October 7, 2024 • 37 mins
Dr. Wendy is talking Diddy being on suicide watch. Sex myths that experts wish would go away. Is flirting cheating? We're breaking it all down on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
This is the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show. Do I sound
any different, Heather? Do I sound any different? Any?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Keep talking? Let me see.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
It's a good old head cold. It's the sinuses. Yeah,
it's weird. I've been in bed all day. So those
of you who emailed me last week and said why
did you get two vaccinations in one day and then
have to take a whole day off and get sick?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I did it. So I protect. And here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
One flu shot has vaccinations of about I've heard about
a thousand different viruses, but that doesn't mean they get
them all.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And so I had to go to New York this.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Week with my husband, get to say husband now with
my husband, and I must have picked it up on
the plane. He didn't get sick, Thank goodness, is eighty
five year old mother, my new mother in law did
not get sick.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
But I did.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
And it's just a walk in head cold. It's just
a pain in the butt, that's all it is. And
I was like, can I do radio? But if you
say I can, Heather, then I can.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
You can.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
And also, I'm proud of you forgetting your vaccines. Everybody
get vaccines in right now, that's very, very important.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
We have Isabella on the board.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
How are you, my dear?
Speaker 5 (01:17):
Hello, I am doing so well the Girls show, it's
all girls.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And I don't know where Kayla went. She's off dancing
down the halls or something. But anyway, we are here,
all right, let's talk about what we all care about Puffy.
You know, there's so much gossip. I mean, I just
heard you say that there's one hundred and twenty potential
victims out there, accusers we call them, right.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
We have said that.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Thousands have come forward saying, you know, he had twenty
years to have his fun.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Whatever it was.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So I don't think this gentleman is going to get
out of jail, going to get out of jail car
anytime soon. If it's true that one of the victims
was as young as nine years old, now, what's really interesting.
So I've been talking to so many people who either
knew him or new accusers or whatever, everybody's just a
(02:14):
twitter in this town about what went on. But one
person speculated, and this is purely speculation, about why they
put Puffy on suicide watch.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Da da da dah.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
You know, most performers who spend their lives going out
to get the limelight are not people that suffer from
depression easily. They're not people who suffer from low self esteem.
They're generally not people who would take their own lives.
They like themselves too much, they really do. So this
(02:49):
person that I talked to this week suggested that maybe
he was put on suicide watch so that he could
have be in a private room and they could do
to him what they did to Epstein.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Ooh, I mean I thought that too, honestly.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah, really, yeah, because I don't think this is his
personal opinion. I have no evidence of this. I don't
think Epstein killed himself. He's another narcissist, no way. There
are just too many high profile people associated with this,
and we're talking about decades and yeah, and there's so
much money flying around and oh, anyway, I hope you're
(03:27):
gonna be okay, Puffy, But more importantly, I hope your
victims are gonna be okay, and they get the mental
health services they need. Remember last week I was talking
about the secret lives of Mormon wives and how religiosity really.
Did you watch it, Isabella? Have you seen that show? Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:42):
My gosh, I since you talked about it, I watched
the first four episodes and I am obsessed. It is
such a fun and scary watch episode.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
You didn't know them as Tiktoker's or whatever.
Speaker 5 (03:55):
I recognized one of them from a viral video, but
to that no, I had no clue who they were.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Well after I promoted the heck out of them accidentally
by talking about religion and sex and whatever. I don't
think this is why it happened. It got picked up
for a whole other season. So that means, Isabella, if
you hang through for however many episodes they have you
did four, I don't know how many are left, then
you will have a cliffhanger, likely for sure. And it's
(04:24):
sending the world on its butt because or turning upside down,
because now these women in a religion that might have
historically seen a lot of traditional gender roles, now these
women have become the big breadwinners in their families. So
let's see how that affects their relationship. Also as to
our relationship with our immigrant population. I read a funny
(04:47):
story this I thought it was a lovely story this week.
You know, I'm Canadian as well as American, and so
I get this letter from the New York Times called
the Canada Letter, and they give me news from Canada
that you guys, woul probab have to dig deeper into
your app to find. So while American politics is embroiled
in our current anti immigration rhetoric, our neighbors just north
(05:11):
are doing quite the opposite. They realize the value of
having immigrants come to the country. In fact, in Canada
they are not called immigrants. Do you know what somebody
who immigrants from another country is called in Canada?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Isabella? Would you guess a traveler?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
They're called New Canadians. All that's kind of sweet New Canadians, right,
you know what black people are calling Canada? By the way, Canadians,
I mean, we have it's a little weird here south
of the border in some ways, but anyway, so Canada,
of course has one third greater land mass than the US.
A lot of you don't know this, only ten percent
(05:54):
of the population and all kinds of natural resources and
they need lots of workers to continue.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Knew to grow.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
So they had this really so, my mom's actually from Newfoundland,
she's a Newfoundlander, and the Province of Newfoundland and Labrador
had a little bit of a budget to try to
get people to come over. So they took one hundred
and seventy four thousand of that budget and they decided
to sponsor the worst team in UK soccer and put
(06:24):
their names Newfoundland and Labrador on their jerseys.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And so it was the weirdest.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Thing that this team, which normally gets no coverage at all,
happened to play the best team, Chelsea in you know,
the pick of the first game. And so this Canadian
what is the government basically who paid that money, was
so happy because everybody wrote articles about this team saying
why does it have Newfoundland and Labrador on their shirts?
(06:51):
What does that mean? Well, apparently their website is home
awaits dot ca. Isn't that lovely home await dot Ca.
So if you are, they're looking particularly for skilled workers plumbers, electricians, nurses, doctors.
If you like to live, Newfoundland's beautiful. Okay, it's a
bit of a long winter. I'll tell you that a
(07:13):
bit of a long winter. But they are the nicest
people you'll ever meet. So there you go home, awaits
dot ca. All right. So my week I went to
so let me back up a little bit. I got
a cold. When you have a head cold, it's like
your brain is a little bit swollen or something. You
(07:34):
make plans to talk about something and then all of
a sudden, that thing just goes out the window. And
it's not like I smoked weed or anything.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
But anyway, so this week I had this wonderful opportunity
to focus on some of the important relationships in my life,
which was my new husband's family and friends. So it
was his birthday. I had to go to New York
for work for a shoot that I was doing, and
we got to spend a couple dinners with his eighty
(08:05):
five year old mother. I have a mother in law.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Now.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Now I have to tell you something.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
My own mother died when I was thirty years old,
and when I was thirty, my mom and dad both
died in the same year breast cancer, lung cancer. It
was not a good year to be a thirty year
old in my world. And so I raise my kids
without a grandmother. And now I meet this Well, first
of all, she's not even old. She's like marching around
New York City after dinner one night. We're way down
(08:30):
in Tribeca, is like ten thirty at night. She gets
up from the table.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I go, where are you going? And she's way uptown
where she.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Lives, right, And she's like, uh, well, I can just
take the bus over two blocks here and I can
take the train up there. And I looked at her.
I'm like, not on my watch, you are getting in
a black car, uber, what.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Do you mean?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
But so these New Yorkers so resilient, so independent. But
my bigger point is spending time with people we love
or even if they're new relationships. Family is very important.
And I got to spend some time with friends who
have been friends with Julio for many years. One was
(09:08):
a childhood friend, no less, and they started pulling out
pictures of them when they were little, and it just
felt like such.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
A warm feeling.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
And I was reminded of why I talk about relationships
all the time, because it is the key to our
mental health. Even if we're talking about therapy helping our
mental health, there's research to show that it is the
relationship with boundaries, of course, the ethical relationship between the
therapist and patient that is so healing. It's about having
(09:41):
people around you, so I encourage you. If you don't
have people, get some people.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
People accuse me of talking about sex more than I
talk about relationships, and I argue with them all the
time because I don't talk about sex that much. But
when we come back, I'm going to talk about sex. Okay,
the biggest sex myths that sex oligo just wish would
just go away. I'm gonna help them make those myths
go away when we come back. You are listening to
(10:08):
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walls Show Again. I get criticized a lot
for talking about sex, but I never talk about sex
unless it's in the context of a relationship or about
the psychology of sex. You are never gonna hear a
plumbing lesson from me. You are now I am not
doctor Ruth. Okay, you know, Kayla, you don't remember. Thank
(10:42):
you by the way for putting your mask on, because
I got quite a head cult here today.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah, I got a busy life. I can't get sick.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Doctor goes six feet and you know I have to
not have a mask on or I will sound completely
muffled like I did on the radio. Right, you don't
remember doctor Ruth. But back in the oh, god does
she start an in the eighties? Head, there was doctor
Ruth in the eighties, that long ago. She recently passed.
She in the eighties, Okay, nobody was talking about sex
on the radio or anything. And she had this late
(11:08):
night show, and of course because she was this little
tiny German lady, Austrian whatever, I don't know what she
was Hungarian, she uh would talk about such detailed plumbing
lessons and use of toys, and all of us, even
young people, are jaws just dropped. Because she was all
(11:29):
about safe sex, healthy sex. I'm all about psychologically safe sex.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That's a big one. Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
It's sort of the next bastion of where we're going here.
Enough with how to do it and how often and
with who? But how but is it safe And I
don't mean physically safe. Well, I mean that too, because
you got a judge, But I mean, are you going
to emotionally get hurt because two people are, you know,
having different expectations in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I talk about that a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
So that's why I was really interested to read this
article in the New York Times this week called eight sex
myths that experts wish would just plain old go away.
I paraphrase them and move them around a little bit,
because that's what I do when I take notes when
I'm reading stuff, because I put my own mind on
things as well. The first one, they agree, and I agree, this.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Is a big myth.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Everybody believes that everybody else is having way more sex
than they are. Everybody believes that, and I'm telling you
they're not. Most people are having about the same amount
of sex. I mean, there's some variants, but you know,
if you're in a neighborhood and you're in the suburbs,
you're raising your kids, and everybody's working, and everybody's tired,
(12:41):
and the kids are waking you up in the middle
of the night, you're having as little sex as all
your neighbors. I will just say that, all right, nobody's
having more. That's why I think those I was gonna say,
real housewives, those what are they called, Isabella?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Those the Mormon wives.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
The Mormon wives. I don't think they're real. I don't
think that they're doing See, okay, myth number two, men
want more sex than women. There's a yes and no
to this. Evolutionary psychologists would say that research shows that yes,
men are far less choosy and will take plenty of
(13:18):
bad sex, and will take sex, you know, kind of
more often they will say yes than women. But and
there's lots of research to show that men masturbate more
than women do. But there are also plenty of marriages
where the woman is more into it than he is.
I'm not saying I've been in one, but maybe I was.
So we can't always assume that just because there's a
(13:41):
little bit of research that says, you know, in some
cases and some stages of life, but if you look
at it across the life span, you're gonna find that
the genders are more the same than not. Okay, number three,
And this is when I preach on all the time
myths that experts say should go away, and here it
(14:06):
is sex should be spontaneous to be real. In other words,
desires should just happen right away. Well, I'm sorry, gentlemen.
You may be a microwave oven, but we are a crockpot.
And also for play for women can start three days
before the event with a new pair of underwear or
(14:26):
shaving or you know, a new candle. I don't know,
just thoughts in your head. Also, I've talked about this.
Male and female sexual psychology is very different. Men can
be more spontaneous, that's well documented. Women tend to be responsive.
So what does that mean? So men, whatever it may be,
(14:49):
whether they're a two time a week person, a five
time a week person, a one time a month person,
at twice a year person, it just happens for them.
They have the thought it comes from inside. Hey, I'd
like to have sex. Women respond to what they see,
feel and hear in the environment. Why do you think
Fifty Shades of Gray was so popular among the Mommy
(15:09):
Housewives because they got a book that gave them a
responsiveness ideas. It can be reading Harlequin romances. It can be,
you know, just going to the gym and coming home
and feeling a little thinner.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
One day.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
It can be a way that a husband might touch
you when you're in the kitchen. He's getting around behind
you to unload the dishwasher for you. Isn't that nice
of him? And helping you with the laundry and he
brushes past you and then you respond to it. Right,
So women's sexual desire tends to be more responsive.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Remember that.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Okay, here's another myth. I'm sorry I sniffing. My nose
is so stuffed up, my throat is so so, I
don't want to complain. I'm not gonna pumplain. Just keep
that mask on, kaylea. Okay, uh okay, here's a big myth.
If you need lube, you're not turned on? Liars whoever
said this was twenty two? Okay, anybody over forty, you
(16:06):
can be so aroused inside your head, you can so
want this person, and then nothing's happening down there. Right,
So it doesn't mean you're not aroused. It just means
that your hormones might be declining. And that's okay.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You know, use it all women.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Over fifty should use it every time, protect to protect themselves.
Oh here's another big one. If you call if you
use the word sex, what you mean, is you inserted
yourself some way into another person's body. First of all,
sex can be two people with fully clothed hugging and
kissing each other and feeling aroused. That's a form of sex.
(16:47):
Kissing is a form of sex. But this whole thing
that you have to go all the way for it
to be sex. No, sex therapists will say, if you
are feeling aroused and you're in the company of someone else,
you're having sex in some way. You're surprised by that.
Speaker 6 (17:00):
Kayla, Yeah, like I don't even know if I'm want
to get the dump bunk button. I'm sorry, is able
to be prepared, but like, do you have to finish it?
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Oh, that's another one. That's another one. Okay, uh, here's
a myth. Sex without orgasm is failed sex. No, you
don't have to have an orgasm for it to be sex,
and that's not bad sex.
Speaker 6 (17:25):
Like, so I can be making out with somebody and
we're both aroused and that's just considered sex even though
nobody finished, nobody inserted anybody in anything.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
You had sex fascinating.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah. In fact, one of the reasons why sex surveys
are so difficult to collect data on is because everybody
has so many different definitions of sex, right. I mean,
there are Christian virgins, maybe those Mormon girls before they
got married, who believe that you can penetrate in every
orifice in your body. But as long as it's not
your vagina, then that's not a sex anything.
Speaker 6 (17:55):
But people, is that what that's called? Anything but penetration
of whatever?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Right? Well, there are other places to penetrate. Oh, just sorry,
I don't know if you know that. Yes, I know
that when I thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Okay, couple more myths. Scheduled sex is unromantic, I'm sorry.
Scheduled sex is very romantic because you get the big
build up, you get to think about it, you have
days to think about it. Just don't forget you put
it on the schedule, Okay, Julio, just say no, I
didn't say that. If it's on the schedule, you got
(18:29):
to meet you. No, sometimes you're tired anyway, even if
it's on the schedule. I know, But then put it
back on the schedule, That's what I'll say.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
And the final ding ding sex myth that experts would
wish would go away is for men, this idea that
their penis is the wrong size. It's too big, it's
too small, it's bent to the right, to the left,
it's this is that, guys.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Stop it.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
The more you worry about your anatomy, the more we
feel you're worry and anxiety. And you know, there isn't
such a thing as a wrong size.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It is just about love and caring for each other. Okay,
that's all.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I am going to talk about sex today, because why
don't I move on to something far more exciting to women, flirting.
I want to specifically speak to young people and maybe
even parents of young people who have lost the art
of flirting.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Can we bring it back?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Let's bring flirting back, and then later I want to
talk about well, if you're married, is flirting cheating?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Let's get there.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI
AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Hayla, did you put on R
Kelly Well?
Speaker 6 (19:58):
I hear that his victims get the money for our
every time his song's a stream now, so I feel
again because the victimers are now getting paid with his money.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Oh if that's good to know, actually very good to know.
All right.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Uh, he was singing about flirting, and so I want
to talk about flirting. Turns out there's a whole generation
of young people, those digital natives, who do not know
how to flirt in the real world.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Now, I want to remind you that you can train
your brain for anything. I remember back in the day,
Sure you.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Remember some of you would remember too, when we had
on the passenger seat of our car something called the
Thomas Guide, and we could very quickly glance at it
and know what page and what grid, close it and
drive all the way across southern California and get exactly
to the address we were going to.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
We didn't need any.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Navigation, just maybe a glance at the Thomas Guide. Well,
now we've erased all our mapping ability. I mean I
used navigation to go to place I go to every
single time because I like the timing. I like to
see what time I'm going to get there, so I
can tell people and all that.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
You know, so you made me feel old. I used
to have a Thomas guy in my car when I
first moved to LA and I used to get it
out and I loved mapping everything out.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
I haven't heard somebody talk about Thomas Heather. Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I had a leather bound one. Okay, you could get
a fancy one. The professional editions. I wonder what ever
happened to them, Like did they go online and become
Thomas Navigation or something? Maybe did they go the way
a blockbuster? So in the same way, we have lost
the art of flirting. I am a big believer though,
(21:41):
that we've lost the maps and the roads and the
ability to wink and smile at people in traffic. Even
we used to flirt in traffic in those days. We
just catch people's eyes in traffic.
Speaker 6 (21:52):
I thought that was happening to me the other day
a guy was like waving me down. I'm like, throw
that Thursday He's like, you're tires flat.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
I know.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
So young people need to learn it because guess what
they're being really they hate dating apps.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Now.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
I hate to say it, but some dating apps are
going down in their usage. Everyone's getting tired of it.
That's why they're moving to LinkedIn and Instagram to meet people.
But anyway, so let's talk about what First of all,
what is a flirt. A flirt is basically an invitation.
It's an invitation for romantic or maybe sexual connection. And
it's a way, a coded way to let another person
(22:35):
know that you find them attractive. Attractive, So a flirt
can be a little glance, a smile, touching someone's arm
when they're talking, a hair flip, a little suggestive word.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That could go either way.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So I want you to think of flirting as casting
out a fishing line. Right, you're going to cast out
that line. Some fish may bite, most of them will
not bite. You haven't lost face. If your flirt was
just subtle, right, you can just move along. Doesn't matter. Now,
in the last ten years, flirting has changed a lot
(23:09):
because of the dependence on technology that so many people have,
and also with COVID, when people were on lockdown, they
developed this social anxiety. So now you're about to hear
from the wise sage, the woman who used to flirt
professionally in her young young life, what is the best
(23:32):
kind of flirt out there? Whether you're at the coffee shop,
in a bar, in a restaurant, out on a run,
walk in, hiking, at the gym, grocery stores, great place.
What you need to do is find a common interest,
common interest, common interest, and a common interest. So that means,
if you find somebody attractive in public, look at what
(23:55):
they're looking at, what there were ordering if it's a restaurant,
what they're wearing, how they're speaking, and find a common thread.
So if you're in line at Starbucks and they're staring
at their phone, you might look over their shoulder and go, hey,
is that candy crush? What's your score? Right? Whatever it
is like, if you like the same thing they're doing,
(24:18):
if they have an accent that you recognize, you might
say something like, hey, are you Italian? I just got
back from Florence. Right, they find that common thing. If
they're wearing your favorite brand of.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Sneaker, your team.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Of course, if they got a Yankee cap on ask
them if they're a New Yorker, although I think everyone
all around the world now seems to wear Yankee caps.
It's just a fashion thing. Maybe you have the same
drink order. So the first step to gaining trust, because
that's what flirting is making them trust you is to
introduce like mindedness. Now, please remember, if they don't reciprocate
(24:56):
and they don't extend the conversation, drop it. He or
she did not bite, It's okay, move on, you can
save face. You just said one sentence. It's fine, all right.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So let's say they do.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Respond, their open body language turns towards you and they say, yeah, yeah,
I'm from Middaly, I'm from Milan. Actually, So how do
you advance this conversation from being just friendly into flirting? Well,
do it carefully and slowly, and do not rush it.
There is nothing that feels creepier than a perfect stranger
(25:32):
getting too sexual too fast. So talk about anything except
that the fact you found them attractive. You know, one time,
remember the Santa Monica stairs to anybody still do the
Santa Monica stairs going up and down, up and anyway.
I was doing the Santa Monica stairs one time and
I was walking towards my car and this guy comes
up to me and he goes, hey, I just want
to tell you I find you very attractive. Would you
(25:55):
like to have dinner with me? And I literally ran
into my car so fast as slam that door. It
just felt so creepy. He didn't find any commonality. And
I literally said, yeah, you and half the planet, dude.
I was so hot in my twenties, so hotly, now.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Your wing.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It was a long time ago. I was so hot,
and I was so sick of guys going, oh, it
looks so pretty. It's not that I did. All right,
ask me about what's in my brain, O what I'm thinking.
So don't rush make him wonder. Remember the world's biggest
affroditiak is the word no. Don't give it up too fast.
There's some little things you can do women.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
There's this. You got to master this.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
You glance at the guy and then you you look
at him just long enough to have him see that
you're looking. But then quickly you look away, and then
you flip your hair over your shoulder, or you move
your bangs out of your eyes, and you look down
with a coy smile, not an angry face. So you
look like I'm happy I saw something I like. And
(27:00):
this basically says, yeah, I checked you out and it
pleased me. Now it's time for you to make a move, right.
That's the girl flirt for guys. Stand extra tall, lower
your voice a little bit and move slightly, just slightly
ambiguously into her personal space. If she moves away quickly
to re establish that personal space, she didn't bite. If
(27:23):
she allows this intrusion, she's interested. It's all about the
body language. I've spent a lifetime studying this stuff. All right,
when we come back, If you're married, does flirting count
as cheating?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Let's talk about this when we come back.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
AMI Am six forty. You of Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Kayla, if you're
married or in a relationship, do you think flirting is cheating?
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (28:00):
That oh when the other person does it?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Definitely? Yes. Okay, Isabella, do you think flirting is cheating?
I think to some extent it could kind as cheating.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yes. Oh, she's going a little more. Not quite sure, Heather, Yes,
I do. Now there's one problem here. Everybody who I
have polled happens to have a uterus and be females.
So therefore, I wonder what guys would say. I wonder
what guys would say.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I feel like I know what they would say.
Speaker 6 (28:31):
Right, Well, guys are listening, let us know on.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
The talk Yes, send a talkbuck. How do we do
the talk back again?
Speaker 6 (28:37):
Hit the little microphone if you're listening on the iHeartRadio
app at the microphone in the left hand corner, and
leave a thirty second message.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Yeah, whether you think it's cheating or not, but also
listen to me first. So it's a really complicated question
because what it depends on is the couple's contract around
and I'm putting quotation marks here harmless cheating. And it
also pens on the flirters motivations. So there are couples
out there who have a very secure attachment and they
(29:07):
may endorse some playful flirting as a way to add
a little spice to their relationship. You see, flirting, when
it's open and reciprocated, may actually increase a flirter's mate
status and ignite some healthy feelings of jealousy in their partner.
You know, those couples who swing. I'm not one of those.
(29:28):
I don't want to be one of those I'm not
wired that way. But sometimes there will be a husband
that wants to watch because it gets him excited to
know that she's valuable. It's weird gold gold, Yeah, exactly.
So sometimes after witnessing just some public flirting, the other
partner might initiate some exciting mate guarding, maybe make guarding sex,
(29:51):
make up sex, I don't know. Look, years ago, I
knew a couple, a long term married, happy, very secure couple.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And you know what they used to do on their
date night?
Speaker 1 (30:01):
This thing. They would pick a restaurant that had a bar,
and she would get all dressed up where he never
got to see her, and she would go to the
bar an hour before he was supposed to arrive, and
she would look totally hot, and she would flirt with
some men until there was a man there all over her,
and then her husband would arrive and pretend to be
(30:21):
a stranger and win her over huge.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
That definitely not for me, but I think that is.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
The poor dude are sitting there right. But here's my caveat.
If the flirting is covert, or if the flirting is online,
this can be viewed as a serious betrayal of trust.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
In a relationship.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
And that's why when I described it, most of the
women who I pulled here, you know, basically said no,
don't want to do it. So let's talk about why
people may want to flirt sometimes just sometimes. I'm not
blaming the partner at home, but sometimes it's because they
aren't getting enough positive affirmation in their private for their
primary relationship. Or maybe they just have such low self
(31:07):
esteem that they will enough compliments will never be enough.
They're in a constant.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
State of longing.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
They can be completely insecure and just use the attention
from somebody else as a way to stroke their ego.
But there's another recent Sometimes people flirt, and this is
the one that we're all worried about. If they're considering
breaking up with their partner, flirting is a subtle way
to test the mating marketplace. It's like, I didn't do
(31:33):
anything wrong.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Was she came up to me? I mean, oh, I dude,
look at her right?
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Why I do the mail side She's like, I didn't
do anything. He was all over me. When I went
to that basketball game in a bikini. I don't know, no,
not a bikini. It's just that I see young women
in clothing. I'll see three of them out and there's
not enough fabric to make a tea towel between the
three of their outfits, and I'm just like, how do
they do that? On the other hand, I'm also reminded
(31:58):
that I used to also wear that stuff, leather Boostie's
where my thing the Madonna h leather boostiers, leather mini skirts,
super high heels, and.
Speaker 6 (32:06):
You are super hot back then, so you should have.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Worn that I did. And now my daughters wear that
stuff and they're super hot, and they're like, why did
you throw that stuff away?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
We could have used it. Well, But flirting can be bad,
I do want to say this. Flirting when it's not
done with permission can destabilize a relationship, completely erode trust.
It can cause one partner to feel insecure or envious
of others. It can also send a signal to those
(32:35):
potential mate poachers out there that an affair is possible.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
So what do you do.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Let's say your partner's been flirting. How do you address this? Well,
I always say communication is key. You got to find
a way to address the situation. Of course, by staying
on your own feelings, as I always say, instead of
criticizing their behavior. So you gotta allaw and this is
any kind of criticism with your partner, you got to
(33:03):
allow your partner to save face, give them the benefit
of the doubt.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
You might say something like.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
You know, when you were laughing and touching that woman's
arm over there, I know your intentions were innocent, but
I felt kind of embarrassed. And she probably thinks we're
not in a solid relationship. Now is there another way
we could do that? Right? See, stay on your own
feelings and give them the benefit of the doubt. I
know it's probably innocent, right, I trust you, right, but
(33:29):
didn't look what a good look for us? Right? Wasn't
a good look for us? Don't embarrass me? Now, don't
embarrass me exactly. Couples need to be a united front
out there. So Cayleb, have you ever had somebody who
flirted with you?
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Uh? Yes, Actually we did get some talk back too.
Speaker 6 (33:46):
By the way, we did what one says, if girls
flirt is cheating, If guy flirts, it's not cheating.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
End of discussion. It's very firm and one guy, Well,
wait a second, I want to analyze that.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
You know, they say some research says that When women
have an affair, they're more likely relationship shopping. When men
have an affair, they're more likely just having sex. Right, Yeah, okay,
And what's someone else say?
Speaker 6 (34:15):
One says no, I would definitely say it's not cheating. However,
it does open up the door to potential cheating. So
it's a very very big risk to take. But it's
not in itself cheating. It's not cheating.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
It's slippery slope.
Speaker 6 (34:30):
Kind of like would you say if if you cheat,
it's not a problem, it's a symptom of a problem
or something like.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
That, or a symptom of the problem. There you go,
especially not the problem.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
You know what I say about online stuff is that
very quickly online relationships, even if they're just friends, somebody
sending you a DM maybe some stranger, if you start
to disclose personal things about you, your relationship, your feelings, whatever,
it does become an emotional affair, and that is cheating.
(34:59):
It doesn't have to be physical cheating. There's such a
thing as emotional cheating. And so that's that slippery slope
where it can head to.
Speaker 6 (35:07):
Yeah, I feel like I'm more offended when my partner
does the flirting. I just feel like women love to
be flirted with by men, but sometimes women are just
kind of naturally I don't know. Don't don't eat me up,
talk bags, but like, sometimes women are a little bit
naturally flirty and it doesn't mean anything to them. It's
kind of just natural conversation. So I think the guy
shouldn't take it as personal if they're woman flirts. But
(35:29):
if a man flirts, he's putting it out there that the.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Otherwise has acs.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
No.
Speaker 6 (35:33):
No, I'm a crazy seeping out, my crazy seeping out,
but that's how I feel.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Listen, when we.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Come back, I want to go to social speaking, social media.
Besides those talk backs, let's go to social media. I
told you I have a cold, I got a stuffed
up nose or that that's my centuses. I got a
sore throat, I got a headache, and so I am
not going on TikTok or Instagram right now. I usually
light up this place and smile and I'm happy, don't I.
Speaker 6 (36:01):
You're so lighting up this place with all your sickness,
your snack.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
So this week, let's go to social media. If you
have a relationship question, I want you to write it
down right now.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Send me a DM.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Instagram is a good place for Kayla Desheck at Dr
Wendy Walsh. At doctor Wendy Walsh is the handle and
I will always keep you anonymous. I will not disclose
who you are, and I try to change things around
us a little bit to really keep it because you
know your person that you're asking about might be listening.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
And a reminder, I have a PhD in clinical psychology.
I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. However, I've
written three books on relationships. My dissertation was on attachment theory.
I have a personal hobby where I'm obsessed with the
science of love and I have an entire lifetime of wisdom.
So send me a DM at Dr Wendy Walsh. You
(36:54):
are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the I Heart
Radio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app.
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
This is the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show. Do I sound
any different, Heather? Do I sound any different? Any?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Keep talking? Let me see.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
It's a good old head cold. It's the sinuses. Yeah,
it's weird. I've been in bed all day. So those
of you who emailed me last week and said why
did you get two vaccinations in one day and then
have to take a whole day off and get sick?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I did it. So I protect. And here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
One flu shot has vaccinations of about I've heard about
a thousand different viruses, but that doesn't mean they get
them all.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And so I had to go to New York this.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Week with my husband, get to say husband now with
my husband, and I must have picked it up on
the plane. He didn't get sick, Thank goodness, is eighty
five year old mother, my new mother in law did
not get sick.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
But I did.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
And it's just a walk in head cold. It's just
a pain in the butt, that's all it is. And
I was like, can I do radio? But if you
say I can, Heather, then I can.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
You can.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
And also, I'm proud of you forgetting your vaccines. Everybody
get vaccines in right now, that's very, very important.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
We have Isabella on the board.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
How are you, my dear?
Speaker 5 (01:17):
Hello, I am doing so well the Girls show, it's
all girls.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And I don't know where Kayla went. She's off dancing
down the halls or something. But anyway, we are here,
all right, let's talk about what we all care about Puffy.
You know, there's so much gossip. I mean, I just
heard you say that there's one hundred and twenty potential
victims out there, accusers we call them, right.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
We have said that.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Thousands have come forward saying, you know, he had twenty
years to have his fun.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Whatever it was.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So I don't think this gentleman is going to get
out of jail, going to get out of jail car
anytime soon. If it's true that one of the victims
was as young as nine years old, now, what's really interesting.
So I've been talking to so many people who either
knew him or new accusers or whatever, everybody's just a
(02:14):
twitter in this town about what went on. But one
person speculated, and this is purely speculation, about why they
put Puffy on suicide watch.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Da da da dah.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
You know, most performers who spend their lives going out
to get the limelight are not people that suffer from
depression easily. They're not people who suffer from low self esteem.
They're generally not people who would take their own lives.
They like themselves too much, they really do. So this
(02:49):
person that I talked to this week suggested that maybe
he was put on suicide watch so that he could
have be in a private room and they could do
to him what they did to Epstein.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Ooh, I mean I thought that too, honestly.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah, really, yeah, because I don't think this is his
personal opinion. I have no evidence of this. I don't
think Epstein killed himself. He's another narcissist, no way. There
are just too many high profile people associated with this,
and we're talking about decades and yeah, and there's so
much money flying around and oh, anyway, I hope you're
(03:27):
gonna be okay, Puffy, But more importantly, I hope your
victims are gonna be okay, and they get the mental
health services they need. Remember last week I was talking
about the secret lives of Mormon wives and how religiosity really.
Did you watch it, Isabella? Have you seen that show? Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:42):
My gosh, I since you talked about it, I watched
the first four episodes and I am obsessed. It is
such a fun and scary watch episode.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
You didn't know them as Tiktoker's or whatever.
Speaker 5 (03:55):
I recognized one of them from a viral video, but
to that no, I had no clue who they were.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Well after I promoted the heck out of them accidentally
by talking about religion and sex and whatever. I don't
think this is why it happened. It got picked up
for a whole other season. So that means, Isabella, if
you hang through for however many episodes they have you
did four, I don't know how many are left, then
you will have a cliffhanger, likely for sure. And it's
(04:24):
sending the world on its butt because or turning upside down,
because now these women in a religion that might have
historically seen a lot of traditional gender roles, now these
women have become the big breadwinners in their families. So
let's see how that affects their relationship. Also as to
our relationship with our immigrant population. I read a funny
(04:47):
story this I thought it was a lovely story this week.
You know, I'm Canadian as well as American, and so
I get this letter from the New York Times called
the Canada Letter, and they give me news from Canada
that you guys, woul probab have to dig deeper into
your app to find. So while American politics is embroiled
in our current anti immigration rhetoric, our neighbors just north
(05:11):
are doing quite the opposite. They realize the value of
having immigrants come to the country. In fact, in Canada
they are not called immigrants. Do you know what somebody
who immigrants from another country is called in Canada?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Isabella? Would you guess a traveler?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
They're called New Canadians. All that's kind of sweet New Canadians, right,
you know what black people are calling Canada? By the way, Canadians,
I mean, we have it's a little weird here south
of the border in some ways, but anyway, so Canada,
of course has one third greater land mass than the US.
A lot of you don't know this, only ten percent
(05:54):
of the population and all kinds of natural resources and
they need lots of workers to continue.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Knew to grow.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
So they had this really so, my mom's actually from Newfoundland,
she's a Newfoundlander, and the Province of Newfoundland and Labrador
had a little bit of a budget to try to
get people to come over. So they took one hundred
and seventy four thousand of that budget and they decided
to sponsor the worst team in UK soccer and put
(06:24):
their names Newfoundland and Labrador on their jerseys.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And so it was the weirdest.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Thing that this team, which normally gets no coverage at all,
happened to play the best team, Chelsea in you know,
the pick of the first game. And so this Canadian
what is the government basically who paid that money, was
so happy because everybody wrote articles about this team saying
why does it have Newfoundland and Labrador on their shirts?
(06:51):
What does that mean? Well, apparently their website is home
awaits dot ca. Isn't that lovely home await dot Ca.
So if you are, they're looking particularly for skilled workers plumbers, electricians, nurses, doctors.
If you like to live, Newfoundland's beautiful. Okay, it's a
bit of a long winter. I'll tell you that a
(07:13):
bit of a long winter. But they are the nicest
people you'll ever meet. So there you go home, awaits
dot ca. All right. So my week I went to
so let me back up a little bit. I got
a cold. When you have a head cold, it's like
your brain is a little bit swollen or something. You
(07:34):
make plans to talk about something and then all of
a sudden, that thing just goes out the window. And
it's not like I smoked weed or anything.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
But anyway, so this week I had this wonderful opportunity
to focus on some of the important relationships in my life,
which was my new husband's family and friends. So it
was his birthday. I had to go to New York
for work for a shoot that I was doing, and
we got to spend a couple dinners with his eighty
(08:05):
five year old mother. I have a mother in law.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Now.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Now I have to tell you something.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
My own mother died when I was thirty years old,
and when I was thirty, my mom and dad both
died in the same year breast cancer, lung cancer. It
was not a good year to be a thirty year
old in my world. And so I raise my kids
without a grandmother. And now I meet this Well, first
of all, she's not even old. She's like marching around
New York City after dinner one night. We're way down
(08:30):
in Tribeca, is like ten thirty at night. She gets
up from the table.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I go, where are you going? And she's way uptown
where she.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Lives, right, And she's like, uh, well, I can just
take the bus over two blocks here and I can
take the train up there. And I looked at her.
I'm like, not on my watch, you are getting in
a black car, uber, what.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Do you mean?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
But so these New Yorkers so resilient, so independent. But
my bigger point is spending time with people we love
or even if they're new relationships. Family is very important.
And I got to spend some time with friends who
have been friends with Julio for many years. One was
(09:08):
a childhood friend, no less, and they started pulling out
pictures of them when they were little, and it just
felt like such.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
A warm feeling.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
And I was reminded of why I talk about relationships
all the time, because it is the key to our
mental health. Even if we're talking about therapy helping our
mental health, there's research to show that it is the
relationship with boundaries, of course, the ethical relationship between the
therapist and patient that is so healing. It's about having
(09:41):
people around you, so I encourage you. If you don't
have people, get some people.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
People accuse me of talking about sex more than I
talk about relationships, and I argue with them all the
time because I don't talk about sex that much. But
when we come back, I'm going to talk about sex. Okay,
the biggest sex myths that sex oligo just wish would
just go away. I'm gonna help them make those myths
go away when we come back. You are listening to
(10:08):
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walls Show Again. I get criticized a lot
for talking about sex, but I never talk about sex
unless it's in the context of a relationship or about
the psychology of sex. You are never gonna hear a
plumbing lesson from me. You are now I am not
doctor Ruth. Okay, you know, Kayla, you don't remember. Thank
(10:42):
you by the way for putting your mask on, because
I got quite a head cult here today.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah, I got a busy life. I can't get sick.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Doctor goes six feet and you know I have to
not have a mask on or I will sound completely
muffled like I did on the radio. Right, you don't
remember doctor Ruth. But back in the oh, god does
she start an in the eighties? Head, there was doctor
Ruth in the eighties, that long ago. She recently passed.
She in the eighties, Okay, nobody was talking about sex
on the radio or anything. And she had this late
(11:08):
night show, and of course because she was this little
tiny German lady, Austrian whatever, I don't know what she
was Hungarian, she uh would talk about such detailed plumbing
lessons and use of toys, and all of us, even
young people, are jaws just dropped. Because she was all
(11:29):
about safe sex, healthy sex. I'm all about psychologically safe sex.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That's a big one. Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
It's sort of the next bastion of where we're going here.
Enough with how to do it and how often and
with who? But how but is it safe And I
don't mean physically safe. Well, I mean that too, because
you got a judge, But I mean, are you going
to emotionally get hurt because two people are, you know,
having different expectations in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I talk about that a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
So that's why I was really interested to read this
article in the New York Times this week called eight sex
myths that experts wish would just plain old go away.
I paraphrase them and move them around a little bit,
because that's what I do when I take notes when
I'm reading stuff, because I put my own mind on
things as well. The first one, they agree, and I agree, this.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Is a big myth.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Everybody believes that everybody else is having way more sex
than they are. Everybody believes that, and I'm telling you
they're not. Most people are having about the same amount
of sex. I mean, there's some variants, but you know,
if you're in a neighborhood and you're in the suburbs,
you're raising your kids, and everybody's working, and everybody's tired,
(12:41):
and the kids are waking you up in the middle
of the night, you're having as little sex as all
your neighbors. I will just say that, all right, nobody's
having more. That's why I think those I was gonna say,
real housewives, those what are they called, Isabella?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Those the Mormon wives.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
The Mormon wives. I don't think they're real. I don't
think that they're doing See, okay, myth number two, men
want more sex than women. There's a yes and no
to this. Evolutionary psychologists would say that research shows that yes,
men are far less choosy and will take plenty of
(13:18):
bad sex, and will take sex, you know, kind of
more often they will say yes than women. But and
there's lots of research to show that men masturbate more
than women do. But there are also plenty of marriages
where the woman is more into it than he is.
I'm not saying I've been in one, but maybe I was.
So we can't always assume that just because there's a
(13:41):
little bit of research that says, you know, in some
cases and some stages of life, but if you look
at it across the life span, you're gonna find that
the genders are more the same than not. Okay, number three,
And this is when I preach on all the time
myths that experts say should go away, and here it
(14:06):
is sex should be spontaneous to be real. In other words,
desires should just happen right away. Well, I'm sorry, gentlemen.
You may be a microwave oven, but we are a crockpot.
And also for play for women can start three days
before the event with a new pair of underwear or
(14:26):
shaving or you know, a new candle. I don't know,
just thoughts in your head. Also, I've talked about this.
Male and female sexual psychology is very different. Men can
be more spontaneous, that's well documented. Women tend to be responsive.
So what does that mean? So men, whatever it may be,
(14:49):
whether they're a two time a week person, a five
time a week person, a one time a month person,
at twice a year person, it just happens for them.
They have the thought it comes from inside. Hey, I'd
like to have sex. Women respond to what they see,
feel and hear in the environment. Why do you think
Fifty Shades of Gray was so popular among the Mommy
(15:09):
Housewives because they got a book that gave them a
responsiveness ideas. It can be reading Harlequin romances. It can be,
you know, just going to the gym and coming home
and feeling a little thinner.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
One day.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
It can be a way that a husband might touch
you when you're in the kitchen. He's getting around behind
you to unload the dishwasher for you. Isn't that nice
of him? And helping you with the laundry and he
brushes past you and then you respond to it. Right,
So women's sexual desire tends to be more responsive.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Remember that.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Okay, here's another myth. I'm sorry I sniffing. My nose
is so stuffed up, my throat is so so, I
don't want to complain. I'm not gonna pumplain. Just keep
that mask on, kaylea. Okay, uh okay, here's a big myth.
If you need lube, you're not turned on? Liars whoever
said this was twenty two? Okay, anybody over forty, you
(16:06):
can be so aroused inside your head, you can so
want this person, and then nothing's happening down there. Right,
So it doesn't mean you're not aroused. It just means
that your hormones might be declining. And that's okay.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You know, use it all women.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Over fifty should use it every time, protect to protect themselves.
Oh here's another big one. If you call if you
use the word sex, what you mean, is you inserted
yourself some way into another person's body. First of all,
sex can be two people with fully clothed hugging and
kissing each other and feeling aroused. That's a form of sex.
(16:47):
Kissing is a form of sex. But this whole thing
that you have to go all the way for it
to be sex. No, sex therapists will say, if you
are feeling aroused and you're in the company of someone else,
you're having sex in some way. You're surprised by that.
Speaker 6 (17:00):
Kayla, Yeah, like I don't even know if I'm want
to get the dump bunk button. I'm sorry, is able
to be prepared, but like, do you have to finish it?
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Oh, that's another one. That's another one. Okay, uh, here's
a myth. Sex without orgasm is failed sex. No, you
don't have to have an orgasm for it to be sex,
and that's not bad sex.
Speaker 6 (17:25):
Like, so I can be making out with somebody and
we're both aroused and that's just considered sex even though
nobody finished, nobody inserted anybody in anything.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
You had sex fascinating.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah. In fact, one of the reasons why sex surveys
are so difficult to collect data on is because everybody
has so many different definitions of sex, right. I mean,
there are Christian virgins, maybe those Mormon girls before they
got married, who believe that you can penetrate in every
orifice in your body. But as long as it's not
your vagina, then that's not a sex anything.
Speaker 6 (17:55):
But people, is that what that's called? Anything but penetration
of whatever?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Right? Well, there are other places to penetrate. Oh, just sorry,
I don't know if you know that. Yes, I know
that when I thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Okay, couple more myths. Scheduled sex is unromantic, I'm sorry.
Scheduled sex is very romantic because you get the big
build up, you get to think about it, you have
days to think about it. Just don't forget you put
it on the schedule, Okay, Julio, just say no, I
didn't say that. If it's on the schedule, you got
(18:29):
to meet you. No, sometimes you're tired anyway, even if
it's on the schedule. I know, But then put it
back on the schedule, That's what I'll say.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
And the final ding ding sex myth that experts would
wish would go away is for men, this idea that
their penis is the wrong size. It's too big, it's
too small, it's bent to the right, to the left,
it's this is that, guys.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Stop it.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
The more you worry about your anatomy, the more we
feel you're worry and anxiety. And you know, there isn't
such a thing as a wrong size.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It is just about love and caring for each other. Okay,
that's all.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I am going to talk about sex today, because why
don't I move on to something far more exciting to women, flirting.
I want to specifically speak to young people and maybe
even parents of young people who have lost the art
of flirting.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Can we bring it back?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Let's bring flirting back, and then later I want to
talk about well, if you're married, is flirting cheating?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Let's get there.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI
AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Hayla, did you put on R
Kelly Well?
Speaker 6 (19:58):
I hear that his victims get the money for our
every time his song's a stream now, so I feel
again because the victimers are now getting paid with his money.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Oh if that's good to know, actually very good to know.
All right.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Uh, he was singing about flirting, and so I want
to talk about flirting. Turns out there's a whole generation
of young people, those digital natives, who do not know
how to flirt in the real world.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Now, I want to remind you that you can train
your brain for anything. I remember back in the day,
Sure you.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Remember some of you would remember too, when we had
on the passenger seat of our car something called the
Thomas Guide, and we could very quickly glance at it
and know what page and what grid, close it and
drive all the way across southern California and get exactly
to the address we were going to.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
We didn't need any.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Navigation, just maybe a glance at the Thomas Guide. Well,
now we've erased all our mapping ability. I mean I
used navigation to go to place I go to every
single time because I like the timing. I like to
see what time I'm going to get there, so I
can tell people and all that.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
You know, so you made me feel old. I used
to have a Thomas guy in my car when I
first moved to LA and I used to get it
out and I loved mapping everything out.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
I haven't heard somebody talk about Thomas Heather. Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I had a leather bound one. Okay, you could get
a fancy one. The professional editions. I wonder what ever
happened to them, Like did they go online and become
Thomas Navigation or something? Maybe did they go the way
a blockbuster? So in the same way, we have lost
the art of flirting. I am a big believer though,
(21:41):
that we've lost the maps and the roads and the
ability to wink and smile at people in traffic. Even
we used to flirt in traffic in those days. We
just catch people's eyes in traffic.
Speaker 6 (21:52):
I thought that was happening to me the other day
a guy was like waving me down. I'm like, throw
that Thursday He's like, you're tires flat.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
I know.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
So young people need to learn it because guess what
they're being really they hate dating apps.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Now.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
I hate to say it, but some dating apps are
going down in their usage. Everyone's getting tired of it.
That's why they're moving to LinkedIn and Instagram to meet people.
But anyway, so let's talk about what First of all,
what is a flirt. A flirt is basically an invitation.
It's an invitation for romantic or maybe sexual connection. And
it's a way, a coded way to let another person
(22:35):
know that you find them attractive. Attractive, So a flirt
can be a little glance, a smile, touching someone's arm
when they're talking, a hair flip, a little suggestive word.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That could go either way.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So I want you to think of flirting as casting
out a fishing line. Right, you're going to cast out
that line. Some fish may bite, most of them will
not bite. You haven't lost face. If your flirt was
just subtle, right, you can just move along. Doesn't matter. Now,
in the last ten years, flirting has changed a lot
(23:09):
because of the dependence on technology that so many people have,
and also with COVID, when people were on lockdown, they
developed this social anxiety. So now you're about to hear
from the wise sage, the woman who used to flirt
professionally in her young young life, what is the best
(23:32):
kind of flirt out there? Whether you're at the coffee shop,
in a bar, in a restaurant, out on a run,
walk in, hiking, at the gym, grocery stores, great place.
What you need to do is find a common interest,
common interest, common interest, and a common interest. So that means,
if you find somebody attractive in public, look at what
(23:55):
they're looking at, what there were ordering if it's a restaurant,
what they're wearing, how they're speaking, and find a common thread.
So if you're in line at Starbucks and they're staring
at their phone, you might look over their shoulder and go, hey,
is that candy crush? What's your score? Right? Whatever it
is like, if you like the same thing they're doing,
(24:18):
if they have an accent that you recognize, you might
say something like, hey, are you Italian? I just got
back from Florence. Right, they find that common thing. If
they're wearing your favorite brand of.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Sneaker, your team.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Of course, if they got a Yankee cap on ask
them if they're a New Yorker, although I think everyone
all around the world now seems to wear Yankee caps.
It's just a fashion thing. Maybe you have the same
drink order. So the first step to gaining trust, because
that's what flirting is making them trust you is to
introduce like mindedness. Now, please remember, if they don't reciprocate
(24:56):
and they don't extend the conversation, drop it. He or
she did not bite, It's okay, move on, you can
save face. You just said one sentence. It's fine, all right.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So let's say they do.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Respond, their open body language turns towards you and they say, yeah, yeah,
I'm from Middaly, I'm from Milan. Actually, So how do
you advance this conversation from being just friendly into flirting? Well,
do it carefully and slowly, and do not rush it.
There is nothing that feels creepier than a perfect stranger
(25:32):
getting too sexual too fast. So talk about anything except
that the fact you found them attractive. You know, one time,
remember the Santa Monica stairs to anybody still do the
Santa Monica stairs going up and down, up and anyway.
I was doing the Santa Monica stairs one time and
I was walking towards my car and this guy comes
up to me and he goes, hey, I just want
to tell you I find you very attractive. Would you
(25:55):
like to have dinner with me? And I literally ran
into my car so fast as slam that door. It
just felt so creepy. He didn't find any commonality. And
I literally said, yeah, you and half the planet, dude.
I was so hot in my twenties, so hotly, now.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Your wing.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It was a long time ago. I was so hot,
and I was so sick of guys going, oh, it
looks so pretty. It's not that I did. All right,
ask me about what's in my brain, O what I'm thinking.
So don't rush make him wonder. Remember the world's biggest
affroditiak is the word no. Don't give it up too fast.
There's some little things you can do women.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
There's this. You got to master this.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
You glance at the guy and then you you look
at him just long enough to have him see that
you're looking. But then quickly you look away, and then
you flip your hair over your shoulder, or you move
your bangs out of your eyes, and you look down
with a coy smile, not an angry face. So you
look like I'm happy I saw something I like. And
(27:00):
this basically says, yeah, I checked you out and it
pleased me. Now it's time for you to make a move, right.
That's the girl flirt for guys. Stand extra tall, lower
your voice a little bit and move slightly, just slightly
ambiguously into her personal space. If she moves away quickly
to re establish that personal space, she didn't bite. If
(27:23):
she allows this intrusion, she's interested. It's all about the
body language. I've spent a lifetime studying this stuff. All right,
when we come back, If you're married, does flirting count
as cheating?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Let's talk about this when we come back.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
AMI Am six forty. You of Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Kayla, if you're
married or in a relationship, do you think flirting is cheating?
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (28:00):
That oh when the other person does it?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Definitely? Yes. Okay, Isabella, do you think flirting is cheating?
I think to some extent it could kind as cheating.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yes. Oh, she's going a little more. Not quite sure, Heather, Yes,
I do. Now there's one problem here. Everybody who I
have polled happens to have a uterus and be females.
So therefore, I wonder what guys would say. I wonder
what guys would say.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I feel like I know what they would say.
Speaker 6 (28:31):
Right, Well, guys are listening, let us know on.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
The talk Yes, send a talkbuck. How do we do
the talk back again?
Speaker 6 (28:37):
Hit the little microphone if you're listening on the iHeartRadio
app at the microphone in the left hand corner, and
leave a thirty second message.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Yeah, whether you think it's cheating or not, but also
listen to me first. So it's a really complicated question
because what it depends on is the couple's contract around
and I'm putting quotation marks here harmless cheating. And it
also pens on the flirters motivations. So there are couples
out there who have a very secure attachment and they
(29:07):
may endorse some playful flirting as a way to add
a little spice to their relationship. You see, flirting, when
it's open and reciprocated, may actually increase a flirter's mate
status and ignite some healthy feelings of jealousy in their partner.
You know, those couples who swing. I'm not one of those.
(29:28):
I don't want to be one of those I'm not
wired that way. But sometimes there will be a husband
that wants to watch because it gets him excited to
know that she's valuable. It's weird gold gold, Yeah, exactly.
So sometimes after witnessing just some public flirting, the other
partner might initiate some exciting mate guarding, maybe make guarding sex,
(29:51):
make up sex, I don't know. Look, years ago, I
knew a couple, a long term married, happy, very secure couple.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And you know what they used to do on their
date night?
Speaker 1 (30:01):
This thing. They would pick a restaurant that had a bar,
and she would get all dressed up where he never
got to see her, and she would go to the
bar an hour before he was supposed to arrive, and
she would look totally hot, and she would flirt with
some men until there was a man there all over her,
and then her husband would arrive and pretend to be
(30:21):
a stranger and win her over huge.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
That definitely not for me, but I think that is.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
The poor dude are sitting there right. But here's my caveat.
If the flirting is covert, or if the flirting is online,
this can be viewed as a serious betrayal of trust.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
In a relationship.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
And that's why when I described it, most of the
women who I pulled here, you know, basically said no,
don't want to do it. So let's talk about why
people may want to flirt sometimes just sometimes. I'm not
blaming the partner at home, but sometimes it's because they
aren't getting enough positive affirmation in their private for their
primary relationship. Or maybe they just have such low self
(31:07):
esteem that they will enough compliments will never be enough.
They're in a constant.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
State of longing.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
They can be completely insecure and just use the attention
from somebody else as a way to stroke their ego.
But there's another recent Sometimes people flirt, and this is
the one that we're all worried about. If they're considering
breaking up with their partner, flirting is a subtle way
to test the mating marketplace. It's like, I didn't do
(31:33):
anything wrong.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Was she came up to me? I mean, oh, I dude,
look at her right?
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Why I do the mail side She's like, I didn't
do anything. He was all over me. When I went
to that basketball game in a bikini. I don't know, no,
not a bikini. It's just that I see young women
in clothing. I'll see three of them out and there's
not enough fabric to make a tea towel between the
three of their outfits, and I'm just like, how do
they do that? On the other hand, I'm also reminded
(31:58):
that I used to also wear that stuff, leather Boostie's
where my thing the Madonna h leather boostiers, leather mini skirts,
super high heels, and.
Speaker 6 (32:06):
You are super hot back then, so you should have.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Worn that I did. And now my daughters wear that
stuff and they're super hot, and they're like, why did
you throw that stuff away?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
We could have used it. Well, But flirting can be bad,
I do want to say this. Flirting when it's not
done with permission can destabilize a relationship, completely erode trust.
It can cause one partner to feel insecure or envious
of others. It can also send a signal to those
(32:35):
potential mate poachers out there that an affair is possible.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
So what do you do.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Let's say your partner's been flirting. How do you address this? Well,
I always say communication is key. You got to find
a way to address the situation. Of course, by staying
on your own feelings, as I always say, instead of
criticizing their behavior. So you gotta allaw and this is
any kind of criticism with your partner, you got to
(33:03):
allow your partner to save face, give them the benefit
of the doubt.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
You might say something like.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
You know, when you were laughing and touching that woman's
arm over there, I know your intentions were innocent, but
I felt kind of embarrassed. And she probably thinks we're
not in a solid relationship. Now is there another way
we could do that? Right? See, stay on your own
feelings and give them the benefit of the doubt. I
know it's probably innocent, right, I trust you, right, but
(33:29):
didn't look what a good look for us? Right? Wasn't
a good look for us? Don't embarrass me? Now, don't
embarrass me exactly. Couples need to be a united front
out there. So Cayleb, have you ever had somebody who
flirted with you?
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Uh? Yes, Actually we did get some talk back too.
Speaker 6 (33:46):
By the way, we did what one says, if girls
flirt is cheating, If guy flirts, it's not cheating.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
End of discussion. It's very firm and one guy, Well,
wait a second, I want to analyze that.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
You know, they say some research says that When women
have an affair, they're more likely relationship shopping. When men
have an affair, they're more likely just having sex. Right, Yeah, okay,
And what's someone else say?
Speaker 6 (34:15):
One says no, I would definitely say it's not cheating. However,
it does open up the door to potential cheating. So
it's a very very big risk to take. But it's
not in itself cheating. It's not cheating.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
It's slippery slope.
Speaker 6 (34:30):
Kind of like would you say if if you cheat,
it's not a problem, it's a symptom of a problem
or something like.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
That, or a symptom of the problem. There you go,
especially not the problem.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
You know what I say about online stuff is that
very quickly online relationships, even if they're just friends, somebody
sending you a DM maybe some stranger, if you start
to disclose personal things about you, your relationship, your feelings, whatever,
it does become an emotional affair, and that is cheating.
(34:59):
It doesn't have to be physical cheating. There's such a
thing as emotional cheating. And so that's that slippery slope
where it can head to.
Speaker 6 (35:07):
Yeah, I feel like I'm more offended when my partner
does the flirting. I just feel like women love to
be flirted with by men, but sometimes women are just
kind of naturally I don't know. Don't don't eat me up,
talk bags, but like, sometimes women are a little bit
naturally flirty and it doesn't mean anything to them. It's
kind of just natural conversation. So I think the guy
shouldn't take it as personal if they're woman flirts. But
(35:29):
if a man flirts, he's putting it out there that the.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Otherwise has acs.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
No.
Speaker 6 (35:33):
No, I'm a crazy seeping out, my crazy seeping out,
but that's how I feel.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Listen, when we.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Come back, I want to go to social speaking, social media.
Besides those talk backs, let's go to social media. I
told you I have a cold, I got a stuffed
up nose or that that's my centuses. I got a
sore throat, I got a headache, and so I am
not going on TikTok or Instagram right now. I usually
light up this place and smile and I'm happy, don't I.
Speaker 6 (36:01):
You're so lighting up this place with all your sickness,
your snack.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
So this week, let's go to social media. If you
have a relationship question, I want you to write it
down right now.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Send me a DM.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Instagram is a good place for Kayla Desheck at Dr
Wendy Walsh. At doctor Wendy Walsh is the handle and
I will always keep you anonymous. I will not disclose
who you are, and I try to change things around
us a little bit to really keep it because you
know your person that you're asking about might be listening.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
And a reminder, I have a PhD in clinical psychology.
I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. However, I've
written three books on relationships. My dissertation was on attachment theory.
I have a personal hobby where I'm obsessed with the
science of love and I have an entire lifetime of wisdom.
So send me a DM at Dr Wendy Walsh. You
(36:54):
are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the I Heart
Radio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app.
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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