January 27, 2025 • 32 mins
Dr. Wendy is covering New Year and New Love, Invisible String Theory, and myths about love. PLUS she is offering her Wendy wisdom with her drive by makeshift relationship advice all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app ki AM six forty. You have
Doctor Wendy Walsh with you, and I have a frog
in my throat. I'm drinking water only I'm not even
drinking anything that's going to put a frog in my throat.
You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I
am known as America's relationship expert because well, I have
(00:22):
been talking about, and reading about, and writing about the
science of love for a number of decades. We shall
go unnamed. How many of those numbers are tonight on
The Doctor Wendy Walls Show, a celebrity husband unfollows his
wife online. Another gets protected by his wife online. Also,
I want to dedicate this show to all the single
(00:45):
people out there, because it's a new year, new you,
time to find a new relationship, and I want you
to be aware of things like love bombing, invisible string theory.
I will complain and ilin and complain, and men with
badly decorated rooms. It's a whole story. Plus an author
(01:07):
will be joining us later in the show with the
most hilarious things she has heard on dates, enough to
fill an entire book. Producer, Kayla, how you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I am relaxed and rejuvenated, Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I know, because we had a good retreat weekend, didn't
we We did. We had a women's weekend in Semecula
with in a wine country with not enough wine it was.
There was a hot tub, there was sound baths, yo yoga,
and a lot of talks by women.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
And food. Oh those women, Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Remember there was the one day or instead of doing
three meals in the day, we did a linner. I
love linner's. Linner's are lunch and dinner mixed together. I
call them the liner They do them at four in
the afternoon, and then your pancreas gets time. I'm a
professor of health psychology. I know about these things. Your
pancreas has time to release enough insulin so that everything's digested,
you sleep better, everything. But some of the women complained
(02:00):
about only two meals, even though they were huge meals.
I mean the breakfast buffet was huge.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, they really Yeah. I had absolutely zero complaints.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
No, So the next day we had to have those
three meals. Yeah, yeah, I had to come back and
exercise to get through all of that. All right. It
is raining sometimes here in Los Angeles. We are blessed
and thankful and grateful, but on watch because of floods.
You know, as soon as the fires come, you know
what comes next is mudslide. So we're hoping that everyone
(02:29):
will be safe out there. Stay close to KFI because
when the big rain's supposed to come tonight, we will
be here to tell you about it. All right, Kayla,
You and I differ on this story. Justin Baldoni and
Blake Lively their little argument. I mean, I think the
only thing you and I may agree on is that
I think this is all a publicity stunt. I think
(02:51):
to sell that movie because the movie's really bad.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
It's distracting from the movie. I know.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Well, this week, Justin Baldoni jetted out of town with
his face. He's apparently surfing in Hawaii, and his publicists
appear to be taking aim at Blake Lively. If you
don't know, there's a legal battle going on between the two.
Justin Baldoni directed and co starred with her in the
movie called It Ends with Us. Their feud began back
in December after the actress sued him for alleged sexual
(03:19):
harassment and retaliation. Supposedly, he got a bunch of publicists
say a lot of bad things about her online, et cetera.
So she sued him, and then he sued her back,
And there we go. There's a bunch of people in it.
The lawyers are making lots of money, and we will
see what happens. Meanwhile, everybody's rushing to is it on Netflix?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Where is it? It's on Netflix.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, everyone's rushing to Netflix to watch the movie to
see what their chemistry must be like or not. And
I think it's a bad movie and they're not really
good together. And that's just my opinion.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I agree it's a bad movie. I will not watch it.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
But he didn't watch it.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I mean, I don't like the way a cover DV.
It just the end of like unrealistic.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
But I am all into the tea in my TikTok
algorithm must know that because it keeps feeding me new perspectives,
and I'm just like, oh my god, let me check
Blake's comments, let me check Justin's comments. And Blake has
her comments limited, while Justin does not so the public
has spoken.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Julio showed me that he's released some scenes, like some
rough cuts from the movie to show that they had
good chemistry and that so you could hear them talking,
like there's a dance scene and you know they're not
going to use the audio. It's gonna be set.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
So they're just yapper in a way like Okay, i'll
step here, then you step that way, and they're laughing.
But it's very funny to see these outtakes. They're out
there online. Okay, So Justin Bieber unfollowed his wife this week,
Hailey Bieber of the Air one smoothie smooth Scoot. Have
you ever heard of the Hailey Bieber smoothie at Air One? Oh?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yes, it's my favorite. It's absolutely fabulous.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
It's something about supposed to make your skin smooth.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Oh, it's just very tasty.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I just want to know, does she get it some
money every time you buy one? Her name's in there.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I think they have a few smoothies named after celebrities,
but I only order the Haley Beaver and it's also
like a.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Thousand dollars, so it's crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So this week he unfollowed his wife. They are married,
they have a five month old son. This stirred a
whole bunch of drama on the line, but in the
end he followed her again, claiming that someone had gone
on his account and unfollowed his wife accidentally. You know,
you got to say, when you're a celebrity that big,
you're not handling all your social media. There are a
(05:29):
lot of people have loggins, so it's possible.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And there's some glitches sometimes in social media.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
And his fans have forgiven him and they say they
think I was right. Okay, so I mentioned this week
it's all about today, all about single people, all the
single ladies. Oh did you pick that song at all?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
For no nos? Doctor, doctor, give me the news.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Oh okay, thought single ling song. I want to start
by talking about the difference between love bombing and love
at first sight. Is they sure feel the same. So
let's explain. Love at first sight are for people who
are easily deluded by the cocktail of neural hormones called
lust that involve oxytocin and dopamine and neuropinenephron, and they
(06:10):
love that high so much that they want that person
to stay near so they can have that feeling as
much as possible, so they do grand gestures of love.
They spend too much money on them, they compliment them,
they tell them they're fabulous, and that is love at
first sight. The problem is people who are susceptible to
that kind of delusion in the early stages of lust,
(06:31):
I will call it what it is, lust not love,
often have a big crash and burn about three weeks
into the relationship because what happens is the human brain
gets accustomed to those neuro hormones and after a while
they don't work as well. So they think there's something
wrong with you because they're not getting that same high
every time now, so it's not going to end well
(06:53):
no matter what. But love bombing is something that we
refer to something toxic, right, Maybe somebody who has narcissistic tendencies,
who's manipulative in some way, and what they do is
come on really strong because they want something else. They
(07:14):
want to get you glued to them. And also those
people who love bomb in a toxic way have this
spidey sense of who's vulnerable and who's needy. Now that
person maybe highly successful in their life, really functional, they
may make a lot of money. They may be beautiful,
but on some level they're insecure about love. Maybe they
(07:36):
have an anxious attachment style. Maybe they have lower self esteem.
So when this person shows up, or maybe they believe
in stuff like a soul madele and so when this
person shows up and bombards them with gifts and affection
and words of adoration, they fall for a hook line
(07:57):
and sinker, and then the person's in and they can
start to Sometimes they do the warm, fuzzy, cold, prickly thing.
They give you stuff and then they give you negative
because they want to keep controlling that person and gaslighting
them in different ways. So, whether it is love at
first sight, whether it is love bombing, it's not going
(08:19):
to end well. I'm just gonna say it's not going
to end well. The love bomber might actually keep you
wrapped around their finger for years or decades. Once they
have that emotional control, the love it first site person
is going to lose interest after a little while and
leave you high and dry and heartbroken. So my answer
to all of this is, please people learn to move slowly.
(08:43):
Real love takes time, right. Real love is partly biological,
it's psychological. It's a social cultural event, and people need
time to date each other and explore compatibility. Now, of course,
the beginning of a relationship can involve romantic gestures, acts
(09:04):
of care, or compliments.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
But if it.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Feels rushed and it feels unreal, it probably is right.
So slow things down. Ask yourself what happened last time
when it went fast? All right? Take a break? Oh easy,
All right, when we come back. There's a trend online
called invisible string theory. I was asked about it this
(09:29):
week and did a little bit of research, and apparently
it's very popular that you have a mate that's attached
by an invisible string. We'll talk about it when we
come back.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
KFI Am sixty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh show Invisible String Theory. Boy,
the Internet tries to find new ways for old things,
over and over and over. Kayla, have you ever heard
of the invisible string theory?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I have not.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
It is a trend online. It's trending. You can search
it on the ticker Talker and the Instagram. So invisible
string theory is based on the belief in fate, spirituality,
and oh the big One destiny. People who subscribe to
(10:30):
the invisible string theory imagine that their soulmate is out
there somewhere, and that soulmate is attached to them by
an invisible string, and somehow, at the right time, when
it's meant to be, the universe will present this person
to them. So it's almost like they even believe that
(10:51):
at different times of their life they've passed that person,
but it wasn't the right time for the string to
be reeled in, and they will use it sometimes to
console themselves when there's been a breakup to they'll be like,
it wasn't the right person or the right time, and
the universe is opening up things for me, so they
can reel in my soulmate on my invisible string.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
I know.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Okay, it's like astrology, there's no scientific validity. But here's
the thing. The benefit is fairly harmless invisible string theory.
It can also you know, basically here if somebody has
a lot of anxiety, especially single people who are having
(11:38):
a tough time in the mating marketplace, so maybe they've
had a bad date, maybe they've had a breakup, they
can now self console themselves with the thought that their
soulmate's still out there and that the path is just
being cleared for them. So that's the good way it
can be used. Even thore's no science to it, folks,
there's no invisible string, there's no one soul made out there.
(11:59):
I'm going to say it, oh, over and over and
over again. But it can be bad because if you
believe that the universe at the right time is going
to bring you your so mate, you're not going to
put yourself in the right situation at the right time
to meet people. Right. Mating Human mating and finding a
(12:21):
maid involves strategy that means you have to maintain attractive
physical appearance. You got to go to the gym, you
gotta put on hair and makeup or whatever, do some
personal grooming with all that hair. Even if you're a
gorgeous bearded man, trim it up, make it look beautiful,
all right. I just don't want your belief in some
(12:42):
kind of invisible string theory to make you complacent and
let time slip by, especially for women who want to
become mothers. That's about eighty percent of women will become
mothers in their life. Playing the waiting game and thinking
love will just happen can sadly eat up your fertility window.
So invisible string theory can also apply to other relationships
(13:07):
in your life. Friendships, you know, people come and go,
friendships wax and wane. You can hold on to this
mythical invisible string theory to help you make sense. You know,
people attach themselves in mythology because they're trying to make sense,
makes sense of life, makes sense of losses and gains. Right,
it's a coping mechanism to help people deal with psychic pain.
(13:31):
So it also can help them feel better because there's
research to show that when you look forward with hope
and optimism, even if it's with a silly invisible string,
you have better mental health. Right. So, whether you're reading
your astrological forecast, no science to it, folks, none, Okay,
(13:52):
Whether you believe in a religion that promises a better
life or thinking the universe is going to reel in
your best relationships, all of this can actually calm your anxiety.
So I'm like, go for it. If it's going to
work for you, go for it, right, But I do
want to say there's no such thing as the one,
(14:13):
no such thing as a soulmate. Happy people have happy relationships,
and there are many, many good matches for you. There's
no such thing as a perfect match, although there's research
to show that if you believe somebody's a perfect match,
then they will be. That's a crazy thing about love.
(14:35):
If you think your relationship is good, it doesn't matter
what everybody outside of your relationship thinks. It's good because
you believe it's good, right, and that's important you have
like you value your partner. So I'm not saying let
go of invisible string theory. I'm saying keep it there
to calm yourself when things don't go well. But you've
(14:57):
got to get some strategy. And what a strategy means today, Well,
now there's a trend to get off the dating apps
and meet in the real world. That means when you're
out there in the world, real world, grocery shopping, at
the gas station, wherever you are, stand a little straighter,
look a little trimmer, fix yourself up, have eye contact
with people, catch their eye, Smile men, women, non binary people, smile,
(15:22):
smile everybody. Just get out there and make connections. That's
how you find a mate. It's not about sitting around
dreaming that the universe is suddenly going to bring somebody
in when we come back. So producer Kayla, when we
were at the retreat, the women's retreat, by the way,
(15:42):
do you know what this retreat was? It's nothing I
signed up for, nothing, I really created. It was the
most organic, spontaneous thing ever. It's called Wow WOWW And Kayla,
what does it stand for?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
The women of Wendy's wedding?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
So when I got married in August, there were a
lot of women there from different facets of my life.
I've had a long life, and they while I was
busy being a bride and doing all the work that
you need to do to be a bride, they were
bonding at the various boutique hotels in the town we
were at. It was a whole weekend event and having
breakfast together and going hiking together. A couple of them
went to see a Shakespeare play together. They all hung
up and then they said, well, let's get together. So
(16:22):
we got together for like dinner and dancing one night,
and then the next one says, oh, we should do
a whole weekend away. So fourteen women went out to
Temecula women of Wendy's wedding.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And it was so perfect. We're like, this weekend is
a rug enough ween more.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Time, But we tried to make it educational, so a
number of women spoke. We had a wealth manager talk
about personal finances. We had a woman who sadly had
nursed many family members to death because she's the one
shouldn't nurse them to death. They were dying anyway, Okay,
it's nothing she did. She was there by their side
and she had lots of advice on how to deal
with a dying parent. And then who else do we have?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
We had you took love, oh, and I.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Talked about the science of love. In fact, what I
talked about were ten myths about love, and I got
so much good response from it that I'm going to
tell them to you when I come back. How about that, right?
Ten myths about love that people still believe and they
touldn't believe these things. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty Relive Everywhere on
(17:25):
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
KFI am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I would like
to welcome my TikTok audience. Yes, TikTok still alive for now.
We'll see. I guess the president can do whatever the
Supreme Court says not to do. I don't know. I
don't know how it all works, but we're still here
on TikTok. If you would like to come into the
(17:54):
studio visually, you're welcome to come on to my TikTok
account at Dr Wendy Walsh. All right, and after this segment,
by the way, I am going to be taking your
relationship questions by telephone, so I will be giving out
the number at the end of this segment.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
All right.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Ten myths about love that too many people seem to
still subscribe to, despite the fact that I've been trying
to teach you otherwise for a lot of years. All right,
myth number one, Love is a mystery. So people say
they say love is a mystery. You know, actually love
isn't a mystery. Love is partly biological, it's partly psychological,
(18:39):
and it's partly social. I'll give an example from each
of those three. So biology, the people you have the
best sex with and the longest term exciting sexual relationship
tend to be people who have different immune systems than
you do. And you know how you tell by how
they smell. If you think about it, the best sex
you've ever had, you said, oh, they smell delicious. They
(19:00):
head no smell really right, And so women in particular
pick up their olfactory response picks up the pheromones of
immune system cells. When two people meet and mate to
produce offspring, they might take brown eyes from one, long
legs from another, curly hair from another, except immune system
(19:20):
genes they combine to create a stronger person. So we
are drawn to somebody sexually who has a different immune system.
That's one example from biology. Psychology. People have an inherited
inward attachment cells partly inherited and partly learned in the
first few for years of life. Some people have more
(19:41):
anxiety around attachment. They have a lot of abandonment issues.
Other people are more avoidant. Don't get too close that
intimacy thing I don't want, right. So that's a psychological piece,
and the social piece is the stuff people put in
their dating apps, what ZIP code you live in, what
you like to eat, are you vegetarian? Are your carnivore?
What your polyt takes are like, whether the tribes would match, right,
(20:03):
because relationships are a bridge between tribes and most of
the science of love is quantifiable. Their research studies on this.
They've even put people in MRI machines, showed them pictures
of people they love and people they hate, and watch
which areas of their brain light up. It is real,
all right. Myth number two is one of my favorite
(20:25):
myths because a lot of people use the language all
the time. A breakup or a divorce is a failed relationship,
that's the myth, right. The truth is, I do not
believe there's any such thing as a failed relationship. Maybe
a culmination of lessons learned. A relationship ends when one
(20:48):
or both partners have stopped learning and they're ready to
move on to the next challenge. Our life expectancies are
so long. When till death do us part was invented,
death was pretty imminent, okay, And so now you may
have two or three long stint of monogamy with some
mate selection in between. We call that dating or single life. Right,
(21:11):
But this idea that you failed because your relationship didn't
start in your twenties and end till death do us part.
You're not a failure. Your relationship didn't fail, it culminated.
You learned what you needed to learn, and I hope
you're going to do better next time. Which is the
next myth that divorce can help you find a better mate. Now,
(21:36):
while I say that there's no such thing as a
failed relationship, there are people who throw in the towel
really early because they think a divorce will help them
find a better mate. But sadly, the statistics doesn't support this.
Divorce doesn't teach you how to find a better mate.
Divorce doesn't teach you how to be a better mate.
(21:58):
Divorce teaches you that you can survive divorce, and as
a result, second marriages have a much higher divorce rate,
third marriages even higher divorce rate. So unless you learn
the relationship skills, throwing in the towel doesn't help all right,
Next myth that men and women fall in love the
(22:20):
same way. First of all, ladies, if you haven't learned
this yet from me, maybe you're new. Let me tell
you if men do not fall in love through sex,
Men fall in love through trust, and they generally don't
trust a woman who gives them sex early. Women, on
the other hand, fall in love when they've met their
(22:42):
version of the one. This thing they've imagined is the
perfect person, and they will readjust their entire life for him. Men,
on the other hand, hit a state of readiness and
they take pretty much whoever's up at bat. Sorry, ladies,
we thought we were so special. They're not out there
searching for the one, the perfect person. They're busy getting
(23:02):
their life going, and when they're ready, they're going to
take whoever's there. Another myth, you're single because you haven't
found the right person. I hear that all the time.
I just haven't found the right person. No, you're single
because you haven't become the right person. So here's the thing.
(23:25):
Love is an inside job, right, and happy people have
happy relationships. So if you're constantly being disappointed, if you're
not good at mate selection and you're going out on
dates with inappropriate people and you can't you can't see
the red flags, or you're just saying, well, they don't
make me happy. It's not their job to make you happy, right,
(23:47):
your job to make you happy, and it's your job
to learn the relationship skills. Here's another myth. People stay
together because they're really attracted to each other and they
have really great sex. Sorry, there's lots of research on
(24:09):
long term, compatible, healthy people, and actually their sex life
isn't the most exciting thing that they mention. When people
first get together, the relationship is like ninety percent about sex,
and then after a few years or decades, it's about
ten percent about the sex and it becomes mature companionate love.
People stay together because of emotional glue, because they're open, honest,
(24:37):
and authentic, and that becomes the glue that keeps people together.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Here's a final one. Love is a universal feeling. That's
a myth. You see, love feels different to everybody. You know.
We say things like, well, if you're in love, you
would do this, If you're in love, you would say that. Well,
that's your version of love. And one of the biggest
problems that happens in relationships is people forget to convey
(25:07):
their expectations. They forget to say so. In my family
of origin, this is how we express love. And this
feels like love to me. How does that feel to you? Right?
That's all you need to do just open the veil
right Hey, when we come back, I am going to
be taking your calls. Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm
(25:30):
a psychology professor, but I've written three books on relationships,
did a dissertation on attachment theory, and I'm happy to
weigh in on your love lives. The number is one
eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four, So give
us a call. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
(25:51):
Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty were live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
welcome down my Instagram followers, viewers, audience. If you would
like to come in the studio here in Burbank, California,
just log onto my Instagram. The handle is at doctor
Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh. Okay, this is
(26:23):
the time of the show when I am answering your
social media questions. When I am taking your phone calls,
the number is one eight hundred five two zero one
five three four. That's one eight hundred five to zero
one five three four. Okay, producer, Kayla, who do we have? First?
We have lydia at the question lydia, Hi, lydia. It's
doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Hi, doctor Wendy. I am calling you because I am
very concerned. I am very sure that my grown up
son was Mary with two kids, and he's a professional,
he's a very successful man. I am very sor that
he's drinking every day hard liquor.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Ah. Okay, So you're very concerned about your adult son
because you're convinced that he's suffering from a substance abuse disorder.
He's drinking alcohol every day. Where do you have this
evidence from?
Speaker 5 (27:19):
I babysit my grandkids twice a week, and I am
in his home twice a week. So I have been
noticing that in his pantry he keeps a bottle of vodka.
And at the beginning, I thought, okay, so fine, everybody
takes a little shot of you know, tequila, vodka, what
(27:41):
have you every now and then. But every time I
go I've been noticing that bottle has been more empty
and more empty. So I've been marking that bottle.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Well, you're an investigator of grandma. You're marking his bottles
of vodka. See how they go down. Have you talked
to his wife about this? Have you seen a change
in his behalf behavior.
Speaker 5 (28:02):
I don't see him too often. I don't see my
son or my daughter in law that often. They're very busy.
I just kind of see him once in a while.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
But you baby sit the kids twice a week. Correct,
Are they giving you any information.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Who the kids?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
No, No, they're not giving me any information. But I
do know, for instance, that he has trouble sleeping, uh huh,
and he probably takes a drink just to go to
sleep that night. Okay's a lot, a lot.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
So your evidence in your mind, you're concerned about your
grown son who's married with two kids, because you've been
marked you babysit twice a week. You've been marking the
vodka bottles. They've been going down fast. You don't know
if he's sharing it with anybody else. You're not one
hundred percent sure if he's drinking during the day, but
you suspect he may be and you're a concerned mother,
and you have every right to be concerned. So my
(28:54):
advice to you, Lydia is to first of all, get
more information, talk to his wife life, find out what's
going on. But also if this is your issue right now,
because we don't know, you know, he hasn't had a DUI,
we don't know if any if there is any behavior
that's impacted the family. But you're having concerns over this,
(29:16):
and so I highly recommend that you go to an
alan ON meeting, and an alan ON meeting are for
people who are family members of those who suffer from
substance abuse disorders, and at that meeting, they can teach
you how to have boundaries, what questions to ask, how
to get information, how to keep the kids safe, what's reportable,
(29:36):
what isn't, et cetera. So I really think that you
need to practice some self care for you so that
you can take the best action instead of just sitting
in your concern about this. And I can understand it
can be very very concerning, especially because you love your
son and of course you love your grandkids and you
want to make sure everybody is safe. So I would
(29:57):
suggest talking to the people at alan On. They're free
meetings there take place all over the city and I
think producer Kayla can even find you some links so
you can reach out to an aloe. And thank you
for calling Lydia, And I'm so sorry that you're going
through this. Oh that's scary for a mom. That's so scary.
All right, Producer Kayla, who do we have next?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
We have Jeremy with a question.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Jeremy, Hi, Jeremy, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Hello, doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (30:22):
How are you good?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
What's your question?
Speaker 5 (30:25):
So?
Speaker 4 (30:26):
What are the most attractive hobbies for a man to do?
According to science?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Oh, that's an excellent question. That hobbies that are most
attractive for men to do that heterosexual women will think,
oh that's a good mate. Right, So let's think about
the kinds of things that the research says women are
most often attracted to. And obviously, you know physical, good looks, strength, protection,
(30:52):
all that's important, right, So, and they also look for
a high intelligence. So I would say, obviously, a guy
who goes to the gym, who cares about his health
and works out, that would be attractive hobbies to a woman,
as would hobbies that showcase his intelligence. Whether he you know,
belongs to a chess club, whether he belongs to mensa,
(31:15):
whether he is doing something that is helping others. You know,
maybe he does other people's tax returns for them. Right,
So think in terms of how can I showcase intelligence
and how can I showcase physical health because those are
the two things that both women and men like you.
(31:36):
And the other big one though, of course, and the research,
and this is research according to David Boss at the
University of Texas Austin, is that women also value kindness
in a man, and so any volunteerism. I remember meeting
a man once and he was telling me, you know
that he helped a Habitat for Humanity. He helped you
build houses for widows and orphans or whatever. And I
(31:58):
was like, oh, that's so sweet. I mean, we really
do look for kindness, so that would be another great hobby.
But thank you so much for calling, Jeremy. I appreciate it.
All right, when we come back, I'm going to continue
to take your calls. The number is one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. If you're shy,
you could send me a DM on social media. I'm
live on Instagram right now. You can send it at
(32:21):
d R Wendy Walsh at Doctor Wendy Walsh and I
will try to get to it. One eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to
Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on
(32:41):
KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on
Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app ki AM six forty. You have
Doctor Wendy Walsh with you, and I have a frog
in my throat. I'm drinking water only I'm not even
drinking anything that's going to put a frog in my throat.
You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I
am known as America's relationship expert because well, I have
(00:22):
been talking about, and reading about, and writing about the
science of love for a number of decades. We shall
go unnamed. How many of those numbers are tonight on
The Doctor Wendy Walls Show, a celebrity husband unfollows his
wife online. Another gets protected by his wife online. Also,
I want to dedicate this show to all the single
(00:45):
people out there, because it's a new year, new you,
time to find a new relationship, and I want you
to be aware of things like love bombing, invisible string theory.
I will complain and ilin and complain, and men with
badly decorated rooms. It's a whole story. Plus an author
(01:07):
will be joining us later in the show with the
most hilarious things she has heard on dates, enough to
fill an entire book. Producer, Kayla, how you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I am relaxed and rejuvenated, Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I know, because we had a good retreat weekend, didn't
we We did. We had a women's weekend in Semecula
with in a wine country with not enough wine it was.
There was a hot tub, there was sound baths, yo yoga,
and a lot of talks by women.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
And food. Oh those women, Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Remember there was the one day or instead of doing
three meals in the day, we did a linner. I
love linner's. Linner's are lunch and dinner mixed together. I
call them the liner They do them at four in
the afternoon, and then your pancreas gets time. I'm a
professor of health psychology. I know about these things. Your
pancreas has time to release enough insulin so that everything's digested,
you sleep better, everything. But some of the women complained
(02:00):
about only two meals, even though they were huge meals.
I mean the breakfast buffet was huge.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, they really Yeah. I had absolutely zero complaints.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
No, So the next day we had to have those
three meals. Yeah, yeah, I had to come back and
exercise to get through all of that. All right. It
is raining sometimes here in Los Angeles. We are blessed
and thankful and grateful, but on watch because of floods.
You know, as soon as the fires come, you know
what comes next is mudslide. So we're hoping that everyone
(02:29):
will be safe out there. Stay close to KFI because
when the big rain's supposed to come tonight, we will
be here to tell you about it. All right, Kayla,
You and I differ on this story. Justin Baldoni and
Blake Lively their little argument. I mean, I think the
only thing you and I may agree on is that
I think this is all a publicity stunt. I think
(02:51):
to sell that movie because the movie's really bad.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
It's distracting from the movie. I know.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Well, this week, Justin Baldoni jetted out of town with
his face. He's apparently surfing in Hawaii, and his publicists
appear to be taking aim at Blake Lively. If you
don't know, there's a legal battle going on between the two.
Justin Baldoni directed and co starred with her in the
movie called It Ends with Us. Their feud began back
in December after the actress sued him for alleged sexual
(03:19):
harassment and retaliation. Supposedly, he got a bunch of publicists
say a lot of bad things about her online, et cetera.
So she sued him, and then he sued her back,
And there we go. There's a bunch of people in it.
The lawyers are making lots of money, and we will
see what happens. Meanwhile, everybody's rushing to is it on Netflix?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Where is it? It's on Netflix.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, everyone's rushing to Netflix to watch the movie to
see what their chemistry must be like or not. And
I think it's a bad movie and they're not really
good together. And that's just my opinion.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I agree it's a bad movie. I will not watch it.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
But he didn't watch it.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I mean, I don't like the way a cover DV.
It just the end of like unrealistic.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
But I am all into the tea in my TikTok
algorithm must know that because it keeps feeding me new perspectives,
and I'm just like, oh my god, let me check
Blake's comments, let me check Justin's comments. And Blake has
her comments limited, while Justin does not so the public
has spoken.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Julio showed me that he's released some scenes, like some
rough cuts from the movie to show that they had
good chemistry and that so you could hear them talking,
like there's a dance scene and you know they're not
going to use the audio. It's gonna be set.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
So they're just yapper in a way like Okay, i'll
step here, then you step that way, and they're laughing.
But it's very funny to see these outtakes. They're out
there online. Okay, So Justin Bieber unfollowed his wife this week,
Hailey Bieber of the Air one smoothie smooth Scoot. Have
you ever heard of the Hailey Bieber smoothie at Air One? Oh?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yes, it's my favorite. It's absolutely fabulous.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
It's something about supposed to make your skin smooth.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Oh, it's just very tasty.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I just want to know, does she get it some
money every time you buy one? Her name's in there.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I think they have a few smoothies named after celebrities,
but I only order the Haley Beaver and it's also
like a.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Thousand dollars, so it's crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So this week he unfollowed his wife. They are married,
they have a five month old son. This stirred a
whole bunch of drama on the line, but in the
end he followed her again, claiming that someone had gone
on his account and unfollowed his wife accidentally. You know,
you got to say, when you're a celebrity that big,
you're not handling all your social media. There are a
(05:29):
lot of people have loggins, so it's possible.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And there's some glitches sometimes in social media.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
And his fans have forgiven him and they say they
think I was right. Okay, so I mentioned this week
it's all about today, all about single people, all the
single ladies. Oh did you pick that song at all?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
For no nos? Doctor, doctor, give me the news.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Oh okay, thought single ling song. I want to start
by talking about the difference between love bombing and love
at first sight. Is they sure feel the same. So
let's explain. Love at first sight are for people who
are easily deluded by the cocktail of neural hormones called
lust that involve oxytocin and dopamine and neuropinenephron, and they
(06:10):
love that high so much that they want that person
to stay near so they can have that feeling as
much as possible, so they do grand gestures of love.
They spend too much money on them, they compliment them,
they tell them they're fabulous, and that is love at
first sight. The problem is people who are susceptible to
that kind of delusion in the early stages of lust,
(06:31):
I will call it what it is, lust not love,
often have a big crash and burn about three weeks
into the relationship because what happens is the human brain
gets accustomed to those neuro hormones and after a while
they don't work as well. So they think there's something
wrong with you because they're not getting that same high
every time now, so it's not going to end well
(06:53):
no matter what. But love bombing is something that we
refer to something toxic, right, Maybe somebody who has narcissistic tendencies,
who's manipulative in some way, and what they do is
come on really strong because they want something else. They
(07:14):
want to get you glued to them. And also those
people who love bomb in a toxic way have this
spidey sense of who's vulnerable and who's needy. Now that
person maybe highly successful in their life, really functional, they
may make a lot of money. They may be beautiful,
but on some level they're insecure about love. Maybe they
(07:36):
have an anxious attachment style. Maybe they have lower self esteem.
So when this person shows up, or maybe they believe
in stuff like a soul madele and so when this
person shows up and bombards them with gifts and affection
and words of adoration, they fall for a hook line
(07:57):
and sinker, and then the person's in and they can
start to Sometimes they do the warm, fuzzy, cold, prickly thing.
They give you stuff and then they give you negative
because they want to keep controlling that person and gaslighting
them in different ways. So, whether it is love at
first sight, whether it is love bombing, it's not going
(08:19):
to end well. I'm just gonna say it's not going
to end well. The love bomber might actually keep you
wrapped around their finger for years or decades. Once they
have that emotional control, the love it first site person
is going to lose interest after a little while and
leave you high and dry and heartbroken. So my answer
to all of this is, please people learn to move slowly.
(08:43):
Real love takes time, right. Real love is partly biological,
it's psychological. It's a social cultural event, and people need
time to date each other and explore compatibility. Now, of course,
the beginning of a relationship can involve romantic gestures, acts
(09:04):
of care, or compliments.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
But if it.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Feels rushed and it feels unreal, it probably is right.
So slow things down. Ask yourself what happened last time
when it went fast? All right? Take a break? Oh easy,
All right, when we come back. There's a trend online
called invisible string theory. I was asked about it this
(09:29):
week and did a little bit of research, and apparently
it's very popular that you have a mate that's attached
by an invisible string. We'll talk about it when we
come back.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
KFI Am sixty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh show Invisible String Theory. Boy,
the Internet tries to find new ways for old things,
over and over and over. Kayla, have you ever heard
of the invisible string theory?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I have not.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
It is a trend online. It's trending. You can search
it on the ticker Talker and the Instagram. So invisible
string theory is based on the belief in fate, spirituality,
and oh the big One destiny. People who subscribe to
(10:30):
the invisible string theory imagine that their soulmate is out
there somewhere, and that soulmate is attached to them by
an invisible string, and somehow, at the right time, when
it's meant to be, the universe will present this person
to them. So it's almost like they even believe that
(10:51):
at different times of their life they've passed that person,
but it wasn't the right time for the string to
be reeled in, and they will use it sometimes to
console themselves when there's been a breakup to they'll be like,
it wasn't the right person or the right time, and
the universe is opening up things for me, so they
can reel in my soulmate on my invisible string.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
I know.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Okay, it's like astrology, there's no scientific validity. But here's
the thing. The benefit is fairly harmless invisible string theory.
It can also you know, basically here if somebody has
a lot of anxiety, especially single people who are having
(11:38):
a tough time in the mating marketplace, so maybe they've
had a bad date, maybe they've had a breakup, they
can now self console themselves with the thought that their
soulmate's still out there and that the path is just
being cleared for them. So that's the good way it
can be used. Even thore's no science to it, folks,
there's no invisible string, there's no one soul made out there.
(11:59):
I'm going to say it, oh, over and over and
over again. But it can be bad because if you
believe that the universe at the right time is going
to bring you your so mate, you're not going to
put yourself in the right situation at the right time
to meet people. Right. Mating Human mating and finding a
(12:21):
maid involves strategy that means you have to maintain attractive
physical appearance. You got to go to the gym, you
gotta put on hair and makeup or whatever, do some
personal grooming with all that hair. Even if you're a
gorgeous bearded man, trim it up, make it look beautiful,
all right. I just don't want your belief in some
(12:42):
kind of invisible string theory to make you complacent and
let time slip by, especially for women who want to
become mothers. That's about eighty percent of women will become
mothers in their life. Playing the waiting game and thinking
love will just happen can sadly eat up your fertility window.
So invisible string theory can also apply to other relationships
(13:07):
in your life. Friendships, you know, people come and go,
friendships wax and wane. You can hold on to this
mythical invisible string theory to help you make sense. You know,
people attach themselves in mythology because they're trying to make sense,
makes sense of life, makes sense of losses and gains. Right,
it's a coping mechanism to help people deal with psychic pain.
(13:31):
So it also can help them feel better because there's
research to show that when you look forward with hope
and optimism, even if it's with a silly invisible string,
you have better mental health. Right. So, whether you're reading
your astrological forecast, no science to it, folks, none, Okay,
(13:52):
Whether you believe in a religion that promises a better
life or thinking the universe is going to reel in
your best relationships, all of this can actually calm your anxiety.
So I'm like, go for it. If it's going to
work for you, go for it, right, But I do
want to say there's no such thing as the one,
(14:13):
no such thing as a soulmate. Happy people have happy relationships,
and there are many, many good matches for you. There's
no such thing as a perfect match, although there's research
to show that if you believe somebody's a perfect match,
then they will be. That's a crazy thing about love.
(14:35):
If you think your relationship is good, it doesn't matter
what everybody outside of your relationship thinks. It's good because
you believe it's good, right, and that's important you have
like you value your partner. So I'm not saying let
go of invisible string theory. I'm saying keep it there
to calm yourself when things don't go well. But you've
(14:57):
got to get some strategy. And what a strategy means today, Well,
now there's a trend to get off the dating apps
and meet in the real world. That means when you're
out there in the world, real world, grocery shopping, at
the gas station, wherever you are, stand a little straighter,
look a little trimmer, fix yourself up, have eye contact
with people, catch their eye, Smile men, women, non binary people, smile,
(15:22):
smile everybody. Just get out there and make connections. That's
how you find a mate. It's not about sitting around
dreaming that the universe is suddenly going to bring somebody
in when we come back. So producer Kayla, when we
were at the retreat, the women's retreat, by the way,
(15:42):
do you know what this retreat was? It's nothing I
signed up for, nothing, I really created. It was the
most organic, spontaneous thing ever. It's called Wow WOWW And Kayla,
what does it stand for?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
The women of Wendy's wedding?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
So when I got married in August, there were a
lot of women there from different facets of my life.
I've had a long life, and they while I was
busy being a bride and doing all the work that
you need to do to be a bride, they were
bonding at the various boutique hotels in the town we
were at. It was a whole weekend event and having
breakfast together and going hiking together. A couple of them
went to see a Shakespeare play together. They all hung
up and then they said, well, let's get together. So
(16:22):
we got together for like dinner and dancing one night,
and then the next one says, oh, we should do
a whole weekend away. So fourteen women went out to
Temecula women of Wendy's wedding.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And it was so perfect. We're like, this weekend is
a rug enough ween more.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Time, But we tried to make it educational, so a
number of women spoke. We had a wealth manager talk
about personal finances. We had a woman who sadly had
nursed many family members to death because she's the one
shouldn't nurse them to death. They were dying anyway, Okay,
it's nothing she did. She was there by their side
and she had lots of advice on how to deal
with a dying parent. And then who else do we have?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
We had you took love, oh, and I.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Talked about the science of love. In fact, what I
talked about were ten myths about love, and I got
so much good response from it that I'm going to
tell them to you when I come back. How about that, right?
Ten myths about love that people still believe and they
touldn't believe these things. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty Relive Everywhere on
(17:25):
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
KFI am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I would like
to welcome my TikTok audience. Yes, TikTok still alive for now.
We'll see. I guess the president can do whatever the
Supreme Court says not to do. I don't know. I
don't know how it all works, but we're still here
on TikTok. If you would like to come into the
(17:54):
studio visually, you're welcome to come on to my TikTok
account at Dr Wendy Walsh. All right, and after this segment,
by the way, I am going to be taking your
relationship questions by telephone, so I will be giving out
the number at the end of this segment.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
All right.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Ten myths about love that too many people seem to
still subscribe to, despite the fact that I've been trying
to teach you otherwise for a lot of years. All right,
myth number one, Love is a mystery. So people say
they say love is a mystery. You know, actually love
isn't a mystery. Love is partly biological, it's partly psychological,
(18:39):
and it's partly social. I'll give an example from each
of those three. So biology, the people you have the
best sex with and the longest term exciting sexual relationship
tend to be people who have different immune systems than
you do. And you know how you tell by how
they smell. If you think about it, the best sex
you've ever had, you said, oh, they smell delicious. They
(19:00):
head no smell really right, And so women in particular
pick up their olfactory response picks up the pheromones of
immune system cells. When two people meet and mate to
produce offspring, they might take brown eyes from one, long
legs from another, curly hair from another, except immune system
(19:20):
genes they combine to create a stronger person. So we
are drawn to somebody sexually who has a different immune system.
That's one example from biology. Psychology. People have an inherited
inward attachment cells partly inherited and partly learned in the
first few for years of life. Some people have more
(19:41):
anxiety around attachment. They have a lot of abandonment issues.
Other people are more avoidant. Don't get too close that
intimacy thing I don't want, right. So that's a psychological piece,
and the social piece is the stuff people put in
their dating apps, what ZIP code you live in, what
you like to eat, are you vegetarian? Are your carnivore?
What your polyt takes are like, whether the tribes would match, right,
(20:03):
because relationships are a bridge between tribes and most of
the science of love is quantifiable. Their research studies on this.
They've even put people in MRI machines, showed them pictures
of people they love and people they hate, and watch
which areas of their brain light up. It is real,
all right. Myth number two is one of my favorite
(20:25):
myths because a lot of people use the language all
the time. A breakup or a divorce is a failed relationship,
that's the myth, right. The truth is, I do not
believe there's any such thing as a failed relationship. Maybe
a culmination of lessons learned. A relationship ends when one
(20:48):
or both partners have stopped learning and they're ready to
move on to the next challenge. Our life expectancies are
so long. When till death do us part was invented,
death was pretty imminent, okay, And so now you may
have two or three long stint of monogamy with some
mate selection in between. We call that dating or single life. Right,
(21:11):
But this idea that you failed because your relationship didn't
start in your twenties and end till death do us part.
You're not a failure. Your relationship didn't fail, it culminated.
You learned what you needed to learn, and I hope
you're going to do better next time. Which is the
next myth that divorce can help you find a better mate. Now,
(21:36):
while I say that there's no such thing as a
failed relationship, there are people who throw in the towel
really early because they think a divorce will help them
find a better mate. But sadly, the statistics doesn't support this.
Divorce doesn't teach you how to find a better mate.
Divorce doesn't teach you how to be a better mate.
(21:58):
Divorce teaches you that you can survive divorce, and as
a result, second marriages have a much higher divorce rate,
third marriages even higher divorce rate. So unless you learn
the relationship skills, throwing in the towel doesn't help all right,
Next myth that men and women fall in love the
(22:20):
same way. First of all, ladies, if you haven't learned
this yet from me, maybe you're new. Let me tell
you if men do not fall in love through sex,
Men fall in love through trust, and they generally don't
trust a woman who gives them sex early. Women, on
the other hand, fall in love when they've met their
(22:42):
version of the one. This thing they've imagined is the
perfect person, and they will readjust their entire life for him. Men,
on the other hand, hit a state of readiness and
they take pretty much whoever's up at bat. Sorry, ladies,
we thought we were so special. They're not out there
searching for the one, the perfect person. They're busy getting
(23:02):
their life going, and when they're ready, they're going to
take whoever's there. Another myth, you're single because you haven't
found the right person. I hear that all the time.
I just haven't found the right person. No, you're single
because you haven't become the right person. So here's the thing.
(23:25):
Love is an inside job, right, and happy people have
happy relationships. So if you're constantly being disappointed, if you're
not good at mate selection and you're going out on
dates with inappropriate people and you can't you can't see
the red flags, or you're just saying, well, they don't
make me happy. It's not their job to make you happy, right,
(23:47):
your job to make you happy, and it's your job
to learn the relationship skills. Here's another myth. People stay
together because they're really attracted to each other and they
have really great sex. Sorry, there's lots of research on
(24:09):
long term, compatible, healthy people, and actually their sex life
isn't the most exciting thing that they mention. When people
first get together, the relationship is like ninety percent about sex,
and then after a few years or decades, it's about
ten percent about the sex and it becomes mature companionate love.
People stay together because of emotional glue, because they're open, honest,
(24:37):
and authentic, and that becomes the glue that keeps people together.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Here's a final one. Love is a universal feeling. That's
a myth. You see, love feels different to everybody. You know.
We say things like, well, if you're in love, you
would do this, If you're in love, you would say that. Well,
that's your version of love. And one of the biggest
problems that happens in relationships is people forget to convey
(25:07):
their expectations. They forget to say so. In my family
of origin, this is how we express love. And this
feels like love to me. How does that feel to you? Right?
That's all you need to do just open the veil
right Hey, when we come back, I am going to
be taking your calls. Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm
(25:30):
a psychology professor, but I've written three books on relationships,
did a dissertation on attachment theory, and I'm happy to
weigh in on your love lives. The number is one
eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four, So give
us a call. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
(25:51):
Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty were live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
welcome down my Instagram followers, viewers, audience. If you would
like to come in the studio here in Burbank, California,
just log onto my Instagram. The handle is at doctor
Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh. Okay, this is
(26:23):
the time of the show when I am answering your
social media questions. When I am taking your phone calls,
the number is one eight hundred five two zero one
five three four. That's one eight hundred five to zero
one five three four. Okay, producer, Kayla, who do we have? First?
We have lydia at the question lydia, Hi, lydia. It's
doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Hi, doctor Wendy. I am calling you because I am
very concerned. I am very sure that my grown up
son was Mary with two kids, and he's a professional,
he's a very successful man. I am very sor that
he's drinking every day hard liquor.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Ah. Okay, So you're very concerned about your adult son
because you're convinced that he's suffering from a substance abuse disorder.
He's drinking alcohol every day. Where do you have this
evidence from?
Speaker 5 (27:19):
I babysit my grandkids twice a week, and I am
in his home twice a week. So I have been
noticing that in his pantry he keeps a bottle of vodka.
And at the beginning, I thought, okay, so fine, everybody
takes a little shot of you know, tequila, vodka, what
(27:41):
have you every now and then. But every time I
go I've been noticing that bottle has been more empty
and more empty. So I've been marking that bottle.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Well, you're an investigator of grandma. You're marking his bottles
of vodka. See how they go down. Have you talked
to his wife about this? Have you seen a change
in his behalf behavior.
Speaker 5 (28:02):
I don't see him too often. I don't see my
son or my daughter in law that often. They're very busy.
I just kind of see him once in a while.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
But you baby sit the kids twice a week. Correct,
Are they giving you any information.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Who the kids?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
No, No, they're not giving me any information. But I
do know, for instance, that he has trouble sleeping, uh huh,
and he probably takes a drink just to go to
sleep that night. Okay's a lot, a lot.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
So your evidence in your mind, you're concerned about your
grown son who's married with two kids, because you've been
marked you babysit twice a week. You've been marking the
vodka bottles. They've been going down fast. You don't know
if he's sharing it with anybody else. You're not one
hundred percent sure if he's drinking during the day, but
you suspect he may be and you're a concerned mother,
and you have every right to be concerned. So my
(28:54):
advice to you, Lydia is to first of all, get
more information, talk to his wife life, find out what's
going on. But also if this is your issue right now,
because we don't know, you know, he hasn't had a DUI,
we don't know if any if there is any behavior
that's impacted the family. But you're having concerns over this,
(29:16):
and so I highly recommend that you go to an
alan ON meeting, and an alan ON meeting are for
people who are family members of those who suffer from
substance abuse disorders, and at that meeting, they can teach
you how to have boundaries, what questions to ask, how
to get information, how to keep the kids safe, what's reportable,
(29:36):
what isn't, et cetera. So I really think that you
need to practice some self care for you so that
you can take the best action instead of just sitting
in your concern about this. And I can understand it
can be very very concerning, especially because you love your
son and of course you love your grandkids and you
want to make sure everybody is safe. So I would
(29:57):
suggest talking to the people at alan On. They're free
meetings there take place all over the city and I
think producer Kayla can even find you some links so
you can reach out to an aloe. And thank you
for calling Lydia, And I'm so sorry that you're going
through this. Oh that's scary for a mom. That's so scary.
All right, Producer Kayla, who do we have next?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
We have Jeremy with a question.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Jeremy, Hi, Jeremy, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Hello, doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (30:22):
How are you good?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
What's your question?
Speaker 5 (30:25):
So?
Speaker 4 (30:26):
What are the most attractive hobbies for a man to do?
According to science?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Oh, that's an excellent question. That hobbies that are most
attractive for men to do that heterosexual women will think,
oh that's a good mate. Right, So let's think about
the kinds of things that the research says women are
most often attracted to. And obviously, you know physical, good looks, strength, protection,
(30:52):
all that's important, right, So, and they also look for
a high intelligence. So I would say, obviously, a guy
who goes to the gym, who cares about his health
and works out, that would be attractive hobbies to a woman,
as would hobbies that showcase his intelligence. Whether he you know,
belongs to a chess club, whether he belongs to mensa,
(31:15):
whether he is doing something that is helping others. You know,
maybe he does other people's tax returns for them. Right,
So think in terms of how can I showcase intelligence
and how can I showcase physical health because those are
the two things that both women and men like you.
(31:36):
And the other big one though, of course, and the research,
and this is research according to David Boss at the
University of Texas Austin, is that women also value kindness
in a man, and so any volunteerism. I remember meeting
a man once and he was telling me, you know
that he helped a Habitat for Humanity. He helped you
build houses for widows and orphans or whatever. And I
(31:58):
was like, oh, that's so sweet. I mean, we really
do look for kindness, so that would be another great hobby.
But thank you so much for calling, Jeremy. I appreciate it.
All right, when we come back, I'm going to continue
to take your calls. The number is one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. If you're shy,
you could send me a DM on social media. I'm
live on Instagram right now. You can send it at
(32:21):
d R Wendy Walsh at Doctor Wendy Walsh and I
will try to get to it. One eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to
Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on
(32:41):
KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on
Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
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