Dr. Wendy is offering her Wendy wisdom with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. Plus we are talking to Danielle Dietzek, one of the founders of Fourplay Social, the social connection platform reimagining how single people meet, date, and build community. All that and more on KFIAM-640!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I am answering your questions. Just
a reminder. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor,
but I've written three books on relationships, wrote a dissertation
(00:22):
on attachment theory, and well, i am just obsessed with
the science of love and have a whole bunch of
life experience. So let me weigh in. Send me a
DM on Instagram at doctor Wendy Walsh. Okay, here's one,
dear Doctor Wendy. My partner and I express love very differently.
I show love through words and physical touch, but my
(00:45):
partner is more about acts of service. We keep missing
each other. How do we bridge the gap between our
love languages? Okay, we need to stop with this love
language nonsense, everybody. It is not a proven psychological theory,
it is not adaptive relationships is you can't generalize it.
Blah blah blah blah. But if we're going to speak
that language. Let me just say this. You understand his
(01:10):
language because you wrote to me about it. Right. My
partner is more acts of service, So why don't you
show some appreciation for his kind acts of service? Tell
him how much you love him, all right, and understand
that that is his way of showing love. So what
(01:30):
are you missing?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Then?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
You cannot turn him into something he's not well. He
needs to say it. I need to hear it out words.
I love you. Is that what you want? You don't
need that you know he loves you? Is your self
esteem so low that if he doesn't say it every
day in so many words that I mean, here's a
great example. My sweet Julio is very romantic. I'm not
(01:54):
he caught. His nickname for me is Ceo. He writes
lovey dovey cards. You know. For our anniversary there was
one for breakfast. At the end of the day, there
were flash cards. And that's the kind of duty is.
I got him nothing, But he knows how much I
love him. He knows well I do say it, but
he knows what I do for him. He sees my
(02:15):
acts of service. So there you go. It doesn't matter.
We're good all right, moving along, Dear doctor Wendy, We've
been arguing a lot about small things. It feels like
we can't agree on anything lately, and it is exhausting.
How do I know if this is normal? It's not normal? Well,
let me qualify that. So. Research shows the couples who
(02:38):
fight the most often are the most happiest. But they're
not the big, knockdown, drag him out fights, and they
don't have a lot of disrespect in them. They're bickering.
They're like border skirmishes where you're re establishing your boundaries
all the time. But if you guys are literally arguing
and you're upset about it, this is not normal. You
(02:59):
need to go see a therapist and learn some conflict
resolution skills. That's what I say. All right, Dear doctor Wendy,
I'm dating someone new. When is the right time to
bring up serious topics like kids or long term goals.
I don't want to scare them. Oh, as soon as
I hear that, I don't want to scare them off.
I know you're in trouble. Uh continue. I don't want
(03:23):
to scare them off, But I also don't want to
waste time if we're not aligned all right, So let
me just say this. If you scare them off because
you have certain a certain relationship life plan, and certain
relationship goals, then you should do the touchdown cheer because
your time will not be wasted. So what happens is
(03:48):
that people hang on to these relationship they're afraid to
say who they are and what they want because they're
afraid to scare them off, and then they get bad
in themselves for hanging around so long, and they blame
the other for wasting their time. Guess what, you cannot
waste your time, but you sure can, and you know
how you can waste your time by not bringing it up.
(04:10):
When I hear somebody say I don't want to like
ask the hard questions. I don't want to say the
hard thing. Yes, you got to do the hard things.
And at the beginning, all right, at the beginning, I
would even put it in my profile. Hey, I think
I put something like looking to have a kick ass
retirement relationship. Kids will be grown. If you want to
say I'm hoping to get married and have kids someday,
(04:32):
say it and all the losers who don't want to
step up to the plate will run away, and it
will clear the field and you'll get to see who's serious. Please, please,
just be honest. It's not putting pressure on somebody to
be authentic about who you are and what you want
(04:52):
in life. Be real, feel the fear, and do it anyway.
I'm sorry, I got a little tangent there. This is
like a hot button for me. Okay, moving on, Dear
doctor Wendy. This woman I am dating is great on paper?
Oh hate that means her resume looks good, but I'm
(05:14):
not feeling butterflies? Should I keep dating her? Everything checks out,
but I'm unsure if I'm actually attracted to her or
just like the idea of her. You're not gonna like
what I'm going to say. But love is an action word.
(05:36):
It is a verb. It is the verb to give.
When you say you're not attracted to her, you know
or guessing has happened in our head, not that we
imagine them, but that we have a scenario in our head.
So what is stopping you from using the verb love
(05:57):
to attend to her and give. I know, you like
she is on paper, but you're like, ah, but the
chemistry is just not there. So the question is do
you have emotional chemistry. Do you have intellectual chemistry? Do
you have good communication skills? Then fall in love. But
(06:19):
if it's all about you know, I just she's not
like a play by Bunny or whatever I think I
need to You know what, You just go into your
head with your fantasy life. Love can grow. There are
plenty throughout all of human history. There have been so
much arranged marriages that grew into deep bonds, deep commitments.
(06:44):
So give this woman a chance. You like her, but
something's holding you back. I don't know what. Oh, here's
a loaded question, Dear doctor Wendy. What are some red
flags in early dating I should not ignore even if
everything else it seems great. How much time do we have? Okay,
how much time do we have to answer this question? Oh?
(07:08):
My goodness, there are a million red flags. You should
read all my books, this is my podcast, this is
this radio show. Let's start with. They don't have a
footprint online like you can't find them. They don't have
social media, nothing problem, they won't meet you in the
real world. These are big red flags. They have an
excuse for why they can't pay for anything. Oh, they
forgot their wallet. This happened. That happened they're not getting
(07:31):
back to you in a good amount of time, right,
They're just you know, you hear from them in a
very sporadic way. Not a good That's a red flag, right,
These are the things you should be looking out for.
I know we have to go, but I just want
to quickly answer this one question real fast. Is it
okay to she asked me. Is it okay to keep
(07:52):
somethings private in a relationship? Or is full transparency a must?
This is the ultimate question. Of course, we can all
have bodily autonomy. Nobody needs know every little thing that's
going on with our bodies. But emotional intimacy is about
authenticity and honesty. And I don't think my husband and
I have one secret from each other. I can read
his mind because I know everything. I know how it's going. Anyway.
(08:15):
When we come back, I have a very special guest.
She's a founder of an app that creates double dates.
You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Welcome back to doctor Wendewalls's show on KFI AM six
forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Well, my next
guest and her partner may have solved the problem with
dating apps. Are you listening Bumble Match, Tinder, everybody else?
We have heard that there's this dating apathy that's taking
(08:56):
place on dating apps. People are getting literally aren't out
from going on single dates with strangers. In fact, they're
lowering the bar and oh, I get dressed up again
my hair and a not me and him after yoga,
which is not a bad idea, actually it's more authentic.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
But these two gals during COVID actually came up with
a better idea. Please let me introduced Danielle Ditzik. Did
I say it right? You did?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
I did.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Your partner's named Julie Griggs. We don't forget her, but
we don't have a three way to do. I just
want to talk to you, Danielle, about what you girls decided.
First of all, tell me what your day jobs were
when you came up with this new dating slash social app.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
So I am an Earth practitioner and Julie is a
physician assistant, and at the time we were actually both
working in healthcare in COVID, oh my god. And I
was working in the field of maternity, although my training
is primary care, and Julie was working in both primary
care and emergency medicine.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
So you guys were essential workers, wearing your mask and
your face shields and your gloves and sweating all day
and you found time to develop a tech company.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
We didn't really find time. We didn't have much time
to ourselves. But yes, that is we did.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
We did it during COVID yet, So let's talk about
the problem that you guys encountered as young single women
and how you decided to fix this problem.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
So the problem that we've encountered as single women is
that dating apps have completely changed the landscape of dating
culture and what it means to be single, and it
has taken single life from being a once social, fun
experience to being a very isolating experience because the only
(10:49):
way that people meet now is through dating apps, and
dating apps are of course used in isolation on your
phone by yourself, and it's not something that you're sharing
with a friend, it's something you go through alone.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
And also, let's talk about historically how people met. It
was often through fix ups, through friends or family.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Right exactly it was. It was through fix ups. It
was from going to singles weekends or singles events and
having that shared context. And now it's just so arbitrary.
It's just two people who have matched digitally and then
find themselves on a date, and the expectation, because of
all of the branding and in all of these different brands,
(11:30):
is that there will be chemistry on that date. But
the reality is there's no shared context, and so the
majority of the time it feels like a waste of
your time.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You know, I always say that relationships are a bridge
between tribes, and if you don't have the tribe involved,
then what have you got? Just a bridge that stands alone.
So let's talk about your solution. Your app is called
four Play Social. First, when I got the pitch from
your publicist, I was like, four plays another porn side.
(12:00):
I did not want to talk about this, but I
get it's cute and clever. What is four place Social?
Speaker 4 (12:07):
So four Play Social selled fo you Are Play is
an app designed by my co founder and myself to
make dating healthier and more social emotionally and physically, and
it lets single friends pair up and create a shared
profile and then connect with other pairs of single friends
so that they can go out together in a group
outing rather than going on a one on one first date.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
So, and it's team dating.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
It's team dating. Essentially, it's social dating.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
So everything's a double date. You make a profile with
your bestie, somebody else makes a profile with their bestie.
And what does the algorithm look for? Like, is it
harder to find another team that matches? Or does only one?
Like do two people just behave as wingmen because they're
only two that match? How's this work?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Great question? So basically, both of the both of the
single people who are on a team have preferences, and
then our app uses a combination of your preferences to
find other teams that satisfy both of your preferences. So
we find we find you, like a pair of friends that.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Match, Danielle. That sounds like finding a needle in a haystack.
It's hard enough to find one person to match with.
Now you've got to find two people who match with
two people.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Yeah, So what's what's great about it is that you
actually only have to have one like from from one
of the teams in order to count as the entire
team liking it. So it's called a team. On foreplay,
you and your friend are a team, and if either
you or your friend sends a like to another team,
then that registers as alike. And if either that that
(13:46):
person on another team or their teammate likes you back,
that's a match. And so what we're really trying to
do is get people away from thinking that they're going
to be able to figure out their perfect person from
an app and just get I'm on a date, meeting
people in real life in a setting where we have
not given them any expectations.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
It's a way to get people together. Now. I'm just
gonna play Devil's advocate here for one second. So I
was I'm gonna say late teens had some fake ID
and I didn't know my value on the mating marketplace.
I just hung out with my friends and they were
my friends. And so I went to my first and
disco with a girlfriend. I am five foot ten, she's
(14:33):
five foot one. It didn't matter. We were good friends
since you know, grade school. I had long blonde hair
I had I was skinny, I had big breasts, Like literally,
God made a flip and mistake with me. He was
supposed to put my brain in a nerd and he
put my brain in a playboy bunny just to have
a laugh and see what was going to happen. So
(14:53):
we go out to this disco and it was the
most painful night of my life because every guy came
to me and none to my friend, and in fact, worse,
they would go to her and say, do you think
your friend would dance with me? So what happened on
your app? If a team shows up and only one
(15:15):
person on the team gets all the attention.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Yeah, that's a great question. And I certainly have been
on a four play date before. Julian and I go
on four play dates, and I have been on a
date before where it seemed as though both the men
were interested in Julie. But I think but I was okay.
I was okay and actually funny enough. In the long run,
I wound up having a relationship with the other one,
(15:39):
but that came later. But I think that the app
is really designed for friends who are are not competitive
with one another, and they're not going to join if
they have a fear of that happening. So I think
that most friends are you know, they're opting into this experience,
and they're clearly not can competitive with one another in
(16:01):
that sense. If they are already open to going.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
On a double date, exactly, they have to know it
and they could be just meeting friends.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Right exactly. All right, That's that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
When we come back, I want to talk to you
a little bit more about the health benefits of this
and the Surgeon General's report on loneliness and how four
play Social is trying to solve things. You're listening to
The Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty
Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty Welcome back to the.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Home Stretch the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM
six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest
Danielle Dietzik, and she is the co founder of a
new app you can go look for it online called
four play Social, where people team date and they get
together with their bestie. Oh here's something I forgot to
(16:55):
ask you, Danielle. What if you have a GBF, a
gay best friend, do you guys have to be the
same genders? The same sexual orientation.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
I love GBS. I hope you coin that. I hope
you trademark that you can absolutely team up with any
friend of any sexual orientation, in any gender, because.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
The algorithm is going to figure out who you are
and what you're looking for exactly, so you're gonna go
out with another team. Let's say you're a girl, you
have a gay best friend who's a dude, and you're
gonna go out with another team where there's a straight
guy for you and a gay man for him exactly. Okay,
we need to get Okay, let me just talk about
one other problem you're gonna have to little hurdle you're
(17:37):
gonna have to overcome. Guys are more lonely and isolated
than women are. Women seem to hold all the social support.
Are you getting enough guys on the app signing up
with their bestie?
Speaker 4 (17:51):
That is an amazing observation because that has always been
the biggest challenge for us since day one, is men
not having a to do it with. And so at
the beginning, it was really a challenge because we were
eighty percent women and there weren't enough people on the
app for the women to see men. However, we've grown
(18:12):
large enough that now the fact that it's eighty percent
women is not as problematic. There are enough men now, however,
that is something that we've learned from user research is
men they're not as likely to have someone to do
this with.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Well, let me tell you there are a lot of
men who listened to kfikfi Am six forty, Los Angeles. So, dudes,
did you just hear what she said? The odds of
you meeting a great woman are very high on four
place social. I mean, really, that's how you got a market.
Go where the women are right exactly. Let's talk a
little bit. Last year, the Surgeon General came out with
(18:46):
a very disturbing report on our mental health and said
that one of the biggest health risks for Americans, and
it's particularly affecting young Americans, is loneliness and social isolation,
which started, of course, during the pandemic. I teach college students,
so let me tell you, their social anxiety is through
the roof now because they didn't get to talk to
(19:07):
humans for a long time except through screens. How is
four play social hoping to change that.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
We really want people to not only have a shared
experience with their friend, but also with new people. And
the loneliness epidemic is not just impacting young people meeting
new people, but also young people spending time with their
existing friends, and people have just become more isolated. And
(19:39):
so with Foreplay, we encourage people to enjoy single life
together because social connection is a fundamental human need and
it is as basic as food, water, and shelter, and
we need it for our health. We actually need it.
It's actually loneliness is associated with cardiovascular disease, is dementia.
(20:01):
It's a really important thing to obesity.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
That's what you do when you're a lower you eat right.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Yeah, yeah, So I hope that people can understand that
this is a low risk kind of app It's not
like you're going to spend your life pining away for
this one person's profile and go out on this big
date date and spend hours getting ready or spending a
lot of money on a date that didn't go well.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
This is let's go out and have some fun. Let's
take a buddy and go meet some other people. If
it turns into love, cool, and if it doesn't, hey,
maybe a meta friend. Is that how your marketing goes.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
That's exactly how it goes. The idea is that you
are expanding your single social network and you might find
love in doing so. And that's the old fashioned way
of meeting. And you might not find love on that
first date, that first for play date, or you might,
but you're expanding your single social network and you are
creating more opportunities to meet new people.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I think it is a wonderful idea, and I'm going
to say it again. Gentlemen, if you're listening, there is
a mating marketplace where they're eighty percent women twenty percent dudes.
You guys all need to sign on. And if you
don't have a close guy friend, find one. Join a club,
any kind of club. I don't care. You guys need
(21:21):
social support. It is so important that you reach out.
I should tell you, Danielle, I met my husband on
bumble and the only difference between me suffering from dating
fatigue and everybody else is I'm a professional. I knew
how to use the apps. I knew how to eliminate judiciously.
I knew what to ask on that first coffee date
(21:44):
to develop intimacy instead of, you know, just try fronting
in some way. And so I took like my thirty
years of reporting on the science of love, and at
every step of the way using the apps. I said, huh,
I wonder what doctor want Welsh would do here. I
literally became my own wing woman.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
I love that. I love that, But most people don't.
Most people don't have the skill set.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
No, they don't. I should set up up some kind
of coaching business where all I do is help people
navigate the apps. Nothing more, just here's what you got
to do. I've done it for friends and they've been
very successful. Maybe that's maybe that's next in my future.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
I'll sign up, I'll find up. I'll be your first client.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
That would be wonderful. For now, where can people go
to get four playsocial.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
App in the app store?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Go in to the app store and you type in
four but not like the kind of four play you're thinking, folks,
okay for meeting four people? Fou are play social? Four
play social. I also logged on online and I was
able to see it and it was all explained to me.
I went to the facts. I read all those questions.
So if you want to go get more information, you
can go to is it four playsocial dot com?
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yes, get the information, but go to the app store downloaded.
Call a friend right now and get on this thing,
because you don't need to be alone or isolated. Daniel's Ditzick.
So nice to meet you. Thank you so much for joining.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Us, Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
And that brings the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show to a close.
I'm always here for you every Sunday from seven to
nine pm. You can also on Sundays. You can also
follow me on my social media. The handle everywhere is
at doctor Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. That's always
my pleasure to be with you on KFI. You've been
listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM
(23:30):
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio
app
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I am answering your questions. Just
a reminder. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor,
but I've written three books on relationships, wrote a dissertation
(00:22):
on attachment theory, and well, i am just obsessed with
the science of love and have a whole bunch of
life experience. So let me weigh in. Send me a
DM on Instagram at doctor Wendy Walsh. Okay, here's one,
dear Doctor Wendy. My partner and I express love very differently.
I show love through words and physical touch, but my
(00:45):
partner is more about acts of service. We keep missing
each other. How do we bridge the gap between our
love languages? Okay, we need to stop with this love
language nonsense, everybody. It is not a proven psychological theory,
it is not adaptive relationships is you can't generalize it.
Blah blah blah blah. But if we're going to speak
that language. Let me just say this. You understand his
(01:10):
language because you wrote to me about it. Right. My
partner is more acts of service, So why don't you
show some appreciation for his kind acts of service? Tell
him how much you love him, all right, and understand
that that is his way of showing love. So what
(01:30):
are you missing?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Then?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
You cannot turn him into something he's not well. He
needs to say it. I need to hear it out words.
I love you. Is that what you want? You don't
need that you know he loves you? Is your self
esteem so low that if he doesn't say it every
day in so many words that I mean, here's a
great example. My sweet Julio is very romantic. I'm not
(01:54):
he caught. His nickname for me is Ceo. He writes
lovey dovey cards. You know. For our anniversary there was
one for breakfast. At the end of the day, there
were flash cards. And that's the kind of duty is.
I got him nothing, But he knows how much I
love him. He knows well I do say it, but
he knows what I do for him. He sees my
(02:15):
acts of service. So there you go. It doesn't matter.
We're good all right, moving along, Dear doctor Wendy, We've
been arguing a lot about small things. It feels like
we can't agree on anything lately, and it is exhausting.
How do I know if this is normal? It's not normal? Well,
let me qualify that. So. Research shows the couples who
(02:38):
fight the most often are the most happiest. But they're
not the big, knockdown, drag him out fights, and they
don't have a lot of disrespect in them. They're bickering.
They're like border skirmishes where you're re establishing your boundaries
all the time. But if you guys are literally arguing
and you're upset about it, this is not normal. You
(02:59):
need to go see a therapist and learn some conflict
resolution skills. That's what I say. All right, Dear doctor Wendy,
I'm dating someone new. When is the right time to
bring up serious topics like kids or long term goals.
I don't want to scare them. Oh, as soon as
I hear that, I don't want to scare them off.
I know you're in trouble. Uh continue. I don't want
(03:23):
to scare them off, But I also don't want to
waste time if we're not aligned all right, So let
me just say this. If you scare them off because
you have certain a certain relationship life plan, and certain
relationship goals, then you should do the touchdown cheer because
your time will not be wasted. So what happens is
(03:48):
that people hang on to these relationship they're afraid to
say who they are and what they want because they're
afraid to scare them off, and then they get bad
in themselves for hanging around so long, and they blame
the other for wasting their time. Guess what, you cannot
waste your time, but you sure can, and you know
how you can waste your time by not bringing it up.
(04:10):
When I hear somebody say I don't want to like
ask the hard questions. I don't want to say the
hard thing. Yes, you got to do the hard things.
And at the beginning, all right, at the beginning, I
would even put it in my profile. Hey, I think
I put something like looking to have a kick ass
retirement relationship. Kids will be grown. If you want to
say I'm hoping to get married and have kids someday,
(04:32):
say it and all the losers who don't want to
step up to the plate will run away, and it
will clear the field and you'll get to see who's serious. Please, please,
just be honest. It's not putting pressure on somebody to
be authentic about who you are and what you want
(04:52):
in life. Be real, feel the fear, and do it anyway.
I'm sorry, I got a little tangent there. This is
like a hot button for me. Okay, moving on, Dear
doctor Wendy. This woman I am dating is great on paper?
Oh hate that means her resume looks good, but I'm
(05:14):
not feeling butterflies? Should I keep dating her? Everything checks out,
but I'm unsure if I'm actually attracted to her or
just like the idea of her. You're not gonna like
what I'm going to say. But love is an action word.
(05:36):
It is a verb. It is the verb to give.
When you say you're not attracted to her, you know
or guessing has happened in our head, not that we
imagine them, but that we have a scenario in our head.
So what is stopping you from using the verb love
(05:57):
to attend to her and give. I know, you like
she is on paper, but you're like, ah, but the
chemistry is just not there. So the question is do
you have emotional chemistry. Do you have intellectual chemistry? Do
you have good communication skills? Then fall in love. But
(06:19):
if it's all about you know, I just she's not
like a play by Bunny or whatever I think I
need to You know what, You just go into your
head with your fantasy life. Love can grow. There are
plenty throughout all of human history. There have been so
much arranged marriages that grew into deep bonds, deep commitments.
(06:44):
So give this woman a chance. You like her, but
something's holding you back. I don't know what. Oh, here's
a loaded question, Dear doctor Wendy. What are some red
flags in early dating I should not ignore even if
everything else it seems great. How much time do we have? Okay,
how much time do we have to answer this question? Oh?
(07:08):
My goodness, there are a million red flags. You should
read all my books, this is my podcast, this is
this radio show. Let's start with. They don't have a
footprint online like you can't find them. They don't have
social media, nothing problem, they won't meet you in the
real world. These are big red flags. They have an
excuse for why they can't pay for anything. Oh, they
forgot their wallet. This happened. That happened they're not getting
(07:31):
back to you in a good amount of time, right,
They're just you know, you hear from them in a
very sporadic way. Not a good That's a red flag, right,
These are the things you should be looking out for.
I know we have to go, but I just want
to quickly answer this one question real fast. Is it
okay to she asked me. Is it okay to keep
(07:52):
somethings private in a relationship? Or is full transparency a must?
This is the ultimate question. Of course, we can all
have bodily autonomy. Nobody needs know every little thing that's
going on with our bodies. But emotional intimacy is about
authenticity and honesty. And I don't think my husband and
I have one secret from each other. I can read
his mind because I know everything. I know how it's going. Anyway.
(08:15):
When we come back, I have a very special guest.
She's a founder of an app that creates double dates.
You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Welcome back to doctor Wendewalls's show on KFI AM six
forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Well, my next
guest and her partner may have solved the problem with
dating apps. Are you listening Bumble Match, Tinder, everybody else?
We have heard that there's this dating apathy that's taking
(08:56):
place on dating apps. People are getting literally aren't out
from going on single dates with strangers. In fact, they're
lowering the bar and oh, I get dressed up again
my hair and a not me and him after yoga,
which is not a bad idea, actually it's more authentic.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
But these two gals during COVID actually came up with
a better idea. Please let me introduced Danielle Ditzik. Did
I say it right? You did?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
I did.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Your partner's named Julie Griggs. We don't forget her, but
we don't have a three way to do. I just
want to talk to you, Danielle, about what you girls decided.
First of all, tell me what your day jobs were
when you came up with this new dating slash social app.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
So I am an Earth practitioner and Julie is a
physician assistant, and at the time we were actually both
working in healthcare in COVID, oh my god. And I
was working in the field of maternity, although my training
is primary care, and Julie was working in both primary
care and emergency medicine.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
So you guys were essential workers, wearing your mask and
your face shields and your gloves and sweating all day
and you found time to develop a tech company.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
We didn't really find time. We didn't have much time
to ourselves. But yes, that is we did.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
We did it during COVID yet, So let's talk about
the problem that you guys encountered as young single women
and how you decided to fix this problem.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
So the problem that we've encountered as single women is
that dating apps have completely changed the landscape of dating
culture and what it means to be single, and it
has taken single life from being a once social, fun
experience to being a very isolating experience because the only
(10:49):
way that people meet now is through dating apps, and
dating apps are of course used in isolation on your
phone by yourself, and it's not something that you're sharing
with a friend, it's something you go through alone.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
And also, let's talk about historically how people met. It
was often through fix ups, through friends or family.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Right exactly it was. It was through fix ups. It
was from going to singles weekends or singles events and
having that shared context. And now it's just so arbitrary.
It's just two people who have matched digitally and then
find themselves on a date, and the expectation, because of
all of the branding and in all of these different brands,
(11:30):
is that there will be chemistry on that date. But
the reality is there's no shared context, and so the
majority of the time it feels like a waste of
your time.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You know, I always say that relationships are a bridge
between tribes, and if you don't have the tribe involved,
then what have you got? Just a bridge that stands alone.
So let's talk about your solution. Your app is called
four Play Social. First, when I got the pitch from
your publicist, I was like, four plays another porn side.
(12:00):
I did not want to talk about this, but I
get it's cute and clever. What is four place Social?
Speaker 4 (12:07):
So four Play Social selled fo you Are Play is
an app designed by my co founder and myself to
make dating healthier and more social emotionally and physically, and
it lets single friends pair up and create a shared
profile and then connect with other pairs of single friends
so that they can go out together in a group
outing rather than going on a one on one first date.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
So, and it's team dating.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
It's team dating. Essentially, it's social dating.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
So everything's a double date. You make a profile with
your bestie, somebody else makes a profile with their bestie.
And what does the algorithm look for? Like, is it
harder to find another team that matches? Or does only one?
Like do two people just behave as wingmen because they're
only two that match? How's this work?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Great question? So basically, both of the both of the
single people who are on a team have preferences, and
then our app uses a combination of your preferences to
find other teams that satisfy both of your preferences. So
we find we find you, like a pair of friends that.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Match, Danielle. That sounds like finding a needle in a haystack.
It's hard enough to find one person to match with.
Now you've got to find two people who match with
two people.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Yeah, So what's what's great about it is that you
actually only have to have one like from from one
of the teams in order to count as the entire
team liking it. So it's called a team. On foreplay,
you and your friend are a team, and if either
you or your friend sends a like to another team,
then that registers as alike. And if either that that
(13:46):
person on another team or their teammate likes you back,
that's a match. And so what we're really trying to
do is get people away from thinking that they're going
to be able to figure out their perfect person from
an app and just get I'm on a date, meeting
people in real life in a setting where we have
not given them any expectations.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
It's a way to get people together. Now. I'm just
gonna play Devil's advocate here for one second. So I
was I'm gonna say late teens had some fake ID
and I didn't know my value on the mating marketplace.
I just hung out with my friends and they were
my friends. And so I went to my first and
disco with a girlfriend. I am five foot ten, she's
(14:33):
five foot one. It didn't matter. We were good friends
since you know, grade school. I had long blonde hair
I had I was skinny, I had big breasts, Like literally,
God made a flip and mistake with me. He was
supposed to put my brain in a nerd and he
put my brain in a playboy bunny just to have
a laugh and see what was going to happen. So
(14:53):
we go out to this disco and it was the
most painful night of my life because every guy came
to me and none to my friend, and in fact, worse,
they would go to her and say, do you think
your friend would dance with me? So what happened on
your app? If a team shows up and only one
(15:15):
person on the team gets all the attention.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Yeah, that's a great question. And I certainly have been
on a four play date before. Julian and I go
on four play dates, and I have been on a
date before where it seemed as though both the men
were interested in Julie. But I think but I was okay.
I was okay and actually funny enough. In the long run,
I wound up having a relationship with the other one,
(15:39):
but that came later. But I think that the app
is really designed for friends who are are not competitive
with one another, and they're not going to join if
they have a fear of that happening. So I think
that most friends are you know, they're opting into this experience,
and they're clearly not can competitive with one another in
(16:01):
that sense. If they are already open to going.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
On a double date, exactly, they have to know it
and they could be just meeting friends.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Right exactly. All right, That's that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
When we come back, I want to talk to you
a little bit more about the health benefits of this
and the Surgeon General's report on loneliness and how four
play Social is trying to solve things. You're listening to
The Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty
Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty Welcome back to the.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Home Stretch the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM
six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest
Danielle Dietzik, and she is the co founder of a
new app you can go look for it online called
four play Social, where people team date and they get
together with their bestie. Oh here's something I forgot to
(16:55):
ask you, Danielle. What if you have a GBF, a
gay best friend, do you guys have to be the
same genders? The same sexual orientation.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
I love GBS. I hope you coin that. I hope
you trademark that you can absolutely team up with any
friend of any sexual orientation, in any gender, because.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
The algorithm is going to figure out who you are
and what you're looking for exactly, so you're gonna go
out with another team. Let's say you're a girl, you
have a gay best friend who's a dude, and you're
gonna go out with another team where there's a straight
guy for you and a gay man for him exactly. Okay,
we need to get Okay, let me just talk about
one other problem you're gonna have to little hurdle you're
(17:37):
gonna have to overcome. Guys are more lonely and isolated
than women are. Women seem to hold all the social support.
Are you getting enough guys on the app signing up
with their bestie?
Speaker 4 (17:51):
That is an amazing observation because that has always been
the biggest challenge for us since day one, is men
not having a to do it with. And so at
the beginning, it was really a challenge because we were
eighty percent women and there weren't enough people on the
app for the women to see men. However, we've grown
(18:12):
large enough that now the fact that it's eighty percent
women is not as problematic. There are enough men now, however,
that is something that we've learned from user research is
men they're not as likely to have someone to do
this with.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Well, let me tell you there are a lot of
men who listened to kfikfi Am six forty, Los Angeles. So, dudes,
did you just hear what she said? The odds of
you meeting a great woman are very high on four
place social. I mean, really, that's how you got a market.
Go where the women are right exactly. Let's talk a
little bit. Last year, the Surgeon General came out with
(18:46):
a very disturbing report on our mental health and said
that one of the biggest health risks for Americans, and
it's particularly affecting young Americans, is loneliness and social isolation,
which started, of course, during the pandemic. I teach college students,
so let me tell you, their social anxiety is through
the roof now because they didn't get to talk to
(19:07):
humans for a long time except through screens. How is
four play social hoping to change that.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
We really want people to not only have a shared
experience with their friend, but also with new people. And
the loneliness epidemic is not just impacting young people meeting
new people, but also young people spending time with their
existing friends, and people have just become more isolated. And
(19:39):
so with Foreplay, we encourage people to enjoy single life
together because social connection is a fundamental human need and
it is as basic as food, water, and shelter, and
we need it for our health. We actually need it.
It's actually loneliness is associated with cardiovascular disease, is dementia.
(20:01):
It's a really important thing to obesity.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
That's what you do when you're a lower you eat right.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Yeah, yeah, So I hope that people can understand that
this is a low risk kind of app It's not
like you're going to spend your life pining away for
this one person's profile and go out on this big
date date and spend hours getting ready or spending a
lot of money on a date that didn't go well.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
This is let's go out and have some fun. Let's
take a buddy and go meet some other people. If
it turns into love, cool, and if it doesn't, hey,
maybe a meta friend. Is that how your marketing goes.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
That's exactly how it goes. The idea is that you
are expanding your single social network and you might find
love in doing so. And that's the old fashioned way
of meeting. And you might not find love on that
first date, that first for play date, or you might,
but you're expanding your single social network and you are
creating more opportunities to meet new people.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I think it is a wonderful idea, and I'm going
to say it again. Gentlemen, if you're listening, there is
a mating marketplace where they're eighty percent women twenty percent dudes.
You guys all need to sign on. And if you
don't have a close guy friend, find one. Join a club,
any kind of club. I don't care. You guys need
(21:21):
social support. It is so important that you reach out.
I should tell you, Danielle, I met my husband on
bumble and the only difference between me suffering from dating
fatigue and everybody else is I'm a professional. I knew
how to use the apps. I knew how to eliminate judiciously.
I knew what to ask on that first coffee date
(21:44):
to develop intimacy instead of, you know, just try fronting
in some way. And so I took like my thirty
years of reporting on the science of love, and at
every step of the way using the apps. I said, huh,
I wonder what doctor want Welsh would do here. I
literally became my own wing woman.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
I love that. I love that, But most people don't.
Most people don't have the skill set.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
No, they don't. I should set up up some kind
of coaching business where all I do is help people
navigate the apps. Nothing more, just here's what you got
to do. I've done it for friends and they've been
very successful. Maybe that's maybe that's next in my future.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
I'll sign up, I'll find up. I'll be your first client.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
That would be wonderful. For now, where can people go
to get four playsocial.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
App in the app store?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Go in to the app store and you type in
four but not like the kind of four play you're thinking, folks,
okay for meeting four people? Fou are play social? Four
play social. I also logged on online and I was
able to see it and it was all explained to me.
I went to the facts. I read all those questions.
So if you want to go get more information, you
can go to is it four playsocial dot com?
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yes, get the information, but go to the app store downloaded.
Call a friend right now and get on this thing,
because you don't need to be alone or isolated. Daniel's Ditzick.
So nice to meet you. Thank you so much for joining.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Us, Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
And that brings the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show to a close.
I'm always here for you every Sunday from seven to
nine pm. You can also on Sundays. You can also
follow me on my social media. The handle everywhere is
at doctor Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. That's always
my pleasure to be with you on KFI. You've been
listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM
(23:30):
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio
app
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