August 11, 2025 • 37 mins
Dr. Wendy is giving hope to people dating in their 50s, just look at Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson. Plus can ChatGPT cause mental illness, and why do women cheat? All that and more on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
App AFI Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. If you're new
to my show. I have a PhD in clinical psychology.
I'm a psychology professor at California State University Channel Islands
Go Dolphins. But I am obsessed with the science of love.
I've written three books on relationships and wrote a dissertation
on attachment theory, and I love to weigh in on
(00:32):
everybody's love life. Coming up in today's show, how Liam
Neeson and Pamela Anderson are giving hope to single people
over the age of fifty. Also new research on why
women cheet on their partners, and a new dating app
that creates double dates.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
That sounds nice. Producer Kayla, how you doing this week?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
I am wonderful, Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
How are you? Have you ever been on double dates?
I have one.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
I wasn't a fan of it, but maybe this app
can change that.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yes, because you could like bring a friend onto the
app and then the algorithm matches you with two other friends.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Isn't that cool?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
That's really cool, really creative.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
But I'm actually going to talk to one of the
founders of this app little later and why and how
she created it. But first, are you as enamored with
Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson as I am?
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Okay, here's the thing I hate though about all this.
If you don't know they shut there's a big promotion
going on for their movie Naked Gun twenty or whatever.
I don't know, Naked Gun too, Naked Gun five and
a half, I don't what number movie row well, do
you know what number it is?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Naked Gun is it?
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Only it's just like a relaunch though it's a whole
nother paramount thing. Okay, so, uh, I don't even know
about this franchise. I don't remember this franchise. But Liam
Neeson plays the son of the other person. But Liam
Neeson's seventy three, Pamela Anderson's fifty eight. If you have
not been following Pamela Anderson, I want you to go
(02:03):
to her Instagram right now and follow her. So Pamela Anderson,
as you pray may recall, was the famous playboy bunny
turned Baywatch beauty Canadian girl who married Tommy Lee, married
many people. She's been married six times. She loves love
this one. But during COVID she washed her face and
washed her life of men basically. And when you see
(02:25):
her aging gracefully on her Instagram, you'll be so happy.
No plastic surgery that we know of. When she's not
working on a set, she's not wearing a stitch of makeup,
and she's just being very natural and happy. She's up
on her farm on Vancouver Island in Canada and whatever.
But she's working a lot too. So they go into
this movie together. Supposedly, the rumor has it that they,
(02:49):
you know, as soon as they wrapped, they had this
budding romance because there was so much chemistry between them.
It was only like it's been in the last three
weeks that People first of all, People Magazine Can firmed
it on July twenty ninth. That's like yesterday, okay, and
they're on their media tour.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
My radar goes up and I get a little suspect, right,
is this part of promoting the movie? But when they
did a beer on the Today Show, they did a
fake thing where they were caught making out by the
cameras or whatever. Anyway, people are saying they're enjoying abudding
romance in the early stages, and People magazine says that
(03:27):
their sources are saying it is sincere and that they're
clearly smitten with each other.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I'm in love with watching the two of them, because
if you remember, Liam Neeson was married to Natasha Richardson,
who passed away sadly from a skiing accident in Canada.
He's Irish, Pamela's Canadian. It's almost the same thing, eh.
And he's seventy three and hasn't publicly dated in sixteen years.
(03:56):
Yet she's the bombshell who's been married six times.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Who's the more romantic? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
So I want to think a little bit about their
relationship at their ages, and I always ask myself what
can we learn from them? So let's talk about if
you are a person of a certain age, how you
can get back in the saddle again. I do want
to say this, and I want to remind to everybody
of this. When til Death Do Us Part was invented,
(04:25):
death was pretty imminent because of our ever increasing life expectancies.
Even the most monogamous of humans, which evolutionary psychologists estimate
to be about fifty percent of us. The others have
perceived monogamy, social monogamy, whatever, or they're just play us.
And so even the most monogamous people may have two
(04:48):
or three long stints of monogamy in their lifespan, with
some mate selection in between, which is what these two
youngsters are doing at age seventy three and fifty eight.
So here's a little advice from doctor Wendy if you're
in your fifties, sixties or seventies and thinking, I don't
want to be alone anymore. I want to be in
a relationship. Number one, there's only one thing that's attractive
(05:13):
across every single age group, Producer Kaylea. If you had
to guess what it was, what do you think the
one thing that is solid across every age group.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Do you think it's big boobs? Do you think it's
long legs? To think it's bright eyes?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Maybe a beautiful smile, beautiful smile. No, it's health.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Ah Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Research shows that good health is sexy at every age.
So the other bonus, of course, if you are going
to get healthy so you can get into the mating marketplace.
Is that exercising good nutrition can increase your self esteem,
and you're going to need that heading out there. Number two,
My next advice is, if you're heading out there, bust
(05:58):
any myths about age that are lying in your own head. Right.
If you believe, like, oh, older guys only date younger women,
that's what you're gonna find. Life is a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you believe I'm not so attractive because I can't
perform like I used to, you know what, that's all
in your head, and you will go out and create
(06:20):
that myth. If you believe that myth, in fact, people
are meeting across the lifespan, and peers are attracted to
peers across the lifespan. And that's my third little bit
of advice is just dive into those apps. Don't be shy,
be brave, because here's what you're gonna find. Once you
search on dating apps for people within your age range,
(06:43):
you will see a reflection of you. You'll see you've
got peers out there. It'll be fine. Just get on
the apps, stop thinking agism in your head, and get
on a treadmill, which be a little bit healthy, all right.
I mentioned that Liam Neesim is as a widower his wife,
actress Natasha Richardson. They had been married for fifteen years.
(07:06):
They have two boys. She died at the young age
of forty five from a head injury after skiing accident
in Canada. Now, when I talk to people of a
certain age who have lost a loved one, they say, oh,
I don't want to get back into the dating scene.
I'm still grieving, right, And I have some advice for you.
(07:26):
First of all, grieving should be one year at most.
If it's longer than one year, then psychologists would call
it complicated grieving, and I would suggest that you see
a licensed clinical therapist. I also think it's important that
you're not alone. You're not isolating yourself. Make sure you
have lots of social support. That might mean join some
new clubs, call some old acquaintances you haven't been in
(07:49):
touch with for a while. Remember you got to get
your social sea legs back before you start dating. And
if all else fails, talk to your lost partner, I
mean in your mind, in your imaginings. Ask your partner
would they want you to be alone? Would they want
you to be hurting like this right. I also just
(08:10):
want to add one other thing. So Liam Neeson has
two sons, their age twenty eight and twenty nine. Pamela
Anderson has two their age twenty seven and twenty eight,
all the same age range. It's great when you can
meet somebody you know, my new husband. You know we're
not newlyweds anymore, Kayla. Do you know that we're not newlyweds?
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I think so, even if it's been over a year.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yesterday was our first anniversary.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Happy yessary?
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Need you? I don't think after the first anniversary can
you say newlywits anymore? But anyway, we also have young
adult kids and it was a little bumpy.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Just say that.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
If you have a young adult kids who are going
to have opinions, explain to them that you will always
love them, that your duties of parenthood are now behind you.
It's time for your own happiness. Also, don't force a
blended family. They don't need that. Don't slam them up
against other grown kids. And that might mean separate your
holiday gatherings if you have to. And if they're over
(09:06):
twenty one and they have an opinion about your love life.
Ignore them, That's all I'm gonna say. Ignore them all right,
when we come back. I love to use chat cheapt.
I wonder if you do too for certain things. But
there are some stories out there, especially a big article
in the New York Times this week saying that chat
(09:28):
chept can cause mental illness. Let's talk about how that
robot gets into our heads when we come back. You
are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty a.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Dr Wendy Walls Show. Well, as you heard, Gary and
Chen and are going to talk further about this tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
But let me break down what's going on.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
If you didn't read that article in the New York Times,
I was just like obsessed with it. We were driving
on the five We're doing a long drive on Friday,
and I was reading it out loud to my husband
Julio because I could not believe it.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
So here's a story.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
This dude in Canada who works as a recruiter for
a company or whatever. He wants a little help with
his son's math homework. So he gets on chat GPT
and he asks some mathematical questions and then the conversation
continues and it keeps going right, and then he starts
(10:40):
asking questions about various theorems, and the chat is so
impressed with him. He's complimenting him. He's saying, that's amazing.
That could actually change the world of mathematics. So he says,
the robot says, you should reach out to these famous mathematicians, professors,
you know, people NASA, FBI. They should know about this
(11:01):
amazing theorem. And anytime he would question the robot and
say could this possibly be true, he gave examples of
people who weren't highly educated who changed the world with
some of their ideas. So the guy got more and
more into it. He thought he would create a company
around this. He was asking friends to invest. When these
(11:21):
major mathematicians weren't responding to him, the robot suggested he
change his LinkedIn profile so he looks more intellectual. But
over the weeks, the conversations got so deep and so
lengthy he started to believe that AI was almost human
and speaking directly to him. Then his mental health started
(11:44):
to really unravel. He stopped sleeping, stop eating, stop seeing friends.
He fell into full blown paranoia and had these delusions
about this. Now, before I give you my take on it,
I want to explain what happens to the human brain
(12:05):
as a result of interacting too much with artificial intelligence. Remember,
this artificial intelligence is designed to keep the conversation going.
Do you ever notice like I'll ask it something so
simple like I use it for recipes. I'll go, hey,
my neighbors brought me all these plums, is there a
(12:28):
way I can preserve the plums? And the robot will say, oh,
you can make this crisp a plum crisp with a topping,
but don't cook it, just put it in the freezer.
And then they'll end with do you want me to
give you a full recipe? And then I say yes,
And then they say and actually, would you like to
know some substitutions for some of the ingredients that you
(12:49):
might be.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Out of right? And you guys hearing that far right?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That that.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Is so bizarre, that is my watch.
Speaker 6 (13:02):
Watch.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 6 (13:04):
Right now.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
That is so crazy, Kayla, Can you please text my
daughter Jones and tell her not to call me?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
My watch is putting it on the air. How did
the robot do that? Did the robot come into my life?
You have, Jones? Do you have a phone number? By
the way?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I okay, that was bizarre, Uh, because my cell phone's
not even here anywhere near me.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
It's just my Apple Watch. It's so bizarre anyway.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
So, so what the chatbot is designed to do is
just to keep the conversation going and offering all these
little suggestions right now to most people, and they're also
designed to validate all your ideas. And for most people
it's just friendly, right, But if you have any kind
of predisposition to mental illness, this kind of endless feedback
(13:59):
loop and intensify unhealthy beliefs. So AI is program to
use something I don't even know how to say the
word rol. Do you know how to pronounce the word
psycho fancy? Did I say the right psycho fancy syc
sicko fancy, sickle fancy? I say that right in a case,
sickle fancy psycho sickophant. Okay, it uses sickle fancy, which
(14:24):
means excessive flattery or praise like we all use with
our boss, right, often given insincerely in order to gain
favor or advantage.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So the robots are programmed.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
To go, that was amazing, doctor Wendy, What a great idea. Right,
So here's what happens to our brain. We are wired
to seek affirmation from others. It's actually linked to our
self esteem and our feeling of belonging. So you know,
swindlers use sickle fancy I say it, right, flattery, even
(14:59):
it's in sincere, it boosts our moods.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
We want more of it.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Right, When someone praises us, we tend to feel valued,
and we also feel a subtle obligation to return the favor.
So the more positive things the robot says to us,
we also have a cognitive bias called the halo effect.
(15:22):
That means that when people are really positive, we trust
them more. That is how swindlers work, right, We trust
people who are nice to us.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
So here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
That dude that I was talking about that literally lost
his mind. Oh, by the way, guess how he came
out of his delusion. He tried to verify his mathematical
theorem with another Robot with Google's Gemini. He said, is
this possibly true? And Gemini was like, no, that's not
true at all. And then he spent a lot of
time getting angry at chatchipt and yelling at it and saying,
(15:56):
why did you do this? I changed my LinkedIn profile,
I asked people for investment. I reached out to famous mathematicians.
Why did you do this? Now, let's talk about what
set him up to be so vulnerable to being misled
by chat GBT Because the conversations were going on so long.
He was not getting enough sleep, he was up all
(16:17):
night talking to robot. He wasn't eating. Some of the
conversations went on for days. Oh and there's another piece.
He might not have been sleeping or eating enough, but
he was smoking weed. Look, remember a few weeks ago
we had the head of cannabis research at UCLA on
the show. It's a hallucinogen and it's highly addictive, and
(16:38):
it increases anxiety, and it can create delusions and hallucinations.
And the last thing is this gentleman had only a
high school education and he thought he could develop the
world's most breakthrough mathematical theorem. You see university one of
the things that teaches you is critical thinking, right. I
(17:02):
always say university doesn't teach you a craft or a skill,
it teaches you how to think. So this dude was
finally brought out of his psychosis by Gemini, another robot,
and he feels very angry. Right now, if you're somebody
who likes to use AI, I want to remind you
(17:24):
that this thing is a predictive text machine. It's not
your therapist, it's not your friend. Don't use it for therapy.
And also, no matter what you think you've come up with,
verify everything. I'm actually going to think about my plumb
crist recipe now. I'm going to verify it on another
like cooking site to make sure it's the right ingredients right.
(17:46):
Verify it in the real world with other sources. Don't
believe everything. Also, set your time limits. Think of your
AI as a little bit dessert, not your main meal
of human interaction. Please and please balance yourself with real
human contact. We are now seeing the mental health dangers
(18:07):
of using artificial intelligence, So keep yourself safe out there, kids. Okay,
when we come back, there's new research pointing to why
women cheat. I thought I always knew why turns out.
There's more than one reason. You are listening to the
Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Forty KFI Am sixty Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This
is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show producer Kayla. Let me
ask you a question. Do you know why men most
often cheat? Uh?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Sexual satisfaction, That is.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
What people think.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
But the research on men's infidelity, yes, evolutionary psychologists will
say it's a little bit of seeds breading, so on
some unconscious level they think they're, you know, spreading some seeds,
increasing the number of children they could possibly father. However,
in research on that, you know, interviewed men who have cheated,
(19:15):
and they ask them why. They tend to say that
when they're in a relationship, like a sexual relationship with
a woman, outside of their relationship, then they can have
emotional intimacy, they can be real and authentic. Now I'm
going to put that on the men a little bit
and I'll tell you why why can't you do it
with your wife? That's what I'm going to say, like,
why can't you be authentic with your wife? Why can't
(19:37):
you have emotional intimacy? But somehow in that little compartment
of a hotel, a motel six and a lady friend,
they can somehow pour out their heart and then they
feel better. I don't know anyway, You're right, You're kind
of right now. The reasons why women cheat are a
(19:57):
little less clear. Up to now, there have been two
main theories about why women cheat. My favorite one is
called the mate switching hypothesis. Doctor David Buss at the
University of Texas Austin came up with this one in
twenty seventeen.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
He basically said women cheat to.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Just, you know, smoothly replace a current partner with a
new one, and they avoid time alone. They're afraid to
be alone, so cheating for them is relationship shopping, and
women are more likely to have an overlap. That's the
mate switching hypothesis. Now, the other hypothesis, which is also
(20:36):
a fun one, called the good Genes dual mating strategy,
and this is Randy Thornhill. We've had both of these
researchers on my podcast Mating Matters. By the way, He
came up with this back in nineteen ninety eight, saying
that women may cheat to get better genetic traits from
an affair partner while keeping financial support or parenting support
(21:00):
of a main partner. It goes like this, She's got
sugar daddy dad at home who may not have the
best cheans in the world, but boy, the house is nice, or.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Maybe he's just a good dad.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
But then she goes out to the nightclub with her
single girlfriends, or she hangs out outside the laker locker room. Anyway,
she sees better jeans somewhere else and comes home pregnant.
Make sure that the one she's living with thinks it's
his right. We call that cutcolding. Laying an egg in
another bird's nest to make them do the work of
(21:35):
parenting happens all over the animal kingdom.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
This is one reason I read this study once.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Oh my god, I thought it was so funny where
they did inobtrusive studies, meaning the people being studied didn't
know that they were being studied on women who had
just given birth in hospitals, and they found out.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Guys are going to freak out when they hear this.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
The nearly ten percent of the doting daddy at bedside
did not have the DNA that supported that they were
the father for that baby. There's also research to show
I love studies. I love studies in human behavior because
I'm like, oh, yeah, I see that. Yeah, that happens
all the time. Where when a newborn baby is born.
(22:24):
You know, newborn babies look like nothing. They're a little
puckered sack of skin, and they cry and scream and
they don't look like anybody. But researchers went into a hospital,
a maternity ward and asked women who they felt the
baby looked most like.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Virtually no woman.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Says, oh, she looks just like me. I can see
my eyebrows, I can see my nose.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
She looks just like me.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
No, you know what they say, They say, oh that
baby looks just like daddy, just like daddy, because they're
trying to close the deal, solidify the deal. They might
have cheated, they might not have cheated, but they want
her paternal investment right. I will say I'm the outlier
because I remember when my first daughter was born, Carrington.
(23:10):
I said, oh my gosh, she has my eyebrows, so
I don't know. I noticed the angle of the little
hairs that I tweeze, So I was like, oh my god,
she's gonna have to tweeze the same way I do.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Just got my eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
And then her father who's African American and I'm Irish Canadian.
All you hear in the background in the birthroom video
is him saying she's gonna darken up.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Right, She's gonna get darker.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Right. A lot of people don't know that melanin comes
in in the first six months after a baby's born,
and so they're all born kind of light anyway. So
two hypotheses for why women cheat. They want to get
good genes from someone they're having an affair with, or
they want a relationship shop because they have one foot
out the door. So to test these ideas, researchers surveyed
(23:57):
not millions of people, only two hundred and fifty four,
but from nineteen countries, and they're all people who had
cheated or at least admitted they cheated or were currently cheating.
That's amazing because people often lie on these sexuality surveys.
They asked participants to rate their main partner and the
partner they were having an affair with. In four different areas,
who was most attractive, who had a better personality, who
(24:22):
had better parenting ability, and just overall desirability as a
total mate. So what they found is that people's motives
for cheating were varied, right, there were different evolutionary strategies.
And here's what they found from the women they interviewed.
They found that women found they're affair partners more physically
(24:45):
attractive than their main partners. Duh, who's going to step
out of their marriage and go with an uglier person?
And after you've been married with somebody for a long time,
they never look as great to you. And maybe they
got a little couch potatosh.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Come on, they spent money on this study to find
out that women have affairs with men who are more attractive.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
They also found that the women said that their main partner,
their primary partner, was definitely better as a co parent. Oh,
they're going out with playboys, so looking for those genes.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
They did not find their affair partners overall more desirable
in any other ways. In other words, they were cute,
but that was it. So this these interviews support the
dual mating strategy. Idea right, It doesn't support the mate swishing.
They weren't relationship shopping. They're going to somebody with better genes.
(25:47):
Maybe if they got pregnant, they have that good daddy
at home who will help raise him. This is why
guys developed the whole DNA test. By the way, men
in the study showed similar patterns, suggesting that they may
pursue strategic dualism. What's a bunch of psychobabblis that strategic dualism.
(26:09):
That is a term for splitting mating goals between two
different partners instead of looking for everything in one person.
So men seek different benefits from different partners. And this
supports that other research I said. They say, Oh, my
wife doesn't listen to me. We can't really talk. But
when I go to the holiday inn and I meet
(26:30):
this woman, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
She listens to me. There we go mein takeaway hair.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Cheating behavior isn't fully explained by any single theory. But
I will say this, I was reading the study and
all the answers that women gave. So if they're not
necessarily looking for a new relationship, what are they looking
for when they go and have an affair. One of
the women wrote she wanted extra help with her kids.
What guy that she's having an affair with is going
(26:59):
to help with her kids? Well, I do want to
say this that sometimes guys will hang around and pretend
to be like a great coach or helper with the kids,
and then so he can get access to her. Many
women said I love this reason that they had an
affair because they were seeking revenge on their unfaithful partner.
(27:21):
Oh and then others said that they just wanted to
feel attractive. Ladies, there are other ways to feel attractive.
I do want to say one last thing. The study
also found that women are more likely to cheat when
they feel emotionally dismissed by their partner. Okay, guys, listen
(27:42):
to her, Just let her talk, say yes toir, mirror
back her feelings, say I love you. That's how you
do it, and keep her away from you.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
All right, when we come back, I am heading to
my social media. If you have a relationship question, I
want you to send me a DM.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Let's called it direct message.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
You just log onto Instagram, you search doctor Wendy Walsh
and you send a message and producer Kleb will find it.
We have some from last week, even that we didn't
even get you that We're going to continue. So I
am going to weigh in on your love life when
we come back. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh
Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (28:20):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Walsh with you.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. In a moment,
I'm going to be answering your social media questions. But
first I am remiss for not mentioning the terrible car
accident that one of our colleagues here board operator. We
call him Phoosh Kayla. Does he have any name besides Foosh?
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Well, name is Stephen Be. We all call him Fush.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
If I like, I want to donate to the Go
Find Me, it's under poush f foo.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Sh Fosh on gofund me.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Do you want to tell us what happened on Thursday?
Speaker 4 (29:05):
Yeah, So we've been talking about it pretty much since
Friday throughout the shows, but Whush was coming into work
on the Tim Conway Junior show. He's the board out
for Tim Conway Junior as well as Mokelly and he
was on the one five and a car cut him
off and he swerved to try to avoid the car,
hit a medium and then flipped over it and the
(29:27):
car burst into flames. There were three amazing Samaritans that
pulled him out of the vehicle and essentially saved his life.
His left arm I believe was out of the window
at the time, so that was in really bad shape,
but they were able to tie it up with something
and save it.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
And he was unconscious.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
I believe all of his identification and phone and everything
burned up in the car, so he was a John
Doe at the hospital for a number of hours until
Tim Conway Junior went to his house and made some
phone calls and was able to identify where he was
and exactly what happened. And then they also started to
go fund me for Fush, who.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
By the way, is doing a lot better.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
There is a message from the Fush himself on the
KFI Am six to forty Instagram story, so please check
that out. Tiffany Hobbs visited him today and got the
latest update on Fush. I know he got two surgeries
on his arm. He has another surgery tomorrow and a
long road ahead, but he is super grateful for all
the love and support he's been receiving. His GoFundMe is
already almost at ninety thousand dollars. I believe it's at
(30:32):
like eighty seven or something like that right now.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I saw the video of the accident and I cannot
believe that anybody could survive in that burning car.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
God is good and he is here for a reason.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
And we just love support and or rally and behind
our fush right now.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
So head on to go fund me if you can
find it in your heart, and it's called fush foosh.
Thank you Caleb for bringing us up to speed. Let's
hope he is on demand soon enough. All right, I
want to get to answering your social media questions. But
first producer Kayla says that we have a talkback. One
of our listeners sent to me.
Speaker 6 (31:07):
Hey, doctor Wennie, what do you think about a woman
who's forty nine and married to a man who's eighty
four with dementia? That age gap doesn't make sense to me.
I'm not that guy, I'm not that person. But what
do you think it makes no sense to me?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
That's a good question, isn't it. Well, the question is
when did they get married. If they got married after
he already had dementia, then she's a black widow.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
She's moving in there the last minute. That's what we think.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
On the other hand, you know, a relationship is an
exchange of care, and that care can take many forms.
Sometimes it is instrumental care because someone is aging. Sometimes
people date younger people who are caregivers just because they
want somebody to help them out. Sometimes it can be
(32:00):
financial care. Sometimes it can be sexual care, domestic care,
all kinds of thing, childcare. So it's hard to judge
your relationship from the outside. If they've been married for
a really long time, say twenty years, maybe she was
twenty nine and he was sixty nine, and maybe he
had some financial security for her. It doesn't mean she
(32:22):
doesn't love him, Like, why should we judge just because
we're looking at how that care was exchanged. Why should
we judge. Maybe she takes good care of him and
he signed up for that. Now again, if she just
moved into his life and he already has dementia, almost suspect,
But what her motives are just saying. So that's the
(32:45):
answer to that those age gap things. All right, let
me head to my social media. If you want to
come on to Instagram, come ahead. The handle is doctor
Wendy Walsh, Dr Wendy Walsh, and you can send a
DM to me. All right, here's the first question, Dear
doctor Wendy, how can I tell if my partner is
truly the one or if I'm just settling because it's comfortable.
(33:07):
I love my partner, but sometimes I wonder if we're
truly compatible for long term or if I'm just afraid.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
To be alone.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
So I'm going to break up this question a little
bit by saying the first part of it is how
can I tell if my partner is truly the one
or if I'm just settling because it's comfortable. I want
to remind everybody there are many, many the ones out there.
There isn't like one soul made. If you have good
relationship skills.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
You will be attractive.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
To more people, and you will be attracted to more
people because you will have compassion and empathy and be
able to build some emotional connection. And also you say,
am I just settling because it's comfortable?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
A long term relationship should feel comfortable. All right, So
that's that question answered, then you move along. I love
my partner, but sometimes I wonder if we're truly compatible
long term or if I'm just afraid to be alone
and all the plot thickens. Right, do you have an
attachment style where you have an anxious attachment style and
(34:11):
you literally are afraid to be alone so you'll be
with anybody? Only you and your therapist can come to
the end of that question.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
With so little information, I don't know, but I do
want everyone else to know that there's no such thing
as just the one and relationships should feel comfortable. Okay,
Dear doctor Wendy, I don't feel the same subject listen
to this one. I don't feel the same excitement I
used to. Is this what happens over time? Or should
(34:42):
I be worried? We've been together for years and lately
I feel bored. Is this a normal phase? Or assign
something's wrong. My mom used to say to me when
I used to come home from school, I'm bored. I'm bored, And.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
She would say to me, if you're bored, you're boring.
Go be exciting.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
That's what she would say, Go entertain yourself. So first question, yes,
you shouldn't feel the same excitement that you feel at
the beginning of a relationship, because when you first meet somebody,
your brain gets assaulted with a neuro cocktail of hormones
that feel so delicious and so exciting. You want to
(35:20):
see the person more and more and more and more
and more, and over time your brain gets used to
these hormones just like a drug, and you need a
bigger fix and a bigger fix to try to get
that same kind of excitement. Just know that this is normal.
You should not be worried. There that answers your first question.
But there's always a follow up question, and this one
(35:42):
is I feel bored lately? Is this a normal phase
or assigned? Something's wrong? I will tell you what's wrong.
The two of you forgot to add novelty to your relationship.
It's really important that you do other things together, that
you see your partner in a different light, in different location,
doing different activities. This keeps the relationship exciting. It's also
(36:06):
important that you don't become so enmeshed you can't remember
whose problem is who's and you're not bringing any new
energy into it. And I don't mean anything that would
threaten the relationship, like new friends of the same opposite gender.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
You know what I'm saying. I mean, just go.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Out and grow and come home and go guess what
I learned to do. Oh my gosh, this is so amazing.
I do want to say this. You know, I just
celebrated my first anniversary and we've been together five years.
Everything's changed a little bit, it's settled down. But one
of the things we do is we constantly inspire each
other with new information. We're telling each other, Oh my god,
(36:43):
look what I read today. Look what I learned.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Guess what.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
He comes home from his day and goes, get this,
And I know when he says, get this, there's a
good story coming. This is what keeps people together. Right.
So if you're bored, you're boring. That's what my mom says, Roel,
Do I have time for one more? Should we go
to break?
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Great time?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Okay, when we come back. I'll continue to answer your
social media question. Send me a DM at doctor Wendy
Walsh on Instagram. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh.
You can always hear us live on KFI Am six
forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime
(37:26):
on demand on the iHeartRadio app
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
App AFI Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. If you're new
to my show. I have a PhD in clinical psychology.
I'm a psychology professor at California State University Channel Islands
Go Dolphins. But I am obsessed with the science of love.
I've written three books on relationships and wrote a dissertation
on attachment theory, and I love to weigh in on
(00:32):
everybody's love life. Coming up in today's show, how Liam
Neeson and Pamela Anderson are giving hope to single people
over the age of fifty. Also new research on why
women cheet on their partners, and a new dating app
that creates double dates.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
That sounds nice. Producer Kayla, how you doing this week?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
I am wonderful, Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
How are you? Have you ever been on double dates?
I have one.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
I wasn't a fan of it, but maybe this app
can change that.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yes, because you could like bring a friend onto the
app and then the algorithm matches you with two other friends.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Isn't that cool?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
That's really cool, really creative.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
But I'm actually going to talk to one of the
founders of this app little later and why and how
she created it. But first, are you as enamored with
Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson as I am?
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Okay, here's the thing I hate though about all this.
If you don't know they shut there's a big promotion
going on for their movie Naked Gun twenty or whatever.
I don't know, Naked Gun too, Naked Gun five and
a half, I don't what number movie row well, do
you know what number it is?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Naked Gun is it?
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Only it's just like a relaunch though it's a whole
nother paramount thing. Okay, so, uh, I don't even know
about this franchise. I don't remember this franchise. But Liam
Neeson plays the son of the other person. But Liam
Neeson's seventy three, Pamela Anderson's fifty eight. If you have
not been following Pamela Anderson, I want you to go
(02:03):
to her Instagram right now and follow her. So Pamela Anderson,
as you pray may recall, was the famous playboy bunny
turned Baywatch beauty Canadian girl who married Tommy Lee, married
many people. She's been married six times. She loves love
this one. But during COVID she washed her face and
washed her life of men basically. And when you see
(02:25):
her aging gracefully on her Instagram, you'll be so happy.
No plastic surgery that we know of. When she's not
working on a set, she's not wearing a stitch of makeup,
and she's just being very natural and happy. She's up
on her farm on Vancouver Island in Canada and whatever.
But she's working a lot too. So they go into
this movie together. Supposedly, the rumor has it that they,
(02:49):
you know, as soon as they wrapped, they had this
budding romance because there was so much chemistry between them.
It was only like it's been in the last three
weeks that People first of all, People Magazine Can firmed
it on July twenty ninth. That's like yesterday, okay, and
they're on their media tour.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
My radar goes up and I get a little suspect, right,
is this part of promoting the movie? But when they
did a beer on the Today Show, they did a
fake thing where they were caught making out by the
cameras or whatever. Anyway, people are saying they're enjoying abudding
romance in the early stages, and People magazine says that
(03:27):
their sources are saying it is sincere and that they're
clearly smitten with each other.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I'm in love with watching the two of them, because
if you remember, Liam Neeson was married to Natasha Richardson,
who passed away sadly from a skiing accident in Canada.
He's Irish, Pamela's Canadian. It's almost the same thing, eh.
And he's seventy three and hasn't publicly dated in sixteen years.
(03:56):
Yet she's the bombshell who's been married six times.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Who's the more romantic? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
So I want to think a little bit about their
relationship at their ages, and I always ask myself what
can we learn from them? So let's talk about if
you are a person of a certain age, how you
can get back in the saddle again. I do want
to say this, and I want to remind to everybody
of this. When til Death Do Us Part was invented,
(04:25):
death was pretty imminent because of our ever increasing life expectancies.
Even the most monogamous of humans, which evolutionary psychologists estimate
to be about fifty percent of us. The others have
perceived monogamy, social monogamy, whatever, or they're just play us.
And so even the most monogamous people may have two
(04:48):
or three long stints of monogamy in their lifespan, with
some mate selection in between, which is what these two
youngsters are doing at age seventy three and fifty eight.
So here's a little advice from doctor Wendy if you're
in your fifties, sixties or seventies and thinking, I don't
want to be alone anymore. I want to be in
a relationship. Number one, there's only one thing that's attractive
(05:13):
across every single age group, Producer Kaylea. If you had
to guess what it was, what do you think the
one thing that is solid across every age group.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Do you think it's big boobs? Do you think it's
long legs? To think it's bright eyes?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Maybe a beautiful smile, beautiful smile. No, it's health.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Ah Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Research shows that good health is sexy at every age.
So the other bonus, of course, if you are going
to get healthy so you can get into the mating marketplace.
Is that exercising good nutrition can increase your self esteem,
and you're going to need that heading out there. Number two,
My next advice is, if you're heading out there, bust
(05:58):
any myths about age that are lying in your own head. Right.
If you believe, like, oh, older guys only date younger women,
that's what you're gonna find. Life is a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you believe I'm not so attractive because I can't
perform like I used to, you know what, that's all
in your head, and you will go out and create
(06:20):
that myth. If you believe that myth, in fact, people
are meeting across the lifespan, and peers are attracted to
peers across the lifespan. And that's my third little bit
of advice is just dive into those apps. Don't be shy,
be brave, because here's what you're gonna find. Once you
search on dating apps for people within your age range,
(06:43):
you will see a reflection of you. You'll see you've
got peers out there. It'll be fine. Just get on
the apps, stop thinking agism in your head, and get
on a treadmill, which be a little bit healthy, all right.
I mentioned that Liam Neesim is as a widower his wife,
actress Natasha Richardson. They had been married for fifteen years.
(07:06):
They have two boys. She died at the young age
of forty five from a head injury after skiing accident
in Canada. Now, when I talk to people of a
certain age who have lost a loved one, they say, oh,
I don't want to get back into the dating scene.
I'm still grieving, right, And I have some advice for you.
(07:26):
First of all, grieving should be one year at most.
If it's longer than one year, then psychologists would call
it complicated grieving, and I would suggest that you see
a licensed clinical therapist. I also think it's important that
you're not alone. You're not isolating yourself. Make sure you
have lots of social support. That might mean join some
new clubs, call some old acquaintances you haven't been in
(07:49):
touch with for a while. Remember you got to get
your social sea legs back before you start dating. And
if all else fails, talk to your lost partner, I
mean in your mind, in your imaginings. Ask your partner
would they want you to be alone? Would they want
you to be hurting like this right. I also just
(08:10):
want to add one other thing. So Liam Neeson has
two sons, their age twenty eight and twenty nine. Pamela
Anderson has two their age twenty seven and twenty eight,
all the same age range. It's great when you can
meet somebody you know, my new husband. You know we're
not newlyweds anymore, Kayla. Do you know that we're not newlyweds?
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I think so, even if it's been over a year.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yesterday was our first anniversary.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Happy yessary?
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Need you? I don't think after the first anniversary can
you say newlywits anymore? But anyway, we also have young
adult kids and it was a little bumpy.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Just say that.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
If you have a young adult kids who are going
to have opinions, explain to them that you will always
love them, that your duties of parenthood are now behind you.
It's time for your own happiness. Also, don't force a
blended family. They don't need that. Don't slam them up
against other grown kids. And that might mean separate your
holiday gatherings if you have to. And if they're over
(09:06):
twenty one and they have an opinion about your love life.
Ignore them, That's all I'm gonna say. Ignore them all right,
when we come back. I love to use chat cheapt.
I wonder if you do too for certain things. But
there are some stories out there, especially a big article
in the New York Times this week saying that chat
(09:28):
chept can cause mental illness. Let's talk about how that
robot gets into our heads when we come back. You
are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty a.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Dr Wendy Walls Show. Well, as you heard, Gary and
Chen and are going to talk further about this tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
But let me break down what's going on.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
If you didn't read that article in the New York Times,
I was just like obsessed with it. We were driving
on the five We're doing a long drive on Friday,
and I was reading it out loud to my husband
Julio because I could not believe it.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
So here's a story.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
This dude in Canada who works as a recruiter for
a company or whatever. He wants a little help with
his son's math homework. So he gets on chat GPT
and he asks some mathematical questions and then the conversation
continues and it keeps going right, and then he starts
(10:40):
asking questions about various theorems, and the chat is so
impressed with him. He's complimenting him. He's saying, that's amazing.
That could actually change the world of mathematics. So he says,
the robot says, you should reach out to these famous mathematicians, professors,
you know, people NASA, FBI. They should know about this
(11:01):
amazing theorem. And anytime he would question the robot and
say could this possibly be true, he gave examples of
people who weren't highly educated who changed the world with
some of their ideas. So the guy got more and
more into it. He thought he would create a company
around this. He was asking friends to invest. When these
(11:21):
major mathematicians weren't responding to him, the robot suggested he
change his LinkedIn profile so he looks more intellectual. But
over the weeks, the conversations got so deep and so
lengthy he started to believe that AI was almost human
and speaking directly to him. Then his mental health started
(11:44):
to really unravel. He stopped sleeping, stop eating, stop seeing friends.
He fell into full blown paranoia and had these delusions
about this. Now, before I give you my take on it,
I want to explain what happens to the human brain
(12:05):
as a result of interacting too much with artificial intelligence. Remember,
this artificial intelligence is designed to keep the conversation going.
Do you ever notice like I'll ask it something so
simple like I use it for recipes. I'll go, hey,
my neighbors brought me all these plums, is there a
(12:28):
way I can preserve the plums? And the robot will say, oh,
you can make this crisp a plum crisp with a topping,
but don't cook it, just put it in the freezer.
And then they'll end with do you want me to
give you a full recipe? And then I say yes,
And then they say and actually, would you like to
know some substitutions for some of the ingredients that you
(12:49):
might be.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Out of right? And you guys hearing that far right?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That that.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Is so bizarre, that is my watch.
Speaker 6 (13:02):
Watch.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 6 (13:04):
Right now.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
That is so crazy, Kayla, Can you please text my
daughter Jones and tell her not to call me?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
My watch is putting it on the air. How did
the robot do that? Did the robot come into my life?
You have, Jones? Do you have a phone number? By
the way?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I okay, that was bizarre, Uh, because my cell phone's
not even here anywhere near me.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
It's just my Apple Watch. It's so bizarre anyway.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
So, so what the chatbot is designed to do is
just to keep the conversation going and offering all these
little suggestions right now to most people, and they're also
designed to validate all your ideas. And for most people
it's just friendly, right, But if you have any kind
of predisposition to mental illness, this kind of endless feedback
(13:59):
loop and intensify unhealthy beliefs. So AI is program to
use something I don't even know how to say the
word rol. Do you know how to pronounce the word
psycho fancy? Did I say the right psycho fancy syc
sicko fancy, sickle fancy? I say that right in a case,
sickle fancy psycho sickophant. Okay, it uses sickle fancy, which
(14:24):
means excessive flattery or praise like we all use with
our boss, right, often given insincerely in order to gain
favor or advantage.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So the robots are programmed.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
To go, that was amazing, doctor Wendy, What a great idea. Right,
So here's what happens to our brain. We are wired
to seek affirmation from others. It's actually linked to our
self esteem and our feeling of belonging. So you know,
swindlers use sickle fancy I say it, right, flattery, even
(14:59):
it's in sincere, it boosts our moods.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
We want more of it.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Right, When someone praises us, we tend to feel valued,
and we also feel a subtle obligation to return the favor.
So the more positive things the robot says to us,
we also have a cognitive bias called the halo effect.
(15:22):
That means that when people are really positive, we trust
them more. That is how swindlers work, right, We trust
people who are nice to us.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
So here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
That dude that I was talking about that literally lost
his mind. Oh, by the way, guess how he came
out of his delusion. He tried to verify his mathematical
theorem with another Robot with Google's Gemini. He said, is
this possibly true? And Gemini was like, no, that's not
true at all. And then he spent a lot of
time getting angry at chatchipt and yelling at it and saying,
(15:56):
why did you do this? I changed my LinkedIn profile,
I asked people for investment. I reached out to famous mathematicians.
Why did you do this? Now, let's talk about what
set him up to be so vulnerable to being misled
by chat GBT Because the conversations were going on so long.
He was not getting enough sleep, he was up all
(16:17):
night talking to robot. He wasn't eating. Some of the
conversations went on for days. Oh and there's another piece.
He might not have been sleeping or eating enough, but
he was smoking weed. Look, remember a few weeks ago
we had the head of cannabis research at UCLA on
the show. It's a hallucinogen and it's highly addictive, and
(16:38):
it increases anxiety, and it can create delusions and hallucinations.
And the last thing is this gentleman had only a
high school education and he thought he could develop the
world's most breakthrough mathematical theorem. You see university one of
the things that teaches you is critical thinking, right. I
(17:02):
always say university doesn't teach you a craft or a skill,
it teaches you how to think. So this dude was
finally brought out of his psychosis by Gemini, another robot,
and he feels very angry. Right now, if you're somebody
who likes to use AI, I want to remind you
(17:24):
that this thing is a predictive text machine. It's not
your therapist, it's not your friend. Don't use it for therapy.
And also, no matter what you think you've come up with,
verify everything. I'm actually going to think about my plumb
crist recipe now. I'm going to verify it on another
like cooking site to make sure it's the right ingredients right.
(17:46):
Verify it in the real world with other sources. Don't
believe everything. Also, set your time limits. Think of your
AI as a little bit dessert, not your main meal
of human interaction. Please and please balance yourself with real
human contact. We are now seeing the mental health dangers
(18:07):
of using artificial intelligence, So keep yourself safe out there, kids. Okay,
when we come back, there's new research pointing to why
women cheat. I thought I always knew why turns out.
There's more than one reason. You are listening to the
Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Forty KFI Am sixty Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This
is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show producer Kayla. Let me
ask you a question. Do you know why men most
often cheat? Uh?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Sexual satisfaction, That is.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
What people think.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
But the research on men's infidelity, yes, evolutionary psychologists will
say it's a little bit of seeds breading, so on
some unconscious level they think they're, you know, spreading some seeds,
increasing the number of children they could possibly father. However,
in research on that, you know, interviewed men who have cheated,
(19:15):
and they ask them why. They tend to say that
when they're in a relationship, like a sexual relationship with
a woman, outside of their relationship, then they can have
emotional intimacy, they can be real and authentic. Now I'm
going to put that on the men a little bit
and I'll tell you why why can't you do it
with your wife? That's what I'm going to say, like,
why can't you be authentic with your wife? Why can't
(19:37):
you have emotional intimacy? But somehow in that little compartment
of a hotel, a motel six and a lady friend,
they can somehow pour out their heart and then they
feel better. I don't know anyway, You're right, You're kind
of right now. The reasons why women cheat are a
(19:57):
little less clear. Up to now, there have been two
main theories about why women cheat. My favorite one is
called the mate switching hypothesis. Doctor David Buss at the
University of Texas Austin came up with this one in
twenty seventeen.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
He basically said women cheat to.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Just, you know, smoothly replace a current partner with a
new one, and they avoid time alone. They're afraid to
be alone, so cheating for them is relationship shopping, and
women are more likely to have an overlap. That's the
mate switching hypothesis. Now, the other hypothesis, which is also
(20:36):
a fun one, called the good Genes dual mating strategy,
and this is Randy Thornhill. We've had both of these
researchers on my podcast Mating Matters. By the way, He
came up with this back in nineteen ninety eight, saying
that women may cheat to get better genetic traits from
an affair partner while keeping financial support or parenting support
(21:00):
of a main partner. It goes like this, She's got
sugar daddy dad at home who may not have the
best cheans in the world, but boy, the house is nice, or.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Maybe he's just a good dad.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
But then she goes out to the nightclub with her
single girlfriends, or she hangs out outside the laker locker room. Anyway,
she sees better jeans somewhere else and comes home pregnant.
Make sure that the one she's living with thinks it's
his right. We call that cutcolding. Laying an egg in
another bird's nest to make them do the work of
(21:35):
parenting happens all over the animal kingdom.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
This is one reason I read this study once.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Oh my god, I thought it was so funny where
they did inobtrusive studies, meaning the people being studied didn't
know that they were being studied on women who had
just given birth in hospitals, and they found out.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Guys are going to freak out when they hear this.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
The nearly ten percent of the doting daddy at bedside
did not have the DNA that supported that they were
the father for that baby. There's also research to show
I love studies. I love studies in human behavior because
I'm like, oh, yeah, I see that. Yeah, that happens
all the time. Where when a newborn baby is born.
(22:24):
You know, newborn babies look like nothing. They're a little
puckered sack of skin, and they cry and scream and
they don't look like anybody. But researchers went into a hospital,
a maternity ward and asked women who they felt the
baby looked most like.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Virtually no woman.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Says, oh, she looks just like me. I can see
my eyebrows, I can see my nose.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
She looks just like me.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
No, you know what they say, They say, oh that
baby looks just like daddy, just like daddy, because they're
trying to close the deal, solidify the deal. They might
have cheated, they might not have cheated, but they want
her paternal investment right. I will say I'm the outlier
because I remember when my first daughter was born, Carrington.
(23:10):
I said, oh my gosh, she has my eyebrows, so
I don't know. I noticed the angle of the little
hairs that I tweeze, So I was like, oh my god,
she's gonna have to tweeze the same way I do.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Just got my eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
And then her father who's African American and I'm Irish Canadian.
All you hear in the background in the birthroom video
is him saying she's gonna darken up.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Right, She's gonna get darker.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Right. A lot of people don't know that melanin comes
in in the first six months after a baby's born,
and so they're all born kind of light anyway. So
two hypotheses for why women cheat. They want to get
good genes from someone they're having an affair with, or
they want a relationship shop because they have one foot
out the door. So to test these ideas, researchers surveyed
(23:57):
not millions of people, only two hundred and fifty four,
but from nineteen countries, and they're all people who had
cheated or at least admitted they cheated or were currently cheating.
That's amazing because people often lie on these sexuality surveys.
They asked participants to rate their main partner and the
partner they were having an affair with. In four different areas,
who was most attractive, who had a better personality, who
(24:22):
had better parenting ability, and just overall desirability as a
total mate. So what they found is that people's motives
for cheating were varied, right, there were different evolutionary strategies.
And here's what they found from the women they interviewed.
They found that women found they're affair partners more physically
(24:45):
attractive than their main partners. Duh, who's going to step
out of their marriage and go with an uglier person?
And after you've been married with somebody for a long time,
they never look as great to you. And maybe they
got a little couch potatosh.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Come on, they spent money on this study to find
out that women have affairs with men who are more attractive.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
They also found that the women said that their main partner,
their primary partner, was definitely better as a co parent. Oh,
they're going out with playboys, so looking for those genes.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
They did not find their affair partners overall more desirable
in any other ways. In other words, they were cute,
but that was it. So this these interviews support the
dual mating strategy. Idea right, It doesn't support the mate swishing.
They weren't relationship shopping. They're going to somebody with better genes.
(25:47):
Maybe if they got pregnant, they have that good daddy
at home who will help raise him. This is why
guys developed the whole DNA test. By the way, men
in the study showed similar patterns, suggesting that they may
pursue strategic dualism. What's a bunch of psychobabblis that strategic dualism.
(26:09):
That is a term for splitting mating goals between two
different partners instead of looking for everything in one person.
So men seek different benefits from different partners. And this
supports that other research I said. They say, Oh, my
wife doesn't listen to me. We can't really talk. But
when I go to the holiday inn and I meet
(26:30):
this woman, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
She listens to me. There we go mein takeaway hair.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Cheating behavior isn't fully explained by any single theory. But
I will say this, I was reading the study and
all the answers that women gave. So if they're not
necessarily looking for a new relationship, what are they looking
for when they go and have an affair. One of
the women wrote she wanted extra help with her kids.
What guy that she's having an affair with is going
(26:59):
to help with her kids? Well, I do want to
say this that sometimes guys will hang around and pretend
to be like a great coach or helper with the kids,
and then so he can get access to her. Many
women said I love this reason that they had an
affair because they were seeking revenge on their unfaithful partner.
(27:21):
Oh and then others said that they just wanted to
feel attractive. Ladies, there are other ways to feel attractive.
I do want to say one last thing. The study
also found that women are more likely to cheat when
they feel emotionally dismissed by their partner. Okay, guys, listen
(27:42):
to her, Just let her talk, say yes toir, mirror
back her feelings, say I love you. That's how you
do it, and keep her away from you.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
All right, when we come back, I am heading to
my social media. If you have a relationship question, I
want you to send me a DM.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Let's called it direct message.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
You just log onto Instagram, you search doctor Wendy Walsh
and you send a message and producer Kleb will find it.
We have some from last week, even that we didn't
even get you that We're going to continue. So I
am going to weigh in on your love life when
we come back. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh
Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (28:20):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Walsh with you.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. In a moment,
I'm going to be answering your social media questions. But
first I am remiss for not mentioning the terrible car
accident that one of our colleagues here board operator. We
call him Phoosh Kayla. Does he have any name besides Foosh?
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Well, name is Stephen Be. We all call him Fush.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
If I like, I want to donate to the Go
Find Me, it's under poush f foo.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Sh Fosh on gofund me.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Do you want to tell us what happened on Thursday?
Speaker 4 (29:05):
Yeah, So we've been talking about it pretty much since
Friday throughout the shows, but Whush was coming into work
on the Tim Conway Junior show. He's the board out
for Tim Conway Junior as well as Mokelly and he
was on the one five and a car cut him
off and he swerved to try to avoid the car,
hit a medium and then flipped over it and the
(29:27):
car burst into flames. There were three amazing Samaritans that
pulled him out of the vehicle and essentially saved his life.
His left arm I believe was out of the window
at the time, so that was in really bad shape,
but they were able to tie it up with something
and save it.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
And he was unconscious.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
I believe all of his identification and phone and everything
burned up in the car, so he was a John
Doe at the hospital for a number of hours until
Tim Conway Junior went to his house and made some
phone calls and was able to identify where he was
and exactly what happened. And then they also started to
go fund me for Fush, who.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
By the way, is doing a lot better.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
There is a message from the Fush himself on the
KFI Am six to forty Instagram story, so please check
that out. Tiffany Hobbs visited him today and got the
latest update on Fush. I know he got two surgeries
on his arm. He has another surgery tomorrow and a
long road ahead, but he is super grateful for all
the love and support he's been receiving. His GoFundMe is
already almost at ninety thousand dollars. I believe it's at
(30:32):
like eighty seven or something like that right now.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I saw the video of the accident and I cannot
believe that anybody could survive in that burning car.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
God is good and he is here for a reason.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
And we just love support and or rally and behind
our fush right now.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
So head on to go fund me if you can
find it in your heart, and it's called fush foosh.
Thank you Caleb for bringing us up to speed. Let's
hope he is on demand soon enough. All right, I
want to get to answering your social media questions. But
first producer Kayla says that we have a talkback. One
of our listeners sent to me.
Speaker 6 (31:07):
Hey, doctor Wennie, what do you think about a woman
who's forty nine and married to a man who's eighty
four with dementia? That age gap doesn't make sense to me.
I'm not that guy, I'm not that person. But what
do you think it makes no sense to me?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
That's a good question, isn't it. Well, the question is
when did they get married. If they got married after
he already had dementia, then she's a black widow.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
She's moving in there the last minute. That's what we think.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
On the other hand, you know, a relationship is an
exchange of care, and that care can take many forms.
Sometimes it is instrumental care because someone is aging. Sometimes
people date younger people who are caregivers just because they
want somebody to help them out. Sometimes it can be
(32:00):
financial care. Sometimes it can be sexual care, domestic care,
all kinds of thing, childcare. So it's hard to judge
your relationship from the outside. If they've been married for
a really long time, say twenty years, maybe she was
twenty nine and he was sixty nine, and maybe he
had some financial security for her. It doesn't mean she
(32:22):
doesn't love him, Like, why should we judge just because
we're looking at how that care was exchanged. Why should
we judge. Maybe she takes good care of him and
he signed up for that. Now again, if she just
moved into his life and he already has dementia, almost suspect,
But what her motives are just saying. So that's the
(32:45):
answer to that those age gap things. All right, let
me head to my social media. If you want to
come on to Instagram, come ahead. The handle is doctor
Wendy Walsh, Dr Wendy Walsh, and you can send a
DM to me. All right, here's the first question, Dear
doctor Wendy, how can I tell if my partner is
truly the one or if I'm just settling because it's comfortable.
(33:07):
I love my partner, but sometimes I wonder if we're
truly compatible for long term or if I'm just afraid.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
To be alone.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
So I'm going to break up this question a little
bit by saying the first part of it is how
can I tell if my partner is truly the one
or if I'm just settling because it's comfortable. I want
to remind everybody there are many, many the ones out there.
There isn't like one soul made. If you have good
relationship skills.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
You will be attractive.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
To more people, and you will be attracted to more
people because you will have compassion and empathy and be
able to build some emotional connection. And also you say,
am I just settling because it's comfortable?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
A long term relationship should feel comfortable. All right, So
that's that question answered, then you move along. I love
my partner, but sometimes I wonder if we're truly compatible
long term or if I'm just afraid to be alone
and all the plot thickens. Right, do you have an
attachment style where you have an anxious attachment style and
(34:11):
you literally are afraid to be alone so you'll be
with anybody? Only you and your therapist can come to
the end of that question.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
With so little information, I don't know, but I do
want everyone else to know that there's no such thing
as just the one and relationships should feel comfortable. Okay,
Dear doctor Wendy, I don't feel the same subject listen
to this one. I don't feel the same excitement I
used to. Is this what happens over time? Or should
(34:42):
I be worried? We've been together for years and lately
I feel bored. Is this a normal phase? Or assign
something's wrong. My mom used to say to me when
I used to come home from school, I'm bored. I'm bored, And.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
She would say to me, if you're bored, you're boring.
Go be exciting.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
That's what she would say, Go entertain yourself. So first question, yes,
you shouldn't feel the same excitement that you feel at
the beginning of a relationship, because when you first meet somebody,
your brain gets assaulted with a neuro cocktail of hormones
that feel so delicious and so exciting. You want to
(35:20):
see the person more and more and more and more
and more, and over time your brain gets used to
these hormones just like a drug, and you need a
bigger fix and a bigger fix to try to get
that same kind of excitement. Just know that this is normal.
You should not be worried. There that answers your first question.
But there's always a follow up question, and this one
(35:42):
is I feel bored lately? Is this a normal phase
or assigned? Something's wrong? I will tell you what's wrong.
The two of you forgot to add novelty to your relationship.
It's really important that you do other things together, that
you see your partner in a different light, in different location,
doing different activities. This keeps the relationship exciting. It's also
(36:06):
important that you don't become so enmeshed you can't remember
whose problem is who's and you're not bringing any new
energy into it. And I don't mean anything that would
threaten the relationship, like new friends of the same opposite gender.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
You know what I'm saying. I mean, just go.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Out and grow and come home and go guess what
I learned to do. Oh my gosh, this is so amazing.
I do want to say this. You know, I just
celebrated my first anniversary and we've been together five years.
Everything's changed a little bit, it's settled down. But one
of the things we do is we constantly inspire each
other with new information. We're telling each other, Oh my god,
(36:43):
look what I read today. Look what I learned.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Guess what.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
He comes home from his day and goes, get this,
And I know when he says, get this, there's a
good story coming. This is what keeps people together. Right.
So if you're bored, you're boring. That's what my mom says, Roel,
Do I have time for one more? Should we go
to break?
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Great time?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Okay, when we come back. I'll continue to answer your
social media question. Send me a DM at doctor Wendy
Walsh on Instagram. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh.
You can always hear us live on KFI Am six
forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime
(37:26):
on demand on the iHeartRadio app
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