October 19, 2025 • 35 mins
Dr. Wendy is covering the latest in Hollywood relationships this week. Stella Bandera's wedding, Kevin Federline's book, Meghan and Harry and more. PLUS you are no longer getting catfished. Now we have to look out for CHAT-fishes. ChatGPT is creating personalities for people. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. It's always my
pleasure to be with you every Sunday from seven to
nine pm. If you're new to my show, I have
a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor, not
(00:24):
a therapist. At California State University Channel Islands Go Dolphins.
This semester I am teaching both health psychology and developmental psychology.
But in my personal life, I am obsessed with the
science of love, having written three books on relationships and
having written a dissertation on attachment theory. So what do
(00:45):
we have coming up on today's show that might impact
your life? Well, there's a hot woman swindler in Los
Angeles who's using dating apps to rob older men. Also,
the ex of a famous singer tells all in a
new book. And if you think you have in law problems,
imagine being the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Plus is
(01:06):
your husband or wife pretending to be helpless? I've got
a solution for you, all right. Starting off this week's
relationship news, there was a wedding yesterday in Spain. And
here's the cute thing about this wedding. This couple met
in preschool in Los Angeles. It was in Hancock Park,
(01:27):
the Wagon Wheel Preschool. They actually stayed friends. Yes, I
guess men and women can be friends when they're just
boys and girls during elementary school. When they were teenagers
in high school, they dated for a while, and then
they did the smart thing. They took a break. They
broke up for four or five years, and then got
back together in their mid twenties. The bride is now
(01:47):
twenty nine years old. She was married yesterday. Her name
is Stella Banderas. You recognize that last name, Stella Banderas. Yes,
the daughter of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith married her
long time friend turned partner, Alex Gruzinski. And they got
married in Spain, which is daddy's home country. But it's
(02:10):
just such a wonderful little love story. I wish them
the best. They met in preschool, so hey, don't discount
your kids preschool friends. Just saying. In other news, Kevin
Fetterline remember him. He's publishing a tell all book about
his relationship with Britney Spears. It's coming out this Tuesday.
The book is called Thought You Knew? Fetterline, you might recall,
(02:33):
is the father of Britney Spears, two sons. He way
back when he was a twenty six year old backup
dancer for a bunch of major pop acts. When he
coupled up with Britney Spears in two thousand and four,
they had a courtship, a two year marriage, and a
divorce that probably brought them through the most intense celebrity
(02:53):
media frenzy that I can ever remember. Right he Fetterline
was often called like a loser or a hanger on,
and then I think he released his own hip hop
album later that wasn't so popular as Kyle's shaking her
head over Feeder Lines hip hop album It Isn't No,
It didn't count?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
So, He describes the new book to People magazine as
extremely intimate and transparent. If you've ever had questions, you'll
find out here he claims some of the things. He
claims that during his marriage to Britney Spears, their lives
were obviously under tremendous amount of scrutiny and that he
had to endure constant ridicule. Poor baby. He also alleges
(03:40):
that he had great concerns about Britney's behavior. Look, we
all know that our sweet Britney Spears suffers from mental
health problems. Okay, I don't think you have to even
be a psychiatrist. Be in the room, see her diagnosis,
follow her Instagram, you know what you need to know, right,
But he said there were instances where their sons say
(04:02):
they woke up with Britney standing in their room with
a knife in his hand, in her hand. Sorry, So
what is Britney saying to all this? Okay, he's gaslighting
me and he's just profiting off my pain. Don't buy
his book. Basically, the boys now are age twenty and nineteen.
They are living separately from their parents, trying to build
(04:24):
a life. He believes that this book is going to
help his kids make sense of everything that happened. And
he actually told the Associated Press this about the Free
Britney movement. Remember that when her fans emancipated her from
her conservatorship, the Free brit says Fetter Line. Britney movement
(04:44):
may have started from a good place, but it villifiled
everyone around her so that now it's nearly impossible for
anyone to step in. He said. The book is partly
a public plea for Brittany to get more help. I
just don't know going public is the way to do it.
You can do it private, all right. There is a
woman robber in Los Angeles using dating apps to steal
(05:07):
from older men. The hunt is on for a glamorous,
Portia driving former pinup girl who's been accused of dating
older men to burglarize their homes. You know, I actually
have a friend who this happened to. They had a
nice date. I don't know if it was her, but
they had a nice date and they got a little drunk.
They kiss, he faced whatever, He went into the bathroom,
(05:27):
she took his relics, and she was gone. Los Angeles
County Sheriff's Department issued a bulletin on Wednesday looking for
the woman. They say her name is Adva if I
say it right, Adva or Adva Levy, but she also
guys goes by the pseudonyms Mia, Ventura, Shoshana, and Shanna.
She's wanted for a string of burglaries in which she
(05:48):
allegedly targeted older men, posing as a perspective romantic companion.
She has been seen driving. I googled these pictures to
find out. The robot told me exactly what year end
model they were. A twenty seventeen white Mercedes C Class
you're looking closely at your date now as I say this,
or a twenty twenty four black Porsche MACN. So like,
(06:10):
if you're on dating apps, guys, keep yourself safe and
women please meet in public places. Don't give someone your
home address when you first meet them. But you know what,
we've seen enough of the tender swindler and all the
guys that have ripped off women or at least gotten
access to their bloodstream and eggs. At some point, there's
a little teeny tiny part of me that's like, go girl.
(06:33):
It's tiny because I'm a very moral person, and I
feel bad for especially because she's targeting older men in
their sixties who are lonely divorced. And I saw her picture.
It's online. You can look at she's she's pretty hot.
See she's pretty hot. So she's easy. You know, men
get dazzled by looks, and so apparently sometimes she has
(06:56):
been known to work with other like she has a
boyfriend waiting outside the car right Like, there's a whole bit.
It's a scene. People get some morals. What is happening
to the world. Hey, when we come back, you think
you have in law problems? What if you were Prince Harry,
Duke of Sussex and his wife Megan, Duchess of Sussex.
They got some stuff to deal with. Is there anything
(07:18):
we can learn from them? Let's talk about this when
we come back.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
If you are an Instagram person, you are welcome to
come on to my Instagram right now because we are
live in the studio and say hello to me. I
always like people to tell me where they're watching from,
and I'm seeing some interesting things. Obviously local. We got
Orange County, we got Fontana. We also have Colonna, British Columbia,
great wines up there where else they sy somebody in Tennessee.
(07:53):
So if you are watching just on Instagram, you know
you have to download the iHeartRadio app to hear both
sides of the conversation. Because to this segment, I'm going
to be taking your calls. Not yet, don't call yet.
I'll give you the number in a few minutes, because
first I want to talk about Megan and Harry. First
of all, let me tell you the story. I follow
a lot of different news organizations and gossip organizations online,
(08:19):
and I have noticed a lot of hate toward Megan
formerly Megan Markel, now the Duchess of Sussex, right. And
I noticed that the stuff that's negative isn't coming from
the people, not necessarily the American people anyway, It's coming
from royal channels. And remember he said in his book,
(08:41):
when Harry came out with his book, that it's sort
of a deal that the royal family has called the
firm with the press. And so you wonder how much
of this is planted by the family. I'm talking about
this because relationships are a bridge between tribes, and I
get questions from people all the time about problems with
(09:01):
in laws. The biggest problem, generally is the mother of
the groom who's having trouble separating from her boy. She's
just been replaced, but she can't give him what you
can give him now, honey, just saying, so, how do
we mend some of those relationships? And it has come
(09:22):
to light that maybe the Duke and Duchess of Sussex
are actually trying to mend something. We do know that
last month Harry went to the UK and met with
his father, had a cup of tea for forty five minutes.
I guess it's a start. It just doesn't seem what
you do. You know now, remember the Queen's jubilee after
(09:42):
she died, when the other jubilee he did. King Charles
did get to meet his grandchildren one time, right, they
were age one and three. Now they are age four
and six. So there are rumors, of course that he
(10:03):
has cancer, he's battling cancer, et cetera. Not just rumors
have been reports, and so maybe the grandfathers wanting to
get in touch with his see his grandkids and let
them know their history and who they are. I was
checking on titles today and apparently even though the Duke
and Duchess are only Duke and Duchess now and they
don't use the term his Royal Highness, her Royal Highness,
(10:25):
the grandkids can. That's part of the whole thing. So
they are true prince and Princess and royal highnesses. Right,
listen to their names, Prince Archie Harrison Montbatan Windsor and
Princess Lilibet Lily Diana Montbatan Windsor. I mean, she's got
everybody and her name, doesn't she She's got Elizabeth Lillabet.
(10:47):
That's Queen Elizabeth after Queen o. Lib's got Diana, her
grandmother she never got to meet, right, So what have
they been doing lately? Well? On October ninth, the Duke
and du received the Humanitarians of the Year Award at
Project Healthy Minds in New York City. They're honored for
(11:07):
their sustained commitment to building safer digital environments for children
and families and their broader contributions toward mental health. As
you know, this has been Harry's drum beat. His entire
life is mental health. And I'm just throwing this out there.
If anybody knows Harry and Megan, I would love to
have them on the show. Look, they just live up
(11:28):
the road in Santa Barbara. All they have to do
is pick up the phone and let's talk about mental
health issues, especially the loneliness epidemic that we're seeing right now,
and how digital media contributes to the loneliness epidemic. So
they also remember, like they walked away from like a
fortune and a job in the royal family. So they
(11:52):
got this reported deal with Netflix for two hundred million
dollars that included they had to work it off, right,
Netflix erses is hands muddy two hundred million dollars. So
first there was that documentary on their life where you know,
they kind of dissed the dad saying that the royal
family was worried about what color the children would come out, right,
(12:13):
And then she flipped into a home and garden show.
But why not? That's what she's into right now. She's
home with chickens and babies and she's cooking and it's
her stage of life, and so why wouldn't she do
this wonderful show. Well, now apparently they have an upcoming
documentary on Netflix that's supposed to come out maybe in
the next month or so. They're in post production and
(12:34):
it is called Masaka Kids A Rhythm Within and it's
about a dance troop of children in Uganda, and it's
meant to reflect the work that they do in Africa. Look,
let me get into the relationships here. Relationships do not
exist in a vacuum. They exist in a large social world.
It's an ecosystem, right, and the ten psyches of a
(13:01):
husband or wife can be impacted by anything things that
family members say, in this case, things the media says. Right.
It's particularly challenging for high profile couples, but for people
like you and I, little comments can hurt people. Family
feuds are very hard on marriages. Because Harry's torn in
(13:25):
his loyalties. Now, some people are speculating that he misses
his home, and when you're raising small kids, you want
to expose them to your culture and your home, et cetera.
I can totally get it. So maybe they're working hard
to mend things as best they can.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I want to remind everybody who's out there pointing fingers
at the Duchess saying that she caused all these problems.
You know what, he knew what he was getting into. Okay,
maybe she was the person who threw a lifeline to
him to help get him out of the confines of
a life. Really like, he knew what she was about.
(14:03):
He knew what their marriage could create together, the changes
they will making. But now there are royal grandchildren to consider.
A prince and a princess, right, there's heritage. I believe
this relationship between the royals at home and the royals
in California can be healed. Certainly, time heals wounds, children
(14:24):
heal wounds. I think the first all of branch was
extended when Harry went to visit his dad. You know what,
I don't think he's going to ostracize his own flesh
for much longer his grandkids. Although maybe you believe those
rumors that he's not the real dad that James Hewitt,
those James Hewett paternity you could google it. I don't
(14:46):
know if it's Ai making those pictures or they look
a lot alike. Maybe that's why the King is like Anyway,
when we come back, I am going to the phone lines.
I am taking your relationship questions. So pick up the
phone now. The numbers one eight hundred and five two
zero one five three four. I see producer Kayla moving
her way into the control room to answer your calls.
One eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one
(15:09):
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Reminder,
I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I've
written three books on relationships and a dissertation on attachment
theory and boy do I love to weigh in on
people's love lives. If you're nervous and shy and you're
watching on Instagram, to send me a DM. We'll be
checking the dms as well. If you have any questions.
One eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, and this is
the time of my show where I am taking your calls.
If you have a relationship question, the number is one
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Okay,
Producer Kayla, who do we have? We have Ryan with
a question? Ryan? Hello, Ryan, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Hello, Doctor Wendy had a question A quick question. Sure,
I'm turning thirty nine this November.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Uh huh, congratulations have you Bernie never thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
But I've never been in a serious relationship like someone
I could bring home and you know, introduce the family to.
I wanted to know, is that normal or is that Okay?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Well, you're asking me if that's typical. It's not typical generally.
I mean, I teach developmental psychology, and Eric Erickson, the
famous developmental psychologist, said that, you know, the twenties are
the time where people negotiate intimacy versus isolation, and that
is the big time when people start to transfer their
(16:45):
feelings of a secure base from their family of origin
to a lover. So my question is, have you ever
talked about this to a licensed therapist yet? No? Would
you like to be in a committed relationship with somebody?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I think I'm pretty happy the way I'm being single
because I have consistent I guess, like like hookups. I guess.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So you're happy to have non emotionally intimate sex with
various partners and you don't have an urge to procreate necessarily.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Okay, So if you're not unhappy, then there's no problem, right.
But your question was normal? Is this normal? Right? And
I can only say there's no such thing as normal.
I hate that word. I just say typical or atypical.
This is very atypical. But twenty percent of all human
beings never reproduce, So Ryan, it's not like you could
(17:44):
be two out of ten people. And if you're happy now,
I do want to say this about the hooking up nonsense. Okay, Ryan,
you got to be one hundred percent honest. You got
to tell them this is a hookup, okay, and you
got to say it's not going anywhere, and I'm never
going to have a girlfriend, because if you're using long
term mating strates to obtain short term relationships, as in, well,
let's just see how it goes, you know, maybe we'll click.
(18:06):
I don't know why it hasn't happened for me. Maybe
you're the one. If you're implying all of that, that's immoral, right.
You will find enough women will be happy to have
sex with you without needing any kind of commitment. So
you must be honest. That's number one. And number two,
you must be one hundred percent in charge of birth control,
which means use a condom. Don't expect them to because
(18:26):
you're talking about forget about the money you might have
to pay in child support. You're talking about bringing another
human being into the world who feels unwanted by you,
and that's not a good thing. Okay, true, All right,
thanks for colin, Ryan. See, I'm like an old auntie
sometimes I just have to tell these young people how
to behave right. All right, Going to social media, I
(18:50):
see the people have been sending me dms. Let me
see we go. Dear doctor Wendy, my girlfriend is slowly
starting to move in. She's starting to leave more and
more things into my apartment. I like her a lot,
but we aren't there yet. What's the best way to
tell her to slow down? We've only been together eight months. Okay,
(19:10):
there's two words you need to say, slow down. How
can you like let these clothes walk into your place
without saying something? You guys need to have a discussion.
Whenever there's silence, you know what your silence is. It's permission.
Silence is often construed as permission. And so if this
(19:31):
woman you've been together eight months, just keeps leaving more
and more things at your place and you're like so
happy because she's also bringing sex when she comes, then
you're not having an honest, open relationship. You need to
say I'm not ready and I need more nights off,
and you need less stuff here because it's making me
feel like it's too much too soon. You gotta say it,
Just got to say it, all right. Here's another one,
(19:53):
Dear doctor Wendy, I strongly dislike my girlfriend's best friend. Hmm,
she's clearly jealous of my girlfriend. She's jealous of our relationship.
She always tries to tear my girlfriend down in the
form of a lighthearted joke. They have been friends since
third grade, and I'm the new boyfriend. Do I mind
(20:15):
my own business here or do I mention that her
friend is bad news? Okay, so this friend bothers you,
but this friend doesn't bother your girlfriend. So whose problem
is this? This is your problem, not her problem. So no,
you don't butt in. You think you have enough sway
(20:36):
to break up a relationship that's been going since third grade.
Hardly huh, hardly not gonna happen. So what you might
do is try to help your girlfriend understand or have
the conversation. So you might say something like, after she left,
you know tonight, when she said XYZ, that felt like
(20:58):
a kind of dig and I wanted to protect you.
I was kind of offended by that because now it's
about you and your feelings, not telling her how she
should feel. Right, And she might say something like, you know,
she's always been that way, that is how she talks.
But I know she's there for me and she has
my back, or you know what, she had a really
bad childhood and now she's really jealous of us. I understand.
(21:21):
So I let her get away with some stuff because
I have the conversation. Right, you got to say how
it impacted you. Right, you have to be able to
say that. But don't get in there saying you gotta
dump that girl. She's given you shade. It's not going
to happen already. Dear doctor Wendy. I found out my
boyfriend has a fake X account where he trolls people.
(21:46):
I seriously have the ick. I was in his phone,
and I know I shouldn't have been snooping. He is
mean to anyone who has different political views. He even
calls people ugly and morons. What do I do you?
You two should not even be together. You're a snooper
and he's a fake person, and he obviously has a
(22:07):
lot of repressed anger and resentment that he's taking out
on innocent people on the internet. Okay, so you can
bring it up, but then you're also admitting that you're
a snooper and don't even respect his privacy. But you
could you could try to build intimacy with this angry man.
You could say, hey, by the way, I'm so sorry
to tell you I was a snooper. I know I
(22:28):
shouldn't have, but I was a snooper and I saw
that you're tolding all these other people. Can we talk
about what you're so mad about or why you're so
mean to people? I promise you this. If he's that
mean to those strangers, eventually, when you get into the
thick of it, he's going to be mean to you
because that's his real self. That's his deep feelings, right,
those are his deepest feelings. Who that's a tough one,
(22:53):
Dear doctor Wendy. My wife and I have been trying
to have a baby for a year, bless you. We
are now trying IVF Oh. It's been an exhausting and
daunting process. I don't really want to try anymore. She
wants a baby more than anything. I feel defeated and
want to give up. Should I talk to her about
how I feel about this? You need to ask me
(23:15):
for least answer. Of course you should. Your feelings are important,
her feelings are important, but it's also important to realize
that this is stressful for both of you. I highly
suggest that you guys go to a licensed couple's therapist
and you talk about it. Together all the feelings. Just
(23:35):
because you have a feeling and doesn't mean it has
to be turned into behavior. In other words, I just
need to express to you that I'm exhausted by this.
We need to take a break. You might come to compromise,
which is we need to take six months off of this.
And by the way, plenty of times that happened where
couples go. You know what, You're right, this is all
too much. It's costing too much money, is physically stressful,
the hormonal changes are causing us to get into fights.
(23:56):
It's just too much. So let's just take some time
off and going to get registered with an adoption agency.
Will adopt it be? And then you hear these stories
about how they suddenly get pregnant naturally. I mean, stress
is one thing that can also impact fertility. Right, I'm
not saying that this will happen for you. I'm just
saying your feelings are important. You have a right to
(24:16):
express your feelings, and I know this is tough and
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I definitely want
to say that, right, I think we have time for
just one more, Dear doctor, Wendy, I'm getting married in
three months, and I can't stop thinking about the one
that got away. I can never be with that other person.
But does this thought mean I'm not ready to get married?
(24:41):
You have a lot of exploring to do regarding your feelings.
First of all, it is not uncommon at all at all,
right before a wedding for the groom or the bride
to have these imaginary fantasies about what if? What if?
There is this feeling when we get married that there's
a door closing. Of course, in my case, because I
(25:04):
met the love of my life late in my life,
I was so happy to shut that door closed. I
didn't want to be single ever again in my life.
But I think you want to ask yourself with a
therapist why you're having these feelings. Is it just cold
feet before the marriage, or is it's not that there's
something wrong with the groom, But is there something that
(25:27):
maybe happened in your childhood that makes it hard for
you to commit to one person trying to keep one
foot in somewhere else? You know, just before I got married,
this is a very common thing. I was tempted, Oh
he is not listening, is he? I think he's down there,
He's down the Hall. I wasn't tempted. I mean I
got contacted by exis and I had like a moment
(25:52):
of who They're back, and I was so into them.
Oh my god, what do I do?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
But it was a flicker and I knew what it
was us because I'm a professional, so I paid attention
to that and I was just like, oh, I'm exactly
where I need to be. So it is not unusual,
but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're not ready to
get married. But only you and your therapist can sort
(26:19):
this through together. All right, when we come back, there
is a new dating trend. It's kind of like being catfished,
although I'll call it being chat fished, if you know
what I mean. We'll talk about this when we come back.
You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I was reading this article. I think it was in
the Guardian. I know it was in a UK paper
and it was about a woman who met a guy
on a dating app and did what many many people
do on dating apps, which is they started messaging each other.
I think gets very exciting, right, because what happens at
the beginning is you start to project your own imaginings
(27:11):
or your idea of who this person is when you
don't really have much evidence. I mean, you're looking at
a few pictures, a few words on their profile, you're
trying to decipher a few texts, so it leaves it
vague enough that you can just imagine anything about this person.
So this woman actually ended up being led down a
(27:35):
path and her heart was broken because of it, and
she did say that she had sex because of it.
She believes now that she was seduced into having sex
by a robot. I'll stay with me. AI is getting
(27:55):
involved in our lives in all kinds of ways, isn't it.
The new dating trend is called chatfished. It's like catfished.
Do you know what catfish is? It's where you pretend
to be somebody else, But chatfished means you use chat GPT.
So in this particular article, this woman met another guy
online later and now her little spidy sense was up,
(28:18):
but she really fell for it this time because this
guy asked questions like, Hey, I recently took an attachment
style test, and I'm really interested to learn about connections
and attachment. Have you taken an attachment test? And maybe
we're compatible or not? And you know. And so she thought,
over the course of all these messages that this was
(28:41):
a deep thinking dude. You know, women put a lot
of pressure on guys to be really emotionally intelligent, and
some of them are, and for some of them, they
haven't learned a lot of those skills yet. So I
just want to say, women get turned on when guys
start talking about feelings and start talking about emotions and
things like attachment style. So this one led her completely
(29:02):
down the path again. They were having these deep conversations
about feelings and intimacy. Now remember they had not even
met in the real world. So she finally decides, Okay,
I'm going to meet this guy at a pub and
I'm really excited about this one. She meets him and
he's awkward, he's introverted, he's very nervous. He's not funny
(29:29):
like he had been in all those messages on the
dating app, and she realized she had been chatfished again. Now,
at least she was smart enough to know not to
get to the bedroom. I mean, can you imagine being
lured to the bedroom by a robot. But apparently men
with few social skills are relying on chat GBT to
(29:54):
help them keep the conversations going on dating apps, and
then they can't fulfill that promise later in real life. Right, Oh,
can you believe? It a whole new thing chat fishing.
So I am going to tell you how to avoid
being chat fished, because there's no reason for you ever
(30:17):
to be seduced by a robot. Wouldn't it be funny
if her answers were also coming from chat GPT, so
it was like two robots seducing each other. It's possible,
all right. I've always said these are my rules for
how to use dating apps. First of all, dating apps
are a misnomer. They should not be called dating apps,
they should be called meeting apps. And you should know
(30:40):
that somebody's profile is not who they are. It's basically
a little billboard or a little advertisement they made about
themselves and they're bragging they're not really that person. I
remember one person said that when they look at a
dating app profile, they look at the most ugliest picture
and say, that's the close to what they look in
(31:01):
real life. Pick the most ugliest and go that's you know,
they wouldn't have put it up there if it wasn't
a better version of themselves. But it's close. Okay, that's close.
So when you look at that profile, try not to
project on it. Now. Secondly, if you match with somebody
on an app, and I do want to pause here
to talk about how men and women use dating apps
(31:21):
very differently. Men generally click on every single female, nearly
every single female possible, and they just wait to see
who matches with them. Women spend a great deal of
time scrutinizing a man's profile. They read the words carefully,
they read into the words, They study the photographs. They
(31:43):
try to determine if that lamp behind his head is
from Ikea or restoration hardware. They try to imach in
his job, his income, what he's lying about. Why is
he wearing baseball caps in every photo? We know what
that means. And so when women finally match with a
g they feel like, yeah, he could really be the one,
(32:04):
and then they get so excited when the app goes
it's a match. He also clicked on you, And then
women get so excited. Ladies, calm down. First of all,
he's matching with everybody, and his inbox is full. He's
just waiting to see what woman's gonna respond. Now, some
of the apps you can send a rose or a
wink or all this stuff. Don't respond to those ladies.
(32:28):
If he can't settle down and just write a message
and talk to you, he's not serious about looking for somebody. Okay,
next step very important. After only two to three messages,
you write this, Hey, I'm not really into texting and
I don't like to date on a dating app. Here's
my phone number though, if you'd like to jump on
the phone sometime. Now, for all you women who are
(32:50):
afraid to put your phone number out there, just let
me tell you this. You can get a Google phone.
You can block people. That's technology to help you. Okay,
give a phone number, Just put it out there, and
if he doesn't call within a couple of days, swipe left,
get rid of him out of your box. It means
he's not serious. You see a lot of people use
the dating apps for emotional stimulation or sexual stimulation. I
mean they just use it for entertainment. And plenty of
(33:12):
them aren't who they say they are. They may be
married guys who are bored so they've made this fake
profile and they're just online having fun. Right, So if
you're not hearing back from him in the real world,
he's not real. If he won't get off the app
to say hello to you, move on, don't pine over it.
Don't think he was so perfect, because that's just your projection,
(33:33):
all right. After a couple phone calls one or two,
then meet in the real world. Not for a first date.
Do not spend the money on hair, wardrobe, makeup, and
the whole shebang, childcare, whatever, and go on a big,
expensive first date. Do what I call a drive by date.
(33:54):
Just have a quick coffee. The coffee's going to last,
you know, thirty minutes max. And that way you can
at least have the politeness to be able to hang
in there if the person is not anything like they
said they were. Right. I've been on a bunch of
those dates where I sat down, I was like, whoa,
this person lied to me about everything, And instead of
(34:16):
storming out, I took the high road. I was classy
and said, you know, I only have about twenty minutes.
I've got to get back to my office and please
to meet you.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
So this is how you don't get chatfished. Please do
not go down a path of forming a relationship through
text and messages only when you read somebody's text. That's
like listening to your favorite band without the lead singer
or the drummer. Uh huh, right, what do you got there?
(34:46):
Is that really a song? So you need to be there.
See the body language spell the pheromones right, get in
the real world. And if they won't get in the
real world, that shouldn't make you more attached and more hopeful.
You just need to move along. But I can't believe
people are using robots. Well, I can believe people are
using robots for everything nowadays. So don't get chatfished, ladies,
(35:09):
don't get chatfished. Hey, when we come back, has it
been a long time since you've had a crush? Do
you remember your first crush and what it felt like?
Do you wonder why you're not having them so much anymore?
Let's talk about this when we come back. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walls. You can always hear us
(35:30):
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. It's always my
pleasure to be with you every Sunday from seven to
nine pm. If you're new to my show, I have
a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor, not
(00:24):
a therapist. At California State University Channel Islands Go Dolphins.
This semester I am teaching both health psychology and developmental psychology.
But in my personal life, I am obsessed with the
science of love, having written three books on relationships and
having written a dissertation on attachment theory. So what do
(00:45):
we have coming up on today's show that might impact
your life? Well, there's a hot woman swindler in Los
Angeles who's using dating apps to rob older men. Also,
the ex of a famous singer tells all in a
new book. And if you think you have in law problems,
imagine being the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Plus is
(01:06):
your husband or wife pretending to be helpless? I've got
a solution for you, all right. Starting off this week's
relationship news, there was a wedding yesterday in Spain. And
here's the cute thing about this wedding. This couple met
in preschool in Los Angeles. It was in Hancock Park,
(01:27):
the Wagon Wheel Preschool. They actually stayed friends. Yes, I
guess men and women can be friends when they're just
boys and girls during elementary school. When they were teenagers
in high school, they dated for a while, and then
they did the smart thing. They took a break. They
broke up for four or five years, and then got
back together in their mid twenties. The bride is now
(01:47):
twenty nine years old. She was married yesterday. Her name
is Stella Banderas. You recognize that last name, Stella Banderas. Yes,
the daughter of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith married her
long time friend turned partner, Alex Gruzinski. And they got
married in Spain, which is daddy's home country. But it's
(02:10):
just such a wonderful little love story. I wish them
the best. They met in preschool, so hey, don't discount
your kids preschool friends. Just saying. In other news, Kevin
Fetterline remember him. He's publishing a tell all book about
his relationship with Britney Spears. It's coming out this Tuesday.
The book is called Thought You Knew? Fetterline, you might recall,
(02:33):
is the father of Britney Spears, two sons. He way
back when he was a twenty six year old backup
dancer for a bunch of major pop acts. When he
coupled up with Britney Spears in two thousand and four,
they had a courtship, a two year marriage, and a
divorce that probably brought them through the most intense celebrity
(02:53):
media frenzy that I can ever remember. Right he Fetterline
was often called like a loser or a hanger on,
and then I think he released his own hip hop
album later that wasn't so popular as Kyle's shaking her
head over Feeder Lines hip hop album It Isn't No,
It didn't count?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
So, He describes the new book to People magazine as
extremely intimate and transparent. If you've ever had questions, you'll
find out here he claims some of the things. He
claims that during his marriage to Britney Spears, their lives
were obviously under tremendous amount of scrutiny and that he
had to endure constant ridicule. Poor baby. He also alleges
(03:40):
that he had great concerns about Britney's behavior. Look, we
all know that our sweet Britney Spears suffers from mental
health problems. Okay, I don't think you have to even
be a psychiatrist. Be in the room, see her diagnosis,
follow her Instagram, you know what you need to know, right,
But he said there were instances where their sons say
(04:02):
they woke up with Britney standing in their room with
a knife in his hand, in her hand. Sorry, So
what is Britney saying to all this? Okay, he's gaslighting
me and he's just profiting off my pain. Don't buy
his book. Basically, the boys now are age twenty and nineteen.
They are living separately from their parents, trying to build
(04:24):
a life. He believes that this book is going to
help his kids make sense of everything that happened. And
he actually told the Associated Press this about the Free
Britney movement. Remember that when her fans emancipated her from
her conservatorship, the Free brit says Fetter Line. Britney movement
(04:44):
may have started from a good place, but it villifiled
everyone around her so that now it's nearly impossible for
anyone to step in. He said. The book is partly
a public plea for Brittany to get more help. I
just don't know going public is the way to do it.
You can do it private, all right. There is a
woman robber in Los Angeles using dating apps to steal
(05:07):
from older men. The hunt is on for a glamorous,
Portia driving former pinup girl who's been accused of dating
older men to burglarize their homes. You know, I actually
have a friend who this happened to. They had a
nice date. I don't know if it was her, but
they had a nice date and they got a little drunk.
They kiss, he faced whatever, He went into the bathroom,
(05:27):
she took his relics, and she was gone. Los Angeles
County Sheriff's Department issued a bulletin on Wednesday looking for
the woman. They say her name is Adva if I
say it right, Adva or Adva Levy, but she also
guys goes by the pseudonyms Mia, Ventura, Shoshana, and Shanna.
She's wanted for a string of burglaries in which she
(05:48):
allegedly targeted older men, posing as a perspective romantic companion.
She has been seen driving. I googled these pictures to
find out. The robot told me exactly what year end
model they were. A twenty seventeen white Mercedes C Class
you're looking closely at your date now as I say this,
or a twenty twenty four black Porsche MACN. So like,
(06:10):
if you're on dating apps, guys, keep yourself safe and
women please meet in public places. Don't give someone your
home address when you first meet them. But you know what,
we've seen enough of the tender swindler and all the
guys that have ripped off women or at least gotten
access to their bloodstream and eggs. At some point, there's
a little teeny tiny part of me that's like, go girl.
(06:33):
It's tiny because I'm a very moral person, and I
feel bad for especially because she's targeting older men in
their sixties who are lonely divorced. And I saw her picture.
It's online. You can look at she's she's pretty hot.
See she's pretty hot. So she's easy. You know, men
get dazzled by looks, and so apparently sometimes she has
(06:56):
been known to work with other like she has a
boyfriend waiting outside the car right Like, there's a whole bit.
It's a scene. People get some morals. What is happening
to the world. Hey, when we come back, you think
you have in law problems? What if you were Prince Harry,
Duke of Sussex and his wife Megan, Duchess of Sussex.
They got some stuff to deal with. Is there anything
(07:18):
we can learn from them? Let's talk about this when
we come back.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
If you are an Instagram person, you are welcome to
come on to my Instagram right now because we are
live in the studio and say hello to me. I
always like people to tell me where they're watching from,
and I'm seeing some interesting things. Obviously local. We got
Orange County, we got Fontana. We also have Colonna, British Columbia,
great wines up there where else they sy somebody in Tennessee.
(07:53):
So if you are watching just on Instagram, you know
you have to download the iHeartRadio app to hear both
sides of the conversation. Because to this segment, I'm going
to be taking your calls. Not yet, don't call yet.
I'll give you the number in a few minutes, because
first I want to talk about Megan and Harry. First
of all, let me tell you the story. I follow
a lot of different news organizations and gossip organizations online,
(08:19):
and I have noticed a lot of hate toward Megan
formerly Megan Markel, now the Duchess of Sussex, right. And
I noticed that the stuff that's negative isn't coming from
the people, not necessarily the American people anyway, It's coming
from royal channels. And remember he said in his book,
(08:41):
when Harry came out with his book, that it's sort
of a deal that the royal family has called the
firm with the press. And so you wonder how much
of this is planted by the family. I'm talking about
this because relationships are a bridge between tribes, and I
get questions from people all the time about problems with
(09:01):
in laws. The biggest problem, generally is the mother of
the groom who's having trouble separating from her boy. She's
just been replaced, but she can't give him what you
can give him now, honey, just saying, so, how do
we mend some of those relationships? And it has come
(09:22):
to light that maybe the Duke and Duchess of Sussex
are actually trying to mend something. We do know that
last month Harry went to the UK and met with
his father, had a cup of tea for forty five minutes.
I guess it's a start. It just doesn't seem what
you do. You know now, remember the Queen's jubilee after
(09:42):
she died, when the other jubilee he did. King Charles
did get to meet his grandchildren one time, right, they
were age one and three. Now they are age four
and six. So there are rumors, of course that he
(10:03):
has cancer, he's battling cancer, et cetera. Not just rumors
have been reports, and so maybe the grandfathers wanting to
get in touch with his see his grandkids and let
them know their history and who they are. I was
checking on titles today and apparently even though the Duke
and Duchess are only Duke and Duchess now and they
don't use the term his Royal Highness, her Royal Highness,
(10:25):
the grandkids can. That's part of the whole thing. So
they are true prince and Princess and royal highnesses. Right,
listen to their names, Prince Archie Harrison Montbatan Windsor and
Princess Lilibet Lily Diana Montbatan Windsor. I mean, she's got
everybody and her name, doesn't she She's got Elizabeth Lillabet.
(10:47):
That's Queen Elizabeth after Queen o. Lib's got Diana, her
grandmother she never got to meet, right, So what have
they been doing lately? Well? On October ninth, the Duke
and du received the Humanitarians of the Year Award at
Project Healthy Minds in New York City. They're honored for
(11:07):
their sustained commitment to building safer digital environments for children
and families and their broader contributions toward mental health. As
you know, this has been Harry's drum beat. His entire
life is mental health. And I'm just throwing this out there.
If anybody knows Harry and Megan, I would love to
have them on the show. Look, they just live up
(11:28):
the road in Santa Barbara. All they have to do
is pick up the phone and let's talk about mental
health issues, especially the loneliness epidemic that we're seeing right now,
and how digital media contributes to the loneliness epidemic. So
they also remember, like they walked away from like a
fortune and a job in the royal family. So they
(11:52):
got this reported deal with Netflix for two hundred million
dollars that included they had to work it off, right,
Netflix erses is hands muddy two hundred million dollars. So
first there was that documentary on their life where you know,
they kind of dissed the dad saying that the royal
family was worried about what color the children would come out, right,
(12:13):
And then she flipped into a home and garden show.
But why not? That's what she's into right now. She's
home with chickens and babies and she's cooking and it's
her stage of life, and so why wouldn't she do
this wonderful show. Well, now apparently they have an upcoming
documentary on Netflix that's supposed to come out maybe in
the next month or so. They're in post production and
(12:34):
it is called Masaka Kids A Rhythm Within and it's
about a dance troop of children in Uganda, and it's
meant to reflect the work that they do in Africa. Look,
let me get into the relationships here. Relationships do not
exist in a vacuum. They exist in a large social world.
It's an ecosystem, right, and the ten psyches of a
(13:01):
husband or wife can be impacted by anything things that
family members say, in this case, things the media says. Right.
It's particularly challenging for high profile couples, but for people
like you and I, little comments can hurt people. Family
feuds are very hard on marriages. Because Harry's torn in
(13:25):
his loyalties. Now, some people are speculating that he misses
his home, and when you're raising small kids, you want
to expose them to your culture and your home, et cetera.
I can totally get it. So maybe they're working hard
to mend things as best they can.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I want to remind everybody who's out there pointing fingers
at the Duchess saying that she caused all these problems.
You know what, he knew what he was getting into. Okay,
maybe she was the person who threw a lifeline to
him to help get him out of the confines of
a life. Really like, he knew what she was about.
(14:03):
He knew what their marriage could create together, the changes
they will making. But now there are royal grandchildren to consider.
A prince and a princess, right, there's heritage. I believe
this relationship between the royals at home and the royals
in California can be healed. Certainly, time heals wounds, children
(14:24):
heal wounds. I think the first all of branch was
extended when Harry went to visit his dad. You know what,
I don't think he's going to ostracize his own flesh
for much longer his grandkids. Although maybe you believe those
rumors that he's not the real dad that James Hewitt,
those James Hewett paternity you could google it. I don't
(14:46):
know if it's Ai making those pictures or they look
a lot alike. Maybe that's why the King is like Anyway,
when we come back, I am going to the phone lines.
I am taking your relationship questions. So pick up the
phone now. The numbers one eight hundred and five two
zero one five three four. I see producer Kayla moving
her way into the control room to answer your calls.
One eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one
(15:09):
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Reminder,
I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I've
written three books on relationships and a dissertation on attachment
theory and boy do I love to weigh in on
people's love lives. If you're nervous and shy and you're
watching on Instagram, to send me a DM. We'll be
checking the dms as well. If you have any questions.
One eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, and this is
the time of my show where I am taking your calls.
If you have a relationship question, the number is one
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Okay,
Producer Kayla, who do we have? We have Ryan with
a question? Ryan? Hello, Ryan, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Hello, Doctor Wendy had a question A quick question. Sure,
I'm turning thirty nine this November.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Uh huh, congratulations have you Bernie never thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
But I've never been in a serious relationship like someone
I could bring home and you know, introduce the family to.
I wanted to know, is that normal or is that Okay?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Well, you're asking me if that's typical. It's not typical generally.
I mean, I teach developmental psychology, and Eric Erickson, the
famous developmental psychologist, said that, you know, the twenties are
the time where people negotiate intimacy versus isolation, and that
is the big time when people start to transfer their
(16:45):
feelings of a secure base from their family of origin
to a lover. So my question is, have you ever
talked about this to a licensed therapist yet? No? Would
you like to be in a committed relationship with somebody?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I think I'm pretty happy the way I'm being single
because I have consistent I guess, like like hookups. I guess.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So you're happy to have non emotionally intimate sex with
various partners and you don't have an urge to procreate necessarily.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Okay, So if you're not unhappy, then there's no problem, right.
But your question was normal? Is this normal? Right? And
I can only say there's no such thing as normal.
I hate that word. I just say typical or atypical.
This is very atypical. But twenty percent of all human
beings never reproduce, So Ryan, it's not like you could
(17:44):
be two out of ten people. And if you're happy now,
I do want to say this about the hooking up nonsense. Okay, Ryan,
you got to be one hundred percent honest. You got
to tell them this is a hookup, okay, and you
got to say it's not going anywhere, and I'm never
going to have a girlfriend, because if you're using long
term mating strates to obtain short term relationships, as in, well,
let's just see how it goes, you know, maybe we'll click.
(18:06):
I don't know why it hasn't happened for me. Maybe
you're the one. If you're implying all of that, that's immoral, right.
You will find enough women will be happy to have
sex with you without needing any kind of commitment. So
you must be honest. That's number one. And number two,
you must be one hundred percent in charge of birth control,
which means use a condom. Don't expect them to because
(18:26):
you're talking about forget about the money you might have
to pay in child support. You're talking about bringing another
human being into the world who feels unwanted by you,
and that's not a good thing. Okay, true, All right,
thanks for colin, Ryan. See, I'm like an old auntie
sometimes I just have to tell these young people how
to behave right. All right, Going to social media, I
(18:50):
see the people have been sending me dms. Let me
see we go. Dear doctor Wendy, my girlfriend is slowly
starting to move in. She's starting to leave more and
more things into my apartment. I like her a lot,
but we aren't there yet. What's the best way to
tell her to slow down? We've only been together eight months. Okay,
(19:10):
there's two words you need to say, slow down. How
can you like let these clothes walk into your place
without saying something? You guys need to have a discussion.
Whenever there's silence, you know what your silence is. It's permission.
Silence is often construed as permission. And so if this
(19:31):
woman you've been together eight months, just keeps leaving more
and more things at your place and you're like so
happy because she's also bringing sex when she comes, then
you're not having an honest, open relationship. You need to
say I'm not ready and I need more nights off,
and you need less stuff here because it's making me
feel like it's too much too soon. You gotta say it,
Just got to say it, all right. Here's another one,
(19:53):
Dear doctor Wendy, I strongly dislike my girlfriend's best friend. Hmm,
she's clearly jealous of my girlfriend. She's jealous of our relationship.
She always tries to tear my girlfriend down in the
form of a lighthearted joke. They have been friends since
third grade, and I'm the new boyfriend. Do I mind
(20:15):
my own business here or do I mention that her
friend is bad news? Okay, so this friend bothers you,
but this friend doesn't bother your girlfriend. So whose problem
is this? This is your problem, not her problem. So no,
you don't butt in. You think you have enough sway
(20:36):
to break up a relationship that's been going since third grade.
Hardly huh, hardly not gonna happen. So what you might
do is try to help your girlfriend understand or have
the conversation. So you might say something like, after she left,
you know tonight, when she said XYZ, that felt like
(20:58):
a kind of dig and I wanted to protect you.
I was kind of offended by that because now it's
about you and your feelings, not telling her how she
should feel. Right, And she might say something like, you know,
she's always been that way, that is how she talks.
But I know she's there for me and she has
my back, or you know what, she had a really
bad childhood and now she's really jealous of us. I understand.
(21:21):
So I let her get away with some stuff because
I have the conversation. Right, you got to say how
it impacted you. Right, you have to be able to
say that. But don't get in there saying you gotta
dump that girl. She's given you shade. It's not going
to happen already. Dear doctor Wendy. I found out my
boyfriend has a fake X account where he trolls people.
(21:46):
I seriously have the ick. I was in his phone,
and I know I shouldn't have been snooping. He is
mean to anyone who has different political views. He even
calls people ugly and morons. What do I do you?
You two should not even be together. You're a snooper
and he's a fake person, and he obviously has a
(22:07):
lot of repressed anger and resentment that he's taking out
on innocent people on the internet. Okay, so you can
bring it up, but then you're also admitting that you're
a snooper and don't even respect his privacy. But you
could you could try to build intimacy with this angry man.
You could say, hey, by the way, I'm so sorry
to tell you I was a snooper. I know I
(22:28):
shouldn't have, but I was a snooper and I saw
that you're tolding all these other people. Can we talk
about what you're so mad about or why you're so
mean to people? I promise you this. If he's that
mean to those strangers, eventually, when you get into the
thick of it, he's going to be mean to you
because that's his real self. That's his deep feelings, right,
those are his deepest feelings. Who that's a tough one,
(22:53):
Dear doctor Wendy. My wife and I have been trying
to have a baby for a year, bless you. We
are now trying IVF Oh. It's been an exhausting and
daunting process. I don't really want to try anymore. She
wants a baby more than anything. I feel defeated and
want to give up. Should I talk to her about
how I feel about this? You need to ask me
(23:15):
for least answer. Of course you should. Your feelings are important,
her feelings are important, but it's also important to realize
that this is stressful for both of you. I highly
suggest that you guys go to a licensed couple's therapist
and you talk about it. Together all the feelings. Just
(23:35):
because you have a feeling and doesn't mean it has
to be turned into behavior. In other words, I just
need to express to you that I'm exhausted by this.
We need to take a break. You might come to compromise,
which is we need to take six months off of this.
And by the way, plenty of times that happened where
couples go. You know what, You're right, this is all
too much. It's costing too much money, is physically stressful,
the hormonal changes are causing us to get into fights.
(23:56):
It's just too much. So let's just take some time
off and going to get registered with an adoption agency.
Will adopt it be? And then you hear these stories
about how they suddenly get pregnant naturally. I mean, stress
is one thing that can also impact fertility. Right, I'm
not saying that this will happen for you. I'm just
saying your feelings are important. You have a right to
(24:16):
express your feelings, and I know this is tough and
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I definitely want
to say that, right, I think we have time for
just one more, Dear doctor, Wendy, I'm getting married in
three months, and I can't stop thinking about the one
that got away. I can never be with that other person.
But does this thought mean I'm not ready to get married?
(24:41):
You have a lot of exploring to do regarding your feelings.
First of all, it is not uncommon at all at all,
right before a wedding for the groom or the bride
to have these imaginary fantasies about what if? What if?
There is this feeling when we get married that there's
a door closing. Of course, in my case, because I
(25:04):
met the love of my life late in my life,
I was so happy to shut that door closed. I
didn't want to be single ever again in my life.
But I think you want to ask yourself with a
therapist why you're having these feelings. Is it just cold
feet before the marriage, or is it's not that there's
something wrong with the groom, But is there something that
(25:27):
maybe happened in your childhood that makes it hard for
you to commit to one person trying to keep one
foot in somewhere else? You know, just before I got married,
this is a very common thing. I was tempted, Oh
he is not listening, is he? I think he's down there,
He's down the Hall. I wasn't tempted. I mean I
got contacted by exis and I had like a moment
(25:52):
of who They're back, and I was so into them.
Oh my god, what do I do?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
But it was a flicker and I knew what it
was us because I'm a professional, so I paid attention
to that and I was just like, oh, I'm exactly
where I need to be. So it is not unusual,
but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're not ready to
get married. But only you and your therapist can sort
(26:19):
this through together. All right, when we come back, there
is a new dating trend. It's kind of like being catfished,
although I'll call it being chat fished, if you know
what I mean. We'll talk about this when we come back.
You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I was reading this article. I think it was in
the Guardian. I know it was in a UK paper
and it was about a woman who met a guy
on a dating app and did what many many people
do on dating apps, which is they started messaging each other.
I think gets very exciting, right, because what happens at
the beginning is you start to project your own imaginings
(27:11):
or your idea of who this person is when you
don't really have much evidence. I mean, you're looking at
a few pictures, a few words on their profile, you're
trying to decipher a few texts, so it leaves it
vague enough that you can just imagine anything about this person.
So this woman actually ended up being led down a
(27:35):
path and her heart was broken because of it, and
she did say that she had sex because of it.
She believes now that she was seduced into having sex
by a robot. I'll stay with me. AI is getting
(27:55):
involved in our lives in all kinds of ways, isn't it.
The new dating trend is called chatfished. It's like catfished.
Do you know what catfish is? It's where you pretend
to be somebody else, But chatfished means you use chat GPT.
So in this particular article, this woman met another guy
online later and now her little spidy sense was up,
(28:18):
but she really fell for it this time because this
guy asked questions like, Hey, I recently took an attachment
style test, and I'm really interested to learn about connections
and attachment. Have you taken an attachment test? And maybe
we're compatible or not? And you know. And so she thought,
over the course of all these messages that this was
(28:41):
a deep thinking dude. You know, women put a lot
of pressure on guys to be really emotionally intelligent, and
some of them are, and for some of them, they
haven't learned a lot of those skills yet. So I
just want to say, women get turned on when guys
start talking about feelings and start talking about emotions and
things like attachment style. So this one led her completely
(29:02):
down the path again. They were having these deep conversations
about feelings and intimacy. Now remember they had not even
met in the real world. So she finally decides, Okay,
I'm going to meet this guy at a pub and
I'm really excited about this one. She meets him and
he's awkward, he's introverted, he's very nervous. He's not funny
(29:29):
like he had been in all those messages on the
dating app, and she realized she had been chatfished again. Now,
at least she was smart enough to know not to
get to the bedroom. I mean, can you imagine being
lured to the bedroom by a robot. But apparently men
with few social skills are relying on chat GBT to
(29:54):
help them keep the conversations going on dating apps, and
then they can't fulfill that promise later in real life. Right, Oh,
can you believe? It a whole new thing chat fishing.
So I am going to tell you how to avoid
being chat fished, because there's no reason for you ever
(30:17):
to be seduced by a robot. Wouldn't it be funny
if her answers were also coming from chat GPT, so
it was like two robots seducing each other. It's possible,
all right. I've always said these are my rules for
how to use dating apps. First of all, dating apps
are a misnomer. They should not be called dating apps,
they should be called meeting apps. And you should know
(30:40):
that somebody's profile is not who they are. It's basically
a little billboard or a little advertisement they made about
themselves and they're bragging they're not really that person. I
remember one person said that when they look at a
dating app profile, they look at the most ugliest picture
and say, that's the close to what they look in
(31:01):
real life. Pick the most ugliest and go that's you know,
they wouldn't have put it up there if it wasn't
a better version of themselves. But it's close. Okay, that's close.
So when you look at that profile, try not to
project on it. Now. Secondly, if you match with somebody
on an app, and I do want to pause here
to talk about how men and women use dating apps
(31:21):
very differently. Men generally click on every single female, nearly
every single female possible, and they just wait to see
who matches with them. Women spend a great deal of
time scrutinizing a man's profile. They read the words carefully,
they read into the words, They study the photographs. They
(31:43):
try to determine if that lamp behind his head is
from Ikea or restoration hardware. They try to imach in
his job, his income, what he's lying about. Why is
he wearing baseball caps in every photo? We know what
that means. And so when women finally match with a
g they feel like, yeah, he could really be the one,
(32:04):
and then they get so excited when the app goes
it's a match. He also clicked on you, And then
women get so excited. Ladies, calm down. First of all,
he's matching with everybody, and his inbox is full. He's
just waiting to see what woman's gonna respond. Now, some
of the apps you can send a rose or a
wink or all this stuff. Don't respond to those ladies.
(32:28):
If he can't settle down and just write a message
and talk to you, he's not serious about looking for somebody. Okay,
next step very important. After only two to three messages,
you write this, Hey, I'm not really into texting and
I don't like to date on a dating app. Here's
my phone number though, if you'd like to jump on
the phone sometime. Now, for all you women who are
(32:50):
afraid to put your phone number out there, just let
me tell you this. You can get a Google phone.
You can block people. That's technology to help you. Okay,
give a phone number, Just put it out there, and
if he doesn't call within a couple of days, swipe left,
get rid of him out of your box. It means
he's not serious. You see a lot of people use
the dating apps for emotional stimulation or sexual stimulation. I
mean they just use it for entertainment. And plenty of
(33:12):
them aren't who they say they are. They may be
married guys who are bored so they've made this fake
profile and they're just online having fun. Right, So if
you're not hearing back from him in the real world,
he's not real. If he won't get off the app
to say hello to you, move on, don't pine over it.
Don't think he was so perfect, because that's just your projection,
(33:33):
all right. After a couple phone calls one or two,
then meet in the real world. Not for a first date.
Do not spend the money on hair, wardrobe, makeup, and
the whole shebang, childcare, whatever, and go on a big,
expensive first date. Do what I call a drive by date.
(33:54):
Just have a quick coffee. The coffee's going to last,
you know, thirty minutes max. And that way you can
at least have the politeness to be able to hang
in there if the person is not anything like they
said they were. Right. I've been on a bunch of
those dates where I sat down, I was like, whoa,
this person lied to me about everything, And instead of
(34:16):
storming out, I took the high road. I was classy
and said, you know, I only have about twenty minutes.
I've got to get back to my office and please
to meet you.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
So this is how you don't get chatfished. Please do
not go down a path of forming a relationship through
text and messages only when you read somebody's text. That's
like listening to your favorite band without the lead singer
or the drummer. Uh huh, right, what do you got there?
(34:46):
Is that really a song? So you need to be there.
See the body language spell the pheromones right, get in
the real world. And if they won't get in the
real world, that shouldn't make you more attached and more hopeful.
You just need to move along. But I can't believe
people are using robots. Well, I can believe people are
using robots for everything nowadays. So don't get chatfished, ladies,
(35:09):
don't get chatfished. Hey, when we come back, has it
been a long time since you've had a crush? Do
you remember your first crush and what it felt like?
Do you wonder why you're not having them so much anymore?
Let's talk about this when we come back. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walls. You can always hear us
(35:30):
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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