Dr. Wendy is getting into reality tv with the Golden Bachelor and Love Island. PLUS she is offering her Wendy wisdom with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
KFI AM six forty, You've got Doctor Wendy Wallace with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy walls Show. If you're new
to my show. I have a PhD in clitical psychology.
I'm a psychology professor at California State University, Channel Islands,
but I am obsessed with the science of love. I've
written three books on relationships, wrote a dissertation on attachment theory,
(00:24):
and always happy to weigh in on your life, your
love life or mine or anybody else's. In tonight's show,
we've got a couple television controversies from the New Golden
Bachelor and dare I say it? Love Island? We got
to get into it with Love Island. Also can a
robot be a good therapist? Also news of a growing
(00:48):
public health crisis cannabis use disorder. But first this New
Golden Bachelor. Okay, so remember the last Golden Bachelor. Remember
how he married the seventy year old woman and then
they got divorced three months later, and there was some
claim it was because she didn't want to pump her
own gas. Turns out she was from New Jersey where
you don't have to pump your own gas. Apparently I don't.
(01:10):
I'm sure there was much more involved. The truth is
what happens on these television sets is nothing close to reality.
Have you ever stayed at if you've been lucky enough
to as I have a couple times in my life,
like on our recent honeymoon in February to the four
season Sydney, Australia. Have you ever stayed in a five
(01:33):
star hotel which is like entering your mother's womb, twenty
four hour womb service people at your beck and call everywhere. Well,
imagine that time's ten on a TV set, there's not
only an assistant for everybody, there's somebody doing your hair,
your makeup, your wardrobe. They're dressing you, they're escorting you
(01:55):
to the next place for the next shot, and they're
talking to you about feelings of love. Who wouldn't fall
in love under those conditions, right? So I think that
when the other Golden Bachelor and the Bachelor had got married,
that's that's what that was, right, They just fell in
love with the whole or they probably never experienced a
(02:16):
Hollywood set where everything was done for them all right,
So now we have a new gold and Bachelor. He's
coming up in the fall if they don't fire him
before that. Let me tell you who he is. He's
from Detroit. He's sixty six years old, which means he
was born in nineteen fifty eight. He was an NFL player.
(02:38):
He was a standout linebacker at the University of Michigan
draft at ninth overall way back in nineteen eighty one.
You were old enough to remember nineteen eighty one. He
played nine seasons for the La Rams. Then he transitioned
to finance briefly. Eventually, he earned a law degree from
UC San Francisco and now practices as sports injury and
(03:00):
workers compensation attorney down in Orange County. He was married
for twenty five years. He has two sons. He divorced
in twenty twenty, so he's been divorced five years. He
coaches his son's sports. He did anyway, and so supposedly
according to the people the producers of the Golden Bachelor,
(03:22):
he is seeking a loving, energetic companion, someone who values companionship, laughter, fitness,
and lifelong learning. His name was announced on April twenty second,
and it is mel Owens. He is the New Golden Bachelor,
but there's some controversy. He recently appeared on a podcast
(03:46):
sounds like a Manisphere podcast called in the Trenches with
John Jensen. Do you know this one, Kayla? I I
don't either, but it's making news now. On June fourth,
he appeared, and what he told the host This New
Golden Bachelor that he, first of all, stop, he's sixty
six years old. Okay, I picture this. He would never
(04:08):
date a woman over sixty, preferring women aged forty five
to sixty. And he asked producers to avoid any contestants
who might have had artificial hips or wear wigs. Oh Jesus,
uhha ahh. Don't bother Jesus. He's busy with all the stop.
(04:29):
So he said that he told the producers that they
if they have any contestants over the age of sixty,
he's just going to eliminate them early on, just based
on age. All right, he.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Should be eliminated. We should dump the whole season and
start all over again.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I think so too. I don't like him, okay. Apparently
the Bachelor of Franchise Franchise host Jesse Palmer addressed the
situation way too diplomatically. In my opinion, he told us
Weekly quote. I've seen the headlines, obviously because I'm on
social media. I have not heard the podcast. We haven't
(05:05):
started filming Golden yet, so I haven't spent a ton
of time with mel. The small amount of time I
have spent with him, he seems like a good guy.
But I know I'm going to get to spend a
lot more time with him pretty soon. I'm sure that's
something we're going to talk about. That is very diplomatic,
very diplomatic. I do want to say this, Okay, This
(05:27):
idea of going for a younger women echoes an idea
from evolutionary psychology that even if men don't want to procreate,
they don't want to have a baby very deep in
their sexual psychology. Is this idea that a woman's youth
and beauty is correlated with fertility, right, It's some ancient
reflex they have. Of course, in reality, none of the
(05:49):
women on the show will be fertile unless there's a miracle,
and maybe jes As is coming. I don't know, maybe,
but the ancient instinct sometimes still calls a shit. Now
when we turn to today's modern culture, there is a
single population in most every age group, and for the
most part, calm down, ladies. For the most part, biological
(06:11):
peers are attracted to biological peers. I searched for my
sweet Julio on those apps within my age group, and
he was looking for a woman in his age group.
We wanted to share the same references, right, This is
so we can grow emotional intimacy. We can talk about
the same historical experiences. Also our day to day life
and all peers runs a little smoother. You know what
(06:34):
it is for an older person to have to go
out to nightclubs if they have a younger person dragging
them out. It's exhausting. Okay, But I have two big
takeaways about mel Owen's comments that he would eliminate any
woman over the age of sixty. He's sixty six. Remember
number one, he's probably very insecure, just my opinion, just saying, Okay,
(06:55):
he's probably insecure about his own aging and hopes that
having a younger girlfriend or wife around will reduce his
fear of dying. And that's what we have, right. But
then the second thing, I just my opinion, he's dumb. Okay, No,
he's not very intelligent. Even if a man holds these beliefs.
(07:18):
You don't say it out loud, right, you gotta be
smart enough not to say it out loud. Or do
you know maybe if I'm gonna go deep in psychoanalyzed,
maybe he's got a history of self sabotaging behavior and
he knew the controversy.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Also, maybe with his age, he didn't realize, like saying
this on a podcast is gonna live everywhere, It's gonna
go everywhere, it's gonna blovey Brides thought he was having
boy talk in front of a microphone, and it was
wasn't going to go past this door.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
In twenty twenty five, that doesn't happen.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he's he's a little older. I mean,
if I know, But then I've been canceled so many
times and.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
You're on the microphone every every day, all every day. Yeah,
you're used to this is your life.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You know when people meet me in real life, Kayla,
what they're most surprised about how wonderful you are. No
my sailor mouth. So apparently I know when there's a
mic gone and all those words that I'm not allowed
to say on KF, I just somehow get stuck in
the back of my throat, They're gone until the mic
goes off.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Well, you had to dump button here a couple of
times when I had you on shamelessly chante you and
you yeah, you said some bad things.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, well I'm going to guess it's different. Okay, So
the Golden Bachelor is still moving forward with mel as
the lead, though the remarks have sparked a wave of
backlash from fans and even the former Golden Bachelor, Jerry Turner.
Gary Gary Turner, Gary Turner. Okay, can we move over
to Love Island? How much time do we have? A'm
I okay, I got a minute. Okay, I'm just want
(08:43):
to storm say this. If you have not watched Love Island,
as Kayla says, they have the best marketing department on
the planet.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
It needs to be studied.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
It needs to be studied why it has become such
a huge phenomenon in our culture. So it's NBC peacock.
They recently reported that the show ranked number two among
all streaming programs. Right, but in June it was the
top streaming reality show for a second straight week. So
all of a sudden, it's gone crazy. The big episode
that got the most is the single most watched. One
(09:12):
is called Cassa a Moore episode. I don't know what happened,
what Haylo, what happened in that one a lot.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Doctor Wendy is way too much to get into, but
pretty much they separate the couples and put them in
with temptations essentially.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So if you don't know about this show, it's a
reality show on peacock where every young person in the
world knows every character deeply. It is daily. You watch
it every single day and you can download an app.
Right is that how you vote? And you vote yes
and you can kick people off. The island in America
is fickle and mean. Yes, and there's bullying that happened
(09:48):
a lot, and a few people have taken their own lives.
I'm going to explain it all when we come back,
because it's shocking to me. More on Love Island when
we return. You're listening to The Doctor Wendy Wall Show
on KFI AM six forty one live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand k
I AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walls show on I Am six forty. I
want to welcome my TikTok audience. If you want to
come in the studio and see producer Kayla there, she
has actually got her in the frame this time. You
guys just go on to TikTok and search at Dr
Wendy Walsh at Doctor Wendy Walsh and you can both
watch the show and listen to the show at the
(10:28):
same time and produce.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
A gals there in the frame. I can't believe it.
Thanks being on your Live with your million followers.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
We had to like move some computers around and some
furniture and try to find a way to fit us
both in one screen, but we did because Kayla is
also a fan of Love Island. So after this segment,
I'm going to be taking your calls. If you have
a comment or a question about Love Island, I want
you to give us a call after this segment. The
(10:54):
numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred five two zero, one five three
four or known as one KFI. So I mentioned Love
Island's number one rated reality show right now, it happens
to beyond Peacock. Everybody's obsessed about it, Kayla, You went
to a watch party at a bar?
Speaker 4 (11:15):
I did.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
They have them all over the place, but the one
I went to was at Dave and Buster's in Hollywood.
And I got to the watch party just a little
bit late, and when I walked in, I genuinely felt
like I was walking into a sports bar. The way
the crowd was yelling and reacting to what was going
on on the television. I had never seen anything like
that when it comes to reality television.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
So if you don't know what Love Island is, it's
a reality show where a bunch of very hot, young
single people are sent to a resort in Fiji they
call the villa, right, yeah, And so every day some
of them get together and some drama happens, you know,
with young people. But the big difference is watchers, viewers,
the audience can vote on who gets kicked off the
(11:59):
island first. And I call it a consensual bullying, don't
you think, Kayla?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
I mean yeah, literally, I could never go on the show.
America is brutal. These people are humans, and the way
that America eats them up and spits them out is awful.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Some of the reasons why I know the show is
very popular is that it's a constant, emotional, high stakes scenes.
Speaker 5 (12:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
You've got couples getting together and then uncoupling, so there's
drama because other people are coming in. You've got this
real time engagement from fans and viewers. I should tell
you there's a little smoke and mirrors because I looked
it up. Although it seems like you vote and the
next day that happens, they're actually like on a three
day delay or something like that, because you know, they
(12:48):
gotta people shoot it and edit it and get it
out there. Right. It also is social media firepower. If
you're on TikTok, I am sure you have seen a
million billion viral clips from Love Island, right, So these
bite sized clips are just primed to go viral on TikTok.
(13:09):
It also taps into these kind of universal fantasies that
many people have about finding love and specifically glamorous love
or maybe overcoming conflict. And so I think that many
of the people that are watching Kayla, would you agree
with me? Are kind of living vicariously through the people
on the show.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Oh yes, people have told me they don't have a
life anymore. Outside of the show. It's all they think about.
They have real strong emotions regarding these strangers that they've
never met before and will likely never meet.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
It really is all consuming.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
And I think another pivotal thing is that the show
comes on every single day, not like once a week,
every single day day.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
It takes two days off, right, So they.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Have one that's like on Wednesday where okay, no show
comes on, and then like they do a recap on Saturday,
so it's still but you're still consuming the show.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
I feel so.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Right now, there's a big drama going on because one
of the people on the show. So what happens is
in the real world of viewers go back into people's
social media. Now, while you're on the show, you're not
allowed to be posting on social media, and they also
make it wrong for you to have family members post
for you because it was impacting the mental health of
(14:23):
people when they would see this bullying online. So social
media is going crazy because they'll go back into people's
earlier feeds from years ago. And in one particular character,
they went back and they found a racial slur. It's
actually two characters at different times, right, So one of them.
The backlash about some racist comments she met was so
(14:44):
huge that she got kicked off the show by the
general public. Right, and now this week another person who
made some kind of racist comment on social media, like
five years ago or something.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Right, Yeah, that's true. Two people whore kicked off for
racial slurs. It makes me question their vetting process when
they're allowing these people to be on.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Is it just based off looks? Are they doing any
research on their own?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Well, I definitely want to talk about that in a minute,
but let us start by talking about whether this is
permissive bullying. We live in a weird culture right now.
We live in a culture where it's okay for our
leaders to be criminals. It's okay for our leaders to
bully on social media, and now here we are so
as far as I know, there are actually three two
(15:29):
former contestants and a former host who after leaving the
show died by suicide. Wow, they took their own lives. Now,
it wasn't too long ago where if that happened one
time to one person, that show would never happen ever again.
But in a weird way, it raised the popularity of
(15:50):
this show. It made it more even high stakes now
the producers say that they have spent more time vetting,
but Tayla, nobody goes on national or international television in
a reality show in a bikini if they don't have trauma.
(16:13):
I'm just gonna say that.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Okay, I didn't think that's how that sentence was going
to end.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
They are looking for love in all the wrong places.
The love now is the camera and the audience, et cetera.
And so I don't know how the producers are saying, well,
we're vetting them better so that we have more healthy people.
But if it is actually the bullying attacks by the
viewers that are causing the poor mental health, I mean
(16:39):
I have pretty good mental health. I've been attacked online
many times by trolls. I couldn't survive this, not this
love Island stuff.
Speaker 6 (16:48):
No.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
And I think also like not having access to they
don't know what day of the week it is, they
don't have a phone, they don't have any access to
the outside world. Just being in that environment as also,
I'm sure I'm mentally taxing.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So the producers are saying, don't blame us. We now
have psychologists around, we do psychological screenings, we have psychologists
on set, for consultations. We give all the participants social
media training. We also do inclusive behavioral coaching so they
learn respectful communication and they learn to avoid microaggressions. They have,
(17:23):
they say, regular mental health check ins. But what are
they gonna do? Okay, so let's say somebody clearly is
having some anxiety or depression about the show that day.
A person might be hugely popular, might want even if
they're like popular, because they're hated, you know what I mean,
Like people follow to hate as much as followed love.
You know, the producers aren't going to say, you know,
(17:44):
I don't think your mental health is good enough. I
don't think you should come on the show tomorrow. Right,
They're gonna say, hey, let's uh, let's really keep her
on because they're so They're just going to try to
maybe teach them some self soothing techniques. Do you think
that that's it? No, I don't know. I don't think
it's good enough. I really don't do. We have one
(18:04):
more segment before we go to the questions. No, we're
going to callers. I want to know what everybody thinks
about this. I want you to give us a call.
We are live now on KFI AM six forty, Los Angeles.
The number is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
You see producer Kayla got up. She's gonna get on
those phones right now and screen the calls. One eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. You can
(18:25):
also call me if you have a relationship question, because
I love to weigh in on your love life. I
am not afraid to do that. So one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. You are listening
to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand KFI.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. This is the
time of the show when I am taking your calls.
We're doing two things today. Either you're gonna give me
your opinion and comment about Love Island because it seems
to be all that anybody talking about. Or if you
do have a relationship question, I am happy to weigh
in on your love life. The number is one eight
(19:07):
hundred five two zero one KFI. That translates into one
eight hundred and five two zero, one five three four. Okay,
producer Kayla, who do we have? First?
Speaker 3 (19:17):
The amazing west Side Will with the question west Side Will,
do you have a question?
Speaker 5 (19:23):
I love they have the amazing Kayla and amazing Wendy.
You know what it's so fascinating with these whole dynamics
of relationships like on Love Island and all these different
portrayals of you know, healthy or unhealthy rather you know,
pairings and couplings and this and that. Is there any
hope really?
Speaker 7 (19:40):
Or what kind of message is it setting out there
for the future generations for relationships, cohabitating, marriage, kids, families,
Like you know, I'd like a wife and kids on
my own one day, But I'm definitely not going to
marry somebody on Love Island, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well, now I know you're healthy, Okay, you don't want
to marry somebody on Love Island.
Speaker 6 (19:57):
Will.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
This is a really good question, is what is the
mess it's sending out shows like Love Island to young
people who are trying to hopefully build happy relationships. Now
here's what I want to explain to you. A goods
According to research, a good sixty percent of humans in
America have what's called a secure attachment style, which means
that they will naturally move away from people who make
(20:20):
them feel uncomfortable. And so so I think people naturally
they're not just trained by what they see on TV.
They're trained by what happened in the first three years
of their life when they got attentive, loving parents who
answer to their needs. And these people grow up to
give and receive love comfortably, and in the early stages
(20:41):
of dating, if somebody behaves like they do on Love Island,
they tend to move away from that. So we shouldn't
worry too much. But yes, this other group of forty
percent who have an insecure attachment style may use shows
like Love Island as a model for how love or
relationships should look. And this is what terrifies me. Look,
I don't even like romantic comedies because romantic comedies always
(21:04):
end at the beginning. They end at the beginning of
a relationship. They never it's just the boy meets girl,
boy loses girl, boy gets girls back. But how do
they have a relationship after that? Right, So we should
not depend on the media for our relationships. If you do,
know that you suffered some loss or trauma or difficulty
in your early life, and you do know that you
(21:25):
have attachment insecurity, then working with a licensed therapist is
the only way, well not the only way, but one
of them many ways to change your attachment style. Good question.
Will we shouldn't use Love Island as a model for us? Okay,
Producer Kayla, Who do we have next?
Speaker 4 (21:40):
We have Richard with the question Richard?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Hi, Richard is doctor Wendy?
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Oh, Richard dressing up?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
We just lost I question? Was this question?
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I think we lost them? Oh? Is he there?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Maybe he could be driving his car, lost his slee
He's back. See what happens? Hi, Richard, That's okay, it's
doctor Wendy. What's your question? Love?
Speaker 8 (22:00):
Sorry about the mix up. How do you deal with
having a family member of your significant other? In this case,
it was if not the parents, who hates you and
that makes a lot of passive aggressive remarks at you.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
So within one nuclear family, I hope it's not you, Richard,
But within one nuclear family, there's a some family member
who you believe doesn't like you know what you're saying,
and they make yeah, all right. So here's how depending
on the age the person, if obviously If it's a child,
this is terrible. It can be very traumatic. If you're older.
(22:40):
You have to remember that a couple things happen when
we criticize others. One is sometimes we're projecting our shadow, right.
So Carl Jung, who was one of a disciple of Freud,
believe that inside all of us is this shadow part
of ourselves that is intolerable for us to even acknowledge
that exists. So we go around the environment, our friends, families, coworkers,
(23:01):
and we point fingers and say, oh, we're very critical
of them. And usually it's a piece of ourselves that
we think we're seeing in somebody else. So it's important
for you to remember that that it's just their shadow
at work. But you also have every right to set
up a boundary and protect yourself. So I know it's hard.
Like one of the things I noticed is that when
(23:22):
somebody does a little dig at me, it doesn't sink
in until later, Like later, I'm like, wait, wait a minute.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
What did they whah?
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Why didn't I just react right away? Right? If you're
fortunate enough to catch the little dig, criticism, negative comment
on the spot, then the answer is something to say, literally,
let them know how it impacted you. Rather than you know,
criticizing them, just say something like, ouch that hurt. Where'd
that come from? Just where'd that come from?
Speaker 6 (23:52):
Right?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I was lucky enough. I'm going to tell you something.
I was out to dinner a couple of weeks ago
and I gave some advice to somebody. It was simple advice.
It was like, if you want to hire a business person,
you should interview a few of them. Then you get
a little information from a lot of them, and they'll
help you make your decision. Because that's mean, that's mean,
it's like you're stealing information. I looked at her and
I said, wow, mean, did your mom say that to
(24:16):
you a lot? Anyway? She got it. Her mom did
say that a lot. It was about It was all
about her. It wasn't about me. I wasn't being mean
her perception of it. So it's okay to say, ouch
that hurt? Where'd that come from? And secondly, if it's
something consistent and chronic, you can set a boundary. And
the boundary is I'm sorry, if you talk to me
(24:38):
that way, then I'm going to have to leave the room.
And then you have to do that, you have to
actually leave the room right, and I'm sorry, hope it
wasn't you Richard, that this is happening too, but thank
you so much for calling Kayla. Did you say that
we have a talkback? Somebody called and recorded a Yeah,
we haven't talked that. Questions, who do we have? What's Scott?
Speaker 9 (24:55):
Hey, doctor Wendy, it's Arnold again. So I just want
to make sure I understand this correctly. If a women
said I'd like a man six feet tall, make six figures,
he got six pack abs, that's okay. What if a
man says, I like the women have women that looks
a certain way, body type, she has certain age that
(25:15):
I'm looking for. So he's stupid and he's insecure. Just
make sure I hurt that correctly.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
You did not hear that correctly. Didn't come out of
my mouth. Okay. So what he said is why is
it okay for a woman to say I'm looking for
a guy who's six feet tall, makes six figures and
has a six pack, and it's not okay for a
man to ask for a certain kind of body type.
What he's saying is I is okay for women to
objectify men, and it's not okay for men to objectify women.
(25:47):
That is not true. I did not say that. However,
there is a mating marketplace, and everybody has a certain
kind of made value. There are some women out there
who can get a guy who's six feet tall, who
makes six figures, who has a six pack, because they
have corresponding traits. Maybe they look like a model, maybe
(26:11):
they make good money themselves, maybe they're particularly smart. Whatever.
So it's okay to have kind of a list of
things you want and that you're hoping for based on
what you know you can pull what you know your
mate value is right. I personally don't think it's a
good idea to objectify anybody. I don't think you can
judge a book by its cover. I have dated some
(26:33):
of the most gorgeous guys in the world. They were
idiots or immoral. Okay. I've also dated rich guys that
were immoral. They were you know, evil rich. And I've
dated guys that weren't so good looking or weren't so tall,
who were just fabulous, wonderful people. So again, the outside
doesn't matter. And no, there is not one rule for
(26:54):
one women and one rule for men. I don't think
it's good for any gender to objectify another. All right,
let me go to social media because a few people
have sent me dms. Dear doctor Wendy, I have gone
on six dates with this guy and they were all free.
Sunset watches, walks on the beach, hikes, et cetera. He
(27:15):
has money? Is this low effort? Well, let's pause. If
he has money, he'd be spending it. He doesn't have money.
He's pretending he has money, and I don't worry. You
get this idea that he has money, Okay. I also
remember I say this all the time. Women need to
reassess their ideas of gender role. And if you happen
to be successful and make a good living, you might
(27:37):
need a supporter if you want to continue with that career.
So your idea of a power man just might be
a guy who can power a stroller. So money shouldn't
be everything. On the other hand, if you happen to
be looking for a traditional relationship with a male provider,
you're dating a guy with small money. Okay, You're dating
a guy who's being very romantic. Sunset watches, walks on
(27:59):
the beach, hike, et cetera. All lovely, and if that's
okay with you, because you can be the supporter. Then fine,
he's showing you that this is how he's going to sacrifice.
The problem I have here is this idea that you
think he has money. But I'm telling you if he
has money, he'd be taking you on better dates. So
he would be taking you on better dates.
Speaker 6 (28:20):
Roll.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Do you have time for one more before we go
to break? I've been watched the time. Hello, oh I
have to go to break? All right, well we come back.
I'm going to continue to answer your questions and your
social media. The numbers one, eight hundred and five, two zero, one, five,
three four. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show
and KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the
(28:40):
iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand the.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
KFI AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show. Now, I'd like
to welcome my Instagram followers. If you'd like to log
onto Instagram and say hello to me, I'm here in
the studio iHeartRadio Studios in Burbank, California. If you have
a relationship question or a comment about Love Island. I
see the people are saying things like everyone is flawless
(29:07):
on that show. It's true, it's true. Somebody just asked
me who lies more in a relationship, men or women? Well,
they lie about different things. Let's start with a dating profile. Okay.
The first thing is men lie about height and money.
Women lie about age and weight. We all just know that, right.
They're trying to make themselves more attractive in some way. Dudes,
(29:31):
we know if you say you're five eleven, we know
you're five nine and a half. We know if you
say you're six to two that you're six feet Even
the dudes who say they're six' five are only six.',
three okay we just, know. That right and in the,
same way you can count on the fact that women
(29:51):
tend to weigh ten pounds more than they say on.
THAT look i tell MY doctor i weigh ten pounds
LESS than i. DO now i actually got an electronic,
scale recently, you GUYS because i gained ten POUNDS since i.
Got married. Happy weight it's just that my husband has
a really fast metabolism and he eats three meals, a
DAY so i started eating just two meals a day and.
(30:11):
Watching him eat one hasn't helped, much yet but just letting.
You know as far as other things people, LIE about
i find it really funny that on, dating apps when
you go through, the profiles no man on a dating
app is. An employee they're, a founder, a manager a,
vice president a expert. In whatever they, you know they
just make it sound great and. That's okay this. Is
(30:35):
marketing this is how you. Sell yourself this is what.
You do you sell yourself when. You're, Mating, Okay, Producer
kayla i'm going to go to social media because we
had a lot of dms that came In. On instagram
so let me get to some of. Those questions, Dear
doctor wendy says. This listener i've been dating someone for
six months and we still haven't defined. The RELATIONSHIP should
(30:55):
i bring it up or wait for him to make the.
First move i'm gonna Lose my i'm sorry how many
TIMES have i. Said this i'm gonna say. It, again
ladies you are in a situationship because you allow yourself
to be in. A situationship he's not the last man on.
(31:18):
The planet if you're more afraid of, him leaving then
this is all you're gonna get six months you've been.
WITH him i am going to assume that you've already
started to, have sex so the. Deal's closed you, Already lost.
You lost. I'm sorry you should ask. For exclusivity that
doesn't mean only you be my. Boyfriend forever can we
(31:39):
post it on social? Media, place no, Just, like hey
we're both just trying to get to know. Each other
i'd like to know if we take it to the,
next step which is the, physical Relationship that i'm the
only one you're. Sleeping with, that's it that's, the conversation
and you ask it before you have sex for the.
First time, She says i've been dating someone for. Six
(32:01):
months we haven't defined. It yet whose fault, is? That
ladies men do not grow up reading? Grooms magazines grooms
magazines do. Not exist men do not spend their lives
thinking about the perfect tuxedo they'll wear when they walk down.
The aisle none of this exists in the minds. Of
(32:23):
men you are in one hundred percent control of the
pace and definition, of relationship and high value women know
how to. Negotiate That so i'm going to tell. You
this if you have been together six months and now
you're going to ask. For definition there's a good chance
you're not going to get the commitment, You want so
(32:45):
be ready. To leave be ready. To, leave. Okay okay
this person, asks online is it normal after a SEPARATION
that i don't care to ever have? Sex, again yes.
You are you're, feeling lost your libido. Goes down this
is mother. Nature going let's calm things down. A bit,
(33:07):
it's okay it'll all, Come back it'll all, come back.
All right here's another question FROM A dm, Dear, Doctor
wendy my girlfriend wants to move, in Together but i'm
Not sure. I'm ready HOW do i express that without
making her Feel like i'm? Not committed? All right so
here we. Go again people fear abandonment more than they
(33:28):
want their needs to. Be met so all you need
to SAY is i. Love you i'm hoping we're going
to have a. Future together at, This stage i'm not ready.
To cohabitate or maybe you say i'd rather wait until
we get married and we're ready.
Speaker 8 (33:42):
For.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
That whatever say whatever. You want they're. Your needs you
deserve to have, your needs and you just. Say IT
say i. LOVE you i think. YOU'RE fabulous i think
this is Going somewhere i'm not ready to move, in
together and then let her do what she needs. To
do that's what you have. To do just let her
do what she needs to do at. That, point oh
(34:03):
here's a. Good one Dear. Doctor wendy my boyfriend still
talks about his, ex regularly insists they're. Just FRIENDS should
i be worried OR am? I? Overreacting well what you
need to do is tell him your feelings, About this
like you, might, SAY huh i wonder do you talk
to her as much about me as you talk to me? About,
(34:26):
her right and JUST say i know that you're. Just.
FRIENDS again i need more, information here like have they
been broken up for five years or they just broke
up six? Months ago. Big difference there needs to be,
a separation, healing time unfriend block all that stuff for
a while and then came back. To friendship but if
he's trying to keep her as a, backup mate you
(34:46):
have every reason to be threatened just saying cause people,
do that they keep them as a. Backup mate Dear,
Doctor wendy we've been married for, ten years but it
feels like more like we're roommates. Than partners HOW do
i the. Spark back you know how you bring this.
Spark back you light a Fire and i'll tell you
how you. Do it you create novelty in. Your relationship
(35:09):
you see your partner in, new light in a, new
space and you insist that you do different things that
you've never. Done, before now could be things like. Adrenaline
dating i'm going to talk about. That, next actually it
could be something very exciting to add some spark to.
Your relationship but it could be just stopping with, the
routine changing, up everything literally getting up at a, different
(35:32):
hour going to bed at a, different now having sex
in a, different room going on dates to part of
town you've never, been before going to visit, a museum
going on. A trip just do something different with, your
partner because research has shown that novelty makes it. More,
exciting again, and yes. A, conversation now the conversation shouldn't,
be hey. I'm bored i'm. Really bored what can we
(35:55):
doon to make it? More exciting you want to say
SOMETHING like i, LOVE you i still think you're. Really
hot let's find a way together to get some excitement
back in. Our relationship make it a, wee, Problem right
let's find a way, All right, Moving along Dear. Doctor
wendy i'm in a long. Distance, relationship oops and lately
(36:15):
my partner takes hours to respond. To texts HOW do
i address that without? Sounding clingy here we, go again
the sphere. Of ABANDONMENT if i express, my needs they'll.
Run AWAY if i, sound clingy they'll break up. With
me you have to. Be prepared you don't have negotiating
(36:36):
power unless you're ready, to. Leave right so the way
you do it Is. You well i'm not a big.
Game player i'm about. Being DIRECT so i at. The
text here's the OTHER thing. I hear TWO things i,
don't like long distance relationship and responding. TO texts i
hope you guys are getting on the phone and facetiming
(36:56):
at least once, a day because the research shows that long,
distance relationships, it's really really important that you do video
calls and you talk on the phone, every day even just,
once today even just for a. Few, MINUTES look i
travel a lot from my Wonderful, sweet JULIO who, i
love but we, talk, morning noon and night at least
three times a day when. We're separated so you got
(37:17):
to have the conversation on. The PHONE and i got,
TO say i need more contact than this not working.
For me say it strong with? Self esteem, all Right.
Produce cayla we got. A call who?
Speaker 4 (37:26):
We got We got ben with.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
A question all the. Guys Tonight, Hi ben It's. Doctor
wendy all the.
Speaker 6 (37:32):
Guys, Tonight, indeed Hi. Doctor wendy i'm a longtime listener
and a first.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Time CALLER oh i, Love That, hi ben what's?
Speaker 6 (37:39):
Your? Question, Hi well i'll give you a little bit of. A,
background first my GIRLFRIEND and i were together for about.
A year we split up a, year ago a year
and a, half ago and almost immediately she told me
that she would like to just be friends while she
kind of figures out. Her life he wants to keep.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
You as a, backup, mate okay, keep going.
Speaker 6 (38:01):
Oh boy and then going through a lot of depression.
And STUFF and i, said OKAY and i obliged and we.
Stayed FRIENDS and, i really, You know i've learned a
lot over the years in my various relationships and how
to really show up As. A parker i'm very proud.
Of THAT and i showed up for her as a
FRIEND and i, was basically, YOU know i was her
best friend and she, was mine and multiple times throughout
(38:23):
that year of, being friends there were INSTANCES where i
said things or did things that really upset her that were,
just miscommunications which resulted in her blocking me thinking to
me for days or weeks at, a TIME and i
just let, it alone and then she would come back,
and say, You know, I'M sorry i thought you said
(38:47):
THIS or i thought you, meant This and i'd, say,
no no, you know and we'd clear it up and
everything would be. Fine anyway the most recent INSTANCE was
i hadn't heard from her in one of, those cases
and she called me late one Night, in, january huh
and was very upset because she was dealing with some
stuff with, her father who she has a very very bad.
(39:08):
Relationship with, Oh yeah and ONCE again i showed up.
For her and for about A week i was there,
for her and, you know things with her dad kind
of cooled off for, her emotionally AND then i just
kind of was feeling a little strange about her feelings,
toward me and this one night on, THE phone i
(39:29):
just kind of not, confronted HER but i. ASKED her i, just,
Said hey i'm a little confused about what your feelings.
ACTUALLY are i just need to kind of know SO
that i can calibrate. Myself emotionally and she got so upset,
SHE said i can't believe that you would bring this
Up while i'm dealing with this stuff with. My dad
she hung up, on me she, blocked ME and i
(39:49):
have not heard from. Her, since great do the?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Touchdown, Here, LISTEN ben i need to interrupt because his.
Long Story but i'm going to tell YOU that i
know all the INFORMATION that i need to have to
give the advice that you need to hear. Right now
if you ever heard the saying that you know what
you're gonna get from when you ask a certain friend
for advice and you go to that specific friend because
you know what they're, Gonna say Here's what i'm. Gonna
say you are the guy version of a woman who's
(40:17):
being used. For sex you are being used for your.
Emotional support this woman clearly has a bad relationship with,
her father so she doesn't have a good model for
love or how to have a. Healthy relationship she gets
easily triggered and cannot modulate her own feelings. And emotions
you are the, stalwart BACKBONE like i will be there,
(40:39):
for HER and i will stand up, for her and
eventually she will fall back in love. With me this
woman does not have the skills to have a, healthy
marriage and you don't want to have a baby. With
her i'm, Just, saying ben block her for. Good now.
Move on it's been a year and a half and
it's time that you get the love. You deserve there.
(40:59):
You go oh you, got it the stone cold truth
from a. Warm voice thanks.
Speaker 7 (41:04):
For.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Calling, ben hey when we, come back let's talk about.
Adrenaline dating it's. Really interesting you're listening To The Doctor
Wendy wall SHOW ON kfi am. Six forty were live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio
Speaker 1 (41:14):
APP kfi am six forty on demand
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
KFI AM six forty, You've got Doctor Wendy Wallace with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy walls Show. If you're new
to my show. I have a PhD in clitical psychology.
I'm a psychology professor at California State University, Channel Islands,
but I am obsessed with the science of love. I've
written three books on relationships, wrote a dissertation on attachment theory,
(00:24):
and always happy to weigh in on your life, your
love life or mine or anybody else's. In tonight's show,
we've got a couple television controversies from the New Golden
Bachelor and dare I say it? Love Island? We got
to get into it with Love Island. Also can a
robot be a good therapist? Also news of a growing
(00:48):
public health crisis cannabis use disorder. But first this New
Golden Bachelor. Okay, so remember the last Golden Bachelor. Remember
how he married the seventy year old woman and then
they got divorced three months later, and there was some
claim it was because she didn't want to pump her
own gas. Turns out she was from New Jersey where
you don't have to pump your own gas. Apparently I don't.
(01:10):
I'm sure there was much more involved. The truth is
what happens on these television sets is nothing close to reality.
Have you ever stayed at if you've been lucky enough
to as I have a couple times in my life,
like on our recent honeymoon in February to the four
season Sydney, Australia. Have you ever stayed in a five
(01:33):
star hotel which is like entering your mother's womb, twenty
four hour womb service people at your beck and call everywhere. Well,
imagine that time's ten on a TV set, there's not
only an assistant for everybody, there's somebody doing your hair,
your makeup, your wardrobe. They're dressing you, they're escorting you
(01:55):
to the next place for the next shot, and they're
talking to you about feelings of love. Who wouldn't fall
in love under those conditions, right? So I think that
when the other Golden Bachelor and the Bachelor had got married,
that's that's what that was, right, They just fell in
love with the whole or they probably never experienced a
(02:16):
Hollywood set where everything was done for them all right,
So now we have a new gold and Bachelor. He's
coming up in the fall if they don't fire him
before that. Let me tell you who he is. He's
from Detroit. He's sixty six years old, which means he
was born in nineteen fifty eight. He was an NFL player.
(02:38):
He was a standout linebacker at the University of Michigan
draft at ninth overall way back in nineteen eighty one.
You were old enough to remember nineteen eighty one. He
played nine seasons for the La Rams. Then he transitioned
to finance briefly. Eventually, he earned a law degree from
UC San Francisco and now practices as sports injury and
(03:00):
workers compensation attorney down in Orange County. He was married
for twenty five years. He has two sons. He divorced
in twenty twenty, so he's been divorced five years. He
coaches his son's sports. He did anyway, and so supposedly
according to the people the producers of the Golden Bachelor,
(03:22):
he is seeking a loving, energetic companion, someone who values companionship, laughter, fitness,
and lifelong learning. His name was announced on April twenty second,
and it is mel Owens. He is the New Golden Bachelor,
but there's some controversy. He recently appeared on a podcast
(03:46):
sounds like a Manisphere podcast called in the Trenches with
John Jensen. Do you know this one, Kayla? I I
don't either, but it's making news now. On June fourth,
he appeared, and what he told the host This New
Golden Bachelor that he, first of all, stop, he's sixty
six years old. Okay, I picture this. He would never
(04:08):
date a woman over sixty, preferring women aged forty five
to sixty. And he asked producers to avoid any contestants
who might have had artificial hips or wear wigs. Oh Jesus,
uhha ahh. Don't bother Jesus. He's busy with all the stop.
(04:29):
So he said that he told the producers that they
if they have any contestants over the age of sixty,
he's just going to eliminate them early on, just based
on age. All right, he.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Should be eliminated. We should dump the whole season and
start all over again.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I think so too. I don't like him, okay. Apparently
the Bachelor of Franchise Franchise host Jesse Palmer addressed the
situation way too diplomatically. In my opinion, he told us
Weekly quote. I've seen the headlines, obviously because I'm on
social media. I have not heard the podcast. We haven't
(05:05):
started filming Golden yet, so I haven't spent a ton
of time with mel. The small amount of time I
have spent with him, he seems like a good guy.
But I know I'm going to get to spend a
lot more time with him pretty soon. I'm sure that's
something we're going to talk about. That is very diplomatic,
very diplomatic. I do want to say this, Okay, This
(05:27):
idea of going for a younger women echoes an idea
from evolutionary psychology that even if men don't want to procreate,
they don't want to have a baby very deep in
their sexual psychology. Is this idea that a woman's youth
and beauty is correlated with fertility, right, It's some ancient
reflex they have. Of course, in reality, none of the
(05:49):
women on the show will be fertile unless there's a miracle,
and maybe jes As is coming. I don't know, maybe,
but the ancient instinct sometimes still calls a shit. Now
when we turn to today's modern culture, there is a
single population in most every age group, and for the
most part, calm down, ladies. For the most part, biological
(06:11):
peers are attracted to biological peers. I searched for my
sweet Julio on those apps within my age group, and
he was looking for a woman in his age group.
We wanted to share the same references, right, This is
so we can grow emotional intimacy. We can talk about
the same historical experiences. Also our day to day life
and all peers runs a little smoother. You know what
(06:34):
it is for an older person to have to go
out to nightclubs if they have a younger person dragging
them out. It's exhausting. Okay, But I have two big
takeaways about mel Owen's comments that he would eliminate any
woman over the age of sixty. He's sixty six. Remember
number one, he's probably very insecure, just my opinion, just saying, Okay,
(06:55):
he's probably insecure about his own aging and hopes that
having a younger girlfriend or wife around will reduce his
fear of dying. And that's what we have, right. But
then the second thing, I just my opinion, he's dumb. Okay, No,
he's not very intelligent. Even if a man holds these beliefs.
(07:18):
You don't say it out loud, right, you gotta be
smart enough not to say it out loud. Or do
you know maybe if I'm gonna go deep in psychoanalyzed,
maybe he's got a history of self sabotaging behavior and
he knew the controversy.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Also, maybe with his age, he didn't realize, like saying
this on a podcast is gonna live everywhere, It's gonna
go everywhere, it's gonna blovey Brides thought he was having
boy talk in front of a microphone, and it was
wasn't going to go past this door.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
In twenty twenty five, that doesn't happen.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he's he's a little older. I mean,
if I know, But then I've been canceled so many
times and.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
You're on the microphone every every day, all every day. Yeah,
you're used to this is your life.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You know when people meet me in real life, Kayla,
what they're most surprised about how wonderful you are. No
my sailor mouth. So apparently I know when there's a
mic gone and all those words that I'm not allowed
to say on KF, I just somehow get stuck in
the back of my throat, They're gone until the mic
goes off.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Well, you had to dump button here a couple of
times when I had you on shamelessly chante you and
you yeah, you said some bad things.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, well I'm going to guess it's different. Okay, So
the Golden Bachelor is still moving forward with mel as
the lead, though the remarks have sparked a wave of
backlash from fans and even the former Golden Bachelor, Jerry Turner.
Gary Gary Turner, Gary Turner. Okay, can we move over
to Love Island? How much time do we have? A'm
I okay, I got a minute. Okay, I'm just want
(08:43):
to storm say this. If you have not watched Love Island,
as Kayla says, they have the best marketing department on
the planet.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
It needs to be studied.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
It needs to be studied why it has become such
a huge phenomenon in our culture. So it's NBC peacock.
They recently reported that the show ranked number two among
all streaming programs. Right, but in June it was the
top streaming reality show for a second straight week. So
all of a sudden, it's gone crazy. The big episode
that got the most is the single most watched. One
(09:12):
is called Cassa a Moore episode. I don't know what happened,
what Haylo, what happened in that one a lot.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Doctor Wendy is way too much to get into, but
pretty much they separate the couples and put them in
with temptations essentially.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So if you don't know about this show, it's a
reality show on peacock where every young person in the
world knows every character deeply. It is daily. You watch
it every single day and you can download an app.
Right is that how you vote? And you vote yes
and you can kick people off. The island in America
is fickle and mean. Yes, and there's bullying that happened
(09:48):
a lot, and a few people have taken their own lives.
I'm going to explain it all when we come back,
because it's shocking to me. More on Love Island when
we return. You're listening to The Doctor Wendy Wall Show
on KFI AM six forty one live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand k
I AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walls show on I Am six forty. I
want to welcome my TikTok audience. If you want to
come in the studio and see producer Kayla there, she
has actually got her in the frame this time. You
guys just go on to TikTok and search at Dr
Wendy Walsh at Doctor Wendy Walsh and you can both
watch the show and listen to the show at the
(10:28):
same time and produce.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
A gals there in the frame. I can't believe it.
Thanks being on your Live with your million followers.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
We had to like move some computers around and some
furniture and try to find a way to fit us
both in one screen, but we did because Kayla is
also a fan of Love Island. So after this segment,
I'm going to be taking your calls. If you have
a comment or a question about Love Island, I want
you to give us a call after this segment. The
(10:54):
numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred five two zero, one five three
four or known as one KFI. So I mentioned Love
Island's number one rated reality show right now, it happens
to beyond Peacock. Everybody's obsessed about it, Kayla, You went
to a watch party at a bar?
Speaker 4 (11:15):
I did.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
They have them all over the place, but the one
I went to was at Dave and Buster's in Hollywood.
And I got to the watch party just a little
bit late, and when I walked in, I genuinely felt
like I was walking into a sports bar. The way
the crowd was yelling and reacting to what was going
on on the television. I had never seen anything like
that when it comes to reality television.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
So if you don't know what Love Island is, it's
a reality show where a bunch of very hot, young
single people are sent to a resort in Fiji they
call the villa, right, yeah, And so every day some
of them get together and some drama happens, you know,
with young people. But the big difference is watchers, viewers,
the audience can vote on who gets kicked off the
(11:59):
island first. And I call it a consensual bullying, don't
you think, Kayla?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
I mean yeah, literally, I could never go on the show.
America is brutal. These people are humans, and the way
that America eats them up and spits them out is awful.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Some of the reasons why I know the show is
very popular is that it's a constant, emotional, high stakes scenes.
Speaker 5 (12:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
You've got couples getting together and then uncoupling, so there's
drama because other people are coming in. You've got this
real time engagement from fans and viewers. I should tell
you there's a little smoke and mirrors because I looked
it up. Although it seems like you vote and the
next day that happens, they're actually like on a three
day delay or something like that, because you know, they
(12:48):
gotta people shoot it and edit it and get it
out there. Right. It also is social media firepower. If
you're on TikTok, I am sure you have seen a
million billion viral clips from Love Island, right, So these
bite sized clips are just primed to go viral on TikTok.
(13:09):
It also taps into these kind of universal fantasies that
many people have about finding love and specifically glamorous love
or maybe overcoming conflict. And so I think that many
of the people that are watching Kayla, would you agree
with me? Are kind of living vicariously through the people
on the show.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Oh yes, people have told me they don't have a
life anymore. Outside of the show. It's all they think about.
They have real strong emotions regarding these strangers that they've
never met before and will likely never meet.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
It really is all consuming.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
And I think another pivotal thing is that the show
comes on every single day, not like once a week,
every single day day.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
It takes two days off, right, So they.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Have one that's like on Wednesday where okay, no show
comes on, and then like they do a recap on Saturday,
so it's still but you're still consuming the show.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
I feel so.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Right now, there's a big drama going on because one
of the people on the show. So what happens is
in the real world of viewers go back into people's
social media. Now, while you're on the show, you're not
allowed to be posting on social media, and they also
make it wrong for you to have family members post
for you because it was impacting the mental health of
(14:23):
people when they would see this bullying online. So social
media is going crazy because they'll go back into people's
earlier feeds from years ago. And in one particular character,
they went back and they found a racial slur. It's
actually two characters at different times, right, So one of them.
The backlash about some racist comments she met was so
(14:44):
huge that she got kicked off the show by the
general public. Right, and now this week another person who
made some kind of racist comment on social media, like
five years ago or something.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Right, Yeah, that's true. Two people whore kicked off for
racial slurs. It makes me question their vetting process when
they're allowing these people to be on.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Is it just based off looks? Are they doing any
research on their own?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Well, I definitely want to talk about that in a minute,
but let us start by talking about whether this is
permissive bullying. We live in a weird culture right now.
We live in a culture where it's okay for our
leaders to be criminals. It's okay for our leaders to
bully on social media, and now here we are so
as far as I know, there are actually three two
(15:29):
former contestants and a former host who after leaving the
show died by suicide. Wow, they took their own lives. Now,
it wasn't too long ago where if that happened one
time to one person, that show would never happen ever again.
But in a weird way, it raised the popularity of
(15:50):
this show. It made it more even high stakes now
the producers say that they have spent more time vetting,
but Tayla, nobody goes on national or international television in
a reality show in a bikini if they don't have trauma.
(16:13):
I'm just gonna say that.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Okay, I didn't think that's how that sentence was going
to end.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
They are looking for love in all the wrong places.
The love now is the camera and the audience, et cetera.
And so I don't know how the producers are saying, well,
we're vetting them better so that we have more healthy people.
But if it is actually the bullying attacks by the
viewers that are causing the poor mental health, I mean
(16:39):
I have pretty good mental health. I've been attacked online
many times by trolls. I couldn't survive this, not this
love Island stuff.
Speaker 6 (16:48):
No.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
And I think also like not having access to they
don't know what day of the week it is, they
don't have a phone, they don't have any access to
the outside world. Just being in that environment as also,
I'm sure I'm mentally taxing.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So the producers are saying, don't blame us. We now
have psychologists around, we do psychological screenings, we have psychologists
on set, for consultations. We give all the participants social
media training. We also do inclusive behavioral coaching so they
learn respectful communication and they learn to avoid microaggressions. They have,
(17:23):
they say, regular mental health check ins. But what are
they gonna do? Okay, so let's say somebody clearly is
having some anxiety or depression about the show that day.
A person might be hugely popular, might want even if
they're like popular, because they're hated, you know what I mean,
Like people follow to hate as much as followed love.
You know, the producers aren't going to say, you know,
(17:44):
I don't think your mental health is good enough. I
don't think you should come on the show tomorrow. Right,
They're gonna say, hey, let's uh, let's really keep her
on because they're so They're just going to try to
maybe teach them some self soothing techniques. Do you think
that that's it? No, I don't know. I don't think
it's good enough. I really don't do. We have one
(18:04):
more segment before we go to the questions. No, we're
going to callers. I want to know what everybody thinks
about this. I want you to give us a call.
We are live now on KFI AM six forty, Los Angeles.
The number is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
You see producer Kayla got up. She's gonna get on
those phones right now and screen the calls. One eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. You can
(18:25):
also call me if you have a relationship question, because
I love to weigh in on your love life. I
am not afraid to do that. So one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. You are listening
to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand KFI.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. This is the
time of the show when I am taking your calls.
We're doing two things today. Either you're gonna give me
your opinion and comment about Love Island because it seems
to be all that anybody talking about. Or if you
do have a relationship question, I am happy to weigh
in on your love life. The number is one eight
(19:07):
hundred five two zero one KFI. That translates into one
eight hundred and five two zero, one five three four. Okay,
producer Kayla, who do we have? First?
Speaker 3 (19:17):
The amazing west Side Will with the question west Side Will,
do you have a question?
Speaker 5 (19:23):
I love they have the amazing Kayla and amazing Wendy.
You know what it's so fascinating with these whole dynamics
of relationships like on Love Island and all these different
portrayals of you know, healthy or unhealthy rather you know,
pairings and couplings and this and that. Is there any
hope really?
Speaker 7 (19:40):
Or what kind of message is it setting out there
for the future generations for relationships, cohabitating, marriage, kids, families,
Like you know, I'd like a wife and kids on
my own one day, But I'm definitely not going to
marry somebody on Love Island, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well, now I know you're healthy, Okay, you don't want
to marry somebody on Love Island.
Speaker 6 (19:57):
Will.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
This is a really good question, is what is the
mess it's sending out shows like Love Island to young
people who are trying to hopefully build happy relationships. Now
here's what I want to explain to you. A goods
According to research, a good sixty percent of humans in
America have what's called a secure attachment style, which means
that they will naturally move away from people who make
(20:20):
them feel uncomfortable. And so so I think people naturally
they're not just trained by what they see on TV.
They're trained by what happened in the first three years
of their life when they got attentive, loving parents who
answer to their needs. And these people grow up to
give and receive love comfortably, and in the early stages
(20:41):
of dating, if somebody behaves like they do on Love Island,
they tend to move away from that. So we shouldn't
worry too much. But yes, this other group of forty
percent who have an insecure attachment style may use shows
like Love Island as a model for how love or
relationships should look. And this is what terrifies me. Look,
I don't even like romantic comedies because romantic comedies always
(21:04):
end at the beginning. They end at the beginning of
a relationship. They never it's just the boy meets girl,
boy loses girl, boy gets girls back. But how do
they have a relationship after that? Right, So we should
not depend on the media for our relationships. If you do,
know that you suffered some loss or trauma or difficulty
in your early life, and you do know that you
(21:25):
have attachment insecurity, then working with a licensed therapist is
the only way, well not the only way, but one
of them many ways to change your attachment style. Good question.
Will we shouldn't use Love Island as a model for us? Okay,
Producer Kayla, Who do we have next?
Speaker 4 (21:40):
We have Richard with the question Richard?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Hi, Richard is doctor Wendy?
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Oh, Richard dressing up?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
We just lost I question? Was this question?
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I think we lost them? Oh? Is he there?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Maybe he could be driving his car, lost his slee
He's back. See what happens? Hi, Richard, That's okay, it's
doctor Wendy. What's your question? Love?
Speaker 8 (22:00):
Sorry about the mix up. How do you deal with
having a family member of your significant other? In this case,
it was if not the parents, who hates you and
that makes a lot of passive aggressive remarks at you.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
So within one nuclear family, I hope it's not you, Richard,
But within one nuclear family, there's a some family member
who you believe doesn't like you know what you're saying,
and they make yeah, all right. So here's how depending
on the age the person, if obviously If it's a child,
this is terrible. It can be very traumatic. If you're older.
(22:40):
You have to remember that a couple things happen when
we criticize others. One is sometimes we're projecting our shadow, right.
So Carl Jung, who was one of a disciple of Freud,
believe that inside all of us is this shadow part
of ourselves that is intolerable for us to even acknowledge
that exists. So we go around the environment, our friends, families, coworkers,
(23:01):
and we point fingers and say, oh, we're very critical
of them. And usually it's a piece of ourselves that
we think we're seeing in somebody else. So it's important
for you to remember that that it's just their shadow
at work. But you also have every right to set
up a boundary and protect yourself. So I know it's hard.
Like one of the things I noticed is that when
(23:22):
somebody does a little dig at me, it doesn't sink
in until later, Like later, I'm like, wait, wait a minute.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
What did they whah?
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Why didn't I just react right away? Right? If you're
fortunate enough to catch the little dig, criticism, negative comment
on the spot, then the answer is something to say, literally,
let them know how it impacted you. Rather than you know,
criticizing them, just say something like, ouch that hurt. Where'd
that come from? Just where'd that come from?
Speaker 6 (23:52):
Right?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I was lucky enough. I'm going to tell you something.
I was out to dinner a couple of weeks ago
and I gave some advice to somebody. It was simple advice.
It was like, if you want to hire a business person,
you should interview a few of them. Then you get
a little information from a lot of them, and they'll
help you make your decision. Because that's mean, that's mean,
it's like you're stealing information. I looked at her and
I said, wow, mean, did your mom say that to
(24:16):
you a lot? Anyway? She got it. Her mom did
say that a lot. It was about It was all
about her. It wasn't about me. I wasn't being mean
her perception of it. So it's okay to say, ouch
that hurt? Where'd that come from? And secondly, if it's
something consistent and chronic, you can set a boundary. And
the boundary is I'm sorry, if you talk to me
(24:38):
that way, then I'm going to have to leave the room.
And then you have to do that, you have to
actually leave the room right, and I'm sorry, hope it
wasn't you Richard, that this is happening too, but thank
you so much for calling Kayla. Did you say that
we have a talkback? Somebody called and recorded a Yeah,
we haven't talked that. Questions, who do we have? What's Scott?
Speaker 9 (24:55):
Hey, doctor Wendy, it's Arnold again. So I just want
to make sure I understand this correctly. If a women
said I'd like a man six feet tall, make six figures,
he got six pack abs, that's okay. What if a
man says, I like the women have women that looks
a certain way, body type, she has certain age that
(25:15):
I'm looking for. So he's stupid and he's insecure. Just
make sure I hurt that correctly.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
You did not hear that correctly. Didn't come out of
my mouth. Okay. So what he said is why is
it okay for a woman to say I'm looking for
a guy who's six feet tall, makes six figures and
has a six pack, and it's not okay for a
man to ask for a certain kind of body type.
What he's saying is I is okay for women to
objectify men, and it's not okay for men to objectify women.
(25:47):
That is not true. I did not say that. However,
there is a mating marketplace, and everybody has a certain
kind of made value. There are some women out there
who can get a guy who's six feet tall, who
makes six figures, who has a six pack, because they
have corresponding traits. Maybe they look like a model, maybe
(26:11):
they make good money themselves, maybe they're particularly smart. Whatever.
So it's okay to have kind of a list of
things you want and that you're hoping for based on
what you know you can pull what you know your
mate value is right. I personally don't think it's a
good idea to objectify anybody. I don't think you can
judge a book by its cover. I have dated some
(26:33):
of the most gorgeous guys in the world. They were
idiots or immoral. Okay. I've also dated rich guys that
were immoral. They were you know, evil rich. And I've
dated guys that weren't so good looking or weren't so tall,
who were just fabulous, wonderful people. So again, the outside
doesn't matter. And no, there is not one rule for
(26:54):
one women and one rule for men. I don't think
it's good for any gender to objectify another. All right,
let me go to social media because a few people
have sent me dms. Dear doctor Wendy, I have gone
on six dates with this guy and they were all free.
Sunset watches, walks on the beach, hikes, et cetera. He
(27:15):
has money? Is this low effort? Well, let's pause. If
he has money, he'd be spending it. He doesn't have money.
He's pretending he has money, and I don't worry. You
get this idea that he has money, Okay. I also
remember I say this all the time. Women need to
reassess their ideas of gender role. And if you happen
to be successful and make a good living, you might
(27:37):
need a supporter if you want to continue with that career.
So your idea of a power man just might be
a guy who can power a stroller. So money shouldn't
be everything. On the other hand, if you happen to
be looking for a traditional relationship with a male provider,
you're dating a guy with small money. Okay, You're dating
a guy who's being very romantic. Sunset watches, walks on
(27:59):
the beach, hike, et cetera. All lovely, and if that's
okay with you, because you can be the supporter. Then fine,
he's showing you that this is how he's going to sacrifice.
The problem I have here is this idea that you
think he has money. But I'm telling you if he
has money, he'd be taking you on better dates. So
he would be taking you on better dates.
Speaker 6 (28:20):
Roll.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Do you have time for one more before we go
to break? I've been watched the time. Hello, oh I
have to go to break? All right, well we come back.
I'm going to continue to answer your questions and your
social media. The numbers one, eight hundred and five, two zero, one, five,
three four. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show
and KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the
(28:40):
iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand the.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
KFI AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show. Now, I'd like
to welcome my Instagram followers. If you'd like to log
onto Instagram and say hello to me, I'm here in
the studio iHeartRadio Studios in Burbank, California. If you have
a relationship question or a comment about Love Island. I
see the people are saying things like everyone is flawless
(29:07):
on that show. It's true, it's true. Somebody just asked
me who lies more in a relationship, men or women? Well,
they lie about different things. Let's start with a dating profile. Okay.
The first thing is men lie about height and money.
Women lie about age and weight. We all just know that, right.
They're trying to make themselves more attractive in some way. Dudes,
(29:31):
we know if you say you're five eleven, we know
you're five nine and a half. We know if you
say you're six to two that you're six feet Even
the dudes who say they're six' five are only six.',
three okay we just, know. That right and in the,
same way you can count on the fact that women
(29:51):
tend to weigh ten pounds more than they say on.
THAT look i tell MY doctor i weigh ten pounds
LESS than i. DO now i actually got an electronic,
scale recently, you GUYS because i gained ten POUNDS since i.
Got married. Happy weight it's just that my husband has
a really fast metabolism and he eats three meals, a
DAY so i started eating just two meals a day and.
(30:11):
Watching him eat one hasn't helped, much yet but just letting.
You know as far as other things people, LIE about
i find it really funny that on, dating apps when
you go through, the profiles no man on a dating
app is. An employee they're, a founder, a manager a,
vice president a expert. In whatever they, you know they
just make it sound great and. That's okay this. Is
(30:35):
marketing this is how you. Sell yourself this is what.
You do you sell yourself when. You're, Mating, Okay, Producer
kayla i'm going to go to social media because we
had a lot of dms that came In. On instagram
so let me get to some of. Those questions, Dear
doctor wendy says. This listener i've been dating someone for
six months and we still haven't defined. The RELATIONSHIP should
(30:55):
i bring it up or wait for him to make the.
First move i'm gonna Lose my i'm sorry how many
TIMES have i. Said this i'm gonna say. It, again
ladies you are in a situationship because you allow yourself
to be in. A situationship he's not the last man on.
(31:18):
The planet if you're more afraid of, him leaving then
this is all you're gonna get six months you've been.
WITH him i am going to assume that you've already
started to, have sex so the. Deal's closed you, Already lost.
You lost. I'm sorry you should ask. For exclusivity that
doesn't mean only you be my. Boyfriend forever can we
(31:39):
post it on social? Media, place no, Just, like hey
we're both just trying to get to know. Each other
i'd like to know if we take it to the,
next step which is the, physical Relationship that i'm the
only one you're. Sleeping with, that's it that's, the conversation
and you ask it before you have sex for the.
First time, She says i've been dating someone for. Six
(32:01):
months we haven't defined. It yet whose fault, is? That
ladies men do not grow up reading? Grooms magazines grooms
magazines do. Not exist men do not spend their lives
thinking about the perfect tuxedo they'll wear when they walk down.
The aisle none of this exists in the minds. Of
(32:23):
men you are in one hundred percent control of the
pace and definition, of relationship and high value women know
how to. Negotiate That so i'm going to tell. You
this if you have been together six months and now
you're going to ask. For definition there's a good chance
you're not going to get the commitment, You want so
(32:45):
be ready. To leave be ready. To, leave. Okay okay
this person, asks online is it normal after a SEPARATION
that i don't care to ever have? Sex, again yes.
You are you're, feeling lost your libido. Goes down this
is mother. Nature going let's calm things down. A bit,
(33:07):
it's okay it'll all, Come back it'll all, come back.
All right here's another question FROM A dm, Dear, Doctor
wendy my girlfriend wants to move, in Together but i'm
Not sure. I'm ready HOW do i express that without
making her Feel like i'm? Not committed? All right so
here we. Go again people fear abandonment more than they
(33:28):
want their needs to. Be met so all you need
to SAY is i. Love you i'm hoping we're going
to have a. Future together at, This stage i'm not ready.
To cohabitate or maybe you say i'd rather wait until
we get married and we're ready.
Speaker 8 (33:42):
For.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
That whatever say whatever. You want they're. Your needs you
deserve to have, your needs and you just. Say IT
say i. LOVE you i think. YOU'RE fabulous i think
this is Going somewhere i'm not ready to move, in
together and then let her do what she needs. To
do that's what you have. To do just let her
do what she needs to do at. That, point oh
(34:03):
here's a. Good one Dear. Doctor wendy my boyfriend still
talks about his, ex regularly insists they're. Just FRIENDS should
i be worried OR am? I? Overreacting well what you
need to do is tell him your feelings, About this
like you, might, SAY huh i wonder do you talk
to her as much about me as you talk to me? About,
(34:26):
her right and JUST say i know that you're. Just.
FRIENDS again i need more, information here like have they
been broken up for five years or they just broke
up six? Months ago. Big difference there needs to be,
a separation, healing time unfriend block all that stuff for
a while and then came back. To friendship but if
he's trying to keep her as a, backup mate you
(34:46):
have every reason to be threatened just saying cause people,
do that they keep them as a. Backup mate Dear,
Doctor wendy we've been married for, ten years but it
feels like more like we're roommates. Than partners HOW do
i the. Spark back you know how you bring this.
Spark back you light a Fire and i'll tell you
how you. Do it you create novelty in. Your relationship
(35:09):
you see your partner in, new light in a, new
space and you insist that you do different things that
you've never. Done, before now could be things like. Adrenaline
dating i'm going to talk about. That, next actually it
could be something very exciting to add some spark to.
Your relationship but it could be just stopping with, the
routine changing, up everything literally getting up at a, different
(35:32):
hour going to bed at a, different now having sex
in a, different room going on dates to part of
town you've never, been before going to visit, a museum
going on. A trip just do something different with, your
partner because research has shown that novelty makes it. More,
exciting again, and yes. A, conversation now the conversation shouldn't,
be hey. I'm bored i'm. Really bored what can we
(35:55):
doon to make it? More exciting you want to say
SOMETHING like i, LOVE you i still think you're. Really
hot let's find a way together to get some excitement
back in. Our relationship make it a, wee, Problem right
let's find a way, All right, Moving along Dear. Doctor
wendy i'm in a long. Distance, relationship oops and lately
(36:15):
my partner takes hours to respond. To texts HOW do
i address that without? Sounding clingy here we, go again
the sphere. Of ABANDONMENT if i express, my needs they'll.
Run AWAY if i, sound clingy they'll break up. With
me you have to. Be prepared you don't have negotiating
(36:36):
power unless you're ready, to. Leave right so the way
you do it Is. You well i'm not a big.
Game player i'm about. Being DIRECT so i at. The
text here's the OTHER thing. I hear TWO things i,
don't like long distance relationship and responding. TO texts i
hope you guys are getting on the phone and facetiming
(36:56):
at least once, a day because the research shows that long,
distance relationships, it's really really important that you do video
calls and you talk on the phone, every day even just,
once today even just for a. Few, MINUTES look i
travel a lot from my Wonderful, sweet JULIO who, i
love but we, talk, morning noon and night at least
three times a day when. We're separated so you got
(37:17):
to have the conversation on. The PHONE and i got,
TO say i need more contact than this not working.
For me say it strong with? Self esteem, all Right.
Produce cayla we got. A call who?
Speaker 4 (37:26):
We got We got ben with.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
A question all the. Guys Tonight, Hi ben It's. Doctor
wendy all the.
Speaker 6 (37:32):
Guys, Tonight, indeed Hi. Doctor wendy i'm a longtime listener
and a first.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Time CALLER oh i, Love That, hi ben what's?
Speaker 6 (37:39):
Your? Question, Hi well i'll give you a little bit of. A,
background first my GIRLFRIEND and i were together for about.
A year we split up a, year ago a year
and a, half ago and almost immediately she told me
that she would like to just be friends while she
kind of figures out. Her life he wants to keep.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
You as a, backup, mate okay, keep going.
Speaker 6 (38:01):
Oh boy and then going through a lot of depression.
And STUFF and i, said OKAY and i obliged and we.
Stayed FRIENDS and, i really, You know i've learned a
lot over the years in my various relationships and how
to really show up As. A parker i'm very proud.
Of THAT and i showed up for her as a
FRIEND and i, was basically, YOU know i was her
best friend and she, was mine and multiple times throughout
(38:23):
that year of, being friends there were INSTANCES where i
said things or did things that really upset her that were,
just miscommunications which resulted in her blocking me thinking to
me for days or weeks at, a TIME and i
just let, it alone and then she would come back,
and say, You know, I'M sorry i thought you said
(38:47):
THIS or i thought you, meant This and i'd, say,
no no, you know and we'd clear it up and
everything would be. Fine anyway the most recent INSTANCE was
i hadn't heard from her in one of, those cases
and she called me late one Night, in, january huh
and was very upset because she was dealing with some
stuff with, her father who she has a very very bad.
(39:08):
Relationship with, Oh yeah and ONCE again i showed up.
For her and for about A week i was there,
for her and, you know things with her dad kind
of cooled off for, her emotionally AND then i just
kind of was feeling a little strange about her feelings,
toward me and this one night on, THE phone i
(39:29):
just kind of not, confronted HER but i. ASKED her i, just,
Said hey i'm a little confused about what your feelings.
ACTUALLY are i just need to kind of know SO
that i can calibrate. Myself emotionally and she got so upset,
SHE said i can't believe that you would bring this
Up while i'm dealing with this stuff with. My dad
she hung up, on me she, blocked ME and i
(39:49):
have not heard from. Her, since great do the?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Touchdown, Here, LISTEN ben i need to interrupt because his.
Long Story but i'm going to tell YOU that i
know all the INFORMATION that i need to have to
give the advice that you need to hear. Right now
if you ever heard the saying that you know what
you're gonna get from when you ask a certain friend
for advice and you go to that specific friend because
you know what they're, Gonna say Here's what i'm. Gonna
say you are the guy version of a woman who's
(40:17):
being used. For sex you are being used for your.
Emotional support this woman clearly has a bad relationship with,
her father so she doesn't have a good model for
love or how to have a. Healthy relationship she gets
easily triggered and cannot modulate her own feelings. And emotions
you are the, stalwart BACKBONE like i will be there,
(40:39):
for HER and i will stand up, for her and
eventually she will fall back in love. With me this
woman does not have the skills to have a, healthy
marriage and you don't want to have a baby. With
her i'm, Just, saying ben block her for. Good now.
Move on it's been a year and a half and
it's time that you get the love. You deserve there.
(40:59):
You go oh you, got it the stone cold truth
from a. Warm voice thanks.
Speaker 7 (41:04):
For.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Calling, ben hey when we, come back let's talk about.
Adrenaline dating it's. Really interesting you're listening To The Doctor
Wendy wall SHOW ON kfi am. Six forty were live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio
Speaker 1 (41:14):
APP kfi am six forty on demand
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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