all right. Starting off this week's
relationship news, there was a wedding yesterday in Spain. And
here's the cute thing about this wedding. This couple met
in preschool in Los Angeles. It was in Hancock Park,
(01:27):
the Wagon Wheel Preschool. They actually stayed friends. Yes, I
guess men and women can be friends when they're just
boys and girls during elementary school. When they were teenagers
in high school, they dated for a while, and then
they did the smart thing. They took a break. They
broke up for a four or five years, and then
got back together in their mid twenties. The bride is
(01:47):
now twenty nine years old. She was married yesterday. Her
name is Stella Banderas. You recognize that last name, Stella Banderas. Yes,
the daughter of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith married her
long time friend turned partner, Alex Gruzinski. And they got
married in Spain, which is daddy's home country. But it's
(02:10):
just such a wonderful little love story. I wish them
the best. They met in preschool, so hey, don't discount
your kid's preschool friends. Just saying. In other news, Kevin Fetterline.
Remember him. He's publishing a tell all book about his
relationship with Britney Spears. It's coming out this Tuesday. The
book is called Thought You Knew? Fetterlined, you might recall,
(02:33):
is the father of Britney Spears, two sons. He way
back when he was a twenty six year old backup
dancer for a bunch of major pop acts. When he
coupled up with Britney Spears in two thousand and four,
they had a courtship, a two year marriage, and a
divorce that probably brought them through the most intense celebrity
(02:53):
media frenzy that I can ever remember. Right He Fetterline
was often called like a loser or a hanger on,
and then I think he released his own hip hop
album later that wasn't so popular as Kyle's shaking her
head over Federal Lines hip hop album It Isn't No,
It didn't count? Right. So He describes the new book
(03:16):
to People magazine as extremely intimate and transparent. If you've
ever had questions, you'll find out here he claims some
of the things. He claims that during his marriage to
Britney Spears, their lives were obviously under tremendous amount of
scrutiny and that he had to endure constant ridicule. Poor baby.
(03:38):
He also alleges that he had great concerns about Britney's behavior. Look,
we all know that our sweet Britney Spears suffers from
mental health problems. Okay, I don't think you have to
even be a psychiatrist. Be in the room, see her diagnosis,
follow her Instagram. You know what you need to know, right,
But he said there were instances where their sons say
(04:02):
they woke up with Britney standing in their room with
a knife in his hand, in her hand. Sorry, So
what is Britney saying to all this? Okay, he's gaslighting
me and he's just profiting off my pain. Don't buy
his book. Basically, the boys now are age twenty and nineteen.
They are living separately from their parents, trying to build
(04:24):
a life. He believes that this book is going to
help his kids make sense of everything that happened. And
he actually told the Associated Press this about the Free
Brittney movement. Remember that when her fans emancipated her from
her conservatorship, the free brit says fetter Line. The Britney
movement may have started from a good place, but it
(04:46):
villifiled everyone around her so that now it's nearly impossible
for anyone to step in.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
He said.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
The book is partly a public plea for Brittany to
get more help. I just don't know going public is
the way to do it. You can do it private, all right.
There is a woman robber in Los Angeles using dating
apps to steal from older men. The hunt is on
for a glamorous, Portia driving former pinup girl who's been
(05:14):
accused of dating older men to burglarize their homes. You know,
I actually have a friend who this happened to. They
had a nice date. I don't know if it was her,
but they had a nice date and they got a
little drunk. They kiss he faced whatever, He went into
the bathroom, she took his ROLX, and she was gone.
Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department issued a bulletin on Wednesday
(05:35):
looking for the woman. They say her name is Adva
if I say it right, Adva or Adva Levy, but
she also guys goes by the pseudonyms Mia, Ventura, Shoshana,
and Shanna. She's wanted for a string of burglaries in
which she allegedly targeted older men, posing as a perspective
romantic companion. She has been seen driving. I googled these
(05:55):
pictures to find out. The robot told me exactly what
year end model they were. A twenty seventeen white Mercedes
C Class you're looking closer at your date now as
I say this, or a twenty twenty four black Portsia MACN.
So like, if you're on dating apps, guys, keep yourself
safe and women please meet in public places. Don't give
(06:16):
someone your home address when you first meet them. But
you know what, we've seen enough of the Tinder swindler
and all the guys that have ripped off women or
at least gotten access to their bloodstream and eggs. At
some point, there's a little, teeny tiny part of me
that's like, go girl. It's tiny because I'm a very
moral person and I feel bad for especially because she's
(06:38):
targeting older men in their sixties who are lonely divorced.
And I saw her picture. It's online you can look
at she's pretty hot. She's pretty hot, so she's easy.
You know, men get dazzled by looks, and so apparently
sometimes she has been known to work with other like
(06:58):
she has a boyfriend waiting outside the car right Like,
there's a whole book. It's a scene. People get some morals.
What is happening to the world. Hey, when we come back,
you think you have in law problems? What if you
were Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and his wife Megan,
Duchess of Sussex. They got some stuff to deal with.
Is there anything we can learn from them? Let's talk
(07:19):
about this when we come back.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
If you are an Instagram person, you are welcome to
come out of my Instagram right now because we are
live in the studio and say hello to me. I
always like people to tell me where they're watching from,
and I'm seeing some interesting things. Obviously local. We got
Orange County, we got Fontana. We also have Colonna, British Columbia,
great wines up there where else? They say, somebody in Tennessee.
(07:53):
So if you are watching just on Instagram, you know
you have to download the iHeartRadio app to hear both
sides of the conversation to this segment. I'm going to
be taken your calls. Not yet, don't call yet. I'll
give you the number in a few minutes, because first
I want to talk about Megan and Harry. First of all,
let me tell you the story. I follow a lot
(08:13):
of different news organizations and gossip organizations online, and I
have noticed a lot of hate toward Megan formerly Megan Markel,
now the Duchess of Sussex, right. And I noticed that
the stuff that's negative isn't coming from the people, not
(08:35):
necessarily the American people anyway, It's coming from royal channels.
And remember he said in his book, when Harry came
out with his book, that it's sort of a deal
that the royal family has called the firm with the press.
And so you wonder how much of this is planted
by the family. I'm talking about this because relationships are
(08:55):
a bridge between tribes, and I get questions from people
all the time about problems with in laws. The biggest
problem generally is the mother of the groom who's having
trouble separating from her boy. She's just been replaced, but
she can't give him what you can give him now, honey,
just saying, so how do we mend some of those relationships,
(09:21):
and it has come to light that maybe the Duke
and Duchess of Sussex are actually trying to mend something.
We do know that last month Harry went to the
UK and met with his father, had a cup of
tea for forty five minutes. I guess it's a start.
It just doesn't seem what you do. You know now,
remember the Queen's jubilee after she died, when the other
(09:43):
jubilee he did. King Charles did get to meet his
grandchildren one time, right, they were age one and three.
Now they are age four and six. So there are rumors,
of course that he has cancer, he's battling cancer, et cetera.
(10:06):
Not just rumors have been reports, and so maybe the
grandfathers wanting to get in touch with his see his
grandkids and let them know their history and who they are.
I was checking on titles today and apparently even though
the Duke and Duchess are only Duke and Duchess now
and they don't use the term his Royal Highness her
Royal Highness, the grandkids can. That's part of the whole thing.
(10:28):
So they are true prince and Princess and royal highnesses, right,
listen to their names, Prince Archie Harrison Montbatan Windsor and
Princess Lilibet Lily Diana Montbatan Windsor. I mean, she's got
everybody and her name, doesn't she She's got Elizabeth Lilabette,
that's Queen Elizabeth after Queen o. Lib's got Diana, her
(10:49):
grandmother she never got to meet, right, So what have
they been doing lately? Well? On October ninth, the Duke
and d received the Humanitarians of the Year Award at
Project Healthy Minds in New York City. They're honored for
their sustained commitment to building safer digital environments for children
(11:12):
and families and their broader contributions toward mental health. As
you know, this has been Harry's drum beat. His entire
life is mental health. And I'm just throwing this out there.
If anybody knows Harry and Megan, I would love to
have them on the show. Look, they just live up
the road in Santa Barbara. All they have to do
is pick up the phone and let's talk about mental
(11:32):
health issues, especially the loneliness epidemic that we're seeing right now,
and how digital media contributes to the loneliness epidemic. So
they also remember, like they walked away from like a
fortune and a job in the royal family. So they
got this reported deal with Netflix for two hundred million
(11:56):
dollars that included they had to work it off, right,
netflixers is hands muddy two hundred million dollars. So first
there was that documentary on their life where you know,
they kind of dissed the dad saying that the royal
family was worried about what color the children would come out, right,
And then she flipped into a home and garden show.
(12:18):
But why not? That's what she's into right now. She's
home with chickens and babies and she's cooking and it's
her stage of life, and so why wouldn't she do
this wonderful show. Well, now apparently they have an upcoming
documentary on Netflix that's supposed to come out maybe in
the next month or so. They're in post production and
it is called Masaka Kids A Rhythm Within and it's
(12:39):
about a dance troop of children in Uganda, and it's
meant to reflect the work that they do in Africa. Look,
let me get into the relationships here. Relationships do not
exist in a vacuum. They exist in a large social world.
It's an ecosystem, right, and the psyches of husband or
(13:02):
wife can be impacted by anything things that family members say,
in this case, things the media says. Right. It's particularly
challenging for high profile couples, but for people like you
and I, little comments can hurt people. Family feuds are
very hard on marriages. Because Harry's torn in his loyalties now,
(13:27):
some people are speculating that he misses his home, and
when you're raising small kids, you want to expose them
to your culture and your home, et cetera. I can
totally get it. So maybe they're working hard to mend
things as best they can.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I want to remind everybody who's out there pointing fingers
at the Duchess saying that she caused all these problems.
You know what, he knew what he was getting into. Okay,
maybe she was the person who threw a lifeline to
him to help get him out of the confines of
a life didn't really like. He knew what she was about.
(14:03):
He knew what their marriage could create together, the changes
they will making. But now there are royal grandchildren to consider.
A prince and a princess. Right, there's heritage. I believe
this relationship between the royals at home and the royals
in California can be healed. Certainly, time heals wounds, children
(14:24):
heal wounds. I think the first all of branch was
extended when Harry went to visit his dad. You know what,
I don't think he's going to ostracize his own flesh
for much longer his grandkids. Although maybe you believe those
rumors that he's not the real dad that James Hewitt,
those James Hewett paternity you can google it. I don't
(14:46):
know if it's Ai making those pictures or they look
a lot alike. Maybe that's why the King is like anyway,
when we come back, I am going to the phone lines.
I am taking your relationship questions. So pick up the
phone now. The numbers one eight hundred and five two
zero one five three four. I see producer Kayla moving
her way into the control room to answer your calls.
One eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one
(15:09):
eight hundred five to zero one five three four. Reminder,
I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I've
written three books on relationships. And a dissertation on attachment
theory and boy do I love to weigh in on
people's love lives. If you're nervous and shy and you're
watching on Instagram, to send me a DM. We'll be
checking the dms as well. If you have any questions.
One eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, and this is
the time of my show where I am taking your calls.
If you have a relationship question, the number is one
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Okay,
Producer Kayla, who do we have? We have Ryan with
a question? Ryan? Hello, Ryan, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Hello, Doctor Wendy said a question, A quick question. Sure,
I'm turning thirty nine this November.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Uh huh, congratulations have you Bernie?
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Thank you? But I've ever been in a serious relationship.
It's someone I could bring home and you know, introduce
the family to. I wanted to know, is that normal
or is that okay?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Well, you're asking me if that's typical. It's not typical generally,
I mean, I teach developmental psychology, and Eric Ericson, the
famous developmental psychologist, said that, you know, the twenties are
the time where people negotiate intimacy versus isolation, and that
is the big time when people start to transfer their
(16:45):
feelings of a secure base from their family of origin
to a lover. So my question is, have you ever
talked about this to a licensed therapist yet? No? Would
you like to be in a committed relationship with somebody?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I think I'm pretty happy the way I'm being single
because I have consistent I guess, like like hookups. I guess.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So you're happy to have non emotionally intimate sex with
various partners and you don't have an urge to procreate necessarily.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Okay, so if you're not unhappy, then there's no problem, right.
But your question was normal? Is this normal?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
And I can only say there's no such thing as normal.
I hate that word. I just say typical or atypical.
This is very atypical. But twenty percent of all human
beings never reproduce, So Ryan, it's not like you could
be two out of ten people. And if you're happy now,
I do want to say this about the hooking up nonsense, okay, Ryan,
you got to be one hundred percent honest. You got
(17:52):
to tell them this is a hookup, okay, and you
got to say it's not going anywhere, and I'm never
going to have a girlfriend, because if you're using long
term mating strates to obtain short term relationships, as in, well,
let's just see how it goes, you know, maybe we'll click.
I don't know why it hasn't happened for me. Maybe
you're the one. If you're implying all of that, that's immoral, right.
You will find enough women will be happy to have
(18:14):
sex with you without needing any kind of commitment. So
you must be honest. That's number one. And number two,
you must be one hundred percent in charge of birth control,
which means use acondom. Don't expect them to because you're
talking about forget about the money you might have to
pay in child support. You're talking about bringing another human
being into the world who feels unwanted by you, and
(18:37):
that's not a good thing. Okay, Sure, all right, thanks
for colin. Ryan. See, I'm like an old auntie sometimes
I just have to tell these young people how to
behave right. All right. Going to social media, I see
the people have been sending me dms. Let me see
we go. Dear doctor Wendy, my girlfriend is slowly starting
to move in. She's starting to leave more and more
(19:00):
things into my apartment. I like her a lot, but
we aren't there yet. What's the best way to tell
her to slow down? We've only been together eight months. Okay,
there's two words you need to say, slow down. How
can you like let these clothes walk into your place
without saying something? You guys need to have a discussion.
(19:22):
Whenever there's silence, you know what your silence is. It's permission.
Silence is often construed as permission. And so if this
woman you've been together eight months, just keeps leaving more
and more things at your place and you're like so
happy because she's also bringing sex when she comes, then
you're not having an honest, open relationship. You need to
(19:42):
say I'm not ready and I need more nights off
and you need less stuff here because it's making me
feel like it's too much too soon. You gotta say it,
just got to say it, all right. Here's another one,
Dear doctor Wendy. I strongly dislike my girlfriend's best friend. Hmm,
she's clearly jealous of my girlfriend. She's jealous of our relationship.
(20:05):
She always tries to tear my girlfriend down in the
form of a lighthearted joke. They have been friends since
third grade and I'm the new boyfriend. Do I mind
my own business here or do I mention that her
friend is bad news? Okay, so this friend bothers you,
but this friend doesn't bother your girlfriend. So whose problem
(20:27):
is this? This is your problem, not her problem. So no,
you don't butt in. You think you have enough sway
to break up a relationship that's been going since third grade.
Hardly huh, hardly not gonna happen. So what you might
do is try to help your girlfriend understand or have
(20:51):
the conversation. So you might say something like, after she left,
you know tonight, when she said XYZ, that felt like
a kind of dig and I wanted to protect you.
I was kind of offended by that because now it's
about you and your feelings, not telling her how she
should feel. Right, And she might say something like, you know,
she's always been that way, that is how she talks.
(21:12):
But I know she's there for me and she has
my back, or you know, what. She had a really
bad childhood, and now she's really jealous of us. I understand.
So I let her get away with some stuff because
I have the conversation. Right, you got to say how
it impacted you. Right, you have to be able to
say that. But don't get in there saying you gotta
dump that girl. She's given you shade. It's not gonna
(21:35):
happen already, Dear doctor Wendy. I found out my boyfriend
has a fake X account where he trolls people. I
seriously have the ick. I was in his phone, and
I know I shouldn't have been snooping. He is mean
to anyone who has different political views. He even calls
(21:57):
people ugly and morons. What do I do you? You
two should not even be together. You're a snooper and
he's a fake person, and he obviously has a lot
of repressed anger and resentment that he's taking out on
innocent people on the internet. Okay, so you can bring
it up, but then you're also admitting that you're a
(22:17):
snooper and don't even respect his privacy. But you could
you could try to build intimacy with this angry man.
You could say, hey, by the way. I'm so sorry
to tell you I was a snooper. I know I
shouldn't have, but I was a snooper and I saw
that you're tolding all these other people. Can we talk
about what you're so mad about or why you're so
mean to people? I promise you this. If he's that
mean to those strangers, eventually, when you get into the
(22:41):
thick of it, he's going to be mean to you.
Is that's his real self, that's his deep feelings, right,
those are his deepest feelings. Who that's a tough one.
Dear doctor Wendy. My wife and I have been trying
to have a baby for a year, bless you. We
are now trying IVF Oh. It's been an exhausting and
daunting process. I don't really want to try anymore. She
(23:04):
wants a baby more than anything. I feel defeated and
want to give up. Should I talk to her about
how I feel about this? You need to ask me
for the answer. Of course you should. Your feelings are important,
her feelings are important. But it's also important to realize
that this is stressful for both of you. I highly
(23:25):
suggest that you guys go to a licensed couple's therapist.
And you talk about it together, all the feelings. Just
because you have a feeling and doesn't mean it has
to be turned into behavior. In other words, I just
need to express to you that I'm exhausted by this.
We need to take a break. You might come to compromise,
which is we need to take six months off of this.
(23:47):
And by the way, plenty of times that happened where
couples go. You know what, You're right, this is all
too much. It's costing too much, money's physically stressful, the
hormonal changes are causing us to get into fights. It's
just too much. So let's just take some time off
and going to get registered with an adoption agency. Will
adopt it be? And then you hear these stories about
how they suddenly get pregnant naturally. I mean, stress is
one thing that can also impact fertility. Right, I'm not
(24:11):
saying that this will happen for you. I'm just saying
your feelings are important. You have a right to express
your feelings, and I know this is tough, and I'm
so sorry you're going through this. I definitely want to
say that, right, I think we have time for just
one more Dear doctor, Wendy I'm getting married in three
months and I can't stop thinking about the one that
(24:32):
got away. I can never be with that other person.
But does this thought mean I'm not ready to get married?
You have a lot of exploring to do regarding your feelings.
First of all, it is not uncommon at all at
all right before a wedding for the groom or the
(24:52):
bride to have these imaginary fantasies about what if? What if?
There is this feeling when we get married that there's
a door closing. Of course, in my case, because I
met the love of my life late in my life,
I was so happy to shut that door closed. I
didn't want to be single ever again in my life.
(25:12):
But I think you want to ask yourself with a
therapist why you're having these feelings. Is it just cold
feet before the marriage? Or is it's not that there's
something wrong with the groom, But is there something that
maybe happened in your childhood that makes it hard for
you to commit to one person trying to keep one
(25:33):
foot in somewhere else? You know, just before I got married,
this is a very common thing. I was tempted. Who
he is not listening? Is he? I think he's down there,
he's down the hall. I wasn't tempted. I mean I
got contacted by exis and I had like a moment
of who they're back, and I was so into them.
(25:55):
Oh my god, what do I do? Right? But it
was a flicker and I knew what it was us
because I'm a professional, so I paid attention to that
and I was just like, oh, I'm exactly where I
need to be. So it is not unusual, but it
doesn't necessarily mean that you're not ready to get married.
(26:17):
But only you and your therapist can sort this through together.
All right, when we come back. There is a new
dating trend. It's kind of like being catfished, although I'll
call it being chat fished, if you know what I mean.
We'll talk about this when we come back. You are
listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I was reading this article. I think it was in
the Guardian, I know it was in a UK paper
and it was about a woman who met a guy
on a dating app and did what many many people
do on dating apps, which is they started messaging each
other and gets very exciting, right, because what happens at
the beginning is you start to project your own imaginings
(27:11):
or your idea of who this person is when you
don't really have much evidence. I mean, you're looking at
a few pictures, a few words on their profile, you're
trying to decipher a few texts, so it leaves it
vague enough that you can just imagine anything about this person.
So this woman actually ended up being led down a
(27:35):
path and her heart was broken because of it, and
she did say that she had sex because of it.
She believes now that she was seduced into having sex
by a robot. I'll stay with me. AI is getting
(27:55):
involved in our lives in all kinds of ways, isn't it.
The new dating trend is called chatfished. It's like catfished.
Do you know what catfish is? It's where you pretend
to be somebody else, But chatfished means you use chat GPT.
So in this particular article, this woman met another guy
online later and now her little spidey sense was up,
(28:18):
but she really fell for it this time because this
guy asked questions like, hey, I recently took an attachment
style test and I'm really interested to learn about connections
and attachment. Have you taken an attachment test? And maybe
we're compatible or not?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And you know.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
And so she thought, over the course of all these
messages that this was a deep thinking dude. You know,
women put a lot of pressure on guys to be
really emotionally intelligent, and some of them are, and for
some of them, they haven't learned a lot of those
skills yet. So I just want to say, women get
turned on when guys start talking about feelings and start
(28:57):
talking about emotions and things like attachment style. So this
one led her completely down the path again. They were
having these deep conversations about feelings and intimacy. Now remember
they had not even met in the real world. So
she finally decides, Okay, I'm going to meet this guy
at a pub and I'm really excited about this one.
(29:17):
She meets him and he's awkward, he's introverted, he's very nervous,
he's not funny like he had been in all those
messages on the dating app, and she realized she had
been chatfished again. Now, at least she was smart enough
(29:40):
to know not to get to the bedroom. I mean,
can you imagine being lured to the bedroom by a robot.
But apparently men with few social skills are relying on
chat shept to help them keep the conversations going on
dating apps, and then they can't fulfill that that promise
later in real life. Right, Oh, can you believe? It?
(30:06):
A whole new thing chat fishing. So I am going
to tell you how to avoid being chat fished, because
there's no reason for you ever to be seduced by
a robot. Wouldn't it be funny if her answers were
also coming from chat gpt, so it was like two
robots seducing each other. It's possible, all right. I've always
(30:30):
said these are my rules for how to use dating apps.
First of all, dating apps are a misnomer. They should
not be called dating apps, they should be called meeting apps.
And you should know that somebody's profile is not who
they are. It's basically a little billboard or a little
advertisement they made about themselves and they're bragging they're not
really that person. I remember one person said that when
(30:53):
they look at a dating app profile, they look at
the most ugliest picture and say, that's the close to
what they look in real life. Pick the most ugliest
and go, that's you know, they wouldn't have put it
up there if it wasn't a better version of themselves.
But it's close. Okay, that's close. So when you look
at that profile, try not to project on it. Now. Secondly,
(31:16):
if you match with somebody on an app, and I
do want to pause here to talk about how men
and women use dating apps very differently. Men generally click
on every single female dearly every single female possible, and
they just wait to see who matches with them. Women
spend a great deal of time scrutinizing a man's profile.
(31:37):
They read the words carefully, they read into the words,
They study the photographs. They try to determine if that
lamp behind his head is from Ikea or restoration hardware.
They try to imachine his job, his income, what he's
lying about. Why is he wearing baseball caps in every photo?
We know what that means. And so when women finally
(31:59):
match with a guy, they feel like, yeah, he could
really be the one, and then they get so excited
when the app goes it's a match. He also clicked
on you, And then women get so excited. Ladies calm down.
First of all, he's matching with everybody and his inbox
is full. He's just waiting to see what woman's going
(32:19):
to respond. Now, some of the apps you can send
a rose or a wink or all this stuff. Don't
respond to those ladies. If he can't settle down and
just write a message and talk to you, he's not
serious about looking for somebody. Okay, next step very important.
After only two to three messages, you write this, Hey,
(32:41):
I'm not really into texting and I don't like to
date on a dating app. Here's my phone number though,
if you'd like to jump on the phone sometime. Now,
for all you women who are afraid to put your
phone number out there, just let me tell you this.
You can get a Google phone, you can block people.
That's technology to help you. Okay, give a phone number,
Just put it out there, and if he doesn't call
within a couple of days, swipe left, get rid of
(33:02):
him out of your box. It means he's not serious.
You see a lot of people use the dating apps
for emotional stimulation or sexual stimulation. I mean they just
use it for entertainment. And plenty of them aren't who
they say they are. They maybe married guys who were bored,
so they've made this fake profile and they're just online
having fun. Right, So if you're not hearing back from
him in the real world, he's not real. If you
(33:24):
won't get off the app to say hello to you,
move on, don't pine over it. Don't think he was
so perfect, because that's just your projection, all right. After
a couple phone calls one or two, then meet in
the real world. Not for a first date. Do not
spend the money on hair, wardrobe, makeup and the whole shebang, childcare, whatever,
(33:49):
and go on a big, expensive first date. Do what
I call a drive by date. Just have a quick coffee.
The coffee's going to last, you know, thirty minutes max.
And that way you can at least have the politeness
to be able to hang in there if the person
is not anything like they said they were. Right. I've
been on a bunch of those dates where I sat down,
(34:11):
I was like, whoa, this person lied to me about everything,
And instead of storming out, I took the high road.
I was classy and said, you know, I only have
about twenty minutes. I've got to get back to my
office and please to meet you.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
So this is how you don't get chatfished. Please do
not go down a path of forming a relationship through
text and messages only when you read somebody's text. That's
like listening to your favorite band without the lead singer
or the drummer. Uh huh, right, what do you got there?
(34:46):
Is that really a song? So you need to be there,
see the body language, smell the pheromones, right, get in
the real world. And if they won't get in the
real world, that shouldn't make you more attached and more hopeful.
You just need to to move along. But I can't
believe people are using robots. Well, I can believe people
are using robots for everything nowadays. So don't get chatfished. Ladies,
(35:09):
don't get chatfished. Hey, when we come back, has it
been a long time since you've had a crush? Do
you remember your first crush and what it felt like?
Do you wonder why you're not having them so much anymore?
Let's talk about this when we come back. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walls. You can always hear us
(35:30):
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app,
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. You are Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. It's always my
pleasure to be with you every Sunday from seven to
nine pm. If you're new to my show, I have
a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor, not
(00:24):
a therapist. At California State University Channel Islands Go Dolphins.
This semester I am teaching both health psychology and developmental psychology.
But in my personal life, I am obsessed with the
science of love, having written three books on relationships and
having written a dissertation on attachment theory. So what do
(00:45):
we have coming up on today's show that might impact
your life? Well, there's a hot woman swindler in Los
Angeles who's using dating apps to rob older men. Also,
the ex of a famous singer tells all in a
new book. And if you think you have in law problems,
imagine being the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Plus is
(01:06):
your husband or wife pretending to be helpless? I've got
a solution for you, all right. Starting off this week's
relationship news, there was a wedding yesterday in Spain. And
here's the cute thing about this wedding. This couple met
in preschool in Los Angeles. It was in Hancock Park,
(01:27):
the Wagon Wheel Preschool. They actually stayed friends. Yes, I
guess men and women can be friends when they're just
boys and girls during elementary school. When they were teenagers
in high school, they dated for a while, and then
they did the smart thing. They took a break. They
broke up for a four or five years, and then
got back together in their mid twenties. The bride is
(01:47):
now twenty nine years old. She was married yesterday. Her
name is Stella Banderas. You recognize that last name, Stella Banderas. Yes,
the daughter of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith married her
long time friend turned partner, Alex Gruzinski. And they got
married in Spain, which is daddy's home country. But it's
(02:10):
just such a wonderful little love story. I wish them
the best. They met in preschool, so hey, don't discount
your kid's preschool friends. Just saying. In other news, Kevin Fetterline.
Remember him. He's publishing a tell all book about his
relationship with Britney Spears. It's coming out this Tuesday. The
book is called Thought You Knew? Fetterlined, you might recall,
(02:33):
is the father of Britney Spears, two sons. He way
back when he was a twenty six year old backup
dancer for a bunch of major pop acts. When he
coupled up with Britney Spears in two thousand and four,
they had a courtship, a two year marriage, and a
divorce that probably brought them through the most intense celebrity
(02:53):
media frenzy that I can ever remember. Right He Fetterline
was often called like a loser or a hanger on,
and then I think he released his own hip hop
album later that wasn't so popular as Kyle's shaking her
head over Federal Lines hip hop album It Isn't No,
It didn't count? Right. So He describes the new book
(03:16):
to People magazine as extremely intimate and transparent. If you've
ever had questions, you'll find out here he claims some
of the things. He claims that during his marriage to
Britney Spears, their lives were obviously under tremendous amount of
scrutiny and that he had to endure constant ridicule. Poor baby.
(03:38):
He also alleges that he had great concerns about Britney's behavior. Look,
we all know that our sweet Britney Spears suffers from
mental health problems. Okay, I don't think you have to
even be a psychiatrist. Be in the room, see her diagnosis,
follow her Instagram. You know what you need to know, right,
But he said there were instances where their sons say
(04:02):
they woke up with Britney standing in their room with
a knife in his hand, in her hand. Sorry, So
what is Britney saying to all this? Okay, he's gaslighting
me and he's just profiting off my pain. Don't buy
his book. Basically, the boys now are age twenty and nineteen.
They are living separately from their parents, trying to build
(04:24):
a life. He believes that this book is going to
help his kids make sense of everything that happened. And
he actually told the Associated Press this about the Free
Brittney movement. Remember that when her fans emancipated her from
her conservatorship, the free brit says fetter Line. The Britney
movement may have started from a good place, but it
(04:46):
villifiled everyone around her so that now it's nearly impossible
for anyone to step in.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
He said.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
The book is partly a public plea for Brittany to
get more help. I just don't know going public is
the way to do it. You can do it private, all right.
There is a woman robber in Los Angeles using dating
apps to steal from older men. The hunt is on
for a glamorous, Portia driving former pinup girl who's been
(05:14):
accused of dating older men to burglarize their homes. You know,
I actually have a friend who this happened to. They
had a nice date. I don't know if it was her,
but they had a nice date and they got a
little drunk. They kiss he faced whatever, He went into
the bathroom, she took his ROLX, and she was gone.
Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department issued a bulletin on Wednesday
(05:35):
looking for the woman. They say her name is Adva
if I say it right, Adva or Adva Levy, but
she also guys goes by the pseudonyms Mia, Ventura, Shoshana,
and Shanna. She's wanted for a string of burglaries in
which she allegedly targeted older men, posing as a perspective
romantic companion. She has been seen driving. I googled these
(05:55):
pictures to find out. The robot told me exactly what
year end model they were. A twenty seventeen white Mercedes
C Class you're looking closer at your date now as
I say this, or a twenty twenty four black Portsia MACN.
So like, if you're on dating apps, guys, keep yourself
safe and women please meet in public places. Don't give
(06:16):
someone your home address when you first meet them. But
you know what, we've seen enough of the Tinder swindler
and all the guys that have ripped off women or
at least gotten access to their bloodstream and eggs. At
some point, there's a little, teeny tiny part of me
that's like, go girl. It's tiny because I'm a very
moral person and I feel bad for especially because she's
(06:38):
targeting older men in their sixties who are lonely divorced.
And I saw her picture. It's online you can look
at she's pretty hot. She's pretty hot, so she's easy.
You know, men get dazzled by looks, and so apparently
sometimes she has been known to work with other like
(06:58):
she has a boyfriend waiting outside the car right Like,
there's a whole book. It's a scene. People get some morals.
What is happening to the world. Hey, when we come back,
you think you have in law problems? What if you
were Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and his wife Megan,
Duchess of Sussex. They got some stuff to deal with.
Is there anything we can learn from them? Let's talk
(07:19):
about this when we come back.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
If you are an Instagram person, you are welcome to
come out of my Instagram right now because we are
live in the studio and say hello to me. I
always like people to tell me where they're watching from,
and I'm seeing some interesting things. Obviously local. We got
Orange County, we got Fontana. We also have Colonna, British Columbia,
great wines up there where else? They say, somebody in Tennessee.
(07:53):
So if you are watching just on Instagram, you know
you have to download the iHeartRadio app to hear both
sides of the conversation to this segment. I'm going to
be taken your calls. Not yet, don't call yet. I'll
give you the number in a few minutes, because first
I want to talk about Megan and Harry. First of all,
let me tell you the story. I follow a lot
(08:13):
of different news organizations and gossip organizations online, and I
have noticed a lot of hate toward Megan formerly Megan Markel,
now the Duchess of Sussex, right. And I noticed that
the stuff that's negative isn't coming from the people, not
(08:35):
necessarily the American people anyway, It's coming from royal channels.
And remember he said in his book, when Harry came
out with his book, that it's sort of a deal
that the royal family has called the firm with the press.
And so you wonder how much of this is planted
by the family. I'm talking about this because relationships are
(08:55):
a bridge between tribes, and I get questions from people
all the time about problems with in laws. The biggest
problem generally is the mother of the groom who's having
trouble separating from her boy. She's just been replaced, but
she can't give him what you can give him now, honey,
just saying, so how do we mend some of those relationships,
(09:21):
and it has come to light that maybe the Duke
and Duchess of Sussex are actually trying to mend something.
We do know that last month Harry went to the
UK and met with his father, had a cup of
tea for forty five minutes. I guess it's a start.
It just doesn't seem what you do. You know now,
remember the Queen's jubilee after she died, when the other
(09:43):
jubilee he did. King Charles did get to meet his
grandchildren one time, right, they were age one and three.
Now they are age four and six. So there are rumors,
of course that he has cancer, he's battling cancer, et cetera.
(10:06):
Not just rumors have been reports, and so maybe the
grandfathers wanting to get in touch with his see his
grandkids and let them know their history and who they are.
I was checking on titles today and apparently even though
the Duke and Duchess are only Duke and Duchess now
and they don't use the term his Royal Highness her
Royal Highness, the grandkids can. That's part of the whole thing.
(10:28):
So they are true prince and Princess and royal highnesses, right,
listen to their names, Prince Archie Harrison Montbatan Windsor and
Princess Lilibet Lily Diana Montbatan Windsor. I mean, she's got
everybody and her name, doesn't she She's got Elizabeth Lilabette,
that's Queen Elizabeth after Queen o. Lib's got Diana, her
(10:49):
grandmother she never got to meet, right, So what have
they been doing lately? Well? On October ninth, the Duke
and d received the Humanitarians of the Year Award at
Project Healthy Minds in New York City. They're honored for
their sustained commitment to building safer digital environments for children
(11:12):
and families and their broader contributions toward mental health. As
you know, this has been Harry's drum beat. His entire
life is mental health. And I'm just throwing this out there.
If anybody knows Harry and Megan, I would love to
have them on the show. Look, they just live up
the road in Santa Barbara. All they have to do
is pick up the phone and let's talk about mental
(11:32):
health issues, especially the loneliness epidemic that we're seeing right now,
and how digital media contributes to the loneliness epidemic. So
they also remember, like they walked away from like a
fortune and a job in the royal family. So they
got this reported deal with Netflix for two hundred million
(11:56):
dollars that included they had to work it off, right,
netflixers is hands muddy two hundred million dollars. So first
there was that documentary on their life where you know,
they kind of dissed the dad saying that the royal
family was worried about what color the children would come out, right,
And then she flipped into a home and garden show.
(12:18):
But why not? That's what she's into right now. She's
home with chickens and babies and she's cooking and it's
her stage of life, and so why wouldn't she do
this wonderful show. Well, now apparently they have an upcoming
documentary on Netflix that's supposed to come out maybe in
the next month or so. They're in post production and
it is called Masaka Kids A Rhythm Within and it's
(12:39):
about a dance troop of children in Uganda, and it's
meant to reflect the work that they do in Africa. Look,
let me get into the relationships here. Relationships do not
exist in a vacuum. They exist in a large social world.
It's an ecosystem, right, and the psyches of husband or
(13:02):
wife can be impacted by anything things that family members say,
in this case, things the media says. Right. It's particularly
challenging for high profile couples, but for people like you
and I, little comments can hurt people. Family feuds are
very hard on marriages. Because Harry's torn in his loyalties now,
(13:27):
some people are speculating that he misses his home, and
when you're raising small kids, you want to expose them
to your culture and your home, et cetera. I can
totally get it. So maybe they're working hard to mend
things as best they can.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I want to remind everybody who's out there pointing fingers
at the Duchess saying that she caused all these problems.
You know what, he knew what he was getting into. Okay,
maybe she was the person who threw a lifeline to
him to help get him out of the confines of
a life didn't really like. He knew what she was about.
(14:03):
He knew what their marriage could create together, the changes
they will making. But now there are royal grandchildren to consider.
A prince and a princess. Right, there's heritage. I believe
this relationship between the royals at home and the royals
in California can be healed. Certainly, time heals wounds, children
(14:24):
heal wounds. I think the first all of branch was
extended when Harry went to visit his dad. You know what,
I don't think he's going to ostracize his own flesh
for much longer his grandkids. Although maybe you believe those
rumors that he's not the real dad that James Hewitt,
those James Hewett paternity you can google it. I don't
(14:46):
know if it's Ai making those pictures or they look
a lot alike. Maybe that's why the King is like anyway,
when we come back, I am going to the phone lines.
I am taking your relationship questions. So pick up the
phone now. The numbers one eight hundred and five two
zero one five three four. I see producer Kayla moving
her way into the control room to answer your calls.
One eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one
(15:09):
eight hundred five to zero one five three four. Reminder,
I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I've
written three books on relationships. And a dissertation on attachment
theory and boy do I love to weigh in on
people's love lives. If you're nervous and shy and you're
watching on Instagram, to send me a DM. We'll be
checking the dms as well. If you have any questions.
One eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, and this is
the time of my show where I am taking your calls.
If you have a relationship question, the number is one
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Okay,
Producer Kayla, who do we have? We have Ryan with
a question? Ryan? Hello, Ryan, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Hello, Doctor Wendy said a question, A quick question. Sure,
I'm turning thirty nine this November.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Uh huh, congratulations have you Bernie?
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Thank you? But I've ever been in a serious relationship.
It's someone I could bring home and you know, introduce
the family to. I wanted to know, is that normal
or is that okay?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Well, you're asking me if that's typical. It's not typical generally,
I mean, I teach developmental psychology, and Eric Ericson, the
famous developmental psychologist, said that, you know, the twenties are
the time where people negotiate intimacy versus isolation, and that
is the big time when people start to transfer their
(16:45):
feelings of a secure base from their family of origin
to a lover. So my question is, have you ever
talked about this to a licensed therapist yet? No? Would
you like to be in a committed relationship with somebody?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I think I'm pretty happy the way I'm being single
because I have consistent I guess, like like hookups. I guess.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So you're happy to have non emotionally intimate sex with
various partners and you don't have an urge to procreate necessarily.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Okay, so if you're not unhappy, then there's no problem, right.
But your question was normal? Is this normal?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
And I can only say there's no such thing as normal.
I hate that word. I just say typical or atypical.
This is very atypical. But twenty percent of all human
beings never reproduce, So Ryan, it's not like you could
be two out of ten people. And if you're happy now,
I do want to say this about the hooking up nonsense, okay, Ryan,
you got to be one hundred percent honest. You got
(17:52):
to tell them this is a hookup, okay, and you
got to say it's not going anywhere, and I'm never
going to have a girlfriend, because if you're using long
term mating strates to obtain short term relationships, as in, well,
let's just see how it goes, you know, maybe we'll click.
I don't know why it hasn't happened for me. Maybe
you're the one. If you're implying all of that, that's immoral, right.
You will find enough women will be happy to have
(18:14):
sex with you without needing any kind of commitment. So
you must be honest. That's number one. And number two,
you must be one hundred percent in charge of birth control,
which means use acondom. Don't expect them to because you're
talking about forget about the money you might have to
pay in child support. You're talking about bringing another human
being into the world who feels unwanted by you, and
(18:37):
that's not a good thing. Okay, Sure, all right, thanks
for colin. Ryan. See, I'm like an old auntie sometimes
I just have to tell these young people how to
behave right. All right. Going to social media, I see
the people have been sending me dms. Let me see
we go. Dear doctor Wendy, my girlfriend is slowly starting
to move in. She's starting to leave more and more
(19:00):
things into my apartment. I like her a lot, but
we aren't there yet. What's the best way to tell
her to slow down? We've only been together eight months. Okay,
there's two words you need to say, slow down. How
can you like let these clothes walk into your place
without saying something? You guys need to have a discussion.
(19:22):
Whenever there's silence, you know what your silence is. It's permission.
Silence is often construed as permission. And so if this
woman you've been together eight months, just keeps leaving more
and more things at your place and you're like so
happy because she's also bringing sex when she comes, then
you're not having an honest, open relationship. You need to
(19:42):
say I'm not ready and I need more nights off
and you need less stuff here because it's making me
feel like it's too much too soon. You gotta say it,
just got to say it, all right. Here's another one,
Dear doctor Wendy. I strongly dislike my girlfriend's best friend. Hmm,
she's clearly jealous of my girlfriend. She's jealous of our relationship.
(20:05):
She always tries to tear my girlfriend down in the
form of a lighthearted joke. They have been friends since
third grade and I'm the new boyfriend. Do I mind
my own business here or do I mention that her
friend is bad news? Okay, so this friend bothers you,
but this friend doesn't bother your girlfriend. So whose problem
(20:27):
is this? This is your problem, not her problem. So no,
you don't butt in. You think you have enough sway
to break up a relationship that's been going since third grade.
Hardly huh, hardly not gonna happen. So what you might
do is try to help your girlfriend understand or have
(20:51):
the conversation. So you might say something like, after she left,
you know tonight, when she said XYZ, that felt like
a kind of dig and I wanted to protect you.
I was kind of offended by that because now it's
about you and your feelings, not telling her how she
should feel. Right, And she might say something like, you know,
she's always been that way, that is how she talks.
(21:12):
But I know she's there for me and she has
my back, or you know, what. She had a really
bad childhood, and now she's really jealous of us. I understand.
So I let her get away with some stuff because
I have the conversation. Right, you got to say how
it impacted you. Right, you have to be able to
say that. But don't get in there saying you gotta
dump that girl. She's given you shade. It's not gonna
(21:35):
happen already, Dear doctor Wendy. I found out my boyfriend
has a fake X account where he trolls people. I
seriously have the ick. I was in his phone, and
I know I shouldn't have been snooping. He is mean
to anyone who has different political views. He even calls
(21:57):
people ugly and morons. What do I do you? You
two should not even be together. You're a snooper and
he's a fake person, and he obviously has a lot
of repressed anger and resentment that he's taking out on
innocent people on the internet. Okay, so you can bring
it up, but then you're also admitting that you're a
(22:17):
snooper and don't even respect his privacy. But you could
you could try to build intimacy with this angry man.
You could say, hey, by the way. I'm so sorry
to tell you I was a snooper. I know I
shouldn't have, but I was a snooper and I saw
that you're tolding all these other people. Can we talk
about what you're so mad about or why you're so
mean to people? I promise you this. If he's that
mean to those strangers, eventually, when you get into the
(22:41):
thick of it, he's going to be mean to you.
Is that's his real self, that's his deep feelings, right,
those are his deepest feelings. Who that's a tough one.
Dear doctor Wendy. My wife and I have been trying
to have a baby for a year, bless you. We
are now trying IVF Oh. It's been an exhausting and
daunting process. I don't really want to try anymore. She
(23:04):
wants a baby more than anything. I feel defeated and
want to give up. Should I talk to her about
how I feel about this? You need to ask me
for the answer. Of course you should. Your feelings are important,
her feelings are important. But it's also important to realize
that this is stressful for both of you. I highly
(23:25):
suggest that you guys go to a licensed couple's therapist.
And you talk about it together, all the feelings. Just
because you have a feeling and doesn't mean it has
to be turned into behavior. In other words, I just
need to express to you that I'm exhausted by this.
We need to take a break. You might come to compromise,
which is we need to take six months off of this.
(23:47):
And by the way, plenty of times that happened where
couples go. You know what, You're right, this is all
too much. It's costing too much, money's physically stressful, the
hormonal changes are causing us to get into fights. It's
just too much. So let's just take some time off
and going to get registered with an adoption agency. Will
adopt it be? And then you hear these stories about
how they suddenly get pregnant naturally. I mean, stress is
one thing that can also impact fertility. Right, I'm not
(24:11):
saying that this will happen for you. I'm just saying
your feelings are important. You have a right to express
your feelings, and I know this is tough, and I'm
so sorry you're going through this. I definitely want to
say that, right, I think we have time for just
one more Dear doctor, Wendy I'm getting married in three
months and I can't stop thinking about the one that
(24:32):
got away. I can never be with that other person.
But does this thought mean I'm not ready to get married?
You have a lot of exploring to do regarding your feelings.
First of all, it is not uncommon at all at
all right before a wedding for the groom or the
(24:52):
bride to have these imaginary fantasies about what if? What if?
There is this feeling when we get married that there's
a door closing. Of course, in my case, because I
met the love of my life late in my life,
I was so happy to shut that door closed. I
didn't want to be single ever again in my life.
(25:12):
But I think you want to ask yourself with a
therapist why you're having these feelings. Is it just cold
feet before the marriage? Or is it's not that there's
something wrong with the groom, But is there something that
maybe happened in your childhood that makes it hard for
you to commit to one person trying to keep one
(25:33):
foot in somewhere else? You know, just before I got married,
this is a very common thing. I was tempted. Who
he is not listening? Is he? I think he's down there,
he's down the hall. I wasn't tempted. I mean I
got contacted by exis and I had like a moment
of who they're back, and I was so into them.
(25:55):
Oh my god, what do I do? Right? But it
was a flicker and I knew what it was us
because I'm a professional, so I paid attention to that
and I was just like, oh, I'm exactly where I
need to be. So it is not unusual, but it
doesn't necessarily mean that you're not ready to get married.
(26:17):
But only you and your therapist can sort this through together.
All right, when we come back. There is a new
dating trend. It's kind of like being catfished, although I'll
call it being chat fished, if you know what I mean.
We'll talk about this when we come back. You are
listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I was reading this article. I think it was in
the Guardian, I know it was in a UK paper
and it was about a woman who met a guy
on a dating app and did what many many people
do on dating apps, which is they started messaging each
other and gets very exciting, right, because what happens at
the beginning is you start to project your own imaginings
(27:11):
or your idea of who this person is when you
don't really have much evidence. I mean, you're looking at
a few pictures, a few words on their profile, you're
trying to decipher a few texts, so it leaves it
vague enough that you can just imagine anything about this person.
So this woman actually ended up being led down a
(27:35):
path and her heart was broken because of it, and
she did say that she had sex because of it.
She believes now that she was seduced into having sex
by a robot. I'll stay with me. AI is getting
(27:55):
involved in our lives in all kinds of ways, isn't it.
The new dating trend is called chatfished. It's like catfished.
Do you know what catfish is? It's where you pretend
to be somebody else, But chatfished means you use chat GPT.
So in this particular article, this woman met another guy
online later and now her little spidey sense was up,
(28:18):
but she really fell for it this time because this
guy asked questions like, hey, I recently took an attachment
style test and I'm really interested to learn about connections
and attachment. Have you taken an attachment test? And maybe
we're compatible or not?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And you know.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
And so she thought, over the course of all these
messages that this was a deep thinking dude. You know,
women put a lot of pressure on guys to be
really emotionally intelligent, and some of them are, and for
some of them, they haven't learned a lot of those
skills yet. So I just want to say, women get
turned on when guys start talking about feelings and start
(28:57):
talking about emotions and things like attachment style. So this
one led her completely down the path again. They were
having these deep conversations about feelings and intimacy. Now remember
they had not even met in the real world. So
she finally decides, Okay, I'm going to meet this guy
at a pub and I'm really excited about this one.
(29:17):
She meets him and he's awkward, he's introverted, he's very nervous,
he's not funny like he had been in all those
messages on the dating app, and she realized she had
been chatfished again. Now, at least she was smart enough
(29:40):
to know not to get to the bedroom. I mean,
can you imagine being lured to the bedroom by a robot.
But apparently men with few social skills are relying on
chat shept to help them keep the conversations going on
dating apps, and then they can't fulfill that that promise
later in real life. Right, Oh, can you believe? It?
(30:06):
A whole new thing chat fishing. So I am going
to tell you how to avoid being chat fished, because
there's no reason for you ever to be seduced by
a robot. Wouldn't it be funny if her answers were
also coming from chat gpt, so it was like two
robots seducing each other. It's possible, all right. I've always
(30:30):
said these are my rules for how to use dating apps.
First of all, dating apps are a misnomer. They should
not be called dating apps, they should be called meeting apps.
And you should know that somebody's profile is not who
they are. It's basically a little billboard or a little
advertisement they made about themselves and they're bragging they're not
really that person. I remember one person said that when
(30:53):
they look at a dating app profile, they look at
the most ugliest picture and say, that's the close to
what they look in real life. Pick the most ugliest
and go, that's you know, they wouldn't have put it
up there if it wasn't a better version of themselves.
But it's close. Okay, that's close. So when you look
at that profile, try not to project on it. Now. Secondly,
(31:16):
if you match with somebody on an app, and I
do want to pause here to talk about how men
and women use dating apps very differently. Men generally click
on every single female dearly every single female possible, and
they just wait to see who matches with them. Women
spend a great deal of time scrutinizing a man's profile.
(31:37):
They read the words carefully, they read into the words,
They study the photographs. They try to determine if that
lamp behind his head is from Ikea or restoration hardware.
They try to imachine his job, his income, what he's
lying about. Why is he wearing baseball caps in every photo?
We know what that means. And so when women finally
(31:59):
match with a guy, they feel like, yeah, he could
really be the one, and then they get so excited
when the app goes it's a match. He also clicked
on you, And then women get so excited. Ladies calm down.
First of all, he's matching with everybody and his inbox
is full. He's just waiting to see what woman's going
(32:19):
to respond. Now, some of the apps you can send
a rose or a wink or all this stuff. Don't
respond to those ladies. If he can't settle down and
just write a message and talk to you, he's not
serious about looking for somebody. Okay, next step very important.
After only two to three messages, you write this, Hey,
(32:41):
I'm not really into texting and I don't like to
date on a dating app. Here's my phone number though,
if you'd like to jump on the phone sometime. Now,
for all you women who are afraid to put your
phone number out there, just let me tell you this.
You can get a Google phone, you can block people.
That's technology to help you. Okay, give a phone number,
Just put it out there, and if he doesn't call
within a couple of days, swipe left, get rid of
(33:02):
him out of your box. It means he's not serious.
You see a lot of people use the dating apps
for emotional stimulation or sexual stimulation. I mean they just
use it for entertainment. And plenty of them aren't who
they say they are. They maybe married guys who were bored,
so they've made this fake profile and they're just online
having fun. Right, So if you're not hearing back from
him in the real world, he's not real. If you
(33:24):
won't get off the app to say hello to you,
move on, don't pine over it. Don't think he was
so perfect, because that's just your projection, all right. After
a couple phone calls one or two, then meet in
the real world. Not for a first date. Do not
spend the money on hair, wardrobe, makeup and the whole shebang, childcare, whatever,
(33:49):
and go on a big, expensive first date. Do what
I call a drive by date. Just have a quick coffee.
The coffee's going to last, you know, thirty minutes max.
And that way you can at least have the politeness
to be able to hang in there if the person
is not anything like they said they were. Right. I've
been on a bunch of those dates where I sat down,
(34:11):
I was like, whoa, this person lied to me about everything,
And instead of storming out, I took the high road.
I was classy and said, you know, I only have
about twenty minutes. I've got to get back to my
office and please to meet you.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
So this is how you don't get chatfished. Please do
not go down a path of forming a relationship through
text and messages only when you read somebody's text. That's
like listening to your favorite band without the lead singer
or the drummer. Uh huh, right, what do you got there?
(34:46):
Is that really a song? So you need to be there,
see the body language, smell the pheromones, right, get in
the real world. And if they won't get in the
real world, that shouldn't make you more attached and more hopeful.
You just need to to move along. But I can't
believe people are using robots. Well, I can believe people
are using robots for everything nowadays. So don't get chatfished. Ladies,
(35:09):
don't get chatfished. Hey, when we come back, has it
been a long time since you've had a crush? Do
you remember your first crush and what it felt like?
Do you wonder why you're not having them so much anymore?
Let's talk about this when we come back. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walls. You can always hear us
(35:30):
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app,
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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